I remember your mum-in-law complimenting you, saying one of the reasons she loves you is that you are very wise. Indeed you are wise. I thank God for that gift and how you have put it to use. All you shared is spot on. Not like I didn’t know all that before now, but listening to you is like a re-emphasis for me. An encouragement for the parts I am doing right and a check for the places I have slacked. Thank you❤.
A lot of times we always use this scripture of the rod, but also proverbs says "Train up a child" And training involves a lot of teaching, showing, modeling and talking (explaining things to the kids). The way the Holy Spirit has been leading me on my parenting journey is to talk, and explain why you say ''NO!'' and why you say "YES" so that the kids have an understanding of what you are talking about. I always remind myself that these kids just got here on earth, they only have 3-6 years experience.... So obviously, they have no idea what they are doing and the consequences of their action. And yes, parenting is alot of work when you are intentional about the type of "Adults" you want to produce. Am looking forward to what you will be sharing about parenting, because I have seen how your children behave and they are so good. I love your results.
There was a period in my childhood when my mom hit me a lot, I was under 10years. problem was I use to talk too much, I would repeat words from movies and just what I heard around me including insults (I didn't know it at the time) this one time I told my mom my Dad was having an affair 😂😂 he was not ooo, I just heard the word from a movie (she did not hit me for that though 😅)... Personally I did not and still don't feel bad about the beating because like your last point my mom after hitting me did not shut me out, she would hit and explain why 😂 and even treat me to something after some time. My mother would only hit us for very serious matters, so hitting was rare and usually after several warnings, but she never kept malice she would even be the first to talk to you ❤... learnt a lot, I don't have energy to hit kids 😂😂 the asignment now is just to pray for wisdom and grace to handle them when they get here and do my research as well
This is soo spot on. Funny how the Holyspirit has emphasised me being patient with my kids and I am learning to actually gentle parent because for me I know most time I beat out of my own frustration or ignorance on handling situations atm. My kids are very outspoken which I am grateful to God for because they communicate an express themselves when I am being not nice ( a bully my daughter calls me) & on 2 occasions my first daughter told me Mummy beating me will not discipline me. I notice they just want to be heard and given attention. And the Funny thing is when I beat my daughters, they don't listen or do what you want them to do. I found out talking nicely and helping them understand what you want them to do works for me. What I am trying to do now is working on shouting. But what I discovered about Gentle Parent is more about putting my emotions and fear in check first and not project my fear on them. Thank you Tolulope for this. God bless you
I like that this topic is being addressed. True most parents transfer their own up bringing trauma when bringing up their own children. There's lot of psychological problems out there
@@simplyblooming1649 It is one of the hardest things to do. You die to flesh, you swallow your pride and ego, it teaches patience and builds capacity in us as parents! Win-win 😉
Well, if the Bible says spare the rod and spoil the child, then I will take God’s word literally. Of course, not hitting or abusing without cause. Many times, we twist scriptures to suit our own mindset which isn’t right. If we can take a scripture on faith literally, then we should take every other one literally. You see people coming up with different suggestions like; we’re in 2024, we’re raising Gen alpha kids etc...God’s word is God’s word, regardless of times and seasons. Plus that’s why you should have a walk with God as he will give you instructions on how to deal with your OWN children. For a particular child, God can tell you, this one, when he errs, just talk to him, but you see the other one, when he errs, don’t spare him for he knows what he’s doing. God will tell you, tor this child, he must never be put in a boarding school. Specific instructions....Don’t use someone else’s specific instruction and make it yours. Let Gods word instruct you on how to discipline your kids. They are your kids after all not anyone’s child and each child’s destiny is custom made for them. You can’t say the same way you raise a strong willed child is the same way you will raise a compliant child, children are not the same. What worked for your sisters kids might not work for yours. And like I said earlier, get your own word for your kids. And most importantly, Gods word NEVER FAILS, even if every method fails.
What makes one child strong willed and another compliant? Children are largely a product of thier environment and it's nurture that shapes thier personality.
So I ignored this video immediately I saw it pop up. But something just drew my attention to go back to the video, and I am grateful to God that I watched it... I have done a lot of learning and unlearning..... Thanks so much for this ma. I would love to see more ❤
There's so much you have touched on in the video and these are points can be applied in every scenario. Many of us parents just need an orientation change. We need to take our minds off hitting children. We are so stuck in our ways and then wonder why our children are difficult. Let's take hitting children off the table and be willing to do better for our children and the society at large. When we do better, we’ll be amazed about how much growth we’ll see ourselves experience.
Thank you for sharing this. I am on a hideout now and the Holy Spirit keeps bringing up how I handle my child (God's gift for me). For the people saying Bible approves hitting and beating children as a way of correcting, they need help. As I have embarked on a healing journey this year, one thing I noticed is that the enemy starts sowing the seeds of bitterness early in life and that starts around childhood.
I knew before becoming a mum i didn't want to exhibit the harsh beating i received growing up. It suppresses you emotionally, gives you anxiety and breaks your confidence. Parents are supposed to be a safe place. There is a difference betweeen respect and reverence for parents and literally being afraid. Its hard to remain calm when your toddler is throwing tantrums but i have allowed it to help me grow in the fruit of the spirit, its tough! I get on his level open my eyes wide lol and explain he can't have .... because of .... Or i validate that i know he is sad because of xyz but that doesn't mean he should act out in such and such way. I give consequences and take things away and daily i ask the lord to help me. Parenting without the Holy Spirit is harder so as believers we have an advantage by his grace 🙏🏽 Sidenote, its also not okay in homes where children are being beaten mercilessly whilst the parents are also demonstrating behaviours that arent christlike infront of their kids its sheer double standards. I'm talking infidelity, insulting each other, domestic violence and lieing etc. You can't be beating your kids with vim whilst lacking accountability as a parent with blatant sinful behaviours that your children can also see and that God can see.
To add I love everything you've shared how do I like this video 100 times! In child development we learn about the big burst of brain development in a toddler from 18 months. They have NO idea how to regulate their emotions and that's why tantrums over little things are so irrational to us. As parents we have to teach our children how to manage their emotions and express it in a way that is healthy. This is a growing conversation and as they grow with understanding we insert biblical principles. I worked in a school once in year 1 and they had a quiet corner with emotions on a chart for when a child starts feeling angry,sad, frustrated etc. Once they get there we had to give them a moment then one of us goes there and talks them through what's going on. The teacher of that class was training to become a counsellor and that method she used was a game changer. We had the best class in that year group, we could echo those things back to parents and the parents were so fond of us as staff. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. There are consequences for wrong behaviour but it shouldn't be abusive. It's only when I got married I started to heal and deal with suppressed emotions. Any small thing growing up, slap,kick, shut up and get out. Never given the room to express. We banter about growing up in an African household but some things aren't to be repeated.
God bless you for this topic ma'am. I really needed it. As a single lady I told myself that hitting and shouting won't be for me. But as a mom of 3 kids, 8, 6 , and 5 years old respectively I find myself doing otherwise though not hitting but shouting all the time specially due to being overly stressed. Thanks for the topic ma'am, learnt a lot. Please more of it❤
Here’s what I found and will try to implement: Disciplining a 2-year-old without hitting, spanking, or yelling is about teaching rather than punishing. At this age, children are still learning boundaries and how to manage their emotions, so patience, consistency, and positive guidance are key. Here are some effective strategies: 1. Redirect Their Attention • When your child engages in unwanted behavior, gently steer their attention to something more appropriate. • Example: If they’re throwing toys, say, “Toys are for playing, not throwing. Let’s stack these blocks instead.” 2. Set Clear, Simple Limits • Keep instructions short, clear, and direct. Use phrases like “No hitting. Hitting hurts,” or “We use gentle hands.” • Be consistentrepeat the same words every time so they understand the rule. 3. Use Time-Ins Instead of Time-Outs • Sit with your child and help them calm down when they’re acting out. A “time-in” helps them learn self-regulation and gives them emotional support. • Example: “You seem upset. Let’s take some deep breaths together and figure this out.” 4. Offer Choices • Toddlers want a sense of control. Offer two acceptable options to avoid power struggles. • Example: “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?” 5. Natural and Logical Consequences • Allow appropriate consequences to teach cause and effect. • Example: If they throw food, calmly remove their plate and say, “We can try eating again when you’re ready.” 6. Praise Good Behavior • Reinforce what you want to see more of by noticing and praising it. • Example: “I love how you shared your toy! That’s so kind.” 7. Use Gentle Warnings and Consistent Follow-Through • Give a clear warning before consequences. • Example: “If you keep coloring on the wall, the crayons will go away.” Then calmly follow through if needed. 8. Model the Behavior You Want • Your child learns from watching you. Show them how to speak kindly, manage frustration, and act respectfully. • Example: Instead of yelling, say, “Mommy feels frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” 9. Acknowledge Their Feelings • Help your child name their emotions to build emotional intelligence. • Example: “I see you’re angry because you can’t have the toy. It’s okay to feel mad, but we don’t hit.” 10. Be Calm and Firm • Stay calm when enforcing boundaries. Your composure teaches them how to handle frustration. • Avoid giving in to tantrums; instead, be a calming presence while they work through their emotions. Final Thought Remember, your 2-year-old is learning, not misbehaving on purpose. Discipline is about teaching appropriate behavior through love, patience, and consistency.
@@LifewithBlessingAdaeze 👏 👏 👏 This is so good and I use all of these with my kids after learning from different sources! Thank you for sharing such useful insights 👏👏❤️
Thank you for sharing. Please do share more about gentle parenting. This would not be my first time of hearing about gentle parenting, however it has not been an easy thing for me to do (I have a three year old)
I hear you Tolulope. You said your son came in strong. So how did you discipline him? I hear your passion for this topic but didnt really get practical tips that apply in the moment of chaos. For example its bath time. Your 2 year old son starts rolling on the floor screaming refusing to bath. Will time out or face the wall work for a 2 year old? Or your 2 year old throws a big tantrum, scatters the house, break things. Will face the wall work then? Or your two year old gets angry for not getting something he wants and hits the younger sibling. What do you do in that moment? I am using a 2 year old as an example because at least by 3,4 years old they can understand certain punishments like face the wall and have a small understanding that they are being punished for a wrong they did. But having a 2 year old grasp information is difficult. Almost impossible. Thank you.
Thanks for this qestion. I am also battling with the same issue and i will appreciate if Tolulope tells us how she does it. Mine is in a stage everything is ball and i am finding it so hard to stop all the throwing and spoiling.
You cannot tell a child to face the wall again because it is now a punishment that affects a child's mental health because in that time, the child will have different thoughts running through their head, and it's also a period of seclusion from others, which is a red flag for children's development. Every child is different, and all homes are not the same, and all methods do not work for all children. Hitting a child is also a no-no. My prayer is that God will guide each parent on how to raise their children to be godly so that society can be a better place. A society free of drug users, abusers, liars, and all. God help us. Amen
People do say what works for one person does not work for another person but she has given pretty very valid practical points in this video. Please take some time to listen again. For example, being invested in quality information and research on how to do better when raising children. How many books have you read? How many articles about your growing child have you read? These information make you aware of the developmental phases of your children and what to expect. With that, nothing catches you unawares and you are more sensitive and aware of your children and how best to address issues. She also mentioned putting yourself in their shoes. Many times we forget that children are humans too. We look down on them and invalidate their feelings. When we find ourselves struggling with our children, we need to take a step back to assess the situation and make better judgments. There’s so much she has touched on in the video and these are points that can be applied in every scenario. Many of us parents just need an orientation change. We need to take our minds off hitting children. Let’s take it off the table and be willing to do better for our children and the society at large.
@joyugbome Here’s what I found and will try to implement: Disciplining a 2-year-old without hitting, spanking, or yelling is about teaching rather than punishing. At this age, children are still learning boundaries and how to manage their emotions, so patience, consistency, and positive guidance are key. Here are some effective strategies: 1. Redirect Their Attention • When your child engages in unwanted behavior, gently steer their attention to something more appropriate. • Example: If they’re throwing toys, say, “Toys are for playing, not throwing. Let’s stack these blocks instead.” 2. Set Clear, Simple Limits • Keep instructions short, clear, and direct. Use phrases like “No hitting. Hitting hurts,” or “We use gentle hands.” • Be consistentrepeat the same words every time so they understand the rule. 3. Use Time-Ins Instead of Time-Outs • Sit with your child and help them calm down when they’re acting out. A “time-in” helps them learn self-regulation and gives them emotional support. • Example: “You seem upset. Let’s take some deep breaths together and figure this out.” 4. Offer Choices • Toddlers want a sense of control. Offer two acceptable options to avoid power struggles. • Example: “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?” 5. Natural and Logical Consequences • Allow appropriate consequences to teach cause and effect. • Example: If they throw food, calmly remove their plate and say, “We can try eating again when you’re ready.” 6. Praise Good Behavior • Reinforce what you want to see more of by noticing and praising it. • Example: “I love how you shared your toy! That’s so kind.” 7. Use Gentle Warnings and Consistent Follow-Through • Give a clear warning before consequences. • Example: “If you keep coloring on the wall, the crayons will go away.” Then calmly follow through if needed. 8. Model the Behavior You Want • Your child learns from watching you. Show them how to speak kindly, manage frustration, and act respectfully. • Example: Instead of yelling, say, “Mommy feels frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.” 9. Acknowledge Their Feelings • Help your child name their emotions to build emotional intelligence. • Example: “I see you’re angry because you can’t have the toy. It’s okay to feel mad, but we don’t hit.” 10. Be Calm and Firm • Stay calm when enforcing boundaries. Your composure teaches them how to handle frustration. • Avoid giving in to tantrums; instead, be a calming presence while they work through their emotions. Final Thought Remember, your 2-year-old is learning, not misbehaving on purpose. Discipline is about teaching appropriate behavior through love, patience, and consistency.
This is so helpful and liberating. See ehn, I need help, I don't do extreme spanks but I don't even want to span at all. I want mentally healthy kids and this video just gave me direction. Please do more of videos like this, what to do when your child does ABC... Etc
God bless you sis this was mind blowing educating and may the holy spirit give you more teachings to share with us and help us be better parents ......make it a series 😊
Sis God bless you. I see this as the voice of God speaking to me . Am guilty on this I will change today in Jesus name. I just made a decision today never to do that anymore. Thank you sis God bless you
As am reading your comment now, am shouting at them😢 I hardly beat them but the shouting... Am guilty of hitting once in a while... it's going to be a struggle but I'll change
Proverbs 23: 13-14. I believe that sometimes God disciplines and guides us through physical pain. The world is suffering today because of many liberal family values. We don't expect a child to have thesame understanding as an adult. Let us all be guided by the Holy Spirit and ensure we are playing our parts to help the children we have been blessed with to love God.
@@susanmaeya7902 God disciplines us through physical pain? Not my own God. Read John 10:10, James 1:13-15 and Romans 8:31-39. Yes God leads us in processes that end up working together for our good but not by physical pain. He disciplines, doesn’t destroy.
@TolulopeSolutions Hahhaha, How about Jonah and the Whale? How about examples where kings were afflicted with diseases because of the evil they caused? How about Moses not seeing the promised land? This does not mean that our God loves us any less than he says in His word. The reason why he sent his only Son to die for us. I am not against gentle parenting but there are some behaviours that if not handled with intense discipline it will ruin the child's life forever.
Please can you share more light on “gentle parenting “ , I’m a first time mum to a 1year old boy and I’ve had a lot of scary things about raising a boy child … watching how you train your kids from far back as 4years ago is amazing
I truly hear you ma'am. And you do have really strong points ma but will we say Jesus using a whip in the temple was physical abuse? I'm not saying to be extreme, I've always had the mindset that I'll be easy with my kids but staying with my nephews have shown me that words and punishment doesn't always do the magic. Sometimes I drag their ears or hit them at the back and I see them adjust. Again an intelligent teacher recently taught me that withholding privileges from a child shouldn't and isn't always a form of discipline. Sometimes you intentionally withhold privileges so that the child doesn't grow up spoilt and believing that they just have whatever they want. Thank you ma
@@kerenshom Jesus did not whip kids and also, that’s before he died once and for all, all then became finished! It’s okay to act in the level of understanding you are at. This video is to really make you think and be aware towards change if you desire it. I can tell you for free that kids adjust with right discipline tactics over time, it won’t be immediate and that’s what’s sustainable!
The part where one need to be on the same page where their spouses are very important. If either of the parents are not on the go with this idea of not spanking, then the result will not be there.
Mama, God bless you really. You just pointed out the root cause of one of my majjjjoooooorrrrr challenges in marriage. GOD BLESS YOU. I WOULD BE A BETTER MOTHER BY GOD'S GRACE.
Very informative video, thanks for sharing ❤❤ By way of feedback, this tone of this video is different from the one you posted on Instagram. You said you didn't mean to be judgemental, but it did seem condescending and judgemental. I believe your purpose of sharing is to influence impact and change. Unlike this video, that wasn't communicated to me on the IG post & although I didn't comment, the comment section on IG reflects that it probably didn't communicate what you intended to other people as well. Due to the Nigerian culture, topics like this are sure to put people on edge, but your approach can disarm the defensiveness. Because like you've said, some of us didn't know better & if people like you don't talk about it, how would we know. Just my honest review. I really am better exposed as you've shared in this video 🙏❤️❤️
@@toluwalopeodogiyon1417 Unfortunately I can’t control people’s defences and best believe that even the videos I’ve put out with the softest tones still trigger those who have bias against the topic. Of course a 20 mins video will be better rounded and calmer than 2 mins of IG but both are valid in my opinion. Glad you got the message regardless 🩷
God bless you ma for this. Please can you speak on “spare the rod and spoil the child” Bible verse. Because that’s one scripture most people bring up in arguments about hitting children.
@@growthwithogoo8909 I’ll leave you with the MSG translation of the same scripture - A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them. News flash - Discipline does not equate hitting!
God help me to understand all these gentle parenting that is going on nowadays. It is well. For a generation of special children, for lack of better words, it’s crazy to see that everyone is now doing “gentle parenting”.
@@Tifegbadas Do the work to also research and find resources to help you understand it. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting that allows a child to misbehave without caution or consequences. It’s just a better approach in my opinion that teaches by building up instead of tearing down.
@ I guess you do have a better understanding and use of it. Atleast you know how to apply it to your children. Because the examples of gentle parenting, or rather permissive parenting that I have been seeing is embarrassing
It's ok to share your opinion. But going to the extreme to say that any parent that spanks the child is abusive, then you're exaggerating. Some people are literally grateful that they were spanked. Know your kid and know what correction method works for him or her. Thank you.
How do you implement using just talking to a toddler who barely understands and wants to do the opposite of whatever you instruct them not to? what form of discipline other than spanking them gently would work? Also how do you gentle parent if your partner believes in spanking and uses spanking in love as a means for correction and your child ends up listening more to your partner than you who is 'gentle parenting'?
Please. I am trying to start things gentke parenting with my babies. I do alot asva mum and i am most time frustrated. Soanking just helps. I have a 2year girl and ab1year old boy. Itself really not easy. I heard about the face the wall method from you and i tried it. Whenever i say face the wall, my babies get scared and behave well. Please, share more knowledge on gentle parenting. Also, is raising your voice on the babies gentle parenting?
Addressing your last question. Raising your voice at them is not gentle parenting. Let your calm help their calm. Think abt when you were younger, would you rather be yelled at or spoken to calmly? Children are not evil or bad, they are just exploring the world. Guide them with love and not pour frustration on them and watch your kids blossom.
What about the Bible verse that says spare the rod and spoil the child. Don’t get me wrong I am against beating children I feel children should be taught with love. But the way that Bible verse is used and taught is very confusing.
I believe that the Bible has literal and figurative meanings. While this is not a statement of fact I am making, perhaps the rod there may not necessarily be a physical rod right, it may be a figurative rod talking more on discipline like how some will not even want to bother disciplining their child when they are wrong. Against this is me saying what it might be not a statement of fact. I hope it helps
The Bible says we would thread upon serpents and scorpions, and it is literal. I believe it is the same thing as spare the rod and spoil and the child.
Maybe check different versions? Or look out for the root words and intentionally research the meaning, to be sure the bible actually says what you think it said. Because in Africa, we are so used to taking scriptures as they were interpreted to us and not from self-study.
I remember your mum-in-law complimenting you, saying one of the reasons she loves you is that you are very wise.
Indeed you are wise.
I thank God for that gift and how you have put it to use.
All you shared is spot on.
Not like I didn’t know all that before now, but listening to you is like a re-emphasis for me.
An encouragement for the parts I am doing right and a check for the places I have slacked.
Thank you❤.
@@deemf5977 on God 🙏🏾Thank you
A lot of times we always use this scripture of the rod, but also proverbs says "Train up a child" And training involves a lot of teaching, showing, modeling and talking (explaining things to the kids).
The way the Holy Spirit has been leading me on my parenting journey is to talk, and explain why you say ''NO!'' and why you say "YES" so that the kids have an understanding of what you are talking about. I always remind myself that these kids just got here on earth, they only have 3-6 years experience.... So obviously, they have no idea what they are doing and the consequences of their action.
And yes, parenting is alot of work when you are intentional about the type of "Adults" you want to produce.
Am looking forward to what you will be sharing about parenting, because I have seen how your children behave and they are so good. I love your results.
@@mrsayeni I can confirm that partnership with the Holy Spirit has transformed my parenting! Way to go 👏
There was a period in my childhood when my mom hit me a lot, I was under 10years. problem was I use to talk too much, I would repeat words from movies and just what I heard around me including insults (I didn't know it at the time) this one time I told my mom my Dad was having an affair 😂😂 he was not ooo, I just heard the word from a movie (she did not hit me for that though 😅)... Personally I did not and still don't feel bad about the beating because like your last point my mom after hitting me did not shut me out, she would hit and explain why 😂 and even treat me to something after some time. My mother would only hit us for very serious matters, so hitting was rare and usually after several warnings, but she never kept malice she would even be the first to talk to you ❤... learnt a lot, I don't have energy to hit kids 😂😂 the asignment now is just to pray for wisdom and grace to handle them when they get here and do my research as well
Thank so much sis for sharing such a valuable message. I have really learned a lot from this video.❤
Thank you so much Tolulope Solutions, this is just the affirmation I needed. ❤❤❤
This is soo spot on. Funny how the Holyspirit has emphasised me being patient with my kids and I am learning to actually gentle parent because for me I know most time I beat out of my own frustration or ignorance on handling situations atm. My kids are very outspoken which I am grateful to God for because they communicate an express themselves when I am being not nice ( a bully my daughter calls me) & on 2 occasions my first daughter told me Mummy beating me will not discipline me. I notice they just want to be heard and given attention.
And the Funny thing is when I beat my daughters, they don't listen or do what you want them to do. I found out talking nicely and helping them understand what you want them to do works for me.
What I am trying to do now is working on shouting. But what I discovered about Gentle Parent is more about putting my emotions and fear in check first and not project my fear on them. Thank you Tolulope for this. God bless you
I like that this topic is being addressed. True most parents transfer their own up bringing trauma when bringing up their own children. There's lot of psychological problems out there
Mama! I am part of your Choir 👏🏾👍🏾🎊. I am on this journey. Recovering, relearning and readjusting. The process is not for the faint hearted.
@@simplyblooming1649 It is one of the hardest things to do. You die to flesh, you swallow your pride and ego, it teaches patience and builds capacity in us as parents! Win-win 😉
Well, if the Bible says spare the rod and spoil the child, then I will take God’s word literally. Of course, not hitting or abusing without cause. Many times, we twist scriptures to suit our own mindset which isn’t right. If we can take a scripture on faith literally, then we should take every other one literally. You see people coming up with different suggestions like; we’re in 2024, we’re raising Gen alpha kids etc...God’s word is God’s word, regardless of times and seasons. Plus that’s why you should have a walk with God as he will give you instructions on how to deal with your OWN children. For a particular child, God can tell you, this one, when he errs, just talk to him, but you see the other one, when he errs, don’t spare him for he knows what he’s doing. God will tell you, tor this child, he must never be put in a boarding school. Specific instructions....Don’t use someone else’s specific instruction and make it yours. Let Gods word instruct you on how to discipline your kids. They are your kids after all not anyone’s child and each child’s destiny is custom made for them. You can’t say the same way you raise a strong willed child is the same way you will raise a compliant child, children are not the same. What worked for your sisters kids might not work for yours. And like I said earlier, get your own word for your kids. And most importantly, Gods word NEVER FAILS, even if every method fails.
Lol.
What makes one child strong willed and another compliant? Children are largely a product of thier environment and it's nurture that shapes thier personality.
Best comment yet 👏👏👏 God’s word is God’s word!
Wisely spoken
The comment am waiting for
So I ignored this video immediately I saw it pop up. But something just drew my attention to go back to the video, and I am grateful to God that I watched it... I have done a lot of learning and unlearning..... Thanks so much for this ma. I would love to see more ❤
There's so much you have touched on in the video and these are points can be applied in every scenario. Many of us parents just need an orientation change. We need to take our minds off hitting children. We are so stuck in our ways and then wonder why our children are difficult.
Let's take hitting children off the table and be willing to do better for our children and the society at large. When we do better, we’ll be amazed about how much growth we’ll see ourselves experience.
@@mo_awesome 👏 and it is only an option for many because they grew up seeing it as the norm!
Please I need more of this, thank you.
I have two kids a 2year old and 9months old, it’s been a lot, exactly what I need now. Thank you
@@yemijust4881 I can imagine! The Lord is your strength 🤗
Your hair is beautiful!!
Thank you for sharing this. I am on a hideout now and the Holy Spirit keeps bringing up how I handle my child (God's gift for me). For the people saying Bible approves hitting and beating children as a way of correcting, they need help. As I have embarked on a healing journey this year, one thing I noticed is that the enemy starts sowing the seeds of bitterness early in life and that starts around childhood.
Thank you aunt Tolu, I want more of these content please.
Thank you!
@@adesolaleslie6463 ❤️🙏🏾
Dear Tolulope Solutions,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
💗💗
I knew before becoming a mum i didn't want to exhibit the harsh beating i received growing up. It suppresses you emotionally, gives you anxiety and breaks your confidence. Parents are supposed to be a safe place. There is a difference betweeen respect and reverence for parents and literally being afraid. Its hard to remain calm when your toddler is throwing tantrums but i have allowed it to help me grow in the fruit of the spirit, its tough! I get on his level open my eyes wide lol and explain he can't have .... because of .... Or i validate that i know he is sad because of xyz but that doesn't mean he should act out in such and such way. I give consequences and take things away and daily i ask the lord to help me. Parenting without the Holy Spirit is harder so as believers we have an advantage by his grace 🙏🏽
Sidenote, its also not okay in homes where children are being beaten mercilessly whilst the parents are also demonstrating behaviours that arent christlike infront of their kids its sheer double standards. I'm talking infidelity, insulting each other, domestic violence and lieing etc. You can't be beating your kids with vim whilst lacking accountability as a parent with blatant sinful behaviours that your children can also see and that God can see.
To add I love everything you've shared how do I like this video 100 times! In child development we learn about the big burst of brain development in a toddler from 18 months. They have NO idea how to regulate their emotions and that's why tantrums over little things are so irrational to us. As parents we have to teach our children how to manage their emotions and express it in a way that is healthy. This is a growing conversation and as they grow with understanding we insert biblical principles. I worked in a school once in year 1 and they had a quiet corner with emotions on a chart for when a child starts feeling angry,sad, frustrated etc. Once they get there we had to give them a moment then one of us goes there and talks them through what's going on. The teacher of that class was training to become a counsellor and that method she used was a game changer. We had the best class in that year group, we could echo those things back to parents and the parents were so fond of us as staff. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. There are consequences for wrong behaviour but it shouldn't be abusive. It's only when I got married I started to heal and deal with suppressed emotions. Any small thing growing up, slap,kick, shut up and get out. Never given the room to express. We banter about growing up in an African household but some things aren't to be repeated.
@@MrsJ...x 👏 such a well rounded and informative comment! Thank you for sharing and addition light to the conversation ❤️
God bless you for this topic ma'am. I really needed it. As a single lady I told myself that hitting and shouting won't be for me. But as a mom of 3 kids, 8, 6 , and 5 years old respectively I find myself doing otherwise though not hitting but shouting all the time specially due to being overly stressed. Thanks for the topic ma'am, learnt a lot.
Please more of it❤
@@sopuruchidaniel3562 There’s grave available for parenting! Lean on God for it ❤️
Thank you for this Tolu!
Please share more practical tips on coping with toddlers like those 1-2yo that cant communicate with words
Yes please, i second dz
Here’s what I found and will try to implement:
Disciplining a 2-year-old without hitting, spanking, or yelling is about teaching rather than punishing. At this age, children are still learning boundaries and how to manage their emotions, so patience, consistency, and positive guidance are key. Here are some effective strategies:
1. Redirect Their Attention
• When your child engages in unwanted behavior, gently steer their attention to something more appropriate.
• Example: If they’re throwing toys, say, “Toys are for playing, not throwing. Let’s stack these blocks instead.”
2. Set Clear, Simple Limits
• Keep instructions short, clear, and direct. Use phrases like “No hitting. Hitting hurts,” or “We use gentle hands.”
• Be consistentrepeat the same words every time so they understand the rule.
3. Use Time-Ins Instead of Time-Outs
• Sit with your child and help them calm down when they’re acting out. A “time-in” helps them learn self-regulation and gives them emotional support.
• Example: “You seem upset. Let’s take some deep breaths together and figure this out.”
4. Offer Choices
• Toddlers want a sense of control. Offer two acceptable options to avoid power struggles.
• Example: “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?”
5. Natural and Logical Consequences
• Allow appropriate consequences to teach cause and effect.
• Example: If they throw food, calmly remove their plate and say, “We can try eating again when you’re ready.”
6. Praise Good Behavior
• Reinforce what you want to see more of by noticing and praising it.
• Example: “I love how you shared your toy! That’s so kind.”
7. Use Gentle Warnings and Consistent Follow-Through
• Give a clear warning before consequences.
• Example: “If you keep coloring on the wall, the crayons will go away.” Then calmly follow through if needed.
8. Model the Behavior You Want
• Your child learns from watching you. Show them how to speak kindly, manage frustration, and act respectfully.
• Example: Instead of yelling, say, “Mommy feels frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
9. Acknowledge Their Feelings
• Help your child name their emotions to build emotional intelligence.
• Example: “I see you’re angry because you can’t have the toy. It’s okay to feel mad, but we don’t hit.”
10. Be Calm and Firm
• Stay calm when enforcing boundaries. Your composure teaches them how to handle frustration.
• Avoid giving in to tantrums; instead, be a calming presence while they work through their emotions.
Final Thought
Remember, your 2-year-old is learning, not misbehaving on purpose. Discipline is about teaching appropriate behavior through love, patience, and consistency.
@@LifewithBlessingAdaeze
Thank you for this!
@@LifewithBlessingAdaeze 👏 👏 👏 This is so good and I use all of these with my kids after learning from different sources! Thank you for sharing such useful insights 👏👏❤️
@@LifewithBlessingAdaeze Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing. Please do share more about gentle parenting. This would not be my first time of hearing about gentle parenting, however it has not been an easy thing for me to do (I have a three year old)
Thank you for being real ma.
Good job. Well done
Thanks Tolulope!
Thank you for speaking from your heart ❤
This video is very informative, it has changed my mindset on this topic.
Thank you ma.
Kudos Tolulope. A lot of value in this video.
I hear you Tolulope. You said your son came in strong. So how did you discipline him? I hear your passion for this topic but didnt really get practical tips that apply in the moment of chaos. For example its bath time. Your 2 year old son starts rolling on the floor screaming refusing to bath. Will time out or face the wall work for a 2 year old? Or your 2 year old throws a big tantrum, scatters the house, break things. Will face the wall work then? Or your two year old gets angry for not getting something he wants and hits the younger sibling. What do you do in that moment? I am using a 2 year old as an example because at least by 3,4 years old they can understand certain punishments like face the wall and have a small understanding that they are being punished for a wrong they did. But having a 2 year old grasp information is difficult. Almost impossible. Thank you.
Thanks for this qestion. I am also battling with the same issue and i will appreciate if Tolulope tells us how she does it. Mine is in a stage everything is ball and i am finding it so hard to stop all the throwing and spoiling.
You cannot tell a child to face the wall again because it is now a punishment that affects a child's mental health because in that time, the child will have different thoughts running through their head, and it's also a period of seclusion from others, which is a red flag for children's development. Every child is different, and all homes are not the same, and all methods do not work for all children. Hitting a child is also a no-no. My prayer is that God will guide each parent on how to raise their children to be godly so that society can be a better place. A society free of drug users, abusers, liars, and all. God help us. Amen
People do say what works for one person does not work for another person but she has given pretty very valid practical points in this video. Please take some time to listen again. For example, being invested in quality information and research on how to do better when raising children. How many books have you read? How many articles about your growing child have you read? These information make you aware of the developmental phases of your children and what to expect. With that, nothing catches you unawares and you are more sensitive and aware of your children and how best to address issues. She also mentioned putting yourself in their shoes. Many times we forget that children are humans too. We look down on them and invalidate their feelings. When we find ourselves struggling with our children, we need to take a step back to assess the situation and make better judgments. There’s so much she has touched on in the video and these are points that can be applied in every scenario. Many of us parents just need an orientation change. We need to take our minds off hitting children. Let’s take it off the table and be willing to do better for our children and the society at large.
@joyugbome
Here’s what I found and will try to implement:
Disciplining a 2-year-old without hitting, spanking, or yelling is about teaching rather than punishing. At this age, children are still learning boundaries and how to manage their emotions, so patience, consistency, and positive guidance are key. Here are some effective strategies:
1. Redirect Their Attention
• When your child engages in unwanted behavior, gently steer their attention to something more appropriate.
• Example: If they’re throwing toys, say, “Toys are for playing, not throwing. Let’s stack these blocks instead.”
2. Set Clear, Simple Limits
• Keep instructions short, clear, and direct. Use phrases like “No hitting. Hitting hurts,” or “We use gentle hands.”
• Be consistentrepeat the same words every time so they understand the rule.
3. Use Time-Ins Instead of Time-Outs
• Sit with your child and help them calm down when they’re acting out. A “time-in” helps them learn self-regulation and gives them emotional support.
• Example: “You seem upset. Let’s take some deep breaths together and figure this out.”
4. Offer Choices
• Toddlers want a sense of control. Offer two acceptable options to avoid power struggles.
• Example: “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?”
5. Natural and Logical Consequences
• Allow appropriate consequences to teach cause and effect.
• Example: If they throw food, calmly remove their plate and say, “We can try eating again when you’re ready.”
6. Praise Good Behavior
• Reinforce what you want to see more of by noticing and praising it.
• Example: “I love how you shared your toy! That’s so kind.”
7. Use Gentle Warnings and Consistent Follow-Through
• Give a clear warning before consequences.
• Example: “If you keep coloring on the wall, the crayons will go away.” Then calmly follow through if needed.
8. Model the Behavior You Want
• Your child learns from watching you. Show them how to speak kindly, manage frustration, and act respectfully.
• Example: Instead of yelling, say, “Mommy feels frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
9. Acknowledge Their Feelings
• Help your child name their emotions to build emotional intelligence.
• Example: “I see you’re angry because you can’t have the toy. It’s okay to feel mad, but we don’t hit.”
10. Be Calm and Firm
• Stay calm when enforcing boundaries. Your composure teaches them how to handle frustration.
• Avoid giving in to tantrums; instead, be a calming presence while they work through their emotions.
Final Thought
Remember, your 2-year-old is learning, not misbehaving on purpose. Discipline is about teaching appropriate behavior through love, patience, and consistency.
@@LifewithBlessingAdaeze thank you so much
This is so helpful and liberating. See ehn, I need help, I don't do extreme spanks but I don't even want to span at all. I want mentally healthy kids and this video just gave me direction.
Please do more of videos like this, what to do when your child does ABC... Etc
Thank you so much for the insightful teachings
It means a whole lot and when I reach that stage I will put them all to use
God bless you sis this was mind blowing educating and may the holy spirit give you more teachings to share with us and help us be better parents ......make it a series 😊
@@njerikaimuru1011 Amen 🙏🏾
Sis God bless you. I see this as the voice of God speaking to me . Am guilty on this I will change today in Jesus name. I just made a decision today never to do that anymore. Thank you sis God bless you
@@HolySpiritInspired the Lord is your strength 🙏🏾
I'm guity of this and not funy part is that i feel so bad after the beating
As am reading your comment now, am shouting at them😢 I hardly beat them but the shouting... Am guilty of hitting once in a while... it's going to be a struggle but I'll change
Mummy raised a queen as herself 😘
Please do share more gentle parenting tips. Thanks
This is soo good. Thank you for sharing so important. 😊
This is awesome... Thank you Sis
Thank you Solutions for sharing 🎉
It was very helpful.
Thank you
God bless you so much for putting this out 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you Tolu,I really appreciate this
@@kodesarah6692 😉 gotcha
We have seen children who were never spanked nor extensively disciplined and the results have been regrettable.
Correlation= causation fallacy
Thanks for this ...this video is for me
Thank you Mama
My heart is full, thank you ma❤
@@lifewithfranca You are very welcome
God bless you for sharing.
Thank you Teesolutions for sharing this valuable insights. I really learnt a lot.
Please can you talk more on some of the examples of gentle parenting
How do you get them to see you as the boss
Proverbs 23: 13-14. I believe that sometimes God disciplines and guides us through physical pain. The world is suffering today because of many liberal family values. We don't expect a child to have thesame understanding as an adult. Let us all be guided by the Holy Spirit and ensure we are playing our parts to help the children we have been blessed with to love God.
@@susanmaeya7902 God disciplines us through physical pain? Not my own God.
Read John 10:10, James 1:13-15 and Romans 8:31-39.
Yes God leads us in processes that end up working together for our good but not by physical pain.
He disciplines, doesn’t destroy.
@TolulopeSolutions Hahhaha, How about Jonah and the Whale? How about examples where kings were afflicted with diseases because of the evil they caused? How about Moses not seeing the promised land? This does not mean that our God loves us any less than he says in His word. The reason why he sent his only Son to die for us. I am not against gentle parenting but there are some behaviours that if not handled with intense discipline it will ruin the child's life forever.
@@susanmaeya7902 You are speaking before Christ, I can’t relate to that! All I know is after Calvary ❤️❤️
@@TolulopeSolutions Okay Sis Tolu 🥰🥰. Merry Christmas!
Remember our Christ is the same yesterday today and forever. What do you mean by after Calvary? Did christ change?
Thank you so much mama solutions
This video is really informative
Thank you ma
I really appreciate this
You are filled with wisdom
Please can you share more light on “gentle parenting “ , I’m a first time mum to a 1year old boy and I’ve had a lot of scary things about raising a boy child … watching how you train your kids from far back as 4years ago is amazing
@@GbemisolaAmao Thank you. I’ll share more insights within my capacity and by God’s grace
@Gbemisola Join the intentional parent academy by Wendy Ologe and thank me later. No need to parent in fear ma’am
Thank you solutions, learnt a lot
Very impactful. Thank you ma'am❤
Thank you ❤😊
Thank You so much solution mama.
So much to learn already.
Thank you so much for sharing
Very beautiful topic. Tolulope, you are really a solution
@@bintaojone8801 on God ❤️🙏🏾
I love this pls share more❤
I love videos that teaches how to do stuff ❤❤
I truly hear you ma'am. And you do have really strong points ma but will we say Jesus using a whip in the temple was physical abuse? I'm not saying to be extreme, I've always had the mindset that I'll be easy with my kids but staying with my nephews have shown me that words and punishment doesn't always do the magic. Sometimes I drag their ears or hit them at the back and I see them adjust.
Again an intelligent teacher recently taught me that withholding privileges from a child shouldn't and isn't always a form of discipline. Sometimes you intentionally withhold privileges so that the child doesn't grow up spoilt and believing that they just have whatever they want. Thank you ma
@@kerenshom Jesus did not whip kids and also, that’s before he died once and for all, all then became finished!
It’s okay to act in the level of understanding you are at. This video is to really make you think and be aware towards change if you desire it.
I can tell you for free that kids adjust with right discipline tactics over time, it won’t be immediate and that’s what’s sustainable!
Thanks solution for this video
God bless you sis
❤❤❤❤❤learnt a lot...thank you ma
Thank you so much
Please ,Yes !!!!
I want more practical tips
The part where one need to be on the same page where their spouses are very important. If either of the parents are not on the go with this idea of not spanking, then the result will not be there.
Let this come up more pls!
Thank you Solutions. More oil on your head. I look forward to more videos on gentle parenting from you. Doing a series won't be bad o. 😊
Mama, God bless you really. You just pointed out the root cause of one of my majjjjoooooorrrrr challenges in marriage. GOD BLESS YOU. I WOULD BE A BETTER MOTHER BY GOD'S GRACE.
Very informative video, thanks for sharing ❤❤
By way of feedback, this tone of this video is different from the one you posted on Instagram. You said you didn't mean to be judgemental, but it did seem condescending and judgemental. I believe your purpose of sharing is to influence impact and change. Unlike this video, that wasn't communicated to me on the IG post & although I didn't comment, the comment section on IG reflects that it probably didn't communicate what you intended to other people as well. Due to the Nigerian culture, topics like this are sure to put people on edge, but your approach can disarm the defensiveness. Because like you've said, some of us didn't know better & if people like you don't talk about it, how would we know.
Just my honest review. I really am better exposed as you've shared in this video 🙏❤️❤️
@@toluwalopeodogiyon1417 Unfortunately I can’t control people’s defences and best believe that even the videos I’ve put out with the softest tones still trigger those who have bias against the topic. Of course a 20 mins video will be better rounded and calmer than 2 mins of IG but both are valid in my opinion. Glad you got the message regardless 🩷
God bless you ma for this.
Please can you speak on “spare the rod and spoil the child” Bible verse.
Because that’s one scripture most people bring up in arguments about hitting children.
@@growthwithogoo8909 I’ll leave you with the MSG translation of the same scripture - A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.
News flash - Discipline does not equate hitting!
God help me to understand all these gentle parenting that is going on nowadays. It is well. For a generation of special children, for lack of better words, it’s crazy to see that everyone is now doing “gentle parenting”.
@@Tifegbadas Do the work to also research and find resources to help you understand it. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting that allows a child to misbehave without caution or consequences. It’s just a better approach in my opinion that teaches by building up instead of tearing down.
@ I guess you do have a better understanding and use of it. Atleast you know how to apply it to your children. Because the examples of gentle parenting, or rather permissive parenting that I have been seeing is embarrassing
Attendance marked
Bless you sis. I have always believed in gentle parenting. How much does God spank us as his children?
Yes, I like the topic. Come out with more
Very profound.
Madam know everything
Mama,
God bless you ma.
Please kindly share more tips ma.
Nne u did a very good job 👍💯 here please More dear 💘 Merry Christmas 🎄
Welldone Solutions ✌️ ❤.
God bless you ma ❤️💋
I pray everyone sees this video
Because everything you said🔥🔥🔥🥹🥹🥹🤍🤍🤍🤍
It's ok to share your opinion. But going to the extreme to say that any parent that spanks the child is abusive, then you're exaggerating.
Some people are literally grateful that they were spanked. Know your kid and know what correction method works for him or her.
Thank you.
How do you implement using just talking to a toddler who barely understands and wants to do the opposite of whatever you instruct them not to? what form of discipline other than spanking them gently would work? Also how do you gentle parent if your partner believes in spanking and uses spanking in love as a means for correction and your child ends up listening more to your partner than you who is 'gentle parenting'?
Sis you are on point
❤ boss mummy😂😂😂
Please. I am trying to start things gentke parenting with my babies. I do alot asva mum and i am most time frustrated. Soanking just helps. I have a 2year girl and ab1year old boy. Itself really not easy. I heard about the face the wall method from you and i tried it. Whenever i say face the wall, my babies get scared and behave well.
Please, share more knowledge on gentle parenting. Also, is raising your voice on the babies gentle parenting?
Addressing your last question. Raising your voice at them is not gentle parenting. Let your calm help their calm. Think abt when you were younger, would you rather be yelled at or spoken to calmly? Children are not evil or bad, they are just exploring the world. Guide them with love and not pour frustration on them and watch your kids blossom.
Imagine those children that drank poison because they misplaced their mom’s phone . Please parents stop abusing your children
Good one ma'am, more knowledge in Jesus name
Solutions for nothing 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This was really enlightening
Thank you 😊
❤❤❤
Hitting a child is not abuse ,not all children are the same, some will only learn after being hit.
No child learns by being hit please.
@ifeanyichukwuosaka4240 I think she meant the hit of being spanked on the bum for example not hit in the drastic domestic violence way
❤❤
❤
😂
Don't bother figuring it out
When you look at me outside because my child is crying omo I look at you back oooooo kids cry that's on period 😅😅😅
@@n-silverose6244 full stop o 😂
🥰🥰🤩
May God help me 🙏🏻❤
What about the Bible verse that says spare the rod and spoil the child. Don’t get me wrong I am against beating children I feel children should be taught with love. But the way that Bible verse is used and taught is very confusing.
I believe that the Bible has literal and figurative meanings. While this is not a statement of fact I am making, perhaps the rod there may not necessarily be a physical rod right, it may be a figurative rod talking more on discipline like how some will not even want to bother disciplining their child when they are wrong. Against this is me saying what it might be not a statement of fact. I hope it helps
The Bible says we would thread upon serpents and scorpions, and it is literal. I believe it is the same thing as spare the rod and spoil and the child.
Yes I believe so too. If the Bible says spare the rod and spoil the child, I don’t see why Gen Z or what have you generation will say otherwise
Maybe check different versions? Or look out for the root words and intentionally research the meaning, to be sure the bible actually says what you think it said. Because in Africa, we are so used to taking scriptures as they were interpreted to us and not from self-study.
@gladysogundele2528 So by this, you mean when you see a snake, you step on its head. You do that? Lol
First to comment
We want more parenting series🥹