Alla Kitaeva yes very much so. It’s dismal today where I am. Although a rainy day can have its beauty too. Depends on the mood as to how I see it as beautiful or not. :)
I feel a video made that clear cut and simplified. I understand about core content and triggers. However my experience is if I start to get even a little emotional about how I'm feeling or the situation I'm immediately here in verbally from others that I'm getting ready to have an episode... why can't you just be that I'm getting upset??? It can't be that I'm just getting upset and it has to be that I'm BPD mode.... when I'm trying to express how I feel, and they immediately bring up my mental health and how I don't process things properly... the largest trigger that I have is when those aware of my BPD use it as an excuse to not have to listen to how I feel. Or they use it as a reason to justify not interacting/discussing the situation.... I've been doing all of this work for the last several years to better control my triggers and to communicate yet they still won't take the time or make the effort to process and work through things with me! Instead of being honest, they will try to ignore or devalue what/how I'm feeling. Example when I go to my mother's house, my stepfather never acknowledges me, unless I acknowledge Him First. He will then say hello and goes directly up to their office and doesn't come down until I leave. However, when my siblings come around your chat with them go sit in the kitchen and talk with them have lunch with them spend time with them. I have expressed to my mother that it hurts my feelings and you make me feel unwanted in the house therefore makes it uncomfortable for me to visit.. replies" it's not you."
If it's not me, than why does he only do it with me? The trigger becomes the fact that they won't admit and acknowledge that my feelings are real and that the situation is really happening. I can handle if they said yes he's uncomfortable so he goes upstairs because there's been too much history and he doesn't want to deal with it. At least it would be a real truthful answer instead of me feeling unwanted and then trying to tell me that that's not how I'm supposed to feel
Nicole Shaffer It sounds like you have done a tremendous amount of work to better manage your emotional responses. When your mom says, it’s not you, I think what she’s really telling you is, it’s not you. It’s easy for us to take things personally. It seems she missed the mark on showing you greater empathy and consideration for how things make you feel. Glad you can enjoy better relationships with other family members. It hurts to not feel accepted but in this case I think your mom did you a favor by telling you that it really has nothing to do with you. That might be the best she could give you. I used to be high on the trait of people pleasing in years past and it was hard for me to accept not being accepted. I used to take that rejection to heart. Not so much anymore. Wishing you the best.
My therapist has been trying to explain this concept to me for years and you just put it into perspective and now I finally understand what shes been saying all this time lol. Thank you.
Dr. Fox, you seem to be such a kind and compassionate soul! I love the gentle way you present truth and how encouraging you are about folks improving! Thank you!
I remember once a friend said I should write down my behaviors nonstop for a month or 2 and what I do think or say and apply it to certain areas of my life to understand myself better I’m going to do it but still I feel like I know myself extremely well and I’m too good for this
I dont understand how someone with bpd can simultaneously be absolutely terrified of abandonment but also proceed to act in ways that will result in abandonment, not to mention constantly splitting and making the concious choice to cut people out, its almost like we compensate for our fear of being abandoned by splitting and burning bridges to feel safe.
Dr. Daniel Fox is it possible that the person subconsciously sabotages relationships that are no longer healthy? And they have trouble getting what they want with healthy / normal conversation and so they act out until it pushes the person away, even though they consciously feel afraid of losing the person.
we cut people out in order to be in control to lessen the hurt when someone leaves us. If we’re the one leaving them, we’re in control and it hurts less bc we don’t feel the rejection since we initiated it
I have seen other ‘professionals’ on UA-cam who appear to just spew hatred towards people with narcissistic traits. I really appreciate that you do not do that. These people can struggle with themselves too.
Same! I've recently discovered that my "BPD" may actually just be abandonment based PTSD. I was not like the others in my DBT group, and have totally changed my life since whereas most of them haven't. It's crazy to be misdiagnosed with something so major.
I like the new setting! I've said it before, but thank you so much for being such a wonderful person. Not many with such a great understanding of a hard to treat illness would using their own time to do what you're doing for free x
Good morning, your channel has grown so much since I found you 2 years ago. I hope you see this comment. Can you do a video talking about what Machiavellian personality traits/disorder is and the difference between that and narcissism?
Hello Dr. Fox. I've only recently begun watching your videos. Despite also subscribing to and watching the content of many other mental health providers, I find your videos on personality disorders enormously educational and helpful. In 2008 I began a 10 year relationship with Liz, a woman that I originally considered to perhaps just overly emotional, but still very exciting. Eventually her intense outbursts of unexplainable rage and nearly spontaneous weeping led me to seek professional advice. My own therapist told me "she sounds like a borderline." I thought, "borderline of what?" I'd never heard of BPD. As a healthcare provider myself, I was used to reading scientific literature. I love psychology and so this pursuit fascinated me. I read all I could find on BPD, including the DSM-IV and DSM-V. I could not escape the realization that Liz met all 9 of the criteria. Your video above finally, after all of my research, explained for me the inability of a person with a PD to 1) be aware of their disordered thinking and maladaptive behaviors, and 2) willfully change their maladaptive behavior to more appropriate behavior in settings that might demand it. In 2018 Liz died of an accidental fentanyl overdose. In 2019 I went to federal prison for things I never would have done, had I not been so swept up in trying to "save her." I am out of prison now, have lost my professional license, but gained invaluable life lessons. I blame myself 100% for my criminal acts that led to incarceration. Liz has been dead for over 5 years, but I continue to gain knowledge and insight about the depths of her suffering with (extremely) Complex BPD. If only I'd known then what I know now, right? I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful contributions. Hopefully your messages and education will help others like me before it is too late for them or their loved one with a PD.
Thank you for this video! I am diagnosed with BPD and am studying to become a psychologist so I’m quite well-versed in personality disorders, but this video really clarifies the difference.
Thanks so much for explaining these things in such a compassionate, non-blaming or judge mental way and helping people learn how to live better lives and make better choices.
I want to learn how to live; i want a life! I'm tired of pain, tired of the intense/overwhelming emotions. Tired of feeling lost; what's wrong with me??? Why can't i be happy?? I TRULY WISH OUR WORLD (OK. My world) HAD MORE DOCTORD/THERAPIST LIKE YOU!!!!
You have a wonderful ability to break concepts down and explain them thoroughly. Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge and educating us all. Yes, today’s on location background is very refreshing!
Hi Dr. Fox, not only are your videos informative, but you come across as a very caring and sincere individual. I’ve learned so much from watching your videos. You really know your subjects. I’m sure you you are a great therapist, you’d make a great teacher as well.
I meet all the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder as well as all five of these factors. I wanted to hope it was just an adaptive behavior or I was misdiagnosing myself (which I know is quite common) but I just have to accept that this is what I've been dealing with for 20+ years now. It's a grim realization, but necessary. Thank you for this video.
Dr. Fox, I started watching your videos a couple months ago, you are amazing in your explanation on personality disorders. I have not been diagnosed yet, but I have all the 9 traits of BPD, and all are to the extreme.I have been diagnosed with chronic depression & generalized anxiety. Your videos have changed my outlook on feeling the way I do, and motivate me to get better. I'm amazed I get out of bed in the morning, I work, as a body shop estimator, and that in itself is stressful enough! 😊 thanks for sharing with all of us looking for self love. Much respect to you from Florida 🌞
This is such helpful information for victims of abusers and people with personality disorders, who are often labeled as such themselves, when in fact it is just a response to continual maltreatment. Not their core personality traits.
i can tell ya,they made all the test's with me to make sure the diagnoses was correct. this includes personal talks with psychologist's, some kind of "brain scan"(can't remember the correct name anymore. but was about to see how the brain reacts to certain emotions etc) and they also did spinal tap too. to make it totaly clear. eitherway my brain had the same "reaction" as a bpd patien had,but also i had fit in into many of the criteria's too. end diagnose:bpd. it was a VERY weird feeling get diagnosed with such. because you don't know if you should be sad to have such. or if you should feel relived that you finaly know, what was wrong all the time with ya. so yh,that's kinda my story.
I definitely see how the therapy I've had has tried to give me a healthier personality structure. Some component's you've listed still exist for me but have become weaker over the years. I also never really understood in real terms what the opposite of a personality disorder was to see where I was? So this was pretty informative and I liked it. :) Do you think you could do a video where you discuss how someone without BPD would react to common BPD triggers if they had a healthy personality structure? Like, the whole criteria?
What a great video Dr fox ! Also, being outside with such a lovely weather made it really pleasant to watch. Especially while being in Canada at -14! haha
Not sure where else I can suggest this, but I would love loveee to see a video made in depth on histrionic personality disorder and secondly about Growing up with a parent with borderline personality disorder and developing it yourself as the child! ❤️
This is a very important video. Thank you. I feel like you made this video on my comment and now I have a better understanding of how health professionals come to conclude whether you fit in with a personality disorder or not as a whole, even if you may display some symptoms of a disorder, from a patients perspective, why that isn't enough to qualify for diagnosis. This shows you really listen and reflect on our comments. Can't wait til I can afford to support you and buy your workbooks. The dollar exchange currency for my country is a bit tuff.
Thank you Dr Fox, this video is really insightful and encouraging. Even after many years of therapy and research I'd never seen/heard of those 5 factors anywhere before! It's especially helpful to learn how they relate to having traits vs personality disorder. Love the outside vibe too ❤️
Thank you so much for making this video and addressing it. VERY informative to myself along with those in my life who WANT to know more. I share your videos often, even in occasional therapy sessions along with getting your Workbook as a birthday present. Your videos and Workbook have enlightened me and others in my life, so I am VERY thankful. Nice change of scenery, BTW. I love the outdoors :)
Doctor, I feel privileged for being subscribed to your channel and watching your videos. I would probably have to pay 200-400 dollars to therapy, which I don't have, to get these insights put together clearly for dummies like me. What you are doing is priceless. Wish we could repay you. Thank you.
I literally have no clue if I have BPD or not but I have CPTSD I’m starting DBT and one to one therapy next week but I definitely relate to most of the things you say in a lot of your videos so who knows! Hopefully I’ll find out soon enough and be able to get the right treatment and diagnosis!
I was diagnosed with personality disorder but now I don’t think I am. Maybe I used to be but I don’t do the external focus of control, inflexibility, or am even ego syntonic. I change, take responsibility and am pretty flexible. And my negative behavior i guess has endured, but I’ve gotten a lot better. It’s also not that pervasive.
Good evening from Mexico doctor Fox. I'd like to thank you for bringing nature into your videos...that's a beautiful landscape. Hope people in your country take advantage of your expertise and knowledge to be better...I know I would if I lived there
So can someone have a Borderline personality without it being a Borderline personality disorder? Or would having the traits of Borderline personality Disorder and maladaptive behaviors simply be a coincidence? For example if you have the ability to adjust your behavior so it's not a "fixed" behavior but you choose to go back to the maladaptive ones. So if their is flexibility in this regard it wouldn't be considered a disorder? Sorry trying to understand.
Not a licensed psychologist, but maybe my perspective can help you. I would say nobody is perfect, so it is expected to relate to some traits of any given disorder. If I understand you correctly, you wonder whether or not it becomes a disorder if you specifically choose to behave maladaptively? I think it depends on how much sense of controle you feel: if you e.g. choose to drink to avoid your problems after a specific incident, then the behavior (although not adaptive) is not pervasive. However, if this keeps happening (e.g. most of the times you feel confronted with problems, you choose to drink) then it becomes more troublesome. Flexibility refers to your ability to behave in a way that is not a direct reaction to your impulses: so you have the ability to process and respond in an appropriate "good" way even though your immediate response would be "bad". The inability to inhibit an inappropriate response is considered inflexibility. I hope this helps in any way.
I used to have more manipulative behaviors from my family of origin. Like shutting down, sulking when I was invalidated, pushing my feelings, needs and boundaries down because they wasn't respected and so on. As I grew up, left home, had other relationships I learned better, healthier ways to communicate and interact. When I interact with my parents I tend to regress into the "helpless" reactive behaviors again. I'm working on myself not to do that with anyone at some point.
For me, i learned i have traits instead of full. BPD describes "bizarre" insecurities and motivations that no other disorder does, but my control over my behavior depends.
i think really fractured sense of self can make some of these aspects hard to identify, i know personally i'm really reliant on people's perceptions of me rather than my own perceptions of myself but this was incredibly informative.
Number 5 has me questioning myself; I have breakdowns anywhere, public, dinner, the grocery store, etc but I don’t want people to see me so I usually hide away behind a building or in a bathroom and let it unravel so people don’t see me. I don’t know if that counts
I have even had breakdowns at the mental health facility, no one cared though. I was only embarrassed so I went to the car and let my maladaptive behaviors unravel.
Basically, my behavior will go crazy anywhere I just sometimes get scared that people will be mean so I can block that part out and still have my breakdown away from people so that they don’t look at me. I know it’s awkward for them :/
Thank you so much for your very informative channel. The change of scenery somehow makes it harder for me to concentrate on what you are saying. I'm already distracted by a guitar in the corner of the screen lol I'm happy with in office video's :) Could you do a video with like 5 short tips for the non borderline who is in a relationship with a borderline? Like tip 1 don't take it personally when the borderline acts erratic... I just broke up with my non borderline boyfriend of 2 years and I feel like it would have made a huge difference if he had some basic ground rules for dealing with my borderline personality from the get go. I've sent him plenty of video's explaining stuff about me and how I function but he was adamand that he wanted to get to know ME through me, and not by informative video's unfortunately. He also says he doesn't know how to distinguish my borderline from me but it is always one and the same person talking and behaving and feeling and thinking! I wish I could have gotten that through to him but he doesn't believe in psychiatry and diagnoses to begin with. Very tough call!
Your videos are really helpful. Thank you :) I'd love to see videos about teens and borderline personality disorder or dealing with both BPD & bipolar or BPD & PTSD... or just generally dealing with borderline AND another serious mental illness. How does that change treatment?
This is really important information. I'm really interested in psychology in general, but also recently received an ADHD diagnosis. I've been researching heavily and convincing myself that I might have other things too, but this criteria really helped me see the difference. Like yes, I may have some of those traits, but I don't have the disorder. Thank you!
Very nice to see a more holistic approach contrary to the 'dsm-checlist method' as I call it. I do have a question regarding Locus of Control: is it possible to have an internal LOC and still consider it maladaptive/a disorder? Especially considering thoughts like "it's my fault/I keep making mistakes" etc., which in my opinion relate to the ego-dystonia or even self-victimizing, I would argue that an internal LOC can be just as problematic as an external one. What are your thoughts on that? (I hope you get to read this, but in any case thanks for all your efforts, I very much enjoy and value your channel).
So why when are people labeled with “traits” vs just saying this person sustained trauma, sometimes still being abused or neglected and having a normal reaction to a bad situation?
That's a really thought-provoking point! Labels can often oversimplify complex human experiences, and it's essential to consider the context of trauma and how it affects behavior.
Thank you. This is really good, but what are the other criteria you mention? Also, can you elaborate on "maladaptive" vs adaptive? I am living with someone I know has BPD. But it's difficult for me to explain to him what is "wrong" with his reactions ( I never use the word "wrong" with him though - that's one extreme trigger!!!!) He is always so convinced he is right in his response, and that the other person is responsible for the unwanted outcome!!! Can you give examples of good adaptive and maladaptive response, to help him see where he stands?
This was interesting. I have one question. If you are diagnosed with bpd, can you later be diagnosed with only having the traits instead of the disorder? Is this something that can fluctuate based on circumstances and routine therapy work? Or is this once you're diagnosed with bpd, you're always going to be considered bpd? I'm asking about bpd because that's what I have but I'm curious not only about my disorder but also about other disorders as well under this umbrella. If it can fluctuate, then what is the criteria that determines which side you move to and when do you determine if a patient has went from a disorder to traits and visa versa? I hope I'm making clear sense. Thank you for all you share. ❤
Joleen Felio-Pettit yes you can recover from bpd, meaning that you don’t meet the full criteria for the disorder anymore but may have just a few traits or each symptom is much more manageable (the intensity is lowered)
I don't really get the thing with external locus of control. Like, people with BPD who also suffer from depression episodes most likely (I think) will develop some depressive personality traits like the constant feeling of guilt => they'd think that they're the problem, not others, even if that's not the case. Then would it be an internal locus of control and therefore not BPD but BP traits?
Can you do a video on befriending high functioning borderlines? Do you recommend it? Are there things you can do so that it doesn’t get overwhelming or should you stay away? I don’t like the “why haven’t you called me” confrontation if I miss one day of talking or contacting my job to find me. That makes me very anxious.
i often think of psychopathy as a personality type, with aspd as the disorder, even though most traits of psychopathy is categorical of these 5 traits of disorders. things to think of i suppose. i also need help. everyone around me fits 15 or more traits of the pcl-r within the pervasive means. this also leads me questioning if i have to be manipulative like them just to be happy as a person. one day, ill either get real help, or ill be dead. Neither case would hurt my feelings.
Dr Fox have you done a video on how to control excessive spending? When I get money, it's gone. I've spent 6k in 5 days. Ugh. To make it worse, my parents never taught me how to do a budget or handle money. Not that it would matter.
Is an addiction a component of a personality disorder? With me, I have a shopping addiction that is in episodes. When I have a relationship problem (friends or family included) I go online and shop. It placates my feelings of anxiety. (Also, Is anxiety the root cause of all addictions?)... I really need to learn to overcome these shopping impulses, that are triggered by my anxieties. 🤷♀️ I need to find better ways to cope, when I’m working out my negative emotions. Would you consider doing a video giving tips on impulse and anxiety control? It would be very much appreciated, I think by many of your viewers. Thanks ☺️
Doc...do you treat DID and if so, how do you work to help your patients integrate? Any particular exercise or broad methodology you could share? Please a video? Ir could you reply with a link?
Nunya Business his focus are personality disorders so my guess is that he doesn’t since DID isn’t a personality disorder. Tho someone could have DID and bpd or any other personality disorder so maybe he has or had patients with DID.
Nunya Business I don’t know, I just thought I’d give you my guess, based on what he says his channel and practice is about, in case he didn’t. But I hope he’ll give you an answer. :) Maybe you’ve already aware but if you want more information on DID you can check out DissociaDID here on youtube and maybe ask your questions there. They have a lit of educational videos with links to different sources and stuff.
Based on this video I obviously have a personality disorder. But the problem is that I truly feel like i'm treated unfairly at work. I really have been passed up for promotions. I really have been treated like a second class citizen by my coworkers. So i really need your help doctor please tell me how to contact you for a few sessions to rule out PD.
Could someone help me with one question? Is it normal that my personality changes significantly for a while if I watch a good series for example? Like, when Mr Robot came out, I binge watched the hell out of it. I got into hacking and programming and did that for like six months. Sense8 made me see the beauty in the little things and things like art, I rarely cry out of beauty but I almost cried after seeing the colors of the fall. There are a lot of other examples, but I can't think of any. Right now I'm watching Scorpion (a series where high IQ people save the world, fight crime etc. with their intelligence). And I see that I'm thinking extremely rationally and logically and I'm interested in programming and solving problems. I'm also trying to learn complex stuff about things I know something about already etc. so it's pretty clear that the series had something to do with this. So I'm just wondering if this is some sort of a personality disorder or if this "adaptability" is a regular personality trait that I have.
Thanks & good job. Are you saying that results/consequences are the ultimate measure of psychological health? Does that mean narcissism is adaptive because it works (CEO, politician, doctor, lawyer, etc.)? Does that mean rebellion (founding fathers, feminists, LGBT activists, environmentalists, etc.) is maladaptive? I'm pursuing happiness via authenticity (internal validation) versus narcissism (external validation). I feel the urge to conform, but I choose to act in ways that are congruent with my values. Some could argue that it is maladaptive to rebel against dominant culture. I think about this a lot. Are Liberals mentally ill because they won't conform to Conservative culture even if said culture is toxic? Maybe culture is toxic and people who come to you need help because they are being abused.
I used to fit in all those criteria. Now, after 1 and a half years of therapy (including DBT), I don't fit some of them anymore (pervasiveness and inflexibility). What does that mean?
What if you have an internal locus of control when bad things happen (must be my fault) but when good things happen it’s external (this was circumstantial, I had good luck etc)? Is this BPD or good/bad personalization (learned helplessness)
/can you make a video about learned helplessness (good/bad depersonalization pervasiveness and personalization) in relation to BPD? I’ve been wondering if there’s any correlation
This is not BPD but a comfortability based upon surrounding. You adjust your behavior based upon the environment you're in. That's a good thing in most cases.
Gluten may cause personality issues. Gluten may hurt the gut lining so less nutrients absorb. Hair test shows good minerals/heavy metals. Fix the root cause. No gluten/dairy/soy/sugar/GMO/food with a label...taking vitamins/good oils/minerals..probiotic...LDN..detoxing may help.
So am I BPD if only symptom I have is being really needy in some (not all) romantic relationships? And rest of the time I am pretty calm individual with strong sense of identity.
First, thank you for taking us outside enjoying that beautiful vibrant blue sky while we listen.
Rosalia Gallo it was great, wasn’t it? Especially when in many places the skies are grey and ugly these days
Alla Kitaeva yes very much so. It’s dismal today where I am. Although a rainy day can have its beauty too. Depends on the mood as to how I see it as beautiful or not. :)
This video has me questioning a lot in regards to my BPD. I can't tell what's a normal human reaction to situations vs a BPD reaction anymore.
Same
Dido
I feel a video made that clear cut and simplified. I understand about core content and triggers. However my experience is if I start to get even a little emotional about how I'm feeling or the situation I'm immediately here in verbally from others that I'm getting ready to have an episode... why can't you just be that I'm getting upset??? It can't be that I'm just getting upset and it has to be that I'm BPD mode.... when I'm trying to express how I feel, and they immediately bring up my mental health and how I don't process things properly... the largest trigger that I have is when those aware of my BPD use it as an excuse to not have to listen to how I feel. Or they use it as a reason to justify not interacting/discussing the situation.... I've been doing all of this work for the last several years to better control my triggers and to communicate yet they still won't take the time or make the effort to process and work through things with me! Instead of being honest, they will try to ignore or devalue what/how I'm feeling. Example when I go to my mother's house, my stepfather never acknowledges me, unless I acknowledge Him First. He will then say hello and goes directly up to their office and doesn't come down until I leave. However, when my siblings come around your chat with them go sit in the kitchen and talk with them have lunch with them spend time with them. I have expressed to my mother that it hurts my feelings and you make me feel unwanted in the house therefore makes it uncomfortable for me to visit.. replies" it's not you."
If it's not me, than why does he only do it with me?
The trigger becomes the fact that they won't admit and acknowledge that my feelings are real and that the situation is really happening. I can handle if they said yes he's uncomfortable so he goes upstairs because there's been too much history and he doesn't want to deal with it. At least it would be a real truthful answer instead of me feeling unwanted and then trying to tell me that that's not how I'm supposed to feel
Nicole Shaffer It sounds like you have done a tremendous amount of work to better manage your emotional responses. When your mom says, it’s not you, I think what she’s really telling you is, it’s not you. It’s easy for us to take things personally. It seems she missed the mark on showing you greater empathy and consideration for how things make you feel. Glad you can enjoy better relationships with other family members. It hurts to not feel accepted but in this case I think your mom did you a favor by telling you that it really has nothing to do with you. That might be the best she could give you. I used to be high on the trait of people pleasing in years past and it was hard for me to accept not being accepted. I used to take that rejection to heart. Not so much anymore. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for pointing out that all people are individuals and a maladaptive disorder will not present as a cookie cutter case.
My therapist has been trying to explain this concept to me for years and you just put it into perspective and now I finally understand what shes been saying all this time lol. Thank you.
I love that he's "vlogging" but talking about personality disorders. I love this man :')
Dr. Fox, you seem to be such a kind and compassionate soul! I love the gentle way you present truth and how encouraging you are about folks improving! Thank you!
He is a real savior making sense out of the madness
I love the sunny outdoor video!! Eye opening insight as always ☺️
I remember once a friend said I should write down my behaviors nonstop for a month or 2 and what I do think or say and apply it to certain areas of my life to understand myself better I’m going to do it but still I feel like I know myself extremely well and I’m too good for this
I dont understand how someone with bpd can simultaneously be absolutely terrified of abandonment but also proceed to act in ways that will result in abandonment, not to mention constantly splitting and making the concious choice to cut people out, its almost like we compensate for our fear of being abandoned by splitting and burning bridges to feel safe.
This is one of the complexities of core and surface content.
Dr. Daniel Fox is it possible that the person subconsciously sabotages relationships that are no longer healthy? And they have trouble getting what they want with healthy / normal conversation and so they act out until it pushes the person away, even though they consciously feel afraid of losing the person.
we cut people out in order to be in control to lessen the hurt when someone leaves us. If we’re the one leaving them, we’re in control and it hurts less bc we don’t feel the rejection since we initiated it
@@bailey1127 exactly, if it was my choice, i don't feel abandoned
I have seen other ‘professionals’ on UA-cam who appear to just spew hatred towards people with narcissistic traits. I really appreciate that you do not do that. These people can struggle with themselves too.
Nice views Dr. Fox!
Wow! I finally know now why I never got a “full” diagnosis for BPD. I don’t fit first 3 or even 4 criteria. :/
Same!
I've recently discovered that my "BPD" may actually just be abandonment based PTSD.
I was not like the others in my DBT group, and have totally changed my life since whereas most of them haven't.
It's crazy to be misdiagnosed with something so major.
Benjamyn Gardner 🙋♀️
I like the new setting! I've said it before, but thank you so much for being such a wonderful person. Not many with such a great understanding of a hard to treat illness would using their own time to do what you're doing for free x
Good morning, your channel has grown so much since I found you 2 years ago. I hope you see this comment.
Can you do a video talking about what Machiavellian personality traits/disorder is and the difference between that and narcissism?
Hello Dr. Fox. I've only recently begun watching your videos. Despite also subscribing to and watching the content of many other mental health providers, I find your videos on personality disorders enormously educational and helpful. In 2008 I began a 10 year relationship with Liz, a woman that I originally considered to perhaps just overly emotional, but still very exciting. Eventually her intense outbursts of unexplainable rage and nearly spontaneous weeping led me to seek professional advice. My own therapist told me "she sounds like a borderline." I thought, "borderline of what?" I'd never heard of BPD. As a healthcare provider myself, I was used to reading scientific literature. I love psychology and so this pursuit fascinated me. I read all I could find on BPD, including the DSM-IV and DSM-V. I could not escape the realization that Liz met all 9 of the criteria. Your video above finally, after all of my research, explained for me the inability of a person with a PD to 1) be aware of their disordered thinking and maladaptive behaviors, and 2) willfully change their maladaptive behavior to more appropriate behavior in settings that might demand it. In 2018 Liz died of an accidental fentanyl overdose. In 2019 I went to federal prison for things I never would have done, had I not been so swept up in trying to "save her." I am out of prison now, have lost my professional license, but gained invaluable life lessons. I blame myself 100% for my criminal acts that led to incarceration. Liz has been dead for over 5 years, but I continue to gain knowledge and insight about the depths of her suffering with (extremely) Complex BPD. If only I'd known then what I know now, right? I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful contributions. Hopefully your messages and education will help others like me before it is too late for them or their loved one with a PD.
Thank you for this video! I am diagnosed with BPD and am studying to become a psychologist so I’m quite well-versed in personality disorders, but this video really clarifies the difference.
Thanks so much for explaining these things in such a compassionate, non-blaming or judge mental way and helping people learn how to live better lives and make better choices.
I want to learn how to live; i want a life! I'm tired of pain, tired of the intense/overwhelming emotions. Tired of feeling lost; what's wrong with me??? Why can't i be happy??
I TRULY WISH OUR WORLD (OK. My world) HAD MORE DOCTORD/THERAPIST LIKE YOU!!!!
Beautiful blue skies! Also great topic, thank you for the videos you make. You explain things so well and in such an open and understanding way 🙏
I laughed out loud at the joke of rushing home to watch his latest video... totally me!!!
You have a wonderful ability to break concepts down and explain them thoroughly. Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge and educating us all. Yes, today’s on location background is very refreshing!
Hi Dr. Fox, not only are your videos informative, but you come across as a very caring and sincere individual. I’ve learned so much from watching your videos. You really know your subjects. I’m sure you you are a great therapist, you’d make a great teacher as well.
I meet all the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder as well as all five of these factors. I wanted to hope it was just an adaptive behavior or I was misdiagnosing myself (which I know is quite common) but I just have to accept that this is what I've been dealing with for 20+ years now. It's a grim realization, but necessary. Thank you for this video.
I love your work! Waiting for the next book!
Dr. Fox, I started watching your videos a couple months ago, you are amazing in your explanation on personality disorders. I have not been diagnosed yet, but I have all the 9 traits of BPD, and all are to the extreme.I have been diagnosed with chronic depression & generalized anxiety. Your videos have changed my outlook on feeling the way I do, and motivate me to get better. I'm amazed I get out of bed in the morning, I work, as a body shop estimator, and that in itself is stressful enough! 😊 thanks for sharing with all of us looking for self love. Much respect to you from Florida 🌞
This is such helpful information for victims of abusers and people with personality disorders, who are often labeled as such themselves, when in fact it is just a response to continual maltreatment. Not their core personality traits.
i can tell ya,they made all the test's with me to make sure the diagnoses was correct. this includes personal talks with
psychologist's, some kind of "brain scan"(can't remember the correct name anymore. but was about to see how the brain reacts to certain emotions etc) and they also did spinal tap too. to make it totaly clear. eitherway my brain had the same "reaction" as a bpd patien had,but also i had fit in into many of the criteria's too. end diagnose:bpd. it was a VERY weird feeling get diagnosed with such. because you don't know if you should be sad to have such. or if you should feel relived that you finaly know, what was wrong all the time with ya. so yh,that's kinda my story.
@@CallmeCalypso i totaly know what you mean. after i was diagnosed i had(and still have) such moments.
Thank you for this. I appreciate the visual listing of the five items in the review.
Good morning! I love this background!
I definitely see how the therapy I've had has tried to give me a healthier personality structure. Some component's you've listed still exist for me but have become weaker over the years. I also never really understood in real terms what the opposite of a personality disorder was to see where I was? So this was pretty informative and I liked it. :) Do you think you could do a video where you discuss how someone without BPD would react to common BPD triggers if they had a healthy personality structure? Like, the whole criteria?
I really like your insight on these topics and your delivery is also nice to listen. And nice landscape!
What a great video Dr fox ! Also, being outside with such a lovely weather made it really pleasant to watch. Especially while being in Canada at -14! haha
I'm so glad I found your channel, Dr.
Thanks for this, doc, it was very interesting. Also loved the outdoor setting!
Not sure where else I can suggest this, but I would love loveee to see a video made in depth on histrionic personality disorder and secondly about Growing up with a parent with borderline personality disorder and developing it yourself as the child! ❤️
This is a very important video. Thank you. I feel like you made this video on my comment and now I have a better understanding of how health professionals come to conclude whether you fit in with a personality disorder or not as a whole, even if you may display some symptoms of a disorder, from a patients perspective, why that isn't enough to qualify for diagnosis. This shows you really listen and reflect on our comments. Can't wait til I can afford to support you and buy your workbooks. The dollar exchange currency for my country is a bit tuff.
Thank you Dr Fox, this video is really insightful and encouraging. Even after many years of therapy and research I'd never seen/heard of those 5 factors anywhere before! It's especially helpful to learn how they relate to having traits vs personality disorder.
Love the outside vibe too ❤️
This is so helpful! Thanks for clarifying the difference here.
Thank you so much for making this video and addressing it. VERY informative to myself along with those in my life who WANT to know more. I share your videos often, even in occasional therapy sessions along with getting your Workbook as a birthday present. Your videos and Workbook have enlightened me and others in my life, so I am VERY thankful. Nice change of scenery, BTW. I love the outdoors :)
Doctor, I feel privileged for being subscribed to your channel and watching your videos. I would probably have to pay 200-400 dollars to therapy, which I don't have, to get these insights put together clearly for dummies like me. What you are doing is priceless. Wish we could repay you. Thank you.
Yes to all of them. Thank you for the insight. So, now what? That inflexibility is the big one - it stymies every effort put towards the issue so far.
I literally have no clue if I have BPD or not but I have CPTSD I’m starting DBT and one to one therapy next week but I definitely relate to most of the things you say in a lot of your videos so who knows! Hopefully I’ll find out soon enough and be able to get the right treatment and diagnosis!
I was diagnosed with personality disorder but now I don’t think I am. Maybe I used to be but I don’t do the external focus of control, inflexibility, or am even ego syntonic. I change, take responsibility and am pretty flexible. And my negative behavior i guess has endured, but I’ve gotten a lot better. It’s also not that pervasive.
Nice video and background. (Snow here). Thanks for the content Dr. Fox.
Hola Dr. Fox. I love on location videos!! Gracias 💖👌🧠
Nice, both the view and the talk
Good evening from Mexico doctor Fox. I'd like to thank you for bringing nature into your videos...that's a beautiful landscape. Hope people in your country take advantage of your expertise and knowledge to be better...I know I would if I lived there
Very helpful for us!
Glad to hear that!
Good video! Thanks!
Excelent! Thank you!
You are welcome!
I’m so driving home to watch these videos!! 🌝🌝
Love your videos
10 seconds in and i already hit the like button 😂 that's how much i trust your quality content 👌👌👌
Very helpful
Thank you for this video. This puts a lot into perspective! 😁
Great video
I love receiving all this information ty😊
Traits vs. Disorder -- interesting, useful.
Thanks. Glad you found it helpful.
So can someone have a Borderline personality without it being a Borderline personality disorder? Or would having the traits of Borderline personality Disorder and maladaptive behaviors simply be a coincidence? For example if you have the ability to adjust your behavior so it's not a "fixed" behavior but you choose to go back to the maladaptive ones. So if their is flexibility in this regard it wouldn't be considered a disorder? Sorry trying to understand.
Not a licensed psychologist, but maybe my perspective can help you. I would say nobody is perfect, so it is expected to relate to some traits of any given disorder. If I understand you correctly, you wonder whether or not it becomes a disorder if you specifically choose to behave maladaptively? I think it depends on how much sense of controle you feel: if you e.g. choose to drink to avoid your problems after a specific incident, then the behavior (although not adaptive) is not pervasive. However, if this keeps happening (e.g. most of the times you feel confronted with problems, you choose to drink) then it becomes more troublesome. Flexibility refers to your ability to behave in a way that is not a direct reaction to your impulses: so you have the ability to process and respond in an appropriate "good" way even though your immediate response would be "bad". The inability to inhibit an inappropriate response is considered inflexibility. I hope this helps in any way.
I used to have more manipulative behaviors from my family of origin. Like shutting down, sulking when I was invalidated, pushing my feelings, needs and boundaries down because they wasn't respected and so on.
As I grew up, left home, had other relationships I learned better, healthier ways to communicate and interact.
When I interact with my parents I tend to regress into the "helpless" reactive behaviors again. I'm working on myself not to do that with anyone at some point.
For me, i learned i have traits instead of full. BPD describes "bizarre" insecurities and motivations that no other disorder does, but my control over my behavior depends.
i think really fractured sense of self can make some of these aspects hard to identify, i know personally i'm really reliant on people's perceptions of me rather than my own perceptions of myself but this was incredibly informative.
liked the setting
Thank you
Fascinating
Number 5 has me questioning myself; I have breakdowns anywhere, public, dinner, the grocery store, etc but I don’t want people to see me so I usually hide away behind a building or in a bathroom and let it unravel so people don’t see me. I don’t know if that counts
I have even had breakdowns at the mental health facility, no one cared though. I was only embarrassed so I went to the car and let my maladaptive behaviors unravel.
Basically, my behavior will go crazy anywhere I just sometimes get scared that people will be mean so I can block that part out and still have my breakdown away from people so that they don’t look at me. I know it’s awkward for them :/
Thank you so much for your very informative channel.
The change of scenery somehow makes it harder for me to concentrate on what you are saying. I'm already distracted by a guitar in the corner of the screen lol
I'm happy with in office video's :)
Could you do a video with like 5 short tips for the non borderline who is in a relationship with a borderline?
Like tip 1 don't take it personally when the borderline acts erratic...
I just broke up with my non borderline boyfriend of 2 years and I feel like it would have made a huge difference if he had some basic ground rules for dealing with my borderline personality from the get go.
I've sent him plenty of video's explaining stuff about me and how I function but he was adamand that he wanted to get to know ME through me, and not by informative video's unfortunately.
He also says he doesn't know how to distinguish my borderline from me but it is always one and the same person talking and behaving and feeling and thinking!
I wish I could have gotten that through to him but he doesn't believe in psychiatry and diagnoses to begin with.
Very tough call!
Your videos are really helpful. Thank you :) I'd love to see videos about teens and borderline personality disorder or dealing with both BPD & bipolar or BPD & PTSD... or just generally dealing with borderline AND another serious mental illness. How does that change treatment?
This is really important information. I'm really interested in psychology in general, but also recently received an ADHD diagnosis. I've been researching heavily and convincing myself that I might have other things too, but this criteria really helped me see the difference. Like yes, I may have some of those traits, but I don't have the disorder. Thank you!
Dr. Fox... can you please make a video on rejection sensitivity and how to deal with it in bpd?
Very nice to see a more holistic approach contrary to the 'dsm-checlist method' as I call it. I do have a question regarding Locus of Control: is it possible to have an internal LOC and still consider it maladaptive/a disorder? Especially considering thoughts like "it's my fault/I keep making mistakes" etc., which in my opinion relate to the ego-dystonia or even self-victimizing, I would argue that an internal LOC can be just as problematic as an external one. What are your thoughts on that? (I hope you get to read this, but in any case thanks for all your efforts, I very much enjoy and value your channel).
So why when are people labeled with “traits” vs just saying this person sustained trauma, sometimes still being abused or neglected and having a normal reaction to a bad situation?
That's a really thought-provoking point! Labels can often oversimplify complex human experiences, and it's essential to consider the context of trauma and how it affects behavior.
Thank you. This is really good, but what are the other criteria you mention? Also, can you elaborate on "maladaptive" vs adaptive? I am living with someone I know has BPD. But it's difficult for me to explain to him what is "wrong" with his reactions ( I never use the word "wrong" with him though - that's one extreme trigger!!!!) He is always so convinced he is right in his response, and that the other person is responsible for the unwanted outcome!!! Can you give examples of good adaptive and maladaptive response, to help him see where he stands?
PS. Love the outdoors! Great choice
This was interesting. I have one question. If you are diagnosed with bpd, can you later be diagnosed with only having the traits instead of the disorder? Is this something that can fluctuate based on circumstances and routine therapy work? Or is this once you're diagnosed with bpd, you're always going to be considered bpd? I'm asking about bpd because that's what I have but I'm curious not only about my disorder but also about other disorders as well under this umbrella. If it can fluctuate, then what is the criteria that determines which side you move to and when do you determine if a patient has went from a disorder to traits and visa versa? I hope I'm making clear sense. Thank you for all you share. ❤
Joleen Felio-Pettit yes you can recover from bpd, meaning that you don’t meet the full criteria for the disorder anymore but may have just a few traits or each symptom is much more manageable (the intensity is lowered)
@@Leahv103 THATS good news!!! Thank you. I was unclear if that was even possible.
Dr. Fox, I've liked some of your videos. I was wondering if you could do a video on AVPD?
Great suggestion!
HI DR. D. : ) CAN YOU EXPLAIN ABOUT SCD AND HOW TO HELP FAMILY MEMBER?
I listen to your videos in the car 🚘
And a different approach to the disorder
❤ the view! Thank u. This was very interesting. Its all the blame game until we meet FORGIVENESS and Awaken. Just my two cents. Peace to all.
I don't really get the thing with external locus of control. Like, people with BPD who also suffer from depression episodes most likely (I think) will develop some depressive personality traits like the constant feeling of guilt => they'd think that they're the problem, not others, even if that's not the case. Then would it be an internal locus of control and therefore not BPD but BP traits?
Can you do a video on befriending high functioning borderlines? Do you recommend it? Are there things you can do so that it doesn’t get overwhelming or should you stay away? I don’t like the “why haven’t you called me” confrontation if I miss one day of talking or contacting my job to find me. That makes me very anxious.
i often think of psychopathy as a personality type, with aspd as the disorder, even though most traits of psychopathy is categorical of these 5 traits of disorders. things to think of i suppose. i also need help. everyone around me fits 15 or more traits of the pcl-r within the pervasive means. this also leads me questioning if i have to be manipulative like them just to be happy as a person.
one day, ill either get real help, or ill be dead. Neither case would hurt my feelings.
Dr Fox have you done a video on how to control excessive spending? When I get money, it's gone. I've spent 6k in 5 days. Ugh. To make it worse, my parents never taught me how to do a budget or handle money. Not that it would matter.
My sister always bring the conversation back to herself is that narcissistic? She is also very very competitive
I’ve been showing odd symptoms all my life, I think now I may have borderline personality disorder. I’m seeing a psychiatrist.
@Emily Wheeler um no!! AJ writes for people who were "victims of borderline abuse" not for those WITH BPD.
Is an addiction a component of a personality disorder? With me, I have a shopping addiction that is in episodes. When I have a relationship problem (friends or family included) I go online and shop. It placates my feelings of anxiety. (Also, Is anxiety the root cause of all addictions?)... I really need to learn to overcome these shopping impulses, that are triggered by my anxieties. 🤷♀️ I need to find better ways to cope, when I’m working out my negative emotions. Would you consider doing a video giving tips on impulse and anxiety control? It would be very much appreciated, I think by many of your viewers. Thanks ☺️
Would traits of different disorders be considered various maladaptive ego defense strategies?
Doc...do you treat DID and if so, how do you work to help your patients integrate? Any particular exercise or broad methodology you could share? Please a video? Ir could you reply with a link?
Nunya Business his focus are personality disorders so my guess is that he doesn’t since DID isn’t a personality disorder. Tho someone could have DID and bpd or any other personality disorder so maybe he has or had patients with DID.
@@mikk5540 so, does that mean he will see my message and respond?
Nunya Business I don’t know, I just thought I’d give you my guess, based on what he says his channel and practice is about, in case he didn’t. But I hope he’ll give you an answer. :)
Maybe you’ve already aware but if you want more information on DID you can check out DissociaDID here on youtube and maybe ask your questions there. They have a lit of educational videos with links to different sources and stuff.
Based on this video I obviously have a personality disorder. But the problem is that I truly feel like i'm treated unfairly at work. I really have been passed up for promotions. I really have been treated like a second class citizen by my coworkers. So i really need your help doctor please tell me how to contact you for a few sessions to rule out PD.
Could someone help me with one question? Is it normal that my personality changes significantly for a while if I watch a good series for example?
Like, when Mr Robot came out, I binge watched the hell out of it. I got into hacking and programming and did that for like six months. Sense8 made me see the beauty in the little things and things like art, I rarely cry out of beauty but I almost cried after seeing the colors of the fall. There are a lot of other examples, but I can't think of any.
Right now I'm watching Scorpion (a series where high IQ people save the world, fight crime etc. with their intelligence). And I see that I'm thinking extremely rationally and logically and I'm interested in programming and solving problems. I'm also trying to learn complex stuff about things I know something about already etc. so it's pretty clear that the series had something to do with this.
So I'm just wondering if this is some sort of a personality disorder or if this "adaptability" is a regular personality trait that I have.
Is bad memory associated with BPD. I have real bad memory problems and have BPD traits.
Yes it is
Yes I do and I'm not rich so its a big problem.
Thanks & good job. Are you saying that results/consequences are the ultimate measure of psychological health? Does that mean narcissism is adaptive because it works (CEO, politician, doctor, lawyer, etc.)? Does that mean rebellion (founding fathers, feminists, LGBT activists, environmentalists, etc.) is maladaptive? I'm pursuing happiness via authenticity (internal validation) versus narcissism (external validation). I feel the urge to conform, but I choose to act in ways that are congruent with my values. Some could argue that it is maladaptive to rebel against dominant culture. I think about this a lot. Are Liberals mentally ill because they won't conform to Conservative culture even if said culture is toxic? Maybe culture is toxic and people who come to you need help because they are being abused.
I used to fit in all those criteria. Now, after 1 and a half years of therapy (including DBT), I don't fit some of them anymore (pervasiveness and inflexibility). What does that mean?
I think it means that you’ve developed coping strategies to manage your issues very well. Keep it up!
What if you have an internal locus of control when bad things happen (must be my fault) but when good things happen it’s external (this was circumstantial, I had good luck etc)? Is this BPD or good/bad personalization (learned helplessness)
/can you make a video about learned helplessness (good/bad depersonalization pervasiveness and personalization) in relation to BPD? I’ve been wondering if there’s any correlation
This is not BPD but a comfortability based upon surrounding. You adjust your behavior based upon the environment you're in. That's a good thing in most cases.
Good suggestion. There is some research out there but mostly associated with childhood trauma, not BPD.
Nice to see you out of your natural habitat lol.
When you have the WHOLE disorder (bpd)
Gluten may cause personality issues. Gluten may hurt the gut lining so less nutrients absorb. Hair test shows good minerals/heavy metals. Fix the root cause. No gluten/dairy/soy/sugar/GMO/food with a label...taking vitamins/good oils/minerals..probiotic...LDN..detoxing may help.
So am I BPD if only symptom I have is being really needy in some (not all) romantic relationships? And rest of the time I am pretty calm individual with strong sense of identity.
My BPD playlist: ua-cam.com/play/PLAf6nCaMRw6O63NwZDI7dmziwnNJeA-LZ.html
Thank you