Arguably the most valuable masculine trait
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- Опубліковано 16 лис 2022
- I talk about one of the most foundational pieces of masculinity.
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• Arguably the most valu...
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I think the heart of masculinity is authenticity. That means if you are the kind of guy who writes poetry and likes having deep conversations about emotional issues and helping people during their dark night of the soul then you must live out that expression of masculinity just as a man who loves tinkering with cars, doing D.I.Y. and going hunting and fishing must live out that truth. Both the men I just described may be at different ends of the spectrum of masculinity but both would be masculine because they have the courage to live out their personal truth. Remember being a provider and a protector isn't just about providing physical resources but also about providing emotional support and carrying a torch in the darkness so people can find their way back to the path they must walk to have a life of meaning and fulfillment.
I like that bit about torches in the darkness.
However, it just made me think about how often I am following someone else's torch. Thats a lotta pressure to be the torch holder.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_ Some are called to fight demons on the battlefields of the world while others are called to help others fight their own demons in the battlefield of the mind. The difference is that in the battlefield of the mind you carry a torch in the wasteland of the soul so that sparks of inspiration light up a person's mind. Perhaps you are a warrior of the soul.
I love your perspective so much dude!
I definitely agree. Going through a sort of spiritual awakening myself, realizing how I was conditioned to be a nice guy and how that has affected my life and relationships. I think you touched on a lot of important points and summed it up very well. I can see how important it is that we develop this trait as men.
You are spot on. I have ran my own business since I was 25. It was challenging to the family , but in the end, our family was better because of my strength.. Great experiences of travel and wealth because I took a chance. I had a wonderful wife that supported me all the way. I thank God that I succeeded for her
Thank you for everything that you say. Really Appreciate it
This all makes perfect sense to me because it is how I feel about many things so thank you you are a lifesaver
One of the best videos on the topic, well articulated.
My 2 cents: that non-conformism is sharpened by life experience, and a man should thus aim to go through as many experiences as he reasonably can.
Dam this speaks to me so directly. I've ultimately stayed true to myself and my vision for life. It's taken me longer than it should to get to a successful place, and to a large degree that's due to how much individuals have tried to make me conform.
I only have one thing to say: BRAVO. Excellent job. Especially the part about control. It takes a lot to chart your own course. Keeeeep Doin' it! Will we be seeing more of you and Dr Glover in the '23?
The discussion is framed within the context of "toxic masculinity," which I personally didn't find helpful, but only because I don't post a lot of stuff online or interact with a lot of people who would use that phrase. I've been able to mostly ignore the whole debate.
However, framing aside, you really hit the nail on the head with the (paraphrasing) "part of being a man is going on a journey to find yourself," and then the subsequent courage to embrace and stand up for whatever you find. I happen to like the energy of cities, not because society expects me to live in them, I just do. But the point is that it's my own choice. In other areas, I go against the norm. And in still other areas, it would be most honest to say that I've lost my masculinity/sense-of-self and am just conforming to get by. There's plenty of room for self-reflection and improvement and I appreciate the reminder that I should put in the work.
Anyway, great video. It's the first I've seen from you and it's very insightful. Subscribed and looking forward to more.
This reminds me of something William Deresiewicz talks about, not in the context of men, but in the context of young people, which is building a self. Which is "Something there, that when the world pushes against you, is capable of pushing back."
I just entered a new relationship, and this video is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
'Toxic masculinity', insofar as such a concept actually exists, has been the result of the erosion of masculinity itself, with men discouraged from being masculine to the point they aren't taught, and have no idea how, to be masculine, but they don't want to be feminine, either -- so there's not much left to be but angry and bitter. Some go the route of what I would call a caricature of masculinity -- an attempt at traditional masculinity that misses the essence of masculinity (which I think you described perfectly as nonconformity) -- , many try to do as they're told, shut up, and end up miserable, and many just withdraw from society altogether. Toxic masculinity is what you get when masculinity is condemned, boys grow up without male role models, and men are pushed towards being something they're not. Men can't engage with each other in the ways they used to, but they also can't engage with each other the way they're told to -- both because it's unnatural for them, and because they are punished and shamed for doing so, often by the same people crying about toxic masculinity. The movement to stop 'toxic masculinity' isn't a response to bad behavior from men. The bad behavior from men is a response to the movement to stop 'toxic masculinity'.
I once made the mistake of dating a girl who towards the end, I accused of hating men (because she clearly did -- if sexes were reversed, she'd be considered more of a misogynist than Andrew Tate), and she replied, "I don't hate men... I just think they need to be better." But I'm not sure how she expected that to happen, because she shamed me for reading a self-help book, shamed me for having a circle of male friends I could open up to on a deeper level, shamed me for trying to do anything to actually better myself. The reality is that those talking about toxic masculinity aren't just trying to remove the 'toxic' aspects of men. They're not just trying to break down masculinity and make men more feminine. They're trying to break down men altogether. They don't want us to be better. They're just resentful. The only time they care about men actually being better is when they're looking for a partner. They wish the guys they had the option of dating were better. But they want men as a demographic to be held down. And they don't see that they are responsible for the shitty selection of men available to them to date.
Great video!
i think it’s important to change with the times and understand that certain things are harmful even if they have become commonplace. but still you must maintain who you are within this. not easy but it’s necessary for you to evolve
I agree 100 %. Still I would like to disagree with you on something, but man, I can't find that thing. I have never conformed to the standards, but onslaughts have never deterred me from being who I really want to be. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Keep going.
Spot on about non-conformity! I use the term self-assurance in my new book, and that process is synonymous with nonconformity.
Your videos really are great. So much gold here and it's clearly backed up by your own work. My videos touch on similar themes.
Totally agree!
👏 I’m subscribing
Polarized people are triggered and controlled to the point were anything that makes them uncomfortable "triggered" becomes the target of there blame / hate.
There could probably be a better term than "toxic masculinity". I think people get confused and think that it means masculinity is toxic per se when in fact it is referring to toxic behaviours sometimes displayed by some men, and these are often conformist behaviours as part of "the gang" and demonstrate a lack of maturiy and a failure to develop healthy, masculine individuation. The way you describe masculinity is not what "toxic masculinity" is referring too.
Great vids by the way. Keep it up!
Fax. Masculinity isn't toxic. That's absolutely impossible.
I think you are spot on. I am in several men's groups and it is amazing the number of men who are realizing they are nice guys (myself included) and they are either lonely or they are in a relationship where they are getting walked all over and have a dead bedroom. One of the groups I am in a religious based and what I see there is this attitude that all you have to do to solve your problems is to pray about it. Sadly all too often that doesn't work on its own. It requires action as well.
Like you, I live in the country because I can't stand the rat race of the big city. This is one of the things that helps keep me anchored. It is so nice to walk outside your house and see nature and experience the peacefulness and calming affect it has on you. City dwellers have a hard time understanding that I guess. I don't find convenience in the city when you spend so much time in traffic and in long lines. I also work from home and really enjoy looking out my window at the trees, birds, and other critters that frequent my property. Not too mention being able to take breaks and get a little sun and exercise during the day by walking my property. That is just something you don't get working in a office in some high-rise building.
I agree. I've seen this attitude from religious people online before. And it's so frustrating. Especially since I'd consider myself religious as well.
You can't effectively counter it either, the argument is never logical.
What ways to create change regarding ecology are you using? I am a artist, I am totally against damaging art, but I also think that the ecology is number one priority and any way to drow attention to it is a must do! About anything else I agree with you completely.
Excellent
As a man I can feel the pressure of society trying to label men toxic for exibithing normal masculine behaviors just because it doesn't fit their narrative. I believe you are correct in your video estimation that non-conformity is a powerful masculine trait that masculine men need to defend and practice in the face of control.
I wish my husband would listen to content like this…😔❤
Try to suggest him If not already. Good luck!
….i’m always posting my kills on social media, deer hare rabbit sometimes foxes, I tell you all these sensitive people complain about it and I find it funny how they let such a small thing wreak their day
While I can appreciate much of your position, I disagree with your take on Toxic Masculinity. Ive been obsessing over this for a few years now, and I think one thing that culture of TM does not consider, is what it means to be a good community member. I think toxic men often operate within the concept you call non-conformity; which is based on what OTHER people think. I think living principled, independent of what other people think would be more useful, and certainly contribute more to a community. And it is important that those principles work within the community. We, as men, have to be able to listen to feedback, and adjust accordingly. Non-conformity can be a real barrier to that. Theres a delicate balance, and social pressure can be very useful in helping understand how we can make friends, get a gf, and be good partners. TM rejects the idea of listening, of feedback, of observing how we interact with others. Id be interested ti hear you give us a deep dive on TM -Recovering Dude Bro
What if you couldn’t care less about contributing to society or about mastering anything? What if you spent 50 years doing those exact things only to find out that it was all a lie and a complete waste of time? What if “your own journey” seems to be over despite still being alive? What then?
Andrew Huberman says that the he effect of testosterone in the brain is to make even painful effort and competition rewarding by itself.
Everything you said in this video tracks with me.
But idk maybe I'm just conforming to your views.
Start timestamping ur videos bro
no soy boys....we have to distinguish ourselves from them, and not waver
I agree but feel like its missing a final step. 1. Know thyself 2. Be brave enough to take a stand and go your own way if necessary 3. (the missing step) Find a philosophy/system that aligns with your values and engage with likeminded men in that goal. A man is strong, but a group of men each individually aligned towards a common goal are the most robust and powerful
I would qualify this. Non-conformity can translate into a negative trait, such as criminality. I think the better way to define it is "virtuous non-conformity," since non-conformity is not intrinsically virtuous.
I think men and women clash sometimes when Women are expected to conform to society, conform to living a life based on what other people have told then how to live their lives or what the behavior of women should be. Women, do not want to be shoved into a box. We are tired of conforming to "female," roles and want the same freedom that Men want. Women should be unapologetic about how they live their lives, or who women should be. I will not submit. The best solution is know yourself and stop caring what other people think. I broke the back of convention my whole life. Men should do the same. Make sure you find a partner who knows themselves. A person who knows who they are is not easily butt-hurt.
@@tvhead7074 Married for 25 years. Got to know him over 4 years. Was a police officer, Attorney General Investigator, have a BA and an MA. Make good choices, dear.
@@LTPiper11 👍
Just FYI. You clearly did not understand the protests you criticized. I respect you and your content and perspective are great.
It's not shaming, it's demonstrating how people get triggered when tomato soup is thrown on the glass in front of a painting.while passive in regard to humans dying for the profits of governmental allies (Boston Tea Party vibes). It's not about shame, it's a symbolic thought experiment. People alue the art of dead people more than human lives currently suffering. I get it
And then these spoiled priveledged children go back to their parent's basement or ivy league dorm room and order pizza delivery on their I phone and make plans to fly to a tropical resort for spring break. I have more respect for the kind of protestors who lived in the high branches of a old growth tree for a year to protect it from being felled. Let's see the "Just stop oil" proponents show by example how it's done Live like a 6th century peasant for a year. Chop wood, carry water. Do a different kind of heuxing for a change. Weave your own sack cloth. Make your own bark sandals. Photovoltaics and wind turbines are inextricably subsidized and entwined with the fossil fuel infrastructure, so show us how it's done on muscle power and muscle power cultivated and harvested bio mass alone.
Going full blown Sigma is not the answer
When non-conforming saves your life: Saying f-jab mandates
what are you even talking about
Toxic masculinity is just unhealthy expressions of masculinity. It's the abusive, oppressive, disrespectful ways of being toward self and others. Few people have issues with healthy masculinity; it's the toxic forms we (should all) take issue with. Not sure how this is even controversial...
Toxic masculinity isn't a thing. If it's toxic behavior it's just toxic behavior. Masculinity has nothing to do with it.
"Toxic masculinity" isn't a thing. "Toxicity" is.
But that’s just human toxicity…. Has nothing to do with masculinity
The things you just listed as masculine toxicity are things women do as well, it’s not inherent in only men
This is the woman's way of acting as if men can only be toxic lol like they can't have those qualities as well