Family of Narcissists | Phil in the Blanks Podcast
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- Опубліковано 27 кві 2024
- Dr. Phil offers professional insights and personal advice on listeners' questions, designed to provoke thought and encourage action in the face of interpersonal challenges. Discover why Dr. Phil advocates for equality of opportunity over preferential treatment, and gain an understanding of how improved education and resources can level the playing field for all. Gain insights on dealing with narcissistic family members and navigating complex mother-daughter relationships with patience and understanding. Plus, learn the importance of setting personal boundaries, effective communication across generations, and overcoming the influence of negative family dynamics. Join the conversation and empower yourself with tools for personal growth.
Experience a side of Dr. Phil McGraw you may have been missing as he provides critical information on some of the most important issues we face today. McGraw delves into the minds of the most exciting and accomplished people. From celebrities to ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances, to the world’s leading experts, every guest and topic is provocative, informative, and relevant.
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Dr. Phil McGraw, one of the most well-known and trusted mental health professionals in the world, is the host of daytime TV’s top-rated program, Dr. Phil. This trailblazing and award-winning platform continues to provide the most comprehensive forum on mental health issues in the history of television. Dr. McGraw’s unique ability to take complicated and technical information and make it accessible and understandable to the general public has distinguished him both among viewers and within his profession.
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I had a family of narcissistic members and the best thing you can do! is to just walk away and start your life all over again without them.
No contact is the only solution. Save yourself.
1000%!
Yep, though I recognize for some that's not possible.
It was difficult for me to accept this in the beginning and later realized this to be the only solution
Don't ever go to family court with these people 🙄 if so be prepared
💯💯💯
Block, move away, be silent even if it breaks your heart that your siblings, Mother betrayed you after a lifetime of helping them. They have No remorse or apologies to give you. Break the cycle by raising your own children in a correct, healthy relationship that avoids narcissist around them.💝
Spot on. Kids live what they learn. You can never trust them. So sorry what that lady is going through.
Yep. I finally did this at age 58. I’m FREE!!! Great God Almighty, I am free, free at last🙌🏼🙌🏼✨✨♥️♥️♥️Glory be to You, Abba Father!
Love what you said! Yep, it's true. It's heartbreaking but it's an honest approach to life.
narcissists will always win and hurt you, ALWAYS.
💯💯💯 THAT IS WHAT WE DID REGARDING MY IN LAWS , BEST DECISION WE EVER MADE, MY HUSBAND EVEN SAIS HE FEELS BETTER AND " LIGHTER" WITH THEM NOT IN THE PICTURE, WE DO WEDDINGS & FUNERALS, THATS IT 😊
The worse thing about being on the receiving end of narcissism is the stuckness/paralysis you experience when trying to put back the pieces of your life together. 😢
Agreed
Yes.💔😔
True
If a narcissist told me to do something wrong and I did it that thing. I am still responsible for that decision. 😅
@@andrew1717xx Absolutely, hence the putting back of pieces (accountability) - was reflecting on how hard it is to get to thrive mode again.
Dr Phil is correct. There is nothing wrong with you. Get out, protect yourself, run away if you can. Assert your boundaries and do not accept their judgement of you.
💯
It is dangerous. You can't beat them. Get out
Living 4,000 miles away works wonders when it comes to narcissism in families & not letting them have even one tiny bit of control of anything in my little families life it is one of the only ways to stay on top of it all!
Distance! Distance! Distance!
@@Anonymous-gn3lyThey are relentless.
I had a year long relationship with a narcissist, we didn't even live togegher and 18 months later I'm still recovering from it. I genuinely can't imagine what it would be like to grow up with someone like that as a parent that you deoend on. Well done for creating that distance and with all my heart I hope you and people in your situation are able to create that distance and live a good life 🙏.
Distance like moving to another country will not stop a determined narcissistic family to harm you. They will follow you to the end of the world to destroy you. Learned that the hard way. By Amelia
@@Anonymous-gn3ly Crabs in a bucket mentality!
🦀🦀
🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀
And you must be self-sufficient. Independence and strong boundaries are key. Some of us can't move away.
The main thing with a narcissist is not just making the abused feel badly, it’s getting the abused, the victim, to “take ownership of the abuse”.
You said it perfectly. 100 percent accurate.
That really hit home
Well spoken
@@AriPicard Father Ripperger always hits the nail on the head! 🙏🏼
Yes!! Well said!!
I am the scapegoat raised by an extremely physically and emotionally abusive malignant narcissistic mother. She competed with me, out my brother (the golden child), sister(the forgotten child), and father(the enabler) against me. She needed me to be sick to play the marter. I can remember her traumatizing, out of control abuse when I was as young as about three or four. I spent most of my young life subconsciously seeking mommy replacements, jumped from therapist to therapist, ran away a lot, and did whatever I could to survive the ganging up, bullying, and victim blaming and shaming I was being subjected to. I finally walked away from everyone and only spoke to them when absolutely necessary. It was the healthiest thing I could do for myself. I'm now 63, consider myself a very healthy, balanced, intelligent, kind woman, both parents have passed away, and still have no contact with my siblings. It's sad, but necessary. Of course, they still tell everyone I'm the problem and they're the victims, but who cares.
Wow similar experience 11 yrs out..I'm much better without the 3 of them
Scapegoat here, yep... distancing is very difficult. For years it allowed my mother to claim the narrative, and only recently are non immediate family members starting to realised it wasn't me, because once the scapegoat is out of the picture the same problems and behaviours persist, with nobody left to blame.
Learn about scapegoat abuse
Drop your emotion for your family. Just childhood memories. Get rid of fairytale. Drop them
Dumped my now 86yo NPD father and 53yo flying monkey sister 10 years ago best move ever.
narcesist never say sorry never accept theyr mistakes ,instead they hurt you and expect you to apologize for something they did against you
100 percent truth. That’s exactly what they do, and imagine being raised by this
Or they give the classic narc apology: "I'm sorry you feel hat way."
A super manipulative narcissistic can say sorry if it benefits them.
Sam Vaknin said from other experts´ books recently, the only way to deal with a narcissist is to become a narcissist yourself,
therefore narcissism is contagious, narcissism may save you from narcissists.
Narcissism is just a self-defense mechanism to narcissists.....but after you break up with narcissist and heal you can get your true self personality back.... because narcissists have no self. So you get it back............By the way there is also a healthy form of narcissism with healthy goals....if you woudln´t have healthy form of narcissism in childhood, and developing your individual self personality, creative self, or if you fail becoming a healthy narcissist with a healthy goals,
you could become borderline or bipolar.
But healthy narcissism with a healthy goals, is not a narcissistic disorder.
I guess it mean sthe person with healtyh narcissism has a healthy true self personality, with values and healthy ideas, to develop skills, read books etc and wants to inspire people in positive way.
.... while the NPD person has no self. So people need to understand that if you put one picture on instagram about some of your skills it means you want to inspire someone, but of course if someone posts 100 pictures a week, it may be something different.
I was raised by one, and shared a childhood with another. I have never once heard either say "I'm sorry", even when "apologizing".
.... and the damage a narcissist causes never gets fixed.
That’s what makes them so dangerous. Oftentimes, it has grave and irreversible consequences.
I’ve struggled with shame since I was in high school due to abuse and also due to embarrassment. I was embarrassed by my family. I wasn’t able to develop a normal trust based and respect based relationship. Now they try and guilt me into living with my abuser.
Yes it does. Thank Jesus, i am restored from this trauma. A very long time it seems like it took to come to Jesus and into Christ.
My abusive ex- husband, a TOTAL narcissist, neglected our children while abusing me in every single way, yet is a local business man constantly giving ‘charitable donations’ to causes and this is the best: he’s on the board ( was chairman!) of Youth And Family Services for the YMCA!! All while neglecting and abusing his wife and children. Unbelievable!!!
Wow! I totally believe you! I’m sorry that happened to you.❤ I pray for your heart healing ❤️🩹 and safety.
My frail 86 year old mother refuses to give up her home, or consider a home health care worker. Instead - she wants me to abandon my job/home/family/husband and move across the country to be her care taker. She has absolutely no concern that this would put my finances in jeopardy and place a strain on my marriage. For the first time in my life, I said "no" to her - that's when she stopped taking my calls. Now I understand ... If I do not concede to her demands, she is done with me. Just... wow.
Well done for saying no and prioritising your marriage over your mother's emotional blackmail. Honouring your mother and father does not include risking your marriage, finances and wellbeing in favour of them. If she has dropped you, be thankful and move on. If she or other relatives come back to pressure you, stick to your guns. No contact may be the only way. I speak from experience! NPD mother, now dead, facilitated by narcissist father, and my sister has picked up where our mother left off. I've had enough nonsense! I'm 63 and intend to enjoy the rest of my life without their attacks, lies, manipulation and drama. I'm a practising Christian who has gone an extra 20 miles every day for decades, with no improvement in my family relationships so bye bye.
@@judiths3401 Thank you for your kind words. I am also a Christian, and struggling to forgive this abuse. I want what is best for my mother, but in the end - she must own her choices. Blessings to you, My Sister.
Ai
Keep your peace. I had a similar situation. They expect love and support that they NEVER gave to any of us kids. Being a Christian, I know you question yourself.- But never fear…..God knows your heart and knows the truth. I am sending you a big hug!!!!❤
@@Fratiani Thank you, my friend - your kind words have moved me to tears. Big hug joyfully received! ♥
My wife is hardcore narcissist. We are married since 8-9 years and I never ever even once won any argument. Last 3-4 years I learn how not to care and avoid arguments and that saved me mentally and emotionally. I only stay because of my daughter. She learn from me she loves me the most she is very sensitive and loving. We hug kiss and cuddle. My duty is to make sure my child grow with healthy emotions.
My mother was a hardcore narcissist. My father made me his emotional wife. He trained me to be the good wife he didn’t have. This messed me up more than the narcissist. It made the relationship
With my mother even more troublesome because he played us off each other. He would offload on me like his therapist as a child and I would then act out during the day with my mother because she was mean to my daddy. I left that house as soon as I could at 17 with zero sense of myself and how to navigate the world around me. I’ve dated narcissists and weak cowardly men. It wasn’t until I spent a lot of hours in a therapist chair the last two decades of my life that I started to get a handle on it. Your daughter is watching and she knows the score. The relationship she sees everyday is what will be familiar to her.
@@laurah1291 I am sorry to hear how your life turn up to be. I put no pressure to my daughter about my wife I am the one serving her. If mammy is mean I offer her comfort and love. I feed her healthy so she is perfect weight clean skin and energetic. Mammy thinks spaghetti and pasta is healthy.... I would love to divorce and try to find a woman I can be happy with but my daughter will be heartbroken I can't do that yet... she can't even let me go to work every single day. I have to endure it simply by not giving a F what my wife says or do... she even point kitchen knife in my face because I was ignoring her thankfully not in front of my daughter. But she needs me and I will be there until she grow up and even much longer if she need support until she find her way in life.
I am not allowed to care about my happiness and just leave her to be with another woman...
By the way if you change your eating to the "carnivore diet" you will heal physically and mentally. Go and research it !!
@@laurah1291hi I have question if you don’t mind. I’m in a marriage I am so troubled by the realization my husband is emotionally abusive and I think narcissistic. We have a three year old son. My question is about a possible separation. Will this benefit him, because he’ll then have time with him and my fear is that will hurt him down the line.
I guess my question is was it the staying that hurt you ? or the fact that you were put in the middle and told things as a kiddo that should have been expressed to a therapist.
Thank you for sharing your story :)
@@CSDGrace in my situation I used to fantasise as a kid my father leaving her and I’d go off and live with him everything would be ok. Reality was they were both so dysfunctional apart or together it would have produced the same outcome for me being an orphan with parents. I found working on myself was the only way I ever changed any situations I ever found myself in. I’m by no way healed or have figured this all out but I am now clear on what I will accept won’t except in my life. I’ve been estranged from “my parents” for over a decade. This has given me heartache but paved the road to my healing. I hope you give yourself some space to heal and figure out what’s best for you and your son. I’m sure you already know the answer. Much love to you.
Like Dr Phil, what I’m about to say is governed by the little you have shared but I offer it in kindness.
Leave ….with your daughter, if at all possible.
I have known a number of people (women) who were/are victims of narcissistic partners. There just seems to be something about the narcissistic parent that children unconsciously learn to emulate. I wonder if it’s not a survival instinct? 🤔
Whatever it is, the love of the more normal (but codependent) parent NEVER seems to stop the traits manifesting in the children. Your daughter will learn to have contempt for you from her mum, and in a decade or so you could very well find yourself being rejected & abused by both your wife and daughter.
It is NOT POSSIBLE for your daughter to grow into a healthy adult without a healthy father AND mother. Next best option is to have 1 healthy, loving parent.
(IF possible, that is).
I feel horrible every time my mom’s around. I’ve confronted her, it doesn’t work. It’s worse. I stopped talking to her for 4 years, then went back because I kept feeling it was wrong to not have a relationship anymore, but I’m sorry I did. I spend days trying to heal after she’s come over. I just don’t know what to do. It’s amazing as I get older, I see more and more clearly how incredibly demented and sick she is and has always been
Well said - the same with my covert narcissistic mother. “Demented and sick” is right!! I really think (from a layman’s perspective) that these people are “undiagnosed” with something in the Cluster B category, or are comorbid with it. I’ve often wondered if my mother is mentally insane. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve gone through this as well. 💔
Okay, I'm trying not to cry because yep, I've been through that with one of my parents. Sorry for the novel below- I hope that any part of it helps remind you that you are worth way more than being treated so unfairly (so don't get sucked back into that cycle!).
I'm so happy that you have gotten to a place where you understand what's really happening, and that it's no good to keep going through it! Sometimes it takes *so long* for us to see the reality of the situation because we can get so stuck in a vicious cycle of being constantly gaslit and feeling guilty. Despite being so beaten down emotionally, a lot of us are still optimists, and want to hope. WE don't want to be the jerks, we want to be the bigger/better person, or we want to make sure we're not the ones who are the 'problem'... so we keep trying and trying, thinking we'll finally have some kind of success or improvement. But... it just never works with them, because they don't want it to work- they just want everything their way. Even trying to be neutral and not taking the bait in any arguments they raise... it doesn't work. They just try harder! They use any piece of information as ammunition. And I feel like they get even more hostile towards us when we're adults because they realize they don't have any true power over us. Or, they get more hostile when they realize we know what's *really* going on: like when Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz notices that the Great and Powerful Oz is... just a man. They resent us for putting us on equal footing or at an equal status. And that's not fair.
I love this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt- "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." As a kid, you don't really understand the concept of consent when it relates to your parents, right? You don't realize you have a choice about how to *feel* (other than "this is unfair" lol), because you don't get a choice when to go to school, when to take a bath, when to eat dinner, whether you can get a pet, or even a new backpack- et cetera. When someone has conditioned you to feel inferior, even as an adult- after you are not under their direct influence anymore, it can still be a struggle to feel confident or even just not feeling like a fraud. You still struggle to revoke that consent from your parent- they are not allowed to make you feel inferior anymore. It really is unfair.
We can't change the past, but we can learn from it. We are absolutely free to seek better things for ourselves, and I really hope that you don't feel too guilty if you have to go no-contact with your mom. You tried! And all you owe her (and anyone else) is to be a decent human being in general. She does NOT get to use you as a doormat. She does not get to emotionally leverage her relationship with you. I mourned the loss of the relationship with my parent for years, but I eventually got to a place where I am at peace with it. He is the one who chose not to be my parent- he consistently chose to behave that way, and talk that way. He chose juvenile behavior/tantrums and unreasonable demands over having an authentic relationship with me. He estranged almost everyone in his life- family and friends, and it was all his own doing. I eventually felt pity for him, but stopped feeling guilty. I did all I could reasonably do, and it's not right to expect more than that from someone. For years, my mom also tried to make me feel guilty for not talking to him more, or for not spending more time with him... and his new wife actually wrote both me and my brother letters saying what ungrateful, selfish people we were for not being there for him, and not fulfilling our duty to a heartbroken parent. It really hurt that both people (1 who knew what was going on, and 1 who only got his story of what was going on), felt like his right to have a relationship with his children was more important than our mental health and well-being. Forget that nonsense!
I sincerely wish you all the best☀💛
@@Oh-No-Its-Lizzie-Jo no apologies for the length of response. I sincerely appreciate it and it was very validating, so thank you. It helps me feel more healed when people out there simply understand it.
@@breakthroughmoment1647 same. When I discovered there was a name for this, that this was actually a thing, and I wasn’t alone, was a revelation. I was raised by an extremely mentally ill mother. I thought it was ME for so so many years. I’m just sorry it took almost half my life to finally see the truth of what she is.
@@loriwinters414 Isn’t that the truth! I can’t believe it’s been 9 years since I started Googling about this stuff. Now, I’m 63. Better late than never, I guess, but I fully concur, it would have been immensely helpful if more were known about narcissism/NPD back in those days. Peace & Blessings to you on your healing journey. 🧡
You don't have to feel guilty about running away from abuser!!
The Grey Rock Method is the only test I need to use to know if a person is narcissistic enough to be a toxic person in my life. If someone is trying to get me to react to prop up their ego and feel in control; I don't need that person in my life.
What is a gray rock?
@@trisha7913 The Grey Rock Method means when the narcissist is around you, you don't give the narcissist a positive or negative emotional response. The narcissist wants an emotional response out of you because it makes the narcissist feel in control of you. A emotional positive or negative response tells the narcissist that you need the narcissist's validation. If you don't give a positive or negative emotional response to the narcissist it tells the narcissist that you don't need the narcissist's validation; and that upsets the narcissist because the narcissist doesn't feel in control of you.
That's true. But things are so miscalculated some don't know your being gray rock and think it you..
@@turbokidtb Healthy people respond to grey rock method with remorse or ignore it. Narcissists respond to grey rock method by doubling down on abusive comments to get narcissistic supply then will ghost to try and punish.
I feel narcissism has come to the end. More people speak about it. It's all over the net. Social media. Workplaces have addressed the cost of these individuals. I feel hope that the corrupted people we label as narcs is a moral issue and not a mental health issue. It's being addressed globally. There will be change as we call it out expose them and then isolate them.
Internal boundaries and having a sense of self makes a big difference. As far as the Christian guilt, sometimes God calls people out of situations and groups because of sin etc. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah. Keep praying and he will direct your steps in his way and timing.
Thank you...I needed to hear this.
I needed to hear this.
Christian guilt has hurt people
100% true! Keep narcissists out of your life! They bring pain and suffering….you’re much better off without them.
Great information. They’ll just never change, even though they try to convince you they did. I’m not falling for it anymore. I really needed to hear this confirmation.
Another dangerous mistake that many people make is to try to negotiate or "work things out" with the narcissist.
It only opens the door for more abuse.
It’s taken me so long to understand that!
Dr phil is a genius to me
My family are narcs too...we moved 600 miles...it still didnt stop...
***"NO CONTACT "***
FOR YEARS NOW
...Im ok with that !!!
😊
They, the Narcissist sure are good at what they do!! It's so bizarre to me how good they are at twisting and turning a story around to make you look like the bad guy or guilty. For anyone to think they can love the narcissist more...be more understanding...be more available to them in order to help them....The recovery time from a narcissistic parent, friend or sibling etc could take a good portion of your life. Thank You for addressing this issue!!
You cant win because there is no goal of healthy communication and reconciliation.
I started working on myself. That was a game changer.
Nailed therapy as a "training session" and why there were never any take-aways or changes during or after therapy. They use it to gather information. At one point my covert narcissist said he learned more from me than anyone. I am now understanding that it wasn't from an appreciation of support and he wasn't learning to change but only to build an arsenal from my insight.
…AND to get the therapist on THEIR side. That happened to me in family therapy. It was an absolute nightmare.
Soooooooo true!!!!!!
I have distanced from my three older narc sisters. Took 60 years but hey never too late. I did it for my own sanity.
Get Away ASAP. SERIOUSLY.
Blocking, moving away is the only solution. I WAS the scapegoat of my narcissistic abusive family my entire life until past year. At first the guilt was awful and believe me the devil will use our own hearts against us but being in the midst of all their abuse, hate and drama kept me from being who God called me to be! Every single day that passes I can breathe better and the guilt is completely gone. Taking a step away from them all caused me to see them clearer..the wickedness is unbelievable. Now I’m forgiving myself for allowing the abuse for so long. Save yourself, love yourself and live in peace..
The part that really drives home to the victim that it’s actually them is how everyone works together. Not just the immediate family but aunts, uncles, cousins. Anyone close enough to be brought up around these people and the dynamics of the family system. Even the ones who aren’t narcissists have and play their roles. It damaging beyond belief. I was the “truth teller” who actually stood up to them. I no longer have contact with my family. Life has been SO peaceful. No contact. The only way to win is to not play the game.
I was engaged to a narcissist and didn’t even know why it was so hard in every day life. Her parents were the exact same way, this video is so eye opening. Wish I saw this years ago.
What gets me is, their family enables her.
Everything he said is exactly true for both my parents. They are seniors now and I almost 60 and everything he said persists within them. I wish it would be as easy as having a caring conversation to fix it but there is no such thing with them. Maybe their lack of accountability and empathy is why they’ll live to be 100.
Exactly what happened to me. My mother recently died at 100 with not one iota of trying to make things right with me. Get away and from those siblings who remain on her side.
If it's your family is origin... it doesn't matter...go, run stay far far away. The longer you stay and put up with them the worse the abuse ramps up. Save your child save yourself!
My brother married a malignant religious narcissist about 20 years ago. I had no idea what I was dealing with. I tried to reason and get along with her the best i could for 15 years. The cut contact. It was a choice I struggled with for years before. I regret that I didn’t do it long before. Since then she has been diagnosed as bipolar. But this is bipolar on top of malignant NPD/BPD. She has been in a psychotic/manic episode for over over a month. But I looked up the meaning of psychosis - a disconnect from reality- and that would describe how she has always been.
My parent went to therapy and got worse. Yup! So nice to her hear that confirmed.
they just learn the lingo and 'borrow the credentials' of the therapist, learning how to try to sound legitimate in accusing others of being the narcissists - it really would be funny if it weren't so painful for the rest of us 😢 good luck! sending you all the happy thoughts + warm wishes. be strong! ☀💛
Dr Phil. Thank you for these videos. My mom and sister are narcissist’s and it has taken me 54 years to finally walk away. The best day was 3 years ago when I decided with the counseling help of my Sunday school teacher to limit contact. It was like a weight was lifted off of me. I still have times of sadness that I do not have a healthy relationship with a normal family. I have a my own children and did my best to protect them. I also have an amazing husband who has been there for me through all of the toxic dumping that I endured. So thank you for validating my choices.
Wait, is toxic dumping a sign of a narcassist??
I was born in such a family, I wish I had this info since I was a child because they make our life hell and then we die with nothing and no one. - In my case two of them are malignant narcissists. They do all they can to destroy/end us.
Same.
Appreciate what he is saying but have one major concern- how do you know you’re not the problem? It is critical to be able to properly self-evaluate and to have true humility and discernment. In order to do so, you have to have a framework by which to evaluate yourself. The one outstanding point I heard for evaluation is the ability to empathize with others and the ability to serve (authentically, not “look at me I’m serving”), caring for others with no expectation of receiving back or being acknowledged by others). In short, walk humbly, speak quietly and discern- hold your peace. Being able to authentically apologize, ask for forgiveness for whatever you may have done to offend (forgive and not forget) and refuse to pick up a spirit of offense seem like good tools for evaluating the situation as to whether or not you are dealing with narcissism (in yourself or others). The ability to self-evaluate (without getting lost in picking the lint out of your bellybutton) is helpful. A gentle answer turns away wrath.
OMy...Dr.Phils analogy is exact. I have a narcissist family-my sister was(I detached too late) a queen at it. The Lord even warned me while kids were little(Keep your children from your sister) I didn't (but that's my sister-family). It was too late when I finally did...they destroyed my children-my family(me as a widow & sole provider).
So listen to Dr.Phil....
Dr. Phil hitting the nail on the head again. He really gets it.
My father was a textbook narcissist of a daughter. I knew there was something wrong with my father and couldn't understand why everything was my fault. I used to think there was something wrong with me growing up. Instinctively as an adult, I cut him out of my life for months sometimes even years at a time, but it wasn't until I turned 40 when I discovered what narcissistic personality disorder was. I then knew for a complete fact that it really was not me. I had to cut my father it completely after he married his new toxic narcissistic flying monkey wife that caused so much trouble. My life was so peaceful! My father was in the hospital dying and I went to see him. It's absolutely true that even on their death beds, a narcissist will never apologies or admit they were wrong. The trauma and scars will last me a lifetime, but I've healed so much knowing that it was not my fault. I just wanted to be loved unconditionally by my father and nothing more....
This is what my x did. He would go to a therapist to say he is going to one and the whole time had manipulated the therapist.. then because he was at therapy it was me who failed the marriage
Dr. Phill is absolutely correct!
This is 100% very true! My mother had a grade 3 education at best and our father had a grade 6 education. Both the mother and father were from Asia and neither the mother or father spoke English really well. As a result when you have two people of extremely low education getting married and having children, what you end up with is an entire family of children developing extreme narcissism.
What I noticed is that the family member with most extreme narcissism will become the entire family's cult leader and anything and anyone outside this cult will be seen as a threat to the narcissistic leader's supremacy. The entire family will literally trash that individual (verbally, mentally and even physically until that individual leaves town.....
Take your losses and leave while you still have your sanity intact....
Narcissists at this level encroach on what Freud termed as the "superego" and those who fully understand what narcissists are understand that as a narcissist's EGO elevates over time their tolerance to shame subconsciously works in reverse to keep the EGO / SHAME in balance. This means that the bigger a narcissist's EGO becomes, the lower the ability they will have to tolerate shame of any form.
It's a hard lonely road leaving the narc family. But one day it will make you whole and happy. Prayers! I too have had to leave all those I love. 😢
I’ve moved 10,000 kms away from my family to a country that they will find it hard to get a visa for. Best decision of my life. Just constant gaslighting and also fighting 24/7 as I grew up. Insanity. Nothing will change them. I grey rock them now once every week or two weeks so they don’t cause problems for me in my current life.
I like how you said your duty, your loyalty is to your child... so many people forget this: and kids are dying, as their being neglected or left as in abandoned... and the normal situation when kids are left as in abandoned: is they die. Parents need to know, their responsibility is thier children's needs, kids need to be taken care of, so they survive.
My narcissistic sister, started going to therapy so she had somebody to help her perfect her made up lifestory - and it's true, she is _so much worse_ since then. She has now decided that *everybody else in our family all 7 of us are narcissists, and destroyed every one individually* as well as the family core unit. I am a Christian so I relied heavily upon Christ to save me from that all, but it hurts deeply living amongst all these broken people.
She has destroyed my younger sister, both my parents and both her young children, and caused them all such pain that they blame on one another. And not a single one of them bar myself - realises that the reason she is so happy about this, is that it was her plan all along since child-hood,
She has become a socialist and Palestine activist, and drapes her children in slogans and flags (our parents are Jewish). It's prime evil.
My narcissistic sister went to EST seminars/training back in the ‘80’s.
She went from a low-key narc to a hyper manic narc.
Still to this day at 70 yrs old she is totally unaware of why cousins & friends can only take her in small doses & avoid her phone calls & texts the majority of time.
She truly is baffled. 😂
@@CarnivoreStork oh God why do you allow these people to exist? Whyyy God whyyy?? Lol.
Glad to hear you know what's up and have handled it so well! My family are still totally in denial about it and so I don't think they're dealing with it. Let's pray that they figure it out!
Small doses is right lol or no doses.
PLEASE DON’T SAY “ MY NARCISSIST!!!”
Say THE NARCISSIST!!!
@@carriedillmann4455 Ownership is objectively on "Narcissistic sister", she is my actual sister so it's correct.
I get what you wrote. I found out the hard way that one of my 4 brothers is a full blown malignant narcissist .. the miniscule indication to my other siblings (6 total) of his extremely abusive behavior was met with crickets .. I felt lucky to escape his house (it is not a home!) with my life as I am convinced he poisoned me 3 weeks before I moved. I didn’t tell them as I figured they’d shame me and it would be passed right back to my sick brother and the vortex of narcissism would take off like a tornado.
I’m trying to discern who is a narcissist in the siblings and who is not .. some are likely total enablers but they are just as dangerous .. I’m still trying to figure it out ..
Iv just seen my mother and half sister after two years no contact at a funeral same behaviours nothing different left feeling the same way i always do about them both (more my sister) ill still be keeping them out my life best thing to do
Leave NOTHING but heel dust! 💨💨💨
Heel dust!😂😂😂 Love that!❤
I call my family of origin Sadistic Narrcissict and have been scapegoat for years and I have to let them go 💔
How on earth someone knows and accuse his family to be Narcissists.....
Most experts in the world have problem to diagnose the cluster b .....
Phil is great cause he says if .....a big if ....
We know how Cunning and Devious they are, Dr. Phil. Thank you. And, Professional Liars and Deceivers.
Watching this Episode Thank you Dr.Phil 🙏📖
I firmly believe it's a learned behavior. I have one in my family.
I feel it can be hereditary more so
@@shellysawchuk1190 no
2 Timothy 3 🎯
I just found this series and I’ve learned a lot already. Thanks Dr Phil
Let me just talk about the IF.. Whether they are or not I first had to admit to myself all of the damage that they have done to me.. I had to admit to myself that they are dangerous people.. They will get everyone around them to believe them.. I also have to constantly be honest with myself on how much abuse I take from others because of all the time that I have spent with them.. I follow a couple people that focus on Narcissistic Behavior and they put out videos every day.. I need that.. This is my ongoing practice.. There are Narcissistic Behaviors that might not come from a Narcissist but I still need to learn how to deal with those Behaviors..
Currently I am dealing with health issues.. What I am starting to realize is that my healthcare is my responsibility.. When I start dealing with healthcare professionals I am learning not to give my power away.. I have had multiple healthcare professionals say what I have can't be diagnosed and can't be treated.. That does not mean that I give up on myself.. I try to get out of my box.. The box that was created by growing up with people that abandoned and neglected me.. People that were not physically present and not emotionally present and not spiritually present..
Do you watch Kris Reese?
@@trisha7913 No but I will look them up..
Dr. Phil is so spot on. After realizing both my parents are narcs, it took me almost 2 years to accept that they will never improve or change. And until very recently, I used to feel guilty or self-conscious whenever narcs or toxic people targeted me with rude, aggressive, or passive aggressive behavior, as if I had done something wrong. But I've reached the point where I had enough and realized THEY were the problem, not me. Now, I avoid/distance myself from them or treat them the way they treat me.
Dr Phil I should be on your show talking about my narcissistic mother 😅
If I could ask a question it would be this: As a foster parent I will come across children who display narcissistic traits. I have found for those kids, therapy and traditional 'consequences' does make them worse. My question would be 'How do you raise a child who's not your own, who's from a chaotic environment, and who's experienced years of early childhood complex trauma'?
Your so on point it’s scary because they will beguile a professional that deals w narcissists about themselves
PERFECT DR PHIL!!!!!!!
EVERYTHING SAID IS
SO TRUE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I admire Dr Phil’s calm demeanor, composure and empathy. God bless him.
GOD DIDNT MAKE US TO BE ANYONES PUNCHING BAG. FAMILY OR NOT IF ANYONE IN UR CIRCLE HAVE THESE BEHAVIORS GO AN DONT LOOK BACK. I FINALLY FOUND LOVE,LOVE OF MY GOD. MY WHOLE FAMILY IS NARCISSISTIC, I WAS THE SCAPEGOAT. AN BEING 3 YEARS NO DISFUNCTION ITS A BEAUTIFUL LIFE.
Man I need Dr.Phil. 😟
I just want to be clear and strong. Stay with me I’m at the pinnacle. Thank you.
Thank you.
Done with his family..when all is done, i plan to change my last name to my maiden name
RUN!!!!
I agree 100%
0:08 finally I’ve been asking about this for a LONG time.
thanks for the training session👍
That was really succinct oddly enough.
I’m in a very similar situation also asked my husband the same thing ‘is it me’ but he assured me it wasn’t and I’ve had to distance from the family.
I'm getting to start to realize that 😢
This is my first time listening to Dr Phil but it won’t be my last.
Thank you Dr Phil for this answer! That poor sweetie, I've spent the last 2 years learning what a narcissist is! My adult son died 2 yrs ago, and I've learned that his ex wife is a covert narcissist. I didn't even know what one was! Dr Phil is SO spot on with his definition. I picture her as a tornado 🌪️ on feet. That helps me stay away from her except for visitation with my grandkids & bare minimum texts at that. Those poor kids are enduring being raised by her.
After getting involved in such relationship i believe the caller even though i haven't met her or the family
Learning how to manipulate better delays and usually amplifies your retribution
What is driving this dysfunctional lifestyle?
They know how to defend against your knowledge of what they are doing.
It seems like when the dysfunctional family members spend time together, they begin to mirror each other's mannerisms.
If you're the scapegoat, do not ask anything about the other half.
In other words, if one offends you or is cruel and you go to the other,it circles back and makes things worse.
Dr. Phil is right they learn psychology as well for nefarious reasons.
What is disturbing is that physical problems are not the reason for the cruelty.
They know good and well what they are doing and dont give a damn.
2 Timothy 3 🤏
Satan is The Egotist.
Matthew 7:13,14
Isaiah 53.
My father used to get more manipulative tools when he went to his psychiatrist for his "depression". He just got worse over the years, but he's a classic malignant narcissist, probably bordering on psychopath.
I agree. Save your sanity!
This is exactly the reason I messaged your show recently. However, I have no guilt -- I would just like some outside validation.
About there is no reconciliation with a narcissist. That is 100% fact. Everything with a narcissist is a transaction. I had one accuse me of something and went into full on rage when I stood up for myself. That was the last straw for me and I went no contact Years later they "apologized" that went something like "I forgive you, so I want you to forgive me. Let's erase that unpleasant episode and go back to how things were."
Narcissists have regrets, but not remorse, and you can't be truly repentant without remorse.
Yes sir you are correct 😢
I'm 65 yes my parents still alive. Never wrong
They stole my money, my dad still calls me stupid... a negotiator by trade
For Kerr McKee he is negotiated contracts but couldn't keep his own family happy
My ex is a narcissist. He gave off traits he had aspbergers. I brought it up and I believe he adopted those traits from the info.
[Before watching the video] thinking of the parallel between the concerned individual’s children and his (or her) rarely openly admitted tendency to refer to them as trophies, dolls, essentially things
Is it possible that if you are the scapegoat of a covert narcissist parent that you are trained to behave in a certain manner that attracts narcissists...and is it possible our behavior actually trains people to be narcissistic?
Yes you do get conditioned if you have a Narcissist parent/sibling and yes, this conditioning leads to you attracting narcissistic partners. But you cannot turn someone narcissistic who isn’t. What you can do is set up unhealthy transactions by over-giving. Check out Pete Walker’s book CPTSD for more info.
No. We get conditioned to accept this type of relationship.
I believe so. It’s just a result of the abuse
This some heavy dope
My life.
I think Narcissism is taught because children learn from example
I deal with narcissistic siblings and jelouse sisters a brother with anger issues and talks bad to my mom this has been happening since I was little my narcissistic sister doesn't wanna talk so I do stay away but it's a dysfunctional family and my competitive sisters use their kids against me and others I try to be the peace maker but they don't really have empathy for me I didn't do anything to them but they choose to stay away and act like it's my fault.
My narc sister tried to kill me over decades about 10 times that I know of… she died of alcohol suicide in hotel room after being diagnosed terminal of liver and pancreas failure.?what a way to go. But now I have freedom, I tried to stop contact over years but she would always find me and guilt me! I feel sorry for her may God save her soul !!
If you have kids with this narcissist, you must protect them no mater how strong your toxic bond with the narcissist may be. Your job to protect them first and foremost. Don't delay. Get out and stay out.
The normal tendency to "get away from deranged people" applies here. You are NOT going to convince the deranged to look at things your way, ever.
My little sister (we were extremely close growing up) got with a guy they dated for less than a year and would insult and try and big brother me all the time despite me supporting their relationship bc I wanted my sister happy. Well I finally had enough and we got into a fight and her and my parents chose their side. Despite me trying to talk it out with her, she refused to speak to me an my parents supported her and told me they weren’t “choosing sides”. How is coming together and working things as a family choosing sides. They got married and have a kid now. I moved on and haven’t spoke to them for 4 years, the first year was tough but I feel much better now. Honestly I never realized until I removed myself that they have been gaslighting me for my whole life to make me out to be the black sheep despite me being a good son.
So what do you do if they have your grandchildren
My husband was terrible West narcissism in my youngest daughter was a close study.. but she has three of my grandchildren
We should have psychology classes in high school, to make sure everyone get to know what ASPD are, how to recognize them and protect ourselves against these. Would also help the ASPD to know early they are the problem and seek therapy sooner, or at all.
Smart husband, too! She’d never feel this way if she were the one at fault.