How Do I Deal With Someone With a Giant Ego?
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- Опубліковано 24 лют 2022
- Leif Babin:
We get this question all the time. How do I deal with someone with a giant ego? The very first thing that we're thinking when we hear that is it's not just the other person with a giant ego. Because if Jocko and I are working together and he has a giant ego, if I can put my ego in check, we can work together. We can have a great relationship.
The only time that that becomes an issue is when I have a giant ego and I'm clashing with his ego and so now we have a clash of egos. So all it takes is one person to put their ego in check and you can't control the other person. You can only control you.
So whether you're talking about your boss, your peer, somebody on your team with a giant ego, stop worrying about their ego, put your own ego in check, subordinate your ego, and that's going to allow you to be able to build a better relationship and work with someone, even if they have a giant ego.
Jocko Willink:
What gets funny about this is it's actually a little ego detector test. When Leif comes to me and he says he's working with Dave and he says, "Dave's got a giant ego, what do I do about this?" I say, "Well, what you do is you subordinate your ego. You subordinate your ego. You ask him how he wants to do things and you follow his lead."
Then what if Leif says, "I'm not going to do that. Why should I have to do that?" There you go. There is your answer. That's when the ego becomes revealed. Because if you truly don't have an ego, if Leif can keep his ego in check, he goes, "Hey, got it, Jocko, that makes sense. I'll subordinate my ego. I'll do it. We'll go with Dave's plan. That makes sense. That'll smooth things over and we can figure things out later."
That's what someone that has their ego under control will say. So you give him that little ego detector test and it should be something that allows me to show the mirror to Leif. When I say, "Hey, just subordinate your ego and go with Dave's plan," and he says, "Why should I have to go with his plan? He's got a big ego. I shouldn't have to fall in line under him," I just hold up that nice little mirror and say, "You see what that looks like? You see what it looks like? That's your ego. So put your ego in check. Subordinate it. You just failed the ego detector test, Leif. Get it in check and that's how you're going to overcome dealing with someone that's got a big ego."
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being able to take control over your own ego is a real strength.
but most of the people do not realise it is a real strength and think you could not display the big ego as they are and think you are a weak person.
Not when the other person's ego wants to cross your boundaries in the case of a relationship.
yes. this.
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When people click on this video, they're probably expecting to be validated that it's the "other" person's problem, but thank you for bringing self awareness, mindfulness and the real truth to the table.
The most exhausting part of work is everyone’s egos. Everyone thinks they’ve got something special to say or contribute.
This is truly the worst way to deal with this problem.
If an idiot with an ego tells you something completely ridiculous you should subjugate yourself to it?
Rejected
Nice try...ok I really mean weak as shit try.
Absolutely true. Don't let idiots run around thinking they're right. Egomaniacs need to be put in check, not given ego boosts
Exactly.
@@Mr.Virus__ Can you tell us how you can shut them without losing your class ?
@@manojmurali7462Ask them to “prove it” to whatever they are saying. Then disengage anytime they show an ego. No response, or a simple huh. Counter the ego with the opposite emotion
What do you do when you subordinate your ego, things go wrong, the egomaniac does not learn from their mistakes, and it keeps happening over and over for months or years?
Exactly. This doesn't solve anything.
Agreed. These guys seem unaware
You leave. You can bother explaining your self, better to just leave though without a word.
@@airmanfair but people can't leave if it's their employer... Or child...
People tend to underestimate someone who is passive...what happens if it backfires? would they be ready when a passive person looses their edge?
Isn't that just being passive instead of assertive? I don't see how being assertive in a situation would mean you have a large ego. My dad's ego says that I don't know anything about subjects I'm an expert on and that he is all knowing about subjects he knows nothing about. So I should be passive and nod and agree even when he's wrong?
No you shouldn't. These jokers are absolutely idiots!
US Marine
No, this video is bullshit. They're telling you to submit and comply with problematic and narcissistic people who need to be put in check. Do not listen to this video's advice. Be assertive when faced with an egomaniac or they will trample and use you
Is he really wrong, or has the communist indoctrination spoiled your view? Take the right pill and your eyes will open wide.
I was thinking the same thing. How does being submissive stop me from being annoyed
What do you gain from being right in an argument? If you're truly an expert in some areas then you should have the confidence to not care what others opinions are on said topics. It has nothing to do with being submissive. Also, be open to the idea that you could be wrong on certain topics. There's always multiple perspectives to look at things through.
Ok, ok… what if you’re dealing with a know it all who thinks they know what needs doing but you can see what they are doing isn’t what needs doing… do you step in and say how about we try it this way? or do we tell them to get out of the bloody way and get it done!
LOL. I am the facility lead mechanic for our repair shop. I answer to many people up thru the chain of command but most specifically Dayshift Maint Leader (head boss) & Nightshift Frontline Leader. I would look at what I consider the most important aspect of what you are saying. Will someone get hurt going down that slippery slope? I also would look at there being more than one way to the same outcome. Who assigned 'Bob' to the job. If either of my bosses assigned that job to 'Bob' I would let 'Bob' know if he needs some info or help just give me a shout. I am lead by time in the company job title and amount of time being a diesel mechanic. Yea I am old. Humble yourself. I have mechanics from all the shifts ask me questions. If they have a problem, they come see me. If they have an issue with their job assigned to them, let's go to the boss and talk about it. Listening to the words spoken above and written below the short above here WORK. Humble yourself (not just me) also the fellow Mech. Check the EGO!! you accomplish NOTHING if the ears are not open, and mouth shut. We are all looking for the final goal. WORK ACCOMPLISHED!
The 48 laws of power play a sucker to catch a sucker
i understand where you guys are coming from, and that can work in the workplace
but if this is a close person who you see daily (person B) and their ego stops them from apologising when they are clearly wrong or they never take your advice and get angry when you try help them, even if person A has their ego in check, they still are frustrated because of how often they have to deal with person B's behaviour and they want to just use words that will help them break down the barrier of ego and the stubbornness that comes with it
Exactly. Could work with a colleague, but not in deeper relationships.
My stepdad always tells me bad he has a big ego.Im 16 years old .He always tells me how his better, more good looking,has more money,smarter and has more muscles then me.He tells me this even though his clearly better then me. He always brings me down.I just wish he could stop.I just wanna be loved.
Don't listen to this bullshit advice, man. They say to "Subordinate" your ego and keep yourself in check, but when people behave how you're describing your stepdad, they are the ones that need to be put in check. If everyone followed this video's advice the world would just be trampled by a bunch of narcissists because people should "subordinate" themselves. Don't be a pushover to narcissists
Jaydin.... thats a him problem.
He likely had issues growing up as we all do.
It doesn't mean he doesn't love you it merely means he hasn't resolved his own issues.
I would bet he has been the best dad he could but he is as imperfect as you. Work with him. Express your concerns.
I have a step daughter who calls me dad. I'm broken myself, but I try....her impute is valuable.
So is yours.
Love you Jaydin
49yr old USMC 4 daughter's
Love u too we will work thing out
@@jaydinsjbls1163 Dads and daughters always have issues. I and my 4 daughters all have contentious issues.
Some we work out some we set aside for later as neither are ready to work them on yet.
This the reality of life.
This IS life. With all people.
It's our ability to recognize these truths that prepare us for success and acceptance that some things just are what they are for now.... I pray this helps
Sorry you're going through that kid. Don't let it get to you. Easier said than done. This comment hurt my heart
My ego hates my ego
Submitting yourself to a big ego does not resolve that big ego. Yes two big egos clash but submitting one to another doesn’t resolve the problem
I really don't get where they're coming from because what does my ego has to do with somebody else's ego if someone has a large ego and it affects people around them and it's very toxic how does me putting my ego in check has to do with that situation nope I totally disagree try again
Disagree…. I had an oppressive boss that was egotistical, arrogant, condescending…… and In respect to the company owner, I held my lip and was subordinate…… I agree that 2 egos bumping heads is only going to escalate things…..HOWEVER taking abuse from a weak, small man that thrives on bullying others is unacceptable.
Oh, BTW, everyone on the shop floor felt the same, and I recently found out that this supervisor got in an argument with someone at the workplace (I no longer work there) and stormed off the job and never came back.
Lol tell me about it these knuckleheads are clowns and definitely don’t walk the walk
If you give in and agree to the plan of the guy with the big ego and his plan isn’t good you just agreed to a bad plan. Bad advice!
Sounds like advices that someone with a high ego wpuld give no to get his ego challanged
It's sounds on the surface like good advice for certain situations but it also sounds like a possible way to get fired. How do you handle situations if you're certain that the other way is the wrong way? The best way I know is to talk about the things and the differences, detach the people from the situation. Great video though thank you
Thank you so much 😊
So basically, if someone has a massive uncontrollable ego, you should just let them run amok and act however they want and be a fool. Got it.
Exactly. If you don’t have the power to discipline them, then it’s not your place to change their behavior.
Okay but that's just solving your own ego that doesn't solve their ego you can fall in line but how does that fix them... wouldn't that just give them a bigger ego? Another thing is how are you supposed to talk about it later if you had trouble bringing it up in the first place if that person doesn't want to hear you? I'm not arguing about it. But I do have to ask the question how does that fix the other person? ( Like for example if somebody's attacking you and you go to somebody and ask them how to keep them from attacking you. Are you going to tell them to just take it and and if you're not dead at the end of it are you going to just tell them to get up and walk away and pretend like it never happened.) Because that doesn't fix the problem that just teaches you how to be a ( and sorry if this sounds a little profound and extra) good Little bitch? So yes it does teach you how to fall in line and maybe control your own ego but that does not fix the problem itself a bully is going to keep bullying you until you fight back either that or you'll die simply because you never fought back. But at that point people only seem to care once that person is dead but at that point it doesn't really matter because you're already dead because you couldn't do anything to stop it because everybody was telling you not to do anything about it...
You're completely right. This video's "advice" is basically telling people to submit to manipulators and egomaniacs. Do NOT do this. If you give them compliance instead of assertion they will just get an ego boost and trample you even more
@@Mr.Virus__ honestly couldn't have said it any better myself
@@Mr.Virus__ facts. I like Jocko. But think about what a guy like McGregor would do if someone tried to dominate them. It wouldn’t be fun for that person. Sometimes you need some McGregor in you.
The point is that you can’t change someone like this. Nor is it your place, that’s the other side of the big ego coin.
If you’re in a position where you can’t form a tolerable working relationship with bosses and colleagues, you should probably work on extracting yourself from that situation.
Find someone who looks at you the way Jocko looks at Leif
wow thank you for this video
Jocko legend!
Great video btw.
What if Dave been working there for 5 years, doesn't know what he's doing and sucks at doing the job?
I have natural executive ability, but people management and communication have become my top learning priority.
When I was 12 years old, I randomly said to myself, “More important than control, is Self-Control”. Wild stuff!
“Subordinate your ego” ❤
I've been doing this with the ego maniac in my life. Consistenly. He keeps taking charge then because I've capitulated.
I lovvvve this! Also limiting your time w them is helpful and having a witness if at all possible when u are at work. If they are creating negative alliance, create positive ones to listen out.
Not sure if I agree with you. You left out that people have different Values. If impact and doing what is right is an important Value to me then how can I follow up with my boss idea of it contradicts my Value?
Good info. But you don't know the eagles I'm working with. They're headed to a hellish existence and they will not listen to any advice from anyone. I don't want to force it, but I feel like they're running out of time to learn it themselves.
The title is misleading, they are only speaking on the context of working with someone
So if we subordinate our ego how to we stop ourselves being walked over and treated like a mug. It’s harder for women dealing with a colleague with a big ego trying to over power you. Would love some tips !!! Not my boss but a colleague that thinks he’s the boss of me
Its simple enough but I struggled to understand. This video made it clear. I hope the lesson sticks 😂
🤜🤛
I dropped my ego and left it behind it was the best thing for me because I know I am not the best. So u learn to drop ur ego.
what if the person you are dealing with or submitting to consistently acts inappropriately or inconsiderately of others?
so if someone has a big ego just do whatever they say?
But he always always shows ego and it’s me listening and obeying him all the time. I don’t want to be under his control. So what to do then?
So sit back and feed there ego , got it
Either take turns being an asshole or one of you just spend your life docile and dominated. Forever.
I just found out I have an ego too. I used to think I don't 😂
I just offended them with logics 😂😂😂
I usually just say we will do it your way. And when they fail I don't say anything just now we will do this.
I don't crush peoples egos they do it to themselves. It is like a cycle it is weird it gets inflated then it pops
I'm in the road of peace and kindness and try to grow everyday but one of my best friend has so much ego i can't tell him so many things because he won't accept it and put his ego aside, he'll get upset. He also corrects me on alot of things i say like he knows everything, if i tell him something ik he'll be like hey ik know that already kinda of luke he's upset that im telling him something he doesn't know
Pov: you interact with mature students in college
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Wen Ur Ego is Identified with being Sphere-ually Transcendent Eu will have a Hard Time Accurately Perceiving this Reality and will instead Imagine Urself to bee Moor Conscious Moor Develope Moor Aware Moor Knoeing Moor able to Love Moor Forgiving than Eu Actually R
But what happened when you subordinate your ego but that person tries to minimize you?
When your ego was too big, you’ll find more and more people starting to just leave your life and that is your clue.
How do you deal with one without one and is humble we know how to deal with a giant one ?
Q: How do you deal with someone with a giant ego?
A: You dont have to deal with them in the first place.
Where is my comment I posted earlier?
This is really bad advice for a life long people pleaser like me and has cost me literally millions of dollars. Now you guys take your own advice and submit to my post!!!
Its not easy or simple.
Okay. The title does not match the content. I think that is the main disconnect. This is not "working with" someone with a big ego. This is setting aside our own self, for the sake of someone else. Which we can do, and is justified, but not always. We have issues with boundaries in our culture. At some point, this video should have said, "and as soon as youre away from this over-domineering person, you make arrangements so that you never have to deal with this person again. Someone who does not accept other's 'no' is dangerous, toxic for work culture and family culture."
Until enough people refuse to "submit to" (because this isnt working with, if we cannot even represent our interests) the big ego, the person will never face the consequences of having it. They will never recognize the problem until enough people directly refuse to be bulldozed.
We do not promote bullies.
I will add- many of us bulldoze our own boundaries for the sake of peace and not rocking the boat. This is enabling to bullies who take advantage of social norms. We must enforce the interpersonal consequences or they do not learn.
When a person isn't interested in including us or ever allowing us to represent ourselves and our needs, we might as well walk away, because they aren't interacting with us. They're using us.
I implement all these principles into both my professional and personal life! And ya know what, it works!
Extreme ownership. 👊
Lie...do you work for them?
@@joewieczorek3523I'm not that lucky
I totally disagree with this. Circumstances hold value in the test.
But when i put my ego down she start insult me because i should not clash ego with her in the first place
She mock me so much...
What if Dave's plan is s*** though? Like obvious s*** that you don't have to have a big ego to stand up and say that's a bad plan..... Because if you're doing somebody with a Giant ego and they have a horrible plan, they're laying out for everybody to do, but they're too stubborn for anybody to knock sense into them. What do you do? I know the first thing most people do is they end up growing their ego and clashing. But I mean if we're marching to our doom because this guy's leading us with his giant ego into doom. What do we do? And in case you don't get this, this is probably one of the most important questions of our world today as we have way too many leaders with giant egos that we must learn how to handle correctly. And we all must learn to put our egos aside. And your advice is good, but could you get a bit more in depth on more specific situations?
For example, I'm dealing with an abuse of a narcissist in my family. I have absolutely found that I have also been an abusive narcissist back. So I started buttering myself and well this person is doing the same thing. So that's working but most wouldn't have stuck with this. They would have just distanced themselves from this person 100%. But this is my mother with an aneurysm and nobody else to look for her. So that wasn't going to be an option. But she has a giant ego. But because I'm around her enough I keep letting her see me. Put my ego in check and call my ego out.. and she started doing it to herself. Just truly a beautiful thing. But it's not really the norm. Most situations I see end up being 100% distance between and families breaking up sometimes to never come back together. All because of narcissism and inflated egos.
But yeah what if Dave's s*** plan is s*** and just wrong? How do you handle his ego to get him out of his plan? Let's just assume it's something that you absolutely can't do, but he is going to push forward no matter what. You know. Like set off a nuclear bomb on another country...... Funny how this all keeps going right back to our leaders...
The ego check is being able to realize it’s not your place to change them; let them face natural consequences of their poor decisions.
I have this teammate in my sports team who thinks they are better than me even though I've beaten them almost every single we've played each other. When I beat him he throws temper tantrums and doesn't even shake my hand after the match is over. Once time I beat him and he smashed his racket and I told him to calm down and he then replied "shut up you always think your better than everyone else" I knew he saying out of defense because I usually am very self conscious and very shy around how interact with people. This is an ongoing problem. What should I do?
Ignore him. Let him have his temper tantrum.
Take the absolute piss out of him. He doesn’t respect you as an opponent. He is hyper competitive (Google hyper competitive people). Know that he is psychologically abnormal. You are the normal person. He is the one with chronic low self esteem who only feels good when he feels superior to others (that includes you). Use sarcasm, teasing, mockery. He will think twice about attacking you if he is afraid of you. Make him fear you causing him narcissistic wounds (ridicule). Get bitchy basically. 😅
What about that time Jonny Kim try to save Ryan job life? just let that stupid army medic kill your teammate?
ua-cam.com/video/yujP3-AxXsI/v-deo.html 2:09:00
With all due respect, I will disagree with you on this. Guys do this if you truly 100% hate yourselves. Otherwise, this is crap advice.
Hegelian Dialectic.. look it up! You will be changed.
I used to be conceited...now I don't have any fault's
What if Dave’s plan is dangerous and ill-advised, why go along with a bad plan? What if Dave is trying his best to ruin you? No offence, but this is terrible advice.
Ahh
Wrong. These men have never been a woman dealing with a tiny man suffering from littlemanitis.
So basically be a beta???
Arrogance and pride
I think I smell pork.
UA-cam need to ban some of these podcast 🤦🏾♀️ i stopped listening after he said put your ego in check to deal with a big ego… lol what in the military advice is this does he have a degree in this field?
Y’all still have egos y’all showing it here get Professional help god bless
Garbage. Set personal boundaries and compromise based on a 3rd person's opinion.
That’s bull crap
You guys are nothing but ego???? Do you know how to turn it off and just be humble and delicate as you truly are? Little vulnerable children of GOD.
This is a terrible video didn’t help with shit you guys ain’t deal with real egos then 😭 it’s not the answer we looking for brothers
Absolute bs. You can have a healthy ego that is in check and you still have to constantly hear their giant ego bs. This is terrible advice.
wasted three minutes of my life
A four year old could’ve answered the way you did.
If any of you out there sound anything like this dude, then am sorry to tell you…… you sir have a giant ego 😂