oh my god. I'm still in the closet and this video really helped me. I think it's the first story I've seen that is so relatable and it makes me feel so much less alone in this. thank you so much
Thank you Kieth for sharing. I grew up in a time and place where being gay would possibly get you beaten. I have remained in the closet to this day fearful of what people would think. Hearing all the negative connotations associated with being gay throughout my life has really made it hard for me to accept that I am gay. I am working on it and hope that one day in the near future I will be able to accept who I am and move forward. Videos like your certainty help and I thank you for that.
I totally understand. I'm wishing you well on your journey and hopeful for the future! Thank you for your kind words. It's clear from the likes on your comment there are others who feel just like you; I'm certain your comment has helped them feel less alone :)
Every installment of your video diary is like reading the most intimate diary, like that of John Adams when he was a teenager, except I doubt that Adams ever intended to publish it when he was in his 20s. That takes some huge dose of courage, and yet you added even more by the clarity and continuity of your intimate thoughts. May your dream of a family of your own come true. You have the nature to nurture.
Wonderful video Keith. You did a great job explaining coming out. I’ve struggled my whole life but I finally know who I am now. I came out reluctantly around 23-24. I’m now 77 so I pretty much missed everything in terms of support and socializing with others like me. Oh well maybe I’ll do better next time around. Richard [Seattle WA]
Hey Keith, I just found you and subbed. I have nothing to add to your story except Thank You. I have counseled literally thousands of guys who live your story. I agree with and support every word of what you said here. This video will help young people all over the world who were or are in your stage of life. I am very happy that you found and accepted yourself and are proud of who you are. I also congratulate your parents and especially you and your soulmate. You are blessed............Ray
From one gay Keith to another, I just found and subbed your channel. This was a warm and lovely video. I came out to my family in college (MSU). My mom was upset - sad and worried - at first, but not for long. Unlike you, I had been out for about a year before telling my family, and was an activist (I grew up on a farm in rural northern Michigan 200+ miles from school) and already heavily involved with the formal LBG group. After another year or so, my mom actually joined us in a campus and city protest march. And this was in 1992, sooo…not very common. I was incredibly proud of her, and it remains a powerful memory of her I’ll always cherish. And something I would never have experienced if I’d not been out. Excellent points, particularly on coming out being an ongoing, frequently re-contextualized occurrence. Coming out changes in many ways (what you say, to whom, adding “permissions” (can they tell others, exclude anyone, details of your life, etc. etc.) in many settings. The 10,000 ft. view of it can be quite fascinating, especially after decades of accumulated experiences. But everyone’s experiences have things they can teach us, regardless of age, context or circumstances. The wisest 90-year-old has lessons to be learned from the greenest 17-year-old. I look forward to more from you. Keith to Keith, best of luck.
Thank you for sharing your story, Keith! And of course for the kind words. That is such a beautiful memory of your mom and so powerful for others to read how she went on a journey of acceptance too.
my mum and dad always said I can be whatever, and they will still love me. Naturally I've always been super accepting of LGBTQ+ too, it just doesn't apply to myself. It's still terrifying to admit to someone that you identify with something that's 'different'. I feel weird and abnormal but also like i'm lying to everyone on a daily basis. I've never been comfortable with my sexuality or my identity as a person in general, it's come to a point in which connecting with people is impossible, because expressing myself is so hard for me even normal things like hobbies and passions-- I become anxious saying I like or enjoy something, anything. Trusting people's words -- words that they will still love me for me and they won't reject me is so hard. learning to accept yourself for what you are is hard for everyone. lately I'm better at expressing myself in fashion, the things I enjoy, and actually expressing how I feel. I'm looking forward to learning how to accept and love everything about myself. maybe one day ill be able to admit to myself I'm not 100% straight without feeling so much self hatred
Had a gay boyfriend who did not want to admit to himself or to anyone else for that matter , that he was gay .I have nothing but the greatest respect and love for him despite him blaming me for Trying to make him gay . It is never easy . I will always support him because homophobia is a painful process that begins with accepting self and loving yourself . We are born gay and we are created in the image of God . Once you realize that the journey to loving yourself and others will become less anxiety ridden you will be happier . The differculties won't disappear but your life we change for the better knowing you are no longer alone... Thanks for your courageous video. !
Thank you! I recently mustered up the courage to make a video about homophobia, so anyone feel free to watch and share it if you’d like. In 2024, we still have to keep fighting for basic human rights!
Какие же такие видео драгоценные🥺 Тот факт, что вы решили поделиться своим опытом, так сказать, раскрыли свою душу-бесценно. Спасибо вам огромное. Вы очень хорошо рассказываете, у вас приятный голос, а атмосфера видео очень уютная и спокойная. Удачи вам в жизни и в продвижении канала. Берегите себя :)
After watching numerous similar videos, I have to say that yours is the most open, sincere & intimate one I have come across. The integration of pictures/videos into the video created a sense of "we are really getting to know this young man." I addition, citing your previous intimate letters to parents & commenting on the impact of those letters is another way to openly share your journey. I applaud your sincerity & am glad that you are now free to be who your are.
Thank you for sharing with us all. I hope you find ways to experience Joy and find strength in the face of the prevelant homophobia of these dire times. All the Best on your new Journey ! 🌈
Good video, good topic thanks for sharing. I'm in my 40s came out at 23 things were a lot different back then. I love hearing stories from people of all ages. Everybody has a story that deserves to be heard.
Hey Keith. Thanks for sharing your story. How about posting a video about the difference between wanting some attention from other people, and needing validation from other people. This may be helpful to your as you continue on your journey. It may also be helpful to some of your followers. You are a fine and lovable young man. Also, I like the furniture in your apartment.
Great video Keith! I very much relate. I came out at 16 and had a horribly difficult time especially at work where I was forced to quit. So I stopped coming out for a while. I feel like I missed being out in college and it’s a regret I have. Something magical happens after high school and people are more accepting. I guess it’s a maturity thing. Thanks for sharing. Your honest video will help many others.
Thank you for sharing your journey. Everyone has their own coming out story and journey they go through. Your journey will impact others and it will make a difference in their lives just as others impacted you. You keep smiling.
Keith, very belated welcome to Seattle. I'm not active in the community so I wasn't aware there was such a day, so I learned something. Good topic and from some of the comments made, helpful, encouraging, and maybe even therapeutic - in that you opened your heart in a relatable way (in the way a reader might say, "I thought I was alone") Warm hugs
Thank you very much for your kind comment! I'm happy you enjoyed the video. And yes I'm SO happy this comment section has become a space for people to share their stories as well. Representation across many stories important.
Great video Keith! Your truth will help many and it's wonderful that your parents stood by you throughout it. Congrats on how well your doing, stay well and keep being beautiful inside and out. Nice mic btw :) 😉
I did not come out fully until I was 32. I went to a Catholic school growing up so obviously I wasn't coming out there. I served in the military during the DADT era and didn't come out there either. When I finally came out, no one was shocked... I was shocked that they all knew and that I was oblivious that they knew.
This video really helped me I'm a lesbian still in the closet because it's not safe for me to come out my family is very religious and homophobic I'm a teenager and all the things you said in this video I can literally relate to all of them. it's videos like yours that make all of the homophobic people I'm my life go away when I watch you're videos so thank you I really appreciate people like you 💗
There was a guy who used to bully me in high school for being gay. I later saw photos of him on facebook in his new town in Michigan with his boyfriend. I almost sent him a message on facebook when I seen that then was like what's the point, I will never be or want to be friends with him anyway.
Parents often don't understand - or don't know how to respond when their child comes out to them. But, in a different context, the author Norman Maclean spoke to their dilemma and their fear of how those who are closest to us "elude us." "Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.” Love comes first, Keith. And with love, over time, will come understanding. Maclean's quote is from his classic novella A River Runs Through It, and it's part of the last 4 minutes of the movie. Google the full quote - or watch the movie scene on youtube. Simply saying to each other that we can love completely without completely understanding provides comfort and a path forward.
Many parents` reaction seems to be something to the effect of "We love you regardless" or "...love you no matter what." While it may sound kind of accepting it really just shows that they do consider being gay a flaw of some kind. Like as if you tell them that you killed someone and they assure you that they still love you no matter what. Keep in mind that this whole closet thing is a trauma that may haunt you and come back to you later in life when you thought you had long overcome all of it. My advice is to allow yourself to blame your parents and society for the hardship you endured because there was never anything wrong with YOU to begin with but with everone else around you who didnt make you feel comfortable enough to be your true self. It sounds like you may want to go back to that first coming out with your mom and find out what made you feel so bad about yourself that you felt the need to row back again. Maybe talk to her about how her reaction back then made you feel and why. But again remember: you did nothing wrong, coming of age is hard enough as is, dealing with a coming out is almost too much to bare for a young person. But it does get better eventually...
@@nordfresse If a parent loves you no matter what, it does not necessarily mean that they equate who you are with what you have done, but even if they did, the best way forward is to forgive. Those who do not forgive will have a much harder time with self acceptance.
Keith, you are a courageous, caring, amazing person and created in Jehovah God's image. Your friendliness and honesty are heartening along with your handsomeness. You are an inspiration. Just remember that your sexual orientation is only a part of who you are. You are so much more than that!
Came out first year of high school, I was a pariah anyway with zero friends anyway so I figured it wouldn't matter being a double pariah. I won't lie, being in the UK, there is so much constant hate for anyone that isn't straight, white and nazi supporting. Had a boyfriend for a couple years but we broke up after he turned out to not remotely care about me. He was my closest match on eHarmony and he was on the other side of the country.
!! Things are definitely getting more polarized in the US too - one’s coming out experience varies DRAMATICALLY based on the state you’re in. I’m sorry to hear about the boyfriend, no one deserves to be in that situation. Wishing you well and hopeful for a better future.
Very nice! I came out waaaay back in the '80's to all my family via individual letters (I was living far away at the time). As a kid, I do recall having some crushed on guys in school & spending days in the public library while in high school reading the Kinsey Report (look it up if that's new to you) trying to see WTF was wrong with me. Gay, gay, gay. I was 24 when the AIDS epidemic started, so it was a tough couple of decades being out, but going to protests with other gays was fulfilling. I just hope coming out that long ago had some sort of positive effect (not just me, LOL, but together with everyone else who came out, forcibly or not, back then). But anyway, for me, the benefits far outweighed the stresses. The family took a while to come around, some sooner than others. Even my Jehovahs Witness sister started being nice and not mentioning hell about 8 years ago (so about 30-ish years after coming out--slow but we got there). Cheers and all the best for your future.
I'm certain your activism and strength in coming out paved the way for people like myself to come out in a much more socially welcoming day. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I was never comfortable being gay. It always felt like I had this heavy stone on my shoulders. One day I was driving home and just decided to come out to myself. I said out loud, I am gay, and it felt like this heavy weight was lifted off me. I hope this might help others deciding to come out.
My son came out to me at 15, ( he is 22 now) my instinctive response was just to say OK. To which he was rather annoyed with and said... What thats i!! I told him it wasn't a shock and who he chose to love in his life wasn't an issue to me. I pointed out that was why I always referred to future loves he would have as simply partners not by gender. Guess he never noticed that. That I loved him and nothing would ever change that. I've been an ally since I was in highschool in the 90s. To me I just figured he would know I wouldn't care. That of anyone he would know I would be cool with it. Well several years later we were talking and he told me it took him a year to tell me and he was terrified. That surprised me. He said supporting queer rights and people didn't mean that I would be ok with have a queer son. I had never thought of it like that. It made me really stop and rethink the whole issue of coming out and the strength it takes to do so. I'm so glad ur story turned out so well for you and for you to know how important stories like urs are to the wider audience.
Ok so most likely the majority of comments are from those under 25. I'm 52 and have known I was gay since age 7. In the 1980s being homosexual was not normal, accepted, or easy. Teachers always said, you're just different from the other boys. I never felt I needed to "come out". My sister knew and later in life my brother and my parents told me they k ew all along. I never cared what anyone thought and to this day , still don't. You are your own person. It doesn't affect anyone else but you. Some parents think it's gonna ruin their lives. Why? Luckily my parents never thought that. Coming out shouldn't be fearful or hard or filled with tears nor screams. Its your sexuality , it's not a big deal. You are still the same person as before everyone got confirmation. Who you love, as long as it's legal shouldn't matter to anyone. Be you and those who don't accept you. Get rid of them. They will just make you miserable.
I'm 70 and I came out 2 years ago at a group psychology session . In New Zealand , homophobia and queer bashing was common place as I grew up . I chose secrecy & deception to appear hetero at all costs , for survival . I was not morally strong enough to buck the system .In hindsight , my behavior was comon place with gay folk . I'm not alone by any stretch. Your summary is based on common sense & logical truth. I found life is not like that at all in practice . We are a minority group that is easy to pick on . In time we can build resilience . Other negative family experiences made my sexuality status a lower priority.
I'm an elder in the community...I came out when I was living in Canada just a few years after Canada decriminalised Homosexuality. I've had a regular life for being Gay...hard.... I have found out, that there will always be struggles for anyone, straight, gay, trans, white, black or what ever nationality. However for the LGBTQ+ community, it can still be dangerous to come out at work, for rental properties even toward family and friends. Just make sure you are safe before doing anything. I have accepted there is alot of hate and intolerance in this world....however I live out, yet cautiously. My sexuality is mine, not the public's, just like straight people....I don't owe anyone my sexuality...I make that decision. I live under the belief.... " being a man has nothing to do with sexuality or masculinity and everything to do with integrity...... If being a man means being 'tough', how many straight 'men' would have the courage to come out as gay?...... No one should ever be forced into a closet, to ever have the need to come out of one..... Everyone has a basic human right to love and be loved. "
Keith, your manner of speech demanded honesty on your part all along. It's advice I should've followed myself instead of being a largely silent loner most of my life for fear of being found out.
I'm starting my job in tech out if college and fr im like am i safe to come out here? Like sure they have lgbt clubs at work but still my individual manager or whatever could be homophobic
Where I come from, coming outs don't really exist ... people are usually comfortable about their dating habits, even if it was with the same sex. You just come out when the conversation allows you to. Friends and family act surprised of course, but it is not big of a deal. At the same time however Berlin is not really a city known for having a strong lgbt-"community" and pride symbols. Everyone cares for themselves, wich is a good, but also a bad thing. But yeah, ... never quite understood the coming out stuff.
How interesting! Definitely not my experience growing up in Virginia, USA. I got similar vibes to what you are saying from some friends I met on the west coast in California - that it was more casual - but Virginia is generally more conservative so coming out felt like an event.
dear lord - there is a _National Coming Out Day_ ? you know, as long as we think we need 'to come out' to society let alone require help via national days to do it, we still have a very long way to go. we may have progressed from dark medieval times just recently by abolishing the most abysmal discriminations in law but the minds of the people next to us are still very much steeped with notions of the past. have a constant look-out for kids whose minds are in danger of being filled with stereotypes and heteronormativity so when they come of age there is no longer any need to 'come out' because it doesn't matter anymore to third people who they love. 😉
The teachers that let that happen and of course throw their hands up like they can do nothing about should be fired. Their parents are also likely shitty people.
I came out 37 years old i came out fully to everyone due to the pandemic. I have been gay since I was 13, but I lived a lie until I was 37 It all comes in stages.
I loved your story of how it was to come out I understand how it was in comes out and how people view gays and the threats at work it was dangerous like you say back when I knew I was gay it was a reason a company could fire you for being gay like you s as y when a person comes out it does make your life better you have some freedom to live a nice life ♥️
oh my god. I'm still in the closet and this video really helped me. I think it's the first story I've seen that is so relatable and it makes me feel so much less alone in this. thank you so much
Thank you Kieth for sharing. I grew up in a time and place where being gay would possibly get you beaten. I have remained in the closet to this day fearful of what people would think. Hearing all the negative connotations associated with being gay throughout my life has really made it hard for me to accept that I am gay. I am working on it and hope that one day in the near future I will be able to accept who I am and move forward. Videos like your certainty help and I thank you for that.
I totally understand. I'm wishing you well on your journey and hopeful for the future! Thank you for your kind words. It's clear from the likes on your comment there are others who feel just like you; I'm certain your comment has helped them feel less alone :)
Every installment of your video diary is like reading the most intimate diary, like that of John Adams when he was a teenager, except I doubt that Adams ever intended to publish it when he was in his 20s. That takes some huge dose of courage, and yet you added even more by the clarity and continuity of your intimate thoughts. May your dream of a family of your own come true. You have the nature to nurture.
Thank you so much, Ken!!! :’) You’re too kind.
Yes Amen to that!
Wonderful video Keith. You did a great job explaining coming out. I’ve struggled my whole life but I finally know who I am now. I came out reluctantly around 23-24. I’m now 77 so I pretty much missed everything in terms of support and socializing with others like me. Oh well maybe I’ll do better next time around. Richard [Seattle WA]
Hey Keith, I just found you and subbed. I have nothing to add to your story except Thank You. I have counseled literally thousands of guys who live your story. I agree with and support every word of what you said here. This video will help young people all over the world who were or are in your stage of life. I am very happy that you found and accepted yourself and are proud of who you are. I also congratulate your parents and especially you and your soulmate. You are blessed............Ray
Thank you so much Ray! This is very kind :)
From one gay Keith to another, I just found and subbed your channel. This was a warm and lovely video.
I came out to my family in college (MSU). My mom was upset - sad and worried - at first, but not for long. Unlike you, I had been out for about a year before telling my family, and was an activist (I grew up on a farm in rural northern Michigan 200+ miles from school) and already heavily involved with the formal LBG group. After another year or so, my mom actually joined us in a campus and city protest march. And this was in 1992, sooo…not very common. I was incredibly proud of her, and it remains a powerful memory of her I’ll always cherish. And something I would never have experienced if I’d not been out.
Excellent points, particularly on coming out being an ongoing, frequently re-contextualized occurrence. Coming out changes in many ways (what you say, to whom, adding “permissions” (can they tell others, exclude anyone, details of your life, etc. etc.) in many settings. The 10,000 ft. view of it can be quite fascinating, especially after decades of accumulated experiences. But everyone’s experiences have things they can teach us, regardless of age, context or circumstances. The wisest 90-year-old has lessons to be learned from the greenest 17-year-old.
I look forward to more from you. Keith to Keith, best of luck.
Thank you for sharing your story, Keith! And of course for the kind words. That is such a beautiful memory of your mom and so powerful for others to read how she went on a journey of acceptance too.
Nothing but support for you, my friend! I’m happy for you!
Thank you!!!
my mum and dad always said I can be whatever, and they will still love me. Naturally I've always been super accepting of LGBTQ+ too, it just doesn't apply to myself. It's still terrifying to admit to someone that you identify with something that's 'different'. I feel weird and abnormal but also like i'm lying to everyone on a daily basis. I've never been comfortable with my sexuality or my identity as a person in general, it's come to a point in which connecting with people is impossible, because expressing myself is so hard for me even normal things like hobbies and passions-- I become anxious saying I like or enjoy something, anything. Trusting people's words -- words that they will still love me for me and they won't reject me is so hard. learning to accept yourself for what you are is hard for everyone. lately I'm better at expressing myself in fashion, the things I enjoy, and actually expressing how I feel. I'm looking forward to learning how to accept and love everything about myself. maybe one day ill be able to admit to myself I'm not 100% straight without feeling so much self hatred
Absolutely it can be terrifying. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Had a gay boyfriend who did not want to admit to himself or to anyone else for that matter , that he was gay .I have nothing but the greatest respect and love for him despite him blaming me for Trying to make him gay . It is never easy . I will always support him because homophobia is a painful process that begins with accepting self and loving yourself . We are born gay and we are created in the image of God . Once you realize that the journey to loving yourself and others will become less anxiety ridden you will be happier . The differculties won't disappear but your life we change for the better knowing you are no longer alone... Thanks for your courageous video. !
Thank you! I recently mustered up the courage to make a video about homophobia, so anyone feel free to watch and share it if you’d like. In 2024, we still have to keep fighting for basic human rights!
Какие же такие видео драгоценные🥺 Тот факт, что вы решили поделиться своим опытом, так сказать, раскрыли свою душу-бесценно. Спасибо вам огромное. Вы очень хорошо рассказываете, у вас приятный голос, а атмосфера видео очень уютная и спокойная. Удачи вам в жизни и в продвижении канала. Берегите себя :)
Thank you so much!! I appreciate the kind words :’)
I was never in. Life is a journey there will be ups and downs. Find your people and treasure every day.
After watching numerous similar videos, I have to say that yours is the most open, sincere & intimate one I have come across. The integration of pictures/videos into the video created a sense of "we are really getting to know this young man." I addition, citing your previous intimate letters to parents & commenting on the impact of those letters is another way to openly share your journey. I applaud your sincerity & am glad that you are now free to be who your are.
Wow, thank you for such a kind message! :)))
Thank you for sharing with us all. I hope you find ways to experience Joy and find strength in the face of the prevelant homophobia of these dire times. All the Best on your new Journey ! 🌈
Thank you so much!
Good video, good topic thanks for sharing. I'm in my 40s came out at 23 things were a lot different back then. I love hearing stories from people of all ages. Everybody has a story that deserves to be heard.
Hey Keith. Thanks for sharing your story. How about posting a video about the difference between wanting some attention from other people, and needing validation from other people. This may be helpful to your as you continue on your journey. It may also be helpful to some of your followers. You are a fine and lovable young man. Also, I like the furniture in your apartment.
So proud of you for having the courage to come out at such a young age!!
Great video Keith! I very much relate. I came out at 16 and had a horribly difficult time especially at work where I was forced to quit. So I stopped coming out for a while. I feel like I missed being out in college and it’s a regret I have. Something magical happens after high school and people are more accepting. I guess it’s a maturity thing. Thanks for sharing. Your honest video will help many others.
Thank you for sharing your story! I think so too about the maturity comment. Both in how other people treat you, but also in how you view yourself.
Thank you for sharing your journey. Everyone has their own coming out story and journey they go through. Your journey will impact others and it will make a difference in their lives just as others impacted you. You keep smiling.
Keith, very belated welcome to Seattle. I'm not active in the community so I wasn't aware there was such a day, so I learned something. Good topic and from some of the comments made, helpful, encouraging, and maybe even therapeutic - in that you opened your heart in a relatable way (in the way a reader might say, "I thought I was alone") Warm hugs
Thank you very much for your kind comment! I'm happy you enjoyed the video. And yes I'm SO happy this comment section has become a space for people to share their stories as well. Representation across many stories important.
Well said, I'm sure you have helped many people.
Great video Keith! Your truth will help many and it's wonderful that your parents stood by you throughout it. Congrats on how well your doing, stay well and keep being beautiful inside and out. Nice mic btw :) 😉
Thank you!! And thanks for the feedback hahaha - small mic was easier for audio editing too
I am so proud and in constant admiration of you Keith
Thank u sarah :')
Before listening to your experience, I thought I was strange that I felt even worse when I came out than before, but hey everything is a process.
Thanks Keith, great video. Glad things have turned out well for you and wish you every happiness.
Thank you!!
I did not come out fully until I was 32. I went to a Catholic school growing up so obviously I wasn't coming out there. I served in the military during the DADT era and didn't come out there either. When I finally came out, no one was shocked... I was shocked that they all knew and that I was oblivious that they knew.
This video really helped me I'm a lesbian still in the closet because it's not safe for me to come out my family is very religious and homophobic I'm a teenager and all the things you said in this video I can literally relate to all of them. it's videos like yours that make all of the homophobic people I'm my life go away when I watch you're videos so thank you I really appreciate people like you 💗
Aww, thank you, I'm very happy it helped. Wishing you the very best and hoping you feel safe soon 🥲
@@keithsdiary thanks I appreciate you 💕
HELLO THE BULLY ON GRINDR THING? 😭 I'D DIE LAUGHING
There was a guy who used to bully me in high school for being gay. I later saw photos of him on facebook in his new town in Michigan with his boyfriend. I almost sent him a message on facebook when I seen that then was like what's the point, I will never be or want to be friends with him anyway.
Parents often don't understand - or don't know how to respond when their child comes out to them. But, in a different context, the author Norman Maclean spoke to their dilemma and their fear of how those who are closest to us "elude us." "Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding.” Love comes first, Keith. And with love, over time, will come understanding. Maclean's quote is from his classic novella A River Runs Through It, and it's part of the last 4 minutes of the movie. Google the full quote - or watch the movie scene on youtube. Simply saying to each other that we can love completely without completely understanding provides comfort and a path forward.
Many parents` reaction seems to be something to the effect of "We love you regardless" or "...love you no matter what." While it may sound kind of accepting it really just shows that they do consider being gay a flaw of some kind. Like as if you tell them that you killed someone and they assure you that they still love you no matter what. Keep in mind that this whole closet thing is a trauma that may haunt you and come back to you later in life when you thought you had long overcome all of it. My advice is to allow yourself to blame your parents and society for the hardship you endured because there was never anything wrong with YOU to begin with but with everone else around you who didnt make you feel comfortable enough to be your true self. It sounds like you may want to go back to that first coming out with your mom and find out what made you feel so bad about yourself that you felt the need to row back again. Maybe talk to her about how her reaction back then made you feel and why. But again remember: you did nothing wrong, coming of age is hard enough as is, dealing with a coming out is almost too much to bare for a young person. But it does get better eventually...
@@nordfresse If a parent loves you no matter what, it does not necessarily mean that they equate who you are with what you have done, but even if they did, the best way forward is to forgive. Those who do not forgive will have a much harder time with self acceptance.
The coming out process is an exciting time but scary at the same time
Keith, you are a courageous, caring, amazing person and created in Jehovah God's image. Your friendliness and honesty are heartening along with your handsomeness. You are an inspiration. Just remember that your sexual orientation is only a part of who you are. You are so much more than that!
Came out first year of high school, I was a pariah anyway with zero friends anyway so I figured it wouldn't matter being a double pariah.
I won't lie, being in the UK, there is so much constant hate for anyone that isn't straight, white and nazi supporting.
Had a boyfriend for a couple years but we broke up after he turned out to not remotely care about me. He was my closest match on eHarmony and he was on the other side of the country.
!! Things are definitely getting more polarized in the US too - one’s coming out experience varies DRAMATICALLY based on the state you’re in. I’m sorry to hear about the boyfriend, no one deserves to be in that situation. Wishing you well and hopeful for a better future.
Very nice! I came out waaaay back in the '80's to all my family via individual letters (I was living far away at the time). As a kid, I do recall having some crushed on guys in school & spending days in the public library while in high school reading the Kinsey Report (look it up if that's new to you) trying to see WTF was wrong with me. Gay, gay, gay. I was 24 when the AIDS epidemic started, so it was a tough couple of decades being out, but going to protests with other gays was fulfilling. I just hope coming out that long ago had some sort of positive effect (not just me, LOL, but together with everyone else who came out, forcibly or not, back then). But anyway, for me, the benefits far outweighed the stresses. The family took a while to come around, some sooner than others. Even my Jehovahs Witness sister started being nice and not mentioning hell about 8 years ago (so about 30-ish years after coming out--slow but we got there). Cheers and all the best for your future.
I'm certain your activism and strength in coming out paved the way for people like myself to come out in a much more socially welcoming day. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I was never comfortable being gay. It always felt like I had this heavy stone on my shoulders. One day I was driving home and just decided to come out to myself. I said out loud, I am gay, and it felt like this heavy weight was lifted off me. I hope this might help others deciding to come out.
My son came out to me at 15, ( he is 22 now) my instinctive response was just to say OK. To which he was rather annoyed with and said... What thats i!! I told him it wasn't a shock and who he chose to love in his life wasn't an issue to me. I pointed out that was why I always referred to future loves he would have as simply partners not by gender. Guess he never noticed that. That I loved him and nothing would ever change that.
I've been an ally since I was in highschool in the 90s. To me I just figured he would know I wouldn't care. That of anyone he would know I would be cool with it. Well several years later we were talking and he told me it took him a year to tell me and he was terrified. That surprised me. He said supporting queer rights and people didn't mean that I would be ok with have a queer son. I had never thought of it like that. It made me really stop and rethink the whole issue of coming out and the strength it takes to do so.
I'm so glad ur story turned out so well for you and for you to know how important stories like urs are to the wider audience.
Thank you for sharing your story from a parent's perspective!
Ok so most likely the majority of comments are from those under 25. I'm 52 and have known I was gay since age 7. In the 1980s being homosexual was not normal, accepted, or easy. Teachers always said, you're just different from the other boys. I never felt I needed to "come out". My sister knew and later in life my brother and my parents told me they k ew all along. I never cared what anyone thought and to this day , still don't. You are your own person. It doesn't affect anyone else but you. Some parents think it's gonna ruin their lives. Why? Luckily my parents never thought that. Coming out shouldn't be fearful or hard or filled with tears nor screams. Its your sexuality , it's not a big deal. You are still the same person as before everyone got confirmation. Who you love, as long as it's legal shouldn't matter to anyone. Be you and those who don't accept you. Get rid of them. They will just make you miserable.
I'm 70 and I came out 2 years ago at a group psychology session . In New Zealand , homophobia and queer bashing was common place as I grew up . I chose secrecy & deception to appear hetero at all costs , for survival . I was not morally strong enough to buck the system .In hindsight , my behavior was comon place with gay folk . I'm not alone by any stretch. Your summary is based on common sense & logical truth. I found life is not like that at all in practice . We are a minority group that is easy to pick on . In time we can build resilience . Other negative family experiences made my sexuality status a lower priority.
I first came out to my twin brother as bi I was 26 i haven’t really told other people except my best friend who is like a sister to me
This above all; to thine own self be true.
I'm an elder in the community...I came out when I was living in Canada just a few years after Canada decriminalised Homosexuality.
I've had a regular life for being Gay...hard....
I have found out, that there will always be struggles for anyone, straight, gay, trans, white, black or what ever nationality.
However for the LGBTQ+ community, it can still be dangerous to come out at work, for rental properties even toward family and friends. Just make sure you are safe before doing anything.
I have accepted there is alot of hate and intolerance in this world....however I live out, yet cautiously. My sexuality is mine, not the public's, just like straight people....I don't owe anyone my sexuality...I make that decision.
I live under the belief....
" being a man has nothing to do with sexuality or masculinity and everything to do with integrity......
If being a man means being 'tough', how many straight 'men' would have the courage to come out as gay?......
No one should ever be forced into a closet, to ever have the need to come out of one.....
Everyone has a basic human right to love and be loved. "
Very beautifully said, thank you for sharing your story
Keith, your manner of speech demanded honesty on your part all along. It's advice I should've followed myself instead of being a largely silent loner most of my life for fear of being found out.
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That’s funny, “once you come out of the closet, don’t try to go back into the closet”.
❤❤❤❤❤❤I love you
I'm starting my job in tech out if college and fr im like am i safe to come out here? Like sure they have lgbt clubs at work but still my individual manager or whatever could be homophobic
Also tricky for me to navigate at times, but we'll figure it out with time I'm sure. Best of luck at the new job!!
I find it hard to believe that your mother did not know. They always know.
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🌈👍🏼🌈👍🏼😘
Where I come from, coming outs don't really exist ... people are usually comfortable about their dating habits, even if it was with the same sex. You just come out when the conversation allows you to. Friends and family act surprised of course, but it is not big of a deal. At the same time however Berlin is not really a city known for having a strong lgbt-"community" and pride symbols. Everyone cares for themselves, wich is a good, but also a bad thing. But yeah, ... never quite understood the coming out stuff.
How interesting! Definitely not my experience growing up in Virginia, USA. I got similar vibes to what you are saying from some friends I met on the west coast in California - that it was more casual - but Virginia is generally more conservative so coming out felt like an event.
dear lord - there is a _National Coming Out Day_ ? you know, as long as we think we need 'to come out' to society let alone require help via national days to do it, we still have a very long way to go. we may have progressed from dark medieval times just recently by abolishing the most abysmal discriminations in law but the minds of the people next to us are still very much steeped with notions of the past.
have a constant look-out for kids whose minds are in danger of being filled with stereotypes and heteronormativity so when they come of age there is no longer any need to 'come out' because it doesn't matter anymore to third people who they love. 😉
The teachers that let that happen and of course throw their hands up like they can do nothing about should be fired. Their parents are also likely shitty people.
You should look at the gay Mormons platform [ s] here it's WORSE
Oh religion is such poison.
I came out 37 years old i came out fully to everyone due to the pandemic. I have been gay since I was 13, but I lived a lie until I was 37 It all comes in stages.
I loved your story of how it was to come out I understand how it was in comes out and how people view gays and the threats at work it was dangerous like you say back when I knew I was gay it was a reason a company could fire you for being gay like you s as y when a person comes out it does make your life better you have some freedom to live a nice life ♥️
Do you have an instagram
No, sorry! This is my only public social media page :)