This was very helpful, and spot on to how I feel. I have expectations of my partner that he isn't meeting. I understand the selfishness there, and admit I didn't initially communicate those expectations. I just assumed he would mirror the way I was raised, and now I realize that isn't who he is. Now I stay for financial reasons and so the kids have stability, but I can't always hide my contempt. I have resigned to trying to keep quiet about what bothers me because he is a good person unfortunately it comes out sometimes. It's not a healthy way to live, but I don't know how to change my core values, dysfunctional as they may be, to align with the person he is.
I can't release contempt for my partner knowing he's knowingly ignoring my emotional needs over and over again. He asks what the problem is, we discuss it, and then a few days later it's like that conversation never happened. It's maddening and frankly leaves me *hating* my partner. Because it does feel intentional and like I'm being made a fool.
Great stuff, thank you. Y'know, a little loving kindness meditation goes a long way. It takes an active choice to be more accepting and less contemptuous. In my humble opinion. Thanks again
Well, I feel a little stuck. Im in an 2,5 year relationship and obviosly both parties have made mistakes. But i’ve been hurt so much that I basicly feel hate towards him. Also a lot of contempt, really low expectations, overall everything he does, eventhough he means it right, i will make negative in my head, since i really think he’s a bad person. And im at the point where I don’t really care. I could leave this relationship and start a new one, without feelings this way towards my partner, but then I wouldn’t be proud of myself. And if i decide to stay single, im scared it will happen in my next relationship and that my partner then, isn’t as patient as this one. Idk. I just really feel like my partner right now, doesn’t deserve the effort I have to put in..
Thank you for this video. I don't know why I feel some hate or contempt to him. He is so loving and caring. But I feel contempt. I am feeling so sad thinking why I am like this. Can u plz tel me what should I do?
Is he loving you in your love language? Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service. Perhaps you see him caring and loving on his language, but you are left feeling unloved because your primary love language is being neglected.
@@KristinCoaching Like, if I were the one who had asked to put my relationship with a woman that had felt the same way on hold. Then if I wanted to be back into the relationship with her again, and she didn't want to resume it.
@@killertruth186 Aww, I'm so sorry. That must be so hard. So she wanted to move on, but you wanted to get back together. It's a tough situation to be in for sure... I do believe however that we can't force people to be with us if they don't want to be. Sometimes it's best to allow the cards fall where they may and find someone who is fully committed.
@@KristinCoaching Yeah, but I had been out of the most painful rejection that I had felt in my entire life. Which I had fell deeply in love with a different woman before the current one, and she has very similar interests to my own. Which she is married to another man already. I had felt so deeply depressed and suicidal because of it. But I had a friend who is willing to help me through all of that pain. And I had loved and respected her as a friend. The current woman had actually gave me her number, and had taken a deep interest into me. She is also a mother.
@@killertruth186 I went through the same thing. You'll only end up resenting each other for forcing it to work later. Like Kristin said, let the cards fall where they may and then busy yourself with hobbies, sports, musical instruments, outdoor recreation, and doing things with friends. Going back to school, and most importantly, bettering yourself. I wish SO MUCH that this is what I had chosen to focus on rather than worrying about being alone or regretting letting people go!!
the biggest problem in any relationship is the women, they NEVER, NEVER, NEVER tell you the truth of what is bothering them and only make you pissed off so you dont want to be with them, when women stop being the a holes they are and communicate honestly then things can be resolved, been there done that with my ex talking to women is like talking to a tree, nothing changes.
![It's Time To End Your Relationship [When Do You Know?]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/uP-vuyfVdvo/mqdefault.jpg)
Both people in the couple need to be willing.
This was very helpful, and spot on to how I feel. I have expectations of my partner that he isn't meeting. I understand the selfishness there, and admit I didn't initially communicate those expectations. I just assumed he would mirror the way I was raised, and now I realize that isn't who he is. Now I stay for financial reasons and so the kids have stability, but I can't always hide my contempt. I have resigned to trying to keep quiet about what bothers me because he is a good person unfortunately it comes out sometimes. It's not a healthy way to live, but I don't know how to change my core values, dysfunctional as they may be, to align with the person he is.
Sometimes you need to work with your partner to beat yourself in an argument
Talking to him about things that he *can* work on is way more beneficial and important than allowing yourself to rot away from the inside-out.
I can't release contempt for my partner knowing he's knowingly ignoring my emotional needs over and over again.
He asks what the problem is, we discuss it, and then a few days later it's like that conversation never happened. It's maddening and frankly leaves me *hating* my partner. Because it does feel intentional and like I'm being made a fool.
I feel the same right now, I hope your situation changed
Yep. The contempt is there . Long long story , but I didn't know it would be like this .
Great stuff, thank you.
Y'know, a little loving kindness meditation goes a long way. It takes an active choice to be more accepting and less contemptuous.
In my humble opinion.
Thanks again
This was so helpful and digestible. Thank you!
Hi Kelly! Thank you so much for watching and commenting on my video. I appreciate the compliment as well.
I'm really happy it was helpful for you. :)
I feel he has contempt for me, from the beginning of the relationship.
What can I do? Because he says he doesn't feel that..
Well, I feel a little stuck. Im in an 2,5 year relationship and obviosly both parties have made mistakes. But i’ve been hurt so much that I basicly feel hate towards him. Also a lot of contempt, really low expectations, overall everything he does, eventhough he means it right, i will make negative in my head, since i really think he’s a bad person. And im at the point where I don’t really care. I could leave this relationship and start a new one, without feelings this way towards my partner, but then I wouldn’t be proud of myself. And if i decide to stay single, im scared it will happen in my next relationship and that my partner then, isn’t as patient as this one. Idk. I just really feel like my partner right now, doesn’t deserve the effort I have to put in..
I hope that you moved on. They do catch on to this contempt and it destroys the relationship.
thank you!
Thank you for this video. I don't know why I feel some hate or contempt to him. He is so loving and caring. But I feel contempt. I am feeling so sad thinking why I am like this. Can u plz tel me what should I do?
Is he loving you in your love language?
Words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service.
Perhaps you see him caring and loving on his language, but you are left feeling unloved because your primary love language is being neglected.
What if the only one who is in contempt is yourself?
Tell me more...
@@KristinCoaching Like, if I were the one who had asked to put my relationship with a woman that had felt the same way on hold. Then if I wanted to be back into the relationship with her again, and she didn't want to resume it.
@@killertruth186 Aww, I'm so sorry. That must be so hard. So she wanted to move on, but you wanted to get back together. It's a tough situation to be in for sure... I do believe however that we can't force people to be with us if they don't want to be. Sometimes it's best to allow the cards fall where they may and find someone who is fully committed.
@@KristinCoaching Yeah, but I had been out of the most painful rejection that I had felt in my entire life. Which I had fell deeply in love with a different woman before the current one, and she has very similar interests to my own. Which she is married to another man already.
I had felt so deeply depressed and suicidal because of it. But I had a friend who is willing to help me through all of that pain. And I had loved and respected her as a friend.
The current woman had actually gave me her number, and had taken a deep interest into me. She is also a mother.
@@killertruth186 I went through the same thing.
You'll only end up resenting each other for forcing it to work later.
Like Kristin said, let the cards fall where they may and then busy yourself with hobbies, sports, musical instruments, outdoor recreation, and doing things with friends.
Going back to school, and most importantly, bettering yourself.
I wish SO MUCH that this is what I had chosen to focus on rather than worrying about being alone or regretting letting people go!!
Do you marriage coaching online ?
Do
So pretend what your partner did is not what they did? BS
the biggest problem in any relationship is the women, they NEVER, NEVER, NEVER tell you the truth of what is bothering them and only make you pissed off so you dont
want to be with them, when women stop being the a holes they are and communicate honestly then things can be resolved, been there done that with my ex talking to women is
like talking to a tree, nothing changes.
I just want to move on. That’s it.