Omg I hate it when people say something about kids being close in age! My first two are 16 months apart and people told us so much stuff about it. So annoying!
Ahh! Yes! I am amazed at how many people find something to say about it! But it is so much fun to watch them interact and bond being so close in age :-)
@@marieklarins7614 I don't think it matters what you do when it comes to children. Someone will always have an opinion and something to say to you about almost anything when it comes to your children.
My sister and I are 12 months apart. My kids are all 2 years but that is just how it played out for me. Honestly, I don't need to justify my family to others... so thanks for this video😀
Thanks for sharing. We don’t use NFP either. We did track to avoid pregnancy postpartum after our first (I wasn’t sure I wanted to be pregnant while my husband was deployed) but decided to go ahead and try to conceive since we had such a great support system. I ended up having a miscarriage the day my husband deployed for 15 months. After that I decided I didn’t want to mess with God plans. We now have 7 wonderful children and I’m so happy I stopped worrying about it. I laugh at myself when I think I could control Gods plan. My husband is the second oldest of 15 kids but I only have one brother. I’m so thankful that my husband has always been open to life and has such wonderful perspective on the chaos of a large family. It’s wonder. God bless you and your family.
Wow. I am sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's a perspective that I don't think is being shared enough. "I’m so happy I stopped worrying about it. I laugh at myself when I think I could control Gods plan."
I've lost my 1st baby just like you,so this made me think about those days. I feared that I wouldn't be able to have any kids after that😔 I now am blessed with 5. Love love loveee your videos. You are soo on point and so mature! God's blessings to you and your family!
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I'm sure you've seen many blessings despite the pain of loss and for me one of them has definitely been that it opened my eyes to what a true gift each child is. Praying for you as always and your family :-) Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! God Bless!!
You have such a beautiful faith! Stay strong! I was born in 1947 the oldest of eight children, and never heard the term planned pregnancy until I was an adult and it didn’t make sense to me. It still grates on me. You used the word ‘distorted’ and that’s perfect. It’s so wonderful to see young people who have such a great faith and are living it. It gives me hope amidst all the turmoil in the Church and the world today. I’m glad UA-cam recommended your video to me. God bless you and your family!
Thanks for sharing! I'm Christian (not Catholic) but I appreciate your striving for holiness in saving sex for marriage and rejecting BC that harms our bodies, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. This is something that is sadly lacking.
We have to use it for the first time after 5 kids, we have a 3 yr old son with multiple special needs that needs 6 therapies a week and I have a 2 yr old and a 11 month old under him and it's getting rough to do all the therapies with all the kids and no help from extended family members.
Thank you! I have struggled with NFP and never have felt like it was right for me. It created more stress for me than benefits especially trying to track while breastfeeding. My last four children are 2 years apart and it can be overwhelmingly sometimes having a large family but it is also such a blessing. I have the same thoughts as you regarding being open to life in our marriage. My husband has reservations and wants to be done at 7 children but in the end he is always happy when I tell him I'm pregnant again.
I'm not Christian or Catholic, or really religious. But I am spiritual and believe that fertility is sacred and that babies are gifts from life and if you are devoting yourself to a person and becoming intimate you should (as long as you are in health to do so) bare the gifts and consequences from your actions. I think it is a divine calling, I can't wait to be married one day. I love this video!
Thank you SO much for making this video. I'm getting married this weekend and also feel called to being completely open to life and not use NFP. Ive been given looks and questioned regarding this and seeing how much joy you radiate is encouraging. Reading our catechism has been a freeing experience and I'm grateful you encouraged others to read it too!
Thanks so much for sharing! So glad to hear I'm not the only one out there that feels the way you do about being open to life! I also didnt realize the church said that about adhering to objective standards when discerning, so I'm glad you read from the CCC :)
Thank you Bernadette! It's nice to know I'm not alone either...it often feels like it! But it makes sense there has to be some sort of objective standard. It's hard because it can be so easy to justify. God Bless you!
This is how I feel too. In fact, the Church’s teaching on contraception was one of the things that led to my conversion. I always knew that when I married, I would want to be completely open to life. Sadly, my now ex-husband changed his mind on this after we had our first child. But if I ever marry again, this will be one of those non-negotiable agreements for sure 😊
Nicole x I’m pretty sure in circumstances like this she can get an annulment. An annulment says the marriage never happened in the first place. and couples who use contraception are not in a legitimate marriage anyways
Hi Nicole, yes I do know that 😊 My marriage ended due to adultery. I was going to receive an annulment but refused it at the last minute. I’m remaining single for now. Perhaps that will change in the future.
I don’t want a Duggar situation. I want 2 or 3 kids. I’m at least going to use condoms. I might not use hormonal birth control in marriage, but the least I’ll do is use barrier methods.
I am actually in total agreement. I am starting to lean more towards NFP should really only be used to ACHIEVE and maintain pregnancy for those who are struggling. My husband and I have been “open to life” and haven’t charted since we first got married 3 years ago. Guess who still doesn’t have kids and is healthy and fertile? Also guess what is going to HELP us hopefully achieve pregnancy finally? Natural. Family. Planning. We finally have a direction to go in and renewed hope that charting can give us after just “having fun” and being “open to life”...this can help see what underlying issues there are as to why we haven’t been able to conceive the past few years. That’s a major reason why I praise God for NFP. The amount of other couples who were told they couldn’t have kids, then discovered NaProTechnology and got pregnant is overwhelming. NFP gives those of us with recurring miscarriages and screwed up ovulation some hope.
Amen! I agree with you! It’s hard because it is a gift yet so many people seem to abuse it, in a sense. I’ve heard amazing stories about NaPro doctors/technology and women who have cured physical issues and gone on to have pregnancies carry to term. It’s important to find the root cause of what would be preventing someone from being able to conceive. I am deeply sorry for your losses. Your hopefulness and positivity are admirable qualities! I will be praying for you on your journey 🙏🏻💕
I am so grateful for this video. Thank you for making this and broadcasting it. To be honest, I don't even like the name "Natural Family Planning" as it seems to already lend to a sort of "contraceptive mentality." After all, "Family Planning" sections in stores are filled with contraceptives!
Thank you for your video, not many Catholics advocate this enough but its true. Many have taken NFP for their own convivence...but like you said only if its necessary...health wise other than that...we are called to be open to life we said agree to this the day we married...we said Yes that we welcome all the kids God wants to give us, so thanks...for posting this video.
Thank you for this message! We're currently doing NFP (Creighton Method and Napro technology) to achieve pregnancy since we have been trying to start a family for the past 3 years. We are being prayerful about it and do not want to do anything that is not in line with Church teaching because as the Bible says, the church is the pillar and bulwark of truth. And that's always been most important for us going through this process. All this being the case, I really haven't thought much about what NFP would look like after the possibility of a child. I'm very grateful that you made this video as it helps give clarity to how the church intends NFP to be used and not just our own interpretation of it. May God continue to bless you in your life and ministry!
I do agree that it's very easy to use NFP selfishly! We honestly thought we wouldn't ever need to use NFP to avoid a pregnancy when we got married. (We lost our first baby too, and NFP actually helped us to conceive our 3 boys after that!) Despite having high-risk and rough pregnancies, we were open to more babies and are VERY thankful God gave them to us. That being said, we used NFP after our 3rd living baby for reasons that only my husband and I would fully understand. It's easy to look at another family and assume they should have another baby, when really only they know their unique circumstances. Thank you for encouraging people to pray about it, though, because I really think that's what we need to encourage when it comes to NFP. If we're constantly praying while using NFP, God will open our hearts to more if that's what he's asking of us. Even though we actually are struggling to get pregnant now, we don't regret using that time to pray and discern God's will because we truly do think that bigger spacing was necessary for our marriage and family - it was actually during that time that we started Surprised By Marriage! (Sorry for the novel - this topic is something I think about often!)
Literally wish I could meet you so we could just talk about this topic in person. First off we have the same story. First pregnancy lost at 10 weeks. Came out pregnant not so long after and then when my son was 5 1/2 months came out pregnant with my daughter. So they are 14 months apart. But you've helped me a lot I've been looking into natural family planning just because I think the pregnancy were close and I should let my body rest but your right God gives me what I need. In the time i need it. These are his gifts to me!!!
Having children is something so sacred. it's between God and the couple, it's their discernement. No one should judge them. There is also something called responsible parenthood, i'ts not responsible to have children and not be able to take care of them. Discernement in prayer is important. And our intelligence is also a Godgiven tool.
👏👏 THANK YOU. I cannot stand to see people continue to pop babies out when they know they have no support system, financials are barely hanging on by a thread, and both parents are having to work to make ends meat so the kids only see them early in the mornings and right before bed. Yes, sex is a gift from God and yes, it is for connection between the couple and for producing kids. However, God did not make us stupid, He gave us a brain for a reason. Some people need to learn it is perfectly fine to use it.
It’s sad to see many couples having one or two children because they want to have the perfect life. The perfect car, the big house tons and tons of toys for those kids, fancy clothes. But in my opinion this is not the joyful peaceful life that Jesus planned for the family. People use the financial cause so that they can have the luxurious life that the world promotes while only having one or two children. But if they could spread out their money, and chose to buy simple things, they could have bigger families. I think it is sad that big families are criticized and parents are judged for having many children, but those are usually the most joyful and fulfilled families! Anyways just my thought on your mention of the financial reason :) thanks for a great video!
I feel that in the modern world, there are women who simply do not wish to go through the whole process of delivering a child after having one or two children. They just feel that it is enough and that they will not want to endure the pain again. Many modern women have lost the point that their body is indeed made by God to deliver babies. Yes it’s painful, but that’s life as a woman. Going through marriage followed by lots of sexual pleasure with their husband and getting pregnant. When the time comes, they endure the pain to get the baby out mostly through their vagina. If animals have that ability to have many babies, I think we humans are also capable of it. It’s really all about mindset and the influence from society.
I know a family that has 8 kids that they can't afford to feed, they don't even have shoes, they walk bare foot, don't go to school, none of them. Can't afford to take them to hospital for simple malaria so 2 died because of that. $40 to treat malaria and they couldn't afford that, why god didn't provide for them? They're still having more children. She has health problems and was told not to have more or else will be paralyzed and sure enough, she is paralyzed now. How is that helping the family? Now the husband died, who's gonna take care of the children? How is god helping them?
Me on the other hand sinned!!!😢 I had sterilization done when Doctors started telling me my uterus was so thin.. they could see my 3rd babies hair through it. They scared me everytime I had a c section. Eventually I got my tubes tied and now I regret it. I feel like I disobeyed and feel ashamed. I have confessed this and have been absolved. I just can’t stop feeling guilty still.
I appreciate that you started your video stating that these are your personal choices and your person decisions as to how you handle intimacy and pregnancies and babies. I completely support any woman who makes these decisions of her own free will and doesn't force her beliefs on anyone else. With that being said, you said that birth control pills are ultimately a medicine that is used to basically "inactivate" a healthy reproductive system in women of childbearing age (which yes, is true) and that there are countless women in the world who struggle with infertility and want nothing more than to be able to get pregnant and start a family, and that the usage of birth control pills by women who are healthy and fertile is "like a slap in the face" of these women. My and my husband's personal decision to use birth control has absolutely NOTHING to do with other women and their inability to bear children. I'm not "slapping" anyone in the face. My heart absolutely goes out to women who are unable to get pregnant and become mothers and would do anything to achieve that. My very best friend in the world is had been struggling with this issue for several years now. So although I cannot truly relate, as I have gotten pregnant with all three of my children the month after stopping the use of BC pills. I thank God for this! But I have no obligation to feel guilty about the fact that I am fertile and can basically get pregnant with the snap of my fingers. I just had to comment on that, because you are so obviously a very good and compassionate person; but that right there really did feel like a bit of a "scolding", very similar to when my mother would get frustrated with me as a child because I refused to finish my dinner. And she would tell me the cliché "There are starving kids in China, and I am throwing food in the trash???" Me eating my food doesn't feed hungry Chinese children any more than me not using birth control enables infertile women to get pregnant.
Hi Kenzie, somehow I think this came to me in a moment when I need some guidance. I'm married (10 years) and have 5 kids, and pregnant with #6 but I just can't shake the feeling that me being pregnant is some kind of chastisement. I don't seem to find joy in raising my kids since #5 was born... I'm always angry or tired and to be honest haven't been taking care of myself. When I hear someone is pregnant I cringe... Somehow I'm extremely tired of being a mother. In part is because where I live the teachings of the church regarding sex and kids get totally thrown out the window. Even in church people look at us like weirdos. I feel like I'm drowning and don't know if I can keep this up much longer. Some advice and your prayers (and the community's) would be very appreciated... Thank you.
Isabella, thank you for your comment ❤️ Congratulations on your baby on the way! While I may not have experienced as much as you have yet, I can definitely relate. My pregnancies were rough and having three, three and under is a lot of work. We only have four kids and I’ve gotten all kinds of comments about it even from strangers! One thing I’ve noticed is that extended family is less willing to have the kids over now that there are more of them. There’s also this notion in our culture that moms of large families aren’t allowed to be tired, need breaks, or help. It’s like unless you are handling everything gracefully and perfectly at every moment, you should avoid having more children. Or like because you choose not to use contraceptives you have to deal with having a lot on your plate and no one offers you sympathy/compassion when it’s hard. Maybe that’s where the feeling of it being a kind of chastisement comes from. I’ve been pondering this a lot over the past year in my own life because I can relate to so much of what you mentioned feeling. A few realizations I’ve had/things that might be helpful to try: Write down any patterns you find with your anger. For example: I started noticing around 2-3 pretty much daily I would get to the point of anger. So to remedy that, I planned that time for my neighbor to watch the kids for a couple of hours. On days I couldn’t have her watch them, I would shift my focus to “what can I do so that I can have alone time during those hours?” I also noticed if I haven’t eaten, it makes things worse. Exercising makes the day go significantly better. So find the patterns on what is working during “good days” and what particularly triggers anger on harder ones. Writing it out and sharing with your husband can be helpful to get a less emotional perspective to truly find a solution. Another thing is that it is okay and necessary take breaks! You need to take care of yourself in order to best take care of your children. Physically, of course but mentally too. It sounds crazy but taking up a hobby or learning a new skill even if small can make a huge difference. Even 5 minutes a day practicing calligraphy, or an instrument, a new sport, sewing, jewelry making etc. can slowly help you learn a new skill and clear your mind from all that might be on it. I also noticed often feeling tired and like I needed a break but being a stay at home mom I didn’t understand why I was feeling this way. I realized that during my down time/resting time I would scroll on my phone. I felt relaxed but didn’t realize that just being on my phone catching up on Facebook, looking at memes, reading blog posts etc. was actually keeping my mind busy and tiring myself out. I’ve been trying to get better at being more intentional with my phone usage and that has helped get rid of my overwhelm and opened up more time to focus on taking care of myself. So if you are on a phone/computer a lot, even reading and doing good things, be aware that it can be draining. Finding other moms of large families to connect with could be super helpful too. They can be hard to find but if you ask around (and ask God!) for some families to enter into your life, it can help a ton. I ended up getting connected with some larger families once my stepdaughter started to homeschool and their advice has always been helpful to me. Even just watching how they manage their children/family life gives me new ideas to make life go more smoothly. (This is somewhat rhetorical) but how does your husband feel? Does he feel the same way or different? Talking to him about how you feel and working together to find solutions could help a ton! Try to figure out what things are causing the feeling of overwhelm and see what can be adjusted. It might not completely change overnight but there probably could be some adjustments made whether it be getting the older kids to assist with some more chores around the house or blocking off alone time for yourself etc. You are a team and your husband’s insight is helpful because he knows you best. How different would our experience be if our culture was more open to life?! I think people would be more compassionate and helpful. For me, I try to remember that this is a season. I also remind myself of the need to have God-loving, kind people in the world and I know that the impact I have as a mom is significant in that way. A few weeks ago (I have no idea why) but the thought crossed my mind that if I died my husband might remarry and someone else would be raising my kids. It was a brief thought but it gave me this feeling of heartbreak and like I haven’t been appreciating these moments the way I should. While I wouldn’t dwell on sad thoughts like that, maybe imagining a situation similar can provide a reminder of how blessed you are to be in your position. You get to be the one to be your husbands wife and take care of the kids! Instead of feeling like “ugh I have to do laundry again” or “every five seconds someone needs something from me” try replacing it with “I *get* to do laundry again.” Or “I get to be the one these kids go to when they are arguing with their brother” etc. Sometimes a slight perspective shift can make a huge difference! Efficiency is also a word that comes to mind. With five kids and being pregnant- there is really not a ton of time to spare. You need rest and a bit of free time so for the other things it can help to find ways to be as efficient as possible with the time it takes to accomplish each task. Where can the older kids assist? What systems can be put in place to avoid excess messes to clean up or dishes from piling up? What new habits can be formed? Where am I wasting time? Questions like that- to identify where things can get better. I find myself feeling less joy when I feel less like I have a sense of purpose. Reminding yourself of your own beliefs about motherhood and parenting can help along with talking to your husband about shared goals, values, and dreams you have as a couple and as a family. You are an amazing mom. I can tell because you care so much that you put their needs above your own. It is important to give a higher priority to taking care of yourself regularly though. ❤️ You could make a list of all the areas you feel your own needs aren’t being met (whether it’s not getting dressed in the morning, not getting showers in as much as you’d like, not having time for any leisurely activities, etc.) and then go back down the list and write a way to fix that thing. Maybe it’s while the children are watching a tv show, I power through an brush my teeth, take a shower, get a little makeup on, and do 20 jumping jacks. Or planning time to spend with a friend weekly or alone time doing something. Those are my thoughts-if I think of anything else I’ll try to remember to come back and let you know. I will definitely keep you in prayer and offer up my tiredness and overwhelm for yours 😊💕 There are certainly challenges but tremendous growth can happen as well! What you’re experiencing is sanctifying but you don’t always have to suffer from lack of joy and energy. I hope you can identify areas where things can be tweaked to create more peace in your life! That will definitely bring more joy. I hope more people comment because I am curious what others would recommend too! God Bless you and your family! I will keep you in prayer, Isabella! 💜💜💜
Isabella, I hope you do find time for yourself too and date nights with your husband. We have 7 the oldest now 13 and when they were younger I felt the same way too, but don’t worry your not alone I know some many other mothers too that share same feeling. It’ll get better and soon the children will be grown and God willing at your bold age will be surrounded by them. Prayers for you. Pray for me too and for all mothers ♥️
as catholic you are kind of totally right but the only thing you are definetly wrong is saying that having children is definetly God is plan ? its Not his plan he lets you deside he lets you in your freewill to either deside if its time or not and you are tottally free to do it by the holy catholic church by using the creigton model family plan you also can go to your catholic church and ask the father Did you hear it? yes i said the father because alot of people are catholic but dont even know about it. why ? because they are not catholic enough if they were they would of use this method wich GOD created and not the shot they get in their clinic that later on end up being canser in the women...... so about the creigton model or also known as BILLING method both are kids of the same so they are a clinic where they show you how to understand when are the days of the women for fertility and also when are the days for the women that they are infertile by getting knowledge about that you deside when to have kids ..... if you need some space you just have sex by the days you are INFERTILE and when you want kids you have sex by the days you are FERTILE .... but as iam saying you have to go to the clinic of creigton model family planing in your area so you get exactly the teching leasson of a profeccional person so you dont get anything wrong or something like that ... YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE PROFECIONAL TEACHER !!! not in youtube not in website NoT by just hearing of a friend '.... because if you do you might miss alot of important information and later on guess what?? you are pregnant! NOT because it dOESNT work ! its because you didnt go to a profecional person ! just like a condon if you dont put it right you might get pregnant so its the same with this you have to follow it exactly as they tell you .. i have 2 year using it and it has being a blessing now i have more time for my husband for my self and my children thank you GOD for creating us women. like that some days of fertility and some day of INfertility ! GOd is allmighty
Thank you! I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. :-( I will pray for Margaret, you and for peace for all of her friends and family during this time.
Thanks for talking about birth control. I always feel awkward when the topic comes up, as I don't feel comfortable taking it either. I guess I can just be honest about it or say it's not something I want to discuss.
Kenzie this is so helpful. I'm 3 months postpartum after a super difficult labor and delivery. I want more kids so badly but I also know my body wouldn't handle another pregnancy right now without significant damage ( since I'm already recovering from significant damage ). Which tells me it's actually good for me to avoid until I'm healthy enough to carry a baby again. The question is, how on earth do you do that while breastfeeding and possibly ovulating at any moment? It honestly seems like abstinence is the best choice. 🤔
Great questions! Ok- first thought is... how do you know your body wouldn't be able to handle another pregnancy? Do you feel that way? Did your doctor tell you that? (Saying that rhetorically-just things to think about!) If you were to find out you were pregnant right now- would your doctor say, "this is going to be high-risk due to the condition of your body?" I had significant tearing with my oldest and was so sick during that pregnancy- I was scared the next baby would really take a beating on my body, especially because I was still nursing exclusively and caring for a 4 month old. The doctors were not at all concerned after my post-partum checkup though. The whole time I trusted if my body could get pregnant, my body could handle it and it turned out to be true. With my second, tearing ended up being nowhere near as bad and I only vomited for a week (instead of the entire pregnancy like I did with my oldest lol.) After my second baby, the pain of labor felt worse than my first- though but it could have been from being induced. After that, I felt like my body physically needed a longer break to heal. However, I still trust that my body will only become pregnant when my body can handle it. And so far, there has been a longer gap than there was with my first two with nothing different being done on my part. So that, to me, is where from a spiritual perspective, trusting God comes in. Of course, I don't have an actual health issue (other than being prone to having hyperemesis gravidarum-the extreme sickness in pregnancy) and It would be unwise to blindly trust if I had an actual health issue known by my doctors. Although I realize some people may consider trusting to be naiive, to me, it has been a matter of faith.) Currently, my body feels back to "normal" and I would love to have another but even in desiring another child I don't "plan" or do anything to try to make that happen. Just constant trust that if/when He wants me to have another it will happen and I don't have to plan or obsess, I just have to trust and accept what He gives me. Ok...then going on to the second point I think you hit the nail on the head with how I feel about it. I know there are a lot of people who say even with the hormonal changes with breastfeeding they can figure out which days are most fertile in using NFP. You might have to be super attentive and diligent about observing and tracking- I don't know all the details of tracking while breastfeeding but the only way to 100% ensure you wont get pregnant is through abstinence. When people say they can't risk having a child at all so they use NFP methods or even contraceptives....there is still a small degree of risk there. Especially in cases where a mother's life would be in danger- you are literally still risking it to an extent. So it is definitely a complex topic and I think that's why we have freedom to discern. Anyway, in the circumstance you described, I would think to myself, "If I were to get pregnant today and I called my doctors to let them know- would they say this is concerning because I am not healed or healthy enough yet?" If they would probably say, "no big deal" then I would not go out of my way to prevent or try for another. Just live life and if it happens, joy! However, if the doctors say, "You really shouldn't get pregnant for a year because of how your body hasn't healed yet" in that case, I would say abstaining totally until you're at a point where you are confident about determining when you are ovulating while breastfeeding would be the best way to ensure you wouldn't get pregnant. If there is a specific health need, I would write down a specific time that you need to wait or avoid. That way it keeps you from falling into the trap of perpetually abstaining or avoiding out of comfort or fear. Just my thoughts on it though!!
I watched this video twice, the first time, I was sort of disagreeing with you and kind of in unbelief because of how normalized NFP has been. Recently, it has been brought up again and I read how it can be abused and used with a "contraceptive mindset" and it made me really think. Then, I watched your video again and you're actually right. I'm open to more kids myself even if it means having less time for myself. I think the sacrifice now will be paid off when you see your kids grow up.
Well said. Me too trying to live my life open to Gods will in all things. Maybe to encourage other. We have 7 children all delivered by c-section. By the grace of God I’m open to whatever is Gods will. They’re about 2years I think because I breast feeding for a year then right after I get pregnant. The youngest just turned 1 so we’ll see. But agree with what you’ve said.
I also have these same thoughts on the topic, however I believe trusting in God is not easy for everyone at that level. And at the end, if God wants you to conceive a baby, I believe you will not be able to stop Him, doesn’t matter how selfish you are. Gods plans always take place. Still I believe it’s important to take care of your body, your temple and maybe this can’t be achieved by using hormones...I finish with this verse «“I have the right to do anything,” you say-but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”-but not everything is constructive.» 1 Corinthians 10:23 NIV Greetings to everyone! Remember God is in control ! And Jesus already payed for our sins, we just keep trying to follow up his steps but don’t be to hard on yourself!
Concerning the older husband who's children are grown. His wife might have hormonal issues. Natural hormone therapy might make a huge difference for her.
I just recently got married and I have been going back and forth with my husband about whether we will be open to life immediately when I begin ovulating. I really desire children and lots of them. My husband is hesitant because he believes we are not financially stable enough to begin a family yet. I don’t know what to do. Do you have advice ?
5 kids was enough, after 10yrs of raising kids and me as the bread winner and working 6-7 days a week for years at time , never taking real vacation's or trips - couldn't afford it - and the kids really didn't have a lot of family experiences and if we would of had less kid we maybe could of been able to put forward few more things for them . Wife raised kids and me working day in and day out ( we didn't feel it was the governments responsibility raise them ) took its toll on or marriage , after the kids where old enough and left the house we didn't know who we were anymore as a couple our marriage making up most our identity was all about kids , we had become strangers in our marriage . We couldn't remember who we / I and whether I liked this person anymore? And here another question, do you want to work till your 80 or 90? We had dreams to travel earlier in our marriage , shoulda, woulda, coulda - done it early in our marriage when we were young enough to do things we wanted and enjoy ,but I don't think that's going to happen now. Believe me its later then you think!
I’m sorry you feel that way!! It is actually very common. Prioritizing marriage while raising children is so important! Your situation (based on your comment) seems to me more marriage and job related and less about the number of children. I would look on UA-cam for some motivational business and mindset videos! They have been so helpful for myself and my husband to be more goal oriented now instead of having expecting our goals and dreams to suddenly happen when we are older! You and your wife sound like very devoted, loving parents. Praying for your family! 😊
@@TheOvernightMom what's the point of life if you don't have some dream or goal down the road? Unfortunately when we were raising kids you got three in the house and (all of a sudden you got another one on the way),there was no UA-cam no internet no practical advice other than what you might find in a book. And unfortunately I didn't have time or care at that point to read What worked for somebody else - walk a mile in my shoes - ,When you living from hand to mouth and trying to keep a roof over your head and the wolves at bay. I just wish that we done a few more things before kids , we always had a love of travel Early in our marriage both of us . Now that we're older my wife has lost that, but I still do! I guess do I give up those dreams or do I just do them on my own now? Maybe somebody can take this as a cautionary tale that has the spirit we had early in our marriage. When your marriage becomes all about the kids these things can happen . As much as you try to make it about the two of you, ( intentional goal setting - The best best laid plans of mice and men) 90% of the marriage will always be about the kids . Just try doing something together without the kids and not talking about them or thinking about them. Sorry this came off so negative Good luck!
@@sitka49 the marriage is priority! The kids never come first. God first, then your spouse, and then your kids. You sound very resentful. It’s not too late to enjoy your life with your wife now and take trips and travel. You can make your life and your marriage whatever you desire. You make raising kids and marriage sound horrible. I had a baby at 19 and didn’t have my college years or anything and worked full time on night shift then had two more kids, and now I’m expecting number 7! I have never been happier than to not be working now and actually enjoying my kids at home. I know many couples who travel and have no children to take into eternity because it’s all about them. Quit whining and take your wife on a vacation. The role of the husband is to literally lay down his life for the family . He is to be a Christ for his family. If your kids are grown, reinvent your marriage with your wife and enjoy the rest of your days on this earth. You’ve been blessed and it’s all about how you view what God has given you that others would die to have.
@@creedy8612 You're right and marriage is a priority , But answer me this how often do you and your husband ever really get out to do anything without kids ,take a trip, or even go out for a walk, or they come up in almost every conversation ? (Or is it ? "One of the babies is not crying we got 5 seconds hurry up and have sex?) As much as you'd like to think otherwise they are the priority now especially at that age. I worked as a contract welder for two construction companies I traveled (I love the traveling part of it) all the time I was gone on the average three weeks sometimes up to three and a half months was the longest I did that once and I told him I'd never do it again, I'd have stretches mostly in the winter months where I was off so I did have time with the family. I got out of it after the fifth child because my wife developed toxemia during the pregnancy so I had to reduce my hours which cut my pay if I don't work I don't I don't get paid, I had no benefits through my job being my own contractor (I was trying to build a business but obviously didn't work out) I had to pay for my own health insurance And I did have some unemployment insurance But it really didn't cover the bills, and it almost bankrupt us , then I took a job in a manufacturing company with a lot less pay but at least I had benefits ,But on the other hand I hated the job . And after we had our fifth child, we were highly advised not to have any more kids because of possibility of having high risk pregnancies, And her being with irregular periods It was difficult to track using NFP with her cycle (That's why The last three kids weren't planned) It was kind of like do we quit having sex for the next 30 years or do we have to do something permanent? And people change My wife's no longer interested in travel anymore she's got her things to do at home and that's what makes her happy, I guess if I want to travel I may have to go it on my own? My point being would the quality of life for everybody in the family be better without having bunch of kids? I mean you don't need 10 kids anymore to help milk cows on the farm or help run the family business? And congratulations on your upcoming birth.🕯️
@@sitka49 I’m not sure where you get your opinion of big families. I’m from a family of 10 and we weren’t brought into this world to do “work” for my parents. We were brought up in a loving household. Of course when children are small they take a lot of priority and time, that’s not a question. I hate the term quality of life, because it’s basically coming back to how “you “ don’t want burden and how things would be easier on “you”. I think your perspective on the gifts you have received needs to change. You don’t have to take my advice just a perspective from the outside. Children are small for only a period of time and then they are grown . Prioritizing time with your spouse is key. It won’t always be this way but a season of life. My husband and I take time every evening after all kids go to bed . Early bed, not letting them stay up into our time. We also have made time to travel and arrange that. We both understand that in this season of life we are parents and the children do need us, but if we are not strong first the home crumbles. Marriage is a daily self sacrifice. If I didn’t have my Catholic faith I would view my life and marriage as something like a burden or children the same way which I think most of society does now too. My only purpose in life is to lead my children and my husband to heaven. Through self sacrifice daily. This doesn’t mean it isn’t hard, or that I want me time, but it is about perspective. It’s like with working out.‘I did bodybuilding, while working full time night shifts for 12 hours, and took care of home. It can be done but it’s about priority. But I also think parents need to be careful about how they speak about their kids online and how that could look. Your children are a gift from God. Not everyone has that gift and I know plenty of people who would give up their time, money, and comfortable lifestyles and trips just to have one child. God told man and woman to be fruitful and multiple. God said it, remember that. Accept the gifts he’s given to you and look at life through a different view. I would keep offering a trip to your wife and if she doesn’t want to go that doesn’t mean you don’t do some traveling .
Thanks Phil! So true!! It's fun seeing your spouse and yourself in your child's appearance and mannerisms. Being open to life has it's challenges but the joy far outweighs it all!
So according to your perspective on NFP and your faith, the amount of times someone should have intercourse in their entire lifetime with their spouse should be exactly equal to the amount of children they have together (if God grants his gift each time) ?
I don't think it is humanly possible to get pregnant that often. It isn't about having as many children as possible- it is about always being open to the children God gives you. I hope that makes sense!
Hey, what is your recommendation for someone who is in a situation where the wife is the bread winner. I am in my first year out of school and right now and the next 3-4 years I am the only income for the home while my husband is finishing school. My primary worry is that if wouldn’t be good for the child being in daycare and there is no way at the moment that a child wouldn’t be in daycare.
Hi Shelby! I would talk to your husband or trusted spiritual advisor who may have greater insight on your unique situation! Based on what I know just by your comment though, what comes to mind is that morally, being in daycare is not a sin so I don't know if that would be reason alone to avoid. My personal opinion, since you asked :-) is that your husband should consider evaluating whether or not finishing school is worth putting you in the position of being the sole provider of income. If you were in a situation, like I am in my pregnancies where I get extremely sick, it would be impossible for you to provide financially. But I know many other women who are pregnant, have no issues working, take maternity leave, and get right back to it! So it could work out just fine! I would wonder though why working while taking classes is not an option for him. I know doing both is not most ideal, and I don't know what he career he is aiming for where schooling is absolutely necessary, but I don't think the burden of finances should fall solely on you in the name of higher education. (I know everyone views schooling differently though!) Those are just the thoughts that come to mind of the top of my head! Praying for peace and for your family! May the Lord will give you clarity for your decisions 😊
Studies show that children form secure attachment by 3 years old so how much can a mother connect with a baby when there is another one? I know it’s not one size fits all. I’m sure a nurturing stay at home mother could balance and be able to be there for both children.
Marie Grace I think that a more accurate study would be to look at whether or not children are able to grow into mentally healthy individuals when parents have them close together. This study does not seem to answer this question, so it’s not really helpful. But out of curiosity, what are some factors that affect a child’s ability to form secure attachment? Because to me it seems that most children are not even being raised in the home nor by their parents anyways.
Women have been having babies for centuries that didnt include them being exactly 3 years apart. I've had 4 kids back to back and not one single one of them has been neglected the only thing that is lacking is my free time but thats just fine with me.
Wow thank you so much for this video ! I currently have two kids a 3 yr old and a an almost 5 month old and I haven’t really been intimate with my husband because I’m afraid I’ll get pregnant since I heard the ideal time to have another baby is after baby is 18 months old . I feel like that’s me being selfish ? And I’m having trouble discerning Gods will in this .
I totally understand this! The way you feel is not selfish- it is natural to feel that way. Pregnancy takes a huge toll on your body and life with multiple small children is not always smooth sailing! I think it comes down to genuinely pouring out your heart in prayer. Share your fears/worries with God. Let Him know, you are always willing to be open to His will, and open to raising the children He gives you. Ask for courage, strength and good health. This is an opportunity to deepen your spiritual life and trust in God. Pray for and with your husband. Even share your hesitation with your husband if you haven't already. Your husband's spiritual leadership and guidance are needed in this situation. You are not alone- you and your husband are on a team and the Lord will always provide for you- whether it be financially, health-wise, extra hands to help with the littles etc. Jesus, we trust in You! Praying for peace and for you and your family!!
It's so important to make your own decisions to have children or not. Don't let a "religion" make that decision for you. It's a known fact that some religions, including Catholic, want you to have many kids. The reason is because it literally makes that religion larger. Mormons also do this too.
Then the angel Raphael, said to him: Hear me and I will show thee who they are, over whom the devil can prevail. For they who in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and mule, which have not understanding, over them the devil hath power. Tobias6:16-17 And when the third night is past, thou shall take the virgin with the fear of the Lord, moved rather for love of children than for lust, that in the seed of Abraham thou mayst obtain a blessing in children. Tobias6:22 most just want to satisfy their own lust and their fear is having a child, what happened? that most don't believe in being a virgin, and getting married, most tell God what they want to do, instead of listening to our Creator, tell me who knows better you or GOD?
Such a good video! You have such a beautiful soul🥰. All for Jesus!
Thank you! You have been such an inspiration for many on this topic as well!
Nicht Jesus sonderst Gott ihr Spinner
Omg I hate it when people say something about kids being close in age! My first two are 16 months apart and people told us so much stuff about it. So annoying!
Ahh! Yes! I am amazed at how many people find something to say about it! But it is so much fun to watch them interact and bond being so close in age :-)
Don't worry,they do that to bigger age gap siblings too=))Me and my brother are 12 years apart,and they still told my parents a bunch of stuff
@@marieklarins7614 I don't think it matters what you do when it comes to children. Someone will always have an opinion and something to say to you about almost anything when it comes to your children.
I've never heard such a think. What could be their views on having twins?
My sister and I are 12 months apart. My kids are all 2 years but that is just how it played out for me. Honestly, I don't need to justify my family to others... so thanks for this video😀
Thanks for sharing. We don’t use NFP either. We did track to avoid pregnancy postpartum after our first (I wasn’t sure I wanted to be pregnant while my husband was deployed) but decided to go ahead and try to conceive since we had such a great support system. I ended up having a miscarriage the day my husband deployed for 15 months. After that I decided I didn’t want to mess with God plans. We now have 7 wonderful children and I’m so happy I stopped worrying about it. I laugh at myself when I think I could control Gods plan. My husband is the second oldest of 15 kids but I only have one brother. I’m so thankful that my husband has always been open to life and has such wonderful perspective on the chaos of a large family. It’s wonder. God bless you and your family.
Wow. I am sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's a perspective that I don't think is being shared enough. "I’m so happy I stopped worrying about it. I laugh at myself when I think I could control Gods plan."
Agenda 21 is happening because of people who choose to have more then 2 kids.
Agenda 21.
I've lost my 1st baby just like you,so this made me think about those days. I feared that I wouldn't be able to have any kids after that😔 I now am blessed with 5. Love love loveee your videos. You are soo on point and so mature! God's blessings to you and your family!
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I'm sure you've seen many blessings despite the pain of loss and for me one of them has definitely been that it opened my eyes to what a true gift each child is. Praying for you as always and your family :-) Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement! God Bless!!
You have such a beautiful faith! Stay strong! I was born in 1947 the oldest of eight children, and never heard the term planned pregnancy until I was an adult and it didn’t make sense to me. It still grates on me. You used the word ‘distorted’ and that’s perfect. It’s so wonderful to see young people who have such a great faith and are living it. It gives me hope amidst all the turmoil in the Church and the world today. I’m glad UA-cam recommended your video to me. God bless you and your family!
I was also born in 1947. I have 6 children and 7 grandkids. Blessed
Thank you! I’m not catholic I am Christian but I totally agree with this!
Children are totally gifts from God. Thanks for sharing!
Amen to that...thank you, Helen! :)
@@TheOvernightMom you look familiar.
Thanks for sharing! I'm Christian (not Catholic) but I appreciate your striving for holiness in saving sex for marriage and rejecting BC that harms our bodies, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. This is something that is sadly lacking.
We have to use it for the first time after 5 kids, we have a 3 yr old son with multiple special needs that needs 6 therapies a week and I have a 2 yr old and a 11 month old under him and it's getting rough to do all the therapies with all the kids and no help from extended family members.
Thank you for sharing your openness to life. I love learning how people live their faith especially in marriage. 💜
Thank you Mary!
Thank you! I have struggled with NFP and never have felt like it was right for me. It created more stress for me than benefits especially trying to track while breastfeeding. My last four children are 2 years apart and it can be overwhelmingly sometimes having a large family but it is also such a blessing. I have the same thoughts as you regarding being open to life in our marriage. My husband has reservations and wants to be done at 7 children but in the end he is always happy when I tell him I'm pregnant again.
Great video! Thank you for your loving words. It has helped me and my wife grow in understanding of the Church's teachings. God bless!
I'm not Christian or Catholic, or really religious. But I am spiritual and believe that fertility is sacred and that babies are gifts from life and if you are devoting yourself to a person and becoming intimate you should (as long as you are in health to do so) bare the gifts and consequences from your actions. I think it is a divine calling, I can't wait to be married one day. I love this video!
Thank you SO much for making this video. I'm getting married this weekend and also feel called to being completely open to life and not use NFP. Ive been given looks and questioned regarding this and seeing how much joy you radiate is encouraging. Reading our catechism has been a freeing experience and I'm grateful you encouraged others to read it too!
Thanks so much for sharing! So glad to hear I'm not the only one out there that feels the way you do about being open to life! I also didnt realize the church said that about adhering to objective standards when discerning, so I'm glad you read from the CCC :)
Thank you Bernadette! It's nice to know I'm not alone either...it often feels like it! But it makes sense there has to be some sort of objective standard. It's hard because it can be so easy to justify. God Bless you!
Thank you! I enjoyed this video. We have 4 kids aged 4 and under. I believe we have a life much better than I would have planned.
This is how I feel too. In fact, the Church’s teaching on contraception was one of the things that led to my conversion. I always knew that when I married, I would want to be completely open to life. Sadly, my now ex-husband changed his mind on this after we had our first child. But if I ever marry again, this will be one of those non-negotiable agreements for sure 😊
Paulina Marie You do know that The Bible frowns upon getting remarried.. right? God considers most remarriages after a divorce to be adultery.
Nicole x I’m pretty sure in circumstances like this she can get an annulment. An annulment says the marriage never happened in the first place. and couples who use contraception are not in a legitimate marriage anyways
Hi Nicole, yes I do know that 😊 My marriage ended due to adultery. I was going to receive an annulment but refused it at the last minute. I’m remaining single for now. Perhaps that will change in the future.
Amen! Agree totally, kids are a blessing always. Let God be in control.
I don’t want a Duggar situation. I want 2 or 3 kids. I’m at least going to use condoms. I might not use hormonal birth control in marriage, but the least I’ll do is use barrier methods.
The Bible even talks about *lactational amenorrhea.* Hosea 1:8 “Now when she [Gomer] had *weaned* Loruhamah, she *conceived,* and bare a son.”
I am actually in total agreement. I am starting to lean more towards NFP should really only be used to ACHIEVE and maintain pregnancy for those who are struggling. My husband and I have been “open to life” and haven’t charted since we first got married 3 years ago. Guess who still doesn’t have kids and is healthy and fertile? Also guess what is going to HELP us hopefully achieve pregnancy finally? Natural. Family. Planning.
We finally have a direction to go in and renewed hope that charting can give us after just “having fun” and being “open to life”...this can help see what underlying issues there are as to why we haven’t been able to conceive the past few years.
That’s a major reason why I praise God for NFP. The amount of other couples who were told they couldn’t have kids, then discovered NaProTechnology and got pregnant is overwhelming.
NFP gives those of us with recurring miscarriages and screwed up ovulation some hope.
Amen! I agree with you! It’s hard because it is a gift yet so many people seem to abuse it, in a sense. I’ve heard amazing stories about NaPro doctors/technology and women who have cured physical issues and gone on to have pregnancies carry to term. It’s important to find the root cause of what would be preventing someone from being able to conceive. I am deeply sorry for your losses. Your hopefulness and positivity are admirable qualities! I will be praying for you on your journey 🙏🏻💕
I am so grateful for this video. Thank you for making this and broadcasting it. To be honest, I don't even like the name "Natural Family Planning" as it seems to already lend to a sort of "contraceptive mentality." After all, "Family Planning" sections in stores are filled with contraceptives!
This is exactly the content I was looking for. I am Protestant but I have been feeling convicted about this issue.
This is the first video I have seen from you, and I LOVE you!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience and thoughts.
Thank you for your video, not many Catholics advocate this enough but its true. Many have taken NFP for their own convivence...but like you said only if its necessary...health wise other than that...we are called to be open to life we said agree to this the day we married...we said Yes that we welcome all the kids God wants to give us, so thanks...for posting this video.
Thank you for this message! We're currently doing NFP (Creighton Method and Napro technology) to achieve pregnancy since we have been trying to start a family for the past 3 years. We are being prayerful about it and do not want to do anything that is not in line with Church teaching because as the Bible says, the church is the pillar and bulwark of truth. And that's always been most important for us going through this process. All this being the case, I really haven't thought much about what NFP would look like after the possibility of a child. I'm very grateful that you made this video as it helps give clarity to how the church intends NFP to be used and not just our own interpretation of it. May God continue to bless you in your life and ministry!
I do agree that it's very easy to use NFP selfishly! We honestly thought we wouldn't ever need to use NFP to avoid a pregnancy when we got married. (We lost our first baby too, and NFP actually helped us to conceive our 3 boys after that!) Despite having high-risk and rough pregnancies, we were open to more babies and are VERY thankful God gave them to us. That being said, we used NFP after our 3rd living baby for reasons that only my husband and I would fully understand. It's easy to look at another family and assume they should have another baby, when really only they know their unique circumstances. Thank you for encouraging people to pray about it, though, because I really think that's what we need to encourage when it comes to NFP. If we're constantly praying while using NFP, God will open our hearts to more if that's what he's asking of us.
Even though we actually are struggling to get pregnant now, we don't regret using that time to pray and discern God's will because we truly do think that bigger spacing was necessary for our marriage and family - it was actually during that time that we started Surprised By Marriage! (Sorry for the novel - this topic is something I think about often!)
I am sorry for your loss.
New sub, Thank you for stating truth and quoting from the source.
Literally wish I could meet you so we could just talk about this topic in person. First off we have the same story. First pregnancy lost at 10 weeks. Came out pregnant not so long after and then when my son was 5 1/2 months came out pregnant with my daughter. So they are 14 months apart. But you've helped me a lot I've been looking into natural family planning just because I think the pregnancy were close and I should let my body rest but your right God gives me what I need. In the time i need it. These are his gifts to me!!!
breath of fresh air! thank you
I'm sorry for you loss. I know how that feels.
Having children is something so sacred. it's between God and the couple, it's their discernement. No one should judge them. There is also something called responsible parenthood, i'ts not responsible to have children and not be able to take care of them. Discernement in prayer is important. And our intelligence is also a Godgiven tool.
👏👏 THANK YOU. I cannot stand to see people continue to pop babies out when they know they have no support system, financials are barely hanging on by a thread, and both parents are having to work to make ends meat so the kids only see them early in the mornings and right before bed. Yes, sex is a gift from God and yes, it is for connection between the couple and for producing kids. However, God did not make us stupid, He gave us a brain for a reason. Some people need to learn it is perfectly fine to use it.
I was just thinking how the Bible says "children born of passion or plan".
What a refreshing take! Thank you!
It’s sad to see many couples having one or two children because they want to have the perfect life. The perfect car, the big house tons and tons of toys for those kids, fancy clothes. But in my opinion this is not the joyful peaceful life that Jesus planned for the family. People use the financial cause so that they can have the luxurious life that the world promotes while only having one or two children. But if they could spread out their money, and chose to buy simple things, they could have bigger families. I think it is sad that big families are criticized and parents are judged for having many children, but those are usually the most joyful and fulfilled families! Anyways just my thought on your mention of the financial reason :) thanks for a great video!
I feel that in the modern world, there are women who simply do not wish to go through the whole process of delivering a child after having one or two children. They just feel that it is enough and that they will not want to endure the pain again. Many modern women have lost the point that their body is indeed made by God to deliver babies. Yes it’s painful, but that’s life as a woman. Going through marriage followed by lots of sexual pleasure with their husband and getting pregnant. When the time comes, they endure the pain to get the baby out mostly through their vagina. If animals have that ability to have many babies, I think we humans are also capable of it. It’s really all about mindset and the influence from society.
To an extent I agree.
But when you start having more than 6 kids, it starts getting absurd.
I know a family that has 8 kids that they can't afford to feed, they don't even have shoes, they walk bare foot, don't go to school, none of them. Can't afford to take them to hospital for simple malaria so 2 died because of that. $40 to treat malaria and they couldn't afford that, why god didn't provide for them? They're still having more children. She has health problems and was told not to have more or else will be paralyzed and sure enough, she is paralyzed now. How is that helping the family? Now the husband died, who's gonna take care of the children? How is god helping them?
Me on the other hand sinned!!!😢 I had sterilization done when Doctors started telling me my uterus was so thin.. they could see my 3rd babies hair through it. They scared me everytime I had a c section. Eventually I got my tubes tied and now I regret it. I feel like I disobeyed and feel ashamed. I have confessed this and have been absolved. I just can’t stop feeling guilty still.
Don't live with guilt for something you cannot change. Instead of worring about things you've lost, focus on what you have and what you still can do.
It takes great courage to say that out loud. God loves you always
@@ookku5104 🙏 thank you I do and try to more everyday♥️
Thank you God bless you!♥️🙏
guilt like that after forgiveness is not from God, I will pray that you find peace!
Thank you so much for making this video!
I appreciate that you started your video stating that these are your personal choices and your person decisions as to how you handle intimacy and pregnancies and babies. I completely support any woman who makes these decisions of her own free will and doesn't force her beliefs on anyone else.
With that being said, you said that birth control pills are ultimately a medicine that is used to basically "inactivate" a healthy reproductive system in women of childbearing age (which yes, is true) and that there are countless women in the world who struggle with infertility and want nothing more than to be able to get pregnant and start a family, and that the usage of birth control pills by women who are healthy and fertile is "like a slap in the face" of these women.
My and my husband's personal decision to use birth control has absolutely NOTHING to do with other women and their inability to bear children. I'm not "slapping" anyone in the face. My heart absolutely goes out to women who are unable to get pregnant and become mothers and would do anything to achieve that. My very best friend in the world is had been struggling with this issue for several years now. So although I cannot truly relate, as I have gotten pregnant with all three of my children the month after stopping the use of BC pills. I thank God for this! But I have no obligation to feel guilty about the fact that I am fertile and can basically get pregnant with the snap of my fingers.
I just had to comment on that, because you are so obviously a very good and compassionate person; but that right there really did feel like a bit of a "scolding", very similar to when my mother would get frustrated with me as a child because I refused to finish my dinner. And she would tell me the cliché "There are starving kids in China, and I am throwing food in the trash???" Me eating my food doesn't feed hungry Chinese children any more than me not using birth control enables infertile women to get pregnant.
Hi Kenzie, somehow I think this came to me in a moment when I need some guidance.
I'm married (10 years) and have 5 kids, and pregnant with #6 but I just can't shake the feeling that me being pregnant is some kind of chastisement. I don't seem to find joy in raising my kids since #5 was born... I'm always angry or tired and to be honest haven't been taking care of myself. When I hear someone is pregnant I cringe... Somehow I'm extremely tired of being a mother. In part is because where I live the teachings of the church regarding sex and kids get totally thrown out the window.
Even in church people look at us like weirdos.
I feel like I'm drowning and don't know if I can keep this up much longer.
Some advice and your prayers (and the community's) would be very appreciated... Thank you.
Isabella, thank you for your comment ❤️ Congratulations on your baby on the way! While I may not have experienced as much as you have yet, I can definitely relate. My pregnancies were rough and having three, three and under is a lot of work. We only have four kids and I’ve gotten all kinds of comments about it even from strangers! One thing I’ve noticed is that extended family is less willing to have the kids over now that there are more of them. There’s also this notion in our culture that moms of large families aren’t allowed to be tired, need breaks, or help. It’s like unless you are handling everything gracefully and perfectly at every moment, you should avoid having more children. Or like because you choose not to use contraceptives you have to deal with having a lot on your plate and no one offers you sympathy/compassion when it’s hard. Maybe that’s where the feeling of it being a kind of chastisement comes from.
I’ve been pondering this a lot over the past year in my own life because I can relate to so much of what you mentioned feeling.
A few realizations I’ve had/things that might be helpful to try:
Write down any patterns you find with your anger. For example: I started noticing around 2-3 pretty much daily I would get to the point of anger. So to remedy that, I planned that time for my neighbor to watch the kids for a couple of hours. On days I couldn’t have her watch them, I would shift my focus to “what can I do so that I can have alone time during those hours?” I also noticed if I haven’t eaten, it makes things worse. Exercising makes the day go significantly better. So find the patterns on what is working during “good days” and what particularly triggers anger on harder ones. Writing it out and sharing with your husband can be helpful to get a less emotional perspective to truly find a solution.
Another thing is that it is okay and necessary take breaks! You need to take care of yourself in order to best take care of your children. Physically, of course but mentally too. It sounds crazy but taking up a hobby or learning a new skill even if small can make a huge difference. Even 5 minutes a day practicing calligraphy, or an instrument, a new sport, sewing, jewelry making etc. can slowly help you learn a new skill and clear your mind from all that might be on it.
I also noticed often feeling tired and like I needed a break but being a stay at home mom I didn’t understand why I was feeling this way. I realized that during my down time/resting time I would scroll on my phone. I felt relaxed but didn’t realize that just being on my phone catching up on Facebook, looking at memes, reading blog posts etc. was actually keeping my mind busy and tiring myself out. I’ve been trying to get better at being more intentional with my phone usage and that has helped get rid of my overwhelm and opened up more time to focus on taking care of myself. So if you are on a phone/computer a lot, even reading and doing good things, be aware that it can be draining.
Finding other moms of large families to connect with could be super helpful too. They can be hard to find but if you ask around (and ask God!) for some families to enter into your life, it can help a ton. I ended up getting connected with some larger families once my stepdaughter started to homeschool and their advice has always been helpful to me. Even just watching how they manage their children/family life gives me new ideas to make life go more smoothly.
(This is somewhat rhetorical) but how does your husband feel? Does he feel the same way or different? Talking to him about how you feel and working together to find solutions could help a ton! Try to figure out what things are causing the feeling of overwhelm and see what can be adjusted. It might not completely change overnight but there probably could be some adjustments made whether it be getting the older kids to assist with some more chores around the house or blocking off alone time for yourself etc. You are a team and your husband’s insight is helpful because he knows you best.
How different would our experience be if our culture was more open to life?! I think people would be more compassionate and helpful. For me, I try to remember that this is a season. I also remind myself of the need to have God-loving, kind people in the world and I know that the impact I have as a mom is significant in that way.
A few weeks ago (I have no idea why) but the thought crossed my mind that if I died my husband might remarry and someone else would be raising my kids. It was a brief thought but it gave me this feeling of heartbreak and like I haven’t been appreciating these moments the way I should. While I wouldn’t dwell on sad thoughts like that, maybe imagining a situation similar can provide a reminder of how blessed you are to be in your position. You get to be the one to be your husbands wife and take care of the kids! Instead of feeling like “ugh I have to do laundry again” or “every five seconds someone needs something from me” try replacing it with “I *get* to do laundry again.” Or “I get to be the one these kids go to when they are arguing with their brother” etc. Sometimes a slight perspective shift can make a huge difference!
Efficiency is also a word that comes to mind. With five kids and being pregnant- there is really not a ton of time to spare. You need rest and a bit of free time so for the other things it can help to find ways to be as efficient as possible with the time it takes to accomplish each task. Where can the older kids assist? What systems can be put in place to avoid excess messes to clean up or dishes from piling up? What new habits can be formed? Where am I wasting time? Questions like that- to identify where things can get better.
I find myself feeling less joy when I feel less like I have a sense of purpose. Reminding yourself of your own beliefs about motherhood and parenting can help along with talking to your husband about shared goals, values, and dreams you have as a couple and as a family.
You are an amazing mom. I can tell because you care so much that you put their needs above your own. It is important to give a higher priority to taking care of yourself regularly though. ❤️ You could make a list of all the areas you feel your own needs aren’t being met (whether it’s not getting dressed in the morning, not getting showers in as much as you’d like, not having time for any leisurely activities, etc.) and then go back down the list and write a way to fix that thing. Maybe it’s while the children are watching a tv show, I power through an brush my teeth, take a shower, get a little makeup on, and do 20 jumping jacks. Or planning time to spend with a friend weekly or alone time doing something.
Those are my thoughts-if I think of anything else I’ll try to remember to come back and let you know. I will definitely keep you in prayer and offer up my tiredness and overwhelm for yours 😊💕 There are certainly challenges but tremendous growth can happen as well! What you’re experiencing is sanctifying but you don’t always have to suffer from lack of joy and energy. I hope you can identify areas where things can be tweaked to create more peace in your life! That will definitely bring more joy.
I hope more people comment because I am curious what others would recommend too!
God Bless you and your family! I will keep you in prayer, Isabella! 💜💜💜
@@TheOvernightMom thank you Kenzie! Truly!
I will try my best to follow your advice!
Isabella, I hope you do find time for yourself too and date nights with your husband. We have 7 the oldest now 13 and when they were younger I felt the same way too, but don’t worry your not alone I know some many other mothers too that share same feeling. It’ll get better and soon the children will be grown and God willing at your bold age will be surrounded by them. Prayers for you. Pray for me too and for all mothers ♥️
PleASe READ MY comment it would be a blessing to you it might help you !
as catholic you are kind of totally right but the only thing you are definetly wrong is saying that having children is definetly God is plan ? its Not his plan he lets you deside
he lets you in your freewill to either deside if its time or not and you are tottally free to do it by the holy catholic church by using the creigton model family plan you also can go to your catholic church and ask the father Did you hear it? yes i said the father because alot of people are catholic but dont even know about it. why ? because they are not catholic enough if they were they would of use this method wich GOD created and not the shot they get in their clinic that later on end up being canser in the women......
so about the creigton model or also known as BILLING method both are kids of the same so they are a clinic where they show you how to understand when are the days of the women for fertility and also when are the days for the women that they are infertile
by getting knowledge about that you deside when to have kids ..... if you need some space you just have sex by the days you are INFERTILE and when you want kids you have sex by the days you are FERTILE .... but as iam saying you have to go to the clinic of creigton model family planing in your area so you get exactly the teching leasson of a profeccional person so you dont get anything wrong or something like that ... YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE PROFECIONAL TEACHER !!! not in youtube not in website NoT by just hearing of a friend '.... because if you do you might miss alot of important information and later on guess what??
you are pregnant! NOT because it dOESNT work ! its because you didnt go to a profecional person !
just like a condon if you dont put it right you might get pregnant so its the same with this you have to follow it exactly as they tell you .. i have 2 year using it and it has being a blessing now i have more time for my husband for my self and my children thank you GOD for creating us women. like that some days of fertility and some day of INfertility !
GOd is allmighty
So glad I found ur channel I don't agree with nfp or any of that my husband and I are pregnant with baby seven all because of my faith
Hello love your videos pray for my dear friend margaret coleman who passed away on Saturday thank you
Thank you! I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. :-( I will pray for Margaret, you and for peace for all of her friends and family during this time.
Thanks for talking about birth control. I always feel awkward when the topic comes up, as I don't feel comfortable taking it either. I guess I can just be honest about it or say it's not something I want to discuss.
Absolutely beautiful faith! Thanks be to God
Kenzie this is so helpful. I'm 3 months postpartum after a super difficult labor and delivery. I want more kids so badly but I also know my body wouldn't handle another pregnancy right now without significant damage ( since I'm already recovering from significant damage ). Which tells me it's actually good for me to avoid until I'm healthy enough to carry a baby again. The question is, how on earth do you do that while breastfeeding and possibly ovulating at any moment? It honestly seems like abstinence is the best choice. 🤔
Would like to hear how you answer this question :)
Great questions! Ok- first thought is... how do you know your body wouldn't be able to handle another pregnancy? Do you feel that way? Did your doctor tell you that? (Saying that rhetorically-just things to think about!) If you were to find out you were pregnant right now- would your doctor say, "this is going to be high-risk due to the condition of your body?" I had significant tearing with my oldest and was so sick during that pregnancy- I was scared the next baby would really take a beating on my body, especially because I was still nursing exclusively and caring for a 4 month old. The doctors were not at all concerned after my post-partum checkup though. The whole time I trusted if my body could get pregnant, my body could handle it and it turned out to be true. With my second, tearing ended up being nowhere near as bad and I only vomited for a week (instead of the entire pregnancy like I did with my oldest lol.) After my second baby, the pain of labor felt worse than my first- though but it could have been from being induced. After that, I felt like my body physically needed a longer break to heal. However, I still trust that my body will only become pregnant when my body can handle it. And so far, there has been a longer gap than there was with my first two with nothing different being done on my part. So that, to me, is where from a spiritual perspective, trusting God comes in. Of course, I don't have an actual health issue (other than being prone to having hyperemesis gravidarum-the extreme sickness in pregnancy) and It would be unwise to blindly trust if I had an actual health issue known by my doctors. Although I realize some people may consider trusting to be naiive, to me, it has been a matter of faith.) Currently, my body feels back to "normal" and I would love to have another but even in desiring another child I don't "plan" or do anything to try to make that happen. Just constant trust that if/when He wants me to have another it will happen and I don't have to plan or obsess, I just have to trust and accept what He gives me. Ok...then going on to the second point I think you hit the nail on the head with how I feel about it. I know there are a lot of people who say even with the hormonal changes with breastfeeding they can figure out which days are most fertile in using NFP. You might have to be super attentive and diligent about observing and tracking- I don't know all the details of tracking while breastfeeding but the only way to 100% ensure you wont get pregnant is through abstinence. When people say they can't risk having a child at all so they use NFP methods or even contraceptives....there is still a small degree of risk there. Especially in cases where a mother's life would be in danger- you are literally still risking it to an extent. So it is definitely a complex topic and I think that's why we have freedom to discern. Anyway, in the circumstance you described, I would think to myself, "If I were to get pregnant today and I called my doctors to let them know- would they say this is concerning because I am not healed or healthy enough yet?" If they would probably say, "no big deal" then I would not go out of my way to prevent or try for another. Just live life and if it happens, joy! However, if the doctors say, "You really shouldn't get pregnant for a year because of how your body hasn't healed yet" in that case, I would say abstaining totally until you're at a point where you are confident about determining when you are ovulating while breastfeeding would be the best way to ensure you wouldn't get pregnant. If there is a specific health need, I would write down a specific time that you need to wait or avoid. That way it keeps you from falling into the trap of perpetually abstaining or avoiding out of comfort or fear. Just my thoughts on it though!!
Everyone knows in their heart that NFP for the purpose of preventing children is sinful.
Thank you so much for sharing this. ❤️
I watched this video twice, the first time, I was sort of disagreeing with you and kind of in unbelief because of how normalized NFP has been. Recently, it has been brought up again and I read how it can be abused and used with a "contraceptive mindset" and it made me really think. Then, I watched your video again and you're actually right. I'm open to more kids myself even if it means having less time for myself. I think the sacrifice now will be paid off when you see your kids grow up.
Great video. God bless you!!
Well said. Me too trying to live my life open to Gods will in all things. Maybe to encourage other. We have 7 children all delivered by c-section. By the grace of God I’m open to whatever is Gods will. They’re about 2years I think because I breast feeding for a year then right after I get pregnant. The youngest just turned 1 so we’ll see. But agree with what you’ve said.
You can speak from experience. But this woman can not. She has no clue.
You are perfect example for a christian women should be.
I do plan
.
I also have these same thoughts on the topic, however I believe trusting in God is not easy for everyone at that level. And at the end, if God wants you to conceive a baby, I believe you will not be able to stop Him, doesn’t matter how selfish you are. Gods plans always take place. Still I believe it’s important to take care of your body, your temple and maybe this can’t be achieved by using hormones...I finish with this verse «“I have the right to do anything,” you say-but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”-but not everything is constructive.»
1 Corinthians 10:23 NIV
Greetings to everyone! Remember God is in control ! And Jesus already payed for our sins, we just keep trying to follow up his steps but don’t be to hard on yourself!
But what if ya like 30 lbs overweight? Should I wait til I’m healthier?
Maybe you should ask a doctor and use NFP if necessary.
@@Jessi-catholique I agree- ask your doctor for guidance!
Concerning the older husband who's children are grown. His wife might have hormonal issues. Natural hormone therapy might make a huge difference for her.
I just recently got married and I have been going back and forth with my husband about whether we will be open to life immediately when I begin ovulating. I really desire children and lots of them. My husband is hesitant because he believes we are not financially stable enough to begin a family yet. I don’t know what to do. Do you have advice ?
Thank you for sharing :)
You're welcome....and thank you for your kind comment! :-)
5 kids was enough, after 10yrs of raising kids and me as the bread winner and working 6-7 days a week for years at time , never taking real vacation's or trips - couldn't afford it - and the kids really didn't have a lot of family experiences and if we would of had less kid we maybe could of been able to put forward few more things for them .
Wife raised kids and me working day in and day out ( we didn't feel it was the governments responsibility raise them ) took its toll on or marriage , after the kids where old enough and left the house we didn't know who we were anymore as a couple our marriage making up most our identity was all about kids , we had become strangers in our marriage .
We couldn't remember who we / I and whether I liked this person anymore?
And here another question, do you want to work till your 80 or 90?
We had dreams to travel earlier in our marriage , shoulda, woulda, coulda - done it early in our marriage when we were young enough to do things we wanted and enjoy ,but I don't think that's going to happen now.
Believe me its later then you think!
I’m sorry you feel that way!! It is actually very common. Prioritizing marriage while raising children is so important! Your situation (based on your comment) seems to me more marriage and job related and less about the number of children. I would look on UA-cam for some motivational business and mindset videos! They have been so helpful for myself and my husband to be more goal oriented now instead of having expecting our goals and dreams to suddenly happen when we are older! You and your wife sound like very devoted, loving parents. Praying for your family! 😊
@@TheOvernightMom what's the point of life if you don't have some dream or goal down the road?
Unfortunately when we were raising kids you got three in the house and (all of a sudden you got another one on the way),there was no UA-cam no internet no practical advice other than what you might find in a book. And unfortunately I didn't have time or care at that point to read What worked for somebody else - walk a mile in my shoes - ,When you living from hand to mouth and trying to keep a roof over your head and the wolves at bay.
I just wish that we done a few more things before kids , we always had a love of travel Early in our marriage both of us . Now that we're older my wife has lost that, but I still do! I guess do I give up those dreams or do I just do them on my own now?
Maybe somebody can take this as a cautionary tale that has the spirit we had early in our marriage.
When your marriage becomes all about the kids these things can happen .
As much as you try to make it about the two of you, ( intentional goal setting - The best best laid plans of mice and men) 90% of the marriage will always be about the kids .
Just try doing something together without the kids and not talking about them or thinking about them.
Sorry this came off so negative
Good luck!
@@sitka49 the marriage is priority! The kids never come first. God first, then your spouse, and then your kids. You sound very resentful. It’s not too late to enjoy your life with your wife now and take trips and travel. You can make your life and your marriage whatever you desire. You make raising kids and marriage sound horrible. I had a baby at 19 and didn’t have my college years or anything and worked full time on night shift then had two more kids, and now I’m expecting number 7! I have never been happier than to not be working now and actually enjoying my kids at home. I know many couples who travel and have no children to take into eternity because it’s all about them. Quit whining and take your wife on a vacation. The role of the husband is to literally lay down his life for the family . He is to be a Christ for his family. If your kids are grown, reinvent your marriage with your wife and enjoy the rest of your days on this earth. You’ve been blessed and it’s all about how you view what God has given you that others would die to have.
@@creedy8612 You're right and marriage is a priority , But answer me this how often do you and your husband ever really get out to do anything without kids ,take a trip, or even go out for a walk, or they come up in almost every conversation ?
(Or is it ? "One of the babies is not crying we got 5 seconds hurry up and have sex?) As much as you'd like to think otherwise they are the priority now especially at that age.
I worked as a contract welder for two construction companies I traveled (I love the traveling part of it) all the time I was gone on the average three weeks sometimes up to three and a half months was the longest I did that once and I told him I'd never do it again, I'd have stretches mostly in the winter months where I was off so I did have time with the family.
I got out of it after the fifth child because my wife developed toxemia during the pregnancy so I had to reduce my hours which cut my pay if I don't work I don't I don't get paid, I had no benefits through my job being my own contractor (I was trying to build a business but obviously didn't work out) I had to pay for my own health insurance And I did have some unemployment insurance But it really didn't cover the bills, and it almost bankrupt us , then I took a job in a manufacturing company with a lot less pay but at least I had benefits ,But on the other hand I hated the job .
And after we had our fifth child, we were highly advised not to have any more kids because of possibility of having high risk pregnancies, And her being with irregular periods It was difficult to track using NFP with her cycle (That's why The last three kids weren't planned) It was kind of like do we quit having sex for the next 30 years or do we have to do something permanent?
And people change My wife's no longer interested in travel anymore she's got her things to do at home and that's what makes her happy,
I guess if I want to travel I may have to go it on my own?
My point being would the quality of life for everybody in the family be better without having bunch of kids?
I mean you don't need 10 kids anymore to help milk cows on the farm or help run the family business?
And congratulations on your upcoming birth.🕯️
@@sitka49 I’m not sure where you get your opinion of big families. I’m from a family of 10 and we weren’t brought into this world to do “work” for my parents. We were brought up in a loving household. Of course when children are small they take a lot of priority and time, that’s not a question. I hate the term quality of life, because it’s basically coming back to how “you “ don’t want burden and how things would be easier on “you”. I think your perspective on the gifts you have received needs to change. You don’t have to take my advice just a perspective from the outside. Children are small for only a period of time and then they are grown . Prioritizing time with your spouse is key. It won’t always be this way but a season of life. My husband and I take time every evening after all kids go to bed . Early bed, not letting them stay up into our time. We also have made time to travel and arrange that. We both understand that in this season of life we are parents and the children do need us, but if we are not strong first the home crumbles. Marriage is a daily self sacrifice. If I didn’t have my Catholic faith I would view my life and marriage as something like a burden or children the same way which I think most of society does now too. My only purpose in life is to lead my children and my husband to heaven. Through self sacrifice daily. This doesn’t mean it isn’t hard, or that I want me time, but it is about perspective. It’s like with working out.‘I did bodybuilding, while working full time night shifts for 12 hours, and took care of home. It can be done but it’s about priority. But I also think parents need to be careful about how they speak about their kids online and how that could look. Your children are a gift from God. Not everyone has that gift and I know plenty of people who would give up their time, money, and comfortable lifestyles and trips just to have one child. God told man and woman to be fruitful and multiple. God said it, remember that. Accept the gifts he’s given to you and look at life through a different view. I would keep offering a trip to your wife and if she doesn’t want to go that doesn’t mean you don’t do some traveling .
Great video. Courageous.
I think you should have this conversation when you have 5 children and face real challenges. God bless.
Out of curiosity- why the number 5? And what do you consider to be a “real” challenge?
What a great mindset! That’s what I’m going to do! If you love yourself and your spouse, you should want to bring more of yourselves into the world!
Thanks Phil! So true!! It's fun seeing your spouse and yourself in your child's appearance and mannerisms. Being open to life has it's challenges but the joy far outweighs it all!
The Overnight Mom 😃
God bless you sister
Definitely agree with you ❤️
Excellent video
So according to your perspective on NFP and your faith, the amount of times someone should have intercourse in their entire lifetime with their spouse should be exactly equal to the amount of children they have together (if God grants his gift each time) ?
lol. your comment would only make sense if it worked like that. at all.
Haha, no. Please understand when a woman is actually fertile. It's not that large of a window.
I don't think it is humanly possible to get pregnant that often. It isn't about having as many children as possible- it is about always being open to the children God gives you. I hope that makes sense!
Hey, what is your recommendation for someone who is in a situation where the wife is the bread winner. I am in my first year out of school and right now and the next 3-4 years I am the only income for the home while my husband is finishing school. My primary worry is that if wouldn’t be good for the child being in daycare and there is no way at the moment that a child wouldn’t be in daycare.
Hi Shelby! I would talk to your husband or trusted spiritual advisor who may have greater insight on your unique situation! Based on what I know just by your comment though, what comes to mind is that morally, being in daycare is not a sin so I don't know if that would be reason alone to avoid. My personal opinion, since you asked :-) is that your husband should consider evaluating whether or not finishing school is worth putting you in the position of being the sole provider of income. If you were in a situation, like I am in my pregnancies where I get extremely sick, it would be impossible for you to provide financially. But I know many other women who are pregnant, have no issues working, take maternity leave, and get right back to it! So it could work out just fine! I would wonder though why working while taking classes is not an option for him. I know doing both is not most ideal, and I don't know what he career he is aiming for where schooling is absolutely necessary, but I don't think the burden of finances should fall solely on you in the name of higher education. (I know everyone views schooling differently though!) Those are just the thoughts that come to mind of the top of my head! Praying for peace and for your family! May the Lord will give you clarity for your decisions 😊
God bless you!!
You should still track your fertility
Studies show that children form secure attachment by 3 years old so how much can a mother connect with a baby when there is another one? I know it’s not one size fits all. I’m sure a nurturing stay at home mother could balance and be able to be there for both children.
Marie Grace
I think that a more accurate study would be to look at whether or not children are able to grow into mentally healthy individuals when parents have them close together. This study does not seem to answer this question, so it’s not really helpful. But out of curiosity, what are some factors that affect a child’s ability to form secure attachment?
Because to me it seems that most children are not even being raised in the home nor by their parents anyways.
Women have been having babies for centuries that didnt include them being exactly 3 years apart. I've had 4 kids back to back and not one single one of them has been neglected the only thing that is lacking is my free time but thats just fine with me.
Thank you 🙏
Good bless you
Good stuff
Birth control is so sinful . I love babies 😍😍.
Mothers should stay at home
Wow thank you so much for this video !
I currently have two kids a 3 yr old and a an almost 5 month old and I haven’t really been intimate with my husband because I’m afraid I’ll get pregnant since I heard the ideal time to have another baby is after baby is 18 months old . I feel like that’s me being selfish ? And I’m having trouble discerning Gods will in this .
I totally understand this! The way you feel is not selfish- it is natural to feel that way. Pregnancy takes a huge toll on your body and life with multiple small children is not always smooth sailing! I think it comes down to genuinely pouring out your heart in prayer. Share your fears/worries with God. Let Him know, you are always willing to be open to His will, and open to raising the children He gives you. Ask for courage, strength and good health. This is an opportunity to deepen your spiritual life and trust in God. Pray for and with your husband. Even share your hesitation with your husband if you haven't already. Your husband's spiritual leadership and guidance are needed in this situation. You are not alone- you and your husband are on a team and the Lord will always provide for you- whether it be financially, health-wise, extra hands to help with the littles etc. Jesus, we trust in You! Praying for peace and for you and your family!!
@@TheOvernightMom wow this really helps ! Thank you sooo much for taking the time to reply . God Bless You!
@@TheOvernightMom pregnancy should not take a huge toil on one's body.
This girl says she doesn't judge then proceeds to judge lol this girl lives in her own world
It's so important to make your own decisions to have children or not. Don't let a "religion" make that decision for you.
It's a known fact that some religions, including Catholic, want you to have many kids. The reason is because it literally makes that religion larger. Mormons also do this too.
Then the angel Raphael, said to him: Hear me and I will show thee who they are, over whom the devil can prevail. For they who in such manner receive matrimony, as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and mule, which have not understanding, over them the devil hath power. Tobias6:16-17 And when the third night is past, thou shall take the virgin with the fear of the Lord, moved rather for love of children than for lust, that in the seed of Abraham thou mayst obtain a blessing in children. Tobias6:22 most just want to satisfy their own lust and their fear is having a child, what happened? that most don't believe in being a virgin, and getting married, most tell God what they want to do, instead of listening to our Creator, tell me who knows better you or GOD?