00:01 Understanding your attachment system is essential for understanding your relationships. 01:47 Annie Zimmerman focuses on how past experiences impact present relationships 05:43 Babies develop attachment styles to ensure positive attention from parents for survival and security. 07:54 Attachment styles in adults are influenced by their experiences as babies. 11:44 Babies learn to regulate emotions through parent soothing 13:50 Anxious attachment styles stem from early experiences and affect the ability to regulate emotions and reactions. 17:48 Navigating anxious attachment in relationships 19:27 Understanding and processing attachment styles for healthier relationships. 22:58 Therapy is about shifting and changing your relationship with yourself, not just finding solutions. 24:38 Approaching conversations with parents about the past 28:09 Moving from toxic to secure relationships can feel boring due to the absence of intense highs. 29:54 Toxic relationships can feel addictive due to inconsistent rewards. 33:14 Unconscious influences on relationship choices 34:51 Recognize and be curious about your behavior in relationships 38:13 Creating new neural pathways requires repetition and therapy cycles. 39:58 Childhood experiences impact adult behavior. 43:20 Creating space between triggers and responses for anxious individuals 45:01 Communicating needs and setting expectations in a relationship can ease anxiety. 48:08 Understanding the guilt associated with being always accessible and eradicating people pleasing 49:39 Understanding the reasons behind bad relationships is crucial for change
@@ShivaniPauPodcast This was a great and interesting podcast talk because it showed and was teaching about how from birth it technically forms you to your adult life.
Baby’s and children learn to cope with their emotions by CO-REGULATION. This means they NEED a calm adult with them to be able to regulate and to learn how to do it. The plan isn’t to let them cry and figure it out by themselves BC they actually can’t.
when my partner and I first started talking I was more interested in the guy who couldn’t care less about me- because that’s my pattern. I have always been interested in the guy who has no idea I even exist, but giving the guys who like ME first a chance has typically proven to be the best choice because they become amazing friends and we have great chemistry. My current partner actually listens when I want to make a change to better us as a couple and we really never fight. We have disagreements, but they always end with love. He’s accepted me with all my moodiness and problems I’m actively trying to work on. We bring out the best in each other because we recognize what the other needs and after the amount of time we’ve been together it’s completely natural. With my last few partners I always felt a need to fight with them and tell them why everything they were doing was wrong and now the man I’m with hardly ever does anything that makes me feel that so it truly feels peaceful and for a while my mind didn’t know how to handle it.
I must say Annie’s voice is very soothing. Gosh. So innocent, disarming and harmless. I have learnt so much from this. I’ve always learnt so much about psychology but what struck me the most is when you said we should feel and not just intellectualize information, we ought to use it. I will definitely be doing more of that going forward. I really want to heal and be secure in myself and my relationships. Thank you!
This is such a mature take on a conversation that's often not had & is sometimes considered taboo but is more important than ever today. Bullet points in the description was a nice touch as well.. The book being discussed with the Author is *Your pocket therapist* by Dr. Annie Zimmerman also in description.
I want to add this Attachment Style is also not fixed. Research shows that sometimes it takes two years for a couple to form secure attachment as they are getting to know each other, be a team by learning each others needs and quirks, accept each other and form the bonding. Attachment style also change from relationship to relationship and sometimes it is based on the person one stays with. A person can become, anxious attachment with an avoidant. Sometimes when we label ourselves or others, that create more walls disconnection and distance rather than validating own needs that I am a human who need a daily checkin connection of how are You from partner , vice versa and not coz i am anxious attachment and i am clingy and i should not need this.
The comment section is really missing the point here. It should be effortless to say why you love someone- when you aren’t in love with them, yet they validate something people negatively said about you in your childhood, that is when you are speechless as a response. This is obviously contextual to psychology/psychotherapy.
The part about our bodies Arnt designed for happiness is literally bullshit haha , please take what resonates with your heart and leave the rest . Yes life is hard and full of lessons but our natural state of mind is love and connection it is not until a loss of power or separation of oneness occurs that we create an inner dialogue to cope with the over whelming load of reality . There is way more to this existence then just psychology
00:01 Understanding your attachment system is essential for understanding your relationships.
01:47 Annie Zimmerman focuses on how past experiences impact present relationships
05:43 Babies develop attachment styles to ensure positive attention from parents for survival and security.
07:54 Attachment styles in adults are influenced by their experiences as babies.
11:44 Babies learn to regulate emotions through parent soothing
13:50 Anxious attachment styles stem from early experiences and affect the ability to regulate emotions and reactions.
17:48 Navigating anxious attachment in relationships
19:27 Understanding and processing attachment styles for healthier relationships.
22:58 Therapy is about shifting and changing your relationship with yourself, not just finding solutions.
24:38 Approaching conversations with parents about the past
28:09 Moving from toxic to secure relationships can feel boring due to the absence of intense highs.
29:54 Toxic relationships can feel addictive due to inconsistent rewards.
33:14 Unconscious influences on relationship choices
34:51 Recognize and be curious about your behavior in relationships
38:13 Creating new neural pathways requires repetition and therapy cycles.
39:58 Childhood experiences impact adult behavior.
43:20 Creating space between triggers and responses for anxious individuals
45:01 Communicating needs and setting expectations in a relationship can ease anxiety.
48:08 Understanding the guilt associated with being always accessible and eradicating people pleasing
49:39 Understanding the reasons behind bad relationships is crucial for change
You’re the best thank you 💛💛
Thank you for doing this for us 😊
@@ShivaniPauPodcast This was a great and interesting podcast talk because it showed and was teaching about how from birth it technically forms you to your adult life.
Baby’s and children learn to cope with their emotions by CO-REGULATION. This means they NEED a calm adult with them to be able to regulate and to learn how to do it. The plan isn’t to let them cry and figure it out by themselves BC they actually can’t.
As an anxious attachment type person. I trully needed this. I can actually go back to work on myself.
Thank you so much! Im so glad the podcast helped :)
when my partner and I first started talking I was more interested in the guy who couldn’t care less about me- because that’s my pattern. I have always been interested in the guy who has no idea I even exist, but giving the guys who like ME first a chance has typically proven to be the best choice because they become amazing friends and we have great chemistry. My current partner actually listens when I want to make a change to better us as a couple and we really never fight. We have disagreements, but they always end with love. He’s accepted me with all my moodiness and problems I’m actively trying to work on. We bring out the best in each other because we recognize what the other needs and after the amount of time we’ve been together it’s completely natural. With my last few partners I always felt a need to fight with them and tell them why everything they were doing was wrong and now the man I’m with hardly ever does anything that makes me feel that so it truly feels peaceful and for a while my mind didn’t know how to handle it.
Iz he a Pisces..???
I must say Annie’s voice is very soothing. Gosh. So innocent, disarming and harmless.
I have learnt so much from this. I’ve always learnt so much about psychology but what struck me the most is when you said we should feel and not just intellectualize information, we ought to use it.
I will definitely be doing more of that going forward. I really want to heal and be secure in myself and my relationships. Thank you!
This is such a mature take on a conversation that's often not had & is sometimes considered taboo but is more important than ever today. Bullet points in the description was a nice touch as well.. The book being discussed with the Author is *Your pocket therapist* by Dr. Annie Zimmerman also in description.
I’m 72 and still changing big time. It’s about willingness and courage not age.
I want to add this Attachment Style is also not fixed. Research shows that sometimes it takes two years for a couple to form secure attachment as they are getting to know each other, be a team by learning each others needs and quirks, accept each other and form the bonding. Attachment style also change from relationship to relationship and sometimes it is based on the person one stays with. A person can become, anxious attachment with an avoidant. Sometimes when we label ourselves or others, that create more walls disconnection and distance rather than validating own needs that I am a human who need a daily checkin connection of how are You from partner , vice versa and not coz i am anxious attachment and i am clingy and i should not need this.
So true! Annie speaks about this in the episode😊
Extremely hard to do when we've matured. I hv my likes, dislikes, quirks. Same with a potential partner.
Young people are more pliable.
I learned so much from today's podcast. I love what you do. Keep up the great work! ❤
Loved this episode, so many great questions ✨🙌🏻
Really enjoyed it . Thank you
The comment section is really missing the point here. It should be effortless to say why you love someone- when you aren’t in love with them, yet they validate something people negatively said about you in your childhood, that is when you are speechless as a response. This is obviously contextual to psychology/psychotherapy.
Happy New Year...
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
☀️☀️☀️
💚💛❤️
🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼
Fascinating!
Who’s the other person?
Why do you repeat it 1. Because you need to resolve it to grow and mature 2. You dont understand whats happening first time around
I dont know who your editor is but the background music in the beginning is so terrible.
The part about our bodies Arnt designed for happiness is literally bullshit haha , please take what resonates with your heart and leave the rest . Yes life is hard and full of lessons but our natural state of mind is love and connection it is not until a loss of power or separation of oneness occurs that we create an inner dialogue to cope with the over whelming load of reality . There is way more to this existence then just psychology
Love this and the way you facilitate these conversations with such ease and clarity 🙌🏽 thanks so much for this interesting conversation ✨