Its def like no other! They are robotic! No passion. No true intimacy. No connection. No eye contact. They don't moan or validate that they're enjoying it. It's all about them!! It's just an act for them! Lord I'm glad that's over.
So true 😂 reminds me of my ex who wld (pump) count up to 3 and pause than repeat, but I finally called him out on it and started counting aloud and said hey just like when you wank urself lol 1,2,3 wait 1,2,3 wait repeat 😂 r u trying to hold it back hehehe ... yup I'd had enough he can enjoy himself alone the connection was gone
My female ex narcissist dumped me on April 4. She has ghosted me since April 20 after a tirade on the telephone because I left her two bouquets of roses and cut fruit and Japanese make up and all kinds of other gifts and her friend saw it and realized that somebody loves her, and she didn’t want her to know about me. I returned no contact for 72 days and I guess she realized it and sent me a text. “is this Robbie? “… I responded by inviting her to coffee and telling her happy was that she reached out to me and she said I can’t have coffee, I was just interested in your health. But that was a lie because I had had heart surgery and she never asked me how I did how my heart is etc. at the end of March when I had it. She ghosted me until today. Do you think it’s permanent or will she be back ? I still love her… I know I’m crazy, but I can’t help remembering the good things aside from the lies and the confusion she caused by telling me that I’m imagining things that happened which I know actually happened and things that didn’t happen telling me actually happened and I came to believe them…anyway I would love youresponse. Anyway I would love you response. By the way, I did not cry at my mother’s funeral. I did not cry at my father‘s funeral last year but I loved both of them. I often feel as if I am an observer and hear my own voice as if I’m in a play. I do cry for people sometimes sad situations but when I help people it does feel fake if the whole world is watching me and I have to be a good boy and do it. I don’t know if I’m a narcissist? Anyway, please reply to me if you have a minute or two. Thank you. By the way, she was always asking me for space. I spent all my money on her for jewelry $6500 and bought dresses and everything else and she told me I don’t need your objects I just want my space give me my space! and when I got upset and said OK then give them back. She said if you take back anything will have no relationship so she stayed one more month and dumped me. She’s had nine months of space never contacted me. She saw me for one day in March the rest of the time she disappeared. She saw me for one day in November the rest of the time she disappeared. She saw me a couple of days in February and a few days in January so she had plenty of space I don’t know what the space was all about, but I was tortured because it started off so loving and so close and then little by little she withdrew and I was craving her emotionally and on an oxytocin level I’m sure. The very first time that I made love with her she said to me wow you’re amazing you are really amazing! But you never moaned or gave me eye contact either when we made love and yet she told me when I would ask her are you enjoying do you like it? She would say yes yes! After we make love, I would gaze into her eyes for the longest time because they are beautiful eyes. She was very robotic in a lot of ways, but I took it as shyness, because there was no aggressive move she would always say can I touch yours… anyway I’m still waiting for her. Today is day 61 of no contact which I re-initiated after having left her more gifts by her car and having been rejected by having the manager in the Director of the gym that she was in where I left the flowers by her car, tell me to leave the parking lot they’ll call the police. I wanted to do was be generous and loving to her. I didn’t get a thank you, no nothing. So here I am still waiting… I must be crazy huh? I guess it’s the bond isn’t it? The last day she saw me she she said I just want to be a mom. I just want to raise my two kids. I told you already are a mom. She had told me her husband was terrible, and that he had gone on an overseas trip with two women. I believed her at the time, but recently I found his photo online and I don’t think he could get anyone to go on an overseas trip with him and he doesn’t look like the type that would if there is such a type. I believed that’s the reason she was seeing me behind his back because he was so terrible, but I sent by looking at his picture that he looks like a warm and lovable guy and that may be the reason she needed space all the time is because I hope it’s not true, that she was with somebody else besides me… I hope not even though it doesn’t matter anymore except that I want her back. I don’t know how I would find your reply so you can contact me on Instagram stargazer 10000 Thank you! PS in an afterthought I want to say that one time when I was making love with her I mean I was inside of her thrusting passionately and all of a sudden she set up and said, what is your question what is your question??!! I was feeling very dreamy and shocked at the same time. I said I don’t have a question and she repeated to me. What is your question? What do you want to ask me? What is your question? She shouted!? Another time when I was making love with her She started lecturing me how she has no desire and no interest in sex except sometimes, and she doesn’t care about hugging, kissing, touching or lovemaking, except sometimes… One time she was touching me, and I was excited and then she stopped and said I’m bored. I’m going to take a shower. And she left me like that. My feelings didn’t seem to matter at all. I didn’t want to be selfish so I try to understand that she has some issue and I was tender with her. I was always tender and compassionate but somehow the day I came back from surgery the second time, I gave her two bouquets of roses, some Shiseido Japanese make up That she wanted, she then smiled from ear to ear, and while smiling, she said thank you and now I want to end this relationship! And that is where my hell began! April 4 2023.
Mine did moan and stared into my face, sometimes he would look away, sometimes he would kiss sometimes he wouldn't, but I never felt a connection with him sexually. But it was great. The only part of the whole relationship I loved
The intimacy went from 100 to zero. I thought it was me, then she talked about all her amazing experiences in the past with previous flings. After I realised she was seeing others during our relationship so I walked and never looked back
My female narcissist enjoyed it gennualy she did everything i wanted even things never done b4. In fact sex is the only thing she's never complained about or used against.
Being in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic man is like being in a relationship with s stranger, even worse, with an enemy. Until I was educated on narcissism, I felt I was in a constant confusion. After I was informed on natcissism ,it all made sense. I lost my identity with thst person , couldn' t tell the true from the fake. When I returned to my old self and found my self-esteem, no wonder why he left me for good Endless hooverings while I was.trapped. No hoovering when I found my strength.
TRUTH! It went from amazing to almost robotic.. I made a joke that I should start charging him because it felt almost transactional. Creepy weird and incredibly sad. I dumped him soon after.
What. you got incredibly sad? I had a whole week where I was really sad almost like someone died when she went away and ghosted me I couldn't put my finger on what it was about. I thought it was just I was in love with her and it brought up memories from the past about rejection thinking that I couldn't be with her cuz she was already in a relationship. Like I psychically took on her pain and I wasn't even physical with her imagine how bad it could have been if I didn't catch this!!
@@aldobottle937 We all have our own experiences with those monsters. Yes it’s incredibly sad to be discarded, it’s also incredibly sad when you start a relationship with someone and it starts off “well” then it deteriorates because we are dealing with damaged goods and you realize your efforts were for nothing, incredibly SAD!
Yea but the imprint disappears once you realize what they are doing….then it feels like you were sleeping with a sick perverted nympho and you get super happy that they are not around anymore. Sadly and honestly not much difference between these narcissists and prostitutes. No contact for a year and you will realize how discussing every inch of their body is. Smile and move on.
They perceive intimacy as a form of ownership. They use intimacy to establish ownership of the person then once established they feel safe to go about their business sometimes behaving as if the other person doesn’t exist until they are ready again.
What I found interesting but not surprising was he didn't like to wear protection. You have to imagine how many people they're running at the same time 🤢
I felt the same way about her. She didn’t like the idea of protection. That was a major red flag + I’m a germophobe. I never got intimate with her thankfully. 🤢
I didn't sleep with her and I can feel the scars she left on my Soul !!! 💔 Brutal Betrayal Treacherous female Heartbreaking Anguish Soul Shattering Sorrow Don't absorb the negativity !!!!
They cant n wont bond. They have their guards up 100 percent of the time because they already know they dont hv what it takes to maintain a relationship n it will end just like all the rest of the relationship. They get in to get what they can get quickly n they check out quickly if theres nothing left to get.
Been there, its so mad its hard to explain, its almost like they put on a show after that love bombing stage. the sex is a Act and you see it, I laughed at one stage it was so bad, I literally had a show put on, I no longer enjoyed it and that was the final thing that helped me to start pulling back, I had to play real clever, I realised if I asked for sex the Narc would withhold, so I just kept wanting it which meant I would never get it, that helped me detach. the Narc had no idea what I was doing it was reverse sociology and it worked, I got 3 months of no intimacy and now all I had to do was stop talking , that was how I broke free, I stopped answering calls and then I was getting messages saying how they loved me and what they where going through without me, how could I abandon them I finally felt free great in fact, and I never looked back of course I received hundreds more calls, but then it stopped then I started to live again and haven't looked back since, FREEDOM!!!.
Yup, the first month was crazy intense and uninhibited in all ways. The she started the plausible deniability for "not tonight". Then came blame shifting, gaslighting, victimhood. Of course yes, later I learned there were many other irons in her fire, any chance she got...or should I say, any chance she created. Im free of her and growing leaps and bounds
This is so true. My narc wife withheld sex all the time, and when it did happen it was always 100% on her terms. She clearly hated me initiating, but gaslighted me by telling me she wanted me to initiate. On some occasions she told me afterwards that I had made her feel "violated", even though I was always very caring and thoughtful. Like many narcs she was sexually abused by a family member in childhood (at least she told me so) and I feel like she turned me into her abuser. I don't know how I will get any sexual confidence back. She really has left a huge sexual imprint on me.
I had a short lived relationship with what over 200 people told me was a covert narcissist. I did not know that is what he was until after the fact. He came on strong and love bombed, mirrored and future faked the living crap out of me saying how he never felt this way ever and I was his soulmate, etc. He came on strong with sex and we were having it everyday. One time it took me longer than usual to do my thing and he got all in his head. Next day he tells me we cant have sex everyday and it is only going to be twice a week from now on. It felt so controlling like I had no say. I felt rejected and got quiet and was trying to process what was happening. Next thing I know I am abruptly discarded and immediately he is going somewhere everyday and within a couple of months he was bringing the new supply to his house....sadly he is my neighbor who lives across the street. This whole experience was the biggest mind f*ck of my life.
It’s all about control for them. Mine kept saying he had sexual trauma that affected his wanting to do certain (not weird) things that other men would LOVE to do. I walked on eggshells the entire time. At the end he denied the trauma. Go figure!
Yup, even if you have that fabulous sex life in the beginning, if there is a hiccup with sex one time they trip out. There‘s no way to talk about it bc they will just think about their own past traumas that they never dealt with or grown perspective on and tie it to you now. They can‘t even hear what you‘re saying. Even if you‘re kind and the hiccup is from your own sad traumatic experience that you actually have perspective on and can clearly explain there is no growth or connection from it. Things a normal person would give you a hug for and say I‘m sorry that happened, yeah, let‘s try xyz or you can lead and tell me when you might need to stop. Things a normal person would have empathy for and even just having the empathy and understanding would solve half the problem. Things that working through would actually strengthen the connection, trust, and sex. Instead it becomes about THEIR world falling apart and they don‘t know what to do. Their sexual experience is experiencing how you are experiencing them. And they use your body to work their emotions, pent up issues, connection to self, and need for validation that they never got on. Once the love bombing stops they are still waiting for you to mirror them and it is the most confusing sexual experience. They are waiting for you to show them themselves and fix all the times someone in the past didn‘t. Mine couldn’t generate fun at all, they are waiting for you to do it and carry it. He was very rigid in what he would and would not do. If you said you liked something he would change it and never do it again. It just felt really heavy and blank and same/kind of boring after the love bombing stopped. Where as before, the connection was great, until there was a hiccup. And then the hiccup just spun him out into his own traumas and then he would forget that it even happened. Like blocked it out and slowly withdrew from sex not wanting to cause any pain or god forbid talk about and come to an understanding of something that had happened to him and me in our pasts and grow from it. It was odd. I would‘ve handled it differently looking back. I would now recognize it as a trauma response on his end now. But not sure it wouldve made a difference overall. I am not a therapist equipped to guide someone through that if they don‘t even know that they are doing it. I can‘t process his emotions for him and deal with my own too. It‘s too much. And that makes people really get outside of themselves and creates codependency, that thinking and processing and trying to understand someone else‘s own unawareness in the hopes that you might be able to adjust yourself and how you talk and what you say so that they might actually understand you. All. The. Time. It‘s too much. They‘ve gotta take their blinders off. They were able to do it in the beginning to create the connection. When that high dies and you‘re just a regular person, they just stop. They‘re not getting enough energy from you to fill them up to effort anymore.
Thanks so much for explaining to me what i wanted to know for years. This video has been very eye opening. In a sort of way I feel very sad for the narcissist. They are so detached from themselves (Hence the inability to feel empathy) that they are unable to feel real intimacy. I was involved with a woman for about 6 months and during this 6 months it was literally a roller coaster. She said that she loved me, and was interested but could never ever initiate intimacy. When ever I told her that i loved her she would say "same", I found it to be cute not knowing that in a sort of way, she was actually speaking the truth. She couldn't feel real love. (That's so sad) I tried my best so show her what real love is, but she only "Future Faked" me, gas lighted in some instance, and then there would be these periods of disconnect where she was stone cold, and I was like a puppy dog behind her trying to get her to tell me whats wrong. Flowers, gifts, money, expensive dates, didn't work at all. When the disrespect, and raging outburst started, I just left the so called relationship. It was so draining, but now i understand why. Thanks so much. I still feel hurt but at least now I have the answers I wanted.
I was with a covert narc for 4 years, in the beginning it was exciting and wild. But over time it became empty, he had no trouble performing. He admitted he has a sex problem and he wasn't joking. It would go on for an hour or longer...every night. I started making excuses and if I stayed away for longer than two nights, I would get told that I must be careful cause I will lose him. I kept thinking there is something wrong with me, he 'wanted' me so much, but I didn't feel the same. It was all about his pleasure and what he wanted. At the end I couldn't stand him touching me and thought it was my fault...I know better now😠
Something similar here. Always(!) she was the one who initiated, and I always thought something is off, but i couldn't tell what. She thought her "performance" was godlike in reality it was below average. After a couple of weaks I started to experience erection problems. I never ever had any sexual related problems with my life but her. Now I know that she raped my body just as my soul. I couldn't imagine that this is even possible. But it is by only interedted in her own pleasure or the delusion that she's a great lover. I thought something is wrong with me, maybe I'm too tired, stress, problems cause that, etc. It was a horrible experience.
I feel embarrassed of falling in love with monsters I can't believe I gave it all to this type of pretty monsters but I learned and that's one thing I will take with me for the rest of my life.
My daughter's mother would in the morning say to me, " I know someone who feels like sex tonight. " Then she would remind me of this in various ways throughout the day. Then bedtime she was " feeling sick." With that she would roll over and go to sleep.
@Paddy H It's taken me 20yrs to put it behind me. Pleased to say I'm actually ready to move forward and have another attempt at love. This is scary and exciting at the same time. Best revenge is moving on and rising above her. Knocked down 7 times, get up 8.
Best of luck to you Stephen, I really liked ' knocked down 7 times and got up 8' and yes the best revenge is to lead a better life, leaving them behind to wallow in their self inflicted pile of 5hit
That's exactly what happened to me, first amazing intimacy, then he blamed me for not turning him on, cheated, and recently withheld sex completely. He is 9 years younger so I felt so bad about myself, now I see that I have no really should be with somebody so young cos it all was an illusion. Young guys probably would see me as a experienced round
So so true Anoushka. This happened to me. Now I understand. Thankyou so much. This helps me a lot. The whole relationship was hell. She just used me up totally to feed her sick view of the world😢
When we first met we were having sex every single day and it was amazing. Over the years together she wanted sex when she wanted sex whether I was in the mood or not. She made it feel like sex was a job and not for love.
Absolutely the same with me Paul. She would abuse me for a few hours without apology and then at bedtime expect me to be up for it! Towards the end it was me always going down on her and when it was my 'turn' it was 'hurry up and get on with it' ....hardly romantic and a loving connection. She is a robotic monster.
Mine is so much different than this, and maybe it’s cause she’s not really a full blown narcissist, but she definitely has the attachment disorder. The connection we had was amazing. .Ours didn’t start intense and wane. It started good, and kept getting better and better and better, and she had never experienced this level of passion. I know people can lie, but this is the one thing she’d never deny. Even if she was discarding, or away from me. She would say things like we are so different in many ways but one. Through all her devalue and discards, this was a constant… Never denied, and often what I think drew her back. She did on again, off again a few times with me and her ex-husband. He made more money than me and made her feel more secure, like if her real estate career was slow, he had her covered. She had a lot of bills , as she’d gotten accustomed to a certain lifestyle, even though we both had humble beginnings. I was the affection/ passion/ sex connection… He was the security supply.. I think she loved me as much as a narc can, but ultimately as we know, they don’t love like we do. As soon as something is not perfect, your feelings don’t matter. Only hers.. super super emotionally driven girl..After remarrying him at one point, she divorced him again, and came back to me. Real estate collapsed, and I got discarded as I didn’t make her feel secure. Thing is, if she hadn’t discarded me so much before, and basically created her current woes, I probably would have worked overtime to help her, etc. But it’s happened so much, I just wasn’t willing to put myself at financial risk for someone who I know may walk out any moment, so that’s how it ended..So much for her soul mate..
I feel like I wrote this on one of those nights at 3AM... All in the past now. Everyone has a tipping point where there is no longer enough will there...
Everything you describe, sounds like a full blown narcissist. Not every narcissists does the love bombing in the beginning through grand gestures etc...Dr. Ramani has a video on this, about their different ways of love bombing you. So the fact that it wasn't a whirlwind romance in the beginning, doesn't mean its not a narcissist. I've litterally had a narcissists say the same thing to me ' he had never felt such a passion before, ever in his life'....then when I found out he was a narcissist, I found many people online to whom their narcissist had said this exact same thing. It's supposed to make you feel " special" and that's a part of the love bombing. It can come in many different ways, such as " I trust no one, but I trust you"....again, It's al about creating this ' special' bond between you. Who doesn't want to hear your special in some way, or better than all of their exes. The thing is...they'll say this to their next supply as well. No one who's not a narcissist will constantly devalue and discard someone...and run back to their much richer ex... and hoover...and...repeat this cycle over and over and over. That is not normal behaviour from people who have empathy! Only narcissist can devalue and discard you constantly...
@@emilykathleenn Yes, unfortunately that’s mostly true. Thing is, at this point, I’m living somewhere else, so i have my expenses there. We used to live together, and we’re engaged. She kicked me out to go marry him. She was miserable within months, and wanted me. They had no real connection. She was tormented. We literally would make love for hours. I had a lot of relationships before and was married for years. That kind of connection is EXTREMELY rare. She would tell me she would replay it in her head and cry. So had she not pulled that stunt, I’d still be there, and I’d have worked overtime or whatever I needed. But she cost me much money me moving in and out more than once. I finally got out of debt . Debt nowadays is 20% interest, so I wasn’t going there again with no real commitment. So again, a narc not owning what they did. The whole crappy scenario was her own making. We were at the beginnings of her telling her family we were seeing each other again. I had been a secret after she split from her husband, as she didn’t want to look crazy to her family. So Hadn’t gotten to where we lived together or married. I even warned her when she was getting ready to leave him( we were talking) , that she shouldn’t be buying all this new stuff. That I couldn’t pay for all of it if they split. She’s a go getter and balked at me. Well what happened? She went from making 16 k per house she’d sell to Zero. She went to see her family out of state, came back, and the discard was on.. If she had given ME some security, I’d have done anything for her. I love hard. I bought a new car for a toy I’d waited 20 years to get. I’d have sold it immediately, etc. I even told her this. Didn’t matter. I didn’t act right out of the box was all she saw.. it’s a bridge too far for her to see that I’m taking a huge risk with her being so unstable, but yet in the end I still volunteered to step up. Totally reasonable of me. Not her. She sees a flaw. I’m not God like in willing to be potentially be screwed again. She is only capable of seeing how she feels. She can’t process why I might hesitate. I think of the song lying eyes by the Eagles regarding security. My woman was married to a man she didn’t want to touch much like that song. She liked to work, but never needed to. She had that security. She was utterly empty inside. If she’s willing to trade that, she will end up in a hospital bed when she’s old with tears in her eyes, because when your dying, you don’t think of your nice things. You think of people and connections. It’s honestly sad, as I never loved anyone so completely in all my life. She is petite and beautiful. Men are drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She knows moving on is easy.. Too easy.. But it’s doubtful she’ll ever replace what we had.
Spot on about this topic . Thanks for the videos. Narcissist are always on hunt for new supply. I divorced my ex narc because I found out she was cheating with her best friend a married man. This it was very hard to accept because I know her friend and his family. But now divorced and I don’t give her anymore my time I use grey rock method so far it worked. About intimacy with ex narc they use as tool to punish you I think she used very well but once you find out the game . The game is over for them . The best advice for everyone is work on yourself believe me it works very well the narcissist people don’t like at all.
The love bomb my ex used on me was loke nothing I've experienced in my life. She was like a Succubus I was in conplete ectasy then in ended in total destruction. The feeling of total abandonment was crushing. Never again these Covert Narcissists have hearts of darkness.
There were times I was actually 'inside' her and she would stop the proceedings to get me to agree to do x, y or z. I mean how much more blatant could it be??
If she's truly a narcissist...then unfortunately there never was a chance of real intimacy or emotional connection...ever. Wether she was sleeping with someone else or not...narcs don't feel emotional bonds with their human " objects" for supply.
@@Laura-uq3xk You are so right! I lived, always, with the/a hope that "something" would change and it did.... she didn't change....but I did.... that was necessary for my survival.... I have some regrets that I was so naïve not to recognize her narcissism earlier but now I know who and what she is... maybe it took that incident for me to finally recognize and understand what was really going on in this marriage. I regret that in spite of everything I continued to try to work this marriage out. It's been really hard... Thank you so much and I sincerely really appreciate your comment!!
All she brought to the relationship was sex nothing else,she had zero inhibitions,having found out after the relationship ended that she was a former prostitute and may of have still been. Things didn't add up while together but then became clear at the end.
My ex wanted to call me “Daddy” which I found really weird but yet gave me insight into her deep rooted father issues. I’m not talking as some perverse, form of incestuousness for her late dad but yeah; weird.
Saul, my ex was sexually abused by her father, all her weird deviant behaviours stem from that. She really liked much older men, 70's or 80's I think it was her way of getting back at her Dad..controlling older guys when she wasn't able to control her own father
I think the trauma bond may start at the point in which one may feel charmed - sooner than when self doubt sets in because the other is inexplicably pulling away . . . Being charmed is also being frozen in a sense, only the feeling is more blissful than what comes with self doubt . . .
Hi, Married 31 years found she had affairs 20 + years, she ghosted me, embezzled over $500,000. loss everything in divorce (she lied, cheated, stole) need help.
I haven't even been physical with her . I didn't think it was possible to trauma bond with someone and have so much anxiety without even being sexual🏞🤕
Same Here! I actually felt as though the actual act would’ve caused irreparable psychological damage. So I kept making excuses while planning to get out of this relationship/mess, safely. She cheated. Thankfully, it gave me my out…lead to a Reverse Discard & I’ve been No Contact 81 Days now. Still Trauma bonded though.
I just accepted it. I accepted that things were as they were. And it wasn’t about me. I knew this. She was the one who changed. Not me. I stood up for myself and that likely made her behave worse.
I got sexually abused by my stepfather at 12, my covert narc mother even blamed me for it and never apologised after he admitted it. I had relationships with men on various spectrums of Narcissism, but my previous relationship destroyed all of my regained sexuality in only a few months. It took me months after leaving to understand that he and my mother are coverts and how he has manipulated me into goving in to Sex. Am with an amazong man now, but I am back to like 30 years ago, when trauma of the childhood abuse hit me most. Sex with him has always been cold, he never did what pleases me, ever, while I almost acted like his private sex doll. I'm am HSP, Introvert and demisexual..I've only lesrned about the latter long after splitting up but it makes sense.
It's one of the biggest differences between male & female narcissists imo. Understanding this is an oversimplification but it seems men use breaking sexual boundaries and gaining submission from the women they abuse, where females often use the "appearance" of submission towards their males (who too often have intimacy and sexual issues of their own), but to your point it's all under the auspices of gaining and maintaining control.
So, do they even have a genuine sex drive for women? Or is it fake? Do they basically have sex to prove to their partner that they are heterosexual, but in all actuality they are gay, and the reason for their verbal and physical abuse is because they don't want to admit to themselves they are gay but ho l d women accountable for remain I nh in the baggression that they do have a sex drive, but in all actuality they do not for women, but have sex with women and I know with alot of men narcs. to prove to their partner that they are not gay, but in all actuality, they refuse to accept these feelings for menand have a romantic interest in them, but in all actualitythey don't? Or, do they just have sex to prove to themselves and their spouse or partner that they are a person who is interested in sex
I would consider my ex narc wife a sex addict. I once slept with her 25 times in one week and she still cheated on me. I mean good lord, there is no pleasing these people
You named it perfectly, "There is no togetherness" Additionally, they treat sex just like a shake - hands, no deeper meaning, no intimacy And every time they withdraw us sexually, they made us feel ugly, boring, not loved - and they just adore it, it's when they feel power over us
It was so intense, until it wasn't. He always referred to sex as intimacy. Towards the end, most likely do to his affairs I discovered, I felt used, even dirty.
The ex narc was into horrible disgusting sex which I would take no part in. You would never guess what he wanted, by the sounds of it a couple of women went along with it, probably persuaded. Maybe even having said ‘do as you are F’ing told’ to them like he did me…ONCE, he never said it again after the reaction he got. Saying he was satanic, sadistic and demonic would be right. The first couple of times at the beginning of our Relationship he was very cuddly and kissy but then it turned very robotic and I tried to hide my boredom. Once I said No to his suggestions, it was basically over and I slept in my own bed for the couple of months before I moved out. Yuck. 🤮
Absolutely same experience !!!! So passionate in the beginning .and not long after, I was left alone. He was trying to get what he wanted, that's all ..🤮🤮very perverted
Not only narcissists leave imprints on people and not always these imprints are sexual, it depends on the type of energy flowing in the communication and on the intensity of them.
Yeah, she gave me some of the best sex I’ve ever had I gave my all too. She told me I made her climax. A few months later she made feel I was sexually incompetent with a gaslighting comment. I couldn’t believe what she said, to the point where I was in shock. A few days later I asked her if she in fact made that comment and she denied it. Then she abruptly left me with no reason. I’m still confused as to why she left without any explanation.
For me, my narc only ever showed any form of passion during sex. Literally, as soon as it was over, closed off, no love or emotion. No cuddling or anything. Up and off to the bathroom. Cleaned herself up and back to whatever it she wanted to do. So cold and emotionless afterwards. And yes. Uber intense at the beginning, then it tapered off. She wanted sex almost every night, no matter if we had an argument or a fight. It was only after I realised she wanted and used sex for validation. She would get angry or accuse me for not fancying her if I didn’t want sex, especially after arguments etc, where you don’t have any loving want for that type of intimacy. When my ex starts to lose her looks, god help whoever her partner is. And when sex naturally tapers off, I don’t know how she will validate herself as love wasn’t enough for her.
My ex narc girlfriend everything had to be her way in bed, she had so many sexual hangups and was so loud and noisy in bed I couldn’t concentrate, I was a one and done man and gave her the discard a week later. I am free again 😃
Someone help me on this one. Why is sex with them almost drug like? I fantasize about this psycho so many times knowing full well what a dangerous and demonic human she is. Why wouldn't I focus my energy on a healthy woman and all of the positive things she could bring to my life? It's such a bizarre dynamic that I still, after 2 years of not being around them, still have to deal with on some level.
Now I get how sex reinforces the pull and push of trauma bonding. He would make me feel very desirable sexually then afterwards he would leave me feeling discarded like an old shoe. I never really understood how something so enjoyable turned into something so hurtful.
Hmmm. A bit confused. My ex (14 years in relstionship) was not good at all in sex. She was like half dead body. Very ashamed, very passive, very frustrated about her body (which was great in her case). After app. 8 years "investment" in her .. she finally woke up ... and after 14 years (two months ago) escaped to her first true love. Just like that. She is 41 y. o. now. Manipulation with sex ... Yup ... That was her currency. If she was in the mood fir sex it was great. Last week before she discarted me, we had ... great sex. Maybe it was her sexual farewell.
I agree. They want sex on their terms. Mechanical with no intimacy. Often talked about what ex did and she was better. Talked about a lot of other partners sexual preferences. Never was intimate. No holding and said I was boring. Watched porn all the time too. Ugh.
don't ever have sex with them, during sex all I felt was emptiness and like my soul was being sucked out. Was dissociating the entire time and it didn't even feel good. It's not worth it.
What “intimacy“? That word to narcissist only means sex and in sex there was no real intimacy and there was no connection and there was deafly not intimacy outside of the bedroom
My ex was a little different. The sex was always great. Even at the end. He would always make sure I was pleased. He did make eye contact and kiss me passionately. I always felt very connected to him during the actual sex. It was after the sex when he would immediately jump up and go to the bathroom and wash up. He would never hold me or kiss me after. He would just go back to whatever he had been doing before we had sex. It was a total mind game and always made me feel like a piece of trash
My wallet decided when to be intimate 😂 should have gone to thailand and, spend 8k euro in 5 months,just to see her smiile... could have bought a whole house and family there 😆✔️😎
Do you still think he's your perfect lover when you know he's a narcissist, who is not a true self and therefore copies everything you do and want. Such as mimicking your sex style, needs and wants. If you want romance and rose petals...they" ll give you that. Not your thing, but you like bdsm? Copy that! You love analyse sex? They love anal sex! They litterally are a no self, they don't have a true personality or a clue as to who they are. So they copy your traits, with everything! In the bedroom as well. To have power and control over you, manipulate you and get the supply from you.. the energy transmission that they get from you giving them attention and validation such as compliments. That's the only reason why you're getting f***** by them...they can't feel any emotional connection with you. So....they mimick everything that you want sexually!... So they can abuse you. Perfect lover?
After 15 years of marriage... I was simply not connected and it felt like work. It just felt extremely one-sided. Which is a tragedy for her, because whoever gets it next will be like "Sir... where have you been??" Lol Just another verification that I was the giver, and it was exploited.
ANOTHER VIDEO ON SEXUAL INTIMACY WITH A Narcissist ua-cam.com/users/livexmdvcQ2twlA?feature=share
Its def like no other! They are robotic! No passion. No true intimacy. No connection. No eye contact. They don't moan or validate that they're enjoying it. It's all about them!! It's just an act for them! Lord I'm glad that's over.
So true 😂 reminds me of my ex who wld (pump) count up to 3 and pause than repeat, but I finally called him out on it and started counting aloud and said hey just like when you wank urself lol 1,2,3 wait 1,2,3 wait repeat 😂 r u trying to hold it back hehehe ... yup I'd had enough he can enjoy himself alone the connection was gone
Lol wow
My female ex narcissist dumped me on April 4. She has ghosted me since April 20 after a tirade on the telephone because I left her two bouquets of roses and cut fruit and Japanese make up and all kinds of other gifts and her friend saw it and realized that somebody loves her, and she didn’t want her to know about me. I returned no contact for 72 days and I guess she realized it and sent me a text. “is this Robbie? “… I responded by inviting her to coffee and telling her happy was that she reached out to me and she said I can’t have coffee, I was just interested in your health. But that was a lie because I had had heart surgery and she never asked me how I did how my heart is etc. at the end of March when I had it. She ghosted me until today. Do you think it’s permanent or will she be back ?
I still love her… I know I’m crazy, but I can’t help remembering the good things aside from the lies and the confusion she caused by telling me that I’m imagining things that happened which I know actually happened and things that didn’t happen telling me actually happened and I came to believe them…anyway I would love youresponse. Anyway I would love you response. By the way, I did not cry at my mother’s funeral. I did not cry at my father‘s funeral last year but I loved both of them. I often feel as if I am an observer and hear my own voice as if I’m in a play. I do cry for people sometimes sad situations but when I help people it does feel fake if the whole world is watching me and I have to be a good boy and do it. I don’t know if I’m a narcissist? Anyway, please reply to me if you have a minute or two. Thank you.
By the way, she was always asking me for space. I spent all my money on her for jewelry $6500 and bought dresses and everything else and she told me I don’t need your objects I just want my space give me my space! and when I got upset and said OK then give them back. She said if you take back anything will have no relationship so she stayed one more month and dumped me. She’s had nine months of space never contacted me. She saw me for one day in March the rest of the time she disappeared. She saw me for one day in November the rest of the time she disappeared. She saw me a couple of days in February and a few days in January so she had plenty of space I don’t know what the space was all about, but I was tortured because it started off so loving and so close and then little by little she withdrew and I was craving her emotionally and on an oxytocin level I’m sure. The very first time that I made love with her she said to me wow you’re amazing you are really amazing! But you never moaned or gave me eye contact either when we made love and yet she told me when I would ask her are you enjoying do you like it? She would say yes yes! After we make love, I would gaze into her eyes for the longest time because they are beautiful eyes. She was very robotic in a lot of ways, but I took it as shyness, because there was no aggressive move she would always say can I touch yours… anyway I’m still waiting for her. Today is day 61 of no contact which I re-initiated after having left her more gifts by her car and having been rejected by having the manager in the Director of the gym that she was in where I left the flowers by her car, tell me to leave the parking lot they’ll call the police. I wanted to do was be generous and loving to her. I didn’t get a thank you, no nothing. So here I am still waiting… I must be crazy huh? I guess it’s the bond isn’t it? The last day she saw me she she said I just want to be a mom. I just want to raise my two kids. I told you already are a mom. She had told me her husband was terrible, and that he had gone on an overseas trip with two women. I believed her at the time, but recently I found his photo online and I don’t think he could get anyone to go on an overseas trip with him and he doesn’t look like the type that would if there is such a type. I believed that’s the reason she was seeing me behind his back because he was so terrible, but I sent by looking at his picture that he looks like a warm and lovable guy and that may be the reason she needed space all the time is because I hope it’s not true, that she was with somebody else besides me… I hope not even though it doesn’t matter anymore except that I want her back. I don’t know how I would find your reply so you can contact me on Instagram stargazer 10000
Thank you!
PS in an afterthought I want to say that one time when I was making love with her I mean I was inside of her thrusting passionately and all of a sudden she set up and said, what is your question what is your question??!! I was feeling very dreamy and shocked at the same time. I said I don’t have a question and she repeated to me. What is your question? What do you want to ask me? What is your question? She shouted!? Another time when I was making love with her She started lecturing me how she has no desire and no interest in sex except sometimes, and she doesn’t care about hugging, kissing, touching or lovemaking, except sometimes… One time she was touching me, and I was excited and then she stopped and said I’m bored. I’m going to take a shower. And she left me like that. My feelings didn’t seem to matter at all. I didn’t want to be selfish so I try to understand that she has some issue and I was tender with her. I was always tender and compassionate but somehow the day I came back from surgery the second time, I gave her two bouquets of roses, some Shiseido Japanese make up That she wanted, she then smiled from ear to ear, and while smiling, she said thank you and now I want to end this relationship! And that is where my hell began! April 4 2023.
😂😂
Mine did moan and stared into my face, sometimes he would look away, sometimes he would kiss sometimes he wouldn't, but I never felt a connection with him sexually. But it was great. The only part of the whole relationship I loved
The intimacy went from 100 to zero. I thought it was me, then she talked about all her amazing experiences in the past with previous flings. After I realised she was seeing others during our relationship so I walked and never looked back
Very very hard to do and v well done, I left and came back 8 or 9 times until one day I just had had enough of being abused and used
My female narcissist enjoyed it gennualy she did everything i wanted even things never done b4. In fact sex is the only thing she's never complained about or used against.
Connection, passion, true intimacy means vulnerability!! Andvthat's something they'll never show!
They just spoil everything.
Being in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic man is like being in a relationship with s stranger, even worse, with an enemy.
Until I was educated on narcissism, I felt I was in a constant confusion.
After I was informed on natcissism ,it all made sense.
I lost my identity with thst person , couldn' t tell the true from the fake.
When I returned to my old self and found my self-esteem, no wonder why he left me for good
Endless hooverings while I was.trapped. No hoovering when I found my strength.
TRUTH! It went from amazing to almost robotic.. I made a joke that I should start charging him because it felt almost transactional. Creepy weird and incredibly sad. I dumped him soon after.
What. you got incredibly sad? I had a whole week where I was really sad almost like someone died when she went away and ghosted me I couldn't put my finger on what it was about. I thought it was just I was in love with her and it brought up memories from the past about rejection thinking that I couldn't be with her cuz she was already in a relationship. Like I psychically took on her pain and I wasn't even physical with her imagine how bad it could have been if I didn't catch this!!
@@aldobottle937 We all have our own experiences with those monsters. Yes it’s incredibly sad to be discarded, it’s also incredibly sad when you start a relationship with someone and it starts off “well” then it deteriorates because we are dealing with damaged goods and you realize your efforts were for nothing, incredibly SAD!
This comment made me so happy because I felt exactly the same lol
@@iamwabisabi3711 LOL you weren’t alone! Those yahoos have a ton in common!
It is transactional. You're merely an object .
They're incapable of bonding.
So very true!! Love intensity is not intimacy! The narcissistic person is just putting on a performance.
Stevie knocks said it best..” rulers make bad lovers”🙏
Yea but the imprint disappears once you realize what they are doing….then it feels like you were sleeping with a sick perverted nympho and you get super happy that they are not around anymore.
Sadly and honestly not much difference between these narcissists and prostitutes.
No contact for a year and you will realize how discussing every inch of their body is. Smile and move on.
They perceive intimacy as a form of ownership. They use intimacy to establish ownership of the person then once established they feel safe to go about their business sometimes behaving as if the other person doesn’t exist until they are ready again.
Exactly! They need control! If they feel like they're losing that control, they become unhinged. Total gaslighting, projecting, deflecting, etc
Agree and you're not the only one. It's a revolving of supply.
It was like not being present while the narc may as well use a blow up doll. 😂
😂
Totally agree! I even told him that a few times! No real emotion - all about them! Very selfish!
😂 exactly
When I repeated to a friend what one narc I met said about himself ('I don't masturbate'), she replied, 'He just masturbates on women'.
I thought it was just me that felt like a blow-up doll when having sex with my ex-narc partner. I thought I was crazy for feeling that
What I found interesting but not surprising was he didn't like to wear protection. You have to imagine how many people they're running at the same time 🤢
I felt the same way about her. She didn’t like the idea of protection. That was a major red flag + I’m a germophobe. I never got intimate with her thankfully. 🤢
I didn't sleep with her and I can feel the scars she left on my Soul !!! 💔
Brutal Betrayal Treacherous female
Heartbreaking Anguish
Soul Shattering Sorrow
Don't absorb the negativity !!!!
Buddy, you didn't even sleep with her. Quit being a wimp.
Intensity DOES NOT equal Intimacy!!!!!! 💡💡💡
They cant n wont bond. They have their guards up 100 percent of the time because they already know they dont hv what it takes to maintain a relationship n it will end just like all the rest of the relationship. They get in to get what they can get quickly n they check out quickly if theres nothing left to get.
Been there, its so mad its hard to explain, its almost like they put on a show after that love bombing stage. the sex is a Act and you see it, I laughed at one stage it was so bad, I literally had a show put on, I no longer enjoyed it and that was the final thing that helped me to start pulling back, I had to play real clever, I realised if I asked for sex the Narc would withhold, so I just kept wanting it which meant I would never get it, that helped me detach.
the Narc had no idea what I was doing it was reverse sociology and it worked, I got 3 months of no intimacy and now all I had to do was stop talking , that was how I broke free, I stopped answering calls and then I was getting messages saying how they loved me and what they where going through without me, how could I abandon them I finally felt free great in fact, and I never looked back
of course I received hundreds more calls, but then it stopped then I started to live again and haven't looked back since, FREEDOM!!!.
Well done! Once that part is dead might as well call it a day!
Not always I cant even remember that waste of time event
Finally. A channel that actually covers this topic. This is such an underrated way they creep back in your thoughts because of something like this
They can't perform
W their wife or husband. They can perform with so called sinners. They have the saint/ sinner complex.
Very good Point my Friend !
Soooooo True... I was the husband ...hmmm id be better off being a hookup or f buddy
Yup, the first month was crazy intense and uninhibited in all ways. The she started the plausible deniability for "not tonight". Then came blame shifting, gaslighting, victimhood. Of course yes, later I learned there were many other irons in her fire, any chance she got...or should I say, any chance she created. Im free of her and growing leaps and bounds
Where you trauma bonded?
My story exactly. Only this happend after second child.
@@milos975jesus christ...
Horrible brother.
No words
This is so true. My narc wife withheld sex all the time, and when it did happen it was always 100% on her terms. She clearly hated me initiating, but gaslighted me by telling me she wanted me to initiate. On some occasions she told me afterwards that I had made her feel "violated", even though I was always very caring and thoughtful. Like many narcs she was sexually abused by a family member in childhood (at least she told me so) and I feel like she turned me into her abuser. I don't know how I will get any sexual confidence back. She really has left a huge sexual imprint on me.
I'm so sorry. You deserved better. 💛 just remind yourself it wasn't you, it was her.
Honest question, were or do you consume pornography? If yes, there’s a good valid reason why she felt that way.
I never blamed myself all the chaos was all him
I had a short lived relationship with what over 200 people told me was a covert narcissist. I did not know that is what he was until after the fact. He came on strong and love bombed, mirrored and future faked the living crap out of me saying how he never felt this way ever and I was his soulmate, etc. He came on strong with sex and we were having it everyday. One time it took me longer than usual to do my thing and he got all in his head. Next day he tells me we cant have sex everyday and it is only going to be twice a week from now on. It felt so controlling like I had no say. I felt rejected and got quiet and was trying to process what was happening. Next thing I know I am abruptly discarded and immediately he is going somewhere everyday and within a couple of months he was bringing the new supply to his house....sadly he is my neighbor who lives across the street. This whole experience was the biggest mind f*ck of my life.
It’s all about control for them. Mine kept saying he had sexual trauma that affected his wanting to do certain (not weird) things that other men would LOVE to do. I walked on eggshells the entire time. At the end he denied the trauma. Go figure!
Yup, even if you have that fabulous sex life in the beginning, if there is a hiccup with sex one time they trip out. There‘s no way to talk about it bc they will just think about their own past traumas that they never dealt with or grown perspective on and tie it to you now. They can‘t even hear what you‘re saying. Even if you‘re kind and the hiccup is from your own sad traumatic experience that you actually have perspective on and can clearly explain there is no growth or connection from it. Things a normal person would give you a hug for and say I‘m sorry that happened, yeah, let‘s try xyz or you can lead and tell me when you might need to stop. Things a normal person would have empathy for and even just having the empathy and understanding would solve half the problem. Things that working through would actually strengthen the connection, trust, and sex. Instead it becomes about THEIR world falling apart and they don‘t know what to do. Their sexual experience is experiencing how you are experiencing them. And they use your body to work their emotions, pent up issues, connection to self, and need for validation that they never got on. Once the love bombing stops they are still waiting for you to mirror them and it is the most confusing sexual experience. They are waiting for you to show them themselves and fix all the times someone in the past didn‘t. Mine couldn’t generate fun at all, they are waiting for you to do it and carry it. He was very rigid in what he would and would not do. If you said you liked something he would change it and never do it again. It just felt really heavy and blank and same/kind of boring after the love bombing stopped. Where as before, the connection was great, until there was a hiccup. And then the hiccup just spun him out into his own traumas and then he would forget that it even happened. Like blocked it out and slowly withdrew from sex not wanting to cause any pain or god forbid talk about and come to an understanding of something that had happened to him and me in our pasts and grow from it. It was odd. I would‘ve handled it differently looking back. I would now recognize it as a trauma response on his end now. But not sure it wouldve made a difference overall. I am not a therapist equipped to guide someone through that if they don‘t even know that they are doing it. I can‘t process his emotions for him and deal with my own too. It‘s too much. And that makes people really get outside of themselves and creates codependency, that thinking and processing and trying to understand someone else‘s own unawareness in the hopes that you might be able to adjust yourself and how you talk and what you say so that they might actually understand you. All. The. Time. It‘s too much. They‘ve gotta take their blinders off. They were able to do it in the beginning to create the connection. When that high dies and you‘re just a regular person, they just stop. They‘re not getting enough energy from you to fill them up to effort anymore.
Going through that now :/
💔 not your fault. It's his💛
Thanks so much for explaining to me what i wanted to know for years. This video has been very eye opening. In a sort of way I feel very sad for the narcissist. They are so detached from themselves (Hence the inability to feel empathy) that they are unable to feel real intimacy. I was involved with a woman for about 6 months and during this 6 months it was literally a roller coaster. She said that she loved me, and was interested but could never ever initiate intimacy. When ever I told her that i loved her she would say "same", I found it to be cute not knowing that in a sort of way, she was actually speaking the truth. She couldn't feel real love. (That's so sad) I tried my best so show her what real love is, but she only "Future Faked" me, gas lighted in some instance, and then there would be these periods of disconnect where she was stone cold, and I was like a puppy dog behind her trying to get her to tell me whats wrong. Flowers, gifts, money, expensive dates, didn't work at all. When the disrespect, and raging outburst started, I just left the so called relationship. It was so draining, but now i understand why. Thanks so much. I still feel hurt but at least now I have the answers I wanted.
Exactly! My ex bf claims he has ADHD. 😂 Now I know he is a narcissist!
I was with a covert narc for 4 years, in the beginning it was exciting and wild. But over time it became empty, he had no trouble performing. He admitted he has a sex problem and he wasn't joking. It would go on for an hour or longer...every night. I started making excuses and if I stayed away for longer than two nights, I would get told that I must be careful cause I will lose him. I kept thinking there is something wrong with me, he 'wanted' me so much, but I didn't feel the same. It was all about his pleasure and what he wanted. At the end I couldn't stand him touching me and thought it was my fault...I know better now😠
Something similar here. Always(!) she was the one who initiated, and I always thought something is off, but i couldn't tell what. She thought her "performance" was godlike in reality it was below average. After a couple of weaks I started to experience erection problems. I never ever had any sexual related problems with my life but her. Now I know that she raped my body just as my soul. I couldn't imagine that this is even possible. But it is by only interedted in her own pleasure or the delusion that she's a great lover. I thought something is wrong with me, maybe I'm too tired, stress, problems cause that, etc. It was a horrible experience.
I hear you, bless you. ❤
@@xyrius It is a shock to realise what they do to us and make us doubt ourselves. Hope you are doing well🌹🌹
The bit about us trying harder or we lose them....that made me go oh thank fk....I disappeared fast in the end.
@@louiseventer6580 Thank you for your kindness :)
I feel embarrassed of falling in love with monsters I can't believe I gave it all to this type of pretty monsters but I learned and that's one thing I will take with me for the rest of my life.
My daughter's mother would in the morning say to me, " I know someone who feels like sex tonight. " Then she would remind me of this in various ways throughout the day. Then bedtime she was " feeling sick." With that she would roll over and go to sleep.
Same! 😮
Very typical of them, push/pull, hot/cold, I love you/I hate you...all to keep you on your toes, no more than a massive power play, cants all of them.
@Paddy H It's taken me 20yrs to put it behind me. Pleased to say I'm actually ready to move forward and have another attempt at love. This is scary and exciting at the same time. Best revenge is moving on and rising above her. Knocked down 7 times, get up 8.
Best of luck to you Stephen, I really liked ' knocked down 7 times and got up 8' and yes the best revenge is to lead a better life, leaving them behind to wallow in their self inflicted pile of 5hit
Wow
Oh this is spot on!! She claimed she wanted passion but it was intensity and manipulation as she was cheating from the beginning.
That's exactly what happened to me, first amazing intimacy, then he blamed me for not turning him on, cheated, and recently withheld sex completely. He is 9 years younger so I felt so bad about myself, now I see that I have no really should be with somebody so young cos it all was an illusion. Young guys probably would see me as a experienced round
Despicable. I'm sorry you went through this. 💛
So so true Anoushka. This happened to me. Now I understand. Thankyou so much. This helps me a lot. The whole relationship was hell. She just used me up totally to feed her sick view of the world😢
When we first met we were having sex every single day and it was amazing. Over the years together she wanted sex when she wanted sex whether I was in the mood or not. She made it feel like sex was a job and not for love.
Absolutely the same with me Paul. She would abuse me for a few hours without apology and then at bedtime expect me to be up for it! Towards the end it was me always going down on her and when it was my 'turn' it was 'hurry up and get on with it' ....hardly romantic and a loving connection. She is a robotic monster.
This was so informative, I love the videos you’ve done on this topic before. Please keep more coming
Sooo much PAIN I have experienced.
Such an important and powerful topic / coverage
Mine is so much different than this, and maybe it’s cause she’s not really a full blown narcissist, but she definitely has the attachment disorder. The connection we had was amazing. .Ours didn’t start intense and wane. It started good, and kept getting better and better and better, and she had never experienced this level of passion. I know people can lie, but this is the one thing she’d never deny. Even if she was discarding, or away from me. She would say things like we are so different in many ways but one. Through all her devalue and discards, this was a constant… Never denied, and often what I think drew her back. She did on again, off again a few times with me and her ex-husband. He made more money than me and made her feel more secure, like if her real estate career was slow, he had her covered. She had a lot of bills , as she’d gotten accustomed to a certain lifestyle, even though we both had humble beginnings. I was the affection/ passion/ sex connection… He was the security supply.. I think she loved me as much as a narc can, but ultimately as we know, they don’t love like we do. As soon as something is not perfect, your feelings don’t matter. Only hers.. super super emotionally driven girl..After remarrying him at one point, she divorced him again, and came back to me. Real estate collapsed, and I got discarded as I didn’t make her feel secure. Thing is, if she hadn’t discarded me so much before, and basically created her current woes, I probably would have worked overtime to help her, etc. But it’s happened so much, I just wasn’t willing to put myself at financial risk for someone who I know may walk out any moment, so that’s how it ended..So much for her soul mate..
Security is everything for a.woman though
I feel like I wrote this on one of those nights at 3AM... All in the past now. Everyone has a tipping point where there is no longer enough will there...
Everything you describe, sounds like a full blown narcissist.
Not every narcissists does the love bombing in the beginning through grand gestures etc...Dr. Ramani has a video on this, about their different ways of love bombing you.
So the fact that it wasn't a whirlwind romance in the beginning, doesn't mean its not a narcissist.
I've litterally had a narcissists say the same thing to me ' he had never felt such a passion before, ever in his life'....then when I found out he was a narcissist, I found many people online to whom their narcissist had said this exact same thing. It's supposed to make you feel " special" and that's a part of the love bombing. It can come in many different ways, such as " I trust no one, but I trust you"....again, It's al about creating this ' special' bond between you. Who doesn't want to hear your special in some way, or better than all of their exes. The thing is...they'll say this to their next supply as well.
No one who's not a narcissist will constantly devalue and discard someone...and run back to their much richer ex... and hoover...and...repeat this cycle over and over and over. That is not normal behaviour from people who have empathy! Only narcissist can devalue and discard you constantly...
@@emilykathleenn Yes, unfortunately that’s mostly true. Thing is, at this point, I’m living somewhere else, so i have my expenses there. We used to live together, and we’re engaged. She kicked me out to go marry him. She was miserable within months, and wanted me. They had no real connection. She was tormented. We literally would make love for hours. I had a lot of relationships before and was married for years. That kind of connection is EXTREMELY rare. She would tell me she would replay it in her head and cry. So had she not pulled that stunt, I’d still be there, and I’d have worked overtime or whatever I needed. But she cost me much money me moving in and out more than once. I finally got out of debt . Debt nowadays is 20% interest, so I wasn’t going there again with no real commitment. So again, a narc not owning what they did. The whole crappy scenario was her own making. We were at the beginnings of her telling her family we were seeing each other again. I had been a secret after she split from her husband, as she didn’t want to look crazy to her family. So Hadn’t gotten to where we lived together or married. I even warned her when she was getting ready to leave him( we were talking) , that she shouldn’t be buying all this new stuff. That I couldn’t pay for all of it if they split. She’s a go getter and balked at me. Well what happened? She went from making 16 k per house she’d sell to Zero. She went to see her family out of state, came back, and the discard was on.. If she had given ME some security, I’d have done anything for her. I love hard. I bought a new car for a toy I’d waited 20 years to get. I’d have sold it immediately, etc. I even told her this. Didn’t matter. I didn’t act right out of the box was all she saw.. it’s a bridge too far for her to see that I’m taking a huge risk with her being so unstable, but yet in the end I still volunteered to step up. Totally reasonable of me. Not her. She sees a flaw. I’m not God like in willing to be potentially be screwed again. She is only capable of seeing how she feels. She can’t process why I might hesitate. I think of the song lying eyes by the Eagles regarding security. My woman was married to a man she didn’t want to touch much like that song. She liked to work, but never needed to. She had that security. She was utterly empty inside. If she’s willing to trade that, she will end up in a hospital bed when she’s old with tears in her eyes, because when your dying, you don’t think of your nice things. You think of people and connections. It’s honestly sad, as I never loved anyone so completely in all my life. She is petite and beautiful. Men are drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She knows moving on is easy.. Too easy.. But it’s doubtful she’ll ever replace what we had.
So important. So helpful with divorcing the Narc.
I like your fire in this video!!! Well done, great message. Thanks so much🙏🏻
Spot on about this topic . Thanks for the videos. Narcissist are always on hunt for new supply. I divorced my ex narc because I found out she was cheating with her best friend a married man. This it was very hard to accept because I know her friend and his family. But now divorced and I don’t give her anymore my time I use grey rock method so far it worked.
About intimacy with ex narc they use as tool to punish you I think she used very well but once you find out the game . The game is over for them .
The best advice for everyone is work on yourself believe me it works very well the narcissist people don’t like at all.
You were supposed to be her best friend.
@@shecaptain3444 😂 I am done .
My experience completely. The beginning and end are as you have described
Anoushka YOU ARE AMAZING!! I would love to see a video about energetic cord after the discard ❤️
I actually said it’s like being with a corpse why I stopped taking his advancements.
There is definitely no pillow talk!!
That’s how my ex narcissist trapped me I us to wonder why this lady was sexing me so good
You certainly have clarified things I could never understand. Thank you.
The love bomb my ex used on me was loke nothing I've experienced in my life. She was like a Succubus I was in conplete ectasy then in ended in total destruction. The feeling of total abandonment was crushing. Never again these Covert Narcissists have hearts of darkness.
There were times I was actually 'inside' her and she would stop the proceedings to get me to agree to do x, y or z. I mean how much more blatant could it be??
😶
Any possibility of real intimacy or emotional connection through intimacy was completely destroyed the night that she chose to sleep with another….😔
If she's truly a narcissist...then unfortunately there never was a chance of real intimacy or emotional connection...ever. Wether she was sleeping with someone else or not...narcs don't feel emotional bonds with their human " objects" for supply.
@@Laura-uq3xk You are so right! I lived, always, with the/a hope that "something" would change and it did....
she didn't change....but I did....
that was necessary for my survival....
I have some regrets that I was so naïve not to recognize her narcissism earlier but now I know who and what she is...
maybe it took that incident for me to finally recognize and understand what was really going on in this marriage.
I regret that in spite of everything I continued to try to work this marriage out.
It's been really hard...
Thank you so much and I sincerely really appreciate your comment!!
She sleeps with lots. That's what they do !😢
You kicked her out, I hope? I don't want to bring you down, but that occasion was the one you discovered. They do it all the time. They're evil.
Same but not married. Once he betrayed me, I walked.
All she brought to the relationship was sex nothing else,she had zero inhibitions,having found out after the relationship ended that she was a former prostitute and may of have still been. Things didn't add up while together but then became clear at the end.
Thank you,you help me so much!
My ex wanted to call me “Daddy” which I found really weird but yet gave me insight into her deep rooted father issues. I’m not talking as some perverse, form of incestuousness for her late dad but yeah; weird.
Saul, my ex was sexually abused by her father, all her weird deviant behaviours stem from that. She really liked much older men, 70's or 80's I think it was her way of getting back at her Dad..controlling older guys when she wasn't able to control her own father
A lot of women just like calling guys Daddy during sex
Wow
The dynamics of narcissism changes when you’re older, even the dynamics of intimacy .
How so?
@@Nicolegin can’t tell secrets like that on here . 😉
This definitely resonates with me
I think the trauma bond may start at the point in which one may feel charmed - sooner than when self doubt sets in because the other is inexplicably pulling away . . . Being charmed is also being frozen in a sense, only the feeling is more blissful than what comes with self doubt . . .
She was aight.
I sometimes wonder wether a Cover Narcissist is like a Jezebel spirit.
Bingo
Why was it amazing, from the first time to the last?
Very interesting
Best explanation to date!
Has anyone ever been raped by a narc? Can you talk about sexual violence or abuse by a narc.
I think this topic should be covered... by the time video comes up on this feel free to share your thoughts
Hi, Married 31 years found she had affairs 20 + years, she ghosted me, embezzled over $500,000. loss everything in divorce (she lied, cheated, stole) need help.
My ex covert narcissist always made me initiate sex. I know now it was a way of devaluing me
I haven't even been physical with her . I didn't think it was possible to trauma bond with someone and have so much anxiety without even being sexual🏞🤕
I know exactly what you mean. Same here.
Sounds like me and my ex narc friend lol
Same Here! I actually felt as though the actual act would’ve caused irreparable psychological damage. So I kept making excuses while planning to get out of this relationship/mess, safely. She cheated. Thankfully, it gave me my out…lead to a Reverse Discard & I’ve been No Contact 81 Days now. Still Trauma bonded though.
@@linalg10 with me it was totally one-sided though she didn't even want to be with me but she gave me mixed messages so it confused the f*** out of me
@@aldobottle937 Have you completely gotten out of the Trauma Bond?
I just accepted it. I accepted that things were as they were. And it wasn’t about me. I knew this. She was the one who changed. Not me. I stood up for myself and that likely made her behave worse.
I got sexually abused by my stepfather at 12, my covert narc mother even blamed me for it and never apologised after he admitted it. I had relationships with men on various spectrums of Narcissism, but my previous relationship destroyed all of my regained sexuality in only a few months. It took me months after leaving to understand that he and my mother are coverts and how he has manipulated me into goving in to Sex. Am with an amazong man now, but I am back to like 30 years ago, when trauma of the childhood abuse hit me most. Sex with him has always been cold, he never did what pleases me, ever, while I almost acted like his private sex doll. I'm am HSP, Introvert and demisexual..I've only lesrned about the latter long after splitting up but it makes sense.
It's one of the biggest differences between male & female narcissists imo. Understanding this is an oversimplification but it seems men use breaking sexual boundaries and gaining submission from the women they abuse, where females often use the "appearance" of submission towards their males (who too often have intimacy and sexual issues of their own), but to your point it's all under the auspices of gaining and maintaining control.
I couldn’t climax, I think subconsciously something wasn’t quite right!
So, do they even have a genuine sex drive for women? Or is it fake? Do they basically have sex to prove to their partner that they are heterosexual, but in all actuality they are gay, and the reason for their verbal and physical abuse is because they don't want to admit to themselves they are gay but ho l d women accountable for remain I nh in the baggression that they do have a sex drive, but in all actuality they do not for women, but have sex with women and I know with alot of men narcs. to prove to their partner that they are not gay, but in all actuality, they refuse to accept these feelings for menand have a romantic interest in them, but in all actualitythey don't? Or, do they just have sex to prove to themselves and their spouse or partner that they are a person who is interested in sex
I would consider my ex narc wife a sex addict. I once slept with her 25 times in one week and she still cheated on me. I mean good lord, there is no pleasing these people
You named it perfectly, "There is no togetherness"
Additionally, they treat sex just like a shake - hands, no deeper meaning, no intimacy
And every time they withdraw us sexually, they made us feel ugly, boring, not loved - and they just adore it, it's when they feel power over us
It was so intense, until it wasn't. He always referred to sex as intimacy. Towards the end, most likely do to his affairs I discovered, I felt used, even dirty.
The ex narc was into horrible disgusting sex which I would take no part in. You would never guess what he wanted, by the sounds of it a couple of women went along with it, probably persuaded. Maybe even having said ‘do as you are F’ing told’ to them like he did me…ONCE, he never said it again after the reaction he got.
Saying he was satanic, sadistic and demonic would be right.
The first couple of times at the beginning of our Relationship he was very cuddly and kissy but then it turned very robotic and I tried to hide my boredom.
Once I said No to his suggestions, it was basically over and I slept in my own bed for the couple of months before I moved out. Yuck. 🤮
Absolutely same experience !!!! So passionate in the beginning .and not long after, I was left alone. He was trying to get what he wanted, that's all ..🤮🤮very perverted
@@meawesome1651 they will never experience real love as they blow it up every time and move onto new ones. We are so much better off without them. 👍
She used to. Wake me up specifically at 12am at night for freakysex energy zapping felt like sleeping with a demon
You were
Not only narcissists leave imprints on people and not always these imprints are sexual, it depends on the type of energy flowing in the communication and on the intensity of them.
It is like falling into the hands of a predatory Alien or the devil himself or herself.
Was like I was just a throw away toy.
Like he watched a porno
Wanted to do me like the pornos
Then
Toss me out like trash.
@@AlwaysHope2019 Yeesh. Something to subtly look out for next time; no phones lying around on the bed, no phone in anyone's pockets, etc.
Yeah, she gave me some of the best sex I’ve ever had I gave my all too. She told me I made her climax. A few months later she made feel I was sexually incompetent with a gaslighting comment. I couldn’t believe what she said, to the point where I was in shock. A few days later I asked her if she in fact made that comment and she denied it. Then she abruptly left me with no reason. I’m still confused as to why she left without any explanation.
Covert narcs r different. They can seem very intimate and unselfish not pull away after etc . Overts do what you are explaining use it as a weapon.
For me, my narc only ever showed any form of passion during sex. Literally, as soon as it was over, closed off, no love or emotion. No cuddling or anything. Up and off to the bathroom. Cleaned herself up and back to whatever it she wanted to do.
So cold and emotionless afterwards.
And yes. Uber intense at the beginning, then it tapered off. She wanted sex almost every night, no matter if we had an argument or a fight. It was only after I realised she wanted and used sex for validation. She would get angry or accuse me for not fancying her if I didn’t want sex, especially after arguments etc, where you don’t have any loving want for that type of intimacy.
When my ex starts to lose her looks, god help whoever her partner is. And when sex naturally tapers off, I don’t know how she will validate herself as love wasn’t enough for her.
He never moaned like ever and he was selfish in bed. Am so staying out of drama this narcs are draining. Good riddance
My ex narc girlfriend everything had to be her way in bed, she had so many sexual hangups and was so loud and noisy in bed I couldn’t concentrate, I was a one and done man and gave her the discard a week later. I am free again 😃
Mine was a weirdo too only what he wanted and no regard for anyone else
Someone help me on this one. Why is sex with them almost drug like? I fantasize about this psycho so many times knowing full well what a dangerous and demonic human she is. Why wouldn't I focus my energy on a healthy woman and all of the positive things she could bring to my life? It's such a bizarre dynamic that I still, after 2 years of not being around them, still have to deal with on some level.
Trauma bond is why💔
So true.
Who else felt stress and couldn't have sex anymore??
Now I get how sex reinforces the pull and push of trauma bonding. He would make me feel very desirable sexually then afterwards he would leave me feeling discarded like an old shoe. I never really understood how something so enjoyable turned into something so hurtful.
Hmmm. A bit confused. My ex (14 years in relstionship) was not good at all in sex. She was like half dead body. Very ashamed, very passive, very frustrated about her body (which was great in her case). After app. 8 years "investment" in her .. she finally woke up ... and after 14 years (two months ago) escaped to her first true love. Just like that. She is 41 y. o. now.
Manipulation with sex ... Yup ... That was her currency. If she was in the mood fir sex it was great. Last week before she discarted me, we had ... great sex. Maybe it was her sexual farewell.
Yes agreed selfish to the core with sex , never care about what you want
I agree. They want sex on their terms. Mechanical with no intimacy. Often talked about what ex did and she was better. Talked about a lot of other partners sexual preferences. Never was intimate. No holding and said I was boring. Watched porn all the time too. Ugh.
don't ever have sex with them, during sex all I felt was emptiness and like my soul was being sucked out. Was dissociating the entire time and it didn't even feel good. It's not worth it.
What “intimacy“? That word to narcissist only means sex and in sex there was no real intimacy and there was no connection and there was deafly not intimacy outside of the bedroom
hey! at the start of your video are you at Thessaloniki city?...Greece?!😃
It's just sex not intimacy
My ex was a little different. The sex was always great. Even at the end. He would always make sure I was pleased. He did make eye contact and kiss me passionately. I always felt very connected to him during the actual sex. It was after the sex when he would immediately jump up and go to the bathroom and wash up. He would never hold me or kiss me after. He would just go back to whatever he had been doing before we had sex. It was a total mind game and always made me feel like a piece of trash
My son have no sex and therefore no one can have sex this guy is really sick ! 2:29
🙏👌🙏
My wallet decided when to be intimate 😂 should have gone to thailand and, spend 8k euro in 5 months,just to see her smiile... could have bought a whole house and family there 😆✔️😎
Sex with the CNarc lwas other worldly. He was my perfect lover. He wanted to please me so much. Anyway its over.
Do you still think he's your perfect lover when you know he's a narcissist, who is not a true self and therefore copies everything you do and want. Such as mimicking your sex style, needs and wants. If you want romance and rose petals...they" ll give you that. Not your thing, but you like bdsm? Copy that! You love analyse sex? They love anal sex! They litterally are a no self, they don't have a true personality or a clue as to who they are. So they copy your traits, with everything! In the bedroom as well. To have power and control over you, manipulate you and get the supply from you.. the energy transmission that they get from you giving them attention and validation such as compliments.
That's the only reason why you're getting f***** by them...they can't feel any emotional connection with you.
So....they mimick everything that you want sexually!... So they can abuse you.
Perfect lover?
After 15 years of marriage... I was simply not connected and it felt like work. It just felt extremely one-sided. Which is a tragedy for her, because whoever gets it next will be like "Sir... where have you been??" Lol Just another verification that I was the giver, and it was exploited.
I loved sex before marrying a narc and another narc after that