Can we talk about how a woman who defends herself from an abusive partner is more likely to go to jail and for longer periods than a man who kills his spouse in an abusive rage.
We're going to call it a wash since women get to fly under the radar for abusing their partners at a rate equal to male abusers, but being reported and convicted at much lower rates. Or the fact that we just ignore the massive rates at which women sexually victimize children. What's scary is hearing things like, "-the 2010 survey showed comparable results estimating that nearly 4.5 million men in the US had, at some stage in their lives, been forced to penetrate another person - and that in 79.2 percent of cases, the perpetrator forcing the sexual act was a woman." As long as all of these other inequalities are allowed to stand, I'm fine with these ladies spending a few extra years behind bars.
Ashley Nieto no we aren’t you pro violence ass. Violence is wrong period. Your claim men should be able to kill their partners at will is sadistic and evil! Dangers ideas like your that domestic violence is ok because blah blah are both disturbing and sadly not rare. That’s why it’s important for sane people to not avoid jury duty because why they do sociopaths like you end up on juries.
When you try and leave, the perpertr starts threatening the victims family 👍 I could not be near my family and I had to go to refugee 👍 to protect my family 👍 I felt like I was a prisoner with no visit from my family 👍 all alone feeling like I was getting punished ✔️
“She could’ve taken her children, run away, and disappeared” except the husband is literally reported as saying “you can’t leave because wherever you go I will find you”
@@fidgetssailing4725 now a days, the law cannot just ignore domestic abuse. The property police also have body video to record evidence, so the abuser cannot blame the victim or put fear on to the victim to withdraw charges. There are also shelters to house abused women + kids.
Back then women and children were owned by their husbands or fathers, the women and children had zero rights, which meant that she had no legal right to the kids and could be charged with kidnapping, arrested and dragged back to be beaten or even murdered by her husband. There were no other options
"Just leave" people make me so angry, like do you think men evaporate when you break up with them? He'll come after her! if a woman's partner hurts her for making him mad what the heck is he going to do if she tries to leave him???
I was very scared of what he would do if I left. I also have 2 children by him, and was scared what he would do to them. Idk why I didn’t left, I was paralyzed, couldn’t even think!. Thank the Lord he was the one that left me for a much younger woman , years later I realized I was one of the few lucky ones.
Yeah, tell that to the victim who is being financially exploited, too. They go hand in hand along with alienating you from family & friends and ALL resources. Here's a sad sobering fact. In the USA the two most physically dangerous times, for a woman, are when she is pregnant and when she is leaving. Some people can be so stupid, it's sickening.
When he says “her life wasn’t in danger at that moment”- that is false. Her life was always in danger, 24/7. Because the beating could happen at any moment.
It's such a rough life when you know that a look, a word, an action will get you beat. What they don't know is the beater enjoys beating. There never has to be a reason. They will get beat when the abuser feels like it.
@@donnageorge6506 I think you have seen this situation before. It happens in all countries and all peoples. Yes, it is sad. Used to be 100 years ago that you could beat your wife or child any time, any where.
@Cherry_Bomb right, he literally admitted to men not being jailed for misdemeanors. They wouldn't do anything unless he got caught red-handed. Yet he threatened to kill her in front of the officers and they still did nothing. What exactly was she supposed to do other than make an opening to escape him? It's not like she killed him, and then disappeared. She went to the police station and confessed. We really need to get men like him out of positions of power. As someone who works in the justice system he sees first hand how it fails people over and over again and he does nothing to help. Instead he punishes them more.
The fact that she did it while he was sleeping is probably because it was her only chance at getting out. Had he been awake, he would have overpowered her. It was her only chance.
Yes. So many people don't understand, that, not only was that the safest option for her, but it might have been the only option. I think a lot of people (especially women or kids) would be too terrified to fight back if the guy was awake. Abusers who are awake, tend to fight back, and over power you, and it would make him so incredibly mad, that there's a good chance she would be killed.
ikr your guy saying that "she had to punish him" made me so angry. She clearly did it because she KNEW he was going to come after her. It was the only way to fully get away.
She probably couldn’t even get money to leave considering this happened only 4 years after Congress made it possible for women to open their own bank accounts and lines of credit without needing a husband’s signature
Good point. Also, that debilitating mental fog, blank stares, the inability to process a thought or accomplish anything truly productive or function like a normal adult (or anything outside the realm of be a professional daydreamer) isn't exactly attainable (IMHO). Personally, it doesn't matter how determined, focused or organized I am with each new day. The second he unleashes his next unprovoked episode; I become a worthless window licker. I turn into a blank, crippled vagabond; consumed with hopelessness + defeat while frozen (not preserved) in a sort of relentless, fear filled stupor. Reckless, irresponsible, (disheartening), deteriorating sense of accomplishment. Diminished Aspirations. SubPar Expectations (for myself & those around me). I've "Lowered the Bar," so to speak. Abuse leads to a rapid decline, deteriorating quality of life, worthiness. I've graduated from being fiercely independent, proud, to essentially unable to even care for myself. I try to convince myself I must have some purpose - even if it's as simple as intruding onto others with a kind, compassionate personality & a warm, loving (approachable) disposition. I try believing that's good enough. That my daily goal is to make sure anyone I cross paths with will believe, know they're valuable, worthy. I never want anyone to experience feelings of defeat, sadness, or the panoramic realization that they've settled for a miserable existence that's monopolized by overwhelming pain & suffering. (Maybe my mind just creates weird checks & balances to distract from reality, help fill voids?). None the less... escape plan's look much easier on TV than they are in real life. Think of the movie: "Enough," Jennifer Lopez. •If only•
When I was trying to leave the first time, my ex had a friend at the bank that illegally took my name off of everything. I literally had nothing but a car that he controlled. It took me 5 more years to try again. I pushed back against him and he called the police. I was taken away in cuffs. When the arresting officer got me in the car the first thing he asked me was if I had any bruises that he couldn’t see - I was covered. He took me to a woman’s shelter and helped me get my daughter out of the house. My ex was charged, but nothing came of the charges. I will say though that I never went back home.
Why is it if you are held captive and tortured by a “ stranger” it’s heroic to kill and escape? But if you are married to someone that torture and terrorise you, it’s okay? And you are a murderer if you kill to be free.
Or in Florida when Michael Drejka was originally let go free by tge sheriff who said he was standing his ground when he shot and killed Markeis in cold blood.
Apparently they think because people are either in a relationship or married to the abuser.. that you have free will to walk away... But in some cases you can't just walk away... And some people can't seem to understand that..
@@PrettyPatrick I have to say I didn't fully understand it either until it happened to a friend. She had no place to go with her two babies. He had the house, her name not on it, married, yet he had all the money and power so no way would she be able to get established after the mental abuse. She would have lost her kids. I know some people have family support or like my mom just left and left us kids at home alone all day while she worked but that was years ago when child services wasn't called out for littles left without supervision.
"She could have taken the kids and disappeared" Totally out of touch statement. She would have to go in hiding as very abusive husband would probably try to find and kill her.
It is big country and it was an age without the internet or tech; one can easily disappear. But she was indoctrinated to the point she believed she could not. Further she is a housewife without a full college education, it would be financially difficult to disappear.
@Shelley Fitch to be real, there are SO few shelters and the living situation in them makes it very difficult to really move on. Especially if youve been dependent on an abusive spouses income. Leaving an abuser is as dangerous as staying. My heart goes out to anyone who is stuck in an abusive relationship. 💔
He says if somebody needs help, there’s help, but I really don’t know were help is. I called numbers I see at internet, I called police, I came into a hospital struggling with was going on and they called police to me because I said: I want to die! They called police to me and not to him! Doctors talked to me, saw what I was through and than just send me back home...
I lost a friend to domestic violence. She was shot in the face when she tried to break up with her boyfriend. It's completely insensitive and out of touch to insist that women can simply leave an abusive relationship.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And yes, this is an incredibly important point. A woman is not safe simply because she leaves if the abuser is still alive, quite the opposite. And Francine had kids. If she left with them that would basically guarantee that she would lose custody in a divorce.
Unfortunately, a lot of severely abused women are still being jailed when they've finally retaliated. It's not something you can just walk away from. My heart goes out to all the brave women who're now in prison for trying to defend themselves
It pisses me off that that one old fart is like “oh if you need help there’s help”. It’s not that simple. My mom had to hide money in the ceiling until she could run away from her first husband because she needed enough to get her and her two terminally ill kids out of the state since he had promised to hunt her down and kill her if she ever left. And guess what? When she finally ran he tried to do exactly that. I have heard someone say in the VERY recent past that abused women are “their own common denominator”. We are not even close to where we should be when it comes to supporting battered women. Shame on you.
Rebekah Lee I agree sweetheart. I have a lump in my throat right now reading your story. The system let me down as well. We are individuals. We don’t fit into a mold. We’re strong and successful. The police were horrible to me. There’s not enough help. The “help” requires that you give up everything. That’s the system. GOD BLESS your mother and you for being so strong. ❤️❤️❤️
Agree! Strong agree! The control, isolation, brain washing, etc etc etc, the things this men said are so infuriating and ignorant! Honestly they are statements made from the privilege of not being and abused partner or child of an abuser. I'm so sorry for what you and your loved ones went through! Keep speaking up, your voice matters, your experience is valid and valuable. ❤️❤️❤️
arielkmusic Thank you so much for that comment. You are so right. There was another discussion on UA-cam regarding a now infamous horrifically abused lady whom was featured Oprah. The comments were like “I can tell if he’s a bad man”. ‘It’ll never happen to me ‘ “I’m too strong for that” Even blaming and shaming us. One lady inferred to me in my comments that I repressed something in my childhood so therefore that’s why I was a victim of domestic violence!!!!! I had a wonderful childhood. When did we get to the point when women do not stand up for each other? God Bless You Sweetheart. ❤️
And even if he didn't. If he decided to never even look for her, she wouldn't know or believe that. Can you IMAGINE the fear she would live with. Constantly looking over her shoulder. Afraid for herself and her children. Just terrified that he would show up with a 🔪 or a pew-pew, or, hell, even his bare hands... and unalive her! 😱
Her story saved my life. I was being abused and police would do nothing unless I was divorced. The notoriety of this case and the community compassion that followed helped me find a very kind lawyer who helped me get away. I am so grateful for every body's help to this day.
Disappeared to where? She’s going to have to get a job..a divorce. This isn’t a Tom Clancy novel. She has the kids..she’ll have to file taxes..she’s married. That guy is a moron. Why should she have to run and hide like a rat because someone is committing assault and attempted murder?
Cm O True. It is very hard to hide, and particularly these days when he can track her on her mobile, or through social media. Hiding means hiding from not just from him, but almost cutting herself off from family and friends
She could’ve disappeared? If they were ever found, odds are the kids would have been sent back to their dad and she’d be in jail for kidnapping. Imagine how dangerous that would’ve been, sending kids back to a man who would likely harm them just to hurt her.
Worse. She AND the kids would be sent back to the husband. She would have been killed. Maybe the dad goes to jail. Maybe. And I'd like to know where the prosecutor thought she was going to go. Back in the day, family usually sent you back telling you to work things out. Better to risk death than to shame the family with divorce.
It's also why I don't blame Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Her mother was her abuser it was her only way out. The system failed her too, she was a legal adult and no one figured out what her mother was doing keeping her hostage. She needs help not incarceration.
I totally agree! I saw footage of a visitation with her dad and his wife and she seems so much happier. You know it was bad because now she is thriving, even in prison!
See that attitude the DA has is exactly what kept this type behavior of abusive men an on going issue! She could have taken the kids and disappeared!! What ??????? So should the victim uproot herself and 4 small children because that man could not be stopped from his criminal behavior an entire police department wouldn't stop him but the DA expects this woman to solve the problem!! She did and it costed the Abuser his life!
The fact that the guy is saying there was no excuse and she could have taken what little she had.... Uhhhh are you hearing yourself... Poor woman had nothing! She had kids to feed. She did not have any support, no money, no skills... What was she supposed to do? The kids and her were going to go where? Under a bridge.. Give me a break.. He is thinking the husband was the victim. Ugh!
It is so scary and upsetting to know that the people that are supposed to be protecting us everyday from this type of violence think this way! It is because of people like him that she and many other women who are victims of domestic violence are eventually forced to resort to self defence of this kind, because he isn't doing his job!! He is defending and sympathising with the wrong person in this situation!!! Aarrghhh makes me ssssoooo mad!!!!
The guy that said she could have just left with the kids does NOT understand what it's like to be in an abusive relationship, especially as a woman in 1977
Interesting to note: the prosecutor indicates he will not allow someone to "take the law into their hands...Become judge, jury and executioner...and take another life." Yet abusive males are allowed to beat, sexually abuse, rape and sometimes murder, women and children in their families and a blind eye is turned. Sure am glad that the tables are turning and men are starting to face the music. Been a long, slow process. All serious domestic violence assaults should be treated as attempted murder. That would change things up a lot.
I live in Maine and our law for domestic violence is 1 hand strangling is assault and 2 hands is attempted murder. That technicality is why my father's free and still abusing women. Your right it should be attempted murder if it's serious. If someone can in anger prevent air, one of the things we need to live, from going into a body that's clearly an attempt on the victims life plain and simple
And why is it even an issue? If it was two guys and one attacked him while the other pulled out a gun and shot him, there would be no one who didn’t side with the shooter.
That's why Men's Rights Activists get on my last nerve. Yes, women can be abusive and yes men can be abused. That being said, the reason men always say "well why didn't she just leave?" is because men (unless they are literally little boys abused by their mother which is horrific) they CAN leave. They have ALWAYS been empowered to leave - by law, by finance, hell even by running away to the military if they were too poor to afford it on their own. Men do not get pregnant, they can walk away from children (until about 25 years ago with little consequence unless they were wealthy enough for it to matter to their public image/career so they paid alimony and child support, but working class men, even some middle class men skipped out on child support for DECADES). That's why I sit on the fence about trans rights activism - yes they deserve protection and rights but ffs you were not born a woman and you have no clue what that actually entails - I mean, I'm not THAT old, I'm an 80s baby and I'm old enough to remember when it was hard to get a divorce, when women couldn't get dads to pay their kids child support, it wasn't even that long ago. If I was 70 or 80 saying these things oh well, but this in the past 30-40 years.
@@brettboulette5106 You can't do that unless you're under the threat of imminent harm (like your life is at stake). It has to be a case of self defense. That burning bed thing is a difficult defense.
The DA still doesn’t get it. That was a case of self-defense. The failure of police to protect her when they knew what was happening created a life or death situation requiring her to kill her husband. She probably saved the kids’ lives that day too.
Someone said it beautifully elsewhere in the comments; if someone you barely knew strangled you in your own home and you killed them, it would be self defense. But if it’s your husband strangling you it’s first degree pre mediated murder?? Just say you hate women and go! It’s not hard to see their clear biases! The DA is hideously biased.
No she just wanted him to go away...why didn't he just leave if she was so horrible that he had to beat her up all they time. He should have left and found a better woman who is perfect and he doesn't have to abuse her
To the guy saying she should've just packed up and left... that is just plain ignorant. With what money? To where? And who's to say he wouldn't use the law to continue to abuse her through means such as a custody battle. And anyone who has ever read anything about domestic violence knows that it does not just stop when someone leaves. Abusers as bad as him will do everything to track down and continuously abuse their partner and kids. There are so many cases of abusers murdering their victims during the abuse AND after. A few cases from Australia from not that long ago! A woman and her family finally escaped many years of truly horrific abuse. He was not thrown in jail. He was granted visitations despite threatening to kill her to his freaking kids every visit and them being terrified of him! He tracked her down, and then brutally murdered her (pretty sure he stabbed her dozens of times) in front of their daughter, in a public convention! In another case here another abusive father was allowed visitation with his son and murdered him in public. In a case from either this year or last year, a man killed his ENTIRE family and put them in a car and burned all their bodies. And this is Australia! These crimes didn't involve guns! We have better welfare and support and it is still woefully bad. So I can bet it is a HELL of a lot worse for women in America! Not long after this case, Judith Barsi died in the US at like 10. She was an extremely sweet and talented child actress who played Ducky in the Land Before Time and was a main voice actor All Dogs Go to Heaven, as well as a bunch of other roles. Seriously, imagine if Drew Barrymore got murdered as a little kid. It's that freaking awful. Judith was abused for years by her father. Not even her status as a successful child actress and powerful figures in the industry realising she was abused, could save her. When her mother finally tried to leave with Judith, the father shot them both. Then he burned their bodies. And then killed himself. As extreme as her actions were, I can see exactly where she was coming from. She should not be punished for the failings of society to protect her.
Amazing that if someone enters your house and starts strangling you and you kill them, its ok, it was self-defence but if your partner is strangling you and you kill them, its murder. So wrong that she did 15 years just because it was her boyfriend.
Hearing these men, over and over saying, "Oh they could have left at any time! They didn't have to do that, she was just punishing him." That is why violence against women continues in this nation. Rule #1 of abuse is isolating the victim. #2 is beating them down emotionally and mentally. #3 Is making sure your victim knows, you will KILL them if they ever try to leave. #4 You follow through with that threat. How many times have we heard "She was brutally murdered by her ex husband/ ex boyfriend." And these misogynists have the audacity to paint these women as monsters and their abusers as innocent men.
That guy at 15:48 basically exemplifies a huge part of the problem. Why didn't she just leave? Why wasn't the abuse brought up at trial? Because the shame and fear from that abuse stopped her from doing so!
My grandmother killed my grandfather in self-defense in 1963. He had been drinking and became horribly violent. He told her he was going to kill her and she believed him. She said she wasn't trying to kill him but....it happened. The bullet nicked his heart. She was not prosecuted thank goodness. She went on to raise 9 children on her own. She's one of the strongest women I know and after that she never got into another abusive relationship. She turned 90 years old this year. ♥
I am a domestic violence survivor! I now have PTSD which has resulted in now having severe anxiety and depression. I also suffered a TBI(traumatic brain injury) and have issues with memory, speech, as well as other things. I left him which resulted in him breaking into my new place months later and holding me hostage. If u google Christopher Woodson Fayetteville u can see my case. Dont ever ask a woman why she didnt just leave. I left but I never left in his mind. I was hunted. U dont truly understand untill it happens to u.
That prosecutor has NO concept of what an abused person's life is like. The police virtually gave this guy their permission to murder her. She was not going to get any protection and he was not going to let her go. She did what she did because she didn't want to die at his hands. The only way to ensure that was to stop those hands.
From a legal point-of-view, it's insane that she was charged with first-degree murder. This was a clear case of self-defense, acting against a terroristic threat in self-preservation.
My grandma was abused in the 60s or 70s by husband and he was going to murder her when she mentioned divorce, but she was prepared for this. Shot him in self defense. Luckily, the local police knew by that point because she filled several complaints of abuse and only when she killed him, did they ever "help"
Oh my gosh. That one guy needs to stop. “She can’t take the law into her hands.” But the law did nothing to protect her. “She could have taken what little she had and left.” But she was forced to be uneducated and be dependent on her 13 year abuser who promised he would find her and kill her. “She wanted to punish him.” ...... and?? “She had exchanged some letters with another man.” Are you surprised that a woman who has been beaten and given no love would want to feel love and seek love? 🤦🏻♀️
I know people tired of hearing this but its the truth...she a black woman everyone talk about justice for black men...but black women catch the sane hell as black men plus we catch hell in our own homes from our own men and no one has sympathy for us.
I find it kind of astounding how Francine, who while in the right to do what she did, definitely had a level of premeditation to her action and was still aquitted, but years later in a supposedly more just society, Thomia was charged for what she did when her abuser was actively assaulting her when she stabbed him. I wonder what differences there were between them, maybe something clear and very obvious. Some would say the difference is black and white in terms of clarity...?
She set him on fire before she left because he said that he would find here wherever she went. He had said he would kill her and she believed that he would come after her and kill her.
I love how that guy said that the only reason why she went back to kill him was "just because she wanted to punish him". Except that he had already told her that there was nowhere she could go where he couldn't find her. She didn't want to punish him - she wanted to keep him from following her.
Interesting seeing how comfortable a man can sit there stating that a woman who has been abused and also let down by the police again and again should have just ‘disappeared’.
My mother is my hero. My father was very abusive, mentally to my mother and physically to myself. When I was 14 a situation escalated and he threatened to kill me. The day after mom picked me up from school and we went to a shelter for a year until she got a new home for us. She saved us both and made a new start. I'm forever grateful and proud of her. Miss you so much mom 😭
So, it took one woman to "get away with it" for police to take the plight of victims of domestic violence seriously. It sounds like the prosecutor who said "no one wanted another Francine" is saying that he didn't want another victim to kill her abuser and remain free to raise children in peace and taking time to heal. Not even while doing the right thing can they come across as empathetic or thinking about the person who isn't like them.
"I refuse to accept the taking of the law into one's own hands" well when the law doesn't fucking help, maybe you should rethink the law. Like, automatically, one should NOT attack innocent people, but he was not innocent. He would kill her eventually, and she took the opportunity to save herself
I would say, instead, that the police took the law into their own hands when they did nothing about a clear pattern of ongoing assault and battery that they full well knew about. They failed to do their jobs and prevented her from being able to pursue the matter legally.
I was abused for years by a boyfriend. Slapped, choked, burned with cigarettes, shoved through shower glass doors, dragged by my hair, forced to have sex, had lamps, plates and coffee mugs smashed over my head. This doesn't even begin to describe the mental, emotional and verbal abuse I endured. I finally, by the grace of God, I found the courage to run away. Its been almost seven years. Its been the greatest seven years of my life. Don't ever mock a woman (or a man) going through this hell. Unless you've been there, you don't know what you're talking about.
@@badparentingistheworldsbig3142 please forgive me..I do not understand why someone would stay...anyone EVER LAY A HAND ON ME ONCE. and that is it..that person is sick Not going to change..cannot fix it..must flee for good. Emotionally Mature people solve problems..do not act out Toddlers do that Ladies ONCE. And good bye Do mot even listen to apologies and promises of reform ..only the repentance & conviction and mercies and grace of God can fix and save Him or het as there are abuse cases of a woman being the abuser too. think of Jody Arias ..
@@estelleschneider9033 a lot of the people who end up in abusive relationships came from abusive parents. It's like our red flag-ometer is faulty and only starts working after they've started small chipped away at you some.
How does the prosecutor say "she could have taken what little she had and left" about a man who freely said in front of the police that he would kill her when the police left??.. this prosecutor is part of the problem.
The opinions of some of the men in this doc are infuriating. "She only left him once." "She could have just left." "She killed him as punishment." Being in an abusive relationship warps your thinking. If you're told enough times that there's nowhere you can go, nowhere you can hide where he won't find you, you start to believe it. These people have no idea what it's like to be in an abusive relationship or how hard it can be to leave. I've never been in an abusive relationship but I try to put myself in their shoes.
Sara if you've never been abused how can you call someone ignorant. During the time the abuse started there were no shelters for her to escape to. So think about that dumbass before you state what she should have done 😡!
@@tammygamble8313 I think you agreed with Sara while misunderstanding her. It reads to me like Sara was calling the person in the video, who said what she quoted, as ignorant. Probably much for the reasons you express.
The man at the beginning says he doesn't support the taking of the law into ones own hands. But if the people who are supposed to enforce the law will not and you can not, then where do you find justice through the law?
Cops didn't honestly care. I was in an abusive relationship, my first 'real' relationship, from 1978/80. My boyfriend was great, for the first year...then it started to go downhill. It was a cycle, I'd do something 'wrong', and then get smacked around. My family lived 15 min away, but there were times I couldn't go home. The only reason I got away from him, was we were both arrested for weed, and he tried to blame everything on me; it was MY weed, in HIS car and in HIS pockets. My parents bailed me out, and my dad took me straight to the apartment, I got my shit, my cat and left. It wasn't until later, that I found out, that my boyfriend, and his 3 brothers, watched their dad, beat on their mom....and they turned around and everyone of them, beat their girlfriends. At least I got out, there are so many that didn't. I lived in Southern Calif at the time.
Him saying she should’ve just left really bothers me. When my mother left we were chased, we couldn’t stay in one place for longer than a week. I don’t think that guy gets it.
I used to beg my mom to leave my dad, let's just leave! She would say he'll just find us no matter here we go and then it'll be worse. One time we went to a motel to stay and after a day or two he found us and sent his mom, my grandma, to come tell my mom that it's ok to come home, he wasn't mad anymore. So my grandma drove us back, and as soon as the front door opened he was waiting for us. He'd tricked us! My mom and I both ran in opposite directions and he chose to chase me. Almost ran me over in his pick up that day, if I hadn't ran inside a laundry mat with people inside he would have caught me. Scared me to death!! I spent that night alone behind some bushes at the school a block from our house. He drove by that school after dark with his lights out looking for me. I layed behind those bushes and watched him go by several times. I remember hoping my mom was ok, where ever she was. Scary times back then.. I had a town full of relatives and no one would help. They were all scared of him.
None of these women could have just left. They were threatened to be hunted down and murdered by someone who showed that they would follow through on that abuse. The men other than the defense lawyer in this show have no understanding what abuse actually is and how it affects you and how dangerous that abuser really is.
Boy oh boy is that prosecutor clueless. I lived this same kind of story as a child and threat that I'll find you anywhere is VERY real. Francine Hughes did the only thing she could do to guarantee that her kids and her could be safe. Francine Hughes is a hero.
So glad you’re safe now. That idiot prosecutor is also conveniently forgetting all the cases, some very well known, where men find their wives at a shelter, their family members house, etc. and have shot the entire household including the women. Family annihilators, etc. Idiot says she only left once. She didn’t have to go back, etc. This is the kind of prosecutor that ensures rape victims will keep their mouths shut because he would blame the innocent victim.
Hearing these men talk about she's guilty bc she didnt leave... makes me sick. They've clearly never been stripped of their identity, of their pride or self worth. I've been a victim of domestic violence twice in my life... and I can tell you that although I left without killing him to save myself, it's only bc the fear in me was so great. It takes lifetimes to recover. We should be teaching oyr young men that women are equal partners who deserve respect. Love and light
"Taking the law into her own hands"? How dare law enforcement take that stance when they did nothing, time after time, when she reported the abuse? What is one to do when the law fails you? I don't condone murder, not by a long shot, but I can certainly empathize with the woman in this case.
The fact that abused women are disregarded I sickening..unless you have been down this road Will NEVER understand..what it does to you mentally is incomprehensible...
Love how these people are always so convinced you can just leave. No. You cant just leave. Its after you leave that they dont hold back, they dont stop until you're dead or close to it.
Unless you have suffered domestic violence you have no right to weigh in your opinion . You have no idea how similar domestic violence is yet every case tells a different story. Congratulations to anyone who escapes with your life
Carolyn Brown I suspect probably MOST wife beater are drunk or on some other drug. Have you ever tried to reason with a drunk, or tried logic? IMPOSSIBLE !!!
Bonnie Long there is no reasoning with a drunk I was simply stating that even though every case is technically the same every story is different and I was congratulating every woman who has escaped with her life and the lives of their children . I also hope that anyone stuck in the awful way of life of domestic violence see’s this video and gains the courage to take a stand and leave. I was a victim of domestic violence and I was lucky enough to have a phenomenal support system that helped me to leave and move far enough away that he would never find me.
Carolyn Brown Hi Carolyn, o wasn’t arguing with you, in fact, I hadn’t seen your comment at all. I’m agree completely& yes, I & my Mom experiences this first hand. I’m not certain what I could have said to make you think I disagreed with you. As I said, I hadn’t even seen your remark.
Just leave...yeah, right. My abusive ex managed to track me down waiting in line outside of a movie theater. He swept up behind me, picked me up and threw me in his truck that he had pulled up the wrong way at the curb leaving the driver's door open. Even though I was kicking and screaming he shoved me in, got in next to me and we were gone before I could crawl across the bench seat for the passenger door handle. This was in front of friends and dozens of other people. The cops were called but I was gone. I was terrified. He would surely finish me off if he was willing to snatch me in front of witnesses who could identify him. I was forced to jump out of his truck while he was driving, praying that I didn't break a leg or an ankle and run for it. Thank god, I was only road burned and managed to snake through traffic and lock myself inside of a Der Wienerschnitzel bathroom before he could turn the truck around. He was arrested and went to jail but when he got out he continued stalking me and managed to keep finding out where I was living for years. Doesn't that sound like a crazy, possibly untrue story? Well, let me tell you, abusers will go to extreme lengths to regain control of their victims.
I don't think she set him on fire over revenge, but rather to make sure he couldn't come after her again. I mean he did said, "there's nowhere you can go, where I won't find you." Next time he did, he probably would have been the one to commit murder. He could have not hit her, he could have gotten help, he could have not been such shit.
People who blame the women in abusive relationships, you deserve hell. Women who kill their rapist, or abusive partners, DO NOT DESERVE JAIL. They acted in self defense, last time i checked you don't go to jail for self defense. Edit: ALSO, i wanted to include men who also went through or are going through abusive relationships, I know its often not taken serious when men are abused but it's possible and its just as common. The same thing goes for men, don't blame them. And if they so happen to kill their abusive partners, they also DO NOT DESERVE JAIL.
Isabella as a man, its been my experience that most men just don't get it. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father. People wonder why i couldn't just cut off contact with him. Well it was never that simple, especially when he threatened me constantly.
The guy at 16:00 is perfect. There are avenues to get help and she left him once and she chose to go back. Congratulations in one thought you just proved how difficult dealing with an abuser is and how often pointless a lot of those avenues of help are.
Omg, she wrote love letters? Now let’s compare that to do what he did, which was assault and is illegal but yeah let’s condemn her for the love letters. That prosecutor better not be employed by our government anymore.
My ex told our pastor "the only way she'll leave is in a pine box." I left soon after, no job, no home, just took my son and left. Lied my way into getting an apartment, found a job. He found us, threatened us, flattened my tires just about once a week. But with God's grace, and help of the courts, we got him out of our lives. Extra bonus -- I can still change a flat within 20 minutes. My biggest issue was fear - like a lot of abused people. They make you fear. I got angry about the situation and its affects on my son. Get angry about what your life has become, make a plan, take the necessary steps and get out ASAP!!
She was not allowed to have friends. That's the biggest red flag ladies, never let a man isolate you from your friends or family, as abuse is always the next step.
Did they want to wait until she was beat again in order to kill him? As long as she was in the house with him she was in danger. It wasn’t murder, it was self defense.
Ok I'm gonna drop some facts in here from my point of view as a survivor of domestic abuse. We HATE when someone says "why didn't she just leave". The most dangerous time for a victim is AFTER they leave their abusers. They usually have no money or no access to their abusers money. The abuser breaks them down to a point where they honestly believe no one cares about them and they have nowhere else to go. They brainwash them into thinking it's their fault. The victim walks on eggshells EVERY DAY! Their life is full of fear and shame. Imagine having someone who is supposed to love you telling you that they are gonna come out of a "blackout" one day and realize they killed you. Imagine the fear of being choked till you almost lose conciousness. Imagine having a butcher knife held to your throat. Your life is filled every day with pure terror! Every day you wake up wondering if that's the day your life is gonna end. They will beat you and hurt you for no reason. Most days I got hit without ever saying a word. The last day I was with him he came up behind me while I was washing dishes and kicked me in the back of the leg. I've had black eyes, bruised ribs from being kicked, and marks where he pinched me hard when others were around and I said something he didn't like. At some point in the hell our abusers create we start to think about suicide just to escape because we don't see another way out of the pain. At some point something inside snaps and we finally reach a breaking point and decide we are done with it and fight back in any way we can. When a woman reaches the point where she'd rather be in prison for murder that's when you know she finally snapped. A victim of abuse is already in a prison in a way. We have no freedom and no control. Think about these things before asking why we didn't just leave in the beginning.
jessica johnson I am sooo PROUD of YOU♡ I believe you♡Believing in A Victim's story is the step in the right direction♡ I am in my 15th year of Surviver status♡I came on board the New Second Bloom of Chatham County North Carolina as A crisis line operator. I went through 6 weeks of intense training in order to answer in take calls. I have the loving support of my Family ♡ as well as support from our Law Enforcement Blue Team♡Just another leg of my Journey in life♡♡♡For the Domestic violence victims out there♡ you are not alone♡I believe in you♡♡♡
@@jamiestrickland5433 almost 13 years free for me! I'm so much happier now than I ever was in the 6 1/2 years I was with my abuser. I still struggle with anxiety and insecurities but I've learned how to cope with those. Thanks so much for your reply and keep helping others 💜💜💜
The two men interviewed that claimed these women had options disgust me. These women had no options because the police and the justice system won't help them.
Miss GNX Absolutely. If she had been taken seriously the first time he punched her, he would be in jail and she would have been freed from his barbarism.
My friend tried to leave her ex husband. He murdered her after stalking her for 6 months. She filed multiple police reports, but the cops did nothing. She was only 25 years old.
As a survivor of domestic violence there are still very few resources that are readily available even now. Timing is the difference between life and death
“Why didn’t you just leave?” Besides him threatening to kill you if you do, abusers also make sure their victims are completely isolated and reliant on them. They’re usually not allowed to work, so they don’t have any money and rely on their abusers financially. They’re not allowed to have friends. They don’t have the normal kind of support system you would expect. It’s like asking a child being abused “why didn’t you just leave?” Because they literally can’t. The abuser makes sure they have complete control over the person they’re abusing, physically and mentally.
Thank You!! How do u leave with no money. .one car. . No friends. . He's hunting u down. . . TO KILL YOU!!! There is help now. . It must all be SECRET.. Contact your local Womens Center for abused. . And they also help the CHILDREN. . One is VIOLENCE FREE . . OR CONTACT YOUR LOCAL SOCIAL SERVICES!!! IT IS HARD!!! PLEASE SAVE YOUR CHILDREN FROM IT. . AND YOURSELF!! BE STRONG!! I DID IT. . . U CAN TOO!♥️🌷
She killed her husband because she wanted to punish him before she left??? No one who can say that knows the fear that he will find you and kill you and the police won't do anything against the husband. They had multiple chances and did nothing.
Agreed. I'm certain she felt as if there was no escaping him and his abuse even if she left. He probably threatened to kill her if she ever did leave and the police reinforced that fear by doing nothing to protect her.
So many women are in prison right now for defending themselves and there children. When I was 26 yrs old my daughter was 4. Her Step father was abusive. He shot our puppy. I had enough . I was planning secretly to leave. I had hid one of the many guns he owned behind the refrigerator. He came in late at night and told me he knew I was planning to leave. He said I will take the one thing that means the most to you and he walked to my daughter's room . He went to open her door. I grabbed the gun behind the refrigerator. I told him if he opened that door I would drop him where he stood. I left. By God's grace I didn't have to shoot him . He was scared to death. But if he had went to hurt my baby I would have shot him. These women don't have a choice . Free them . They are not guilty ...he is.
@@katanaq4077 I did what I had to do . It was a reaction . Not alot of thought. I met him at a very difficult time in my life. He was like the Knight in Shining Armor to me. I was so grateful for how helpful he was at first. I started noticing he was very jealous. The abuse started slowly. I overlooked little things. Then it escalated . It got crazy. I got out. I would tell any women that sees any abuse no matter how she dismissed it that she has to just leave. I would help her leave. It gets worse. There's no excuses for abuse I know that now. Its a red flag ...a huge red siren telling you to run don't look back.
@@jordanabeaulieu2530 Yes that was the tipping point for me. I was leaving and that was it. He had me convinced he would kill us. Men like that get in your head. Always try to terrorize you . When it came after my daughter that's when I decided enough I was done. By the Grace if God I got out of it.
@@katanaq4077 you know not all of them start out abusive. My ex didnt. We were together for 3 years and i was pregnant (with his child before you also accuse me of being a whore) before he started abusing me. There wasnt verbal abuse or anything before i got pregnant. He still hit me, pulled a gun on me, and i also had to threaten my daughter's father to leave with my child. Is that my fault too?
Can we talk about how a woman who defends herself from an abusive partner is more likely to go to jail and for longer periods than a man who kills his spouse in an abusive rage.
CraftingKaria YES. There is something horrific going on with this system.
We're going to call it a wash since women get to fly under the radar for abusing their partners at a rate equal to male abusers, but being reported and convicted at much lower rates. Or the fact that we just ignore the massive rates at which women sexually victimize children.
What's scary is hearing things like, "-the 2010 survey showed comparable results estimating that nearly 4.5 million men in the US had, at some stage in their lives, been forced to penetrate another person - and that in 79.2 percent of cases, the perpetrator forcing the sexual act was a woman."
As long as all of these other inequalities are allowed to stand, I'm fine with these ladies spending a few extra years behind bars.
@@ebrakefml eat💩&😵😑
Ashley Nieto no we aren’t you pro violence ass. Violence is wrong period. Your claim men should be able to kill their partners at will is sadistic and evil! Dangers ideas like your that domestic violence is ok because blah blah are both disturbing and sadly not rare. That’s why it’s important for sane people to not avoid jury duty because why they do sociopaths like you end up on juries.
It's called self defense, but for some reason back then an even now if your married, it's called first degree murder, law is harsh on women
If she ran off with the kids she would have been charged with kidnapping.
and he would have found her
He would of killed her.
He said “ wherever you go I’ll find you. I’ll find you and I’ll kill you.”
Instead of asking ‘why doesn’t she just leave’ why aren’t we asking ‘why doesn’t he just stop’
Paeroa 68 exactly! Same as asking how a rape victim was wearing when it happened... no wonder mentalities are so hard to change
Always the woman's fault for any atrocity or heinous crime inflicted upon her by a man. When the fuck will it end ugh
When you try and leave, the perpertr starts threatening the victims family 👍 I could not be near my family and I had to go to refugee 👍 to protect my family 👍 I felt like I was a prisoner with no visit from my family 👍 all alone feeling like I was getting punished ✔️
True. We often do ask the wrong questions.
Because he has proven himself to be in the wrong - she is innocent.
*I read the book written about the case and this woman was NOT a criminal. She was a survivor, period.* 🤷🏻♀️
She, and many others, should have NEVER been charged.
“She could’ve taken her children, run away, and disappeared” except the husband is literally reported as saying “you can’t leave because wherever you go I will find you”
They so often to find them. One ends up dead and the other ends up in jail. Apparently that is the only fix to this situation according to the law.
It's not just that - it's money too. Doubt they can get their hands on enough to take kids, travel somewhere, set up a home - feed the kids etc.
@@fidgetssailing4725 now a days, the law cannot just ignore domestic abuse. The property police also have body video to record evidence, so the abuser cannot blame the victim or put fear on to the victim to withdraw charges.
There are also shelters to house abused women + kids.
Then again I know of a case where the victim had goats and chickens: the shelter, couldn't house the animals, so she remained with the abuser.
Back then women and children were owned by their husbands or fathers, the women and children had zero rights, which meant that she had no legal right to the kids and could be charged with kidnapping, arrested and dragged back to be beaten or even murdered by her husband.
There were no other options
"Just leave" people make me so angry, like do you think men evaporate when you break up with them?
He'll come after her! if a woman's partner hurts her for making him mad what the heck is he going to do if she tries to leave him???
And he could go after the children too
I was very scared of what he would do if I left. I also have 2 children by him, and was scared what he would do to them. Idk why I didn’t left, I was paralyzed, couldn’t even think!. Thank the Lord he was the one that left me for a much younger woman , years later I realized I was one of the few lucky ones.
👍🏽 Yes, exactly. Thank you.
LemonyCain, 👍🏽 Yes, exactly. Thank you.
Yeah, tell that to the victim who is being financially exploited, too. They go hand in hand along with alienating you from family & friends and ALL resources. Here's a sad sobering fact. In the USA the two most physically dangerous times, for a woman, are when she is pregnant and when she is leaving. Some people can be so stupid, it's sickening.
People take the law into their own hands when the law doesn’t protect them.
Correct. What options were actually left to her considering how much she had been abandoned by law enforcement and those ridiculous prosecutors.
@@suziecheeseman3760 - They only started caring after a man died, and the woman got acquitted for killing him.
Exactly.
Especially abused, stalked victims that are backed in a corner and have had enough.
Having delayed justice isn't justice at ALL.
When he says “her life wasn’t in danger at that moment”- that is false. Her life was always in danger, 24/7. Because the beating could happen at any moment.
Agree
It's such a rough life when you know that a look, a word, an action will get you beat. What they don't know is the beater enjoys beating. There never has to be a reason. They will get beat when the abuser feels like it.
@@shereehudnall4220 yes very sad indeed 😭😭😭
@@donnageorge6506
I think you have seen this situation before. It happens in all countries and all peoples. Yes, it is sad. Used to be 100 years ago that you could beat your wife or child any time, any where.
Yep. That man getting on my nerves.
“I think that she wanted to punish him before she left”. NOOOOOOO. She knew he would come after her as long as he was alive. That’s why she killed him
@Cherry_Bomb right, he literally admitted to men not being jailed for misdemeanors. They wouldn't do anything unless he got caught red-handed. Yet he threatened to kill her in front of the officers and they still did nothing. What exactly was she supposed to do other than make an opening to escape him?
It's not like she killed him, and then disappeared. She went to the police station and confessed. We really need to get men like him out of positions of power. As someone who works in the justice system he sees first hand how it fails people over and over again and he does nothing to help. Instead he punishes them more.
Bethany Cooke yep
Same thoughts exactly! I was swearing amd screaming at my screen lol. Ughh, so wrong!
The fact that she did it while he was sleeping is probably because it was her only chance at getting out. Had he been awake, he would have overpowered her. It was her only chance.
That's right!
Yes. So many people don't understand, that, not only was that the safest option for her, but it might have been the only option. I think a lot of people (especially women or kids) would be too terrified to fight back if the guy was awake. Abusers who are awake, tend to fight back, and over power you, and it would make him so incredibly mad, that there's a good chance she would be killed.
I am so in agreement with you on that!!!!
ikr your guy saying that "she had to punish him" made me so angry. She clearly did it because she KNEW he was going to come after her. It was the only way to fully get away.
She probably couldn’t even get money to leave considering this happened only 4 years after Congress made it possible for women to open their own bank accounts and lines of credit without needing a husband’s signature
And if she left how would she feed the kinds let alone her self and what about gas...
I literally just made this same statement on another comment
Good point. Also, that debilitating mental fog, blank stares, the inability to process a thought or accomplish anything truly productive or function like a normal adult (or anything outside the realm of be a professional daydreamer) isn't exactly attainable (IMHO). Personally, it doesn't matter how determined, focused or organized I am with each new day. The second he unleashes his next unprovoked episode; I become a worthless window licker. I turn into a blank, crippled vagabond; consumed with hopelessness + defeat while frozen (not preserved) in a sort of relentless, fear filled stupor. Reckless, irresponsible, (disheartening), deteriorating sense of accomplishment. Diminished Aspirations. SubPar Expectations (for myself & those around me).
I've "Lowered the Bar," so to speak.
Abuse leads to a rapid decline, deteriorating quality of life, worthiness. I've graduated from being fiercely independent, proud, to essentially unable to even care for myself.
I try to convince myself I must have some purpose - even if it's as simple as intruding onto others with a kind, compassionate personality & a warm, loving (approachable) disposition. I try believing that's good enough. That my daily goal is to make sure anyone I cross paths with will believe, know they're valuable, worthy. I never want anyone to experience feelings of defeat, sadness, or the panoramic realization that they've settled for a miserable existence that's monopolized by overwhelming pain & suffering. (Maybe my mind just creates weird checks & balances to distract from reality, help fill voids?).
None the less... escape plan's look much easier on TV than they are in real life.
Think of the movie: "Enough," Jennifer Lopez.
•If only•
When I was trying to leave the first time, my ex had a friend at the bank that illegally took my name off of everything. I literally had nothing but a car that he controlled. It took me 5 more years to try again. I pushed back against him and he called the police. I was taken away in cuffs. When the arresting officer got me in the car the first thing he asked me was if I had any bruises that he couldn’t see - I was covered. He took me to a woman’s shelter and helped me get my daughter out of the house. My ex was charged, but nothing came of the charges. I will say though that I never went back home.
Why is it if you are held captive and tortured by a “ stranger” it’s heroic to kill and escape? But if you are married to someone that torture and terrorise you, it’s okay? And you are a murderer if you kill to be free.
Or in Florida when Michael Drejka was originally let go free by tge sheriff who said he was standing his ground when he shot and killed Markeis in cold blood.
Apparently they think because people are either in a relationship or married to the abuser.. that you have free will to walk away... But in some cases you can't just walk away... And some people can't seem to understand that..
@@PrettyPatrick I have to say I didn't fully understand it either until it happened to a friend. She had no place to go with her two babies. He had the house, her name not on it, married, yet he had all the money and power so no way would she be able to get established after the mental abuse. She would have lost her kids. I know some people have family support or like my mom just left and left us kids at home alone all day while she worked but that was years ago when child services wasn't called out for littles left without supervision.
No one chooses to get held captive. You do choose who you marry. 🤷🏿♂️
"She could have taken the kids and disappeared" Totally out of touch statement. She would have to go in hiding as very abusive husband would probably try to find and kill her.
thank you! i really hate the way that guy is talking about her situation
It’s sad and it happened all the time...
Not only would she have to go into hiding but maybe she couldn’t support herself and her 3 kids
It is big country and it was an age without the internet or tech; one can easily disappear.
But she was indoctrinated to the point she believed she could not. Further she is a housewife without a full college education, it would be financially difficult to disappear.
ZombieMommy That guy is a dinosaur. His way of thinking is crap.
It's hard to disappear with very little money and four children.
Tell me. I had a drunken abusive husband. I had 4 children -I barely escaped with my life.
It is impossible!!!
And it seems like she had no family or friends around :(
AND he told her there's nowhere for her to go where he would find her
Yep, I said the same thing. That prosecutor is an idiot. People like him, with their quick, easy answers, that are completely unrealistic, are idiots.
"If you need help, theres help". Spoken like someone who has no idea what hes talking about.
@Shelley Fitch to be real, there are SO few shelters and the living situation in them makes it very difficult to really move on. Especially if youve been dependent on an abusive spouses income. Leaving an abuser is as dangerous as staying. My heart goes out to anyone who is stuck in an abusive relationship. 💔
So true! And this guy so doesn't get the trauma bond and her going back to the abuser.
In the 70s help of this means was literally unheard of!
Yep, I said the same thing. The world would be a better place, if people would stop speaking in ignorance.
He says if somebody needs help, there’s help, but I really don’t know were help is. I called numbers I see at internet, I called police, I came into a hospital struggling with was going on and they called police to me because I said: I want to die! They called police to me and not to him! Doctors talked to me, saw what I was through and than just send me back home...
I lost a friend to domestic violence. She was shot in the face when she tried to break up with her boyfriend. It's completely insensitive and out of touch to insist that women can simply leave an abusive relationship.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And yes, this is an incredibly important point. A woman is not safe simply because she leaves if the abuser is still alive, quite the opposite. And Francine had kids. If she left with them that would basically guarantee that she would lose custody in a divorce.
@FuzzyKittenBoots Thank you for your compassion. 💛 Isn’t it ironic that men in power always have the easy answers.
Leaving is when it’s most dangerous. They see you as property and it sets them off.
Unfortunately, a lot of severely abused women are still being jailed when they've finally retaliated. It's not something you can just walk away from. My heart goes out to all the brave women who're now in prison for trying to defend themselves
It pisses me off that that one old fart is like “oh if you need help there’s help”. It’s not that simple. My mom had to hide money in the ceiling until she could run away from her first husband because she needed enough to get her and her two terminally ill kids out of the state since he had promised to hunt her down and kill her if she ever left. And guess what? When she finally ran he tried to do exactly that. I have heard someone say in the VERY recent past that abused women are “their own common denominator”. We are not even close to where we should be when it comes to supporting battered women. Shame on you.
Rebekah Lee
I agree sweetheart. I have a lump in my throat right now reading your story.
The system let me down as well.
We are individuals. We don’t fit into a mold. We’re strong and successful.
The police were horrible to me. There’s not enough help. The “help” requires that you give up everything. That’s the system.
GOD BLESS your mother and you for being so strong. ❤️❤️❤️
Agree! Strong agree! The control, isolation, brain washing, etc etc etc, the things this men said are so infuriating and ignorant! Honestly they are statements made from the privilege of not being and abused partner or child of an abuser.
I'm so sorry for what you and your loved ones went through! Keep speaking up, your voice matters, your experience is valid and valuable. ❤️❤️❤️
arielkmusic
Thank you so much for that comment.
You are so right.
There was another discussion on UA-cam regarding a now infamous horrifically abused lady whom was featured Oprah.
The comments were like
“I can tell if he’s a bad man”.
‘It’ll never happen to me ‘
“I’m too strong for that”
Even blaming and shaming us.
One lady inferred to me in my comments that I repressed something in my childhood so therefore that’s why I was a victim of domestic violence!!!!! I had a wonderful childhood.
When did we get to the point when women do not stand up for each other?
God Bless You Sweetheart. ❤️
“ she needed to punish him”..??! Nope- she needed to get rid of him for good- so he wouldn’t follow her or hurt others, or her kids
TRUTH BECAUSE IF SHE DIDN'T HED GET HER
And even if he didn't. If he decided to never even look for her, she wouldn't know or believe that.
Can you IMAGINE the fear she would live with. Constantly looking over her shoulder. Afraid for herself and her children. Just terrified that he would show up with a 🔪 or a pew-pew, or, hell, even his bare hands... and unalive her! 😱
Her story saved my life. I was being abused and police would do nothing unless I was divorced. The notoriety of this case and the community compassion that followed helped me find a very kind lawyer who helped me get away. I am so grateful for every body's help to this day.
"she could have taken the kids and disappeared" clearly that man doesn't know anything about abusers
Disappeared to where? She’s going to have to get a job..a divorce. This isn’t a Tom Clancy novel. She has the kids..she’ll have to file taxes..she’s married. That guy is a moron. Why should she have to run and hide like a rat because someone is committing assault and attempted murder?
Cm O True. It is very hard to hide, and particularly these days when he can track her on her mobile, or through social media. Hiding means hiding from not just from him, but almost cutting herself off from family and friends
Kendary Princis sadly most people don’t 😕
brontewcat yes! Exactly!
You don't know wre live it for years
She was not supposed to "take the law in her own hands"; but what did the law do to protect her?
It’s that good ol’ boy mentality
Only put her in jail for self-defense against a man beating her to death most of her adult marriage life !
She could’ve disappeared? If they were ever found, odds are the kids would have been sent back to their dad and she’d be in jail for kidnapping. Imagine how dangerous that would’ve been, sending kids back to a man who would likely harm them just to hurt her.
Worse. She AND the kids would be sent back to the husband. She would have been killed. Maybe the dad goes to jail. Maybe. And I'd like to know where the prosecutor thought she was going to go. Back in the day, family usually sent you back telling you to work things out. Better to risk death than to shame the family with divorce.
She didn't have the means to provide for them and he had threatened to kill her anyway
Back then a woman couldn't get a credit card or bank account without a man's permission. So fuck that guy who said she could "just disappear".
That's what all men say " You could have dissapeared because they don't get it just talking shit out of their butts.
It's also why I don't blame Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Her mother was her abuser it was her only way out. The system failed her too, she was a legal adult and no one figured out what her mother was doing keeping her hostage. She needs help not incarceration.
I totally agree! I saw footage of a visitation with her dad and his wife and she seems so much happier. You know it was bad because now she is thriving, even in prison!
See that attitude the DA has is exactly what kept this type behavior of abusive men an on going issue! She could have taken the kids and disappeared!! What ??????? So should the victim uproot herself and 4 small children because that man could not be stopped from his criminal behavior an entire police department wouldn't stop him but the DA expects this woman to solve the problem!! She did and it costed the Abuser his life!
Not to mention, if she had taken the kids and just disappeared he totally would have had grounds charge her with kidnapping!
The fact that the guy is saying there was no excuse and she could have taken what little she had.... Uhhhh are you hearing yourself... Poor woman had nothing! She had kids to feed. She did not have any support, no money, no skills... What was she supposed to do? The kids and her were going to go where? Under a bridge.. Give me a break.. He is thinking the husband was the victim. Ugh!
EXACTLY WENDY!!
It is so scary and upsetting to know that the people that are supposed to be protecting us everyday from this type of violence think this way! It is because of people like him that she and many other women who are victims of domestic violence are eventually forced to resort to self defence of this kind, because he isn't doing his job!! He is defending and sympathising with the wrong person in this situation!!! Aarrghhh makes me ssssoooo mad!!!!
OMG - I was expecting that statement to have been from some archived footage at the time of the trial. That was a recent interview!
"she could have disappeared" spoken like someone who has no idea what this is like.
Absolutely!!!!
Exactly. Three kids, no money, no job, no protection laws... How?
The guy that said she could have just left with the kids does NOT understand what it's like to be in an abusive relationship, especially as a woman in 1977
He doesn't care to know how it is. Then or now
Well she did try to leave I don't remember how many times but he always managed to find her and his fami!y basically encouraged her to go back to him
Interesting to note: the prosecutor indicates he will not allow someone to "take the law into their hands...Become judge, jury and executioner...and take another life." Yet abusive males are allowed to beat, sexually abuse, rape and sometimes murder, women and children in their families and a blind eye is turned. Sure am glad that the tables are turning and men are starting to face the music. Been a long, slow process. All serious domestic violence assaults should be treated as attempted murder. That would change things up a lot.
I live in Maine and our law for domestic violence is 1 hand strangling is assault and 2 hands is attempted murder. That technicality is why my father's free and still abusing women. Your right it should be attempted murder if it's serious. If someone can in anger prevent air, one of the things we need to live, from going into a body that's clearly an attempt on the victims life plain and simple
In order to plead self defense, you have to live in a society that deems you a self worth defending.
Brilliant and accurate.
A man doesn't have to hit a woman to be abusive . There's mental abuse, verbal abuse,emotional abuse.The wounds that can't be seen
Known as Coercive Control
"She could have gone away" with what money with 4 children, why has the woman to leave and not the perpetrator?
Exactly!
And why is it even an issue? If it was two guys and one attacked him while the other pulled out a gun and shot him, there would be no one who didn’t side with the shooter.
That always happens the women and children lose it all
Gotta love all the men basically saying “well why didn’t you just leave”. No one understands the situation until they’re in that situation.
Especially back in the 70's. A woman's role was to stay home, raise the kids and take care of the house. How could she leave and survive with 4 kids??
That's why Men's Rights Activists get on my last nerve. Yes, women can be abusive and yes men can be abused. That being said, the reason men always say "well why didn't she just leave?" is because men (unless they are literally little boys abused by their mother which is horrific) they CAN leave. They have ALWAYS been empowered to leave - by law, by finance, hell even by running away to the military if they were too poor to afford it on their own. Men do not get pregnant, they can walk away from children (until about 25 years ago with little consequence unless they were wealthy enough for it to matter to their public image/career so they paid alimony and child support, but working class men, even some middle class men skipped out on child support for DECADES). That's why I sit on the fence about trans rights activism - yes they deserve protection and rights but ffs you were not born a woman and you have no clue what that actually entails - I mean, I'm not THAT old, I'm an 80s baby and I'm old enough to remember when it was hard to get a divorce, when women couldn't get dads to pay their kids child support, it wasn't even that long ago. If I was 70 or 80 saying these things oh well, but this in the past 30-40 years.
Amen
Im not saying just leave cause that don't work just make sure he never wakes up again
@@brettboulette5106 You can't do that unless you're under the threat of imminent harm (like your life is at stake). It has to be a case of self defense. That burning bed thing is a difficult defense.
The DA still doesn’t get it. That was a case of self-defense. The failure of police to protect her when they knew what was happening created a life or death situation requiring her to kill her husband. She probably saved the kids’ lives that day too.
Let that been his daughter sister or any female in his life he would be singing a different tune
Someone said it beautifully elsewhere in the comments; if someone you barely knew strangled you in your own home and you killed them, it would be self defense. But if it’s your husband strangling you it’s first degree pre mediated murder?? Just say you hate women and go! It’s not hard to see their clear biases! The DA is hideously biased.
Punish him? No. She wanted to make sure he didn’t come after her.
She was ensuring he couldn’t punish her again.
No she just wanted him to go away...why didn't he just leave if she was so horrible that he had to beat her up all they time. He should have left and found a better woman who is perfect and he doesn't have to abuse her
That guy is sooo wrong saying she did it to “punish” him. What an ignorant assumption. If he only knew how scary it is.
You can bet he abuses his spouse
To the guy saying she should've just packed up and left... that is just plain ignorant. With what money? To where? And who's to say he wouldn't use the law to continue to abuse her through means such as a custody battle.
And anyone who has ever read anything about domestic violence knows that it does not just stop when someone leaves. Abusers as bad as him will do everything to track down and continuously abuse their partner and kids. There are so many cases of abusers murdering their victims during the abuse AND after.
A few cases from Australia from not that long ago! A woman and her family finally escaped many years of truly horrific abuse. He was not thrown in jail. He was granted visitations despite threatening to kill her to his freaking kids every visit and them being terrified of him! He tracked her down, and then brutally murdered her (pretty sure he stabbed her dozens of times) in front of their daughter, in a public convention! In another case here another abusive father was allowed visitation with his son and murdered him in public. In a case from either this year or last year, a man killed his ENTIRE family and put them in a car and burned all their bodies.
And this is Australia! These crimes didn't involve guns! We have better welfare and support and it is still woefully bad. So I can bet it is a HELL of a lot worse for women in America!
Not long after this case, Judith Barsi died in the US at like 10. She was an extremely sweet and talented child actress who played Ducky in the Land Before Time and was a main voice actor All Dogs Go to Heaven, as well as a bunch of other roles. Seriously, imagine if Drew Barrymore got murdered as a little kid. It's that freaking awful.
Judith was abused for years by her father. Not even her status as a successful child actress and powerful figures in the industry realising she was abused, could save her.
When her mother finally tried to leave with Judith, the father shot them both. Then he burned their bodies. And then killed himself.
As extreme as her actions were, I can see exactly where she was coming from. She should not be punished for the failings of society to protect her.
Amazing that if someone enters your house and starts strangling you and you kill them, its ok, it was self-defence but if your partner is strangling you and you kill them, its murder. So wrong that she did 15 years just because it was her boyfriend.
She took matters into her own hands because the cops would not/could not help her. they always come down to "it's the woman's fault".
Hearing these men, over and over saying, "Oh they could have left at any time! They didn't have to do that, she was just punishing him." That is why violence against women continues in this nation. Rule #1 of abuse is isolating the victim. #2 is beating them down emotionally and mentally. #3 Is making sure your victim knows, you will KILL them if they ever try to leave. #4 You follow through with that threat. How many times have we heard "She was brutally murdered by her ex husband/ ex boyfriend." And these misogynists have the audacity to paint these women as monsters and their abusers as innocent men.
That guy at 15:48 basically exemplifies a huge part of the problem. Why didn't she just leave? Why wasn't the abuse brought up at trial? Because the shame and fear from that abuse stopped her from doing so!
My grandmother killed my grandfather in self-defense in 1963. He had been drinking and became horribly violent. He told her he was going to kill her and she believed him. She said she wasn't trying to kill him but....it happened. The bullet nicked his heart. She was not prosecuted thank goodness. She went on to raise 9 children on her own.
She's one of the strongest women I know and after that she never got into another abusive relationship. She turned 90 years old this year. ♥
God bless her!!
Aw.....God bless her!!! ♡
That's a hell of a strong woman. My deepest respect.
I am a domestic violence survivor! I now have PTSD which has resulted in now having severe anxiety and depression. I also suffered a TBI(traumatic brain injury) and have issues with memory, speech, as well as other things. I left him which resulted in him breaking into my new place months later and holding me hostage. If u google Christopher Woodson Fayetteville u can see my case. Dont ever ask a woman why she didnt just leave. I left but I never left in his mind. I was hunted. U dont truly understand untill it happens to u.
“oh sure you and your four kids could have just disappeared and never been found easily” excuse me?
That prosecutor has NO concept of what an abused person's life is like. The police virtually gave this guy their permission to murder her. She was not going to get any protection and he was not going to let her go. She did what she did because she didn't want to die at his hands. The only way to ensure that was to stop those hands.
From a legal point-of-view, it's insane that she was charged with first-degree murder.
This was a clear case of self-defense, acting against a terroristic threat in self-preservation.
Yeah if anything it should’ve been charged as second degree or manslaughter
My grandma was abused in the 60s or 70s by husband and he was going to murder her when she mentioned divorce, but she was prepared for this. Shot him in self defense. Luckily, the local police knew by that point because she filled several complaints of abuse and only when she killed him, did they ever "help"
Oh my gosh. That one guy needs to stop. “She can’t take the law into her hands.” But the law did nothing to protect her. “She could have taken what little she had and left.” But she was forced to be uneducated and be dependent on her 13 year abuser who promised he would find her and kill her. “She wanted to punish him.” ...... and?? “She had exchanged some letters with another man.” Are you surprised that a woman who has been beaten and given no love would want to feel love and seek love? 🤦🏻♀️
He is scared for himself. Men protect men.
It is ridiculous for them to say she didn't leave, abuse is absolutely not that simple
I know people tired of hearing this but its the truth...she a black woman everyone talk about justice for black men...but black women catch the sane hell as black men plus we catch hell in our own homes from our own men and no one has sympathy for us.
It was even harder for women to leave back then.
Makes me so angry hearing men who’ve never been in her position condemn her actions.
Matt C Thank you for understanding that.
I find it kind of astounding how Francine, who while in the right to do what she did, definitely had a level of premeditation to her action and was still aquitted, but years later in a supposedly more just society, Thomia was charged for what she did when her abuser was actively assaulting her when she stabbed him. I wonder what differences there were between them, maybe something clear and very obvious. Some would say the difference is black and white in terms of clarity...?
She set him on fire before she left because he said that he would find here wherever she went. He had said he would kill her and she believed that he would come after her and kill her.
she was right!!!
@@dootdoot94xo44 Kind of ripped it off from Toys R Us... thanks.😎
I love how that guy said that the only reason why she went back to kill him was "just because she wanted to punish him". Except that he had already told her that there was nowhere she could go where he couldn't find her. She didn't want to punish him - she wanted to keep him from following her.
Interesting seeing how comfortable a man can sit there stating that a woman who has been abused and also let down by the police again and again should have just ‘disappeared’.
My mother is my hero. My father was very abusive, mentally to my mother and physically to myself. When I was 14 a situation escalated and he threatened to kill me. The day after mom picked me up from school and we went to a shelter for a year until she got a new home for us. She saved us both and made a new start. I'm forever grateful and proud of her. Miss you so much mom 😭
"No one wanted another Francine Hughes case"! OMG!!!! how about not wanting anymore of our mothers, sisters, or daughters abused and/or killed?!
Exactly
So, it took one woman to "get away with it" for police to take the plight of victims of domestic violence seriously. It sounds like the prosecutor who said "no one wanted another Francine" is saying that he didn't want another victim to kill her abuser and remain free to raise children in peace and taking time to heal. Not even while doing the right thing can they come across as empathetic or thinking about the person who isn't like them.
Can you believe their blatant sociopathy? It’s chilling.
"I refuse to accept the taking of the law into one's own hands" well when the law doesn't fucking help, maybe you should rethink the law. Like, automatically, one should NOT attack innocent people, but he was not innocent. He would kill her eventually, and she took the opportunity to save herself
I would say, instead, that the police took the law into their own hands when they did nothing about a clear pattern of ongoing assault and battery that they full well knew about.
They failed to do their jobs and prevented her from being able to pursue the matter legally.
j. rodman Cops not doing their job in these instances has led to the murder of the victims, like Nicole Brown Simpson is a famous example.
I was abused for years by a boyfriend. Slapped, choked, burned with cigarettes, shoved through shower glass doors, dragged by my hair, forced to have sex, had lamps, plates and coffee mugs smashed over my head. This doesn't even begin to describe the mental, emotional and verbal abuse I endured. I finally, by the grace of God, I found the courage to run away. Its been almost seven years. Its been the greatest seven years of my life. Don't ever mock a woman (or a man) going through this hell. Unless you've been there, you don't know what you're talking about.
I was also abused quite a bit. I want to smack people who think I was subconsciously looking for men who would abuse me.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I'm so glad you found the courage to leave. Question. Where you in any way vulnerable when you met him?
@@badparentingistheworldsbig3142 please forgive me..I do not understand why someone would stay...anyone EVER LAY A HAND ON ME ONCE. and that is it..that person is sick
Not going to change..cannot fix it..must flee for good.
Emotionally Mature people solve problems..do not act out
Toddlers do that
Ladies ONCE. And good bye
Do mot even listen to apologies and promises of reform ..only the repentance & conviction and mercies and grace of God can fix and save Him or het as there are abuse cases of a woman being the abuser too. think of Jody Arias ..
@@estelleschneider9033 a lot of the people who end up in abusive relationships came from abusive parents. It's like our red flag-ometer is faulty and only starts working after they've started small chipped away at you some.
How does the prosecutor say "she could have taken what little she had and left" about a man who freely said in front of the police that he would kill her when the police left??.. this prosecutor is part of the problem.
EXACTLY 😭
People will break their fucking backs reaching so hard for a way to blame women for the shit terrible people do to them.
How can it be bad taking the law into your own hands when the law was never written for you, never to help you 🤔
I agree, especially in Dv cases
She done what she had to keep her family safe .He was never going to stop until she was dead and the police wasn't going to stop him !
The opinions of some of the men in this doc are infuriating. "She only left him once." "She could have just left." "She killed him as punishment."
Being in an abusive relationship warps your thinking. If you're told enough times that there's nowhere you can go, nowhere you can hide where he won't find you, you start to believe it. These people have no idea what it's like to be in an abusive relationship or how hard it can be to leave. I've never been in an abusive relationship but I try to put myself in their shoes.
You’re right. It took me years to find the courage to leave my abusive husband, and I didn’t even have children to worry about.
"she could have just taken the kids and disappeared" how ignorant
Agreed.
yeah ... take your kids somewhere and starve them and you
Oh, your store has been robbed repeatedly by the same person?
Have you thought about just closing shop and going away?
Problem solved...
Ugh
Sara if you've never been abused how can you call someone ignorant. During the time the abuse started there were no shelters for her to escape to. So think about that dumbass before you state what she should have done 😡!
@@tammygamble8313
I think you agreed with Sara while misunderstanding her.
It reads to me like Sara was calling the person in the video, who said what she quoted, as ignorant. Probably much for the reasons you express.
The man at the beginning says he doesn't support the taking of the law into ones own hands. But if the people who are supposed to enforce the law will not and you can not, then where do you find justice through the law?
Cops didn't honestly care. I was in an abusive relationship, my first 'real' relationship, from 1978/80. My boyfriend was great, for the first year...then it started to go downhill. It was a cycle, I'd do something 'wrong', and then get smacked around. My family lived 15 min away, but there were times I couldn't go home. The only reason I got away from him, was we were both arrested for weed, and he tried to blame everything on me; it was MY weed, in HIS car and in HIS pockets. My parents bailed me out, and my dad took me straight to the apartment, I got my shit, my cat and left. It wasn't until later, that I found out, that my boyfriend, and his 3 brothers, watched their dad, beat on their mom....and they turned around and everyone of them, beat their girlfriends. At least I got out, there are so many that didn't. I lived in Southern Calif at the time.
Him saying she should’ve just left really bothers me. When my mother left we were chased, we couldn’t stay in one place for longer than a week. I don’t think that guy gets it.
No, he does not, I doubt he's ever felt that kind of fear, not for himself or his children.
He hasnt got a clue has he
He might be really simple minded but more than likely he IS the abusive type.
I used to beg my mom to leave my dad, let's just leave! She would say he'll just find us no matter here we go and then it'll be worse. One time we went to a motel to stay and after a day or two he found us and sent his mom, my grandma, to come tell my mom that it's ok to come home, he wasn't mad anymore. So my grandma drove us back, and as soon as the front door opened he was waiting for us. He'd tricked us! My mom and I both ran in opposite directions and he chose to chase me. Almost ran me over in his pick up that day, if I hadn't ran inside a laundry mat with people inside he would have caught me. Scared me to death!! I spent that night alone behind some bushes at the school a block from our house. He drove by that school after dark with his lights out looking for me. I layed behind those bushes and watched him go by several times. I remember hoping my mom was ok, where ever she was. Scary times back then.. I had a town full of relatives and no one would help. They were all scared of him.
@@pipsumpter you poor thing., what a beast. I hope he got his comeuppance..
It's not the problem of "battered wives;" it's the problem of battering men.
None of these women could have just left. They were threatened to be hunted down and murdered by someone who showed that they would follow through on that abuse. The men other than the defense lawyer in this show have no understanding what abuse actually is and how it affects you and how dangerous that abuser really is.
You put perfectly what I wanted to say but didnt know how! Thank you.
They're so fucking naive, they're a big part of the problem. Typical old man ignorance
Boy oh boy is that prosecutor clueless. I lived this same kind of story as a child and threat that I'll find you anywhere is VERY real. Francine Hughes did the only thing she could do to guarantee that her kids and her could be safe. Francine Hughes is a hero.
Exactly. Her husband would have never left her alone until he killed her or until she lost the will to fight back.
So glad you’re safe now. That idiot prosecutor is also conveniently forgetting all the cases, some very well known, where men find their wives at a shelter, their family members house, etc. and have shot the entire household including the women. Family annihilators, etc. Idiot says she only left once. She didn’t have to go back, etc. This is the kind of prosecutor that ensures rape victims will keep their mouths shut because he would blame the innocent victim.
You kidding me? The police knew she was being beaten, knew she was at risk, knew the children were being traumatized and still did nothing?
Lmao acab baby
Still happens today.
I cannot tell you how happy I am to know that I will never,ever have to share my home with a man ever again. Thank God
Good feeling for sure, 10 yrs for me and going strong and very happy
I get the general feeling that the men being interviewed STILL don’t understand the gravity of her situation. That man deserved death. Good for her.
Self defense period
Hearing these men talk about she's guilty bc she didnt leave... makes me sick. They've clearly never been stripped of their identity, of their pride or self worth. I've been a victim of domestic violence twice in my life... and I can tell you that although I left without killing him to save myself, it's only bc the fear in me was so great. It takes lifetimes to recover. We should be teaching oyr young men that women are equal partners who deserve respect. Love and light
"Taking the law into her own hands"? How dare law enforcement take that stance when they did nothing, time after time, when she reported the abuse? What is one to do when the law fails you? I don't condone murder, not by a long shot, but I can certainly empathize with the woman in this case.
Seriously, right?! The police failed her terribly.
I'm paraphrasing this but "violence is the language of the unheard".
That is not the proper quote you dolt.
The fact that abused women are disregarded I sickening..unless you have been down this road Will NEVER understand..what it does to you mentally is incomprehensible...
Love how these people are always so convinced you can just leave. No. You cant just leave. Its after you leave that they dont hold back, they dont stop until you're dead or close to it.
Unless you have suffered domestic violence you have no right to weigh in your opinion . You have no idea how similar domestic violence is yet every case tells a different story. Congratulations to anyone who escapes with your life
Carolyn Brown I suspect probably MOST wife beater are drunk or on some other drug. Have you ever tried to reason with a drunk, or tried logic? IMPOSSIBLE !!!
Bonnie Long there is no reasoning with a drunk I was simply stating that even though every case is technically the same every story is different and I was congratulating every woman who has escaped with her life and the lives of their children . I also hope that anyone stuck in the awful way of life of domestic violence see’s this video and gains the courage to take a stand and leave. I was a victim of domestic violence and I was lucky enough to have a phenomenal support system that helped me to leave and move far enough away that he would never find me.
Carolyn Brown Hi Carolyn, o wasn’t arguing with you, in fact, I hadn’t seen your comment at all. I’m agree completely& yes, I & my Mom experiences this first hand. I’m not certain what I could have said to make you think I disagreed with you. As I said, I hadn’t even seen your remark.
Bonnie Long my bad I’m so sorry I wasn’t arguing I was explaining what I said
Carolyn Brown Now it’s my turn to say My Bad!
Just leave...yeah, right. My abusive ex managed to track me down waiting in line outside of a movie theater. He swept up behind me, picked me up and threw me in his truck that he had pulled up the wrong way at the curb leaving the driver's door open. Even though I was kicking and screaming he shoved me in, got in next to me and we were gone before I could crawl across the bench seat for the passenger door handle. This was in front of friends and dozens of other people. The cops were called but I was gone. I was terrified. He would surely finish me off if he was willing to snatch me in front of witnesses who could identify him. I was forced to jump out of his truck while he was driving, praying that I didn't break a leg or an ankle and run for it. Thank god, I was only road burned and managed to snake through traffic and lock myself inside of a Der Wienerschnitzel bathroom before he could turn the truck around. He was arrested and went to jail but when he got out he continued stalking me and managed to keep finding out where I was living for years. Doesn't that sound like a crazy, possibly untrue story? Well, let me tell you, abusers will go to extreme lengths to regain control of their victims.
I'm sorry
Lord!😮 I am SO sorry you had to go through that. I don't even know what to say. 😥😥😥
I don't think she set him on fire over revenge, but rather to make sure he couldn't come after her again. I mean he did said, "there's nowhere you can go, where I won't find you." Next time he did, he probably would have been the one to commit murder. He could have not hit her, he could have gotten help, he could have not been such shit.
The old white guy is a victim blamer.
Scary to hear a man say: "She could have leave at any time"... He hasn't understand anything. Really scary!!!
People who blame the women in abusive relationships, you deserve hell. Women who kill their rapist, or abusive partners, DO NOT DESERVE JAIL. They acted in self defense, last time i checked you don't go to jail for self defense.
Edit: ALSO, i wanted to include men who also went through or are going through abusive relationships, I know its often not taken serious when men are abused but it's possible and its just as common. The same thing goes for men, don't blame them. And if they so happen to kill their abusive partners, they also DO NOT DESERVE JAIL.
spicy kimmy `
As a former correctional nurse in a women’s facility, there were so many women in there because they protected themselves. A lot of sad cases.
If all that abuse, beating and threatening had happened between 2 men the police would have jumped into action immediately.
But she was only a woman.
it is SO clear that none of the men in this video know jack or shit about abuse
Isabella as a man, its been my experience that most men just don't get it. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father. People wonder why i couldn't just cut off contact with him. Well it was never that simple, especially when he threatened me constantly.
The guy at 16:00 is perfect. There are avenues to get help and she left him once and she chose to go back. Congratulations in one thought you just proved how difficult dealing with an abuser is and how often pointless a lot of those avenues of help are.
Omg, she wrote love letters? Now let’s compare that to do what he did, which was assault and is illegal but yeah let’s condemn her for the love letters. That prosecutor better not be employed by our government anymore.
Hawksfanboy11 that was my experience as well. my father was abusive and people told my mom “just leave” all the time
My ex told our pastor "the only way she'll leave is in a pine box." I left soon after, no job, no home, just took my son and left. Lied my way into getting an apartment, found a job. He found us, threatened us, flattened my tires just about once a week. But with God's grace, and help of the courts, we got him out of our lives. Extra bonus -- I can still change a flat within 20 minutes. My biggest issue was fear - like a lot of abused people. They make you fear. I got angry about the situation and its affects on my son. Get angry about what your life has become, make a plan, take the necessary steps and get out ASAP!!
Deb Y You are truly Amazeing person
I am very proud of you
Very proud of you. Youre incredibly strong. Smart. And Brave.
One of the best comments here.
She was not allowed to have friends. That's the biggest red flag ladies, never let a man isolate you from your friends or family, as abuse is always the next step.
Yep.
5:10 then why did they arrest her for murder?
The police didn't see her do it.
Ha, right?
She confessed to the crime
Did they want to wait until she was beat again in order to kill him? As long as she was in the house with him she was in danger. It wasn’t murder, it was self defense.
It's amazing that people can believe in something like Stockholm Syndrome, but don't apply that concept to abuse victims/survivors
Ok I'm gonna drop some facts in here from my point of view as a survivor of domestic abuse. We HATE when someone says "why didn't she just leave". The most dangerous time for a victim is AFTER they leave their abusers. They usually have no money or no access to their abusers money. The abuser breaks them down to a point where they honestly believe no one cares about them and they have nowhere else to go. They brainwash them into thinking it's their fault. The victim walks on eggshells EVERY DAY! Their life is full of fear and shame. Imagine having someone who is supposed to love you telling you that they are gonna come out of a "blackout" one day and realize they killed you. Imagine the fear of being choked till you almost lose conciousness. Imagine having a butcher knife held to your throat. Your life is filled every day with pure terror! Every day you wake up wondering if that's the day your life is gonna end. They will beat you and hurt you for no reason. Most days I got hit without ever saying a word. The last day I was with him he came up behind me while I was washing dishes and kicked me in the back of the leg. I've had black eyes, bruised ribs from being kicked, and marks where he pinched me hard when others were around and I said something he didn't like. At some point in the hell our abusers create we start to think about suicide just to escape because we don't see another way out of the pain. At some point something inside snaps and we finally reach a breaking point and decide we are done with it and fight back in any way we can. When a woman reaches the point where she'd rather be in prison for murder that's when you know she finally snapped. A victim of abuse is already in a prison in a way. We have no freedom and no control. Think about these things before asking why we didn't just leave in the beginning.
jessica johnson I am sooo PROUD of YOU♡ I believe you♡Believing in A Victim's story is the step in the right direction♡ I am in my 15th year of Surviver status♡I came on board the New Second Bloom of Chatham County North Carolina as A crisis line operator. I went through 6 weeks of intense training in order to answer in take calls. I have the loving support of my Family ♡ as well as support from our Law Enforcement Blue Team♡Just another leg of my Journey in life♡♡♡For the Domestic violence victims out there♡ you are not alone♡I believe in you♡♡♡
@@jamiestrickland5433 almost 13 years free for me! I'm so much happier now than I ever was in the 6 1/2 years I was with my abuser. I still struggle with anxiety and insecurities but I've learned how to cope with those. Thanks so much for your reply and keep helping others 💜💜💜
The two men interviewed that claimed these women had options disgust me. These women had no options because the police and the justice system won't help them.
Yeah, I know, right?
Especially since he threaten her life in front of the cops and they did nothing.
Both old, white, well off men.
She did what she had to do to survive. Period.
Miss GNX Absolutely. If she had been taken seriously the first time he punched her, he would be in jail and she would have been freed from his barbarism.
Snodge Kat Absolutely you’re right
I agree
My friend tried to leave her ex husband. He murdered her after stalking her for 6 months. She filed multiple police reports, but the cops did nothing. She was only 25 years old.
What?? Where was this? Something needs to be done about that.
Its very common for cops to batter their partners, in our nearest city one shot & killed his ex wife for starting a relationship with a friend of his.
As a survivor of domestic violence there are still very few resources that are readily available even now. Timing is the difference between life and death
“Why didn’t you just leave?” Besides him threatening to kill you if you do, abusers also make sure their victims are completely isolated and reliant on them. They’re usually not allowed to work, so they don’t have any money and rely on their abusers financially. They’re not allowed to have friends. They don’t have the normal kind of support system you would expect. It’s like asking a child being abused “why didn’t you just leave?” Because they literally can’t. The abuser makes sure they have complete control over the person they’re abusing, physically and mentally.
Thank You!! How do u leave with no money. .one car. . No friends. . He's
hunting u down. . .
TO KILL YOU!!!
There is help now. . It must all be SECRET..
Contact your local
Womens Center for abused. . And they also help the CHILDREN. .
One is VIOLENCE FREE . . OR CONTACT YOUR LOCAL SOCIAL SERVICES!!! IT IS HARD!!! PLEASE SAVE YOUR CHILDREN FROM IT. . AND YOURSELF!!
BE STRONG!! I DID IT. . .
U CAN TOO!♥️🌷
She killed her husband because she wanted to punish him before she left??? No one who can say that knows the fear that he will find you and kill you and the police won't do anything against the husband. They had multiple chances and did nothing.
Agreed. I'm certain she felt as if there was no escaping him and his abuse even if she left. He probably threatened to kill her if she ever did leave and the police reinforced that fear by doing nothing to protect her.
So many women are in prison right now for defending themselves and there children. When I was 26 yrs old my daughter was 4. Her Step father was abusive. He shot our puppy. I had enough . I was planning secretly to leave. I had hid one of the many guns he owned behind the refrigerator. He came in late at night and told me he knew I was planning to leave. He said I will take the one thing that means the most to you and he walked to my daughter's room . He went to open her door. I grabbed the gun behind the refrigerator. I told him if he opened that door I would drop him where he stood. I left. By God's grace I didn't have to shoot him . He was scared to death. But if he had went to hurt my baby I would have shot him. These women don't have a choice . Free them . They are not guilty ...he is.
Mom of the year award 🥇
but question in the beginning of your relationship did you ever notice his abuse behavior?
@@katanaq4077 I did what I had to do . It was a reaction . Not alot of thought. I met him at a very difficult time in my life. He was like the Knight in Shining Armor to me. I was so grateful for how helpful he was at first. I started noticing he was very jealous. The abuse started slowly. I overlooked little things. Then it escalated . It got crazy. I got out. I would tell any women that sees any abuse no matter how she dismissed it that she has to just leave. I would help her leave. It gets worse. There's no excuses for abuse I know that now. Its a red flag ...a huge red siren telling you to run don't look back.
Shay. The fact that he killed an innocent puppy is a clear sign of psychopathic behavior!
@@jordanabeaulieu2530 Yes that was the tipping point for me. I was leaving and that was it. He had me convinced he would kill us. Men like that get in your head. Always try to terrorize you . When it came after my daughter that's when I decided enough I was done. By the Grace if God I got out of it.
@@katanaq4077 you know not all of them start out abusive. My ex didnt. We were together for 3 years and i was pregnant (with his child before you also accuse me of being a whore) before he started abusing me. There wasnt verbal abuse or anything before i got pregnant. He still hit me, pulled a gun on me, and i also had to threaten my daughter's father to leave with my child. Is that my fault too?
100% self defense. No sympathy for men who behave this way.
As a man, I quite agree.