Thank you so much Mark for bringing these two great speakers ! I am a seeker of breaking my patterns and listening to this podcast was very educative as I am on a journey to be a better version of myself! Thank you
I enjoyed hearing various viewpoints, however, to state that becoming an ‘autonomous person’ is a pathology only pushes people to dependency. I believe at times it’s important to allow yourself to be dependant, however, the other person may not always be available to support you and this is where self-dependency comes in. Dr David Schnarch provides this viewpoint that people are constantly balancing a need for individuality and togetherness throughout life and this doesn’t make them a bad person - it’s inherent to the human experience
well i am a bit skeptical about this one as it implies that givers can convert takers into givers also simply by being givers....seems a bit naive to me. Having been around the block once or twice and would rather say that givers need to learn the value of boundaries and reciprocity rather than unconditionally giving. if there is no reciprocity, it is only a matter of time before giving becomes depleting.
I love all of this and have been journey through different relationships to get to the self love part. However, I’m still trying to find someone I can create a relationship that can deepen that growth. ❤
Wonderful discussion, Mark. What I’m curious about is the difference between needs in a relationship and expectations. From what I have learned and understand, a resentment shows up with an unmet expectation. To me, a relational need is under an expectation, which shows up as a resentment, when unmet. If we don’t communicate what our needs are, it’s hard for our partner to know what we need. So, how do we release expectations, when we have needs, especially when we know they aren’t getting met? How would resentment not be present? Can you help me bridge this understanding gap?
Hey Tyler! Relational needs are essential. So when a partner doesn't meet them, the resentment that's projected on to them is really a deeper reflection that we don't honour the need ourselves. Whether we're communicating it or not is another path of exploration -- because sometimes we use the weaponization of resentment to hold power over our partner.
Hi, Imago Relationship Therapist here, I can share, that what we all need is to be mirrored and learn how to self AND co-regulate in relationship. Most of us need to learn balance in communication, some to say less and some of us need to learn to say more. This is just one facet of Imago Relationship Therapy and it is a slow and gentle process where we learn to shift how we connect and to re-connect.
When we recognize we're doing this, we can begin (or continue) to change who we choose and how we show up to relationships. I would argue that almost everyone does choose based on the influence of their caretakers... securely attached and attuned parents do create attuned children!
We probably want to listen to older folks about relationships, not some Instagram influencer! Thank you this is helping me!
If you haven't read "getting the love you want" -- their book, it's incredible!
Thank you, I’m going to buy it.
I love how appreciative Helen is of Harville and she keeps saying - He is a Genius and it’s so heart warming
I can appreciate how honest they are about how they almost divorced 🙏🏽
Thank you so much Mark for bringing these two great speakers ! I am a seeker of breaking my patterns and listening to this podcast was very educative as I am on a journey to be a better version of myself! Thank you
I enjoyed hearing various viewpoints, however, to state that becoming an ‘autonomous person’ is a pathology only pushes people to dependency. I believe at times it’s important to allow yourself to be dependant, however, the other person may not always be available to support you and this is where self-dependency comes in. Dr David Schnarch provides this viewpoint that people are constantly balancing a need for individuality and togetherness throughout life and this doesn’t make them a bad person - it’s inherent to the human experience
I love Harvell and Helen.
“Your survival is guaranteed by YOUR CHOICE to become a GIVER!!!” Woah
well i am a bit skeptical about this one as it implies that givers can convert takers into givers also simply by being givers....seems a bit naive to me. Having been around the block once or twice and would rather say that givers need to learn the value of boundaries and reciprocity rather than unconditionally giving. if there is no reciprocity, it is only a matter of time before giving becomes depleting.
That is the point that i was reflecting on.
This made my heart feel soothed. Very real.
I think this episode just saved my life 😭
Wow ♥thank you for this. Aren't they incredible? Sending you SO much love. I am so so glad you are here.
I love all of this and have been journey through different relationships to get to the self love part. However, I’m still trying to find someone I can create a relationship that can deepen that growth. ❤
Lately I've been asking myself why I am attracted to certain kinds of men and why they keep showing up in my life and this came up!!! ❤
Great interview! Awesome to see Harville and Helen on the show!
They are the BEST!
I wouldn't call it a co-create but a co or dual healing and restoration between the two.
Wonderful discussion, Mark. What I’m curious about is the difference between needs in a relationship and expectations. From what I have learned and understand, a resentment shows up with an unmet expectation. To me, a relational need is under an expectation, which shows up as a resentment, when unmet. If we don’t communicate what our needs are, it’s hard for our partner to know what we need.
So, how do we release expectations, when we have needs, especially when we know they aren’t getting met? How would resentment not be present?
Can you help me bridge this understanding gap?
You have to meet those needs yourself FIRST. I remm digging into this couple years found it thru the personality development school with thai Gibson
Her channel is on UA-cam and yes would love mark to cover this as well
Hey Tyler! Relational needs are essential. So when a partner doesn't meet them, the resentment that's projected on to them is really a deeper reflection that we don't honour the need ourselves. Whether we're communicating it or not is another path of exploration -- because sometimes we use the weaponization of resentment to hold power over our partner.
@@markgroves that feels true to my experience and makes sense to me. Thx for your perspective.
Hi, Imago Relationship Therapist here, I can share, that what we all need is to be mirrored and learn how to self AND co-regulate in relationship. Most of us need to learn balance in communication, some to say less and some of us need to learn to say more. This is just one facet of Imago Relationship Therapy and it is a slow and gentle process where we learn to shift how we connect and to re-connect.
Thanks!
They've both aged like fine wine
These are the people we should listen to about relationships, not freaking andrew tate
Amen to that!
Mahalo for this!
Thank you ❤
Love them.
1:11:30 😭❤
26:00
39:20
Exception: abusive behavior.
do all people marry their caretaker who didnt meet certain needs or can this be prevented and how?
When we recognize we're doing this, we can begin (or continue) to change who we choose and how we show up to relationships. I would argue that almost everyone does choose based on the influence of their caretakers... securely attached and attuned parents do create attuned children!
Thanks!