Shaving My Head (What I Learned)
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- Опубліковано 5 чер 2024
- Shaving my head what I learned. I shaved my head a month ago and it took a few weeks to process how I feel about it. In this video I'm discussing;
- why I shaved my head
- How short hair impacts my sensory needs as an autistic person
- short hair and my gender identity
- female beauty standards and short hair
- how appearance is connected to autistic masking
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Thank you for sharing your hair journey ❤!! My AuDHD 5 year old just told me she wanted me to cut her hair because it’s bothering her and I just did it. No questions asked. (But plenty of internalized doubts and concerns about how it took so long to grow and every one thinks her long hair is so cute and what if I cut it and she hates it…which she didn’t). Then she said “ahhh that’s better”. And then I went into the bathroom and cut my own hair because I’ve been ignoring how much it bothers me. 😂 😭 so many emotions.
I think your crazy.
It feels exceptionally freeing. Also THE SENSORY STIMMING OF RUBBING YOUR HAIR WHEN ITS SHORT. I AGREE!!! It’s freaking amazing. People who misunderstand gender identity due to hair length really need to think about their priorities. I will however say that the feeling of feeling like a youthful young guy is absolute pure joy, and I’m a girl. To me though that feeling isn’t linked to my gender, it’s just a blissful happy youthful feeling that fills me with energy. I am cis female, but most days I identify as alien. I have chin length hair right now, but after getting married I think I will cut it short again.
Just my opinion, but I think your hair looks amazing and really brings out your pretty eyes. Congrats Purple Ella ! 🎉
Thank you for sharing your story.
I cut my hair off about 3 months ago and I love it. I feel free and comfortable with my hair for the first time in my 42 years on this earth. 😊👌🏽♥️
When I had my headbuzz and shaved my head for the first time, I looked in the mirror and actually saw my face - just my face, my whole face - for the first time. That's when I finally understood what they mean when talking about "seeing all the details but missing the big picture" . I had seen parts of my face before, obviously, but I have always had to look part by part, if that makes sense. Since the shave I just saw myself everytime I looked in the mirror - all at once, as one being, not just as "parts" - and I loved that sooooooooooo much.
The sensation got less strong over time, but i still remember that first look at myself.
This is so relatable. I cut my hair off 2 years ago and I haven't looked back since. I feel so much more ME than I did when I had very long hair. In my culture, it's not really acceptable to cut your hair because your hair is considered your life force and cutting it is like cutting off your connection to your spirit and your ancestors but I just HAD to do it regardless of that. I just felt compelled to do a big chop and after I did it, I literally ran around the house jumping and flapping my arms because I was so happy lol My dad (a barber) even did the big chop for me do my family, despite our cultural beliefs, was really supportive of my decision and that really helped me to not feel guilty about the sensory/gender euphoria I experienced from cutting all my hair off 😂
I just shaved mine a week ago after seeing you cut yours! I had been thinking about it for a while and seeing you was my sign to go for it! My hair was as long as it's ever been in my life but it was so incredibly overwhelming. I already feel so much better.
There is SO MUCH truth in the ruminating thoughts of “I’ve witnessed this _normal and good_ woman doing/wearing/looking X so I will too, which will make me normal and good”
HUGE reason for my debt honestly 😅
I am autistic too a number of years ago I started shaving my head and have never looked be . It feels so good sensorially and it feels so much better for me .
Hooray for you Ella! I felt the same way when I shaved my head too! I shaved my head for sensory reasons and then was shocked at how much better my dysphoria got too. I'm non binary too.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm 43 and just in the past year or so really becoming comfortable with the fashion style that makes me feel most confident and like ME because my style is so unconventional and makes me stand out everywhere I go. I started small and only recently realize "there's no need to "dress down" if I'm just casually meeting a friend for dinner. I can dress however I want, whenever I want, no matter where I'm going. It doesn't matter what others think." That was a hugely freeing realization!
I also had long hair all my life and cut it short about 10 years ago and I can't imagine ever going back to long hair! Short hair feels soooooo much better - not least because I can spend 5 minutes and make it look great lol
Shaved mine at Christmas and immediately felt like Id found my true self. Been so much more confident and comfortable and happy with it gone. Doubt Ill ever grow it back out.
You look great with shaved head. I couldnt do it, it's the ONE thing ppl always cumpliment about me, the only think i've barely been bullied about
I loved your video today, Ella! Great job. I’m 54 & have had very short hair for a long time, with my most recent haircut making it the shortest ever. But I love it. I’m keeping it uber-short/pixie-like indefinitely. Two weeks ago, I got my nose pierced on the right side. It was something I thought I’d never, EVER do, especially worrying about fidgeting with the nose ring. I’m so glad I did it, because it pushed me beyond my comfort zone, I look great, & it further adds to the unique & awesome woman that I am. And!! I don’t play with the nose ring stud! 🌻
Thank you Ella 😊 you expressed everything I wanted to know.. I’ve been wanting to shave my head for soooo long! Thanks for sharing all that you do you have really supported my late diagnosed autism journey.. ❤
I do this every few years and it is so freeing! It feels great to not have to deal with my hair, plan how to wear it, wash it, etc. It is a huge relief to get rid of it.
I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who hates hair in/on my mouth, eyes, or face in general, poking in my ears,etc.
I play with the shaved sides and back of mine. It feels freaking awesome 😊
I love that you posted this. I also cut my hair short some years ago (roughly the same length as you!), and I had a similar experience. I used to have it long, then cut it short, then shorter, and then the length you have. And you'd think this made the change easier, but I still felt a shock afterward. I felt like me, I felt beautiful for the first time in my life...and I also felt like, "What have I done?" But I knew it was good and right, and 10 years later, I'm still loving it. I'm also loving the lack of sensory issues around washing, brushing, wind in my hair, getting it in my face while swimming, the tug of hairbands and ties, constantly trying to straighten it (my hair was between curly and straight, so I never felt lovely in it). I just wanted to show some solidarity for this big change! I also love how you highlight that even positive change can trigger a sense of "something is wrong" for those of us who are autistic.
Have you kept it short yourself over the years or do you go to somebody to cut it? I loved reading your comment!
@@noblethoughts4500 thank you! I have kept it short myself. The initial cut was done by a hairstylist, since I didn't know how to take it from longer to shorter. My hair is ever so slightly longer on top than on the sides, so shaving it myself would have felt daunting figuring out the style and if I liked it. I think having a professional do it also took the pressure off and gave me a higher chance that it would look "nice" when done and lessen my anxiety about it. But once it was done, I purchased a men's haircut kit (gotta love how those things are gendered for no reason...haha) and figured out the sizes on my own. It takes me about 5-10 minutes every 3 weeks to maintain, which is amazing!
@@ninjarebecca5045 thank you so much for your helpful response. How you went about it makes sense to me. I will keep this in mind as I think about the possibility...
@@noblethoughts4500 of course!
@@ninjarebecca5045 Today I made an appointment for the day after tomorrow! I am 64 and have hair to my waist. Won't this be so interesting? ASD diagnosis about six months and adhd a couple of years ago. Only last week did I realize that I have some sensory issues I have kept below my conscious awareness (perhaps because the sensory issues I am aware of have taken up so much bandwidth. Lol), some to do with my hair. Mostly, though, I want to feel freedom. You and Ella and others here make it sound so enticing. ( just realized I wrote the above from another account. I am Noble Thoughts from my first comment.)
Ella, I haven't watched one of your videos in a while, but I wanted to comment, because I loved this video! Your hair looks wonderful and so much more so because you love it! It is really nice to see you being so happy and full of energy! congratulations!
So inspiring to watch iam autistic and have always battled with my appearance in an attempt to mask and in the process developed BDD
At 2:56 when you said “there you are” I felt that ❤ I’ve been recently dressing more how I feel more comfortable - when I look in the mirror I think the exact same thought. It’s really me now
I think you look amazing with the short hair and the purple looks fantastic :) It really suits you!
you look great. i got an undercut about a year ago and i love it. never going back. i thought it would be a big deal but aside from being cold in a brisk wind, it just feels like what's right for me. You do you!
it's a wonder that having long hair is considered a beauty standard, seems having short hair lets us see your lovely face even more! cool eye makeup by the way
Thank you for this - you've convinced me!! When the weather gets a bit warmer, mine's coming off again!! 💚✊
You look radiant, your new hair style really suits you. ❤
I've been watching you for a pretty long time and have watched you grow into yourself - discovering who you really are. I was surprised when I first saw your new look but almost immediately thought, that looks so much more like YOU. It really shows. Thanks for all your great content!
I impatently wait for my medical allergy induced pain flare to vanish, oc to have less pain, but also because I want to cut my hair short again. D... it! XD I loove the way it looks on you, Ella! 😍😍
I'm so happy for your newfound sense of joy Ella: you look so sparkly and fantastic! 💜I can totally relate on the feeling of dread straight after an appearance change; after my first tattoo I had a full-on meltdown even though I loved it. Just couldn't deal with looking different, however that might be.
Firstly, you look fantastic, secondly, you look very "you" and more grounded than ever. Kudos to you
Love the shaved look
I cut my hair very short first time when I was 10 years old, and I set a trend for this in my primary school, people looked at me jealous! Some even took it further to paint the hair colourful after cutting it short, and that was also in the 90s! I am really looking forward to my haircut soon, my hair makes me so nervous. 🎉
It really suits you!
Thank you for the video 💕 I shaved my hair yesterday. It’s honestly such a freeing experience. I have naturally thick and pretty course hair, so I’m loving how low maintenance it is. Some of my family haven’t reacted very well, especially with the idea that I may keep it. Your video gives me confidence!
I had my head half shaved a year or so ago in one of the “flip over styles” (longer on top and I part my hair on the side so it is about ear length but shaved everywhere else). I FREAKED OUT initially and thought it just looked so bad (even though it didn’t) and after about a week I really started to like it. I had always tried to grow my hair because I like how pretty it looks but then it would get to a length where it became a sensory nightmare, especially in the winter with a jacket, and I would cut it about chin length again. Now, it’s the hairstyle I’ve had the longest, I’ve never kept one hairstyle for any longer than probably 6-9 months (ADHD too…) and I just keep doing it.
It’s such a relief from a sensory perspective, so light, I don’t have to worry about it getting caught in a jacket or a hoodie or wearing it up for martial arts or when I take the doors and top off the Jeep. But….I also noticed that rubbing the shaved parts of my head also became a stim and I’m just rolling with it lmao. My mom keeps telling me she wishes I would grow it out slightly (still short but not this short) and I’ve noticed I’m more easily able to say “yeah but I like this” confidently because I am no longer worrying about the sensory nightmare of my hair. I also dyed it purple when I was previously always afraid to stick out, and I LOVE it. As you said…it’s just ME…
I have been wishing I could shave my head for years!! Thank you for having the courage to do it!!!🎉
I really love your short hair! It looks great on you 😊.
I'm glad you are feeling so confident! I love it! 💞
You look younger, more fresh, and very pretty 😃 I love it!
I've had a shaven head (well, a buzzcut) for over 30 years. I'm now 60... My main issue with hair is the smell it leaves on my pillow and also not having to "faff" with my hair. It's SO practical... a good old rub with a towel and I'm ready to go!
I have grown my hair out, with an undercut to make it "quirky", and have recently come to the conclusion that it's a failed experiment and it needs to come off!!!!! Aaaarrrrgggh! It's driving me insane!!!
The new really suits you and shows off your lovely face! I have the same worries as you - I'm not non-binary, but I've been mistaken for a boy in the past and don't really want to conform to any of the ideologies going round. I have decided to be a woman with a really cute crop instead.
Thank you for reminding me of how it feels to have short hair, and well done!!!!
I love all of this so much and your joy just completely shines through everything! I wanted to add - this part about the gender identity and feeling like you want to stay as femme as possible to kick the ass of performative stereotypes, and all of the stuff around it - WOW IVE NEVER RELATED SO MUCH as I do to that whole bit, hahahaahahaah. I think this is a huge part of why I’ve just stayed quite femme presenting (aside from being so tired of explaining stuff to anyone).
THANK you so much for what you do.
I so agree with all the points you made! I number 10'd my hair in 2020 and haven't looked back since. Now it's longer on top, about 3cm, grading to no.10 at the sides and back. I love the smooth feel of the back and I love tousling the top 😁
Congratulations on arriving at your destination. I wish you peace and eternal joy. 😊
Oh my gosh Ella!!! This is so perfect for me right now! All the things you're saying here help me sooo much ❤
51 self diagnosed ( 26 year old daughter recently diagnosed ASD and ADHD) and I've wanted dreadlocks AND to shave my hair off for the looooooongest time.
I figured that order would work best.
My daughters both told me when they were younger that I "couldn't" because it would be weird. But I've always wanted to!
I'm a lesbian, fem, straight passing with a wonderful partner now of 10 years.
I think it's time I do what I want with my hair 😳
Thanks, I'll keep you posted. X
I love, love, love having almost no hair.
You look absolutely fantastic in your new hair, Ella, you're truly radiating! 😍
(I've had dreadlocks since I was 13. It's the only hairstyle I've ever felt comfortable with but every now and then I think about shaving my head. I just don't know if I could go through that change, and mostly if I could stand all the attention I would get for changing my hair for the first time in 20 years 🫣😅)
Such a joyful video, Ella! I love it and am very, VERY happy for you
This is so great! I've been shaving my hair off since I waa young because of sensory issues.
Incredibly relatable video!
I'm so happy for you and your decision 🎉
I sport an undercut so I can have lucious long hair and nice stimmy short hair at the same time
superb exciting lovely video - seeing you talk through joy with even more joy made me very happy
you look fab with or without your long ish hair im proud of you for doing this :D
I shaved my head last summer and I loved it! It was the most freeing thing ever, my mom won’t let me do it again though 😂
That's awful! It's not your mother's choice how you choose to look!
The first time I cut mine short, my mother told me I "looked like a dyke" (I know, p r e j u d i c e). It made me feel so awkward & uncomfortable around her the whole time my hair was short 😬
@@lauraburystedmundsyoga8231 well she had cancer so it can bring back bad memories and I wouldn’t want to do anything that upsets her while living in her household, plus I’m not planning on shaving my head any time soon lol
@@Huh9631 thank you for explaining - I totally understand why you'd want to not bring up painful memories. I hope your mom is thriving now xx
Love this! Your haircut suits you well too!
Did the big shave 10 years ago, never going back to long hair. If I want a long style I will go and grab a wig
Doing a major hair chop is freeing. I woke up yesterday and my hair was being a pain to comb so I cut two feet of it off it's just past my jaw now and I feel like a ten pound weight is off my head. Had the useual post hair cut omg what did I do momentbut thats setteling
It looks amazing on you! I couldn’t do it as I’ve got autoimmune skin/psoriasis and I’d look like I had the plague or cancer or something. But I hate when bits of hair falls off or wind blows hair as an Autistic! Lol
Thanks PurpleElla :)
Wonderful 🥰💜👍 Also really love hearing you say Gender Joy. 💖💜
Don't have the attention span to watch the whole video right now, but just wanted to say I did the same thing about two years ago and loved it ever since. Also moving my hand over the bristles is now my favorite stim.
I love it. I am transitioning, but want to have an Annie Lennox Marie Frdrikkssen buzz cut.
you are so good to think so reflective, when i try to think and process things it's just go black in my head. i need to write it down which I don't have enough energy for. i try to make my own "recipes" of how to think but i don't have no clue how also i'm so afraid of failing that it just makes it harder to make. i get really bad when it's a mess around me but im to burnt out to actually keep it clean. my mom says that i have to except that im to burnt out too keep it clean. but really i'm also too burnt out to have it a mess the smell of rotting food amd food generally is not a good feeling for me also it makes it much harder for me to go around when its full off mess on the floor. and much more. and when my mom cleans for me i get always ashamed and angry on myself because i always makeing a mess after!♥️ i just need a structure over my life but every time i try it ends with disappointment and more burn out symptoms ♥️ my life is a mess im soon getting my autism diagnosis the peson that is investigating me says that he is most sure i have it i just need to take some emotional pitchers test and som other stuff but i have answered all the questions he gave me which was sooo many ♥️ anyway is it a chance i can get a better autistic friendly life like you seem to have ?♥️ also do you know of any help guides ore "step by step/ recipe" models i can print out? hug from me♥️😊
I very much enjoyed your comments and you look GREAT! You are awesome!
I love it!
So nice that you now feel comfy with your decision. It looks fantastic! 🙂 I had the opposite sort oft thing happening when I grew up. My mum always cut me a fringe and it was a sensory nightmare. I had to clip it to the side or it would bother me all the time, but the clips or hairbands bothered me too... So the first thing when I was allowed to make my own decisions was to let my fringe and my whole hair grow out (it was not short, over shoulder length, but not nearly the way I wanted it). I always wanted to have extremely long hair (to a point where society does not find it pretty and acceptable anymore...like fairy-tale length...), so I went for that and feel very much myself since I reached that length and have never even changed my haircut ever since. I also don't see it so much as a gendered thing, as I would go for the same hair (+plus a long beard) if I was male and lucky enough to have full hair (which might not be the case). Also I guess I am very lucky, my hair comes with very little maintenance and is now long enough to mostly stay out of the way. Brushing it out twice a day and washing it once or twice a week and that's it. Also quite excited for the time when it will turn white, as I let my hair transition naturally and have not dyed it for almost 20 years.
I like your hair cut!
You look fantastic
I think you look amazing!
I think you look adorable with this haircut. You are like a pixie. I tend to grow my hair out and then cut it myself because cutting my hair is a sort of stim. I love cutting my own hair as well as the feeling of suddenly getting it off my face or making it minimal fuss. Unfortunately I am also my own biggest critic when it comes to how I look so more than once I have cut my hair super short, as short as I could with scissors, and then felt really ugly. While I am not non-binary I am asexual and so often I want to be more androgynous because I don't want to aim for female sexiness. I like to wear oversized clothing for the comfort and the fact that I can sort of hide in it.
I love it
I remember shaving my head....it suits you btw :)
It really suits you :)
I recently cut my hair short (just wavy locks on the top of my head) for similar reasons. I was so tired of taking care of it, trying to style it every day when I have dyspraxia, so frustrating!! I love how long hair looks on me but I cannot take care of it easily, style it (I love those viking styles but I can't braid, etc my hair!), or not be frustrated by it! Wigs it is >.>
You are beautiful! Be you! ❤
(Trans man and autistic here) 👋 My hair was longer than yours and is now shorter than Roz's, the first few wks were hard to get used to and figure out how to style it. People had various opinions, the only people who were saying negative things were my family and my own mind. I always received those negative messages from my family growing up about me cutting my hair short so that's why i never did. Having short hair is so nice to wash and touch, even though I still have sensory issues around showers 😅 and if I'm lazy I can just wash it in the sink haha
I’m a trans guy and autistic too, and I’ve had short hair for about 6 years. It’s funny - I recently started letting it grow out because I have sensory issues with my ears and neck feeling “exposed” and cold, so I’m always wearing a hoodie around my apartment. It’s also difficult to style. I definitely look better and pass better with shorter hair, but I’m at a point where I’m considering trading that for comfort, although we’ll see how far I get with this experiment before I get out the clippers lol
@@alexp2915 Cold neck, yes for sure! I love wearing hoodies, hoods, robes, blankets haha. I hate being cold because then my muscles get tense and everything hurts
@@stupidsminkle Totally! I often wonder if I’d be more comfortable if I moved somewhere that’s warm and humid year-round or if I would then miss being able to wear all my layers 😆
I love the shaved head 😍😍😍😍looks amazing 🙌🙌🙌 are you going to keep it shaved?
I haven’t had long hair since 2015! Told my hairdresser to just chop it all off cuz I was tired of the dead ends, split ends, tangles, the loads of shampoo every wash since my hair is very thick, the over sweating in the summer, it’s been really nice. I did have long hair for the rest of my life before that and I did not like it at all. I would grow out for cancer wig donations but that was all I could stand. I never knew what the “female beauty standards” because my dad raised me like a boy watching sports, going to games, talking about games, so I never knew how to use makeup, nail polish, a curling iron, wearing skirts or dresses, I always felt really uncomfortable trying to do all that so I just didn’t. Teenage years were an absolute nightmare from hormones, puberty, bullying, all the mental diagnoses that came with that, it was a terrible time. I never really felt quite myself either, like I didn’t know if I was supposed to be a girl or a boy and being a “tomboy” didn’t really help with figuring that out either.
Once I cut my hair I just felt good. No more tangles, no more using loads of shampoo every wash, no more taking an hour to get ready for my hair, just a swift comb and done. I did start getting called more boy names though like man, dude, bro, guy, and it kind of bothered me but doesn’t anymore. I know it’s probably my haircut, my small body frame that looks like a teenager still, the clothes I wear cuz I like larger sizes for coziness and comfort, I’ve just gone with it now and makes things a lot easier on the mental side. I did do the 3 sides buzzed and top long haircut since April 2020 maybe? but definitely really soon after the panini started. I really like it because you can tell when you need to cut the sides, you don’t have to do much maintenance of the top, my hair grows back quite quickly if I don’t like how short it gets when I do cut the sides and just feels good. I don’t think I could ever go back to longer hair I had or even the Peter Pan style I had when I first got it cut, it really gives me the jeebies thinking about having to grow everything out again and all the maintenance. Yikes.
“Do what you like and as long as you’re not hurting anyone, you’re doing fine” is a paraphrase of something one of my favorite artists has said before that I firmly agree with.
I went from long bl9nd to pixie cut in natural brown with some greys about 6months ago. I keep getting shorter.. My hair hasn't been this short since birth. I don't know what to do with it. I wake up looking rock/punk, sometimes look like an old lady, rarely I think this is me. Maybe I should go shorter. I think my love of headphones probably stuffsnit up, plus it grows extremely quick.
I have androgenetic alopecia = very little hair on the top of my head and I want to have a very short haircut sooo much, but I live in Turkey where the taboo is too much. People would not only stare (hello social anxiety) but they would come up to me and ask me whether I have cancer or point blank tell me I'm ugly. Whenever I want to find a solution to my alopecia, it is all about growing more hair, lotions and potions, buying wigs or hair pieces - while my mind goes 'if I am losing hair and going bald, why don't I simply shave the rest off, problem solved? But here the beauty standards are still very strict - women are supposed to have long thick hair (and according to some, then cover it up in a headscarf). So for now, I will tie up my hair, shave the bits that touch my neck.
I love it
I cut my hair very short, with a short mohawk in the middle a while ago. But cutting it every few weeks keeps getting more and more work (ironic, right? but you see every cut in my hair sadly), so I am actually thinking if I should just shave it with an electric razor, one length and all. Unsure if I will hate it thought and I have to go outside for work, so I am still... waiting. Not sure if I can take it if I hate my look and then go outside and feel like everyone is staring.
Sounds like your hair is like mine - very unforgiving! I used to clipper mine off when I got annoyed going to the hairdresser. It took a few goes to get used to it & then it was really quick to do xx
Your beautiful eyes and neck are both shown off more with your short hair
💜
Hooray
Hi there! I wanted to provide you with some feedback on the audio quality in your video. As someone who deals with sensory issues, I found that the audio had quite a bit of echo and a lot of treble, which made it difficult for me to listen to. The sharpness in the sound was overwhelming for me, and I think it would be helpful to tone down the treble in your future videos. Improving the audio quality will not only benefit me but also anyone else who may have similar sensory issues. I appreciate your hard work and hope this feedback is helpful. Thank you!
I am currently working within my limitations. Tech stuff is very hard for me. I’m doing my best. I’m sorry it bothers your sensory issues.
Short hair is great. The only problem is being exec funct enough to get it cut. Also having the money to do it or get angood machine and having a place to do it.
Agreed maintaining a cut is a nightmare to the point I just learned to do it myself as the easier option
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I’ve been wondering, does having braces give you sensory issues?
I personally hated my braces and cleaning them! and I would often accidentally bite my cheeks until they bled 😭
Awesome. I still love it, still keep on thinking that was right for you.
But I wonder... don't those ear dangler's grate on you too? Are they maybe part of that same thing you'd got past with your hair?
:) Something for yourself. Disregard that they're distracting to watch. ;D
Still longer than what's left of mine
It might have more about gender identity than you think it is, the sensory joy you get from having short hair, I got it from having longer hair, everything you said but in the other direction for me (I'm AMAB).
This makes the distinction between sensory issues and gender dysphoria harder for me, and I can't help but feel like maybe they're intertwined somehow.