The Enneagram: Help For Type 1
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- Опубліковано 29 сер 2019
- Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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I’m a 1w9. The more I listen to folks and talk to other Ones, I’m amazed at the ways each 1’s “oneness” manifests. I def feel a sense of oughtness about things in the world; but I feel less of a drive toward social change as I do for personal change. I’m much more obsessive about personal morality and being “correct “ as it pertains to my life and greater truth/worldview. But nevertheless all of the same inner critique and judgementalism is there. I often feel my personal life is a hot mess, until someone else remarks how “together” I am. Haha I always laugh when a friend says that.
I always wonder about my so called "togetherness" as well :))
tell me about it..
i personally find it *super* difficult to show in any serious way (sarcasm excluded) to the outside world that i lack that togethrness, calmness, righteousness, control and consistency. my superego then is like " OOOOH so you are a little weak attention seeking snowflake now, SHAME. You are supposed to SHOW others how it's done."
or that inner voice " oh nobody can really help you anyway. you work the hardest to solve your problems, what can they do? it's not like they do things right anyway. relying on them will just yield disappointment. better work harder and try again on your own"
as you can see, both voices lead to one result.. that people think i am practically perfect.. when even my inner voices know i am so not.
I'm a 1w2 but I have the same approach you do. All of my "oughts" and "shoulds" and tendencies for perfectionism are focused almost exclusively on myself and the way I'm showing up in my own life.
Though, admittedly, it can sometimes spill over onto my spouse (who is a 9 and therefore EXTREMELY passive and complacent) but as a general rule it tends to be limited to when his decisions have a direct impact on me and my ability to show up in my own life. I'm too pragmatic to seek perfection from the rest of the world though, I generally just worry about keeping my side of the street clean!
I think (hi, 1w9) that it’s quite possible for 1s, especially those who have the self awareness to do so, to have done a lot of work on the preachiness and proselytizing nature of our inner selves. I seek balance and always say that I believe in perfection, because to me perfection is just the best possible thing and that’s often just balance. Is it better to do nothing, instead of something sub par? Not often, but sometimes yes. As others have said here I turn a lot of that energy inward, because I police (ha) my words and actions toward others in a way that I think is pragmatic and useful, I try to remember that eternal, constant, emotionless critique isn’t well received by _anyone_ and it makes the world a worse place. I use the things I’ve learned about psychology and behavior and human nature and incorporate that into my assessments of things and try to be pragmatic in my approach.
Really good stuff! As a one..... I want so bad to iron the curtain behind you, lol
lol, my wife (2w1) said the same thing. It was brand new when I started the videos. Over time it, hanging up there, it has gotten better. In my newer videos it looks so much better.
I'm 4w5 and I thought you were talking about the Soviet Union when you said "iron curtain." I must have read past everything else. I only noticed something was off when I saw Dr. Tom's response. I'm like, "wait....this is definitely not about the Soviet Union"
I had the same exact thought!
I also think that books need to be in order by height or last name of the author. Hahaha. The life of a One. :)
It was the second thing I noticed and couldn’t let it go until I saw your comment!! 😂
I've seen many videos of people trying to explain the type 1, but I always end up feeling so ashamed of being like I am, but your video is full of compasion. Thank you
Glad to help.
Funny thing, we feel ashamed just because of the pressure we put in ourselves in order to be better. Bein a One is a funny vicious cycle
I feel like such a shitty person being a 1. I want to help. I want to do right by myself and others yet my strengths seem to make people just hate me. I have always tried to do the right thing. I often feel not only un valued but dismissed and even the subject of contempt. It hurts. I try to find a way to create a safe and comfortable place for myself and others. I end up feeling like everyone around me just wants me to go away. Recently I've simply wanted to go away and let them all live their lives without the annoyance that is me. I don't want to be messier, more irresponsible. I like being tidy and orderly and I don't for one minute believe that others would appreciate me more if I weren't. There seems to be no way at all for me to be me and still be loved and appreciated.
@@carolynbridgeman5981 it's a long long process to get to a point or find Simone who comprehends this. And as part of the process we need to understand that maybe we are not completely right and that although we wish to do better... Better doesn't mean the same for everyone.
I do also tend to lock myself away at times, and that is ok..but when we share with others, it's all about understanding them as we hope they understand us. At the end of the day we Cann all go back to our 1 tidy home hahaha
What?? Being a 1 is awesome, we just have to chill sometimes! lol
If the assignment is due Thursday it needs to be turned in Wednesday. Get it right. 😂
Ashlee Kelly yes! Haha
I totally agree
“If they parent themselves, their parents won’t have to.” 100% my experience. My brothers were “bad” and I didn’t want my mom have to worry about me, too.
Right...The struggle is real.
I could tell my single mom was struggling and doing her best to take care of my physical needs. I didn’t want to add to her worries. So I always tried to take care of myself emotionally, for her sake, even though I desperately wanted her support
I like reading notes by Ones. They have perfect grammar and punctuation.
I literally blushed and batted my eyelashes at this
In the book "The complete enneagram" the author offers a fascinating third growth path for Type 1-besides going towards the 7 and turning anger into serenity: Grow by confronting number 4. Explore your feelings with the tools that are available to Type 4: artistic pursuits. Find the medium that feels right for you (music? pottery?) and practice it without judgement.
This really makes sense to me and I can't believe I only got to learn it after a decade into the Enneagram. Best of luck and may you be ~perfect~ happy :)
I find creative outlets are the only way I really am able to have some reprieve from that inner critic at times. So this definitely resonated with me (1w9).
@@MillennialMcGuyver Same! And It’s so counter-intuitive as the 4 can easily be seen as the “wrong path”.
I'm a big fan of using both arrows unhealthy and healthy for reference. Good point of using the healthy 4 for 1s.
Woooow, wow wow. That explains a lot then, I am an artist. My art is messy and bright. I tell myself when I look at old pieces that I consider to be terrible that the reason I see them this way is because the act of doing that piece made me a better artist, so you’re always going to see flaws in what a “lesser” artist did. And that’s ok!
My biggest struggle is waiting to use my “good stuff” until I think I’m good enough to use it. I’m currently working on drawing in this beautiful sketchbook and I’ve gotten as far as setting down in front of it, and bringing pencils over to the table, and realizing I need a reference photo. It’s in front of me now. Progress!
can't do art for peace critic is too strong
Thank you for your compassion. Lately I see myself as a burden with my obsessive behavior, and life is getting really unsustainable and lonely. My partner told me that my lack of self compassion makes me repeat the same conflicts again and again. Your empathy made me tear up as I realized how much of a demon I can be towards myself, many times for common stuff that makes us human, so again, thank you so much.
I've never had my inner world articulated so accurately as you have done here. It has driven me crazy that the world seems so disinterested about being the best they could be. I'm trying to channel that feeling into something more productive by training to become a counsellor, but I'm well aware that I will need to be mindful that I'm not here to 'fix' people, but to support and guide them.
I am a 1, too and I am getting trained to become a counsellor/therapist, too, and I am so thankful for this video, too, as I got fully aware that this might be a real problem for me: that i secretly want to "fix" the people sitting in front of me. I am so glad I found this perspective. And I am glad to share it with you :) see how we incorporated tip #7 already? "listen to others, they are often right." - Mr LaHue is right here. Have a nice day, @Vivid Dreamer
@@lenaschultz9774 Ah glad I'm not the only (type) one who is trying to find a constructive outlet. I look forward to learning more about myself and I wish you the best of luck in your studies, after this year we'll be needed! :) Have a great day too and stay safe.
@@VividlyDreamin No, you are not the only (one) and we are in this together, although it takes a lot of courage to get to know oneself better, and I think this is why we tend to hide. No wonder we sometimes do not see how many people are in this together with us. No need to hide :) the journey you and I are on is incredibly rewarding I think, and I wish you all the best as well. :) thank you so much for your kind reply, it made my day brighter!
Partner is 1w9 and I'm an 8. I never knew he had self-doubt or an internal critic. Now I can love him better.
Oh man. Im an married to a 1. I feel like he is always frustrated with me even though I know he loves me. This really helps me understand him. Its funny because when we argue i always get frustrated that he is so perfect. He NEVER screws up. Its also why i love him!
As a 1 , the first thing I thought when I opened this video was man, that curtain in the background really needs to be ironed!
So funny, so did I. A quintessential 1.
LOL
Lol! Oh Lol! Me toooooo!
And when it's all out of order the anxiety is off the charts. 😩
for me, final exams come to mind when you say anxiety.. how do i get rid of the anxiety? give up and try again later when conditions are closer to perfect. that's why i postponed my finals a couple of times so far.. it was all or none for this perfectionist One.
i learned eventually that perfectionism is doing me more harm than good. i started getting "sloppy" just to improve my functionality and get things done.. done is better than perfect.
Hearing someone else echo my inner thoughts and feelings in a way that forces me to acknowledge them... Wow that is humbling. I had a lot of nervous laughter throughout this, but also deep sadness for myself and those I love. I want too much! I want impossible things. And it has caused so many problems for me. My 1-ness triggered several chronic health problems that make it impossible for me to do even a fraction of the things I used to do, but the to do list never got shorter. It's deeply frustrating, but probably exactly what I need - a physical reminder to let things go and be content with good enough. It will always be something I struggle with, but this video helped me reflect once again on how much I steal from my own joy and happiness.
Also, thank you for not belittling me or judging me on these qualities. You know I give myself enough criticism. Thanks for just being in this space with me and showing me how to take a step back when the tunnel vision sets in. It gives me more hope that others can and will do the same. I can be vulnerable and be myself and still be loved - perfection not needed.
I'm also an enneagram 1 and completely understand your 1-ness stopping you from achieving what you want.
In typical 1 style, I have a couple of suggestions:
1) Perhaps have a 'someday/maybe' list, for things you want to achieve, but have given yourself permission to leave for later (or never). This is from David Allen's Getting Things Done (GTD).
2) Embrace 'done is better than perfect'. This has helped me more than I can put into words. It has become something of a mantra for me. It's hard work and I still struggle with either perfect or not at all, but it gets easier with practice - as you learn to let 'good enough' results be acceptable, you achieve more and progress quicker.
It can be hard work being a 1. But it's so rewarding. I wouldn't have it any other way!
@@jrgoodland I just found out I am a 1 as well. Yesss to this comment! I want to suggest the Organize 365 podcast, for your two suggestions are easily implemented in her Sunday Basket organizing system (for organizing your thoughts, calendar and to do list and related papers). She consistently encourages listeners to "give yourself grace" and embrace "progress over perfection". Maybe you're a listener already, but your comment was too "perfect" for me to resist responding. Also I love GTD. 😎
I thought I was a 9w1. Nope 1w9. Very enlightening, thank you.
Being a one is such a challenge during this pandemic. I'm washing and sanitizing everywhere I go, respecting peoples space, always masking up, going out a very small amount. Yet when I do go out it looks like a percentage of the population is living life like absolutely nothing is going on:(
Absolute truth.
I go to the grocery at 6:30 in the morning. For 2 weeks in a row I checked out behind a couple who had come to the store fully covered, masks, hats, coats (in summer) and rubber gloves. They sanitized every inch of the check out area they used. The entire belt, the scanner, the key board, the chrome bits, everything that would touch their groceries or themselves. Plus the man wiped every article they bought before they bagged it. Just watching them increased my anxiety tenfold. 2 weeks in a row I watched these covid warriors try to protect themselves and came away so much mote anxious than I’d ever been before. That’s how that sort of thing affects me., a lowly not perfect 6.
Thank you for sharing that perspective. I am also a 1 but my "respect" urges and bewilderment (ok fine, anger, yeesh) were about narrative/censorship/coersion/restrictions/bodily autonomy, etc etc; so it has been an equally challenging few years for me. I like to think that a year on since you posted, we are both feeling more 7ish.🥰🥰I wish that for you and for all the other 1s out there--the struggle is real!
I'm married to a 1. You prob just saved my marriage. Thank you!
That touched my heart.
I’m a 7 and have been in a relationship with a 1 for several years. He has been in outhouse our entire relationship. I met him there. I actually was in healthiest place I’d been. Had been working hard on my baggage instead of avoiding. I am a 7 I can tend to put a happy face on things rather than experiencing them. Wisdom of Enneagram, (riso/Hudson) speaks of sexual 1’s having an acute sense of loneliness and using control and criticism to keep partner off balance, to undermine their confidence, thus postponing potential abandonment. My partner often did this and my own health deteriorated.
I sent my partner your videos and I just sent him the Wisdom of Enneagram.
We are separated.
Today.
I do not know if our relationship will continue but I do know that now that I am understanding Enneagram that I can handle it. I can sit in heartbreak.
That’s huge for me.
I’ve watched all your videos, read everything, worked on myself but so what???? He needs to understand. I love him and see him for who he is but right now he is absolutely identified with his personality/ego. I can’t love him enough to love himself and I cannot continue to live with his anger and criticism. Life isn’t that serious and is suppose to be fun. Even the crappy times still can be fun.
I’m writing mainly because I’m thankful. I’m sad. I’m scared. I don’t know if my relationship will continue because I will not continue until he does work towards health and that is scary but I’m ok with it.
I am.
Thank you Dr. LaHue
5:05 _"Turn something in!"_ Oh God no, that is no good. No One would say that. You do it you do it right...
yep.. it's either perfect or nothing for this dumb One
I don't struggle with feeling loved.
I struggle with feeling contentment and joy.
That is helpful, thanks.
YES! completely. I know I am loved, and I feel it often. But finding contentment with anything, even a meal, feels impossible. And joy... its like my inner critic says "you can feel joy when everything is done and finished. THEN you can play and have fun." But honestly, in those few rare moments of having everything done, I literally don't know what to do with myself. I have no hobbies, no interests. At least not things I can just settle down and do. They are all things I feel like I need to research how to do, then research which tools are best to do them, then research if those tools are well made, then I research the process of making said tools and find out there is some sort of ethical problems with the company. So then I start researching for more ethical situations... Research bascially becomes my hobby. Research of "better." It's exhausting, and every inch of joy has been drained from free time.
@@tayalcu6750 I totally relate to this
I'm a 7 married to a 1 for 20 years. Thank goodness for my charm. I can distract him and make him laugh.😂 We have twin girls that are 8s. They like to rile him up. Have mercy.😂😂😂
Twins who are both 8s ?? 😱😲😂 That must be quite interesting at times
Thank you so much for all the enneagrams videos. I'm a 1. This made me smile and laugh at myself : )
Omgosh I laughed at the shopping carts, the stop signs. I’m nodding my head saying out loud ‘right! Right! How hard is that?’ 😂😂
Thanks for this video. My wife is a 1 and I’m a 9. We’re in a stressful season of life right now. The criticism hurts for sure but, this video has helped me crawl in her head a bit and give her more compassion.
Me and my husband are the same - I'm a 1 and he's a 9. I listened to the 9 one and hopefully he'll listen to both as well. But it's kind of funny listening to them and realising that with the 1 & the 9 the one thing that drives either of them crazy is the thing the other person embodies or portrays. Really interested in marriage tips for this combo :P !
I am a 9 hubby is a 1. It's been an interesting marriage. ❤
I'm a Type 1 with ADHD that was undiagnosed until age 46. The self-recrimination for all of my life failures (related to ADHD) was awful, but it's given me a lot of compassion for those who try and fail over and over.
I needed this video. Thank you for being so compassionate and giving out tips versus just highlighting our weaknesses
Your videos bring healing and comforts me a lot. I’m impressed and encouraged. I found out I m not alone and understand myself much more. Thanks Dr Tom so much. You made my day🌈🌈🌺🌺
This absolutely blows me away with accuracy. You read my mail Doctor, thanks. Helps me understand a whole lot, and lets me know there's others out there with this insanity going on in their heads as well! Thank you for these videos!
One here. You're not alone
“Every strength to excess is a weakness” -Lance Wallnau , comes to mind
Exactly! Our strengths become our Achille's heal.
The things I love about my husband are also the things that often drive me crazy. I am sure he feels the same way about me.
“So you organize the garage. Then what? The bedroom? The kitchen? You can’t do it all”
....watch me lol
Nice...don't wear yourself out. 😃
it gets real. trust me. there's never enough.
Challenge accepted!
The best video I've seen on Type 1s so far. Apart from the religious part. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much for your kind words. It was really helpful for me
I'm 1w9 and I am rarely hard or judgemental on others bc I'd never know how to push people like I push myself without hurting them. I think at some point early on I recognized that the inner critic in me is not the same driving force behind others so there was no reason to judge them like I do myself. It would only hinder them from personal change. My inner critic is relentless. Gah she'd likely tear everyone to shreds if I didn't have the 9w.
This is so good!! Thank you! Describes my hubby so well.
Now I understand why I tell my daughter “If you can’t or don’t do something right the first time you do it again” . I don’t want her to have that same voice.
Can I share my experiences with you? My husband is a 1w9. His 1 behaviour has made our children not felt loved by their father - because they as a 4 and 5 can never live up to his oughts and shoulds. Do not share your voice with your daughter, she is exactly the way she should be and good enough - make her feel that way.
So true. I cried. I'm too hard on myself. It reflects on others. Spot on with the bible verses! Sharing this to everyone I know.
This was amazing. I am a strong 1and it can be hard on my family to live up to my unrealistic standards. I shared this with my 9 husband and he kept chuckling and smiling. More true than I want to admit.
I feel ur pain Sarah! My husband is a 7, so he has yet to take the time to watch these videos.😞 Dr. LaHue has helped me SO much!!
I feel you, too!! My partner is a 9 as well.
Oof I'm a 1 with a 9 huz, too. What would they do without us?!🤣
@@catmaclaggan Give me tips haha! I'm a 1 and my husbands a 9. Our biggest conflict right now is what each one embodies.
@@skylahdcosta8260 Ha! Maybe we should start a support group😆
Thank you for these insights on my 1 type. Very many aha! and ouch! moments . I especially liked the integration and disintegration parts.
I'm a 1 and i have a friend who always tell me that i was doing fine and that failure it's alright. Everytime the thoughts of "i'm not enough i have to be better" gets overwhelming, it's very nice to have a friend like him to talk to :). Also thankyou for the video, i realized how much have i been pushing myself.
Well said!
“Blowing it” as we’ve put it is exactly what I’ve noticed fuels my “one” ness. And any apology from me comes for others to feel better for them taking a choice that I made personally that when doing my so I unknowingly hurt them. And if I ever knowingly did something to hurt someone it wouldn’t constitute an apology, it’s grounds for dismissal lol
It's important to reflect on our actions and the impact they have on others. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
@@twlahue I’m finding people that need apologies are often the ones that give them out the least. And if we’re grounded and confident in what we’re doing is safe and rooted in God (Truth, not personality as the one might be- hence the “good/bad” action orientation) then everything is “good”, and “right”, because it’s not our plan to begin with.
This work is for the personality to recognize itself and then hopefully integrate through humility. The Soul needs none of this 😂
What I find particularly interesting after whole-heartedly resonating with “E1” is through esoteric psychology (soul rays) Im on soul ray 1 and personality ray 5 🙃, fact and data driven, for destruction of nonsense “for the purpose of evolution” LOL it’s all so good!!
And by the way, the way you deliver the info really reaches me and I love this work.
I appreciate you!!
I'm a type 1w9. I found the video very informative. Will be working on the self improvement tips you provided. Thank you
Whenever I get some food from a restaurant , I always think it was a wrong choice, I should have ordered something else...very frustrating
Thanks for the comment.
This was amazing! Very helpful
It is impressive how much of a one can one be. Indeed behind the frustration we share there is much more constant criticism, and constant thought about how to do things, how to be better for others, how to make sure we are "perfect" and doing the right thing. I could say it is indeed a burden, but overall everything I do is in order to make sure that everyone else is OK and being better if we may support somehow. As mentioned in the clip, it can sometimes destroy you, but as a one I guess we tell ourselves "It is ok to be destroyed if it implies helping other be better" - I don't know which wing I have, but I do try to work on this "perfectionism" and try to not overjudge other or myself.
Hi :) Im type one and though I've read numerous books regarding the Enneagram and watched many videos I must admit that no one got to me as much as you. I often had some doubts regarding me as a 1. But not here, everything is 100% correct and its perfect. And since Im a 1 I think it means when I say it 😂
Spot on as usual Pastor!!
Wait... people dont live with oughts and shoulds in their heads. I thought everyone thought like that
Ones would benefit from being able to step into someone elses shoes. It would give 1s the perspective to see things from another point of view. Imagine the freedom and relief you would experience if you let go of that and the capacity to NOT judge others or yourself for that matter.
I appreciate this. I noticed that my 7 appears when I'm with my friends, since I'm the one who's the goofy one, but they'll always tell me that I'm a different person when it comes to school and other aspects in life. (I'm a 1w9).
Holy smokes. I just stumbled on this whole thing this morning... as I sit listening..the first part of the video I was not loving what I heard. I sound like a jerk. But as the talk continues... I understand and accept, this is who I am, lol..and of course, "how can I be better"? Hahah omg.
Nice, glad to help.
Thank you so much. This is immensely helpful. 👍
You're very welcome!
🤦 is the emoji emotion of a type 1 💛
Thank you so much for this, it explains so much! I was wondering if you could speak to the feeling of shame that 1’s constantly live with for not getting it “right”.
3:34 It's true -I don't feel like I am _good._ I've been told that I _"you're good -the best. Maybe one day you'll realize it too."_ I could not believe it. But I was overjoyed. The praise seemed much too generous. The way that I look at it I can do good or I can do bad... but I am not altogether good or bad.
Fantastic info!!! Thank you
Great video! Thanks for sharing !
You bet!
Wow. This explains so much.
Omg this whole video I feel called out and need to be aware and do better.
*Dr. Tom LaHue* - Hi there, thank you so much for your videos. As a framework, this is the best. Some notes you might find helpful maybe... just thinking this through,
>Loyalty is my core, loyalty and honesty.
>I like to create safe spaces for people and keep them safe, so ive channeled all that into being a site manager for Druid Events for many years.
>Rejection and turning away from cuddles in bed cuts deep because "did I do something wrong?".
>With womens nature of that being "Im a threat detector, I need to judge and ge tthe best, i need to improve every detail of my man" i find myself always in the wrong in relationships and having to suck up and say "sorry, ok ILL change then" and end up with too many rules i cant stick to. So i had been failing the shit test for many years. Ive had to learn to say no lov, thats not going to happen (not all the time). She doesnt like it in the moment not getting her way, but she respects me for it. If he can stand my interrigations, good i can trust hes not going to reveal my private chats. If he can stand up to me, good, he can protect me against others - type stuff.
>In relationships i restrain my anger. I dont like arguments with girlfriends and would rather talk things through than explode.
>The one way to REALY pisses me off is to Betray me... I dont do that, so dont expect it. I trust everyone in life until they shit on me, as i dont forgive and i dont forget.
>Yes i have RAGE inside, but my morals will not allow me to hurt people. Think of the HULK and "dont prod me, you wont like me if you prod me" lol. So im a scorpian sitting on a rock quite happy basking in the sun, black gleeming shell. Just dont prod me with a stick.
>So virtues ive found are Loyal, Reliable, Responsible, Restraint, im not a push over, i do not follow the crowd, im able to speak up for what is right (and i friggin know whats right LOL!!! Grrr cant stand stupid people)
>However it doesnt mean i cant be hurtful and cutting at times, doesnt make me flexable, or able to accecpt change.
>Go with the flow would be realy nice ... which i experience sometimes. Mostly when im in nature. As it allows me just time off from responsiblity, setting the world right, im self contained and controlling my survival, and nature heals me in ways - deeply - that words could never do. The smell of woodland, the crash of waves, the wind & rain on my car, laying in the grass and listening to song birds. The only thing that tops that of is making love outside.
>>>>Perhaps Nature is the great healer for ones!
>Thank you so much for saying i have an inner critic, ill work on that. Ill take on board that not everything has to be "Right" it can be just "Good Enough". Cheers brother, all the best, Kieron
You just read me to a t. How terrifyingly accurate of a depiction this is of my personality.
Nice. I just released another type 1 video today.
To be clear, I don't want people to follow rules. Rules are often arbitrary and in some cases wrong. What I want is for people to take the time to learn the difference between right and wrong and then apply discernment regarding their behavior.
I no longer have ANY hope that will happen and have completely abandoned humanity. I just clarify the above so it is clearer how we think.
My goal now is to make my life as enjoyable as it can be. If I make youTube videos to help people it will be for my own benefit and the few NFs out there.
Grace is hard for the 1!
That’s what a one would say, 😂.
Quite often, I have no idea when is it "good enough".
Teaching by example-YES!!
Yes, as a 1 I always do the "right" thing. Yes, I do the dishes so others know they "should" be doing there own dishes.
Thanks from Italy, very helpfull!
34;49- I really needed that!! Thnx!!
My husband is a 1 and I'm an 8. God help us!!
I’m laughing about your comment that ones think they need to pick up someone else’s trash. Me! I hate myself sometimes but can’t help it.
I'm a 4w5 girlfriend is 1. I laughed when you mentioned do the right thing, by the book. When i look at her puzzled she blows up
My inner critic is criticizing me for being a 1......not much fun going on there. I am trying to be very aware when it comes to my interactions with others. Now if I could just cut myself a break.
So funny a comment - very insightful. Have you tried to find a way to make your inner critic shut up?
So i'm preetty clear that i'm a one. But I do nothing "By the book". I'm not at all that policeman, or air traffic controller. I do have a really strong sense of right and wrong, but I don't go around telling others what it is all the time. From one of your other video's this really resonated - "1's believe that If they are doing the right thing ,and following the rules, no one can criticize or blame them for anything. " That is me to a "T". So am I just a healthier one? I can remember my most unhealthy times in life and that sounds more like the stereo typical one i think.
Im a 1 that doesn't have a need for cleaning. I would rather have a messy place that works for me and gives me more time to do other things than spend all my time cleaning when it doesnt matter as long as it is not overly messy. But i have moral oughts and shoulds, and pretty much everything else. Its also probably due to my suspected ADHD
I’m still going back and forth between what type I think I am, but oh wow I’m feeling more called out by this video than others. I’m practically laughing and cringing at the same time. When you talked about how one’s do things to get noticed, but in the teaching way to show people they should be doing something - yeah, I do that. I catch myself all the time just getting irritated and thinking “well I guess I’m the one doing this…” and making a point of how I’m the one who stepped up and other people didn’t. And it feels so cringy to say that. Then you mention the benefits of being a little foolish, and that makes me cringe even more! My goal in life is to avoid looking foolish! I have also been considering type 5 and type 9. I think I come off a little 9ish in social situations, but don’t really relate to the motivations. I’m a high-masking AuDHDer (autism and ADHD), so I’m really trying to tease apart my behaviors versus my actual motivations. None of the types seem to fit perfectly, but it’s really important to me that I find and identify with the correct type. So far, I think I relate to 1w9 self preservation the most. But I don’t know for sure yet.
Thank you. well said,
Very welcome
I'm such a 1. All I heard throughout this video is how much I'm failing as a person.
Thank you
It’s exhausting to be a 1. Sometimes I feel that I need a break from ME.
Has to be done. Has to be done right now!😅😝😝
13:21 HAHAHA! yep! :) .... ive litterally told people to "Hey! - Put that in the Bin" before now
27:10 got me!!! HAHAHAHA - YEP
Painful to hear...but very helpful. Thank you.
1s will apologize if you show tact and they will be very specific about exactly what they did wrong
Say a prayer for this 4 dating a 1
Girl...how is it working?
Everything you say rings true for me personally until you say we're punctual, organized, and extremely clean. Then I get really depressed because I'm not perfect enough to be a 1. "You're late too much. Your house is supposed to be spotless. Maybe if you were really a 1 you'd have your shit together." Of course I'm a 1. Literally the most 1 type of thinking. I hate how much of my own enemy I am.
Going through a stretch of somewhat crippling depression, and this horrible internal critic is the cause.
Hey, don't let those stereotypes get you down! Being a type 1 is about more than just being punctual and organized. Embrace your own definition of what it means to be a 1.
OMG! I have had a girl tell me I reminds her of Mary Poppins 💛
Many of the people who talk about personality types complain about how they feel personally victimized and have had their dreams crushed by this type. They talk about how empathetic they are as opposed to the mean type 1s but they don't really seem to have much understanding or empathy for people are complaining about. It seems like you've actually taken the time to understand how the different personality types think act feel and interact with one another. I think you can actually give constructive feedback as opposed to complaining about a person you have unresolved conflict with passive-aggressively on UA-cam.
Thanks for this. I know that I tend to passive aggression. Something I need to work on for sure. Thanks.
Thank you so much for your videos. This one in particular gave me so much more compassion for the 1s in my life. I wanted to ask, from your perspective, how can we better care for and love the 1s in our lives?
P.S. Someone below complained about "mythological characters." In my opinion, your take on the Enneagram is particularly "powerful" because, not in spite of, what God has taught you about grace, unconditional love, and the inherent worth of each and every person. Please keep posting! :)
I would say not shaming us or criticizing us, be a safe space. Step up in areas that we just charge ahead and do because we feel no one else will do them (cleaning, budgeting, planning things, etc). Be HONEST always, but with kindness.
So what do to as a 1 or 1w9 who is hyper critical of others to the point I end relationships when I don't think others are living the 'right way'
I don't want to be alone and I don't want to push others away or make them feel inadequate because they aren't living the way i feel they should be
Hearing you from 18:45 to 19:26 made me so stressed and almost coused me a heart attack !
Type 1 can be unhealthy. Especially if not self aware type 1. The self aware ones can learn to be wise.
Do you have a podcast?
This lesson was amazing. I think myself as a 3 but now am I be a 1? My head is messy. Thank you for your time.
You're so welcome!
Great explanation...wishing less biblical talk but all in all good stuff
My husband is a 1. He's an airline pilot. 🙄
I am a 1w7 and a little confused because i just found this out a few days ago and i had been working on alot of these things way before
1w7?
Hi Amalia, perhaps you should get in touch with an expert Enneagram practitioner to help identify your type. You can’t be a 1w7 - there is no such thing. Blessings to you.
Accurate.
Oh my. As a 1 I get so frustrated (more with myself than others). It's a mess
I understand... :-)
Ofcourse this five wife is here to search, gather, and process more information about her one husband...🤭
Me too. Have you found any other detailed information that would assist me with this wonderful 1 of a woman that is driving crazy in good and bad ways lol?
This is powerful, and would be even more so without the references to mythological characters.
Ha ha...thanks.
I disagree. I think its a great way to do it. It seems less pointed and perhaps does less harm to a 1 if we are compared to mythological characters. Able to see the humor in it better, take our flaws less seriously. He is literally adding fun and play into self reflection. Obviously you are not a 1 Dr. Tom! lol
Its sooo me and hard to control 😢😊
Bob Marley's "Could You Be Loved?" always reminds me of my ex-wife, a sexual 1.
I'm 1w2, trying to take it easy 😅🤷🏽♂️
I have several friends that are 1w2. They are great people, but are often frustrated because other people fail to be responsible. Your struggle is real.
I'm one and I'm trying to be more flexible and take other ppl opinions but I can't really say sorry I'm just thinking that oh I was wrong I dessapoint myself and the other person sorry for the ppl around me I'm working on myself 😔
The struggle is real.