There’s actually some historical irony to this performance- The real Guiteau had requested orchestral accompaniment when he would read his last words (I am Going to the Lordy; he really wrote that). This request was declined, but he still read it before his execution. Over a century later, his poem would be performed on Broadway… with orchestral accompaniment.
As a history fan who's read a lot about Guiteau, I need everyone to know just how much MORE absurd and hilarious this guy's real life was. He joined a sex cult for five years because he couldn't get into law school, then quit because nobody in the sex cult would have sex with him. He did so many weird things I can't even list them all, but the best part is the stuff he did during his trial for the assassination: - Gave his testimony in the form of really, really long poems - Passed notes to the audience looking for legal advice - Sent out a personal ad looking for a nice Christian woman under 30... in a statement to the press about his crimes - Cursed out his own defense team, constantly - Requested a live orchestra at his execution - Wrote to the new president asking to be pardoned because he'd just done him a favor by getting him a promotion!
I think one of the most terrifying things about Guiteau here is...he's portrayed as comic relief throughout pretty much the entire show before this song. You'd never expect him to actually succeed at killing the President....and yet he's one of the four who did succeed. For me this number solidifies just how truly frightening he is.
@@HappyHauntsMaterialize Yes, the doctors ended up accidentally being the ones to really do Garfield in. Still, if Guiteau hadn't shot him, he wouldn't even have been in that position.
I don't entirely agree with that reason. I think it's more that he's depicted as actually insane here rather than ideologically misguided like the other characters. Unlike the others -- at least, the ones that succeeded -- Guiteau had no cause or reason to kill Garfield. The fact that it was as easy as simply walking right up to the guy back then paints a pretty clear picture to me: the world is full of people who would do what he did if only they could. Charley was just one of the first to have that little idea pop into his head. As well as being one of the only few who acted on it. For that kind of insanity to exist among so many, and to see it here, personified in the most lighthearted way possible... That's a really natural reason to be unnerved by his ballad.
Charles Guiteau is so underrated honestly I bet if Garfield's term was longer both of them would be more famous I mean Garfield was pretty well liked you know
Little fun fact, Lee/Balladeer only really sings the 3 songs for the successful assassins: Booth, Guiteau, and Leon. The "unsuccessful" assassins like Zangara, Hinckley, etc sing their own songs. Kind of makes it fair for everyone since Booth, Guiteau, and Leon sing the Gun Song together with Moore (who doesn't have her own song), and Byck leads the National Anthem. Just a fun show for the 9 main characters.
I love this portrayal of Guiteau. Juxtaposing the unassuming, slightly pathetic version of what goes on in his head with the stark reality of his execution is so interesting and really highlights how deeply unhinged he really was. Also props to NPH as my favorite Balladeer
I love it at 2:18 when he almost laughs because of something Dennis probably did. It's little character breaks like that that I think can actually enhance a show in some ways, at least at times like that where a little levity goes along with the song at the moment.
Of all the performances I could find on UA-cam this is the reason why I found this iteration to be the most powerful. You see the man muster the courage, not even that, breaking the mental barrier and the absolute audacity and conviction that what he did was RIGHT it's so powerful and haunting.
Denis O'Hare is *perfect* as Guiteau. I had no idea he had played that role. I love him in American Horror Story and he's ideal for this part...that slightly pathetic, unhinged, scary guy. And his voice is great. More musical theatre for him, please! (oh and props to NPH as the Balladeer.)
An example of Sondheim's brilliance as a lyricist: "Charley Guiteau drew a crowd to his trial Led them in prayer Said, I killed Garfield I'll make no denial I was just acting for someone up there The Lord's my employer And now he's my lawyer So do what you dare! Charley said, Hell If I am guilty, then God is as well But God was acquitted And Charley committed..."
Okay that is the BEST acting I have seen probably ever in my life. Dennis O’Hare is just phenomenal and perfect for this part (I mean, I’m not surprised because he was superb in AHS, but still I just loved this… best 5 and a half minutes of my week)
It is absolutely brilliant that there is not musical accompaniment for the “I am going to the Lordy” part toward the beginning. Charlie had requested that at his own execution and was denied an orchestra. So he just read his “Going to the Lordy” poem.
Something I really enjoy about this recording is how well you can hear the orchestra as opposed to the actual studio album. I can't get enough of those huge soaring brass lines (especially those French horns at like 1:58 and the fanfare-esque part at 3:30).
They couldn’t have gotten anyone more perfect for Guiteau ❤ prospective players take note. I literally can’t get over O’Hare’s performance. And of all the lyrics Sondheim wrote, “the Lord is my employer and now he’s my lawyer” juxtaposed with “God was acquitted and Charlie committed” will always be my 2nd favorite Sondheim set of lyrics
+Rapawnish RotorRuter Eh, the musical itself is only ok. This song is easily the best written song in the whole musical. As it references the actual last words of Guiteau and attempts to really tell the story of Guiteau.
Michael Have to agree with everyone else here: Assassins is brilliant. It is the only musical written by Sondheim where he said he wouldn't change a thing about it today. Every song in this show is either absolutely gorgeous, chilling, or brilliant. How I Saved Roosevelt is fucking amazing with just how Sondheim incorporates Sousa marches and Italian tarantella, along with actual accounts given by bystanders at the assassination attempt. Ballad of Czolgosz is brilliant in its structure and use of turn of the century hoedown music to fit the setting. Hell, Unworthy of Your Love PERFECTLY captures the mindset of Hinkley and Fromme as well as their musical era.
Michael And that's just the music, Weidman's book alone is worth seeing the show for. Some scenes are hilarious as fuck (Moore and Fromme), others are touching (Czolgosz and Emma Goldman) and some are downright terrifying (the Oswald scene, and Byck's ranting monologues).
the joyful trumpet after CJG is hanged and his body is just, there, dangling, is always hilarious to me in a morbid and sad way. laugh out loud funny, but deeply sad
And it's deliberate. There is barely a pause to take in he has been hung before the music resumes, literally emphasizing that ultimately he and what he did didn't matter and the show literally goes on
The really chilling this is....Guiteau really did compose a poem about his impending death and he did use thr words "I am going to the Lordy....I am so glad." The irony of this man getting the renown and recognition be craved in life right around 100 years after his death. And even with that, it's not so much fame that he posthumously gained, but infamy. Also, there is an old timey folk song written about this incident, right here on UA-cam. And it's not a retrospect by modern musicians like Assassins, that song was written around the time of the events which paints a further window into pre modern "old timey" American music which was folk, hymnal and military band based. Lately I have been of the opinion that when it comes to American music , you can really start the line of demarcation between 2 periods which I call BJ and AJ. Meaning , Before Jazz and After Jazz. Because before jazz with had the amalgamation of music that we can collectively call "old timey". And that music was based on Easy Coast Appalachia music which is another way of saying folk music from the UK and brought to the colonies of East Coast..the folk fiddle based music of Scotland, Ireland and England. Also included in old timey music is brass band military March music (think Sousa) , ballads, hymnal music and of course African folk music, negro spirituals, work or plantantation songs, which were the origins of of gospel (which is the Grandmother of the major American music artforms of the 20th century which includes) blues.. The last gasp of old timey music was ragtime, which was the child of afro American gospel and blues and the precursor of jazz which introduced the world to the syncopated rhythms that made the backbone of jazz. Which is why the music was called ragtime..because the time signatures and beats were "raggedy" or not keeping to traditional time signatures and beats. One or two songs aside, Assasins can be considered a love letter to old timey American music.
I never realized that Dennis O'Hare could sing! I knew he was on Broadway, but I've always assumed it was straight plays. Never musicals. I would love to see more of his work.
I am going to the Lordy I am so glad I am going to the Lordy I am so glad I am going to the Lordy Glory Hallelujah Glory Hallelujah I am going to the Lordy Come all ye Christians And learn from a sinner Charlie Guiteau Bound and determined He'd wind up a winner Charlie had dreams That he wouldn't let go Said, "Nothing to it I want it, I'll do it I'm Charles J. Guiteau" Charlie Guiteau Never said "Never" Or heard the word "No" Faced with disaster His heart would beat faster His smile would just grow And he'd say Look on the bright side Look on the bright side Sit on the right side Of the Lord This is the land of Opportunity He is your lightning You His Sword Wait 'til you see tomorrow Tomorrow you'll get your reward You can be sad Or you can be president Look on the bright side I am going to the Lordy Charlie Guiteau Drew a crowd to his trial Led them in prayer Said, "I killed Garfield I'll make no denial I was just acting For Someone up there The Lord's my employer And now He's my lawyer So do what you dare" Charlie said, "Hell If I am guilty Then God is as well" But God was acquitted And Charlie committed Until he should hang Still, he sang Look on the bright side Not on the black side Get off your backside Shine those shoes This is your golden Opportunity You are the lightning And you're news Wait 'til you see tomorrow Tomorrow you won't be ignored You could be pardoned You could be president Look on the bright side I am going to the Lordy Charlie Guiteau Had a crowd at the scaffold I am so glad Filled up the square So many people That tickets were raffled Shine on his shoes Charlie mounted the stair Said, "Never sorrow Just wait 'til tomorrow Today isn't fair Don't despair" Look on the bright side Look on the bright side Sit on the right side Of the I am going to the Lordy I am so glad I am going to the Lordy I am so glad I have unified my party I have saved my country I shall be remembered I am going to the Lordy Look on the bright side Not on the sad side Inside the bad side Something's good This is your golden Opportunity You've been a preacher Yes, I have You've been an author Yes, I have You've been a killer Yes, I have You could be an angel Yes, I could Just wait until tomorrow Tomorrow they'll all climb aboard What if you never Got to be president? You'll be remembered Look on the bright side Trust in tomorrow And the Lord
I'm pretty sure it's Marc Kudisch, who played the Proprietor, a role that earned him a Drama Desk nod. It was his role in between "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang".
@@noraalsabi5594 it's just a fact. lol he lived their until he was 9, and then his Dad moved him around the place with the Oneida people and that's when he got fucked up.
great version of this song, however Denis says siton instead of sit on. he sings most of those words as one, says it as one word instead of two words. he also smiles throughout the whole song, which kills it for me.
@@NotHarpoGroucho I'm entitled to my opinion, just as you're entitled to yours. Of course, I wasn't responding to you but to Tmw Camden. Based on your stated opinion that you dislike gay people, I'll reserve "bigot" for you and "homophobe," for Tmw Camden.
There’s actually some historical irony to this performance-
The real Guiteau had requested orchestral accompaniment when he would read his last words (I am Going to the Lordy; he really wrote that). This request was declined, but he still read it before his execution.
Over a century later, his poem would be performed on Broadway… with orchestral accompaniment.
Ah, but the orchestra cuts during those lines!
As a history fan who's read a lot about Guiteau, I need everyone to know just how much MORE absurd and hilarious this guy's real life was. He joined a sex cult for five years because he couldn't get into law school, then quit because nobody in the sex cult would have sex with him. He did so many weird things I can't even list them all, but the best part is the stuff he did during his trial for the assassination:
- Gave his testimony in the form of really, really long poems
- Passed notes to the audience looking for legal advice
- Sent out a personal ad looking for a nice Christian woman under 30... in a statement to the press about his crimes
- Cursed out his own defense team, constantly
- Requested a live orchestra at his execution
- Wrote to the new president asking to be pardoned because he'd just done him a favor by getting him a promotion!
The UA-cam legend that is Sam O’Nella did a good recap of Charles Get out.
I think one of the most terrifying things about Guiteau here is...he's portrayed as comic relief throughout pretty much the entire show before this song. You'd never expect him to actually succeed at killing the President....and yet he's one of the four who did succeed. For me this number solidifies just how truly frightening he is.
he didn't succeed, the doctors finished Garfield off for him so...
@@HappyHauntsMaterialize Yes, the doctors ended up accidentally being the ones to really do Garfield in.
Still, if Guiteau hadn't shot him, he wouldn't even have been in that position.
I don't entirely agree with that reason. I think it's more that he's depicted as actually insane here rather than ideologically misguided like the other characters. Unlike the others -- at least, the ones that succeeded -- Guiteau had no cause or reason to kill Garfield.
The fact that it was as easy as simply walking right up to the guy back then paints a pretty clear picture to me: the world is full of people who would do what he did if only they could. Charley was just one of the first to have that little idea pop into his head. As well as being one of the only few who acted on it. For that kind of insanity to exist among so many, and to see it here, personified in the most lighthearted way possible... That's a really natural reason to be unnerved by his ballad.
Charles Guiteau is so underrated honestly
I bet if Garfield's term was longer both of them would be more famous
I mean Garfield was pretty well liked you know
Just listen to how it’s sung, based on the emphasis it’s clear what the most important thing to him is “I SHALL BE REMEMBERED.”
Little fun fact, Lee/Balladeer only really sings the 3 songs for the successful assassins: Booth, Guiteau, and Leon. The "unsuccessful" assassins like Zangara, Hinckley, etc sing their own songs. Kind of makes it fair for everyone since Booth, Guiteau, and Leon sing the Gun Song together with Moore (who doesn't have her own song), and Byck leads the National Anthem. Just a fun show for the 9 main characters.
I dont believe Byck sings it in the licensed version anymore. I'm pretty sure its the Proprietor.
@@brprods28this is correct
I love this portrayal of Guiteau. Juxtaposing the unassuming, slightly pathetic version of what goes on in his head with the stark reality of his execution is so interesting and really highlights how deeply unhinged he really was.
Also props to NPH as my favorite Balladeer
I love it at 2:18 when he almost laughs because of something Dennis probably did. It's little character breaks like that that I think can actually enhance a show in some ways, at least at times like that where a little levity goes along with the song at the moment.
I knew Denis O'Hare was a wonderful actor, but didn't realize he was such a talented singer as well! Terrific performance!
the absolute MASS of the "to" at 4:09. Like damn. the SIZE of that to
Of all the performances I could find on UA-cam this is the reason why I found this iteration to be the most powerful. You see the man muster the courage, not even that, breaking the mental barrier and the absolute audacity and conviction that what he did was RIGHT it's so powerful and haunting.
Denis O'Hare is *perfect* as Guiteau. I had no idea he had played that role. I love him in American Horror Story and he's ideal for this part...that slightly pathetic, unhinged, scary guy. And his voice is great. More musical theatre for him, please! (oh and props to NPH as the Balladeer.)
well, he's been in eight Broadway productions, though some of them were non-musical.
@@corvus1374 He was also Prince Dauntless in the 2005 Tv film adaptation of Once Upon a Mattress.
An example of Sondheim's brilliance as a lyricist:
"Charley Guiteau drew a crowd to his trial
Led them in prayer
Said, I killed Garfield
I'll make no denial
I was just acting for someone up there
The Lord's my employer
And now he's my lawyer
So do what you dare!
Charley said, Hell
If I am guilty, then God is as well
But God was acquitted
And Charley committed..."
...until he should hang
Still, he sang.........
WHEN THE BODY COMES DOWN HOLY SHIT
Okay that is the BEST acting I have seen probably ever in my life. Dennis O’Hare is just phenomenal and perfect for this part (I mean, I’m not surprised because he was superb in AHS, but still I just loved this… best 5 and a half minutes of my week)
Never ever remember that the noose is at the end, I get a shock everytime.
Thank you NPH, for giving us the hard T on "acquitted" and "committed." Shockingly poorly done on the OCR by Patrick Cassidy.
This song.... I... I have no words. *french kiss*
And the way Guiteau is portrayed....
It is absolutely brilliant that there is not musical accompaniment for the “I am going to the Lordy” part toward the beginning. Charlie had requested that at his own execution and was denied an orchestra. So he just read his “Going to the Lordy” poem.
Something I really enjoy about this recording is how well you can hear the orchestra as opposed to the actual studio album. I can't get enough of those huge soaring brass lines (especially those French horns at like 1:58 and the fanfare-esque part at 3:30).
The “death March” is always the most fascinating part of this song
Notice how the staging makes it so he's quite literally stepping into the light as he walks towards his death
They couldn’t have gotten anyone more perfect for Guiteau ❤ prospective players take note. I literally can’t get over O’Hare’s performance. And of all the lyrics Sondheim wrote, “the Lord is my employer and now he’s my lawyer” juxtaposed with “God was acquitted and Charlie committed” will always be my 2nd favorite Sondheim set of lyrics
Denis O'Hare is a scream! Never saw an actor so enjoying performing a scene.
Sondheim + NPH = Awesome :D
I like this song a lot. From what I've heard, the music in this play is really good.
+Rapawnish RotorRuter Eh, the musical itself is only ok. This song is easily the best written song in the whole musical. As it references the actual last words of Guiteau and attempts to really tell the story of Guiteau.
+Michael You're crazy. The show is great live.
The Ballad of Booth is sheer brilliance. I am in love with the entire show however. I agree with Eduardo above..
Michael Have to agree with everyone else here: Assassins is brilliant. It is the only musical written by Sondheim where he said he wouldn't change a thing about it today. Every song in this show is either absolutely gorgeous, chilling, or brilliant. How I Saved Roosevelt is fucking amazing with just how Sondheim incorporates Sousa marches and Italian tarantella, along with actual accounts given by bystanders at the assassination attempt. Ballad of Czolgosz is brilliant in its structure and use of turn of the century hoedown music to fit the setting. Hell, Unworthy of Your Love PERFECTLY captures the mindset of Hinkley and Fromme as well as their musical era.
Michael And that's just the music, Weidman's book alone is worth seeing the show for. Some scenes are hilarious as fuck (Moore and Fromme), others are touching (Czolgosz and Emma Goldman) and some are downright terrifying (the Oswald scene, and Byck's ranting monologues).
This is absolutely amazing! Thank you so much! Any chance you also have the Ballad of Czolgosz?
the joyful trumpet after CJG is hanged and his body is just, there, dangling, is always hilarious to me in a morbid and sad way. laugh out loud funny, but deeply sad
And it's deliberate. There is barely a pause to take in he has been hung before the music resumes, literally emphasizing that ultimately he and what he did didn't matter and the show literally goes on
@@anaihilator exactly!!
The really chilling this is....Guiteau really did compose a poem about his impending death and he did use thr words "I am going to the Lordy....I am so glad."
The irony of this man getting the renown and recognition be craved in life right around 100 years after his death. And even with that, it's not so much fame that he posthumously gained, but infamy.
Also, there is an old timey folk song written about this incident, right here on UA-cam. And it's not a retrospect by modern musicians like Assassins, that song was written around the time of the events which paints a further window into pre modern "old timey" American music which was folk, hymnal and military band based.
Lately I have been of the opinion that when it comes to American music , you can really start the line of demarcation between 2 periods which I call BJ and AJ.
Meaning , Before Jazz and After Jazz. Because before jazz with had the amalgamation of music that we can collectively call "old timey". And that music was based on Easy Coast Appalachia music which is another way of saying folk music from the UK and brought to the colonies of East Coast..the folk fiddle based music of Scotland, Ireland and England. Also included in old timey music is brass band military March music (think Sousa) , ballads, hymnal music and of course African folk music, negro spirituals, work or plantantation songs, which were the origins of of gospel (which is the Grandmother of the major American music artforms of the 20th century which includes) blues.. The last gasp of old timey music was ragtime, which was the child of afro American gospel and blues and the precursor of jazz which introduced the world to the syncopated rhythms that made the backbone of jazz. Which is why the music was called ragtime..because the time signatures and beats were "raggedy" or not keeping to traditional time signatures and beats.
One or two songs aside, Assasins can be considered a love letter to old timey American music.
I have loved Neil Patrick Harris's voice since I discovered Dr. Evil's Singalong Blog.
this is such an awesome musical
God, this was one fucking perfect production. Pity it didn't run for years, as it deserved to. Bad timing I suppose.
defygrav12 Too much truth in it, I think.
I never realized that Dennis O'Hare could sing! I knew he was on Broadway, but I've always assumed it was straight plays. Never musicals. I would love to see more of his work.
I can't improve on Elise Ikoku's praise for O'Hare's performance, but I am stunned by how much he actually looks like Guiteau!
+Morgan Duncan White guys all look the same when you put beards on them.
+Michael That's racist.
@@HappyHauntsMaterialize it really aint but go off i guess lmao
why is NPH so damn perfect?
Marc Kudisch has always appeared to me to be one of the nicest, kindest, sweetest guys, but damn can he be imposing if he tries.
i’m actually obsessed with this performance and am a big AHS fan how have i never realized this is literally dennis ohare
I love how cheerful he is, he just murdered someone
I'm in love with this super talented man....
marvelous i love it but have never seen it... GO NEIL
And now time for the weather. Tiffany?
Exactly
i miss this boot. i can't find it anywhere :(
Nati Peltz ua-cam.com/video/vS2a6XwpVHc/v-deo.html
I am going to the Lordy
I am so glad
I am going to the Lordy
I am so glad
I am going to the Lordy
Glory Hallelujah
Glory Hallelujah
I am going to the Lordy
Come all ye Christians
And learn from a sinner
Charlie Guiteau
Bound and determined
He'd wind up a winner
Charlie had dreams
That he wouldn't let go
Said, "Nothing to it
I want it, I'll do it
I'm Charles J. Guiteau"
Charlie Guiteau
Never said "Never"
Or heard the word "No"
Faced with disaster
His heart would beat faster
His smile would just grow
And he'd say
Look on the bright side
Look on the bright side
Sit on the right side
Of the Lord
This is the land of
Opportunity
He is your lightning
You His Sword
Wait 'til you see tomorrow
Tomorrow you'll get your reward
You can be sad
Or you can be president
Look on the bright side
I am going to the Lordy
Charlie Guiteau
Drew a crowd to his trial
Led them in prayer
Said, "I killed Garfield
I'll make no denial
I was just acting
For Someone up there
The Lord's my employer
And now He's my lawyer
So do what you dare"
Charlie said, "Hell
If I am guilty
Then God is as well"
But God was acquitted
And Charlie committed
Until he should hang
Still, he sang
Look on the bright side
Not on the black side
Get off your backside
Shine those shoes
This is your golden
Opportunity
You are the lightning
And you're news
Wait 'til you see tomorrow
Tomorrow you won't be ignored
You could be pardoned
You could be president
Look on the bright side
I am going to the Lordy
Charlie Guiteau
Had a crowd at the scaffold
I am so glad
Filled up the square
So many people
That tickets were raffled
Shine on his shoes
Charlie mounted the stair
Said, "Never sorrow
Just wait 'til tomorrow
Today isn't fair
Don't despair"
Look on the bright side
Look on the bright side
Sit on the right side
Of the
I am going to the Lordy
I am so glad
I am going to the Lordy
I am so glad
I have unified my party
I have saved my country
I shall be remembered
I am going to the Lordy
Look on the bright side
Not on the sad side
Inside the bad side
Something's good
This is your golden
Opportunity
You've been a preacher
Yes, I have
You've been an author
Yes, I have
You've been a killer
Yes, I have
You could be an angel
Yes, I could
Just wait until tomorrow
Tomorrow they'll all climb aboard
What if you never
Got to be president?
You'll be remembered
Look on the bright side
Trust in tomorrow
And the Lord
Wow..
Just.. *_wow.._*
Damn the hangman is fwine
I'm pretty sure it's Marc Kudisch, who played the Proprietor, a role that earned him a Drama Desk nod. It was his role in between "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang".
@@jasonc.parker4644 Thanks for the info
This one lets you see their faces, cool. Anyone know where I can find the whole thing?
Is it me, or would have Denis made for an amazing Joker?
Can we talk about the thumbnail
史蒂芬·桑坦 刺客
啊真想看音樂劇
neil
Nph looks so goodd
I like the version of this scores in the Enchores stagings better, imo.
Love this and btw I am from Guiteau’s birthplace
you must be so proud
@@noraalsabi5594 it's just a fact. lol he lived their until he was 9, and then his Dad moved him around the place with the Oneida people and that's when he got fucked up.
He really should’ve been found not guilty by reason of insanity
In real life his lawyers tried that defense... but he refused to let them because he insisted he was super totally sane.
Legen..waitforit.... DARY singer!!
Evie Biro I know it's meant as a joke, but in many productions the balladeer's choice of wardrobe is very relevant.
is this up for trade?
He can sing too dang denis
great version of this song, however Denis says siton instead of sit on. he sings most of those words as one, says it as one word instead of two words. he also smiles throughout the whole song, which kills it for me.
😂 it’s almost like he’s insane mate.
Super gay.
More like you're super homophobic.
Tmw Camden Then why are you watching it?
Robert Amsel Or he doth protest too much.
@@NotHarpoGroucho I'm entitled to my opinion, just as you're entitled to yours. Of course, I wasn't responding to you but to Tmw Camden. Based on your stated opinion that you dislike gay people, I'll reserve "bigot" for you and "homophobe," for Tmw Camden.
Robert Amsel Yeah, Neil Patrick Harris is gay. He’s giving you a chance to find a girl because if he was straight you wouldn’t have a chance.