ROASTING Jupiter Ascending - The Watchowski's Epic Fail
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- Опубліковано 8 лют 2025
- Jupiter Ascending is just terrible. There is really nothing in this movie that could be considering enjoyable. Well, maybe Eddie Redmayne's hilariously bad performance. Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum have no chemistry and the whole movie feels so hollow. Such a far cry from The Matrix. The Watchowskis would never recover after this movie. Here's my roast of Jupiter Ascending!
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Narrated by: Adam Olinger
Edited by: Adam Olinger
I used Jupiter Ascending as part of a High School project when we were tasked with taking on various themes used in books or movies. I chose “chosen one” characters and I used our terrible Female MC as a prime example of what makes her a terrible chosen one character. Still proud of that to this day.
I received this movie on 4K as a gag gift a few years ago and have yet to muster the curiosity to even open it. 🤣
My wife and I watch this every now and again and laugh our asses off. We saw it in the cinema and couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous it was.
I encountered it in the wilderness of TV that was on in the background when I was share housing. And, yes, it was awful. Like holy CRAP, what is even going on?!
thats I keeper if you dont mind me saying
The budget was in the 200 million dollar range. They lost beaucoup bucks on it.
Props just for the use of beaucoup. Great word.
If you're asking me if my entire day will be made complete by watching Adam go in on one of my least favorite movies ever, yes, YES IT WILL!
Yaaaay a ROAST 🙌 so happy rn
Post intro: trust me Adam, the pain n hard work u put into this is much appreciated. Long live the roast. Viva la roast. More please.
Thank you for your service. You watch so we don't have to.
This is Watchowski's Rebel Moon, a barely thought out sci fi extravaganza where everything is superthin, plot dialogue action motivation. Its like someone forced them to come up with a totally new universe in like 4hours, ok this character looks like this and uses this device, oh this guy is half fish half bird or some crap, and this guy wants revenge. great, I could do better with my box of GI joe's when I was 12
I had a facebook memory notification today. On this day, 11 years ago, I posted to facebook: "I just spent 9 of the last 38 hours watching Cloud Atlas."
Apparently I had to watch it a second time, then the next day watch it again with subtitles to understand what the hell they were saying.
This is a guilty pleasure of mine. I own the dvd and watch it at least once a year.
Thing is Ws really do have great ideas they just need someone to help them edit.
I feel the same way about matrix and sense8. Some good ideas but they need editing
“Both directors had to go through radical surgery to physically alter their appearance and their identities all together...”
I can’t believe you went there, Adam but goddamn it you did and I love you for it 😂😂😂
I enjoyed this film despite it being a thrown together mess. I found Jupiter Ascending visually stunning at times. It had some good ideas as well. The Wachowski's needed a good writer for this film.
It's sad because it's a really good looking movie especially the vfx but they seem to be out of touch with reality when it comes to writing normal dialogue
“He’s now a dog, bird, man. “ lol!
Half Dog, half Bird, half Man, lol.
I remember seeing this trailer and laughed out loud and said wow I can't wait to not see this piece of sh*t lol 😂😂
A director(s) can learn 1 of 2 things from the success of a movie:
1. They made something compelling and interesting that much of the public liked
Or
2. People like their movie because of the director, and they can throw anything onto a screen.
Many directors select 2.
Yep...their worst movie until Matrix Regurgitation!
The elf ears were just too much for me, I know that's a superficial thing to be hung up on, but how do you take a movie seriously with the male lead looking like he moonlights at the Keebler tree? It had a good concept too, it was just horribly executed. But good for an accidental laugh.
“Moonlights at the Keebler tree” 🤣🤣🤣
Funny to have the bee mentions because I just found out it's World Bee Day
12:26 You forgot to say, "Jupie, short for Jupiter."
Thank you for this beautiful gift of a review. I had a stupid smile the entire time watching this. Love your style of roasting movies.
Thanks!
I really enjoy these. please keep them coming!
Thank you!
BEST COLONOSCOPY EVER!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣
I absolutely adore Eddie Redmayne in this awful movie.
He’s perfect
@@AdamDoesMovies PLEASE, you, and EVERYONE, if you haven't already, embrace the One True Only God YHWH Jehovah, Only One Jesus Christ His Only Begotten Son and Lord and Savior of our souls and the Only One Holy Spirit. God is good. God is love. Jesus is Lord. Jesus IS coming. Your soul depends on it!
I have seen God act in my life. He saved my soul, changed my heart, changed my mind, helped people through me, took care of people in my life, people I hurt before I found God. God is the only reason I was able to reconcile with my dad before he died.
God worked through Jesus Christ to save our souls. Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. Believe in your heart and confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and that God raised Him from the dead and you will be saved. Be baptized in The Holy Spirit, and if He wills, water as well. Repent of your sins, accept God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit into your heart, that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son Jesus Christ, that all who believe on Him should not perish but have everlasting life. Jesus Christ is The Way, The Truth and The Life. No one comes to the Father Jehovah God but through Him.
Not long after I got saved I prayed to God for help understanding the Holy Bible, and that same day someone knocked on my door asking me if I wanted to understand the Bible.
The Holy Bible says, "love thy enemy", "turn the other cheek", "If your enemy is hungry, feed him", "if he is thirsty, give him a drink", "pray for those who persecute you", "do not repay evil for evil".
LORD willing, all humans may commit sin of almost every kind (gay, straight), and that's wrong, and all humans sin, as God tells us through the The Holy Bible, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." The Holy Bible also says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
When this came out the reviews and reactions were saying it was just OK. I felt the need for a cat scan as there's no way these people could have witnessed the same festering turd I had just suffered through. Thank you for this roast it has mildly restored my already tiny faith in humanity😂
Lmao 🤣 no sir !! You did not open with the exact joke I knew you were going to make lol 😂 I thought the same thing 😂😂😂😂
I actually enjoyed this movie when it came out back then. And your roast was hilarious, keep it up bro!
The Matrix and V For Vendetta were good.. Not seen Speed Racer tho.
They didn’t direct V for Vendetta so I don’t give them the credit
Do yourself a favor and watch Speed Racer! It's fantastic!
Proactiv; dogbirdman 🤣🤣🤣 dude this was hilarious!! Keeping making these roasts please. 🤣🤣
I want to see your top 10 reenactments of scenes from movies
It's a Battlefield Earth quality film.
The Fortnite part killed me...😂😂😂
This is bringing back memories including your past review
I saw a comment somwhere "This movie is so awful it failed to kill Sean Bean" lmao
Yeah, I was so excited to make a few Sean Bean dying jokes but then he never did! This movie sucks.
Adam being... what's the word the kids say... SAVAGE with that intro! This is why you're one of my favorites, man.
Keep in mind: the Watchowskis wanted to turn this turd into a new franchise!
I've heard this movie is terrible but wow - didn't know how stupid the storyline actually was.
How did this get a greenlight from the studio?!
Were they all high?
The cheerleader show “Heroes” hahaha. It really is just that. “Save the cheerleader, save the world”
I do watch this every so often for the laughs. Must admit, I do have a guilty pleasure for Valerian. That come out at a similar time i believe.
Lizard man's model was wasted on this. It looks like a better Gorn than the ones in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds
I tried to watch it. I couldn’t and switched it off, so I don’t know how it ends and I never cared anyway.
I think you just reviewed Rebel Moon 3
I forgot this movie existed
Finally! You all better like this video! Adam spends lots of time on these!
LMAO, that intro for changing identities was EPIC, #sobrave 🍆 ✂
Great Kristen Dunst/Spiderman reference 😂
Nice shirt my man!!!
I find it amusing that there's two far better movies that I purchased in the recommended section: Tomorrowland and Live, Die, Repeat.
This movie is my guilty pleasure 😆😆
This movie was a trainwreck. An absolute trainwreck. Ga. It was awful. It IS awful. Ga. Awful.
I blocked this movie from my mind. It was irredeemably bad. Like... Matrix 4, Bye Bye Man tier bad. Also, didn’t expect the Soul Calibur reference lol.
Edit: Aannndddd there's the Matrix 4 reference lol.
me waiting for the climax pun. it is the only way I can achieve climax
At this point, this director duo have made more bad movies than good ones.
Good shit 😂
So good 😂
I like this movie
I enjoyed it but either it showed have been part of tv series or something. Ws need an editor and someone to say "no" and "do you think that's a good idea?"
Which is worse, Jupiter Rising or Matrix 4.
Matrix 4
Jupiters friend was the star of this movie.
Have you seen late night with the devil it’s something different from the same old horror shit
If you didn't have fun in the cinema with Cloud Atlas something's wrong with you. 😵
The Matrix Resurrections although flawed, I consider it a better film compared to Jupiter Ascending.
Quite enjoyed it in it's absurdity
I like this movie😭
i have tried to watch this movie several times, and never got very far. it looks like it should be good, but it isnt.....
I managed to get as far as her trying to get whatever done at the galactic DMV...
The reviews are entertaining than the movie
Not even worth roasting it’s so bad
HEY I LIKE MILA KUNIS.
Was this before or after they became girls/women? Why? Because they were better directors as men... just saying.
W
This was pretty rough to sit through I can't tell if you are purposely telling bad jokes and being cringe or or what but I did not find this entertaining at all
The good news is that it was free for you to watch. You can turn it off and leave, only losing the precious time you put in. Thanks for giving it a shot.
Sean Bean is at that Bee Keeping age like Jerry from Rick & Morty
Worst movie Eveer.
Love the goomba reference.
Wow you are not funny.
I loved this movie!