My obstacles to recovery/healing: rumination, the grief/pain of the loved ones I have lost, the time lost, and loss of self which all ties into the injustice.
It was very eye opening to have realized I married someone identical to my abusive Mother Dearest. I'm far away from them both, but it was a huge relief when I learned my greatest strengths were everything these 2 people had convinced me were my greatest faults. I have a wonderful trauma specialist who helps me w DBT, EMDR, Vagal Nerve exercises, TRE, and we also do the empty chair technique. When I have the night terrors, she helps me w Jungian Dream Analysis, and sometimes we do a reverse dream where I'm the writer, and director. Thank you Gentlemen. I appreciate when you team up together to bring us the valuable help, support, and validation as scapegoat survivors. Enjoy your weekend.
I think that the first step is to recognize that you were abused. Sometimes the person is so immersed in the abuse that they don't recognize they're even being abused. When that abuse is recognized, the person needs to process what was experienced, because he wasn't aware enough to processed it while it was happening. When the abuse has been mulled over, and the emotional turmoil has settled down, the healing can begin. And that's when a person begins the process of rebuilding and learns to function normally, because he wasn't able to learn to function while in the abusive environment.
That coffee idea seemed to be a good example of a way to take a step toward assertiveness. It seems to be a way establishing boundaries, and learning to recognize when your boundaries are being crossed. While no one may have requested that you leave your coffee and do their work, having no personal boundaries would put you in a place of subservience, so you automatically get up and go do their work. To go a step further, if someone were to tell you to leave your coffee and go do this this or that, recognizing when your boundaries are being crossed would send up a red flag and cause you to evaluate the situation, and not just automatically comply. I have been down this path. That term "inner voice" was hard for me to understand because at first I took it literally. After a while it's meaning dawned on me, and understanding that concept was a revelation for me.
What a great video and discussion. Thank you two so much. Been a big fan of both of you for a while now. This combo is awesome and my favorite collaboration on these topics. Awesome professionals and doing what you do on UA-cam, sharing this with us has helped me so much over the last few years. You have helped me make my life better/easier to deal with.
It's wild to think back and see me in the room with that family from the past.. It became a tacitly understood agreement that I was the lesser than my cousins. I remember that "feeling" and I remember that same feeling of feeling out of the loop and over sharing with strangers in future social situations to make up for my shortcomings. The lack of attention I got as a kid which made me try to "prove" myself to be able to belong. Ironically, a long term cons favorite song was "Little Red Riding Hood". Thanks Mom for turning me into that.
Your communication styles complement one another. Great content from both of you. Jay Reid's psychotherapy practice is in my city. I think we're fortunate to have him. So many narcissists in the San Francisco Bay area. Honestly, after living for 10 years in LA, and long in the SF Bay area, I think SF is worse than LA when it comes to narcissistic psychopathology. I've encountered not just narcissists who work for the big tech companies, but their boomer parents and their grandiose grandparents are sometimes worse than the millennials themselves. You literally find generations of pathological narcissism here. Oh the stories I have told about what I've seen/experienced with these individuals....
Yeah I live in new York city area so you can imagine how many narcissists are here lol! I always had this romanticism towards country people and assumed they can't be as narcissistic as us
Great questions, even greater answers! I love learning, and I learned so much listening to you both. It was such a therapeutic video. Thank you so much to both of you ❤!
No ads ever on any of the UA-cam videos I watch. I installed AdBlocker Plus to Chrome so many years ago, I can't remember when? When I see people posting about ads, I always wonder to myself, "What ads?" lol Hope this helps your viewing because, in this type of informative video, it's important not to have inconsistency and no disruption.
"The safety of the therapy room". I was abused in couple therapy by my narc spouse and abused again in a support group for betrayed spouses. The therapy room is not a safe space if your narc spouse has no scruples. Do your own research and be very careful when choosing/staying with a therapist. Avoid couple therapy entirely as it is a racket.
Maybe narcissist our finding love with a person iWho is just as dominating and strong and caring wanting to be loved just as much but knowing love is the biggest weakness in being hurt and that’s it is important that nothing may break that bond f not from each other but anything or anyone When to dominate people our together in Love or looking to be loved they are are seen as weak to themselves and others during this time it’ is at this time the weak and. Jealous etc t become the prey but also the prey come to break them from finding or keeping from what makes them feel whole and powerful which is the power of LOVE loving and being loved and if in love with each other it is important to protecting the power of LOVE for eternity because there is only one chance beachside there is no one else who knows anything about how to keep to dominate people together for an eternity not even themselves yet
😢hit the nail on the head. Needs to make sense, seek justice and be considered valuable to others keeps me engaged in a seeking space. Yes, feeling “good” is definitely bad (threatening) in narcissistic spaces. Healing ❤️🩹 is not going to go well around these people. Still remember my mother saying out loud “none of my kids are going to do better than me…” after I’d achieved so much educationally and financially despite NO support from parents. I believed they’d be proud. And mom did say on other occasions “you kids all turned out okay didn’t you” kind of talking out loud to no one specifically, reassuring herself I guess 🤷♀️ All of it so sad. I realized I was on my own very young and acted accordingly-results are a mixed bag. Took me a very long while and massive confusion to finally connect the dots with in my family that I am never going to be “enough” though-and will mostly be punished for my efforts to connect with those who are still around.
My obstacles to recovery/healing: rumination, the grief/pain of the loved ones I have lost, the time lost, and loss of self which all ties into the injustice.
Well stated. You are not alone in these obstacles. It all rings incredibly familiar.
I am so sorry you are going through this too! Thanks for your response! Sending you virtual hugs as you go through this process too.
❤
It was very eye opening to have realized I married someone identical to my abusive Mother Dearest.
I'm far away from them both, but it was a huge relief when I learned my greatest strengths were everything these 2 people had convinced me were my greatest faults.
I have a wonderful trauma specialist who helps me w DBT, EMDR, Vagal Nerve exercises, TRE, and we also do the empty chair technique.
When I have the night terrors, she helps me w Jungian Dream Analysis, and sometimes we do a reverse dream where I'm the writer, and director.
Thank you Gentlemen.
I appreciate when you team up together to bring us the valuable help, support, and validation as scapegoat survivors.
Enjoy your weekend.
I think that the first step is to recognize that you were abused. Sometimes the person is so immersed in the abuse that they don't recognize they're even being abused. When that abuse is recognized, the person needs to process what was experienced, because he wasn't aware enough to processed it while it was happening. When the abuse has been mulled over, and the emotional turmoil has settled down, the healing can begin. And that's when a person begins the process of rebuilding and learns to function normally, because he wasn't able to learn to function while in the abusive environment.
Thank you Gentlemen.
Brilliant information.I enjoy you two discussing these topics
Thank you both so much! This discussion is in depth and insightful.
That coffee idea seemed to be a good example of a way to take a step toward assertiveness. It seems to be a way establishing boundaries, and learning to recognize when your boundaries are being crossed. While no one may have requested that you leave your coffee and do their work, having no personal boundaries would put you in a place of subservience, so you automatically get up and go do their work. To go a step further, if someone were to tell you to leave your coffee and go do this this or that, recognizing when your boundaries are being crossed would send up a red flag and cause you to evaluate the situation, and not just automatically comply.
I have been down this path.
That term "inner voice" was hard for me to understand because at first I took it literally. After a while it's meaning dawned on me, and understanding that concept was a revelation for me.
What a great video and discussion. Thank you two so much. Been a big fan of both of you for a while now. This combo is awesome and my favorite collaboration on these topics. Awesome professionals and doing what you do on UA-cam, sharing this with us has helped me so much over the last few years. You have helped me make my life better/easier to deal with.
Thank you for an absolutely brilliant conversation Gentleman. It has been very supportive and helpful for me. ❤
It's wild to think back and see me in the room with that family from the past.. It became a tacitly understood agreement that I was the lesser than my cousins. I remember that "feeling" and I remember that same feeling of feeling out of the loop and over sharing with strangers in future social situations to make up for my shortcomings. The lack of attention I got as a kid which made me try to "prove" myself to be able to belong. Ironically, a long term cons favorite song was "Little Red Riding Hood". Thanks Mom for turning me into that.
Your communication styles complement one another. Great content from both of you. Jay Reid's psychotherapy practice is in my city. I think we're fortunate to have him. So many narcissists in the San Francisco Bay area. Honestly, after living for 10 years in LA, and long in the SF Bay area, I think SF is worse than LA when it comes to narcissistic psychopathology.
I've encountered not just narcissists who work for the big tech companies, but their boomer parents and their grandiose grandparents are sometimes worse than the millennials themselves. You literally find generations of pathological narcissism here. Oh the stories I have told about what I've seen/experienced with these individuals....
Yeah I live in new York city area so you can imagine how many narcissists are here lol! I always had this romanticism towards country people and assumed they can't be as narcissistic as us
Great questions, even greater answers! I love learning, and I learned so much listening to you both. It was such a therapeutic video. Thank you so much to both of you ❤!
Amazing insightful video..was much needed..👍🏻pls put a video on Cognitive dissonance? When someone doesn't want to see what they r seeing sir..,?
Thank you for your suggestion 👍
Wonderful information ! The ads are overwhelming though.
Sorry, I’m not sure if I can limit them. If I find out how I will
No ads ever on any of the UA-cam videos I watch. I installed AdBlocker Plus to Chrome so many years ago, I can't remember when?
When I see people posting about ads, I always wonder to myself, "What ads?" lol
Hope this helps your viewing because, in this type of informative video, it's important not to have inconsistency and no disruption.
jay is incredible.
All your videos has been straight to the point and really helpful sir..
How can I contact you?
"The safety of the therapy room". I was abused in couple therapy by my narc spouse and abused again in a support group for betrayed spouses. The therapy room is not a safe space if your narc spouse has no scruples. Do your own research and be very careful when choosing/staying with a therapist. Avoid couple therapy entirely as it is a racket.
55:35 min in, you said some profound shit!
Enjoyed the more in-depth scientific theoretical take on eitiologies of behaviors and convictions here.
Update memories- but what if memories were so bad pre narcissist you don’t want to go back
Hypotherapy might be something you should consider (and look into it first). If you had PTSD, consider EMDR.
Darren, what do you think of EMDR in helping a person recover from narcissistic abuse?
I'm putting video out about EMDR shortly I hope it answers any questions you may have
Thank you! I'll look forward to that.
Now tell me what those of us that They mangled so bad we can't get a "real job' or any insurance are supposed to do.
Steve de Shazer, in case anyone else is wondering.
I wish I knew where to turn to help me with my narcissist problem...
Maybe narcissist our finding love with a person iWho is just as dominating and strong and caring wanting to be loved just as much but knowing love is the biggest weakness in being hurt and that’s it is important that nothing may break that bond f not from each other but anything or anyone When to dominate people our together in Love or looking to be loved they are are seen as weak to themselves and others during this time it’ is at this time the weak and. Jealous etc t become the prey but also the prey come to break them from finding or keeping from what makes them feel whole and powerful which is the power of LOVE loving and being loved and if in love with each other it is important to protecting the power of LOVE for eternity because there is only one chance beachside there is no one else who knows anything about how to keep to dominate people together for an eternity not even themselves yet
😢hit the nail on the head. Needs to make sense, seek justice and be considered valuable to others keeps me engaged in a seeking space.
Yes, feeling “good” is definitely bad (threatening) in narcissistic spaces. Healing ❤️🩹 is not going to go well around these people. Still remember my mother saying out loud “none of my kids are going to do better than me…” after I’d achieved so much educationally and financially despite NO support from parents. I believed they’d be proud. And mom did say on other occasions “you kids all turned out okay didn’t you” kind of talking out loud to no one specifically, reassuring herself I guess 🤷♀️
All of it so sad. I realized I was on my own very young and acted accordingly-results are a mixed bag. Took me a very long while and massive confusion to finally connect the dots with in my family that I am never going to be “enough” though-and will mostly be punished for my efforts to connect with those who are still around.