"You still feel scared from a previous relationship, and you carry those beliefs into the now. You are convinced, most likely subconsciously, that any future partner will hurt you as your past one did, and as a result, you keep everyone at arms length" Fun fact:.......... that one wasn't fun
I almost think a guy did this to me. We talked for hours on the phone, then he insisted we meet up after that I almost didn't want to see him a third time but he persuaded me. Then not to long after he made it clear he was uninterested but he still tried to get me to want him, he had been hurt in past relationships, I think the one woman left him and he was super attracted to me, but out of the 8 traits he was looking for i didn't have 3 and it seemed very nitpicky, to me anyway. We had everything in common, we could talk for hours and yet he was attracted to me, but he would find reasons that it wouldn't work and instead of trying to work through those had a that's the end all be all attitude.
Reasons why I'm afraid of commitment? 1. Possessiveness/Controlling People 2. Afraid of hurting or being hurt 3. Despise disappointing people 4. Don't like being counted or dependent on 5. Don't believe in promises 6. Value personal freedom above anything else. Yeah, I think its safe to say I'll be single forever.
Okay, so we all know Anna is the queen of introspection here, but can we also talk about how amazing her comedic chops are? That "arm's length" callback alone was pacing, planning, and relevance to the main topic freaking perfected. It's a privilege to watch such top tier content.
2:07 When she started getting into the smaller, more subtle signs it felt like she was repeatedly bashing me over the head with the book she recommended.
I already know this about myself. My first relationship wasnt good or healthy. So when i first started dating my boyfriend i really notices how nitpicky i was like "the right person should just feel *right*" but like. I have anxiety and trust issues face it its never going to feel right until you push yourself out of your comfort zone and give your partner that little bit of trust until one day it does feel right. It feels like i can trust them finally because i pushed myself to trust
It’s crazy how the signs told me how I’m pursuing commitment so hard that I’m actually not allowing myself to be committed because of this underlying fear of it?! Yk? Thanks for this Anna, hope that made sense cuz this made a lot of sense to me now.
Great book! 👍🏼 Used to be anxiously attached. Securely attached now. Took time & a lot of work. You’ll have setbacks so be gracious & forgiving to yourself. You’ll get there - I know it!
You know how everyone has their own definition for love? I made one that combines a few; tell me what you think. Love: A pleasing desire of acceptance, regardless of flaws, to commit to care and/or help with a feeling of deep affection.
attachment styles are so so so important for undoing that deep childhood trauma stuff i love/hate doing the necessary work that it uncovers.... schema therapy is a really fun and different perspective that helped me once i realised i’d learnt all i could from cognitive behavioural therapy and i still wasn’t healthy !!
letting go of the stories we tell ourselves, understand our limiting beliefs and understand ourselves better, building a relationship with ourselves first!!!
This is a huge issue in the world right now. Thanks for sharing. I think another contributing factor is there is so much access to choice as well with social media, multiple dating apps, etc…
I am TERRIFIED to get hurt by someone I genuinely trust and love. It’s so bad I rather leave first because in my mind they will leave eventually. They will hurt me. That pain I felt before was horrible.
This topic was really relatable for me, I always destroy the thing that just started and then proceed to blame the other party and eventually myself. And then start this cycle over. Thank you for sharing!
I have a dismissive attachment style working towards the secure attachment style. Self-love and open communication are the keys. Have the awareness that you are complete and enough, and be the person you want to attract to life. 2020 didn’t have an easy start, but that’s the year for a change and we will make it better!
I knew I am. Afraid of commitment. I relate more or less to some of these signs, but I wasn't aware it was so bad. At around 2:26 (also from 2:44 to 2:49)... Anna got me good, that's an "attack" on me because it's so true (no matter how much I deny it and try to lie to myself). Thanks for the book rec. I'll try to help myself with it until I finally get the nerve to go to an actual therapist.
I'm not afraid of relationships, I was in a commited relationship for 10 years... Now I miss being in one so much, having that special partner that you can tell everything and hang up and make love. Lol
Love sneaks up on you when you least expect it. It appears like the sun in the morning peaking in with a blanket to keep you warm and soak up your tears. When it shows up it puts a light in you that will leave you wanting more of it. Love is real, it took me to self sabotage and being in a long relationship plus being so unhappy with myself to realize love isn’t gained by another persons affection. The journey doesn’t stop, we are here for love, it’s time to heal ourselves and start loving ourselves. Have a nice day everyone!
Fear of commitment, avoiding the grief of lost relationships, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, chronic pain that could be improved by a healthy routine that I cannot seem to achieve... Too many things wrong with me to even want to try at this point lol
seriously have no idea why i've been dweliing on all of your videos for a week now. Those messages you gave in the videos are no joke. Thanks for making everyon better and life's easier, Anna.
I have borderline personality disorder (BPD) in a mild variation. And all Anna’s content is so relatable for people with BPD: mood swings, fear of not being accepted, fear of being abandoned, deep desire to bond with people, unstable self image (from feeling OK to feeling completely unworthy), ruminating, hard recovery from criticism and depression. Like she is talking about BPD traits that helped my therapist to diagnose me and give me the proper treatment.
I'm in a long-term relationship w a man and have never been with a woman. So I haven't come out in years. Any tips on how to deal with people not believing your sexuality?
I get it can be frustrating, but does it really matter if they believe it or not? It's not even something they should have doubts about lol, if you say you're a certain way, the least people can do is respect it. PS: sorry if I sound rude, I just get mad in situations like these, even if it doesn't envolve me...
Agree with Renata Margues that true friends will believe you because they recognize your agency as a human being. Coming out is scary (amhik), one of the biggest fears is that your friends and family will abandon you but if you flip that over your being your authentic self is a test of the other's relationship with you. If they truly value you and their connection to you they will accept you and affirm you... though it can be a bumpy ride for all involved. Patience is a virtue however frustrating or painful but the most important thing that the people allowed to be in your life accept, support and love you as you. The good news is that as an out person there's another whole world of people waiting to welcome you and celebrate you!
Embody Geralt of Rivia: hit them with a hard stare and a “Hmmm”. In all seriousness, you don’t have to prove your sexuality. If people don’t believe you, that’s their problem. You know who you are and who you love. I’ve now gotten to the point where I actively enjoy correcting people who assume I’m straight. I just stare them out and enjoy their discomfort, make of that what you will!
Worth while to examine why you feel the need to make sure people believe your sexuality and if the same people consistently invalidate your sexuality have a candid talk about it with them. You may find that you need to cut some folks out of your life and set boundaries with people.
I'm going down this road too! Getting to know yourself is great and enlightening, but too much exposure to these things could mess you in the head if you're doing a deep dive suddenly... just something I've experience.
Take it from a guy who's now in his 60's.... Who has a track record of relationships that never lasted more than three years... Make a commitment with that one who made you laugh more so than not.
I wonder whether many people at all are happy in their long term relationships. And whether the happily in love tend to have certain traits. How much of the population is unmotivated, unhappy, flaky, addicted, unfeeling, anxious, and so on? I think maybe I'm just too isolated. I don't really know any examples in my personal life of healthy, loving relationships, while there are plenty of instances of unhealthy, unloving relationships. But it seems to me that some people will never find anyone they love in return. Yes, not one out of the 7 billion people on the planet. Esp those who are mentally or physically ill. I could have fallen in love once upon a time. But now, I'd have to find someone who not only could fall in love with someone as broken as me, but I could fall in love with as well. Could be worse. I could be someone who can't stand to be alone.
Well being in relationships and learning abt other ppl and how to handle situations is what actually makes you stronger. You need experiences to grow and as a result u remain single.
Going through something like this in my head but in the peak of a long term relationship. Thanks for this Anna, definitely need to do some more conscious work on my subconscious.
i’m so grateful for self awareness tho cause it’s brought me to learn most of this without therapy. and thanks to my internet searches guided by self awareness of my needs!
When it comes to relationships I'm full-on avoidant lol I literally have a doormat that says "Go away" with a pic of a cat throwing up double middle fingers lol *Person shows interest in me Me: I bite.
😂 I got 50/50 avoidant and secure from a test. When ppl try to hit on me I just freeze and suddenly act super cold while internally I just wanna run and hide 😅
You know you're afraid of commitment when you actually experience the emotion of anxiety in response to the prospect of commitment. Everything else is your interpretation of behavior that might only circumstantially indicate an underlying aversion to commitment based on inter-subjectively untestable pseudo scientific theories that can't tell us anything about the inherent nature of human consciousness (I mean psychology in general which at best could only help us to predict observable human behavior based on noting correlating variables and certain patterns which isn't even it's sole claim to expertise. Knowledge about the nature of consciousness could only stem from literal introspection, meaning personal experience or imagination, truths about the universal nature of consciousness are 'philosophical' and can't be derived from the scientific method that biology, physics or chemistry involve).
"Get a life."
"Make one with me, coward."
Hilarious.
I’m using that forever now on
HAHAAHAH
Lol
Anna is a funny lady, alright!
Fun fact: Not all facts are fun.
Say sike right now.
Oh yeah, we just call them facts
Thank you, Mr. Bastion "Posh Sh*thead" Misawa. Truly, your insights are among the poshest & the sh*test out there. We salute you, sir.
WingSlash I blame Martin for this. -_-
@@4289isOK
You are right to do so, good sir. :P
Fun fact: Oranges are pre-sliced by nature
Priyanuj Bordoloi how considerate of it ❤️ 🍊
Damn.
Priyanuj Bordoloi yup
Fun fact: I'm about to slap you.
Fun fact: Mandarins are oranges pre-sliced by nature
"Enjoying the pursuit of a relationship rather than actually being in one". Yep, that's me for sure...and probably alot of others too : D
Yesss
Me me me!
Yupppo
Me lol
@Sarah, Chase me until I say no.
"get a life"
" *make one with me coward* "
That's called being Tsundere
Roseta Hearts "fun facts"
this channel should be named Anna Attacka based on how much your recent content attacks me and forces me to face my issues thanks babe
LMAOOO TRUE.
anna attacka SUIADHSUAYDSGFUYDSGFUYDSGFUSHFUIDSHFIS
"You still feel scared from a previous relationship, and you carry those beliefs into the now. You are convinced, most likely subconsciously, that any future partner will hurt you as your past one did, and as a result, you keep everyone at arms length"
Fun fact:.......... that one wasn't fun
I almost think a guy did this to me. We talked for hours on the phone, then he insisted we meet up after that I almost didn't want to see him a third time but he persuaded me. Then not to long after he made it clear he was uninterested but he still tried to get me to want him, he had been hurt in past relationships, I think the one woman left him and he was super attracted to me, but out of the 8 traits he was looking for i didn't have 3 and it seemed very nitpicky, to me anyway. We had everything in common, we could talk for hours and yet he was attracted to me, but he would find reasons that it wouldn't work and instead of trying to work through those had a that's the end all be all attitude.
I felt attacked by that one. 😓
Not fun, but definitely a fact
@Teddy James wat?
@Teddy James what do you mean a crime? Lol. "damn I hate being single. Lemme go commit tax fraud" lol
Yeah, I guess my relationship goes good.
20secs later, Anna: YOU ARE AFRAID OF COMMITMENT
Reasons why I'm afraid of commitment?
1. Possessiveness/Controlling People
2. Afraid of hurting or being hurt
3. Despise disappointing people
4. Don't like being counted or dependent on
5. Don't believe in promises
6. Value personal freedom above anything else.
Yeah, I think its safe to say I'll be single forever.
Then you're not alone girl, same here
I Don’t believe in promises.. and I wish all people could think that way
Fun fact: We all are gonna die c:
Anna: *Smiles in death* That makes me happy :)
The funnest of facts
That's what makes everything totally less worrisome and serious.
HOW is what I'm more worried of lol
"Commitment is not something that I fear, but something that I welcome. "
That's my 2020 vision a.k.a goal right there.
Thanks Anna 🖤
@Robert what
"You're very interested...until they are" sounds like every girl I've ever met
Cactuaaaaaaaa
Me. Till I grew up
💀💀💀💀💀
Used to be me, then I realized I'm a lesbian lmao
sorry
Sign you're scared of Commitment:
1. You're still Single
Duchi Oof, why you gotta call me out like that
No?
You may be single because you're holding out for the RIGHT person to commit to.
me
You didn't.
"I don't know if love is real" - I feel this in my soul.
Dude I’m AFRAID of being in a relationship
SAME DUDE.
me too.
Me 😭
same 😭
Mee too ..i feel all those thing that she mentioned here
Okay, so we all know Anna is the queen of introspection here, but can we also talk about how amazing her comedic chops are? That "arm's length" callback alone was pacing, planning, and relevance to the main topic freaking perfected. It's a privilege to watch such top tier content.
2:07 When she started getting into the smaller, more subtle signs it felt like she was repeatedly bashing me over the head with the book she recommended.
Fun fact: I'm Chandler Bing in a relationship
Fun fact: Only being Chandler Muriel Bing is fun enough.
Same tho😂
@@vasilzhekov9245 lol
@@madsmaryann5141 XD
Fun fact: Anna is smart because therapy is most likely business expense, better use it on therapy sessions rather than being taxed on
I already know this about myself. My first relationship wasnt good or healthy. So when i first started dating my boyfriend i really notices how nitpicky i was like "the right person should just feel *right*" but like. I have anxiety and trust issues face it its never going to feel right until you push yourself out of your comfort zone and give your partner that little bit of trust until one day it does feel right. It feels like i can trust them finally because i pushed myself to trust
“Some of you might feel attack”
Me: yes but needed
Life begins where fear ends
And what if it kills you ?
It’s crazy how the signs told me how I’m pursuing commitment so hard that I’m actually not allowing myself to be committed because of this underlying fear of it?! Yk? Thanks for this Anna, hope that made sense cuz this made a lot of sense to me now.
i knew i was going to be called out but i wasn’t prepared to be so accurately called out
"Get a life!... make one with me coward..." what a great line
Great book! 👍🏼
Used to be anxiously attached. Securely attached now. Took time & a lot of work. You’ll have setbacks so be gracious & forgiving to yourself. You’ll get there - I know it!
"Fun fact: you're 2.6 feet away from me" got me. The perfect timing on the callback
*I can’t forget seeing you in Ant-Man o-o*
Oop-
I thought it was spiderman
Where? Which scene?
@@spinmaster6995 it's the after credit scene
👀 👀 👀
I knew i had commitment issues since i stopped finishing any game or series
You know how everyone has their own definition for love? I made one that combines a few; tell me what you think.
Love:
A pleasing desire of acceptance, regardless of flaws, to commit to care and/or help with a feeling of deep affection.
seems pretty accurate to me your definition.
...this sounds like how I would define unconditional love...
Soon as I read desire I stopped reading
@@johnathangulley9700 I think your attracted to disapproval if I’m the one comment you responded to
@@johnathangulley9700 hmm okay 👍
when they abandon you n you’re sad but also relieved...
I recently started therapy for anxiety and low self-esteem because your videos are one of the reason that made me okay with it.
attachment styles are so so so important for undoing that deep childhood trauma stuff i love/hate doing the necessary work that it uncovers.... schema therapy is a really fun and different perspective that helped me once i realised i’d learnt all i could from cognitive behavioural therapy and i still wasn’t healthy !!
letting go of the stories we tell ourselves, understand our limiting beliefs and understand ourselves better, building a relationship with ourselves first!!!
"You are very interestend...until they are" ouch that one really hurt
fun facts: anna loves to attack individuals like me with videos like these 😔🤲
Yeah, she nailed me too!
Same here. Lol.
“ We’re all gonna die”
I’m excited 🤩🤩🤩...
This is a huge issue in the world right now. Thanks for sharing. I think another contributing factor is there is so much access to choice as well with social media, multiple dating apps, etc…
The mustard yellow has been lookin’ goooooooood btw, lol.
I am TERRIFIED to get hurt by someone I genuinely trust and love. It’s so bad I rather leave first because in my mind they will leave eventually. They will hurt me. That pain I felt before was horrible.
This topic was really relatable for me, I always destroy the thing that just started and then proceed to blame the other party and eventually myself. And then start this cycle over. Thank you for sharing!
I have a dismissive attachment style working towards the secure attachment style. Self-love and open communication are the keys.
Have the awareness that you are complete and enough, and be the person you want to attract to life.
2020 didn’t have an easy start, but that’s the year for a change and we will make it better!
I knew I am. Afraid of commitment. I relate more or less to some of these signs, but I wasn't aware it was so bad. At around 2:26 (also from 2:44 to 2:49)... Anna got me good, that's an "attack" on me because it's so true (no matter how much I deny it and try to lie to myself). Thanks for the book rec. I'll try to help myself with it until I finally get the nerve to go to an actual therapist.
I feel so attacked. 😂😂
Fun Fact: We're all gonna die.
That needs to be a t-shirt!
I Will make that tshirt. İn several colors! 😂😉
@@erhantufekcoglu3193 There needs to be more people like you 😊👍👍
She deserves so many more subs. Intelligent, gorgeous and entertaining.
Since Anna uses clones. Does that mean she's dating herself? If so? How many clones are there?😂
I love how you mention your therapy sessions
I'm not afraid of relationships, I was in a commited relationship for 10 years... Now I miss being in one so much, having that special partner that you can tell everything and hang up and make love. Lol
Love sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
It appears like the sun in the morning peaking in with a blanket to keep you warm and soak up your tears. When it shows up it puts a light in you that will leave you wanting more of it.
Love is real, it took me to self sabotage and being in a long relationship plus being so unhappy with myself to realize love isn’t gained by another persons affection.
The journey doesn’t stop, we are here for love, it’s time to heal ourselves and start loving ourselves.
Have a nice day everyone!
Anna be helping psychology students from her own findings
That's me! Thanks Anna💕
Andrea Valencie that’s me too! But I’m doing it as an A Level
"You're very interested until they are"
Wow, I didn't need to get attacked like that.
I'm not scared of commiting. I've commited to this channel.
Fear of commitment, avoiding the grief of lost relationships, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, chronic pain that could be improved by a healthy routine that I cannot seem to achieve... Too many things wrong with me to even want to try at this point lol
okay.......but you didnt have to drag me this hard
yep that's me creating mess in every relationship and end it without letting it get to some meaningful stage.
Fun fact: we're all going to die
@first last Than, not then
that's not a fun fact.
Ahhh, but if you die before me then how do you know I'll die? :D
seriously have no idea why i've been dweliing on all of your videos for a week now. Those messages you gave in the videos are no joke. Thanks for making everyon better and life's easier, Anna.
Not just a afraid of intimacy girl
I'ma scared of commitment too
i will stan anna till i die for teaching me the most appropriate response to 'get a life'
i love you so much girl you have no idea
Oh my god this outlines my entire existence
Anna this was fab, thank you!
"Make one with me, coward." Just gold!
Sometimes and I mean ALL the time, I feel like Anna is speaking directly to me
“You think your married friends settled” lmao no I know this for a fact SO BOOM. 💀😂 I’ll commit when I feel like I’ve gotten my best option ☺️
but what if that's never 🤔
Sophie May lol! I don’t have those issues/concerns. But hypothetically, I would just never commit.
I already knew I was afraid of commitment. Not just in relationships, but also in my career and friendships. I’m working with my therapist on it.
Sign youre afraid of commitment: You watched this
ugh I love being attacked by Anna
I have borderline personality disorder (BPD) in a mild variation. And all Anna’s content is so relatable for people with BPD: mood swings, fear of not being accepted, fear of being abandoned, deep desire to bond with people, unstable self image (from feeling OK to feeling completely unworthy), ruminating, hard recovery from criticism and depression.
Like she is talking about BPD traits that helped my therapist to diagnose me and give me the proper treatment.
I'm in a long-term relationship w a man and have never been with a woman. So I haven't come out in years. Any tips on how to deal with people not believing your sexuality?
Move to California. You'll run into many sympathetic people in the same boat : D
I get it can be frustrating, but does it really matter if they believe it or not? It's not even something they should have doubts about lol, if you say you're a certain way, the least people can do is respect it.
PS: sorry if I sound rude, I just get mad in situations like these, even if it doesn't envolve me...
Agree with Renata Margues that true friends will believe you because they recognize your agency as a human being. Coming out is scary (amhik), one of the biggest fears is that your friends and family will abandon you but if you flip that over your being your authentic self is a test of the other's relationship with you. If they truly value you and their connection to you they will accept you and affirm you... though it can be a bumpy ride for all involved. Patience is a virtue however frustrating or painful but the most important thing that the people allowed to be in your life accept, support and love you as you. The good news is that as an out person there's another whole world of people waiting to welcome you and celebrate you!
Embody Geralt of Rivia: hit them with a hard stare and a “Hmmm”. In all seriousness, you don’t have to prove your sexuality. If people don’t believe you, that’s their problem. You know who you are and who you love. I’ve now gotten to the point where I actively enjoy correcting people who assume I’m straight. I just stare them out and enjoy their discomfort, make of that what you will!
Worth while to examine why you feel the need to make sure people believe your sexuality and if the same people consistently invalidate your sexuality have a candid talk about it with them. You may find that you need to cut some folks out of your life and set boundaries with people.
I feel like adding a label always changes things
Love how when she started getting real her voice became more nasal. 😂
Dang! Her production quality is top class on UA-cam
I was today years old when I learned that I’m scared of commitment.
the title alone confirmed that anna akana will once again come after my life but also save my life LOL
Fun fact: "If I measured pants using my neck I'd never get them over my thighs."
I'm going down this road too! Getting to know yourself is great and enlightening, but too much exposure to these things could mess you in the head if you're doing a deep dive suddenly... just something I've experience.
Take it from a guy who's now in his 60's.... Who has a track record of relationships that never lasted more than three years... Make a commitment with that one who made you laugh more so than not.
I know I shouldn't judge people by their looks... BUT YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
I wonder whether many people at all are happy in their long term relationships. And whether the happily in love tend to have certain traits. How much of the population is unmotivated, unhappy, flaky, addicted, unfeeling, anxious, and so on?
I think maybe I'm just too isolated. I don't really know any examples in my personal life of healthy, loving relationships, while there are plenty of instances of unhealthy, unloving relationships.
But it seems to me that some people will never find anyone they love in return. Yes, not one out of the 7 billion people on the planet. Esp those who are mentally or physically ill.
I could have fallen in love once upon a time. But now, I'd have to find someone who not only could fall in love with someone as broken as me, but I could fall in love with as well.
Could be worse. I could be someone who can't stand to be alone.
This is like, scarily accurate
Fun fact: Being single makes you a stronger person.
Well being in relationships and learning abt other ppl and how to handle situations is what actually makes you stronger. You need experiences to grow and as a result u remain single.
Oh bullshit
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more personally attacked before.
"Get a life."
"Make one with me, you coward."
👌👀👅👌👌👀💯
Anna is like the 3 best friends I had in middle school. So many truth smacks in the face
*raises hand*
Me, I know 1700s sea shanties :>
One positive relation can change everything. Start with self relation. 😊
2:04, genius, I laughed so hard.
LOOOOL replaying creepy deadpan whisper “fun faaaaactss”
Damn, the only time I felt attacked about commitment.
Going through something like this in my head but in the peak of a long term relationship. Thanks for this Anna, definitely need to do some more conscious work on my subconscious.
Dating coach time
i’m so grateful for self awareness tho cause it’s brought me to learn most of this without therapy. and thanks to my internet searches guided by self awareness of my needs!
Bold of you to assume I want a relationship with anyone at all.......
**nods*
SHE'S CALLING ME OUT SO MUCH
When it comes to relationships I'm full-on avoidant lol I literally have a doormat that says "Go away" with a pic of a cat throwing up double middle fingers lol
*Person shows interest in me
Me: I bite.
😂
I got 50/50 avoidant and secure from a test. When ppl try to hit on me I just freeze and suddenly act super cold while internally I just wanna run and hide 😅
i swear your videos are always so relevant to what im currently going through its bizarre
Fun fact : a fact is fun
A friend and I discovered we both watch you, and agreed that your videos are like free therapy sessions.
Stay Awesome Anna! ♡
You know you're afraid of commitment when you actually experience the emotion of anxiety in response to the prospect of commitment. Everything else is your interpretation of behavior that might only circumstantially indicate an underlying aversion to commitment based on inter-subjectively untestable pseudo scientific theories that can't tell us anything about the inherent nature of human consciousness (I mean psychology in general which at best could only help us to predict observable human behavior based on noting correlating variables and certain patterns which isn't even it's sole claim to expertise. Knowledge about the nature of consciousness could only stem from literal introspection, meaning personal experience or imagination, truths about the universal nature of consciousness are 'philosophical' and can't be derived from the scientific method that biology, physics or chemistry involve).
I could really use a friend like you in my life....