I get into alot of arguments with people jelous of me because i am a deep blue spender on a game, i am gonna take these into consideration thanks. I will favorite this video for future use.
Heres one I had from a male bully, that liked getting a reaction from me. I was a shy quite girl that was nerdy bc I liked reading manga. He would always say something very inappropriate to me or make fun of my drawings or whatever he can get a jab at. One morning I got tried of his constant harassing, he comes up to me and says "didnt last night mean anything to you?" In a snarky way. I look up at him and tilt my head to the side as his friends watched and say "I'm sorry you weren't good enough last night " his shocked dead silence was worth it as his friends laughed and cheered me on for standing up to him bc they never heard me do something like that.
"I expected better." It just gives them the illusion you're not even angry for them insulting you, you're just plain disappointed. Like, that's it? That's your grand insult?
I had a comeback once with "I've met 12 year olds better at insults than you", to which the guy responded "you're the 12 year old" "You didn't really think that through, huh? Well, thanks for playing."
I remember when there was some kids were trying to gang up on me and some friends in middle school. One of them said, “we need reinforcements!” My response was “You *need* therapy!” He only response was to send my comeback right back at me, which by that point was more funny to me as it showed they were not only not witty enough to have a comeback to my comeback but needed backup against three people.
@@houseoftoussaint9609 you're focusing too much on them saying that and not the fact that south park is unapologetically picking on every race at any given time.
Best way to disarm a bully that I know of is to look at your watch/phone while they're talking and in the middle of their rant, just basically going, "I'm sorry, but I gotta go. I'm late and you're way too slow" And then walk away
Freaking them out by interrupting them with a blunt "okay", ignoring them, and cackling is a good way to get them out of the way for a little bit, because it'll make them think you're mildly psychotic. Threaten them with a pencil if necessary. They won't ever bother you again. And if they're serious about beating you up, actually thrust the pencil directly at their face, and knock them over by slamming into them instead (Or if you know martial arts or something, ATTAC). Then just walk away and stick your tongue out at them. You will have a very angry bully who does not want to touch you for the rest of the week. Works like a charm.
I sometimes do get emotional myself, but it usually lasts not as long as the 'EEMOHTIONAL DAMAG-' I inflict on the aggressor, and then come back with a variant of wasting their time intentionally; something like "was fun wasting your time, bye!" or after a very long pause "hope I have wasted lots of your time ;)"
I hear a lot of people saying that you should give them a blank stare. That's true, but here's psychology tip: staring at the middle of people's foreheads makes them the most uncomfortable
As someone that continues to get bullied in public areas, thank you for this. I’m trying my best to learn why I am targeted so much and what makes people want to come up to me when I’m all alone and get emotionally charged and tell me they straight up hate me. As someone that’s dealt with extreme bullying in elementary school for my race and extreme bullying in high school for my weird mannerisms, I don’t take bullying well, I shut down and cry; just not in front of the bullies. It is strange to me that I’m trying to blend in and not be seen and just trying to live my life by walking and looking at flowers and I’ll get a giant soda thrown at my head by a bunch of mean spirited kids. And I’m asking myself why? It’s like I’ve got a target on my back that I’m not aware of. XD lol I have been told I look younger for my age and that I’m a spring chicken.. so that might be one case. I’m still unsure if bullies can just scan an area and detect people miles away with their bully vision. Lol but that’s how I feel many times. And this long list of comebacks are great. The you’re boring one, is all too true. I got told this when I told the person I don’t know any celebrities and they told me I’m boring and never talked to me after that. A little hurt by it but better than to have her be bored by me. I still have that line replay in my head. lol so that one I know works for many that are being very mean. Yes! the South Park reference was great! XD That show is still one of my favorites. Love the episode where Butters stands up to his mean grandmother who bullies him and gives her an insane comeback. I don’t think I’ll be able to use many of these awesome comebacks as my best option is to ignore. ^_^ thank you for the video I’ll come back to it one day I’m sure for another listen. Hope others here are able to use some good ones for future bullies. Good luck to you out there.
You're a "target" because you let yourself be. Self confidence goes a long way. And when you have it, it shows in how you carry yourself. People with confidence generally don't get bullied. And when it's tried, we just don't care. We laugh. No matter what the words are - you can't be bullied if your mind doesn't care what they say. Recognize them for what they are: insecure people who need to pick on someone else just to feel better about themselves. That's actually just kind of sad. There's an old expression we use in my area: "I don't care what you call me, just don't call me late for supper!" When you try to " hide", people notice your weakness, your insecurities. And some pounce on that. But your mind, your perceptions are what counts. You take what they say to heart. But why? Why does what they say matter so much to you? It shouldn't. They don't live your life - you do. You have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. You don't need to "fit in". You just need to be you, one hundred percent. And enjoy being yourself. Bullies are kind of like a "test". How much do you believe in yourself? Why would you care what someone like that says about you? They're idiots. But they do help you realize what is and isn't important to you. They do help in a way of getting you ready for the big crap that happens in life when you're older. They are good for that. Lessons in dealing with adversity. And dealing with idiots. There's lots of those in the world. I know you want to fit in and be liked ...that's normal. But the best way to do that is just by being yourself the most and best you can. The people meant to be in your life will be, no matter what. Work on not caring what others say. It doesn't matter what they say. What matters is what you do. It's your life, not theirs. Live it. Enjoy it. If you really must respond to a bully there's many good ways: "Ok. And....?" "Duly noted. Now I've gotta go, I'm busy." " Do you feel better now? Need to talk about anything?" "When you pay my bills for me, then you can tell me how to live." " Well, I'm at least flattered you went out of your way to specifically choose me to pick on. Thank you! I'm glad to know I'm that special to you!" " You can call me whatever you want, just don't call me late for supper." But you got to MEAN these responses. You've got to not care. To be smiling or laughing. To show how little their words mean to you. If they can't " get to you", you take away their "fun". I remember in 7th grade I thought I was hated. Everyone picked on me. It wasn't until high school I found out they liked me. That's why they picked on me. They thought I was smart and funny. Yeah, a few were just bullies....it doesn't help that kids are f*cked up to begin with.....😄 But by high school I'd found my self-confidence. If someone said something to me, I started giving it right back. My house actually became the "hang out" for a lot of us. I had more friends than I'd even guessed. I was always a weirdo....so I became the best weirdo I could be. Yeah I was laughed at for reading the dictionary for fun....but everyone STILL comes to me when they want to know what a word means or how to spell it. 😄 Look....I believe in you enough to have written you a small novel here! 😉😄. You're smart, kind, caring, thoughtful, polite, and have your own special gifts and talents. So you certainly should start believing in yourself. I wish you much luck and love in your Life Journey. ❤️
You're probably autistic. I am autistic and same thing with me. Don't listen to Kelf, I don't know what the hell kind of answer it is to victim blame like that. Absolutely gross Kelf.
There was an instance of someone wanting help in an online game. I responded, they reply "who asked?" I stated, "you asked, I can just scroll up," I don't know what they replied with, but not only them, but 2 others wrote expressions of laughter. Makes you wonder what kind of friends you had, or if your friendship was merely entertainment to them.
"...I wonder what your bones taste like." Trust me, no one wants to mess with a crazy person. Make sure you do it with a kinda blank stare too, make it look like you're ACTUALLY wondering about it.
Meteor the size of seven-and-a-half elephants gets pulled into the atmosphere at about 10 chairs a second; experts believe the crater will be about the size of 204 rugs.
England: we developed a system of measuring called the metr- Americans: Adult deer are as tall as a bicycle. They weight about 800 hamburgers. A sinkhole roughly the size of six to seven washing machines has closed the northbound lanes of State Line Road near 100 street is Kansas City, Missouri. Social distancing: stay 3 guinea pigs, 2 ferrets, and 1 hamster away from eachother.
"Good to know I always got a place to stay with you-- since I apparently live in your head rent-free." "Do you need me to get you a ladder or something? Seems like you're having a hard time getting off of my back." "Are you describing yourself to me?"
There's a teacher saying, "open your mouth and slit your throat". Disruptive kids in a classroom are trying to stage a drama, and there is a speaking part for you. If you try to use your superior intellect, education, vocabulary, or wit to one-up them, then it's "show time". If you just relax and let the kid do all the work, the show "bombs"
"why not spit in one hand and wish in the other and see which it fills up first." I have one I am really proud of; there was one guy I used to work with showing off vintage comics talking about he's buying them as investments, getting them graded and how he has a whole collection of them, showing off a picture of a bookcase with several rows of graded old vintage comics. In a box in my closet, I found a the first issue of a limited release self published comic of a guy who I worked with in Brazil, he was the artist and I was credited as the the writer (on the inside cover). The artist sent me the copy with an autograph to me on the cover. A few days go by and after he was talking about buying vintange comics for investments again, i pulled it out. "hey your buying comics, I made one." I could hear the sound of a slide whistle before crickets
Sometimes when people try to insult me by pointing out things about me, I just say “Cool.” Doesn’t always shut the convo down as sometimes they go on to the next thing, but it at least lets them know I’m not bothered by it
Look at them with a blank face for a few seconds, give a quick and anticlimactic "hm/hmph" and then just continue on with whatever you were doing. Hits em right in the fragile ego
That's my problem, what's yours? I like Larry Flint's response to a politician he'd outed who called him a bottom feeder: "Yes, that's what I am but look what I found when I was down there!"
Girl in 8th grade was picking on me. For some reason, I waited until class started and was dead silent. I stood up, pointed to her and sand "Dude looks like a lady!" Her crush and his best friend spent the entire period laughing and pointing at her.
Someone was pestering me to make more money. Asked me if I had any short term ideas. I said no but I have a few long term. He said "You didn't answer my question" in a way like I was in trouble. Without missing a beat I replied "SO?" He laughed too hard to come back with anything
Whenever I was insulted as a kid. I usually just start laughing at the insult. Some black guy called me a twinkie, and I thought that was the funniest shit 😂. Usually, I didn't get harassed more than a couple of times by the same person because of my reactions. Good insults lowkey makes my day.
One I read somewhere from a woman whose grade-school-age daughter was getting insulted by a boy: "This has been fun, Brad, but I have to go." Of course his name wasn't Brad.
OR one it works its when you ask them: "and you're happy with that? because you looks as miserable as you start to talking me" It fires them a lot. I break a lot of snobby artist in my field with that phrase. They just devolve into incoherent mess and insults.
"You're befitting of your father's family name" Me: "and you're befitting of yours who in turn is also my family name" That get peeve to my mother who always want to win an argument with that.
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" is a classic one from Oh Sir! The insult simulator (a genius Steam game which already has a sequel and a mobile version)
Blank stare and ask while slowly tilting your head on the side: Are you real or are you one of the voices in my head? Not now Jimmy, I'm talking to someone.
When I was in elementary people used to tease me with "you eat canned food" to which I spared no thought and shot back with "so, you eat dog food" neaver teased about that ever again.
1. Look at them (maybe with some confusion) 2. Ask them (to a point where it doesn't even matter anymore) 3. Agree with them (its not an insult anymore)
ok ok, this what i always do when the boys on my soccer team do when they get mad at me and start yelling in my face. just stand still, look straight in there eyes, with the smuggest smirk you can make with no reaction
I remember the old shooter game Dirty Bomb had some funny ones "The energy you expend attempting to impress (or insult me) would be better invested in getting some skills. Any skills!" "I asked people is it possible to be any worse than how you are now. Half of them, they don't know. The other half, they just cry." "You're not as stupid as you look, but then, how could you be?" "The 'I Care' store called, apologised for their mistake and gave a full refund, because I don't care!"
So could that be the reason why I have angry outburst at the age of 36 because no one ever taught me how to process emotions I always feel like crap every time it happens and I spend the day apologizing to those who I hurt or who I thought I hurt
LOL That last one about the bully calling the person gay and the person reacts by telling them that they were flirting with them.🤣 Love it. Upside for me is that if someone insults me, now in days, for say that I am gay, I'll just say "Yeah what's your point. You want to be my boyfriend because I been looking for one." Need to remember to say that for if some dumb comes up to say that kind of homophobic crap to me. A part of me hopes so but also worried that I'll get my ass kicked. Lets roll the dice and see.😼
Mine was always sphincter says what? Then when they say huh? I said exactly and walked away. Too bad I didn't think of it when I was being bullied years ago in the 80's but as they say, kids can be cruel
You’ve gotta be kidding me…not a single “Yo mama…” reference? Never used it myself (I’m the type to give a long stare with RBF - resting bitch face), but that was the classic I heard growing up.
I have two. The first one was when I was struggling to get a reference In a rap battle, and someone else was trying to explain it. And keep in mind that the comment that started the strand made no nod to that reference, it was a reference to the kamehameha wave. They ask about the other one, and i responded with “I don’t watch one peace and I assume the “will of D” thing was a big part of that. (It was a rustage rap battle between goku and luffy) they responded to that with “if the sun rose and someone announced a new day, you’d say “sorry. I have to find a clock”” and I responded with “wow. You put forth that much effort to be a d**k to me, but you can’t be bothered with this explanation that’s clearly right in front of me… I weep for humanity.” And the second one was one I never actually used yet, but I thought of it. So my mom was taking her crap out on me YET AGAIN and she said that I was in a bad mood and I was taking my crap out on everyone else. My first thought was “are you done protecting?” I didn’t say it, because I actually was challenged to a fight by her before and knew she’d probably beat the hell outa me for saying crap like that
Did you eat breakfast backward or something? It is utterly meaningless, but completely confusing. I have only used that once. Typically, I go with "*clicks tongue* huh, okay then."
One time working in a pool we were practicing talking to belligerent patrons, with each other as the angry people. It was my turn, and this dude lays into my about how I’m just standing there looking like a fat derp and a couple other things. We’re all really close though and I was barely hold in laughing out loud. I couldn’t take the excessive seriously. When he was done with his “rant”, I just booped his nose and we all broke out laughing. We were all pretty close at the time and most of us had known each others for a solid year at least at the time. I technically failed that exercise.
Remember the best comeback is; kid: uses random insult Whoever needs the comeback; what? Kid: repeats the same insult Whoever needs the comeback; ever.
6:33 what kind of project do you do at a lawyers office? My sister is a paralegal and I just asked her if anything they work on can be called a project and she said not in her office so it just seems weird, and it makes me question the validity of this person‘s answer.
I was a legal administrator for a medium sized law firm with 72 attorneys, 72 legal secretaries and 72 paralegals and a few admin staff. Talk about clueless. I’ve got 100’s of stories. One that sticks out. I once had an attorney that didn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Not even kidding. He once came up 2 floors and the copy room hade a contracted dedicated person to run it. Well, she was making her hourly rounds and something had to be faxed yesterday so he came to my desk and said he needed something faxed I showed him how to used the fax and went about my insane day. This man told my that “only people with ovaries could do things like that”. Talk about steam coming out of my ears. Luckily one of my counterparts hears this exchange and jumped in because she was aware of my lack of filter. Loved my work. Work wouldn’t be so bad if weren’t for all of the people.
The blank stare or uncaring look works wonders in my experience. Both my boss and father have anger issues and tend to get personal even while I am working. The sight of me staring at them like they were a yoctogram either made them angrier or took the wind out of their sails as they looked like they were throwing a tantrum informs of other employees. A more recent example was when I was volunteering at the zoo, one guest asked me if the whistle around my neck was a “rape whistle”. Don’t know if it was the two hours standing in the April sun without cover or it being really early that day but, my only response was “I wish” with the most tired deadpan tone imaginable before disregarding them until a ticket booth became available and pointed them to it. I can only imagine what was going on inside their head looking a zoo volunteer taking your mocking tone and not caring while raising even more questions- “wait, he wishes? Why does he wish that!? What kind of story is behind that face?”.
Hands down, in my 40s, "Your mom". If anyone wants to start something with me at my age, I'm gonna respond by saying the most juvenile thing, in the most relaxed tone I can. "How are you driving you stupid a$hole?!?" Me "Eh, your mom." 90% of the time, it doesn't go beyond that. The time it does, I get "real mature (and cussing)".
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I get into alot of arguments with people jelous of me because i am a deep blue spender on a game, i am gonna take these into consideration thanks. I will favorite this video for future use.
Heres one I had from a male bully, that liked getting a reaction from me. I was a shy quite girl that was nerdy bc I liked reading manga. He would always say something very inappropriate to me or make fun of my drawings or whatever he can get a jab at. One morning I got tried of his constant harassing, he comes up to me and says "didnt last night mean anything to you?" In a snarky way. I look up at him and tilt my head to the side as his friends watched and say "I'm sorry you weren't good enough last night " his shocked dead silence was worth it as his friends laughed and cheered me on for standing up to him bc they never heard me do something like that.
"I expected better."
It just gives them the illusion you're not even angry for them insulting you, you're just plain disappointed. Like, that's it? That's your grand insult?
I like to use "well, that was lame" in the same vein.
I've used that and it works
The best comeback to an insult I've ever given was "thanks for the compliment" it can drive bullys crazy.
"I bet you eat corn the long way" fucking killed me. XD
I had a comeback once with "I've met 12 year olds better at insults than you", to which the guy responded "you're the 12 year old"
"You didn't really think that through, huh? Well, thanks for playing."
Its like the "Theres U in stupid" post lol
That means you have such good of a comeback that he even agreed
"And how is that a bad thing?"
Best used when being called weird.
Ty
I remember when there was some kids were trying to gang up on me and some friends in middle school.
One of them said, “we need reinforcements!”
My response was “You *need* therapy!”
He only response was to send my comeback right back at me, which by that point was more funny to me as it showed they were not only not witty enough to have a comeback to my comeback but needed backup against three people.
this is one "thank you for your opinion it will be stored and promptly ignored"
the south park bit was hilarious
Yeah… Jews huh ha ha…
@@houseoftoussaint9609 you're focusing too much on them saying that and not the fact that south park is unapologetically picking on every race at any given time.
@@fireflights1977 cry me a river for crap jokes
10:12
@@fireflights1977 exactly lets just appreciate the humor of south park together in harmony
Best way to disarm a bully that I know of is to look at your watch/phone while they're talking and in the middle of their rant, just basically going,
"I'm sorry, but I gotta go. I'm late and you're way too slow"
And then walk away
I just yelled, "and that's why you get no bitches!" To some kid being a jerk to another kid.
That’s what I expect to hear on COD online
damn dude all these askreddit narrators are so fucking good at impressions
Way better than those dang bots.
Freaking them out by interrupting them with a blunt "okay", ignoring them, and cackling is a good way to get them out of the way for a little bit, because it'll make them think you're mildly psychotic. Threaten them with a pencil if necessary. They won't ever bother you again. And if they're serious about beating you up, actually thrust the pencil directly at their face, and knock them over by slamming into them instead (Or if you know martial arts or something, ATTAC). Then just walk away and stick your tongue out at them. You will have a very angry bully who does not want to touch you for the rest of the week. Works like a charm.
"I know you are but what am I"
lol it's annoying, that's why it works
We were promised witty comebacks and get a long ass lecture
fr its cool and all for your kid and husband but just give us your comeback
Exactly my thoughts. Save the TED Talk and answer the damn question!
I sometimes do get emotional myself, but it usually lasts not as long as the 'EEMOHTIONAL DAMAG-' I inflict on the aggressor, and then come back with a variant of wasting their time intentionally; something like "was fun wasting your time, bye!" or after a very long pause "hope I have wasted lots of your time ;)"
Our families comeback was "do you have those fits often"
I hear a lot of people saying that you should give them a blank stare. That's true, but here's psychology tip: staring at the middle of people's foreheads makes them the most uncomfortable
I like the 'are you done' one... considering that the large majority of the time people are only insulting you are only looking for some drama...
As someone that continues to get bullied in public areas, thank you for this.
I’m trying my best to learn why I am targeted so much and what makes people want to come up to me when I’m all alone and get emotionally charged and tell me they straight up hate me.
As someone that’s dealt with extreme bullying in elementary school for my race and extreme bullying in high school for my weird mannerisms, I don’t take bullying well, I shut down and cry; just not in front of the bullies.
It is strange to me that I’m trying to blend in and not be seen and just trying to live my life by walking and looking at flowers and I’ll get a giant soda thrown at my head by a bunch of mean spirited kids.
And I’m asking myself why? It’s like I’ve got a target on my back that I’m not aware of. XD lol
I have been told I look younger for my age and that I’m a spring chicken.. so that might be one case. I’m still unsure if bullies can just scan an area and detect people miles away with their bully vision. Lol but that’s how I feel many times. And this long list of comebacks are great. The you’re boring one, is all too true. I got told this when I told the person I don’t know any celebrities and they told me I’m boring and never talked to me after that. A little hurt by it but better than to have her be bored by me. I still have that line replay in my head. lol so that one I know works for many that are being very mean.
Yes! the South Park reference was great! XD That show is still one of my favorites.
Love the episode where Butters stands up to his mean grandmother who bullies him and gives her an insane comeback.
I don’t think I’ll be able to use many of these awesome comebacks as my best option is to ignore. ^_^ thank you for the video I’ll come back to it one day I’m sure for another listen.
Hope others here are able to use some good ones for future bullies. Good luck to you out there.
You're a "target" because you let yourself be.
Self confidence goes a long way. And when you have it, it shows in how you carry yourself. People with confidence generally don't get bullied. And when it's tried, we just don't care. We laugh.
No matter what the words are - you can't be bullied if your mind doesn't care what they say. Recognize them for what they are: insecure people who need to pick on someone else just to feel better about themselves. That's actually just kind of sad.
There's an old expression we use in my area: "I don't care what you call me, just don't call me late for supper!"
When you try to " hide", people notice your weakness, your insecurities. And some pounce on that.
But your mind, your perceptions are what counts. You take what they say to heart. But why? Why does what they say matter so much to you?
It shouldn't.
They don't live your life - you do.
You have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. You don't need to "fit in". You just need to be you, one hundred percent. And enjoy being yourself.
Bullies are kind of like a "test". How much do you believe in yourself? Why would you care what someone like that says about you? They're idiots. But they do help you realize what is and isn't important to you. They do help in a way of getting you ready for the big crap that happens in life when you're older. They are good for that. Lessons in dealing with adversity. And dealing with idiots. There's lots of those in the world.
I know you want to fit in and be liked ...that's normal. But the best way to do that is just by being yourself the most and best you can. The people meant to be in your life will be, no matter what.
Work on not caring what others say. It doesn't matter what they say. What matters is what you do. It's your life, not theirs. Live it. Enjoy it.
If you really must respond to a bully there's many good ways:
"Ok. And....?"
"Duly noted. Now I've gotta go, I'm busy."
" Do you feel better now? Need to talk about anything?"
"When you pay my bills for me, then you can tell me how to live."
" Well, I'm at least flattered you went out of your way to specifically choose me to pick on. Thank you! I'm glad to know I'm that special to you!"
" You can call me whatever you want, just don't call me late for supper."
But you got to MEAN these responses. You've got to not care. To be smiling or laughing. To show how little their words mean to you. If they can't " get to you", you take away their "fun".
I remember in 7th grade I thought I was hated. Everyone picked on me. It wasn't until high school I found out they liked me. That's why they picked on me. They thought I was smart and funny. Yeah, a few were just bullies....it doesn't help that kids are f*cked up to begin with.....😄
But by high school I'd found my self-confidence. If someone said something to me, I started giving it right back. My house actually became the "hang out" for a lot of us. I had more friends than I'd even guessed.
I was always a weirdo....so I became the best weirdo I could be. Yeah I was laughed at for reading the dictionary for fun....but everyone STILL comes to me when they want to know what a word means or how to spell it. 😄
Look....I believe in you enough to have written you a small novel here! 😉😄. You're smart, kind, caring, thoughtful, polite, and have your own special gifts and talents. So you certainly should start believing in yourself.
I wish you much luck and love in your Life Journey. ❤️
You're probably autistic. I am autistic and same thing with me. Don't listen to Kelf, I don't know what the hell kind of answer it is to victim blame like that. Absolutely gross Kelf.
There was an instance of someone wanting help in an online game.
I responded, they reply "who asked?" I stated, "you asked, I can just scroll up," I don't know what they replied with, but not only them, but 2 others wrote expressions of laughter.
Makes you wonder what kind of friends you had, or if your friendship was merely entertainment to them.
"...I wonder what your bones taste like."
Trust me, no one wants to mess with a crazy person. Make sure you do it with a kinda blank stare too, make it look like you're ACTUALLY wondering about it.
The "You freaking Americans will use anything but the metric system!" made me LMAO.
Meteor the size of seven-and-a-half elephants gets pulled into the atmosphere at about 10 chairs a second; experts believe the crater will be about the size of 204 rugs.
Bananas and stone are legitimate measuring units.
"Why don't you Americans use the metric system?"
"Because we can count higher than 10." 😄😄
@@kelf114 Well we do. We measure most in freedom units, and measure freedom units in metric.
England: we developed a system of measuring called the metr-
Americans:
Adult deer are as tall as a bicycle.
They weight about 800 hamburgers.
A sinkhole roughly the size of six to seven washing machines has closed the northbound lanes of State Line Road near 100 street is Kansas City, Missouri.
Social distancing: stay 3 guinea pigs, 2 ferrets, and 1 hamster away from eachother.
“My sympathies. I’d be absolutely inconsolable if I had to live with that personality. I hope you can push through it.“
The one i personally like is when you stare them dead in the eyes, and after a minute start smiling and then laugh like a psychopath
"No, no, no, Don't stop, I need to write these down!"
Now that I'm old I say, with a sweet old lady smile, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Would you repeat that.
Repeat until they walk away.
"Good to know I always got a place to stay with you-- since I apparently live in your head rent-free."
"Do you need me to get you a ladder or something? Seems like you're having a hard time getting off of my back."
"Are you describing yourself to me?"
There's a teacher saying, "open your mouth and slit your throat". Disruptive kids in a classroom are trying to stage a drama, and there is a speaking part for you. If you try to use your superior intellect, education, vocabulary, or wit to one-up them, then it's "show time". If you just relax and let the kid do all the work, the show "bombs"
"why not spit in one hand and wish in the other and see which it fills up first."
I have one I am really proud of;
there was one guy I used to work with showing off vintage comics talking about he's buying them as investments, getting them graded and how he has a whole collection of them, showing off a picture of a bookcase with several rows of graded old vintage comics.
In a box in my closet, I found a the first issue of a limited release self published comic of a guy who I worked with in Brazil, he was the artist and I was credited as the the writer (on the inside cover). The artist sent me the copy with an autograph to me on the cover.
A few days go by and after he was talking about buying vintange comics for investments again, i pulled it out. "hey your buying comics, I made one." I could hear the sound of a slide whistle before crickets
10:12 bro pulled out the south park
I go with “do you need a hug?” Always gets shocked pickachu face.
Sometimes when people try to insult me by pointing out things about me, I just say “Cool.” Doesn’t always shut the convo down as sometimes they go on to the next thing, but it at least lets them know I’m not bothered by it
My favorite is “sounds like someone needs a nap”
anyone else impressed by the accuracy of that cartman impression?
no?
just me?
okay.. good job, Ryan.
Look at them with a blank face for a few seconds, give a quick and anticlimactic "hm/hmph" and then just continue on with whatever you were doing. Hits em right in the fragile ego
That's my problem, what's yours?
I like Larry Flint's response to a politician he'd outed who called him a bottom feeder: "Yes, that's what I am but look what I found when I was down there!"
Loved the Monty Python reference at 11:08!!!
*takes notes*
CRK fan in the house
Girl in 8th grade was picking on me. For some reason, I waited until class started and was dead silent. I stood up, pointed to her and sand "Dude looks like a lady!" Her crush and his best friend spent the entire period laughing and pointing at her.
Someone was pestering me to make more money. Asked me if I had any short term ideas. I said no but I have a few long term. He said "You didn't answer my question" in a way like I was in trouble. Without missing a beat I replied "SO?" He laughed too hard to come back with anything
Sometimes just a monotone "thank you" and a head nod is helpful
"I bet you eat corn the long way"
LOOOL
To say to intolerant people: "The time machine company called; they're ready to take you home."
Whenever I was insulted as a kid. I usually just start laughing at the insult. Some black guy called me a twinkie, and I thought that was the funniest shit 😂. Usually, I didn't get harassed more than a couple of times by the same person because of my reactions. Good insults lowkey makes my day.
So no comeback?
"Linda, darling... your village called. They want their idiot back."
I think my go to comebacks are ‘okay’ or ‘sorry you feel that way’
Troll: “Cringe!”
Me: “But enough about YOU!”
One I read somewhere from a woman whose grade-school-age daughter was getting insulted by a boy: "This has been fun, Brad, but I have to go." Of course his name wasn't Brad.
"What's your point there, caller?"
“But why tho?” Repeat this to everything they say until they stop.
Usually, I just say "Thanks" Make sure you say it in an overjoyed and happy tone
“Nuh uh”
OR one it works its when you ask them: "and you're happy with that? because you looks as miserable as you start to talking me"
It fires them a lot. I break a lot of snobby artist in my field with that phrase. They just devolve into incoherent mess and insults.
"You're befitting of your father's family name"
Me: "and you're befitting of yours who in turn is also my family name"
That get peeve to my mother who always want to win an argument with that.
Taking notes on the one talking about dealing with the five year old to use with my future children or children I look after…
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries" is a classic one from Oh Sir! The insult simulator (a genius Steam game which already has a sequel and a mobile version)
"ya mother" but in a knew york accent 😘👌🏻 😂😂😂
the biggest "come back" I've ever seen is in the bags inside of the body shop.
Blank stare and ask while slowly tilting your head on the side: Are you real or are you one of the voices in my head? Not now Jimmy, I'm talking to someone.
When I was in elementary people used to tease me with "you eat canned food" to which I spared no thought and shot back with "so, you eat dog food" neaver teased about that ever again.
i got one comeback : when did i ask?
1. Look at them (maybe with some confusion)
2. Ask them (to a point where it doesn't even matter anymore)
3. Agree with them (its not an insult anymore)
ok ok, this what i always do when the boys on my soccer team do when they get mad at me and start yelling in my face.
just stand still, look straight in there eyes, with the smuggest smirk you can make with no reaction
they get so mad 😂
I remember the old shooter game Dirty Bomb had some funny ones
"The energy you expend attempting to impress (or insult me) would be better invested in getting some skills. Any skills!"
"I asked people is it possible to be any worse than how you are now. Half of them, they don't know. The other half, they just cry."
"You're not as stupid as you look, but then, how could you be?"
"The 'I Care' store called, apologised for their mistake and gave a full refund, because I don't care!"
Best insults! Vs best comebacks!
That's be an amazing video! 😂
So could that be the reason why I have angry outburst at the age of 36 because no one ever taught me how to process emotions I always feel like crap every time it happens and I spend the day apologizing to those who I hurt or who I thought I hurt
I would roast you, but my parents said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Maybe your parents were just trying to protect you from getting burned in the process.
9:41 I AM DYING OMFG
LOL That last one about the bully calling the person gay and the person reacts by telling them that they were flirting with them.🤣 Love it. Upside for me is that if someone insults me, now in days, for say that I am gay, I'll just say "Yeah what's your point. You want to be my boyfriend because I been looking for one." Need to remember to say that for if some dumb comes up to say that kind of homophobic crap to me. A part of me hopes so but also worried that I'll get my ass kicked. Lets roll the dice and see.😼
Do you mind? I busy doing the fish stick. It's a very DELICATE state of mind!
Story 17: Quote means this guy watched South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.
Self deprivation works for me. I have said insults 100x worse to myself a already
"I'd tell you where to stick it, but I don't think it would fit next to your head."
Mine was always sphincter says what? Then when they say huh? I said exactly and walked away. Too bad I didn't think of it when I was being bullied years ago in the 80's but as they say, kids can be cruel
You’ve gotta be kidding me…not a single “Yo mama…” reference? Never used it myself (I’m the type to give a long stare with RBF - resting bitch face), but that was the classic I heard growing up.
The first thing that comes to mind is “okay”
Makes then hella mad
I have two. The first one was when I was struggling to get a reference In a rap battle, and someone else was trying to explain it. And keep in mind that the comment that started the strand made no nod to that reference, it was a reference to the kamehameha wave. They ask about the other one, and i responded with “I don’t watch one peace and I assume the “will of D” thing was a big part of that. (It was a rustage rap battle between goku and luffy) they responded to that with “if the sun rose and someone announced a new day, you’d say “sorry. I have to find a clock”” and I responded with “wow. You put forth that much effort to be a d**k to me, but you can’t be bothered with this explanation that’s clearly right in front of me… I weep for humanity.” And the second one was one I never actually used yet, but I thought of it. So my mom was taking her crap out on me YET AGAIN and she said that I was in a bad mood and I was taking my crap out on everyone else. My first thought was “are you done protecting?” I didn’t say it, because I actually was challenged to a fight by her before and knew she’d probably beat the hell outa me for saying crap like that
I mean just saying “yeah you right” and leaving probably works pretty well
Easy: their exact home adress
and blackmail and murder
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE LEGOS, NOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Did you eat breakfast backward or something?
It is utterly meaningless, but completely confusing. I have only used that once.
Typically, I go with "*clicks tongue* huh, okay then."
One time working in a pool we were practicing talking to belligerent patrons, with each other as the angry people. It was my turn, and this dude lays into my about how I’m just standing there looking like a fat derp and a couple other things.
We’re all really close though and I was barely hold in laughing out loud. I couldn’t take the excessive seriously. When he was done with his “rant”, I just booped his nose and we all broke out laughing. We were all pretty close at the time and most of us had known each others for a solid year at least at the time.
I technically failed that exercise.
Very simple commit a planet of the apes and scream "NOOOOOO" LIKE CESAR
Remember the best comeback is;
kid: uses random insult
Whoever needs the comeback; what?
Kid: repeats the same insult
Whoever needs the comeback; ever.
Thats like saying who asked never heard this one tho
When i get insulted i say "thanks for the compliment" and i see the insulter's reaction
I always go "Aaaawww, thank you" or "stop trying to sweet talk me, ya goof". Works every time
If they say "you're cringe" or "weird", say "I know that I'm unique"
You must REALLY think you can kick my ass talking to me like that
6:33 what kind of project do you do at a lawyers office?
My sister is a paralegal and I just asked her if anything they work on can be called a project and she said not in her office so it just seems weird, and it makes me question the validity of this person‘s answer.
I love Am I the Genius? so much but I was wondering, why is your Spotify podcast 2 months behind your UA-cam channel (in terms of videos uploaded)?
I was a legal administrator for a medium sized law firm with 72 attorneys, 72 legal secretaries and 72 paralegals and a few admin staff. Talk about clueless. I’ve got 100’s of stories. One that sticks out. I once had an attorney that didn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. Not even kidding. He once came up 2 floors and the copy room hade a contracted dedicated person to run it. Well, she was making her hourly rounds and something had to be faxed yesterday so he came to my desk and said he needed something faxed I showed him how to used the fax and went about my insane day. This man told my that “only people with ovaries could do things like that”. Talk about steam coming out of my ears. Luckily one of my counterparts hears this exchange and jumped in because she was aware of my lack of filter. Loved my work. Work wouldn’t be so bad if weren’t for all of the people.
a good one is simply Tell it to someone who cares
I decided to subscribe, cuz I love this chennel
The blank stare or uncaring look works wonders in my experience.
Both my boss and father have anger issues and tend to get personal even while I am working.
The sight of me staring at them like they were a yoctogram either made them angrier or took the wind out of their sails as they looked like they were throwing a tantrum informs of other employees.
A more recent example was when I was volunteering at the zoo, one guest asked me if the whistle around my neck was a “rape whistle”.
Don’t know if it was the two hours standing in the April sun without cover or it being really early that day but, my only response was “I wish” with the most tired deadpan tone imaginable before disregarding them until a ticket booth became available and pointed them to it.
I can only imagine what was going on inside their head looking a zoo volunteer taking your mocking tone and not caring while raising even more questions- “wait, he wishes? Why does he wish that!? What kind of story is behind that face?”.
It's that me on your thumbnail?
If you can do a blank stare properly, or maybe a confused stare, they will be off their game. Works better with some people and not as well as others
Hands down, in my 40s, "Your mom".
If anyone wants to start something with me at my age, I'm gonna respond by saying the most juvenile thing, in the most relaxed tone I can. "How are you driving you stupid a$hole?!?" Me "Eh, your mom." 90% of the time, it doesn't go beyond that. The time it does, I get "real mature (and cussing)".
Or just say "My mom" since it's definitively the better insult
Ah, the time to bring out my favourite Mrs Brown's Boys response.
"That's nice" (any fans of MBB, you know what this means XD)
Story 3 is so nice !!
"Huh? Can't hear your hating over this killer new beat from Nerdout. It's so loud, it's so loud I can't hear how dumb you are."