I'm a hospice nurse and I am so glad he and you shared that last moment. I try to make the same point, I say "the enemy isn't death, the enemy is suffering". I have had too many similar situations to think there is nothing. There is change, but there is also peace when death is accepted and not seen as a failure.
I actually got to be with my mom when she escaped her body. I was called to take her to the ER but when I walked into her room she looked like a little child. She was talkative and my daughter and I cleaned her up. I then told my daughter to call for an ambulance. While she was busy with that, I got to whisper to my mom that it was okay to go and to look for the light. Almost immediately her jaws closed and she was gone. I knew as I had cared for her the last nine months that she was free. My first dream of her was of her riding a motorcycle with free flowing hair and a big smile. Thanks for making your dad’s end of life perfect. ❤️
I appreciate the sincere story about your father and his passing. I don't agree with the completely unprovable mumbo-jumbo, but this time I didn't let it overcome the greater message of gratitude, fear and mortality.
I always told my husband who was my POA for healthcare that I trusted him and forgave him in advance for whatever consequences came from decisions made by him for me. Whether I suffered longer or died sooner, he was not to carry that weight of guilt or remorse. I had very few absolutes since I was in fine health through our marriage. As it turned out he passed first- quickly, despite resuscitation attempts. I’m glad he didn’t suffer any longer than necessary, but I still drift into “if only I…” mode.
You know, I had a general practitioner (I’m Aussie, I think you call them primary care physicians) who said to me decades ago (he was “ahead of his time”)…there is so much more in medicine that we don’t know than what we do know, & it makes a lot of my colleagues VERY uncomfortable”. I was just reminded of that conversation watching this. Such a reminder to have those important, albeit difficult conversations with loved ones. Also important for the ones that will go on. Knowing that wishes have been followed-most definitely comforting.
I am a nurse that works on a lock down dementia unit in a nursing home. When we have residents that are still a full code, it creates such a sense of stress for the nursing staff. We know that should they unexpectedly pass or have an event, we will, by law, have to perform CPR and call EMS to transport them to the hospital. Their families at times are in such a state of denial as to their state of health, they can’t understand the benefit of advanced directives. To hear your personal experience was a gift. My condolences to your family, but I’m glad your story was positive. 💕
What a beautiful experience. Thank you for sharing this so openly and courageously with your audience. If you follow any hospice nurse on UA-cam, they all speak of these unexplainable experiences around death. It is so incredibly normal for them, and yet seems hidden away in the shadows because it is not seen as scientifically rational. I'm just about to go through this with my Mum, who has terminal Cervical cancer. I'm doing my best to have these conversations with her now, although she is reluctant to engage. As I'm in Australia, and she is in the UK - there's a good chance I won't be there for her death... This is a beautiful model for me to keep in mind if we are distant when she does pass.
This is a beautiful exchange. It brings tears. I know my calling is to help others embrace their final choices and make it kind, gracious and as celebrated as our birth! ❤
i 100% understand your feeling. when our spirits speak to each other. Prayer is a powerful thing. I am so sorry for your loss. Condolences to your family.
our attitude about death is an arrogance thing born of science and lack of faith. We think we control things when in reality, we just watch. As i always said, If someone is going to live nothing i can do will prevent it and if they aren't... nothing i can do will stop it... Western medicine needs to learn to live with that but they just can't. Hugs to you, Z... it's hard to lose your parent. :(
I thought of your phrase that science isn’t a noun it’s a process and then thought “I need to hear what he’s talking about right now “ thank you for keeping me sane during the insanity Your dad is SO proud of you !! As any parent he wants you to live into your true identity!! Culture has hijacked the next gen’s concept of identity You are living into your identity
This is a beautiful talk. Thank you for sharing his death as a learning experience. It has me thinking about my parent and death. Your dad was wise and so are you, Thank you both for your widom and experiences.
Thanks for talking about this. RN here. Almost lost my mom to peripancreatic cancer and the financial, medical, and advocacy fell on my shoulders. Thankfully my mom survived but I clearly have some unresolved emotions on the matter and this conversation helps readdress those
ZDogg, I'm sorry for your loss. But, what a beautiful way for ZDad to pass; on his own terms. I just watched the 2017 ZParents video you linked to. So sweet. You have all of these memories in video form for years to come. What a blessing! I am so happy VPZD is back, yay! 😀
Beautiful talk. My parents died within 72 hours of each other during Covid from a horrific car accident. Mom never made it out of ER and doctor was kind of enough to come talk to me, nurses let me and my husband be with my dad inspite of surgeon. Those kind kind health care workers❤❤❤. They even combed his hair and made him more presentable at his request before I saw him. The cruelty was paper work with state of NC. Insane confusing rules when married people die within 72 hours of each other. Bless the health care workers that put humanity in front of stupid rules like only one visitor when someone is transitioning
@@pierzing.glint1sh76 thank you for your kind sentiment. Today is the anniversary of their accident. Your comment on today of all days feels like a “godincident”💕
@ellenbrown579 I know its so easy for me to type this but I truly hope that you're in a better place now I'm a real person too not just a UA-cam commenter Much love
I'm an ED nurse, and my mom was my last pt. She had a stent placed in her LAD. Two weeks later, she wasn't aware she was having an anterior wall STEMI. I found it by accident, but she had no clue. To her, that day was just another day. I rushed my mom to the ER, and I got to work on her. I gave her, her last drink of water while she was laying on the hospital bed before they took her away to the cath lab. My last words to my mom were, "you're going to be ok. I'll see you in a couple of hours." My mom's last image was of me, her son, in his element, working on her in the ER. She saw me put my love for her to work. 48 hours later, my passed away from an inoperable VSR. I love you mom, I miss you so much. I wish I could've done more. 💔💔💔😖😖😖
As a CC nurse I wish more people had the compassion and selfishness towards their family members that you’ve displayed! I find so many people wanting to keep their loved ones alive out of pure selfishness! No matter how much they’re suffering!!😢😢
My father, also a doctor, died in March after complications from his multiple myeloma treatment. Having those discussions about wishes (and having all the practical matters taken care of well in advance) made a horrible situation much easier. We spent weeks with him in the ICU and I was sleeping in his ICU during his final weeks. He was never alone in his final days (his siblings, cousins, children, wife, grandson were all there) and he was surrounded by us during his death. One recommendation I have from this situation is: don't wait to say the things you want to say (i.e. make sure the people you love know you love them) and do the fun things you want to do with your loved ones while things are A-OK. Further, after he died, I sat with his body for a few hours, just absorbing what had happened and I feel that it made all the difference in the world. While my dad's death was somewhat sudden, we at least had the benefit of a month (and within that month, a final week where we knew what was going to happen, if not when) to prepare ourselves emotionally and practically, and to spend lots of intentional time with him. Holding my dad's hand while he slept in his hospital room is something I'll never forget and I hope it was meaningful to him as well. I wish everyone here who has been through this a measure of peace and closure and to those who have yet to experience it, my only wish is that you go through it in as present and mindful a fashion as possible. One other piece of advice... Before he died, I was able, due to the freelance nature of my work, spend 3-4 months back home with my parents every year. Golf trips with my dad, photo walks with my mom, etc. If you can: MAKE TIME with your loved ones. I feel very lucky that my grief is not further complicated by the presence of regret.
ZDogg, you even helped my soul through your Fathers passing. He would be so proud of his son. I'm about to be going through the same thing with my mom and sister. Two women who have meant the world to me. Thank you for explaining a different way to look at death. I feel fine with the thought of my dying, but when it comes to my mother and sister, I need to take a deep breath and prepare myself for peace and tranquility.
So sorry for your deep loss. Thank you for sharing your story and being an example of presence and grace. Good to see this video of you two together, such a solid and kind friendship.
My condolences to you and your family. My dad passed away a few years ago and as an only child, I was stuck with all the logistics. I thank God every day for that as it prevented me from falling apart - I was too busy to crash. After the funeral was done, came the grieving. I also got the chance to discuss his last wishes with him. He reminds me of your dad - he was very accepting of his fate and was very thankful for living until 89. Thanks for sharing your story.
I love your parents, especially their sparing back and forth. They were entertaining but so much more than that. They watched over, offered advice, were our family. I am so sorry your dad has ready to pass. I, too, will think of him everyday. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻♥️♥️♥️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Absolutely love your story. I also felt gratitude at my 68 year old husband passed last year. He had multiple health issues but it was bladder cancer at the end. We had talked about everything and he wanted no more interventions and his passing was peaceful and a blessing. I was 💔 but at peace Thank you for your story
Thinking of you and your family, Z. Be especially kind to yourselves right now. Please forgive my indulgence in sharing a similar story in that, while my beloved dad died in my arms, I heard (or felt), as surely as if she were beside us, my mother giggle her trademark laugh and welcome him “Home.” She had died 10 years before. We had fought doctors to the point of exhaustion to release her (die naturally) from the early onset Alzheimers that had ravaged her for 15 years. When she was 72, with a feeding tube, doctors were shaming us into awful “life-saving” measures as her sweet body just couldn’t go on. She had asked me to help her die 6 years before. Afterwards, my dad and I talked and talked, and did every single thing we needed to make our final moment together so full of peace for both of us. One last blessing for his daughter…As important as planning for the birth of a baby into a loving family. Like you with Vinay, I thank you for providing a “Comments” section for me to share my story with you, someone I trust and admire. At 79 and 77 now, my husband and I have “curated” health professionals that practice a more compassionate, less ego driven form of medicine…my heartfelt wish for all of us. You are and were a good son.
" To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die."... Thank you for sharing this conversation... very helpful for those that haven't experienced a parent passing.
thank you so much for sharing dr. z. i also feel a sense of gratitude that my grandma passed suddenly the year before covid because i don't think she would have dealt with that period in time well mentally. i will not forget your story or your dad.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad over 7 years ago and it never really seems real when it happens, even though you know its coming eventually. I'm so glad that you got to have those discussions to know how he wanted his story to end.
My condolences to you. The same thing happened to me when my grandfather died. I knew when it happened. I’m glad he was able to live the way he wanted in his last years. Thank you so much for sharing 💔🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing "the story" My sympathies for your loss. As I tell "the story" of my 98 year old mother, it dawned on me how similar to that same story we told when a soul came into the physical world. For ,years we tell the story of how the conception, the pregnancy, the humor of the rush to the hospital, the labor went. All surrounding that beautiful soul. As we watch the miraculous body, knowing just how to gracefully wind down, my mother, the old nurse as well, watch a beautiful soul leave the physical and return to what ever energy that is. I watched Hospice Nurse Julie on FB and learned so much. Unfortunately, I wasn't in charge. The blessing is that I now have my narrative and directives in place. I love how your dad visited. There aren't enough spaces to tell you how many affirmations I've received. Peace,my friend. Listen quietly, and you will hear him often.
Adult ICU Critical Care (18years)RN here. There is SO many decisions post mortem of a loved one. I always (having lost my mother) discuss that with my patients, but more importantly warn them of the self care and time needed to grieve after the hustle of getting things done is over. There is like you said an emotional release that occurs. When the tasks are done, the food delivered, the endless amounts of flowers and plants redistributed…. There is that time when a wave of grief hits that if you don’t see coming can literally make you feel like you’re drowning. I encourage my families to prepare for this, so in that sea of grief they have some sort of life vest/support that they know it’s coming, it will be uncomfortable but there is a plan in place that they don’t feel alone and drowning in their grief. That it is ok to talk about the person that passed. Families like to hear their name, they like to remember. It is a process. And honoring wishes is the hardest most loving thing you can do for your loved one when they can no longer speak for themselves. Just because we can doesn’t always mean that we should. Thank you for helping to bring this to light. ❤
Thank you for sharing this. Through a number of serendipitous circumstances (for which I thank God), I was able to be physically present with my dad at the end. I resonate with everything you shared…the sense of his presence throughout the week as I cleared out his apartment, the moments of intense inexplicable grief followed often by laughter. What a privilege to be part of their passing. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I was with my mom when she passed and I have never felt such peace as i did at that moment/afternoon. Peace beyond understanding thats for sure. There is so much we dont know.... But feel!!
Sorry for your loss, Dr Z. Watching your shows on UA-cam one day and gone the next does sound like a good way to go, though. Glad you had the closure as well.
I went on that journey with you as you talked about your dad’s passing. So powerful. Thank you for sharing. Had a similar experience when my mom passed. The grief later is exhausting you’re correct about that.
My dad passed in hospice via MAIDS. I left the room after he went into his deep sleep, before his last injection, and I knew as soon as he passed, the lights flickered. He had the passing he wanted, and it was so beautiful. RIP Dr. Z Sr.
My sympathy to you and your family. I wish more people would have that end of life conversation with family members. Too many people don't know loved ones wishes. It causes so much stress when things happen happen unexpectedly. I'm funeral director.
3:00 this reminds me of the episode of the Netflix show "Chefs Table" with the Korean Buddhist Nun Jeong Kwon. Her father came to visit her at the monestary late in his life. He felt forlorn that she did not get to experience even some of the simple pleasures of life, and that she was missing out. She cooked him a meal, and showed him her inner joy. His Her description of that event has a deep sense of compassion and understanding to it. I HIGHLY recommend that show, and especially that specific episode. Even if you could care less about cooking. (It's kinda not even about cooking from a certain frame of view)
Listening to you speak about having the conversations with your Dad about his final wishes reminds me so much of Caitlin Doughty here on UA-cam who is a mortician that speaks on the importance of advanced directives, speaking with family, and the process after death. It is so wonderful that you had that experience, and you truly felt your father be at peace. You and your mother definitely handled his passing as gracefully as people can, my condolences for your loss. Having lost my mother in 2018, and refusing to believe what I was seeing with my own eyes when she was in the hospital just before her passing, I can only hope to have an experience more like yours when it is my Dad's turn sometime in the future. 💜
I am a physician who lost his physician father recently also. I share with you the predominant feeling of gratitude, overwhelming gratitude. Life marches on and extracting the positive from such a feeling of loss is a great blessing. Deepest respect to you and your family ZDogg.
This is Ele's friend and Bullard alum. Simply 1 of your best shows. Your generosity in sharing your experience with losing a parent is often not openly discussed. It's like, how do we wrap up our parent's life? The logistical burdens, helping emotionally with the surviving parent, the medical decisions that prevented the potential bungling of prolonging suffering by honoring your dad's final wishes...You listened to your intuition and batted away the "should haves". (But then going to Clovis is never really that great anyway. Sorry, I digress.) ZDad raised a wonderful son, because you respected him and his wishes. You set a tremendous example to your ZPups. Grief and gratitude happen because there was/is love. Thanks for sharing.
Brings tears to my eyes. Both my parents died without medical intervention. I do remember the sense of my Mother passing. (I have a whole story around that.) But in both cases I was so relieved that they were able to die without “the full court press”. (And yes, call the bedside nurse.)
I’m so sorry for your loss. Major health problems with a parent or loved can definitely be a blessing in disguise. Your dad will be missed by all of us who got to see a little bit of him through you. I’m so glad for you and your family, that he went peacefully and that you were with him.
So sweet that he wanted to talk to you! Before he went to the hospital. So sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved dad and my amazing mom 9 mos apart. It hurts everyday without them.
What a privilege to have spoken with your Dad when he was lucid. My Mom died after a long decline into dementia, so I had lost her long before she actually passed. Best to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story. Grief is hard. I lost my dad Jan 2023 and it still feels raw. UCSF 10ICU were amazing to my Dad and our family. Bless all who make it their job to help us in these tough times.
Love you brother Z. This happened to me too. My mom, at 90, died at home under the loving care of my sister. I was dragging my feet at getting up there as I had my practice that was pressingly important ( not) and she was in good hands with hospice support. Around 4 AM I sat up in bed, bolt upright. Mom was “presence” in my room, saying a loving goodbye. No doubt. She was gone. I don’t feel her hanging around, at least not close. But I am sure she is very fine. My sister called later that morning and confirmed the time of death. Same time I sat up in bed.
So very very sorry for your loss. No matter how prepared we are mentally to lose a loved one, our hearts and souls are still wrecked when it happens. May his memory be for a blessing.
We have all been there after a certain age. We will be there ourselves on the other side. We are all clinicians. Thank you ZDoggMD for taking the time to share how smart HCPs deal with death and dying 🙏
I'm a hospice nurse and I am so glad he and you shared that last moment. I try to make the same point, I say "the enemy isn't death, the enemy is suffering". I have had too many similar situations to think there is nothing. There is change, but there is also peace when death is accepted and not seen as a failure.
Thank you ever so much for doing what you do! (Hospice)
Well said
Your words really stopped me in my tracks; I keep re-reading 🥰…THANK YOU for sharing; this is so helpful to hear.
Beautifully said
100% agree!
I did not realize how much I'd missed hearing the conversation between these two.
I'm so very sorry. He has imparted his kindness, compassion and intelligence to you. May God bless you and your family.
After listening to your story,Z, you received a final gift from your dad. Hold that in your heart!❤
🙏 yes!
I actually got to be with my mom when she escaped her body. I was called to take her to the ER but when I walked into her room she looked like a little child. She was talkative and my daughter and I cleaned her up. I then told my daughter to call for an ambulance. While she was busy with that, I got to whisper to my mom that it was okay to go and to look for the light. Almost immediately her jaws closed and she was gone. I knew as I had cared for her the last nine months that she was free.
My first dream of her was of her riding a motorcycle with free flowing hair and a big smile. Thanks for making your dad’s end of life perfect. ❤️
I appreciate the sincere story about your father and his passing. I don't agree with the completely unprovable mumbo-jumbo, but this time I didn't let it overcome the greater message of gratitude, fear and mortality.
I always told my husband who was my POA for healthcare that I trusted him and forgave him in advance for whatever consequences came from decisions made by him for me. Whether I suffered longer or died sooner, he was not to carry that weight of guilt or remorse. I had very few absolutes since I was in fine health through our marriage. As it turned out he passed first- quickly, despite resuscitation attempts. I’m glad he didn’t suffer any longer than necessary, but I still drift into “if only I…” mode.
You know, I had a general practitioner (I’m Aussie, I think you call them primary care physicians) who said to me decades ago (he was “ahead of his time”)…there is so much more in medicine that we don’t know than what we do know, & it makes a lot of my colleagues VERY uncomfortable”. I was just reminded of that conversation watching this.
Such a reminder to have those important, albeit difficult conversations with loved ones. Also important for the ones that will go on. Knowing that wishes have been followed-most definitely comforting.
I am a nurse that works on a lock down dementia unit in a nursing home. When we have residents that are still a full code, it creates such a sense of stress for the nursing staff. We know that should they unexpectedly pass or have an event, we will, by law, have to perform CPR and call EMS to transport them to the hospital. Their families at times are in such a state of denial as to their state of health, they can’t understand the benefit of advanced directives. To hear your personal experience was a gift. My condolences to your family, but I’m glad your story was positive. 💕
Sorry for your loss. He will be remembered fondly by so soo many ❤
What a beautiful experience. Thank you for sharing this so openly and courageously with your audience. If you follow any hospice nurse on UA-cam, they all speak of these unexplainable experiences around death. It is so incredibly normal for them, and yet seems hidden away in the shadows because it is not seen as scientifically rational. I'm just about to go through this with my Mum, who has terminal Cervical cancer. I'm doing my best to have these conversations with her now, although she is reluctant to engage. As I'm in Australia, and she is in the UK - there's a good chance I won't be there for her death... This is a beautiful model for me to keep in mind if we are distant when she does pass.
This is a beautiful exchange. It brings tears. I know my calling is to help others embrace their final choices and make it kind, gracious and as celebrated as our birth! ❤
i 100% understand your feeling. when our spirits speak to each other. Prayer is a powerful thing. I am so sorry for your loss. Condolences to your family.
our attitude about death is an arrogance thing born of science and lack of faith. We think we control things when in reality, we just watch. As i always said, If someone is going to live nothing i can do will prevent it and if they aren't... nothing i can do will stop it... Western medicine needs to learn to live with that but they just can't. Hugs to you, Z... it's hard to lose your parent. :(
You are your father’s son and you are blessed beyond measure. ❤ I pray your father is at peace and pray for your families strength and healing.
I thought of your phrase that science isn’t a noun it’s a process and then thought “I need to hear what he’s talking about right now “ thank you for keeping me sane during the insanity
Your dad is SO proud of you !! As any parent he wants you to live into your true identity!!
Culture has hijacked the next gen’s concept of identity
You are living into your identity
This is such a wonderful conversation to listen to for those of us grieving the loss of our dads. Thank you for sharing.
This is a beautiful talk. Thank you for sharing his death as a learning experience. It has me thinking about my parent and death. Your dad was wise and so are you, Thank you both for your widom and experiences.
Thanks for talking about this. RN here. Almost lost my mom to peripancreatic cancer and the financial, medical, and advocacy fell on my shoulders. Thankfully my mom survived but I clearly have some unresolved emotions on the matter and this conversation helps readdress those
Glad your mom was able to survive this❤🎉
ZDogg, I'm sorry for your loss. But, what a beautiful way for ZDad to pass; on his own terms. I just watched the 2017 ZParents video you linked to. So sweet. You have all of these memories in video form for years to come. What a blessing! I am so happy VPZD is back, yay! 😀
Beautiful talk. My parents died within 72 hours of each other during Covid from a horrific car accident. Mom never made it out of ER and doctor was kind of enough to come talk to me, nurses let me and my husband be with my dad inspite of surgeon. Those kind kind health care workers❤❤❤. They even combed his hair and made him more presentable at his request before I saw him. The cruelty was paper work with state of NC. Insane confusing rules when married people die within 72 hours of each other. Bless the health care workers that put humanity in front of stupid rules like only one visitor when someone is transitioning
So sorry you had to go through that.
@@pierzing.glint1sh76 thank you for your kind sentiment. Today is the anniversary of their accident. Your comment on today of all days feels like a “godincident”💕
@ellenbrown579 I know its so easy for me to type this but I truly hope that you're in a better place now
I'm a real person too not just a UA-cam commenter
Much love
@@pierzing.glint1sh76 💕 yes, good memories and love are the gifts that never die. Hope you have a wonderful day
@@ellenbrown579 ❤️
I'm an ED nurse, and my mom was my last pt. She had a stent placed in her LAD. Two weeks later, she wasn't aware she was having an anterior wall STEMI. I found it by accident, but she had no clue. To her, that day was just another day.
I rushed my mom to the ER, and I got to work on her.
I gave her, her last drink of water while she was laying on the hospital bed before they took her away to the cath lab.
My last words to my mom were, "you're going to be ok. I'll see you in a couple of hours."
My mom's last image was of me, her son, in his element, working on her in the ER. She saw me put my love for her to work.
48 hours later, my passed away from an inoperable VSR.
I love you mom, I miss you so much. I wish I could've done more. 💔💔💔😖😖😖
As a CC nurse I wish more people had the compassion and selfishness towards their family members that you’ve displayed! I find so many people wanting to keep their loved ones alive out of pure selfishness! No matter how much they’re suffering!!😢😢
My father, also a doctor, died in March after complications from his multiple myeloma treatment. Having those discussions about wishes (and having all the practical matters taken care of well in advance) made a horrible situation much easier. We spent weeks with him in the ICU and I was sleeping in his ICU during his final weeks. He was never alone in his final days (his siblings, cousins, children, wife, grandson were all there) and he was surrounded by us during his death. One recommendation I have from this situation is: don't wait to say the things you want to say (i.e. make sure the people you love know you love them) and do the fun things you want to do with your loved ones while things are A-OK. Further, after he died, I sat with his body for a few hours, just absorbing what had happened and I feel that it made all the difference in the world. While my dad's death was somewhat sudden, we at least had the benefit of a month (and within that month, a final week where we knew what was going to happen, if not when) to prepare ourselves emotionally and practically, and to spend lots of intentional time with him. Holding my dad's hand while he slept in his hospital room is something I'll never forget and I hope it was meaningful to him as well. I wish everyone here who has been through this a measure of peace and closure and to those who have yet to experience it, my only wish is that you go through it in as present and mindful a fashion as possible.
One other piece of advice... Before he died, I was able, due to the freelance nature of my work, spend 3-4 months back home with my parents every year. Golf trips with my dad, photo walks with my mom, etc. If you can: MAKE TIME with your loved ones. I feel very lucky that my grief is not further complicated by the presence of regret.
I come back to listen to this every once in a while. I am glad it was beautiful. ❤
ZDogg, you even helped my soul through your Fathers passing. He would be so proud of his son. I'm about to be going through the same thing with my mom and sister. Two women who have meant the world to me. Thank you for explaining a different way to look at death. I feel fine with the thought of my dying, but when it comes to my mother and sister, I need to take a deep breath and prepare myself for peace and tranquility.
I literally was thinking of you yesterday!!
😢 I am sorry and we love you !!
So sorry for your deep loss. Thank you for sharing your story and being an example of presence and grace. Good to see this video of you two together, such a solid and kind friendship.
My condolences to you and your family. My dad passed away a few years ago and as an only child, I was stuck with all the logistics. I thank God every day for that as it prevented me from falling apart - I was too busy to crash. After the funeral was done, came the grieving. I also got the chance to discuss his last wishes with him. He reminds me of your dad - he was very accepting of his fate and was very thankful for living until 89. Thanks for sharing your story.
I love your parents, especially their sparing back and forth. They were entertaining but so much more than that. They watched over, offered advice, were our family. I am so sorry your dad has ready to pass. I, too, will think of him everyday.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻♥️♥️♥️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Absolutely love your story. I also felt gratitude at my 68 year old husband passed last year. He had multiple health issues but it was bladder cancer at the end. We had talked about everything and he wanted no more interventions and his passing was peaceful and a blessing. I was 💔 but at peace Thank you for your story
Thinking of you and your family, Z. Be especially kind to yourselves right now. Please forgive my indulgence in sharing a similar story in that, while my beloved dad died in my arms, I heard (or felt), as surely as if she were beside us, my mother giggle her trademark laugh and welcome him “Home.” She had died 10 years before. We had fought doctors to the point of exhaustion to release her (die naturally) from the early onset Alzheimers that had ravaged her for 15 years. When she was 72, with a feeding tube, doctors were shaming us into awful “life-saving” measures as her sweet body just couldn’t go on. She had asked me to help her die 6 years before. Afterwards, my dad and I talked and talked, and did every single thing we needed to make our final moment together so full of peace for both of us. One last blessing for his daughter…As important as planning for the birth of a baby into a loving family. Like you with Vinay, I thank you for providing a “Comments” section for me to share my story with you, someone I trust and admire. At 79 and 77 now, my husband and I have “curated” health professionals that practice a more compassionate, less ego driven form of medicine…my heartfelt wish for all of us. You are and were a good son.
Love you guys ❤️🩹thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏽
yup that's how it happened father one year, mother the next year
You are so loving! Your Dad was blessed to have as a son.
" To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die."... Thank you for sharing this conversation... very helpful for those that haven't experienced a parent passing.
thank you so much for sharing dr. z. i also feel a sense of gratitude that my grandma passed suddenly the year before covid because i don't think she would have dealt with that period in time well mentally. i will not forget your story or your dad.
Sorry for your loss Z and family. ❤
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad over 7 years ago and it never really seems real when it happens, even though you know its coming eventually. I'm so glad that you got to have those discussions to know how he wanted his story to end.
Love you Bro, thanks so much for sharing your every day. ✌🏻
My condolences to you. The same thing happened to me when my grandfather died. I knew when it happened. I’m glad he was able to live the way he wanted in his last years. Thank you so much for sharing 💔🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing "the story" My sympathies for your loss.
As I tell "the story" of my 98 year old mother, it dawned on me how similar to that same story we told when a soul came into the physical world. For ,years we tell the story of how the conception, the pregnancy, the humor of the rush to the hospital, the labor went. All surrounding that beautiful soul.
As we watch the miraculous body, knowing just how to gracefully wind down, my mother, the old nurse as well, watch a beautiful soul leave the physical and return to what ever energy that is.
I watched Hospice Nurse Julie on FB and learned so much.
Unfortunately, I wasn't in charge. The blessing is that I now have my narrative and directives in place.
I love how your dad visited. There aren't enough spaces to tell you how many affirmations I've received. Peace,my friend. Listen quietly, and you will hear him often.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us. Always helping us to learn.
Thank you so much for sharing this experience! The tears came for me.... & that's OK. I must heed this reminder to speak/prepare.❤
So sorry for your loss but I’m glad he had his wishes met 🙏🏻
You were blest to experience that with your father!
Adult ICU Critical Care (18years)RN here. There is SO many decisions post mortem of a loved one. I always (having lost my mother) discuss that with my patients, but more importantly warn them of the self care and time needed to grieve after the hustle of getting things done is over. There is like you said an emotional release that occurs. When the tasks are done, the food delivered, the endless amounts of flowers and plants redistributed…. There is that time when a wave of grief hits that if you don’t see coming can literally make you feel like you’re drowning. I encourage my families to prepare for this, so in that sea of grief they have some sort of life vest/support that they know it’s coming, it will be uncomfortable but there is a plan in place that they don’t feel alone and drowning in their grief. That it is ok to talk about the person that passed. Families like to hear their name, they like to remember. It is a process. And honoring wishes is the hardest most loving thing you can do for your loved one when they can no longer speak for themselves. Just because we can doesn’t always mean that we should. Thank you for helping to bring this to light. ❤
Thank you for sharing this. Through a number of serendipitous circumstances (for which I thank God), I was able to be physically present with my dad at the end. I resonate with everything you shared…the sense of his presence throughout the week as I cleared out his apartment, the moments of intense inexplicable grief followed often by laughter. What a privilege to be part of their passing. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I was with my mom when she passed and I have never felt such peace as i did at that moment/afternoon. Peace beyond understanding thats for sure. There is so much we dont know.... But feel!!
So sorry for your loss, Dr. Z. May your father rest in peace.
My beautiful friend Zubin- such a peaceful reflection. I love you!
Much love and gratitude for your presence and sharing it, Dr. Z. Condolences to you and your family.
Sorry for your loss, Dr Z.
Watching your shows on UA-cam one day and gone the next does sound like a good way to go, though.
Glad you had the closure as well.
Glad your Dad had a good passing through the dark gate into the light. Sending you and yours ❤ as always Z.
Thank you for sharing. I very much appreciate it. ❤
I went on that journey with you as you talked about your dad’s passing. So powerful. Thank you for sharing. Had a similar experience when my mom passed. The grief later is exhausting you’re correct about that.
Thank you for sharing your experience, and condolences for the loss of your father.
Thanks for sharing. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Thank you for sharing with us 🙏
when you said "he got it" i burst into tears. what a beautiful final moment you all facilitated and experienced with your father.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience
Thank you so much for sharing. I lost my dad a few weeks ago as well. Prayers to you and your family.
Condolences to your family. From healthcare worker think you for talking about this!!!
My dad passed in hospice via MAIDS. I left the room after he went into his deep sleep, before his last injection, and I knew as soon as he passed, the lights flickered. He had the passing he wanted, and it was so beautiful. RIP Dr. Z Sr.
the jab got his dad but will not believe it
So sorry for your loss, but grateful for the peace you have.❤
Sorry for your loss, my condolences to you are your family. ❤
My sympathy to you and your family. I wish more people would have that end of life conversation with family members. Too many people don't know loved ones wishes. It causes so much stress when things happen happen unexpectedly. I'm funeral director.
3:00 this reminds me of the episode of the Netflix show "Chefs Table" with the Korean Buddhist Nun Jeong Kwon. Her father came to visit her at the monestary late in his life. He felt forlorn that she did not get to experience even some of the simple pleasures of life, and that she was missing out. She cooked him a meal, and showed him her inner joy. His
Her description of that event has a deep sense of compassion and understanding to it. I HIGHLY recommend that show, and especially that specific episode. Even if you could care less about cooking. (It's kinda not even about cooking from a certain frame of view)
Your father sounds like a great man & you carry that in yourself.
Listening to you speak about having the conversations with your Dad about his final wishes reminds me so much of Caitlin Doughty here on UA-cam who is a mortician that speaks on the importance of advanced directives, speaking with family, and the process after death. It is so wonderful that you had that experience, and you truly felt your father be at peace. You and your mother definitely handled his passing as gracefully as people can, my condolences for your loss. Having lost my mother in 2018, and refusing to believe what I was seeing with my own eyes when she was in the hospital just before her passing, I can only hope to have an experience more like yours when it is my Dad's turn sometime in the future. 💜
Dr. Z, haven† watched for a while. You are such a blessing. Very sorry for your dad. You are such a great guy'
Dr. Z. Thank you for sharing.
I am a physician who lost his physician father recently also. I share with you the predominant feeling of gratitude, overwhelming gratitude. Life marches on and extracting the positive from such a feeling of loss is a great blessing. Deepest respect to you and your family ZDogg.
❤
This is Ele's friend and Bullard alum. Simply 1 of your best shows. Your generosity in sharing your experience with losing a parent is often not openly discussed. It's like, how do we wrap up our parent's life? The logistical burdens, helping emotionally with the surviving parent, the medical decisions that prevented the potential bungling of prolonging suffering by honoring your dad's final wishes...You listened to your intuition and batted away the "should haves". (But then going to Clovis is never really that great anyway. Sorry, I digress.)
ZDad raised a wonderful son, because you respected him and his wishes. You set a tremendous example to your ZPups.
Grief and gratitude happen because there was/is love.
Thanks for sharing.
Sorry to your family for your loss, but I’m glad you had that peaceful experience with him 🫶
What a beautiful story!!! I am sorry for your loss. Instant 😢 😢😢.
Your store of yours father passing is so profound.
Thank you for sharing your 5am experience 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 I can relate. We all need to be more in tune with whatever that energy field is💕💕💕💕💕
I am so sorry, Z.
❤️❤️❤️
My daughter and I are so sorry. We all Love You!
Brings tears to my eyes. Both my parents died without medical intervention. I do remember the sense of my Mother passing. (I have a whole story around that.) But in both cases I was so relieved that they were able to die without “the full court press”. (And yes, call the bedside nurse.)
Zubin, your father is back on his star ⭐ he understands much better where you are coming from now...❤️ Love..
I’m so sorry for your loss. Major health problems with a parent or loved can definitely be a blessing in disguise. Your dad will be missed by all of us who got to see a little bit of him through you. I’m so glad for you and your family, that he went peacefully and that you were with him.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the story with us 🙏
Thanks for sharing. It's never the right time to lose your dad.
God bless you, Z. I know your dad's infinite energy is all around you.
My father past last year, and I felt all of this discussion. Thank you for talking about this. God bless your father, your family, and you.
So sweet that he wanted to talk to you! Before he went to the hospital. So sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved dad and my amazing mom 9 mos apart. It hurts everyday without them.
What a privilege to have spoken with your Dad when he was lucid. My Mom died after a long decline into dementia, so I had lost her long before she actually passed. Best to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story. Grief is hard. I lost my dad Jan 2023 and it still feels raw. UCSF 10ICU were amazing to my Dad and our family. Bless all who make it their job to help us in these tough times.
I’m sorry for your loss, but happy things ended perfectly❤️ thanks for sharing . Happy to see you two back 🙌🏼
Thankyou for sharing.Sorry for the loss of your Dad
Also, I'm so sorry! May his memory be eternal!
I am
So sorry for the loss of your father!!!
Love you brother Z. This happened to me too. My mom, at 90, died at home under the loving care of my sister. I was dragging my feet at getting up there as I had my practice that was pressingly important ( not) and she was in good hands with hospice support. Around 4 AM I sat up in bed, bolt upright. Mom was “presence” in my room, saying a loving goodbye. No doubt. She was gone. I don’t feel her hanging around, at least not close. But I am sure she is very fine. My sister called later that morning and confirmed the time of death. Same time I sat up in bed.
Memory eternal 🙏🙏😪❤️
I am so sorry for your loss.
Oh I’m so sad to come across this. I am so sorry we’ve lost ZDadd. I adored him.
What a thoughtful and poignant memory you shared of your dad. Thank you!
So very very sorry for your loss. No matter how prepared we are mentally to lose a loved one, our hearts and souls are still wrecked when it happens. May his memory be for a blessing.
We have all been there after a certain age. We will be there ourselves on the other side. We are all clinicians. Thank you ZDoggMD for taking the time to share how smart HCPs deal with death and dying 🙏
This story makes me even angrier to think how families were robbed of this closure during the draconian Covid restrictions