what i now know about living alone | one year later
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- Опубліковано 11 лип 2024
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Making friends: • how i made new friends...
My first video living alone: • an emotional start on ...
My video on loneliness: • The power of loneliness
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TIME STAMPS //
0:00 - i'm in me favorite spot to say hello
0:24 - $20 off concert tix
1:43 - compulsory living alone normativity
3:50 - con: you're really on your own
5:27 - con: chores, chores, chores
7:49 - i was scared
8:50 - pro: first time i've been able to express myself at home
10:43 - pro: my space feels like me
11:21 - pro: the excellence of hosting
13:06 - how do i force myself to get out w/o plans?
14:40 - what's my cleaning schedule?
15:07 - should i have lived alone earlier?
15:49 - radical bugs take
17:00 - how often do i make plans?
17:54 - do i feel safe?
18:18 - fomo?
19:05 - would i live with roommates again?
she/her.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: katherout@gmail.com - Навчання та стиль
YES "I dont want to live alone together. I want to live alone, or live together" A MILLION TIMES YES
👌
Living alone isn’t inherently bad, but I wish the sense of community was stronger in the apartment buildings, neighborhoods, etc. Having been staying in hostels recently, I’ve loved the communities I’ve been a part of. At a time when we’re becoming more and more atomized as a society, we need to be seeing and interacting with people face to face much more often.
I live alone, but luckily my sister (also alone) lives literally across the street. It's so nice! Much better than when I lived totally isolated by myself.
I'm currently living with two roommates in Brooklyn (because I'm not rich lol) and we're definitely doing the "living alone together" thing, I mean we do hangout like EVERY once in a while, maybe once a month, but other than that we chat while cleaning dishes/cooking, but just briefly. We found each other via Craigslist. We have never had any conflicts whatsoever. It very much WORKS and is many people's only option (financially) for surviving in an expensive city. I have also lived alone and that was glorious. But the place was pretty dirty because I had no reason to clean haha. Here at this place one of us cleans every week, rotating. That's a HUGE plus, that we're pressured to keep it clean for each other's sakes. Someday I would love to find friends or a partner who I could cooperatively live with, but I don't see that happening any time soon tbh...
In February of this year I signed the lease agreement for my first apartment! This was also the week I turned 25 😳😅 I had only lived with my parents before and moving out has been amazing for my mental health overall and figuring out how I want to exist in my own space has been a healing experience after living with parents for my entire life. I still live with a roommate (my cousin) but we both have our own bedrooms and bathrooms and we work together making design choices for our shared space. I think in the future living alone would be great since it would just be another level of independence. I would just have to work at making plans and being social since I am introvert and I often revert to staying home even if I would like to go out. (Priority #1 would alas be being able to financially afford living alone though)
my ideal living situation, as a hella introvert but also a leo, would probably be like a commune style (lol) situation, where friends and community are close by, but I still have my privacy and my own space that I have full control over. Over the past 2 years of living alone, I’ve learned that I really really value having a space that is entirely mine and a true reflection of me. I agree that community is absolutely necessary (hence commune) but after living alone from age 24-26, it has helped immensely for me to identify truly what I value, self expression, etc, which I feel helps me show up in my friendships and relationships as honestly as i can.
I do sometimes miss the built in social factor of roommates, but when theyre friends that have truly incompatible living styles, I’d rather save the friendship than try to push that aspect of the relationship. As you were saying, it does take a little bit more intention to make plans to get your fill, and yes it does sometimes feel lonely living alone, but I would much rather experience that type of loneliness than feeling lonely with people. For me living alone helped clarify what I want in life, and while that’s definitely subject to change, it felt much easier to get to this point without the external judgment of roommates or housemates. idk what im saying anymore but love the vid etc etc
Just to clarify: I'm pretty sure that "reproductive labor" refers specifically to domestic labor and caregiving - work associated with taking care of a household and children/family. Basically, the labor that women have traditionally done for millennia without compensation :)
They say that we humans are social creatures and aren't meant to be alone.
Living alone is the best! No one has any problem with what U do, when & how
I loved the way you described this and I feel super similarly living alone for almost two years now. Creating that community outside of home is so essential and the lack of community in my life is the only thing (aside from $$) that was making me think I wanted roommates again. And that idea of shared responsibility and truly cooperative living is where I see myself thriving living with someone else again
Living with roommates was just never for me. In college I had roommates in several configurations and I didn't really like it. I always felt like someone was observing me and I hated when they brought others over, lol. My social anxiety was always triggered. But living with my partner now is cool, probably because we are older and understand what boundaries are. I liked living alone and would do it again, but it can definitely be isolating.
Kat, thank you for your insight! ✨
It made me realize how everyone's experience is so different. I am 26 and never actually lived alone - either with my family or with roommates, and lately I found myself CRAVING for my own space to thrive in (which unfortunately I cannot afford).
I also found interesting how you said that one condition for you to have roommates would be to live *live* with them, like cooking together and hanging out with them all the time. That's exactly what's causing me to long for a lonelier life.
I became very close with one of my roommates, but that somehow spiralled in a codependent relationship where it seems like it would be wrong to now have personal space and independence (for example, cooking for myself or not eating together when I don't feel to). Probably this happened because of the lockdown months, which we spent together. It's been quite hard on my mental health.
Thanks for reminding me that boundaries are VITAL, hopefully i will build mine asap (people pleaser struggles) 😵💫
I'm 28 and moving to Houston, TX from Minnesota and just got approved for an apartment and it will be my first time living alone. 🙌 I'm beyond excited. But something to say, I feel like it is more of a goal for women to live alone than men. Men will live with roommates until their 40s no cap. My now ex is moving into someone's basement to save money. He's 31, makes $30k more than me but doesn't know or like being alone. No shame and save that coin but also bruh? You might save money living with roommates but living alone is also an investment in yourself.
Leaving Minnesota is the first great decision you are making, I just moved from Sacramento to Minneapolis last year, eventhough if I like the people and the looks of the state, the weather can be the dark night of the soul for real. Good luck in your future endeavors!
@@jalelzee9177 oh gosh, Minneapolis is a vibe though!! I love Minnesota but the world is big. Chasing a job and more sunshine 🌞 good luck to you too! Def go to an Armory show 😆 and make it up to Duluth this fall!
@@heathergossethe idea of seeing any shows in Duluth is awesome, it is a very Beautiful area I've been there more than 3 times already! Def I will go if there is any interesting concerts, also Houston is the city! It's on my bucket list to live in one day ! you will love it! I am debating whether I should go back to Norcal where I lived for 6 years or experiment Seattle for the first time?!
Humans lived communally for 90%+ of human history.
this is such an insightful and interesting vid kath, thank you! it’s wonderful to heat that you enjoy so many things about living on your own, but i like how you still make a point to reach out to others/be in community.
Great video! I love at the end how you distinguished living together while still living alone and a co-op situation. Never thought of it that way but it’s so true. I think I’m the same as you, I’d be open to roommates again if we can do dinners together and chat but I’m over the looking down when your roommate passes you in the hall.
These are SUCH good insights
Everything in this video happens to resonate with me at this very moment. From concerts coming up, weighing the pros and cons about the future of living alone or with a good cohesive group to pretty much asking what's next? So much to ponder, so little time.
Another great topic! I appreciate how you mention not wanting to reinforce certain cultural standards, like living alone being the end all be all. I Love the bug respect too
I didn't use seat geek, but in November, I'm seeing Alex G on tour & my friend is going to an Alvvays show - both releasing new albums this autumn. Saw Japanese Breakfast, Big Thief, & Beach House post-lockdown & it's been a rush!
STOPPPPP THESE ARE ALL MY FAVES. i need to hear mister alex perform runner
I think at some point in our lives living alone is something to experience. I have yet to experience it myself but wouldn’t be opposed to it.
Interesting, I'm a couple of minutes in but I actually feel that society, especially for women, convinces us that the final destination is marriage, buying a home as a couple, and having children. I feel women are taught that this is what we should want, even if it doesn't serve our goals.
I also have 1/2 speakers in every room too lol but I lovvveeee love love living alone. I started living alone my senior year of college after a few really terrible roommate experiences. There is some proactive thinking needed especially being a young woman in a big city - like giving a close friend an extra key or having some extra protection locks on my front and balcony door - but I can never ever see myself not living in my own space again (if I get married then *MAYBE* but we’d need separate rooms at least), I’ll be doing the most annoying weirdest thing and stop for a sec and think “damn I’m glad there’s no one here and no possibility of anyone randomly walking in :)”
My cleaning schedule is also having guests over 🤣
Ohmygosh that insect part, you said: respect it, acknowledge it, wish it well😭
I usually try to take spiders and pinchers outside but maybe I should just leave em alone entirely too. I want to read that book. Maybe I’m sounding crazy but I loved everything you shared in this video but especially that segment.
i thought i would lose everybody there that’s why i saved it for the end
At a later life stage than yours, but even with that difference, as someone who semi-recently started living alone (after living non-solo prior to that), I'm in concurrence with many of the points made in this video. Your perspective is very thoughtful on the topic.
I wish I had your vocabulary! It's the best lol!
The first time I lived alone was right after undergrad when I was 19. I moved across the country (Seattle, WA to Durham, NC) for my first Real Job and found a cute cheap little furnished MIL all to myself. A number of factors made that experience very brutal (COVID became a thing 5 months in, I totaled my car early on, I knew literally no one). I moved back to Seattle after just over a year and have been living with my partner in Seattle. From that experience -- and comparing it with living "alone" in undergrad (I didn't have roommates and I loved it) -- a pleasant living-alone situation for me needs (1) nearby support network, even just one person, and (2) external motivators to interact with people. I had one friend from high school (she was also the only other person from my high school) who went to the same undergrad as me and I think that really helped me to automatically have someone I could reach out to. I'm also very introverted, stoic, and have a lot of social anxiety, so having forced structures like attending class, clubs, running into people in the dining hall, WORKING IN A PHYSICAL OFFICE!!!, really help me make connections. Living with my partner presents a different set of challenges, but it has been phenomenal to share domestic duties and also develop a sense of "home" together
I'm 22 and have lived with non-family housemates since 2018. I've been super lucky in that the first person I shared a place with quickly became one of my best friends, and since then I've lived with close friends from September to May every year (went from living with two others to five others). As an introvert there are definitely times where I've ached to live alone, but the best part about living with friends for me is that I can leave my room and stumble into a wonderful conversation without any effort. Like, literally just open my door, enter the kitchen or living room, and there's someone there to laugh with, cry with, or just generally hang around with. I find it very difficult to make plans with people because of my depression and anxiety, so being able to have low effort low stakes conversations daily is such a blessing
Year of the Lord 2022 LOL 😂
I've had quite a few roommates and I think I prefer to keep living roommates as long as I have my own bathroom and we're at least kind of friends. They help with cleaning and what not but we do cook separately. I like having my own space to decorate I just don't trust myself to not go down into a spiral if I live alone
i feel the same about bugs, and i'm pregaming braiding sweetgrass with gathering moss
For sure, living together over living alone together. I'm doing the latter right now by circumstance, and it sucks. Truly living together is so much better. Living alone can be nice at times too, though... and _may_ be my next step. We shall see.
I used to be lonely till I learned about livin' alone
I found other things to keep my mind on
And I'm gettin' to know myself a little bit better
Whoa, I keep pushin' on, I keep pushin' on, yeah
Goin' through all the changes I made so many mistakes, oh yes I did
Tryin' to leave behind the heartaches
And sometimes I think I was a little bit crazy, oh yeah
Whoa, I keep pushin' on
Keep pushin' on
Keep pushin' keep pushin'
You know you have got to be so strong
Keep pushin', keep pushin', keep pushin'
Well even if you think your strength is gone
Keep pushin', keep pushin'
Keep pushin' on, yeah
Well it's comin' together I finally feel like a man (Woman?), oh yes I do
I never thought that I'd be where I am, oh
Everyday I work a little bit harder
Oh I keep pushin' on, oh yeah
Keep pushin' on
Keep pushin', keep pushin', keep pushin'
You know you have got to, got to, be so strong
Keep pushin', keep pushin', keep pushin'
Well even if you think your strength is gone
Keep pushin', keep pushin'
Keep pushin' on
Informative, also always refreshing to see natural hair on a woman. Just got back from san francisco trip. I kind of fell for the city in a good way.
As someone who has never lived alone, but has lived with people in different capacities, I would say that I am not opposed to living with others but would be excited to be on my own. My ideal situation if I were to live alone would be a small one bedroom apartment that would not require me to clean much. I’ve never been a fan of big spaces just because the little sounds made by a house would make me uncomfortable. As for living with others, I’ve noticed that I lean on the side of respecting others which made it difficult in college when my roommates would be loud or leave dishes in the sink. I was taught growing up that your home is your sanctuary so I prefer things to be on the quieter and cleaner side. When this is disrupted, I found myself being very hostile and depressed. The only person I could ideally find myself living with long term would be my sister or a significant other.
I’m a leave the bugs be girlie too. But then I found a brown recluse spider in my bed and now we’re spraying… I move out of my parents in May and im glad to hear your perspective.
OMFGGGG thankfully brown recluses don’t live in washington 🙅🏼♀️
i am moving to my own place for the first time in two weeks and i am so, so excited to finally get to live alone, alone instead of living alone, together. i feel like moving out at 24 will be huge for my mental health and growth as a person! im interested to see what ends up resonating with me and what doesn't. especially, since i am WAY on the introverted side of the spectrum.
You just gotta livee
saving that seatgeek link for when I get these Beyoncé tickets 🤞🏾
OKKKKKKK I AM MANIFESTING FOR U
I used to live alone but I would say that I love to stay alone and get my health good and well before going in public.
Living in the SF Bay Area, most young adults that I know can’t afford to live alone!
it’s very true - living alone was never even a reality i considered living there
ps Saturday, September 3rd the Harp Twins are playing at Ballard Homestead.
I agree w the bug sentiment, but when in nyc where u can get roaches, waterbugs, and silverfish running around… it’s a no from me 👾
agree wholeheartedly. first time i saw a house centipede? the HORROR. absolutely not, that thing gets the vacuum.
@@justarandomperson33 omfg a CENTIPEDE?? ok yeah we do not get those types of things up here.
@@Katherout I implore you to look up a house centipede... they are the most horrifying bugs i've ever seen
@@justarandomperson33 duuuude I’m a buggy gorl but yes house centipedes take the fear cake
for bugs a glace and a paper !
Key moments 😏
the reproductive labor, as you call it, is pretty much the exclusive downside of living alone for me. i'm very introverted and a homebody and for the first time i just get to lounge and not feel like i'm putting on a mask or that i have to live by any one else's standards. my partner hates that i leave dishes by the sink and not in the sink but now??? no one is bitching to me about it. but having adhd and being out of the house 10 hours a day for work, holy shit do those chores pile up and overwhelm me. you're telling me i have to provide myself with food 3x a day for the rest of my life???? it was sooo much easier to have someone else pick up the slack where i inevitably lack. i'm 26 years old and i just bought myself a chore chart to put on my fridge to help myself manage all of those tedious tasks of life so i don't call my partner in a breakdown every single night wondering how everyone else seems to manage it all.
I wouldn’t trade my two years living alone from age 21-23 for anything, but I also don’t think I would ever do it again. I get way too damn lonely!
Generation X was expected to live alone after college. There was no such thing as stay at home moms before 18 or roommates after 25.
I don’t care about societal expectations. I want to live ALONE. And be left alone. I don’t want other people in my space or even nearby. Even in a big city. As an introvert, it’s for my own overall well-being. But now I’ll finish watching your vid. EDIT: hosting and being hosted wb neat. EDIT: If there’s a bug in my apartment I respect it and wish it well but smash that intruder under my foot. They should not be trespassing upon the sanctity and sanity of my home, and I will not tolerate it. My home is a place of cleanliness and peace, free of such invaders.
“only a fool trusts an algorithm” LOOOL
Key moment - Pun intended
I wish my landlord would let me get a cat. I hope to get married, start a family and get a cat. I also want to be in a city where I have cousins as well because being of Spanish and Portuguese heritage, family is important to me.
I absolutely love going to the movies by myself. I live alone but I got one of those movie subscriptions so that I can go to the movies as often as I want and always have somewhere to go
Let's be roommates
Living alone sucks after awhile. After 3 years I had to get a girlfriend.
...You are such a cutie...
if your sister lives in Seattle, why don't you just live with her?
Most women that live with a guy have to do the cleaning, the groceries,the planning of investing, vacation, birthday parties, oil change for the car, gutter cleaning( u get fed up nagging),laundry. 😓😵💫🤨😜❤️some roommates make a big mess they will never clean up, or not have the money for the rent. Or their new boyfriend is a felon😳😉😘always best to make the best out of whatever situation we are in 😉❤️
I live alone, just after 31 years of living with others, Pros: lots of time to think about life, which makes me accountable, now I can't blame it on outside elements if I am making a wrong decision . It also make you or break you.
Cons: bottom line you die, no one would know, I've be been sick, sad, happy and trust me; these are soul breakers if you're feeling them alone, you are meant to feel these feelings when surrounded by your beloved ones.
Now there is a point that I can't STRESS ENOUGH as someone who was trained in Crisis Intervention, Depression can make loneliness sound attractive so it can take full control of you, if you have Depression please do me a favor and live with other people, even if you hate it.