Overcoming the 4th Trimester and Mommy Comparisons w/ @Shanboody
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- The Fourth Trimester: Conversations and Comparisons with @Shanboody If you're a parent I'm sure you've fallen victim to the trap of comparisons. Join myself and Shan Boody as we have a candid conversation about motherhood in the fourth trimester and beyond. You can watch my collab video with Shan on Being an older first time mom here: bit.ly/shanmay...
Advice: SURRENDER YOUR EXPECTATIONS! As long as baby is healthy you're doing great!
YES!!!
Amen!
Love this!
Amen! Amen!
Its so awesome to see that u guys r still friends after all these years and the paralells with your lives (younger spouse, Canadian ex-pats, first born kids are daughters). I wish you both continued success! ☺️
So many now that you point even more out!
I’m not a mom or even thinking about it but I needed to hear these truths.
Girl, you’re ahead of the game then! I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
I appreciate this so much!
same!!!
Yup, I really enjoy hearing others' thoughts and feelings, so I can better understand and empathize with people.
💜💜💜💜
This is a long one so get yourself a cup of tea and sit back! I did try to cut it down but I enjoyed the conversation and you can stop watching whenever. I also did a collab on Shan’s channel here: Pros & Cons to Having Kids Old Featuring @Shameless Maya
ua-cam.com/video/j6RUTcIiSTI/v-deo.html
And shout outs to all you mothers doing the damn thang. This is HARD and you’re still here standing and doing it! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
It's not long enough! Hah every minute and point y'all hit was interesting and important 🙏
These are the truths and true convos we need to hear more of. Thank you both! I'm in my late 30s, still unsure whether I want to bring a human into this world - learning and gaining these kind of insights are invaluable. Big love to you both x
Lol single, 30 y/o virgin who truly enjoys learning about relationships, marriage, birth, babies, and so much more that I have never experienced lol… I remember one of my friends was pregnant and I was in college looking at child birth videos 🤣. I love learning about life and seeing different people’s experiences… It was so good to see you guys together and chatting!!
Throughout my pregnancy I had every intention of having a natural birth without epidural and breastfeed. Nothing really went how I expected. I was induced I held out for 2 days and was like give me the epidural then breastfeeding was such a challenge. My baby had liver issues so I had to go on formula at the hospital which was heartbreaking for me because I wanted to breastfeed. I still tried but it was mentally draining and I decided that breastfeeding wasn't the hill that I was going to die on so I did formula. I still feel guilty about it but my baby is healthy, I'm healthy, we're healthy and happy. That is more important to me than breastfeeding.
You know its crazy, we grew up seeing our mothers and other women around us do motherhood so effortlessly and without complaint, and we think wow motherhood must be easy but hearing this is really opens your eyes because people are actually talking about it in depth and we realise our mothers did struggle as well. And to know there are women who shame others for not being able to breast feed their child, its just disgusting. To each his own.
Absolutely!
I think it's better for singles, even if you're not thinking of having kids in the future, to have knowledge of these things, especially to be a better support system to our friends and family. Thanks for this Maya and Shannon. 🤗
yes this video let me know i was supporting my friend in the right way.
I am 41 and I found out I am 8 weeks pregnant. The caveat is that I do have a child in my younger days...she is now 18. I have a semi-unique experience of understanding being a young mom and an older mom. My husband and I surrendered that this would not happen after trying for 7 years. It suddenly happened when we totally started planning what empty nest would look like. There are pros and cons to both. I never imagined raising a child most of my adult life :). Many blessings to you. I think I am going to start a channel to document my experience of supporting an adult child while starting over. Best of luck to you!
Y’all are shameless not aging. These videos came right on time. Being in my mid 30s I’ve contemplating having kids but I think this year was when the switch flipped on for me. Thank you for this perspective.
"Ah clogged breast" 😳😲😭 whew chile... Never knew that was ah thing!
Single w no baby I think it’s so important to learn about this! I’m so shocked all of the time about how much I don’t know about what my body is capable of. These are the things we should learn in high school, not just about not having sex!
Necessary realness! I’m single with no kids and it’s so refreshing hearing women talk about stuff OTHER THAN rainbows and unicorns when it comes to birthing/raising children… Mad respect for women like you that walk in their truth.. Boss mothers with beautiful babies! 💃🏽🌟
God sends us these babies to humble us 😅 they are such mirrors and force us to face ourselves and actually grow because we are hit with the reality that we aren't in control. It is a such a blessing to have learned how to practice surrender. Proud of every mom that allows herself to change instead of trying to force her babies to change 💪🏾 we are DOING this!
Beautifully said 🥰
I'm a 31 year old women, preparing myself for the future of someday having a child and found this extremely warming and helpful. Thank you ladies!
I hate when people say that the information is not out there. I think it is more accurate to say, the interest isn’t there, but also… people are not always as honest as you have been through this journey because of the shame or triggers or trauma of living through these experiences. Hindsight is 20/20, and as old people would say: Nothing happens before it’s time. So we should all give ourselves the grace. 🤗
Thanks so much for having these conversations. My mother and aunts often keep stuff like this a secret until you actually have a child lol.
here as a single, non-mom and all of this was beautiful!
Both of your backgrounds are so aesthetically y and the fact that you’re both wearing colors to compliment the background. Love that.
I remember that lost woman living her tiny New York apartment all those years ago. I’m so glad to see you grow and become the amazing momma I knew you would be! ❤️
This video came just in time! I am 42 with a 2 year old that is more mature than me🤣🤣🤣 I’m working on a second baby. I did everything late, dated late, got married late, but I’m a go with the flow kinda person, I didn’t want children until I got married so it was like I’m scared but I’m not gonna let fear dictate my life so let’s do this! I listen to people’s input but I filter it because I instinctively know what my son needs and if. I don’t I know when to ask for help. I think learning to politely reject advice is important, I was barely able to breastfeed but my toddler is built like an olypmpian so he fine child!🤣I don’t have friends nearby to talk to so this video is really nice. Blessings to you ladies and your little bundles of energy and love. Enjoy the crazy ride!!❤️❤️❤️❤️
In my 3rd trimester and I am so very GRATEFUL to have this conversation. I absolutely agree that we should know more about pregnancy and parenting waaaaay before we get into it. Be in full awareness of what you’re expecting. Thank you both!!
When I was in labor I definitely had that “why do people have babies? Why would you want this pain?” My daughter cried all the time because she had gas. I had to eat bland food (no onions no bell peppers) for the first two months. She also would NEVER sleep in a bassinet. I feel you. Thank y’all for sharing. I think we all have our journey and it’s so important to find the pockets of joy
“Surrender and give up are not the same thing” 🙌🏾🙌🏾
My children are grown but when you were talking about clogged milk ducts….oooh girl I felt the pain regenerate. I was one who had to have surgery. I had so many clogged milk ducts. It left me lopsided for life. It does get easier however, there is always something that comes up when you have children. I did have another child after that. He could not breast feed and had stomach issues….but they are both healthy men now. So, stay positive. And even though you can’t see it right now…enjoy every minute.
Insightful and honest conversation! I'm in my 30s with no children yet. The advise of learning BEFORE having kids is exactly what I'm doing now. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Ryu’s probably thinking I was minding my business up in heaven and yall brought me down here without my consent 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Thank you for this beautiful conversation. I'm a mother of a 16 and 12 year old and I longed for conversations like these when I gave birth to them. I felt alone and inept. This is healing to watch for 21 and 26 year old me. Love to y'all 🤎🤎
I so wish this was side by side on the screen but I love all of this!
Thank you so much for this. I have 2 extremely fussy 3 month olds (having multiples comes with it’s own unique set of challenges but that’s a story for another day) and I’m not going to front there are days that I just break down because it feels overwhelming. Their dad is supportive but it’s nice to hear from other moms.
I used A LOT of breastfeeding ointment on my breasts, and I listened to music on earphones during feedings which was VERY helpful. Jay-Z became my best friend, due to one of his songs I played on repeat over and over while feeding.
Blessings to you!
I remember the slumber party and now y’all are sooo beautiful and mamas now!!! 💚✨
You guys give me life!
I can totally relate to the whole “why do people do this more than once” feeling. It felt like literally nobody understood why I wasn’t enjoying the first month or so, apart from my sister who totally understood. And like Shan said, it 100% helps when you have a non judgmental UNDERSTANDING person who can empower and support you around. I’m now almost 3 months in and while I love taking care of my son and figuring things out myself, the support has dithered which I guess is inevitable since people have lives, but I envy you guys for the consistently supportive partners!
But yes you guys are doing the Lord’s work coming on here and sharing the good and not so good days !!
I cannot explain how timely this video is for me! I'm sitting here currently pumping and you two both spoke on so much that I'm dealing with right now. It is so reassuring to know that I am not alone! Thank you both for doing this!
I needed this. I was feeling guilty with my frustrations and expectations. First time mom with 6 week old and I was/am going thru it. This video validated my feelings
I love that you are each other’s sounding board. Cheers to Jared for holding it down so that Shan could work and balance motherhood/working.
This was dope. I have a few friends who are new mommies and daddies and this helped me have a better awareness and sympathy for their reality.
High needs babies and highly sensitive children can be so exhausting especially as a new mom, but they are beautiful as they grow. As a single mom to a high need baby/toddler who grew into a highly sensitive child, it has made me grow as a mother and adapt as she required more from me than I was initially able to do for her. She’s so empathic and is extremely thoughtful and mature for her age, that it is worth the struggle and growth. Those early days were tough and it still is, but it’s more rewarding as they get older ❤️
My twins are 5 weeks old and I truly found this video not only validating but reassuring as a sleep deprived - doing her best - twin mom 🧘🏾♀️❤️
I really am enjoying this share. I'm a 53-year-old, mixed race African-American professional woman in New York City and my son is now a 17 year old high school senior. I can so relate to the struggles of you both as a new mother. I had a high risk pregnancy due to fibroids and had to stay home for the last 5 months of my pregnancy. I then had 29 hours of Labor because the fibroids were not permitting my uterus to contract properly. I then had a cesarean and recovery was also painful; but I just wanted to say all this to say that after all of that "life's reality of a mother's journey" your little one later runs to you.... they light up with joy when they see you.... they trust in you, they look in your eyes for reassurance and are comforted by your voice and presence.... and as you said, you may then, at some point think some thoughts of consideration...."hmm, maybe another one?"
I didn't because dad's heart towards me was not one of respect and collaboration and love towards us for the long haul.
God blessings to you both. This is just the start of a journey for you. Unimaginably one day you're beautiful little one is going to be a teenager that's going to challenge you and you're going to have to realize you're then in a new stage of parenting, starting all over with a different faze of your mothering.
My advice is to prepare them the way you want them to pick up their kids. All the best to you both and Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you!🤭😘
I started following Shannon after seeing her on your channel. It’s awesome that y’all have remained friends and I loved listening in on this conversation. Y’all are like the older sisters I never had.
You are both so amazing, and this is such an important conversation! It always annoyed me that people compared babies to other babies and made it some sort of development competition. It's just people's fear of disabilities coming into play, which I understand to an extent, but as someone who has two disabled siblings, they are awesome and they are killing it in ways neurotypical folks aren't.
Thee collab I was waiting for
Oh when @shanboody said that about intentionality -- how she chose/chooses to spend her time. I REALLY felt that. But that doesn't just apply to motherhood. That one, applies to life in general. That's the life change that I started making at the end of this year. Choosing happiness intentionally. And letting go of everything that doesn't do that. #gold
This is beyond helpful. My daughter is 2 weeks old and I'm going crazy. Thank you so much for this
Your motherhood videos are so good! Yes!!! I’ve had three kids after a short bout with infertility. I was soooo grateful for my first, but she cried so much. But after she was able to communicate with words, we saw she’s a sensitive soul, she’s more of an introvert, but she’s not difficult at all. With the other two, we went with the flow. It’s nice to talk to people about how we are doing. Overall it’s such a wonderful journey. My kids are teens/preteen now, I’m still learning and still figuring it out.
Love that you guys have these open and honest conversations to give the real and make others to not feel ashamed for having some of the same feelings or experiences 💜
Love this. I’m planning on adopting a 10 year old girl from my home country of Jamaica. I don’t want to stop my life completely for a child.
I just want to make a suggestion for the babys' sleep. The lovely Norah Jones.... her first two albums are like lullabies and are beautiful. I gave those CDs to both my sister and sister in law when they brought children into the world. I would gently dance my little son to sleep in the dim light of his room to Nora's music. It was such a precious, precious time; and we would put our hand on his little chest when he was restless in the crib and it seemed to comfort him. It got to the point where the music represented rest and sleep for him and even if we were in a car with his grandparents driving to a destination, if they put on that CD the children ( my son and my sister-in-law son) would just drift off to sleep. Also my son began to recognize the songs, and would sing some of the lyrics with me when he was three and four years old.
I also intended for the music to be a remembrance to him that he could use as an adult man to comfort himself in the midst of life's stress, to slow himself down after a hard day, and as a reminder of peaceful times in his life.
Also we had a little swing that we would place our son in, and he would just sleep and sleep and sleep; we had to make sure we didn't use it for too long of periods because we didn't want him to sleep too long. Perhaps you can see whether a swing might be helpful to you.
Postpartum preeclampsia+ c-section+ limited support + supply issues+Lactose sensitivity. It was rough, it was rough 😩.
Then I had another during mid 2020 and it was a way different experience.
Im blessed my mom always shared her experiences so it wasn’t a total shock but it was tough.
I love what Shan said about not putting her "energy at risk". I've been doing that for a while (hopefully not in a toxic way lol) but never had a way to describe it. Very well said!!
I needed this so bad. Im so worried a baby will be overwhelming. I want to wait until my mid 30s and my fiance doesn't. This really helps ease my mind (even though it sucks!) hearing other people having a hard time makes the experience not as bad sounding somehow. Thank you!
I'm so glad you beautiful souls are bringing light to this topic, it's so important. I became a first time Mumma this year and holy heck, I was nodding the whole way through this video, so much delicious goddess was shared. Thank you both for sharing your stories, have a feeling you'll help a lot of Mummas out there. To add to the conversation, I recently uploaded a video about everything I've been through up to 9 months postpartum, it's been a lot to say the least. Sending you love and support from Australia xx
Super mamas!!! 🙏🏻💕
wow i cant get passed the aesthetic- the colors and cozy feeling of your rooms ... congratulations motherhood is a blessing
I laughed I cried and I listened. This is probably the most transparent video I’ve watched ever!!!!
If you can get hold of easy drops (vitamin d with probiotics) it's fantastic helping with the belly cramps. A friend tipped me and it's been a life saver!
Currently in the trying to conceive process and this was an amazing video. Even the opening sentiments about the gifts and curses of Instagram as someone who is FAR from all friends and family. Really enjoyed this.
These are real friends! You guys are great!
I tell my friends with demanding kids that they should be happy their kids is strong in who they are and knows what they want and demands it. My 'perfect' baby was so chill if you didnt offer her food she would just go without eating!
I love yall TOGETHER! I fell in love with Shan through Maya. WOMEN bonds! This by far has to be the best video created for moms. It is a genuine real conversation with loads of real information without trying to scare anyone. I love how you both are different moms and can talk about it in an accepting way.
I don’t have kids nor do I plan on having any but I enjoyed listening. I have friends who are moms and it’s nice knowing a little bit about what they go through.
This is one of the best motherhood videos I’ve watched. 100. Thank you both. ❤️
I have a baby that also cries for everything and I’ve felt so overwhelmed. Watching you and Maya voice all of these things have helped me a lot throughout my fourth trimester and so forth. Thank you both 🙏🏼
Your hair is sooo thick, it's beautiful
I got married 2 years ago at 21. I’m NOWHERE near ready to be a mom yet, but I love mom content. I always felt strange watching it because I felt like everyone else who was watching was a mom, or someone who cares for a child. Maya, thank you for helping me realise that it’s okay and even beneficial to watch this content now. Maya and Shan, thank you both for sharing your experiences so candidly. I’ve been watching both of you for years and I’m very happy that you’re both doing well :)
I’m in my second trimester. This conversation was so great to hear. Thanks so much!
Every woman makes a great mother!💝
I’m so taken back by this video... I just had my baby back in September (3 months now 😭) you guys are so positive and keep it so real about the good and bad to motherhood. The hardest part is after delivery. So many changes. So little time. So little sleep. Bahahah. Thank you guys for this talk. Felt so heard ♥️
I love your friends interpretation of her baby . My daughter would do that and I would try so hard to change it but let’s just go with it and make the best of it !!great segment ladies . 8 months pregnant and I have 3 daughters 😊
👍🤩Fantastic discussion. Thanks for sharing. 💝
I’ve been a looongggg time follower of both of you and you’ve consistently added value to my life. Now I’m suddenly 6 weeks pregnant and I feel so equipped with online mamas sharing their experiences like you, Shannon and Jenn, my community of friends who have multiple children I’ve watched grow and apply their knowledge. I’m a single parent and so nervous yet excited to go at this
Loved your comment towards the end regarding society! Absolutely Agree!!
Great video. Saga is adorable. I needed this video. I'm in my second trimestre and already going through some of the things you mentioned about singular experience and having a partner. And I really needed to watch this to reduce my expectations and know how to take things as they come, one step at a time. Bless you both. And congratulations.
These videos both are SO goooooood! Loved them.
Great conversation mommas! I would say that you both have provided great insight into the 4th trimester. Its true no one will tell you how hard it is but its also different for everyone to cope with. Not everyone will have support from other people or partners, but each mother will have to find her strength. I would say I was lucky because my mom and 4 sisters helped me sooo much (they had their own kids too which i also babysat when they were little) and not to mention my awesome husband who stepped in for me to cover my rough days (and vice versa).
Favorite and agreed motherhood journey points: 1. surrendering to the process 2. there will be shifts in patterns at different stages 3. babies are resilient. 4. Do no compare developmental milestones. 5. Moms encouraging moms is the best dynamic ever.
I had both my girls partially breastfed, gave them mostly formula, they were low birth weight and never met any of the standard medical milestones but you wouldn’t know that by looking at them now. My husband and I scoffed at the medical developmental chart being based on causian european medical standards but my children are 1/4 white and the rest is chinese/mexican indigenous indian/filipino soooo i couldn’t agree on those standards because they didn’t apply 100% for my kids.
Each child is unique to themselves. We must let them be and support them to be the best human they can be :) 👏👏👏
Awesome dialog. You guys should make this a monthly podcast.
I appreciate the both of you being so candid! There’s so much I had no ideaaaa about it.
This was so refreshing! Thank you for being open and honest.
Bless you for having been blessed to be able to give birth and celebrate the various stages of your child's developmental gift offering in this world. We needn't take this for granted, but rather be all in it as present as we are able. Congratulations, queens. 🙏✨
Thank you for sharing the other side of renting, giving birth, and all of the things a lot of mother don't want to speak about.
Love the transparency in yo both🥰🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙏🙏
Ahhh I loved this. Thank you
I loved watching this so much. My pregnancies and postpartum were so hard and I was not given the support that I needed, BUT both my children are now joyful, healthy and filled with peace & love It gets better!!!!! Sending love to all the mommies, YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!💖
Omggg I have a 4 week old and this is exactly how I currently feel. Thank you for this video ladies 💕
Not even a mother yet but loved this content from you both. Extremely fascinating.
❤️❤️❤️❤️such a beautiful chat. Maya I love that you're so honest about your experience, thank you for sharing.
Omg those babies look just like their dads.
Wow! Jared is a great dad. I keep up with all of you guys. Watching the baby for that amount of time. Maya you're doing a great job.
I love you two ladies and this real conversation. Thank you for your openness ❤️
Such a special video! 💖
Nice honest chat. Thank you. 🤗💕
Interesting convo. I think there is so little attention paid to the topic of parenthood in mainstream culture. It is as if it was a separate topic from relationships, those kids are a direct consequence. I think we need content like this to see what is it really like. Not only it helps to be realistic about parenting but also the actual idea of having children. Particularly women are still pressured by the society to have children so we need reliable sources. Best of luck on your parenting adventures, ladies 🙂
Oh my word. Great conversation. As a first time mom of a one month old this is sacred. I can relate.
If the breeze was too breezy!!! I love this conversation. My daughter is 8 yrs old and there are still and will continue to be new nuances of motherhood. ✨✨💕💕💕
Shout out to supportive partners!!!!!!!! 😩😭🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 YES!!!!!!!!
Crazy how both babies look just like their dads 😂😍😍
Wow I really enjoyed this video, I don’t have kids currently but I appreciate the real discussion about your experiences as new moms. I feel like people don’t always talk about this. also I’m in my 30s and want to have children one day so find it inspiring to hear your stories
Yeah I am not having a kid. I respect all mothers of the world and all other guardians out there. I have seen my sister-in-law go through it. I’ve seen my friends go through it. It is tough work that you will have to carry until your children are grown, but even when they’re grown you will always have to carry the worry for them. It’s a lifetime child. It’s beautiful and it definitely comes with its challenges. Like nature it is beautiful, but my o my it is harsh. Like Maya said do your research 🧐 don’t let it scare you. If anything see if you feel willing to put the work in of a life time. Stay safe y’all. God bless every single one of you! ☺️ Have a wonderful Happy New Year 🎊 wherever you are!
I love you both so much!! you have helped me navigate life from being a teen to now a young adult! Hope to rewatch these videos when I get to these milestones in my life
This was a beautiful conversation. I have been following both for several years and to see the evolution of these two wonderful women is a pleasure🌻
"Surrender expectations"- yes..something I need to do....I've been frustrated with my baby and now toddler about certain things and it's like...they are learning etc. And I just need to do my best.