For an unmarried woman with no kids, sure you got leverage. But in the caller’s case, she is a used item and depreciated in value so she doesn’t have the much bargain power
There will be less suitors being a single mom, but someone with 450k in (non mortgage)debt should be pretty easy to cross off the list - just sounds like a disaster in the making. (I say this as a single guy myself)
I'm so happy my grandmother didn't have that mindset. My grandfather's first wife died . They had three children. His 2nd wife died leaving a few more. And my grandmother was his third wife. They had a fabulous marriage and were a fantastic influence on all of us. My grandmother became a mother to all of his children, no matter which wife gave birth to them.
Married for 30 years. For me, having similar values was extremely important when I was dating. As someone who also has zero debt, a 450K debt in a potential partner shows a complete lack of self control and would be so far out of line with my own values that I feel like I would be miserable nearly all the time if I were to get more serious with that person. Unfortunately, many people "settle" for someone like this, and end up more unhappy than if they had just kept looking for something better. If you want to be happy in a relationship, compromise on something superficial like looks. Don't compromise on core values like having the discipline to manage their money correctly.
I used to worry so much about hurting a man's feelings when being asked out. I ended up with some creeps because I didn't respect my own boundaries. I didn't want to be the mean girl and tell a man no thanks. I'm older now, and can look back and think of men that I should have run from. I shoulda put on my track shoes. It's not mean. It saves bothof you time and energy, and you're respecting your wants and needs in life.😊
Wow, 🙀 She wasn't requesting approval - She was explaining the choices that led to where she is. Otherwise, she could have just said: I'm a single mother and won't date anyone in debt. To which they would have delved deeper, asking redundant questions: The Father's role, etc... Fortunately, Jade and Rachel were more polite than you would have been.
Yeah, or maybe like a mortgage plus med school loans and now he's an orthopedic surgeon making $600k and will be debt free soon. I feel like the reason for the debt and the ability/willingness to pay it off makes all the difference.
Don't give that guy a "chance"!!!! You are NOT desperate just because your "friends and family" are putting PRESSURE on you. That debt is just insane! Just drop it. Move on! These two women saying "go into it" are just damn well foolish!!! The fact that the guy HAS that debt is a stone wall - just drop him. MOVE AWAY. STAY AWAY.
I was serious with a dentist who I knew had school loan debt. I assumed based on other dentists friends I have it was a couple of hundred thousand. Not great but that was what I found to be average. Turned out he had 850k worth of school loans!!! He had been living off of his loans and just assumed the govt (aka taxpayers) would pay off a large chunk of it so he wasn’t even attempting to pay. That amount of debt plus his ambivalence towards his obligations had me slowly lose attraction and respect. We eventually broke up a couple of months later.
Not really a red flag. The way she said it sounded she adopted a kid on her own after a lot of planning and consideration. I doubt she's even been pregnant.
Should definitely take less than 10 years to realize if your "standards" are too high. After a year or a year and a half of dating and you cannot find a person checking all of your boxes, it is probably time to reevaluate.
People are saying men don’t date single moms but that’s not true. I know plenty of single moms who remarried. There was this woman in my neighborhood who had seven children and her husband died. She married afterward and had another baby with him.
'Should I Date Someone With a Lot of Debt?' I would have to say no. Most of these situations have to do with a character flaw. Even if they don't, you're starting a relationship with an un-needed source of stress and potential conflict.
Single moms in a panic will date 100 of the wrong people in a row to avoid loneliness. Really makes you wonder why they decided to have a child before finding someone in life.
As long as you keep that energy when men say 'I don't want a fat girl' or 'I don't want a single mom'. Women keep that energy strong for men that aren't in the top 1%, but the second a man says he has dealbreakers women freak out.
i hope people caught two things she mentioned: live with no debt and a job she likes. parent or not, single parent or not, married/no children, married w/ children - no matter the scenario, when you're adulting, the no debt + liking your job is the ideal combination. i'm single, no children, got a mere $4300 in SL debt that'll be paid off in a couple months, but i've HATED my job for the past 2.5 years (working on getting another one). she sounds way happier than i even sound to myself. if i were debt-free with my fully-funded emergency fund, i wouldn't mind taking a lower paying position.
But taking on $450k in debt is basically giving up your contentment for a very long time. Unless the guy has real assets to the tune of say $4.5m and investments that are paying off at a rate of $120k per annum. Then it's another story. But how's she going to know that unless he provides solid proof of it? And who on earth is going to do that before getting married - unless she asks? If she does ask she'll be coming across as a gold-digger or something...so catch 22 situation.
My wife had no debt before we got married, outside of our home which I had prior to the marriage, I had about 40k in consumer debt. About half of it was from CC’s and the other half was our wedding. We’ve been married 9 months and now have no debt. It’s about communication and being on the same page.
Years ago, I didn't go out on a second date with a girl because she was going to a very expensive private university and majored in Elementary Music Education. I just couldn't get past the student loans to income ratio.
Just curious if you even got to the details. How much was she really borrowing because lots of private universities have a ton of musician scholarships. And reaching, I know, but maybe even legacy money for school could have negated some too and loans if any may have been reasonable.
All good advice, but they didn't answer her question. The caller asked how does she tell her family and friends that she doesn't want to date a guy with a lot of debt. The caller already knew she didn't want to put time into a relationship with the guy. On an aside note, my husband's student loan was forgiven. We don't know why, we didn't ask for it. Out of the blue, he got a letter saying it was forgiven and I verified it online with his loan provider.
@@GAFB1122: Indeed, it does sound like she---the caller---is doing well. The same will not likely be said about her daughter when her daughter is older (namely, a teenager/young adult).
@@danieljohnson4418 So you can tell the future, is that it, lol. More power to the caller and I HOPE she and her daughter all the best. I wonder, can you say that?
Choosing to intentionally go out and become a single parent through sperm donation, intentionally deprives a child of her biological father, or ANY father figure at all. This is not a decision to applaud. If she had gotten pregnant unintentionally, and chose life for her child and was a single mother that way, then good for her! But she clearly wemt out and did this intentionally. Bad move.
Was looking for this comment - spot on take. From the tone of the caller, it seems pretty obvious it was a sperm donor kind of situation. Not God's plan for family, therefore is sub-optimal. This woman, clearly, is a driven individual, having cleared all debts by mid-20s (which is something to applaud). However, what the Ramsay team failed to recognize is what you were saying, that this unfortunate little girl has been intentionally deprived of a father figure, and would drastically benefit from a Godly man in her life, provided she can choose a like-minded spouse.
True, but you have to give her some credit she seems a lot more responsible than most. I'm a single woman without kids and no student loans, finding a man that's responsible and not in mountains of debt is hard AF.
@@nelliedean7088 So they can use the divorce laws to fleece you of half your wealth...happens waaaaayyyyyyy too often which is why guys are just staying on the sidelines.
Good advice as usual. It says a lot about character if you are unable to manage your money. Anyone with that kind of debt sure needs to read Dave's book and follow the rules. She can do way better than that but if he starts to improve, check back in two years. IMO before her next date with anyone, she needs to see his credit report. It is not complicated.
This young family relative graduated college with a Chemical Engineering degree debt free with a good job. He married his college girlfriend also a ChemEng graduate. Since married, he focused on paying off her bad $200,000 student loan which was at 10% rate asap. She never fully used her degree after school since they started their family early and full time stay at home mom with two kids. As a parent with kids starting college with a goal of graduating debt free---that is a hard pill to swallow as a parent.
It's not your place to judge they decided she would raise kids instead of making full use of her degree. That scenario occurs often. Apparently her husband loved her enough to marry her regardless of her debt. It's really none of your business.
@@NewGuy2024 It's surprising you loaned it to them considering your take on the situation. It was not clear in your comment that you were speaking of a personal situation. Regardless, he chose to take on her debt and you chose to loan them money.
Empty nester here. No truer word spoken. After our son left home, 7 years ago, my wife and I kept getting the bank statements and thinking that there'd been an error. Not paying school fees, sports club fees, and music fees is just the start. All of a sudden, you're doing half the mileage in the car. You're spending half on groceries. The gas and electricity bill falls. The water bill falls. There's no more $20 for this and $50 for that and the other thing. I know this sounds ridiculous, but neither of us really considered how much our expenditure was. We just did it.
@davidbrayshaw3529 kids don't need private schools, to play sports or play an instrument. All options that YOU chose. Kids aren't as expensive as a brand new Mercedes is
@@MrJimmy3459 I guess that it comes down to parental values, at the end of the day and with regards to education, there are regional considerations. We could not afford a private school education for our son. But we could afford sport and we could afford music lessons. My wife and I both perceive those things to be very valuable assets in raising a child with the view to participating in the wider community and world. Now that our son is 26, gainfully employed, happy, healthy and buying his own apartment, we're happy that we made the choices that we did.
Doesn’t want to date without the intention of marriage but had no problem having a kid without the intention of being married. In 10 years when the little girl is a fatherless struggling teenager, you would have spent $450k to have a strong man father her. Being a 30 year old single mom by choice isn’t necessarily the strongest green flag either. Make a compromise if he’s truly a good man that can be an amazing father.
But even so, she doesn't have to be so all-out-desperate as to ruin her currently tranquil lifestyle by getting into $450k debt when one of her core values it to NOT HAVE DEBT!!!
@@elizabethpieters7798 When you get married, unless you have a prenup, any assets or debt you incur while in marriage is generally considered to be both of yours. On top of that, what kind of weird situation would a marriage be where the child only gets raised by one of the adults??? Also, what happens if something unexpected happened to the mom? You think her new husband will just let the kid go into foster care?
Don't date anyone you wouldn't consider marriage material. Don't date a person you don't share basic values with. Would you marry someone with that debt? More specifically, would you marry someone with the values that led to that debt? You don't "owe" anyone a chance.
;Hey maybe he's a saint with one flaw, he didn't have Dave Ramsey in his life!! Debt doesn't necessarily mean he's evil, or untrustworthy. Or maybe he said that to get out of any ongoing relationship! Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Don't sit up there in judgement too fast.
@@heymakerphd1982 I said to only date people who are marriage material and with whom her values align. How is that judgmental? She gets to decide what her values are. Then I asked a question. It's for her to decide, but dating someone with different beliefs and values is a waste of time and maybe worse if she ignores that and goes all in because she is infatuated.
Before I got married, I had a "desirables" list divided into Needs, Wants, and It'd-Be-Nice-Ifs - and each one took up about a page of my notebook. Needs were non-negotiable unless I could reasonably fill the need outside the relationship, wants were important and shouldn't have more than a few missing. The last category was a lot more flexible. People looked at it and said that none of the things on it were unreasonable, but that the whole list together was too much and that I'd never find a guy that met all those points. A few months later, I met my man. He met all but 1-2 items on each list, each of which I considered carefully before deciding to marry him. We're going on 15 years now and happier than ever! I call him my "Unicorn" because "men like him aren't real" lol. It's ok to be particular!
If she really is interested in him, which I'm positive she isn't, then get him call into the Ramsey show for guidance on how to pay it off. If their aren't any sparks to begin with, cut him loose and let someone else worry about his debt.
You cheered the lady for creating a single-parent family. I suspect there is more to her singleness than you typically have time for. Maybe she'll chat with Dr. John in a few months, and relevant details can be discussed. Better to get on solid ground, before dating friends of friends.
My non-negotiable is a 30+ single moms who thought it was morally acceptable to become a single parent. If she felt so bad for the man's debt does that mean she paid for their dinner?
Exactly. That's so ridiculous to intentionally become a single parent. I would certainly consider marrying a widow or divorcee with children under the right circumstances, but a woman like this who becomes a single mom on purpose...no way. Absolutely a non-negotiable for me also.
450k? That's insane run girl That being said "independent parent" girl just say you're a single mom, is fine is not that big of a deal nowadays; that just looks like changing the name because you're ashamed or something.
If the caller is smart enough to figure out how to live debt free, she should be smart enough to figure out that getting anywhere near someone who is over $400K in debt and is counting on a government bail-out for his student loan is a stupid decision. Why does Jade use the example of $60,000 in debt. This guy has over $400,000. Not even close to being an apples-to-apples comparison. Both of the hosts are being too gracious in cutting this dude some slack. They should have told the caller to run like hell from this guy. And the caller should have known that instinctively before she ever made the call. Am I being too judgmental in not wanting to get involved with a guy who owes other people close to 1/2 million? Give me a break.
Depends on the circumstances. If the guy is working mid-level administration, and driving a Tesla that is part of the debt, and carrying tons of credit card debt, then he is an enormous red flag. If the guy is a surgeon making $400k a year, and paying off medical school debt, then he would not be waving a red flag.
@@Bronte-on6tm Someone who went to med school is financially a high value individual. Why would they date a single mother and hope their debt is forgiven? She also doesn't seem to respect this man in how she talks about him. He didn't go to med school
@@joetheboy04 My point was that the circumstances dictate whether or not the man is an acceptable financial risk. I was not suggesting that the man is a surgeon or anything else.
So who's that little girl's dad? Oh right, she has none. And - "good for you" and "you're so mature" they say to her in the show. Just because she's responsible with the money aspect. Like that's the only area where you should have all your ducks in a row. Honestly hard for me not to be judgemental towards the woman calling. What about the guy she'll date who has to put up with her past life decisions.
If a woman told me she owes $450,000. And i want to start a family. I wouldnt. Im not absorbing the debt and adding multiple kids. Even if 30 years later they are a billionaire.
I completely understand her hesitation. I think for me, it would depend on what type of debt it is. Is $300,000 of that a mortgage? Was he at least trying to do something good, like attend medical school? Or was he wasting his money on a new watch every weekend? I'm 38 and still single. The older I get, the less patience I have to be waiting for someone else to get their life together.
I'm a firm believer in the nuclear family model. 27 years and going strong. But for many, being a single parent is not a choice. I say many, not all, but without knowing the circumstances, I'd be the last to judge.
Just focus on your child for the next 14 years until she graduates high school. I would never let a stranger in my house while my daughter lives at home.
I would not feel comfortable dating someone heavily in debt. I would not feel comfortable having that person spend money on me for dates etc. And I would never get serious about someone in debt. Just not for me....
She wanted kids early and has no debt. I wouldn't do it, but some men out there needs to wake up and realize good women won't be around forever. She probably has a series of shitty relationships and wasn't going to wait around for a good enough man.
@@bamafencer12 she isn't a good woman. She willingly and with malice aforethought brought a child into the world and made sure that the girl would not have one of the most important relationships a person can have...a Father! This woman is horrible. She might be financially sound but her daughter is just a life accessory.
@@whyme7996 I agree with you, however not every kid that grows up in a 2 parent household are shown what a healthy marriage looks like. My parents on the outside looked like a perfect Christian family. Inside my dad was was abusive to my sibling, my mom, me, and cheated. My mom wasn't very smart and a typical country bumpkin that couldn't see red flags. My parents were not mentally healthy individuals. Some people are batshit crazy yet grew up in a 2 parent home. Nothing is guaranteed. As I said, I wouldn't do it nor do I support it. I see why she did it though. Hopefully her child will see what healthy relationships look like and doesn't make shitty mistakes.
Late 20’s and decided to single parent. Selfish and delusional. The overlap on the Venn Diagram of guys a) that meet her standards and b) who would date her has got to be pretty small.
Why not? She doesn't want to date without the intention of marriage? So she just want to get married? You hate to date before marriage. This way you can tell if you are right for each other. You should never rush in. 450k is debt. That can be his house he is talking about. Or they could have went to medical school.
No man should take on a woman as horrid as this one. Purposefully becoming an "independent parent".. tell you she doesn't care about her child. Her daughter is an accessory and not a child.
I raised my son on my own. When he was 8 yrs old, he brought home the man that is now my husband . So he picked him out for me. My son will be 30 years old next month and he loves his stepfather.
7:44 nothing beautiful about a selfish decision to not give a child a dad and a mom, especially when all children reach an age when they start asking where’s my dad, and wanting a dad to be around. no amount of nurture and money will fill that void
selfish, not mature! never think of the unintended consequences that child will live with. how would she like it if her parent intentionally put her in a single parent situation.
Situation and circumstances can change. Personality is far less likely to change. Someone with $100k in debt who is serious about managing money well and getting out of debt going forward is probably better than someone with $200 worth of debt and is not concerned about their financial future
@@retrojay86 absolutely, we would also depend on what kind of debt. Is it just the mortgage and student loans? Are they some kind of doctor that made a dumb decision on where they went to school? I feel like most of those large numbers come from real estate or Multiple degrees, but assuming it’s not one of those, then it probably would be addressed by the personality question regardless.
That's quite astute observation. Someone with no barometer of value in their head with regards to money, and no sense of agency, will burn through money regardless of their income. I was in $102k debt in 2020 (Credit Cards and Student Loan) and now I'm in $44k ($13k/year), because paying off debt brings more rewards than most other things I could spend my money on. I just don't get the same kicks out of stuff that I did in my 20s or 30s anymore also, not that I spent much then but I did waste money, not knowing its value. For every dollar I divert elsewhere instead of debt, the debt is higher and has a greater ability to demand more off me in terms of interest, indexation and ancillary fees. Conversely, the more I pay off my debt, the less extra money it can demand, which enables me to pay off debt faster and faster over time, so long as my income remains stable and the cost of living doesn't rise too high. That's more appealing to me than most things I can buy, with some exceptions (we all gotta live). I take my own (recently bought high quality) scuba gear on dive trips for example, which requires money, but then I don't have to rent it, which frees up my money to buy more of it (if required). That's a win-win for me, for example. I always get my car maintained, painted etc also because the longer you leave rust the more it costs to fix, and car accidents or breakdowns are costly, dangerous and unnecessarily draining psychologically and energy-wise. Insurance companies also don't like poorly maintained vehicles with no service records, 10yo tires, pre-existing panel damage etc.
Well said. It's always important to visualize the future. I had a million in debt when my wife first met me; I recently graduated dental school and bought a practice. 4 years later, the student loans are paid off, and we're halfway through paying off the practice which will only grow in value and sell for more in the future. (Her family REALLY didn't like the risk of her marrying me initially, but it worked out haha). If I had a million in consumer debt and car payments, my wife absolutely would have never gone past the 1st date.
@@Trewq79 Debt is relative, as is wealth. Owing "X" as a young dentist entering their own practice is very different than owing "X" as a construction worker in their middle years.
One word of advice RUN. When I dated my wife she had debt. We agreed she would pay it off before we married married a year later . Guess what she didn't. I didn't ask. I found this out after we married and I paid it off. Her ability to handle money never improved. 14 years later I gave her a house that was paid for. I traded her for my pension. RUN NOW.. If you get tempted to look back pluck your eye out.
The other side her is she is a single mom. Whether or not the father is in the picture is irrelevant. Men don’t want to raise other men’s Kids. It’s always a point of contention. Her having a child the way she did adds to that. A man without kids isn’t going to want to raise a kid that isn’t his. Simple as that. She will continue to attract a certain demographic
More info needed. What's his income? If it's $200K or more a year, he might be able to knock that out in a few years and things could work out really well if everything else is a good match.
No. That’s an insane amount of debt, regardless of what kind of debt it is. That would be a dealbreaker for me.
For an unmarried woman with no kids, sure you got leverage. But in the caller’s case, she is a used item and depreciated in value so she doesn’t have the much bargain power
I was in 400k of debt, now my net worth is 1.3 million, so don’t judge too swiftly
@@mbank3832What a crude thing to say. She’s not a car; she is a person with feelings and emotions. Respect her humanity
@@ikeacha4153He isnt wrong through, its just the way he said it.
@@ikeacha4153 True - but unfortunately one doesn't know who is or is not a gold digger until s/he reveals him/herself.
There will be less suitors being a single mom, but someone with 450k in (non mortgage)debt should be pretty easy to cross off the list - just sounds like a disaster in the making. (I say this as a single guy myself)
Yessir
The guy is just shopping for an ugly ducking sugar momma. Almost hooked this one.
Smart single guys who have their finances in order wouldn't go near a single m-0-m
chicks with kids are baggage, so sounds like they both cancel each other out
@@MrClassicmetal Absolutely.
It's like dating someone with multiple kids from multiple people 😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Right. Major red flag.
She couldn't even get one man to have a child with so even worse
I'm so happy my grandmother didn't have that mindset. My grandfather's first wife died . They had three children. His 2nd wife died leaving a few more. And my grandmother was his third wife. They had a fabulous marriage and were a fantastic influence on all of us. My grandmother became a mother to all of his children, no matter which wife gave birth to them.
Agree with Rachel and Jade. Also, if someone says "I'll always have debt...." RUN AWAY!!
Married for 30 years. For me, having similar values was extremely important when I was dating. As someone who also has zero debt, a 450K debt in a potential partner shows a complete lack of self control and would be so far out of line with my own values that I feel like I would be miserable nearly all the time if I were to get more serious with that person.
Unfortunately, many people "settle" for someone like this, and end up more unhappy than if they had just kept looking for something better. If you want to be happy in a relationship, compromise on something superficial like looks. Don't compromise on core values like having the discipline to manage their money correctly.
Same could be said a single mother
Rachel's face is so precious at the beginning. Enough said.
She has her father’s mouth and I can’t get over it.
@@bigpicturethinking5620facts
I used to worry so much about hurting a man's feelings when being asked out. I ended up with some creeps because I didn't respect my own boundaries. I didn't want to be the mean girl and tell a man no thanks. I'm older now, and can look back and think of men that I should have run from. I shoulda put on my track shoes. It's not mean. It saves bothof you time and energy, and you're respecting your wants and needs in life.😊
Willingly choose single mother life...
😂
willingly chose to abuse her child and stunt her development.
Why is she even calling?
Nothing wrong with just saying "not my type" without overthinking it.
because the people in her life are giving unsolicited bad advice and she wants to know if she's the crazy one or not.
$450k debt is an easy no for both men and women
Run from that like there's no tomorrow.
What if it’s a mortgage
@@gibransalazar7769*non mortgage debt
So much preamble - why did she need Jade and Rachel to approve her choice to be a single mother? Cut to the chase.
She is probably embarrassed in a way because she always has everyone judging her choice. Just look at the comments.
it's being polite and respectful
Wow, 🙀 She wasn't requesting approval - She was explaining the choices that led to where she is. Otherwise, she could have just said: I'm a single mother and won't date anyone in debt. To which they would have delved deeper, asking redundant questions: The Father's role, etc... Fortunately, Jade and Rachel were more polite than you would have been.
Love these comments reading you Lizzy darling... Jade asked for non- negotiationables and instead most comments - independent parent bad durrrr 😅
Because that situation is her entire personality and she needs to tell everyone about it
Unless it’s a mortgage. RUN!!!!
I would add involuntary medical bills resulting from an unplanned real emergency
Yeah, or maybe like a mortgage plus med school loans and now he's an orthopedic surgeon making $600k and will be debt free soon. I feel like the reason for the debt and the ability/willingness to pay it off makes all the difference.
Don't give that guy a "chance"!!!! You are NOT desperate just because your "friends and family" are putting PRESSURE on you. That debt is just insane! Just drop it. Move on!
These two women saying "go into it" are just damn well foolish!!! The fact that the guy HAS that debt is a stone wall - just drop him. MOVE AWAY. STAY AWAY.
I was serious with a dentist who I knew had school loan debt. I assumed based on other dentists friends I have it was a couple of hundred thousand. Not great but that was what I found to be average. Turned out he had 850k worth of school loans!!! He had been living off of his loans and just assumed the govt (aka taxpayers) would pay off a large chunk of it so he wasn’t even attempting to pay.
That amount of debt plus his ambivalence towards his obligations had me slowly lose attraction and respect. We eventually broke up a couple of months later.
It depends on the kind of debt. Consumer, collections: no: mortgage, business: maybe. “Independent parent” is a red flag too btw.
And income/prospective income.
I agree that $400k debt with $ 200 million in real estate that's actually sellable wouldn't be as worrisome.
Not really a red flag. The way she said it sounded she adopted a kid on her own after a lot of planning and consideration. I doubt she's even been pregnant.
Most important decision of your life is picking the right partner
"Chose to be a parent by myself"
Hahahahaha
She’s delusional
Didn't think it was scientifically possible for women to create a baby without a man.
Research confirms that many women do chose to have children without a husband, just google it.
Liberals have a crazy obsession with fantasy land.
Yeah … single mom being choosy about who she dates is hilarious!
Most men, including me, would never date a single mom.
Should definitely take less than 10 years to realize if your "standards" are too high. After a year or a year and a half of dating and you cannot find a person checking all of your boxes, it is probably time to reevaluate.
People are saying men don’t date single moms but that’s not true. I know plenty of single moms who remarried. There was this woman in my neighborhood who had seven children and her husband died. She married afterward and had another baby with him.
The issue is that males actually date single moms. Bad idea for the guy.
'Should I Date Someone With a Lot of Debt?'
I would have to say no. Most of these situations have to do with a character flaw. Even if they don't, you're starting a relationship with an un-needed source of stress and potential conflict.
You’re allowed to have dealbreakers and you don’t owe a relationship to anyone.
Single moms in a panic will date 100 of the wrong people in a row to avoid loneliness. Really makes you wonder why they decided to have a child before finding someone in life.
You’re right! Single mom is a deal breaker for me!
As long as you keep that energy when men say 'I don't want a fat girl' or 'I don't want a single mom'. Women keep that energy strong for men that aren't in the top 1%, but the second a man says he has dealbreakers women freak out.
She didn't even allow her own daughter to have a relationship....purposefully cutting out a father. What a HORRIBLE woman.
Honestly i would never date someone with debt like that
Honestly I would never date a single mom! 😂
Paid of debt at 26, you go girl!
i hope people caught two things she mentioned: live with no debt and a job she likes. parent or not, single parent or not, married/no children, married w/ children - no matter the scenario, when you're adulting, the no debt + liking your job is the ideal combination. i'm single, no children, got a mere $4300 in SL debt that'll be paid off in a couple months, but i've HATED my job for the past 2.5 years (working on getting another one). she sounds way happier than i even sound to myself. if i were debt-free with my fully-funded emergency fund, i wouldn't mind taking a lower paying position.
Self-employment is the only way, set your goals and achieve them on your own, instead of relying on someone else
^ This right here.. is TRUTH. I'd get another job (in a heart beat) if I were out of debt. I'm working on getting out of debt, too.
Hang in there! You have LOT to be proud of!
But taking on $450k in debt is basically giving up your contentment for a very long time. Unless the guy has real assets to the tune of say $4.5m and investments that are paying off at a rate of $120k per annum. Then it's another story. But how's she going to know that unless he provides solid proof of it? And who on earth is going to do that before getting married - unless she asks? If she does ask she'll be coming across as a gold-digger or something...so catch 22 situation.
At least for me, it's not fair to pay for someone else's "fun" that I didn't get a chance to partake in, if marriage is being considered
5 words: HIS debt becomes YOUR debt.
My wife had no debt before we got married, outside of our home which I had prior to the marriage, I had about 40k in consumer debt. About half of it was from CC’s and the other half was our wedding. We’ve been married 9 months and now have no debt. It’s about communication and being on the same page.
Communication isn't everything. It's the only thing.
Same here. Totally agree.
$20K was debt you *both* had from the wedding
She is too long winded
One of the dumbest calls in a while
Years ago, I didn't go out on a second date with a girl because she was going to a very expensive private university and majored in Elementary Music Education. I just couldn't get past the student loans to income ratio.
Just curious if you even got to the details. How much was she really borrowing because lots of private universities have a ton of musician scholarships. And reaching, I know, but maybe even legacy money for school could have negated some too and loans if any may have been reasonable.
Very wise of you. Let that be someone else's problem
@@neeferpdher cousin and I were friends.
@@davidsensing2664 haha was wondering how you go into those weeds on a first date
All good advice, but they didn't answer her question. The caller asked how does she tell her family and friends that she doesn't want to date a guy with a lot of debt. The caller already knew she didn't want to put time into a relationship with the guy.
On an aside note, my husband's student loan was forgiven. We don't know why, we didn't ask for it. Out of the blue, he got a letter saying it was forgiven and I verified it online with his loan provider.
Raising a fatherless daughter by choice . . . . What could go wrong?
It’s disgusting. Treating kids like a commodity.
Sounds like she is doing awesome. She is better than most.
By choice is way better than otherwise. But yeah...
@@GAFB1122: Indeed, it does sound like she---the caller---is doing well. The same will not likely be said about her daughter when her daughter is older (namely, a teenager/young adult).
@@danieljohnson4418 So you can tell the future, is that it, lol. More power to the caller and I HOPE she and her daughter all the best. I wonder, can you say that?
Should I date someone with a kid? No
My guess he rejected her. This call sounds like a huge cope.
Ya. That dude probably had 4 mixed drinks and skipped desert to get out of there faster. 😂
Choosing to intentionally go out and become a single parent through sperm donation, intentionally deprives a child of her biological father, or ANY father figure at all. This is not a decision to applaud. If she had gotten pregnant unintentionally, and chose life for her child and was a single mother that way, then good for her! But she clearly wemt out and did this intentionally. Bad move.
Was looking for this comment - spot on take. From the tone of the caller, it seems pretty obvious it was a sperm donor kind of situation. Not God's plan for family, therefore is sub-optimal. This woman, clearly, is a driven individual, having cleared all debts by mid-20s (which is something to applaud). However, what the Ramsay team failed to recognize is what you were saying, that this unfortunate little girl has been intentionally deprived of a father figure, and would drastically benefit from a Godly man in her life, provided she can choose a like-minded spouse.
Him having debt is a red flag.
Her having a daughter with no father in the picture whatsoever is also a red flag.
True, but you have to give her some credit she seems a lot more responsible than most. I'm a single woman without kids and no student loans, finding a man that's responsible and not in mountains of debt is hard AF.
My nonnegotiables are single mothers, debt more than 60k not including mortgage, and out of shape
Single mothers are trained by society to be grateful for any grifter who is prepared to move into you house .
@@nelliedean7088 So they can use the divorce laws to fleece you of half your wealth...happens waaaaayyyyyyy too often which is why guys are just staying on the sidelines.
@@kevinrtres Smart men pressed 'game over' and avoid them at all costs. There are still simps out there willing to walk into a land mine though.
My nonnegotiables are mummy boys not having a solid stream of income with zero financial knowledge, work shy, fathers who abandoned their kids/wives.
I have to say, that's a pretty good list. Mind if I take it for my own?
She lost me at independent parent lmao 😂🤣😂
Live and let live
Feminism
She just said she chose to be a single parent… where is the maturity there?
Good advice as usual.
It says a lot about character if you are unable to manage your money.
Anyone with that kind of debt sure needs to read Dave's book and follow the rules.
She can do way better than that but if he starts to improve, check back in two years.
IMO before her next date with anyone, she needs to see his credit report.
It is not complicated.
This made me laugh. I can see people bringing their entire portfolio or resume on the first date.
I am also in the same situation as her.❤❤
This young family relative graduated college with a Chemical Engineering degree debt free with a good job. He married his college girlfriend also a ChemEng graduate. Since married, he focused on paying off her bad $200,000 student loan which was at 10% rate asap. She never fully used her degree after school since they started their family early and full time stay at home mom with two kids.
As a parent with kids starting college with a goal of graduating debt free---that is a hard pill to swallow as a parent.
It's not your place to judge they decided she would raise kids instead of making full use of her degree. That scenario occurs often. Apparently her husband loved her enough to marry her regardless of her debt. It's really none of your business.
@@lizziebeth5296 They borrowed $50,000 from me for 24 months to pay off the debt, so that is when it became my business. Thanks for the comment.
@@NewGuy2024 It's surprising you loaned it to them considering your take on the situation. It was not clear in your comment that you were speaking of a personal situation. Regardless, he chose to take on her debt and you chose to loan them money.
No, do not date him. You already know why this would not work. The risk is getting emotionally entangled after a few dates.
Single mother by choice and over 30.Her options are slim, God bless her daughter.
Hope she has a helmet. 🪖
Her child is the debt. People don’t understand the cost of raising a child
Empty nester here. No truer word spoken. After our son left home, 7 years ago, my wife and I kept getting the bank statements and thinking that there'd been an error.
Not paying school fees, sports club fees, and music fees is just the start. All of a sudden, you're doing half the mileage in the car. You're spending half on groceries. The gas and electricity bill falls. The water bill falls. There's no more $20 for this and $50 for that and the other thing.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but neither of us really considered how much our expenditure was. We just did it.
Same with horses (about 200k per horse lifetime) dogs (about 50k lifetime) kids depends but probably about the same as a horse.
@davidbrayshaw3529 kids don't need private schools, to play sports or play an instrument. All options that YOU chose. Kids aren't as expensive as a brand new Mercedes is
@@MrJimmy3459 I guess that it comes down to parental values, at the end of the day and with regards to education, there are regional considerations.
We could not afford a private school education for our son.
But we could afford sport and we could afford music lessons. My wife and I both perceive those things to be very valuable assets in raising a child with the view to participating in the wider community and world. Now that our son is 26, gainfully employed, happy, healthy and buying his own apartment, we're happy that we made the choices that we did.
@@MrJimmy3459 No sports and no instrument? What is that kid supposed to do then, sit in front of the tube and eat junk food all day?
Doesn’t want to date without the intention of marriage but had no problem having a kid without the intention of being married. In 10 years when the little girl is a fatherless struggling teenager, you would have spent $450k to have a strong man father her. Being a 30 year old single mom by choice isn’t necessarily the strongest green flag either. Make a compromise if he’s truly a good man that can be an amazing father.
Bring a child in this without knowing her father?. Smh
The debt was no big deal after she found out he's a serial killer.
How do you know he is a serial killer ?
@@mbank3832 He owns a white Ford Econoline van, and likes to go driving after midnight.
@@MrClassicmetal 😂😂😂
😂
@@MrClassicmetal I take that Justin kid actually didn’t know that lmao
She’s gonna find out she not gonna have much options in the dating pool. Men aren’t really looking for single moms.
The kind of man "she wants" is most likely not looking for single moms.
For sure. Single moms are only for recreational use only. Never, ever marry a single mom.
But even so, she doesn't have to be so all-out-desperate as to ruin her currently tranquil lifestyle by getting into $450k debt when one of her core values it to NOT HAVE DEBT!!!
Yep
Willingly choosing to become a single parent... Insanity
Welcome to america
Yup. Statistics show this is usually not the best path. However, we all make our own choices.
No it's not.
0:28
'Independent Parent'. Sounds Nobel doesn't it? Instead of saying 'single mother' or 'knocked up by random deadbeat'. 😂
@@stevenporter863 can make anything sound good with the right branding 💪🏾
He is also taking on a huge responsibility of raising a child. Not sure who is sacrificing more in this case. The debt might be a mortgage.
He wont be raising her child. She has money and is raising the child.
Did you watch the whole video? She said it doesn't include the mortgage
@@elizabethpieters7798 When you get married, unless you have a prenup, any assets or debt you incur while in marriage is generally considered to be both of yours. On top of that, what kind of weird situation would a marriage be where the child only gets raised by one of the adults??? Also, what happens if something unexpected happened to the mom? You think her new husband will just let the kid go into foster care?
Don't date anyone you wouldn't consider marriage material. Don't date a person you don't share basic values with. Would you marry someone with that debt? More specifically, would you marry someone with the values that led to that debt? You don't "owe" anyone a chance.
;Hey maybe he's a saint with one flaw, he didn't have Dave Ramsey in his life!! Debt doesn't necessarily mean he's evil, or untrustworthy. Or maybe he said that to get out of any ongoing relationship! Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Don't sit up there in judgement too fast.
@@heymakerphd1982 I said to only date people who are marriage material and with whom her values align. How is that judgmental? She gets to decide what her values are. Then I asked a question. It's for her to decide, but dating someone with different beliefs and values is a waste of time and maybe worse if she ignores that and goes all in because she is infatuated.
Before I got married, I had a "desirables" list divided into Needs, Wants, and It'd-Be-Nice-Ifs - and each one took up about a page of my notebook. Needs were non-negotiable unless I could reasonably fill the need outside the relationship, wants were important and shouldn't have more than a few missing. The last category was a lot more flexible.
People looked at it and said that none of the things on it were unreasonable, but that the whole list together was too much and that I'd never find a guy that met all those points.
A few months later, I met my man. He met all but 1-2 items on each list, each of which I considered carefully before deciding to marry him.
We're going on 15 years now and happier than ever! I call him my "Unicorn" because "men like him aren't real" lol. It's ok to be particular!
You're bringing a whole ass kid into the equation, relax.
🤣🤣 So true!
Turned this off as soon as I heard that.
Ikr? You got a kid and another man willing to look pass that… and she is judging… women
@@mbank3832 Avoid single moms! Or go a smart step further and avoid women.
That is a good point! A child is insurmountable debt. What’s the cost these days? That’s almost half a million in 18 years.
If she really is interested in him, which I'm positive she isn't, then get him call into the Ramsey show for guidance on how to pay it off. If their aren't any sparks to begin with, cut him loose and let someone else worry about his debt.
You cheered the lady for creating a single-parent family. I suspect there is more to her singleness than you typically have time for. Maybe she'll chat with Dr. John in a few months, and relevant details can be discussed. Better to get on solid ground, before dating friends of friends.
She could have gone to the sperm
Bank because she wanted a kid. She at least doesn’t have debt.
I knew within the first two minutes that this woman is nuts. Her whole life is based around acting smarter than everyone and pulling stunts.
My non-negotiable is a 30+ single moms who thought it was morally acceptable to become a single parent. If she felt so bad for the man's debt does that mean she paid for their dinner?
We know they don't actually want equality.
Exactly. That's so ridiculous to intentionally become a single parent. I would certainly consider marrying a widow or divorcee with children under the right circumstances, but a woman like this who becomes a single mom on purpose...no way. Absolutely a non-negotiable for me also.
I totally agree.
450k? That's insane run girl
That being said "independent parent" girl just say you're a single mom, is fine is not that big of a deal nowadays; that just looks like changing the name because you're ashamed or something.
If the caller is smart enough to figure out how to live debt free, she should be smart enough to figure out that getting anywhere near someone who is over $400K in debt and is counting on a government bail-out for his student loan is a stupid decision. Why does Jade use the example of $60,000 in debt. This guy has over $400,000. Not even close to being an apples-to-apples comparison. Both of the hosts are being too gracious in cutting this dude some slack. They should have told the caller to run like hell from this guy. And the caller should have known that instinctively before she ever made the call. Am I being too judgmental in not wanting to get involved with a guy who owes other people close to 1/2 million? Give me a break.
Depends on the circumstances. If the guy is working mid-level administration, and driving a Tesla that is part of the debt, and carrying tons of credit card debt, then he is an enormous red flag. If the guy is a surgeon making $400k a year, and paying off medical school debt, then he would not be waving a red flag.
She makes decisions out of fear. She created a fatherless child out of fear. She will date in unstable man out of fear.
@@Bronte-on6tm Someone who went to med school is financially a high value individual. Why would they date a single mother and hope their debt is forgiven? She also doesn't seem to respect this man in how she talks about him. He didn't go to med school
@@joetheboy04 My point was that the circumstances dictate whether or not the man is an acceptable financial risk. I was not suggesting that the man is a surgeon or anything else.
@@Bronte-on6tm OK. point taken.
So who's that little girl's dad? Oh right, she has none. And - "good for you" and "you're so mature" they say to her in the show. Just because she's responsible with the money aspect. Like that's the only area where you should have all your ducks in a row. Honestly hard for me not to be judgemental towards the woman calling. What about the guy she'll date who has to put up with her past life decisions.
You know the answer. No need for anyone to tell you. A big fat no. What else? Do what you want to.
Modern Women mindset…. Independent from who?
So, I don’t understand about the independent parent part - did she foster, then adopt or adopt or have a IVF with a donor?
The comments are wild. She didn’t just get pregnant and not have the child’s father in their life. She either fostered then adopted,adopted or did IVF
If a woman told me she owes $450,000. And i want to start a family. I wouldnt. Im not absorbing the debt and adding multiple kids. Even if 30 years later they are a billionaire.
The main person I feel sorry for is this fatherless Kid
I completely understand her hesitation. I think for me, it would depend on what type of debt it is. Is $300,000 of that a mortgage? Was he at least trying to do something good, like attend medical school? Or was he wasting his money on a new watch every weekend? I'm 38 and still single. The older I get, the less patience I have to be waiting for someone else to get their life together.
Maybe, it's the beer, but that was hilarious "The city I was born in!!!"
Choosing to be a single parent is insanity
insanity woman + casual debt guy = ???
No it's not.
I'm a firm believer in the nuclear family model. 27 years and going strong. But for many, being a single parent is not a choice. I say many, not all, but without knowing the circumstances, I'd be the last to judge.
Insanity is living a life of debt.
@@jimmymcgill6778 The #1 thing that draws children out of poverty is a two-adult household,
even if only one works.
Invert that thought.
I chose to not have a husband/dad to my daughter….but NOW I want a step daddy man the end times are near.
Just focus on your child for the next 14 years until she graduates high school. I would never let a stranger in my house while my daughter lives at home.
Ever watch videos of step kids asking their step parents to adopt them? Another partner can really enrich your child's life
This is an awful take lol
@laundrygoddess4 I've seen a couple of those, but I hear more often about the "boyfriend" abusing the child.
@@mustangkurt agree to disagree.
@@anhbarker not my experience.
I would not feel comfortable dating someone heavily in debt. I would not feel comfortable having that person spend money on me for dates etc. And I would never get serious about someone in debt. Just not for me....
$450k banking on the government to pay. Nope
Wait. She willingly wanted to become a single mother. That's crazy.
She wanted kids early and has no debt. I wouldn't do it, but some men out there needs to wake up and realize good women won't be around forever. She probably has a series of shitty relationships and wasn't going to wait around for a good enough man.
@@bamafencer12 she isn't a good woman. She willingly and with malice aforethought brought a child into the world and made sure that the girl would not have one of the most important relationships a person can have...a Father! This woman is horrible. She might be financially sound but her daughter is just a life accessory.
@@whyme7996 I agree with you, however not every kid that grows up in a 2 parent household are shown what a healthy marriage looks like. My parents on the outside looked like a perfect Christian family. Inside my dad was was abusive to my sibling, my mom, me, and cheated. My mom wasn't very smart and a typical country bumpkin that couldn't see red flags. My parents were not mentally healthy individuals. Some people are batshit crazy yet grew up in a 2 parent home. Nothing is guaranteed.
As I said, I wouldn't do it nor do I support it. I see why she did it though. Hopefully her child will see what healthy relationships look like and doesn't make shitty mistakes.
@@bamafencer12 if she had bad relationships it's because she chose those men so that's still her poor judgment
I think this was BAD advice. I know personally these two hosts wouldnt do it themselves. Not an honest advice
Correct, dumb take from them
Late 20’s and decided to single parent. Selfish and delusional. The overlap on the Venn Diagram of guys a) that meet her standards and b) who would date her has got to be pretty small.
Why not?
She doesn't want to date without the intention of marriage?
So she just want to get married? You hate to date before marriage. This way you can tell if you are right for each other. You should never rush in.
450k is debt. That can be his house he is talking about. Or they could have went to medical school.
No man should take on a woman as horrid as this one. Purposefully becoming an "independent parent".. tell you she doesn't care about her child. Her daughter is an accessory and not a child.
This was a great discussion!!! As someone who is debt free and living life, I do not want to take on someone's debt at my age
I raised my son on my own. When he was 8 yrs old, he brought home the man that is now my husband . So he picked him out for me. My son will be 30 years old next month and he loves his stepfather.
What a blessing ❤
I would never date a person who chooses to have a child with no father.
Values!
7:44 nothing beautiful about a selfish decision to not give a child a dad and a mom, especially when all children reach an age when they start asking where’s my dad, and wanting a dad to be around. no amount of nurture and money will fill that void
Being an independent parent has to be the most irresponsible thing I've heard
WHY?
@@jimmymcgill6778 you need to ask? really?
If it's a "choice", I'd agree. But it isn't always a choice. We don't know her circumstances.
@@davidbrayshaw3529 It was a choice, she said so in the beginning
On a more positive note, it beats raising a child with the wrong person.
They both dodged different bullets.
All the best to the kid. I hope it finds his father.
Maybe she should find the sperm owner and marry him
selfish, not mature! never think of the unintended consequences that child will live with. how would she like it if her parent intentionally put her in a single parent situation.
"It" ?
Sadly, it never will. 😢
Some people would never date a person with $450k in debt. Other people would never date a single mom. To each their own.
Gave up finding someone in her 20s. 😂 Adulthood is just starting at that point.
Situation and circumstances can change. Personality is far less likely to change. Someone with $100k in debt who is serious about managing money well and getting out of debt going forward is probably better than someone with $200 worth of debt and is not concerned about their financial future
True but 450K is alot
@@retrojay86 absolutely, we would also depend on what kind of debt. Is it just the mortgage and student loans? Are they some kind of doctor that made a dumb decision on where they went to school? I feel like most of those large numbers come from real estate or Multiple degrees, but assuming it’s not one of those, then it probably would be addressed by the personality question regardless.
That's quite astute observation. Someone with no barometer of value in their head with regards to money, and no sense of agency, will burn through money regardless of their income. I was in $102k debt in 2020 (Credit Cards and Student Loan) and now I'm in $44k ($13k/year), because paying off debt brings more rewards than most other things I could spend my money on. I just don't get the same kicks out of stuff that I did in my 20s or 30s anymore also, not that I spent much then but I did waste money, not knowing its value.
For every dollar I divert elsewhere instead of debt, the debt is higher and has a greater ability to demand more off me in terms of interest, indexation and ancillary fees. Conversely, the more I pay off my debt, the less extra money it can demand, which enables me to pay off debt faster and faster over time, so long as my income remains stable and the cost of living doesn't rise too high. That's more appealing to me than most things I can buy, with some exceptions (we all gotta live).
I take my own (recently bought high quality) scuba gear on dive trips for example, which requires money, but then I don't have to rent it, which frees up my money to buy more of it (if required). That's a win-win for me, for example. I always get my car maintained, painted etc also because the longer you leave rust the more it costs to fix, and car accidents or breakdowns are costly, dangerous and unnecessarily draining psychologically and energy-wise. Insurance companies also don't like poorly maintained vehicles with no service records, 10yo tires, pre-existing panel damage etc.
Well said. It's always important to visualize the future. I had a million in debt when my wife first met me; I recently graduated dental school and bought a practice. 4 years later, the student loans are paid off, and we're halfway through paying off the practice which will only grow in value and sell for more in the future. (Her family REALLY didn't like the risk of her marrying me initially, but it worked out haha).
If I had a million in consumer debt and car payments, my wife absolutely would have never gone past the 1st date.
@@Trewq79 Debt is relative, as is wealth. Owing "X" as a young dentist entering their own practice is very different than owing "X" as a construction worker in their middle years.
A person with strong values wont even be trying to date until they get themselves out of debt.
One word of advice RUN. When I dated my wife she had debt. We agreed she would pay it off before we married married a year later . Guess what she didn't. I didn't ask. I found this out after we married and I paid it off. Her ability to handle money never improved. 14 years later I gave her a house that was paid for. I traded her for my pension. RUN NOW.. If you get tempted to look back pluck your eye out.
The other side her is she is a single mom. Whether or not the father is in the picture is irrelevant. Men don’t want to raise other men’s Kids. It’s always a point of contention. Her having a child the way she did adds to that. A man without kids isn’t going to want to raise a kid that isn’t his. Simple as that. She will continue to attract a certain demographic
What kind of debt, and how much is his net worth? House? Property? But he's making plenty. Check it out, might not be as bad as it sounds.
Logically no, but love is not logical
I had six rules of dating when i was young, it helped weed out people i knew i would not enjoy spending time with.
Absolutely not. The only thing you need to worry about is finances.
Yes, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Just like her kid could be a dealbreaker for him.
Hack yeah it's judgmental. A single parent needs to be judgmental
Non negotiables: porn, strip clubs, smoking, but most importantly not being a believer in Jesus. 😊
RUN
Correct: Any self respecting single man should RUN from a woman who chose to purchase a kid with a sperm donor
More info needed. What's his income? If it's $200K or more a year, he might be able to knock that out in a few years and things could work out really well if everything else is a good match.
Exactly. I'm a dentist. We're all $450k plus in debt lol