You're welcome. I'm really glad that you found it helpful. If you're looking for any other resources, you may find this one helpful: adept-leader-7807.ck.page/564429e2c4 It is a pdf file that describes the Emotional Stages that most men go through during and after divorce, and it gives you tools to help you heal and move through each one.
Great content as usual. Just some constructive feedback for you, maybe look at setting your microphone up so that it picks up less extraneous noise. UA-cam videos to show you. Thanks again and have a great day
Thanks so much for watching - and yes! You're right, I've got to adjust my mic. I'll check out some videos and get it fixed for the next round of vidoes I film.
Thank you for this! My biggest worries are how my kids are going to handle what looks to be an imminent divorce. My 12 year old daughter has high functioning autism and I’m feeling lost on how to help her understand.
You're welcome! Thank you for watching and commenting. I agree, this is challenging issue. There are a lot of scary statistics out there, but most of the research suggests that it isn't actually the divorce itself that damages kids - it is the loss of emotionally responsive parents. Often parents get so caught up in the divorce, or their anger at one another or their own emotional pain that they simply cannot be present emotionally with their kids like they were before. If parents take care of themselves emotionally and stay fully present with their kids emotionally, the impacts of divorce seem to be much less. My advice to you would be to take care of your own emotional health first, so you can stay present for your kids. You may also find it helpful to seek the support of an emotionally focused family therapist, or a therapist who specializes in working with autistic children. They may be able to help you communicate what is happening in a way your daughter can hear and handle. Kids are more resilient than you may think. They need caregivers who are accessible, responsive and emotionally available. When they have that emotional stability they can handle all kinds of crazy circumstances. Trust yourself. Trust your kids. And remember that to take care of your kids emotionally you have to first take care of your own nervous system and emotional wellbeing. I hope that is helpful! Thanks for watching.
Hi Tommy, you're welcome. Thank you for watching. I'm sorry that you and your daughter are dealing with divorce. It's a messy thing, but it can also be a pretty powerful catalyst for healing and growth that we would have missed out on otherwise. Do you have a good support system right now? I know it's especially challenging with a young child.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach hi Rachel thank you for replying, that means a lot to me. I think the good thing is I believe we love our daughter and wouldn’t want her to be affected. It’s just that she’s currently having issues now with the marriage and believe that leaving me is the best solution right now. I’m currently trying to focus on keeping myself grounded and working on self love.
@@tommykaira8775 it's good that you have some common ground when it comes to your daughter. She's lucky to have two parents who love her and are focused on her well being. And it sounds like you are working on exactly the right things in staying grounded and loving yourself. I'd like to invite you to watch my free Masterclass - it takes a deeper dive into the 'how to' of emotional regulation and self love. I think you might find some of the tools helpful as you navigate all of this. If you're interested in watching it, you can access it here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/optin1671910386839
Great video, Rachel, we are having difficulty with extreme shyness in my 13-year-old boy, and possible drug problems with my 15 yr old, which was very well hidden. My ex and I are finding out we are very naive to the affects of the divorce on them. They showed nearly zero emotion about the divorce a few years ago. So we stupidly mistook that as they were not all that affected. Now I am on a mission to connect with thier feelings on the divorce even though they are both “stuffers” and hold their feelings inside 100%. Trying to figure out the first steps to connect with them on how they are feeling about it…..😢. Feeling guilty, I wanted to save the marriage for the children ….ex didn’t Rachel do you have any quick advice on how to start the conversation with kids that hold everything iside? Might be a good video for you do? Again- great video
Hi Edwin, thanks for watching. I'm so sorry that you and your family have been through all of this. Your kids are lucky to have two parents who care and who are committed to helping them - you didn't know during the divorce, and that's not your fault. Your parents didn't teach you how to process or talk about emotions (and theirs didn't teach them and it is a society wide story!). You're talking about breaking that cycle now with your children, and that is an amazing thing - something to be proud of. I'd recommend looking into Dr. Lynyetta Willis's program. She is an amazing psychologist and coach, and an expert in this topic. She works with parents directly, and she may have other videos, programs or advice that you'll find helpful. drlwillis.com/t2t/ As for some quick advice, the first things that come to mind are that modelling is powerful. How do you handle your own emotions? Before you can expect yourself to help your kids process theirs, make sure you are processing yours in effective ways. Your kids will pick up on it. Second, listen for what they're really telling you. The extreme shyness, the drug use, the hiding it... what is the underlying message behind the behavior? Is there fear? Loneliness? Loss or grief? Don't address the behavior or try to make them change. Instead focus on acknowledging what's underneath, and be patient. If they're stuffing an emotion that means they don't feel safe feeling it, so let them know that it's okay. This might be as simple as, "When I see you feeling shy around other kids, my brain has the thought that maybe you're feeling sad, lonely or afraid. Sometimes I feel those things too." Let them know you are there and that you see that there is more going on - it's not just about drugs or them being 'bad' or 'wrong' (which you clearly already know!). Let them know that you see that they are hurting, without pushing them to talk to you about it. Be available emotionally but without expectations. Your goal initially is to help them feel safe, emotionally, with you. I know that is a bit vague, but I hope it helps. Dr. Lynyetta is an awesome resource. Another good option is Emotionally Focused Family Therapy. They can help you get under the surface and talk about what's really going on. You can find one here: iceeft.com/
My mom waited until my sister was 19 before asking my dad for a divorce . She always promised to stay until we were adults . Now my little sister has turned against my mom . She chooses my step dad . I want to help the situation but I don’t know what to do .
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
im a child with divorced parents, im so scared that this will happen to my children that im almost watching this in advance
I can relate to this :/
This is a timely video, thank you
You're welcome. I'm really glad that you found it helpful. If you're looking for any other resources, you may find this one helpful: adept-leader-7807.ck.page/564429e2c4
It is a pdf file that describes the Emotional Stages that most men go through during and after divorce, and it gives you tools to help you heal and move through each one.
Great content as usual.
Just some constructive feedback for you, maybe look at setting your microphone up so that it picks up less extraneous noise. UA-cam videos to show you.
Thanks again and have a great day
Thanks so much for watching - and yes! You're right, I've got to adjust my mic. I'll check out some videos and get it fixed for the next round of vidoes I film.
Thank you for your videos and especially this one…I really needed to hear this info today ❤
You are welcome, Renee. Thank you for watching. I'm sorry you're going through it right now. 💛
Glad I found this video. Thanks.
Thank you for this! My biggest worries are how my kids are going to handle what looks to be an imminent divorce. My 12 year old daughter has high functioning autism and I’m feeling lost on how to help her understand.
You're welcome! Thank you for watching and commenting. I agree, this is challenging issue. There are a lot of scary statistics out there, but most of the research suggests that it isn't actually the divorce itself that damages kids - it is the loss of emotionally responsive parents.
Often parents get so caught up in the divorce, or their anger at one another or their own emotional pain that they simply cannot be present emotionally with their kids like they were before.
If parents take care of themselves emotionally and stay fully present with their kids emotionally, the impacts of divorce seem to be much less.
My advice to you would be to take care of your own emotional health first, so you can stay present for your kids. You may also find it helpful to seek the support of an emotionally focused family therapist, or a therapist who specializes in working with autistic children. They may be able to help you communicate what is happening in a way your daughter can hear and handle.
Kids are more resilient than you may think. They need caregivers who are accessible, responsive and emotionally available. When they have that emotional stability they can handle all kinds of crazy circumstances.
Trust yourself. Trust your kids. And remember that to take care of your kids emotionally you have to first take care of your own nervous system and emotional wellbeing.
I hope that is helpful! Thanks for watching.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach very helpful! Thank you so much!
You're welcome! @@JoshWall79
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoachthis is real good
Thank you Rachel, my daughter is also 6 years old this year
Hi Tommy, you're welcome. Thank you for watching. I'm sorry that you and your daughter are dealing with divorce. It's a messy thing, but it can also be a pretty powerful catalyst for healing and growth that we would have missed out on otherwise.
Do you have a good support system right now? I know it's especially challenging with a young child.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach hi Rachel thank you for replying, that means a lot to me. I think the good thing is I believe we love our daughter and wouldn’t want her to be affected. It’s just that she’s currently having issues now with the marriage and believe that leaving me is the best solution right now. I’m currently trying to focus on keeping myself grounded and working on self love.
@@tommykaira8775 it's good that you have some common ground when it comes to your daughter. She's lucky to have two parents who love her and are focused on her well being. And it sounds like you are working on exactly the right things in staying grounded and loving yourself.
I'd like to invite you to watch my free Masterclass - it takes a deeper dive into the 'how to' of emotional regulation and self love. I think you might find some of the tools helpful as you navigate all of this.
If you're interested in watching it, you can access it here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/optin1671910386839
Great video, Rachel, we are having difficulty with extreme shyness in my 13-year-old boy, and possible drug problems with my 15 yr old, which was very well hidden. My ex and I are finding out we are very naive to the affects of the divorce on them. They showed nearly zero emotion about the divorce a few years ago. So we stupidly mistook that as they were not all that affected. Now I am on a mission to connect with thier feelings on the divorce even though they are both “stuffers” and hold their feelings inside 100%. Trying to figure out the first steps to connect with them on how they are feeling about it…..😢. Feeling guilty, I wanted to save the marriage for the children ….ex didn’t Rachel do you have any quick advice on how to start the conversation with kids that hold everything iside? Might be a good video for you do? Again- great video
Hi Edwin, thanks for watching. I'm so sorry that you and your family have been through all of this. Your kids are lucky to have two parents who care and who are committed to helping them - you didn't know during the divorce, and that's not your fault. Your parents didn't teach you how to process or talk about emotions (and theirs didn't teach them and it is a society wide story!). You're talking about breaking that cycle now with your children, and that is an amazing thing - something to be proud of.
I'd recommend looking into Dr. Lynyetta Willis's program. She is an amazing psychologist and coach, and an expert in this topic.
She works with parents directly, and she may have other videos, programs or advice that you'll find helpful. drlwillis.com/t2t/
As for some quick advice, the first things that come to mind are that modelling is powerful. How do you handle your own emotions? Before you can expect yourself to help your kids process theirs, make sure you are processing yours in effective ways. Your kids will pick up on it.
Second, listen for what they're really telling you. The extreme shyness, the drug use, the hiding it... what is the underlying message behind the behavior? Is there fear? Loneliness? Loss or grief? Don't address the behavior or try to make them change. Instead focus on acknowledging what's underneath, and be patient. If they're stuffing an emotion that means they don't feel safe feeling it, so let them know that it's okay. This might be as simple as, "When I see you feeling shy around other kids, my brain has the thought that maybe you're feeling sad, lonely or afraid. Sometimes I feel those things too."
Let them know you are there and that you see that there is more going on - it's not just about drugs or them being 'bad' or 'wrong' (which you clearly already know!). Let them know that you see that they are hurting, without pushing them to talk to you about it. Be available emotionally but without expectations. Your goal initially is to help them feel safe, emotionally, with you.
I know that is a bit vague, but I hope it helps. Dr. Lynyetta is an awesome resource. Another good option is Emotionally Focused Family Therapy. They can help you get under the surface and talk about what's really going on. You can find one here: iceeft.com/
This was crazy helpful, thank you!
I'm so glad to hear that! Thanks for watching!
My mom waited until my sister was 19 before asking my dad for a divorce . She always promised to stay until we were adults . Now my little sister has turned against my mom . She chooses my step dad . I want to help the situation but I don’t know what to do .