My Disability Made Her Uncomfortable, So She Told Me To Stop Talking
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- Опубліковано 8 гру 2022
- My Disability Made Her Uncomfortable, So She Told Me To Stop Talking In this video, I tell you the story of how advocating for myself as a disabled person, made a salon receptionist uncomfortable, so she told me to stop talking.
Sometimes people with disabilities experience discrimination and social isolation, as a result. I was gaslit, and made to feel so unvalued after 14 years of custom. . I hope that by telling this story, I can help raise awareness and help people to understand and appreciate the challenges that people with disabilities face.
After my spinal cord injury i have really had to adapt in life. So Im showing you my disability lifestyle to raise disability awareness. As a disabled woman and a woman in a wheelchair who is paralysed, I thought it would be interesting for you to see, and hopefully give you some inspiration and motivation so that you can live more independently. wether you are paraplegic or quadriplegic I hope that I can help you. The wheelsnoheels message is “so no one has to feel alone.”
I have lots of interesting disability videos, a lot of videos on how to cope with a disability and living life in a wheelchair, wether you are a girl boy woman or man. i have some paraplegic exercise videos, and advice. its important to keep your fitness levels up as much as possible as this can when physically and mentally with depression.
If you feel I have given you value today consider buying me a ko-fi, just think of it as a tip.
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•this video is just how I do it. there may be other ways which for for you. I cannot accept any responsibility for the actions you take after watching this video. You should always speak to a trained certified, medical professional first before undertaking any new activities.
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Please note, this is not about my hair, I am highlighting the everyday systemic ablism, lack of understanding and gas lighting we face in all areas of our lives. Wether that be at work, in education, with friends, family, in local businesses, and in medical settings. (Pretty much Everywhere)
Perhaps you should write a letter to who ever is the owner or is in charge, just to have it on record, explaining the situation. It might not change the outcome, but at least it will be on record. ✌️🇺🇸🇬🇧✌️👏👏👏
Doesn’t matter, it’s just plain wrong and ridiculously rude and disrespectful to people who are disabled! And it needs to stop 🛑!! I have EDS and I’m also Epileptic. I don’t appreciate people who are rude and disrespectful.
I am so sorry this happened to you! I get how painful this ignorance is, i also have eds like the commenter above and i use a wheelchair for long outings. The constant advocating you have to do is just so exhausting and heartbreaking.
@@redsorgum I would go a step further and suggest sharing this video with them. This platform is a tool I've be going around... as a person who is fid up, and record it when people say stupid things to me because I am in a wheelchair etc. ie. Idiot in pharmacy keeps suggesting I don't belong there because I am so young and so why would I need pills or for that matter a wheelchair. I would hate to abuse that power but yes for F sake use it. What do we need a app for this now or what like instead of complaining about the food at some place... or is that already in a way there, and can you link youtube videos? I would like to think so.
Please keep fighting, keep talking
You *do not* exist to make her "comfortable". If she can't deal with customers, she should not be in customer service. Don't excuse her actions.
100%%%%% hope you are ok. 🙏🏼🙏🏼
@@Wheelsnoheels Maybe ask if there's a good visiting hairdresser? At least at home you have more control.
A positive story: Mobility issues have caused me to depend on drive-through windows for quick lunches. I stopped at a Panera Bread and was told that the drive-through window was closed for the day. I asked if they could make a exception as I was disabled and could not walk in. They happily took my order and delivered my sandwich with no further comment. Hooray for Panera in Finneytown Ohio, USA!
Haha how funny the ending is priceless "Yay for Panera." Lol that's cute though. I used to work there making baggets I remember those days and being on cash register. My favorite was stocking the pastries lmao! You should work there if you don't have a job if you do don't mind this message lol it's a fun job though.
I was gaslighted by an NHS appointments bookings clerk this week, who told me "Please make sure you do your best to ACTUALLY attend this appointment" and "We do have other patients waiting you know". This is after an xray had to be rebooked for the 3rd time (and I let them know every time!) because I was having 2 back to back surgeries because of my chronic illness, one was cardiothoracic, I was scared out of my mind and yet I remembered to rebook my xray! So on this last occasion, when she ended the conversation with these comments I told her I could not believe she said that to me and that I was really upset by it. I told her there is no "doing your best" to attend an appointment when you in a hospital bed and are waiting for heart/thoracic surgery!! She knew all this and yet she said it anyway. She ended the call with "well at least it's all sorted now!" 5 minutes later she rang back to let me know about the new appointment letter and she also apologised. I don't know why but I have to hope she sat with what she'd just done and realised how inappropriate her words were. Maybe she was scared I would complain. But I'll never know. Not the first time i've had something like that. Won't be the last either.
My granny had a very similar experience. She was due to have a cataract operation. The day before, she'd been admitted to the hospital with a severe ear infection.
They had the gall to tell her she had been discharged from their service and needed to be referred again. She was in the hospital where the op was due to happen.
@@katfoster845 I would make a copy of something showing that you'd been in the hospital and forward it to the practice manager with an account of what was said to you. That is heartless!
@@katfoster845 I was also in the same hospital for part of mine. They told me it was sent back to the referring doctor but I refused to accept that and asked her to sort it out which she spoke to a manager about and they did but after that was when she made the disrespectful comments.
Medical receptionists are all desk monsters! I'm so sorry this is happening to you
@@katfoster845 😲😡
I'm so sorry this happened. It shouldn't have. And it's not about hair being a "minor" problem, it's about you being a loyal costumer who deserves to be respected. They are at fault, not you.
I wouldn’t want to go back to that salon ever again, because I don’t like rude people and disrespectful attitude towards people who are disabled!! Ugh!
Agreed!! You got that right!!!
Disability is a word that people are too often loathe to acknowledge; it makes it so much harder for us to acknowledge the discrimination. I'm so sorry. Nobody should have to be treated like that. This disabled person stands with you.
Same here
Ditto!
As an American hairdresser I’m ashamed of that salon! Is the disabled community harder to preform services on, yes. Does that make them any less worthy HELL NO!!!!!! Yes it’s harder but everyone no matter their ability deserves to look good and feel good. I wish you hadn’t paid the original time. I wish I weren’t all the way here in the US. I would go to your home to fix it for you❤️
What part of the states are you in? I'm in WA. near Seattle and need a colorist.
@@cbryce9243 Michigan
An understanding hairdresser is another part of anyone's support team. Bless You in your work. ❤️🙏💞
I totally agree! Even before I got older and more disabled, I knew when things were wrong. My then roommate's mother lived in a low cost apartment place for older and disabled people. I had gone in one day to get my roommate when the complex's elevator had broken. However, the night before the police had gotten a call for help there and broken the glass door, not completely, but... Now, this place's door had been not right since the mother had moved in, it would jerk back suddenly. Before that day I had seen older people nearly knocked off their feet by the door. However, I seldom went in so I really wasn't prepared for this door to snap back and cut my arm. Cut it badly enough I needed a stitch. Now, while I didn't have a lot of money, I could afford, with my insurance, to go to the doctor and get it fixed. However, I wanted that door fixed, for sure. I called the management up and then the maintenance guy called me up and told me how many times he had 'fixed' it but for it to break again. I told him that I didn't care, that door needed to be fixed, even if it meant replacing it. He pushed back, again. I hung up on him and went back to the people managing the place and asked if they wanted me to call the TV station that investigated this kind of stuff. That I was aware that this was a low cost place, but this was also a place for elderly and disabled people. It was some time later I happened to need to go by again and they had, not only replaced the door, but had replaced it with one that had a power opening door. Probably I wasn't the only one to push this, but even after talking to the management I talked to others, advocating for the residents.
Good work! I love this story because as a disabled person I simply would not have the energy to do all of that advocating and phone calls. I’m grateful that there’s people like you who see us and others who need a voice and dont give up on positive change. Thank you ♥️
Niiiice! I love a feel good advocating story.
I am personally appalled by the number of doctors' offices, physical therapy companies and public restrooms that have big, heavy doors! They are almost impossible for able-bodied people to push open, much less the disabled and elderly. My other pet peeve is the way new houses and apartments are still built with stairs instead of ramps!
@@princessmissy50 Well, I do understand why they aren't building ramps. Not that I like it, but disabled people are only a fraction of the population. Many people are in some sort of assisted living place before they can no longer handle stairs. I had been going over to visit my mother when I saw a man, a friend of my parents, leaving the building. I was aware he had dementia. I caught him, asked him where he was going. He said that they were expecting some visitors and was going out to meet them. I told him they would meet him in the lobby and got him back in the building. The next time I saw his wife she told me that had to have him put into an dementia home. One with a fence so when he took off, he couldn't get lost. He was only brought back to the place where my mother was when he became unable to walk.
She thought YOU were making HER feel bad!? How bad does she think she was making YOU feel? Why does everyone get on like this? Why do these people think more of themselves than they do of us!? Why do we not matter!? It’s disgusting. It really is. I’m sorry you were treated like this. Hope you and your family have a great Christmas Gem. I’ll be jealous of you all in sunny Australia 😄
Discrimination in a privileged situation is still discrimination. And to add to it making it sound like it is YOUR fault that it makes HER uncomfortable. Perhaps a strongly worded letter “since you asked me to stop speaking about my disability, I am putting this in writing…” and copy it to anyone who might listen … like the chamber of commerce, or the local news… and add “turn your discomfort for discussing my disability for one situation into compassion for how much your adding to my discomfort for every inaccessible situation.”
I'm sorry this happened to you, Gem. No one deserves to be treated like that. Your voice matters, and I thank you for speaking for all of us.
Hear! Hear!
I completely agree.
XXX
It sucks that a business would act like this, much less tell anyone that their disability makes them "feel uncomfortable". To me I think it's just a code word for "We don't have the empathy or decency to hear about your struggles and circumstances, even when we messed up and want you to waste 5 more hours during the busiest time of the year." 🙄
It's not about your hair at the end of the day, it's about your value as a human being. I would like to think that anywhere we go would be able to make small and often (for them) insignificant changes to things that to those on wheels or other types of disabilities are huge. The tiniest changes can make our lives and even our days that much brighter.
Please be gentle with you, this was not your fault in the slightest.
Take care and stay safe and strong. You are a fabulous woman and you understand the world from a different perspective than they do. X
I hope that makes sense and is not a word salad. I am low on spoons today.
@@gabrielstone8548 you said it very clearly in the first sentence. You elaborated, clearly, in additional words what you meant. Thanks.
@@jeffjohnsisland5551 thank you too. Have a great Xmas if you celebrate.
People have a difficult time even understanding me. Everything can be very frustrating
I have had people refuse to acknowledge me and only talk to my GF and had her ask me the questions directly. I had people also asked me how can people like you be so happy and accept their disability. The part I really hate is when people think that my GF is my aid or nurse. I had people push me out of their way as I'm reaching for something in the store because they are normal. I have been told people like me should be put in home's and locked way from people's view because how we make them feel.
Wow, people can be so hurtful. I am not disabled, but I would never treat another human being like that! Some people really do lack compassion, common sense and overall basic respect for other people.
I’m so sorry you’ve been treated like this. You are a blessing to our society and we are all privileged to have you.
Same here, I’ve had discrimination and refused service and they lol at me in many situations. Especially services like hair nails restaurants hotels etc etc
And yea the parking doesn’t make it all better especially when it’s full of cars and huge trucks
It’s raising it that makes people feel not so alone and more prepared for when (not if) it happens to them. My lightbulb moment was when we were away for Christmas and I went for a manicure and pedicure. Hands were fine, but when it came to my feel, my “floppy” feet gave her the creeps apparently. I left in tears saying nothing. Went back to meet with my family. My mum went light! Even though I asked her to leave it, she explained to the salon and got me a full refund but also an apology from the resort. Since then they have informed us they have upped their training especially as the sell themselves as fully accessible. Since then I have advocated for myself better and been back to that resort to see the improvements for myself.
This is an appalling attitude for them to have towards any customer, disabled or otherwise. They take FIVE hours of your valuable time to screw up your hair and then say they can only fix it if you give them another five hours of your time during the busiest time of everyone's year? Even without taking into consideration the additional complications of a disability, this is DREADFUL customer service.
It doesn’t really matter that it concerns a ”luxery problem”(your hair) this time.I know the feeling to always struggle and advocate for yourself to get the smallest bit of help. And yes I know how lucky I am, depending where I live and everything I do have in my life, but to always bear and grin after constantly getting comments or meeting obstacles, that smallest little thing can make you break down inside. It’s the one thing that make the scale tip over, no matter the seriousness of the problem on hand. Especially when it concerns stupid things that could so easily be solved.
I hope you and your family will have a wonderful vacation and a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year.
As newly disabled, I haven’t experienced anything to this level, and I am so sad it happened to you. What has gotten to me is now that I am back to work my relationships with my colleagues have changed, it’s almost like they don’t know how to talk to me. I may not be the same person physically but I am still a person, and that is the important bit. Makes me feel like I am in the wrong, even though they have to get over their mental barriers.
Hi, I used to be a hairstylist. Now im a wheelchair user. I love to get my hair done, its one of the things I am privileged to get to. Ive been offered to be accommodated by my friends and stylists immensely. You've taught me a lot about being a wheelchair user, both practically and having a good attitude.
We fight hard every day for access, and one horrific experience like this suddenly can make it feel like all our work is for naught! I'm so, so sorry this happened to you, and so thankful for your continued work for our community. ✨
Hi Gem. Never apologise for sharing your experiences with us. We learn from your posts and don't feel so alone in the big bad world out there. Yes 'hair colouring' is a First World problem, but the discrimination you highlight is universal. In Australia we have Consumer Affairs departments and Ombudsmen that can help with discrimination, I am not sure what your UK equivelent would be. I would also suggest going to your local political member and asking "why disabled people cannot get their hair looked after in his/her electorate?" after all disability laws are supposed to make things accessible and non discriminatory. I hope you have better cheer leading into Christmas. Big Hugs from Downunder. Boofy
There's so many policies that I could understand not being able to make an exception for, but this doesn't seem like it should be a huge deal for them. If the receptionist didn't have the ability to make that exception, she could have spoken to someone who did. Your request was perfectly reasonable, and I'm so sorry that the receptionist was unwilling to work with you and tried to make the situation about her own discomfort with your story and disability. I hope that she receives better training in the future so that more people don't have to go through this as well.
Love to you and your family
I'm so sorry this happened to you Gem. I am not disabled but I absolutely love your channel! I have been following your channel for a long time now and you are such an inspiration to me. You are such an upbeat kind and wonderful woman🌸. You have educated me so so much and opened my eyes as to how much disabled people struggle on a daily basis. The discrimination is atrocious. I am so grateful for your channel. You teach me so much and I absolutely adore your upbeat personality ♥️. You shouldn't feel like it's a privilege or feel it's petty to discuss. It's your feelings. They are completely validated. 🎀
It’s so encouraging to read your comment and see that there are compassionate people trying to understand what it’s like to live with a disability. You act as a bridge to bring understanding to others who don’t invest their time in watching channels like these.
I experienced weird stuff too since I m using a wheelchair.
But I learned that such stuff is always about the insecurities and fears of the other person.
Yes Gem it is so true that going to the hairdresser is incredibly exhausting, I am glad you pointed that out aswell, as abled bodied people have no idea that going to the hairdresser is not a treat when you are disabled. I feel sorry that this has happened to you in a salon where you are a regular customer. It is appalling that there is still so much work to do in 2022 regarding ableistic assumptions. Have a great holiday ❤️
Hya Elodie did you have any problem using the omeo wheelchair as you have core problems you see I have advanced Multiple sclerosis and Iimited use of my hands and struggle to work a joystick
@@stevesouthwick4211 Hi! I am unable to use it as I have ALS/Motor Neurone Disease. Have you tried a golfball instead of joystick? My OT and physio have arranged this and it makes such a difference. It is literally a golfball with a whole at the bottom which sits over joystick. It prevents hand cramping etc, so much easier to use. I recently upgraded my powered wheelchair and it's adapted to deal with spasticity, which no doubt you suffer from too. It can even go flat like a bed, happy with it. Look after yourself😘
I asked one of the baristas in a large chain coffee shop that shall remain nameless to bring my order over. I'm disabled, I use a stick and I was in a lot of pain. I just wanted to sit down and have something to eat and a nice coffee. Carrying a tray whilst using a stick isn't easy. She pulled a face and proceeded to moan at her colleague because I'd asked for a minor adjustment.
I know it's inconvenient when customers ask for help. However when you have a customer who's using a stick and wincing in pain, just be nice. It doesn't cost anything. The insidious ableism is the most exhausting. It's the constant comments about how you don't look disabled or why you use a stick when you're so young. Plus the people who barge past you when you're walking slowly, and the social media thing of saying how annoying you find people who walk slowly. Yes, that is ableism even if you meant it as a joke.
"you're making me feel bad" yeah you should feel bad for not being accommodating to a disabled person
Injured
I am so sorry you had to experience this, but I am sad to say I wasn't surprised to hear it. It is frustrating having to research stores and salons in advance to know if I can use them, mostly to find out I can't. I gave up on salons and learned to cut my hair myself. But we shouldn't have to. And gaslighting and being made to feel like we are inconveniencing others, by existing in their space, takes a real emotional toll over time.
How a receptionist at a salon treats you should have nothing to do with how many years you've been getting their services. All customers should be treated with respect, especially when the fault is their own. Not yours. Humanity should always be shown to someone with disabilities of any kind, in any situation.
I had the same hairdresser for 20 years prior to becoming paralyzed, and then she started passing me off to other stylist when I would show up for appointments. Her excuse was that someone without a scheduled appointment walked in and asked for a service that cost more than my routine 6 week trim. I always left feeling less than and carried that feeling as though it was my fault for only ever getting a $50 hair trim. I left the salon all together and found a hairdresser who was compassionate and empathetic towards my needs. I love her, she is the best.
I agree compleyly I have the same issues as a complete T2 paraplegic and I do not consider this such a downer video, you are making a good point and educating those who are ignorant towards us. Plus getting this message out there like you did for the parking situation can do good for others and you. I really appreciate you spreading awareness for this problem. Plus you have given me courage to be able to do things I never thought I could as an fairly newly injured person (in the past 2 years). From one paraplegic to another thank you so much for your voice and encouragement to others.
Similar happened to me at a nail salon..I found a better one and never looked back..hope you find a better, kinder and accessible hairsalon too..
Bless you. What a horrendous experience. Please, please, please don’t diminish what happened by telling yourself you are privileged for working hard and saving up to have your hair dyed twice a year.
I had a similar experience recently and beat myself up for being privileged. I went to Bicester Village on Black Friday to take advantage of the Pandora offers and buy a gift for my daughter for Christmas. I had to save up my energy days before and make special arrangements to travel there (nothing is easy with a disability). When I arrived 90% of the disabled parking spaces had been accosted by people without badges (now that’s a privileged attitude). It took me 45 minutes to park and this was on a hashed area that the Bicester Team told me to park on…they said that this always happens with disabled parking. When I finally made it to Pandora I had an awful experience. The manager sneered at me (and my walking stick…she literally looked me up and down) and said ‘the queue is closed. Come back in half an hour and then you can join the queue using the QR code’. When I said that ‘I had only travelled there to go in that store and I couldn’t stand and wait or entertain myself by going in other stores due to my disability and the pain I was experiencing’, she became agitated and said ‘that’s our policy’. I said ‘please can you be kind and compassionate and atleast tell me how long I will have to wait once joining the queue with the QR system?’ She point blank ignored me, rolled her eyes at other customers to signal her annoyance with me. Then two random women walked straight into the store without being in the queue and when I questioned it she gruffly said ‘that’s it! You’re being abusive and not coming in the store’.
I then contacted the Bicester Village customer relations team and four members of staff tried to reason with this woman but she wouldn’t let me in the store. It was freezing and I had a massive pain flare up. I felt devastated, I barely have the courage to go out on my own anyway and then this happens. The issue was escalated to Pandora headquarters in Germany and they sent me a £75 voucher but, I just feel it was like a spoonful of sugar added to a very bitter cup of coffee.
Thank you for making this video as hearing you say about feeling this is a ‘privileged’ issue echoes my own sentiments…it’s so sad that we feel we don’t deserve luxuries and nice experiences without blatant discrimination.
I’m sorry that happened to you. People should be more sympathetic and accommodating. You weren’t asking for anything unreasonable.
There are times that looking them right in the eye, and with firm conviction, saying "Your Fired" makes me feel better. Doesn't fix my problem, but it puts the experience in perspective for them. Keep up the good fight.
I hope another salon in your area sees this and steps up to let you know they have become accessible since you last checked, and would love to see you!
I can hear how it is still affecting you. So sorry for that. I have had that kind of thing happen to me. I also use a wheelchair
As a disabled person myself and a business person, I understand your frustration and the receptionist shouldn't have told you to stop talking but also you aren't the most important person in the world and they don't have to change policy just for you. If you don't like it, go somewhere else; your money should be spent at a place you feel comfortable with.
It sounds like they owe you your money back. This isn’t a question of your disability it’s a question of their incompetence.
I’ve spoken to my boss a couple times about the disabled parking at work, and he don’t care, his mentality is first come first served, so then I have to wait for a disabled parking bay to become free.
I think I am the only person on my store that has a blue badge. But people as you rightly stated that people are taking advantage of that and it’s not fair on people who are like me who are disabled but some people just don’t care that your disabled. Where now in a world where people only care about them selfs
It’s wrong!
That receptionist sounds like a jerk. You are too kind to say it. You were not the problem. Neither is your disability. It amazes me that companies get away with treating paying customers like this. All their customers should take their business elsewhere. What a toxic and elitist way to conduct a business. I hope you can find a hairstylist/salon who will do the job, with kindness and if a mistake happens, will not behave like a toddler.
My heart breaks for you. I've had my hair hacked off, colour ruined, hair fried, etc so many times that I have panic attacks going into salons. Now, my spouse has to schedule my appointments for me (only every 9-15 months) and they found an amazing stylist for me who spends a lot of time just talking to me before ever touching scissors to help me calm down. I go in for trims only and it's worth every penny she charges. I still can't go alone and have to take anxiety meds before hand, but your hair is a part of you and having someone so messup or ruin a part of you whether on purpose or accidentally and not even apologize or try to understand is cruel.
I am experiencing this in my apartment. They refuse to place ramps and a legit handicapped parking spot. I am not asking them to change the structure of a building I am asking for ramps so I can get out of my home on my home and not be homebound. And if I fight I will be kicked out. So yes thank you and I hope I can be more confident like you someday.
"We're trying to accommodate you". Um, if they had done the job properly, you wouldn't need to be going back...
During a visit to my previous dentist his receptionist told my that looking at me made her crazy(using her finger to circle her ear). She was way way creepy and that is the last time in the office for me. Most situations I just ignore, but this woman really creeped me out.
Thank you for sharing! Bless DB for understanding and supporting you. She shouldn't have to but she is so kind and it shows you are a great loving parent too. I appreciate you sharing the good and bad because we have few luxuries and hair is important for many of us when our bodies are medicalised x
I'm so glad you slipped that in at the end about accessible parking; I personally know the embodiment of that cringeworthy attitude; 'disability = a badge that lets you park anywhere and stay longer than everyone else'! When there is so, so, so much more that we have to deal with that people have no clue over!' For example; while a busy schedule is narrowing your opportunity to book your hair; SHAUN's availability is narrowing it FURTHER; which wouldn't even compute with thier dozens of other clients who drive themselves because they won't for two seconds, have pondered the ease with which they find a spot pull up and park. Or have had to manually move themselves out of the car bearing thier own weight on thier own arms. So it is guaranteed not to have crossed their mind that you need to then do the same into an inevitably awkwardly positioned salon chair. All using spoons very rapidly. Not to mention strategically planning bathroom situations to navigate the absolutely inevitable eventuality that the one tiny staff toilet in the salon will be absolutely use nor ornament!
I’m so so sorry you had to go through this Gem, they do not deserve your money or loyalty. It’s utterly disgusting that a valued, loyal customer of 15 yrs is treated like that and then to be spoken to like that is just wrong. It’s is so knackering and draining, having to always fight for our rights as people with disabilities. Some days it’s just too much, especially when you’re in chronic pain and to then have someone gaslight you with their ableism 😳 it can leave us not even wanting to wake up the next day. I know you hate having to do a post like this as you are all about being positive but unfortunately these days it seems to be happening more and more sending absolutely huge hugs to you Gem 🤗🤗
I SEE YOU. I HEAR YOU. I FEEL YOU! Xxxxxx
Omg those idiots. Thank you for sharing.
The work you do is so important! Hair salons seem to be some of the LEAST accessible businesses, at least here in the USA; and some of the worst for acting like we need to apologize for our disability. Then, on top of that, trying to find someone you can trust to do your hair decently... Yes, it's a 1st world problem, but it's causing me to try to embrace my weird, unbalanced gray!😊
She basically said: “I am getting sad so stop telling me your truth. I can not handle it” 😢 What the actual? 🙈
Ugh that sucks. Going to the hairdresser might be a luxury, but that doesn't take away from the problem. I've had something similar a while back. I got a letter through the council, for a discounted gym membership. Now the last time I went to a gym was before I had a wheelchair (I think, or I might have just gotten my folding chair and wasn't using it as much yet), and they had turnstiles. Of all things to make a place inaccessible... So anyway, my hopes weren't high for the place to be accessible, so I asked when they called me for an intake appointment. They had no clue what I meant and I had to give examples. Yeah no sure that's no problem. So I get to the intake, and the guy is pretty chill, don't get me wrong, it's not like what you had in that they made it all about them. But it turns out that their only circuit equipment is are these machines that you have to do in a set time. And he's just like yeah that won't work for you as a wheelchair user because you'd be too slow. And I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user, I can get up just fine, just not for long, and I told him. That equipment would still not be for me, but that's a preference, not because of my wheelchair. And they did have freeweights and such, but they only let people use those with a personal trainer, and obviously that wasn't in this plan and god forbid they make an exception. The only thing he suggested that was useful was going to another location, but that was further out and I don't drive or have handbike, so getting there would have been a workout already. So yeah, he wasn't even a dick about it, but it still really stung.
The story sort of got a tail though. I did end up getting my accessible workout, but again it wasn't what I was going for. I tried to get a diagnosis again, to be able to get more accomodations, and my gp took me seriously, but the specialists didn't so they just sent me off to physical therapy with a hypermobility label. Specialist one prodded very gently, did one blood test and just ran with what my gp had already set, sent me to a rehabilitation doctor, who did absolutely fuckall except bitch about me using a wheelchair and that being what would make me loose my ability to walk instead of even considering the option that my ability to walk is already fucked because I ignored the problem for so long because I assumed the pain was normal. So I was very reluctant to go to physical therapy, specially one she suggested. But I figured nothing to loose and I gave it a shot. Turns out the physical therapist is super chill and actually helps me gain strength everywhere instead of trying to get me out of my wheelchair, and he does take my limits seriously, because he does understand that crossing them is harmful. So again, not what I came for, but I'm glad to have that adapted workout.
Sorry for the entire bloody book hahahaha
You go Wheelchair Warrior Queen Woman. You're grace under pressure. I agree with you. If it was me I don't think I would have handled this insult that well. I would have had some choice words for that salon owner. Needless to say I would never return to that salon and put them on blast in social media. Their behavior was disgusting. Boycott.
I'm literally APPALLED at your town. Bulldoze the entire thing and start from scratch!!!
SO SORRY THIS HAPPENS TO YOU, THEY DON'T NEED YOUR BUSINESS . KEEP FIGHTING FOR YOUR RIGHTS..
I’m watching this 9 months later. I happened across your channel recently and enjoy and appreciate your advocacy. I’m a power chair user and your ally in the states. You have taught me a lot. It’s apparent the salon hairdressers wouldn’t last 24 hours in your chair (“shoes”). I hope you were able to find a better place, because often times these situations result in better alternatives. Maybe there are hairdressers/colorists who come to the home, so you are in the comfort of your own home? If available, then that might be so much easier for you. Yes it would probably be more expensive, but if it’s only a few times a year, then it’s worth it. ❤
This is exactly why i accepted my hairs the way they are and embraced the Au Naturel
Me too! I have a friend who is not a professional hairdresser who cuts my hair at home and knows how to work around my wheelchair.
You were absolutely not the problem in that situation, and I'm sorry you were treated that way. They should have been more apologetic and lenient with you anyway because the trainee messed up and it's definitely because the stylist you normally see who was overseeing her didn't coach her properly. Plus, such a strict timeframe when the area has such short parking limits? Surely you're not the first customer who hasn't been able to make the schedule work.
Thank you for sharing.
So upsetting/distressing and unfortunately not surprising 💔 I HATE it when they turn around and play the victim it’s so messed up I hope your ok and find a decent alternative salon xxx
When you live in a first world nation, with other first world people, you don't have to feel bad for expecting the same treatment those around you receive as a matter of course.
If I were you, I'd be blasting them on Facebook. That's just wrong.
So sorry you experienced this and thank you so much for sharing, it's really helped me to think about my own experience of gaslighting this week.
Hi Gem, I don’t even know where to begin. First off I am a double leg amputee as a result of the Boston Marathon Bombings on April 15 2013. I have been a hairstylist my whole life…..seriously the Barbie dolls I played with as a kid all had bobbed haircuts 😂. So I started working full time in a salon at 17 and I am 57 now. At the time of the bombings I had been working on “Newbury St” in Boston for about 14 years. I did go back to work when I got prosthetic legs, but it was simply too painful to continue. So I’m shocked and disgusted on two levels- as a colorist/hairstylist and as an amputee who is most comfortable in a wheelchair.
I wish I could fix the color for you. 😘 Shame on that Salon, they ABSOLUTELY should have let you come in after the holidays. It was the salons mistake not yours and your regular stylist doesn’t sound very loyal or grateful for her repeat clientele. She doesn’t deserve your business!!
I’m glad you decided to share this and I hope you get strength from the support of your followers. Hang in there 🫶🏼 sending you a virtual hug from the USA!
Dr Z is my husband, I forgot to change it for the post…… my name is Celeste 😘
I’ve had an increase in pain in the last month and the doctor responsible for managing my pain has given me the runaround and I either have a hard time getting someone live or getting someone who can give me answers. A doctor was supposed to call me today and he never did. I am furious over the treatment they’ve given me and how they can let their patients suffer is mind boggling. I’m not a full time wheelchair user but lately the pain has been so bad I’ve wanted to use my wheelchair at work and to just get around. My workplace isn’t very accessible for wheelchairs and I’m afraid if I did just show up HR might say something since up until now, I don’t even use my cane because I feel shy and embarrassed to use it and I don’t want people staring at me or see I’m using it and ask questions. A wheelchair would be an issue because I work in a lab and they are not set up to accommodate wheelchairs. I use a power chair so they are slightly more bulky then a manual chair. I think I’d have to talk to HR first and see if they would make accommodations for me, since I’ve never really considered myself disabled. I guess mostly because I can still walk the distances it takes to use
The bathroom, etc. But the pain I’ve been in the last several weeks and being unable to get help from my doctor who is supposed to help me, I will have to go to urgent care to get some relief. And then maybe drive to the pain doctor and ask to speak to someone. I don’t like confronting people but when I can’t get the help I need I have to push that aside and just force myself to confront these people.
I'm grateful you brought this up. You needed to say something about what happened to you. From that story, though, I do not think she was gaslighting you, but instead transferring her guilt onto you. That's why she wanted you to stop talking- she knew from the reasons why you asked for an appointment in January, made sense- it wasn't difficult for her to do. Yet she didn't want to do it. It was the right thing to do, along with an apology. She was just too prideful to admit it. All because you stood up for yourself. So she thought the best thing to do is throw it back on you stating if you're not happy with us, you can go somewhere else. You don't need to patron a salon like that or any store that is not going to treat you as a valued customer; most importantly a valued human being. I know what it is like to feel invisible or a second-class citizen because I'm brown, a woman, older, and now as of 6 years ago, in a wheelchair due to an auto immune disease. Keep on speaking, Gem!!
The most important takeaway here for ABLE BODIED PEOPLE is at any moment, YOU COULD BE US. 😳
Please dont feel bad about speaking out in truth. I deeply appreciated your experiences to help those of us who need it. I'm so sorry this happened, the Salon was absolutely at fault. Thank you. You.are.Amazing!!❤🧡💛💚💙💜💖🥰🥰
I’m so sorry you experience this gross behaviour. You are so right though, advocating for yourself, especially when you are alone, is exhausting and as such, it’s so easy to just let things go because it’s too much to deal with, so thank you for sharing your story.
It’s definitely worth looking into if there are any hairdressers who do home visits or have home studios that may be accessible as opposed to a full salon. I have a friend who was a hairdresser years ago who would come to my and my also disabled friend’s house to do our hair colouring and it made life so much easier. We would be able to sit on the couch while colour processed instead of being in uncomfortable salon chairs and we could take breaks between stages if we needed to. Once I was feeling faint and had her putting bleach on my hair while I was laying down on the floor! I now see someone with a home studio who also has chronic pain so she’s been very accommodating to me and likewise has a couch that she lets clients past or lie on if they need to.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sharing this type of situation is extremely important and helpful to be able to understand that these types of situations are not acceptable, and that people like us should advocate and we aren't the problem. I'm heartbroken to hear that you went through this, your feelings are valid for sure. I hope you are able to find a new stylist, perhaps you can find someone who will come to your home? Take care and wishing you the best!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You're absolutely right. And your hair matters- I get it. My hair became much more important to me after my chronic illness because it's the one part of my body I can actually control. Did you talk to the owner? The owner might be more understanding and discipline the employee. Totally up to you if you feel like it though. It's so draining and humiliating to have to deal with such rude people like that
Wow, thank you so much for sharing. I'm genuinely so sorry about what you had to go through. It's unfortunate to hear about these experiences that kind people just like yourself have to go through just because of disabilities that aren't your fault. It really highlights both the privilege I have as an able bodied person and the duty I have to make sure I notice the struggles of inaccessibility. I will advocate for you and everyone else because you definitely deserve way better than being gaslit and treated like that. Thank you for doing what you do, and I hope to hear happier stories in the weeks leading up to the new year ❤
I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can find a better salon. I have had issues here in USA as well. Keep fighting, Gem.
I'm having my hair rebleached and colored at a new salon, because I had to move homes. This right here is my biggest nightmare. Yes, five hours is a long time when you are in a wheelchair. Like you, I self advocate. Hopefully I will have a good experience, because finding a wheelchair accessible salon is very hard. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Here's hoping you find a better salon that treats ALL their customers with respect.
I appreciate you sharing these experiences as there’s so many people who can’t or won’t speak out to help change, or don’t know that they’ve faced discrimination in the first place.
These are the sorts of businesses that I offer inclusion and disability training, for free, so no one else needs to have an avoidable situation after us.
On their terms, timings and completely optional for all staff but still some of those places say no or never respond to my offer. Including having a larger organisation do the work instead of me.
i'm sorry this happened. it is not a minor problem, because it is not about hair, it is about doing the thing other people do, and this place made it impossible for you. it is not easy to understand situations when you do not live them, for instance we assume that sitting in a wheelchair is just sitting, so it must be comfortable, while you point out it is not. that's why you sharing this everyday aspects of your life is so important. i don't want to make disable people feel bad and i hope that the majority of people do the same
You are a wonderful human being and you did not deserve to be treated this way! The situation was terrible. Just terrible. I can’t believe they didn’t even apologize!!
❤ Thank you for making this video! I so very much Appreciate you and all videos you post. 🌟
Very sorry to hear this Gem,. Had a very costly experience this year as well and I can relate.
Sure this location will regret this attitude and response to someone as reasonable as yourself.
That's insane. I don't understand why, given your situation, they couldn't accommodate you. Was that the manager of the shop? The person who does your hair normally? I don't get it... It's basic decency.
I've had a sci for a year and just started driving with hand controls, and the first day I went places alone, I came back and parked in a handicap spot. This older lady WALKED up to me and told me it was her spot (when they aren't assigned at our apartment.) I didn't want to deal with confrontation so I moved but I was so mad at the unfairness. I am paralyzed from the waist down and she dare say I can't use a ramp accessible parking spot?? I didn't realize how much it would make me cry when I'm alone and have to deal with ableist people. It's so unfair.
Maybe they never heard "the customer is always right"! If they continue like that, I wont be surprised if they go out of business.
100% totally agree!!!! Things like this always suck especially when someone like me who has a non-physical hidden disability who can’t get as accessible parking pass thing here in Australia even though having less distance to walk would greatly help in reducing the amount of unwanted sensory input I get or in emergency need to get away for the situation kind of times, because the government only considered people who either have very bad trouble walking or who can’t walk or who are blind to be granted the parking passes while specifically stating sensory issues and intellectual disabilities do not count for the pass. I get that I might not be the highest priority for such a pass but it still sucks to know that the government it’s self is still not fully on board with hidden/non-physical disabilities. Like just because I can walk and see doesn’t mean I’m not disabled!
I’m sorry that happened to you. People are too selfish. I think you should talk to a manager or the owner of the salon. If they won’t remedy after that then it might be time to find a different salon and report them for not accommodating someone with a disability.
What goes around comes around. I hope they are proud of their service. Track down who the owner of the salon is. No one can hear reception if it's busy, no recorded phone calls. It's possible no one knows what was said to you. It may be time for a home colourist where you can sit comfortably. Still complain to owners though. If that's how they treat people don't let them near your hair again. X
Sounds like this place doesn't deserve your patronage. Their behavior is obnoxious, and whoever they had on the phone, what the hell? That person needs to be friggin fired, that was just SO obnoxious! I haven't been in a chair for too long, so I haven't really had any poor experiences like this.
You have all my respect, and you have every right to be more upset than you are because your hair is one key part of who you are as are content creator I enjoy listening to you because you're always spot on about everything you tell us no one is more qualify than you to talk about wheelchairs, and you do a bang up job!
For your husband eyes only!
Shawn, do us (the viewers) all a big favor, tell your wife her hair looks great even if it is a little tiny tiny tiny fib because from here she looks great! However, we need you to sell it and I know you know what that means, OK! SELL IT!
I was thinking of you when I was in London. I rode the tube when I was there and wondered how a person in a wheelchair could board the train. The gap between the platform and the train is horrendous and some trains are higher than the level of the platform. I did notice that a lot of the stations had lifts but still the realty between platform and train would be very detrimental to someone in a wheelchair.
I am a recent wheelchair, user and ambulatory wheelchair user. I have been suffering pain for literally decades that had been getting rapidly worse to the point that just doing a little bit creates pain.
And finally I’m getting diagnosis for it fibromyalgia. I already knew that I had osteoarthritis, but apparently it has spread all through my body polyarthralgia different problems with my sciatica, and I have my lower back tendinitis in the knees in which I can’t do anything about because the medicine that they used made it worse .
In fact, prescription medicines, rather it be for my high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or any other thing not only does not help the situation that makes things worse .
Anyway, it got to the point that I started using a wheelchair because if I’m on my feet too long, not only do my feet hurt, but my legs will hurt, and I collapse more often and I have become a fall risk . Not to mention with the polyarthralgia in my soldiers, my shoulders hurt really bad as if I re-broke my bone that I broke when I was in fourth grade.
So you can imagine that I am in pain a lot and even on days that my pain level is low between 2 to 4 I suffer a lot of fatigue such as today my pain level was low and so I did some more work around the house and now I suffer fatigue, and it’s fatigue throughout my whole body .
So now that you understand that let me tell you my story .
There is a studio 6 motel that my boyfriend and I have used quite a few times that we like it’s got a nice little kitchen. It’s small but it works for us. Recently I have been using a wheelchair, so last time we made a reservation we asked for a non-smoking Disabled room. It was written on the receipt that I had. When we went to get a room, my boyfriend went in, leaving me sitting in the van. He looked at my boyfriend, because we been there before. He wanted to give him the room that we had before I started using a wheelchair. My boyfriend made it very clear that I am disabled. I am in a wheelchair and that we need a disabled room and that we asked in advance. I asked for a non-smoking disabled room. I was in there with my wheelchair when I asked for it. It’s even on the paperwork. We got the disabled room, but it was a smoking room. I was very disappointed in that.I have a lot of allergies and-so does my boyfriend. We put up with it this time but I had told my boyfriend the next time you walk into a smoking room, you will go back and tell them I want a non-smoking disabled room. Hopefully they didn’t give it away because we reserved it a week in advance. It may seem minor to some people but to me it was like you know we have been going to you guys for a while. You have seen me in a wheelchair a couple of times and now you have a hard time understanding that we need a non-smoking, disabled room and act, as if why are we asking for that?
Also, it was a good thing for me that I am an ambulatory wheelchair user as the pots and pans were high in the cupboards, the microwave was barely reachable in a wheelchair, dangerous if I had to pull something out of it from the wheelchair. The shower had the bars on it. Unless you can shower in your wheelchair or you can stand you won’t be able to get a shower as there was no shower chair in there.
We will probably give them another chance and hopefully next time they don’t mess up but if they continue to do that, I’ll just have to find someplace else.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it and it's not a minor problem. You're handling it better than I would of. I'd be straight on to Google leaving a review about their appalling behaviour and customer service, ringing back to complain to the manager (assuming that's not who I'd of spoken to the 1st time) and then ringing the local council to complain about their discrimination. But then I'm a vengeful personality
Thank you for sharing this difficult experience of your. I am sure it was not an easy decision to make. Living with a disability in a developing country, we experience ableism literally every single day in every aspect of our life, so I can definitely relate to what you must have been through. Hang in there champ you are a warrior and an inspiration to so many 👍. . .
I completely understand what you are going through Gem. I’m at a rough patch myself at I’m trying to decide on if I want to quit my job because of the changes including the staffing situation and with me having a disability there is no support to help me when I need it but thanks for your video about having to advocate for your self I think I have officially made my decision.❤❤❤
I have CP. I'm a spastic quad. I have some ability to walk independently and I can transfer relatively easily. This is still appalling.
I keep my hair short. I do it because it's my version of low maintenance.
Other people care more than I do. If it's out of my face, nothing else matters.
We are people. We have opinions. We deserve respect. We deserve as much autonomy as we can have. No matter what an ablist who continues to bury their head in the sand might say.
I fought sepsis twice this year, and after two surgeries I'm having to use a wheelchair and it really scares me! I think partly because I can walk a few steps i think i'll walk a mile (ha ha no!) and also I'm 6ft 2 and being tall really helps distance myself (I'm autistic too - fun times). I think my greatest fear at the moment is people grabbing me, or wheeling me out the way, or judging me if i stand up to get something then sit back down again. Please do a video on what to do when bad things happen :)
What awful people! Fair enough the stylist was training but she should have listened clearer to direction and done more foils, and the receptionist should have found a way to be more accommodating. 🤬🤬
I hope your little girl is okay, it must be so frustrating for her to see it all happen as much as I'm sure she wishes she could help!
Oh Gem! I am so sorry this happened to you. How frustrating and disappointing. Can you talk to the salon owner? First you should not have been spoken to that way. Second..it was their mistake. If they won't accommodate you then they need to refund you your money. Even if you were not disabled....this is a situation where the customer has not received the promised service. An able bodied person would expect the same accommodation regarding coming back in to get their hair corrected. Definitely call or message the salon owner.
I really feel for you. In situations like this I would be very tempted to name and shame.
Omg. And then I listened to the rest of it.... SHE was sad.... O. M. G. They messed it up and you can't accommodate their mess up, so don't make her feel bad about YOUR disability... GAHHHHHH.
I can hear the hurt in your voice. Big hugs for you!!!
It’s not just your hair. It’s everyday things that we all have to fight for everyday. But your hair is a pampering thing to make you feel a little bit better, it’s something you see in a mirror on a bad day and you smile. It’s important, more important than we all think. I’m so very sorry they treated you so poorly and not rectifying this, that is a real shame. 14 years and they’re ok losing a committed customer because they can’t budge a couple of weeks. Completely insane!