Bad Cop Fanfic | Chosen Family Podcast
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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2024
- Alayna and Mak battle for the title of the best “bad cop”. Alayna reveals a resurfaced personal struggle and Mak unveils a shocking update on her fruit stand boy crush. This week’s question: Is being queer completely a result of nature, or is there nurture involved too?
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Mak: I could be bad cop!🤨
Also Mak: you guys didn't like my bee story? 🥺
there are no good cops
love how mak completely ignored she could also be luscious hair cop and then it would be even.
Ashley saying "I don't think I get full credit for my jokes because I'm always making incredible jokes" was so Patriarchy Ken of her. LOVED IT!
So many people must be "born this way" and never realize it, because bisexuality is such a gradual spectrum and for many, it requires imagination and representation that they didn't know were for them/even possible/etc. I had such a difficult time convincing myself that I was bi, because I couldn't imagine what a queer life and relationship dynamics could entail or look like, so I definitely didn't feel "born this way" until I got a girlfriend and realised that some people actually wouldn't be able to be attracted to her (unimaginable to me now haha)
So relatable
I feel like you described this so well. Kinda blew my mind and unlocked some understanding about my own experience as a pan woman. 💖
100%. I was raised in a very religious home and I NEVER questioned my sexuality growing up. It wasn’t till I looked into comp het and stopped avoiding queer media that I questioned my sexuality, and through that recognized many signs in my upbringing that I very much like girls 😂 even still I haven’t put a label on it because I haven’t had sex with men or women, and I feel like after both happen I could realize I’m straight, bi, lesbian, or ace.
So yes, I agree that there are so many people who’s personalities, environments, and upbringing will lead them to never fully realize their sexuality.
I started having sex with/dating women in college, and continued it sporadically through the years, while primarily having relationships with me. It took until my 40s to apply the label of bisexual to myself. I absolutely understand where you are coming from.
Yes representation is a huge part of the nature vs. nurture conversation! This is exactly what I was thinking during the convo. Growing up in Tx in a rural area with no open lgbtq representation, this was part of why it has taken me so long to see it in myself. You may have been born with that sexuality but until you have knowledge and examples of it you do no even know that it could be there.
I know y’all don’t read any of the beep Boop, but Mac 10 out of 10 shoulder check by Bee is the fucking funniest thing I’ve ever heard 😂
ashley saying "i would never use a fork on ur sister" is the most ashley thing ever 😭 i love it
"I would go in just.... that's finger food for lack of....." 😂
You can see how visibly frightened Ashley got when Mak went full bad cop mode 😂😂😂 (I love it. Never change Chosen Family, never change)
I also think first queer attraction can *feel* like nurture for those of us who didn't feel queer when we were young, especially bi/pan people who have capacity for straight-aligned attractions and grew up with that experience. Like, it *felt* like the right woman just cracked open my brain and then I was never the same after that. However, the reality is that the capacity was probably within me to begin with, and that just isn't gonna be the case for everyone. A lot of the time, genetics creates the foundation and then environmental factors build on top of that. So perhaps queerness is sometimes clear and inevitable from the get go but other times maybe it's a built in potentiality that environmental factors push along. That's how I conceptualize it for myself at least.
Us Joy babies already know, support and love Alayna through her night terrors
I also get the hallucinations that Alayna gets. Oddly enough, doing the stressful things earlier in the day and decreasing the load at night has helped hugely. It’ll go when things settle down but if you can arrange your schedule so that the couple of hours before you sleep are free (or less stressful), that helped me.
I get them too, thankyou for the suggestions on how I can prevent them 😊
I came to the comments to say the same thing happens to me too! They are more so startling to my girlfriend that listens to me describe the hallucinations as they are happening. No one wants to be woken up hearing about some creepy person standing in the corner of the room. 😂
I love Mak’s energy today!!
She looked especially handsome too.
Re: the "born this way" question - my partner & I are both bi/queer but in a straight-passing relationship. We both think that if we were born in decades/centuries past we both could have followed a heteronormative life without too many issues. Obviously that doesn't make us any less bi/queer, it's just that our upbringings & societal influences make us much more comfortable being our truest selves. I wonder if the person who asked the question (who states they are bi) would feel the same?
I sometimes think homophobic bi people are where the whole pushback that people are “choosing to be gay” comes from. So many times they slip and basically admit to not-het attractions. What they don’t understand is that not everyone is bi so “choosing” isn’t an option for everyone. I can’t remember which politician said something to out himself recently but I thought, “not this again” when I read it.
Ooooh this is a very interesting thought, thank you. And they could be doing that without even realizing they're not just straight... wow
HI! I am the questioner this week :) I really empathize with this take! I feel like growing up in a hyper-conservative environment, I really would not have been able to reach full acceptance of my sexuality without experiences like this. Additionally, I want to make clear my question was not-- are we born this way or not-- ot was are we comforted by that? Or does it feel alienating/non-encompassing to the complexities of our queer experiences? And for me its the latter-- especially as a non-binary person who questions a lot, if gender is a socially constructed thing, how can I be born with a certain gender identity or feel saliency toward certain gender performances without experiences of gender euphoria/dysphoria that happen in real life, experiencing the world with others, in social environments? Does this make sense? Maybe, maybe not, but I really appreciate your engagement! felt like the topic didnt really get fully addressed and gender really didnt even get brought up! so thanks for continuing the convo! :)
@@brookeirelynd9009 the people involved on the pod are all cis, so they wouldn't be able to talk to the gender thing. Nonbinary, in my experience, was only influenced in gender EXPRESSION, but not my feelings about my gender at all. I have always called myself a "not-girl" even a decade before nonbinary was a thing people talked about.
Sure! Absolutely! But all the gals have spoken to gender expression and gender identity in an expansive way, beyond their own experience, in the past so I guess I was looking for maybe a little more of that! Additionally, I think I am misunderstood-- I never meant to insinuate that it was language or experience that changed/impacted gender identity-- just that, I think it is possible that as construct gender in communities (socially), gender identity can be impacted by experiences of whatever that construction is. And it seems possible that there is a genetic predisposition of a person on the complex spectrum of gender and also, that their experiences in the world can help refine and understand that gender identity, so that they can name it and better understand it. But ultimately this just points to the fact that, I didn't ask if we thought born this way was real. I said, as a bisexual/enby person I don't feel super comforted in the language of born this way, do you cis/lesbians feel comforted by it? And their answer was super interesting that it was so strongly, and resoundingly yes! Because for me, it does not speak to the complexity of my experience. Just food for thought ya know! @@Neveko
Im finally caught up! I wanted to watch from the episode 1 and im finally here!!!
Completely unhinged with the cop fanfic 🤣🤣🤣 And thank you for all the Fulton screen time, that was just 🤌
Fulton was the star
Ashley's cat is just the sweetest Lil thing! Getting belly rubs for so long - so heartwarming ❤
You guys are my LEGO podcast. Every few weeks I'll buy a LEGO set and just catch up on this podcast while building it. I always look forward to those days.
That's interesting. I actually feel alienated when somebody is telling me I was born this way. I don't necessarily think I could just change my mind and be with a man now, but in my view everybody is born bi and it's the early upbringing moments (just like Ashley said), *sometimes* combined with experiences later on in life, that determine someone's sexuality
Okay that good cop bad cop moment was gold😂😂 I would love an entire episode of that
I really wanna say and encourage Alayna, I'm really proud you felt safe to mention the night terrors and I really hope things improve for you soon
can I just say that I REALLYv appreciate your episodes coming out early! I go to office on Wednesdays and am up at 6am getting ready and you guys accompany me for the hour I get ready and it really helps set up my day! love you guys!!!
Exact same, it gives me something nice to watch before work on early Wednesday mornings.
I humbly suggest Mak for chaotic neutral cop. Suspects never know which version they're going to get when the door opens. That would keep them constantly off balance. 😄
I’ve dealt with a lot of sleep paralysis/ nightmares in my life but when I cut out caffeine completely, it’s really helped. The withdrawal period kind of sucks, but now I sleep through the night and actually feel rested. Worth a try imo
Most aspects of a person's being that are genetically determined are the result of a complex interplay of many genes. The one gene "cause" is actually quite rare. We hear about it disproportionately because it's easier to find and it's more dramatic. I believe that being gay or being straight or being bi is genetically determined but that there is not a "gay gene" or a "straight gene".
One episode, all the ladies of the nook should come on.
3:52 Ashley that was golden 🤣🤣🤣
I just started work and the office was almost completely silent, then I made it awkward by laughing at your joke 💀 we love that💀
I feel sorry for Alayna's sister... one day she'll watch one of these episodes and lament on what might have BEEn.
Kitty looking up at Ashley at 40:57 seems to be saying, “I’m so cute - pet me again.”
I've gotten the nightmares like that with the spiders through my early 20s (very much stress related) and sleep paralysis. It is no fun at all. I hope this period of these sleep issues ends for you soon, Alayna.
🚨MERCH: "Don't call me bad cop til I've had my coffee"
Ashley playing with her cat the entire episode was the best 😂❤
Okay but the irony that fruit stand guy is a raw carnivore 😂
I CANNOT with the raw meat.
Also definitely knew I was ace when I was like 4 or 5 and literally asked myself "people really find other people good looking? How? Is it a grown up thing?" Heard of asexuality over a decade later when I heard Jughead (comics version) was written asexual and that's when I said "guess I'm not asexual bc I'm not like Jughead." 😅🤦 I was trying so hard to not be queer. If it was nurture I would not be queer. But if my nurture was more accepting I would have had a much different ✨ journey ✨.
I feel like using the word "nurture" in the born this way argument is so tough because it implies that nurture = family dynamics. My guess (as someone with a biology background) is that there are a ton of genes that when added together influence the chances of someone being queer and then there are potentially other environmental factors that influence also. But those environmental things might be climate, diet, hormones in the womb, etc and maybe not even be related to family or society.
I also don't love the nurture argument or a single gene determining queerness because it would make me nervous. There's too many people in the world that I think would really like to run with those ideas in a bad way.
Great podcast! Loved the jokes and the weirdly philosophical conversation.
I love Ashley's cat so much
My vote is for Mak being the funniest
A beepboop of love!
I have been a fan (and follower) of Alayna's since *the beginning* and totally rememeber all her original videos about "people in her room" ahaha. Some weird nostalgia watching this weeks episode. But knowing the history of it for her I hope it doesn't stay!!
🥰 love from a long time follower and BCer!
I love u guys this podcast has truly helped me like I'm a closeted lesbian and i really hope u never stop doing this .. stay safe u guys and take care
Clearly Ashley is Service Topping comedy on the pod 😜 and we're here for it!!
Mak’s hair looked so good in this!
I’ve left so many comments on this ep, but I’m just excited ab the convos. There’s been a link between neurodivergence & queerness- & I’m not sure how others feel about that, but it makes a lot of sense to me
Some mental health meds can actually negatively impact on sleep, even if they're helping with mood. Amitriptyline (brand name Endep) did it to me. I was having nightmares with sleep paralysis multiple times a night every single night. I was afraid to go to sleep. I later got Pharmacogenomics studies done (blood test that looks at how you metabolise a lot of different meds through their various pathways) and to no surprise, endep had a big "hell no" red cross next to it.
I was told by my mom and aunties that “dreaming” about spiders mean that you have fears or worries that you haven’t dealt with yet.
Alayna I connect so much to what you were saying about the nighttime hallucinations. I don’t know if this helps but a nightlight helped me massively because the light helps me orient back to the room
I think maybe the "born this way" question was referring to the idea of essentialism vs. social constructionism. Essentialism is the idea that queer identities (labels) is inherent where social constructionism is the idea that society and culture impacts queer identities.
YES! thank you for putting this in the space! I am the questioner this week and felt like my question was not fully answered! Thank you for writing in!
I love seeing Fulton down in the corner of the frame 😂
29:55 "people in my room", "spiders" dream/hallucination reminds me of The Cure's Lullaby music video.
Storytime! I used to be afraid of spiders. If I saw them in my mind, my brain would want to press pause/stop on the scene. One night in my dream, there were spiders, and Lullaby by The Cure was playing in my dream (it wasn't on a speaker in my room, it was only playing in my dream). Because I dig the song, my brain didn't want to press stop/pause/eject. I just let it play, the spiders stayed there and didn't bother me. After that, I wasn't afraid when spiders appeared in my dream anymore. It's as though the song showing up in my dream reprogrammed my fear. Go music, go self-conscious! Pretty rad, eh?
the way mak said "a fork in the beef" was so funny
Loving Mak as 'bad cop'! ... Looking forward to the Patrion-only episode ☺... Also even though I get the links for the regular episodes without ads, I listen/watch the standard video so I can hear the ads, because I like them ❤❤❤
I do think that the "born this way" rhetoric could use a bit more nuance. I completely agree that the the nurture line of thinking can lead to validating conversion therapy and the accusations of grooming. However, in an ideal world, I don't think it should matter if it's nature or nurture. We should all be able to have whatever consensual relationships we want to. Unfortunately, that's not the world we live in, and I doubt we'll see that in our lifetime.
The main part that I actually think nuture effects is how early a queer person is able to come out (to themselves and others). Even that though feels like a combination of nature and nurture. Some folks realize their queerness at a young age despite a conservative upbringing while others don't figure it out until later even with more liberal surroundings.
10:44 Yes, Ashley, I also just heard that noise Mak just made.
I also get the “people in my room”!! I’ve tried looking it up but never found anything, so glad I’m not alone! I used to randomly wake up fully dressed, I would see men, and also bugs. Never considered it would be stress related but I realized I haven’t had one since I graduated uni. Thanks for sharing Alayna ❤
I love Alayna’s take on the nature/nurture situation. I realize I’m about to somewhat abuse terms, but hear me out. I’m in a lesbian relationship, identify as bi. I think in another life, I could have been happily just straight, but in this life, my interpretation is that there have been outside factors (purity culture) that made relationships with men quite tough for me and I looked elsewhere (women) in hopes of an easier time. I also think my feelings of attraction are not as strong as “other peoples”. So I don’t feel strongly that I was “born this way”, and then I feel like a fraud all the way around. In conclusion, I think alayna had a great comment around the nurture aspect with those that aren’t strongly on one end or the other that was also very validating. ❤️
Heya, long-time listener, first-time caller here. White, cis, girl-crazy, etc. Love the pod; Look forward to it every week 😀Also, I'm a molecular biologist trained in DNA sequencing with some recent training in computational biology 🧬💻(i.e analyzing that DNA sequencing data). Soooo this discussion about "nature vs. nurture really piqued my interest”.
So I skimmed the original study that sparked the "gay gene" phenomenon and it seems like it is kinda trash. It was never replicated. It hypothesizes that there is a correlation between the X chromosome genetic marker-Xq28-and gay male sexuality. The sample size is small (114 men), there is no normalization for socioeconomic status, ethnicity or cultural background (which seems pretty relevant for a study on homosexuality, but is EXTREMELY relevant for a genetic study) even the methods of analysis are outdated and crude. You can find numerous critiques of it in the scientific literature. Also, it feels a little trope-y? Gay men inherit their gayness from their moms? The point is: there is no gay gene, and that research simply reveals a statistical correlation between two sets of random, poorly interpreted data.
When scientist pick a trait that has never been studied in the genome, they often take a (very very) large pool of individuals and analyze their entire genome. Then they take the large mass of data that yields and compare all of it together. Hopefully you will find that there is consistently one or several genes in your variable group that consistently have a marker different than your control group. It’s a very broad approach called a Genome-Wide Association study that is useful for finding genetic markers or clusters of genes associated with distinct phenotypes such as cancer risk, autoimmune disease, or obesity. However the challenge of sexuality is that it’s not a binary phenotype (One hurdle raised in the study I read is controlling for self-identifying “heterosexuals” with opposite-sex partners who still occasionally engage same-sex behavior.) To this day, most studies use the Kinsey scale to quantify “homosexual attraction”. You won’t find scientists in nearly any other discipline using an 80yr old tool to conduct research!
I don’t think you will catch many researchers even using the phrase “nature vs. nurture” because it seems like human development is not that binary. Even height, a basic and quantifiable phenotype, is found to be affected by at least 180 different loci in the genome. Scientists are still trying to “unravel its full genetic basis.” Scientist also believe genetics only account for 80% of height variation. The other 20% is diet and environmental factors!!
I hope that science eventually catches up to the breadth and depth of our sexual diversity. For now though, I think we are still largely a mystery!
The gay gene study: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8332896/
The more recent and better study: DOI: 10.1126/science.aat7693
The genetics of human height: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19818695/
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2955183/?_ga=2.188911215.554534025.1697264434-422572486.1697264434
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain your take on this and for citing sources!
Thank you so much for this take! I am the questioner this week and I am also a neuroscientist/molecular biologist who was interested in understanding the intersection of particularly, gender identity as a socially constructed idea and gene variance/expression across populations. Additionally, I do not feel like the born this way hypothesis accurately captures the extent to which gender identity and sexuality can be fluid. Which is why my question was not-- do you think born this way is real-- but instead, do you feel comforted by it-- which they didnt quite address and instead took a strong side one way (which surprised me, and kinda left me feeling embarrassed for asking in the first place!) So, thank you to people like you who are engaging and helping me work through these thoughts and ideas!
Agreed! I dont have any background in sociology but I interpret the “Born this way” hypothesis as an attempt by science to validate the LGBTQIA+ experience in an era when queer ppl were being treated like their experiences were at best ephemeral fantasies and at worse a deviant disorder that ought to be corrected through therapy (if their existence was acknowledged at all…) Even though some of these publications dont hold up well, I recognize that researching and studying queer people is an affirmation of their existence as a population and affirmation that their study deserves scientific resources. That seems like the bare minimum to me but in the 80’s and 90’s this was likely a radical position to take in the academic establishment, regardless of field…
I empathize with queer people who hold dearly the scientific data that supports or explores our existence, even if that data is messy and flawed. Queer people have been erased for so long and these publications add to the mounting pile of evidence that we exist and have existed for centuries.
I see scientific research on LGBTQIA ppl as a double-edged sword because, as we see right now, studies can be intentionally designed or conducted to exclude/invalidate a population. Physiological data is often weaponized against trans people especially trans women athletes. Even if that data collected is real, it doesnt necessarily invalidate their existence or right to participate in sports.
I shouldn’t say “double-edged sword”. Just as in politics, sports, etc, there are researchers who are willing to go out of their way to vilify us. I guess that is not new :(
I very much empathize with this as well. I think that there is definitely evidence to suggest that there is some genetic predisposition to queerness (i.e. aligned with the Radiolab podcast episode cited in my original question with a lot of great books and research cited in the Radiolab description as well!)and furthermore understand the historic importance and protection the "born this way" movement has allowed queer people against violent conservatism and evangelical radicalization. I also truly think the "born this way" language is kinda to each their own. But my curiosity and where the question came from is questioning if perhaps in intercommunal conversations, its ok maybe acknowledge that we have outgrown the rhetoric and that having a community rooted in "born this way" may perpetuate the same 1.) internalized homophobia people are assuming of me when I asked this question ( i.e saying we are just "born this way" feels very much like saying "my queerness isn't my fault" which feels not great tbh) and 2.) is language doesn't account for the complexity and fluidity both inherent to the biology and how our biology interacts with environments/cultures, experiences stress/trauma and isn't binary at all! and to point to my question-- this is why I don't feel fully comforted the answer being that I was just born this way.
Additionally, I also challenge the born this way hypothesis as a nonbinary person who believes that gender is constructed by social systems and things like euphoric gender expression are both implicit to who I am and based on hormones and genetic factors and also influenced by my environment and complex social behavioral norms. Since we can't model gender in other animals to study it and because so little research has been conducted on queer/nonbinary population (albeit for good reason based on historic context!), it just seems likely to me that an essentialist perspective doesn't fit there. Again, thank you so much for engaging. @@stephaniekraemer4612
Ashley going left at the end! Alayna squirming 😂😂😂😂😂
I’ve literally watched all your videos😭😭😭😭 I need more
guys we'd love longer episodes
omg the dreaming hallucinations i called them night terrors and had them all my childhood a good 7 years and i would sleep walk so much but hearing the spider story unlocked something for me and i think i’ve had those exact nightmares/hallucinations before 🤯
38:00
When Alayna was trying to find the right word rather than input I said influence then she it right after I did 😭 I don’t know why I enjoy it so much when that sort of stuff happens lol
Ashley, I don't know if you wanted a real answer to your beef question, but I didn't see another comment give an explanation, so here goes: Assuming the meat is kept from spoiling, what introduces pathogens to it is the air or surfaces it touches. So, a chunk/cut of meat pretty much only has pathogens on the outside of it and thus the outside needs to be fully cooked to be safe, but the inside doesn't. (That's why you could theoretically just eat it out of the dead animal right away, assuming the animal was healthy at the time of death and you used sterile tools that didn't introduce pathogens from the skin.) Ground beef, however, has been completely mixed and air has touched every tiny piece of it during the grinding process. So, ground beef needs to be cooked fully through to be safe.
I was distracted by Ashley’s cat the whole time 🐈⬛
Loved Mak's bee story 🥺🐝
This one was maybe my favorite one so far! This one and the one with Mak coming in hot with the Ken song 🤣
I get hypnogogic hallucinations, but during the day. So basically, I've suffered with sleep and insomnia since I was a kid, so now my sleep cycles are just horrendous, and there was a week recently where I had like 4 hours of sleep in three days, and I was at work and would literally start micro-napping for a couple seconds, but then I would dream during the micro naps and they would follow me to wakefulness, so I would wake up talking to the things in my dreams (there's a fox that comes regularly.) Or I would see things in my peripheral vision that would make me whip my head around. It's incredibly disorienting and upsetting because... it's hallucinations but you know you're seeing something that isn't there.
Alayna! I also have the night hallucinations and it most often presents itself as spiders. I’m glad I’m not alone! It started as like security cameras and also bloody footprints and shoes walking up my walls.
Alayna i can relate so much to your night terrors and stuff! you described it so well! I hallucinate spiders too! Also those type of hallucination make me do weird stuff! like digging in the sheets, standing and running for no reason, trying to escape whatever. I also end up in the shower a lot.
On “born this way,” I have some thoughts. The question is EXACTLY what I debate in my head every time I requestion my sexuality (or have a new crush). I knew I was bi from an early age, and with the internet, it was really easy to find answers and acceptance. (The “Am I gay quiz” helped me more times than I’d care to admit)! But then, moving from being an out 10-yo to witnessing actual homophobia and transphobia in real life made me wonder if it was “worth it.” I’ve dated men and women but only had intercourse with men, so sometimes, I catch myself thinking that I could “choose” to date either gender. So if I had grown up in, say, the 1800’s, I may have been a little confused but mostly okay. Today, with how open but hostile things are, I could “choose” to only date women to avoid more scary situations with men and vice versa. I think bisexuality is significantly more common than is currently reported because of this. Additionally, an argument I hear from conservatives is “there never used to be gay/trans people, and now with all this acceptance rhetoric, people choose it for attention-“ when really, there have always been definitely gay people and bisexuals who could tolerate heteronormativity. Nonbinary people could have also accepted their agab because there was no label for it at the time. I’ll definitely have to think this one over when it’s not 3 am! Really glad to hear this discussion on the table, because it seems nuanced takes on bisexuality are often left out of comphet discussions.
Thank you for saying this! I am the questioner this week and I really appreciate your thoughtful answer and really emphasize with your take-- especially when it comes to understanding bisexuality/nonbinary identity as spectral. Thank you for engaging!
@@brookeirelynd9009 of course!! It was a thought-provoking question and I’m really glad to hear that other people out there have the same questions I do!
I get that waking dream thing a lot... but also I'm not exactly the picture of mental health so maybe be a little more worried about that one.
Alayna's gonna start having angry bee nightmares now 🐝
aaaaaand thanks for the nightmares. shiver
Alayna, you sound just like me, “It’ll be less stressful when…”. Please don’t keep doing it till you get to be old like me.
Mak reminds me so much of ruby cruz I literally can’t unsee it
When I’m extremely stressed, & sleep deprived I have episodes of sleep paralysis. I’ll see things in my room like people I know, trash bags floating on the ceiling, tree monsters, the grudge, etc😅 it can feel so real. More often than not, I’m able to recognize what’s happening bc I can’t move, breathe well, or make any noise. Half of the time my room looks exactly as it should with just people/objects that aren’t there inserted, but sometimes the room will look different, or like my bathroom. The scariest part of it is that I have seizures, & sometimes I’ll think I’m having one, bc of how weird the half wake, half dream state feels. It’s a trip😅😂 My brain is waking up, but my body is still paralyzed from rem sleep
oh I love the question, I recently had a long discussion with someone about whether or not I'd get to call myself an "ex-lesbian" because I now identify as non-binary and queer but I did participate in a lot of the lesbian culture of like around 2016 and have great memories but also traumas and icks from that so it's just a huge part of my identity even though I don't identify with that label anymore
I do think that I was born queer, just to make that clear, but just like how trans men who were socialized as women for their entire teen years and shit have a different life experience than cis men but they're all still men yk?
I’m fascinated by 2016~ lesbian culture, what a time
Ex lesbian seems weird (to me. Sorry if you were on the other side of the argument and I’m invalidating you, I was just assuming you agreed) because it sounds like you were one and now you’re not, but instead it sounds like you always had the same gender and sexuality, you just grew more comfortable with different labels when you realized what your gender had always been. People’s labels change all the time as they’re discovering new things about their gender and sexuality, but that doesn’t mean your sexuality and gender had to change. Also your label really just depends on your personal preference. Some AFAB non binary people are ok with lesbian and some aren’t. Kinda like bi vs pan is just based on your preference (I hate when people try to say you’re one or the other. They’re can mean the same thing, it just depends which fits you better)
Reminds me of Jamie Raines, a trans male UA-camr, who originally identified as a bi woman, then lesbian, then heterosexual, then back to bi again. He realized that his discomfort with dating men that caused him to think he was a lesbian and then straight was that he was uncomfortable dating men when he was presenting as a woman. His sexuality and gender never changed, it was just his labels as he discovered what was true and comfortable for him.
For Alayna - I have had wild dreams my whole life. I started to use cannabis in my adult life and I have found that when I am using cannabis I don’t dream as often or at all some times. It could be an option to try if you are really needing a good nights rest. Just hope to help.
Never been so happy to see a new episode up. Needed it today!
I'm turning myself in, officers! 😂
I can relate so much to Alayna, with the dreaming. Had the same hallucination with the spider web.
I am laughing so hard this ENTIRE episode omg
Love this family❤❤😂🥰🥰 Sending love all around each of you!!❤❤❤🥰🥰🥰
Did the update of Alayna make me realize that I had those too ?! Damn thanks mom 😂
The same thing happens to me with the spider thing!!! I thought I was alone!!
Gawd mom what is wrong with you!?! 😂😂😂 4:38
I think my sister had those hallucination thing. The way you described it to me is how she used to describe it to me. She was going to get a head ct because of it but she passed away in a car accident a few weeks before the appointment. She had night terrors when she was little though.
I have some very creepy hallucination too at nights. I start draw them for make them go a little. But is very not constant and i really think is related to stress. Same with my very dark and horrific dreams. I hope it will stop soon for you.❤❤ sorry for my bad English, is not my firt language.
re the Q: I’m reminded that when younger (straight teen in suburban England in the 80s) I adopted a position something like “you don’t have to prove you have no choice because that implies you need an excuse”. And I *thought* I was being extra progressive/enlightened. but that was merely a plausible but immature and abstract debating position rooted in argumentation rather than people’s experience and reality. Its not the same, but I think what I thought could be usefully analysed alongside “don’t see colour” which was also prevalent at the time.
Omg I have hypnogogic hallucinations too. It can be so terrifying especially bc for me it's mostly tactile hallucinations with a few visual ones. I feel like i'm being choked or my organs are being tickled. It's horriiiible. But tbh it's like being in my own horror movie and it makes me feel alive lol.
Oh and can't forget the whole feeling like I'm flying bc a "demon is trying to kidnap me" or my pillows slowly being taken away by an invisible entity. RIP.
To add to the “born this way” discussion, I kinda believe it is a mix of nature v nurture and genetic in the sense that I believe it may be epigenetic. Since it does seem to be a bit of both in my opinion (ethics completely aside), I feel like that is the best scientific explanation/middle ground for now
Finally! Ashley tells the whole story about how she actually punched the fan in the face… just got off the stage and killed them with her bare super soft hands.. how she went on to spit on them-this is me doing a bit that I think is hilarious knowing it’s going to piss people off and good they can stop treating Ashley bad for making a mistake and yell at me under this comment 😂😂😂 oh and honestly many of us would pay her to spit on us🤷🏻♀️
Nice episode, can I just say, Mak you look RAVIShIng today. Black suits you ❤️
With the gayness as nature vs nurture thing i can pinpoint moments of lesbian or genderqueer feelings from way before i knew what gayness was or even met a queer person
For real though Alayna looks so good. Like more than usual
I'm from Israel, thank you for making me laugh and forget about everything for 47 minutes. ❤
also, Ashley, your cat is so adorable!
On the nature/nurture stuff, I've done some really interesting reading about how focusing on nature/nurture is actually really destructive bc it doesn't matter which is true - people will try to "undo" being gay either way (either something like conversion therapy or genetic modification). So I obviously find the nature argument more compelling, but we shouldn't feel better about that being possibly true - if they did find the "gay gene," someone would find out about it eventually. The bigger issue isn't nature/nurture, it's how to get people to stop wanting to "fix" queer people in the first place.
10:34 WRONG TIME TO TAKE A SIP OF MY DRINK 😂
If you happen to dub each video into 5-6 common languages you can increase your watching crowd by 5 over night because UA-cam studio will dub many languages. Always love your content and some of my friends native Spanish and French speakers wished to have the pod translated or dubbed for them. Think about it and keep up the good work🎉🫶
Alayna! I get the spider one in certain stages of my life. Often it would be a huge spider web above me and I would shimmy out of bed to get away from it. I often knew it wasn’t real but it still felt real enough to move away from it. Sometimes it would be floating faces right above me but I’d otherwise be awake and aware of my surroundings. Not fun.
Based on what I know about scientific research into the "cause" of sexuality, it's impossible to say that it's fully nurture. We know there are genetic, epigenetic and hormonal factors that come into play. But I don't think it's fully nature either, in the sense that our sociocultural environment determines how we interpret our biological reality. Like, the view of sexual orientation as an identity instead of an act or feeling is pretty modern. And I'm not just talking about how the words are relatively new, but also the concepts. And from what I know, it's also a pretty Western view. The same is true for gender: it's this very complex interplay of biological and sociocultural factors that we'll probably never fully understand. As far as I know, there are some cultures where it's impossible to separate words for gender and sexuality like we do.
One thing that I've recently thought more about, following conversations about the "cause" of being transgender, is that the argument of "I was born this way and it's impossible to change it in any way" can imply that being not cishet is bad, but we can't help it, so you need to accept it. The philosophy is that even if we *could* change our sexuality/gender (and, like, it *can* change within limits and our understanding of it can definitely change, but we can't choose that change), people should still accept us because our queerness is never a bad thing. Because if the only argument for acceptance and against conversion therapy is that you can't change our gender and sexuality, then as soon as the "cause" is found, eugenicists would try and change us. So while the nerd in me would love to know, it's probably better if we never truly understand what makes someone queer (or autistic etc) because bigots would try and use it.
I hope that made sense.
the amount of fluff coming off that cat oh man.......... he's living the DREAM
as a bi girlie who is choosing not to have romantic relationships with men anymore (yall I swear i am not a lesbian, I've had that reflexion and discussion many times in my head; i do not indentify with the masterdoc bla bla bla do not assume), I understand the argument of the "political lesbian". I don't think is about "i would never just BE gay i just hate men so that's a choice", is about recognizing relationships with men and women are inherently a power dynamic and accepting that you do not want that, ever. And dabble into what you've already experienced with women! I personally agree with the person who asked, as they proposed a genetically predisposition and influence by your environment. I also don't think the nurturing argument says that everyone is born straight, is more that everyone is born bi (with the "ability" to be attracted by both genders) and steers depending on genetics and environment. Love the pod, feels like a discussion i would hear from my friends
YES! I am the questioner this week and I really super feel seen and heard by this comment! I felt even more alienated by the topic by the gals responses so thank you for engaging and making me feel less embarrassed for asking and posing the discussion!
I came out later & swore before that that I queer. But now I look back & can point to reasons I should have known. So it definitely doesn't feel "learned" to me.
I also think that claiming nurture gives ammunition to the right that we can be "fixed" 🤷♀️