REWARD SYSTEM that actually motivates the UN-MOTIVATED? Yes!
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- Опубліковано 6 лют 2023
- Are you looking for a way to reward good behavior and also holding unwanted behavior accountable?
When you started homeschooling, you watched videos, you saw the blogs and you just imaged that all homeschoolers loved learning so much, that they just wanted to learn all day long and the learning never stops. While there's some truth to that, even homeschools have phases they go through. One of those stages may be that your child who used to have such enthusiasm for every homeschool day, suddenly wants to sleep all day or doesn't want to do the work if it doesn't sound fun or if it sounds too hard. So what's a homeschool mom to do? (and before you say, "ground them"....tried it. Grounding isn't a motivator for all children either....especially the ones who seem to get grounded frequently. And also....yes, we talk about the spiritual implications of these attitudes, but that's not what this video is about.)
I wanted a reward system that would be a new way, other than grounding, to hold my children accountable for their actions. I've been doing this in my homeschool for a month now, and its simplicity has meant that it's easy to stick to, its easy for my homeschooling children to understand, and it's motivating the behavior that I want to see! In other words, IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING!!! 😁 Have my children turned into perfect human beings? No. But are they making progress on the daily habits that I've been wanting from them? Yes!
Check out this reward system that can be adapted for any household, whether homeschool or not. It's the first behavioral reward system I've ever used that is actually VERY EASY TO MANAGE!
Thanks to @TheJohnsonCrew for the awesome idea!
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Love this idea and love that you gave all the details on how ypu are carrying it out because that is where I get lost sometimes. My son, who I have a lot of the same issues with, heard this video when I was listening to it and came running in and asking if he can do this. I'm hoping that is a good sign! Thanks again!
Oh that’s so awesome!!!! Enthusiasm is the best motivator!!!! Sounds like a good start! 😉💕 I hope it works for you!
It's funny how kids know what will help them or not. My daughter likes structure and she also overhead this and told me she wants to try it!
@@Ameborl wow! That is so cool! I hope you have success with it!
@@Ameborl I love it!!!!! Yah!!!! 💕❤️😀
This is so good!! I am 40 with late diagnosed ADHD and would have loved (loathed at the time I’m sure) for my parents to give clear and consistent guidelines like this. The struggle to get going in the morning or to meet deadlines does. Not. Go. Away.
Stay strong mama she will thank you later!! ❤
Thank you so much!! I agree. The struggle to get ANYTHING done that we don’t want to do does not go away. That’s life! 😉
I appreciate your encouragement!! 😉
I watched this with my 14 year old homeschooled teen son just now. We laughed a lot as we could relate to MOST ALL OF IT! THANK YOU SO MUCH...WE ACTUALLY LAUGHED TOO MUCH ABOUT IT AS WE HAD A BAD MORNING! It was good medicine for our soul. We have not decided on how to use some of these ideas but it really helped for my son to see how these attitudes cause problems for learning environment and time management. He also saw how this is what may cause other mums, not just our family, to to find a way to motivate our kids. I think it was great fun for him to see our issues are not isolated, as it some times feels like that with homeschooling. As you say you have tried giving rewards (proactive earning) but this is also proactive as they know the consequences. Rewards and Consequences... if it works use it. Thank you for sharing your heart about this, Ive been homeschooling three years and most homeschool mums ive come across do not openly talk abut this stuff...In fact you would think they had the perfect set up. They talk about that stuff with their besties home school mums, so an outsider coming in is not privy to these struggles in other set ups. Have blessed day!
This makes me so happy that you and your son were able to bond and relate to this!!! It can definitely feel isolating and even people we know don’t always express these struggles and you DO tend to wonder, “am I the only one struggling in this area?!?!” I’m happy to be able to help and glad that my daughter also doesn’t mind me sharing our struggles to help others!! I hope you found a nugget in here that you can implement and use! 😉
We will let you know 😊
Laps / squats / push-ups, all those things are great disciplinary actions for ADHD kids!! I noticed a huge difference in my adhd kiddos when I started dishing out physical work as SOON as an undesired behaviour happened. Sometimes they just need to move their bodies and get out of their heads, it’s also great emotion regulation to do something physical in the moment
I’m gonna have to try this!! We haven’t tried the laps yet. But I didn’t think about push ups and squats too!! A rotation of physical exercise might be good all around! 😜
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan great! I like that it’s not a “reward” or “punishment” which don’t always work long term, and it teaches to do something productive with excess energy or in a bad attitude. Some days there are a lot of squats done around here but the attitude changes quick :)
My son also has ADHD and homeschool can be a struggle some days with two active boys. I’ve tried so many ways to keep order and focus in our day, definitely gonna try this one. Thank you so much for keeping it real, it’s so encouraging to know I’m not alone with unmotivated learners. God bless and thanks!
Same!
I hope it works for you!! You’re welcome!
Oh how this video spoke to my heart ❤️!! I have a 12 year old daughter that sounds like your daughters twin !! She also had adhd and dyslexia. It is VERY challenging to get her to do anything she doesn’t “ want “ to do !! Homeschooling, caring for pets , laundry , chores etc etc … I also have the “ can we play video games” or “play on tablets “ “ from pretty much all of my 6 children !! I’ve been saying for months now “ Something’s got to change !! “ I can’t thank you enough for making this video and taking the time to throughly explain it all . We have tried other incentives , and kids have done great , till they get what they want and then they stop trying !! I love all your videos and am so very grateful to have found your channel!! Keep these wonderful videos coming!!! ❤️
Im so glad this video spoke to you. It’s so nice when we find someone we can relate to, because so many times we feel alone. “Our kids are the only ones who who are resistant to do anything. Our children are the only homeschoolers who don’t love every minute of homeschooling.” It’s not true. You’re not alone. And I’m glad you found me too as I know how important it is to be reminded that it’s going to be ok. 💕thank you so much for being here!
conveniently I’m trying to come up with fix for our obedience/chores/school work system. Thank you.
You’re welcome!
Oooh, this brings back painful memories. For new homeschoolers, this will happen to everyone. Like all relationships, this WILL happen, and you simply must push through it. The rewards are on the other side.
You're a tough mama! 💪🏼 I love the background music you chose and the voice changes 😂😂
Lol! Thanks!
My son and I have ADHD. Some of the things you are asking of your ADHD daughter would be impossible for us. There are specific ways of helping an ADHD person with executive function. I often feel very frustrated when I see neurotypical kids get through double the work we can, but I just watch an ADHD video by ADDITUDE mag on here or something and try change tack. Thank you for posting. I appreciate you.
There are so many levels of adhd. Infact, technically, she has ADD, but they call it all ADHD now. The term is very broad. Keep that in mind. I know what my daughter is capable of and she does get a lot of accommodations from me.
You go for it girl! Well done for not giving up, she will thank you for it in the future!
That’s so sweet to say! I hope so! Thank you! 😃
I am not homeschooling but love to see the love and care you show your family
Thank you!
I forgot to mention how much I love the thumbnail of this video! 😂 I love that she agreed to do it!
Lol!! Of course!! “Hey, Natalie! Will you pose for pic with me. I need you to have an attitude!”
“No problem, Mom!! That’s easy!” 😂
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been trying to figure out a system that didn’t feel overwhelming, but would motivate my kids…definitely will be using this
I hope it works for you!! 😉
Thank you for sharing this. My kids aren’t teenagers yet, but I could still use this idea for motivation/discipline. Instead of video games, I will use Saturday morning cartoons. And I love the idea of a running count of stars to earn extras like $ or a Starbucks drink. We don’t do allowance so that’ll be a big motivator!
Absolutely!!! And $1/week isn’t going to break the bank!! Lol! Sarah-from “the Johnson Crew” - she goes to the dollar tree to buy prizes and her kids shop at the end of every week. So there’s many ways you could adapt this.
I would love an update on how this is working!
It worked awesome for about a year and half and then I wasn’t as consistent with it. But that was all me! As your kids grow, you may just need to adjust the rewards and whatever motivates them. I plan on doing something SLIGHTLY different for my high schoolers for next year. And honestly, my youngest was earning all her max stats on a weekly basis, so we may have outgrown this particular chart. But it seriously was a game changer when we first implemented it!!
I just had to watch this again. I tried this back in the Fall, but was not keeping track of the week very well. I like your chart better than mine. I think I’ll make mine more like yours. 🥰 Our biggest issue is disobeying and major talking back/attitude. So….STARS here we come again! 🌟 💫
Yep!!! The stars taken away…..it’s something!! It doesn’t always change the behavior right away, but I’ve also told them things like, “in order to have this play date, you have to have earned 30 stars over the 2 weeks…” because sleeping in can get my daughters stars depleted quickly. So I have to give her hope. But I also gave them opportunities to earn bonus stars. This week it was beating the timer on some times math drills. They all earned some bonus stars! So then I offered MORE if they could beat mom. 😜 only my son did, but it’s a sneaky way to get them to practice. (I’m going to make a short video about it soon bc it’s been a hit this week!)
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan That is fun!!
You're awesome btw! Real parenting, real situations. Going to try this system
THANK YOU so much!!! Let me know if this works for you!! And if you tweek it at all!! Just the other day, I gave my kids an opportunity to earn 5 bonus stars for math drills. If they beat the timer, they get the stars! They loved the challenge!! Huge motivator!
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan wow awesome , absolutely loving these ideas!! Thank you so much it's so helpful !
I love the rewards you came up with!! Brilliant set up with the consequences too 👌🏼
Thanks!! And today I gave them opportunity to earn 5 bonus stars for speed drills on math facts!! And 5 more stars if they could beat me!! (My son beat me. Nobody else! 😉) The reward system is a powerful motivator!
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan What a great idea!! That's awesome!!
@@TheJohnsonCrew I mean….in the grand scheme….5 stars equals $0.20!!! It’s a small thing for mom to give away to motivate learning. 5 stars sounds like a lot to them, though!!! 😜
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan GENIUS!! 😂
I might have to try this chart next year. What we have right now kinda works sometimes :)
This is the first one that’s stuck for us. 😉
I've heard of some ADHD children that also have other issues like ODD or something like that... not sure if you'd ever think about it, but I do appreciate new ideas for rewards!
It’s a spiritual issue. Teenagers go through this testing and argumentative stage where they test their authority against others. It’s nothing God can’t handle. In the meantime, I’m trying to work with her, while still holding the line. I’m the Sheriff around here. 😉
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan I understand. I have a teenager but he is on medication (mood stabilizer) after much prayer. He was dx'ed as special needs when he was 5.5 with HF ASD and ADHD. I have gone through so much trying to help him and get his homeschool to suit him and my other 2 boys. I promised I didn't mean anything ugly by my comment so I hope you didn't take it as being like that. I've been through the thick of it since my oldest was 2 years old due to his SN, so I get it.
@@JuliaCantley I know you didn’t mean anything bad. 😉 ❤️ I appreciate you trying to clarify. I see her resistance as being normal teenage resistance. (More than I resisted as a teen, but to be fair, I was at school all day so my parents didn’t see most of my rebellion bc I hid it. I see a lot so I can address it.) my daughter is resistant to learning at times, and she doesn’t always get her responsibilities done. But she’s still a joy to me and we have a wonderful, open relationship. I do have high expectations for behavior. And ultimately, I’m trying to teach my kids submission to those who are in authority bc it’s “practice” for submission to God. So they have to learn now that they can’t always do it when and how they want. Sometimes, they have that freedom. And sometimes they just have to follow the rules. 😉
Again….I totally knew you weren’t coming from a bad place. No worries. 💕
❤
This is awesome! Thank you so much! I would love a copy of your rules.
I’m glad you’re inspired! You’ll have to take some screen shots. I don’t have this linked anywhere. I’m working on something. But at this time, I don’t. 😉
I let my kids play video games if they show me what homeschool work they did that day but I don’t give chores but I make it exciting!!! I love the star system. We have a point system but I’ve never took points away even though I’ve explained it!!! I give too much grace. I say the school work can be turned in till midnight. My teenage son does 11:55pm sometimes. It’s true that we need to know the kids currency!!! I didn’t think of adding extra points!!! I make my kids run laps on the beach and it makes my teenager think!!!
Oh if I had a beach…….even I would run laps!!! 😂😜🤪😎
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan it kills so I knew it would make them think!!! I did it as a teenager when training for surf competitions!!!
@@RockSimmer-gal4God oh wow!!!! Yeah that sand has a lot of resistance!!! Surfing?!?! Wow! I’ve never even tried it but it looks like it would take a lot of skill and strength!
I literally just asked my two homeschool groups how to motivate my son for reading. Lol ask and the Lord provides
Lol! I hope it works for you! 😉
My teenage daughter has almost made me quit this year! I'm trying so hard to make it fun, but nothing has helped. We don't play any video games or TV except educational so, I'll have to think of other rewards.
You’re not alone. Some kids work the patience more than others. But don’t give up! I’m always reminding myself that their brains are still developing and going through WILD changes right now and sometimes they act in ways that they don’t even understand. Just keep loving while also holding them accountable. And be patience. You WILL reap if you don’t grow weary! 😉
@@OurHOMEschoolPlan I also have an overachiever who heard me watching the video and immediately went and got the Bible. She asked how many stars she could earn right now. 😂 She is the one who doesn't even need a chore chart, but would do it all to just be helpful. It's crazy how different all my kiddos are.
@@brookewray59 😂😂😂that’s hilarious! And I can relate to that too!! My youngest is your overachiever child!! God bless ‘em!!! They help balance the family out! ❤️💕❤️
So I implemented this, and it is LIFE CHANGING!!!!! This is best thing ever. Go immediately and try this. I'm so excited. My whole family is happier, my house is cleaner, my mom with dementia has even noticed. I'm also excited because we are becoming foster parents and this is a great system to use since they are not allowed to be spanked. Thank you!
@@brookewray59 yah!!! 👏 👏 👏 I’m so happy for you!!
Hello. I feel like a lot of us are in the "electronic" reward boat. Honestly, I want to try something new. I wish we could get rid of the electronic but then I'd lose your videos, haha. I'm trying to be more intentional on taking time to spend quality time and less on them having alone time, especially on electronics. I pray you and your daughter can enjoy more time together and grown your relationship into something see can look back on with fondness.
Thank you! My daughter and I actually have a great relationship and I will definitely look back and cherish the times we had to homeschool and mold their character.
I love it. Will you share your handout?
I don’t have a place to share it where I can just attach for people to grab so I just say no at this point or I’ll be constantly sending attachments over email to people. If I get a website (which I’ve looked into) I’ll add all my things there.
Feel free to copy it, though.
I definitely need this for my sons, one in particular lol. Please tell me we can purchase a pdf with the rules and chart! 🤓
You could screenshot it as I explain it and copy it. But at this time, I don’t have a place to store it. I keep asking my husband to help me get a website set up. So if that happens , I will let everybody know. I would love to be able to put these kinds of things out there. I’ll have to bring it up to him again today!! 😉
Can you tell me where you bought your wall magnet boards, and organization caddy’s around your “star” center?
Home goods! I got them 10 years ago, though.
Thank you! I didn’t know if this was ikea. I’m stealing your idea about using the glass front ikea cabinets to increase storage for homeschool but not giving up storage for dinning needs. And ty for the video! I’m having my husband watch tonight! We’ve been trying yo get them to stop with the excuse of “I forgot” with everything you ask of them. Instead of checking off boxes which they ignore, now we’ll try this.
@@bookandbees624 teaching them to be accountable for their own responsibilities is definitely a process!! 😉
If she is adhd you should read Reset Your Child’s Brain by Victoria L. Dunckley MD. It really helped our son
Thank you for the recommendation! Can I ask…what’s an example of a little nugget of truth from this book??
My 10yo ADHD would have zero stars every day. 😩 #ExhaustedMama
I'm so sorry I just now see this!
Hang in there! There are MANY days even my daughter has no stars. I feel you. Its exhausting now....but someday, we'll be so glad we had this time to be exhausted with them!♥️
Can you post a picture of the front and back of your star reward papers?
Ugh….I’ve been going back and forth on this bc while I showed everything in my video, and you are free to copy my idea, the watching of videos is “my business.” It’s how I’m earning some income to compensate for the time I put I of these. if I just post a picture then why would anybody click on the video? I’m really hesitating bc of that reason.
I really need to get a website.
I clicked on this so fast 😂
😂😂I hope you find something on here you can use!! 😉
We are BOTH ADHD 😂 THANK YOU!!!
You’re welcome!! 😜