Stop Accepting The "Bare-Minimum" From Men | Eat & Chill
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- Josh and Isi discuss the topic of dealing with bare minimum men.
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dont accept bare-minimum women either y'all. or bare-minimum anybody
PERIOD!
yeah we need a bare minimum women video too
@Dalton Torin why would you do that...?
@Dalton Torin ??
@Maxim Lennon bot accounts
Single mother here, my daughters dad just reached out to her for the first time in almost a year and is getting praised for it. I will never settle for the bare minimum ever again.
Yasss do your thing. Support from another single mum.
Wow he’s getting praised fuck out of here smh , go super mom! You’re appreciated
Good for you sis you and your child are worth it💖
You control who you sleep with though.. And now that you getting older you want anotger man to clean up. Lol
I believe its a little late for that. It took you 1 child to realize he was no bueno? And now you expect a man who does more than the "minimun" settle under your conditions. No girl, a man who does more than minimum is not gonna put up with that.
I grew up in an African household and emotionally intelligence/vulnerability is not taken seriously. I am an empath who got no affection and emotionally support from family. So emotionally intelligence is at the top of my list of standards. I need that emotional connection. I can't deal with any more mental and emotional abuseor trauma anymore.
I feel you. It seems so hard to find, specifically men around my age group.
Absolutely, Praying you get exactly what you’re looking for and deserve boo!🙏🏾🤎
*Newhon* 👏👏👏Good for you for establishing healthy & reasonable standards in this important regard!
hey sis! im ghanaian american and that is so true! I'm so tired of this tough love and them never saying they love us
I empathize and relate to this so much. I know it’s still kind of early and I’m in no rush to get married or anything, (I’m 18 going on 19) but I really just want an honest and affectionate relationship.
I agree with what Isi saying about not accepting the excuse of “he just came back from a 12 hr shift so he’s tired”. Because I even saw it in my own mother before covid, she would wake up early to get me ready for school, cook dinner and clean the house, then go to work for a long shift, come home cook dinner and then clean up after everyone else after we’ve eaten. All by herself everyday. And I feel like my dad had it easy
Why are you allowing your mum clean up after you. If you are above 10, you and your siblings above 10 should start taking responsibility around the house to lighten her load. Learn to wash the plates or load the dish washer. If you are 15, learn to make the families dinner. If you cook, your siblings should clean up. Don't allow your mum do all the work.
@@daphnieozioma you missed her whole point, her dad should've been helping her mom not the kids. the kids can offer to help but she's saying her dad should have been the first option for help.
@@jaylavincent2495 I did not miss her point, but based on the age limits I put, if she fits in she/he should help. Yes daddy can do better but c'mon. You need to help your mum too.
@@daphnieozioma she acts just like her father!
Excellent point, if you cleaned up after yourself then you mother wouldn't have so much to do.
Men being praised for stepping into fatherhood and doing what they’re supposed to do is like how people try to praise white people that can see racism is real. I’m not saying it can’t be appreciated, but celebration for something that should be a normal standard is what creates these bare minimum standards.
This right here ✅
Facts!!
fr, like applauding a fish for swimming
My mother settled hella hard for my daddy. My mom didn’t have a dad growing up, so she has tried and failed to fix her childhood traumas through us by staying with my father. My father hasn’t done his civic duty as her husband or as my father as far as protecting, providing, leading. My mother has done all of that while he has been unemployed with majority of my life(I’m 22 btw). Only thing I have learned from my parents relationship is what not to except from a man. As you could probably tell my relationship is not there at all. I feel nothing for him at all. For the longest I wanted him to be the dad I dreamt of or the the dad I saw that my friends growing up had, but last year I came to have peace with the type of man that he is and what he will never be. As a young black woman, I basically had to mourn the idea of the father that I wanted.
Damn. I feel the exact same way. Still learning to accept this
Us as black women deserve better♥️we will do better for our children
I’m 18 and I come from a very similar background only difference is my father was/ is an abusive alcoholic. My parents have been married for 20 years, and I’ve learned just how a person can be present and not there. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT IS KEY!! There mess of a relationship, only led to him being a toxic father. The first man in my life that was supposed to love me has hurt me more than ANYONE IN ANYWAY. He’s always been in my life, just not active. I’ve never been the type to ask for material items , just quality time. All I ever got was beatings and pushed away. So as young black woman myself, I to mourn the idea of the father I wanted
@@shadem376 yes!! break the cycle!!!
@@kayladeshawn I am so sorry you had to experience that much hurt from your father - both physically and emotionally. you deserve NONE of that, and he really needs to reflect on himself. you deserve so much MORE from your future partner and I really hope you can get the healing you need from your loved ones, counseling, etc.
Sometimes I think some men choose or go for women that they think are easy bc they know they won’t get called out for their bs or be put in their place as often.
Girl, they do!
I swear!!!
True!
Yes
I'm 37 God willing I'll be 38 on the 19th of April. My husband works 15 hour days sometimes and he STILL sit down with us and talk. Our twins are 11 going on 12 and they like to chill in there rooms. They be so annoyed that he wants to sit and talk because they want to play video games. But he wants our kids to know him as a father who is there for them completely not just an ATM. I have been out of work because of a car accident. So my husband take care of all of our bills. He love providing for us and he loves talking to us when he is home. I'm Praise God for my husband.
Ps. My husband and I did not grow up with fathers that were a good example at all. He's father abused drugs and my dad was a deadbeat. My dad always told me he would spend time with me then not show up. I would stay in the house all day near the phone waiting for him. And everytime he would call saying he's not coming, and I would fall apart completely. Crying for hours.
How did you guys get to that point because I want to be a better man.
i love that!! sounds like you have effectively broken the cycle of emotional disconnect and neglect, I hope you guys continue to thrive!!
@@DanielSmith-nl7wz i think you're on the right path by even asking that, just continue trying and asking questions, and do whatever you need to do to understand your own emotions better because it'll make you understand other's emotions way better.
@@thelittleunicorn6196 I can understand other people’s emotions pretty well but I’m completely lost when it comes to myself and I don’t know how to fix that
@@DanielSmith-nl7wz From a woman's point of view, I'd say:
-Try thinking about the type of man you'd like to be and the steps you can take to get there
-Read self help books about how to be a better man, husband, father etc
-Try finding men you admire as friends or mentors. Then build a circle of men who uplift, support each other and hold each other accountable
-Work on general self care, getting to know yourself, hobbies you enjoy etc
-Ask the woman in your life what she'd like you to work on and have an open mind
-Try God and church for community 💜
It would be cool to see you guys have a podcast about relationships even friendships.
Absolutely agree!!!🙌🏾
Yes!!
I’m thinking the same thing
yes!
More money moves 👏🏾giving advice 👏🏾we thank God 🙏🏾
Commenting before i watch but this is why im choosing to stay single. Im deserving of so much, why settle for less or the bare minimum?
I'm right with you on that
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
PERIODT👏🏾 🙌🏾
Like Isi and Josh said, (paraphrased), there are the bare bones you work with while building...on going process/ progression. To win a match/ competition you must contend in it. Staying out of dating field is what I think you mean isn't the best way to create the relationship you want. Get into the game, *choose* what works for you based on what you know and experience. Wish you best of luck.
As a 16 year old watching this it’s so eye opening
Right? we're not gonna be the generation to settle for those antics :)
My man cried in front of me, and I kissed his tears away! There is something about a man, A BLACK MAN, who can show his emotions!!🖤
I've never been in a relationship before... but the more I listen to Isi and her experiences & see how Josh treats her I'm already aware of the sort of stuff I should avoid and the stuff I should look for.... I really love & appreciate you guys for that ❤❤❤
This 100% agree
very much leading by example and explaining the process
Samee
Stick to your morals and boundaries! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong.l or asking for too much.
Facts. If you think about it relationships are one sided due to how we are raised. Women are taught at a very young age how to be independent women. If you are a woman and you had a younger brother I guarantee you had to learn how to cook, clean, take care of the house, while your parents are at work. So that instills that ambition and drive to outperform in jobs, and relationships, whereas many men are taught that certain things is a women job or obligation and this creates a sense of entitlement within men because they start to feel like they shouldn't have to do things. I know men right now that believe that working is the only thing they have to do. They don't help with the kids schooling, doctors appointments, bathing, bedtime, feeding, cleaning up, etc. All of those things are left up to the woman to do and many times women take on the role of being "mules" within the relationship. A relationship needs to be balanced and men & women need to both contribute to their relationship.
No such such thing as a 50/50 relationship
This is such a good point. Maybe that dynamic worked in the 50s when most mothers/wives didn’t work but it makes no sense to carry on the tradition of women carrying the burden of all household chores and family responsibilities when they also work a job and pay half the bills!
I rather be single than do all that 🙄
Thats true. It is one sided.
@@NobleBoy24 Maybe for you. Maybe you also haven’t heard the video. You need to demand things from your partner. Being the only one to do certain things may be fine, sure; however, they should make up in other areas to make sure one person isn’t tackling every single thing. That’s where 50/50 comes in at. It doesn’t mean 50/50 as in the same exact things on every spectrum in the relationship. Sort of like turns if you will. Isi & Josh have spoke on that before. But you can’t say that there “is no such thing as 50/50 in relationships.” Relationships aren’t black & white. There’s a whole spectrum therefore the grey area matters too & gets taken into account. It can be 50/50+20/80+40/60 & everything else in between as long as y’all are a unit & make shit happen together. Not just one person aka a mule doing every damn thing.
I’ve definitely been raising my son with both feminine and masculine qualities so that he can be well rounded and balanced. 🤷🏾♀️
A Nurturing provider. Strong 💪🏾 and sweet. An understanding protector.
wow that's amazing! keep it up- with those skills instilled in him he will go far in life and positively influence so many people around him!
props to you queen, we need more parents like that in the world 💕
THIS!!! That’s how I’m going to be in the future. I was beginning to think some Women of this day & age wasn’t gonna get on that wave. It’s so necessary!
Met my ex when I was 19 and he was 23. The first 6 months, I felt like a princess. A year later....we never talked about the future. I’m 22 now and we never planned, or built a strong relationship. He wouldn’t even call or text back for DAYS on just some checking up type shit. He just wanted me over on the weekends to do the DEED. I was so blind. Ladies RUN if you relate
I know this is controversial but you mostly see these attitude on black boys, they dint bring anything positive they want to hit it and quit it, find those men that are serious, they are there
@@queenii whew I hope you ran far far away!!!!
@@queenii keep up that queen energy, bby
@@queenii Girlllll I had a dude tell me once (mind you we hadn’t even hung out yet, but when we did he caught my vibe. I couldn’t even look him in the eye I WAS NOT FEELING HIM IN PERSON AT ALL!!!But I had to see it through 😅) anywho, he had the nerve to say in the Bible it says Women should basically be in the house: cooking, taking care of the kids etc... then we moved on to grooming. I said I’d require you to be shaven. If I’m doing all that bullshit. I don’t like hair. He said “Nah. A man is supposed to have hair. The Woman is supposed to be bald.”......................🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗 I swear I had that Craig gif look on my face as he said that. I wanted to hang up the phone. Cause I’m like if hair makes you a man, what the fuck makes me a Woman? He said: having kids, taking care of the house. Cooking. Cleaning. Pretty much everything. And I’m head of the household. CLICK! Mf had me messed up. I DARTTTT! Away from males like that cause they’re in the sunken place. 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️💨
First... let’s take time to acknowledge Isi’s puff. It’s poppin sis. Second I’m a product of letting the bare minimum go. I was left with a child, debt and a bunch of emotional baggage but letting him go even in the midst of all of that stuff is so... just freeing and amazing. And I started seeing how unwilling he was to get to the bare minimum and thinking that changing ONE diaper equates to being successful for the day😂 Ladies and men set your boundaries. Set your standards for yourself and partner. And don’t take the crap bcuz it can have so many long term effects that you may not want to deal with years down the line.
Wow my father is literally the bare minimum father. He has zero emotional intelligence and is emotionally unavailable with me. He also compares himself to fathers just leave their children’s life and thinks that’s why he does enough because he’s paying for my schooling and major bills but gives me zero love and support. I find myself liking men who don’t like me and are emotional unavailable too. I often times wish my mom knew the type of man she was marrying before she got with him. Sadly, my beautiful mom died when I was a 7 month baby and my father was the only parent I was left with my entire life. I am now 21 years old.
I have 3 jobs. I have done back to back 12 hour shifts and still went to the grocery store and cooked afterwards. I don’t know where I find the energy to do all that. My fiancée used to work crazy hours too but was never able to do the things that I do. Women are so strong, it’s crazy!
Hope he’s doing them now that you watched this video. DEMAND IT SIS! Come on lol 😅 plus he’s a fiancée he’s on the road to a different bracket now.
See this is whybwe love them. People use to make fun of me when I said both partners need to be equals and that my standards were too high. But then I met the love of my life and they are all mad now. Ladies DONT LET a man or WOMAN tell you different. We are QUEENS and WHO deserve KINGS (we can help build them and work together if we are broken). Also, one thing that bothered me that I thought I was being too sensitive about years ago is my partner not opening up to me. He knew all about me but I was never allowed inside. So I had to tell them how much it bothered me and things started to change
I think a lot of females settle for the "bare minimum" because they prefer to at least have someone there instead of being alone. And speaking from experience, this is were self love comes in. Not to say that when you fully love yourself you will not want companionship, but at this point, the next persons that comes into your life will know from the start how they need to treat and love you because they see how you treat and love yourself.
exactly we’re always told we “need to get a man” or if we change something about ourselves it’s “men won’t like that” or “how will you get a man doing that”. we as women need to unlearn that and not even accept that in the first place!! and we need to teach some of the older generations of women who say that not to say that cause that’s truly f’d up and weird. we just need self love as you stated and look out for and listen to each other✨
This inspired me to talk to my parents about the way they parent. They are amazing parents but i feel like they can be more gentle with the way they treat my little brother. I’m 16 and he’s 13 and I’m about to go to college so i can’t always be there to mediate and say “well emotions are ok”. Thanks guys, I needed this inspiration. Maybe i’ll even show them this video :)
Women have to love themselves FIRST! You can't tell someone how to love you if you don't love yourself.💯
Amen🙌🏾
First, I want to say that God has blessed both Josh and Isi beyond measure. Their love screams QUALITY. Secondly, i want to know how this could apply to some individuals who maybe have had children or even married someone who they later found out wasn’t providing the energy, love, and afford that they need within a partner. It’s so hard for some, because they fee as if they are stuck in relationships or marriages because of the kids. I would love to hear anyone’s thoughts on that piece.
As always, Thank you Josh and Isi for this QUALITY content. ✨🙌🏽❤️
Sorry for some of the typos 😂 effort and feel *
As a child of a product where one parent does not feel that effort or energy being put in by the other partner is reciprocated . I think that their happiness should not not be sacrificed, because they will end up being resentful towards the kids and have so many what if’s. They should not stay in a situation that is not helping them or costing them their quality of life. I say all of this as a person looking in, and it is not always easy to just leave . That person has to be strong enough to say enough is enough.
As a Christian, I wanna tell people to fight for their marriage, if possible. God can turn anything around. That's just the type of faith I have, but I definitely feel like the situation needs to improve. It needs to be a conversation, followed by some actions, and both parties should want it for the right reasons. Definitely DON'T stay for the kids, even though if I were a parent, I would consider it as well. People have to do what's best for them.
To add to the "kids need to be seen not heard." Reminds me of when I would tell my parents, "I'm sad. More sad than I would like to be." And they would ask, "what happened?" I can't tell them something happened, because nothing happened. And when I told my dad, "I think I'm depressed" he said, "you can't be. What do you have to be depressed about?"
fr, like parents just like demanding their children like it's always do this do that but for me, it's like what about how are you? like I wish they would just sit and listen to me.
Me mum basically said the same thing to me when I was stressed about online school. She was said I have nothing to be stressed about bc all I do is stay home all day n that she works so she can be stressed but I can’t be stressed over my situation because I’m at home.
@@paulaswanzy4448 yeah, they try to invalidate our feelings like our feelings aren't valid
EXACTLY!! Like We Can’t Express Our Stress Too 😐
@@rinaj1604 amen
I used to have this exact conversation with my ex. He wasn’t having it. I tried with him for 4 years. I demanded that he should express himself and it always turned into an argument. I love that y’all can have conversations like this.
glad he's your ex now sis, proud of you for walking away!
@@HeavenlyLove47 It was hard
I'm 23 and never been in a relationship because I refuse to accept the bs. My friends growing up keep telling me I need to give a guy a chance but how many of them are with they guy they were with when they were 18? HM thought so. I'm not going into s relationship just for the sakes of it
I understand that, and that's currently where I'm at. I think a lot of teenagers or young adults just jump into relationships for the fun of it or fomo. That's not a healthy mindset to have, but a lot of it is caused by peer pressure or a weak mindset. I think it's important to work on yourself first and find somebody worthy of the new and improved you. Don't settle for less than you deserve.
Accepting only QuAliTty! Periodt.
Keep that energy sis. I was in that same exact boat until I had my first and current relationship at 21 with my now Quality bf. The right guy will meet your standards like Josh was explaining.
@@paulas9234 @eltina21 I’m with both of you! Cause I will be damned if I sit here & waste my efforts on someone who isn’t real enough to measure up. People don’t take things seriously sometimes & think they can play chess w/ you. Nah. Try someone else. Or as I like to say: Play with your unborn grandkids, not me.
Girl, if one thing I would tell my younger self is to stop stressing over high school boys.lol. Damn it doesn't last and they don't know shit about the world. It's good to start dating though in your 20's to have fun and figure out who you are and what you want. I think dating a few guys let me know what I didn't want and I'm glad I did even though there was heartbreak involved
It’s the whole black love ❤️ for me ouhhh the beauty 🔥🔥🔥
Y’all pushed me to finally delete the horrible app Tinder, at that point I just had it to have it. But I needed to let go lol. But, definitely this conversation is sooo needed and I was agreeing the whole way through. I’m 18 and I will NEVER settle!
Isi's speaking facts here.... When she talked about single moms and 12 hour shifts I felt that. My mom has worked her ass off as a single mom, by herself to take care of me and two foster kids and no one ever worried about how she felt except for me. This definitely made me be really cautious about who I give my heart to and who I wanna spend my time with. I love my, mom. She's an incredible woman, but life was always harder than it needed to be and I just don't want that for myself.
i hope josh starts on his channel to dissect what he said on his channel, he'll be a great ambassador, him n his friends on cam of the black young man 2.0 : the young kings for real
Yes, I'm taking notes. Because I said a prayer a few minutes ago and then boom y'all popped up with #NoMoreBareMinimum ! 😳
Same
If were honest, I've seen and been apart of relationships accepting even less than the bare minimum. Less than bare minimum being unemployed men, emotionally unavailable, toxic, cheaters. Our society puts a lot of pressure on blk women to date black men and publicly ridicules black women for making comments about not wanting "a broke man". I feel like black women are not encouraged to "demand" better treatment or quality relationships, were more encouraged to be grateful.
You better speak on it!
I have non blk friends who are in relationships with men that does bare minimum.
Firstt!! Anyone else notice Josh’s hair grew?? And ISI’s hair is thrivinggggg
ISI’s hair is a half wig
@@mariak9780 she has hair girl, if you watch the video you can she cornrowed it and she left the front bits out. Mr girl still head full of hair period !
*my
And by watch the video I mean the one on her separate channel where she talks about her current hair journey
Spent 3 1/2 years of college going to therapy to build my emotional foundation after realizing that my parents broke me. I’m glad I figured it out early.
my mom is a single mother of 4 and works 16 hour shifts and has a side job and its sad to see because she doesn't even have time to sleep all because she accepted the bare minimum from the men in her life and left a little too late
My dad, which was my only parent, literally would always tell me ”kids are meant to be seen not heard!”. Crushed my spirit.
Toxic. I'm planning on cutting ties with my toxic parents because of similar reasons. You can not express yourself as a child?
@Korli Cymone smh, wow! i’m so sorry you encountered that, hun :(
Such a great conversation. So many people aren't clear in what they want and it affects how they grow up! Even as a girl, I was just an angry kid because my parents never spoke about emotions. Also as a Nigerian, if you cried, you'd get the good old saying, 'stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about' so obviously I just bottled ALL my emotions and it has made it difficult for me to open up to people or even properly articulate how I'm feeling but I've gotten better. But it's even worse for men, as you guys said, they don't even have the support of friends who talk about deeper issues and not just surface level stuff. Also, what you guys said about children is so true. I think a lot of the older generation had this mentality that children don't have emotions until they turn 18 lol. So until then, however they feel is just them 'acting out'. Which makes no sense because children are actually the most in tune with their emotions because they haven't learned how to hide them! I saw a tweet about a mother whose daughter started being rude with her. She spoke to her daughter who essentially said that her brain wanted her to be mean to her mum because she was hurt by something. In that short convo, the mum was able to assure her daughter that her feelings were normal, but also how to deal with those thoughts and emotions in a proper and effective manner so that the daughter wasn't rude to her. For many of us, rather than our parents talking us through our emotions and developing health coping habits, we were beat or punished for being rude with no way of actually dealing with the root cause, just dealing with the after effects. But prevention is better than cure! Our generation needs to do better so history doesn't repeat itself and we don't have another generation of emotionally numb/unintelligent persons
This was the best comment!! Well said!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yes. As an adult we have to basically raise ourselves and learn how to handle our emotions in healthy ways
I already know this video is going to break my heart before watching, because I already know I deserve better. Doesn’t make it hurt less though.
I hope you find all that you deserve! And you deserve nothing but the best 🥺
I get how painful it can be to let go and to put yourself first for once, but we need to do it in order to live better! 🥺♥️
@@ivavasiljevic3415 Thank you. Your comment made me cry, because I know it’s a truth that I need to face. I know I have to let go of this to make room for something greater.
Praying for you 🙏🏾
y’all ain’t playin with the uploads!
This video was so inspiring ladies we all deserve better we gotta chase what we deserve ✨ thank y’all so much for this video !
I wanted to let you know that what we deserve will chase US sis🗣🤍!!
@@naturallynila period 💙
With y’all talking about black trauma and generational mental health, I feel seen in a good way today ✊🏽
Y'all have no idea how much I relate to this. I'm not a parent but I agree that females should demand more. And men should teach their girls to demand more.
Why’d you say “females” then said “men”?
@@krissytube I mean that father's should teach their daughters to demand more from her future boyfriend/husband.
I don't usually comment. I just sit back and enjoy the videos, but this video was so helpful to me that I had to comment. The things y'all brought up were so thought-provoking and made me reflect on how I was not allowed to express myself to my parents because it was considered "back-talking" or my reasoning for not doing something was "an excuse". I've always worn my emotions on my sleeve and it was frustrating that I did not know how to express them further than making facial expressions. I've grown better at expressing myself, but now I wouldn't even know where to begin with demanding and requiring my man or my child to be more expressive. After watching this video tho, y'all have given me practical tips to help others and to help myself be more emotionally intelligent about my emotions. Long story short, I appreciate y'all for this video. And what y'all said on not settling was on point because my mom definitely provided for me in every way, but my dad provided for me financially for the most part. If I wanted to talk I wouldn't even think to go to my dad and I rarely have deep conversations with my parents because I wasn't really taught how to express myself to them.
I used that EXACT analogy about the toys to my guy friend and he definitely negated EVERYTHING I was saying... we’re not friends anymore. That full conversation showed me a LOT about his mentality and perception of women. In particular, black women.
#NOMOREBAREMINIMUM! I love you two and appreciate your honesty and transparency 💕
Whew the way I be giving everyone an equal chance because I feel you never know who can be your person 😭😭 maybe I need to have a requirement or somethin cause it’s gotten me nowhere 🥴🥴
I must agree my father was very present. My mother made more money but emotionally she was never present. She was more of a provider parent. (Food, clothing, schooling). But daddy provided an emotional connection. Like watching cartoons, packing my bags for school, being a listening ear when I just needed to talk (about anything) and he still worked.
Isi is sooooo freaking gorgeous 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
This was good ,and I love how it wasn’t just targeted on intimate relationships 👏🏽
Y’all need a podcast❣️
Thats a great idea!
I am just jaw to the floor that I just had this conversation 10 years of marriage still going having been married at 20 young military family these are the conversations people need to be having especially in our black community. You guys really spoke nothing but facts made me excited to see there are people out there seeing it and not standing for what we are being told what to accept just to keep him just to keep the family together.!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Yes I've seen women shut men down like that also, and it causes a man to shutdown for the next person they're involved with.
I disagree with the idea that a man providing for his family or playing sports with his son , is considered “bare minimum.” While I can acknowledge the fact that men need to be more open with their emotions, providing for your family is HARD. Some men have to work several jobs to provide for their family especially if it’s a single income family. While I understand what they are saying , I do not consider providing for the family the bare minimum. Look at it this way would you say a mother is doing the bare minimum by naturing her children , cooking and cleaning ... no you wouldn’t .
I can't even get into a real comment to express how I feel...at this particular moment. I need a minute lol I'll just say, I felt VERY seen. I hope this msg/video reaches out to a wide span of people.
I am a woman and was told stop crying growing up, so now I have issues showing my emotions. I don't want to be seen as too venerable, emotional and or too sensitive. That is something I am having to work on.
It makes me so sad how often ppl accept the bare minimum
Tragic honestly
Same
I had to pause the video so many times and just take a moment of silence for the wisdom in this video lol
Isi: THANK YOU. Just because a woman does not have a paid job outside the home, does not mean she doesn't work, and too many women accept the duties of their day jobs, as well as taking care of everything else in the house. A man is tired after a long day? Yeah, a woman is most likely ten times tired, and if dude doesn't take that into consideration, then he needs to start, or she needs to show him the door.
I refuse to be in a relationship with a man who does not know how to cook and do other household chores, and I'm not raising any grown male children. No woman should agree to take on any such burden.
About "emotions:" The word is never used correctly. Everybody has emotions, even (and, especially) men, but it's easier to use the buzzword "emotional" as a weapon against women. On the other hand, a lot of women are raised the same way - not being allowed to express anything except "happy" and "stoic." Basically toxic misogyny got us all f***ed up.
And kudos to Josh and his boys for reading Blood in My Eye. Necessary reading.
Yassss!! Men need to start holding each other accountable for their actions!!!!!
this is my favorite saying “you can’t and don’t reward a fish for swimming.”
There are things that men FROM ME don’t get applause for. It’s appreciated yes, but you don’t get commended for doing basic acts of humility/courtesy. 🤷🏾♀️
they should make a "mentally physically spiritually emotionally" tshirt lol
yesss 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
this video was so eye-opening. for me, I was privileged to grow up in an african household with two emotionally available parents. if anything I feel like my dad is more emotionally intelligent than my mom. I've only been in one relationship so far that didn't last long (and eventually turned into an entanglement and now is on a friendly acquaintance level lmaooo) and he definitely wasn't emotionally intelligent. since then i've been single because I don't see men who reach my standards, so I keep feeling like my standards are too high. but watching this was like perfect timing- God really confirmed to me that my standards are NOT too high, and when the time is right I will meet a man who is emotionally intelligent and willing to improve and grow with me. thanks so much for the video, I love how you guys are so real and don't try to appear perfect. byeee off to binge more of y'all videos 😂❤️
I was blessed with two great African American parents who are equally yoked and love each other and I know love my sister and I. But, sometimes I feel like the emotional intelligence towards me and my sibling isn’t there. I really don’t like opening up to them because I feel like they judge. Sometimes I will tell them something and they try to tell me that’s not how I’m really feeling and dismiss my feelings as if they are invalid. For myself I am very good at pinpointing how I feel and why I feel that way. My mom talks to me more, but it’s more of surface level things to not do as a teenager. Like don’t go drinking, doing drugs, smoking, etc. Not really touching on how i personally feel. If I tell them how I feel they’re treating me (and specifically my dad) he will dismiss my feelings and I have had many days where my bottled up emotions have gotten the best of me. Because being a young teenage girl in this generation is hard, and they act like just because we are only teenagers that we don’t go through stuff. I am diagnosed with anxiety so it’s hard feeling like you’re alone when those emotions get overwhelming. My father has asked me before if I wanted to talk to someone (and I’m not depressed or anything) but all I want is to talk to my parents without feeling judged or feeling like my feelings don’t really matter because they’re the parent and what says goes. And I think parents of this generation need to learn to balance their firmness with just knowing your child and knowing when they’re not okay. When their child opens up to them, they’ll instantly have a deeper bond or connection in their relationship because they can emotionally trust each other to speak from the heart and truly let each other know how they feel about certain topics and not just shut them down. Okay, if you read all that, thanks for coming to my TED talk😘.
Love a good eat and chill. I feel like this topic is so pertinent to so many people, especially during a time like this where quarantine has limited social interactions
I like the fact that you spoke about the fact that it’s a journey. I too have often wondered how to help a partner grow in this department. Sadly, if the guy isn’t willing to try then there’s only so much you can do.
This video is right on time. I was just thinking to myself how as Black people we owe it to ourselves to do better for each other, and break the generational curses that were placed on us. It’s so hard to do because they’ve been engrained in us since the beginning of time, but we HAVE to have each others’ back and work towards better for our own communities. We all we got.
Demanding it isn't a threat, it's a promise!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰
Bare minimum is settling for things you do not want with a wimsy hope that you would be satisfied. I do believe standards are different from person to person and is not a one-size-fit all. Like right now Birkins are trendy and wanting to have a s/o to give you a hyped material item that everyone wants when what you want is emotional connection is accepting bare minimum. On the other hand if you are someone who does like that provider type in a s/o but feel like you should settle for walk in a park it’s bare minimum. Set standards for your life based on what you truly want and what makes you happy and don’t let the pressure of society or social media make you feel shallow for each choice. As a woman whatever you choose will be judged. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So do you😘
I love the way you guys communicate with each other, and maybe next time you don’t have to stop yourselves!
next time go on for those two hours; many many people would definitely tune in!
I'm so grateful for you guys and this videos you really are a amazing example for our and future generations your kids are gonna be so bless to have you as parents!
They absolutely are! They have really helped us to see things differently and to implement the same intentionality that will help prosperity in our lives, surrounding communities and ultimately the future!
atp y'all should have a podcastttttttttttt i love you guys so much thanks loves xx
yesssss, #podcast if you agree
YESSSS LIVE SQUAD #Nomorebareminimum
Some men feel like because they are fulfilling that societal norm of what is expected of a man, then they are doing good in the relationship and therefore there is nothing that needs to be done, and a lot of women have the same mindset. We understand that a relationship is a partnership, and in some cases what one partner can't do the other takes care of, but people need to understand that it runs deeper than finances. God forbid you lose that job or you're not able to make that money then what else are you contributing to the relationship if you are emotionally, spiritually, and mentally distant.
I would say I was pretty lucky with the parents I have they have a healthy mostly balanced marriage where my dad helps my mom with house duties and there's certain duties they design for eachother so my parents are my example and mostly a great one but one thing I'm definitely trying to change when I get into a relationship is exactly this you both talked about I need someone to be emotional intelligent and like me willing to be better each day because even though I'm a woman from a young age i felt the need to be closed off emotionally so I could be the emotional support/rock for people around me I felt like I need to deal with my owns emotions alone or just put them in the back burner and I think I learn that from my dad and grandpa which is interesting because my mom is very emotional so then for some reason I learn to behave has her rock and not show my "not so good" emotions cause that would bother her and make her suffer so now I'm learning how to cope/deal with my emotions in a healthy balanced way and express myself so I can really relate to Josh and other guys cause in some ways that's how I grow up with especially growing up with my cousin and around mostly guys only in my late teens I start realizing that I need to deal with my emotions since then it has been a journey of self discovering, healing and trying to be better each day sorry for the long comment but need to let that out
"Bare minimum effort equals bare minimum lifestyle." This video felt like a Isi topic introduction and Josh went with it and gave so much tea we don't normally hear from the man's perspective.
P.S. love the new outro
I would love for y’all to react to your year 2 video because I remember Josh saying how he felt like he should get praise for doing what he was supposed to in this relationship because it was his first one. I would love to see how y’all think about it now especially since y’all have grown more and are discussing the bare minimum.
You heard it right here guys. Working, being loyal, supporting your wife, and family, putting food on the table, and clothes on their back etc. Is "bare minimum"........😳
Really loved this. I'm 17 and I've been watching y'all since I was 14 and you make me feel like I'm prepared for life.Thanks. Josh said something about Society teaching men to be emotionless. Not correcting you or anything, you're completely right. I just think its important to be specific. The patriarchy teaches men not to show emotion. The patriarchy established and reinforced gender roles and hegemonic identities. It brought about this toxic idea of masculinity that equates strength with a lack of emotion. So lets take down the patriarchy!!! Loved the conversation about gendered socialisation and sexism in parenting. Love from the UK.
Something to think about:
Please hear me out and correct me if Im wrong.
There was something that I was thinking about for a while. I think also has humans we need to "neutralize" some words (meaning its not positive or negative). For example, you said that the word emotional always had a negative connotation (which is true in most cases.) But now that you said that, whenever you see the word you shouldn't FEEL some type of way about it. Another great example is the word "criticize". Most people automatically have negative emotions behind it. But in reality there are many forms of criticism and we need to acknowledge that within OURSELVES. Here are some more words I thought about that would make anyone feel some type of way:
different, basic, strict, opinion(opinionated), picky, selective, juvenile, attitude, etc.
Read them to yourself and ask, " What is my first reaction? Why?"
Because if you feel negative emotion behind the words you might not know the FULL meaning of the word itself. You may only see one perspective of that very word.
C’mon red table talk! #quality information! Women please stop settling for a warm body in your bed! Be ok with being alone and thriving! If it’s not what you need leave these men alone so they’ll learn better. Dudes hold your friends accountable! Shame your deadbeat friends!
I had to cut off my relationship with a friend because I was tired of getting the bare minimum in our friendship. I'm feeling empowered💖
Why I don’t have friends
Sometimes we accept the bare minimum out of fear based thinking; in many categories in life we accept less than we deserve due to limiting beliefs rooted in fear. No this or learn to believe this: all is possible in life! You CAN have GREAT PARTNER, GREAT FRIENDS, THE JOB AND HELL YOU CAN HAVE ALL THOSE THINGS AT ONCE! You can have it all!!
JUST DON’T settle!
I'm so glad y'all talked about this! I'm not in a relationship and I haven't really dealt with men who weren't in tuned with their emotions but that doesn't mean I'll never encounter someone who isn't emotionally intelligent so thank you for teaching me how to handle it. Also this conversation was so liberating! My best friends and I have this conversation all the time about accepting the bare minimum but this video is just what I needed to always stand my ground and respectfully express how I am not the one to accept the bare minimum from men.
Yassss stand your ground sis! They really are a great example and stay sharing gems with us!
Josh and Isi are power Houses! Both individually and together .This topic was needed !🇧🇼
Y’all so valid 😭 I need this type of quality in my life lol.
This needs to be a series!! This is so VITAL fir people to hear and this helped ME. I feel like I’ve been wanting to really connect even more on my emotional side bc I feel like I’ve been expecting the bare minimum of myself and this will help me to better communicate with my friends, family, relationships, etc.
Relating this emotional intelligence to modern relationships and like parenthood , most modern relationships that we see are kind of the girl and boy meet and somewhere very early into the relationship a child is involved , and i'm not talking from experience but from the relationships that I've witnessed a lot of times they have a child while still in like the honeymoon phase of the relationship where they are so in love but really haven't built that solid foundation like the first 3 years and after that the relationship breaks apart and that kind of propagates the baby mama culture not that I'm shaming it and I am aware that that isn't what happens all the time but it is what happens more often , like there was love but the love wasn't enough , but one thing that I really like about Josh and Isi is that you can really tell how much In tune they are with each other physically, mentally and spiritually and they are just spending time learning more about them selves , loving each other and experiencing life together and I know that when ever they do decide to have children their child is going to be born into such a beautiful strong relationship because they laid down the foundation for that to happen and you know what I also think that this worry of having children young so you can be cool is not right like yeah you're going to be 36 when your child is 16 but children but you can have children in at what ever age and as far as you relate to them and are open to learn about their generation and what they face you would still be cool , like my mum got married at 27 and had all her children in her 30's over the span of 8 years and now her eldest is 22 and she is 53 and she is literally the coolest mum in my friend group and all my friends love talking to her and that has nothing to do with her age but the fact that she has always be so open with us and allowed us to truly express and be ourselves with her , not saying there isn't still that normal parent-child dynamic but i think because she lost her parents at a young age she always wanted to be the best parent that she could be and she is, i love my mama 🙂💓
I have definitely settled😔thinking that no one would ever try to understand what I’m worth. This video helped a lot, thanks guys
How do I know the difference between my guy not knowing how to express himself and not wanting to express himself?
i always try to check myself as a teen that i can’t expect this boy my age to be a “2021 josh” but also shouldn’t let them use that as an excuse as to why they can’t work towards that. and with the “a child should be seen not heard” really got to me because as a teenager my mother asked me after i was upset because i didn’t want to wash the dishes “so you think you mad?” i put on a smile and said no and laughed it off but i was mad. i didn’t say anything, didn’t throw a tantrum but you could see on my face i didn’t want to do it & i think about that moment VERY often where i felt like she was saying i was not worthy of having emotions and that HURTS. i have not found the courage to have that conversation with my parents about this stuff and i can’t say that i don’t know how to. hopefully soon i will be able to ❤️
It's videos like these that make me realize that I should not be relationshiping. I'm a broke dude, I don't like going into detail about my emotions unless it's with my therapist.
The last thing that I want to do is to find a lovely lady that I like only for her to be unhappy about our relationship. Based on experience, it is not a good place to be. I will just stay in my lane.
Anyway shout out to you two!
"You deserve to have a partner who is equally yoked on ALL aspects" So truee!!!!! The emotional intelligence thing for sure! Y'all are speaking factsssss!
Josh thank you so much for being so transparent on this platform!!! More men need to see this!!
Man the gems I receive from this couple and especially Isi! Isi you and I are here 👁 I’m never left with my cup empty with this couple, I love this. Accountability is something I always find myself arguing about with men and women when discussing topics surrounding gender roles. Society leave men handicapped and it has to stop. Ladies it starts with us
#🚫bareminimum
Gender roles are crazy. This is a great conversation
I honestly love this conversation and I honestly think they are going to be AMAZING parents !!
We have to break the cycle of generational trauma.
I think the most difficult part is leaving the man . Leaving him feeling depressed and alone ughhh. This is why it’s important to know yourself and know what and Who you want before you get into a relationship and letting it cook for so long.
#NoMoreBareMinimum
I’m so excited to watch this one!!♥️
Who am I kidding, I’m excited about all of them!!🎉