What Brits Say vs What Brits Really Mean
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- Опубліковано 1 тра 2022
- Are British people rude or not? Watch this to find out...
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As a clueless American living in the UK, there were times when I didn’t realize I had been verbally savaged until hours or days later. The rhetorical knives are so sharp you don’t feel the pain right away. Some Brits probably do use this technique to “soften the blow,” but in my experience this indirectness can also be used deliberately as a way of mocking the listener: “I’m calling you a twat and you don’t even know it. You twat.”
yup
I'm from Yorkshire and we are normally quite direct, however, since moving down South I've had to change the way I speak to people so as not to offend them when I don't want to do something.
That's a really interesting observation Darrell. Would you say that's a north/south thing or do you think directness is specific to Yorkshire?
@@EatSleepDreamEnglish It must be a North/South thing: Northerners tend not to mince our words - we speak so fast that the insult/directness is hardly noticed - whereas Southerners tend to 'beat about the bush' and talk more slowly so the insult/directness is more noticeable.
@Darrell Bennett As a southerner I agree that there is a regional element to this. I do think northerners are more blunt but it's not a bad thing. 👍
@@EatSleepDreamEnglish my family was from Lancashire we are very direct, its so not to mislead the Yorkshire folks as they are easily confused .
Totally Agree. .. I’m from County Durham and I’m very blunt.. but I’m told I don’t actually need to say anything as my feelings are visible on my face.. Certainly saves time..😂😂🇬🇧
Making vague social plans is a national sport in the UK :)
Brilliant: informative and funny
Similarly so in the states.
Aww glad you enjoyed it Emilia : )
The pain of not wanting to be direct is so familiar to me as a Canadian. We Canadians certainly get this habit from the Brits. Our favourite and most commonly used phrase is ‘yeah no for sure.’ I use it everyday and it’s perfect because it covers all your bases. ‘Yeah no for sure’ means whatever the heck you need it to mean. We use ‘yeah no for sure’ as a classic Canadian avoidance tactic.
Avoidance tactic! 🤣🤣🤣... That's nice to learn 🙃
In Oz 'yeah nah' means 'yes I understood your claim or suggestion and yes I would like to be agreeable but fuck no.'
This is the closest we get to being polite. A Polish friend described us the people who would usually try help you if you need it, while calling you a c*nt (but in an affectionate way).
@@billking8843 perhaps there is something noteworthy about passive aggressiveness in commonwealth countries. I’m sure it happens other places too.
@@buildingamystery74 Good point. Americans will tell staff, including waiting staff, that they are unhappy and regard it as useful feedback. If we are anything less than furious, we will simply decide never to go back to that place.
Loved it. As a Swiss I can totally relate. It‘s how we speak, too. Never too direct, always roundabout and polite. Translates really well :-)
And that's why Swiss-German communication often doesn't really further a fruitful relation between the two, Germans being direct or even blunt as they are.
Love it. When I lived in the UK, I had to adapt my mindset to them. But then, I started to grasp the why and I started to think it was actually nicer than being confrontational.
I think that’s rather the point of it; Americans, like Germans, are often too direct when - in some circumstances - directness isn’t really called for. And then, ironically, in those rare circumstances where directness is truly called for, they skedaddle in a haste made of indirectness and over-sincere, therefore superficial, politeness. It’d be mildly amusing if it wasn’t all so misplaced.
Being direct doesn't necessarily mean confrontational. I hate it when people are dishonest.
@@hannofranz7973 Being indirect isn’t the same thing as being dishonest; it’s simply a more softly-softly way to say the same thing without risking another’s wrath that that directness constantly flirts with.
I think it depends where you come from in Britain.. I’m from the North ( Durham ) and I’m noted for being blunt .. 🤷♀️ and actually the Americans I’ve met have been less blunt and quite smarmy .. 🤷♀️🇬🇧
@@Ionabrodie69 I’m from slightly further to the north, pal; I concur. What I would say, for Northern English and Scots alike, is this: if we’re rude to your face, we like you. If we’re polite, we either don’t know you well enough yet to dislike you, or we do know you well enough and hate your guts. 😂
I think that there are just different ways of being polite in different cultures. Instead of labelling cultures that we don’t understand as being impolite, we should appreciate the differences and maybe even learn a thing or two from each other.
Totally!
Here, here. 👍👍👍
@@hotdog1214 Where?
The expression you're looking for is "Hear! Hear!". As in "hear/listen to what is being said". Hope this helps.
@@interestedbystander196 Where you ask? Over here of course, or over there, whatever takes your fancy. They seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him everywhere... 😜
I guess this channel is one of the long lasting British English teaching lesson channel (proper ones esp) thank you! I have been learning so much lot through your lessons : )
I wish Brits were far more direct, they just talk a load of BS most of the time and it causes so many problems.... if we just spoke our minds more it would save a lot of time and anguish.
🎯👍
Well as a Brit, ( Welsh) I have the opposite problem. What I think is direct and to the point and not overly flowery. (Quite frankly I think I'm adorable !! 😊 ) Is seen by others as blunt and teetering on rude.
Other people who have a similar trait to mine, will say things like "You know where you are with Merlin" not my REAL name, I'm in disguise.
I cannot abide when Americans say, " Have a nice day" it's so repetitive, it sounds disingenuous. Nobody thinks that the person who has brought you coffee, gives a shite about what sort of day you are going to have.
Most people will parse such responses correctly and adjust accordingly. It's only a problem for outsiders and this phenomenon holds true wherever you go.
Although being direct has some benefits but it makes people so arrogant and selfish that nobody will communicate or help eachother unless they are real friends. Yes you might think that there exist such kind of Brits but in direct speaking countries such behaviour is much more.
@@minaazad2274 Yeah I understand what you mean, I think there's a balance like most things, some can waffle endlessly and some can be arrogant and too blunt... you have to try and self regulate to some extent... good point you make though Mina.
This indirect way of talking is also called hedging, it's an indirect way to avoid confrontation.
In my experience, Scots have no problem being brutally blunt right off. I know it's a tangent, but would be interested in a compare/contrast of the 2 cultures and ways their communication styles differ.
I think that's possibly true in a social context, but I suspect in a workplace setting these softening phrases might still be used in Scotland.
@@EatSleepDreamEnglish I think Scots have an in built distrust of flowery language and loquaciousness . We are not naturally blessed with the " gift o the gab" , however I do think we are generally sincere.
Alot of Americans are descended from Scots, and Irish people hence why Americans 'get' the directness of Scots and the quirky Irish humour. But English humour flaws Americans as it is different; and so does our psyche and non-confrontational approach to things.
We English are not Celts, but Anglo-Saxons and this is why our humour is different, aswell as our psyche. We have more similar humour to Aussies and Kiwis - because most of them came from England, and to a lesser extent, Wales.
Whereas most Americans who have ancestors who came from the British Isles were either Scottish or Irish. There is some with English ancestry but it's not as common. This explains alot and why American and English humour are so very different from each other.
@@robtyman4281
I had some great friends from England. It took me 6 to 8 months of regularly watching Benny Hill etc. Before I thought I was starting to "get" British humor. It is definitely unique and its own flavor.
@ rob tyman
Hiya, no disrespect but I have to disagree on a couple of things.
Even though there are a lot of Americans who have Irish ancestry, they were not as large a migration to America as what the germans were.
We English are not Anglo Saxon, the inhabitants that lived in what we call England in todays terminology, were all celts to start with, then when the Anglo saxons started to arrive they became the ruling elite and named it angleland . Many celts moved away but many stayed and adapted to and adopted the ruling elites way of life and language.
Some Anglo Saxon may have married the local inhabitants. So no, not everyone who lives in England are Anglo Saxon, that's an old myth.
"I'll get back to you by the end of the day/week." Translation: I have no clue how to answer that question so after this call, I'm just going to pretend you don't exist. Never darken my door again!
Hahaha love it!
Love this video! Totally shows how polite we are as we’re trying to say no without offending people 😂
The title of your Channel is great.. The content of your Videos are being very helpful to me. Keep on posting them. Greetings from Spain 💯
When someone leaves a job the others usually say, "Don't be a stranger", "We must keep in touch" etc. Hardly anyone does. I'm just as bad although I usually go back to visit at least once.
I don't remember if I said this or not before on one of this channel's videos, but American Southerners do something very similar. It's called "slopping sugar". It's where you actually nice to someone and you don't mean it. There's also the "insult that doesn't sound mean". It's like if you hear an American Southerner say something like "God love ya" or "Bless your heart". Although, there are times when the same phrases are not meant as insults, so you have to kind of know the person or the context. It's not a case of being afraid of being direct, though. It's more of a thing where parents in the American South basically drive/drill these very old ideas of manners and behavior into their children. It's all basically to teach kids, sadly, how to sound nice and polite whether you mean it or not. I do, kind of, hope British people break out of this fear of being direct because, really, it can be fun to just say what you think and not care about what the other person feels about it. Sometimes, it's very fulfilling just to tell someone, "I hate you, go away".
Absolutely.
Love this! And I know exactly what you mean. We can be more direct we just need a few glasses of wine first ; )
Oh believe me, it definitely has nothing to do with fear on the most part. For one, you have to weigh up the situation that you are faced with, and what type of character you are, some are shy and withdrawn and don't like confrontation,
and others are strong minded and out there and could be in your face .
You have to bare in mind, if it's a hostile situation, sometimes the gift of the gab can work in diffusing the situation,as maybe being direct could make the situation worse. Or if it's an awkward meeting you may want to get away from without hurting their feelings, your not lying per se, but you may avoid the subject at hand by not being direct, and beating about the bush, so it's not lying because you never spoke of it, if that makes sense.
But that said, I have actually said in the past, ahh I'm sorry but I will be doing something etc, but it depends on if there was a specific day they were referring to or not.
We were always taught from the moment we could walk and talk, good manners, please and thank you and treat others as you wish to be treated. Also put yourself in that persons shoes, how would you feel etc.
But if it came to the crunch and it started to get ugly and you couldn't walk away, or get a rational calm response, I know for one, many Brits, myself included, can stand their ground and be so direct and say it as it is , it would make your hair curl.
But bottom line is, there is no room for bad manners or a lack of respect for others feelings, unless they unleash it on to you first, then it's game on and how you want to play it. Me personally, if it's not worth wasting my breath on, I will avoid it.
If its friends and family, there is sarcasm and banter, Brits are very good at sarcasm and banter ,and we can talk about virtually anything, but if it's someone we don't know well or don't know at all, many of us are quite reserved, we can have a friendly conversation but some of us may think it's bad manners to pry into others personal private lives, not that there is anything to hide, it's just what goes on behind closed doors stays behind closed doors and is none of anyone else's business, or for their entertainment. Again it depends on what type of character you are dealing with as to how you are around them.
Love your videos and your touch of humor, Tom! :)
You forgot "How are you?" when you really couldn't care less about how they are. That's also a national sport in the UK. Took me years to understand why people asked me how I was doing and then just walked off, or looked bothered when I actually replied 😂
The British are known for politeness - if someone bumps into them they say 'sorry' -
and understatement bordering on dry humour.... so this all makes perfect sense!
I get so annoyed whenever someone says “yeah, we could do..” like just say yes or no 🤣
The most honest video ever! Thanks for telling us the truth Tom!
Hehehe my pleasure Eric. I'm guessing Spanish people are more direct than this or is it similar?
@@EatSleepDreamEnglish Yeah, we are more direct, so I guess we may sound rude to Brits sometimes.
My family is from Scotland and I’m very direct. Sounds like there’s a difference between northern and Southern English also.
Hi, I'm an ex pat in the USA. When I came over here I used to use the standard set of British phrases, but the natives weren't sure what I was telling them, so I decided I'd "be American" and tell them what I meant. Strangely I was then told I was a bit too direct, and could I be a bit "softer".
Can't damn well win! Now I vary it depending on who I'm talking to & how I'm feeling, just to keep them on their toes :-)
Just be yourself dude.
@@JakeSpeed69 I am, I play games with language depending on who I talk to, but generally just talk British and educate people in "British English", which actually helps them when they watch British TV - they get more of the subtleties of the language.
thecraggrat You’re right about varying responses depending on situation/listener. In my experience, that’s how it works. I’m American but have lived & worked in multiple regions of the U.S., & abroad (in Central Europe, Israel, & Ireland). Though it may seem like Americans are very direct, in situations where people are tourists, guests, or visitors, we are almost “taught” to be (by guidebooks, prep materials, etc.). I suspect this is protective-so as not to get lost, or end up in the wrong situation. But in a professional environment, it all depends on context, and what role the speaker is playing in the office or org. For ex., a subordinate would never be as direct in asking a supervisor or boss to do something as the boss would be in asking the subordinate. Same thing with university relationships. But when it comes to peer relationships, communication styles vary depending on the individual & the group. Directness/indirectness also varies greatly depending on what culture/ethnicity/religious environment you are in, in the States. And we also have ingrained cultural gender expectations-women are expected to be less direct than men (though again, this varies depending on individual & group). Basically, there isn’t one America, there are many, like worlds within worlds, each with its own quirks. 😬
Great! Thanks for this. Anyway, people, should have this ability to talk to other people in direct way without being offensive or rude or something..Most people confuses kindness with being phony. I talk to people on daily basis but when I get home I’m satisfied introvert 🤠
I am a first language English speaker in South Africa. I am also autistic. Our communication is direct. People in South Africa always say things like, "Let's meet for coffee." It took me years to figure out that they did not mean it. I was literally in my late thirties, and mu psychologist had to rcplain it. The German and Dutch are far more direct. I would love to live in a country like Germany or Netherlands. It would be far more easier for an autistic person. Unfortunately I do not have an EU passport and Europe and the UK are very strict, if you do not have an EU or British passport. It has also become more complicated with Brexit.
Even as s born and bred Brit it can be frustrating when someone isn't 'being straight' but it's how we are. We often have to plead with one another if we want to hear an honest opinion "Look, please be honest..." I saw a vid the other day on an American woman's channel, she'd lived in UK and she thought we're insincere "British people are polite but I felt they weren't really saying what they were thinking". Yup. But we call that being tactful. LOL
She probably wanted us to talk about our feelings. Why has "I feel" and "I believe" replaced "I think"?
I totally agree👍 I really like being spoken directly. However, living in Poland I have no problem with that - no need to ask for sincerity: they will all tell you the truth. There is even saying in Polish "być szczerym do bólu"... it's sth like "to be so sincere that it hurts". Probably it's not good to be sincere to this level, but Polish say it's better to be this much sincere than insincere.
@@sylwiawajda9866 When an American finishes a sentence with, "and I mean that most sincerely" you know they are being insincere.
@@sylwiawajda9866 What you say about Polish people is certainly true of the Polish people I know... I find it a likeable quality.
@@peterc.1618 oh... I'd be so much confused. Thanks for a tip
I'm from Norwich and there's subtlety to my responses no messing about a direct response.
This is why i love being dutch
Why? Humourless race frankly.
Being in a meeting is hilarious! People talk a lot but say nothing, so as to stretch the meeting til lunch or hometime!
When all is said and done, more is said than done 😊
well of course, just watch any British comedy, the rudeness and sarcasm is literally a default setting for British humor, particularly in British classic comedies ... Brits find it funny to be nasty, sarcastic, condescending, and patronizing to your friends and even family members, that nastiness reached the new heights for me in programs like Benidorm, or even something more current like Motherland I had shivers how horrible and unlikable everyone was ...
I bloody L-O-V-E Motherland !!
But they are grotesques, you are not meant to like them.
The characters are SO well drawn though, very clever writing. It's brutally honest, and I like that.
I'm not one for flowery sentiment, ESPECIALLY in a comedy.
Give me honesty ANY day of the week over schmaltzy, dripping in saccharine predictable sit coms, SO beloved by our neighbors across the pond.
Sarcasm is said to be the lowest form of wit. I must be simple then, because a zingy bit of witty sarcasm, has me in fits 😊
You 've written a wonderful book, Tom. Thanks for the offer. I'd love but... ;)
We also do a lot of the same things in the US . Instead of going for drinks sometime I usually say let’s have lunch sometime. Had no problem understanding any of the meanings. Good vid.
You look great. Can you do a video in your health and wellness regime?
I know well how it is, I'm Brazilian. We Brazilians usually don't like to be direct with this fear of being offending the other person so we also use some common sentences to make it softer.
I'm always using these non-committal phrases as I never want to offend. 'I'll bear that in mind' (said with a smile) is one of my favourites. And if someone asks me if I like their new jacket (and I don't) I'll say with a smile 'Well it's interesting, I'll give you that!' It's meaningless really, but it gives them an answer and hopefully they too will be polite enough not to press the matter. It's all very English. I'm a Mancunian and up here we tend to be rather more blunt than the Southerners. I recall once when we went to stay with friends in the Southeast and I got a bit too much sun and ended up looking a bit fried. At a party, a few people gently mentioned it and then a girl came up and said it for the umpteenth time. I said 'Oh don't YOU start!', a phrase that would raise a smile in Manchester. Her face dropped and she took a step back as if I'd called her fat or something. This was only 200 miles away from home, but the social mores were significantly different.
I think being indirect is a good way to communicate your thoughts and taking control of a conversation and to avoid a direct confertation that could result in a fight or arguement. I'm American but use indirect statements all the time for those reasons. Because often when I have been direct, the other party seems to think that they now need to convince and persuade me...which frankly I am not interested in and it is annoying. But if I say a phrase like "I'll think about it" I know that they will stop and leave me alone.
This is the opposite to my culture lol! Hongkongers are always direct and straight forward - but we aren’t impolite, it’s just how we speak. I started working with Brits this year and it took me time to really understand what they mean! Don’t get me wrong, I do love learning other cultures and it’s my pleasure to work with people from other countries :)
Yea, but it definitely can be a pain in the neck to try not to offend somebody and talk for ages till you get to the point :))))) (Lived there for a few years.) And when you get on informal level with the Brits, especially men, they are so direct and blunt. I dare say rude for fun. So difficult to switch and not to feel offended!
I am an American. When I was younger we had the joking habit of saying "lets not and say we did" when we didn't really want to take someone up on their plans/invitation. I haven't said it in forever but for some reason we thought it was really funny back then.
You left out a big one: saying "sure" to suggestions/invites with no follow ups and it means "no"
"I'd love to but..." goes like "I wish I could but I don't want to" Phoebe from Friends mood
Can't remember if you mentioned that in another video, but the (in?)famous phrase "I'm sorry but I'll be washing my hair then" (or similar) comes to mind....
(For those who don't know it: You won't actually be washing your hair then, it's just a phrase to politely (?) decline an invitation to a date or meeting up. And the other person knows that, but for some reason isn't as offended as they would be if you had just declined)
Bless your heart!
This is Very middle class. The overwhelming majority of the British population is working class and the response to these scenarios would always be "No, don't be daft."
Very true. It all depends on the relationship between the two people, the setting and where you are geographically in the UK. You could have a upper class Londoner talking to a total stranger or a Glaswegian talking to his best mate, with thousands of variables in-between. Thousands of variables and thousands of different responses.
American, we do this to, maybe not the exact phrasing but I totally got these without difficulty.
I love all your videos so much. You always brings us something useful. Brits are not confrontational as far as I can tell.
Lots of cultures avoid direct rejections - lots of East Asian cultures, for instance.
Those Brits really know how to complicate simple things
Thanks for informing us! With my Nordic roots I wouldn't call those phrases rude, but downright slimy or unreliable. Dont' use such nonsense when visiting over here 😁! You needn't use please all the time either. But remember to say thanks!
Say:
1. Thanks for the suggestion. That's not what we have in mind in our current 10 year plan.
2. Easy there. I don't do tattoos on a whim. You shouldn't either! One might as easily regret them.
3. Sorry, mate, are you crazy - I hate to run in the rain. Let's run on Sunday morning at 7-ish if the sun shines - call me on Saturday after the weather report. Shall we?
4. Funny we should bump into one another like this all of the sudden. Oh yeah the world is small! I'm sorry, but I have to be on time for ... . Take care! Bye, bye!
Love it!
I didn't underline that the tone of voice is very important - some places it is enough if it isn't gruff, it suffices that it is matter-factish, but in many places it has to be kind, and then you can say almost anything - like: för fan, aldrig i livet! (For devil's sake, never in my life!) Best with a kind smile or small laugh added! :-)
Polish are also like that👍 I mean direct. We say what we mean. No need to wonder if it's just a polite phrases or we mean it.
@@sylwiawajda9866 Nice habit, we can feel safe! :-)
This is similar to California snow. Let’s do lunch sometime!
They say "polite" things in a snide/condescending way.
Thank you
Amazing
The "grab a drink sometime" when you meet someone you haven't seen in a while os definitely similar here in Brazil. We always say like "yeah, let's meet again, or schedule something" but neither of us actually reach again to make that happen xD
It's kinda like just a formality to say now.
And the thing about not being able of saying things directly, like "no". We always try to find a way to tell the person we won't be able to do that stuff, coming up with a innocent excuse when most of the time we just don't want to do it.
We Aussies probably use a mix of polite indirect phrases and devastatingly direct ones! Depends on which facet of our national and personal character is showing in a given situation.
Hence our famous phrase "Yeah...Nah...." LOL.
Brits are always so gentlemanly😂.
This is better than bluntness or staying silent.
Lucky I'm Scottish I'm comfortable with straight talking.
Thanks Tom! For some reason when I hear "let's grab a drink sometime.." I desperately want to reply with "let's not" 🙊🙉🙈 😂
When it was suggested to me, " You must call round for a coffee" I could just imagine the faces if I actually turned up on someone's doorstep saying, "I've come for that coffee!". 😅
@@marythurlow9132 😂😂😂
Me first and I love you so much. I agree with you ! Why can not you be my friend. I follow you since the beginning
Maybe it's partly a class thing I find working class English more direct than your guardian reading metropolitan type. (No insult ment)
None taken at all. I take it as a compliment actually 😊
That's normal in any country. Unless you are odd, you just say something nice and avoid conflict.." She is so beautiful "= she is one of Cinderella's sister..= big.smile and will try to avoid them both as much as you can from there on. Being polite is nice.
You cover "could do" in this video in the way Southerners use it. I was very confused when I moved to Yorkshire and found nearly the same phrase meaning the opposite. Here, if you offer to do something and someone really wants you to do it, they might respond "You can do". This noncommittal-sounding answer can be used as a type of humble modesty, meaning "yes, I'd really like that, but I don't expect you to give priority to my choice", or as an implied "please and thank you" without making a fuss.
"Shall I get us some tickets to the show?" "You can do."
So tell me, how does this relate to the extremely rude bluntness UK people can project when they deal with customer care? I’ve done customer care for the UK market in my country (Netherlands) for about 1,5 year and in my experience people were either extremely angry/disappointed or over the moon of joy and praise. There was almost nothing in between! Now I know us Dutch people can be very straightforward and direct, but I really never experienced anything like the UK customer care experience in my previous ‘Dutch jobs’.
I'm American, lived my entire life in the pacific northwest and we all use every one of these in the exact same context except "could do" is is extended into a longer form so we would say "Yea, we could do that.. but.. (insert random excuse or suggestion) or a more awkward version " ummm, I mean we could do that I guess But" follow3d again by an excuse/suggestion. The word "But" can be swapped for "Or" in any of these examples. Basically a long version of "could do".
One I really hate is when people say I'll phone (or see) you later. To me that means the same day but to the person saying it, it means later this week, later next week, or later this month or whatever. I'm English and I just find these expressions irritating and frustrating. Why can't people say what they nean? I'm not sure it's cultural, it's more of a modern thing where people just don't know how to communicate properly.
Brazilian, usually say to someone that they haven’t seen for quite while, and they just bump into “ you need to come round for a coffee” but they “kinda”forget to say where they live 😅😅
Mmm. yes, I'll think about getting your book 🤣🤣
My favourite - ok leave it with me - which means meh forgotten it all ready.
I say it as it is and my friends love me for. I'm a Londoner by the way. They expect nothing more.
The southern U.S. was settled by the British. We call this "fake nice" in the South. Same thing.
On the contrary, Dutch, Russians and Germans are very direct and straightforward from what I've experienced.
Why do you think that is Mandakh?
@@EatSleepDreamEnglish I think I can tell you, Tom. German, female, 26y in the UK and professionally required to listen and talk sensitively. Priority in German conversation is given to clear understanding, ie content and authenticity, not to much the "wrapping up". Language is seen as a means to an end, not a means in itself hence is used to move forward in the most linear way and with the goal firmly in sight. I need a pen, you've got one. I'm not expecting anything outragiously charitable here, am I? Also, we are not truly sorry for asking, are we? Sorry should be said when we are truly, honestly sorry for some bad we've done to you. We would still ASK and say "please" of course and wrap it up a little. Something like "Excuse me, could I borrow that/your pen, please?" I could go on, but leave it for now.
Depends. Doesn't hold at least in Thuringia and Saxony. And as for Britain, upper class and "working class" (a more or less mental thing nowadays, but still the majority of the population) give a shit on sugarcoating.
@@konradmichels1362 I agree. There is a vast schism between reality and reputation. Brits and Germans alike - and from what I know of other nationalities - can be downright nasty, manipulative, hurtful, destructive, hypocritical, the whole range. Perhaps reacting in a way that invalidates the person who spoke first by deliberately or half-deliberately misconstrueing what they said turning it into something completely different is a technique I have seen done more masterfully here and have to continue practising as itsgreat to have a bit of an arsenal to play with ;^). As a last resort only I swear ;^))
But all that is because the English turned language and words into an artform. Says Jeremy Paxman. So they are naturally more advanced in the use - and usefulness - of their native tongue. Just listen to little kiddies: "That is REALLY NOT NICE of you AT ALL" or "WELL - pause - WELLLL- pause -mmmh-WELLL...mummy says you mustn't ever say that. ever ever. It's because it's naughty! NAUGHTY!!
I THINK - pause - long pause. So - pause - pleeeease apologise. Pause. APOLOGISE. Pause.(starts wailing)" etc
No HUGELY known for their sense if humour though are they 🤔 Which is a VERY British trait.
Yeah...I feel like these situations aren't all that exclusive to the UK. There is always the one really thick guy in an office with a completely sweet and well meaning suggestion that would never ever happen in a million years. And 2 and 3 sound like they were suggested by someone who was totally plastered while 4 is just normal.
Brits usually ask me why did you immigrate to this country when Greece has so much sun???
The problem my friends is not the weather, I love how green this country is because of its weather.
The problem for me is exactly what this guy says
'we Brits can't deal with being direct, we have some kind of phobia of telling
someone exactly what we think'
You think politeness is saying something other than what you mean and doing the complete opposite. Can you understand how rude is it to disappoint people by saying things that are not true?
Politeness is the complete opposite, speak your mind and act that way.
People know who you are and what to expect from you.
However, the country we were born in and the culture we grew up in should not define who we are.
We can choose the good and reject the bad, we can just create our personality and be as objective as we can.
Being direct solves a lot of problems and you only have people around you who like you and you like them, not the fake ones...
It's hard for me to understand why one should bother making up some "polite phrases" to reject an offer or simply disagree. In Poland we normalny speak our mind and it's a good way to be understood well. What's the point in saying sth you don't really mean?
I am not British bit yes when someone is irritating then one has to speak directly. Some people don't under when you try not to be rude but the can continue pain in the behind.
I have become quite adept at this in my later years, eg, when discussing an unpleasant character, I’ll often use, “.. Lovely chap, won’t have a bad word said about them.” & if said person is an absolute [insert derogatory description of personal choice that implies said person makes Hitler look a saint], I’ll follow with, “Not when there’s a10,000 word essay…”
Every language has these idiomatic expressions. Every single example he gives are used regularly in the US and Canada where I have lived. This info
The Dutch are very direct so that is difficult with Britons. There is a schedule circulation with: what a Brit would say, how a Dutchman would perceive this, and what a Brit actually means. Quite enlightening.
People from the Nordic countries are also seen as very direct by some.
As a Dutch citizen, living in England for many years I think I know what you mean. Dutch people often think that you should say everything ‘as it is’. You have to be brutally honest. Diplomacy is seen as a waste of time, I often get the impression. British people are much more polite on the whole. Perhaps it depends on where you live. I live in the Stoke-on-Trent area and have always found people here very friendly and sociable. Complete strangers would engage in conversation at a bus stop. That was completely new to me.
then... Poles are like Dutch. We are also very direct. If I were to hear such British "soft excuse", I'd probably believe what they literally say and be dissapointed after. For Polish people sincerity is very important. It's better to be sincere to such level that it hurts than be insincere
Well, I knew that I should say I'd like to.. instead of I want.. and Could you please pass me.. instead of Give me please.. but now I have new points to remember :)
Another horrible Americanism that has come over to Britain which I can't stand is, "Can I get a latte to go please"
Aaaaaargh!! It gives me hives.
If I worked in Costa Coffee, I wouldn't last the first day. I would have to correct them by saying, "No, YOU can't get one, but I can get one for you because I work here" ( well until the end of my shift anyway)
What they SHOULD say is, " Please may I have a latte"
I'm sure there are many things we can learn from Americans, but this isn't one of them. Yuk ! Stop it
I don't think that "Bear that in mind" is exclusively British.
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'I hear what you're saying' means, I haven't the intelligence or knowledge to refute your argument, and I'm not brave enough to say I disagree, so I'm just going to ignore you.
I hear what you're saying...
Hello, Tom. Greetings from Ukraine.
Are you planning printing version of your book ? Uhm, yeah, I could possibly print it.. ;-)
The South in the USA is also quite indirect and has sayings that aren't what you think they mean. Bless your heart. :-)
'Are you entirely sure that that's a good idea?' If you do that you go to prison for decades if you're lucky if you're not dead.
To exit an uncomfortable social situation in the U.S. you might say "I've got to run but give me a call." Of course you know they don't have your number and if you really wanted to see them again YOU would be asking to call them!
Britain is the world's most civilised society. London is the world's favourite City. This island nation stands amongst all nations As a Haven of civic and democratic values.
We say all of those things in the US. In the Southern US, we are much less direct than Northerners.
Here is the problem with all that. It makes British people seem fake. I would much rather have someone be honest with me even if it's a little direct. The second problem is it makes the person seem dishonest over time. I could never be a true friend to someone who does these things all the time because friendship is based on trust. If I can't trust someone, to be honest about why they don't want to do something I suggest how then can I trust them to open myself up. I find I always keep British people at arm's length because of this (they seem fake and untrustworthy). This is fine for an acquaintance but if you are really trying to be someone's true friend (stop it and be real)
disingenuous
In the American south its--Y'all come round and see us, anytime y'hear.
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Even if I am a native English speaker, I have really got a lot out of this video.
A Brazilian friend said that the British must be the only people who say, 'We must have coffee, ' when they actually mean, 'I never want to see you again '.
Lived in the UK, Italy, Japan, and the Netherlands and literally everybody does that everywhere in different forms 😂
Well that was your FIRST mistake. British people would only want tea !!! ( I never drink tea, only coffee)
@@Macbeth99 Hold on, tea is my second choice and my family has been in England for many centuries.
@@michaelmontagu3979 What would your 1st choice be ?
@@Macbeth99 Black coffee, or in the morning, mocha, thank you for asking 😀
The Brits or the English as more often called by others abroad historically are renowned especially in the Middle East for being direct and straightforward, and also very punctual. Perhaps not so now with the new generations of iphone, TikTok, FB and YT Shorts etc. Things have changed not just here but all over the world. But I can't say necessarily to the better am afraid. Good old days 😢
Is Teacher Tom talking about the Japanese way of communication?
omg yes we do all this
in russian language it sounds like "Ya tebya uslyishal" - I've heard what you saying
Why do Brits say 'We could do' instead of 'We could do _that_'? It seems like an unfinished sentence.
I think we have matching sentences for the same meanings in spanish so maybe it's not a U.K.-only thing. 🤣
Brilliant. Very funny. I think the French are not as adept at such social lubricants.
Glad you liked it Rob. Interesting! Do you think the French are just more direct?
@@EatSleepDreamEnglish I'm probably out of my depth here but the French are generally not good at small talk, so awkward silences are very common and everyone just seems to get by with them. I would not call them direct. Again you'll find the exception but in general they are not very chatty. Also, as I'm sure is true in the UK, greater metropolitan centers like Paris are quite different than in less populated areas. How do the British deal with the elevator dilemma? Try to chat with strangers or stay silent?