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My bf lives 45 minutes away from me. On our first few dates he would drive and come see me every week. He was so persistent. After 4 month, we became exclusive. I can tell he is really serious about me. Now, he is going to meet my son in two weeks 😊 I followed your advice and so far it’s going well 😊
At our age, we should know the kind of partner we want, and be emotionally mature enough to not settle, but be happy and content within yourself and your own life. Life's too short to deal with any bullshit..!❤
I agree, which is why I wasn’t talking to him initially until that day - I had noted that we reconnected & he was back-tracking already, which was why I was disappointed. We’re here to ask advice on these matters not shame each other for doing so.
I totally agree with making it very clear what you are wanting. I did this with the last guy I dated and he said he wanted what I did but months later left the relationship abruptly and saying he never wanted a relationship with anyone. There is no way to completely protect yourself but clarifying is the best you can do.
I actually speak to the guy after some texting back and forth via the dating apps. I do ask questions to try to see if I want to meet them. Then meet for coffee. I do ask what they are looking for and how long it's been since their last relationship. This helps alot 😊
I did, which was why I was upset this guy pulled this. I vetted him already and am simply hurting by the entire thing. I just believe he needs time to heal and the best I can do now is simply move forward in my own life. He initiates to talk me daily, but that's about it... like Jonathan said, there's a point where it's not worth trying anymore... the ball is in his court, but I don't have to wait forever for him to pick it up either...
Thank you ❤ I didn't expect all the attacks. I was so upset that day. I just wanted to talk to Jonathan and see what he said. Another point of view to get & some support.
I saw a dating show once about a woman had the choice between this big good bear a real man of a police man. And she chose a young stallion she had to bribe with exclusive cars. It was just heartbreaking to look at.
This was part of my hesitation (the job) bc while I am attracted to this person, but know the schedule doesn’t work. I have an Aunt who ended up with a big bear of a Policeman too & the beginnings were very hard. It’s the life you choose with those vocations. Plus, the man I’m talking about is a boss & has a side business. So, I often question why he was trying to date anybody. But everyone deserves love, right? In the interim, last year when my person went back to school, I was happy he took my advice, but it was to the detriment of our connection for that period of time. So, I took a step aside to allow him the space he needed bc I could feel he was feeling pressured and it was causing alot of tension between us. It was just interesting how we ended up talking again the week of his graduation. It was as if I was meant to experience that with him. And, I am so proud of him and hope he understands why I stepped away. While I sense hurt from him. I def need to clear the air on that but it was stuff he was saying & doing at the time. Ugh! This sounds like a show lol anyway, he keeps saying he loves me and wants to be with me…the pain is now, he’s accepted the terms about the relationship guidelines & we cleared up that I’m not looking to just take over or whatever he’s afraid of lol all that’s needed is the action taken to move this forward. I will just remind him (and myself) to stop talking about it and experience it… otherwise we’re just spinning wheels…Thanks for listening 🙏🙌🏽🌹
Wow! Talk about hot seat! This is just being human - and trying not to be upset (being the situation was raw) while answering questions live… To clarify, the question is: after reconnecting with someone who you have had a very deep connection with, how do you try to define the relationship to avoid the same pattern that broke you up the first time? And, what was being said about intimacy, it’s not about “giving away your power” as Jonathan says, it’s more about being able to understand your relationship first, setting boundaries and ground rules. That’s why it was said, don’t worry, if they want you, they’ll come back! Just value & protect yourself. Not that there’s anything wrong with being intimate, just know who you’re involving yourself with. And, in this case, sometimes people just need time to go through stuff on their own. This guy had too much going on & added school on top of it, which created friction to the point the connection was broken off. He returned & shared the graduation because it was to be a shared experience being it was encouraged by me in the first place. Update: the discussion was revisited about the expectations for the growth of the relationship & tweaked the way Jonathan said. It was the breakdown that was needed that helped. There’s a promise for more in person involvement to help get this thing started. Now we shall see if the actions match the words… Everyone is here for support and to help others. Please let us do that & help Jonathan keep this community together & be a safe place for that purpose 💗 Thank you Jonathan 🙏☀️🌹
BTW Jonathon, i still feel sadness after one year since break up which was his choice. He moved on without me. I'm getting on . Fake it till you make it.
Hi Jonathan! Look at that! Perfect timing! You have a great smile too! Thanks...sorry I clammed up at first 🫣 I was so upset that day. My eyes were all swollen and honestly, even though I am aware where this will most likely end up unless there's a major turn-around..I just want to have that face-to-face talk with him. Then, we shall see what happens next. I just hope he's not trying to get back at me for leaving the last time. But, somehow I don't think he has the time or patience for that...Honestly, speaking to you and the fact that you handled my situation with such empathy & understanding is def what I needed. Thank you so much for that. I don't know why I'm so attached to this one; anyone else, I would have slammed the door & left it closed. Thanks again and I hope to be home in time for this ❤ 🙏 🤗
Update: I had “the talk” with him. And at first he shot back that “I can’t get into a commitment right now…” again. But, it didn’t make sense based on what we were talking about. Now, I promised myself to stop shutting down when someone confronts me in these situations because it obviously doesn’t solve anything. Esp. Since there obviously was some kind of misunderstanding. So, I broke it down the way you did: “…I’d like to see eachother 2-3x’s a week … etc.” He said he’d like that. Crossing fingers I can report back with more updates and actually see him. We both work multiple jobs with odd hours and have kids, which makes it difficult to coordinate schedules. But, I’m sure we can manage that much to start… Thank you Jonathan 🙏🌹
@@lorrainec3673 Good luck! Awesome job not holding back in your communication-it takes courage and practice and this was the perfect situation for both. Practice patience and don’t over accommodate him. :) Enjoy the unfolding of what will be! ❤️❤️❤️
@@lorrainec3673 I have no clue what you are talking about … What multiple attempts to shame you? You’re the aggressive one , read your message…. Nothing landed on my eye, whomever that told you what to say, misinformed you.
1. 45 minutes is not a long distance relationship 2. 1 year age gap is insignificant 3. He doesn’t want to rush in is bullsh*t - I think that is an excuse
Lol you're funny - critiquing the entire thing... 45 min in different States - I don't consider long distance but he does...can't change him. I agree, he is making excuses, that's why im upset- that's why we're here. The point of the Q! I course corrected about the age because I said he went back to school & I didn't want to imply he was a kid... that's why I laughed & said no... he was only a year older... maybe take these into context rather than picking them apart... we're here to figure out what is happening from the man's point of view, not this catty bs..
No. It may seem that way, However, there was a delay & the audio cut out a few times…I was also very upset & trying to remain composed as I was listening to the questions. Maybe you should put yourself on the HS when you’re upset & see how you do.
We live in different states it all highway driving. Unfortunately, to him it is. I’m accustomed to commuting. Some people aren’t. I’ve traveled over 3 hours commuting for work and made other relationships work too, so it was never an issue - every situation is different. Even Jonathan mentioned people in his region consider over 15 minutes a problem … it depends… The question was about setting the relationship standard, not to debate the location and criticize.
Jonathon when I wrote that comment the other day about looking in the mirror I realised that in many ways your story is my story too.! It’s no accident the Oscar Wilde masterpiece ‘The Picture of Dorian Grey’ is making a comeback in London. I believe it is showing us the folly and the immense darkness, and even evil that can arise when living in the immature mindset where you don’t give a shit about anything except your own needs.and superficiality, 😂I was blown away when I first saw this movie, the one made in 1945 which is supposed to be the best. 😁
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The "What Would Love Do?" Podcast www.jonathonaslay.com/category/podcast/
Recommended Books jonathonaslay.com/book-recommendations
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My bf lives 45 minutes away from me. On our first few dates he would drive and come see me every week. He was so persistent. After 4 month, we became exclusive. I can tell he is really serious about me. Now, he is going to meet my son in two weeks 😊
I followed your advice and so far it’s going well 😊
At our age, we should know the kind of partner we want, and be emotionally mature enough to not settle, but be happy and content within yourself and your own life. Life's too short to deal with any bullshit..!❤
I agree, which is why I wasn’t talking to him initially until that day - I had noted that we reconnected & he was back-tracking already, which was why I was disappointed. We’re here to ask advice on these matters not shame each other for doing so.
@@lorrainec3673 No shame intended..just my out look
I totally agree with making it very clear what you are wanting. I did this with the last guy I dated and he said he wanted what I did but months later left the relationship abruptly and saying he never wanted a relationship with anyone. There is no way to completely protect yourself but clarifying is the best you can do.
I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope things improve as you move forward. I completely understand how hurtful this is. Hugs 🤗
I actually speak to the guy after some texting back and forth via the dating apps. I do ask questions to try to see if I want to meet them. Then meet for coffee. I do ask what they are looking for and how long it's been since their last relationship. This helps alot 😊
I did, which was why I was upset this guy pulled this. I vetted him already and am simply hurting by the entire thing. I just believe he needs time to heal and the best I can do now is simply move forward in my own life. He initiates to talk me daily, but that's about it... like Jonathan said, there's a point where it's not worth trying anymore... the ball is in his court, but I don't have to wait forever for him to pick it up either...
Was cool Lola could be vulnerable and share like that so we could all learn something.
Thank you ❤ I didn't expect all the attacks. I was so upset that day. I just wanted to talk to Jonathan and see what he said. Another point of view to get & some support.
I saw a dating show once about a woman had the choice between this big good bear a real man of a police man. And she chose a young stallion she had to bribe with exclusive cars. It was just heartbreaking to look at.
This was part of my hesitation (the job) bc while I am attracted to this person, but know the schedule doesn’t work. I have an Aunt who ended up with a big bear of a Policeman too & the beginnings were very hard. It’s the life you choose with those vocations. Plus, the man I’m talking about is a boss & has a side business. So, I often question why he was trying to date anybody. But everyone deserves love, right? In the interim, last year when my person went back to school, I was happy he took my advice, but it was to the detriment of our connection for that period of time. So, I took a step aside to allow him the space he needed bc I could feel he was feeling pressured and it was causing alot of tension between us. It was just interesting how we ended up talking again the week of his graduation. It was as if I was meant to experience that with him. And, I am so proud of him and hope he understands why I stepped away. While I sense hurt from him. I def need to clear the air on that but it was stuff he was saying & doing at the time. Ugh! This sounds like a show lol anyway, he keeps saying he loves me and wants to be with me…the pain is now, he’s accepted the terms about the relationship guidelines & we cleared up that I’m not looking to just take over or whatever he’s afraid of lol all that’s needed is the action taken to move this forward. I will just remind him (and myself) to stop talking about it and experience it… otherwise we’re just spinning wheels…Thanks for listening 🙏🙌🏽🌹
Wow! Talk about hot seat! This is just being human - and trying not to be upset (being the situation was raw) while answering questions live…
To clarify, the question is: after reconnecting with someone who you have had a very deep connection with, how do you try to define the relationship to avoid the same pattern that broke you up the first time? And, what was being said about intimacy, it’s not about “giving away your power” as Jonathan says, it’s more about being able to understand your relationship first, setting boundaries and ground rules.
That’s why it was said, don’t worry, if they want you, they’ll come back! Just value & protect yourself. Not that there’s anything wrong with being intimate, just know who you’re involving yourself with. And, in this case, sometimes people just need time to go through stuff on their own. This guy had too much going on & added school on top of it, which created friction to the point the connection was broken off. He returned & shared the graduation because it was to be a shared experience being it was encouraged by me in the first place.
Update: the discussion was revisited about the expectations for the growth of the relationship & tweaked the way Jonathan said. It was the breakdown that was needed that helped. There’s a promise for more in person involvement to help get this thing started. Now we shall see if the actions match the words…
Everyone is here for support and to help others. Please let us do that & help Jonathan keep this community together & be a safe place for that purpose 💗
Thank you Jonathan 🙏☀️🌹
I vet them on the phone. Saves me time.
Exactly
Yes
Agreed
Definitely can weed out the wackies that way . Just gotta get them talking and then listen
Haha long distance relationship is not 45 minutes ... So cute
What's the question?
BTW Jonathon, i still feel sadness after one year since break up which was his choice. He moved on without me. I'm getting on . Fake it till you make it.
Hi Jonathan! Look at that! Perfect timing! You have a great smile too! Thanks...sorry I clammed up at first 🫣 I was so upset that day. My eyes were all swollen and honestly, even though I am aware where this will most likely end up unless there's a major turn-around..I just want to have that face-to-face talk with him. Then, we shall see what happens next. I just hope he's not trying to get back at me for leaving the last time. But, somehow I don't think he has the time or patience for that...Honestly, speaking to you and the fact that you handled my situation with such empathy & understanding is def what I needed. Thank you so much for that. I don't know why I'm so attached to this one; anyone else, I would have slammed the door & left it closed. Thanks again and I hope to be home in time for this ❤ 🙏 🤗
You are lovely, and I'm grateful you jumped on to share... hugs
Thank you 🥰🤗
Update: I had “the talk” with him. And at first he shot back that “I can’t get into a commitment right now…” again. But, it didn’t make sense based on what we were talking about. Now, I promised myself to stop shutting down when someone confronts me in these situations because it obviously doesn’t solve anything. Esp. Since there obviously was some kind of misunderstanding. So, I broke it down the way you did: “…I’d like to see eachother 2-3x’s a week … etc.” He said he’d like that.
Crossing fingers I can report back with more updates and actually see him.
We both work multiple jobs with odd hours and have kids, which makes it difficult to coordinate schedules. But, I’m sure we can manage that much to start… Thank you Jonathan 🙏🌹
@@lorrainec3673 Good luck! Awesome job not holding back in your communication-it takes courage and practice and this was the perfect situation for both. Practice patience and don’t over accommodate him. :) Enjoy the unfolding of what will be! ❤️❤️❤️
@@lorrainec3673 I have no clue what you are talking about … What multiple attempts to shame you? You’re the aggressive one , read your message…. Nothing landed on my eye, whomever that told you what to say, misinformed you.
Getting THE question from her is like pulling teeth 😩
It’s true what you say Sir….
Thank you 😊
1. 45 minutes is not a long distance relationship
2. 1 year age gap is insignificant
3. He doesn’t want to rush in is bullsh*t - I think that is an excuse
Lol you're funny - critiquing the entire thing... 45 min in different States - I don't consider long distance but he does...can't change him. I agree, he is making excuses, that's why im upset- that's why we're here. The point of the Q! I course corrected about the age because I said he went back to school & I didn't want to imply he was a kid... that's why I laughed & said no... he was only a year older... maybe take these into context rather than picking them apart... we're here to figure out what is happening from the man's point of view, not this catty bs..
Wow! She seems confused.
No. It may seem that way, However, there was a delay & the audio cut out a few times…I was also very upset & trying to remain composed as I was listening to the questions. Maybe you should put yourself on the HS when you’re upset & see how you do.
@@lorrainec3673you did not seem confused to me 🤗
@@Teewriter thank you 😊 Hugs 🤗
If this wasn’t a confusing topic, we wouldn’t all be here! ♥️ Thank you for sharing your story, Lorraine. 🙏🏼
@@PetitHibou72 thank you 🙏💗🥰
45mins long distance 😂😂😂. Long distance is hundreds of miles or across a state or across the country. NOT 45mins!!!
We live in different states it all highway driving. Unfortunately, to him it is. I’m accustomed to commuting. Some people aren’t. I’ve traveled over 3 hours commuting for work and made other relationships work too, so it was never an issue - every situation is different. Even Jonathan mentioned people in his region consider over 15 minutes a problem … it depends… The question was about setting the relationship standard, not to debate the location and criticize.
45 min drive is not long distance. This lady would drive me crazy, never gets to the point and contradicts herself.
He is not ready or available. Plus she is clueless
Jonathon when I wrote that comment the other day about looking in the mirror I realised that in many ways your story is my story too.! It’s no accident the Oscar Wilde masterpiece ‘The Picture of Dorian Grey’ is making a comeback in London. I believe it is showing us the folly and the immense darkness, and even evil that can arise when living in the immature mindset where you don’t give a shit about anything except your own needs.and superficiality, 😂I was blown away when I first saw this movie, the one made in 1945 which is supposed to be the best. 😁
Thanks for sharing