@@calebjohnson7617 Yes, it is the only way to face and to accept your dark sides. Which are totally fine, we all have sides we do not want to accept, but therapy makes you understand better them. I cry a lot when I talk to my therapist.
From a psychotherapist to you,.. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and being part of the destigmatization of such a valuable and important tool when it comes to personal growth and inner understanding!
Adella!! I've been loving your content recently. It's so hard to find critical, relatable content from a fellow sis in her late twenties. Thank you for opening up conversations that push us all to better understand ourselves and the world around us xx
Even if one doesn’t need to talk about one’s emotions, it can help. The lady whom I saw at age 19 really just gave me the parental advice which me parents were not equipped to give. Just basic “how to live” advice and tools for existence.
Therapy has made my life both more scary and complete. I'm so thankful for therapy and toward its normalization, as well as the growing normalization of talking about our feelings with loved ones. My family is not affectionate at all, and I am an affectionate person by nature, which left me hung dry when I struggled. Therapy and a dog/cat (I have both) has given me so much during covid.
Loved this. In therapy I also learnt that I resented my family 😳. That shocked me. And that I was jealous of my brother because he blew up his life every year and there seemed to be no consequences but if I'm late to arrive home - I would get it. And once he disappeared for 5 days. Lol it ate me up for years!!! And there I was with anxiety and he lives life to the fullest 😂
as someone who also suffers from anxiety, i resonated with so much of what was said. never even considered therapy until i watched this video, but hopefully it can help improve my quality of life as i enter my 20’s💓
One of my strongest friendships as a child involved multiple confrontations. While they were unpleasant, it was good that we were not afraid to get openly angry at each other. When you avoid confrontation your friendships are not as authentic and strong.
I signed up to get private therapy. I have to pay out of pocket and spend my savings for it but I hope it’s worth it. I tried NHS CBT and felt the same way you did. It was great but I wanted find the root cause, solve/come to peace with the cause and then learn how to cope with it. I’m also scared to change and be the “real me”, I haven’t been my true self with anyone not even my family 😳
*"Accepting the way I am and thinking: how do I make the most of me?"* Spot on! There are always things we want to work on, however, self acceptance is an important yet challenging part of that journey. It's been an ongoing process for me as well. Thank you for being so open and sharing about your experience with therapy. :)
And yes, I have anger too although I have snapped in public before even though I hate confrontation. Lastly, when I have the tightness in my chest, I go outside for fresh air and chill with my dogs and thereafter I feel a difference when I go back to the house. Thanks for the video, friend 🌹
I just finished my last session on May 25th, 2021 it has help me a lot and we should break the stigma in the black community about the theories behind it.
You've done a great job at analysing your sessions without going too much in on your personal details, I really liked that! If you can please do one more focusing on how childhood can affect one's future and what sort of questions should one ask themselves to see if they're attached to their childhood unconsciously and ways to move on from that.
Understand your wanting someone to relate for therapy, and your willingness to go with someone for hum your have tought will not e a good fit is great. To bee open mindet👍
wow I feel like one of the reasons I've never seriously considered therapy is because I don't feel like I have any baggage. I relate to you in the fact that my childhood was trauma free and I had a solid family. But if you were able to find new things about yourself despite having a normal upbringing, I'm wondering what aspects of myself I haven't tapped into yet 😳
I think you and me have the exact same struggles, honestly listening to you was like reliving my childhood and my anxiety struggles. I'll literally move to a different country to avoid confrontation lol (sadly no 100% made up! 😂)
Been to therapy twice. Absolutely recommend it if you want to get to know yourself better, not only where you could do better but also where you do shine and how to accept it all. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤🙏
Honestly, your voice is therapy (but I also happen to have been in "real" therapy since January). I was just talking with one of my friends doing his Masters in Psych the other day about his passion for emotion-based therapies or gestalt therapy as opposed to CBT. His gripe is that it is so popular because it is quick and can provide tangible results in a relatively short timeframe. Also my first therapist (years ago) was a black man (like me) that I chose because he was a pastor in his before life... and it was awful, I wrote off therapy for years- lol my current therapist is nothing like him.
@@AdellaAfadi yes it was very useful. The challenge now is to do the real work to be aware of these things and work on them regularly. It’s easy to forget and fall back on what you do when on autopilot. PS I also asked for a black woman and I got an older West Indian man and he was brilliant. ☺️
This Video was a BANGER,. Great job, I'm 17 and I also attended therapy, My therapist was a black woman (I'm a white guy) and she did an AMAZING job, would 100% recommend going to therapy, and I related to this video SO much, great job.
@@bluemoon32299 Maybe because Adella mentioned she at first wanted to see a black woman but ended up seeing a white man. I imagine it's a follow on from that point
@@bluemoon32299 Well, she said that she felt that she would feel more comfortable with a therapist that is a POC, which is understandable, but she ended up with a white, male therapist and loved him, similar to how I got my therapist, who is oppositely a POC and loved her. I wasn't really looking that deep into it, it was sort of unnecessary, sorry.
I was joking in most sentences in my previous comment btw(I like to be sarcastic) 😬. Seriously speaking though, I pray all brothaz & sistas are holistically healed from a multitude of issues via the gift, mercy and grace of God(salvation) & therapy. Jackie Hill Perry and Preston Perry both promot Jesus & Therapy.
CBP (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) was initially influenced by the saying of an ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus, "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of things..., When, therefore, we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved let us never impute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own views."
The way I stumbled across this video and therapy has been on my mind recently 😅 I’m 20 and at uni, I don’t want to carry unresolved issues into adulthood. This video really helped xxx
Its such a misconception that men aren't as emotional as women. Of course, women are more emotional for biological reasons such as hormones, but men are also very emotional; HUMANS are emotional. The things is that men are socialized differently and thus they show emotions in different ways. The concept of toxic masculinity includes the toxic/harmful ways men display their emotions due to how they are socialized to keep their emotions locked. Because of this, all of the pent up emotional distress that eventually implodes resulting in various forms of violence. This is just one of the negative effects that patriarchal ideology has on men.
you have a really thoughtful and gentle energy, thank you for sharing ❤️ I can definitely relate! I feel like so many of us feel this subconscious need to please others and prove ourselves
I enjoy your new content, very different from the old content & introspective. I haven’t been to “professional therapy”, it’s not as accessible in terms of choices as I’d like in my country & I had an experience with a counselor that just didn’t work. I have a stand-in parent who has helped point out perception, fear of confrontation & anger, they linked back to my childhood and I prayed about them b’se I just didn’t know how to overcome all these repressed memories & emotions that kept rushing back. Working through some of them & acknowledging that these are things I had shut out was long & somewhat hard (about 2 years now). Am in a better mental space, transitioning to wholesome thought patterns, lifestyle & career choices that reflect who I am & am taking small steps there & communicating boundaries as I go along. Ps: I also enjoyed your old content.
Na...But y u riding on da Mandem?? Bun emotionz doe, Man puts dem tings dere in an incinerator or Man goes Iceman or Mr Freeze on all dat!!! (Gully Creepa here) (Mi cyan 'ear no banging mi fren) Na, but 4 real though "Therapy" is a necessity(that rhymes).
People always assume that racial similarities are an indication of similar life experiences, culture and values. I have West African (Liberian) parents, born in North Africa (Morocco) , was raised in UK & Japan, I moved to the US for university. Well, the school instead of placing me with other foreign students, placed my with 5 Black American girls in a three bed room campus flat. It was a disaster, I was to first "African" any of them had ever met and I got into my first and last first fight. The other person was expelled. The next semester I was with flatmates from Egypt, Turkey, Japan, Nigeria and Spain. 30 years later, we are all still friends. There is a Black American saying I like, "skin folk is not always kinfolk". I am glad you were sent to the right therapist who happened to be another gender and race.
Wow, the stuff you realized about yourself through therapy. Same, girl, same. Didn’t realize I thought of myself in those same ways until you put them into words. I’m a little shook tbh. Had me sipping my tea and laughing alone. ☺️😬🙈🙈
😊this video is a special one in my heart. Everything you said I related to in a deep level. For me my anxiety went through the roof when I became a mom, and a back to back to back mom to my wonderful children, but as you might know that's a lot. And it is 24/7 365 days of a situation being a mom. Thank you for this, it is going in a new Playlist I will tittle, 'replay me often for mental peace' :) 😀
I'm pretty much 100% identical to you. Thanks for sharing! I'm 35 and realized these things earlier on in life without the chest pains first, but yea. Still the same personality traits as you. :)
let me tell you -- I related to every single word you said. I too grew up with a comfortable happy childhood. As an adult I have struggled with confrontation (not being my authentic self our of fear of confrontation) & work burn out from trying to give 200% to everything (perfectionism) . I truly appreciate this video and I feel seen!
I’m so happy I came across this video. I literally resonated with everything you said about your personality. For me, it’s a challenge because I feel like people run over and can easily manipulate me so I resent that part of my personality. I look up to my older sisters because somehow they can articulate their feelings to others and be okay with the outcome. I, on the other hand can not stand arguments, confrontation, or disagreements because of how the other person may react. My family sent me to therapy for my anxiety and they make me feel like I have to completely change that part of me, and so do I. Watching this video I know I can use therapy to aid me in making my life easier, but I don’t have to resent or change an essential part of my identity.
I see so much of me in this video. The anxiety, fear of perception and confrontation. Me. Enneagram 9, INFJ. I keep thinking that I need to see a therapist. I feel so seen, thank you for creating this 😭💜
Therapy, or Talking Therapy is something we all need and will benefit greatly from. I'm glad you questioned your pill pushing GP and got therapy first, as usually black/ethic women are not offered therapy and when on medication - over prescribed or prescribed higher doses than caucasian counterparts.
I paused your video to cal my HR because I have free access to mental health professionals and it’s a privilege I am going to take advantage of. Mental health matters and we should make time for it. Thanks for the reminder :)
Hey @Adella, I started therapy in May 2021. I had the urge to start years ago. Anxiety after my last round of treatment for a rare cancer finally made me sign up. So far I've realized I haven't been putting a name to my emotions.
In my country those things are taboo because alot people associate therapy etc with mental illnesses. I am not scared of it though just cant afford it has yet but later on definetly want to make therapy a important aspect of my life. I believe I have social anxiety disorder\social phobia base on how I was raised I saw the signs and at the time I didnt know what was wrong so I did a thorough reasearch and everything I have experienced led up to that conclusion . I know you shouldnt self diagnose but I am very self aware and therapy cant even help you if you dont have a level of awareness so technically I have done half the work already lol.
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you sharing that you were looking for the "right" person, but you were still open to who was recommended. I feel like that's similar to my current search situation
I love the idea of therapy and find talking therapies to be very beneficial but if I went, I just wouldn't even know what to talk about. I'd just be there trying to figure out what exactly it was I needed to say.
i have been in and out of therapy since i was 10 i am now 19 and it is very helpful and is needed esp at a young age, i think everyone should say yes to therapy when they have the opportunity
Therapy is great! it's where I learned I have trust issues. It's so crazy how many things we do that basically tell you your problem but we're blind to it because we just can't see it for ourselves.
OMG Adella have you looked into the Enneagram, you sound like an Enneagram 9 -Peacemaker. I am so glad you have managed to seek help and get to a place of self-awareness to kickstart development and growth; while exercising self-compassion in the process.
guess what, i was right When you put ks video,i said lets see how many subscribers you will gain from the video Offcourse you did raise valid points on your ks video.. I first said you were goin double your subscribers .you did.. Seven years you gained 35 to 40k You put ks video and two weeks later your gained 54k.. Thats the ks effect..as much as people hate his guts...one thing you cannot deny the dude is good for business... How many youtube chanels based only reacting his videos..soooo many You put anothr ks video and trust me you be at 100k..
I only had 2 sessions so far, nothing groundbreaking now (obviously). But, she has pointed some things out I didn’t really take seriously. It’s just tiring mentally because I am digging up all of these dark times I pushed in the back of my brain. She also said I may actually be diagnosed with Depression, specifically Dysthymia & I may need medication because I am showing the signs. But, I need to clearly see a doctor first. She’s a Black woman, so I am happy about that. I’m am 18 year old and a senior about to graduate high school in a week, anyone can do it. Don’t be afraid.❤️
i was watching this video and the whole time just thinking she has GOT to be an enneagram 9 and then you dropped it towards the end that you were. so i totally relate with everything you said in this video. i’m an enneagram 9w8 (just now discovering my wing and its weird lol). the part you said about being manipulative with no harmful intent is something i NEVER even thought about, but i’m absolutely 100% guilty of. ugh, thanks for shedding light on that. anyway, thank you for this video and your vulnerability, honesty, and openness. it came across my suggested and i finally had time to watch it and i was like like 👏🏾 YES 👏🏾 GIRL the entire video. will be checking out more of your content. God bless.
Wow. Thanks for sharing. I just discovered a lot about myself from listening to you. I always find it annoying being asked to refer back to my childhood ... but now it makes sense.
Holy crap your experiences with fear of confrontation and staying neutral as well as hidden anger are so similar to my own. I honestly didn’t know about most of my own behaviors until I was reading up on my personality type and I’m curious if you’re a type 9 enneagram (that’s what I am at least). Edit: Haha I didn’t wait long enough in the video! It’s lovely to meet another 9 :)
Hey Adella! I just wanted to leave a thank you note on this video, it was so helpful to me. :) I am actually very lucky and have been attending sessions with a black female therapist for several years now, but over the last few months I have felt in a "funk" with my therapy as I had started to wonder what the point of it was. I didn't feel like I was "fixing" anything. But your video has helped to kind of recentralise my focus, and help me to remember that the point isn't to "fix" but to become aware of, to find the root of, and to identify issues which are manifesting in your day to day. I am gonna use this video and come back to it every so often, to help me keep focused on this and continue to explore difficult things with my therapist until the mess that was my childhood makes some kind of sense haha. But yeah, really appreciate this content - thank you so much again Adella. Xx
Commenting for the algorithm and to say thank you. I've been putting off my follow up therapy appointment and cried myself to sleep last night from anxiety. I'm gonna see what I can do for myself.
When I tell you we are the same... wow. Watching this I was relating to EVERY SINGLE point, I'm even now changing my definition of confrontation cuz I was wrong as well lol. But when you said you were a 9 enneagram it all made sense, so am I! My brother is the one who showed me about it just like your sister. This was amazing I'm gonna find a therapist I hope they are as good as yours.
If you want to understand yourself even more study Socionics/MBTI. You will find that certain fears/anxieties are common for your personality type. You actually mentioned enneagram! I was wondering if you were an INFP.
Jumping motorcycles is great men's therapy. It'll put the fear on ya. Depends on how one defines 'therapy'. I like your show because you're nice, smart, and thoughtful.
Not to be "that person" but are you by any chance a Libra? No intended disrespect to your experiences/emotions they just also seem to embody that prototype a lot. That being said...I'm happy that therapy has helped you learn more about yourself!
did you have a father around? the confrontation thing you describe sounds like a typical experience of women who didn't have a positive father figure around...
I am do happy to have found your channel ! As someone who suffers from high functioning anxiety, I feel what you’re saying on a whole another level. Hopefully you feel better now and don’t forget to take it a task at a time , a day at a time ! Love from Canada ❤️
Mental health is critical for overall wellbeing. Therapy will vary from professional to professional (like with any field) based on their practicing model, personality, and lived experiences. Go in with an open mind, but make sure your therapist is a good fit for you. Take care of yourselves y'all. 💖
I loved this video. Thank you for sharing about this. Therapy is so helpful. For me, it was a little hard finding a therapist because in my country, it's not easily accesible but I was lucky to find one I could afford and I finally started therapy in 2020. The main revelation was that my 10 year marriage was actually an emotionally abusive one. The therapist helped me see it and encouraged me to start taking steps like standing up for myself, being assertive, etc. I had been push-over/doormat type that never stood up for herself. I am thankfully not in the relationship anymore. I live a much healthier life and I am so grateful I went to therapy. Sometimes, there are huge underlying issues causing difficulties, affecting our mental health but we lack the insight or validation to see it and therefore, work on it.
A channel for the ladies, good stuff …. I believe females need other feminine energy for not only themselves but for their hubbies, children, friends etc lol
Absolutely love this. I finally started therapy in January after contemplating it for over a decade 😬🙃. Very relatable and much needed as when I was looking for therapy videos, most were us based. Thank you ma’am 😇😃
@@AdellaAfadi It’s not the easiest experience, it often feels like I’m swimming in treacle but it’s very worth it. Healing the hurts of the past so I can have a better quality of life in my present and future.
The avoidance of confrontation thing, I always got that vibe from your vids , like browsing over some important stuff not going too in depth , to avoid confrontation in the comments lol . But I still like ur content . 🔥🔥 We all live n learn
Therapy helps but at the same time it can be so painful. Especially when they bring back repressed memories.
But in the end it’s something necessary for the full experience?
@@calebjohnson7617 Yes, it is the only way to face and to accept your dark sides. Which are totally fine, we all have sides we do not want to accept, but therapy makes you understand better them. I cry a lot when I talk to my therapist.
Yes definitely I cried in 8/10 sessions!
Better out than in. ☺️
It's important to address repressed memories .
From a psychotherapist to you,.. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and being part of the destigmatization of such a valuable and important tool when it comes to personal growth and inner understanding!
You're welcome! And thank you for doing what you do! xx
I hate confrontation... it brings anxiety. I feel like I just went through therapy through you.
Adella!! I've been loving your content recently. It's so hard to find critical, relatable content from a fellow sis in her late twenties. Thank you for opening up conversations that push us all to better understand ourselves and the world around us xx
Thanks so much Shope! Been loving your work too - as a young professional I relate so much! x
"في أرشيف طفولتنا يكمن الكثير مِمَّا يفسر ما نحن عليه اليوم."
Angry black woman, hmmmm.. I relate, I really relate with the "anger" and "People pleaser" part. This was a nice watch and Thank you.
Trust me... Upbringing is crucial!!!! I think me and you have the same thing and I'm at a point in my life where I need to find a therapist.
I hope you find one that helps xx
Even if one doesn’t need to talk about one’s emotions, it can help. The lady whom I saw at age 19 really just gave me the parental advice which me parents were not equipped to give. Just basic “how to live” advice and tools for existence.
SAME
Can we talk about the costs. It’s so expensive
Therapy has made my life both more scary and complete. I'm so thankful for therapy and toward its normalization, as well as the growing normalization of talking about our feelings with loved ones. My family is not affectionate at all, and I am an affectionate person by nature, which left me hung dry when I struggled. Therapy and a dog/cat (I have both) has given me so much during covid.
Loved this. In therapy I also learnt that I resented my family 😳. That shocked me. And that I was jealous of my brother because he blew up his life every year and there seemed to be no consequences but if I'm late to arrive home - I would get it. And once he disappeared for 5 days. Lol it ate me up for years!!! And there I was with anxiety and he lives life to the fullest 😂
Algorithm food 🥝❤️
😁
You're so beautiful! This hair colour suits you, this entire look, love it!😍😍
Thank you 🥰
as someone who also suffers from anxiety, i resonated with so much of what was said. never even considered therapy until i watched this video, but hopefully it can help improve my quality of life as i enter my 20’s💓
you are BEAUTIFUL
@@commandery3574 aw thank you!😭💞
If you’re in university, they often offer a few sessions for free!!!
@@nubianquirk oh really? i’ll have to look into that😊
One of my strongest friendships as a child involved multiple confrontations. While they were unpleasant, it was good that we were not afraid to get openly angry at each other. When you avoid confrontation your friendships are not as authentic and strong.
I signed up to get private therapy. I have to pay out of pocket and spend my savings for it but I hope it’s worth it. I tried NHS CBT and felt the same way you did. It was great but I wanted find the root cause, solve/come to peace with the cause and then learn how to cope with it.
I’m also scared to change and be the “real me”, I haven’t been my true self with anyone not even my family 😳
"After my first session, I said wow I love this man" 😂 that made me laugh for some reason
*"Accepting the way I am and thinking: how do I make the most of me?"* Spot on! There are always things we want to work on, however, self acceptance is an important yet challenging part of that journey. It's been an ongoing process for me as well. Thank you for being so open and sharing about your experience with therapy. :)
And yes, I have anger too although I have snapped in public before even though I hate confrontation.
Lastly, when I have the tightness in my chest, I go outside for fresh air and chill with my dogs and thereafter I feel a difference when I go back to the house. Thanks for the video, friend 🌹
I just finished my last session on May 25th, 2021 it has help me a lot and we should break the stigma in the black community about the theories behind it.
You've done a great job at analysing your sessions without going too much in on your personal details, I really liked that! If you can please do one more focusing on how childhood can affect one's future and what sort of questions should one ask themselves to see if they're attached to their childhood unconsciously and ways to move on from that.
The best decision I made in my 20s was going to Therapy. Learned so much about myself there. I would recommend too
Understand your wanting someone to relate for therapy, and your willingness to go with someone for hum your have tought will not e a good fit is great. To bee open mindet👍
i clicked so fast. your energy and insight are incredible!
Thank you so much 🥰
wow I feel like one of the reasons I've never seriously considered therapy is because I don't feel like I have any baggage. I relate to you in the fact that my childhood was trauma free and I had a solid family. But if you were able to find new things about yourself despite having a normal upbringing, I'm wondering what aspects of myself I haven't tapped into yet 😳
I think you and me have the exact same struggles, honestly listening to you was like reliving my childhood and my anxiety struggles. I'll literally move to a different country to avoid confrontation lol (sadly no 100% made up! 😂)
I feel like you’re describing me 😩😂. I’m really happy you gained a lot from therapy
Been to therapy twice. Absolutely recommend it if you want to get to know yourself better, not only where you could do better but also where you do shine and how to accept it all. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤🙏
Honestly, your voice is therapy (but I also happen to have been in "real" therapy since January). I was just talking with one of my friends doing his Masters in Psych the other day about his passion for emotion-based therapies or gestalt therapy as opposed to CBT. His gripe is that it is so popular because it is quick and can provide tangible results in a relatively short timeframe. Also my first therapist (years ago) was a black man (like me) that I chose because he was a pastor in his before life... and it was awful, I wrote off therapy for years- lol my current therapist is nothing like him.
I related so much to this 🥺Thank you for your vulnerability ❤️
I'm glad 🥰
I can totally relate. I have recently had 10 sessions of talk therapy through PMI from work. I had similar revelations.
Wow! Hope you found it useful too 🤎
@@AdellaAfadi yes it was very useful. The challenge now is to do the real work to be aware of these things and work on them regularly. It’s easy to forget and fall back on what you do when on autopilot. PS I also asked for a black woman and I got an older West Indian man and he was brilliant. ☺️
This Video was a BANGER,. Great job, I'm 17 and I also attended therapy, My therapist was a black woman (I'm a white guy) and she did an AMAZING job, would 100% recommend going to therapy, and I related to this video SO much, great job.
So glad to hear you found it useful!!
i’m so happy for you!!❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@bluemoon32299 Maybe because Adella mentioned she at first wanted to see a black woman but ended up seeing a white man. I imagine it's a follow on from that point
@@bluemoon32299 Well, she said that she felt that she would feel more comfortable with a therapist that is a POC, which is understandable, but she ended up with a white, male therapist and loved him, similar to how I got my therapist, who is oppositely a POC and loved her. I wasn't really looking that deep into it, it was sort of unnecessary, sorry.
It wasn’t unnecessary and no need to apologies I understood your comment x
I was joking in most sentences in my previous comment btw(I like to be sarcastic) 😬.
Seriously speaking though, I pray all brothaz & sistas are holistically healed from a multitude of issues via the gift, mercy and grace of God(salvation) & therapy.
Jackie Hill Perry and Preston Perry both promot Jesus & Therapy.
What is your personality type/ MBTI? I am wondering if you are an INFJ or INFP?That would give you further insight into your behavioral patterns.
Therapy is one of the most relaxing things on earth! Almost like an intellectual vacation😭.
True I felt so much lighter after every session!
CBP (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) was initially influenced by the saying of an ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus, "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of things..., When, therefore, we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved let us never impute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own views."
Bruh.. i need therapy 😭😭😭
I think we all do! 🤎
This video was very insightful and almost therapeutic. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing
The way I stumbled across this video and therapy has been on my mind recently 😅 I’m 20 and at uni, I don’t want to carry unresolved issues into adulthood. This video really helped xxx
Its such a misconception that men aren't as emotional as women. Of course, women are more emotional for biological reasons such as hormones, but men are also very emotional; HUMANS are emotional. The things is that men are socialized differently and thus they show emotions in different ways. The concept of toxic masculinity includes the toxic/harmful ways men display their emotions due to how they are socialized to keep their emotions locked. Because of this, all of the pent up emotional distress that eventually implodes resulting in various forms of violence. This is just one of the negative effects that patriarchal ideology has on men.
Ok haven’t watched a lot of the video just wanted to find out where you got your therapist from and cost please?
Hey love I explain in the video I was able to get it through my work insurance and also via NHS if you're in the UK x
you have a really thoughtful and gentle energy, thank you for sharing ❤️ I can definitely relate! I feel like so many of us feel this subconscious need to please others and prove ourselves
I enjoy your new content, very different from the old content & introspective.
I haven’t been to “professional therapy”, it’s not as accessible in terms of choices as I’d like in my country & I had an experience with a counselor that just didn’t work.
I have a stand-in parent who has helped point out perception, fear of confrontation & anger, they linked back to my childhood and I prayed about them b’se I just didn’t know how to overcome all these repressed memories & emotions that kept rushing back.
Working through some of them & acknowledging that these are things I had shut out was long & somewhat hard (about 2 years now).
Am in a better mental space, transitioning to wholesome thought patterns, lifestyle & career choices that reflect who I am & am taking small steps there & communicating boundaries as I go along.
Ps: I also enjoyed your old content.
Na...But y u riding on da Mandem??
Bun emotionz doe, Man puts dem tings dere in an incinerator or Man goes Iceman or Mr Freeze on all dat!!! (Gully Creepa here)
(Mi cyan 'ear no banging mi fren)
Na, but 4 real though "Therapy" is a necessity(that rhymes).
People always assume that racial similarities are an indication of similar life experiences, culture and values. I have West African (Liberian) parents, born in North Africa (Morocco) , was raised in UK & Japan, I moved to the US for university. Well, the school instead of placing me with other foreign students, placed my with 5 Black American girls in a three bed room campus flat. It was a disaster, I was to first "African" any of them had ever met and I got into my first and last first fight. The other person was expelled. The next semester I was with flatmates from Egypt, Turkey, Japan, Nigeria and Spain. 30 years later, we are all still friends. There is a Black American saying I like, "skin folk is not always kinfolk". I am glad you were sent to the right therapist who happened to be another gender and race.
Wow, the stuff you realized about yourself through therapy. Same, girl, same. Didn’t realize I thought of myself in those same ways until you put them into words. I’m a little shook tbh. Had me sipping my tea and laughing alone. ☺️😬🙈🙈
😊this video is a special one in my heart. Everything you said I related to in a deep level. For me my anxiety went through the roof when I became a mom, and a back to back to back mom to my wonderful children, but as you might know that's a lot. And it is 24/7 365 days of a situation being a mom.
Thank you for this, it is going in a new Playlist I will tittle, 'replay me often for mental peace' :) 😀
I'm pretty much 100% identical to you. Thanks for sharing! I'm 35 and realized these things earlier on in life without the chest pains first, but yea. Still the same personality traits as you. :)
let me tell you -- I related to every single word you said. I too grew up with a comfortable happy childhood. As an adult I have struggled with confrontation (not being my authentic self our of fear of confrontation) & work burn out from trying to give 200% to everything (perfectionism) . I truly appreciate this video and I feel seen!
I’m so happy I came across this video. I literally resonated with everything you said about your personality. For me, it’s a challenge because I feel like people run over and can easily manipulate me so I resent that part of my personality. I look up to my older sisters because somehow they can articulate their feelings to others and be okay with the outcome. I, on the other hand can not stand arguments, confrontation, or disagreements because of how the other person may react. My family sent me to therapy for my anxiety and they make me feel like I have to completely change that part of me, and so do I. Watching this video I know I can use therapy to aid me in making my life easier, but I don’t have to resent or change an essential part of my identity.
I see so much of me in this video. The anxiety, fear of perception and confrontation. Me.
Enneagram 9, INFJ. I keep thinking that I need to see a therapist. I feel so seen, thank you for creating this 😭💜
Therapy, or Talking Therapy is something we all need and will benefit greatly from. I'm glad you questioned your pill pushing GP and got therapy first, as usually black/ethic women are not offered therapy and when on medication - over prescribed or prescribed higher doses than caucasian counterparts.
I paused your video to cal my HR because I have free access to mental health professionals and it’s a privilege I am going to take advantage of. Mental health matters and we should make time for it. Thanks for the reminder :)
Adella... wow, this video really came at the right time. Thank you so much for uploading this. God bless you.
Please speak up !!, can barely hear you on 100 volume
I need therapy. So much stuff I need to unpack. Thank you for sharing
Hey @Adella,
I started therapy in May 2021. I had the urge to start years ago. Anxiety after my last round of treatment for a rare cancer finally made me sign up.
So far I've realized I haven't been putting a name to my emotions.
In my country those things are taboo because alot people associate therapy etc with mental illnesses. I am not scared of it though just cant afford it has yet but later on definetly want to make therapy a important aspect of my life. I believe I have social anxiety disorder\social phobia base on how I was raised I saw the signs and at the time I didnt know what was wrong so I did a thorough reasearch and everything I have experienced led up to that conclusion . I know you shouldnt self diagnose but I am very self aware and therapy cant even help you if you dont have a level of awareness so technically I have done half the work already lol.
This video definitely motivated me to get a new therapist bc mine is not helping me unpack like this. 🤌🏽
Sometimes it's best to convince yourself you don't care as much what someone thinks even though you do
Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you sharing that you were looking for the "right" person, but you were still open to who was recommended. I feel like that's similar to my current search situation
Therapy is for both man and women,
I love the idea of therapy and find talking therapies to be very beneficial but if I went, I just wouldn't even know what to talk about. I'd just be there trying to figure out what exactly it was I needed to say.
A good therapist will assess you to allow you to set goals for what you wish to work on.
I need a therapist of my colour any good recommendations please
i have been in and out of therapy since i was 10 i am now 19 and it is very helpful and is needed esp at a young age, i think everyone should say yes to therapy when they have the opportunity
Please do a part 2 , this was so insightful!
It's a shame she had to guide the doctors....
This was very familiar. You’re not alone. Thank you for your transparency. 🙏🏾😌
Goddamn!!!!! I so believe that these are some things that will also be brought up for me if I went to therapy
Dude, what the hell... Everything you are saying is me. I'm at the confrontation at this moment and I relate.
Crazy!! It's a process xx
I've learned so much about myself in therapy. Thank you for sharing your experience.
How do you even find a therapist? 😔😭
Therapy is great! it's where I learned I have trust issues. It's so crazy how many things we do that basically tell you your problem but we're blind to it because we just can't see it for ourselves.
i relate to the fear of confrontation and the anger issues
OMG Adella have you looked into the Enneagram, you sound like an Enneagram 9 -Peacemaker.
I am so glad you have managed to seek help and get to a place of self-awareness to kickstart development and growth; while exercising self-compassion in the process.
That’s exactly what I thought! Complete with the avoidance of confrontation and the hidden anger…bc that’s exactly how I am!
Half way in: I'm Adella and Adella is me 😭.
It s very hard not to like you.
guess what, i was right
When you put ks video,i said lets see how many subscribers you will gain from the video
Offcourse you did raise valid points on your ks video..
I first said you were goin double your subscribers .you did..
Seven years you gained 35 to 40k
You put ks video and two weeks later your gained 54k..
Thats the ks effect..as much as people hate his guts...one thing you cannot deny the dude is good for business...
How many youtube chanels based only reacting his videos..soooo many
You put anothr ks video and trust me you be at 100k..
I only had 2 sessions so far, nothing groundbreaking now (obviously). But, she has pointed some things out I didn’t really take seriously. It’s just tiring mentally because I am digging up all of these dark times I pushed in the back of my brain. She also said I may actually be diagnosed with Depression, specifically Dysthymia & I may need medication because I am showing the signs. But, I need to clearly see a doctor first. She’s a Black woman, so I am happy about that. I’m am 18 year old and a senior about to graduate high school in a week, anyone can do it. Don’t be afraid.❤️
Your personality is top notch.
i was watching this video and the whole time just thinking she has GOT to be an enneagram 9 and then you dropped it towards the end that you were. so i totally relate with everything you said in this video. i’m an enneagram 9w8 (just now discovering my wing and its weird lol). the part you said about being manipulative with no harmful intent is something i NEVER even thought about, but i’m absolutely 100% guilty of. ugh, thanks for shedding light on that. anyway, thank you for this video and your vulnerability, honesty, and openness. it came across my suggested and i finally had time to watch it and i was like like 👏🏾 YES 👏🏾 GIRL the entire video. will be checking out more of your content. God bless.
Wow. Thanks for sharing. I just discovered a lot about myself from listening to you. I always find it annoying being asked to refer back to my childhood ... but now it makes sense.
Holy crap your experiences with fear of confrontation and staying neutral as well as hidden anger are so similar to my own. I honestly didn’t know about most of my own behaviors until I was reading up on my personality type and I’m curious if you’re a type 9 enneagram (that’s what I am at least).
Edit: Haha I didn’t wait long enough in the video! It’s lovely to meet another 9 :)
Hey Adella! I just wanted to leave a thank you note on this video, it was so helpful to me. :)
I am actually very lucky and have been attending sessions with a black female therapist for several years now, but over the last few months I have felt in a "funk" with my therapy as I had started to wonder what the point of it was. I didn't feel like I was "fixing" anything. But your video has helped to kind of recentralise my focus, and help me to remember that the point isn't to "fix" but to become aware of, to find the root of, and to identify issues which are manifesting in your day to day.
I am gonna use this video and come back to it every so often, to help me keep focused on this and continue to explore difficult things with my therapist until the mess that was my childhood makes some kind of sense haha. But yeah, really appreciate this content - thank you so much again Adella. Xx
Commenting for the algorithm and to say thank you. I've been putting off my follow up therapy appointment and cried myself to sleep last night from anxiety. I'm gonna see what I can do for myself.
When I tell you we are the same... wow. Watching this I was relating to EVERY SINGLE point, I'm even now changing my definition of confrontation cuz I was wrong as well lol. But when you said you were a 9 enneagram it all made sense, so am I! My brother is the one who showed me about it just like your sister. This was amazing I'm gonna find a therapist I hope they are as good as yours.
If you want to understand yourself even more study Socionics/MBTI. You will find that certain fears/anxieties are common for your personality type. You actually mentioned enneagram! I was wondering if you were an INFP.
Jumping motorcycles is great men's therapy. It'll put the fear on ya.
Depends on how one defines 'therapy'.
I like your show because you're nice, smart, and thoughtful.
Not to be "that person" but are you by any chance a Libra? No intended disrespect to your experiences/emotions they just also seem to embody that prototype a lot. That being said...I'm happy that therapy has helped you learn more about yourself!
did you have a father around? the confrontation thing you describe sounds like a typical experience of women who didn't have a positive father figure around...
I am do happy to have found your channel ! As someone who suffers from high functioning anxiety, I feel what you’re saying on a whole another level. Hopefully you feel better now and don’t forget to take it a task at a time , a day at a time ! Love from Canada ❤️
Mental health is critical for overall wellbeing. Therapy will vary from professional to professional (like with any field) based on their practicing model, personality, and lived experiences. Go in with an open mind, but make sure your therapist is a good fit for you.
Take care of yourselves y'all. 💖
wooowww.... learnt so much. The perception of others, as well as, the last born issue.... i can so identify. thanks for sharing Adella.
I loved this video. Thank you for sharing about this. Therapy is so helpful.
For me, it was a little hard finding a therapist because in my country, it's not easily accesible but I was lucky to find one I could afford and I finally started therapy in 2020. The main revelation was that my 10 year marriage was actually an emotionally abusive one. The therapist helped me see it and encouraged me to start taking steps like standing up for myself, being assertive, etc. I had been push-over/doormat type that never stood up for herself. I am thankfully not in the relationship anymore. I live a much healthier life and I am so grateful I went to therapy.
Sometimes, there are huge underlying issues causing difficulties, affecting our mental health but we lack the insight or validation to see it and therefore, work on it.
A channel for the ladies, good stuff …. I believe females need other feminine energy for not only themselves but for their hubbies, children, friends etc lol
❤️
Absolutely love this. I finally started therapy in January after contemplating it for over a decade 😬🙃. Very relatable and much needed as when I was looking for therapy videos, most were us based. Thank you ma’am 😇😃
You're welcome! Glad you decided to start and i hope it's going well 🤎
@@AdellaAfadi It’s not the easiest experience, it often feels like I’m swimming in treacle but it’s very worth it. Healing the hurts of the past so I can have a better quality of life in my present and future.
Been in therapy since Nov 2019 and it helped me through quarantine. 100% recommend.
The avoidance of confrontation thing, I always got that vibe from your vids , like browsing over some important stuff not going too in depth , to avoid confrontation in the comments lol . But I still like ur content . 🔥🔥
We all live n learn
This came up as suggested video for me and I’m so glad I decided to watch it. I appreciate your transparency. Thank you for sharing💕
Adella, I am also a 9.... I can relate so much to what you shared. Now I need to go find me a therapist....😊