@@EmpyreanLightASMR it’s too expensive not to bring your own feast to the theater now😂 I’ve had a friend bring a whole container of brownies and cookies before.
I went on a blind date once. He took me to a restaurant and things were ok until about 10 minutes in. He got really awkward and quiet all of the sudden. Ofc thinking I’d done something I asked if everything was ok. He said, no you’re great, it’s just that my parents are sitting two tables away.
Back when giant purses were a thing, I was a newlywed and I packed a whole pizza that I folded in half into it and opened it up for my then husband and I to eat during the movie. He whispered to me, "This is the kind of shit that made me marry you."
Those were all pretty lame except the denture one. The first time I actually met my wife (coworker lady set me up with her friend's number) was at her mom's ranch for a Bar-B-Q. Things went exceptionally well. Especially with her and me. We both knew it was happening. We were clicking perfectly. It was amazing. We're grabbing some stuff from the fridge to take outside and we just barely hear her mom in the living room saying to someone: "Millions of people in Houston, Janelle couldn't find one decent white man?" God I remember the look of absolutely fury on my wife's face. Rage. I just led her outside and waved it off. She stomped right off. Got into her truck and left. I left. She called me a week later and couldn't really talk to me. She didn't know what to say. She was too embarrassed to meet up no matter how much I assured her we were okay. That was twenty eight years ago. We've been married twenty seven years now.
Haha omg I totally do that thing where if I’m by myself or if no one else says it, I say “bless me, thank me, me welcome” after I sneeze 😆. I think I started doing that in like middle school or high school and have just continued ever since lol.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 My worst date.. The guy was so nervous that he drank too much, threw up, then cried like a baby over his ex girlfriend 😆 I had to drive him home and help him into his apt. At least the food at the restaurant was good 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tldr: On a first date I got trapped in the bathroom by her angry pitbull after she had fallen asleep on the couch so I had to sleep on the bathroom floor. I had talked to this girl on the phone several times and decided to go out on a date. She had a bad day at work so we changed plans from a more regular first date to just grab dinner and go to her house and watch a movie. The date was great so far and her choice of movie was the directors cut of Lord Of The Rings. Like I said, she had a rough day and actually fell asleep halfway through the movie. I was totally into the movie and since she had snuggled up to me I just finished the movie out. She had adopted a rescue pitbull that was abused by it's previous male owner and the dog was fine the whole night except when I got up to go to the bathroom at the end of the movie I went to open the door and the dog started doing a growl that was dead serious I am going to bite your ass off kind of growl. I went to grab my phone to text my date to come rescue me and my phone was still on the couch. I attempted to leave the bathroom several times over the next hour and every time the dog was ready to bite my ass off. I didn't want to wake my dates cousin and kids by yelling for help and ruin my chances with her so I laid on the rug and fell asleep in the bathroom. My date walked in the next morning with my phone in hand and my mom on the phone who had been worried since I never came home. Both of them were so confused by the events that had played out and even better is that my family and I are pretty religious and my mother assumed I was sleeping with this girl because that's the only reason I would have stayed over lol. We had our 15th wedding anniversary this year.
I know I'm a few months late, but thanks for writing all of that out (not sarcasm) because it was a super cute story and you come across as a kind person (not wanting to wake people up, understanding your date being tired, etc). Far too many people underestimate a wholesomely awkward date. Congrats on 15 years!
Worst first date: the guy wouldn’t stop talking about how much he loved his job at the airport and to end the date he gave me a giant bag of leftover southwest airplane peanuts 😂
I'm pretty sure I witnessed a worst first date once. It was a small, quiet restaurant, and there was a couple at a very nearby table, and my husband an I never said a thing to each other because the woman at the other table went on a nonstop narrative of TMI about her entire life history. It was kind of like dinner with really bad rom-com performance art. So entertaining, but I felt so bad for the dude. I hope he liked the food at least. Our food was pretty good, I think.
A friend of mine was on a first date with lots of alcohol involved. He thought it would be romantic to pick her up and carry her into his house at the end of the evening, but instead he dropped her, causing her to break her leg!
Haha, hard to hide the sound of an opening pop can, especially where they probably only sell fountain drinks. But props to your friend's mom. Movie food is too expensive!!
Yeah, I brink small water bottles and Pirate's Booty in a big purse for my grand kids. I usually buy them one thing at the snack bar. The popping of a soda can would be really rude!
Worst First Date: I told the guy I was lactose intolerant, he said that it's not real, it was all in my head. I said tell my bowels that. He said that his ex used to also claim she was lactose intolerant but that he would give her yogurts he said we're lactose free that actually weren't just to test his theory. I didn't want to also be poisoned so I said good night.
just FYI, having dairy products doesn't equal to "poisoning". it'd simply is that you won't fully digest it and might give you more gas/blotting etc. it's not like it's going to kill you or mess up your system. it's fully HARMLESS lol
WORST Date for anyone Ever: He was new to the area and moved to L.A. from Louisiana to break into show business. I don't remember how I met the guy but I invited him over for take out food and he wanted me to help him with a script he had an audition for for a voiceover. I agreed. We ordered Chinese food from my favorite place and he ended up stiffing the tip to the guy that delivered it (big red flag) and I had to say "I'll get you next time." A little while went by and after we were eating like immediately the guy starts farting. And farting. And oh did I say farting? Loud, noisy, smelly farts. Soon my living room stunk to high heaven while he's practicing a one-word line he had for the audition. I opened the front door and started fanning the living room. I asked him if he was feeling okay and he asked me, "Yes, why?" I said, "Because you're emitting the most foul odor I've ever smelled in my entire life and my eyes are burning!" I couldn't breathe so I excused myself to go to the bathroom to open the window and had to breathe deeply to get some fresh air. I went back to the living room and he was still farting not even thinking that it was inappropriate, let alone not even excusing himself when he did. I finally gathered his script and jacket and I said you need to go. After all of that he wanted a good night kiss and I said, "Oh hell no!" It took me about an hour to air my apartment out. It was horrible. Guess he was hoping for a place to sleep that night but it wasn't going to be my place!
I just had my worst first date the other day. It seemed to be going well and he'd periodically ask if I thought he was coming on too strong, to which I replied "no" because he seemed great. And then he wanted to move the conversation to a more "serious topic", which turned out to be a series of detailed questions like "how many people have you dated in the past, how have they all shaped you as a person, why did the relationship(s) end," etc. Now I'm all for some clarity in a relationship, but not on a first date. It was a little much. And he also proceeded to inform me of all the things he didn't like about his last girlfriend, so I just kinda sipped my water like 🚩🚩🚩 lol Somehow he was shocked I didn't want a second date
My first worst date: guy claimed to have been into over 200 accidents, claimed to have legally died 3 times, almost was put into the ice box in the morgue, once was OD’ing but was able to take himself to the hospital, and held his dying friend in his arms when they got jumped for drugs
That last one was actually quite adorable. I'd laugh my ass off and find him endearing if he told me I smelled like a rice krispies treat! :) One time I went on a date with a guy that made me pay for everything (HIS pre-meal at Sonic, the movie, AND dinner at a steak house afterwards) because he "forgot his wallet" (I later learned he'd misplaced more than his wallet. He'd seemed to be missing employment, too), he made me walk behind him, and yelled at me over the phone when I couldn't find the entrance to his apartment building. Suffice it to say I dumped his ass that night and SURELY learned my lesson about dickhead misogynists. The next weekend I went back to the comedy club I'd met him at, not expecting to see him. But lo and behold, he showed up. He saw me across the room and started chasing after me. Thankfully I was near an exit and made it safely to my car. I drove off and didn't go back there for weeks. That was one of the worst experiences I've ever had, and I pray that no one else should ever experience it.
Jimmy and Nicole had the worst date. She waiting for everything with him and he had no idea that it was a date with her... After Nicole's confession they were both left with the feeling of something unfinished. The chemistry between them is so intense that even the viewers are left wanting something to happen... Simply the best couple that never was...💔
First date hell (true story): She spent most of the evening bragging about having been Ivan the Terrible. (yes, the sadist who dropped puppies from towers for kicks and for dinner enjoyed watching scores of writhing people impaled on stakes.) Then switched to ranting about her ex-girlfriend, a teenager whose mother swore out a restraining order against her. Um, check please! There was more as well.
I met someone online, and agreed to meet up for coffee. He turned out to be a really pale, skinny dude who wore a huge gold chain around his neck like he thought he was some kind of mafia boss. He acted super bored during the whole date, and then told me that after our date he was going to go buy a new Saab. I asked if something was wrong with his current car, and he said in a braggy voice, "Nah, but it's a year old, and I just like to have the latest Saab."
I don't even date anymore. It's always awkward. All of my relationships stemmed from friendship. Our first date didn't happen until we were involved for a few weeks.
Jimmy, James Dean on your hashcrab... I think he mentioned an axe. But ask my favorite band !;:)The Roots;:) m.mmm that's a guitar man.. Btw my guitar is named after you. She is vintage.
I got two: 1.) She forgot to take her wedding ring off before she arrived at the restaurant 2.) Long Story - Back in the mid-2000s, I jumped on the grenade and took on the DUFF. First off, it was a blind date/double date. My buddy hooked me up with her, due to her being a friend of his main squeeze, who was "nervous about going out alone". Wow, there's a good sign. My buddy's date, started preparing me for a girl that was a Nigerian high school athlete (I don't have a problem dating outside my race), but it quickly became a woman with a protruding belly, short shorts and pink hair. I almost walked out then and there. My buddy's date, a fine art student with a dancer's body and cute glasses. "Come on man. I really need this". Asshole. Okay, I guess. "But you owe me," I said. I had a massive underbite and never got much socializing my first year of college as I was on scholarship and studying half the time. Dinner first, then going to a county fair near my college. Might as well just try to have fun and see what happens. Dinner started and they messed up my order. That was the least of my problems. My date was loud, had no table manners, was fat and there was no attraction to her whatsoever. She had nothing decent to add to any conversation we had. She had never been an athlete, big shocker. And her "athletics" was her doing home workouts, whatever that means. Whatever she was doing, it wasn't working. I remember she talked about vaginal sweat at one point. Who even does that when meeting people? Hardly even looked at or talked to me during the meal either. This evening's going swell. Meal was done, we walked to the fair. There was already no chemistry at this point, but I’m trying to be a decent human being and good friend and at least have a good time at the fair. My friend and his date (who was, once again, a smoking-hot fox) parted company. Instructions were to meet at the ball-dunk in a couple of hours. Now there is only us until then. Conversation was horrible. She told me that I should be taller and stronger and that many people were smart enough to understand what she studied... Okay? Well, she was general studies, so... Grandiose much? Once she learned that my parents were cops, she insisted on lecturing me about what “aggressions” they did to her people for the next hour (fyi: I’m white, she was black). We barely rode any rides as there was a problem with one ride, so therefore there was a problem with every ride in her mind and she had to be talked to over and over about the riding even the ferris wheel. She insisted on trying every snack food there was at the fair, despite us having a good dinner, and her getting mad at me that I didn't insist on paying for everything she ate (I was a college kid on a budget, had bought the tickets/dinner and she contributed next to nothing) and most of our time was standing in line. Luckily, it's about time that we all meet up. Welcome by me, as I'm done with hearing about how my race is descended from the devil and white colonialism is responsible for her daddy and cousin getting locked up. It's close to meet up time. Minutes to spare. On our way to the ball dunk, she takes a break to call her friend. Her cell phone is dead, so she uses the rest of the power from my phone to call her friend back home and drains my phone. We're now late. Tells me that she needs something from my car (I drove us all) and won't move without getting it. She was serious. It's tampons in her make-up bag. Knowing that she'd only slow me down. I tell her to meet up with my buddy, tell him I'll be late, that way we don't get lost. No harm, no problems. I hurry to the opposite side of the fair, straight to the middle of the parking lot, grab a bag she neglected to put in her purse. Came back the same way, had to deal with an egotistical security guard, just to see her at the same spot, she never went to my friend. So now he doesn't know where we are. And, does she need to use the restroom for her female emergency? No. She still insists on yet ANOTHER snack before she leaves, which means yet ANOTHER line before we even start to where we were supposed to be almost fifteen minutes ago. I said no, she gets defensive, starts berating me and goes there anyway. Not wanting to explain to friend and date that I abandoned my bitchy date, I sighed and followed along. After she yelled at the flavored popcorn vender for getting the size wrong, I said something to her about cooling down and it not being that big of a deal. She then yelled at me, called me a dumb virgin (she was half right) in the middle of the line, denigrating me in public. Fuck my friend, enough's enough. I replied that nothing got passed her, especially carbohydrates and that she could find her own way home. Crowd got on my side pretty quicky after that. I tried to walk away because, well, why stay? She followed me, still saying shit and causing a scene. This happened for a couple of minutes. A bunch of kids were throwing water balloons at each other nearby, and I had long passed giving a fuck. And so I grabbed one out of their bucket and it landed of her port bow. Splashing her beached-whale frame with water. I wasn’t anticipating this knocking her pink hair off her head. It was a wig and she was bald. Cythulu made her way to the water balloon bucket to throw one back, but, her losing her wig was funny enough to cause the kids around me to laugh viciously and to carpet bomb the manatee with all the water balloons they hadn’t thrown yet. Don't know why, maybe serendipity. After the Death Star sized woman had been beaned with a good five or six more of these fucking things and all the adult parents looking on in confusion or hilarity, I high-fived a few of those kids, laughed along with them and watched her egg-nog back to the nether realms from which she came. First time all night that I was happy. Sadly, it doesn't end there though. Because as ecstatic as I was getting rid of the rabid heifer that had been hollering annoyance at me for the night, I still had to go all the way over to the ball-dunk and confirm that my friend and his date weren't there. I waited, but, figured they were by my car. Well, that was wrong too. They had surely gone by now, and on my way out, I ran into a mutual friend that confirmed this. I went home, alone and a half-step from broke, laughing still at defeating Rasputia, though it wouldn't be for long. My next meal was top microwaved ramen and candy bars before watching videos on UA-cam until I was asleep. I forgot all about my phone, plugging it in before I wished death to the world and fell asleep.. Luckily my drug-dealing roommate wasn't in to annoy me that day. Next day, with my phone finally charged up, I see I have many missed calls from my friend. He had, indeed, been waiting and looking for me last night. And due to me not showing due to my walrus bimbo-sapien needing her tampons and flavored popcorn, I missed seeing that his date went well and she was oozing, holding onto his arm and making out with him. He tried calling me several times, but my phone was out of power. Reading her signs and not able to wait any longer, they thought that I had had a good time and left, so they did the same. Walking until they got a bus back to her apartment. Where not only did my friend bone the chick, but, later on, had a threesome that involved a hot redhead roommate of his chick. If only he had a (at that time) virgin buddy to accompany him that could assist him and take on the redhead while he was with his own girlfriend. We could have both been laid and happy. This is something that he also tried to call me about that night, but, once again, female Al-Roker with a bad wig had to drain my phone battery. I had to hear about how my chick magnet friend got laid three times and had his first threesome over a twelve-hour period. It was three more years before I lost my own virginity. To his defense, he was a good friend. Helped me get a job later in life and taught me some car repair tips which saved me a lot of money. But I could have killed him that day.
There was this girl in my hometown who refused to go on a second date with a guy not because the date was bad but because of his last name. The guy's last name was Buttcabbage and she said that if they ever got married then she would have to share his last name and didn't want to do that. The guy refused to change his last name.
@@penquin402 What chance? She just has to tell him, I know this is only our second date, but if we ever get married, I will not take your last name. If he objects to that, then end the relationship.
Dinner and a movie. We had met on a big popular dating site. Chatted online for weeks. She was cute, blonde, fit and wore cool glasses with colored frames. Had dyed the tips of her hair pink, a decade or so before it was trend. Dressed funky and hip in fashionable way. Wore a short skirt and had nice legs. Even though there was just a few years age difference I secretly felt she was too immature for me. She was very smart, but childlike and nerdy in way I suspected might be a dealbreaker. Yet when she discussed her college major and interests she seemed fascinating. Who doesn't like a cute but cool nerdy girl? LIke a sciencey you tuber who has many subscribers you know aren't there for the physics yakking. She liked me because I placed drums in a couple of local bands at the time. Most girls don't go for the drummer I must say. Haha.. My friends insisted we meet up in person before I made up my mind and refused to let me call it off. After a slightly awkward but nice dinner we left for the movie. I drove a small sedan at the time. On the way she farted. FARTED! Loudly! It was her.. big brassy flatulence! Like a trumpet it was! I almost veered off the road. Than a smaller one! My god! whew! And then SHE angrily asked ME "Did you fart?" The whole car stank. U-turn at a gas station, right back to her car, date over. "Whoever denied it supplied it!" entered by thirtysomething brain as I tried to will it out.. WTF is going on here? It was so embarrassing!! I couldn't get over it. And I said tensely "It's been fun but this didn't work out. Have a safe drive home.." Why?!?!?
These people are gold, you should always be you, or at least undersell on a first date, as opposed to trying to be your absolute best, or worse, acting better than you genuinely are,less relationships last longer than the first date but when they work, they work so much better everyone...
If I would had met the guy that talked about horses, I would had probably married him. I love smart people, specially when they are passionately talking about animal facts. Before I met my husband, I had lots of dates that were so nervous that they would not talk at all.15 years ago, I dated a guy that talked about his dog, cats and church songs, while I ate, and so I married him a year later. We have 2 kids and 4 pets. Many of these first dates are not that bad. I would definitely date the movie chow main guy. I like people that find ways to save money.
Guy brought me to a restaurant next to the train tracks because every time a train went by the lights went out in the restaurant so he could try and kiss me.
Worse first date ever- went to movies with this guy who had be driven by his grandfather. I enjoyed talking to the grandfather more then guy. Which is sad. What sadder that my brother is more mature than that guy
Honestly if someone snuck food into a theater for our first date, I’d be planning my wedding. 😂😂😂
Right?? Wintertime is the best because you wear these big ski parkas and you can bring in so much stuff into a theater. Or at least used to.
@@EmpyreanLightASMR it’s too expensive not to bring your own feast to the theater now😂 I’ve had a friend bring a whole container of brownies and cookies before.
Literally came down here looking for this comment and was not disappointed 😂
Yes 🤗😁
@@scubageek17 I’m glad I could make you laugh lol. 😂
I went on a blind date once. He took me to a restaurant and things were ok until about 10 minutes in. He got really awkward and quiet all of the sudden. Ofc thinking I’d done something I asked if everything was ok. He said, no you’re great, it’s just that my parents are sitting two tables away.
Back when giant purses were a thing, I was a newlywed and I packed a whole pizza that I folded in half into it and opened it up for my then husband and I to eat during the movie. He whispered to me, "This is the kind of shit that made me marry you."
the *sneeze* “bless me. thank me!” is a running joke in my family but I didn’t realize there were people in the world who do that seriously lmao.
Then Jimmy added, I’m welcome 🤣
Those were all pretty lame except the denture one.
The first time I actually met my wife (coworker lady set me up with her friend's number) was at her mom's ranch for a Bar-B-Q. Things went exceptionally well. Especially with her and me. We both knew it was happening. We were clicking perfectly. It was amazing.
We're grabbing some stuff from the fridge to take outside and we just barely hear her mom in the living room saying to someone:
"Millions of people in Houston, Janelle couldn't find one decent white man?"
God I remember the look of absolutely fury on my wife's face. Rage. I just led her outside and waved it off. She stomped right off. Got into her truck and left. I left.
She called me a week later and couldn't really talk to me. She didn't know what to say. She was too embarrassed to meet up no matter how much I assured her we were okay.
That was twenty eight years ago.
We've been married twenty seven years now.
I just wanna know why you wrote "Bar-B-Q" rather than BBQ????
aw. very cute. i certainly hope you don't vote Republican in texas
@@tbrown9328 may be African.
So how are things between you and your mother n law all these years later?? Lol
@@rondaallen7211
I'm Hispanic. A veteran. And yes: we both voted Republican up until Obama. Democrat since.
That last ones actually kinda awesome 😂
I thought it was cute
It wasn't awful at all
Who doesn’t love Rice Krispies Treats ☺️
Literally the only one that made me laugh
I probably would have said thank you 😂
I married my worst, first date. 33 years and thank God we’re still here.
Why was it a worst first date?
Haha omg I totally do that thing where if I’m by myself or if no one else says it, I say “bless me, thank me, me welcome” after I sneeze 😆. I think I started doing that in like middle school or high school and have just continued ever since lol.
That Ride Krispies treat guy was keeper.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
My worst date.. The guy was so nervous that he drank too much, threw up, then cried like a baby over his ex girlfriend 😆 I had to drive him home and help him into his apt. At least the food at the restaurant was good 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tldr: On a first date I got trapped in the bathroom by her angry pitbull after she had fallen asleep on the couch so I had to sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had talked to this girl on the phone several times and decided to go out on a date. She had a bad day at work so we changed plans from a more regular first date to just grab dinner and go to her house and watch a movie. The date was great so far and her choice of movie was the directors cut of Lord Of The Rings. Like I said, she had a rough day and actually fell asleep halfway through the movie. I was totally into the movie and since she had snuggled up to me I just finished the movie out. She had adopted a rescue pitbull that was abused by it's previous male owner and the dog was fine the whole night except when I got up to go to the bathroom at the end of the movie I went to open the door and the dog started doing a growl that was dead serious I am going to bite your ass off kind of growl. I went to grab my phone to text my date to come rescue me and my phone was still on the couch. I attempted to leave the bathroom several times over the next hour and every time the dog was ready to bite my ass off. I didn't want to wake my dates cousin and kids by yelling for help and ruin my chances with her so I laid on the rug and fell asleep in the bathroom. My date walked in the next morning with my phone in hand and my mom on the phone who had been worried since I never came home. Both of them were so confused by the events that had played out and even better is that my family and I are pretty religious and my mother assumed I was sleeping with this girl because that's the only reason I would have stayed over lol. We had our 15th wedding anniversary this year.
This is adorably cute! 🤣❤️
I know I'm a few months late, but thanks for writing all of that out (not sarcasm) because it was a super cute story and you come across as a kind person (not wanting to wake people up, understanding your date being tired, etc). Far too many people underestimate a wholesomely awkward date. Congrats on 15 years!
How would being told you smell like a rice krispie treat be a worst date?! Unless he looked at me with complete disgust, I would be flattered.
Worst first date: the guy wouldn’t stop talking about how much he loved his job at the airport and to end the date he gave me a giant bag of leftover southwest airplane peanuts 😂
You should’ve married him you would’ve had free air travel
Worst First Date: I was 19 or 20. He was 27. Waitress came to the table and asked him if I needed a child's menu.
nooooooooooo lololol
@@thejazzpianist25 That's just a rude waitress.
@@johnanderson9765 No, she was the hero that girl needed!
Thank you for featuring my tweet ❤️
I'm pretty sure I witnessed a worst first date once. It was a small, quiet restaurant, and there was a couple at a very nearby table, and my husband an I never said a thing to each other because the woman at the other table went on a nonstop narrative of TMI about her entire life history. It was kind of like dinner with really bad rom-com performance art. So entertaining, but I felt so bad for the dude. I hope he liked the food at least. Our food was pretty good, I think.
Kudos to the confidence needed actually going on a date with a double eye infection lol
A friend of mine was on a first date with lots of alcohol involved. He thought it would be romantic to pick her up and carry her into his house at the end of the evening, but instead he dropped her, causing her to break her leg!
Why does Jimmy sound like Thor while mimicking Theodore Roosevelt? 😂
My best friends Mom always had cans of soda & candy in her purse when we went to the movie. It always feel werid opening up the can 😆
Haha, hard to hide the sound of an opening pop can, especially where they probably only sell fountain drinks. But props to your friend's mom. Movie food is too expensive!!
Yeah, I brink small water bottles and Pirate's Booty in a big purse for my grand kids. I usually buy them one thing at the snack bar. The popping of a soda can would be really rude!
Lmao, that last one was cute, lol... 😂
I love this segments, Jimmy is so funny
Worst date: When he showed up, he’d already eaten, and he didn’t offer to pay for my pop!
Nicole Kidman should have submitted one 😂
Worst First Date: I told the guy I was lactose intolerant, he said that it's not real, it was all in my head. I said tell my bowels that.
He said that his ex used to also claim she was lactose intolerant but that he would give her yogurts he said we're lactose free that actually weren't just to test his theory.
I didn't want to also be poisoned so I said good night.
whoaaaaaaaa no thank u
i agree with him lol. i'm also lactose intolerant but we all used to eat diary products before lactose intolerance was thing haha
just FYI, having dairy products doesn't equal to "poisoning". it'd simply is that you won't fully digest it and might give you more gas/blotting etc. it's not like it's going to kill you or mess up your system. it's fully HARMLESS lol
@@lily-qz4mm Please don't have children. It needs to stop with you.
THANK YOU for the timestamps!!!
“It was from his denture. It wasn’t even a real tooth.” Umm… I guess that’s better…??
Did anyone else expect the last one to be from Nicole Kidman? 😂
I love that the last one explained it was the 90s
Shonj is my wife 🤣
That is epic af ngl
WORST Date for anyone Ever: He was new to the area and moved to L.A. from Louisiana to break into show business. I don't remember how I met the guy but I invited him over for take out food and he wanted me to help him with a script he had an audition for for a voiceover. I agreed. We ordered Chinese food from my favorite place and he ended up stiffing the tip to the guy that delivered it (big red flag) and I had to say "I'll get you next time." A little while went by and after we were eating like immediately the guy starts farting. And farting. And oh did I say farting? Loud, noisy, smelly farts. Soon my living room stunk to high heaven while he's practicing a one-word line he had for the audition. I opened the front door and started fanning the living room. I asked him if he was feeling okay and he asked me, "Yes, why?" I said, "Because you're emitting the most foul odor I've ever smelled in my entire life and my eyes are burning!" I couldn't breathe so I excused myself to go to the bathroom to open the window and had to breathe deeply to get some fresh air. I went back to the living room and he was still farting not even thinking that it was inappropriate, let alone not even excusing himself when he did. I finally gathered his script and jacket and I said you need to go. After all of that he wanted a good night kiss and I said, "Oh hell no!" It took me about an hour to air my apartment out. It was horrible. Guess he was hoping for a place to sleep that night but it wasn't going to be my place!
Omg!!!! 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
When are you gonna see him again?
@@fightclub6291 Newb. Or rube, whichever.
Ah. Memories!
I laughed so much at this.. Your comment to him about your eyes burning.. Omg gross but lmfao. (sorry, childish I know)
I just had my worst first date the other day. It seemed to be going well and he'd periodically ask if I thought he was coming on too strong, to which I replied "no" because he seemed great. And then he wanted to move the conversation to a more "serious topic", which turned out to be a series of detailed questions like "how many people have you dated in the past, how have they all shaped you as a person, why did the relationship(s) end," etc. Now I'm all for some clarity in a relationship, but not on a first date. It was a little much. And he also proceeded to inform me of all the things he didn't like about his last girlfriend, so I just kinda sipped my water like 🚩🚩🚩 lol Somehow he was shocked I didn't want a second date
What’s wrong with that? It sounds totally normal.😂
I wish Nicole Kidman wrote one
deep cut
Came here to say that too!
Lmfao!!!
The Rice Krispy Treat one is kinda cute
My first worst date: guy claimed to have been into over 200 accidents, claimed to have legally died 3 times, almost was put into the ice box in the morgue, once was OD’ing but was able to take himself to the hospital, and held his dying friend in his arms when they got jumped for drugs
My mom would go to hooters to get some wings, the gas station for some beer, hide the food in her purse and the beer in her bra. For the movies.
Who doesn't sneak snacks into the theater? Buy popcorn and bring the rest. 👍
WTF is wrong with some people, why would you show an infection to a date!!!??
That last one was actually quite adorable. I'd laugh my ass off and find him endearing if he told me I smelled like a rice krispies treat! :)
One time I went on a date with a guy that made me pay for everything (HIS pre-meal at Sonic, the movie, AND dinner at a steak house afterwards) because he "forgot his wallet" (I later learned he'd misplaced more than his wallet. He'd seemed to be missing employment, too), he made me walk behind him, and yelled at me over the phone when I couldn't find the entrance to his apartment building. Suffice it to say I dumped his ass that night and SURELY learned my lesson about dickhead misogynists. The next weekend I went back to the comedy club I'd met him at, not expecting to see him. But lo and behold, he showed up. He saw me across the room and started chasing after me. Thankfully I was near an exit and made it safely to my car. I drove off and didn't go back there for weeks. That was one of the worst experiences I've ever had, and I pray that no one else should ever experience it.
I wonder if anyone ever watches these and goes "hey! Wait! Shit! Theyre talking about me!"
You know I'm damn sure I left an identical comment on another one of these videos, a year apart
If someone showed me photos of his horses.... true love!
Chivalry is not dead. Its just lying, bleeding in a gutter somewhere.
I meant “you smell like a rice krispy treat” as a compliment!!!!!!
Jimmy and Nicole had the worst date. She waiting for everything with him and he had no idea that it was a date with her... After Nicole's confession they were both left with the feeling of something unfinished. The chemistry between them is so intense that even the viewers are left wanting something to happen... Simply the best couple that never was...💔
The NEVER was
They still feel for each other though
@@LindaC616 You are right. 🥲
@@gear5soul They're both married to other people now.
First date hell (true story): She spent most of the evening bragging about having been Ivan the Terrible. (yes, the sadist who dropped puppies from towers for kicks and for dinner enjoyed watching scores of writhing people impaled on stakes.) Then switched to ranting about her ex-girlfriend, a teenager whose mother swore out a restraining order against her. Um, check please! There was more as well.
I would’ve taken the axe, left everything else 😂
I met someone online, and agreed to meet up for coffee. He turned out to be a really pale, skinny dude who wore a huge gold chain around his neck like he thought he was some kind of mafia boss. He acted super bored during the whole date, and then told me that after our date he was going to go buy a new Saab. I asked if something was wrong with his current car, and he said in a braggy voice, "Nah, but it's a year old, and I just like to have the latest Saab."
Nobody took the oppurtunity to say something about serving Brie and playing video games?
I don't even date anymore. It's always awkward. All of my relationships stemmed from friendship. Our first date didn't happen until we were involved for a few weeks.
“I don’t date because it’s too awkward. I pull all my dates from my pool of friends.”
Maybe go swimming in a different pool. 🤷♀️
@@stephanieleon5970 and then they would be called my friends and I wouldn't date their husbands either.
Shy me went on a dinner date with a shy girl. I think the entirety of the dinner conversation consisted of, “could you pass the salt please”.😏
did you guys meet again?
According to 23&me I actually am related to Theodore Roosevelt! Lol my only flex 💪 😔
The worst first date is when Jimmy Fallon blew a chance to date Nicole Kidman.
We used to sneak McDonald's or Taco bell in to the movies with canned sodas
Love you jimmy!
Did anyone notice they were all about men 😂😂
Nicole Kidman should've tweeted about their "first date"
Higgins is a treasure.
Ill start blessing myself when I sneeze
Jimmy, James Dean on your hashcrab... I think he mentioned an axe. But ask my favorite band !;:)The Roots;:) m.mmm that's a guitar man.. Btw my guitar is named after you. She is vintage.
The lo mein dude is a keeper
Absolutely agree with Nicole Kidman
1:03 he's CBS's Senior Vice President of Late Night Programming, West Coast
I feel violated. I do the same thing as 1st. Especially when i am alone
Nice!
I just broke up with my boyfriend so this is like a breath of fresh air.
I met him at a restaurant. We had dinner. In the parking lot we were saying goodnight ..he asked to see my feet!! For real! WHAT!!
1:59 that’s my mom!!
Happy Birthday Song -The Beatles
Revelation 11:13 Until EVERYBODY has a happy birthday, Lord God Almighty, in Jesus’ name, Amen 🙏
Great now I have to make rice crispy treats!
Clearly, this guy 4:06 is trying to see what she'd put up with! 😅
Lo mein? Please, I once read a story about how a whole *Thanksgiving dinner* was smuggled into a cinema.
I got two:
1.) She forgot to take her wedding ring off before she arrived at the restaurant
2.) Long Story - Back in the mid-2000s, I jumped on the grenade and took on the DUFF.
First off, it was a blind date/double date. My buddy hooked me up with her, due to her being a friend of his main squeeze, who was "nervous about going out alone". Wow, there's a good sign. My buddy's date, started preparing me for a girl that was a Nigerian high school athlete (I don't have a problem dating outside my race), but it quickly became a woman with a protruding belly, short shorts and pink hair. I almost walked out then and there. My buddy's date, a fine art student with a dancer's body and cute glasses. "Come on man. I really need this". Asshole. Okay, I guess. "But you owe me," I said.
I had a massive underbite and never got much socializing my first year of college as I was on scholarship and studying half the time. Dinner first, then going to a county fair near my college. Might as well just try to have fun and see what happens.
Dinner started and they messed up my order. That was the least of my problems. My date was loud, had no table manners, was fat and there was no attraction to her whatsoever. She had nothing decent to add to any conversation we had. She had never been an athlete, big shocker. And her "athletics" was her doing home workouts, whatever that means. Whatever she was doing, it wasn't working. I remember she talked about vaginal sweat at one point. Who even does that when meeting people? Hardly even looked at or talked to me during the meal either. This evening's going swell.
Meal was done, we walked to the fair. There was already no chemistry at this point, but I’m trying to be a decent human being and good friend and at least have a good time at the fair. My friend and his date (who was, once again, a smoking-hot fox) parted company. Instructions were to meet at the ball-dunk in a couple of hours. Now there is only us until then.
Conversation was horrible. She told me that I should be taller and stronger and that many people were smart enough to understand what she studied... Okay? Well, she was general studies, so... Grandiose much? Once she learned that my parents were cops, she insisted on lecturing me about what “aggressions” they did to her people for the next hour (fyi: I’m white, she was black). We barely rode any rides as there was a problem with one ride, so therefore there was a problem with every ride in her mind and she had to be talked to over and over about the riding even the ferris wheel. She insisted on trying every snack food there was at the fair, despite us having a good dinner, and her getting mad at me that I didn't insist on paying for everything she ate (I was a college kid on a budget, had bought the tickets/dinner and she contributed next to nothing) and most of our time was standing in line. Luckily, it's about time that we all meet up. Welcome by me, as I'm done with hearing about how my race is descended from the devil and white colonialism is responsible for her daddy and cousin getting locked up. It's close to meet up time. Minutes to spare. On our way to the ball dunk, she takes a break to call her friend. Her cell phone is dead, so she uses the rest of the power from my phone to call her friend back home and drains my phone. We're now late. Tells me that she needs something from my car (I drove us all) and won't move without getting it. She was serious. It's tampons in her make-up bag.
Knowing that she'd only slow me down. I tell her to meet up with my buddy, tell him I'll be late, that way we don't get lost. No harm, no problems.
I hurry to the opposite side of the fair, straight to the middle of the parking lot, grab a bag she neglected to put in her purse. Came back the same way, had to deal with an egotistical security guard, just to see her at the same spot, she never went to my friend. So now he doesn't know where we are. And, does she need to use the restroom for her female emergency? No. She still insists on yet ANOTHER snack before she leaves, which means yet ANOTHER line before we even start to where we were supposed to be almost fifteen minutes ago. I said no, she gets defensive, starts berating me and goes there anyway. Not wanting to explain to friend and date that I abandoned my bitchy date, I sighed and followed along.
After she yelled at the flavored popcorn vender for getting the size wrong, I said something to her about cooling down and it not being that big of a deal. She then yelled at me, called me a dumb virgin (she was half right) in the middle of the line, denigrating me in public. Fuck my friend, enough's enough. I replied that nothing got passed her, especially carbohydrates and that she could find her own way home. Crowd got on my side pretty quicky after that.
I tried to walk away because, well, why stay? She followed me, still saying shit and causing a scene. This happened for a couple of minutes. A bunch of kids were throwing water balloons at each other nearby, and I had long passed giving a fuck. And so I grabbed one out of their bucket and it landed of her port bow. Splashing her beached-whale frame with water. I wasn’t anticipating this knocking her pink hair off her head. It was a wig and she was bald. Cythulu made her way to the water balloon bucket to throw one back, but, her losing her wig was funny enough to cause the kids around me to laugh viciously and to carpet bomb the manatee with all the water balloons they hadn’t thrown yet. Don't know why, maybe serendipity. After the Death Star sized woman had been beaned with a good five or six more of these fucking things and all the adult parents looking on in confusion or hilarity, I high-fived a few of those kids, laughed along with them and watched her egg-nog back to the nether realms from which she came. First time all night that I was happy.
Sadly, it doesn't end there though. Because as ecstatic as I was getting rid of the rabid heifer that had been hollering annoyance at me for the night, I still had to go all the way over to the ball-dunk and confirm that my friend and his date weren't there. I waited, but, figured they were by my car. Well, that was wrong too. They had surely gone by now, and on my way out, I ran into a mutual friend that confirmed this. I went home, alone and a half-step from broke, laughing still at defeating Rasputia, though it wouldn't be for long. My next meal was top microwaved ramen and candy bars before watching videos on UA-cam until I was asleep. I forgot all about my phone, plugging it in before I wished death to the world and fell asleep.. Luckily my drug-dealing roommate wasn't in to annoy me that day.
Next day, with my phone finally charged up, I see I have many missed calls from my friend. He had, indeed, been waiting and looking for me last night. And due to me not showing due to my walrus bimbo-sapien needing her tampons and flavored popcorn, I missed seeing that his date went well and she was oozing, holding onto his arm and making out with him. He tried calling me several times, but my phone was out of power. Reading her signs and not able to wait any longer, they thought that I had had a good time and left, so they did the same. Walking until they got a bus back to her apartment. Where not only did my friend bone the chick, but, later on, had a threesome that involved a hot redhead roommate of his chick. If only he had a (at that time) virgin buddy to accompany him that could assist him and take on the redhead while he was with his own girlfriend. We could have both been laid and happy. This is something that he also tried to call me about that night, but, once again, female Al-Roker with a bad wig had to drain my phone battery. I had to hear about how my chick magnet friend got laid three times and had his first threesome over a twelve-hour period. It was three more years before I lost my own virginity.
To his defense, he was a good friend. Helped me get a job later in life and taught me some car repair tips which saved me a lot of money. But I could have killed him that day.
I wonder how many of these are made up just to try and get their username featured on the show?!
Look, I had a gf wear some summer vanillas thing from Bath and Body works, and that shit smelled like a lemon cookie. And I'm fat.
There was this girl in my hometown who refused to go on a second date with a guy not because the date was bad but because of his last name. The guy's last name was Buttcabbage and she said that if they ever got married then she would have to share his last name and didn't want to do that. The guy refused to change his last name.
That's why it's not always a requirement to take your mate's last name.
@@johnanderson9765 She didn't want to take that chance.
@@penquin402 What chance? She just has to tell him, I know this is only our second date, but if we ever get married, I will not take your last name. If he objects to that, then end the relationship.
These were way more cringe than funny 😕
But the vanilla rice crispy treat got me laughing 😁
Thank you.
1:34 went on date with Patrick Bateman
Jimmy Fallon hashtag awesomeness job
I had a guy meet me for lunch. I asked what he was doing that morning and he said "at my Mom's funeral"
Even if he was related to Theodore Roosevelt, I doubt she would have given a sh*t or known who that is. 👀
They need one from Nichole Kidman
Is was a trending topic within minutes again? What are the odds? 😮
Dinner and a movie. We had met on a big popular dating site. Chatted online for weeks. She was cute, blonde, fit and wore cool glasses with colored frames. Had dyed the tips of her hair pink, a decade or so before it was trend. Dressed funky and hip in fashionable way. Wore a short skirt and had nice legs. Even though there was just a few years age difference I secretly felt she was too immature for me. She was very smart, but childlike and nerdy in way I suspected might be a dealbreaker. Yet when she discussed her college major and interests she seemed fascinating. Who doesn't like a cute but cool nerdy girl? LIke a sciencey you tuber who has many subscribers you know aren't there for the physics yakking. She liked me because I placed drums in a couple of local bands at the time. Most girls don't go for the drummer I must say. Haha.. My friends insisted we meet up in person before I made up my mind and refused to let me call it off. After a slightly awkward but nice dinner we left for the movie. I drove a small sedan at the time. On the way she farted. FARTED! Loudly! It was her.. big brassy flatulence! Like a trumpet it was! I almost veered off the road. Than a smaller one! My god! whew! And then SHE angrily asked ME "Did you fart?" The whole car stank. U-turn at a gas station, right back to her car, date over. "Whoever denied it supplied it!" entered by thirtysomething brain as I tried to will it out.. WTF is going on here? It was so embarrassing!! I couldn't get over it. And I said tensely "It's been fun but this didn't work out. Have a safe drive home.." Why?!?!?
Not first date related, but jimmy looks like Don Jr. with that beard.
And just like that, the beard will vanish.
I would have taken the horse guy!
I think all these worst date are aboutJimmy Fallon's first dates
I went on a blind date once and the guy said I was his wife to get a discount on tickets
Worst first date: Jimmy Fallon's with Nicole Kidman
These people are gold, you should always be you, or at least undersell on a first date, as opposed to trying to be your absolute best, or worse, acting better than you genuinely are,less relationships last longer than the first date but when they work, they work so much better everyone...
Whoa....that's a beard!!!!
He threw out roosevelt's guy tweet
She told me she liked the bachelor
If I would had met the guy that talked about horses, I would had probably married him. I love smart people, specially when they are passionately talking about animal facts.
Before I met my husband, I had lots of dates that were so nervous that they would not talk at all.15 years ago, I dated a guy that talked about his dog, cats and church songs, while I ate, and so I married him a year later. We have 2 kids and 4 pets.
Many of these first dates are not that bad. I would definitely date the movie chow main guy. I like people that find ways to save money.
The horse guy was very likely autistic.
She took me to see The Great Gatsby which was littered with Rap music. 🤮
Candy, yes. Lo Mein... not so much.
Guy brought me to a restaurant next to the train tracks because every time a train went by the lights went out in the restaurant so he could try and kiss me.
Higgins is not funny. Ya, I said it.
Worse first date ever- went to movies with this guy who had be driven by his grandfather. I enjoyed talking to the grandfather more then guy.
Which is sad.
What sadder that my brother is more mature than that guy
I'm sorry, but the segment theme songs are bruuuutal.