Bianca Darling, thank you for sharing this. I can relate to so many things that you are saying. I am sure that when you where in the Sea Org, you never had clouths that fit you well. So, when I left the Sea Org I bought with my second pay check a couple of suits. I love art, but was never able to have art and now there is almost no white surfaces on my walls free. I too collect many things like stamps, coins, books, opera glasses, unusual old kitchen equipment and magazines. Not sure why I feel the need to do so, but it does give me some comfort but also does overwhelm me too at times. Hope you know that you are not alone out there and sometimes we do need to take a step or two back and to the side and dance through life's challenges.
The fact that you got out even after being raised in it is already alot of progress. I am so sorry that you have this problem, you had nothing for soo long in the Sea Org, (probably enough to fit in one suitcase), I know two people who had basically everything taken from them and they had the same reaction. The fact that you even admitted it on video is a big step. Those two people I know have not even admitted it so you are making progress. For anyone reading this comment, this woman has been through absolute hell and deserves a medal for getting out from something she was born into. The fact that you are even brave enough to cry on camera is HUGE progress, when I was in Scientology I remember being fiercly reprimanded and beratted for crying, being told I needed to get my xxxx together and that it absolutely was not okay for me to cry. I blame Scientology 100% for the problems you mentioned in the video.
My dear Bianca. I am an old woman and have lost my treasures from my childhood in a box that never arrived when I moved. I often wonder what is in that box, but I can survive without it. What I have lost and find very hard to recover are the parts of my core being that I had to hide or give up because of toxic parenting. You have had a most toxic upbringing and the fact that you were expected to be tone 40 all of the time, means that you have had to give up parts of yourself. There is no shame in this, but sadness. Please be kind to yourself through this process of clearing your house. May I suggest that as you decide what to discard or donate, you question what items represent the parts of yourself that you have lost. Some stuff may be more important than it seems on the surface. It is a big job to rebuild a sense of self after it has been taken away from you. Keep the things that speak to your heart, they can help you. I wish you success and healing in your process. My heart is with you.
Bianca, this video is so incredibly brave. Confronting and speaking about the crutches you use to deal with trauma is the first step. We all have our secret 'crutches' to ease trauma. These chats you have will allow you to heal and peel the onion at your own pace. Please don't worry about being emotional. 'Being emotional' will lighten your soul. Thank you so much for sharing your story. ❤🩹
Great job on your first solo livestream! Truly. 💕 I don’t know if you missed my suggestion, or if you just didn’t like it, but I have lived my life with clutter chaos PLUS I have also deal with overwhelming regret when I get rid of something only to find out later I could have used it, and I cannot recommend enough how helpful it was for me to just pack up all the things that were overwhelming me and just store them away. It got everything out of my face, which made me feel inadequate, then slowly, I could go through a box as I felt up to. This also kept me from just throwing things away and allowed me to think about thing I was keeping, and if I wasn’t ready to let it go, it just went back in the box. One box or one item at a time- in *your* time. Less pressure and fewer regrets. Good luck to you! 💕
this is what I do. I "downsize" one little thing at a time. Unfortunately that's still leaving too much crap for my kids to cope with because I'm running out of years. sigh
@@barbtries my dad died last summer and left insane amounts of stuff, we could barely even walk through his home office. Have you heard of the book The gentle art of Swedish death cleaning? It is supposed to be a guide to decluttering but is more a story of a women's journey through decluttering her stuff in preparation of her death. I found it gave me a few new perspectives.
I am another of Eric's Raiders 😊. A Scottish never in who supports as many channels as time allows. I have family in Sweden ( Eskilstuna ) my brother in law moved there when he married a Swedish lady 43 years ago Take your time with the changes you want to make to your life - and I wish you the very best of everything in finding your happiness I look forward to your future content when you are ready to share it ❤
New Sub here. Your history totally explains the hoarding issue. I have worked with a few people here in Canada with hoarding (physical, not mental) issues. When you are ready, set small goals instead of looking at the overall picture. 2 - 3 boxes of items a day that go to the thrift store. At the end of the week, you will see a dent that you can feel good about and motivate you do more. If 2-3 boxes a day seem to overwhelming, then just do 30 minutes at a time. There are several channels on YT that set tasks to declutter if you want direction. You have a lot of support here in the community, so know you are not alone. Be kind to yourself Bianca. Life is about learning, experiencing and loving. My best to you! If I can help in any way, please feel free to contact me.
Thank you. I don't do well following the lists, tried and failed. Doesn't quite suit me somehow. I have found some good resources on YT and Insta with tips and tricks to go about it. And have made myself a list of questions to ask when I get stuck.
Awe sweetie. Eric raider sent me over to your stream. I'm so sorry about your time in Scientology. The fact that you admit to the hoarding is a great step into the solution. I have a friend who is almost 80 , and a hoarder, he had a health scare this past year and was unable to stay in his home for recovery. When he did recover he was able to get out of that place and into an apartment. He is starting over in a fresh new place. He is doing well and has let go of his horde and need too hoard. I know you could do it too. Big hug to you.
Here on the replay and offering you a great big hug. Today is the 23rd anniversary of my daughter's death and my country (USA) is going to hell in a a hand bag so I've had a good cry too!
My heart breaks for you. I have had sores that seem to heal then they crack back open and it seems like they will never heal. Then after a time they finally heal. I'm sorry this hurts you so much, still. Please only do this if it helps your mental health. If it is unbearable stop and maybe pick it up later. I hate to see you in this pain. Thinking of you. Hording is the American way, not dirty or full of garbage, just stuff. Everyone I know have rooms and rooms full of stuff.
Hello! New subscriber here. Congrats on your first livestream! Please do more. You did great, and it will get much easier. I am glad you were able to get out. I am sorry for all the horrible things you went though in Scientology. There is no shame in seeing profesional help. I've had to do it myself. If you don't have insurance or if you can't afford it, perhaps the SPTV Foundation can help you with that? You deserve to heal and be happy. You WILL be happy. It's always a process. I can't wait to see more videos. I wish you the very best. Please take good care of yourself. -SirCrepitus
Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this. Guaranteed you’ve connected with at least one person who may be going through something similar. I’m glad you are in therapy because if this is a topic you can touch on with your therapist it will only help you in the future to pair down your belongings. Go slow and don’t beat yourself up about any of it. You are not alone! As for ADHD, I’m married to someone with it and 2 of my 3 children have it. One is more impulsive than the other. Do you take medication for it? Hugs as always beautiful Bianca, see you on the next video. ❤❤❤ ~Stacy Toms
By the way, my earlier comment was from before I watched your last stream. Let me say that was one of the most powerful streams I have ever seen. Your courage was incredible. To trust, after the mental tar pits that is Scientology, is not easy. Let alone butt-nekkid in front of the world. Thank you for trusting and sharing with us. That was very powerful and I am glad I found you. 💯🩷
Dear Bianca. You are so brave and amazing, and pls do not feel bad about the hoarding. The fact that you share this must be a bit healing for you. I just want to hug you ❤️
Im commenting before finishing whole vid. How you ever seen a Biorhythms APP. Theres a bunch of em. When my physical-one is low, it will say rest. Its easier now, because im retired. I still make myself go to gym, even if i sit on equipment and do phone. Lol. Lots of ppl do that. ( omg. It dawned on me. You so much remind- me of someone i always enjoyed speaking with at work. Shes from Manchester.
New sub here ! Eric Raider sent me over! You are doing fantastic! Thanks so much for sharing! ❤👍❤️
❤ ty for sharing your story ❤
Here from eric raider bsincinerator channel. He recommended. Well done on this stream thankyou for sharing
I am glad Eric raider sent me here. I subbed. You are a lovely person. Hugs ❤
New subscriber here. Love that you got out, are healing, and sharing your story. Stay strong. You deserve the best.❤
Hi Bianca, Eric Raider recommended your channel.... sending you so many hugs and lots of love from Arizona ❤🤗
Tack! Vilken fin första live. Jag ser fram emot fler.
Bianca Darling, thank you for sharing this. I can relate to so many things that you are saying. I am sure that when you where in the Sea Org, you never had clouths that fit you well. So, when I left the Sea Org I bought with my second pay check a couple of suits. I love art, but was never able to have art and now there is almost no white surfaces on my walls free. I too collect many things like stamps, coins, books, opera glasses, unusual old kitchen equipment and magazines. Not sure why I feel the need to do so, but it does give me some comfort but also does overwhelm me too at times.
Hope you know that you are not alone out there and sometimes we do need to take a step or two back and to the side and dance through life's challenges.
Thank you Samuel darling! Dance through lifes challenges, I love that 😊
❤ just subcribed
❤💛❤️💛❤️💛
The fact that you got out even after being raised in it is already alot of progress. I am so sorry that you have this problem, you had nothing for soo long in the Sea Org, (probably enough to fit in one suitcase), I know two people who had basically everything taken from them and they had the same reaction. The fact that you even admitted it on video is a big step. Those two people I know have not even admitted it so you are making progress. For anyone reading this comment, this woman has been through absolute hell and deserves a medal for getting out from something she was born into. The fact that you are even brave enough to cry on camera is HUGE progress, when I was in Scientology I remember being fiercly reprimanded and beratted for crying, being told I needed to get my xxxx together and that it absolutely was not okay for me to cry. I blame Scientology 100% for the problems you mentioned in the video.
Thank you, that is very kind of you to say.
My dear Bianca. I am an old woman and have lost my treasures from my childhood in a box that never arrived when I moved. I often wonder what is in that box, but I can survive without it.
What I have lost and find very hard to recover are the parts of my core being that I had to hide or give up because of toxic parenting. You have had a most toxic upbringing and the fact that you were expected to be tone 40 all of the time, means that you have had to give up parts of yourself. There is no shame in this, but sadness. Please be kind to yourself through this process of clearing your house.
May I suggest that as you decide what to discard or donate, you question what items represent the parts of yourself that you have lost. Some stuff may be more important than it seems on the surface. It is a big job to rebuild a sense of self after it has been taken away from you. Keep the things that speak to your heart, they can help you.
I wish you success and healing in your process. My heart is with you.
Thank you for this lovely message, I will keep it in mind.
Bianca, this video is so incredibly brave. Confronting and speaking about the crutches you use to deal with trauma is the first step. We all have our secret 'crutches' to ease trauma. These chats you have will allow you to heal and peel the onion at your own pace. Please don't worry about being emotional. 'Being emotional' will lighten your soul. Thank you so much for sharing your story. ❤🩹
Great job on your first solo livestream! Truly. 💕
I don’t know if you missed my suggestion, or if you just didn’t like it, but I have lived my life with clutter chaos PLUS I have also deal with overwhelming regret when I get rid of something only to find out later I could have used it, and I cannot recommend enough how helpful it was for me to just pack up all the things that were overwhelming me and just store them away. It got everything out of my face, which made me feel inadequate, then slowly, I could go through a box as I felt up to. This also kept me from just throwing things away and allowed me to think about thing I was keeping, and if I wasn’t ready to let it go, it just went back in the box. One box or one item at a time- in *your* time. Less pressure and fewer regrets. Good luck to you! 💕
I missed it! Yes, this is a great idea, and I will be doing this for many things. Thank you.
this is what I do. I "downsize" one little thing at a time. Unfortunately that's still leaving too much crap for my kids to cope with because I'm running out of years. sigh
@@barbtries my dad died last summer and left insane amounts of stuff, we could barely even walk through his home office. Have you heard of the book The gentle art of Swedish death cleaning? It is supposed to be a guide to decluttering but is more a story of a women's journey through decluttering her stuff in preparation of her death. I found it gave me a few new perspectives.
I am another of Eric's Raiders 😊.
A Scottish never in who supports as many channels as time allows. I have family in Sweden ( Eskilstuna ) my brother in law moved there when he married a Swedish lady 43 years ago
Take your time with the changes you want to make to your life - and I wish you the very best of everything in finding your happiness
I look forward to your future content when you are ready to share it ❤
I've never been to Eskilstuna, but that's cool that you have connections to Sweden. Thanks for the lovely comment 😊
@@2ndGemStockholmSyndrome ♥️
❤️
New sub here. Greeting from København
Greetings from Stockholm! 😊
Keep talking Bianca - we are all here to listen. Sending lots of love and strength to you ❤️❤️
You are powerful! Glad you allow your emotions to flow too
Thank you 😊
Hi Bianca- Nice to see you...
New Sub here. Your history totally explains the hoarding issue. I have worked with a few people here in Canada with hoarding (physical, not mental) issues.
When you are ready, set small goals instead of looking at the overall picture. 2 - 3 boxes of items a day that go to the thrift store. At the end of the week, you will see a dent that you can feel good about and motivate you do more. If 2-3 boxes a day seem to overwhelming, then just do 30 minutes at a time. There are several channels on YT that set tasks to declutter if you want direction. You have a lot of support here in the community, so know you are not alone. Be kind to yourself Bianca. Life is about learning, experiencing and loving. My best to you! If I can help in any way, please feel free to contact me.
Thank you. I don't do well following the lists, tried and failed. Doesn't quite suit me somehow. I have found some good resources on YT and Insta with tips and tricks to go about it. And have made myself a list of questions to ask when I get stuck.
@@2ndGemStockholmSyndrome That is wonderful! You will find your way, your own way. :)
Awe sweetie. Eric raider sent me over to your stream. I'm so sorry about your time in Scientology.
The fact that you admit to the hoarding is a great step into the solution. I have a friend who is almost 80 , and a hoarder, he had a health scare this past year and was unable to stay in his home for recovery. When he did recover he was able to get out of that place and into an apartment. He is starting over in a fresh new place. He is doing well and has let go of his horde and need too hoard. I know you could do it too. Big hug to you.
I love hearing about a fresh start!
💝💜💐💐💐
Here on the replay and offering you a great big hug. Today is the 23rd anniversary of my daughter's death and my country (USA) is going to hell in a a hand bag so I've had a good cry too!
I am sorry for your loss 💛 and also for the state of the states.. sometimes a cry is good, I'm glad you could let it out.
My heart breaks for you. I have had sores that seem to heal then they crack back open and it seems like they will never heal. Then after a time they finally heal. I'm sorry this hurts you so much, still. Please only do this if it helps your mental health. If it is unbearable stop and maybe pick it up later. I hate to see you in this pain. Thinking of you. Hording is the American way, not dirty or full of garbage, just stuff. Everyone I know have rooms and rooms full of stuff.
Hello! New subscriber here. Congrats on your first livestream! Please do more. You did great, and it will get much easier.
I am glad you were able to get out. I am sorry for all the horrible things you went though in Scientology.
There is no shame in seeing profesional help. I've had to do it myself. If you don't have insurance or if you can't afford it, perhaps the SPTV Foundation can help you with that? You deserve to heal and be happy. You WILL be happy. It's always a process.
I can't wait to see more videos. I wish you the very best. Please take good care of yourself.
-SirCrepitus
Thank you 😊
Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this. Guaranteed you’ve connected with at least one person who may be going through something similar. I’m glad you are in therapy because if this is a topic you can touch on with your therapist it will only help you in the future to pair down your belongings. Go slow and don’t beat yourself up about any of it. You are not alone! As for ADHD, I’m married to someone with it and 2 of my 3 children have it. One is more impulsive than the other. Do you take medication for it? Hugs as always beautiful Bianca, see you on the next video. ❤❤❤ ~Stacy Toms
No shame in having a very common coping skill❤
HI Bianca! I wanted to stop by, sub and say hi!😊
By the way, my earlier comment was from before I watched your last stream.
Let me say that was one of the most powerful streams I have ever seen. Your courage was incredible. To trust, after the mental tar pits that is Scientology, is not easy. Let alone butt-nekkid in front of the world. Thank you for trusting and sharing with us. That was very powerful and I am glad I found you. 💯🩷
@@bsincinerator hehehe butt-nekkid 🤣 it do feel like that a bit and that's scary. But thanks, for the comment and the laugh!
Dear Bianca. You are so brave and amazing, and pls do not feel bad about the hoarding. The fact that you share this must be a bit healing for you. I just want to hug you ❤️
Thank you, I am hoping that sharing it will help me move forward. 😊
You will find your way to inner Peace. Forgiveness of oneself is the key I think ❤. Vi är med dig i våra tankar. 🌷💕
I heard that Nirvana was banned because Kurt Cobain unalived himself.
I only found out about that after I left the cadet org and was in the sea org. When I was younger they said because of drugs and general down tone.
You’re live!
Im commenting before finishing whole vid. How you ever seen a Biorhythms APP. Theres a bunch of em. When my physical-one is low, it will say rest. Its easier now, because im retired. I still make myself go to gym, even if i sit on equipment and do phone. Lol. Lots of ppl do that. ( omg. It dawned on me. You so much remind- me of someone i always enjoyed speaking with at work. Shes from Manchester.
I haven't heard of this before but after googling I don't think it's for me. Thanks