Can you overcome emotional distress?
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- Опубліковано 24 кві 2024
- Most think acceptance means settling for misery. That's not true. Acceptance empowers you to change what matters. It acknowledges some pain is unavoidable - but suffering is optional.
Life has inherent discomforts we cannot control - that's "pain." Trying to force away that pain often backfires, causing more issues. That's "suffering." Radical acceptance separates the two categories.
This video teaches evaluating life's pains objectively. Some are changeable with effort. Others aren't worth the cost of change. Radical acceptance means tolerating unchangeables, focusing energy on high-impact areas instead of fruitless struggles. It's life-changing.
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But I do care.
Dr Scott I've been on this Earth for 75 years and I swear the world would be a better place if more doctors talk to us the way you do 💯I must hope that everyone that's watching this UA-cam and all your UA-cams realizes this that if more of us thought and acted like you this world would be a much better place for everyone I can't thank you enough for caring for everyone and trying to help everyone like you do❤❤❤
Been around for 70 years and I agree with you 💯...❤
Check-out: HealthyGamerGG (Dr K).
As a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, his video's are extremely helpful for me, and others.
I feel so lonely deep inside, so deep sometimes I even don't remember its existence. Whatever how much people are watching my back I feel like I'm all alone
Wise words Dr. Scott. Also reminds me somewhat, of the "Serenity Prayer":
"God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
That is my grounding prayer. 🙏
I agree. Thank you for the connection bc that's how I am able to remember things.🙏🫶
AMEN 🕊✝️.
That's a tough sell for those who are not superstitious
Amen 🙌👑
I saw a comic bit one time, that had an Australian, no nonsense type who didn't really believe in therapy, but was told to go, so he was there skeptically.
As soon as soon as the therapist said have a seat, relax, He jumps to his feet and he acted like, Oh yeah!
That's it Doc!
I'm all better.
Relax, that's the solution!
But when I saw your title ALONE, I got it!
I have been budgeting other things as well, like returning calls or emails, I budget how much I can take, the rest can wait, because I am maxed out on calls and email.
Thank you.
I AM going thru unexpected hard times, my husband had a bunch if heart attacks and died a few times.
We are both turning 60 this year and it's hard to accept sudden new life, and constant fear of his death.
I completely destroyed my life by relocating away from my hometown in 2019. I hated living in my hometown but at least I had a life there. I had friends and I had support. I gave it all up for nothing. Now my 30s are gone and somehow they were worse than my 20s. Currently approaching 40 at rock bottom with nothing to show for my life. My entire adult life has been one bad decision after another, followed by digging myself into a deeper hole trying to clean up the previous bad decision. I wish I could get the life back that I had in 2019, and practice radical acceptance on that. At 40, I don't know how I can rebuild from scratch or ever find love.
I can relate, so sorry for your suffering
It sounds cold to say this, but 40 is young yet. I hope you can sit with the "nothing to show for it." Show...who? Do they deserve a judgement call on your life? Life is living, sweetie. It's a classroom, not a courtroom. Find love for you IN you. Then if love comes from someone else, it's all a bonus. ❤️
You are young yet! I'm so sorry for your suffering,but there's literally just so much that can change yet.Make a point to reach out to others, and keep doing it. Volunteer with the less fortunate. Branch out. It ain't over yet. You are worthy and valuable. Please see that
You can do it, I am rooting for you! I know that it all seems overwhelming but take it one step at a time.Build your body up with nutrition and vitamins. Volunteer with the less fortunate. Go to church to meet people. You're young yet. You're not even 50 yet. Just hang on, things will get better. You will get through this. One step at a time friend. 💛
I'm the exact same, 40..wasted my life smoking weed..now I'm in hell with depression
I considered myself so very lost for so very long, that when I did identify my trauma moment...fixing everything suddenly seemed imperative. I dealt with massively increased anxiety and depression while making slow progress in healing. Had I known that my new perspectives would take me to my goals...structure, patience and an organized effort would have been great. Instead, overwhelm took over and nearly broke me...again. Recent;y, I have been practicing a more focused way of thinking and acting; and seeing good results. Making decisions has gotten easier and quicker. My anticipation anxiety flares less often; when it does I send it packing within 30 seconds. My emotional distress dissipates as soon as I get busy with a physical task...instead of flaring with attempts to calm down and use reason. There are so many good skills to adopt that sometimes it's too much to deal with. Now I concentrate on just a few main skills to make them habitual. Per your book: :...you have made it this far...you are still here..." Yes I am.
Which techniques do you use Steve?
This video dovetails perfectly with Eckhart Tolle's most recent video relased practically within the same hour today! I subscribe to both of these great minds because I've had a lifelong struggle with depression (yes, and suicidal) anxiety, and a hefty dose of ADHD. Happy to say although I still have my "moments", thanks to practicing the principles I learn from books and videos such as these and the grace of God I am more stable and grounded these days. Thank you so much 🙏
Stay safe, people! Never give up hope!
Radical acceptance is hard, especially when the emotions mind kicks in, triggers feel overwhelming. Remembering that emotional pain is not all the facts.
Listening to the explanation, I think I understand why acceptance can be the beginning of change. And also, what true acceptance really means.. Thanks for the video!
Great video. I've struggled with acceptance all my life. I've spent more than 20 years moving (running away?) from place to place and city to city. I needed to exercise radical acceptance. It never occurred to.me that some things in life are more practical when I accept the reality. I've always thought that there is better than here. This approach has really complicated my life even more.
I used radical acceptance a lot. It is what it is. There's nothing I can do to change whatever, so I have to accept it. DBT has helped me in so many ways. Not that my life is perfect, far from it. I just have learnt the things I can't change or have no control over just letting the thought go like on a stream passing by. I do get stuck sometimes, but that is life. ❤ Thanks Dr Scott you wonderful man, lol 😂
This should be required viewing for all humans. Great video thanks!
It can be a simple as something that causes you pain, and then you dwell on it. When you keep going over and over and over it, you cause yourself suffering.
I'm 32 and struggling with PMDD and "quiet" BPD and hypothyroidism.. and these are kind of a rollercoaster.. I live for 2 weeks like a mature grown-up trying to accept, being grateful and joyful about my life that I've built up with my own hunger for knowledge and understanding who i am.. but then.. gosh, every month I want to die because I'm so drained!!! I know how crazy it sounds, but I can't control these days when I feel like a piece of trash and can't fully express how I feel to others.. I feel so much pain mentally. since the age of 13 I've been struggling with an emotional abuse and then unknown conditions I'm dealing with now... it's hard work that I'm not paid for and it feels so unfair to feel all this pain and not being able to get all the possible support I really crave.. I'm my own supportive system, but I feel so much guilt for being so broken.. this pain talks with me like that. but my rational mind tries to assure me that I'm strong and I can overcome all this devil talks..
anyone feeling really lonely now?
Yes, I do
@@user-mn8zr5fu6t so sorry, it is hard to take, isn't it?
@@user-mn8zr5fu6t so sorry, it is hard to be alone!
Pretty much always, yeah. Five months ago my 11 year relationship ended and I haven't been the same since.
@@Yoshuggutha so sorry to hear that. It must hard after so many years.
Simple explanation would be: choose your fights wisely....or you don't have to fight every fight set up upon you.
No shout-out to Tara Brach Ph.D, psychologist and Buddhist teacher, whose book Radical Acceptance was published 20 years ago?
That book helped me get through the hardest period of life I have gone through thus far.
This reminds me of the Serenity Prayer from AA : God grant the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you for the live. The perfect amount of information in a way that is useful and understandable. Here’s one for you - in Jan ‘23 I drove from San Antonio to San Diego to pick up a travel trailer. I’ve needed to register the trailer in Texas since I got home. On one hand, I’ll quickly decide to drive to San Diego, camp by myself, etc. but on the other hand, anxiety about Texas registration has had me in “do nothing” mode. Now, almost 1.5 years later I’m going to take care of it today. It’ll cost me ~ $600 in fines for not doing so timely. 🤦♀️ 🤷♀️
I’m BPD and 5 years ago I moved which started it , and then my only adult child estranged me. And from there all mental hell broke loose.
you know how every once in a while someone comes into your llife and it feels like god sent them to you to share wisdom, love, and hope? this is the first time I've felt like that in years. thank you. been trying for so, so long. I want to get better.
I’m working up to the point that I can just tolerate being alive. For now. I’m done trying to make it better, because it simply isn’t going to work. I’ll always hate being alive.
Hi tslinger, I understand how you feel...sometimes there is nothing that can make you feel better, but I hope this small greeting helps.
Hi 🙋♀️ I want you to know that I too; am in a dark place myself. IDK you, but I felt my heart breaking & began to cry as I read your comment bc I understand without judgement and I felt pulled to reach out to tell you that someone who doesn't know you; cares and I immediately said a prayer for you and asked my higher power & guardian Angels to come speak to your heart & breathe life into you leaving a mustard seed of hope in your heart. Due to Free Will; I felt pulled to send up an 🆘 on your behalf. The brain is like having to live with your biggest nemesis... The brain is like the world's strongest man competition brain style & the subconscious feels like our biggest two faced, passive aggressive hater on top of everything else. Please stay the course bc God doesn't make junk. { It's very therapeutic to do a random act of kindness for someone in need; knowing that you have nothing to gain monetarily or tangibly, but the dopamine boost that follows the idea that you made a difference in another's life & walked away with a sense of purpose & celebrating their little win... Becomes our win as well. Hope I made sense? At the end of the day, we're all Imperfectly perfect & need to find our tribe of +1 or more. Being with ppl who understand you & both ppls inner weirdos vibe & don't have to live a lie bc you get each other... That's what life is all about.. If a situation is awkward; I learned how to quietly counter it... Make it cringy AWKWARD; then quietly get up and leave... Walk out of view and watch them not know what to do or say.... Everyone needs that friend, where, if we get caught; you're deaf and I don't speak English..
😂🫶🫂
I have a swing set in my head & each swing I have named; HAPPY,SAD,PISSED, LOCO,EFF IT, FAFO, NEUTRAL & MY FAVORITE THE ZONE... Life's tough,our brains our inner 🫏
M🐶RE DOGS
@@kelseymathias3881… thanks for trying though 😉
Hi, I understand that,, and I am sending you love and kindness and support. Thank you for soldiering on. Please don't give up. Please. You matter,your life matters. I'm so sorry you're in pain and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.💛
Life sucks I wish there were a button to end it but we don't even get an easy way out it's just pain after pain
I find when I think of my parents and childhood as a picture of a dumpster truck 🚚 in my mind its very healing ✨️🤭
Life is inherently suffering. We live life through sorrow, not joy.
sadly, yes
My whole family are always happy and optimistic...I don't know how the hell they do it
Life is suffering, there's no doubt about that.
Awesome video!!!
Sorry if I missed this, but a question at around ~12:15, what about a case that is in fact beyond this budget for pain (that we also can't currently change)? If there's a budget then that implies you can exceed it
Love the idea of budgeting your pain
Thank you for the video Doc, please dont burn out.
The body disgust part was very relevant to me but unfortunately no diet plan will change the way I feel about my race
I turned my nose up at radical acceptance because of a tendency in psychology to push sane people into conformity with most every demand or condition that greater society might throw in their way. See “Psychology and the status quo” by Isaac Prilleltensky (Published by APA). But this video is one of the better clarifications of the concept-in time, I’ll definitely need to re-watch it to remind me why it’s a positive strategy. 😂 Thank you, Dr.!
Thank you 🇨🇦
I’m going to apply this to my EMOTIONS!
Radical acceptance sounds a lot like “risk acceptance”. I weight up the likelihood of the risk occurring vs the impact to decide whether or not it should/can be controlled. I didn’t really understand the concept as it applied to mental health before this video but now I get it. Makes perfect sense!
I've been watching many of your videos for the past several months and I think you are just AWESOME. Truly KNOWING and having lived, overcome or worked through the difficulties your patients experience because you yourself know what it's like is so unique and "affirming". Thank you so much for all the hard work, preparation, your eloquence and empathy and for being such a valuable resource and "friend". All the best to you and your family. SV
Hey Dr. Scott, your take on acceptance and suffering really struck a chord with me. Thanks for the insightful analogy of setting a "budget for pain." Your wisdom is appreciated!
These videos seem to help me on certain subjects right when I need them the most. I will continue growing from them as long as they are available. Thanks Doc❤❤❤
it is scary when you realize you are all alone
Here's a just for fun cyber hi5. Hi5!
I hope this comment finds you less alone.
@@shylohmonster thank you so much, shylohmonster!
If you know Jesus, you will never be alone
I know it's scary but if you learn to enjoy your own company things get easier. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself lots of love and branch out. Volunteer with the less fortunate,go to a church, reach out to someone online. There's a lot you can do to help the world. Sending you caring thoughts. You're never truly alone when you have the internet.💛. Peace 🕊️
Find some friends through church or interests... there's plenty of us struggling and willing to support each other..I hope you find some good friends
It's so much easier said than done
I love you! Thank you! 🙏
I think our own minds create suffering. If we can cut the cord between our thoughts and emotions we avoid feeding the narrative of why we are victims or life is unfair etc.
I love my emotions and will never disconnect from them no matter how much I suffer. My emotions are part of me. Wisdom flows from emotions.
Abraham Maslow had determined that a self actualized person is an insightful and accepting neurotic.
about body image, try having neurofibromatosis, a genetic condition. I am 67, I have thousands of bumps over my body, mostly on torso and face. I get judged by it, I get stares, I have people move out of my way to avoid walking by me in stores and gym and even sidewalk. there is no cure, no treatment and it is only getting worse. I have moved beyond coping and hope. I live day to day and just am waiting to cross over the bridge. I am in good physical health but mental health is another matter. I try to keep interactions down to only grocery store, gym and few times I go out to eat. I have no family, I am alone.
I like having physical pain, it takes my mind off mental pain
I'm sorry that you're having to experience this. I hope you find a way through it that's the best it can be.
Thanks for sharing as I'm sure you're shared experience will help those reading about in how we interact with others: it has me.
Don’t give up. I’ll keep you in my prayers if you pray for me. Blessings, El
Mental pain sucks so bad.. everyday is hell..I'm sorry we have pain for no reason 😢
@@EleanorWeldon thank you.
@@no.5810 thank you, I appreciate you kind words
Toxic positivity blames the victim for their problems.
Yes, and I am so sick of all the "just try harder" garbage! I'm autistic and lost the sight in one eye last Sept. I'm also an outdoorsy type. So now that the warmer weather is here, I'm exploring what my new limitations are, and at what point fun turns to frustration. Some people do not understand that there is a BIG difference between sitting on your butt whining about how nothing is fun anymore, and getting out there and trying to have fun and realizing that the fun you had didn't offset the effort and stress required to get to that point.
I am a huge fan of the idea of "reframing,' but it just doesn't work if you logically realize that you are simply not getting a good enough ROI on the activities you used to love.
While I am profoundly grateful that I'm in excellent physical condition (for my age), that fact kind of makes it worse because it's that much harder for people to understand what it's like to have my brain and one eye not working right. Like I can run a 5k just fine, but tying and untying my running shoes can send me into a screaming-and-throwing-things meltdown.
I had enough on my plate with the autism, but the sensory issues added because of my eye are literally driving me insane.
@@DriftlessWarriorI'm so sorry. I understand the struggle and the pain.
@@The.Narc.Files7 Your kind words mean a lot. Thank you so much, and I wish you strength and peace in your own life.
Just say hi, thanks, helps with the loneliness and isolation
Hi!
@@sarinav1000 Thanks...hi back at you!
High there! 😎
@@ruth_southernstar Hi Ruth!
hii!
You know what you are talking about 🎯
ThNk you
I think about the letters in the word.
Also being ok with how things are and being ok with how I’m feeling at that moment and being ok with it along with being ok with my actions. That’s what I think it means or at least how I see the word meaning.
I never have negative body image. I absolutely love my body and by no means am I fitting any beauty standards. I don't even shave. But I just adore my body by how amazing it is all that it does and accomplishes plus the euphory it gives me... I struggle with bunch of other things though
Could you please talk about borderline personality disorder. I know I'm a pest, keep asking, but I could really do with some help here. Thank you from Ruth in England xx
You're not a pest Ruth
@@mercx007 Thank you, what a kind message x
Actually, he had a guest psychologist on one of his videos a couple of months ago. She suffers from BPD. It covered a lot of ground. It was very informative.
He just expressed on a Q&A that he was never going to cover topics on his channel in which he does not personally have extensive experience with (borderline personality disorder included). As stated above, he has had a guest speaker on that has BPD. I know there are other UA-cam channels that focus on discussing BPD (i.e. BorderLiner notes). I hope this helps and I wish you health and wellness ❤.
@@SarahCole-jt8gj Thank you Sarah, that's really helpful. He did indeed have someone on with BPD, but they didn't really talk about the condition!.
I will look elsewhere, and will certainly dig into your suggestion.
All the best, Ruth x
Reminds me of the Buddha's parable of the second arrow
Yes
I'm struggling with regular acceptance.. Acceptance of myself and the world.
Same. But I try to change the world by adding kindness,bit by bit, because there doesn't seem to be enough. I'm sorry you're not feeling happy. Sending you lots of love.💛
Acceptance has such connotations of passivity (and semi-religious for some folks) which is ego dystonic for many of us, or encourages victim-hood in others. I find language so importance so we reframe it as Adaptation, an active process. Adapt to the presence of that you cant change. We spalso use 'influence' instead of 'control'. Control is very absolute and modern society has been sold the lie that they are meant to life. There's very little you can control, but far more you can influence
So This is basically the way i was thinking about it sometimes the cure is worse than the disease the process to try to be less miserable might make it more so not a great realisation to come to when you have a long life in front of you 🙁
Dr. Scott 🗣️ I'd love it if you could do a video on PTSD and the fact that it isn't something that only veterans deal with. I have it and mentioned it on another channel and a veteran tried to tear me apart over it as if they're the only people on the planet who've experienced trauma 😢 I forgot to even mention to him the fact that childhood PTSD exists. I've dealt with a lot in my lifetime and it really hurt me to be invalidated to such an extreme. Obviously some people need to be educated on this.
You are likely suffering from cptsd caused due abuse. Please know that I understand your pain. Hugs 😊
@@The.Narc.Files7 thank you for the hugs 🤗 and you may be right. My childhood and teens were unstable to say the least.
@@CyndieAmala abuse is very very very destructive. It destroys the person at the receiving end.
I have complex PTSD, so I understand
Hiiii can you make your video on parentification? It’s a very common problem. Thank you Dr
That’s on the list!
Please make a video about your thoughts on Ketamine as treatment for cptsd.
Yeas, but to use radical acceptance you first need to be sure that it's better not to try to change something or that the cost is too high. That's the tricky part, how to be sure that it's not better to just NOT accept and to try to change something as hard as you can?
Is it possible to get better from major depression? Im so worried my life is going to be all pain.. struggling to deal with the thoughts saying to just end it
What about deep emotional pain that comes from no identifiable reason at all?
So I guess my mum without realising is causing herself suffering my dad who has dementia she is on breakdown crying constantly because of the worry of him getting worse , it's a difficult one though it's just hard not to think ahead xx
I wish I could be not in pain for an hour a day. Like physical pain
How can I get a better body image in a huge 400 pound wheelchair? I never ever look an hot mirror anymore unless it just at a small one to fix my hair….which I can barely reach with my gimpy arms to even fix. I want out of this body.
You are more than your body, but I know you are suffering and acknowledge you, sending best wishes.
@@kelseymathias3881 I’m sorry but I wholeheartedly disagree with that statement. I have muscular dystrophy and my limited failing frustrating body 1,000% affects my mind, and thus my entire being. I hate it and I don’t want to be in it anymore. But I’m stuck here.
@@abstract20 I can understand how you feel, but I still send best wishes. Please accept them.
I'm here to say hello. I wish I could fix everything for you. But I acknowledge that you're frustrated and your feelings are valid. Wishing you a peaceful day/ evening ✨. You are more than your body. You are spirit,soul too.
In short, it is what it is
And most of it sucks.
We should never forget that life is suffering. Accepting this is the beginning of all wisdom.
🥹💙
All life exists on our world 🌎 because universal elements allow us to the sun energized world 🌍 so I
believe the universe being is promoting our lives. !!!!!!!!
Looking at the bigger universal picture helps me along in life
We all should try and treat each other with love and kindness on lifes journey to progress well
Thanks Scott love Colin
The actions taken to correct the suffering were too severe. If there had been attention to better nutrition instead of extreme weight loss and just a moderate exercise increase, there would have been a lot less suffering with the ability to maintain the changes more long-term. Accepting and tolerating the pain instead of taking wiser actions doesn't make sense to me.
This is probably the least helpful video from you I've ever watched. Maybe the reason radical acceptance approach is so "misunderstood" is bcs it's just a very lackluster and overgeneralizing concept or maybe it can be explained better.
Thanks, Scott! It makes so much sense! It's sort of like "choose your battles' thinking. There are areas of my life where I have a hard time with that, such as in familial relationships, but I've come to realize I can't let myself suffer anymore. Through listening to spiritual leaders and with the tools you have given us, I'm doing much better. Much appreciated. 😊🤍
what about 'trauma release'? do you not believe that it can be released?
think Financial Audits toxic and abusive. Caleb just posts thumbnails to mock and degrade his guests. He screams and yells at them like a manchild, knows he has vulernable mentally ill guests, and continues to abuse them and make them worse, as well as fostering a community to come attack them and crap all over them. It has RL consequences. Its harmful, he needs to stop. He thinks he is doing good but is causing evil and I'm oncerned people will snap and hurt him and others will you please do something about him or atleast talk to him? This isBS