my PTSD, healing, and moving forward
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- Опубліковано 18 лип 2019
- It is really hard for me to tell my story using my voice, because I never truly know where to begin or what to say to just feel understood, but today, I am trying to.
After the tragedy, I was distracted by this new strength that I knew I quickly had to develop to become a healer, a protector, and a source of light for my students-that was what I was feeling called to do, it is all my heart wanted. I poured every ounce of my heart into the remainder of that first year and continued to push through for a second year, and that is when the grieving began for me.
This past year has not been easy. It has been really, really hard. Each day felt like a battle and there were days where I found myself in a really dark place mentally. Doctor after doctor, to passing my classroom that is a boarded up crime scene frozen in time, to just trying to balance what it means to have PTSD, scared to come to school, but yet, wanting to teach more than anything, all at the same time.
I know I shared that I have a special announcement coming this Sunday, but before we get there, I think it is important that you hear my story, my healing, and how I plan on moving forward going into this year. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but I looked to myself and finally realized that this is not healthy anymore. I realized that I needed to take a step back to give myself time to heal and take care of my mental health. That is something that I encourage my students to do each day, but now I have realized it is time I listen to my own advice.
At the end of the day, I think we all want to be understood. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I have learned there is no right or wrong way to go through a tragedy. I felt it in my heart to share this video with you and I am so nervous, scared, and anxious about it, but I am ready and I hope you are too.
Education is my passion and I am not going anywhere, just taking time to heal for myself. I am looking forward to sharing my plan moving forward with you in just two days.
Also, if you have gotten this far, thank you for being here and for listening. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me to know that there is an audience listening and accepting me for me. Remember how powerful words are, remember you can't truly know what someone is going through based on social media, and remember, I am a human being too.
Stay Connected:
Instagram: / fivefootoneteacher
FTC: This video is not sponsored. Monetization has been turned off. Copyright was claimed by the musician at the end, so if you see an ad, they are running an ad for themselves.
I am so proud of you! Give yourself time to heal from this tragedy that few of us can truly comprehend, and do what YOU need to do to better YOURSELF and YOUR MIND. You cannot control what happens to you in this life, but you can take back that control in how you handle the situations thrown at you and use them to better yourself. I love you, I will always support you and I can’t wait to watch you take the world by storm. Signed- your biggest cheerleader :D
PS. Watching this I am reminded of how much of a boss you truly are. You were still a baby yourself yet you immediately knew you had to protect your students and locked your door, ushered your students to safety AND put in the very first 911 call to get help there right away. You are a hero for your students and everyone at that school. Don't forget that on your journey to finding "her" again
juicystar07 wow did she really. That gave me chills. She is a special leader
@@jennareynolds6589 yes! isn't that incredible? it would be hard for any adult to take charge in a situation like that, but especially a first year 22 year old teacher.
I love you. Thank you for being such a rock for me throughout all of this.
Couldn't have stated it better myself
please please please don’t get hung up on being the same girl you were before the shooting. you aren’t the same girl. you are braver and stronger than her, you have done things she could never imagine doing. please focus on becoming a more healed version of the girl you are now! all the wonderful things you knew about the girl you used to be will come back but they will look different. accept the person you have become because it’s just a more evolved version of who you were. you still have future students rooting for you, and all of us as well.
Emilia Fischer she said that she just wanted to know her again
I understand what you are saying. I am changed, but I am still working on accepting those changes and just wanting to feel like my old self again: hopeful, excited, etc.
Five Foot One Teacher of course! it’s just going to look different now, but i hope and pray you get all those good feelings back!
Yesssss!
Taking this and applying it to my own traumas. Very well put. 🖤
“You can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick.” You are so BRAVE, my dear girl. You are going to come back from this with such beauty and grace. We are all so excited to see this new season of your life!
MSD loves you Ms. Sinitch 💜 You were one of my favorite teachers I've ever had. Going back to school and seeing you just added more to the healing process. The way you expressed how we shouldn't give in to pain just kept me motivated more and more to go back to school. I'm glad you're taking a break for your own good. You deserve it. You helped so many of my friends and classmates realise that there's still a shining light to be found, and as life goes on, that light is just getting brighter and brighter. It was a blessing being able to say "My teacher is Ms. Sinitch" Thank you for everything 💜
i remember the worst day of my life, in 6th grade, when a lockdown was called before 1st period. a student had a gun on campus. the whole school was in the courtyard. little 6th grader me was too small to push past all the older kids into the nearest building, so i stupidly sprinted across the courtyard to the gym. everybody who was in the gym had been herded into the coaches’ offices in the locker rooms. i followed, thinking it was a really good decision, because who would automatically go to the gym? i started to lose confidence when i realized the coach didn’t have blinds over her big open window out into the locker room, and i watched her begin to panic when she had only 2 papers on her desk to cover the giant window. we all hid low to the ground. she stood beside the door with a chair. we waited an hour, some of us crying, and others not worried. coach had me seated right in front of the door. i was terrified. we heard our principle come on over the intercom, and we were all relieved and ready for him to announce that we were safe now.
but we heard him say “good job wildcats,” which was our code for “do not come out of lockdown, you aren’t safe”
at that point everybody started texting their parents that they were scared. nobody knew what to do. the front office was dangerously close to us, and whatever was happening in there, our principle had to pretend he was calling off the lockdown.
a couple minutes later, we heard gunshots out in the gym. everyone was sobbing at this point. we were so afraid. we listened as the door to the locker room opened. more and more gunshots. the locker room was rather big, but we could hear the gunshots getting closer. and then, once they were only feet from our door, they stopped. if they had tried, they could’ve seen every one of us through the window. we listened as the locker room door opened once again, then closed. we were all so relieved.
another hour passed, and the lockdown was called off for real. nobody was killed. no one was even hit. all the gunshots were to scare us.
if that was the worst day of my life, my heart breaks for those at smd. i am so so sorry. i love you.
this is honestly such a scary a heart breaking story. happy no one got hurt and you made it out! that code phrase by the principle was genius in my opinion
Hayley Baydaline yea, i don’t wanna think about what could’ve happened if we didn’t have one
carson preston What happened to the student with the gun? I hope they got help
Salad Floof no, nothing happened. she got in a little trouble with the police but she was only suspended from school and did not seek help.
I don't think I knew that happened your first year as a teacher. I also just now realized that you are just a couple years older than my daughter, which brings out the momma bear inside of me. You have my full support. I wish you all of the best in this next stage of your process.
You have so much courage telling your story! “You can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick,” and you’re going to come back stronger because you are unbreakable!
I’m a 22-year-old first-year high school English teacher and this is my absolute worst fear. I’m so, so, so sorry that you had to go through this. Every time I hear a loud noise outside or in the hallway, I go into panic mode. My students have called me out on it. I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. Your resilience is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. 💕
Thank you for being here.
PTSD is ROUGH. Never apologize for needing to take a break, even if it's from what you love. We're all behind you! 💖
i was at a mall shooting where two people were killed, i had ptsd for years. i can’t imagine what it must of been like for you. take all the time you need to heal, there’s nothing wrong with taking your time.
I was just scrolling through UA-cam and one of your videos was recommended. I love how the universe places things in your life at the times you most need it. I attended Douglas all four years. I graduated in 2018 and I really wish I could’ve met you or had you as a teacher. I wish more of the teachers there were like you and showed this much love and care for the kids. I understand your feeling of the “new normal”. I lost two of my friends. It felt surreal walking back there and just acting like things were okay and that people were okay when in reality we all weren’t. We were all in shock. It being my last year there , I wanted to get out and never look back. We were all scarred and I just wish that some of the teachers and staff were more loving, understanding , and caring like you are. You truly are an amazing person and I bet an even more amazing teacher. ❤️
Coming from a high school student, I cannot even begin to explain how much you’ve done for me. Not only have I found your lifestyle intriguing, but you have such an inspiring glow to your personality and the way you influence others. I have been so inspired by your videos. I pray that what you do in the future, you love, and I just hope & pray that it loves you back. You deserve this so much, Brittany. With the way you’ve impacted the digital community, I know you’ve done, and will continue to do big things in this life of yours. Thank you! ❤️
Ella Hoefer this was so well said!
As a teacher that is my biggest fear. Media can really be overbearing. Not only does this effect students, but they don't away see the effects of teachers. I can appreciate that you're taking a step back can taking care of yourself. Thank you for sharing.
You're so strong! I couldn't ever imagine going through that, and for you and other students/ and others in your community, you're all so brave!
Much love to you! Praying for healing!! You are an amazing educator. 💛
💖💖💖 sending so much love, positivity and healing to you and everyone moving forward from that tragic day you are so brave
*hugs* you are a strong and wonderful person....thank you for sharing your story
You are so brave. So strong. I respect you so much for being strong and filming this video. Thank you so much for all you do. You are unbreakable. I love you so much. 💛
I look up to you so much ❤️ you’re amazing in so many ways. I’ve said this before but I hope to be half as good of a teacher as you are. Love you!
such a strong soul. sending you so so so much love!
You are so brave ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story! Sending so many positive thoughts your way
i’m crying so much. i’m so proud of you. thank you for all that you do for everyone around you.
So proud of you and sending so much love & light as you start a new chapter!
Such a beautiful and genuine soul! I’ll pray for your healing.
You are so brave and so strong. You have so many people who look up to you in real life and on this platform, and its ok to have those days ❤️ we are here for you. Keep your head up ❤️
Sending you so much love. You are inspiring and helping so many. Thank you 💜
the passion you have for teaching is admirable. thank you for speaking out, and good job on doing whats best for you.
You are so strong! I’m praying for you, and I’m excited to see your journey.
Thank you for sharing this, Brit. You’re a hero forever and always. Keep taking care of yourself the best way you can❤️
you got this girl! be strong! prayers coming you💛
You are so strong. I admire you so much. Take care of your mental health first. Good luck to you!
Thank you for sharing your story! You’ve inspired me to find my own journey of healing. You’re a blessing to this world. Hugs ❤️❤️❤️
You are so strong and brave. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
You are so inspiring and I’m so proud of you!! I can’t even imagine what you went through❤️.
thank you so much for sharing your story. i'm so proud of you for being so strong and brave.
So proud of you for sharing your story. Thank you for being so open. You’re so inspiring. ❤️
You are such an amazing person. You inspire me and so many others! I love how you’re doing this for yourself. You need to heal and be happy.
I was really surprised to see this video. I'm glad you posted it though. We need to see just how hard it is to move on from this. I couldn't imagine going through this. Stay strong and we are all here for you. Just give yourself to heal. :)
sending so much love to you! you are so so important, and you are so strong to be taking the time you need to heal!
i can tell that youre growing and i know youre gonna heal and become even stronger! youre so selfless and inspiring💗💗
Hugs to you! Prayers as you navigate this journey. 💜
I am so sorry this happened to you and to others. I’m very glad you’re taking steps to be as healthy as you know you can be. Sending so many hugs and prayers. I believe in you!
Thank you for sharing this. I feel close to you without even knowing you because I suffered from PTSD from the pulse shooting. It's comforting in a weird way to know there's someone who understands. I appreciate your bravery and honesty for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing with us, you are an incredibly strong person and an amazing teacher. We are always rooting for you and wishing you the very best! ♥️
So much love and solidarity for you, your students and your colleagues ❤️
Your going to be a better person by taking this time off. Your amazing and we are praying for your healing! Love you!
You inspire me everyday! Life is a journey and it’s amazing to see you be so courageous and strong along the road! 👏🏻👏🏻
this gives me the chills. thank you for sharing your story
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story💕
You are beautiful and so brave! Many prayers for you as you continue to heal. ❤️
Praying for you!! I hope this time allows you to heal & be the best you possible 💛
You are so incredibly strong and inspiring. Unbreakable! Cheering for you! ❤️
we appreciate you sharing your story with all of us. There aren’t many youtubers or people in general like you. You’re so so special and you have inspired many of your followers. I will always continue to support you through your journey. Thank you so much. In my opinion, you’re the definition of strong and you will find yourself again❤️
You are so amazing! I love you and support you so much ❤️
you’re so strong. you’ll find healing and happiness, take the time you need. thinking of you💛💛
I wish you all the light and happiness in the world
sending so much love, strength & light to you 💛 hope your decision helps you to heal & grow stronger
You are so strong, and such an amazing teacher. We are all so proud of you.
Thank you for your video. Do what you gotta do Brittany. You got my support no matter what you do in life, you have changed mine for the better through your videos and I know whatever you choose will be where you are supposed to be in your life.
i love you. i’ve been subbed for so long and have been waiting for this video. you are so strong and such an inspiration for me.
I’m so proud of you for taking this step to heal and take care of yourself. you are going amazing places and will find that light, but its no rush. I’ll be praying for you ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story Brit! You are so strong. We all support you on your new journey❤️ #unbreakable
You are such an inspiration! I cannot imagine the pain you have been through. Take the the time to heal. Find you again! We will be right here waiting and supporting you every step of the way! Love you Brittany 💛
YOU ARE SO STRONG. You are someone that I look up to going into my first year of teaching. I believe in you... we believe in you. Thank you for sharing!
You’re such a light! Good luck on this new chapter of your journey. It’s so evident that you will always continue to give light and joy to students. ❤️
What an inspiration! So proud of you for taking care of your self! Sending all the love 💖
I cannot begin to imagine what you have/ are going through. Being a first year teacher is so hard as it us on your mental health. You are so strong for taking care of yourself. Praying for you
Wishing you the absolute best with your new journey❤️ I have the most faith that you will come out shining so bright and inspiring a new set of students!
You are so strong and so brave! You have to take care yourself! Prayers for you and your future endeavors!
I live in Florida too. I remember seeing your lanyard and I wondered. My heart goes out to you! It was so sad but Im glad you gained the strength to return! I couldnt imagine the trauma and flashbacks.
Thank you for sharing! Please take all the time you need to heal because we need teachers like you! I strive to be a teacher as strong as you are! 💕 Praying for your health and your journey!
you are such a sweet soul 💛 sending you all the love
You’re an inspiration. Hope you can heal and find what you need. God bless you. 💕
You’re so strong ❤️ I love you. Remember you’re so loved and people like me appreciate you and look up to you ❤️
When I was a sophomore in high school there was a shooting at my school. I remember texting my parents off my friends phone telling them I loved them because I genuinely didn’t think I would ever see them again. Luckily no one was killed, by the bravery of one teacher who was able to disarm the student. It was very hard for everyone in our school trying to cope. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. I just want schools to be safe again. I am a teacher now and am constantly praying for my students to be safe.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. Please take a good rest and remember that you also never deserved to go through this tragedy. Sending lots of love and prayer❤
Thank you for being transparent and honest. It is so apparent that you love your students, and I think as teachers sometimes we put our students above ourself. I love that you will still be able to stay connected to them, and good for you for being real and taking time to heal. Love your positivity through it all- it helped me stay positive in my first year teaching this year!!!
Watching this video made me so emotional but I’m so happy that you’re healing and admire your strength and love. Currently I’m going to school to be a preschool teacher and am actually an assistant teacher at a childcare center for the military and this is my biggest fear. But what you’ve taught me through your videos is that being in the field of education, you can make your mark on the children you teach and from there, they will go on, make differences in their communities, and work and fight for a safer, better future. Thank you so much for shining your beautiful light on your platform because it truly makes a difference. I hope to be even a fraction of the educator and person you are as I continue to grow and learn myself. 💛
It takes a true angel of a person to do what you did. Thank you for sharing Brittany 💗
You are so strong. 💖You will get through this and find yourself again. Lots of love 💗
Sending you so much love and support to heal and find happiness and you! 🙏🏼♥️
So incredibly proud of you for sharing your story and being truthful about your feelings and taking care of yourself to better your future student! Love your channel girly 💖
You are so brave and strong for your students and for yourself. God bless you guys and keep going girl! :)
You are such a strong and brave person 💪! Take all the time you need to heal so the light you bring to the world shines brighter 🌠. Sending prayers and blessings your way 💖🙏.
You’re such an amazing, strong, beautiful human being. Stay strong❤️
You are so strong. I am truly inspired by your compassion and love that you spread. I’m so proud of you, and I wish the best for you in finding yourself and recovering. Sending love and prayers your way. ❤️
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. You are such a light. Will certainly miss seeing you in the classroom, but doing what’s healthy for you is always best. Sending love ❤️
I truly hope you find the old you, the love and healing you need 💜🙏😘 a lot of us don’t understand what your feeling but we hope nothing but the best!
you are amazing. you need to put yourself first and love and heal yourself. happy for you and your future moving forward
You beautiful, sweet soul. I am so sorry that you and everyone had to go through this. Sending you so much love and support! You can do this ❤️
You have been such an inspiration in my decision to continue my path to be an educator. Sending lots of love from NC!
Britt thank you so much for being strong for your community! The students, staff, and this audience are so lucky to have you share this story and the highs and lows that come with dealing such an impactful event. ❤️
I love you so much. Your such an inspiration. This brought me to tears. Thank you so much for sharing your unique story. We will all be here when you are ready
I’m glad that you made this video. A lot of your videos you seem very happy, but i appreciated that you showed your vulnerability and and that you’re human. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s understandable that you need to do something different. You will be great in whatever you do!
sad😢
always the kindest people get hurt the most💔
thanks for sharing this with us you are one strong person☺ . we believe in you
hope to see you in the classroom soon ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know that it is definitely a hard one to tell let alone cope with. I have followed you from the very beginning and it’s amazing how much you’ve grown since that day: You truly are an inspiration to me and so many others. Keep on keeping on B. Stay light!
You are so strong & such an inspiration. You make me so excited to become a teacher within the next 4 years because you are so strong, brave, and inspiring.
You are so sweet and so amazing. I pray that doors will be wide open for you and that you will soar into even more success with this passion that you have! 💜 I am a first year teacher and I cannot imagine going through what you experienced.
My heart, soul & prayers are with you every day. I see so much of myself in you and I pray that you heal and find yourself again💘
You are so amazing! You are such an inspiration and you go girl! I’ll be praying for your recovery and healing. 💗💗