Failure to Launch: Childraising Vs Adultraising
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
- I treat young adults (and their parents) stuck at the challenging transition between dependent adolescence and independent adulthood. One of my pet peeves is the word "childraising," which implies that we are hoping to wind up the process with a child. We're aiming for adulthood instead. And maybe, just maybe, we should be calling the whole process "apprenticeship." Here's why.
I have a course called "The Parent Trap" for parents of young adults in this situation, available here: bit.ly/3ci12Gi
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Great video
My parents/grandparents did a decent job with teaching me the day to day chores as a kid, However once i hit adolescence they fell short and started to assume i knew how to do things they never taught me.
I left home around the age of 13 for complicated reasons and was invited to live with a friend and his family but i ended up dropping out of school.
I started working once i was 16 and had to grow up fast, Especially when i found out at the age of 23 i was going to be a father.
By this time I was renting my own place with my daughters mother but I had no drivers license or even a vehicle to transport my little family around in, i would walk or bus EVERYWHERE.
I brought my first car by my self (cash) and drove it home without a license, I only recently got a full drivers license 8 years later and i don't really understand money, i have never owned a credit card so i buy everything in cash i have saved and i have no vehicle insurance.
I guess my point is my daughter is now 8 years old and watching this video really reminds me to think about her future and to focus on the essential life skills needed to help her succeed as an adult.
Thank you!
Thank you for this description of your experiences. I think there is much that parents can do to facilitate their child's future confidence and capacity, and that's what this video is trying to communicate. I think of a ramp traversing from infancy, where parents do almost everything for their child, to adulthood, where the offspring takes care of himself or herself. That ramp starts early and should continue throughout the childhood and adolescent years. I encourage parents to think of it as an extended apprenticeship to adulthood, in which skills and responsibilities are gradually taught and transferred to the young person.
We acknowledge in my family the importance of finding healthy adult role models outside the family to gain the last stage of launching. We call it "third adult care"
But we work hard in the family to impart core skills. And its everyones job. I'm an auntie rather than a parent, but I reinforce the learning
As a childless oldster, it seems to me that teaching youngsters life skills would be fun and rewarding. My parents were well meaning, but they fell down in that department. I think they were shortchanged in that regard as children as well. Lots of absent fathers on both sides of the family going back into the 1800s. Sad, but we figured things out eventually...more or less!
I’m 51 and still trying to figure it out…no one taught me
Just turned 62 and I never learned to live within my means. Always counting on tomorrow to bailout today. I think I sound like the US government.
40 years ago absolutely no one aged 25 lived with their parents. This is a sociological phenomenon, not a psychological problem. Works are worse . Prices higher. Look the statistics. Everywhere in the world people are staying with parents in larger proportions than ever. And it keeps rising. It will be the rule eventually
It’s a common idea that so-called “failure to launch” is all about whether people live in multigenerational households or on their own. But that really isn’t the issue. There is nothing wrong with multigenerational living.
The issue is whether the young adult is able to function as an adult and contribute on an equal basis with the other adults in the home. The difficulty talked about here is that many young adults function at an extreme level of disability, not working, not training, fearful of leaving the home, spending most of the day in avoidant activity, lacking many basic life skills, their social skills eroding from disuse, and relying entirely on aging parents for food, finances, meal prep, household maintenance, and more. Some use the term “shut-ins.”
@@RandyPatersonjust 4 asking your opinion. Is it worse to be a shut in or a ghetto lost drug addict? Is it worse video gaming and under employment or going to bad neighborhoods and getting high with bad companies?
I think I recall playing this kind of game when I was eight. That was a while ago, and I no longer find it interesting.
@@RandyPaterson no games man. I grew up in Mexico there’s a lot of crime. Being honest with you, I believe I suffered this “delayed transition to adulthood” and I’m now Living with my dad and have a rent. I’m contributing with services but I’m heavily underemployed. I have friends joining gangs that are in better economic situations than me. Mexico is in a really bad period man I wasn’t making jokes. I honestly believe I have this problem and honestly believe maybe being a shut in is worse than facing the world. In Canada Mexico whatever. Maybe it sounded like a joke but is my bad English. I apologize if it sounded like a joke or something
@@RandyPaterson I think this issue is worse in my country than in the USA or Canada, and a lot of people try to overcome this joining gangs selling drugs etc
Mind dumbing slow explanation!
You’re right. TikTok is faster moving. Plus: puppies!
Dude my mother died when I was 17. I own a house now and rent it. This “failure to launch” will be house owners and can rent their house eventually. You people talk like they’re eventually going homeless
Inheritance of parental wealth is indeed a possibility for many who are in this situation. But certainly not all. Many families rent and have scant savings; others have multiple offspring so the largest heritable asset, the family home, will be divided several ways; some parents have all savings eroded by the expense of caring for a housebound adult son or daughter, sometimes via reverse mortgages; and some parents feel that by the time of their death they have contributed sufficiently to their offspring's care and may not make them primary beneficiaries. Homelessness is a real possibility for many.
The problem is deeper than that, however. Parents in this situation perform many functions over and above the provision of accommodation or funds. Many shut-in young adults have developed little ability to care for themselves - including cooking, cleaning, household maintenance, the ability to drive, and - most of all - financial self-management skills. It's tempting to think that a hikikomori young adult who inherits a house is set for life. In reality, their ability to manage the home and the inheritance - coupled, often, with cascading addictions - is such that the funds may be depleted quite quickly. In any case, the no-longer-so-young-adult will be faced with learning personal skills that would best have been developed during the teens or early twenties.
Whether parents plan to leave their young adult with a nestegg or not, it's best they keep in mind that their role is not to infantilize their offspring but to prepare them for a life without parents. In a word, adultraising, not childraising.
@@RandyPaterson true. Maybe I lacked that. I have debts and adictions and my rent has been a confort zone so I can be under employed with extra money. You’re right I wasn’t raised properly in my early teens . 32 now living with my uncle and both in debts drugs and bad neighborhood. I can’t deny your right. New suscriber here. Hope you do series for 30+ adults struggling with adictions and low self esteem. You’re such a realist psychologist. Good channel man
Lol Reddit