Why We Are NOT Adopting Our Foster Daughter
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- Опубліковано 9 вер 2019
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Be The Village
P.O. Box 348
Maineville, OH 45039
My mother fostered a girl from when she was 1 until she was 15 and it took the parents that long to do the things they had to do and get her back. It wss very hard because I was 10 when she left. To me she wasn't my foster sister she was my sister. It has been 5 years and she still visits every single week and calls every other night. She says that she has 2 familes. Attachment does happen but it is so important that she got to reunite with her mom and have 2 totally different but amazing familes that never gave up.
maddie Clarence I honestly think that’s one of the greatest gifts you can give to a foster kiddo. Your parents are amazing.
Yesss!!! Im so happy to see this!
Wow that’s so unusual! She definitely has two families.😘
love this thank you for sharing.
I love it!!! Blood doesnt makes you family. Thank you for sharing!
What people need to understand is just because she isnt legally your child doesnt mean she isn't part of your family. Y'all are giving her an amazing gift of safety and security and a place where she can grow and flourish. I was in foster care from the age of 11 until 14 and I was in 5 foster homes and was told multiple time that I wasn't wanted there. Even once got to spend the weekend with a potential adoptive family who then sent me back. I suffered emotionally and academically. I truly wish I had had a family like y'all.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Please know that you are not what those people told you or showed you. If you haven't already, get some counseling to help yourself view yourself in a different light. God loves you and has seen you through a very difficult man-made journey, but your story isn't over. Be ready to turn that page and go forward in confidence and joy 💖
Agreed and omg you are so strong wow , you deserve nothing but the best :-)
Miss A is very lucky. Hopefully with more videos like this more stable suitable homes will open if for kids like you. I think your story is more common than this channel. ❤️ you got through it. You will do better for your kids and kids you know.
Sent you back? That's sick. I'm so sorry.
@@kenpark3164 yeah that one hurt pretty bad. No one wants to feel like a pound puppy.
When I was 15, I was removed from my home (my father was abusing me) (my mother passed away when I was 7) and I wanted nothing more than a foster parent. Unfortunately no one would take me at that age as they thought I would be a ‘hassle’. Which I was heartbroken over as I just wanted support to get through school and have love around me. I would have loved to have had a family as amazing as yours! You are such an inspiration and Miss A will thrive with your family - btw I did it on my own, got an apartment, stayed at school, moved away to university and actually just graduated! Now just currently trying to find a full time job with my degree which is Film and Media studies ❤️
🙌🏼
AMAZING 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤️❤️ you are awesome and amazing for where you’ve been and because of where you are now you amazing INDEPENDENT WOMAN 👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏽
That is absolutely amazing
That is amazing! Congratulations. I am so proud of you.
Good for you !!!
My god parents were foster parents growing up, they had more than one child request to move back with them after they turned 18. One literally said "Home is where they are"
It breaks my heart when kids turn 18 and are thrown out of the foster system, young people need love and support for so much longer, for a lifetime really. Can this change?
God*
@@jennyhughes4474 people turn 18 or 21 and get thrown out of homes too 🤷🏼♀️
Not everyone has those great parents like in the movies with all the hogs and I love yous and talking about feelings.
Damn many kids turn 18 and RUN from home because they were waiting for that moment for years!
And they're not taken away from home by the county because there's food in the fridge and they havenice clothes because their sh**ty parents (or parent) actually have a decent job. Just totally suck at parenting.
@@d-meth Yes, I know. I was orphaned at age 12 and lived with guardians I had only met 2 or 3 times in my life; it was SO difficult (for me & my older brother) because their parenting style was so different from how I was brought up, she was extremely strict & occasionally brutal - she beat my head very badly one day so I had to get to bed I felt SO bad & confused & 'saw' the moon rise twice (I had concussion); she also attacked my brother & pulled lots of tufts of his hair out whilst hitting him on the head, he was on the floor trying to cover his face/head with his hands but he never hit back = how we'd been brought up by our parents & I think he was in total shock - nobody had ever behaved like this to him, let alone an adult, a carer, I saw & was in absolute shock & didn't know what to do. So when I left school and went to art college I didn't go back. I kept in touch sporadically, then when I became a mum I twice went to visit her (they'd divorced) taking my young son with me, & both times she was really nasty (to him & me) so I never visited ever again. I put up with her abuses of me when I was young but couldn't allow the same for my son. I am grateful for the GODD things they did for me (there were a lot, but often quite strained sadly & I lived in fear of what she might do next, she flipped so suddenly) & my brother (NOT in an orphanage) but her husband heard her attacking us at different times & sat/hid in his home-office & did nothing to protect us = hard to forgive. I returned once when requested to because they had moved into a new home so me & my brother had to go to collect our belongings, I was about 21 I think, all rather vague now. But I know that compared to so many I was very lucky. Sorry this is a bit scrambled: I had a serious accident 15 years ago and have a brain injury PLUS this brings up difficult times/emotions as well as some good ones. My friends (& sometimes their parents) and old family friends were/became my 'family'. All the best to you.
“You’re okay with loving these kids, and them letting them go” oh my lord my heart 😭🥺❤️
We adopted 3 kids from foster care. Our intention was to adopt, so they only placed kids with us whose parent's rights had been terminated or were expected to be. I say this to share that that is another possible way to enter into foster parenting. You can request adoptive placements only. We fostered 3 kids and adopted those 3 kids. Anyway, just putting in my two cents. Also, I appreciated your comments regarding the whole "I couldn't foster because I would get too attached." It has to be about providing for the needs of these kids...even though it can hurt to let them go. Praying for blessings for your family.
Dear Sandy, which state or county are you located?
@@pearl1357 When we adopted we were in central Illinois.
What state are you in?
@@sandyjenkins3077 Did you tell the social worker when licensing that your intention was to adopt? I'm in Central Illinois and interested in doing the same thing, but I'm worried that the social worker won't like that because they'd be worried we would try to work against reunification.
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@@MB-lz1lp First, we became foster and then adoptive parents over twenty-five years ago. But, we did tell our caseworker that our hope was to adopt. We were willing to foster non-adoptable kids too. But, they actually seemed very happy to work with us to place kids needed adopting with us. First, we fostered then adopted a four year old and a two year old. We fostered them for two years before they could be adopted. Right after we adopted them, they placed a six week old baby with us , and we were able to adopt him around six months later. We even moved to St. Louis area before he was adopted and they allowed us to take him with us. We did stay in IL though until after the adoption. We went on to have three birth children and fulfilled our dream of having a large family. I hope and pray you too are able to fulfill your hopes and dreams and be the family that some precious children are needing.
You look so sad in this video.... I haven't finished but I just wanted to send you a hug (oooooooooooo)
🤗
Just finished. I think you've got a great attitude about the process. Its gotta be heartbreaking but so fulfilling. I was a girl scout leader in some really underprivileged areas and I always said that if I can just show the girls either a different way or teach them something they wouldn't have learned or had exposure to, then I knew that I was doing good and my heartbreak at watching their situation was worth it. I did it for about 8 years and I have girls that I taught come up to me in stores or around town and tell me how much they loved our sessions. I'd imagine you're going to leave a trail of love in these kids lives. Thanks for sharing.... 😘
I felt the same way.....what a sweet person she is
@Jen imagine how this girl's mother feels, this girl's mother needs hugs
@@susansmith4784 well, I think that "something" had to happen to have her child taken away, and no judgement, but she should've been more careful with her daughter. I feel like it is rare that the state intervenes if the environment is safe... from what I know, they do everything to keep those kids with their parents.
In the UK we say "make positive changes" for "get better"... thought it might help as you didnt seem to want to use get better...
Also, you're doing stellar work with Miss A - she will remember your input for the rest of her life x
Yes, I love that!
@@BeTheVillageCommunity and I love watching you as foster parents... I'm a Social Worker in the UK and find the differences in fostering here and the US fascinating (eg fosterers never go to court here - the children are represented by the social worker and guardian (I think you mentioned these too) and that's it...
littlemisshappy2002 wow that would be very interesting to do a video on the differences
She will only have *one* mother and *one* father
Well said. My best friend was a foster care parent who raised four children to adulthood, adopting one. The other 3 reached legal age and parental rights were never terminated because it was deemed in their best interest to maintain relationships with their extended biological family. My friend maintains relationships with 3 of the 4. Her "grandchildren" are as much hers as if she had biologically produced their mother and father. Love comes in so many forms, thank God.
As a former foster child who was adopted in my teens, I can assure you Miss A will have a deep respect and love for you, for the rest of her life.
#1 rule of foster care: you WILL fall in love with these kids. And, although it is atypical from a “traditional” family, all you want for these kids is what is best for them!! Just like any parent!
Even if the chance of adoption doesn’t occur, that connection with Miss A will always be there. She’s lucky to have you has foster parents.
Thank you for saying these things. My husband and I are in the process of becoming foster parents and people always say but you are going to get attached. I always say that yes we will and that's what we should do because the kids need to learn what proper attachment is.
Way to go!! Best of luck ❤️
Exactly. My mom and dad became foster parents after 4 of the 5 of us grew up and moved out. My mom in particular gets upset when people say, “I couldn’t do that, I’d get too attached.” Well, duh. That’s the very mission of foster care! Getting “too attached” is the entire point.
You will never be parents to stolen kids, go get your own kids.
People only ever have *one* mother
@@morganfreeman9106
People only ever have *one* mother and *one father.
No amount of money makes your mum or dad 'mother' or 'father' to someone else's kids
@@susansmith4784 yea n guess what, that one mother and one father are shitty at it. Some should have honestly to God not had kids. I was raised by my mother and stepfather (saw him as my father and called him Dad) and guess what I have no kind of attachment to them in any way shape or for. I've been in therapy on and off for years. Trying to put all the dots together.
DO YOU KNOW HOW F***** UP IT IS TO AT ALMOST 40 YEARS OLD OF AGE FINALLY FIGURE OUT THAT THE REASON YOU DON'T FORM ANY TYPE OF ATTACHMENT TO ANYONE IS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EVEN FORM AN ATTACHMENT WITH YOUR OWN MOTHER!!!!
I feel like when someone says “I couldn’t do that, I’d get too attached” they might really not mean that they think you aren’t going to get attached. (Maybe some do, but not all).
I think some might mean that they aren’t strong enough to get attached and let a child go over and over again.
Or a few might think they’d get so attached they would lose perspective and have a hard time selflessly supporting reunification and think they are better for the child.
Your feelings are valid on how you hear that comment, and I don’t mean to disregard them in any way. I just wanted to offer an alternative perception on how it might be a compliment sometimes, and it is just coming out wrong. 🙂
You are doing such wonderful things for Miss A and all your future foster children with a beautiful grace and love.
Well said ❤️
Thats in the boat I am in. I love and adore children, but I know I could never love a child so much and then send them back to ANY home much less one I might not consider ideal. I would lose sight of reunification, I know that, so I can’t do that.
Foster care is not for everyone and that's ok. There are so many other ways to help if people really want to. There is a mentoring program my sister volunteers in to help kids have a good role model in their life. :)
Of course. That's common sense. Only insecure people would get offended at such an obviously non offensive statement.
My perception of that statement is the person is saying the Foster parent is stronger & better than the average human ❤️
When you hear people say "I couldn't foster because I would get too attached", don't think of it as them calling you a heartless person. Think of it as them telling you that they aren't strong enough and aren't courageous enough to overcome the difficult parts of being a foster parent.
I love that you do these videos! I've thought about becoming a foster parent for quite a few years and someday once I have better resources and a place of my own I hope to begin the process. Your information really helps to get an idea of what I'd be going into.
Yes, this. I’ve said this many times and I absolutely mean that what they are doing requires and incredibly high level of emotional intelligence that I don’t believe that I currently possess.
I interpret that comment "I couldn't do that" differently as "Wow, you are incredibly strong and I don't think I'm strong enough to handle it." I'm saying that because that was exactly my thought. Not that you are a heartless woman and have no emotions. that never crossed my mind. But now I see how it could come across and would approach it differently. I think people really need the reality check that it IS hard and people that seem like they are strong and have it together struggle too. Thank you for sharing your heart.
I did foster care for about a year and when people would say oh I could never do it because I’d get to attached, I’d tell them that’s the point. These kids need people to be attached to them, to show them love and what a positive influence looks like!
I think with the "I'd get too attached" people I don't think they are meaning go imply you don't get attached more that they wouldn't be emotionally strong enough to handle the giving them back part. Some people just aren't and that's okay
I was a foster kid for 6 years. I am currently in school to be a social worker and I plan on also being a foster parent. I didn’t have a positive experience and I hope to better change the system. It’s nice seeing loving and caring foster parents such as you and your husband. Keep doing what you do❤️
It takes incredible people to love a child knowing you're giving them back. You guys are what every child in the system needs.
You have to remember that foster care is different than adoption. The primary goal is to REUNITE the kids with their BIOLOGICAL families. Fostering is mainly supposed to be temporary, for that reason. If that is not an option, then adoption can be considered.
I hope miss a can be reunified with her family. They sound like good people.
❤️
I was thinking the same thing, all those siblings we keep hearing about, they love each other
Let her go home to her own family
susan smith not that easy.
@@sunleo6161 of course it is, kids need their mothers
Oh jeez, who's cutting onions this early in the morning!? Your motivations and attitudes towards fostering are really what's in the best interest of your kid and it shows in the way she's responding to y'all. You guys are one of those helpers Mister Rogers told us to look for.
We went into fostering as foster to adopt. Yes we understood we wheren't the forever home for most of the kids we where to have, we had a little boy for 13 months placed with us before returning home, it's been like a year and a half since he went home and I still miss him. Another boy only for 3 months. We wanted to love these boys the best we could for how long we had them. Though we went into foster hoping to adopt. The Lord laid it on my heart to go this route. Our first placement was for a 2 day old baby boy. And after only 3 weeks his birth parents for reasons out of my control left the state and his life. It took almost 2 and a half years, but we adopted him last December. We are the only family he knows. This is why I think going into the system to adopt isnt a bad thing or something to look down on as long as you know that not every kid you have is yours to keep for life.
Hi Whitney! I am from Germany, 16 y/o and my Family is a foster family too. We take in newborns and children up to 5 years. In this Video you just talked about the things I can relate to as foster sister. All these comments: I couldn‘t let them go. Oh yes it is hard to let them go and we cry but it is necessary. We need to let them go.
I really understood what you wanted to say. Just because we let them go doesn‘t mean we don‘t love them.
Greetings from Germany to Miss A and your whole Family.
💕 Naemi
❤️❤️❤️
I am a foster care worker in Michigan. I appreciate how well you explain foster care and don’t bad mouth the bio families. I feel like you are taking away a lot of stigmas of foster care!!!!
I really hope we are!! (Taking away the stigmas that is)
My heart is filled with joy the way you describe fostering.
my grandmother was a foster child, and while her mother never regained custody of her and her 5 brothers (meaning she was never able to be adopted), i know she cherished her foster mother keeping her and loving her until her foster mother eventually passed, well into my grandmothers 40s. having been fostered by my grandmother myself due to my family’s circumstances has always made my heart hurt even worse for the children who don’t have good homes to turn to. your family is amazing ! people like you inspire so much good
I’m a lawyer for foster kids in the system in Los Angeles County. Thank you for your extraordinary commitment to Miss A and for your philosophy as a foster parent. As someone who has been a lawyer for both the parents and the kids impacted by the system, you should know your capacity to support family reunification *so fully* is so needed for these families. I’m so appreciative of the knowledge and sensitivity you clearly have toward the families we serve and the issues they face. Your channel is doing an incredible service. I love your videos! -Erica
My grandson is the foster system and we could sure use some advice... if it's not too much, would you consider speaking with me...
Robbyn 818 579 6614
Studio City Baby Ca It sounds like your grandson has his own lawyer, so it would be unethical for me to get involved when I haven’t been appointed to the case. I’m sorry I can’t help.
I was asking for legal advice for myself and the paternal grandparents
Studio City Baby Ca I understand. I am a court appointed attorney for foster kids, not parents or other relatives. I can’t provide you with legal advice.
My foster daughter that I had her last two years of high school, we are mom and daughter. She's now married, living two states away, and we talk about mother/daughter stuff. Just tonight I told her about me starting menopause. I want to educate her on that as well, or help her to educate herself.
I was in foster care. I wish I had foster parents like you two. I wouldn’t have left so abruptly at 18, I had nothing. I needed the guidance that you guys provide. Keep it up ❤️
I have a friend who has been a foster mom for a long time. Years ago she had a foster kiddo that was very special. He wasn't with her very long, but he always held a very special place in her heart. During all of his moves they lost contact. BUT, they recently reconnected. He is an adult now. Her family has welcomed him with open arms. She told me just this morning that she and her husband have decided to adopt him even though he is over 18. She wants to make sure he knows he has a forever family. That is love right there.
She's not a 'mom' to any of these detained kids, each of these detained kids already have their own mother and noone else will ever be their mother
Seriously? If a child has been abused by their so called birth parents to the point where parental rights have been terminated, they no longer have the right to be called parents.
@@sherrybrissette1614 Not every child has been ripped apart from their families and mother for any abuse. Fact. Kids only ever have one mother, the woman who gave birth to them. No piece of paper will ever change that
Just because someone gave birth to a child does not make them a mother. Susan Smith if you believe that every person that has carried a child and gave birth did so willingly. And provided anything more than that act you are delusional.
@@JW-nq1ht kids only have one mother, that is the woman who gave birth to them and no piece of paper can break that bond. Regardless of the circumstances, the woman who gave birth to them is their only mother. Most detained kids will try to find their mother later if they've been kept away from her and have been told negative details about her, as those negative details about her are often untrue. And the majority of mothers will welcome them and the opportunity to tell them the truth, and how much they are loved
I think it takes a special level of deep unconditional love to be able to care and nurture with the goal of letting go. Loving enough to be able to deal with the hurt, and accepting this pain as a "price you're willing to pay" to help someone else.
So Happy to see how much you care about Ms.A .
Y'all have the kindest hearts. I've heard "I can't do foster care bc I would get too attached." I always took it to mean that it would be too hard to cope with letting go not so much to imply that you wouldn't get attached. I can't imagine someone not getting attached but I guess that's the reality for some... I think that's what some people mean, if that makes any sense.
You explained the true meaning of foster care so eloquently! Many people do not understand that, whilst these children may be in our homes only temporarily, they remain in our hearts forever - some stay in contact and share holidays long after they have returned to their birth parents and have since become adults themselves. Thank you for opening up your home and hearts to these precious children.
I am in no position to be in a foster parent right now in my life. Part of me would like to do it someday. But I am afraid I would indeed become "too attached"... not that I would be more attached than this family is to Miss A. It's just that with my personality, I'm afraid my attachment would make it difficult to support the family and reunification. I don't know if my mental state and fear of losing the child would end up being detrimental. I admire how this family is able to love and connect while supporting the goal of reunification.
There is nothing wrong with that! Everyone is different and is meant for different things. I applaud you for having the self awareness to know your limits ❤️
It's so easy to get attached! It happens, but getting attached is not a bad thing, that child needs you to be attached and love them as your own child! So getting attached isn't a bad thing it let's them know they are safe and loved at the most difficult time of their life, keeping a child you don't get attached to is what is hard!
There are ways to help without fostering. Quite a lot of ways. You could apply to be a Child Advocate where you help support the child's best interest and sometimes become their voice in court. You could volunteer at a hospital NICU (neonatal intensive care unit), many of them need extra hands to help do basic care for the little babies in there but also to hold them and have more human contact which can help the babies thrive. If you can't full time foster, you might be able to do respite care which is just taking over for care for a very short term kind of like babysitting in a way. There's also working with animals if you can't currently work with children. Lots of ways to help without the commitment of fostering.
I don't normally chime in, but I am in the process of opening my home for adoptive placement foster care. It's not to say that I don't want reunification, but with my agency specifically, they have several children who are already in limbo looking for a permanent home and those are the children we would be getting with the hopes of adoption. Ive made it clear that if we get a child where TPR hasn't occurred, we will advocate for that child and support the efforts to go home, but our goal as an infertile couple is adoptive placements. Just felt the need to include that adoptive placement is a thing and not all children who are placed with you have visits and court, some have finished all that and just need a permanent home.
Very good point! Thank you for clarifying ❤️
Or never started it
Not to disagree with you, but to twist this around a bit. I have worked with children in foster care and have contemplated it in the future, and I have also heard the comment, "I could never do it because I would get too attached" and the way I like to look at it is not that foster parents don't care, or don't get attached, but that it takes a certain kind of person to get attached and willingly go through the heartbreak anyway because of your love for these children. Not everyone is strong enough to do what you do, and that is just a testament to how wonderful you are. Next time someone says they could not do it, remember that there are those of us in aw of your ability to love and lose, and either that person knows themselves well enough to know it would destroy them, or they need the encouragement to find that strength in themselves.
My wife and I adopted a sib group of 4, 14 years ago. The need for forever homes is huge. I'm also happy to answer questions. Great channel.
How old were the children?
Interchange the word "attached" with "invested". There is the answer. You're invested in getting them to a better place in life.
The world needs more people like you! Kids need to know they are loved!!
You did a beautiful job of explaining the process and how it is to be handled. My dream is that all foster parents treat the process with such care and respect.
What is terrible is when the parents do the work put all their effort into straightening themseleves out and the caseworker just will not close the case and reach the goal of returning the children. In my county, they need to work on reunification. Love that u involve Miss A 's mom.
We have had our first foster kids since 4/17/19. They were 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 when they came to us (they are now 2 and 3). We are the second foster family they have been with. We started out telling them that they are loved. And we found all the “I love you” books we could find that didn’t use the words mommy and daddy. We now tell them that we love them. They don’t have the (verbal) words to say I love you but they know the signs. They were completely nonverbal in April, now we have a bunch of words. Both verbal and signed. Mine being the younger ones favorite word currently.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and open!! Love you and your channel ❤️
We were getting licensed for both foster care and foster to adopt because in the case we were in there was a high possibility
When I was nine, my family started fostering a 15 month old boy. We taught him how to laugh, he was like blood family. He was there when I turned double digits. DHS (department of human services) called my parents saying they wanted us to adopt me. The same week on Wednesday they called and said he was going home. The hardest thing I’ve gone through. On Monday, November 13th, 2017, at 7:49 AM; my parents walked out the front door with a baby in their arms. They came home with no baby and he was gone.
I am in my masters program to be a social worker and enjoy watching your videos to see a foster parents point of view! You appear very loving and I appreciate your videos and dedication to the kiddos u help!
You had a really open honest heart in this. Thank you for saying all you did. I hope this video gets more views to help the general public know more about the goal and job of fostering. You guys are doing great.
love this, thank you.
I have two friends who are nuns who are foster parents, and they are exactly that "revolving door of a safe place". They kept a scrapbook of every kid that had ever been in their home, whether for 1 day or for years. They definitely got attached!
That is beautiful ❤️
Your sincerity, passion and earnestness will be personally responsible for dozens of people choosing to become foster parents!
My godson has been in foster care since he was 4 months old. His parents have jumped through every hoop put before them and they're still fighting to get him back. He was born prematurely because of my friends health issues and they're using her disability against her to try to terminate parental rights.
that sad . most my adopted kids parents didn't want know them my 5 year old come to me he was just under stone at 3 years old that abuse he needed to be out of there his parents give up they rights before we got him he now little over 3 stone healthy happy 5 year old they also give up his sisters as they twins as we do foster to adopt too they place with us ans we adopted them and another sibling set two because of same reason as their parents. but to not be given your kid back because your disbaled is wrong.
That's horrible!
My dad has gone through similar except it's BECAUSE he was in the foster system as a kid, they have tried to take us away numerous times for bogus reasons we have literally told them are not true.
My initial thought about foster caring is also " I couldn't do what you are doing because I'd get attached". But personally what I mean is, I don't know if I would have the strength to love so hard and then let go out of love. I don't think you are colder than me, but the opposite, because what you give these kids is the highest level of love and strength that exists :)
Thank you so much for opening your heart to these children. And opening your heart to all of us, sharing your journey! I pray that you're blessed by giving of yourself & these children see your true intentions ❤
Wow. I accidentally found this channel from John's link tree. I had no idea you guys were foster's as well. Just made me fall even more in love with this family. I was in the system so I know what you guys are doing for those girls. 💕
So glad you stumbled upon us!
Every video of yours I watch I realize more and more how amazing you really are 💕 hope your having a good day 💕
I think when people say "I wouldn't be able to do that, I'd get too attached" they don't mean that you don't get attached. I think they recognize that you do and that it takes a next level kind of strength and love to do what you do.
You and John are such a gift to the foster world. You are amazingly aware of exactly what these kids need. You undoubtedly are making a hugely positive impact on these children. ❤️
It's what's best for the child and you are doing great as is she.
I cried 😭♥️ So happy to see miss A getting love from you two while she is with you.
As a foster mom myself I have dealt with this issue as well. We are in Kentucky and going through the TPR process and are a concurrent home. Bless you guys and thank you for giving words to feelings that are often hard to describe.
You guys are so incredibly amazing! Loads of love for your family and the families of the kiddos in your care ❣️
I wish there were a million more people like you. How unselfish to love a child knowing they will most likely be leaving you at some point. You are such an angel.
It's so nice to see a foster mom who truly wants what's best for her kiddos. I watched my sister have to deal with CPS and a foster mom who was definitely not trying to do what was best for the kids in her care. The woman ended up losing her license because of it. She refused to give my sisters son back (as well as another child in her care) even after the court deemed my sister and the other child's mother stable enough to have both children returned to their parents. She thankfully relented because of the threat of jail. Some people go into foster care for the wrong reasons, such as control issues and personal emotional troubles, but it seems you're in it for the right ones. God bless you and your family. Truly.
Beautifully said! I wish i could make all my friends and family members watch this. You're amazing. We're waiting on our license, have no kids of our own and just want to be a traditional foster home. Adoption is not our goal but wouldn't be opposed. People think we are nuts. So many kids need that safe place to land and be loved during the reunification phase. Thankss for all you do ❤
My cousins are fostering to adopt and I hate to say this but when tpr happened our family was so happy because it was one step closer to him being part of our family forever. We are so close to his final court date! Please pray for my family! And I will always be praying for you guys and miss a on her journey! I believe that every child should have a good loving home, for my cousins this was their last chance to have kids. But I believe no child should grow up in an environment where they feel unloved or unwanted. You guys are this amazing environment for miss a and all the Foster kids you encounter. God bless you
As someone who was in the foster system . You don’t always have to adopt us and that is okay.
rennemarie I’m in foster care, wanna talk?
Even if you do not “adopt” you can often times remain in contact as a mentor to these kids as they grow up and be there for them even when the are to old to be a foster kid. I think this could especially true for miss A. It seems like Miss would respond positively and would benefit from having you and John in her life as mentors and part of her support system. I am sure there would be many ways to help and support her for many years to come, no adoption needed.
Hey - you have and will love this girl in a way that has and will change her life forever. Nothing can change that, nothing could take that away from her. She isn't your biological daughter, but you have loved her like she is. You have made yourself incredibly vulnerable, opening yourself for the hurt and pain that will come when you have to see her go. Your heart is hurt to protect her's, you love her enough for the pain to be okay, and that's real love. Praying for you guys, I'm sure you're going through a lot of emotions right now
I think when people say, “I couldn’t foster a child because I would get too attached”, I think they really mean that they are not willing to put themselves in that position because they don’t want to get hurt. You are a very special person who is willing to put the child’s needs above your own, even if it means you might get hurt.
I love this. I love that you are giving miss A a loving stable home where she is safe until her parents get it back together. She will always love you for that. She’s well taken care of. ❤️
Miss A is part of your family and may always be. My parents did foster care when I was young and I still consider some of the foster kids that we had as my sisters/brothers even though we have all grown up and some of them moved back with their biological family. Even if you never adopt Miss A and she goes back to her parents you can always be apart of her life as like an aunt/uncle.
Thank you for this! My husband and I have been looking into fostering, but most of the online groups, posts and articles I have found are about fostering to adopt. That is not our ultimate end goal, if it happens it happens, but it is nice to see another couple that feels the same way.
Yes 🙌🏼
In the French system, they actually tell the forster families not to get attached to the children.
Isn't it supposed to be the whole point, to show them that good families exist and that they are loved.
I don't get it.
You have totally inspired me to make sure foster care is part of my future. I love have real you keep it and how attached you get! Thank you for always helping build a village for our kids❤️
🖤 you guys if anything have more of a heart then most nowadays. I respect you guys very much, you do so much good. No one is perfect but you are giving kids love and affection and most of all support. That's perfection.💜
You and John are such amazing good hearted people. You truly are a Godsend!
I believe "too attached" means, unable to bounce back in a reasonable amount of time, not that they are more loving than other foster parents. Whether the foster parent is a spouse, parent, employee, or all 3, they need to be able to function in those roles when that child does move on.
You’re exactly right.
God bless you for being the ones to stand in the gap, so that families can hopefully be healed and reunited.
Oh my goodness, I'm bawling ! What a wonderful Mom you are ! Thank you for letting us be apat of your journey
The fact that u got so emotional shows you truly and honestly care and I love that ❤️
I am a program assistant with DHS. I just want to say Thank You so much for you and your husband's gift of love to these kiddos when they need it the most. Thank you so much for your great explanation on permanency and reunification! It is great to know that in spite of the emotional upheaval you can expect to experience when the goal of reunification is accomplished you still choose to minister to children in this way! You are appreciated!!
Thank you so much for posting this!! This channel has helped my husband and I better understand fostering. Your honesty is refreshing and enlightening. Thanks to your authentic portrayal, we are considering fostering now more than ever. Keep on good soldier ♥️
Safety, security, love and being a part of ur family is SO incredibly important-you are giving ur foster kids that! Adoption is incredibly wonderful, but it isn’t everything-if kiddo’s can safely stay with their families, it’s the best for everyone. You may, or kiddo gets attached-it signifies how loving & nurturing the environment is.
Love the channel. Im a single foster and adoptive mom, I went from no kids in 2017 to 3 three year olds currently.
I absolutley love watching your videos. It gives me hope that with people like you the system has hope to change. You're so doing the right thing! Thank you for what you do. ❤❤💨
And that’s why we share our journey to inspire others with good hearts to be apart of the system and reform it from the inside out.
Everything you said is just amazing. It just shows how selfless your family is and how your point of views on this situation are so amazing for the Children’s and really have their best interests in mind.
So if someone asked me about fostering I would say the same thing “I couldn’t do it because I would get so attached” but for me, I don’t mean to imply that you aren’t attached to these children. What I mean by that is that my heart could not handle the pain of saying goodbye. Some people are more emotionally mature or stable and are capable of handling those really tough goodbyes. But some of us are sensitive and that’s just too hard for us. I completely understand why that frustrates you to hear people say that but maybe they actually mean to say “I could not handle saying goodbye”. Thank you for being one of the strong ones! I know saying goodbye is not something that’s easy to do.
You are amazing and I'm so proud of all of you for all the growing that is happening on your care. Good job all of you.
My daughter was placed in foster care from birth/hospital and I recently got her back she's 19 months old. I am grateful for her foster(the lady who fostered her). She is a great lady who helped me as much as she could and we have a great relationship even though my case has been closed with full custody having been returned to me. She is now my child's nanny(basically her aunt. 😊) We have a wonderful relationship.I appreciate the way you and your family are handling this situation and how you are supportive of the parents getting better. I personally don't think it is appropriate to go into fostering solely with the goal of adoption hoping against reunification. I know someone who recently had her baby removed and the fosters are dead set against reunification(another foster family told me) and want nothing to do with my friend and are not helpful to say the least💔 This is a time when the parents need all of the support that they can get. God bless you and your family and all of the sweet little ones that come across your path ❤️.
So glad you have your baby back ❤️❤️❤️
Hi that's good how did you manage to get her back after that long?
Well said! Praying for your family, Miss A and Miss A’s family. Thank you for sharing your journey❤️
Thanks for doing this video! Most people really don’t understand the process. Thank you for sharing your journey with us! ❤️
I’m an attorney/GAL for kids in permanent foster care. I’ve just seen a few of your videos, but I want to thank you for your beautiful attitude and commitment to these kids as well as your compassion for the bio parents. I wish I could clone about 100+ of you for all the kids that need this.
That is so reassuring! Would love your opinion on the video we post today 🙏🏽
Be The Village I’ll definitely check it out.
this is such a beatiful video and truly describes the beauty and how amazing foster care should be. allowing their parents to get a better hold on life, and providing a safe, welcoming, and loving environment to their children is truly a gift to the world. its allows good for people to as many loving parent figures as they can have.
I have high respect for what you and your husband do. You are highly educated on how fostering/adoption works. You also have a great outlook on where your mindset is and should be from the perspective of a foster parent. Thank you for supporting these kids, YOU are making a difference and are a true HERO!
You guys are so strong and selfless. Anyone who watches your videos or knows you, knows you care so much about Miss A and knows you want whatever is best for her. 💜
Glad I found your channel, this exactly what I want to do!! Give these kids a safe space even if it’s a short time....but to see them be happy with their family in the end game
I’m watching this video next to my brother, I just got to the part that you told her you loved her, I’m literally crying and talking to you (out loud) and he’s laughing at me “she can’t hear you!!” (Such a usual brother!! 😂😭)
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EDUCATING ME ON THIS!! I have never said “I would get so attached” to anyone but in my head I have thought “wow these people are so AMAZING, I would get so attached and the fact that they know this yet still do it, is inspiring” ... I never realized it’s INSULTING! I just truly meant how selfless (most) foster parents are, but now I can totally see how that comes across. From
now on I will change that to a COMPLIMENT❤️
Your channel has changed my views on foster care. I never looked at it like “I want to adopt every single kid” My ultimate goal always was wanting to help families and parents going through a hard time but another goal is to eventually adopt a baby since I cannot have one. I LOVE the analogy of the “revolving door of kids”, that’s a great way to look at it!
Can not wait till I start fostering!!! (Getting finances and things in order!!!)
❤️❤️❤️
I am so inspired by you and your stories. Thank you so much for sharing. I have been wanting to foster for many years but my husband is very apprehensive about it. Praying that one day he will be open to give a child a safe and loving home for as long as needed.
I was too old to be adopted so was lost to the system. I'm so glad she has you. I've told u this before but you really are amazing and thank you for all you're doing for miss a. You go above and beyond xx