Amazing - I’ve just discovered the French parenting techniques , I have 7 children from 18months -12yrs , and already what a difference!!! We don’t snack anymore and look forward to our 3 meals ! I wish I knew this when I was starting out in mothering !
this is great! i have to admit that my four-year old called me out on interrupting her recently. I apologized because we should treat children with the same respect that we want them to demonstrate!
Very interesting. I've listened to a lot French parents and can say without a doubt this was my grandmother's take on parenting and my mother's. We have French ancestors on my grandmothers side and I can see a lot of these strategies carried over the generations. The only thing that did stick was the diet however, I am on a mission to correct this in my family. Thank you for sharing!
You're describing more of a generational attitude about food. My generation wasn't given a choice of foods at meal time as much as my kids generation. You're belief on manners is absolutely my belief as well. I teach the same way in my daycare that I have run for 30 years. Respect for food and good manners from toddlers up. I have many great eaters who have great manners as well. I'm in the US. Great video!
I love noticing and discussing these differences! I was raised in the US by French parents and I definitely noticed these differences in my home vs. my American friends’ homes. I love the French approach to food as a pleasure to enjoy, and meal times as a family bonding moment.
Wow! This is crazy! I think my mom (she is American and so is my dad) accidentally raised us very French, and I definitely intend to use it for my kids too. We never ate "kids food." When we went to restaurants, my mom would just get something from the adult menu and share it with us. Or she would have us share a dish with each other. So, if you're ever in the states or the UK, that is how she got around the kids menu thing. We never even looked at the kid's menu. I didn't even know it existed for the longest time.
I also remember being bored a lot as a kid, and my mom would say "don't be boring, and then you won't be bored." And there are so many other things she did that were apparently very French. We never interrupted adults, and we're often required to sit quietly in adult conversations. She would make us raise our hands though if we had a question, but she rarely answered right away. She would sonorous is, and then put up a finger to tell us to wait, or say "one minute."
You are absolutely right about everything you said 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 I have been raised up in the same way although I’m not French but this “was” our culture too before the modern hectic life changed the people unfortunately!
My children are all in their 20's now and there was very little information about different parenting styles back then. What you described in this video is pretty much how we raised them (I am Australian). The two specific areas you raised of what children eat, and waiting are two things I also felt strongly about and went about parenting my children so similarly to you. Our children all learned to eat a mouthful of things they didn't like, because it is polite when you're out to do so without having a tantrum. And I could never see why I should be expected to have a cold meal or a cold up of tea when there was no emergency. As young adults our children have a wide and varied palette and enjoy foods from all over the world and are willing to try anything once, and they are confident, independent people who are a joy to live with.
I really enjoyed watching this! My husband is French and I am Filipino so it is a very interesting household raising two kids (2 year old and soon to be one year old). I've always admired a lot of the French parenting style and way of life. My in laws recommended the book called, "Bringing Up Bebe". When you spoke about having coffee and enjoying it and the child having to wait, has been my most favorite. My mother in law taught me this and even now my husband tells our kids to wait while we have coffee. French culture is indeed so beautiful in its approaches to parenting and life.
one thing I would say in the United States about food, the portion sizes are so oversized, you could order one plate and have plenty to share with your child
My mum lett me be bored also hahaha I was raised late 60.s . We had to find ways to play with other siblings or alone while my mum tend to the house. Not a Lott of activity was going on back then nor sreentime. And it's true you learn to be creative.
I LOVE your parenting style!!! Here in America, it is ALL about the children and the parents stopping everything to do everything for their child, and I know that is not how I want to raise my future children!😂 Loved listening to what you shared Soraya!!
The chicken nugget thing in the US is absolutely a post Gen X phenomenon. Food may not have been as gourmet before the 90’s but kids did eat balanced meals much of the time with the whole family. Even school cafeteria food was somewhat balanced and included fresh fruits and vegetables. Somewhere we lost our way and traded saving time to cram more stuff in the day for nutrition and mealtimes. Of course not everyone is like this but the fact restaurants changed their children’s menus practically overnight and everyone just went with it says something about how much we value food, quality of ingredients, and mealtimes as a society. Collectively we have not been able to drive the food industry to do better. Our grocery stores are basically landmines of unhealthy chemical laden fake foods that we have been convinced are good or the standard. It’s very frustrating. Great effort, time and money goes into sourcing good food here. We just don’t have access to it as much as in France but that again is because we are not driving the demand for it due to our hustle get ahead at all costs culture. It’s a vicious cycle. I eat in the French or old fashioned American style but I know not everyone has the luxury to do so or do not see the value in it. So there we are. It will be interesting to see how things change over the next 50 years. Hopefully for the better! ❤
We use the pets for this. For example we have 6 pets and my 21 month old eats first and then stays in the highchair while the pets are fed and I clean up. I am constantly telling my mother that my daughter is an important member of our family, BUT she is not the only person in our family, let alone the most important person of the family. Totally agree with you. I believe only boring people get bored... or at least stay bored.
American dad here! I really like what you have to say about the French approach. I think Americans could really benefit from this philosophy to life and parenting. The free for all approach to life I think creates a lack of expectations and culture. The culture around life becomes confusing or very simple. I found this video looking for information about different approaches to eating and how children are taught about foods. This was very eye opening thank you! We are currently struggling with my son eating he's very picky and has a lot of anxiety around food and trying new things. It's taken a lot of work for him to try a variety of things. Have you ever encountered French children with food anxieties? Or does it not even exist? I think it's interesting how one culture can create certain problems for themselves over how they approach things in a non effective manner.
Hi ! I'm 5 months late and not a mom, but french, so i think i can answer a bit. We do have picky eaters ! I'm pretty sure every country has some. You can't like everything, and it's ok. As children though, the two biggest things regarding not liking a food you'd see here would be : 1. Try the food 3 times in a row as it is before stating you don't like it. Maybe it's the texture you have to get used to, maybe something else, but we cook with basic ingredients and tend to decline them a lot, so it's better to even just be sure. 2. You don't get to leave the table without finishing your plate, even if that means everyone else has left the table. The thing is : since we eat together, one person serves from the pot, on the table. You tell them to stop, and thus control the quantity you're going to eat. Of course, there is a minimum, but if you want to start small, and get more afterwards, it's actually a good thing (you learn your limits, end up wasting less food, or at least having less "used" leftovers). It's a rather old school point though, nowadays i guess you'd just let the child leave the table if you see they've been starring at their plate for 30mn (we have the time so, it's usually 30mn-1h in weekdays, and 30-2h in weekends). They stay even if everyone has left. No desert. "If you have room for desert you have room for what's in your plate, finish it 1st". We've all heard it. I said old school point because it can be felt like punishment by the child, forced to eat something "they don't like". Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but at least the child tries it more. It's just for 1st time tries. I'm adding a 3rd point, but sometimes it really is the texture. Because we're going to try to get the palate used to the said food, we'll try different ways to cook the aliment, and we may find a way to make everyone happy. "You eat what's on the table and that's it". No "king child" (it's seen as a lack of discipline and egoism). Steamed and fried (with little oil or butter in a pan, not fried "fried") veggies have a different texture, one may just like one. I read something once, that compared eating a berry to eating a biscuit. When you eat a biscuit, you know what it'd taste like, what to expect. When you eat a berry, you can't trust the colors or textures, because, even if it looks the same, it's always a surprise (when you 1st try it). Thus, there is no... familiarity of comfort ? Last but not least, we try more and more to cook with the child. I mean, there always have been "make a cake/pie" events in families and schools here, on occasions etc, but getting used and educated to what you eat helps a bunch. They don't just "come down and eat", they can be curious, thus be a child and learn, see the dough rise, the different steps, and say "i've/we've done this (together)" with pride, when the final product is shared on the table. They usually get compliments, so they'd want to do it again. Eventually, cooking something with x person becomes a core childhood memory. :) I'm guessing the Montessori method might interest you, even out of curiosity :) I hope it helped, have a great day !
Wholesome videos/channels like yours are so underrated! Image how educated and advanced the world could be if channels like yours were what’s “trendy”. Thank you for the knowledge 🤗
I’m a mother to be in Singapore and very much like in the UK & US, we put our child first as if they are the centre of the universe, and that made alot of them very entitled. I’m glad that I am exposed the French parenting and not feel guilty, or feel like motherhood has to be a sacrifice! Please make some more of such videos!! ❤
Amazing video!! Thank you!! I had my son in 2009 straight out of college. Back then, parenting blogs and books weren’t anywhere near as abundant as they are today. I remember combing through years-old message boards to get any kind of advice (I was absolutely clueless as to what I was doing). I somehow stumbled upon Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman. I’m a Mexican-American living in Texas, so French culture was not something I was exposed to at all before that. But that book above all else laid the foundation for my parenting journey. My son is going to be 12 next month, and I still thank God for bringing that book to me. I am especially thankful for his food habits thanks to those tips. Are there any resources or tips out there for how the French parent their pre-teens and teens? It seems like parenting resources for children 10-14 are just very rare in general. Thank you!
Thanks for watching my video 😊 I have actually prepared another video on the things I have learned from British and American moms and implement in my home, because there are things about the American approach to parenting that I love also. And I think these apply well to teenage years. My children are still very young so I am yet to experience what it’s like to have a teenager in the house, but my family moved to the US when I was 13 so I got to experience both world as a teenager. What I love about American parenting is the ability to be incredibly supportive and focus on the child’s strengths (and recognise each child’s uniqueness in that way). The French are now being influence by the Positive Discipline approach and so I think things are changing a little now, but when I was a kid, for teenagers it was a bit of « tough love » approach. In general the French are good at setting boundaries, setting high standards, and encouraging curiosity, but the American gentle, respectful parenting approach supports emotional development better. That is just my opinion and nothing scientific 😂 the ideal is to take the best of both world. I can’t think of any resources for teenagers I m afraid but if I come across any I ll let you know 😊
Thank you for this! My husband is french and I'm Australian, living in Australia. There are big differences in the food culture and how we eat. Thankfully, we both have Asian backgrounds, so our core values and traditional parenting are similar. But because our upbringing is so different, there's clashes. your video has been very helpful!
Thanks for sharing some of these useful tips. I agree with the idea of children are not the center of our family life, I don't have to always plan my life around my kid and I believe my kid can adapt to my schedule, and I don't have to lose myself, I can still fulfill my other commitments in life like my job, taking care of my husband's need etc.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I would love to hear more about the French approach to teaching kids how to appreciate food. I've read that the French have very strong ideas about when and where food should be eaten (no snacking between meals, no eating in the car or on the couch etc). Also I've read that the French emphasize the pleasure of eating good food (rather than the American focus on health "eat your broccoli because it's good for you") I would love to hear more about your experience with these things. And also what you actually say to your children to get them to try different foods. What words/phrases do you use? E.g. If the focus is on taste and pleasure rather than health, then you would say different things to your kids than I say to mine (eat this because it's healthy), and I would love to hear other ideas for how I can talk to my kids about food!
I am so happy to find your video explaining how you raise your child based on your philosophy which I totally love! I always want our child to be respectful and patience to others and your way really suites to my goal. I’m Japanese mom who gave birth last month, so I am looking forward to see more of your video coming in the future! I would love to hear the story about baby sleeping method as well if there is any chance ;)
Well done.. My first viewing of your site. Really instructive on every front. It has allowed me to understand parenting styles in Bordeaux where we live now, including the all important place of eating in the food capital David W
Thank you for this! I live in Trinidad & Tobago in the Caribbean and before the heavy influence of American pop culture, most of the discipline style you described was how parents raised their kids. I really appreciate your insight into the 4 course meal approach. I do something similar with my toddler starting with veggies first then protein then carbs, he has yogurt in the morning before meal, but honestly since he has high calorie needs due to a heart condition, it is a bit difficult sometimes for us all to eat the same meals but we still try to eat together just not often enough. I quite see that disconnect as I used to sit and eat with my son and him becoming more picky advancing into toddlerhood because I sat less with him. You guys do so well because of your high, low carb diets and the value of how you eat. Thanks for the inspiration!
I never knew any of this about french culture. Everything you said made sense to me, but i would like to know how exactly you get your kids to obey those rules. 🤔 I mean, what do you do if they break any of those rules? How do you discipline them? I must confess i faild with feeding my older son with balanced food just because he was really picky since he was born, and im still paying for it. He is very thin and still picky, i wished there is still a way to make him eat healthier even he is almost a teen. I like your video, it was really interesting.
Hi Francine, thank you so much for watching my video. It's not so much about "discipline" in the traditional sense, it's more about role modelling those values for my children and constantly repeating the rules until they become habits for them. For instance, with the rule of not interrupting each other: I never interrupt my children when they are talking to me, and I am a very good listener. When my daughter wants to talk to me while I'm already having a conversation with someone else, if she interrupts me, I will immediately, firmly but gently, stop her "I'm sorry honey but you need to let me finish talking first, remember to wait for your turn to speak", I will then continue what I was saying to the other person, but as soon as I am finished, I will turn to my child and tell her "I am ready to listen to you now" and then I listen to her until she is done talking, I respond to her and show her interest. Because I show real interest in what she is saying, it's rewarding for her and it made it worth the wait (that's why it's very important to make sure I really do give her a turn to speak and give her the same attention and respect I would give an adult). If you do this consistently (every time with no exception), always reminding your child of the rule, they quickly learn it and it becomes a habit. Consistency is really key in teaching those rules to children. About food: I understand what you mean. One of my children is also a very picky eater when he was little: from the moment I started introducing solids, there were a lot of things he didn't like and was rejecting. Here is how I handled the situation: I do not offer snacks or alternatives to the meal I prepared (also French people give less snacks than British parents, for example we never give snacks between breakfast and lunch) Also, whenever I noticed my child didn't like a specific ingredient, on purpose I offer the same ingredient on multiple occasions in the next couple of days/weeks. I don't force my child to eat, but I do get them to try at least one spoonful each time. Slowly my son started eating more and more foods with this method. When I see my British mom friends struggling with picky eaters, I always notice the same pattern: they give in because they have a lot of anxiety around their child being hungry or not getting enough food... so they end up either making a whole new meal for the child, and start cooking only what the child likes. So I think first step is getting over this anxiety. In France, so many paediatricians, and nurses will tell you: "your child will not let themselves die of hunger!" it's a way of saying: don't be anxious, if your child is truly hungry, they will eat what you give them, so don't let yourself be intimidated when they reject a meal. For an older child: when my toddler doesn't like an ingredient, I show real interest in understanding why. I ask her "what do you not like about it? The colour? the texture? The smell? The taste?" I ask her to help me brainstorm about how we can make it better... "We can improve the texture by making it into a puree next time? We can improve the taste by using a different recipe? What could make it better?" I noticed that this really helps. But again, rules are the rules: she has to try every time. Also, I talk to her a lot about the food: this ingredient is really good for your eye health! This one is really good for your muscle! I hope this helps! I know this can be stressful, especially with an older child who can be less easily convinced than a toddler! I hope you can make it work.
I love this so much! Ver curious about the French approach to “discipline” … esp with toddlers! How do you handle tantrums and get a child to do what they need to do?
Here in Denmark, we don't feed our kids outside weekends. It is way too expensive. Kids don't talk to their parents, either. The first word they say to the parents, is when they are 18 years old, the word is goodbye.
I agree about the kids meals in most countries, I actually left a restaurant because of this reason when I was refused a smaller plate of the same meal I was having for my child. So annoying! How is it possible to teach healthy balanced diet when it's never promoted?
Children don’t have delicate palates - many children have a picky phase as toddlers but it is the parents job to introduce different tastes and textures to their kids. Saying a picky child has a “delicate palate” sets you and the child up to decide they don’t like things they haven’t tried even though you have no idea if they’ll like them. Even picky eaters often like many of the things they haven’t tried yet. French parents aren’t force-feeding their kids blue cheese, they’re having the kids try it and choose whether or not to eat it.
After the first three minutes it seems to me you have already said the most important thing which is not only about eating, but about the whole French parenting - it is not about changing the things in favor of child, it is always about the kid adapting to the needs and wishes of the parents. I think this comes long before the food at the table. The newborn baby has its own room, far away from the bedroom of the parents and it has to get used to the fact, that mum comes only on a given schedule. If the baby signalizes anything with crying in between, it will have no effect. The baby learns it is not that important what is says or does and more easily learns later it is not that important what it prefers to eat either. This approach was also a part of American parenting 50 years ago. But I think it has changed mainly under the influence of the book The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. Since then the most of the western parenting is more about listening to what the child says and wants, and less about imposing the parents' rules on them.
This was very good! My nearly 2 yr old granddaughter is very into repeating herself in a constant stream. It can be super frustrating and it’s hard to get her to stop or to wait. She wants what she wants right now. Just a few weeks ago she was able to be patient when we asked her to. She was learning to regulate herself and now she’s into meltdown phase. So how can we teach her to wait her turn to talk at this phase?
Je viens ici en tant que fille d'une famille typiquement française et j'ajouterai que nos parents nous parlent (pour moi en tout cas) d'égal à égal, ils ne sous estiment pas notre niveau de compréhension et n'hésitent pas à prendre le temps pour nous expliquer les choses. Un enfant français est plus ou moins capable ou en mesure de fournir un avis ou une critique en fonction de quelque choses et ne fait pas toujours tout en fonction de la manière d'être de ses parents et je pense que c'est partout dans le monde mais particulièrement accentué en France, et c'est ce qui amène l'enfant à répondre malgré le fait qu'on risque d'en subir les conséquences. Pour la nourriture je ne pourrais pas rajouter grand choses, je sais que peut importe ce qu'il y a sur table si je n'aime pas tant pis pour moi je ne mangerai rien d'autre sauf chez ma grand-mère mais je n'accepte jamais qu'elle prépare autre chose et les manières sont effectivement très importantes, "Ne manges pas la bouche ouverte" ; "Tiens-toi droite, mets-toi correctement" ; "Tiens bien tes couverts" ; "T'es pas à la cantine ici" ; "Finis ce que tu as dans l'assiette, il y en a qui meurt de faim" ; "T'as demandé la permission avant de sortir de table ? Non, ici c'est repas de famille on discute ensemble." Puis au niveau scolaire si t'as en dessous de la moyenne ça y est tu te relâches, c'est l'échec scolaire et je trouve les parents français plutôt réalistes aussi et cette phrases que j'entends encore aujourd'hui "Travailles à l'école et fais des études c'est la clef de la réussite" ; "Si tu veux être libre de faire le métier qu'il te plaira", pas de traitements particulier parce que tu es l'enfant de tes parents, tu veux quelque chose et bien il va falloir le mériter. Et effectivement quand j'étais enfant j'étais pas mal indépendantes dans mes activités et jeux, et trouvais de quoi m'occuper seule et j'adorai ça, on était sur une base je dirais pas d'initiatives mais de choix et non d'obligations, tu veux jouer avec moi demandes le calmement et si je suis disponible je le ferais, tout est dans la formulation la demande et l'attente d'une réponse (donc oui on apprends la patience dès le plus jeune âge) et ça va dans les deux sens et je parle pour certaines choses seulement mais quand tu entends le "Je ne te demandes pas ton avis" ou le "Tant qu'on vivra sous mon toit c'est moi qui décide" ; "Je suis ton père tu me dois le respect." tu réfléchis pas dix ans. L'enfant suit le mouvement puis ça change naturellement avec l'âge on devient indépendants et capable de décider nous-même et je trouve cela essentiel, dites-vous que si l'on s'adapte on attends un effort venant des autres personnes aussi. Bien sûr je ne fais pas de généralités chaque familles a ses propres fonctionnements. Au début de la vidéo j'étais surprise de me rendre compte qu' effectivement on a une manière de fonctionner propre à notre culture. Et dernier point (ce commentaire est interminable) le français est très fier et un peu orgueilleux forcement ça se voit sur les enfants également, et on apprends en grandissant comment obtenir ce que l'on veut avec subtilité. Voilà c'est tout pour moi, c'était "Immersion dans une famille française".😭
I am totally on board with this parenting style! I’ve worked in school administration for 11 years and have personally observed how much the “helicopter parent” style fails both the parents and the kids.
My mother who worked cooked one meal for the adults and children...we had to eat everything. The only difference I wished the US had better food, we didn't grow up on fast food, less processed food...are processed food a tv dinner on occasions...food choice and the quality is lacking in the US...this I wish we had better...I know the food quality is better in Europe.
Hey Soraya, quick question around dinner time. Here in Canada kids eat at 5 pm, which sounds crazy, so that by 7-8 they are in bed ! How do you reconcile bed time and diner time for little ones and adults ?
Hi Hugo, thanks for watching my video ☺️ great question, and to be honest, our routine changes regularly as my children grow. Here in the UK kids also have dinner super early too but I found that this didn’t really work for our family because then they wake up at 5am hungry... I actually follow the French approach: breakfast around 7:30, lunch at 12, snack at 4pm, dinner around 6:30-7pm and bedtime at 8pm. But you may tweak this also depending on your work schedule: I work from home and flexible hours so I’m happy for my kids to sleep from 8pm to 7/7:30am. If you need your kids to wake up earlier in the morning because you work, then the whole schedule changes accordingly. So the real question: at what time do you need your kids to be up in the morning? And then work from there. My husband and I adapt our meal times to our children, so it does mean that we have lunch and dinner earlier than we did before having kids, but to be fair we re also up earlier 😂 so it doesn’t really bother us. As they grow older we may be able to push back lunch to 1pm and dinner to 7:30pm which are my preferred times for meals ☺️ I hope this makes sense!
You mentioned kids always have dinner with their parents. I love that! I tried with my 8 month old but it’s just too much work as I have to feed him too and I end up not enjoying eating my dinner. How do u go about dinner with infants? My baby goes to bed at 7pm.
Thanks for watching my video. It is lovely to have dinner all together. I taught both my children to hold their own spoons and feed themselves around 12 months old exactly for the reason you mentioned. And before that, I used to do: one spoon for baby, one spoon for mommy 😊 it’s good to give children time to chew and appreciate the spoonful they just had anyway, while you get to have a bite too 👍🏻 Until now, I often remind my toddlers: « mommy needs to eat too »... for example when they keep asking me to go and get stuff from the kitchen while we re having dinner. It’s part of my efforts to teach them to be mindful of others and considerate! I also make it easy on myself. Back when we weren’t in lockdown, we had lunch with a friend who has 2 kids exactly my children’s age. At the beginning of the meal, I cut all my kids food finely and got everything ready for them to eat and then enjoyed my meal while they were eating. I ate my food warm. She on the other hand, didn’t want to cut the pasta into smaller pieces and ended up spending the entire meal feeding both kids, running from one to the other, and when we were all done eating she started to eat her meal cold... i think if you have in mind the experience you want to create for yourself and your children, you can put things in place to make it happen (and don’t get me wrong, it does take practice to get this going, but it’s so worth it!) 👍🏻 I hope this helps 😊
Hi, Like your vids...only little disappointing that you always refer to parenting as "mums" do this and mums do that, and never mention dads. Parenting can be a single mum, a single dad or a mum or dad living together.
I think it goes without saying that mothers do most of the childcare in most families, just because she didn’t say the word dad doesn’t mean this doesn’t apply to him.
Does your country have their own approach to parenting? 😊 Let me know what's different where you live / come from! I'd love to know ❤️
Amazing - I’ve just discovered the French parenting techniques , I have 7 children from 18months -12yrs , and already what a difference!!!
We don’t snack anymore and look forward to our 3 meals ! I wish I knew this when I was starting out in mothering !
this is great! i have to admit that my four-year old called me out on interrupting her recently. I apologized because we should treat children with the same respect that we want them to demonstrate!
Very interesting. I've listened to a lot French parents and can say without a doubt this was my grandmother's take on parenting and my mother's. We have French ancestors on my grandmothers side and I can see a lot of these strategies carried over the generations. The only thing that did stick was the diet however, I am on a mission to correct this in my family. Thank you for sharing!
You're describing more of a generational attitude about food. My generation wasn't given a choice of foods at meal time as much as my kids generation. You're belief on manners is absolutely my belief as well. I teach the same way in my daycare that I have run for 30 years. Respect for food and good manners from toddlers up. I have many great eaters who have great manners as well. I'm in the US. Great video!
Liberating! Thank you for your perspective!
I love noticing and discussing these differences! I was raised in the US by French parents and I definitely noticed these differences in my home vs. my American friends’ homes. I love the French approach to food as a pleasure to enjoy, and meal times as a family bonding moment.
Yes I also find it fascinating... I m planning on making a videos on things I have learned from British and American moms 😊😊
Wow! This is crazy! I think my mom (she is American and so is my dad) accidentally raised us very French, and I definitely intend to use it for my kids too. We never ate "kids food." When we went to restaurants, my mom would just get something from the adult menu and share it with us. Or she would have us share a dish with each other. So, if you're ever in the states or the UK, that is how she got around the kids menu thing. We never even looked at the kid's menu. I didn't even know it existed for the longest time.
I also remember being bored a lot as a kid, and my mom would say "don't be boring, and then you won't be bored." And there are so many other things she did that were apparently very French. We never interrupted adults, and we're often required to sit quietly in adult conversations. She would make us raise our hands though if we had a question, but she rarely answered right away. She would sonorous is, and then put up a finger to tell us to wait, or say "one minute."
You are absolutely right about everything you said 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 I have been raised up in the same way although I’m not French but this “was” our culture too before the modern hectic life changed the people unfortunately!
My children are all in their 20's now and there was very little information about different parenting styles back then. What you described in this video is pretty much how we raised them (I am Australian). The two specific areas you raised of what children eat, and waiting are two things I also felt strongly about and went about parenting my children so similarly to you. Our children all learned to eat a mouthful of things they didn't like, because it is polite when you're out to do so without having a tantrum. And I could never see why I should be expected to have a cold meal or a cold up of tea when there was no emergency. As young adults our children have a wide and varied palette and enjoy foods from all over the world and are willing to try anything once, and they are confident, independent people who are a joy to live with.
I really enjoyed watching this! My husband is French and I am Filipino so it is a very interesting household raising two kids (2 year old and soon to be one year old). I've always admired a lot of the French parenting style and way of life. My in laws recommended the book called, "Bringing Up Bebe". When you spoke about having coffee and enjoying it and the child having to wait, has been my most favorite. My mother in law taught me this and even now my husband tells our kids to wait while we have coffee. French culture is indeed so beautiful in its approaches to parenting and life.
one thing I would say in the United States about food, the portion sizes are so oversized, you could order one plate and have plenty to share with your child
My mum lett me be bored also hahaha I was raised late 60.s . We had to find ways to play with other siblings or alone while my mum tend to the house. Not a Lott of activity was going on back then nor sreentime. And it's true you learn to be creative.
I LOVE your parenting style!!! Here in America, it is ALL about the children and the parents stopping everything to do everything for their child, and I know that is not how I want to raise my future children!😂 Loved listening to what you shared Soraya!!
The chicken nugget thing in the US is absolutely a post Gen X phenomenon. Food may not have been as gourmet before the 90’s but kids did eat balanced meals much of the time with the whole family. Even school cafeteria food was somewhat balanced and included fresh fruits and vegetables. Somewhere we lost our way and traded saving time to cram more stuff in the day for nutrition and mealtimes. Of course not everyone is like this but the fact restaurants changed their children’s menus practically overnight and everyone just went with it says something about how much we value food, quality of ingredients, and mealtimes as a society. Collectively we have not been able to drive the food industry to do better. Our grocery stores are basically landmines of unhealthy chemical laden fake foods that we have been convinced are good or the standard. It’s very frustrating. Great effort, time and money goes into sourcing good food here. We just don’t have access to it as much as in France but that again is because we are not driving the demand for it due to our hustle get ahead at all costs culture. It’s a vicious cycle. I eat in the French or old fashioned American style but I know not everyone has the luxury to do so or do not see the value in it. So there we are. It will be interesting to see how things change over the next 50 years. Hopefully for the better! ❤
Great communicator across cultures with great observations and advice. Thank you.
We use the pets for this. For example we have 6 pets and my 21 month old eats first and then stays in the highchair while the pets are fed and I clean up. I am constantly telling my mother that my daughter is an important member of our family, BUT she is not the only person in our family, let alone the most important person of the family. Totally agree with you. I believe only boring people get bored... or at least stay bored.
American dad here! I really like what you have to say about the French approach. I think Americans could really benefit from this philosophy to life and parenting. The free for all approach to life I think creates a lack of expectations and culture. The culture around life becomes confusing or very simple. I found this video looking for information about different approaches to eating and how children are taught about foods. This was very eye opening thank you! We are currently struggling with my son eating he's very picky and has a lot of anxiety around food and trying new things. It's taken a lot of work for him to try a variety of things. Have you ever encountered French children with food anxieties? Or does it not even exist? I think it's interesting how one culture can create certain problems for themselves over how they approach things in a non effective manner.
Hi ! I'm 5 months late and not a mom, but french, so i think i can answer a bit.
We do have picky eaters ! I'm pretty sure every country has some. You can't like everything, and it's ok.
As children though, the two biggest things regarding not liking a food you'd see here would be :
1. Try the food 3 times in a row as it is before stating you don't like it. Maybe it's the texture you have to get used to, maybe something else, but we cook with basic ingredients and tend to decline them a lot, so it's better to even just be sure.
2. You don't get to leave the table without finishing your plate, even if that means everyone else has left the table.
The thing is : since we eat together, one person serves from the pot, on the table. You tell them to stop, and thus control the quantity you're going to eat. Of course, there is a minimum, but if you want to start small, and get more afterwards, it's actually a good thing (you learn your limits, end up wasting less food, or at least having less "used" leftovers).
It's a rather old school point though, nowadays i guess you'd just let the child leave the table if you see they've been starring at their plate for 30mn (we have the time so, it's usually 30mn-1h in weekdays, and 30-2h in weekends). They stay even if everyone has left. No desert. "If you have room for desert you have room for what's in your plate, finish it 1st". We've all heard it.
I said old school point because it can be felt like punishment by the child, forced to eat something "they don't like".
Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but at least the child tries it more.
It's just for 1st time tries.
I'm adding a 3rd point, but sometimes it really is the texture. Because we're going to try to get the palate used to the said food, we'll try different ways to cook the aliment, and we may find a way to make everyone happy. "You eat what's on the table and that's it". No "king child" (it's seen as a lack of discipline and egoism).
Steamed and fried (with little oil or butter in a pan, not fried "fried") veggies have a different texture, one may just like one.
I read something once, that compared eating a berry to eating a biscuit. When you eat a biscuit, you know what it'd taste like, what to expect. When you eat a berry, you can't trust the colors or textures, because, even if it looks the same, it's always a surprise (when you 1st try it). Thus, there is no... familiarity of comfort ?
Last but not least, we try more and more to cook with the child. I mean, there always have been "make a cake/pie" events in families and schools here, on occasions etc, but getting used and educated to what you eat helps a bunch.
They don't just "come down and eat", they can be curious, thus be a child and learn, see the dough rise, the different steps, and say "i've/we've done this (together)" with pride, when the final product is shared on the table. They usually get compliments, so they'd want to do it again.
Eventually, cooking something with x person becomes a core childhood memory. :)
I'm guessing the Montessori method might interest you, even out of curiosity :)
I hope it helped, have a great day !
Wholesome videos/channels like yours are so underrated! Image how educated and advanced the world could be if channels like yours were what’s “trendy”.
Thank you for the knowledge 🤗
I’m a mother to be in Singapore and very much like in the UK & US, we put our child first as if they are the centre of the universe, and that made alot of them very entitled. I’m glad that I am exposed the French parenting and not feel guilty, or feel like motherhood has to be a sacrifice! Please make some more of such videos!! ❤
Amazing video!! Thank you!! I had my son in 2009 straight out of college. Back then, parenting blogs and books weren’t anywhere near as abundant as they are today. I remember combing through years-old message boards to get any kind of advice (I was absolutely clueless as to what I was doing). I somehow stumbled upon Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman. I’m a Mexican-American living in Texas, so French culture was not something I was exposed to at all before that. But that book above all else laid the foundation for my parenting journey. My son is going to be 12 next month, and I still thank God for bringing that book to me. I am especially thankful for his food habits thanks to those tips. Are there any resources or tips out there for how the French parent their pre-teens and teens? It seems like parenting resources for children 10-14 are just very rare in general. Thank you!
Thanks for watching my video 😊 I have actually prepared another video on the things I have learned from British and American moms and implement in my home, because there are things about the American approach to parenting that I love also. And I think these apply well to teenage years. My children are still very young so I am yet to experience what it’s like to have a teenager in the house, but my family moved to the US when I was 13 so I got to experience both world as a teenager. What I love about American parenting is the ability to be incredibly supportive and focus on the child’s strengths (and recognise each child’s uniqueness in that way). The French are now being influence by the Positive Discipline approach and so I think things are changing a little now, but when I was a kid, for teenagers it was a bit of « tough love » approach. In general the French are good at setting boundaries, setting high standards, and encouraging curiosity, but the American gentle, respectful parenting approach supports emotional development better. That is just my opinion and nothing scientific 😂 the ideal is to take the best of both world. I can’t think of any resources for teenagers I m afraid but if I come across any I ll let you know 😊
Thank you for this! My husband is french and I'm Australian, living in Australia. There are big differences in the food culture and how we eat. Thankfully, we both have Asian backgrounds, so our core values and traditional parenting are similar. But because our upbringing is so different, there's clashes. your video has been very helpful!
Thanks for sharing some of these useful tips. I agree with the idea of children are not the center of our family life, I don't have to always plan my life around my kid and I believe my kid can adapt to my schedule, and I don't have to lose myself, I can still fulfill my other commitments in life like my job, taking care of my husband's need etc.
Thank you for sharing about your ways to raise your children. I'd love to hear more about it.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I would love to hear more about the French approach to teaching kids how to appreciate food.
I've read that the French have very strong ideas about when and where food should be eaten (no snacking between meals, no eating in the car or on the couch etc).
Also I've read that the French emphasize the pleasure of eating good food (rather than the American focus on health "eat your broccoli because it's good for you")
I would love to hear more about your experience with these things. And also what you actually say to your children to get them to try different foods. What words/phrases do you use? E.g. If the focus is on taste and pleasure rather than health, then you would say different things to your kids than I say to mine (eat this because it's healthy), and I would love to hear other ideas for how I can talk to my kids about food!
Wow I’m so glad to find your channel! I am an American and feel overwhelmed in parenting. I have a 7, 4, and 2 year old.
Excellent advice, I wish I'd known this 40 years ago.😄
I am so happy to find your video explaining how you raise your child based on your philosophy which I totally love! I always want our child to be respectful and patience to others and your way really suites to my goal.
I’m Japanese mom who gave birth last month, so I am looking forward to see more of your video coming in the future!
I would love to hear the story about baby sleeping method as well if there is any chance ;)
Well done.. My first viewing of your site. Really instructive on every front. It has allowed me to understand parenting styles in Bordeaux where we live now, including the all important place of eating in the food capital David W
Thank you for this! I live in Trinidad & Tobago in the Caribbean and before the heavy influence of American pop culture, most of the discipline style you described was how parents raised their kids.
I really appreciate your insight into the 4 course meal approach. I do something similar with my toddler starting with veggies first then protein then carbs, he has yogurt in the morning before meal, but honestly since he has high calorie needs due to a heart condition, it is a bit difficult sometimes for us all to eat the same meals but we still try to eat together just not often enough.
I quite see that disconnect as I used to sit and eat with my son and him becoming more picky advancing into toddlerhood because I sat less with him.
You guys do so well because of your high, low carb diets and the value of how you eat.
Thanks for the inspiration!
I never knew any of this about french culture. Everything you said made sense to me, but i would like to know how exactly you get your kids to obey those rules. 🤔 I mean, what do you do if they break any of those rules? How do you discipline them? I must confess i faild with feeding my older son with balanced food just because he was really picky since he was born, and im still paying for it. He is very thin and still picky, i wished there is still a way to make him eat healthier even he is almost a teen.
I like your video, it was really interesting.
Hi Francine, thank you so much for watching my video. It's not so much about "discipline" in the traditional sense, it's more about role modelling those values for my children and constantly repeating the rules until they become habits for them. For instance, with the rule of not interrupting each other: I never interrupt my children when they are talking to me, and I am a very good listener. When my daughter wants to talk to me while I'm already having a conversation with someone else, if she interrupts me, I will immediately, firmly but gently, stop her "I'm sorry honey but you need to let me finish talking first, remember to wait for your turn to speak", I will then continue what I was saying to the other person, but as soon as I am finished, I will turn to my child and tell her "I am ready to listen to you now" and then I listen to her until she is done talking, I respond to her and show her interest. Because I show real interest in what she is saying, it's rewarding for her and it made it worth the wait (that's why it's very important to make sure I really do give her a turn to speak and give her the same attention and respect I would give an adult). If you do this consistently (every time with no exception), always reminding your child of the rule, they quickly learn it and it becomes a habit. Consistency is really key in teaching those rules to children.
About food: I understand what you mean. One of my children is also a very picky eater when he was little: from the moment I started introducing solids, there were a lot of things he didn't like and was rejecting. Here is how I handled the situation: I do not offer snacks or alternatives to the meal I prepared (also French people give less snacks than British parents, for example we never give snacks between breakfast and lunch) Also, whenever I noticed my child didn't like a specific ingredient, on purpose I offer the same ingredient on multiple occasions in the next couple of days/weeks. I don't force my child to eat, but I do get them to try at least one spoonful each time. Slowly my son started eating more and more foods with this method. When I see my British mom friends struggling with picky eaters, I always notice the same pattern: they give in because they have a lot of anxiety around their child being hungry or not getting enough food... so they end up either making a whole new meal for the child, and start cooking only what the child likes. So I think first step is getting over this anxiety. In France, so many paediatricians, and nurses will tell you: "your child will not let themselves die of hunger!" it's a way of saying: don't be anxious, if your child is truly hungry, they will eat what you give them, so don't let yourself be intimidated when they reject a meal.
For an older child: when my toddler doesn't like an ingredient, I show real interest in understanding why. I ask her "what do you not like about it? The colour? the texture? The smell? The taste?" I ask her to help me brainstorm about how we can make it better... "We can improve the texture by making it into a puree next time? We can improve the taste by using a different recipe? What could make it better?" I noticed that this really helps. But again, rules are the rules: she has to try every time. Also, I talk to her a lot about the food: this ingredient is really good for your eye health! This one is really good for your muscle! I hope this helps! I know this can be stressful, especially with an older child who can be less easily convinced than a toddler! I hope you can make it work.
I LOVE the coffee idea!!!!!! ❤❤❤
LOVE LOVE LOVE this
You sound UK and French It’s lovely 😊
I love this so much! Ver curious about the French approach to “discipline” … esp with toddlers! How do you handle tantrums and get a child to do what they need to do?
Here in Denmark, we don't feed our kids outside weekends. It is way too expensive. Kids don't talk to their parents, either. The first word they say to the parents, is when they are 18 years old, the word is goodbye.
I agree about the kids meals in most countries, I actually left a restaurant because of this reason when I was refused a smaller plate of the same meal I was having for my child. So annoying! How is it possible to teach healthy balanced diet when it's never promoted?
It’s mean to force children with delicate pallets to eat complex foods
Children don’t have delicate palates - many children have a picky phase as toddlers but it is the parents job to introduce different tastes and textures to their kids. Saying a picky child has a “delicate palate” sets you and the child up to decide they don’t like things they haven’t tried even though you have no idea if they’ll like them. Even picky eaters often like many of the things they haven’t tried yet.
French parents aren’t force-feeding their kids blue cheese, they’re having the kids try it and choose whether or not to eat it.
I have an immense appreciation for French parenting and it reflects in how much more pleasant and mature Western European children are in general.
Such a great video. Thanks for sharing 👍
Thank you so much for watching!
After the first three minutes it seems to me you have already said the most important thing which is not only about eating, but about the whole French parenting - it is not about changing the things in favor of child, it is always about the kid adapting to the needs and wishes of the parents.
I think this comes long before the food at the table. The newborn baby has its own room, far away from the bedroom of the parents and it has to get used to the fact, that mum comes only on a given schedule. If the baby signalizes anything with crying in between, it will have no effect. The baby learns it is not that important what is says or does and more easily learns later it is not that important what it prefers to eat either.
This approach was also a part of American parenting 50 years ago. But I think it has changed mainly under the influence of the book The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. Since then the most of the western parenting is more about listening to what the child says and wants, and less about imposing the parents' rules on them.
This was very good! My nearly 2 yr old granddaughter is very into repeating herself in a constant stream. It can be super frustrating and it’s hard to get her to stop or to wait. She wants what she wants right now. Just a few weeks ago she was able to be patient when we asked her to. She was learning to regulate herself and now she’s into meltdown phase. So how can we teach her to wait her turn to talk at this phase?
Je viens ici en tant que fille d'une famille typiquement française et j'ajouterai que nos parents nous parlent (pour moi en tout cas) d'égal à égal, ils ne sous estiment pas notre niveau de compréhension et n'hésitent pas à prendre le temps pour nous expliquer les choses. Un enfant français est plus ou moins capable ou en mesure de fournir un avis ou une critique en fonction de quelque choses et ne fait pas toujours tout en fonction de la manière d'être de ses parents et je pense que c'est partout dans le monde mais particulièrement accentué en France, et c'est ce qui amène l'enfant à répondre malgré le fait qu'on risque d'en subir les conséquences.
Pour la nourriture je ne pourrais pas rajouter grand choses, je sais que peut importe ce qu'il y a sur table si je n'aime pas tant pis pour moi je ne mangerai rien d'autre sauf chez ma grand-mère mais je n'accepte jamais qu'elle prépare autre chose et les manières sont effectivement très importantes, "Ne manges pas la bouche ouverte" ; "Tiens-toi droite, mets-toi correctement" ; "Tiens bien tes couverts" ; "T'es pas à la cantine ici" ; "Finis ce que tu as dans l'assiette, il y en a qui meurt de faim" ; "T'as demandé la permission avant de sortir de table ? Non, ici c'est repas de famille on discute ensemble."
Puis au niveau scolaire si t'as en dessous de la moyenne ça y est tu te relâches, c'est l'échec scolaire et je trouve les parents français plutôt réalistes aussi et cette phrases que j'entends encore aujourd'hui "Travailles à l'école et fais des études c'est la clef de la réussite" ; "Si tu veux être libre de faire le métier qu'il te plaira", pas de traitements particulier parce que tu es l'enfant de tes parents, tu veux quelque chose et bien il va falloir le mériter. Et effectivement quand j'étais enfant j'étais pas mal indépendantes dans mes activités et jeux, et trouvais de quoi m'occuper seule et j'adorai ça, on était sur une base je dirais pas d'initiatives mais de choix et non d'obligations, tu veux jouer avec moi demandes le calmement et si je suis disponible je le ferais, tout est dans la formulation la demande et l'attente d'une réponse (donc oui on apprends la patience dès le plus jeune âge) et ça va dans les deux sens et je parle pour certaines choses seulement mais quand tu entends le "Je ne te demandes pas ton avis" ou le "Tant qu'on vivra sous mon toit c'est moi qui décide" ; "Je suis ton père tu me dois le respect." tu réfléchis pas dix ans. L'enfant suit le mouvement puis ça change naturellement avec l'âge on devient indépendants et capable de décider nous-même et je trouve cela essentiel, dites-vous que si l'on s'adapte on attends un effort venant des autres personnes aussi. Bien sûr je ne fais pas de généralités chaque familles a ses propres fonctionnements. Au début de la vidéo j'étais surprise de me rendre compte qu' effectivement on a une manière de fonctionner propre à notre culture. Et dernier point (ce commentaire est interminable) le français est très fier et un peu orgueilleux forcement ça se voit sur les enfants également, et on apprends en grandissant comment obtenir ce que l'on veut avec subtilité. Voilà c'est tout pour moi, c'était "Immersion dans une famille française".😭
I am totally on board with this parenting style! I’ve worked in school administration for 11 years and have personally observed how much the “helicopter parent” style fails both the parents and the kids.
I am Greek and I do the same 😊❤excellent
My mother who worked cooked one meal for the adults and children...we had to eat everything. The only difference I wished the US had better food, we didn't grow up on fast food, less processed food...are processed food a tv dinner on occasions...food choice and the quality is lacking in the US...this I wish we had better...I know the food quality is better in Europe.
Hey Soraya, quick question around dinner time. Here in Canada kids eat at 5 pm, which sounds crazy, so that by 7-8 they are in bed ! How do you reconcile bed time and diner time for little ones and adults ?
Hi Hugo, thanks for watching my video ☺️ great question, and to be honest, our routine changes regularly as my children grow. Here in the UK kids also have dinner super early too but I found that this didn’t really work for our family because then they wake up at 5am hungry... I actually follow the French approach: breakfast around 7:30, lunch at 12, snack at 4pm, dinner around 6:30-7pm and bedtime at 8pm. But you may tweak this also depending on your work schedule: I work from home and flexible hours so I’m happy for my kids to sleep from 8pm to 7/7:30am. If you need your kids to wake up earlier in the morning because you work, then the whole schedule changes accordingly. So the real question: at what time do you need your kids to be up in the morning? And then work from there. My husband and I adapt our meal times to our children, so it does mean that we have lunch and dinner earlier than we did before having kids, but to be fair we re also up earlier 😂 so it doesn’t really bother us. As they grow older we may be able to push back lunch to 1pm and dinner to 7:30pm which are my preferred times for meals ☺️ I hope this makes sense!
Ps: you should check out the website mpedia . fr it’s a fantastic resource for parents especially during weaning 👍🏻
You mentioned kids always have dinner with their parents. I love that! I tried with my 8 month old but it’s just too much work as I have to feed him too and I end up not enjoying eating my dinner. How do u go about dinner with infants? My baby goes to bed at 7pm.
Thanks for watching my video. It is lovely to have dinner all together. I taught both my children to hold their own spoons and feed themselves around 12 months old exactly for the reason you mentioned. And before that, I used to do: one spoon for baby, one spoon for mommy 😊 it’s good to give children time to chew and appreciate the spoonful they just had anyway, while you get to have a bite too 👍🏻 Until now, I often remind my toddlers: « mommy needs to eat too »... for example when they keep asking me to go and get stuff from the kitchen while we re having dinner. It’s part of my efforts to teach them to be mindful of others and considerate! I also make it easy on myself. Back when we weren’t in lockdown, we had lunch with a friend who has 2 kids exactly my children’s age. At the beginning of the meal, I cut all my kids food finely and got everything ready for them to eat and then enjoyed my meal while they were eating. I ate my food warm. She on the other hand, didn’t want to cut the pasta into smaller pieces and ended up spending the entire meal feeding both kids, running from one to the other, and when we were all done eating she started to eat her meal cold... i think if you have in mind the experience you want to create for yourself and your children, you can put things in place to make it happen (and don’t get me wrong, it does take practice to get this going, but it’s so worth it!) 👍🏻 I hope this helps 😊
Thank you so much for your reply! Totally makes sense and I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to write me back:)
I don't think kids should not be forced to eat everything on their plates.
Was she kidding when she said her accent is British?
I had the same thought….no way she was in earnest right? :)
That is interesting that the French government pays for childcare. Where does that money ultimately come from, taxes?
Hi,
Like your vids...only little disappointing that you always refer to parenting as "mums" do this and mums do that, and never mention dads. Parenting can be a single mum, a single dad or a mum or dad living together.
I think it goes without saying that mothers do most of the childcare in most families, just because she didn’t say the word dad doesn’t mean this doesn’t apply to him.