Ep. 93 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
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Today on 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bert tells Tom about getting weird haircuts in Serbia and ordering 100 cheeseburgers from McDonald's with Mark Hamill. Next, Tom talks about doing shows in Las Vegas again, meeting Justin Bieber and taking pictures with TikTok superstar Addison Rae. Afterwards, they discuss how terrible Bert is at keeping secrets, his special relationship with Will Smith and Britney Spears' conservatorship. Last, Tom and Bert talk about celebrities who have gone broke, Johnny Depp's spending habits and Magic Johnson's vacation pictures.
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Tom should have a podcast that releases on Tuesdays where he finishes the stories he starts with bert. Call it the lost bear
the echoes of the cave
"Like I was saying...."
Such a good idea!
Just have Nadav make a mark of every story that gets interrupted and then Nadav brings each up to Tom and he finishes them, yes that would be amazing
Great idea. There were so many stories today (that I wanted to hear where Tom was going).
Been spoiled that last few months hearing Tom tell a story all the way through. Almost forgot how frustrating (this) can be.
The only way to describe Bert's energy in this episode is how Theo Von once described Eddie Bravo on JRE. He's like a deaf Jack Russel. "Once he goes, you can't get him back."
Comment Gold
Great comment, great call back, overall great
just great
A man of culture
💯
Anyone else actually want to hear Tom finish a story about Vegas, the fights, meeting Bieber and seeing Trump? Bert hit his threshold and literally trampled on that story like a five year old on flowers 😂
Literally listening to Tom telling the stories right now and Bart just won’t stop😂
I was wondering if Tom was going to say anything about the nelk boys.. stevewilldoit was sitting right behind Trump. I was hoping he was Going to say something about some wild stupid fucking kids he was sitting by lol
That was legit the first time I got upset with bert. You see Tom sigh a lot more often this episode.
20 Minutes in and I paused and came into the comments just to read other posts about this because I'm sure he's not gonna finish the story 😂
Yeeees😊
Kills me everytime, when Tom looks into the camera like Jim in the Office.
Yeah, funny.
@@twerktospec your comment makes no sense ... but I guess you don’t like the office ?
@@twerktospec bro just stop talking
@@twerktospec only you’re allowed to wear make up! Right bro??
Fourth Wall Breaker Tom.
Tom's patience with Brat is beyond impressive, true ass friend
Honestly. Tom trying to get through the Addison Rae story was pretty infuriating.
Bart saying "that's how the sausage gets made" about celebrities being crazy is very meta
Im gay
@@Ken-pv9zu so is Bart.
"He likes f*cking Drumline"
"Drumline is a f*cking BANGER BRO"
Nadav from the back *thank youuuuuu*
I'm in tears! HA
Waited the whole podcast for this moment and it was worth it
Best moment of the ep for sure!! I died laughing hahahaha
Toms response killed me too he was so genuinely disappointed
As someone who was on a drumline, that movie blows ass.
Bert interrupting Tom's story about being in Vegas with Rogan, Chappelle, MGK, Megan Fox, Justin Bieber, Drake and Donald Trump to talk about how he doesn't keep secrets well and the time the hose DIDN'T explode in his hand.
Pretty insane at this point Lmao
I’m irrationally angry about this lmao
He sounds a little faded. 36:10 s’drunk
The phone hose exploded in my hand. 36:32
I mean what r we doing here?
This is the first time it really annoyed me
Am I the only one sitting in my car at 8am refreshing youtube so I can listen to this on my drive to work everysingle Monday? Thank you guys for making me excited for the drive to work Monday mornings
I'm in Australia, 2bears drops at 11pm Monday, right at bedtime.. Every Tuesday morning I'm tired haha... but it's OK because then I watch bad friends on my way to work😌
I work from home, and start 2B1C while taking my morning 💩. Enjoy your drive!
Every Monday commute my guy🤙🏼
I am not over how this show is almost at episode uhhhh hundred
For me is on 2pm in Portugal, greatest podcast!
Nadav screaming " thank yooou!" to drumline being a banger is perfect 🤣
Bert should be in a conservatorship where Tom is the conservator. Good idea for a show.
Can we get Brent on a shock collar and give Tim the remote for every time Brent interrupts a story?
No
I love him because he's off the leash and wrecking sheets.
If a nerf gun doesn’t work for Whitney, shock collar wouldn’t work for Bundt❤️😂
And whenever he thinks talking super high pitch makes something funny
Bert is who Homer Simpson would be if he became real.
Even worse
He owes royalties for ripping characters
That's what he's going for.
How have I never drawn this parallel!
I could definitely imagine Homer Simpson eating 12 Big Macs with mark hamil in a simpsons parody
“She was flirting super hard”
“Really?”
“No”
Atta boy, Bert. Never listen. Never change.
Bert is a guy who means well but can’t get out of his own way.
Still waiting to hear the rest of Tom’s story about Vegas..
Bert: “Drumlines a fuckin banger!”
Nadav in background: “Thank youuuuu!!”
😂🤣
Had to pause for laughter and also search for this exact comment. More thumbs
*Wild cackling ensues*
Bert being back only highlights how this podcast is Tom trying to tell one story, with Bert interjecting every 5 words to derail the flow of the story and drag it out for a 1 hour conversation.
props to Tom for keeping track and just resuming his story 45 mins later 😅
It was fun last time to have him back after so long, but now it's quickly getting back to annoying
That's called content buddy
Tom is a great friend and has an amazing ability to not flip out on Bart.
That might be for the best lol. Would you want Burnt asking you repeatedly if you're still mad at him like you're back in 4th grade again? Me, hell no. He's proably also not good at keeping secrets cuz he doesnt remember ppl saying "this is a secret so dont tell anyone". He's basically a grown 4th grader with adhd lol
@@kristiskinner8542 is we
@@kristiskinner8542 I just would not want to hang out with him. We could consider each other friends but spending extended periods of time with a narcissist would be difficult
Bert finally bonds with Mark, makes a pact with him, then instead of exposing his big mac secret to his wife, he tells the world the first chance he gets.
Ahh, the excitement of Burnt being back lasting for about .02 seconds
Good thing 90% of Tom’s amazing celebrity story got cut off.
Right lol. They should give him food to shut him up while Tom’s telling a story like that
all for him to talk about how bad he is at keeping secrets
Tom probably partied with all those A-listers and now we’ll never know Bc Bart had a story about eating 10 cheeseburgers.
@@jessespencer9910 like it shocked anyone 😂
It was annoying. A story tom put his own kids on the line and he was like nahhhhh. I'm bad at secrets
Tom can’t even tell his Vegas story without Bert interrupting every time he hears a word he recognizes.
He’s very infuriating. His interrupting and how most of his episode is him reciting his character flaws and then going “wow I’m really bad” and making no effort to change anything.
tardero wants to eats his own scrummo, couldn’t care less about his celeb stories
You guys are too uptight. Bert is simply engaging with each part of the story and adding comedy.
This is how the two friends talk to each other. Clearly, there's a lot of people that like watching them interact.
Keep your notes if you're just going to complain about a known, chronic interrupter doing exactly what's expected.
@@faceplants2 I get that, this episode is just particularly bad and pretty infuriating at parts so I had to fast forward. Complaint or criticism whatever you want to call it, it’s how I feel so I’m commenting about it. No need to be rude
This is why Toms other podcast is called Tom Talks. Because he can. He actually gets to talk .
This is his break
🏆
Bert obviously doesn't check out Tom Segura's channel "Tom Talks" (were he has SEVERAL videos discussing music with Talib Kweli ) posted well before this video.
Bert manages to ruin every single story Tom tried to tell in this episode, I mean who doesnt want to hear about a leaky water hose over the after party with Drake, McGregor, Chappelle and more?
That's why the podcast is so funny tho right?
Tom: No fries?
Burnt: No, they're not good for you.
lmao I am fucking dying
It wouldn't be right without Bert interrupting Tom's Vegas story
But how does it affect me?
… Tom had a Vegas story?
@@a_roderick1153 ⁰q1
Tom sucks at telling stories
I want to hear the rest of the Vegas story wtf
Tom's face when Bert says "secrets are only as valuable as that person is to you" is just like "God damnit Bert, where is this going?"
It's saying that Bert is a bad person; he is nice about it, but that doesn't change the fact that he is a horrible friend. People get fooled by this stuff all the time.
Ha ha, Tom immediately showing Bert he's wrong: "So that is why you tell EVERYTHING to LeeAnn, right?"
Bert: "Yes, I do."
Tim: "Do you tell her about xyz?"
Bert: "Hold on a second. No, I don't." - Let me work through this theory some more.
Can’t wait to hear Tom finish the last 93% of that Vegas story on YMH. Jesus fucking Christ Bert I’m starting to miss the guests. Can literally ANYTHING not be about him?!
I try to be understanding.. but it’s so fucking annoying
It is what it is. Bert gets sooo excited and just steamrolls every conversation. Just picturing Mark Hamill wondering what he signed up for immediately after meeting Bert for the first time makes me laugh.
sadly no
finally more and more ppl are seeing this. it’s been like this since the first episode. i haven’t watched a full ep since it started cause bert just annoys the shit out of me before i can finish the episode
Celebrity butt kissing Narcisist? Survey says ..... it's the top answer.
28:12 Tom tries to start telling a story about Addison Rae
43:20 Brett stops talking so Tom can continue the story about Addison Rae
Wow - un freaking believable
Nadav yelling “THANK YOU” from the booth to Bert saying Drumline is a banger made me CACKLE 😂😂😂
The jealousy that’s going thru berts mind while Tom is talking about Vegas makes me happy
I don't know why Brett hasn't started a TikTok of him dancing to early 2000's R&B, does he even want to be a billionaire?
dude...
Two bears one holding Corp get on it
His daughter just taught him how to smell things with his nose, give Bart a break eh?
Please God no, my eyes still havnt recovered from that Body Shots tour promo "dance" 😢🤣
That is such a good idea. You just know Bert could get super into making 1 minute dance videos and they would go viral
This is why Ari drugged you Bert; secrets.
#AriWasRight #BertDeservedWorse
Every story has 2 sides; and of course burnts narcacistic ass makes himself look like the victim and hero.
I seriously would love to hear Tom talk.
“And let me know every time my name came up” the most Bert sentence ever
I found myself yelling "SHUT UP BERT" a lot more than usual this episode
Then go watch something else.
I like yelling at bort its a fun game
@@Knight3434 that's not proto, bud
Nah Bert needs to get checked this was a weird one.
if Tommy is telling an insanely cool story let him get it out man good lord
i’ve got a job interview in a few hours. what better way to instill a sense of responsibility and resolve prior to it than watching a functioning alcoholic and a cripple?
eta thanks for the well wishes, my jeans!! i was super nervous but i think i did okay. let’s hope they follow proto and give this chomo some money!
45 minutes of questions like: "Please tell us a time you had a conflict with your boss and how you resolved it?"
Best of luck Jeans.
Y’ALL KNO WHASSA BANANA SPLIT?! Good luck Jean.
If Burnt Chrysler can do it, you can do it. Particularly if you’re white and your grandfather knows the CEO.
Get off your waverunner and kayak there
I know we don’t actually know Tom, but as YMH day 1 folk, it’s so satisfying to see him become a legit star and get the recognition he deserves. The tightest jeans.
Your guys' relationship and the fact that you guys are in the same arena of work is so amazing. Love you guys, and your comedy.
"How funny is Talib Kweli? I've never even heard him doing it." - Bart Kerscher 2021
The moment of self realization Bert has when he realizes he’s an idiot cause talib did a music set, not a comedy set, made me laugh so fucking hard
@@AgendaInMind Wrong audience you nutter.
Bert obviously doesn't check out Tom Segura's channel "Tom Talks" (were he has SEVERAL videos discussing music with Talib Kweli ) posted well before this video.
The more Bert talks about this movie the more it sounds like it's going direct to VHS. Not iTunes, not Netflix.. I mean directly to VHS. If your hair stylist doesn't know to cut the stunt guys hair like the stars you know you are in trouble.
🤣🤣🤣 brilliant
and why is LeAnne a producer on it? this sounds like a write-off
Bert in talks with Betamax
@@StanleyKubick1 its a way to get her in the business/producers guild. It's a way to get her a % instead of just Bert's salary etc.. The Rocks's EX-wife is a producer on all his films. I'm not sure how involved in Hollywood is or if it's just part of the divorce settlement.
This movie will guarantee the biggest load of fifth grade humor bullshit and be so fucking bad I don't know why anybody even thinks Bert's comedy is funny to be honest.
Hamill is not a good actor at all.
Name me one good movie he's been in since Star Wars.
All this shit makes people so butt hurt but it's all true
Bernt is so jealous of toms story he refuses to believe anything he says
Nadav’s laughing is getting out of control. Tom needs to read him another death poem.
Why does Bruce describing Addision Rae's looks sound vaguely like he is inspecting a horse.
"Great teeth... good eyebrows... I like her nose..."
Tom deserves a noble prize for having this level of patience 🏅✨👏🏾
Tom: "and like Chris Brown was there, MGK was there"
Brat: "Machine Gun Kelly looks like he's getting even younger, I LOVE MGK!!"
Tom: "Fantastic. Not even kind of the point of the story. Want to hear the actual story that's interesting??"
Bort: "Not really, can we talk more about things that I really like instead??"
I kinda miss the episodes were Tom got to talk without getting interrupted lmao.
Bert is lacking ANY self awareness, I know he doesn’t mean bad but come on man, the world doesn’t revolve around him....
Brat carcans 🤣
It be real nice if Tom could finish his story anyone of them
Its so annoying when a story starts on a podcast and then it goes somewhere else
Thank god Tom has his own podcast bc this is basically Bernard talking to himself
“That’s the same place I did my dance video!” Litterally makes everything about himself.
54 minutes in. Only 6% of the way through Toms’ 10 minute story…
I like Bert. But damn it he makes it hard.
He knows he has a problem. However, instead of working on correcting it. He just stays in cruise control and moves foward
On the positive note he only has 10 years left tops.
@Justin Marts the one I'm referencing is the telling secrets
See all the "glad he's back" energy has faded lol. 2nd episode in and its all back to normal
@@kristiskinner8542 .. Good call, last week he actually acted like he wanted to talk about and hear about someone other than himself..,. That didn't last long
Tom needs to be able to press a button and zap Burt with a modified dog shock collar every time he interrupts a story.
Tom will eventually get sick of him and start avoiding him.
Shout out to the guy that laughs in the background it’s so much funnier when he laughs 😂😂😂😂
It's Nadav. The Jew
14 minutes and Im over it 😂 I’ll listen to Toms story on his own podcast
I absolutely love that berts giving an ad for WHOOP saying it never comes off while he isn't wearing it haha
Tom is the Steve Harvey of podcasts, he’s got an incredulous look for every dumb thing Bart says.
Hyuck hyuck
Lmao no shit
Does Tom also hate homosexuals and women like Steve Harvey does?
I'm looking incredulously at you calling him Bart
@@squanchy666 you're in disbelief that they made a running podcast joke? I'm looking incredulously at you.
I guess I’ll hear all these stories Tom was trying to tell on another podcast later😂😂😂 jeez Bert
Listening to Bert talk about buying houses makes me realize he will be broke within 2 years if he ever loses Leann. lol
2 months...
more likely dead....
I love Bert a lot, HUGE fan and still waiting for a Seattle date. BUT I want to hear Tom bro out so badly. I bet his bro stories are the best.
Man this show was really good when Bart was gone
Birds impulsivity on telling Secrets is intertwined with his alcoholism
barf- alright Tom tell me about your trip to Vegas and don't skip any details
Also barf- a second immediately after interrupts Tom with 5 different questions
Love Bart but Jesus that story was hard to get through.
@@AdrienneLoth I only tolerate him because of Tom, their dynamic is awesome but I can't tolerate him on his own
I’m sitting in an airport waiting area for my flight, I had to turn this off I was laughing so hard
In this episode: Bert has TOO much energy, Tom never finishes a story.
it’s like that every episode
Tod needs to record the next episode while Booger is under anesthesia
Tim - “beautiful day at Ithica”
Ben - “oh he has a lisp”
So surprised this went unnoticed
Tom's exasperated sigh with Bert at his weigh-ins/Wayans joke was everyone.
It was "everyone"? Wtf does that mean? Does anyone look at what they write?
@@hardcorhedcase I get it, you're an insufferable bore because you take everything literally.
Tom's facial expressions tells us every emotion he's experiencing when Bert starts talking.
I like how Bert's big epiphany is that different people like different things. 🤣
Bert was like a hyperactive chihuahua in this episode lol i was exhausted just listening to him lol.
So it was a nice time listening to Tom for a few months. Welcome to the Bert show.
Bart needs a conservatorship bad
His conservatorship needs a conservatorship honestly...
He has one, LeeAnn.
@@18Callahan $10 says LeeAnn strokes out before 50.
Jamie spears is gonna need a job
@@timdegraw1784 : LeeAnn _is_ 50.
Never tell a story around Bert because he’ll never let you finish
Watching Burts face lights up as much as it does when he finds out him and Addison danced at the same studio is both sad and entertaining
Science should clone Brett, so that the two can constantly interrupt each other, and Kochnear can experience how frustrating it is to talk to him.
Would've love to hear that Vegas story...Oh, bret.
Hey everyone don’t forget about Bert’s surgery. In case u didn’t hear it the first 12,000 times he mentioned
Oh, don't think he mentioned it at all.
Wait, Bert is having surgery??
Bert: How funny is Talib Kweli?
Tom: He's just got it man.
I was like w-o-w.
that was hilarious. the icing on the cake was when he finally realised that yeah of course his set was his music. had me wheezing.
@@Nels_77 too funny
Bert obviously doesn't check out Tom Segura's channel "Tom Talks" (were he has SEVERAL videos discussing music with Talib Kweli ) posted well before this video.
Now, I know Tom doesn’t get to talk much, but this must be a new record.
BERT: "DRUM LINE IS A F***ING BANGER BRO!!"
Quietly from the back :: thank yooouuuu!
LOL
Omg, please bring out one of the other Bears. I forgot how exhausting Bert is
That “thank you” after Brent brings up drum line made me spit out my water at work
Bert hearing about the huge step up Tom took while he was gone is what I’ve been waiting for lmao
49:08 is one of my favourite moments in all of 2 bears
The look on Tom's face just after 40:15, when Burnt confesses his lack of discretion, expresses over a dozen emotions simultaneously.
I love that Tom already knows how to come back to his story even with all of Berts interruptions.
Nadav's "THANK YOU" absolutely KILLED ME
Brent complimenting his daughters make up game might be the most wholesome thing he’s ever said about his family.
I didn’t really want to hear Tom talk about partying with MGK and Justin Bieber, so glad Bert interrupted to tell us about a hose.
"can you summize it?" SUMMARIZE BERT, SUMMARIZE.
Tom had to get so aggressive to make it through that ad read 🤣
Machines within! Got my terminator gun out for this one!
Lame lol
I got a gun
F all the haters, Happy Halloween, ternimators matrix terminators matrix
F All The Haters
“American Glutton” name of Berts next special?
Canis Interruptus
@@Tom-cd8yd Canis Intercoursus
Take one drink every time Bert interrupts Tom saying "by the way..."
omg the secret conversation & Tom's facial expressions! 😂
I laughed so hard my head hurts!
Gotta tap out on this one boys. Made it to the drake segment, can’t do it any longer. Thanks for fuckin’ it up Bort. You’re the best.
Oh dude you made the right choice. It got real bad.
Would love to hear the rest of the Vegas story Tom.. 🤦🏻♂️
“Drum line is a great fucking movie!” “Thank you!!!”
1:09:23 Bert: Saka Soufflé? Tom: Larry King.
I was dying 😂
Bert and Tom would be huge on tiktok. They're "fuck around and have fun" back and forth would catch on immediately