HPPD and Depersonalization Disorder Explained
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) often occurs simultaneously with Depersonalization Disorder (DPD). Often times people get both at the same time. In this video I talk about the symptoms of both, how they relate.
Depersonalization is often "triggered" by taking a hallucinogenic drug. If the feelings of unreality don't go away you have DPD. The deep causes of DPD actually start in childhood, and it also has to do with your personality style.
I have a ten hour program for getting over depersonalization disorder.
Did shrooms twice, both trips were extremely potent and i had an amazing time. I thought acid would be the same. I did it once in a relatively high dose and tripped balls. I didnt like it nearly as much as shrooms and the next couple days i felt off... i thought "ill give it a couple months and try it again in a lower dose to see if i like that more", a few months went by and i started noticing symtoms of hppd. They werent bad and it was mostly introuging to me. I would stare at things like the box that contains light switches and they would breath as if i were on psychedelics. I saw visual static when i focused on flat surfaces and knew it was from the trips.
A couple months later i ended up taking the same dose of lsd, big mistake. I had just gone through some pretty rough heartbreak and just wanted a distraction. I had a bad trip, even though i didnt trip nearly as hard. I kept feeling long and horrible bouts of depersonalization. Thinking about "the last thursday theory" which is a theory that cant be debunked that basically states, the universe was all created last thursday, everything in our memory was imported into our minds and history never truly happened.
The next few days/ weeks i felt the depersonalization and hppd take grip of my mind. I kept feeling like the world was resetting as if i had just blinked into existence (last thursday) it was really awful and i felt so depressed and anxious. The visual fuzz on my vision was extremely intense and i still had a lot of psychedelic visuals (walls breathing, objects slightly wiggling/warping, letters looking sideways or backwards, and a myriad of other little things) i felt such regret over my decisions to take these compounds. I would be having a conversation with somebody and i would forget they were talking because the walls behind or around them looked so intensely psychedelic. I think 4 months have gone by since i took that dose of acid, and i will likely never touch it again. Most of the intense visuals are gone now, mostly just static and tracers.
I miss smoking weed most of all. I used to be a heavy smoker, now it seems like no matter how much i smoke, my tolerance is always super low, except i dont remember how it felt to be high before because its such a different experience now. I get really anxious and my hppd gets intense as hell. I feel like the walls of "the simulation" are breaking down and the static im seeing is the code of the world. I dont know if ill ever see the world the same, but it definitely doesnt seem like i will.
I remember reading an article a few years back about somebody who had a severe mental illness where he was basically always in a full psychedelic experience and i thought that would be so cool. Now with only some of the psychedelic symtoms, i just want to experience the world how everyone else does. They say psychedelics show you the truth, they dont. They show you a false version of the world we live in and its terrifying to be trapped in it. Be very wary with mind altering substances, they may change your life in a way you dont want it to.
Sorry for making you read all of that lmfao, its just that every time i start telling people about it in person they either dont seem to care all that much or think im bullshitting/over-exaggerating. Im really not, this shit sucks.
Anyways, thats my story. Hope it gives you a little bit of insight or entertainment.
holy were literally the same person
you any better bro?
LSA/LSD was not for your biology
Also don’t fill your mind with psudo nihilism like this it sounds nihilistic to a degree to me
Thank you for sharing I had similar things happen to me,world is never gonna be the same after that but it's important to keep one finger in the reality and remind yourself of what really matters and thats family and loved ones,their care is what will keep you sane in the long run ♥️
this was very comforting! it also helped me to understand a little more what i'm going through.. One thing is for sure, I'm Never smoking or doing any drugs ever again!
Thanks again :)
thank you so much for this video... its shed so much more light on my situation.. never knew about the depersonalization relationship with hppd. thanks again man.
I'm so glad I found these videos and your website, I've been living with severe depersonalization disorder for three years after an overdose on shrooms and Zoloft. I have moments where I don't think anything else besides me is real and it's hell. It's good knowing this is a real thing and others have gone through it which gives me a shred of hope
@@yox2822 did you suffer from this as well?
any update you feeling any better?
Hope you are feeling better friend,I went through it but I was really young and by now it's been so long time so I just try to not focus on that anymore,all the best ♥️
I deal with hppd and depersonalization, and i hope this will help. After lsd years ago nothing was ever the same, i can't even smoke bud anymore..
Jeronimo Tavarez me too when I smoke, it makes me uncomfortable, I get paranoid, I feel really weird now, sort of like my body has so much energy and it has nowhere to go so it just laps around my limbs. I don't know what it is, I used to like smoking weed so much, now I cant.
Same here too unfortunately
Same. I've been scouring the internet to see if there are others like me. I did mushrooms and now every time I smoke weed, it's like I'm back on shrooms. I start dissociating from my ego and having moments of derealization. It's fucking trippy
@@tacodispenser3407 can you smoke again?
Are y’all good now?
When I've got DP it was comorbid with HPPD (visual noise, flashing points, tinnitus, body dismorphism) and thought it was the same thing. Only body dismorphism went away in the end and the rest isn't very annoying. Only in my second episode of DP was I able to separate DP effects from HPPD. I hate psychedelics now since they tend to create traumas that feel innaccessible to narration or solving. If you have an idea I would like to read it :)
I'm reading your entire website, it's a gold mine and validate a lot of what I discovered about trauma-debugging! You are a great person.
it has been a year and i think ive finally found the right thing, your experience is like mine, i really understand you im going to watching everything youve done. thank you so much
People may think they have think they may have “hppd” because they have some visual symptoms but it’s all just caused from anxiety DP/anxiety can cause visual effect.
Depersonalization was absolutely horrific for me. Lasted 2 weeks. Almost took my own life. No idea what caused it but i hope it never does again.
It lasted 3,4 years I still remember trying to go to highschool pretending everything was normal,went one time to class stood up in the middle of the class and went out,never went to school again after that..I couldn't handle anything but in time I focused more and more and Im good here where I am after 15 years
Hi from France, I'm 29 years old, and I live with an HPPD. Sorry for my possibly bad english.
The 28th july of this year, I tried LSD for the first time, and gone through the most horrible, terrifying, violent bad trip you can imagine. I was with my cousins (all under LSD too) in nature, we were fishing, smoking weed and listen to good music. I've taken two doses. Because that was my first time, I was totally unaware of the effects. Within an hour, colors began to shine, and the plants and trees start moving, like breathing. It was magical and I was fine and enjoying. Then, I looked my cousins faces, and the horror started. There skin were grey and translucid, their faces starts to deform, the sky was glitching, I've seen horrible geometric fluo patterns and heared lot of horrible dissonant sounds coming from the deepest part of my brain, it was like a demonic possession. Paranoia began to grow and I was screaming out of my vocal chords thinking my cousins were planning to kill me. I tried to pray God thinking He was the only one able to save me from this nightmare, but the cross I drawed while blessing me on my chest turned into a skeleton full of blood, I was praying the Pater Noster in my head but the voice inside me was not mine and was terrifying. It lasted for 4 fckg hours. My legs was shaking, convulsing, I wanted to call an ambulance with my phone but when I've seen the screen, it was like a vortex aspiring my soul so I screamed and throw my phone on the ground. Believe me, I'm a dangerous wildlife photographer, travelled in some dangerous countries, handled extremely dangerous and venomous animals, get lost at night in the amazonian forest, survived a 120km/h car crash, but this bad trip is the most traumatizing and violent thing happened to me. I'm a very stressed and anxious person in general, always thinking at hundreds of things, vulnerable to intrusive thoughts... Obviously it was a stupid mistake.
Today, it's been 2 month from the bad trip, and I have hppd. I have permanent visual snow, a lot of eye floatters, I have ptsd symptom when I see light flashes or hear dissonant sounds in the factory where I work, reminding me the horrors I've seen and heared this night, and when I'm stressed, I see the colors changing and fading to some pink filter... I'm living a nightmare, I know that there is chances that my vision is altered forever. God I've understood the lesson, please, I just want this to finish and recover my normal vision and my life. Thanks for reading
I can honestly say dp WAS caused from mixing lsd & weed. I've NEVER had anxiety, depression or any trauma prior. The only trauma was directly caused from the drug. Dp/dr has only really occurred for me when on weed I'm fine when sober
Holy Shit me too
I GOT MY DPDR ACTIVATED FROM WEED AND LSD AS WELL LMAO
Y’all good now?
For real, I’m good now
But when I mixed bud with LSD the next day I smoked some more bud and it took me right back and My anxiety was through the roof, made me want to stop smoking. On the plus side it was like having a mini LSD trip again but I’m glad it’s not like that for me anymore cause I ain’t tryna trip extra hard every time I smoke..
Yeah weed and lsd messed me up...
i can’t sleep because my eyes light on fire cuz of brightness
All this stuff, not feeling like I'm me... I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't even recognize myself, nothing feels real, it's like there's all these things happening that no one understands or acknowledges is happening, and i feel so distant from people i know and love. I did have some childhood trauma, but trying to remember these things or think about how I feel, everytime i try it's like I put up this wall inside my head that I can not circumvent and i just get stuck feeling angry and alone. My dad died about 2 weeks adter i turned 6 and i can't remember amything about him exvept what he looked like during chemo and radiation treatment, and then it was just me and my depressed mom by ourselves broke as fuck because all our money went into trying to save my dad's life. About 3 years later my mom got a boyfriend and I was desparate to have an adult man in my life, so I took to calling him dad, but he turned out to be a deadbeat loser type. I was angry all the time until I was about 14, and i think now it's because I just shut myself off from people and pain, and coincidentally, happiness and true love. I started smoking cigarettes when I was about 8, and started drinking pretty heavily at about 15. At 16 I started smoking weed and got into a toxic relationship with a girl that I only now am finally realizing that I was most of the problem. I went into the army, and after 3 1/2 months of sobriety in basic, i went right back to smoking, dipping, and drinking, and I hated being in the army and all tje bullshit infantry dudes have to do, so i got drinking a fidth of whiskey or more every day, plus a pack and a half of smokes and a can of chew, so I was still broke as fuck all the time. The army putme through ASAP, their substance abuse program twice, and both times I failed myself trying to stay sober. After I got out i startes smoking lots of weed, like an ounce a month, so again, still broke all the time,
BUT
I have quit drinking wxcept for a few beers on the weekend like twice a month.
Anyway, last year i did shrooms twice and LSD once, and now i don't usually even enjoy smoking weed anymore, but i get so fuckin anxious when I'm not high, and like I can't concentrate, and I can't quit cause it's all I think about when i don't smoke, but it makes me think about all those scary thoughts and I'm afraid. I don't know what else to say, I just wanted to tell someone because I don't let people in. Nobody really knows what I feel because I never, ever talk about that shit. I don't talk about my aspirations or my fears, or my drwams or anything, I don't know how people around me can stand me anymore, cause I get so on edge all the time and I just wanna be ledt the fuck alone but all these people that love me keep trying to butt into mt life, and I really think I need help, but I don't know who to go to. I think the VA would probably just try to give me other drugs like i fuckin need em, but I'm too broke for a real doctor. I absolutely enjoyed everything about the visuals and all that cool shit from doing the shrooms, but after years of addiction and now all this stuff, I can't help but think I was not in a good place to use psychedelic drugs.
I'm pretty afraid of getting help, too. I'm afraid I won't be able to succeed, like there's this darkness that jist keeps getting bigger, and even if i manage to quit using drugs that it will still be there, and it will still be growing, pulling me in until
I don't know what
Very brave to share your story. How are you doing now?
you are the best man i am goung to buy your program soon and i am really happy with the video's you post
thanks
Man I really went through this as a kid and just found out rn through your video what happened to me,I went through depersonalization disorder and fought it off somehow,it was so strange,like you say I felt like I was gone like it wasn't me anymore,felt empty somehow,still from time to time If I suddenly wake up I can't explain it but it's like I'm me but not me ,not a girl or a boy not even a person,just something but I know my name and all,but this happens rarely,my god I'm gonna go read more about this,as a kid I really thought that's it I'll be like that forever 😢 thank you
I am going through that. it has been a week for me . thanks for the video
Are you good now
I smoked weed and starting getting really bad highs for a few months but i feel okay now and i have quit all drugs . I sleep weirdly now while having horrible perception in dream, terrivle anxiety sometimes, having the urge to check behind you
I quit kpins easy I just haven’t felt the same since my trip but I feel so full of life when I take benzos, i finished the whole foundation of my brothers house I went back to school i don’t have an addictive personality so I feel like that’s my best option on treatment
I had a bad mushroom trip 25 years ago. Prerry sure experienced HPPD for years afterwards. I didn't feel real, i thought reality was an illusion. I thought i was going schizophrenic at first. I started drinking heavy to suppress the anxiety it brought. That lasted 15 years. I couldn't smoke weed during that time because it would amplify the symptoms. Now, when i eat stativa i have full blown audio and visual hallucinations. Does any of this sound like your experience??
Sounds pretty exact to what I feel. I can relate to the audio while high as well 😅 I think any audio is caused by the reaction between drugs and stress in the brain in its heightened state. HPPD and DPDR are flared by anxiety, so that's my personal hypothesis.
I feel like I can relate to this. do you think it might also have to do with mbti personality types? for example I'm an infj and its hard for me to explain myself to others, so I've kinda kept this whole "I haven't been in touch with myself since I smoked weed" away from everyone and away from myself for almost 2 years now
He describes it on the site. Most people with DPD are INxx types. I'm an INFJ-A.
it’s the 4th day since i took shrooms, i took a low dose. idk the exact dose but it had to be no more than 2 grams. i didn’t sleep at all that night, the shrooms took close to about 5 to 6 hours to kick in, ( i took them at 8pm and they kicked in weirdly all at once around 2am-ish i can’t exactly recall i wasn’t checking the time like that. i took a small dab and it was like they hit me all at once really hard i couldn’t handle it, it felt like too much so i wanted to go to the bathroom, i got up too fast and had a iron deficiency attack and fell. this has happened to me before when i smoked weed one time after a while. i got up and felt almost completely normal (mind the whole time period between when i took the shrooms and when they actually hit me i still felt them a little even after that attack, i felt a change in the room for sure but i wasn’t tripping or anything, i’ve tooken psychedelics a couple times beforehand so i was able to tell, just colors were a little more vibrant and my head felt weird. i was worried so the best thing i thought to do was just get some sleep, then they hit me again pretty hard. it had to be like 3ish at this point of time. i was tripping really hard they were hitting me in heavy waves till like 6 and then i fell asleep around 7 40ish i think. during the trip i had heavy visuals, the light was off the whole time but you know i was still able to tell. i was laying on the floor and i was able to see because my friend was on his phone and that gave me some light in the room. (definitely a weird environment since i was in the dark the whole time) but the light did come on but it was just off most of the time. i woke up at 9, i had no visuals for that whole day but i had really bad anxiety and got some weird sensations. i took these sunday night, on tuesday i gotta good amount of sleep but i woke up feeling overly energized and kinda sick like i had a fever, it was hard to eat but i got through it. the rest of the day i was getting bad anxiety and depression almost felt as like depersonalization, though i kept feeling better as the day progressed but that feeling was coming in waves almost. i was able to eat fine and everything tho. i fell asleep at 10 40ish (mind you it was hard to fall asleep) but and woke up at 2am wendsday to heavy anxiety and a trip like feeling. it’s now 5am wendsday, i feel tired but can’t sleep and i have school tomorrow, my mom knows about this so ima just tell her when she wakes up and hopefully she dosent make me go to school cause i really wanna just try to get some sleep, i hate this wired feeling. i’ve done acid about 5 times one of those times i split a tab and another one of those times i got really bunk tab. ive only tripped good/right off acid about 3 times, nothing too heavy tho, my fist time was super intense tho and the after effects felt similar to this but this is worse. i’ve done shrooms 3 times before this and those trips were completely different, they were good nothin too heavy like this, my third was a good solid trip and that was on thursday so i bet that impacted this, i am dumb for taking them so soon together but that trip i only took like a gram maybe a .3 over tops idk. i never really took any percautions or really planned my trips out so. but yea i just want to feel better eventually, i’m really worried about my sleep definitely because i have school, i want to take some medication for sleep but idk if i should even take anything. my brains been feeling really psychoactive, i don’t even really mind the visuals it just the anxiety and wired feeling thats driving me crazy. i really hope things get back to normal, i definitely think this is a bad case of early hppd but i don’t even know.
Eyy men I have a question idk what’s wrong with me but I did lsd and I had a bad a trip and I was tripping and shit and after all that I wasn’t feeling like my self and I felt like I would zone out and I wouldn’t hear anything that was going around me and it would be just for seconds and I’m really confused cuz I ask my people if they see me zoning out and get stack on my thoughts but they say no but I feel like do and I feel like I sound crazy but Ik something is not right idk if I’m explaining myself right but yea lmk if u know anything about this thx!
still feeling it?
happens to me too, i assume its apart of derealisation
Went through this for a couple of weeks after a psych binge, ended up in the looney bin. The first thing the psychiatrist wanted to do was drug me up, I immediately checked out AMA and delt with it head on. A week later and I feel great, still wearing off.
I had HPPD and dp and dr. Turned out I had lyme disease (borreliosis and bartonella infection) that was affecting my brain. as soon as i treated it the dp and dr went away. the hppd too. I think it has a organic cause. and lyme is quite common
I had this before I tripped is that ok
From what I'm aware hppd is just anxiety? Making us over sensitized to light and everything else ?
Steve Mcneill hppd is not just anxiety.
no its pseudo hallucinations
@Evan Gates They aren't classified as actual hallucinations. It's more like visual distortions.
ive had very serious derealization on high dose lsd trips and everything becomes a program and everythings a joke but the thing that really fucks me up is that other people around me- who arent tripping or know im tripping- become a part of the “simulation” and its as if they realize its become a simulation and they get uncomfortable or once they looked at me and went “woaaah” cuz it was as if they realized it was a program. i do not understand how derealization can literally affect other people or is it just me ??
Explain more
When I went through my stuff I would sit on the bus and it seemed like they all knew what I was thinking or they (people) were trying to guess and somehow I saw their bubbles in front of them and knew exactly their intentions,like if they were secretly mad or happy or whatever it was,after that my intuition also became stronger I could feel things happen before they did or if I would talk about a subject that same thing would appear somewhere random,maybe these things happen all the time but we don't pay attention to them so we don't see them and during that time I was like a small baby trying to figure everything out from the beginning again and maybe that's why I saw those similarities,don't know,for people like us who went through this we just know what we felt and how it is,but it's really hard to explain,just by reading what you said I was like yes thats it but I don't know how others would percive that ,this is so helpful to see others go through this
@@burimsaliji23 thats drug induced psychosis
Yeah it’s been a year since did 2 gs of shrooms an had a horrific experience I definitely have it I took kpins for 8 mouths just to cop with it but I’m going to a physiologist soon
Damn im weak was it atleast a nice preying mantis
@William S yeah i have i just wanted to know if it scared you or what cuzz i had a bad trip an im never tripping again an when i was all i heard was the trains i live by an a rumbling refinery wasent fun
@William S screw that im never doing it again an ill confront the fears sober fr cuzz i can reassure my self its okay an id literally have a bad trip if i did a gram
I’m 15 and I got dpp from weed, but I’ve smoked it way before I got my first bed trip, it was so random and I didn’t know why I was having so much negative thoughts because I’ve never experienced a bad trip in my life ever smoking it. I can’t sleep at night and I feel like I’m going insane, and also the reason I know I have it is because Watched a vid and I got all the symptoms . And I really want to talk to a therapist for help but there’s no way how to explain it to a doctor without mentioning me smoking marijuana, I’m a minor, will they call the police on me if I tell them that I’ve smoked underage? It just makes my anxiety worse someone please help me
Kid, go get yourself checked as soon as possible, do you understand? It's really dangerous, tell your family, nobody's gonna call the police on you and they'll give their whole support to you, believe me. Take care of yourself, your family loves you and wants you healthy, take action
They won't call the police on you fam. Them alerting the feds is their least concern, they're there to evaluate and help you. Get help ASAP if you feel like you need it.
i don't know if it's normal dp/dr what i got, i think the bad mushroom trip rewired my brain
intense dread and despair, a feeling of "being trapped" and as if there is some deep dark abyss in my head
How are you feeling a year later, I am dealing with exactly what you described and I got it from LSD and stress.
David Dodds hey David I also got this from lsd and I’ve literally been through hell these past few days, I took it a month ago, the last month has been hell but these past few days have just been ridiculously horrifying
@@cassanopiano5332 can you describe that hell?
David Dodds constant panic attacks, all of my fears being brought to life in vivid dream form or hallucinations, the only way to beat this is to use logic while your going through those moments. Next time I have a nightmare panic attack I’m going to mediate n force myself to face my fears, it’s the only way, we have to face what we’re scared of, we can’t run. Depersonalization is an excuse for us to run but we can’t let it be
Fyi not smoking weed helps alot im still smoking but them breaks i took helps me realize how good life is
Hernandez Matthew Perez Larry Garcia Donna
Good video thanks I’m going to subscribe
thank u so much man
Can you get hhpd from shrooms?
Yes
I’ve smoked weed for 8 years and now I panic so much everyone I smoke weed or drink
Time to stop !
Ik im about to quit smoking weed but i dont get why i panic just cuzz i did 2 gs of shrooms a year and ahalf ago like really im 20 years old an i cant drink or smoke only do benzos shit sucks
@@lardostyle its hard to when im always around bud
@@lardostyle ill quit everything im just calling the cops if someone has psychedelics around me
@@lardostyle i got some nice xanax bars to relax tn lol
It's like acid and marijuana are best buddies
Lee Mark Johnson Amy Lewis Thomas
would Neurofeedback work?
What works for you does excersise work well for you? Did you do a brain map?
From what I understand it takes 10 to 15 sessions to work so hang in there. Are you doing low frequency or high frequency. I don't really know just hang in there
Well I don't know your situation but keep going I unfortunately have this and bipolar 2. Which is probably why excersise works well for me. Just keep going yes I'm doing neurofeedback low frequency and it has been very helpful so far. how's your technician? Is she or he helpful/ understanding?
I'm just asking because I'm working with a brilliant technician! Here in Los angeles is you were willing to relocate. I dunno anything just stick with it
did it work
Took fake acid for a couple years and now my visual perception IS fucked.... i smoke hash 🎉
25i gave it to me, mushrooms have helped it.
wait what? mushrooms cured hppd?
Probably the dp/dr
Gonzalez Mary Hall Mark Young Ruth
Taylor David Moore Eric Young Lisa
Johnson Linda Robinson Matthew Martin Angela
Williams Deborah Gonzalez Dorothy Hall Gary
Be my boyfriend and we can disassociate together
Bari Alovis lmaoo
That's not how dissosiation works...
Im down
I want to dissociate with you
Lmaooo
Hall Donald Garcia Cynthia Jones Nancy
disorder. . get out of here
Christopher Tyhurst ?
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Robinson Maria Martin Margaret Jones Laura