S10 E15: My Biggest Challenge as a Homestead Mama Thus Far
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- Today I'm chatting with you about something that's consumed my life lately... a stage I'm going through that is my most challenging one to date. I've been feeling like the Lone Ranger in this category, and I'm sure I'm not, so please listen in and let me know if you commiserate with what I'm going through.
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I'm not a homesteader but I'm trying to become more food self-sufficient through gardening. I have four kids in their 20's (three out of college, one still in) and a 13 year old son I homeschool. I didn't even start to garden meaningfully until the lockdowns and it's because my kids activities stopped. Our kids lives were full and our need to get them places and watch their games etc. took over our lives. I was flabbergasted how much I was able to accomplish in the garden with soccer, lacrosse and track no longer dictating my schedule. Being selective is a great plan, as we define ourselves through our choices. Your kids are blessed to have the amazing opportunity to grow up on a homestead with loving parents. Any activities that they can't experience as kids, they can try as young adults if they're truly interested. I wish you luck!!!
Jill you are definite not alone in this struggle. I am 60 now and during my younger years this stage was the most challenging. I was the only one in the family who really had the desire to homestead. My husband was still working away from home. As my children reached teenhood our life exoded with outside activity. I remember telling the family we can't live an old fashioned homesteading life AND a modern lifestyle. We need to choose. We sold the farm since they continued to navigate towards a modern day life style. The sad reality for us who love homesteading is that there is only so many hours in a day. I literally became ill by trying to live two different worlds. Prayers for you. Totally can relate to your sour dough starter. My To Do list looked ok on paper but in real life was impossible. On our homestead we sold organic chicken and we had dairy cows, steer, sheep, rabbits draft horses and of course vegetable,fruit, berry gardens to care for. As the children reached their teen years between 4 h church and social activities we had to chose between having a normal modern life which is spent away from home or a homesteading life where you spend your time at home. We chose to sell the farm. Or should I THEY chose to. Now I live on 6 acres and found myself still wanting to homestead but as being older it still is demanding. Best advice is to remember life is a journey with many different seasons.
You are gonna LOVE IT when your oldest can drive. Our oldest just got their license, and it was like being given the gift of 1/10 of my life back... :)
Yes! I completely understand. My oldest turned 16 recently and having another person able to drive has been wonderful! To cope with the business I've had to let go of some things. Bread making is rare now and I buy it more than I make it. Cheese making isn't happening and extra milk goes to friends and chickens. This is a season too and I know it will not always be like this. I want my kids to be able to do things out of the house, but like you, we have to be selective.
I haven't caught all your pod casts but I so enjoy all I have seen. You have probably already done this, but if not this is how we seemed to manage the more to do list. We would sit down as a family and explain with or kids how we're trying to deal with certain situations and ask what their solutions would be? It blew our minds how they seemed to suggest things we hadn't thought of, and they always suggested what they could do to help. I'm a grandmother now and we still are such a team and I feel it was those very opportunities to work together that brought us together.
I fully understand. Hubby works in town 45 min away. My oldest of 4 started driving a month ago. It has been a lifesaver. She is going to be my taxi service this summer as I work full time from home.
Jill, thank you for sharing this podcast. My kids are grown now, but I wish I had them involved in 4-H when they were younger. I have property near Wheatland, and when we were there quite a few years ago, I took my kids to the county fair hoping to see the home made goods and animals that were displayed. Unfortunately, my kids complained that there weren't any rides or "fun" things for them there, so we didn't stay long. If they were involved in those things like 4-H or FFA at that time, I think they would have had a greater appreciation for them. Kudos to you for nurturing your kids in the way you have.
I was an adult before I found 4H. Our local clubs were looking for leaders. My husband helped our kids with Livestock. I was a very young mother, and this is how I learned some of my life skills. Cooking, Baking. Our Womens Institute offered these courses and that’s when I felt confident enough to Lead Clubs.
It’s a really busy time but so rewarding. Like you said, your lifestyle will morph in different interests. You will survive and our children, reflect on that time as shaping their future. They were offered so many opportunities because of 4H. So many employers told us that they look for resumes of Young adults who have been involved in Agriculture and 4H. It shows dedication, success and organization. Keep up the great work
I feel this so much right now! 🙋🏼♀️ You definitely are not alone. When my kids were toddlers and older moms would tell me that it doesn’t get easier, that it’s just a different kind of hard, I found that so discouraging so I try never to tell moms that! But it’s so true! We are in the same boat in so many ways. One thing that helps us get through these really crazy times is having our kids help, letting some things go, and taking breaks some seasons just to rest and catch up on our farm stuff, especially if we have a large project that needs to be done. And asking others for help sometimes! That’s okay too. Sounds like you are figuring it out and it’s nice to know we are persevering through this season together. 😊
As a military family kid, we moved every school year, so scouts and band and stuff just didn’t work for us. I didn’t know about 4-H growing up, but now wish I could join a local group. I could be there token grandma.
Your podcasts are very thoughtful and you articulate your experiences so well. I am not a homesteader with a young(ish) family but have raised children and am watching my grandchildren mature in our complex world. I appreciate your ideas and views and the way you seem to see things from a fairly broad perspective. I wish everyone could be so conscious of the choices they make in raising kids to be responsible and caring members of our own communities and beyond. The only area in which I would express some concern is that although I certainly understand the desire and value in homeschooling we have to remember that not everyone is either prepared, capable or in a situation to educate their own children and that there really are positives and value in public education for broader population.
Jill thank you so much for posting this one. We see a lot of homestead problem shooting videos, but they usually involve sourdough recipes or chicken coop construction. The piece of homesteading that is creating a life for the kids that it's not only beneficial, but they love, as they grow older is a big challenge. I can totally relate to your balancing act, I don't think there is an easy answer. But I appreciate you putting this in the foreground so we remember it! Accommodating the expanding world of growing children within homestead lifestyle is So important, being selective is key...
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you!
Once your eldest can drive that will be a huge game-changer. It’s hard being a mom-taxi until that happens!
Yes yes yes!! Now that we are in teen years and there’s so many activities I long for the days when they were little and we were home a lot more. It was definitely easier. It seemed easier to balance life and farm.
Also, when your involved in community or groups of people that like to make the plans and they’re not farmers or homesteaders they don’t understand. Sometimes I’m like, “don’t they understand that this is my canning/harvest season and I can’t do all the things too?!”
It does get a little easier once the kids are driving, but even then I’m still having to stop certain chores and projects to go to an activity or game or play. In my mind the whole time I’m gone I’m like “I’m missing out on valuable daylight”
But I have to remind myself that this is a season and what would I want to miss out on right now, valuable daylight or valuable memories with my kids?
We are huge supporters of 4-H! It has been around since 1902. It is so beneficial for kids. They can pursue a topic of interest and learn so much and in-depth. It also helps them learn to follow through from start to finish and do an interview. These are such valuable life skills.
No joke, my oldest is getting ready to graduate. These years have been exhausting. My youngest was an encore baby, and he’s only in 2nd grade. We are moving homesteads to another state, and I’m seriously considering nixing some of the activities (4H *cough*).
And people talk about how fabulous 4H is, but the way it is structured it directly interferes with agricultural activities. We have to put up hay every year right during the fair. The animals get sick. The dairy does go down in production. The garden needs attention…. You are not alone or unusual. I find this season extremely challenging, and I am not homesteading the way I want to.
Yay!!! We have gone deep into 4-H and taken sessional breaks from time to time. It’s definitely amazing for the family. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the seasons of parenthood.
Thank God that you are homeschooling your children. You are right to allow them to participate in extracurricular activities. You are right! I have 4 children, adults now, and I was not a homesteaders, but I had a garden and have always wanted to be more self sufficient. BUT rejoice that your children are not in public school forced to choose their pronouns, having their gender questioned by their teachers and taken to drag queen shows! A couple suggestions for you- Each child was allowed to choose ONE activity at a time. They could try it out, and if they wanted to try another one, there's always next season. The second thing is they all had to take 1 year of music lessons because their father's family were musicians and they needed to explore it. After 1 year, they could quit. They got to choose what instrument to play. 2 of them quit after 1 year and 2 of them became musicians! Be encouraged- you are doing a wonderful job as a parent for your precious children. You are prioritizing what's most important!
love the oracticality
and deep intensive thinking
go girl!
This season has been killer! You've really hit your stride.
Wow! You nailed it! I've been feeling this way for years, just so overwhelmed by homesteading and motherhood, two things I love dearly. But I think it's more than that. We are living like Ma Ingalls, yet still trying to be a part of the modern world. Milking the cow and making homemade bread along with going to work and doing activities in town. How do you make it all work without losing your mind? I don't know. But it is comforting to know I'm not the only frazzled homesteader out there. I think the simple truth is that we CAN'T do it all, and we have to accept that. We will not be able to physically take advantage of every opportunity available to us. I am so grateful to live this lifestyle, yet I'm realizing that in order to live this way, there will be sacrifices. Making the choices of what to do and what to cut out is the hard part.
Good morning from New England 😊
I hear you. I've thought many times that life would be so much simpler and less frantic if we never left the homestead but in reality, with 4 kids that's never going to happen. I hate the thought of wishing these years away but at the same time I too have been feeling tugged and torn about my lack of time to do 'all the things'.
My starter goes in the fridge so that when life gets crazy it doesnt go bad
Hoping to get started in 4H once we get moved next month.
Omg Jill YESSSS!! Kid activities suck my life away 😂 With my kids, I have learned to say no, I have learned to ask for help (swapping carpools, etc.) I have learned that we can't do EVERYTHING. If something REALLY matters to me, I lead it so I can control the schedule. I also had my oldest kids (all boys) do the same activities. Same sport, same church activities, and Boy Scouts. Makes me a crazy busy mama... but, this time isn't forever... the years go by quick. My oldest is grown and gone. My mom (when she was with us) and my hubby also stepped up with shuttling kids around and being involved, and that was super helpful.
Hahaha 😅 the sourdough starter story is fantastic 😂 I feel like I'm just not keeping up lately and I needed that. You're still awesome
I completely agree with nearly everything you had to say. I found the taxi can Mom she the hardest, too. I have city friends that drive even farther and liver. There are so many activities and so much pressure. As an intuitiveness Mom I had to take extra care to say noon where I could. I either j hard for my kids to have those outside Aguilera so my kids didn't think I held out standards alone. Every stage had it benefits and challenges. I've found my quietude takes intentional creation.
Hi Jill. I just ordered some music garlic bulbs and would like to know what type of onion you like best? I live in Northern Colorado, not too far from the Wyoming border. Pretty close to Chugwagon. :-) I think your plant choices would be quite similar to my own. Thanks. I really love your channel. I wish we lived on property, but we don't. So my yard is my homestead. :-)
Thank you for this, I am in the "activities with too much travel -Taxi Mom" trenches, and it IS ALL CONSUMING. Even with being selective, putting 4H and choir and extra activities on hold, even with only 2 of 4 kids in an activity. It is nonstop and we are never home. (and how can you menu plan anything???? besides sandwiches or drive thru. And sandwiches....I'm sorry, but they have those all week for lunch.) So I don't know what to do, I have to work, the house doesn't clean itself and the practices, games, music, homework etc must go on. I'm stressed, and overwhelmed, and burned out. And now I'm sick and can't go to work, and everyone else is sick or doing makeup homework or stressed too. So the stress gets worse and the colds won't go away. (The problems are compounding. It is times like this I really miss those weeks of lockdown and no schedule) Anyway, All this to say thank you for addressing this in this podcast, because I don't feel alone in the trenches now. Comisserating does help one to not feel hopeless in this season, and perhaps some ideas to ease the overwhelm will come from it. I need to get my feet under me and get a grip on this, and then be able to enjoy it. Because in a few short years I know I will miss having the kids around and the light they bring to my day.
How about some information on how new farmers or homesteader's get started again.
I totally get the being overwhelmed. I’d love to be more involved in the community. But with two special needs kids, the community has made it clear, they don’t want me. I don’t have the cute special kids. The ones in a wheelchair who are always happy. Mine look normal, but are in chaos inside all the time. And they will visit with me till my hard life encroaches on their life. So we stay home and don’t socialize much. I don’t have to worry about all the running around because they aren’t welcome.
Yes!!!!
♥️♥️♥️
Your extracurricular activities were important because you did them. If you didn’t do them, you wouldn’t have missed them. Your children need to learn how to survive in the adult world. Peers won’t help this. Be good, involved adults and they will become the same. Let them grow up in the safety and security of your home.
Can you help me get into a homestead please?