What To Do When Your Empathy Becomes A Disability
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Our world is built on the ability of individuals to function socially (for better or worse). So what happens when your default social functioning differs from the norm?
In the case of empathy, differing from the norm - both with "too much" or "too little" empathy - can have a disabling effect.
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But I do care.
Seeing homeless people and abandoned pets makes me feel terrible, it ruins my day 😢😢😢😢
Agreed
You can at least help the animals.
Same exactly. I worry about the homeless every single day. I know there’s literally a solution to homelessness yet the country I live in refuses to resolve it although they are able to.
Aye.
Same 😔
Yep. I'm 36 and I still cry over every animal (and bug) that hurts, and my life is very dysfunctional because my emotions are so gigantic.
I have NEVER heard any talk about this. Born this way. It’s agonizing.
Being an empath has ruled my 67 yrs in exactly this way. It's been paralyzing.
I hear you, im 65... time to shift that empathy and care to self. 🌺🙏💖
I’m 68. I cried every time Jimmy Cricket sang When You Wish Upon A Star when the Wonderful World Of Disney came on television.
60 and I feel as if I'm getting worse instead of better
Totally understand I feel exactly the same x
@@EC-yd9yv this is where iam
This has seriously impacted my life. As a small child I thought that even dolls had feelings and I didn’t want to hurt them. I have had to set boundaries as an adult with people who can’t understand this. It’s given me tremendous anxiety and depression. I wish that I could harden my heart, but I can’t. People have walked all over me my entire life.
Me too. It seems irrational but I always say thank you to objects before I discard them. I always try to find ways to give the objects another life.
@@Rachel299 same here.
I even feel bad for melting snowmen. Seems so weird to me but it is what it is.
I have a hardened heart that you desire. You don’t want this. I promise. It’s dark and lonely.
❤
I understand completely,
I come to everyone's assistance in the most level headed and directly helpful way when others are flailing about. Yet I can barely survive my own existence. You are teaching. I am learning. Thank you.
I am just like you. You said it so well. I am 70 years old and I couldn't have said it better. Thank you.
Wow, you literally just described me.... That is the perfect way of saying it
Agree, this is very well said.
I do same.. like a self sacrifice 🤯 Yet these ppl will let you and make mo big deal, when i am at my worst. Im 65.. time to put care for self first!!!
💖🙏✨
Same exactly.
This is why I love this channel!! You talk about what no one else does!!!
I rarely express disagreement even if someone is walking over me. A lifetime of learning how to stand up for myself. Excess empathy makes it hard for us to set boundaries.
If you know your treated a person badly? Can you apologize (Some people cant? I learned this the hard way. You can apologize when you wronged a person and still be proud! But being proud that you overcome your ego is not easy?
Best comment ever. And I took suffer from this
True
Well, you should express disagreement.
When you don't do that, some people lose respect for you bigtime and will try to "walk all over you" even more.
Not everyone, but there are those that will.
I'm 59, and I WAS an empath. Buy no longer I realized that I was being used by people who weren't my friends. My parents were both teachers and always promoted sharing and being kind to others. My mother was always the first one at a neighbor's door to help in any way in an emergency or a new baby. In a small city where people know your Christian heart, it is a commendable attribute. However, when we moved to Orlando I was just used & abused like a suckered. I didn't want to change who I was. After a heart attack and neck herniations and a lower back injury and a combative patient breaking my right dominant wrist, I finally broke my caring spirit. I'm on disability now after 40 years of nursing, and I can barely care for myself. All my friends and neighbors that I was always there for disappeared. Last month, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and thyroid cancer in a 10-day period. Luckily, my husband is always there for me. He had been telling me for decades that I was too nice and it wasn't normal.
I used to not be able to break up with people cause I felt bad for upsetting them 💙🙏🏻💙
I have to much empathy and I’m so sensitive to people’s energies so I tend to stay away… it’s hard work
Do you also have trouble maintaining relationships because of it?? i struggle with this realllyyy badly
I can totally relate and it is so exhausting! I’m at a point where I want to live alone because it’s just too much for me to absorb the emotions of everyone around me.
Empathy might be a disability now, what a world we live in. Really scares you when you think of the average person, you get why terrible things happen so frequently.
Someone is watching too much news.
@@JustChill-zd4ib Narcissist run societies do not require empathy to function. Narcissist run societies actually encourage sociopathic behavior and punish empathy.
My empathy has definitely become my disability. I learned how to people-please during my development to protect myself. I hate seeing people suffer. My late mother was the most miserable person in my family of origin. She wanted me to make her happy. At the time, I didn't know that I had no idea how to do this. Although I tried, nothing I did satisfied her. HSPs (highly sensitive people) only consist of 20% of the population. If everyone was an HSP, we wouldn't experience any adversity. Nevertheless, we are all unique in our own right. To protect myself now, I often need to isolate myself from other people. Boundaries are so important to our well-being. When you don't learn them as you develop, they become harder as you age. I'm 67 and I'm still struggling with setting boundaries and turning off my empathy toward those who may not be safe people.
❤ I can relate with you on words ❤
I feel that need to isolate soo deeply it’s ruining me😞
It has really affected my life. I have to work really hard every day to overcome it. My Mom told me that when I was about 4 or 5 years old we were driving in the car I started crying and my Mom asked me what was wrong ? I said “ That old man shouldn’t be mowing the lawn “ In regards to your story my sisters and I found a butterfly that was injured we put it in a box and we were crying and asked my Mom if it would live ? I can’t watch news or certain shows, yes it definitely can be disabling and no one understands. I can go on and on. It feels like you are the only one going through this, so this is so on point for me.
Yessss!!!! Me too!!!
Yessss
As an empath I burn out almost daily. Learning to separate my pain from others and not absorb their trauma is a full time job and takes so much mental power. I also have this weird thing where I feel bad for inanimate objects like a melting snowman. Still haven't figured that one out yet.
I found a dead mouse in an empty plastic bucket. It fell in and couldn't get out. Also, it was winter time. I could have cried. I made a tiny coffin out of two cups from a cardboard egg carton. I wrapped the tiny perfect mouse in a tissue, and put it in the cup, using the other cup as a lid. Then I taped it up. I couldn't bury it cause the ground was too hard, so I put it under the porch so it would be out of the elements. Just knowing that the poor little mouse suffered a cold and miserable death filled me with such sadness. It's hard to go through life with such intensity of feelings. And most people don't understand.
That's very sweet of you to pay respect to that lil life. I would have been sad and done something similar too. ❤ I feel you honored that critter
❤🐀That was a good thing you did. It was God's work and He sees our hearts. I buried a squirrel once. Your heart is beautiful.🐁❤
I do this for the mice my cats bring me. Their last moments were pain. I bring them back to the forest. I thank my cats for their gift of love, I apologize to the mouse for their pain. I put them under the leaves and give them to the trees and return them to the earth.
I was raised pagan, so the death of the mouse, the joy of the cat and the love of sharing the hunt with me, the cycles of life, etc help me with those moments. I talk to the mouse. I talk to the trees and the earth. I don't expect responses. More of an acknowledgment of what is.
I say all of this to let you know that you are not only not alone, but there are entire religious practices and secular practices along with your thoughts and feelings and actions. ❤ from Alaska.
@@Biiku_ beautiful ways to respect all involved. I felt the care and respect. Thank you for doing this and sharing. ❤️ From Florida
I’m going to be 77 yrs old. From a child….all the way …right now also…and I’m having severe emotional, physical and financial problems. My heart leads my brain….always. Trauma, loss, heartache, old age, etc….health issues…have taken a toll on me. Being overly empathetic is a curse and a blessing. Peace, light and love to all. ✌🏻💫💕
Yes!! It can be a problem. Sometimes, I have to shut down and become apathetic to things that used to make me sad. 😢
Yes, me too.
This. Just avoiding things and/or shutting down when things aren't unavoidable is my go-to. Due to learning what makes me sad and learning to control my emotions regarding those things, I have ended up being kind of not having an emotional reaction to those things and that makes me feel worse because "what kind of person doesn't feel sad/pain whwn others are in this situation?"
Yes, I do it too. It is not always possible. I feel that some people can switch easily from “oh, poor thing” to “oh, yeah let’s party.” If something bad happens in stays with me for a while. I do not think that it is wrong. It is just how I am. If during this time I can not handle more then someone else will take a turn. Isn’t it how we function as a society? ❤
Your story about the giant bug and your (in my view totally sane) intense empathy for it and reaction to it's horrible violent death is something we need a lot more of in the world. There are too many a'holes and sociopaths in this world and it's the people like you who care who make life worth living. And BTW 👋 from Aus 🇦🇺😃
This is a real problem. As a nurse, it's even worse.
I am a student of psychology and I worry everyday if I will be able to work as one because of this. When I am in class I feel nauseous with my intense feelings and realizing other people seem to be able to just move on.
@Cal760 after 20 years as a nurse, I had to stop. It was too much for me. I can't take care of people anymore and take care of myself. But I pray you will find a good spot between life and career. The hard part is also not taking it home with you. Best wishes for you!
@@secretsquirrelaimee7721 thank you so much! Exactly I cant imagine every evening my partner having to listen to my days heaviness. I believe we need to know when is our limit (I am often running over them) and what you did is actually an amazing really strong step, I hope I can see when is time to stop/quit for me.
@@Cal760Thank you for going into this field! We really need good intelligent people and their ideas! Just remember to always take good care of yourself too.💞
I became a pharmacist instead of following in my Mom's footsteps as nurse, as I had planned. As a 17 year old, I went to work with her on Christmas Eve and a man coded and passed away from a heart attack. I was devastated!! At lunch break, the other nurses were able to chat about it casually while eating. I was horrified!! Don't they care that a man just died?? I realized then that I didn't have the temperament to be a nurse or doctor, eventhough I knew I wanted to work in Healthcare. Even in pharmacy we have so many pts who pass away, but it's not as.bad as actually witnessing death and especially the grief of the families..
I feel too much…
I have a huge empathy towards animals
I have a lot of pets including Guinea pigs and a bunny which are prone to get sick a lot and vet visits have to be urgent in most cases
I have never experienced as much anxiety and sadness and feeling burned out before in my life
I emphasize to people but animals that what really gets me deep inside
Same.
I volunteer with a rabbit rescue and I know what you mean. Take care of yourself.
same...
Same
Same
It's extremely draining being an extreme empathetic person. I had to learn to pick and choose and it took YEARS but I'm finally there. It's less damaging on myself now. At some point you have to put your well being first.
💯
Yes!!! 🎉
That is something I tell myself every day to put myself first. It hasn't quite registered yet. Keep getting sidetracked or bogged down. But, I am persisting.
@@sunisbest1234 Boundaries 🙏🏻❤️💪🏼 “No.” Is a Complete Sentence. No explanation needed.
@sunisbest1234 keep at it. As long as you're aware then it'll become easier to pick and choose.
I have a high amount of empathy born to parents with little to no empathy. They've spent most of my life manipulating my empathy for their financial gain. It's a sick game.
People underestimate how devastating it is to be used by those that you have to trust for you very survival, to turn you into an ATM. The amount of money I gave my parents and siblings is insane. Now none of them speak to me because I shut the ATM down. I'll never understand how a parent or sibling can place a dollar value on your life and their love for you. It's like a very sick version of of prostitution. Here's my money and or labor mom or Dad. Pretend to love me, I'll take it and keep coming back for more. I love my daughter more Than life itself. I truly don't understand these people. I'm sorry you were treated that way.
How many watching this video, like myself actually cried at his story about the bug stomping?
Yup. I felt that hard
I wish I could cry. I get close. I swore off crying when I was 15. I haven't been able to get it back. I do wonder what kind of relief I might get if all those tears that have been held back were to flow. I'd probably lose twenty pounds.
Yean me too.. and I will gain everytime I think of it. Every life matters. The poor bug. I don't think his reaction as extreme but the other children freaking out and killing it, that to me, is extreme.
No. I wanted to fight. I wanted to fist fight a bunch of children. I hate being me.
My empathy is very extreme, especially when it comes to abused animals. I can’t even watch aspca commercials. I own as many animals as I can take care of financially so at least I feel like I’m helping.
On holidays I think of all the families that must be sad if they lost someone in the past year. In other words, if it’s their first holiday without their loved one. If I talk about it people think I dwell on the negative. I have an over abundance of empathy and compassion. It has certainly drained me through the years.
I certainly couldn't be a nurse and deal with terminally ill people. I would constantly be in tears. I marvel at people who can do this kind of job. If we do think too deeply we would end up in an asylum/mental institution. There is an enormous amount of unfairness in the world and trying to right that should be our goal.
My best friend is a pediatric nurse. I am in literal AWE of her. Those people are superheroes.
I’d be like you; a puddle of tears within minutes.
We learn to compartmentalize. I worked critical care for decades and dealt with death daily. It does take a toll on oneself. Literally leave a room where there’s been a death and then have to go and be supportive to the next person. The stress is difficult.
I foster and feed strays and had a burnout/trauma after an episode when I'd have to bury my wards on consecutive days. Now, seeing social media and YT posts that talk about animal violence or death trigger me so I had to put up a boundary. Empathy can be fatiguing - it took me years to acknowledge that. Thanks, Scott, for bringing this up
Yes! I totally identify with this! I care way too much and get taken advantage of constantly😵
I'm like this too and it makes life very difficult. I need a lot of quiet time away from people
It makes it difficult at work when I don’t want to spend time with coworkers, I want to go to my car and read or just sit. People usually think I’m just not nice but I it’s draining to be around others. I’ll take my books and pets any day over people.
It is bad enough that I feel like I need to rescue the world. What is worse is that even people who are generally good often will single me out for abuse and control. I no longer put up with it. I find that it is at this time I must be very vigilant because so many people will react with aggression and sometimes violence and then they project their behavior on to me. I have gotten good at removing myself or keeping a good distance from people when I have to tell them no. I just don't understand why we are considered other's property or punching bags.
Pathological empathy has ruined my life. And yes I'm a Vegan. The hell of this indifferent universe, coupled with the selfish human hell is just an ongoing hell management schedule. I'm very much aware of the things I can and cannot control, that's the only boundary that helps me.
I even often take on physical symptoms others have. I can watch something on media, people I don't even know, and be shut down all day. I agree with the steps you put forth to counteract the empathy.
What do you do, if you just don't function? Do I just wait until I die inmidst of all the junk and garbage in my apartement?
I feel like no matter what I do or try, nothing really works. Nothing is getting better.
I want to live this life so badly! I want to use this life, be a part of society, be healthy, be happy, be helpful ...
Not sit around uselessly all day ...
I can relate
I understand.
I know exactly what you mean. This may be very difficult, as it was for me to get started, but I go for a short walk, even just around the block, to get my heart rate up a bit, and it can really help lift my mood just getting a little bit of exercise.
Same here. Whatever i try to do, it fails at some point. One way or another. At least you are not alone in failing, if that helps in any way.
Start eating healthy and working out regularly. Don't stop no matter what. That should give you a head start. When you feel like giving up in face of difficulty - don't. Character building. Also, it's hard to be sad when you are tired. A lot of people have tons of energy stored in their body but don't use it and that makes them feel inadequate.
“Your brain never gets a break.” Yes.
I feel like I'm a sponge. I have higher levels of empathy. It bothers me when people argue. Hypertension is my problem.
I found mugwort tea seemed to help. But beware....it is strong with the force
I have found my emotional twin! It’s you. Never ever did I ever think I could or would find someone who could completely understand me and here you are. So great full I found you here.
When I was around 9 or 10 I was happily listening to the radio when the news came on. It was very long ago but it was about a war somewhere and people dying and depressing stuff like that. This hit me very hard. My view of the world was shattered. I developed some bad habits after this that I still struggle with today
I struggle to differentiate between showing empathy and Boundary setting.
Right at the moment, my biggest problem is that I can't make myself to go the grocery store and I have hardly any food left at home.
I can relate
DoorDash is a lifesaver!
Do you have anyone you could ask to go with you? I've had my mother going with me for about the past 6 months, and now it doesn't seem like such a chore anymore.
This happens to me when i have a toxic workplace, no friends and have anxious performance issue. I get at least a part of what you are saying. I have survived on dry bread for days and that too after being hungry to the point of just giving up and going groceries. Yeah that was tough. What you can try is just say hi and mumble small talk with people at groceries or just step out and say hi to a random person or two. Don't force but just pretend to yourself like you said hi without thinking anything. It might help you to open up a bit and might get you on a whim to go to groceries?
I can relate. Doesn't help you, but you are definitely not alone with this experience
At times my empathy can be a curse. I stay, what I call, inside my head a lot. I'm not sure how to explain it, other than a lot of my empathy deals with the past. My mom passed away less than two years ago and I was her caretaker for a few years. I often find myself thinking of her before she passed and how I could have made her life better. The same goes for my sister who suffered with ovarian cancer and passed away a few years ago. The pets I've had in life constantly fill my thoughts. I can still see my heart dog wagging his tail just before the vet put him to sleep. Sometimes I feel like I have so much grief to remember that it's hard trying to remember the good times. I realize I've got to work on the things you mentioned.
I relate to this comment a whole lot
That sounds like guilt. Which can make us feel like we should empathise.
Finally, someone who understands what my life is like every day. I’ve been trying to set some boundaries but have felt badly about doing so. Thank you for confirming that it is a necessary step. I will try some of your other tactics as well. I’m so grateful for your openness and your willingness to help us!
Here comes Dr Scott when I needed his help the most! 😅
Oh wow I had the same thing happen with a bug. I showed my classmates a water bug and they stepped on it. I was devastated that the attention I brought to this bug ended its existence 😭
Yes. It hurts when I see and hear people in pain. It’s absolutely debilitating.
God knew I needed this video today. I was just telling my husband I was having mental health struggles right now and this topic was the top one I was trying to explain.
Wonder if that's why I just suddenly got in to bird watching.
I just gave myself a two day UA-cam break as a boundary for myself (and will go back to it after this video) 🙃. I started watching lots of political videos because of the upcoming election in the US, I want to support the more empathetic party/ people who are speaking up against the craziness that's going on. But I noticed it gets too much for me quickly so now I'm limiting my exposure. Great tips, thank you! ❤️ Also, this world truly needs us more empathetic people! ✨
I think a video on boundaries would be a good idea if you feel up to it, Scott. The videos you post are much appreciated!
This is the defining problem of my entire life. I just give until I’m empty, crash and burn, and rinse/repeat until I’m just broken and then they are done with me and move on. I don’t think I’ll ever have anything else to give, or if I do, I don’t know that I will be able to trust enough to give it. Been taking advantage of so many times, even though it was willingly, has just hurt me too much.
Yes the world is broken and full of pain. Its quite rough time to live through. Hsp and empath here. Past 8 years have been difficult and aged me dramatically
I'm learning a lot with your videos.Thank you for everything you do!
Not just feeling what others are feeling but compromising your own personal wellbeing, development, growth, success etc. because you are afraid of hurting others in the process.
❤ Thank you for voicing it. I am that way and raising a daughter of I think even thinner-skin type. Very hard sometimes.
Yes. I look at the news, and I just can’t take it anymore. I wonder if there is any hope left, for humanity, for any of us. I struggle so much. I worry about today, tomorrow, generations from now.
I can’t even watch videos with disabled animals because I feel like crying because their lives are so hard. I cannot function
The answer is in waking up to who you are, and stop identifying as the legal fictional entity as printed on the birth certificate. That birth certificate is actually a security that is floated and cashed in on by governments and courts. What's you realize how the legal system works and it is all theater and not real same with governments, you begin to wake up and you realize that is not real and we have all been tricked into being a debtor. Once you realize government is supposed to be paying for everything in that legal entity they create and own and all our lives will change
I once had a life coach tell me I had a toxic level of selflessness. She was right.
Finally! Someone who gets it. Thank you.
I definitely identify with having extreme empathy. It has had a good and bad effect on my life. It’s not something I even realized I had until much later in life. For a long time I never understood how I could understand what people are feeling or going through even though I hadn’t gone through the same thing, not until I learned more about this subject. It can have a negative effect for sure though. I’m very very affected by any kind of abuse or harm to animals especially, or abuse to children or innocent people. It can put me into a very sad or depressed state of mind for a while. I’m partially grateful for having this “ability” but not when it makes me so sad. I also struggle with people taking advantage of my kindness due to my empathy,I know too well what it feels like when someone makes you feel bad so I go out of my way not to make someone else feel that way. Thank you for making this video. Everything you described made so much sense, and those are very good tips for helping to deal with this.
Good Day. I turned 72 this year. I've always had what I consider a normal level of empathy, over all. Now that I'm old, I seem to have a deeper & greater concern for All Life.
*The World is a difficult and cruel place.
*People are difficult and cruel. Not always, but through all history, Often.
*Nature is difficult and cruel.
In day to day life we overlook many things, just living our lives.
Religions Promis things that are unprovable and mostly "absurd fairy tails" that humans use to divert our attention to the fact that we All are Born Terminal. We will all die and we have no clue or proof what, if anything happens next.
"THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN"...
Yes, Empathy is good, can be difficult and can also be disabling, both mentally and physically. Lack of Empathy, yet "another human trait".
Thanks and Best Regards. Being Human IS Difficult
As someone about half your age, I'm going through a similar process as I get older. Now that I'm in my 30s, I no longer feel that false aura of invincibility a lot of 20 year olds have. Depictions of violence in media just make me sad now. I see death, and I just think of lost loved ones. I straight up can't watch a lot of popular shows because of how bleak and nhilistic a lot of them are. I feel like I'm becoming more empathetic in a world that increasingly wants me to be numb.
@@thelastremnantofevil Good Day. When I was growing up, pre-teans and teans, the worst thing on TV Every Evening was the War in Vietnam. I'm a USAF TAC Vietnam Veteran. Most of the media is intentionally depressing, biased (because of Money$$$) and intended to control the majority of people. Not so in the past, where Journalism was not all Sensationalism!! Yes! In our 20s We Were Invincible. We thought so anyway. Today, we are surrounded mostly by things, media, social media and people in general that appear numb. Maybe Empathy is something that grows in us as we age. More now than ever before. Atleast for me. It's good that someone cares, even if it's just me.
Peace, Happiness & Best Regards. We only control ourselves anyway.
@timmotel5804 thank you for your kind words and advice. Your message rings true, and I hope more people learn to turn off the TV. I lamented it in my earlier post, but making more time in my life to just slow down and enjoy the people in it has been a blessing. Thank you for your service. Vietnam was a hell of a thing to experience, and to come out kind on the other side is a mark of good character. I hope you have good days with many blessings.
@@thelastremnantofevil Peace, happiness and best regards to you. Thank You. I'm healthy and my life is good. Most of the time I'm happy & occasionally down or sad, as most people experience. Simple things become more important as you get older, or to me atleast. (I think that "atleast" should be one word). That's my 2 cents.
All of this. I have thought this my entire life.
I put my job on the line for two coworkers who were treated so poorly by our department manager. It was horrible to see her berate them in front of everyone. I wrote letters to human resources about this. I could not let it go. There was no reason for her cruelty. She could have handled her frustration in a much better way.
I really needed this, this morning! Thank you!! ❤
Self-Care is the antidote to this. It’s a constant balance process.
I always felt like my empathy causes me harm but I've never thought about it properly.
I can definitely identify with this type of life experience! So much I could say.😅 Thank you for reinforcing the coping recommendations for sure! They do work!
I remember something similar as a child and an insect was sacrificed. Never forget it.
I call my overwhelming empathy, a blessing and a curse. I wouldn't want to be any other way but, these days, it can be crushing. I'm fortunate enough that I live near a lake and walking trail. Getting outside definitely helps!
My overempathy led me to get a degree in social work and it absolutely exhausted my ability to enjoy it. I compulsively feel for and help others way too much no matter how utterly *exhausted* of people I am. My mind is so overactive that when I see pain, I feel it like it's happening to me too. Many call it a gift that ought be utilized, but for me, it's always been a curse. I grew up believing that everyone else was too selfish and twisted myself into a moral absolutist at a very young age-- everyone but me wasn't trying hard enough to care about each other, about the world. For someone who feels so much from others, it was both supremely isolating and incredibly infuriating.
Deference is my religion. I grew up being told to be like Jesus so I thought I had to take on everyone else's pain and I'm still struggling immensely to learn to be as selfish as everyone else is comfortable being. I was also raised to pretend that everything was fine no matter how much was wrong under the surface-- an example my parents always failed to lead. I'm slowly doing the work to untie all these knots, but the empathy is a big one that I have to be vigilant about.
Remember, there’s a difference between being selfish and self caring.
Thank you for this video!!! I cannot tell you how badly I needed it
I needed to hear this, especially today, thank you.
I'm so thankful that you did this video. I totally relate to your big bug story, and like you I have several of my own. I come alive at night after other people go to sleep....that seems to stop me from absorbing their emotions. I somewhat disagree with one point though....The least empathetic person I've ever known is not a failure. He is super successful. He made all life decisions logically and did not consider other people, allowing him to soar and become a multi-millionairre while still very young. He is very smart and also very handsome. Women threw themselves at him, despite his coldness. People called him "Mr. Spock" after the cold Vulcan in Star Trek. He now has everything people want, including a wife and kids. Sadly, imo, there are many people who will put up with anything to have high status. I saw at least 2 disorders that could be diagnosed, but he never got help, since people wanted what he offered at any cost and were willing to look the other way. A few very higher level jobs have more people on the psychopathic spectrum than the general population.
I know I am outlier here, but exercise tends to make things worse for me. I have to do it because of chronic pain, but I go to such a dark place that the rest of the day is really hard to get through. The more strenuous the exercise, the worse things get. My brain cannot let go of the injustices that surround us, and with physical activity it just morphs from helpless sadness to helpless rage. I used to go hiking for the nature-peace-and-quiet stuff but all the parks within easy driving distance are suburban, so you hear all the lawnmowers and weed trimmers and chainsaws that people love to use in the suburbs, not to mention the traffic noises and loud music. I'd just walk out of the woods feeling angrier than when I went in.
Same. Exercise makes me furious. If you try telling that to a therapist they will pretty much try to gaslight you out of it because it CAN'T be true. According to them.
I use 22 dB earplugs to combat the kind of problem you’re talking about. They work well for those kinds of sounds, as well as cutting out the background noise in a coffee shop or restaurant while still being able to have a conversation. 22 dB is perfect because, it cuts out enough sound so that I can relax, while not making me totally deaf. Maybe you could try that. At least it would help with the sound.
@@attheranch873 Thanks for the suggestion. In the past I always went for the earplugs that blocked the most dB, but then I read that total absence of sound can make your brain/ears even more sensitive to noise. I don't know whether that's true, but I have misophonia and I don't want to make the agony worse. So your suggestion of the 22 dB ones makes a lot of sense.
@@Hekatompedon it's true, I also have misophonia and earplugs made it worse
Excellent advice. Thank you.
I have often wondered if my empathy is a major source of my depressive struggles. As a child I aways cried whenever I saw a dead animal on the side of the road, etc. I still do..😢 I can't watch the news, or even certain commercials (ie,St Judes, animal rescue ads). I think it can be a real liability to be an empath. 😢 Empathy is both a strength and a weekness, I think. A double-edged sword.
All the 4 ways of regulating are really great ways. Just need to be empathetic to oneself to know when to apply which mode. Great stuff!
Your videos are eerily on point.
There is something about you bro. Thank you for your work.
Perfect timing for me. I'm just now realizing why I have few close friends, and loving the ones I do have feels so draining sometimes.
A very empathetic INFJ here. I have finally learned how to put up some defences. It has made a big difference.
INFJ here too❤
Struggle is real
I NFP and being a empath has such for me. I also have a hard time with a lot of stimulus. I can't deal will suffering.
Thank you for this video I have noticed nature helps sooo much very peaceful and love nature
My empathy has exploded, I’m completely shut down from none of my own emotions, a bunny passed away on my lawn yesterday and I cannot participate in life today.
In reality, most normal people have higher logical empathy, used to manipulate other into doing what they want. The low empathy people don't care about that and the high empathy people who are too naive get used by them.
I feel like people take advantage of my empathy and use me like a doormat to wipe their crap on and if they need help then they manipulate me into doing something to help... But if I need to talk or need help I'm on my own...
I didn’t think anything could be worse than experiencing others’ emotions during the pandemic but recently lost my friend, my dog & my mom in less than 2 months and grief sent my brain into overdrive & I swear it seemed to magnify my empathy. Periods of solitude became essential & crucial.
That is a lot to bear at one time. Grief is very draining and it’s very real and can be a rollercoaster of emotions. People and animals in our intimate circle are what are lives are built around and losing them can be devastating. It is a natural response to a stressful time and I feel many humans somehow get drawn into unhealthy societal expectations to paint a better and rosier picture - often to stop others from not being made uncomfortable. You do what you have to do to get the other side to cope- and unless it is extremely detrimental to your health and safety , especially in the longer run… allow people to be humans and grieve. Oppressing so many emotions and faking okayness I feel always catches up with the human psyche in one way or another, with ill health. None of us can escape losing loved souls but we can be kinder and understanding to ourselves and others in the process. I hope through your loss you get to encounter dogs out walking that love some interaction… they really are the caretakers of us humans at times.
I lost my Mom and my cat (who were my best friends) during the pandemic and it has been the most difficult time of my life too. I’m very sorry that you’ve been through this too.
I feel for you. Hope you're healing ok. I too lost my dog, parents, career and friend within a year, back to back losses are so tough. System altering. I'm still trying to work through it all. I feel so lost some days. I know we will get through this ❤
❤Exactly.❤
I understand. I lost my mom to cancer after years of caring for her, during all of that my dad had a brain stroke & has dementia so we had to put him in a nursing home after my mom passed, just a few months later I lost my grandma & 6 months later my grandpa. All while going thru a divorce as a stay at home mom of 3 kids for 16 years. Right after I moved alone, my dog who was my protector got ran over. My heart hurts.
I struggle to differentiate between showing empathy and Boundary setting.
I really let people hurt me because of this ...its quite draining for me ...
Its like i am not allowed to hurt them because i can see where they came from ...slowly they started to hurt me and i cant do anything 😢
I'm posting a before watching and after watching based on the title alone for your information. Based on the title, I'm assuming you're talking about people on the extreme margins of empathy levels. People like me who are hyper sensitive to all things all the time and have to avoid people and media and music and stimuli otherwise I will get overwhelmed and hurt myself and others trying to protect, trying to help, trying to decrease pain, trying trying trying trying trying trying until I burn out, get severly depressed and collapse into a a needy blubbery heap. And then you have my stoic husband. Who is the pinnacle of staying the course. Who is emotionally regulated despite living with me, three daughters, a stressful job, four cats, and near constant chaos. It disturbs all of us how much he is NOT disturbed by anything ever. He is rewarded by this behaviour and it does benefit the emotional balance of the household. However, none of us feel particularly close to him or included in his life. We are learning, however, that this is how he is. And just as he is learning not to shame us for our sensitivities, we are learning not to shame his for his "lack" of sensitiveness, and how we can best support one another when we need comfort or when he needs less comfort and more information.
Edited to Add: Now that I have watched the video, yes. Good video title! 🎉 my life is nonstop over the top defenses for people and animals. I chased a kid down an alley with a brick to his parents house. When his mom answered the door, I carefully set the brick down, and explained that if her sons ever looked at my kid brother again, I would vivisect them publicly. I was 7. The boy was 12. Imagine a malnourished redheaded second grader, much tinier than anyone else, usually cried at the drop of a hat, suddenly dead eyed and ready to fight not only you, your brothers, but your parents, the cops, and everyone. That was me.
Don't touch my kid brother. Don't hurt animals. I did what needed to get done by any means necessary. I was a scary kid. I learned to lock that viscous part of me away. Now I'm depressed half the year. How can a person be sensitive and cold blooded and vicious at the same time, all the time? Rage. Non stop despair and rage. It's all very confusing.
I'm sorry I'm using your comment section to write all of this down. My hope is that it is something that helps someone else by showing to their therapist as a screen shot? Maybe you can use me as an example of something? "This is what happens when x becomes y"
I hear you....
Thank you ♥️
In turn off my phone at the evening. a sigh always gets through the room and I realize that thes thoughts are always about the others 🤦🏼♀️😱🤯🤫😒
I grew up in a 'narcissistic' household. The choice is either to become extremely self centred and turn off empathy. Or become hyper attuned to every one else whilst forgetting yourself in the process. I chose the 'empath' route. But ultimately I ended up having a 'narcissistic' relationship with myself. I needed to be sacrificed for the benefit of my relationship with others. It's taken me a long time to improve my relationship with myself and regain trust with myself. I have in my younger year made many terrible decisions to sacrifice myself for the 'relationships' I was in. I'm learning boundaries step by step
thank you, this helps alot ❤
Thank you.
I found out that I have to limit how many personalities I follow online, because when something unfair or terrible happens to them I have to go to bed to soothe my stomach. It's very similar to a anxiety attack.
I find going in the ocean (bodyboarding) helps a lot. Shuts my mind up after a while 😁
Thank you so much for talking about this; and thank you to all of you in the comments. I was beginning to think I might be becoming a little crazy.
And re the tactics: yes these work very well. As soon as I feel better though, I get careless and then it all starts again.
I need more youtube videos like this instead of videos of people with adhd/authism explaining why they're better then everyone in the room
I am 81. I've been retired for 11 years from nursing. I get emotionally worn out around people. For a couple of years I worked with Wildlife Rescue and Rehab. I was way too sensitive with the animals. When going to rescue an animal, it broke my heart to see their situation and feel their fear and pain. I withdrew from people and stopped the wild life rescue. I have adopted 3 stray cats and put food and water outside for the feral cats and other critters. I just cannot cope with the world anymore.
You're doing a good thing by taking care of the cats. Don't be so hard on yourself. If everyone did even just these small acts of kindness, the world would be such a better place. Just do what you can. I tell myself the same thing and then, pray that God has a heaven for all the creatures that suffer needlessly.
It is disabling. I don't even like to go out anymore. I can feel people's angst and struggle at the grocery store. I no longer care to drive, without feeling others stress. Then to go through the city, seeing the homeless everywhere. Knowing there but for the grace of God, go I. I feel so much for them. I live in the very poor state of New Mexico, and see the struggle everywhere. I'd give anything for a home in nature, as it is so hard watching the accepted levels of child abuse and neglect today. The kids were much safer outside when I was a child than they are inside alone with the online predators. It is disabling. I pray each day for balance to be restored. We need the care back in the world.
❤ Excellent
Geez i feel you - that stomping on the bug story is horribly traumatic! You probably feel like it died because of you, even though it didnt ;(
Excellent video, can you do a longer breakdown of each recommendation. Options etc. I think you're right, its not talked about enough and its just getting more and more difficult to navigate this devastating world of incessant suffering. Especially of animals, Its so gut wrenching, its so hard to cope. All of it. Especially if you're not a religious person. There's no blind faith to attach to.
I love your content Scott and have greatly benefited from it. I thank you for what you do.
At the same time, I have to say something that contradicts you. It is a dangerous and inaccurate stereotype to say that people on the autism spectrum are lacking in empathy. I realize this is not the focal point of this video, but I have to say it regardless. I would advise you to look into this more and to seek out the perspectives of autistic people, who frequently report that they have so much empathy that it can be absolutely overwhelming. What is popularly referenced on this topic as well is the so-called "double empathy problem", which may be a useful jumping off point for you.
Again, I realize this is not the focal point of the video or of your work in general. However, as a mental health professional with a growing platform, you have a responsibility to educate yourself on this topic, if you are going to speak on it at all.
I realize this may sound overwhelmingly negative or chastising. I hope you can understand that is not my intention at all. I love what you do and I want to see you continue to grow as a content creator and to help as many people as you can - as you have already greatly helped me. Please take my words seriously, while understanding they come from a supportive and encouraging place.