People have a fear of quiet Black women. I don't know why. No I do know why. They expect us to be loud, obnoxious, angry, opinionated, and always have an attitude. When you are quiet you make people nervous. I'm in my 40s and very quiet, always have been. But best believe I hear and see everything.
I be ear hustling my ass off! Especially at work. Lol. I was just on a bus the other day trying to find out what this woman was cackling about, but her friend that had her cracking up was REALLY good at whispering.
Preach!! And, after sitting around some folks, I realize that I don't want to know them. Lol! Introverts are very picky about who we choose as friends. But, once we label you as "friend", we're very loyal. Truth
"Because I also hate being told what to do, EVEN IF I want to do it" Speak a word Ms. EveRyn!!!!!!!!! I felt that statement in my spirit. #SometimesImContraryThatWay 🤷🏾♀️
Thank you! My grandmother (who I don't even speak to as an adult now) used to talk about me all the time as a kid for being quiet. I would just be in my own little world reading a book, doing homework, or watching cartoons and she wasn't here for it. She would even go so far as to insinuate that quiet people are crazy and/or hiding something (I.e. They turn out gay, steal money, etc.). She had this saying that "it's always the quiet ones" before she went on her little tangents. Little did she realize I was always quiet around her because SHE was the crazy one and even as a kid I felt like she never talked about anything of substance. All she's done her whole life is read magazines and watch and talk about the latest celebrity gossip or talk about the lives of her "friends". Thankfully my mom always understood my quietness and never shamed me for it.
Glad you had an understanding mom. Both my parents were the one to ask in public, "Are you shamed faceded?" Yes, they put the "ed" at the end of faced. Your grandma sounds like a very opinionated person who's thought process could have been similar to yours growing up, but the world got her, molded her, changed her (and, I agree, also a vampire @Desi R.)
People say I’m unapproachable. Yet somehow they found a way to approach me about my unapproachableness. 😒 (BYE, Barbara!) Sheryll in Accounting... 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Preach! I hate that too!! If I tell you, "I'm an Introvert..." then proceed to finish talking, and your response is, "Oh, I get it; you're shy", I automatically stop listening to you. This conversation is OVER, and I have officially "left the building" and am now marinating in my own wonderful thoughts. 🤦♀️
My name is Jamie and I Can relate. People have constantly misinterpreted my personality and labelled me shy. But I find that being quiet and observant can sometimes get you further than being a loud, empty barrel. #myvoiceisagift
“Your conversation is likely not awakening anything in my spirit” 😂😂 “My voice is a gift... and you probably haven’t earned it...” 🙌 This speaks to my SOUL 😂🖤🔥
Being quite + having rbf = "Why are you mad?" This is my face man and my personality...like can I just sit in silence w/o people assuming I'm contemplating the murder of whoever is sitting in the general direction that I'm staring blankly into 😢😢😂😂
I honestly think this is a race thing. White quiet people are deep thinkers, observant, or intellectuals. Focus, respectful, or good mannered. Black quiet people are shy, scared, lonely, rude, anti-social, or lazy. It's so annoying. Even more annoying because I used to be shy, and I'm proud to have gotten out of that, but everyone wants to throw that label back on me. I'm not afraid to talk to you, I just literally have nothing to say. My two favorite things in the world are peace and the good sis silence. I'm not disturbing either just to be heard or just to make you feel less uncomfortable.
It's also a sex thing too, men are suppose to be bold and outgoing, and when you aren't a lot of women perceive that we just have low self esteem, which is not true for men at all, I just don't see the point of running my mouth all the time especially to people I don't like lol. Every quiet person struggles but, if you are a quiet woman, you can still get a date
Thank you for this vid and setting the record straight! Shy is not introverted, and introverted is not quiet. They are all different things. People think I'm shy or will say "You're so quiet." Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Just because I'm not running my mouth about bs or I don't want to tell you my whole life story within 5 minutes of meeting you I'm quiet?? Could it be that I don't know you?!" Glad to see I'm not the only one that feels this way.
I realized I was quiet and not actually shy years ago so whenever people say that I'm shy, I shut them down with "I'm not shy - I'm just quiet." They finally get the damn difference and then they get out of my face which is all I've ever wanted in life.
Come on somebody! I never really thought about the distinction between quiet and shy. I always just say I’m both. Which I still see but probably lean more toward just quiet and you said a word with “your conversation is likely not awakening anything within my spirit and I have nothing to add. My voice is a gift and you probably haven’t earned it. I do not fight for spotlight.” Mm. I feel so seen. Needed to hear that
This is soooooooo me! I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone. People (ESPECIALLY at work) love to tell me I’m shy. How are you going to tell me who I am?! I’m NOT shy! Like you said, I consider myself quiet and observant. Just because I don’t talk loud as hell all the time or talk over people every damn day doesn’t mean I’m shy! 😡😂
LITERALLY MY LIFE. Literally every African aunt who I’ve told that I’m studying journalism says “you’re to quiet” and I’m like “do you knooow me?!”. I don’t like raising my voice and I don’t like speaking if I have nothing to say like why waste my breath. I love LISTENING. And yes there are times I get anxious when it comes to talking to groups of people , but I’m nooot shy! Lol 😂
Yes!!!!! Story of my life! For years, I accepted others telling me that I was shy and scared to talk to people, when in reality I was quiet and observant. Even though my self-confidence significantly increased as I got older, I'm still quiet and observant. Except now, I see it as a strength and asset.
My freshman year I WORKED MY ASS OFF in this student group. I practically moved mountains. So when I graduated I was saying goodbye, my teacher never said a WORD about my work ethic, but just said wow you are so quiet! I was so mad that out of all I did, my voice volume was what stuck out the most🙄
That's so upsetting...sad how some professors play favorites with students who are outgoing/charismatic or how some of them just straight up just act weird around you if you're quiet. It's not appropriate
I get that all the time too and I feel you!!!! especially when people use "you're shy" as an argument to tell you you can't do something, I hate that and I don't buy it anymore!
SAME GIRL, SAME!! I've been called shy so many times that I went to a party with an aquainti-friend and she introduced me like "Hey this is Keisha, she's shy hahaha!"...It was in that moment that I no longer considered her an aquainti-friend 😒
So I will admit, I'm all three - shy, introverted, and quiet (unless I'm with my friends). I have been shy since preschool. When you get me around friends I am very outgoing and sometimes my friends can't shut me up but when I am alone with people I don't know, and especially if they all know each other, it is difficult for me to force a conversation. In middle school this happened frequently because they all knew each other and I couldn't relate to them (they were all rich and me, not so much lol). Towards the end of high school and in my first sememster of college, I realized I was also introverted, because it takes so much energy for me to be around people, but I was getting better at the shy part because I became okay with being alone. I found that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. In moments that I am feeling very shy, I also feel lonely because I can't relate to the people around me. When I am alone though, I am calm, I can recharge, and I feel more comfortable in the space that I am in. I can now take that energy that I've gained and not be as nervous when I'm around others.
This is SO ME! I'll admit it is strange feeling lonelier around other people than by yourself. But that's the phenomenon of being introverted. We draw our strength from the INSIDE not the outside.
yessss Evelyn, we have the same personality! I definitely was shy as a kid, but I've always said that I"m more reserved and introverted. Maybe I don't want to talk b/c I have nothing interesting or original to provide to this conversation lol
Wow! I can relate to this so much!!! I always tell people I'm not shy, there's just no reason to talk if there's NOTHING to talk about lol. I'm not here to fill a quiet moment just because.
I, too, am introverted, but I'm also a serious loner. Any friend I have is by accident. I've been described as Shy so much. But, people say I give off a friendly vibe, which seriously conflicts with my RBF. I am content with being a loner. I am content with the idea of not having any new friends. I don't even have any work friends, and the odd part of that for me is that this is the first job I've had that I actually love what I do. Any other job, I'd have work friends but hate what I do. Shrug. But it does irk me when people call me Shy or quiet...no, boo boo! I just don't know you, and now I REALLY don't want to know you. Thanks for trying, though!
I felt this one in my soul. I like to be observant and listen too people to get a read on their personality and so many people call me either shy or boring!
I firmly believe that those who speak less, know more! People think that I’m shy bc I don’t speak a lot at work, but how can anyone else talk if folks never shut up; just nonstop talking about themselves from the beginning to the end of the day👀 🤐
"Your conversation is not awakening anything in my spirit, so I have nothing to add." If that aint a word, Evelyn! Thank you for seeing us quiet (storm) types. I do have social afflictions, so my introversion fits in nicely, but when I like being around someone who makes space instead of taking space, I can be very animated. I often get that I'm "mysterious" and I don't quite care to correct them, because those are the people that talk At me and only about what they're interested in.
Evelyn, I TOTALLY RELATE!! People have considered me to be shy since I was a kid when really I’m just thoughtful with my words ☺️ Shy and quiet are NOT the same thing! Lol Thanks for making this vid! ✨
In medical school and residency my Quietness was misinterpreted as unassertive, unaware, unconcerned and unintelligent ( they thought I didn’t know my stuff so imagine the surprise when I opened my mouth and actually got the answers correct). I have been quiet my whole life and there was a point when I was a child and felt shy but I am by no means shy. Now that I’m a practicing physician, my quietness is an asset because I actually listen to my patients and only speak when I have something important to convey to them. Quiet does not equal void of substance. “And that’s all I have to say about that”.
Omggg Evelyn, why are you me?! I'm always perceived as shy. I hate it. I'm extremely introverted and I literally hate people in my space. I've heard people calling me bougie, rude, etc because I literally avoid talking if possible. I need to share this on every social media I have😪😪
Thank you Evelyn for explaining the difference between quiet & shy!! SPOT ON! I can 1000% relate :-D "YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT AWAKENING ANYTHING WITHIN MY SPIRIT" "MY VOICE IS A GIFT" "I DO NOT FIGHT FOR SPOTLIGHT!" AMEN
"My voice is a gift and you probably haven't earned it." This speaks to me on a soul level. One thing, though: getting your energy/recharging from being alone is exactly what being introverted is. Social anxiety (and shyness) is something else entirely. People get them confused, which is understandable.
THE RELATABILITY!!! When I tell you I’ve heard that most of my life fam!! People always thought I was upset and I never was. There was just nothing inspiring about the conversation, didn’t need to add to it 🤷🏾♀️ #myvoiceisagift
I'm not shy either. I'm very quiet, observant, and thoughtful (unless I know you). I don't consider myself an introvert, I love being alone. STOP ASKING WHY I'M QUIET! When and why did being quiet become a bad thing? Always wondered this.
I’m so glad you posted this video, I’ve been feeling the same way a lot lately. A coworker called me shy, it made me cringe and a bit offended, didn’t know why. But this video had put my feeling into words. Thank you
I definitely care what people think, it affects how they treat me, how they speak about me to others. Being called shy when you aren’t (also story of my life) is honestly pretty damaging because people don’t think you can “handle” certain opportunities when you MOST DEFINITELY CAN and write you off sometimes
This is my life 🙄😑. People also mistake quiet people for one's who don't have anything to say. Choosing ones words before speaking takes more thought and reasoning. I find that silence makes people feel uncomfortable. It also causes them to reflect more. That's scary to most people. No one really wants to be alone with their thoughts. I value peace and quiet. I only speak when I actually have something to say or there's a topic that I find interesting. Because of that people think I'm distant, disinterested, or lame. I've heard them all. But when I do speak to people, I choose to talk to, we have great conversations. Whenever I encounter such people who value noise and constant talking over meaningful conversations I always think of the words my mum would say to me. "Empty cans make a lot of noise".
Sometimes a video is better than a cup of coffee, thanks cuz. 💖 I got this more as a kid, now people just think I’m a megabitch.. my outfit says extrovert, but my personality says introvert who thrives in solitude. 🤷🏾♂️
OMG SPEAK👏🏿ON👏🏿IT!!👏🏿You just told the story of my life. People never consider that I'm quiet cause I don't feel compelled to add to ashy conversation for the sake of filling silence!
I hate it too. Just because I am not always up in everyone's face talking all the time. I like to observe and chose my words shy is not the same as introverted! Amen!
I just discovered you and THANK YOU for contextualizing this for me. I do have mild Social Anxiety in some situations (like I have a physical reaction that's neither being shy or quiet), but in many situations if I don't feel conversations are engaging enough I just don't engage because the social environment provides ZERO engagement worthy of my energy. Especially in semi-small, semi-familiar groups with vapid small talk of no consequence that I do not care about.
I deal with this allll the time! I once said I wanted to live in New York and someone said "you know they have alot of people there right?".... Like do I have to talk to them all?? No I don't.
Im quiet, im introverted and i like shutting the hell up and sitting in a comfy spot by myself zoning out. But i also know that people think that is boring and that somethings wrong with me and that makes me tense up around people sadly :(
Love this video Evelyn! You are so funny! I love how you explained the differences in being a shy, introverted, and quiet person. The reasons for being quiet are on point! I'm quiet too! 😁
Love this Evelyn. I'm an INFJ and we love to make real genuine connections with people and like connecting with people on a more than a surface level. But we hate "small talk" and find it just too fake, superficial and draining, which gets us labeled "anti social" or "stand offish"
As a child my cautious observance and quietness was labeled as shyness, so I started believing I was shy. Now I still struggle with shyness even as I’m more confident in who I am. I wonder who I would be if people had not labeled me from such a young age.
I appreciate the distinction that you make between shy and quiet, both of which my freaking uncle calls me all the time! It's like just stop it!!! I don't always feel the need to add something to a conversation, including this one, goodbye
My quietness makes louder people give me a wide berth of space because I'm not hype enough. Even at work, I still get this,where people will actually groan if a cell center job (I've worked several) has assigned seats and a talkative person has to sit next to me. Managers do this to tame the louder person and keep them focused but it makes me feel like just sinking through the floor. I don't talk a lot so talkative people find me a bore. Talkative people wear me out, though, because while I like some conversations, I like to just inwardly reflect. I know the irony of not being a talker and working at a call center but at least I have a problem I can work on to reach a solution, so the conversations become formulaic and usually predictable to handle. No offense to extraverts but it seems like most quiet people and introverts understand the desire for extroversion but never the opposite way around. We're constantly having to explain and defend ourselves that we don't hate talking.
Evelyn!!!! Speaking my life into existence. I was a shy child but I have grown into my own and realised and accepted that I am generally a quiet person and there is nothing wrong with that no matter how many people try to tell you otherwise. Someone recently told me how I should speak up more, stand up for myself and not be so quiet😒😒😒 Never been so offended. Taking down some of these one-liners for a clap-back the next time someone tries to come at me. And that mscheeew at the end😂😂😂😂
I had almost the exact same thing happen to me, a relative I was telling about journalism work (that I was getting consistently and LOVING) responded with, “I can’t see that, people have never been your thing.” People as individuals have always been my thing - humanity in general is not. 😄
Yes. There was a reason why I clicked on this video and girl, I got up and was saluting everything you said okay, you are speaking to me girl preach. Quiet not shy. Not everybody gets this side of us, we serve them what they serve us. Bless your soul my sister!
I LOVE YOU, EVELYN!! 🙌🏾 I feel you on this whole not being shy just quiet bit. And it’s true, I do care about how people view me, but then again, I always consider the source if how they see me is way off to how I perceive myself.
Oh my gosh I’m going to college for journalism and I also get misunderstood for being shy when I’m really not; people just make their incorrect assumptions.
I think the best way is to field people’s comments on labeling is to kinda say “whatevers” shy, introverted, quiet- call me what you want, I don’t care, i try not to analyze myself that way. Life is much more fun not worrying about that. A huge time suck and waste of days. Helps to just focus outward but it’s easier said than done at times.
I was Shy Ronnie from childhood to adolescence, and then I became a jerk when I was a teenager, which means Ronnie was gone. These days, I've long transitioned from shy to quiet and I embrace the quiet when I need to be. (And I'm quite vocal when I need to be, as well.)
As an extrovert with extra E, i have two introvert siblings. They arent shy, just reserve the fun for people they know. We extroverts can be too much at times and from reading the comments woah. I apologize to introverts in the comments section.
Finally!!!! If there is not one thing I hate...it’s being called shy and even an introvert. I think personality placement puts people in an unnecessary box. I often believe people use it as a lazy way of getting to know or claiming to know a person. Don’t call me shy, intro, extro, call me by my name! 🤷🏾♀️Get to know me as a person...simple... 🤜🏾Boom🤛🏾
Words cannot describe how much I love this video. I've always thought it was dumb to be annoyed by this, but I'm glad so many people feel the same way. Ever since I was a kid, my family has always shamed me for being quiet. When I told my co-worker I wanted to go into the field of marketing, she replied, "But you don't really talk that much." It's things like this that hold people back from reaching their full potential. I plan on achieving my goals despite what anyone else says.
God, I hate labels. I wouldn’t consider myself shy at all either, but def. selective in terms of when and where I chose to engage. Being hype 24/7 is freaking exhausting and unnecessary. Like you, I get my energy when I’m alone, but I also Loooooove ppl and being with them.
sometimes I'm confused wether I'm shy or just introverted. I am sort of self conscious in public spaces. but I think everyone is a little quiet when first meeting anybody. great video!
I'm both shy and introverted. When I'm close to others I talk to you and I love making them laugh. I get so much joy out of making my friends and family laugh. But I need to recharge and I definitely need to do that on my own.
“I’m not shy - you’re just uninspiring” #message
I need this on a shirt
The motto all 2019 😂😂
Right! I felt that one, shiiid
Im sooooooo using this!!!
She said maybe you’re ASHY 😂😂😂😂
dsgbgirl8326 Ik I died 😂🤣😂🤣☠️💀😂🤣😂
Took me down!!
I get the why won't you smile more. Like dafuq I'm supposed to constantly be smiling about?
I get that all the time 😤
Me, too! Can I not RBF in peace, son?! Damn!
I get that as well! I just want to be left alone and people can’t handle it 😂.
Ugh same...it’s always “are you mad about something?” Well I am now 😒
Yooo I hate that. Ugh I tell them to go away.
"Your conversation is not awaking anything within my spirit and I have nothing to add" 😂😂 looovvvve it..
Sooo is "I do not fight for the spotlight" going to be a shirt cause this has been my personal theme for a while...
That a good idea 💡
People have a fear of quiet Black women. I don't know why. No I do know why. They expect us to be loud, obnoxious, angry, opinionated, and always have an attitude. When you are quiet you make people nervous. I'm in my 40s and very quiet, always have been. But best believe I hear and see everything.
Excellent point!! Never looked at it from that perspective before🤔
Huh, I've never heard that. But I have had people question my nationality, heck even my ethnic background because I'm a quiet black woman. 🤷🏾🤷🏾
That’s true
CurlyChemist yes Lord! This is me
I be ear hustling my ass off! Especially at work. Lol. I was just on a bus the other day trying to find out what this woman was cackling about, but her friend that had her cracking up was REALLY good at whispering.
Bih the world ending she done uploaded TWICE this month. Girl lemme get my Bible 😂😂😂
This WEEK. Repent sis
The kingdom of the Lord is Nigh!!
I’m not shy, I just don’t like when people hound my introverted ass about being so quiet. I DONT KNOW YALL 😂😂😂
Preach!! And, after sitting around some folks, I realize that I don't want to know them. Lol!
Introverts are very picky about who we choose as friends. But, once we label you as "friend", we're very loyal. Truth
"why you so quiet" was my theme song....I did not choose
SAME!!!😭
Same smh
Girl! Story of my life.
OK, can we talk about that "Alone" Spongebob edit though?! 🔥🔥🔥
It wasn't all that calm down
"Because I also hate being told what to do, EVEN IF I want to do it" Speak a word Ms. EveRyn!!!!!!!!! I felt that statement in my spirit. #SometimesImContraryThatWay 🤷🏾♀️
This is me!! I'm the ONLY boss of me. No I'm not dancin on cue for you coworker Susan.
Thank you! My grandmother (who I don't even speak to as an adult now) used to talk about me all the time as a kid for being quiet. I would just be in my own little world reading a book, doing homework, or watching cartoons and she wasn't here for it. She would even go so far as to insinuate that quiet people are crazy and/or hiding something (I.e. They turn out gay, steal money, etc.). She had this saying that "it's always the quiet ones" before she went on her little tangents. Little did she realize I was always quiet around her because SHE was the crazy one and even as a kid I felt like she never talked about anything of substance. All she's done her whole life is read magazines and watch and talk about the latest celebrity gossip or talk about the lives of her "friends".
Thankfully my mom always understood my quietness and never shamed me for it.
Glad you had an understanding mom. Both my parents were the one to ask in public, "Are you shamed faceded?" Yes, they put the "ed" at the end of faced. Your grandma sounds like a very opinionated person who's thought process could have been similar to yours growing up, but the world got her, molded her, changed her (and, I agree, also a vampire @Desi R.)
@Desi R. Trust me I know. I'm 100% sure she's a narcissist too. I don't keep in touch with her at all.
Same Sis, same!
My paternal grandmother was like that, and I haven't spoken to her in mannnnnny years ( and she's alive and well).
People say I’m unapproachable. Yet somehow they found a way to approach me about my unapproachableness.
😒 (BYE, Barbara!)
Sheryll in Accounting... 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Preach! I hate that too!! If I tell you, "I'm an Introvert..." then proceed to finish talking, and your response is, "Oh, I get it; you're shy", I automatically stop listening to you. This conversation is OVER, and I have officially "left the building" and am now marinating in my own wonderful thoughts. 🤦♀️
My name is Jamie and I Can relate. People have constantly misinterpreted my personality and labelled me shy. But I find that being quiet and observant can sometimes get you further than being a loud, empty barrel. #myvoiceisagift
Truth!
AMEN!
I felt that ✨🙌🏾
YES!!
Amen sister! I’m quite a chilled person, I’ll go with the flow, so people also interpret that as me being a pushover. 🙄🙄🙄
Quiet is digging the scene with the gangsta lean!!!! Yessssss!
Pausing the video to say I SEE YOU WITH THE STYLIZED BACKGROUND SET UP THOUGH! *Goes back to watching*
"They got a lil something for Cheryl in accounting" my laughter startled the dogs. I love it. #whenyourerightyoureright
“Your conversation is likely not awakening anything in my spirit” 😂😂
“My voice is a gift... and you probably haven’t earned it...” 🙌
This speaks to my SOUL 😂🖤🔥
Being quite + having rbf = "Why are you mad?"
This is my face man and my personality...like can I just sit in silence w/o people assuming I'm contemplating the murder of whoever is sitting in the general direction that I'm staring blankly into 😢😢😂😂
I honestly think this is a race thing. White quiet people are deep thinkers, observant, or intellectuals. Focus, respectful, or good mannered. Black quiet people are shy, scared, lonely, rude, anti-social, or lazy.
It's so annoying. Even more annoying because I used to be shy, and I'm proud to have gotten out of that, but everyone wants to throw that label back on me. I'm not afraid to talk to you, I just literally have nothing to say. My two favorite things in the world are peace and the good sis silence. I'm not disturbing either just to be heard or just to make you feel less uncomfortable.
It's also a sex thing too, men are suppose to be bold and outgoing, and when you aren't a lot of women perceive that we just have low self esteem, which is not true for men at all, I just don't see the point of running my mouth all the time especially to people I don't like lol. Every quiet person struggles but, if you are a quiet woman, you can still get a date
Thank you for this vid and setting the record straight! Shy is not introverted, and introverted is not quiet. They are all different things. People think I'm shy or will say "You're so quiet." Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Just because I'm not running my mouth about bs or I don't want to tell you my whole life story within 5 minutes of meeting you I'm quiet?? Could it be that I don't know you?!" Glad to see I'm not the only one that feels this way.
This made my day. I hate being called shy. I'm an introvert. There's a big difference.
Introverts UNITE!
I realized I was quiet and not actually shy years ago so whenever people say that I'm shy, I shut them down with "I'm not shy - I'm just quiet." They finally get the damn difference and then they get out of my face which is all I've ever wanted in life.
Come on somebody! I never really thought about the distinction between quiet and shy. I always just say I’m both. Which I still see but probably lean more toward just quiet and you said a word with “your conversation is likely not awakening anything within my spirit and I have nothing to add. My voice is a gift and you probably haven’t earned it. I do not fight for spotlight.” Mm. I feel so seen. Needed to hear that
This is soooooooo me! I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone. People (ESPECIALLY at work) love to tell me I’m shy. How are you going to tell me who I am?! I’m NOT shy! Like you said, I consider myself quiet and observant. Just because I don’t talk loud as hell all the time or talk over people every damn day doesn’t mean I’m shy! 😡😂
#facts👌
Desi R. 😂😂😂 yes!!!!
LITERALLY MY LIFE. Literally every African aunt who I’ve told that I’m studying journalism says “you’re to quiet” and I’m like “do you knooow me?!”. I don’t like raising my voice and I don’t like speaking if I have nothing to say like why waste my breath. I love LISTENING. And yes there are times I get anxious when it comes to talking to groups of people , but I’m nooot shy! Lol 😂
Yes!!!!! Story of my life! For years, I accepted others telling me that I was shy and scared to talk to people, when in reality I was quiet and observant. Even though my self-confidence significantly increased as I got older, I'm still quiet and observant. Except now, I see it as a strength and asset.
So on point! I tell people that I'm quiet bc i like being so. Also, it gives me time to think abt moves and be observant abt my surrounding!
"I do not fight for spotlight" may just be a new mantra. Thank you again Not Shy Evelyn.
My freshman year I WORKED MY ASS OFF in this student group. I practically moved mountains. So when I graduated I was saying goodbye, my teacher never said a WORD about my work ethic, but just said wow you are so quiet!
I was so mad that out of all I did, my voice volume was what stuck out the most🙄
That's so upsetting...sad how some professors play favorites with students who are outgoing/charismatic or how some of them just straight up just act weird around you if you're quiet. It's not appropriate
I resonateeeeeee! I’ve had people confuse me being quiet and not having nothing to say or lack of self confidence. And it really pisses me off!
I get that all the time too and I feel you!!!! especially when people use "you're shy" as an argument to tell you you can't do something, I hate that and I don't buy it anymore!
SAME GIRL, SAME!! I've been called shy so many times that I went to a party with an aquainti-friend and she introduced me like "Hey this is Keisha, she's shy hahaha!"...It was in that moment that I no longer considered her an aquainti-friend 😒
I like that word :D
Your ex aquainti-friend was messed up for that
👏👏👏👏👏
So I will admit, I'm all three - shy, introverted, and quiet (unless I'm with my friends). I have been shy since preschool. When you get me around friends I am very outgoing and sometimes my friends can't shut me up but when I am alone with people I don't know, and especially if they all know each other, it is difficult for me to force a conversation. In middle school this happened frequently because they all knew each other and I couldn't relate to them (they were all rich and me, not so much lol). Towards the end of high school and in my first sememster of college, I realized I was also introverted, because it takes so much energy for me to be around people, but I was getting better at the shy part because I became okay with being alone. I found that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. In moments that I am feeling very shy, I also feel lonely because I can't relate to the people around me. When I am alone though, I am calm, I can recharge, and I feel more comfortable in the space that I am in. I can now take that energy that I've gained and not be as nervous when I'm around others.
When I was a toddler I used hide in the house when we have company so Im everything and in-between but I'm trying to get out of it.
Carol Merengza w2\aaa1a11 wa
This is SO ME!
I'll admit it is strange feeling lonelier around other people than by yourself. But that's the phenomenon of being introverted. We draw our strength from the INSIDE not the outside.
You just said a word!! They love putting social anxiety on people, keep it!!
yessss Evelyn, we have the same personality! I definitely was shy as a kid, but I've always said that I"m more reserved and introverted. Maybe I don't want to talk b/c I have nothing interesting or original to provide to this conversation lol
YOU'RE ARTICULATING ALL OF THE TRUTH. "My voice is a gift, and you probably haven't EARNED IT." THANK YOU.
Same here 🙋🏾♀️. I’m quiet and people just don’t seem to understand the difference between quiet and shy. 🤷🏽♀️
Yes!!! To everything in this video! I’m NOT shy at all... yet I just choose to be quiet sometimes🤷🏽♀️
Wow! I can relate to this so much!!! I always tell people I'm not shy, there's just no reason to talk if there's NOTHING to talk about lol. I'm not here to fill a quiet moment just because.
I, too, am introverted, but I'm also a serious loner. Any friend I have is by accident. I've been described as Shy so much. But, people say I give off a friendly vibe, which seriously conflicts with my RBF. I am content with being a loner. I am content with the idea of not having any new friends. I don't even have any work friends, and the odd part of that for me is that this is the first job I've had that I actually love what I do. Any other job, I'd have work friends but hate what I do. Shrug. But it does irk me when people call me Shy or quiet...no, boo boo! I just don't know you, and now I REALLY don't want to know you. Thanks for trying, though!
"Y'all not gon' shame me for my silence, tho!" Love it. Story of my life.
Telling me or commenting how "shy" I am is the fastest way to make me shut down on conversation. You are spot on!
“I hate being told what to do, even if I want to do it” I felt that in my soul!
I felt this one in my soul. I like to be observant and listen too people to get a read on their personality and so many people call me either shy or boring!
I firmly believe that those who speak less, know more! People think that I’m shy bc I don’t speak a lot at work, but how can anyone else talk if folks never shut up; just nonstop talking about themselves from the beginning to the end of the day👀 🤐
f them. ur their for funds not to feed their social needs/expectations
"Your conversation is not awakening anything in my spirit, so I have nothing to add." If that aint a word, Evelyn! Thank you for seeing us quiet (storm) types. I do have social afflictions, so my introversion fits in nicely, but when I like being around someone who makes space instead of taking space, I can be very animated. I often get that I'm "mysterious" and I don't quite care to correct them, because those are the people that talk At me and only about what they're interested in.
Evelyn, I TOTALLY RELATE!! People have considered me to be shy since I was a kid when really I’m just thoughtful with my words ☺️ Shy and quiet are NOT the same thing! Lol Thanks for making this vid! ✨
I feel this, people keep confusing quiet with shy. If I wanted to talk, I would, and when I want to talk, I will, but if I don't, I won't.
"I'm glad I get to talk about books at the end my videos, instead of...detox teas."...Love you girl 😆
"That is a real affliction. I rebuke!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
In medical school and residency my Quietness was misinterpreted as unassertive, unaware, unconcerned and unintelligent ( they thought I didn’t know my stuff so imagine the surprise when I opened my mouth and actually got the answers correct). I have been quiet my whole life and there was a point when I was a child and felt shy but I am by no means shy. Now that I’m a practicing physician, my quietness is an asset because I actually listen to my patients and only speak when I have something important to convey to them. Quiet does not equal void of substance. “And that’s all I have to say about that”.
OMG! You spoke to my soul!!!! I hate being called shy or people acting like being quiet or introverted is a problem. Not everyone is loud.
Omggg Evelyn, why are you me?! I'm always perceived as shy. I hate it. I'm extremely introverted and I literally hate people in my space. I've heard people calling me bougie, rude, etc because I literally avoid talking if possible. I need to share this on every social media I have😪😪
Shy. adjective. "That piglet from Winnie-the-Pooh energy." 😂😂😂
Thank you Evelyn for explaining the difference between quiet & shy!! SPOT ON! I can 1000% relate :-D
"YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT AWAKENING ANYTHING WITHIN MY SPIRIT"
"MY VOICE IS A GIFT"
"I DO NOT FIGHT FOR SPOTLIGHT!"
AMEN
“Quiet is choosing your words wisely” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 it’s like you’re (quietly) reading my mind haha
EVELYN BACK AT IT AGAIN !!! Go on head cousin!
What did I do to deserve this blessing?? A video!?! Gloooorrryy!!!
"My voice is a gift and you probably haven't earned it." This speaks to me on a soul level.
One thing, though: getting your energy/recharging from being alone is exactly what being introverted is. Social anxiety (and shyness) is something else entirely. People get them confused, which is understandable.
I relate to everything you just said! Im not shy, I’m just chilling.
THE RELATABILITY!!! When I tell you I’ve heard that most of my life fam!! People always thought I was upset and I never was. There was just nothing inspiring about the conversation, didn’t need to add to it 🤷🏾♀️ #myvoiceisagift
"I hate when people misinterpret my personality." Hunty. THAT.
Absolutely HATE when people tell me I’m intimidating!
I'm not shy either. I'm very quiet, observant, and thoughtful (unless I know you). I don't consider myself an introvert, I love being alone. STOP ASKING WHY I'M QUIET! When and why did being quiet become a bad thing? Always wondered this.
The saiyan hair 😂😂
I’m so glad you posted this video, I’ve been feeling the same way a lot lately. A coworker called me shy, it made me cringe and a bit offended, didn’t know why. But this video had put my feeling into words.
Thank you
I definitely care what people think, it affects how they treat me, how they speak about me to others. Being called shy when you aren’t (also story of my life) is honestly pretty damaging because people don’t think you can “handle” certain opportunities when you MOST DEFINITELY CAN and write you off sometimes
I love this! And I feel it 100%... don't shame me for choosing when to speak! Get to know me and you'll understand... 💗
This is my life 🙄😑. People also mistake quiet people for one's who don't have anything to say. Choosing ones words before speaking takes more thought and reasoning. I find that silence makes people feel uncomfortable. It also causes them to reflect more. That's scary to most people. No one really wants to be alone with their thoughts. I value peace and quiet. I only speak when I actually have something to say or there's a topic that I find interesting. Because of that people think I'm distant, disinterested, or lame. I've heard them all. But when I do speak to people, I choose to talk to, we have great conversations.
Whenever I encounter such people who value noise and constant talking over meaningful conversations I always think of the words my mum would say to me. "Empty cans make a lot of noise".
Sometimes a video is better than a cup of coffee, thanks cuz. 💖
I got this more as a kid, now people just think I’m a megabitch.. my outfit says extrovert, but my personality says introvert who thrives in solitude. 🤷🏾♂️
OMG SPEAK👏🏿ON👏🏿IT!!👏🏿You just told the story of my life. People never consider that I'm quiet cause I don't feel compelled to add to ashy conversation for the sake of filling silence!
I’m the sammmme way . Like I’m not shy . I’m chilled/quiet at first. Somtimes I feed off other people’s energy so energize me .
I hate it too.
Just because I am not always up in everyone's face talking all the time.
I like to observe and chose my words
shy is not the same as introverted! Amen!
You described my whole life. At one point I think I internalized the idea of being shy and didn't realize how much of an extrovert I am
I just discovered you and THANK YOU for contextualizing this for me. I do have mild Social Anxiety in some situations (like I have a physical reaction that's neither being shy or quiet), but in many situations if I don't feel conversations are engaging enough I just don't engage because the social environment provides ZERO engagement worthy of my energy. Especially in semi-small, semi-familiar groups with vapid small talk of no consequence that I do not care about.
I deal with this allll the time! I once said I wanted to live in New York and someone said "you know they have alot of people there right?".... Like do I have to talk to them all?? No I don't.
Im quiet, im introverted and i like shutting the hell up and sitting in a comfy spot by myself zoning out. But i also know that people think that is boring and that somethings wrong with me and that makes me tense up around people sadly :(
Omg thank you so much. People call me”Shy” and “soft spoken” ESPECIALLY my family but they are literally just loud and have HUGE personalities
This whole video is the perfect description of me!! I’m happy someone else gets it!
Love this video Evelyn! You are so funny! I love how you explained the differences in being a shy, introverted, and quiet person. The reasons for being quiet are on point! I'm quiet too! 😁
Love this Evelyn. I'm an INFJ and we love to make real genuine connections with people and like connecting with people on a more than a surface level. But we hate "small talk" and find it just too fake, superficial and draining, which gets us labeled "anti social" or "stand offish"
As a child my cautious observance and quietness was labeled as shyness, so I started believing I was shy. Now I still struggle with shyness even as I’m more confident in who I am. I wonder who I would be if people had not labeled me from such a young age.
I appreciate the distinction that you make between shy and quiet, both of which my freaking uncle calls me all the time! It's like just stop it!!! I don't always feel the need to add something to a conversation, including this one, goodbye
My quietness makes louder people give me a wide berth of space because I'm not hype enough. Even at work, I still get this,where people will actually groan if a cell center job (I've worked several) has assigned seats and a talkative person has to sit next to me. Managers do this to tame the louder person and keep them focused but it makes me feel like just sinking through the floor.
I don't talk a lot so talkative people find me a bore. Talkative people wear me out, though, because while I like some conversations, I like to just inwardly reflect. I know the irony of not being a talker and working at a call center but at least I have a problem I can work on to reach a solution, so the conversations become formulaic and usually predictable to handle.
No offense to extraverts but it seems like most quiet people and introverts understand the desire for extroversion but never the opposite way around. We're constantly having to explain and defend ourselves that we don't hate talking.
I am loud and that makes people think that I can’t be insightful. It’s just the way I am and I still know when to shut up.
Evelyn!!!! Speaking my life into existence. I was a shy child but I have grown into my own and realised and accepted that I am generally a quiet person and there is nothing wrong with that no matter how many people try to tell you otherwise. Someone recently told me how I should speak up more, stand up for myself and not be so quiet😒😒😒 Never been so offended. Taking down some of these one-liners for a clap-back the next time someone tries to come at me. And that mscheeew at the end😂😂😂😂
I had almost the exact same thing happen to me, a relative I was telling about journalism work (that I was getting consistently and LOVING) responded with, “I can’t see that, people have never been your thing.” People as individuals have always been my thing - humanity in general is not. 😄
Yes. There was a reason why I clicked on this video and girl, I got up and was saluting everything you said okay, you are speaking to me girl preach. Quiet not shy. Not everybody gets this side of us, we serve them what they serve us. Bless your soul my sister!
I LOVE YOU, EVELYN!! 🙌🏾
I feel you on this whole not being shy just quiet bit. And it’s true, I do care about how people view me, but then again, I always consider the source if how they see me is way off to how I perceive myself.
Oh my gosh I’m going to college for journalism and I also get misunderstood for being shy when I’m really not; people just make their incorrect assumptions.
I think the best way is to field people’s comments on labeling is to kinda say “whatevers” shy, introverted, quiet- call me what you want, I don’t care, i try not to analyze myself that way. Life is much more fun not worrying about that. A huge time suck and waste of days. Helps to just focus outward but it’s easier said than done at times.
I was Shy Ronnie from childhood to adolescence, and then I became a jerk when I was a teenager, which means Ronnie was gone. These days, I've long transitioned from shy to quiet and I embrace the quiet when I need to be. (And I'm quite vocal when I need to be, as well.)
As an extrovert with extra E, i have two introvert siblings. They arent shy, just reserve the fun for people they know. We extroverts can be too much at times and from reading the comments woah. I apologize to introverts in the comments section.
Thank you; I accept your apology.
Finally!!!! If there is not one thing I hate...it’s being called shy and even an introvert. I think personality placement puts people in an unnecessary box. I often believe people use it as a lazy way of getting to know or claiming to know a person. Don’t call me shy, intro, extro, call me by my name! 🤷🏾♀️Get to know me as a person...simple... 🤜🏾Boom🤛🏾
Words cannot describe how much I love this video. I've always thought it was dumb to be annoyed by this, but I'm glad so many people feel the same way. Ever since I was a kid, my family has always shamed me for being quiet. When I told my co-worker I wanted to go into the field of marketing, she replied, "But you don't really talk that much." It's things like this that hold people back from reaching their full potential. I plan on achieving my goals despite what anyone else says.
God, I hate labels. I wouldn’t consider myself shy at all either, but def. selective in terms of when and where I chose to engage. Being hype 24/7 is freaking exhausting and unnecessary. Like you, I get my energy when I’m alone, but I also Loooooove ppl and being with them.
sometimes I'm confused wether I'm shy or just introverted. I am sort of self conscious in public spaces. but I think everyone is a little quiet when first meeting anybody. great video!
I'm both shy and introverted. When I'm close to others I talk to you and I love making them laugh. I get so much joy out of making my friends and family laugh.
But I need to recharge and I definitely need to do that on my own.