the “your therapist probably has beef with your parents one” really hits cause one time my therapist told me she was kinda proud of me for yelling at my mom 😂
@@ChocolateMuffin308you don’t know this person or what “yelling” entailed. I’m sure their therapist does and the context of the situation warranted encouragement to some degree. Just because the person wasn’t perfect in their approach doesn’t mean they didn’t display personal growth.
@@ChocolateMuffin308 didn’t lose control of my emotions or get aggressive, not that I need or want your approval. my version of “yelling” isn’t the same as yours 👍🏻
Yeah, like if you actively hate them, I think it can take away from your happiness, because hate is taxing, but the solution to that never has to be forgiveness, you'll feel just as happy if you simply refuse to give them your energy, rejecting them and blocking their influence from your life instead of offering them some shred of your compassion in forgiveness
For real! I never understood that “forgive but don’t forget“ mentality. Some things and people are just not forgivable. But I might be able to move on and not remember about it every day. I would rather not forgive then forget.
The hypothetical therapist saying they're disappointed in you...ouch. I once told a psychiatrist I thought my parents were disappointed in me, and he responded that if I were his daughter he'd be disappointed in me too. 😳 WTF?!?! I found a new psychiatrist as fast as I could after that.
"Your therapist probably has beef with your parents" 😂 The first therapist that asked "why do you want your mom in your life?" Really helped more than others when it came to my mom. He probably has beef with my mom
The discussion of forgiveness has another nuance for people with hyper-religious and abusive backgrounds. “God says you have to forgive me” has been used by abusers as a get out of accountability free card. For that reason, some people can find the idea of forgiveness inherently challenging and tied up in trauma.
In middle school, I felt depressed and asked to see the school counselor. She majorly betrayed my trust...she actually called my mom (who also worked in the school district) and told her everything. I wasn't in danger of harming myself or others. She offered no real support, and made me afraid to ask for help again.
This happened to my younger sibling (disclosed that she was getting bullied and being told kys) in middle school. and as an adult, she STILL has fear/panic/rage reactions around the idea of giving personal info to doctors, therapists, and strangers. She deeply distrusts people who want her to open up, and my mom made it worse reading her diary/abuse.. Its just heartbreaking to see her be so let down when she did nothing wrong, and for us to both realize how hard it is to protect urself from the random abusive pos out there
I’m a teacher and therefore also a mandated reporter. I tell my students (middle school) flat out that before they tell me whatever that I am a mandated reporter and that if someone is hurting you or if you’re thinking of hurting yourself there are things I have to do to make sure you’re safe. They appreciate me being upfront with them.
Couldn't that potentially lead them to not tell you about situations putting them or other students at risk because they wouldn't want anyone getting in trouble?
@@itsaUSBlineI'm sure it could for some kids, but knowing up front at least gives them the choice. If they truly feel unsafe and need to tell someone, that teacher can be a literal lifeline.
I got a new therapist this year and I said, on multiple occasions, "my new therapist is rude as hell." And my boyfriend was like, "is she actually rude or is she just saying things you don't want to hear?" Obviously the second one. 😅 (Tbh I love my new therapist and am getting way more out of therapy now that I have someone who calls me on my bullshit.)
Within reason it’s a bit of a mood lol. I often said therapy was a bit like physical therapy in that at first it did hurt a little in certain ways. (Being given space to grieve and process sometimes painful emotions I had pushed down and tried to repress) once or twice I left a session and cried in my car. It can be a bit raw at first or bring up strong emotions. But it’s definitely worth it to have a place for that and someone knowledgable to help you through it. I’ve always hated “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” because it’s not true. What you heal from makes you stronger. Being hurt isn’t good for anyone, ever, but learning how to safely care for yourself afterwards, good coping strategies, and heal the wound are all great skills.
As a school counselor I have a poster that shows exactly what I have to share and I read it with the students before their first check in or small group.
I’m a therapist who works with kids and I hated that first video! I’m honest with kids about what I have to tell their parent(s)/caregiver(s)/law enforcement and then follow that up with “to keep you safe and to make sure the adults around you can keep you safe” or something to that degree depending on age and developmental stage. It’s dishonest and hurtful to do anything else
Had a therapist that gave an exercise I was not comfy with. Didn't listen when saying "hey not my thing." Response was along the lines of "But it works for tons of people!" I never went back.
Lol first one and I'm already triggered. I appreciate your takes so much. The first time I trusted an adult with my pain they told my parents and my parents were not safe for me. And I still dont trust "adulty" adults to this day bc of that person. "I'll make sure you are safe" is a blatant lie if you are not in custody of that child.
My heart cries when we talk about CBT. I tried so hard to get better when I was poor. I went to all the free and low cost therapy programs available. They were ALL CBT, and they ALL traumatized me further. 🙃 I started healing ALONE with online resources, and more money was the only reason I am able to access therapy modalities that work for me now. CBT will be trash in my eyes until it is no longer held as the standard for care.
I’m a piano teacher, and I would never even tell a student that I was disappointed in them. I can’t imagine a therapist saying this, but the fact that it was on the list makes me think it probably happens 😒
My mom is a therapist in the same small city I live in. It makes finding a therapist a complicated. Every therapist knows her, so how the heck am I supposed to talk about confidential stuff?!? I need a robot 😂
I'm no longer in therapy because, well, it worked really well for me and now I no longer need it, but sometimes I just miss hanging out with my therapist. Listening to you brings back memories :)
mickey i wanted to let you know because of your really relatable and honest approach to therapy i felt encouraged to try and find a therapist again and i fou d someone i really click with and it's been so great, so THANK YOU
Fun thing: I'm about halfway through a women's dbt program, and a former therapist of mine works there. She, of course, isn't in charge of my care, but she leads some of the groups I attend. It's actually nice to interact with her in this context, where we're both thriving.😊
As someone who was in therapy as a child and adult. The second a therapist said the sorta thing that the first therapist did it would be an instant "You aren't to be trusted" and I would just be like "Nevermind it's not important" even if what I was gonna say was "My favorite color is pink." Or something equally benign. Never trusted again
As an intern, every time you mention a technique I use, I get excited because I'm patheetically in need of validation. lol. But also I so agree with you about talking about not existing with clients. Part of my intake is spending a few minutes talking about the fact that there's no shame in disclosing it, especially since most of them are scared to even talk about passive ideation. I think it lifts a little tension from the room.
A small request if you're able to: instead of saying clothing is inclusive can you say the size range they offer? It really sucks when I hear something is inclusive but it still doesn't go up to my size. It's a lot less painful if I just hear the size range and know it's not for me rather than getting my hopes up and finding out that yet another company thinks people my size don't exist. Thanks, and love your work!
@@aimeepearl693thanks, I missed that and the products I checked only went up to 3x. (Edited to add: only select pairs of underwear go up to 5x, everything else tops out at 3x)
Understandable. I hope you find the store you need. She did say it goes up to 5x and seems to have options for people with other proportions (big chests for example). Im sorry if that doesnt fit your needs, I can only imagine how bad that must feel.
Often that kind of language is in the marketing info creators receive and they aren't allowed to change it. I obviously don't know if that was a stipulation here in particular but I wouldn't be surprised. Brands want to present themselves in a particular way so while a creator may be allowed to write their own pitch to some extent they have to use the key words and phrases they are given or the brand won't approve the sponsorship.
I understand your struggle all too well. For anyone else who's curious, I checked out their website and it looks like their bras only go up to a band size of 46 and a cup size G. It's so rare for brands to carry bras that I can wear 😮💨
Initially in my mental health journey, CBT was great. I am a very intellectual, analytical person. Reframing my thoughts was the key to the biggest improvement in my anxiety. But now its more than a decade later. I've gone as far as that will take me. I can think my way through anything, but there are times that I still cant shake the physical sensations. I have a hard time accessing my emotions. So now I'm working with someone on more somatic experience stuff. Different times, different needs, different tools.
The beef with the parents is so real! I am 44 yo and my therapist has beef with my parents 😂 (and also with some of my grandparents, but they’re all dead). At the same time, she can acknowledge my parent's own traumatising past, my child-parent loyalty, the fact that nobody’s perfect, and so on. She’s made me see that even though mistakes were made, it doesn’t mean that you *have to* throw the whole person away always.
Once was running late to therapy, put on the 1st shirt i grabbed without looking at it and it was The Wonder Years merch that says "I just want to sell out my funeral" (which is a fantastic song) after spending like 3 prior sessions talking about passive unaliving thoughts😅 sat down and my therapist motions to my shirt and goes oh! do we need to discuss this?😂
I just want to say: it's so great seeing you looking happier and healthier after your procedure. I might be wrong, but it seems like you really got what you needed from it. So happy for you! 💜
I did CBT for 6 years with very little relief for my cptsd symptoms. Been doing EMDR and somatic healing therapies for 2 years now and have seen more progress than my 6 years of CBT therapy. Recommend it for folks with CPTSD not seeing improvement with CBT
EMDR was really helpful for me, too. I had to unpack emotional neglect from one parent, enmeshment from another, and mild religious trauma. This was a pretty effective way for me to process a lot of pain and turn it into healthy boundaries.
@SLYKM ❤ EMDR was absolutely life changing for me, too, regarding my traumas. It was so helpful in letting me let go of the emotional fear response to triggering things so my therapist & I could get to use other tools to change longstanding unhealthy dynamics w/in my fam. I hope it's something that can help you as well! 🎉
Yeah that it is rewiring faulty thinking has always rubbed me the wrong way enough that I haven't had a therapist suggest it to me besides the very first one I saw and walked out on after 15 minutes, she didn't even get to finish explaining what CBT was and couldn't handle me pushing back.
Yea CBT is harnful to ND people. Tho i rhink it kinda works for me bc Im kinda emotionally stunted but anything that knocks my "logicial cbt brain" off balance is hard to overcome. I was diagnosed with autism and adhd, and so for my daughter, I wonder if she can be adhd, but her therapist said prolly not. They try cbt with her and I don't know knoe if it helps her outside of sessions. I can only hope that we figure this out either way.
@@amandamandamandsi dont think its supposed to rewrite fualty wiring (if thats how they explained thats bad), butnits more like trying to root out what is assumptions vs what is happening. When they take it to the "you can change your perspective on your feelings" approach is when I think it can be bad for ND people as we are prone to barely understanding social cues and interactions. Thats just my take, ignore it of course if it is not helpful to your exoerience.
@@SLYKM She said it as addressing faulty thinking and changing it. I was pushing back on how do you know if it is faulty or not as that is subjective etc and she couldn't handle it. Ended up saying are you going to let me finish are you going to let me finish are you going to let me finish. Wish I was kidding. When she finally stopped doing that I said that she could have finished explaining in the length of time it took for her to do that and she did that. Her reply was along the lines of if I don't like it I can leave so I got up and left, she seemed surprised that I chose that option. The part that annoyed me the most was that I had paid before I went in because the receptionist was going to lunch so I paid for that debacle.
Spreading some holiday cheer: Mickey, your channel inspired me to change therapists and I'm so happy with the one I found! I started seeing a nonbinary neurodivergent therapist in November, and they remind me so much of you. I really get a lot from the way you explain things and discuss topics, and I get that with my new therapist too. My intake session was awesome, and I think we're going to get along great! Thanks so much for all you do; stay awesome!
THANK YOU for talking about being able to talk about unaliving oneself and doing harm with one's therapist. As someone with chronic depression who has spent years dis-assembling a bunch of thought patterns of that nature it is/was crucial to have a therapist who was able to work safely with me to examine those thoughts without fear of being committed.
If I called myself stupid in a therapy session I’d want my therapist to say something like think about why you feel that way or trying to help me identify the emotions behind me saying that about myself.
A psychiatrist asked me how i was doing and i unloaded on her about my at-the-time abusive bf. She advised me off-handedly to leave him and it was horrible. It's not what i needed to hear and it upset me so much. I told my therapist about this the week after and he said that that had indeed been inappropriate. Phew! That guy was great- when i was finally single and feeling a lot better, several months later, he told me he was proud of me and that was nice to hear but i also recognize now and then that this wasn't the point.
I had a couples therapist tell me that the phrasing I was using for a situation my partner and I were trying to deal with was triggering to her. It was something benign (to me) like "I don't feel like I'm pulling my weight in the relationship" or st... needless to say, I felt super self-conscious going forward and eventually had to stop going. She had a lot of other red flags for me too but that was a big one.
I work with kids as a school psych intern and I totally agree with you. Like I will frame it around being safe, but I will talk about limits to confidentiality at the first session plus if something like that comes up.
Yeah, I never feel comfortable talking about non-existance because I cant trust that someone is willing to just have the conversation instead of freaking out.
In my experience, real forgiveness (not coerced forgiveness) can just pop up one day when you're not thinking about it. I was recently on an early morning flight and had a bit of a snooze, and just woke up and realized that I forgave the guy who tried to gaslight me two years ago. Until then, he'd pop into my head rarely but when he did I'd ruminate for the rest of the day. It turns out my brain does EMDR when it wants to, like when I fall asleep watching the Barbie movie on an airplane.
One of my past therapists would repeatedly correct me on my use of words. I struggle to find the right words because I have lost a lot of vocabulary in my native language in favor of English words, and simply couldn't find any other way to say things. I was very frustrating :/
1:45. My school had a counselor. I told her about an accidental car crash that shook me up and I was crying about it in her room when I was a preteen. For some fucking reason, she told my parents about how I felt and that just absolutely broken my trust. That should be illegal.
You may not be able to get a good grade in therapy, but that leads to a funny story from me. After many years I was able to help my husband understand that therapy might be beneficial for him. We see two different therapists, but often our appointment times are at the same time. So, now, we joke that whoever gets out of therapy first, "won" therapy that day. Our therapists are both in on the joke and think it's quite funny when one of us walks through the door from the hallway into the waiting room, and they can hear the other one, who is already waiting, say, "I win at therapy!"
Had a therapist who started saying "are you stupid? Speak!" I couldn't talk about my Trauma as fast as she wanted so she tried to piss me off. But i just got scared. At the moment we didn't 100% know what was wrong with me. We knew it was ptsd but it turned out to be c-ptsd. And her treatment idea was to abuse vocally, me until I could tell her to shut up. She gave me some pretty good tools. But i couldn't speak about my Trauma without getting hurt. Later i found someone who had experiences with my situation and that helped a lot.
CBT worked really well for my GAD, when I had a really specific set of things I needed to work on, at a time that I was highly motivated and could go to therapy twice a week. My problem with it is that it takes a lot of work and just wasn’t sustainable for me long term. But it did get me through college!
I’m finally getting around to watching, as I need something that’s lighthearted enough for my grief (lost our dog on Friday to a terminal illness), and I want to say thank you Mickey for just being your welcoming self. using this as background for doing some things around the house to get my body anxiety worked out some. ETA: oh how i needed this laugh, thanks ❤
I did hear that is hard but managable by an ocd diagnosed youtuber. I cant remenber her name, sadly. Ill have to try to find her, she seemed to have insight on this. Unless you know of her already.
Thank you for advertizing Parade, I've been searching for a comfy, large chest inclusive brand for bras as I'm super picky and sensitive with the feel of clothing. I'm definitely checking it out!
my mother abused me emotionally, mentally and physically since i was little, and would take out her anger on me because she knew that i couldn't do anything about it. she improved over the past few years but the scars the trauma left me still impact me to this day. when i tried to tell other adults or school counselors or aunts and cousins, they always told me to forgive her, saying the things she would do and the way she treated me was just "punishment". when i finally talked with my mom about how her past abuse affected me (basically causing me Persistent Depressive Disorder for literal years, making me bottle my emotions because i could not cry in front of her, turning me into a people pleaser, making me afraid to discuss my feelings with others, putting other people's feelings above my own, etc) she basically told me "that happened so long ago, i've gotten better, get over it". all i wanted was someone to tell me that i didn't deserve it.
No therapist ever told me they were disappointed but when I was 16 my therapist told me that our sessions always make her sad and are a real downer for her.
I was given CBT when I was 17 and it messed me up so bad. The therapist frequently said "You're thinking about this in the wrong way" or even "You're a very pessimistic person" to me and other things of that ilk. I was constantly doubting my own feelings and thoughts on situations and I honestly think that is what lead me to not recognise the abuse and control my first partner subjected me to. My flippin grandad died while I was in therapy with this bad therapist and I was worried about taking time away from my studies to attend the funeral and she told me I was being silly! It has taken me literally years with my current therapist to get anywhere near getting my own brain back. I personally don't touch CBT with a barge pole, even though I'm aware it can do good when done correctly.
I think your reduction of CBT into "you just gotta think your way out of the pattern you're in" really does a disservice to CBT. I prefer my therapist's explanation of it. She says there's a diamond of your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and actions, and they all affect one another, and the way she utilizes CBT with me is by identifying which points of that diamond I feel most connected with and feel like I have most control over, and that's kind of our in to where I might be able to affect change in my life. So, _kind of_ 'thinking your way out' but also not.
In addition to seasonal depression and family, winter is also hard because it's cold season, and your immune system will absolutely kick your neurochemistry in the process of kicking viruses.
I really want to love Parade. I've tried so many different bralettes from them and they're always just a bit "off". I really need a 36band, but their size chart hops from 34 to 38 for some reason? So it's just like most companies that do not have smaller bands for larger cups, which is still a thing I need post reduction.
That's pretty much the same safeguarding statement I say at the beginning of each session -and I work with teenagers and young adults (14-18). Absolutely no therapy, not even coaching - everything here is performative, and entertainment, therefore should not be taken as professional help or guidance. Agree with every other point! ;D x
I had a therapist who was coworkers with my step mom and would tell me ya I’m disappointed in her as a person. And while I am extremely supportive of polyamory I myself am not, and when I was with my ex I shared with her that I felt like I had a hard time feeling loyal to him, and she brushed over it and said maybe you’re just polyamorous, and well it turns out I didn’t feel emotionally connected to him and I broke up with him and later met the love of my life. And i don’t have those problems anymore.
I had a therapist that said that she felt that she couldn't help me because what I had issues with "was just too sad" and then gave me no resources or referrals 💀 I'm still looking for someone else.
I have a question regarding the idea of someone calling themselves stupid. For a long time now, I've jokingly told people to stop talking bad about my friend when they say over-the-top self-denigrating things. I'm not a therapist, just a friend. Do you think that falls into the category of making people feel policed? Because your point was really good, and I hadn't really thought about my actions in that way before.
I'm a therapist and actually have said this to clients a few times BUT of course not in a "you're not allowed, it is forbidden" kind of way but rather in a slightly joking protective manner. My goal was to make them aware of the discrepancy of how they talk about themselves and how they are seen by a validating person like their therapist or a friend. So yeah, I think bringing it up as a friend or therapist is not problematic per se but of course I wouldn't police anybody about this all the time. Make them aware, yes. Bringing it up all the time, absolutely not.
I finally found a therapist I think is going to work out. My previous therapist kept pushing things that felt incredibly invalidating. Like, I told her about my parents fighting every time there was a holiday or a birthday, any sort of event. It could be going to the museum or the zoo, and there will be a fight. She told me that was normal. I told her about how physically and emotionally abusive my parents were, and they’d actively tell me to stop telling them when I was worried about self harm, and she had the gall to say, “well they couldn’t have been that bad, could they?” She also likes to push me to understand why my mom was so broken. I know why she’s broken, that doesn’t excuse her abuse. She also kept pushing me to reconnect with her, despite her financial abuse, and her willingness to hang up on me for her soap operas, after I was SA’d. My previous attempt at therapy, the therapist canceled on me four times. The first therapist I had didn’t seem interested in asking questions, so much as wait for me to talk, which doesn’t work well with someone like me, who was incredibly anxious, and deeply in need of help, without knowing where to even start, or what to say. I have now found one I feel listens to me, and I feel like she can help me work through the mounds of detritus littering my brain.
Watching this video made me really concerned for my Instagram feed, considering that I've seen approximately 75% of these memes within the last week or two
Idk about that specific first clip, but attachmentnerds content is usually advice for parents, from a therapist. Was the statement about kid disclosing a secret meant for therapists or parents?
i was wondering if anyone was interested in telling how they forgive people at all since i seem to be unable to understand the concept, i tend not to use the word at all, if someone did something in the past i don't forgive them, i just disregard it for the time being? but should something come up then i will bring it up, some people forgive someone while still holding them accountible too but some people will continue knowing someone while not forgiving them for something they did. it's also complicated because to me it feels like you can only forgive someone when you did without conciously thinking about it, you can't decide to feel or not feel those things. also in a lot of cases the person shouldn't be forgiven and they haven't changed in the first place, a therapist should deffinitely never say one should forgive anyone, if anything they should caution against it because people have different interpretations and it also highly depends on how long you know the client because it's a given that people won't tell you the full story quickly, they might still be testing the water and wanting to talk about smaller things about what they went through than the worst of it but that means that if you say something about it you will also say it about the rest of the things you don't know about and that's just a fact of life, you gotta be careful what you say
I'm a 16 year old trans boy. I am planning to go into the psychology field after highschool. More specifically psychiatry or therapy. Likely child psych. Especially queer kids. There are so few openly LGBTQIA+ friendly child therapists. It's terrifying, especially as a queer child.
The algorithm put you on my feed thankfully. I couldn't help but notice the small red sign behind you that says, "Put a (bird?) on it" I don't understand or is it a "young" thing. I mean sex does help you to chill but I don't think that's what you were reaching for. Lol
I just got through the first one and had to comment because my childhood therapists fucked me up SO MUCH with this. First of all, do not presume what the "underlying fear" is. There are plenty of reasons to not want your therapist to disclose shit to your parents teachers etc that aren't necessarily fear of direct physical harm. Second of all, you CANNOT GUARANTEE safety when disclosing information I have asked you not to share. You are a therapist, not a fucking psychic! You have no idea how people are going to react! There were many times it was NOT safe to disclose things I was discussing with my therapist and they fucking did it anyway! And didn't give a shit when I was harmed! Minors in treatment should have the same right to confidentiality as adults. If a therapist doesn't believe that, they have no business being a therapist or being ANYWHERE NEAR children. Period. Back to watching now.
It is an internal thing that if someone tells you to do something it automatically becomes a no regardless of how much you were looking forward to it and can be really distressing for the person saying no along with the interpersonal stuff that happens in a family when there are refusals to do things. My understanding is that it can even happen if you are telling yourself that you have to get something done. It can range from mild to severe for how it affects individuals and is a common trait if someone is autistic or has ADHD. My understanding is that currently it is an add on diagnosis not a stand alone.
@@amandamandamands Thanks, this resonates with me. I remember pleading as a child to my parents not to be told to do something, because I knew how difficult that would make it for me to do it. Doing it would be like colluding with the enemy.
I have a 12 inch tablet but I'm visually impaired and I can't read the writing. Could you please read it out? Not just for people like me but people who might be watching on their phones and have a really small screen.
Just started watching, a little confused regarding first clip. Pretty sure that therapist is talking to parents about how they should talk to their kids, not how therapists should talk about their confidentiality. Not that I particularly support that take, not really sure
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sadly Parade doesn't ship internationally, maybe you could mention that to them cause it sucks
Just bought a ton of stuff on sale! I’ve been needing to buy underwear-happy to support what seems like a good company.
😮You 😮😊😊😮
the “your therapist probably has beef with your parents one” really hits cause one time my therapist told me she was kinda proud of me for yelling at my mom 😂
yeah losing control over one's emotions and getting aggressive really shouldn't be encouraged
@@ChocolateMuffin308you don’t know this person or what “yelling” entailed. I’m sure their therapist does and the context of the situation warranted encouragement to some degree. Just because the person wasn’t perfect in their approach doesn’t mean they didn’t display personal growth.
@@haileys5224 thank you 🫶🏻
@@ChocolateMuffin308 didn’t lose control of my emotions or get aggressive, not that I need or want your approval. my version of “yelling” isn’t the same as yours 👍🏻
@@ChocolateMuffin308Never sticking up for yourself shouldn't be encouraged. 🙃
When people tell me I have to forgive my mother or I’ll never be happy, I feel like they are weaponizing forgiveness.
I feel this so hard
And happiness!
Yeah, like if you actively hate them, I think it can take away from your happiness, because hate is taxing, but the solution to that never has to be forgiveness, you'll feel just as happy if you simply refuse to give them your energy, rejecting them and blocking their influence from your life instead of offering them some shred of your compassion in forgiveness
For real! I never understood that “forgive but don’t forget“ mentality. Some things and people are just not forgivable. But I might be able to move on and not remember about it every day. I would rather not forgive then forget.
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
💯💯💯
The hypothetical therapist saying they're disappointed in you...ouch. I once told a psychiatrist I thought my parents were disappointed in me, and he responded that if I were his daughter he'd be disappointed in me too. 😳 WTF?!?! I found a new psychiatrist as fast as I could after that.
That psychiatrist is an actual monster, and I'm so glad you found someone better. That's bitchin self-care!
@@addaptinginthedarkahhhh I just pictured a jar of self care on a grocery store shelf with the bitchin' branding 😂
"Your therapist probably has beef with your parents" 😂
The first therapist that asked "why do you want your mom in your life?" Really helped more than others when it came to my mom. He probably has beef with my mom
The discussion of forgiveness has another nuance for people with hyper-religious and abusive backgrounds. “God says you have to forgive me” has been used by abusers as a get out of accountability free card. For that reason, some people can find the idea of forgiveness inherently challenging and tied up in trauma.
In middle school, I felt depressed and asked to see the school counselor. She majorly betrayed my trust...she actually called my mom (who also worked in the school district) and told her everything. I wasn't in danger of harming myself or others. She offered no real support, and made me afraid to ask for help again.
This happened to my younger sibling (disclosed that she was getting bullied and being told kys) in middle school. and as an adult, she STILL has fear/panic/rage reactions around the idea of giving personal info to doctors, therapists, and strangers. She deeply distrusts people who want her to open up, and my mom made it worse reading her diary/abuse.. Its just heartbreaking to see her be so let down when she did nothing wrong, and for us to both realize how hard it is to protect urself from the random abusive pos out there
I’m a teacher and therefore also a mandated reporter. I tell my students (middle school) flat out that before they tell me whatever that I am a mandated reporter and that if someone is hurting you or if you’re thinking of hurting yourself there are things I have to do to make sure you’re safe. They appreciate me being upfront with them.
Couldn't that potentially lead them to not tell you about situations putting them or other students at risk because they wouldn't want anyone getting in trouble?
@@itsaUSBlineI'm sure it could for some kids, but knowing up front at least gives them the choice. If they truly feel unsafe and need to tell someone, that teacher can be a literal lifeline.
I got a new therapist this year and I said, on multiple occasions, "my new therapist is rude as hell." And my boyfriend was like, "is she actually rude or is she just saying things you don't want to hear?"
Obviously the second one. 😅 (Tbh I love my new therapist and am getting way more out of therapy now that I have someone who calls me on my bullshit.)
Within reason it’s a bit of a mood lol. I often said therapy was a bit like physical therapy in that at first it did hurt a little in certain ways. (Being given space to grieve and process sometimes painful emotions I had pushed down and tried to repress) once or twice I left a session and cried in my car. It can be a bit raw at first or bring up strong emotions. But it’s definitely worth it to have a place for that and someone knowledgable to help you through it.
I’ve always hated “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” because it’s not true. What you heal from makes you stronger. Being hurt isn’t good for anyone, ever, but learning how to safely care for yourself afterwards, good coping strategies, and heal the wound are all great skills.
As a school counselor I have a poster that shows exactly what I have to share and I read it with the students before their first check in or small group.
I’m a therapist who works with kids and I hated that first video! I’m honest with kids about what I have to tell their parent(s)/caregiver(s)/law enforcement and then follow that up with “to keep you safe and to make sure the adults around you can keep you safe” or something to that degree depending on age and developmental stage. It’s dishonest and hurtful to do anything else
The “normal to want and possible to achieve” is something that passes through my mind about so many things.
Had a therapist that gave an exercise I was not comfy with. Didn't listen when saying "hey not my thing." Response was along the lines of "But it works for tons of people!" I never went back.
Im happy for you, sounds like a good decision!
Lol first one and I'm already triggered. I appreciate your takes so much. The first time I trusted an adult with my pain they told my parents and my parents were not safe for me. And I still dont trust "adulty" adults to this day bc of that person. "I'll make sure you are safe" is a blatant lie if you are not in custody of that child.
My heart cries when we talk about CBT. I tried so hard to get better when I was poor. I went to all the free and low cost therapy programs available. They were ALL CBT, and they ALL traumatized me further. 🙃 I started healing ALONE with online resources, and more money was the only reason I am able to access therapy modalities that work for me now. CBT will be trash in my eyes until it is no longer held as the standard for care.
I’m a piano teacher, and I would never even tell a student that I was disappointed in them. I can’t imagine a therapist saying this, but the fact that it was on the list makes me think it probably happens 😒
My mom is a therapist in the same small city I live in. It makes finding a therapist a complicated. Every therapist knows her, so how the heck am I supposed to talk about confidential stuff?!? I need a robot 😂
If you're open to doing telehealth, you should be able to work with any therapist who is licensed in your state.
I'm no longer in therapy because, well, it worked really well for me and now I no longer need it, but sometimes I just miss hanging out with my therapist. Listening to you brings back memories :)
mickey i wanted to let you know because of your really relatable and honest approach to therapy i felt encouraged to try and find a therapist again and i fou d someone i really click with and it's been so great, so THANK YOU
I decided to try therapy bc of her videos too. Tho I didn't even try before watching. Im so happy for you!
I’m so proud and beyond thrilled for you!! I’m sending you all the best vibing with your therapist telepathic energy!!
I second this!
Wow, this is the first time I heard that therapists may have beef with some of their clients' parent. Very nice to know.
I mean it's the same as hearing some shit about your friend's parents, it's only natural you'd feel upset on their behalf. Therapists are people too.
Fun thing: I'm about halfway through a women's dbt program, and a former therapist of mine works there. She, of course, isn't in charge of my care, but she leads some of the groups I attend. It's actually nice to interact with her in this context, where we're both thriving.😊
As someone who was in therapy as a child and adult. The second a therapist said the sorta thing that the first therapist did it would be an instant "You aren't to be trusted" and I would just be like "Nevermind it's not important" even if what I was gonna say was "My favorite color is pink." Or something equally benign. Never trusted again
I really resonate with the phrase "authentic expression of emotions." I feel like this is a huge struggle for me.
As an intern, every time you mention a technique I use, I get excited because I'm patheetically in need of validation. lol. But also I so agree with you about talking about not existing with clients. Part of my intake is spending a few minutes talking about the fact that there's no shame in disclosing it, especially since most of them are scared to even talk about passive ideation. I think it lifts a little tension from the room.
A small request if you're able to: instead of saying clothing is inclusive can you say the size range they offer? It really sucks when I hear something is inclusive but it still doesn't go up to my size. It's a lot less painful if I just hear the size range and know it's not for me rather than getting my hopes up and finding out that yet another company thinks people my size don't exist. Thanks, and love your work!
I believe she said that it goes up to 5X.
@@aimeepearl693thanks, I missed that and the products I checked only went up to 3x. (Edited to add: only select pairs of underwear go up to 5x, everything else tops out at 3x)
Understandable. I hope you find the store you need. She did say it goes up to 5x and seems to have options for people with other proportions (big chests for example).
Im sorry if that doesnt fit your needs, I can only imagine how bad that must feel.
Often that kind of language is in the marketing info creators receive and they aren't allowed to change it. I obviously don't know if that was a stipulation here in particular but I wouldn't be surprised. Brands want to present themselves in a particular way so while a creator may be allowed to write their own pitch to some extent they have to use the key words and phrases they are given or the brand won't approve the sponsorship.
I understand your struggle all too well. For anyone else who's curious, I checked out their website and it looks like their bras only go up to a band size of 46 and a cup size G. It's so rare for brands to carry bras that I can wear 😮💨
Initially in my mental health journey, CBT was great. I am a very intellectual, analytical person. Reframing my thoughts was the key to the biggest improvement in my anxiety. But now its more than a decade later. I've gone as far as that will take me. I can think my way through anything, but there are times that I still cant shake the physical sensations. I have a hard time accessing my emotions. So now I'm working with someone on more somatic experience stuff. Different times, different needs, different tools.
The beef with the parents is so real! I am 44 yo and my therapist has beef with my parents 😂 (and also with some of my grandparents, but they’re all dead). At the same time, she can acknowledge my parent's own traumatising past, my child-parent loyalty, the fact that nobody’s perfect, and so on. She’s made me see that even though mistakes were made, it doesn’t mean that you *have to* throw the whole person away always.
Once was running late to therapy, put on the 1st shirt i grabbed without looking at it and it was The Wonder Years merch that says "I just want to sell out my funeral" (which is a fantastic song) after spending like 3 prior sessions talking about passive unaliving thoughts😅 sat down and my therapist motions to my shirt and goes oh! do we need to discuss this?😂
I just want to say: it's so great seeing you looking happier and healthier after your procedure. I might be wrong, but it seems like you really got what you needed from it.
So happy for you! 💜
I did CBT for 6 years with very little relief for my cptsd symptoms. Been doing EMDR and somatic healing therapies for 2 years now and have seen more progress than my 6 years of CBT therapy. Recommend it for folks with CPTSD not seeing improvement with CBT
EMDR was really helpful for me, too. I had to unpack emotional neglect from one parent, enmeshment from another, and mild religious trauma. This was a pretty effective way for me to process a lot of pain and turn it into healthy boundaries.
Must look that up, seems helpful.
@SLYKM ❤ EMDR was absolutely life changing for me, too, regarding my traumas. It was so helpful in letting me let go of the emotional fear response to triggering things so my therapist & I could get to use other tools to change longstanding unhealthy dynamics w/in my fam. I hope it's something that can help you as well! 🎉
I sat through 4 years of CBT as an autistic person, and it was very invalidating, as someone who’s already been told my view of the world is wrong.
I’m also autistic and had similar feelings/experience with CBT. My current therapist does DBT and it’s been a much better fit.
Yeah that it is rewiring faulty thinking has always rubbed me the wrong way enough that I haven't had a therapist suggest it to me besides the very first one I saw and walked out on after 15 minutes, she didn't even get to finish explaining what CBT was and couldn't handle me pushing back.
Yea CBT is harnful to ND people. Tho i rhink it kinda works for me bc Im kinda emotionally stunted but anything that knocks my "logicial cbt brain" off balance is hard to overcome. I was diagnosed with autism and adhd, and so for my daughter, I wonder if she can be adhd, but her therapist said prolly not. They try cbt with her and I don't know knoe if it helps her outside of sessions. I can only hope that we figure this out either way.
@@amandamandamandsi dont think its supposed to rewrite fualty wiring (if thats how they explained thats bad), butnits more like trying to root out what is assumptions vs what is happening. When they take it to the "you can change your perspective on your feelings" approach is when I think it can be bad for ND people as we are prone to barely understanding social cues and interactions. Thats just my take, ignore it of course if it is not helpful to your exoerience.
@@SLYKM She said it as addressing faulty thinking and changing it. I was pushing back on how do you know if it is faulty or not as that is subjective etc and she couldn't handle it. Ended up saying are you going to let me finish are you going to let me finish are you going to let me finish. Wish I was kidding. When she finally stopped doing that I said that she could have finished explaining in the length of time it took for her to do that and she did that. Her reply was along the lines of if I don't like it I can leave so I got up and left, she seemed surprised that I chose that option. The part that annoyed me the most was that I had paid before I went in because the receptionist was going to lunch so I paid for that debacle.
Spreading some holiday cheer: Mickey, your channel inspired me to change therapists and I'm so happy with the one I found! I started seeing a nonbinary neurodivergent therapist in November, and they remind me so much of you. I really get a lot from the way you explain things and discuss topics, and I get that with my new therapist too. My intake session was awesome, and I think we're going to get along great! Thanks so much for all you do; stay awesome!
15:06 Pathological demand avoidance is the story of my life omg. Thanks for giving me a word😧
Not me actually crying at a few of these explanations. Thanks for the wholesome and kind vid during the holidays ❤
I lost it at 19:01 haha 🩷
I am so grateful for parade being the sponsor! I've never heard of them and seing my body type being represented made me tear up.
THANK YOU for talking about being able to talk about unaliving oneself and doing harm with one's therapist. As someone with chronic depression who has spent years dis-assembling a bunch of thought patterns of that nature it is/was crucial to have a therapist who was able to work safely with me to examine those thoughts without fear of being committed.
If I called myself stupid in a therapy session I’d want my therapist to say something like think about why you feel that way or trying to help me identify the emotions behind me saying that about myself.
A psychiatrist asked me how i was doing and i unloaded on her about my at-the-time abusive bf. She advised me off-handedly to leave him and it was horrible. It's not what i needed to hear and it upset me so much. I told my therapist about this the week after and he said that that had indeed been inappropriate. Phew!
That guy was great- when i was finally single and feeling a lot better, several months later, he told me he was proud of me and that was nice to hear but i also recognize now and then that this wasn't the point.
I had a couples therapist tell me that the phrasing I was using for a situation my partner and I were trying to deal with was triggering to her. It was something benign (to me) like "I don't feel like I'm pulling my weight in the relationship" or st... needless to say, I felt super self-conscious going forward and eventually had to stop going. She had a lot of other red flags for me too but that was a big one.
I work with kids as a school psych intern and I totally agree with you. Like I will frame it around being safe, but I will talk about limits to confidentiality at the first session plus if something like that comes up.
Yeah, I never feel comfortable talking about non-existance because I cant trust that someone is willing to just have the conversation instead of freaking out.
I haven't been this early. Mickey looks so thrilled in the thumbnail, seems like a fun video
I love her so much ❤
In my experience, real forgiveness (not coerced forgiveness) can just pop up one day when you're not thinking about it. I was recently on an early morning flight and had a bit of a snooze, and just woke up and realized that I forgave the guy who tried to gaslight me two years ago. Until then, he'd pop into my head rarely but when he did I'd ruminate for the rest of the day. It turns out my brain does EMDR when it wants to, like when I fall asleep watching the Barbie movie on an airplane.
One of my past therapists would repeatedly correct me on my use of words. I struggle to find the right words because I have lost a lot of vocabulary in my native language in favor of English words, and simply couldn't find any other way to say things. I was very frustrating :/
1:45. My school had a counselor. I told her about an accidental car crash that shook me up and I was crying about it in her room when I was a preteen. For some fucking reason, she told my parents about how I felt and that just absolutely broken my trust. That should be illegal.
You may not be able to get a good grade in therapy, but that leads to a funny story from me. After many years I was able to help my husband understand that therapy might be beneficial for him. We see two different therapists, but often our appointment times are at the same time. So, now, we joke that whoever gets out of therapy first, "won" therapy that day. Our therapists are both in on the joke and think it's quite funny when one of us walks through the door from the hallway into the waiting room, and they can hear the other one, who is already waiting, say, "I win at therapy!"
Had a therapist who started saying "are you stupid? Speak!" I couldn't talk about my Trauma as fast as she wanted so she tried to piss me off. But i just got scared.
At the moment we didn't 100% know what was wrong with me. We knew it was ptsd but it turned out to be c-ptsd. And her treatment idea was to abuse vocally, me until I could tell her to shut up.
She gave me some pretty good tools. But i couldn't speak about my Trauma without getting hurt. Later i found someone who had experiences with my situation and that helped a lot.
all of these reels have been brought to you by my ✨mentally ill girlies gc✨
CBT worked really well for my GAD, when I had a really specific set of things I needed to work on, at a time that I was highly motivated and could go to therapy twice a week. My problem with it is that it takes a lot of work and just wasn’t sustainable for me long term. But it did get me through college!
I’m finally getting around to watching, as I need something that’s lighthearted enough for my grief (lost our dog on Friday to a terminal illness), and I want to say thank you Mickey for just being your welcoming self.
using this as background for doing some things around the house to get my body anxiety worked out some.
ETA:
oh how i needed this laugh, thanks ❤
I'm so sorry about your dog 😢
Interesting how talk therapy is sooo different than my ocd exposure stuff
I did hear that is hard but managable by an ocd diagnosed youtuber. I cant remenber her name, sadly. Ill have to try to find her, she seemed to have insight on this. Unless you know of her already.
Thank you for advertizing Parade, I've been searching for a comfy, large chest inclusive brand for bras as I'm super picky and sensitive with the feel of clothing. I'm definitely checking it out!
my mother abused me emotionally, mentally and physically since i was little, and would take out her anger on me because she knew that i couldn't do anything about it. she improved over the past few years but the scars the trauma left me still impact me to this day. when i tried to tell other adults or school counselors or aunts and cousins, they always told me to forgive her, saying the things she would do and the way she treated me was just "punishment". when i finally talked with my mom about how her past abuse affected me (basically causing me Persistent Depressive Disorder for literal years, making me bottle my emotions because i could not cry in front of her, turning me into a people pleaser, making me afraid to discuss my feelings with others, putting other people's feelings above my own, etc) she basically told me "that happened so long ago, i've gotten better, get over it".
all i wanted was someone to tell me that i didn't deserve it.
No therapist ever told me they were disappointed but when I was 16 my therapist told me that our sessions always make her sad and are a real downer for her.
I was given CBT when I was 17 and it messed me up so bad. The therapist frequently said "You're thinking about this in the wrong way" or even "You're a very pessimistic person" to me and other things of that ilk. I was constantly doubting my own feelings and thoughts on situations and I honestly think that is what lead me to not recognise the abuse and control my first partner subjected me to. My flippin grandad died while I was in therapy with this bad therapist and I was worried about taking time away from my studies to attend the funeral and she told me I was being silly! It has taken me literally years with my current therapist to get anywhere near getting my own brain back. I personally don't touch CBT with a barge pole, even though I'm aware it can do good when done correctly.
Just what I needed. Staying with my boyfriends family and they are shamming me for not reading the Bible. Perfect distraction
I think your reduction of CBT into "you just gotta think your way out of the pattern you're in" really does a disservice to CBT. I prefer my therapist's explanation of it. She says there's a diamond of your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and actions, and they all affect one another, and the way she utilizes CBT with me is by identifying which points of that diamond I feel most connected with and feel like I have most control over, and that's kind of our in to where I might be able to affect change in my life. So, _kind of_ 'thinking your way out' but also not.
these are so fun! cant wait for more
In addition to seasonal depression and family, winter is also hard because it's cold season, and your immune system will absolutely kick your neurochemistry in the process of kicking viruses.
Not me actually being interested in the sponsor FOR ONCE and realizing they don’t ship to the 51st state 😂😭
People pleasing tendencies- working to gain the approval of my therapist. 🙃
I really want to love Parade. I've tried so many different bralettes from them and they're always just a bit "off". I really need a 36band, but their size chart hops from 34 to 38 for some reason? So it's just like most companies that do not have smaller bands for larger cups, which is still a thing I need post reduction.
Happy holidays Mickey! You're awesome and I love your videos!
That's pretty much the same safeguarding statement I say at the beginning of each session -and I work with teenagers and young adults (14-18). Absolutely no therapy, not even coaching - everything here is performative, and entertainment, therefore should not be taken as professional help or guidance. Agree with every other point! ;D x
I’m rocking an I cup rn, so I’m gonna use that code IMMEDIATELY
These videos are always a treat in between the chaos of the internet!
I had a therapist who was coworkers with my step mom and would tell me ya I’m disappointed in her as a person. And while I am extremely supportive of polyamory I myself am not, and when I was with my ex I shared with her that I felt like I had a hard time feeling loyal to him, and she brushed over it and said maybe you’re just polyamorous, and well it turns out I didn’t feel emotionally connected to him and I broke up with him and later met the love of my life. And i don’t have those problems anymore.
I had a therapist that said that she felt that she couldn't help me because what I had issues with "was just too sad" and then gave me no resources or referrals 💀 I'm still looking for someone else.
I have a question regarding the idea of someone calling themselves stupid. For a long time now, I've jokingly told people to stop talking bad about my friend when they say over-the-top self-denigrating things. I'm not a therapist, just a friend. Do you think that falls into the category of making people feel policed? Because your point was really good, and I hadn't really thought about my actions in that way before.
I'm a therapist and actually have said this to clients a few times BUT of course not in a "you're not allowed, it is forbidden" kind of way but rather in a slightly joking protective manner. My goal was to make them aware of the discrepancy of how they talk about themselves and how they are seen by a validating person like their therapist or a friend. So yeah, I think bringing it up as a friend or therapist is not problematic per se but of course I wouldn't police anybody about this all the time. Make them aware, yes. Bringing it up all the time, absolutely not.
I love these so much, I love a throwback, can't wait for the next one
"I'm disappointed in you" is how my mom F-Ed me up. If a therapist said that to me it would not help.
I finally found a therapist I think is going to work out. My previous therapist kept pushing things that felt incredibly invalidating. Like, I told her about my parents fighting every time there was a holiday or a birthday, any sort of event. It could be going to the museum or the zoo, and there will be a fight. She told me that was normal. I told her about how physically and emotionally abusive my parents were, and they’d actively tell me to stop telling them when I was worried about self harm, and she had the gall to say, “well they couldn’t have been that bad, could they?”
She also likes to push me to understand why my mom was so broken. I know why she’s broken, that doesn’t excuse her abuse. She also kept pushing me to reconnect with her, despite her financial abuse, and her willingness to hang up on me for her soap operas, after I was SA’d.
My previous attempt at therapy, the therapist canceled on me four times. The first therapist I had didn’t seem interested in asking questions, so much as wait for me to talk, which doesn’t work well with someone like me, who was incredibly anxious, and deeply in need of help, without knowing where to even start, or what to say.
I have now found one I feel listens to me, and I feel like she can help me work through the mounds of detritus littering my brain.
You remind me of a dude i met in a residential treatment center lmaoo honestly kinda slay for you
Yay! Love a therapist reacts video!
Watching this video made me really concerned for my Instagram feed, considering that I've seen approximately 75% of these memes within the last week or two
Idk about that specific first clip, but attachmentnerds content is usually advice for parents, from a therapist. Was the statement about kid disclosing a secret meant for therapists or parents?
I stopped seeing a therapist once because they laughed when I explained that I was having su!cidal thoughts.
i was wondering if anyone was interested in telling how they forgive people at all since i seem to be unable to understand the concept, i tend not to use the word at all, if someone did something in the past i don't forgive them, i just disregard it for the time being? but should something come up then i will bring it up, some people forgive someone while still holding them accountible too but some people will continue knowing someone while not forgiving them for something they did. it's also complicated because to me it feels like you can only forgive someone when you did without conciously thinking about it, you can't decide to feel or not feel those things. also in a lot of cases the person shouldn't be forgiven and they haven't changed in the first place, a therapist should deffinitely never say one should forgive anyone, if anything they should caution against it because people have different interpretations and it also highly depends on how long you know the client because it's a given that people won't tell you the full story quickly, they might still be testing the water and wanting to talk about smaller things about what they went through than the worst of it but that means that if you say something about it you will also say it about the rest of the things you don't know about and that's just a fact of life, you gotta be careful what you say
I'm a 16 year old trans boy. I am planning to go into the psychology field after highschool. More specifically psychiatry or therapy.
Likely child psych. Especially queer kids. There are so few openly LGBTQIA+ friendly child therapists. It's terrifying, especially as a queer child.
The algorithm put you on my feed thankfully. I couldn't help but notice the small red sign behind you that says, "Put a (bird?) on it" I don't understand or is it a "young" thing. I mean sex does help you to chill but I don't think that's what you were reaching for. Lol
I just got through the first one and had to comment because my childhood therapists fucked me up SO MUCH with this.
First of all, do not presume what the "underlying fear" is. There are plenty of reasons to not want your therapist to disclose shit to your parents teachers etc that aren't necessarily fear of direct physical harm.
Second of all, you CANNOT GUARANTEE safety when disclosing information I have asked you not to share. You are a therapist, not a fucking psychic! You have no idea how people are going to react! There were many times it was NOT safe to disclose things I was discussing with my therapist and they fucking did it anyway! And didn't give a shit when I was harmed!
Minors in treatment should have the same right to confidentiality as adults. If a therapist doesn't believe that, they have no business being a therapist or being ANYWHERE NEAR children. Period.
Back to watching now.
What’s “pathological demand avoidance”?
It is an internal thing that if someone tells you to do something it automatically becomes a no regardless of how much you were looking forward to it and can be really distressing for the person saying no along with the interpersonal stuff that happens in a family when there are refusals to do things. My understanding is that it can even happen if you are telling yourself that you have to get something done. It can range from mild to severe for how it affects individuals and is a common trait if someone is autistic or has ADHD. My understanding is that currently it is an add on diagnosis not a stand alone.
@@amandamandamands Thanks, this resonates with me. I remember pleading as a child to my parents not to be told to do something, because I knew how difficult that would make it for me to do it. Doing it would be like colluding with the enemy.
I have a 12 inch tablet but I'm visually impaired and I can't read the writing. Could you please read it out? Not just for people like me but people who might be watching on their phones and have a really small screen.
WOULD. YOU. PLEASE. Read or at least summarize the words on the screen, because some of us are on our phones and couldn't read that tiny print.
I have 12 inch tablet but I'm visually impaired and I couldn't read it.
Just started watching, a little confused regarding first clip. Pretty sure that therapist is talking to parents about how they should talk to their kids, not how therapists should talk about their confidentiality. Not that I particularly support that take, not really sure