Cheating isn’t about the lack of love, it’s the lack of RESPECT. The act of cheating is an action of dismissing whatever your partner may think, or may feel, or what he/she represents in your life. The lack of respect hurts more than the thought of the lack of love.
Not necessarily. Sometimes it's an act of desperation because you don't know what else to do, the communication is failing, etc. Saying it's lack of respect is is oversimplifying a very complex issue
I would pay any money, just to spend an hour talking with Esther. Every word of her is so powerful and valuable. I have never gotten so much essential information from anyone else in this world.
Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.
Esther adds so much too life and the people's lives she touches. I watch everything she does and makes available to UA-cam. I appreciate the value Esther adds to my life and the clarity she brings.
same. if i could have dinner with anyone in the world it'd be esther and dr. christopher ryan. i love both of their podcasts, and i've been watching esther's talks for a long time.
Love when she said “you can live without sex but you can’t live without touch”. Touch can change the course of a relationship for sure, very powerful. ❤️
So, so true. My husband and I didn't have sex for 7 + years being in a loveless relationship. I didn't long for sex but it irked me that he would not even touch me . He would wrap himself in sheets so I wouldn't even accidentally touch him in my sleep. He would rather watch porn than have a personal time with me . I wasn't big on initiating sex but showed romantic side but not as ignored . Touch is so important. I remember the children in Romanian orphanages in 1990's . They were rocking to soothe themselves those who were picked up and played with, didn't rock and were developing much better than the children who were not payed attention.
Some of us have such a strong duty of care for the children and our families that what we need is hidden until a bigger crisis come or children grow up.
I am in awe! The most hurtful thing about infidelity is the fact that finding out that the object of your affection has roamed doesn't mean that you stop loving them. In that sense of deep vulnerability, confusion and ache, you still love them and even though you may wish otherwise, YOU LOVE THEM STILL. It's devastating. It's infuriating and at times you're torn between giving up entirely and working on it. It's not right.
You can't force someone to do anything or feel anything. The act the way they do not because of you necessarily, but because of trying to find a solution to one of the questions about themselves.
@@lisacranmer8005 self-centered yes. From what my ex-husband told me, he felt amazing & revived again being in love with his ap.... I do agree that our relationship did became boring & stagnant... Nonetheless still hurts me.
Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.
I sobbed while I watched this. The bit about what your friends can do. About re-establishing self worth. I had a friend who did this for me. It was beautiful. It saved me.
I learned from an old boss and it makes so much sense “ when’s the best time to tell your partner you love them? Before someone else does!”ut is what a person in a relationship always needs to know is that they are still alive and you desire them!
So I'm late watching this lol, but I was cheated on years ago and it was the most heartbreaking thing I ever went through... BUT!! I feel so grateful to be out of that relationship and I'm doing amazing and I'm grateful for the lessons, I've healed, and I've moved on to creating an amazing life... so there is hope for anyone going through heartbreak xo
@@sishasfaith I’ve had a long time to process his infidelities and I’ve learned to slowly let go of him. I decided to move on because I deserve love, loyalty & respect.
"The brain is the most powerful sexual organ" SO TRUE! Monogamy and fidelity start in the mind. If we entertain romantic and sexual thoughts about someone else than our spouse, these thoughts will influence our desires and make them stronger; thus, making it harder to resist temptations.
Acknowledging the remorse and the guilt is essential. 100% agreed! After having proof and walking away from an abusive and addicted husband while he was still denying it happened with ZERO empathy was enough for me to realize it was the best decision I could have made.
Joanne Bhaloo : I’ve had to make similar choices in relationships. I certainly grieved my losses but I never believed I did the wrong thing by walking away from dysfunction and abuse.
God, I love love love her! She has tremendous insight and wisdom. She made me look at my marriage of 21 yrs with new eyes. She’ll never know, but I will forever be grateful to her for this.
Kay_onutube I can recommend you to someone who was able to manifest my ex back and it works very fast Contact him directly at what's app for help +2348077751695 🙏🙏 Okay
The friend can only take so much as well. My friend was always angry, hurt or sad. After years of listening to her, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was very painful for me to watch and listen to her over year since I’m an empathetic person. So, I did have to tell her for my well-being, that I don’t want to hear about the relationship with her husband anymore. We have so much more to share with each other such as kids, grandchildren, fashion, healthy living, spiritually and so forth. I know she’s angry because she’s avoiding me but I’m ok with that. Either we will survive this or we won’t. I don’t feel bad about what I said. I didn’t tell her to leave him or make any ultimatum about what she should do. I only said I don’t want to hear about it anymore for my peace of mind and well being.
Thank you for sharing, I have been in a similar situation with a friend and wasn't sure how to express that I really didn't want to to know anymore. It was hard but necessary for me.
You had every right to your boundary. That shows that you wouldn’t self abandon to be her emotional dumping ground. It’s one thing for a person to need someone to hear them about a tough time, or a few tough times…but when they outsource to you, to hold a container of the same sewage, again and again, that is an absolute abuse of the friendship. They are on a treadmill of the problem and not being solution oriented. The self sabotage and dragging you into it, is not ok. That is a lovely act for yourself and actually makes you a good friend to have, whether or not that friend you shared about will appreciate it. Friends are best when they will honestly (and kindly) call us out. If someone can’t take feedback, honor your boundaries, see how their behavior is disrespectful…maybe evaluating the friendship is a good idea
Expecting my partner to fulfill all my needs is unfair as it is unrealistic. To me this paradigm sets up both partners for failure. Define your relationship's balance and yet again as circumstances change the balance.
Honest truthful advise and wisdom lacking in the society even in the religious communities. I am learning a lot from this you Esther. Thank God for UA-cam.
I love how attentive and carefully Lewis is listening to Esther Perel..it's like he's sucking in and internalising all that wisdom she shares right there..forever a student and never stopping to be one..
This is one of the best colaberatios ive seen as an interviwer and intervie. He asked real simple questions . and she gave great useful answers. Enjoyed this very much!
💯! Thank you Esther. I acknowledge all the things you’ve said. I’m hoping my wife will watch this and have a better understanding of what’s happening with us. I don’t want to leave her, but I am willing to do so for my own happiness, but I truly want us both happy. I will listen and apply the knowledge. Thank You🙏
When she said, “If you love someone set them free, if they love you they’ll come back.” I had to pause the video and hear it a second time that was deep!
I appreciate this video so so much and you have no idea..I’ve been married for 23 years and had a wonderful marriage and both sides of our families are all so very close and a year and a half ago my husband cheated on me with one of his employees and it devastating to say the least..I’ve kept everything a secret except for his family,because he left to live with his cousin and eventually his whole family found out..Long story short we are slowly starting over ..I couldn’t stop crying watching this video,but it was amazing to watch..xoxo
Stay strong Sophia, my prayers are for you!! I pray your marriage will heal and you and your husband will connect in a way that will be better than ever!! God bless you.
I have been cheated on in almost every relationship I’ve ever been in. I’ve cheated once and never will again. I felt so terrible afterwards that it ate me alive from the inside.
I've also seen couples who have been seemingly happy for 25 years and it comes out in family gossip that the husband had paid prostitutes. it's not always what it seems unfortunately. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not. People hide their dirty laundry.
This is so huge. My husband destroyed our entire life that included 5 combined children, caring for 3 parents as they aged and died (2 were his), our home, our dog, 3 cats, extended family, friends, 14 years of profound love-making and shared dreams because of the very poor way I handled things during a difficult time for us where growth was trying to happen. He ran into the arms of another woman blaming me the whole way even as I begged for the healing of our love and our life. God bless Esther for challenging the "capital punishment" handling of this subject and calling for BOTH members of a couple to examine what is really happening when there is a breach of trust.
Yeah, one wrong move and he runs to someone else, he will do the same thing to the next one, obviously there is much he does not understand about relationships. Hope healing was in the cards for you.
This has summarized it for me with a lot more context within the given hour, having listened to a lot more of her work. Thank you Esther for helping us make sense of something that is so hard to talk about. You continue to bring us better understanding that also allows us to manage our experiences. Thank you so much for this gift to humanity. May God continue to bless you with more wisdom and everything else your heart desires.
Always great talk with her. I’ve watched so many of her talks and interviews and the BEST part is that she is authentic and in the moment. Others repeat a script at every interview l, every conference.. nothing new or real in the moment. Esther is so raw. And Lewis, you always ask such profound questions that we all have that we don’t ask! Thank you for asking them. And lastly, the last question and answers brought me to tears. 🙏🏼💙
Thank you Lewis ... Ester is a beautiful soul ... Understanding is not saying it's ok , it's holding a place for the pain and healing ... I have a new outlook on relationship ... I love this lady ... She is one of a kind ... 😢❤
I love how Esther touches our hearts with her words. She speaks with such calmness and clarity in her mind about everything. And thank you lewis for asking such great questions and helping us understand deeper about relationships.
Omg! this lady is amazing! 16:50 @ "Now you are going to take care of him, you are gonna be his nurse...? That is what we do though as humans, we make so many excuses for people who hurt us
Just finishing up the interview Lewis, This is a very powerful interview, my favourite quote with regards to loving and caring "Its not about performance, it's about pleasure". I can't relate much to the infidelity aspect of this interview but I can 100% relate to ending on good terms, setting people free, being the friend, very powerful, thank you.
I love Lewis' face looking at her like a kid looking at his favourite teacher, like "I'm learning, I'm paying all my attention, please keep talking and illuminating me" XD
Only if they know how to love is when you should let them back. Sometimes they will say they love you but because of what you have poured into them, not what they have failed to poured into you. And that's why they don't want to let you go. If you are a benefit to them, why would they want to let you go? I had to open so many friends eyes to whether their partners really love them. Be careful when they tell you how great you are and give you an ego boost because you might be blinded.
Vulnerability with yourself knowing anyone can hurt you , whether it be the love of your life or your own family. Being brave enough to trust someone new knowing that they aren't the person that hurt you before. If you gotta get therapy, meditate or something else. Aslong as you go through those emotions with a healthy outlet. And for the men as much as you want to be that girls hero, unless you're a professional therapist, it's very hard to help someone through past relationship trauma that they haven't dealt with themselves and aren't going to work on.
Esther and Lewis! You are both BRILLIANT! Thoroughly enjoyed this and have shared with friends! Also downloading Esther's podcast at this moment! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
@@bulbasaur1232 what investment do you have in protecting radical feminist little boy? male feminists are the first to go in the guillotine you know that right?
I don't think though most people would be honest. You always meet the representatives when you'r dating someone, their not going to come out and just say "oh yeah....I ghosted someone" or "I cheated on my last relationship". I find it hard to enter mix theories with real world experiences. People aren't going to be honest often we find out by default about the person and what they believe through their actions. Actions speak louder than world.
She is do powerful. I just want to admit one thing here. One of my primary school friend was the one who was there for me no matter what. And that made me feel I def need a company, a vent while going thru different things. And bfor I thought I was alone. So all thru my different situations I happened to notice my brother was there for me, my friend was there for me, my online girl friend too...always ready to listen ....without schooling. And this is what Esther talks about here. We all need friends to just listen sometimes. Those ones who school you they usually are not even much of friends. The real ones will say....AW Lord what u gon do now?
Everything she said was GOLD. Absolutely love her. She's like Dr. Phil on relationships.. I would love to see them work together. But the only thing I don't agree with, is first she says that those that commit the infidelity are a reflection on them -not their partner.. but then she goes to say that when your partner cheats you should ask yourself what's your own responsibility to contribute to the infidelity. That was a huge contradiction to what she's been saying that struck me confused and disappointed. I do get that people will be treated terribly in their relationships and then meet someone else and cheat with them. I've never cheated and never will -because like she said it's a CHOICE. The person that commits the act is the ONLY one that should take responsibility, not the person that was the partner suffering from it. It's definitely a grey area but no matter how grey the relationship is, no matter what, cheating and lying is a choice. If you're not happy in your relationship, do what you can to fix it and work it with your partner if you truly love them. But if after at least a year or even a few months, and they still don't seem to want to be there for you in time of need and don't consider you (I always say a year is more than fair), then you'll know it's time to end it! Don't cheat!
Not a contradiction. Looking inward is also looking at things you could've done differently. The examples of guilt and shame being different, the criticism being aggressive, etc are good ones. Doing those things too much will make many go outside their marriage especially if the other spouse thinks they you what doesn't stink
Thank you for your wonderful insight Esther! I agree with your assessments and thoughts. Just a question for you and all others who watch this video: Esther mentioned that in the old days people used to live in close communities where they knew a lot of their neighbors and had close relationship with them. Now that most of us live in isolation, no extended family members, not too many friends, only concentrating on our partner, kids and work, how do we fill the void? How can we have close relationships with others without calling it "infidelity"?
Love Esther, this was great. Just ordered the book off Amazon. Lewis also appreciate no bulky earphones, I think about how warm the head/ears get. This seems more intimate, a natural conversation between 2 great people. Kudos!
I have. Thank you for allowing the interviewees to share their wisdom without unnecessary interruption. Very often, being a great listener makes a great interviewer.
Thanks for breaking down this complicated subject with masterful insight, knowledge, and wisdom. So helpful to have clarification when getting to know these somewhat taboo and often scary conversations about love, commitment, relationship and vulnerability. Your self confidence makes this research and study you have done way more available and accessible. These concepts clarified need to be a part of early education in learning to know and understand ourselves, which is where many problems can arise, if we have not been brought up in an environment that is open and allowing honesty to flourish. Bravo, and Thank you!
When I listen her interviews or read her book , I enjoy them because they are not relationship issues only between men and women .She has great knowledge of different cultures . I like her observations about people all around the world.
THANK YOU Lewis for bringing her back to your studio. Esther makes us think outside the box, she has challenge me to "rethink infidelity" for sure. Navigating through a very painful time in life and trying to figure out what to do with it all... Just started listening to the new book, amazing and powerful, just like her first book. Thank you for all you do!
About friends giving their opinion about your relationship: it took me years to grasp how vital it is to keep a relationship between you and your partner. I made the mistake to discuss what was happening in the relationship with friends. All those sometimes ill adviced comments and projections left me confused. Actually no one should meddle in other people's relationships. At the same time I learned not to meddle in other peoples relations. When you bring other people into your relationship the integrity of it is jeopardized.
Thank you for inviting Esther again! It’s such a pleasure to see & hear her quiet and intelligent wisdom! Also, love the format: so informal and respectful altogether!
This brilliant soul! Everything she says just sets off this domino effect of lightbulbs in my head! Her desire Ted talks is how I first discovered her, that one is amazing also!!
I agree with what is being said here . I also strongly believe that a person should not suffer for the sake of monogamy. I feel like it used to be that way a long time ago but there is no justification for it today . none .... If you are seriously considering infidelity then you should (honestly!) isolate the reasons for it and work with your partner in a caring way to resolve the problem. if your partner is really not willing to work with you then it’s done and you need to move on. don’t suffer in silence and don’t stay in the relationship and cheat...get out if there!!...100%...because you deserve better...
This woman is so real... She speaks with conviction and cares about the communication... If both man and woman LISTEN TOGETHER , there could be a change...i wish my wife cared to listen....
Such an interesting and wise conversation. Although I've been single for a couple of years and do not have any interest at this time in meeting anyone or going out on any dates, I still really indentified and related to this subject and all the details it entails. I also agree with her to the fullest about judging people based on their actions. This is so important and so underated. For something that sounds so obvious and straightforward, it really isn't because people are judged by certain statuses like income, education religion race or even their past actions. People either evolve, stay the same or devolve throughout their lives so its very important to remember this. Another thing is that a person can treat two different people in two totally different ways so just because they haven't treated you bad doesn't take away from the other person's experience with this same persons treatment to them. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this video today and I'm looking forward to the podcast. I was feeling pretty down today. Nothing in particular just an off day maybe and I was questioning a lot of things so I needed this. I feel inspired now and capable in trusting myself. Thank you both.
I have to say such a great advice in general. Actually words are understatement. But everything she said was like how my life right now is experiencing. Thank you for this Ester! Much respect and more power to you!!!!
I love the advice for the friends of the couples who are experiencing these problems. So to recap, just give them the space to talk about the infidelity and be in their own emotions without any judgement on the other partner or the friend who's going through the infidelity to express and try to understand their emotions and be there to support their decisions regardless of whether you agree or not and more importantly to just be there for your friend at a time when they really need the value, love and compassion of friendship, great advice! "Love is messy and infidelity is even more so". 1:06 Esther's three lessons...Very powerful!
Cheating isn’t about the lack of love, it’s the lack of RESPECT. The act of cheating is an action of dismissing whatever your partner may think, or may feel, or what he/she represents in your life. The lack of respect hurts more than the thought of the lack of love.
Exactly. Well.put
Not necessarily. Sometimes it's an act of desperation because you don't know what else to do, the communication is failing, etc. Saying it's lack of respect is is oversimplifying a very complex issue
@@lismarcel Here's a thought, how about you get out of the relationship?
@@lismarcel it's cowardly first, excuses later. Which is typical.
And the desire of being wanted or loved , and to be important at the end of the day!
I would pay any money, just to spend an hour talking with Esther.
Every word of her is so powerful and valuable. I have never gotten so much essential information from anyone else in this world.
Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.
Same here!!! I wonder how much $$ is an hour of chat with this woman?? Would gladly pay!
You can watch videos for free. Why pay
Esther adds so much too life and the people's lives she touches. I watch everything she does and makes available to UA-cam. I appreciate the value Esther adds to my life and the clarity she brings.
same. if i could have dinner with anyone in the world it'd be esther and dr. christopher ryan. i love both of their podcasts, and i've been watching esther's talks for a long time.
Love when she said “you can live without sex but you can’t live without touch”. Touch can change the course of a relationship for sure, very powerful. ❤️
This goes out a man named John.
So, so true.
My husband and I didn't have sex for 7 + years being in a loveless relationship. I didn't long for sex but it irked me that he would not even touch me . He would wrap himself in sheets so I wouldn't even accidentally touch him in my sleep. He would rather watch porn than have a personal time with me .
I wasn't big on initiating sex but showed romantic side but not as ignored . Touch is so important. I remember the children in Romanian orphanages in 1990's . They were rocking to soothe themselves those who were picked up and played with, didn't rock and were developing much better than the children who were not payed attention.
Why she remain married to him …if her needs of Love is not being reciprocated???
Question ?? Was it not that men by Nature are promiscuous ???
Some of us have such a strong duty of care for the children and our families that what we need is hidden until a bigger crisis come or children grow up.
I am in awe! The most hurtful thing about infidelity is the fact that finding out that the object of your affection has roamed doesn't mean that you stop loving them. In that sense of deep vulnerability, confusion and ache, you still love them and even though you may wish otherwise, YOU LOVE THEM STILL. It's devastating. It's infuriating and at times you're torn between giving up entirely and working on it. It's not right.
You can't force someone to do anything or feel anything. The act the way they do not because of you necessarily, but because of trying to find a solution to one of the questions about themselves.
It is an act of self betrayal .
It devalues you, and that feeling never goes away!
@@appletile2887 They have insecurity ISSUES and self centered ways..
@@lisacranmer8005 self-centered yes. From what my ex-husband told me, he felt amazing & revived again being in love with his ap.... I do agree that our relationship did became boring & stagnant... Nonetheless still hurts me.
I love this woman... It's like she took all thoughts, added research, her unique perspective and shared it with the world.
Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.
Emokiriemi Abednego l
She's a man hating radical feminist who just uses a radical feminist like this as a weapon against men and hetero-sexual people
Emokiriemi Abedneg
Catina28 I like her as well
Tears gently streaming down my face as she talks about the fears of trusting again.
oh me too
Ho poor dear come come things it will be better, ciao 😉
I understand, and my relationship hit all 4 apocalypse smh
Me too girl!
Be strong...It has not been easy..
I sobbed while I watched this. The bit about what your friends can do. About re-establishing self worth. I had a friend who did this for me. It was beautiful. It saved me.
Thank you so much for leading me to my best friend. He saved me
I learned from an old boss and it makes so much sense “ when’s the best time to tell your partner you love them? Before someone else does!”ut is what a person in a relationship always needs to know is that they are still alive and you desire them!
Changed my attitude. Women should not be shamed into leaving a cheater. They have choices that only they will live. Be a friend.
So I'm late watching this lol, but I was cheated on years ago and it was the most heartbreaking thing I ever went through... BUT!! I feel so grateful to be out of that relationship and I'm doing amazing and I'm grateful for the lessons, I've healed, and I've moved on to creating an amazing life... so there is hope for anyone going through heartbreak xo
SARAH X FAITH I feel it literally breaks a person. Not only heartbreaking but it leaves you spiritless
Angelia Moore yes it does! But it teaches you a lot and you learn what you’re willing to tolerate and not xx for me it made me raise my standards xoxo
Thank you I really needed this
@@sishasfaith I’ve had a long time to process his infidelities and I’ve learned to slowly let go of him. I decided to move on because I deserve love, loyalty & respect.
Thanks Sarah!!! Your story gives me strength!!
"The brain is the most powerful sexual organ" SO TRUE! Monogamy and fidelity start in the mind. If we entertain romantic and sexual thoughts about someone else than our spouse, these thoughts will influence our desires and make them stronger; thus, making it harder to resist temptations.
It becomes adultery and infedelity
Denise Chavez and the skin being the largest, which is why touch is very important
Iv said that for decades .. the largest sexual organ .. is the brain .
It’s says that in the Bible also
Acknowledging the remorse and the guilt is essential. 100% agreed! After having proof and walking away from an abusive and addicted husband while he was still denying it happened with ZERO empathy was enough for me to realize it was the best decision I could have made.
Joanne Bhaloo : I’ve had to make similar choices in relationships. I certainly grieved my losses but I never believed I did the wrong thing by walking away from dysfunction and abuse.
That is strong - Courageous that you acted and valued yourself.
I agree...I have same type experience and the x family and my own kids went against me..
Its wise to walk old rather then to suffer mentality n emotionally and the pain till old age! Its their lost!
" It takes effort for something to mean nothing"...very profound.
Yes very
Infidelity shatters the great ambition of love ! Perfectly said !
God, I love love love her! She has tremendous insight and wisdom. She made me look at my marriage of 21 yrs with new eyes. She’ll never know, but I will forever be grateful to her for this.
Being alone is worse than not being satisfied sexually. But it should ideally be with someone you are attracted to and who you feel cares for you.
That is if you are trying to keep a relationship going so one is not alone. Alone is so unhealthy and stressful.
Just wow...again Esther blows me away with her insight. Love her to bits
You can tell he is gay just by his hands
She is the first person on Social Media that actually addresses the core of things.
Kay_onutube I can recommend you to someone who was able to manifest my ex back and it works very fast
Contact him directly at what's app for help +2348077751695 🙏🙏
Okay
The friend can only take so much as well. My friend was always angry, hurt or sad. After years of listening to her, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was very painful for me to watch and listen to her over year since I’m an empathetic person. So, I did have to tell her for my well-being, that I don’t want to hear about the relationship with her husband anymore. We have so much more to share with each other such as kids, grandchildren, fashion, healthy living, spiritually and so forth.
I know she’s angry because she’s avoiding me but I’m ok with that. Either we will survive this or we won’t. I don’t feel bad about what I said. I didn’t tell her to leave him or make any ultimatum about what she should do. I only said I don’t want to hear about it anymore for my peace of mind and well being.
Thank you for sharing, I have been in a similar situation with a friend and wasn't sure how to express that I really didn't want to to know anymore. It was hard but necessary for me.
I hope your friend comes around, she’s hurt, but she has to know it wasn’t easy to tell her that.
You had every right to your boundary. That shows that you wouldn’t self abandon to be her emotional dumping ground.
It’s one thing for a person to need someone to hear them about a tough time, or a few tough times…but when they outsource to you, to hold a container of the same sewage, again and again, that is an absolute abuse of the friendship.
They are on a treadmill of the problem and not being solution oriented. The self sabotage and dragging you into it, is not ok.
That is a lovely act for yourself and actually makes you a good friend to have, whether or not that friend you shared about will appreciate it. Friends are best when they will honestly (and kindly) call us out. If someone can’t take feedback, honor your boundaries, see how their behavior is disrespectful…maybe evaluating the friendship is a good idea
1:02:55 min "You judge people by their actions!"-great one.So true!Thank you Esther!
Expecting my partner to fulfill all my needs is unfair as it is unrealistic. To me this paradigm sets up both partners for failure. Define your relationship's balance and yet again as circumstances change the balance.
My Husband and I have been married 31 years, and I can personally attest to the truth of what Esther has said.
“Incredidible gift to humanity” - stated so perfectly, she definitely has changed my life. I found her at just the right time.
My mind was just blown about every 5 minutes for the last hour of my life. She is incredibly insightful! Such great information for couples.
Every word that comes out of mouth is gold. She is the real deal.
👍
Honest truthful advise and wisdom lacking in the society even in the religious communities.
I am learning a lot from this you Esther. Thank God for UA-cam.
I love how attentive and carefully Lewis is listening to Esther Perel..it's like he's sucking in and internalising all that wisdom she shares right there..forever a student and never stopping to be one..
This is one of the best colaberatios ive seen as an interviwer and intervie. He asked real simple questions . and she gave great useful answers. Enjoyed this very much!
💯! Thank you Esther. I acknowledge all the things you’ve said. I’m hoping my wife will watch this and have a better understanding of what’s happening with us. I don’t want to leave her, but I am willing to do so for my own happiness, but I truly want us both happy. I will listen and apply the knowledge. Thank You🙏
When she said, “If you love someone set them free, if they love you they’ll come back.” I had to pause the video and hear it a second time that was deep!
jacob cortez You realize this is an extremly old quote right ?
😂😂😂😂😂
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back it means nobody else wanted them. Set them free again."
Omg what year were you born?!?! 😂
When they come back, think of what STD's they are bringing with them.
What she said about contempt was so important...
yes. Once your partner is eye-rolling at you, it's far gone
@@alexs6250 what if they did it from very beginning?
I appreciate this video so so much and you have no idea..I’ve been married for 23 years and had a wonderful marriage and both sides of our families are all so very close and a year and a half ago my husband cheated on me with one of his employees and it devastating to say the least..I’ve kept everything a secret except for his family,because he left to live with his cousin and eventually his whole family found out..Long story short we are slowly starting over ..I couldn’t stop crying watching this video,but it was amazing to watch..xoxo
Tyson a rasiut
Stay strong Sophia, my prayers are for you!! I pray your marriage will heal and you and your husband will connect in a way that will be better than ever!! God bless you.
I hope you left him! It’s a conscious decision to make, not an accident
Esther is amazing! Just ordered her new book yesterday and can't wait to read it.Thank you Lewis for all these great conversations.
fellow Armenian ?
Thank you Esther for confirming that my thoughts about intimacy are not crazy.
She's just great. It seems like she just knows life's ways
A great sharing of an mindset without any stereotype thinking! The world need more of such humans!!
I love this lady. There's a lot of wisdom in this tiny lady. What a gift to all of us.
I have been cheated on in almost every relationship I’ve ever been in. I’ve cheated once and never will again. I felt so terrible afterwards that it ate me alive from the inside.
That’s the thing I never understand. How people can be so lacking in conscience so as to be able to enjoy it in any way. It’s gross.
She is an angel. God bless you Esther. Thank you for being there, gorgeous human being.
Yes, if you don’t get bored you will stay forever. I have seen couples still in so in love after 25 years
I've also seen couples who have been seemingly happy for 25 years and it comes out in family gossip that the husband had paid prostitutes. it's not always what it seems unfortunately. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not. People hide their dirty laundry.
Agree!
@@Veronica-tk9rlsometimes they stay because it's more convenient than divorce 😢
This is so huge. My husband destroyed our entire life that included 5 combined children, caring for 3 parents as they aged and died (2 were his), our home, our dog, 3 cats, extended family, friends, 14 years of profound love-making and shared dreams because of the very poor way I handled things during a difficult time for us where growth was trying to happen. He ran into the arms of another woman blaming me the whole way even as I begged for the healing of our love and our life. God bless Esther for challenging the "capital punishment" handling of this subject and calling for BOTH members of a couple to examine what is really happening when there is a breach of trust.
Yeah, one wrong move and he runs to someone else, he will do the same thing to the next one, obviously there is much he does not understand about relationships. Hope healing was in the cards for you.
I wish she had a podcast. Brilliant woman
Annick Kabeya she does! It's on audible 😊 I think it's called Where Should We Begin
also on podcast
Yes, that is correct! Its called "where should we begin"
This has summarized it for me with a lot more context within the given hour, having listened to a lot more of her work. Thank you Esther for helping us make sense of something that is so hard to talk about. You continue to bring us better understanding that also allows us to manage our experiences. Thank you so much for this gift to humanity. May God continue to bless you with more wisdom and everything else your heart desires.
Every struggling first marriage that really hears this, will be reminded of what Love is, and build it up instead of tear it down. Wisdom!
Always great talk with her. I’ve watched so many of her talks and interviews and the BEST part is that she is authentic and in the moment. Others repeat a script at every interview l, every conference.. nothing new or real in the moment. Esther is so raw. And Lewis, you always ask such profound questions that we all have that we don’t ask! Thank you for asking them. And lastly, the last question and answers brought me to tears. 🙏🏼💙
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
She is so eloquent. Amazing woman.
Thank you Lewis ... Ester is a beautiful soul ... Understanding is not saying it's ok , it's holding a place for the pain and healing ... I have a new outlook on relationship ... I love this lady ... She is one of a kind ... 😢❤
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Again I love this woman . I have seen her Ted talks and how she covers this topic is amazing
Yes I have subscribed. I am just watching the older videos.
Affection, Warmth, Vibrancy = LOVE
I love her analysis on men, women and relationships.
I love how Esther touches our hearts with her words. She speaks with such calmness and clarity in her mind about everything. And thank you lewis for asking such great questions and helping us understand deeper about relationships.
Omg! this lady is amazing! 16:50 @ "Now you are going to take care of him, you are gonna be his nurse...? That is what we do though as humans, we make so many excuses for people who hurt us
She will be even more beautiful as time goes by. Very smart woman and beautiful soul.
I just love and admire this woman! So much wisdom to share with us!!!
The definition of greatness... 🎬
is the being able to be Humble
Lots of aspects to learn and apply, being more comprehensive, tolerant and loving
Just finishing up the interview Lewis, This is a very powerful interview, my favourite quote with regards to loving and caring "Its not about performance, it's about pleasure". I can't relate much to the infidelity aspect of this interview but I can 100% relate to ending on good terms, setting people free, being the friend, very powerful, thank you.
I love Lewis' face looking at her like a kid looking at his favourite teacher, like "I'm learning, I'm paying all my attention, please keep talking and illuminating me" XD
Really? I can see him having inner dialog and already thinking about questions. Not actively listening. 🤷♀️
This women is on point God bless her ... Thank you Esther for such insight
"If you love someone set them free; if they love you they'll come back....."
Beautiful.
Thank you for sharing
Beautiful
Only if they know how to love is when you should let them back. Sometimes they will say they love you but because of what you have poured into them, not what they have failed to poured into you. And that's why they don't want to let you go. If you are a benefit to them, why would they want to let you go? I had to open so many friends eyes to whether their partners really love them. Be careful when they tell you how great you are and give you an ego boost because you might be blinded.
Judge people by their action is absolutely true
Vulnerability with yourself knowing anyone can hurt you , whether it be the love of your life or your own family. Being brave enough to trust someone new knowing that they aren't the person that hurt you before. If you gotta get therapy, meditate or something else. Aslong as you go through those emotions with a healthy outlet. And for the men as much as you want to be that girls hero, unless you're a professional therapist, it's very hard to help someone through past relationship trauma that they haven't dealt with themselves and aren't going to work on.
Esther and Lewis! You are both BRILLIANT! Thoroughly enjoyed this and have shared with friends! Also downloading Esther's podcast at this moment! Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
Lewis is asking her so right questions.
They are both man hating radical feminist to are trying to manipulate hetero-sexual people in their relationships.
@@thehill8353 lmfao@you
@@bulbasaur1232 what investment do you have in protecting radical feminist little boy? male feminists are the first to go in the guillotine you know that right?
I don't think though most people would be honest. You always meet the representatives when you'r dating someone, their not going to come out and just say "oh yeah....I ghosted someone" or "I cheated on my last relationship". I find it hard to enter mix theories with real world experiences. People aren't going to be honest often we find out by default about the person and what they believe through their actions. Actions speak louder than world.
She is do powerful. I just want to admit one thing here. One of my primary school friend was the one who was there for me no matter what. And that made me feel I def need a company, a vent while going thru different things. And bfor I thought I was alone. So all thru my different situations I happened to notice my brother was there for me, my friend was there for me, my online girl friend too...always ready to listen ....without schooling. And this is what Esther talks about here. We all need friends to just listen sometimes. Those ones who school you they usually are not even much of friends. The real ones will say....AW Lord what u gon do now?
This whole message was so beautiful, I’m very happy my therapist recommended me this
Few public intellectuals speak as compellingly as this woman. She's a joy to watch.
Everything she said was GOLD. Absolutely love her. She's like Dr. Phil on relationships.. I would love to see them work together. But the only thing I don't agree with, is first she says that those that commit the infidelity are a reflection on them -not their partner.. but then she goes to say that when your partner cheats you should ask yourself what's your own responsibility to contribute to the infidelity. That was a huge contradiction to what she's been saying that struck me confused and disappointed. I do get that people will be treated terribly in their relationships and then meet someone else and cheat with them. I've never cheated and never will -because like she said it's a CHOICE. The person that commits the act is the ONLY one that should take responsibility, not the person that was the partner suffering from it. It's definitely a grey area but no matter how grey the relationship is, no matter what, cheating and lying is a choice. If you're not happy in your relationship, do what you can to fix it and work it with your partner if you truly love them. But if after at least a year or even a few months, and they still don't seem to want to be there for you in time of need and don't consider you (I always say a year is more than fair), then you'll know it's time to end it! Don't cheat!
Not a contradiction. Looking inward is also looking at things you could've done differently. The examples of guilt and shame being different, the criticism being aggressive, etc are good ones. Doing those things too much will make many go outside their marriage especially if the other spouse thinks they you what doesn't stink
She is beyond amazing.
Thank you for your wonderful insight Esther! I agree with your assessments and thoughts. Just a question for you and all others who watch this video: Esther mentioned that in the old days people used to live in close communities where they knew a lot of their neighbors and had close relationship with them. Now that most of us live in isolation, no extended family members, not too many friends, only concentrating on our partner, kids and work, how do we fill the void? How can we have close relationships with others without calling it "infidelity"?
She is a REVOLUTIONARY !! I love this woman.
Love Esther, this was great. Just ordered the book off Amazon. Lewis also appreciate no bulky earphones, I think about how warm the head/ears get. This seems more intimate, a natural conversation between 2 great people. Kudos!
Thank you for interviewing this great mind. Her candor is very healing and inspiring, and so is her insight and wisdom.
I have. Thank you for allowing the interviewees to share their wisdom without unnecessary interruption. Very often, being a great listener makes a great interviewer.
Esther Perel changed my Life 🎉
Thanks for breaking down this complicated subject with masterful insight, knowledge, and wisdom. So helpful to have clarification when getting to know these somewhat taboo and often scary conversations about love, commitment, relationship and vulnerability. Your self confidence makes this research and study you have done way more available and accessible. These concepts clarified need to be a part of early education in learning to know and understand ourselves, which is where many problems can arise, if we have not been brought up in an environment that is open and allowing honesty to flourish. Bravo, and Thank you!
Thank you for this gift. Continue shining your light, you are helping a lot of people going thru this kind of challenge in their lives.
She makes so much sense.
Another amazing conversation with Esther! Thank you! Her insightful & revelatory perspectives are endlessly fascinating.
Listening to Ester Perel has been a life changer for me.
She is amazing. Like how truthful she is and she has great observations .
When I listen her interviews or read her book , I enjoy them because they are not relationship issues only between men and women .She has great knowledge of different cultures . I like her observations about people all around the world.
THANK YOU Lewis for bringing her back to your studio. Esther makes us think outside the box, she has challenge me to "rethink infidelity" for sure. Navigating through a very painful time in life and trying to figure out what to do with it all... Just started listening to the new book, amazing and powerful, just like her first book. Thank you for all you do!
Love this! Esther is amazing!! Lewis is amazing!! Great conversation :)
Emm Bronte ;)
Alexander Sandalis 😀🙌🏽
About friends giving their opinion about your relationship: it took me years to grasp how vital it is to keep a relationship between you and your partner. I made the mistake to discuss what was happening in the relationship with friends. All those sometimes ill adviced comments and projections left me confused. Actually no one should meddle in other people's relationships. At the same time I learned not to meddle in other peoples relations. When you bring other people into your relationship the integrity of it is jeopardized.
What a fantastic talk. She is just incredible!!
I love this lady very much ...She talks very openly ..and she is sharing her thoughts with the world ..
Thank you for inviting Esther again! It’s such a pleasure to see & hear her quiet and intelligent wisdom! Also, love the format: so informal and respectful altogether!
This woman must be a amazing mother
THANK YOU for bringing such quality guests with unique insights ❤
This brilliant soul! Everything she says just sets off this domino effect of lightbulbs in my head! Her desire Ted talks is how I first discovered her, that one is amazing also!!
This is so good. I love Esther and Lewis. Thanks Lewis for hosting this.
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Just found this lady and cant stop listening to her. Id love to sit and talk to her for awhile
I agree with what is being said here .
I also strongly believe that a person should not suffer for the sake of monogamy. I feel like it used to be that way a long time ago but there is no justification for it today . none ....
If you are seriously considering infidelity then you should (honestly!) isolate the reasons for it and work with your partner in a caring way to resolve the problem.
if your partner is really not willing to work with you then it’s done and you need to move on. don’t suffer in silence and don’t stay in the relationship and cheat...get out if there!!...100%...because you deserve better...
If I am speaking at a conference, I would hate to be the speaker right after her. It would be hard to outshine her!
This woman is so real...
She speaks with conviction and cares about the communication...
If both man and woman LISTEN TOGETHER , there could be a change...i wish my wife cared to listen....
So great to see you have finally abandoned the earphone headsets. A timely move for such a great guest and teacher as Esther Perel.
She is brilliant.
Esther, you are so right. I agree with everything you said.
Such an interesting and wise conversation. Although I've been single for a couple of years and do not have any interest at this time in meeting anyone or going out on any dates, I still really indentified and related to this subject and all the details it entails. I also agree with her to the fullest about judging people based on their actions. This is so important and so underated. For something that sounds so obvious and straightforward, it really isn't because people are judged by certain statuses like income, education religion race or even their past actions. People either evolve, stay the same or devolve throughout their lives so its very important to remember this. Another thing is that a person can treat two different people in two totally different ways so just because they haven't treated you bad doesn't take away from the other person's experience with this same persons treatment to them. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this video today and I'm looking forward to the podcast. I was feeling pretty down today. Nothing in particular just an off day maybe and I was questioning a lot of things so I needed this. I feel inspired now and capable in trusting myself. Thank you both.
I have to say such a great advice in general. Actually words are understatement. But everything she said was like how my life right now is experiencing. Thank you for this Ester! Much respect and more power to you!!!!
I love the advice for the friends of the couples who are experiencing these problems. So to recap, just give them the space to talk about the infidelity and be in their own emotions without any judgement on the other partner or the friend who's going through the infidelity to express and try to understand their emotions and be there to support their decisions regardless of whether you agree or not and more importantly to just be there for your friend at a time when they really need the value, love and compassion of friendship, great advice! "Love is messy and infidelity is even more so".
1:06 Esther's three lessons...Very powerful!
1:07... three truths