What Christian Women Want in a Man (According to Them!) W/ Jason Evert
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- Опубліковано 22 гру 2019
- Jason and I discuss complaints we hear from young, Christian men and women looking to date, and Jason blesses us with some excerpts from his new book on relationships.
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Alright ladies, add to Jason's list. What do women want in a man? Oh, and if you're a man, what do you want in a woman? Looking forward to reading your answers below!
Matt Fradd The interviewee was lacking.
Video games generally have nothing to do with it, unless one is consumed by them. I’m a gamer who has been married for 13 years (and dated my wife for 8 years - without cohabitation - before marriage). We’ve been together over 20 years. It doesn’t make one with a solid foundation “immature” if they’re a gamer in moderation. Also, I’m a veteran. The assertion is laughable. Porn is different, as it is intrinsically bad. The Chinese abortion policy, while absolutely evil, was a non sequitur (my cousin-in-law teaches English in China, married a Chinese girl and has lived there for years). The American and Western problem isn’t one of “supply and demand” of men and women, as it is in China. It’s a devolution of moral standards problem, which has become ubiquitous in men *and* women in Western Civilization.
I work in a profession full of young women, as I’ve been an RN for almost 20 years. I have a firmer grasp as to what is going on than this guy. I’ve had numerous individual and group discussions with these young women concerning these issues over the last twenty years. Everything has become what one gets from the other, rather than what one gives to the other. There is little regard for what courtship and marriage actually is.
When courtship died, so did the respect women were due from men. Men have become unscrupulous, enabled by amoral women. Many just want whatever they think they can squeeze out of the other individual for their own personal gratification. These people “shack up” after even short periods of dating because the want to see how it “works out” for them. They tell me I’m “outmoded” for telling them they’re wrong.
Most of these young women also give out sex like Halloween candy after they start dating after shacking up with these pitiful dudes, and live as if they’re “married” without any actual commitment. Even the “good girls” often acquiesce out of desperation, or they reject the good men that come their way that don’t meet their “standards”. Then, they wonder why they are either so easily disposed of or why true commitment never comes. They often voice and wonder why their men don’t take them seriously, because instant gratification has become part of the cultural zeitgeist.
Many of these young women end up in their 30’s, either single or in noncommittal relationships which they blindly think will lead to actual commitment (the proverbial “why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free”). They’ve given up their worthiness, not realizing it is far better to be single than to acquiesce and destroy your dignity in the process.
Also, there is no “perfect formula” for dating. My wife and I went on our first date to a movie in 1998. So, the assertion in the interview is absurd. These things solely depend on the individuals involved. Just have respect for one another. People have different opinions on activities they like to do when dating.
I’m very blessed to have found a truly wonderful and faithful and beautiful wife who loves and fears Our Lord. I had to do the actual work of love to court her when we were dating. It is worth all the effort, because it is special. We both share everything and seek for the benefit of one another. When we were dating, I expected nothing from her. I respected her parents. I honored her worth.
Women must make men actually pursue them.
Something to think about: If something is purchased cheaply, it is often valued little. Diamonds are more treasured than plain rocks, are they not?
Women deserve to be courted by moral men of worth, given dignity they are due and without expectation by men for reciprocations involving amoral gratifications.
The problem is that so many have given up what actually works and what leads to successful dating relationships and true marriages.
“..it is far better to be single than to acquiesce and destroy your dignity...” Best statement!
@@VeniViciVeritas Good assessment. Accept for "Women must make men actually pursue them." Ahhh....ya just can't make a man do anything.
Dating is SERIOUS BUSINESS. It should be taken seriously. This is sorting the wheat from the chaff.
Kat Pellot Thanks! Sincerely appreciated!
I sympathize with people's frustrations with modern dating, but I'm so sick of men and women blaming one another. The utter lack of grace and this attitude of "I'll change when they change" is completely immature and getting us nowhere.
As much as I think porn is a problem, it's very, very difficult to date as a Christian man. At least where I'm at, it's the expectation by the *women* as well as men to have premarital sex and cohabitate before marriage. I think that aspect is often forgotten in favor of tropes about sex addicted men. It's a sad truth that 3rd and 4th wave feminism has lead to a decline in the quality of potential wives in the US.
Sadly, you're so right here. These guys are a bit out of touch with the level of modern depravity.
Not to mention that the idea of "women empowerment" can be super sexual now. I think women can be strong and independent but be conservative and beautiful in the way they act and dress
That's incomprehensible to me. In my young adult group that's absolutely not the expectation. Maybe I'm just completely oblivious.
@@hjsimpson Maybe not in yours, but yours would then be a rare case. Even in many youth groups there's premarital sex, because as religious as they claim to be, they still live in a materialist, degenerate world. Its hard to live in it 6 days a week and then try to behave like a proper Catholic one day a week.
@@hjsimpson many women on Bumble this way
Don't ask a woman how to be a man, ask a man with the experience and the results
dude, there's a LOT of truth to this statement.
This is why women don't like to give guys direct answers, but hint and hope the guy picks it up. Because once we tell you, its quite a turn off because its like asking someone what they want for their surprise party... then the wow factor ceases.
13:46 "Everything is out of order" mann that hit so hard!! I never asked any of my previous girlfriends out either. just kind of slid into phases. It wasn't until I was intentional and actually initiated what I wanted that I got clarity! Bout to be married in September!
No serious man would ever take advice on being a man from someone who does crossfit.
LOL 100% true
A thought on Catholic dating nowadays...
It's really hard to casually date women because there are so few guys asking. In our grandparents generation, it's just what you did, ask girls to the dance, etc. The supply of guys asking reduced the pressure. Now today if I want to ask a girl out on a casual date, because nobody does that, it is automatically a bigger deal--both emotionally and in terms of social ramifications if it doesn't work out.
Not complaining, I, like a lot of people I think, wish casual dating was more of a thing. I'd love to be like, "Oh, Mary-Jane is cute, I'll just ask her on a date, no harm no foul." But now I want to be more sure about a reasonable chance of a relationship forming before asking. In my early to mid-twenties, I asked a lot of women out on dates, even if I wasn't sure I could see myself marrying them. I thought, "oh, I'll just ask them on a date and see how it goes. It's about learning more about them, right? I didn't necessarily need conviction." The result was me telling at least four women that I didn't feel a call and a desire to keep dating them. I felt like I just broke a lot of hearts.
I don't know how you address a problem like this, practically speaking. It reminds me of economics. By decreasing the supply (number of dates), you are raising the demand (desire for date requests). By raising the demand, you increase the emotional cost of of the individual interactions.
Maybe I'm wrong, though.
As a woman, I never thought about that, but you’re so right, I can see now why men seem to hesitate even when they like a girl at church. That clarifies a lot of things actually
Your economic analysis is absolutely correct. You understand your behavior a lot better when you frame life in an economic perspective. That's not me saying life is about money but you always are considering what things are worth to you emotionally time-wise as well whether you're actively thinking about it or not.
I think you're on to the problem. Throw in a dash of obliviousness and a lack of social opportunity (the landscape of what people do in their free time is much changed), and today we come.... \*waves\*
The reasonable success part might be more, or also, related to people ending up dating later in life. Time is running out, so finding RIGHT consumes more of the mental processes. And folks end up a little clingy in some regard (which negatively affects the pool as well...)
And all of this before one contemplates online dating, and the indecision that can leave you with.
I feel like a set of different pathologies assault this matter from both flanks, those long inbuilt to man and woman, recent cultural phenomena, and technological sanitation.
Second thought: I wonder if this is a radical swing from too casual of relations caused by hook-up culture. From full disposability, to lonely paranoia.
@@kevinmarshall59 Economics is about choices and value, not necessarily just money. I think he was spot on.
Disappointed that "Dating" is being promoted versus courting. Disappointed Saint Alphonsus's recommendations on dating/courting were not a part of the discussion or book written by Jason Evert. After living the lies of dating, the wisdom I have passed to my children is; "Do not date until you are ready to get married and do not get married until you are ready to have children." No one should date without the intent of marriage!
Thank you for your insight. I would like to read about the saint you’ve quoted. Is there a book or essay?
@@katpellot7646 I have only found references of Saint Alphonsus Ligouri's guidelines for courtship by priests. Many examinations for the Sacrament of Penance do state that for a parent to allow a minor child to date is a mortal sin. This article may be helpful: catholicism.org/courtship-the-chaste-preparation-for-holy-matrimony.html
Your comment and Saint Alphonsus are from a different social structure. If you want to change how our society interact great.
Long past are the days of just picking someone who lives in your town or village. Our society has opened up millions of possible marriage partners. With that amount of possibilities we have placed a heavy stock in “finding the right person” or “finding the one God set for me”. Both of these are well and good, but it bring about a lot of new criteria that were not previously thought about.
1. Must be my faith
2. Must be a compatible personality
3. Must be etc
4. Should be taller/shorter/smart/symmetrical
5. I would prefer etc
After you narrow it down you will either have too many choices or not enough. Hopefully not the latter, but should you court the first possible match you come across?
By all means she should engage in a relationship with marriage as the end goal, but what about the weight of lifelong commitment? Young people need time to feel out their choices and dating is the slang we use. Personally I think dating and courting can be interchangeable if you maintain the purpose of it, ie lifelong partnership in marriage and child rearing.
My point is that young people should date a bunch of people in order to game knowledge of what you really want. I will stress that those relationships should not get very physical because that will only cloud your judgement.
@@bluephoenix226 the only issue I got with your advice to date a bunch to learn what one wants, is that I feel that I’m not really respecting a woman if I’m thinking of dating them “to gain experience”. I get you have to start somewhere though… and you discern with the person, not just by yourself beforehand. So at some point you gotta take a leap of faith and take the risk
I totally agree. Courting is the way to go. It was/is time honored and for the most part is based on respect, solid principles, and is God centered. Marriages that stem from this type of relationship last.
I imagine most of the women who complained of ghosting were themselves habitual ghosters. I dated online, off and on, for ten years before I met my lady -- and none of the women I met in that decade had the decency to say "Hey, I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling this." All of them just dropped off the radar.
True.. Women do ghosting regularly.. Instead saying no, they just read your text and the men wondering what mistakes they did
For context here: Ghosting is any person at any time just flat out not responding for any reason. It isn't limited to attraction and dating
I asked my current wife early in our friendship to spend more time getting to know each other more because I really like her. She responded really well. Then when I asked her to be exclusive, I said I really want to be her man then asked if she wanted to be my girl. She also said yes. I had to get a counseling session from the uni receptionist before I asked her out though cause I was freaking out lol.
hahah loved this comment
What did your previous wives think?
Aww thats great this is something I would like.
What year was this ?
My question is where are these women?
Sorry, but following a woman's advice as to how to attract women just doesn't work out in real life. Guys will be whatever girls reward them for being and that, unfortunately, is not a traditional Christian guy.
Christian women don't want Christian men?
I love my Catholic brethren but the dating advice in this video is awful. I was a student at a university with focus missionaries and they gave a talk essentially about this exact topic telling the "good catholic guys" what they are doing wrong and trying to explain why all of these catholic girls in the student group were single and never being approached by guys. They were telling us we needed to use the word date when asking out a girl and that it had to be done in person. Many guys tried to implement these strategies and utterly failed. Why? because its a completely unnatural way of behaving. Girls saying that they dont want to overthink whether a guy is interested.... First off a girl only wants you to be direct when she likes you, if she doesnt then you being direct is gunna be an utter fail and yes girls should respect you for your honesty and bravery in asking them out on a date, but real life isnt like that. Even many good catholic girls, if they dont like you, will not be easy with their rejections. Secondly, a girl doesnt always have a right to know every detail of what you are thinking, and being too direct in many ways scares off girls and causes them to lose interest. Actually, when someone does genuinely like you and is interested in you, they feel pressure when you are around them, purely because you affect them that way (which is good), if you just go and ask them hey lets go on a date, you are putting un-needed pressure that doesnt need to be there on the person, you can easily ask them out for a coffee and its clear there is interest, what is this kindergarten where you have to say the word "date" utter nonsense. Its like going up to an animal and just petting them with out letting them get used to you, they run off. Of course every situation and every girl is different, there are plenty of girls where you can ask them out and where you can be open and honest and the girl will respect it, but you have to be wise in the way you open yourself up. This sort of naive openness that comes from this advice is ridiculous and ive seen many guys suffer from its implementation. Also, we are a different generation. Asking girls out in a text is a totally normal and natural way for us, just as calling someone and asking was for people in the 80s and 90s, absolultely nothing weird or cowardly about it, thats some catholic stereotype, just being against technology for no reason. Ive been a member of multiple catholic student groups and have been catholic my entire life, im 29 now and have done my fair share of dating. The number one reason guys arent asking girls out is not because they are teenage cowards (what a put down to the men of our generation), its because we arent attracted to many of the catholic girls in these groups. Why? First off many Catholic girls dont put in effort into the way they look, and a good amount of them try and look like they are preparing for religious life (wearing loose baggy clothes, never wearing make up, not getting into shape). Men are visual creatures, even men who dont look at porn lol (again most serious Catholic guys I know are not looking at porn, yes many are but not most daily mass attending men), also a guy who is 24 and a girl who is 24 are at completely different stages biologically. Men at 24 are not usually on the same page (not due to cowardice) as women at 24 because women have a completely different biological clock. Theres just so many things wrong here with this sort of typical american catholic way of dating it just needs to be contradicted.
I've only gotten 5 minutes in the vid as of writing this comment, but I imagine this failure of theory is mostly based on the fact that it's advice women give themselves about what they want.
It wouldnt be right to conclude that they consciously lie. They do, however, seem to have a very idealized view of the world sometimes and say/believe things that don't always really match even their own personal behavior or interests, let alone womankind in general.
@@grillinnchillin4009 the problem is the girls who contributed with their opinion are imagining a scenario where they like the guy and wish he would do something. They've already come to a decision that they like the guy. When this hasnt happened its a whole other ball game.
@@lionheart5078 sounds like a good assessment
Excellent analysis
I'm really tired of the excuses I hear about men being visual creatures, and that gives them a crutch to use when defending their right, or reason, to look at other women even when they are married. All of us, including women, are visual. That is a human's primary means of making sense of their environment. I know, I've read about the studies that say men are visual beings, but that does not take into account the impact societal/cultural norms have had that have been around for 100s if not 100's of years. This accepted notion does not give men an excuse to sin. Just because I am a heterosexual woman does not give me the excuse to check out men because I am able to...especially if I am married. All my ' male' attention is to be given to my husband, and only him. This includes what I choose to look at. If one believes that men have more visual temptation than woman, then why don' t I see many men not looking at porn, being accountable when using their computers, refusing to enter restaurants like Hooters or frequent 'gentleman's clubs' and massage parlors, or refusing to view R rated movies depicting scantily clad women to counteract this 'fact.' I have great respect for some Orthodox Jewish men who cover their glasses with grease/oil to prevent them from noticing other women. Padre Pio only knew some religious sisters by their voice but not their faces as he would not look at them.
Tell Christian women to renounce modern feminist agendas and align to Christian roles of a wife. It's not all porn and video games. Comparing the risks of video games to the risk of divorce and financial ruin, videos games are a no brainer.
Rule #1 about women. Don’t ask women for advice on women. They can’t even decide what they want to eat.
Amen
Ouch 😞
@@malgrosskreuz01 I 2nd that ouch.😂
Not true at all. Women who are aware of themselves know what they want any women who doesn't know or is too afraid to communicate what she wants shouldn't be in any relationship
@@bellacortez Most women
It’s getting pretty old that men get the blame for the mess this women-centered society turned us into. The guest just characterized men in a demeaning way, unfair to most guys out there, and gave a huge pass on women which lived libertine life’s, are now getting old, and now expect to get the highest level men out there.
Wrong!
He is on a Catholic channel talking to an audience of practicing Catholics. The women who are living their faith are not out there living a "libertine lifestyle".
We don’t need your red pill BS here that is absolutely doing nothing to help our societal decline. It’s a catholic channel. Men need to step up, understand morality and faith. and women need to do the same.
@@alqoshgirl Some of that Red pill stuff isn’t necessarily bs. Both men and women suffer from the current dating climate, and both are to
blame.
The guy was talking to a class in a video shown during my RCIA process. He literally referred to men who are anxious about being destroyed by rejection as “pansies”.
Does that sound like a respectful person trying to help the church, the people of the world? Or at the very least not be a judgmental Christian?
I don’t think it sounds like that at all. I happened to stumble across this video last night, and it is the same pretentious talk coming out of his mouth.
Not somebody I have the interest to continue listening to.
@stuartshumack1627 A lot of it is bs yes.
Is a radical reaction to feminism.
Or must we forget how nazi Germany was a reaction to Weimar germany?
Porn, obviously bad, I agree.
Video Games... Whoa, whoa...WHOA
jflores85 #GamersRiseUp
I was deep down in the hell of world of warcraft. Mmorpg games are total no go. Single players maybe but I wouldn't go for it either.
@Alex Depends on what you use them for. If it's just because they take up time then sports and painting and reading books is a complete waste of time as well.
@Dom W Games can give you knowledge, strengthen your reaction time, give you creativity and so on. Did you know that there is more than one game genre out there?
And with the coming of vr even the exercise is not neglected.
Everything depends on how you use it. Even games.
I think it's how much and how you play your games. It's a bit like junk food, even if, indeed, some games have great writing at least. But it's also a bit of a needle in a haystack situation, just like with many books, movies and TV shows.
Still, I cannot deny: I like to replay Halo CE once in a while.
St. Jude, helper of hopeless cases, like myself ;(, help us hopeless singles, if God's will, find or be asked out by someone who we can be equally yolked with. I pray that the single strong Catholic gentlemen will find the courage to ask out the ladies. Angels and Saints pray that God blesses and pours out his grace over this prayer. Amen.
None of these men can help us intercede with God. Catholicism is satanic. Solus Christus.
If you think porn is the main problem, you have absolutely no idea what young Christian men are actually going through.
Tell us more, please
The "no movies on a first date" is actually one of my written principles for my life. I thought I was crazy for doing that but oh well, guys you know now!😂😂
Curiously, I saw the bit of advice in a bit of media and thought the argument for it pretty good. Which is kinda surprising, given the broader context of where that story went with the recipient...
I'm out of it now but after the movie,you have lots to talk about ...just a thought
Video games are far better than risk being treated like a human atm by the modern woman.
Preach. After a very rude red pill awakening it's really difficult to go back and listen to these women worshipping simps and remember that there was a time I thought these guys knew what they were talking about.
My TLM parish must be the minority, but it’s always like 5-1 single men to single women
I think that's the norm. A guy on a Taylor Marshall video said that he's a young single man who attends TLM with a lot of other young, single men. If men are doing what they're supposed to be doing, where are the women who are theoretically supposed to be following their example?
same
@@WhiteChocolate74 It's definitely the norm. The TLM near me has not one young woman without a man by her side, and lots of young guys sitting alone or amongst each other.
To answer your question... they're leaving the Church to fool around and live a secular life. Some of them will revert at a later age, and among those I've spoken to who have reverted, they seem to have an inflated view of self and unrealistic expectations in dating.
The last few generations of parents have done their children a great disservice by telling their sons to be good boys and treat women like queens, while telling their daughters to climb the corporate ladder, "have fun" during their 20s and 30s, and to not even think of marrying young. It's set everyone up for failure, but especially women.
“Man say House Big!” I almost spit out my coffee
That was funny.
That was hilarious, but also good advice.
I love you guys but I think you’re getting an edited version of reality. When I went to Baylor it was two to one female to male and the girls were complaining that men weren’t asking them out. Spoiled for choice as it were, the reason guys don’t ask girls out is that it “doesn’t work”, and they know it they’re not stupid. Guys stop asking girls out when you’re not even getting a straight yes or no from the girl let alone a date. Every piece of “advice” you got from these girls I guarantee has an unspoken preface of “this is how I wish a guy I’m already really attracted would act”. I’m not knocking anybody, or even saying what you’re saying is wrong, I’m just telling you there’s likely some key information missing. That being said I will buy and read the book.
Michael Dyer I’ve heard this also from many of the young single women I work with (I work in a field full of women). They’re looking for perfection that they will never find.
Not only that, but most of these women are not moral to begin with. By the time they find someone they like, they desperately give out sexual relations like candy at Halloween and end up cohabiting and doing whatever they can to please their unscrupulous men they’re dating.
Many of these women end up in their mid-30’s without any semblance of actual commitment.
When the tradition of courtship died in the modern era, so did respect and dignity for many men and women towards one another.
They just want whatever they think they can squeeze out of the other individual for their own personal gratification.
I don't disagree, but i mean..why would a woman talk about how a man should pursue her if she's not interested in them?
They can't talk about everything. This is something aimed at men interested in dating, letting them know easily that they have to take risks. If they want to attract a girl they need to do so with something on the line.
leal no she is interested she’s just assuming you know what she means. Kind of like how sometimes “I like a man who can make me laugh” isn’t referring to a funny guy, but someone she’s so into she laughs nervously. It’s what unsaid that changes the character of everything else.
Autarky Bear of course they can’t address everything. But if you give a guy half a map he’s never going to get to the destination and this was, to me, a pretty big chunk to leave out.
Why is it that we're so comfortable having talks that center about women's preferences and desires in a relationship, but not men's? In fact, the very idea of having that conversation would be really touchy to most people. I spent the whole of my late teens and all of my twenties trying to improve myself to become 'worthy' of women. I read about all the advice about what MEN can do to improve their chances with women, and it all failed and had really negative consequences to my psyche, so much so to the point that I've just stopped caring about dating. If I had to guess why this is, and I'm fairly certain that this is the case, is that we're dealing with the societal consequences of sin, we're pandering to women's 'princess' complex, and feminism has made any discussion about men's desires a sensitive topic, because, well, WOMEN are the ones who have it bad, not men at all.
It's not surprising, but still sad that this thinking has infected the church. It's also not surprising that many men become disillusioned and tune these conversations out.
You think only men got the drill? As women we had to be a particular size, not too fat or too thin, look a particular way, be only smart enough not to intimidate a guy, we also had the feminism nonsense foisted on us.
Yes, I noticed this too, Jason isn't making any videos on how women can improve themselves to find a good man, there isn't any responsibility for the women on making themselves better. I've seen so many women just sitting there waiting to be asked out and getting free dinners, like no way I'm going to ask out a girl like that
Well, I agree with what you said but a few things:
1. I personally would love videos on things women can do to induce men to be more courageous and ask us out, but I don’t see it anywhere (a little but a lot of it is secular and often ill advised)
2. I genuinely do have a lot of sympathy for men nowadays (rape accusations, man hating feminism, women yelling at men just for being gentlemanly, men having to apologise practically just for being men). However, it really is not all just one way. Women also have been dealt a bad hand due to the actions of a few (feminists). They’re brainwashed into believing they can (and should - in fact they MUST) be just like men, embody masculine traits which they don’t naturally excel at or feel deep down. Any desires to have children, care for your husband and be generally in a more feminine role are at best low on the priority list and more often they are considered shameful and often repressed. Any behaviours that might be considered feminine are automatically looked down upon. It’s funny. Feminism was meant to be a reaction against femininity and by extension women being denigrated and abased, and now it does just that. It’s taken over the role of the “male chauvinist” you see in 50s movies, only it claims to be all for women and their liberation and happiness.
3. It is just a fact that women are judged more on their looks and men are judged more on their behaviour. This is why beautiful women get away with *a lot* and are treated like princesses by so many men, even when they are neither interesting nor intelligent nor even nice (not that all beautiful women are awful, but some definitely are). This means that any honest discussion about what men want has to start from the place of telling women “essentially, women, it will definitely help if you’re younger and prettier”. Personally, as a young woman who is not terrible looking, it disgusts me to be reminded of how shallow men are (I understand you can’t help it, you want a woman who is physically attractive, but most women don’t like to think that’s why a guy asked her out).
Just some thoughts, I do agree with what you said.
A woman has nothing to offer a man.
@@annatmarshall5133 yea, but those problems are safe to talk about in society. your reaction to my post proves my point because your gut reaction was 'well WOMEN...' i literally talked about that very thing in my post. again, don't be surprised if men tune out these conversations.
I just realized that Jason Evert's headphones are on backwards and now I'm really stressed out.
Thomas Gorman true, but the microphones are single channel anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@@mcp866 Oh fair enough, thanks for pointing that out!
He's too focused on God
That is so funny 😂 I didn’t notice until now but something seemed off lol
I'm late this this video but these no fault divorce is a huge problem considering women initiate divorce much more often plus there isn't as much polarity between the sexes.
Was wondering when someone would mention this
I worked around lawyers and the reason why women initiate divorces more is because they are at a breaking point. Most men don't think women will leave and women think their men will change, women give up after they realize he won't change and something broke the camels back. I initiated mine and the male church leaders from my Protestant church (I've converted since), they heard the ugly truth from me what he did and the pastor said to my mom, I don't blame her. My spouse wanted to have an open relationship and on his birthday, he went to Mexico with his friends and slept with 3 prostitutes, then comes home to expect me to be this meek, warm housewife while he wanted to see other woman. Yeah, that is a breaking point just for anyone. And thr church calls for women to submit to men in all things, eh?
Uh, ghosting is totally a woman thing. If a woman is not interested, she does not return calls and assumes you will "take the hint," and if you don't, she may report you as a stalker. Any woman complaining about ghosting should look at her own behavior, and remember, if you don't return a call, and never get called again, you are not being ghosted.
@@RoddyPipersCorneas hard agree. They likely found their wives 10-20 years ago, who themselves came from an insular community, and neither have ever looked back.
That's a fault of any Catholic/Christian community- it tends towards insularity and thus becomes out of touch very quickly.
I was ghosted by men when I was online dating, so it’s not a woman thing, men do it as well.
@@GothVibeWarsone man of your 24 matches. The exception proves the rule. Women are terrible at connection
As a perpetually single Catholic man, I find a lot of this be hollow. I like Fradd and Evert, had heard both speak, have met Evert on multiple occasions, and Fradd attends a friend’s church.
For the sake of balance, try asking Catholic men about their own experience in the dating world. For over five years, I abandoned my faith after being repeatedly burned out and shot down by Catholic women. I don’t say this to remove my own culpability for the sinful lifestyle that I lived for that period of time; but, I broke. I broke when I kept meeting “secular women” who were actively open and eager to get to know and go out with me. Why is that I couldn’t score a date with women in the church to save my life? I won’t get into the nitty gritty details of my dating foibles before falling away from the faith, but I will say that they ranged from women having such insanely unrealistic expectations in men and relationships, to the downright toxic, and anything in between.
After 5-6 years, I came back to the faith (it’s own story in its own right, but a bit much to type out here), and I’m beyond happy for it. But, again, my dating experiences in the church in the few years since returning to the faith have largely been negative. I am the type of man to ask a girl out, and to communicate things, but I am convinced that the average woman doesn’t actually know what she wants. They say the things that Evert is saying, and yet I know countless men with similar stories to my own. Even when I’ve shared some of the details of why I abandoned the faith for that time period with women, they tell me, “Sadly, you’re not the only guy I know who’s complained about this”, whence they normally apologize on behalf of women.
@@anjr6282 while I appreciate your honesty, if you question the existence of God because of bad dating experiences, then you have turned your desire for a woman into an idol. I understand that you’re a broken man, wounded by this; but, I am confident that it goes far deeper than simply not being able to deal with rejection anymore.
Also, the “it is not good for man to be alone” doesn’t only refer to the vocation of marriage, but to our human need for community in general. I understand that you’re angry at God, and I can sympathize with that, having been there. But, what I can’t sympathize with is questioning the existence of God over this.
Take your anger to God in prayer. He doesn’t only want your positive moments and experiences; He wants the crap, too, including the anger and bitterness. If He can bring resurrection from crucifixion, then He can surely work with your brokenness.
Also, I recently did an interview, touching base on much of this subject, for a podcast. While it’s available on virtually all major podcast platforms, as this is UA-cam, here’s a link for an audio-only track on here: ua-cam.com/video/kM767E327tc/v-deo.html
Why don't we pray for eachother that God blesses us with strong Catholics to date and lead to marriage? Cause honestly, I'm at the point where I wish we could have arranged marriages again. xD Angels and Saints, St. Joseph, St. Jude of hopeless cases, PRAY FOR US PLEASE!
There is no courage without danger.
So true!! And courage is incredibly attractive in a man.
Every time I hear Jason speak about dating it feels like I’m being attacked somehow lol. Playing video games does not make a male unready for a relationship, being anxious about approaching someone you have feelings for does not make you a pansy (from another video).
Feels like men are being drilled often by him.
you feel attacked because you are. if you listen to him talk, he has this 'men are beasts, women are princesses' attitude that isn't helping anything.
Being addicted to videogames is a bad sign, no questions about it.
Being a bit anxious is fine, but being so afraid and doubtful you freeze and do nothing isn't good. It doesn't make you a pansy, it makes you a bad candidate for husband full stop. You need to feel comfortable with the fact you will be anxious and afraid, so that you act anyway.
It's not a personal attack like the other person said. It's a criticism of your habits, not your person. If you don't see how, it means you're not open to feedback, and honestly you have to learn to be open to feedback. By necessity all feedback involves pointing out what's lacking in you. Take it with grace. Reject it or not. Maybe we're wrong, but it's in no way an attack on you as a person.
@@bryansmith7758 It's apparent he has an antiquated view of modern dating and is relying heavily on overgeneralizations by one side (the women) while refusing to hear the full story, perhaps because he'd sooner dismiss men's abysmal dating experiences as "redpill" than be presented with an uncomfortable truth.
It's easier to label all young Catholic men as being video game-obsessed porn addicts, with lengthy felony rap sheets (LOL!), in addressing the questions of why...
A. Catholic women report their expectations in dating aren't being met by these men, and
B. Why Catholic men don't feel these women are worth pursuing
...Than it is to take the harder path of getting to the crux of certain topics (submission, modesty, unrealistic standards in dating, etc.) and perhaps upsetting many female viewers as a result.
Some good advice in this. Empathizing with the other can help us choose the path of mercy, including respecting our failed matches or dating/courting partners enough to tell them where they stand. The closer you were the more important it is.
My opinion is: Wath is missing now in thes days is no body thinks to pray to God for guidance, clearly and for the right love.I think for us to do things alone is much harder to ect rigth specialy to confront a new person or even anyother situation.Talk to God and He will help you with thet. Thrust God more then your self.And talk about God with the person and you will see who things tourn out...You will be surprised!!( Have faith and pray toguether to stay together):Thes is the main kee for the coples!! God bless always!!Beijinhos♥
I'm in debt, and unattractive. I really want to get married, but I bring nothing to the table. Alls I want is to be loved, and to love. I have no idea how to initiate a relationship. I've tried, and it always fails. Women always end up hurting me.
I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way :(. We are all born to attract the opposite sex, you just have to tap into the masculine energy that is already inside you. You need a Catholic dating coach. They're out there but not easy to find, but with COVID they are probably doing virtual coaching. Or maybe you could read some secular dating advice and then ignore the parts that are problematic from a Catholic standpoint. Models by mark manson, New Game by Harris O'Malley, anything by Charles Sledge or Dr. Aziz Gazipura are great resources. You can do it, i'll pray for you!
A lot of women really don't care if a man is "unattractive." We want a man who is godly.
1. Get out of debt, you are not ready for marriage
2. Fix yourself if you're unattractive to boost your image
3. Have a good career and ask the ladies out, don't just talk to men, approach the girls you're interested in, introduce yourself and start talking.
@@catholicfemininity2126 lol. Definitely was depressed a year ago. I'm attractive, got a good job, my relationship with Christ is continually growing. Still in debt though. I've got everything I need, and yet the ladies still ignore me. Their loss tbh 🤷♂️
@@PolishBigfootCircle11 That was a big change from a year ago. Good on you...
LOL, oh PLEASE! Do you know how many women I have encountered who *say* that they want a good man but can't find one, but they know an ABUNDANCE of outstanding men, but they keep rejecting those good men because they arent Brad Pit level Catholic sugar daddies. The guys I know have started refferring to these kind of women as "The Catholic Princesses". They want a guy to offer them the WORLD, but they are unwilling to lift a FINGER to be actually be even remotely deserving of the kind of man they claim to so deeply desire.
Most good men that I know, know what they want; they want a woman who is traditionally feminine, they are looking for a woman who can actually make a household a home, a woman who can cook, clean, sew, take care of children, WANTS children, and ISN'T a feminist career woman. Furthermore, if there is an expectation that a man will be primary breadwinner, then there needs to be balance, and women need to step up and pull their weight.
I, and many other men I know, are thoroughly tired of the owness all being on men when it comes to relationship competence. In a feminist culture, where so many women are entitled princesses, a lot of guys are, quite simply, thoroughly fed up.
As an addon, there are a lot of women I have observed or encountered, who want the benefits of a relationship without the cost of one. They string men along, "friendzoning" vood men, but they still want to keep the men around.
They want the companionship of many men, the emotional support, the affirmation, but they don't want the cost of what that ought to come with. That isn't fair to the men they use, and it isn't fair to the men they are CURRENTLY dating, while keeping other men around.
This is not a one sided narrative.
I agree
@@IronKing66 Careful, dude. Your bitterness will ruin you. For the record, women are allowed to be friends with both men and women. Wanting to be strictly friends with a good man is a sign of a good woman. Being someone's friend is not "using" them. What isn't fair in the situation is the male friend expecting the woman to have romantic feelings for him just because he's a "good" guy.
@@jwork4240 you misunderstand; I'm not saying women cannot be friends with men, but I don't think it's healthy for a woman to expect of a man that he will give her the befits that come with a relationship, such as emotional support, affirmation, amd companionship, without any cost. THAT isn't healthy for either of them.
Healthy emotional boundaries need to be established, especially in friendships between the sexes.
@@IronKing66 Emotional support, affirmation, and companionship without any cost are exactly what should occur in any friendship. What's unhealthy is to have a friendship WITHOUT those things. If a man is incapable of giving those things in a friendship, he has no business attempting any kind of relationship with anyone.
I don't know what mass you're going to, but every one I have ever been to, everybody is married.
😂😂
Join the church youth group.
Latin mass. from my experience the avg age is med 20s to like 36 or so
fantastic, but a note. I have been seeing an issue of young men and women who don't have places to get to know each other. Bible study is nice, but we may need more intentional event. Also I am finding women have become very picky about their men. The normal items that may have made a guy promising are now ordinary in a lot of ways.
This may just be my experience but the Christian single women I know tend to have a man pursue them rather a man that pursues holiness a lot of great Christian women I know want marriage but don’t want to be a wife to a husband
I have noticed this too and I am a woman. Not all, but many want "the perfect husband that will make them happy" but want to contribute little to nothing to the marriage themselves.
Max Knight There aren’t many virtuous women left, sadly. I’m so blessed that I found and married one.
@@VeniViciVeritas They probably number similarly to the number of virtuous men.
jeremy smith similarly, but from my experience less women maintain virtue. I have seen far more men convert to the faith in the last several years, many of whom I know personally. I haven’t met a single female convert. To the contrary I am seeing more and more women leave their faith which is deeply saddening. I have also been aware of more young women throughout my life who party hard and abuse drugs and alcohol. Throughout high school and college many guys I knew wanted to be in a relationship with a girl and eventually get married and start a family. Yet they were repeatedly rejected by women who did not want any of those things and all had nothing in mind but partying and having a good time. The feminist movement has brought about many of these things. It’s no wonder males turn to their Netflix and video games rather than pursuing women that have no desire to be someone’s wife. I could agree with many points made in this video, but I do not subscribe to the assertion that the situation is entirely or even mostly the fault of men. Society is what has emasculated today’s males. Women have played no small role in that at all.
I had a lengthy reply which I edited to explain my take the situation. As an RN of almost 20 years, I work in a profession full of young women. I’ve had many, many individual and group discussions on this issue.
I disagree with this interviewee on some of his assertions, but it appears Matt is deleting comments and doesn’t want to see an actual discussion on the matter. Just reinforcement of his talking points, sadly.
So the "author" is actually an "editor."
These litanies of "You do this wrong" will go nowhere for either sex. Indeed, they HAVE gone nowhere for either sex. How many of these have been produced ad nauseam for the last TWENTY YEARS??? We're treading murky, dirty, stinky water in a pool that ain't been changed for decades. I feel like people have been talking about this since I was a child and I'm a grown man now.
All these relationship gurus are as clueless about what worked for them as they are for what could work for other people now. They're clueless because they're seeing this as an opportunity to toot their horns about how successful and knowledgable they are. Why wouldn't God blind the proud in this circumstance? The Guy's got a great sense of humor and this stuff way too wild not to laugh at.
You know what getting around this problem looks like? Far less than anyone's ideal, a LOT harder to handle, and the reality of that is better than whatever crap people are fantasizing about in their heads. Everybody needs to grow in empathy. This is the Lost Gen 2.0 here, no true fathers but God, no true mothers but Mary. If you reach out your hand in humility and charity, you do no evil.
We are being tested to see how much we're willing to suffer, embarrass ourselves, and shrink our egos down for love of God through the people around us. They say that love hurts. That means that love causes and demands pain from anyone who wants a part in it. If you wish to love others, and to find love in others, love God first and everything else shall come.
Bottom line: when anyone is asking questions about what they should or shouldn't do to find love, what they should ask themselves right up front is "What would Christ do?" Christ was nailed to a cross and died as specifically for the "nerds" and "adult children" who are failing in their callings as He did for everyone else. Would He spit on them or would He treat them with the same gloves He treated whores?
Best comment
I go to a Catholic church TLM, I'm a lady, and it is wonderful but unfortunate because I see so many single young adult men who I'd be interested in dating, but they don't seem interested in me nor do they seem like they want to ask me out.... so sometimes I feel down trodden. There are more men and women there compared to the novus ordo groups and so far I've only heard about 1 or 2 people trying to date while the vast majority just hang out and talk, no ones dating (of course cancel out those discerning religious life)
See here's the thing; I'm 32 now, and I'm still single I've asked out so many women, and most of them told me a hard no. It came to a point where I'm no longer asking anybody out, because of so many times that I've been told no. And the fact that I'm getting older as time goes by, I'm not getting any younger. And the fact that I'm loosing hair little by little, who's going to want me now? Now that I'm 32 I say to myself " I no longer see a point in going out, because that should have been a time when I was younger in my early teens through my early 20's to mid 20's. Now that I'm getting older who's going to want me now." And if God ever bothers in sending me a girlfriend, which of course I highly doubt. I'm going to reject her, and His gift because He should have sent me her a long time ago, why now!?! There are some things that I will never understand about God. Sometimes I even call Him a tyrant, because I of the life I was given. But at the same time well from my experience, some of you women are very shallow thinking to yourselves, or fantasizing about a charming prince asking you out. I was always left rejected, hoping if I'd be good enough for someone to ask me out. Sometimes you women are the problem, not just us men. So what do we do to cope with rejecting? We have to turn to other alternatives.
But you could approach them! You could ask them out. Is this not obvious?
Do you ever express interest in them, like initiating conversations?
@@eoinbrennan3949 --Sorry, I want to be the feminine one in the relationship, I want the man to come to me, because the times I asked men out, they were put off by my 'masculinity' ..plus, I notice that if a man really likes a woman, his eyes will light up and he'll put more effort into pursuing her, I want a man to do that for me....... so I figured, forget asking men out, I want them to ask me out like a man should. If a man isn't interested in a woman, he won't bother pursuing her.
@@Seethi_C ---All the time, but, it sadly never works. And I'm not gonna beg and act all desperate and chase them everywhere. No man is into that.
Guys sorry but you’re wrong on this one!
To sum it all up... communication is important.
"Listen if you have ears to hear!"
I want to have three things in a women (ordered from lowest priority to highest):
3. I have to be attracted to her. I don't want a 10/10 (although I wouldn't mind). But if there is no physical appeal it's somewhat of a killer argument. Being fit and having long hair is almost always reparable over not being fit and having short hair.
2. I need to have common interests and common way of thinking/talking. My parents for example have different interests, a different way on what they consider being christian a different education and so on... Of course they also have some commonalities but I can't imagine being with a person where I always had to leave my comfort zone to interact with that person. Having a similar level of Intelligence is also helpful. I have a friend that is probably around 40 IQ points below mine. He is very nice and he has different strengths, but if I would spent too much time with him it would be really exhausting. I +-20 Points would probably be the golden zone.
1. Our core values need to align. Being christian is obviously part of that. Wanting to have children, seeking truth, having no off limits topics... And a few others that don't come to mind immediately.
And at the moment I'm not ready to have a relationship. Masturbating and having a very low discipline is part of it. Another part is an agreement between god and me. One thing that is true about myself is, that I never asked out a girl before. But I was also never really in love so far.
... The 3rd one is so frustrating because I have seen a few couples where the guy is totally my type, white and conservative, with a girlfriend who doesn't put much thought into her appearance or is fat and has average makeup........ some guys don't mind dating chubby gals, so where's a guy like that for me?? I dunno........
@@catholicfemininity2126 Some guys are into chubby gals, some don't mind and some tolerate it and some don't. I would say the majority are the ones who tolerate it.
@@catholicfemininity2126 speaking frankly, a little plumpness isn't a throwoff, but I see some gals, and think "gosh, can't you put down the processed foods for a week or two?" The marshmallow is a throwoff for sure.
Assuming we're using girlfriend/boyfriend in the same context, (definition I was handed was +3 dates,) the gals you're looking at might have some security in the relationship at that point. The first big impression was made, and the guy is still around right? Average (or slightly reduced) upkeep can work from then on. Provided their upkeep doesn't deteriorate to nothing of course. Theoretically, a bond in terms of values and/or interests might be holding the unit together as they feel out whatever else needs to be felt out before tying the knot.
I dunno either really. Take what you will, I'm just a guy looking for a gal. This sort of thing has been on the boilerplate of late.
I actually see more single dudes than women at mass and youth groups
Ghosting happens a lot to men also. Feels the same way
Girls these days may say they want a man who will be a good husband and father because that's the ideal. But the reality is that when people are dating they just want the passion of a boyfriend/girlfriend experience. Then when that wears off they start thinking about the next high, marriage, after they have become so emotionally entangled.
This is the world we live in, unfortunately if you want to find a spouse you have to play this game.
I hope im wrong!
Why forcing yourself into relationships? You can stay single and it is NOT A SIN. 1 Corinthians 7
That's true, you can remain single. I WILL remain single. I just wish I didn't have the desire for progeny. But I just don't care about dating or marriage. I guess that's just the way it is.
true but what if your like me that cant or having harde time to read body language? i date 3 girls i my life and just could not get that connection where both people wanded to kiss. beside staring in into the onthere eye´s making it akward.
i cant help it that my school days i was bullied be me girl classemates.
because of that i have very harde time to read body language from girl even with othere people, because i became some one that more alone. but always wanted have girl relationship but never could because i dont know how.
I talk to everyone the same male or female like a boss ! Put yourself and your purpose first because if your not a high value man ,no female wants that .
After scrolling through comments....
I wonder if there is a disconnect taking place writ large. And a self sort in the material. How far really can we take a "if you ask me out, but I'm not necessarily interested, I might still say yes." Seriously? That may apply to some women, but not so much to others. Of the overall set, how many women would agree with that sentiment? How much would it hold up with different typical builds of men? Etc.
I've turned to online dating, because I don't see my local church doing much of interest to me, and can't pick out the single ladies of marriageable age from those who aren't. (And they don't have much in the way of events and activities that aren't all faith and religiously focused, instead of merely being social.) And in online dating, the rules are different, and the reach way different.
Not all these thoughts are necessarily taken to their logical maturity, but my head hurts and I don't feel like writing out huge paragraphs.
Great video!!
I had to ask my girlfriend out and subsequently ask her to breakup with me despite her making it clear what she wanted. It just takes us to make the initiative and I'm glad I did what I had to.
Wow....the level of arrogance between these 2 is amazing.
These are two men who were initially friendzoned by their wives (one of whom was into party / hookup culture at 15), and eventually their wives settled for them. Only because no better options were available and the clock was ticking, they got picked. I'm not sure I'd be making sweeping generalizations about single men if I were in their shoes, as it does come across as arrogant.
I generally like the content these guys produce, but this video is nothing more than lip service to a certain demographic.
Don't pull apart someone else to promote yourself, you come across as a narc. DO TIP YOUR WAITER/WAITRESS AFTER THE MEAL AND BE POLITE. Speaking down to other people in my presence makes me wonder if that's how you will speak to me when you feel more comfortable with us; I will lose interest immediately. That's my 2 cents. I liked the interview.
There are far fewer men than women--especially among young people--seeking marriage these days. You are therefore addressing the wrong demographic. Women are every bit as clueless about the qualities that marriage-minded men are looking for in a woman as is the case vice versa. Promoting marriage overall would be much better served if this issue was addressed from that perspective.
But you are saying there are far fewer men seeking marriage than women...that statement in itself states there may be an issue with the men( their lack of interest). I do agree that the total emphasis should be placed on marriage, and not dating. I think courtship is a better way to go.
@@teresacatherine3811 With all due respect, I would point out that if the issue is that the men "lack interest," then it is up to interested women to spark that interest. I believe it would help if women post what they have to offer instead of just a long list of their own demands. A man needs to know that he would be getting a quality woman--someone special who has more to offer than other women, and is worth his time and investment to see if they are compatible enough to pursue marriage.
Within the subset of Catholics, it’s actually quite split, possibly even tilting towards men
@@Seethi_C I'm not quite sure what you are referring to. "Tilting" in what way?
Most men aren't out there living this swinging bachelor lifestyle. I think most men want to get married too
And men want their Christian sisters to be open and honest about their needs and wants with us and how we can help each other to be a couple after our Lord and Savior. The best ability is availability, which requires knowing who you are (and should be) with Christ Jesus and His family.
In Christ,
Andrew
Porn is most deffinitly an issue for men in regards to what sex is going to be like and what their expectations from a woman will be like when it actually happens which is largely a let down for men. Women fail to recognize that they too have their version of Porn. Men have the visual element of fantasy and expectation but WOMEN have the emotional fantasy of Television shows like Hallmark channel.
Men get false expectations about how sex should happen and the situations they happen in and how those progress and escalate.
Women get false expectations from these shows because it shows these "happenstance" story lines that happen all in parallel and quickly. The frame of the men is impeccable and the lines are literally canned. They're lines written in the most unlikely scenerio dream towns - where the people just "happen" to bump into eachother like every other day (so it seems) so women expect this fairy tale like Disney style - pick them up and wisk them off to your castle type crap.
Then when the men are unable to provide these highly inflated unrealistic scenerios and emotional plots and rollercoasters - they tell themselves...idk this isn't may happily every after. When any problem arises or they are called on to be responsible or accountable - they run of saying - this isn't my happily ever after.
Basically - our lives have gotten so easy and our threshold for stimulation has surpassed any individuals ability to recreate the enviroment / scenerio to placate the need for stimulation in the manner at which it is unrealistically presented to the masses.
I'm not sure what to think anymore - the good girls who I think are really searching for God are still playing the game. Still looking for the "fairy tale" yet they put on a facade of "good girl" yet they'll go to the sack with you in no time. When they go to the sack or give you the opening to take them to the sack - it just tells me that I'm not the only one. I'm not the first and not the last.
God please come back soon....I'm tired of the clown world. Tired of the internet.
Dude ur name
Wow….this is helpful
When I don't want to date or go out with someone, because I find that person boring or annoying, I suggest going to a late movie. If it's a late showing, there's usually no nice place open to go for coffee after, and I can say that I have to get up early and go home. Also, if you meet at the movies, you don't have to talk to the person apart from a few minutes before the movie starts and then a few minutes after as you make your getaway. Guys, if a girl thinks going to a movie on a first date is a good idea, there's two possibilities: she's trying to minimize the amount of time she has to spend with (or be seen with) you, or she is really into you and doesn't mind that the date will be as pointless as a movie (for talking and getting to know someone) because going out for a movie is better than not going out with you at all.
Sending to my son, thank you! I’ll also offer to buy him the book.
Lmao, embarrassed son is embarassed
Excellent video! Thank you! 😊
My son needs this book, but he's not literate.
Really cool interview. I appreciate the list of do's and do not's - majorly true from my experience and great to get a reminder! I appreciate Jason's honesty too about recognizing he himself didn't ask out any of those girls directly - gives him lots of credibility IMO!
I applaud women that won't take a man who is struggling with porn. It's a sad situation but the best thing is for the woman to keep her distance, and for the man it will hopefully be a wake-up call.
But video games, man I disagree...
I think women should understand that not all guys like ballroom dancing and should appreciate the fact that video games are a legitimate hobby. I cook, clean my apartment, exercise, eat healthily, keep a daily devotional, serve my community, stay out of debt, pay my bills, save and invest my surplus money, stay informed about current events, study hard, practice kindness and generosity, keep myself in good hygiene, and dress moderately well. I recycle. I also ask out girls directly if I feel there is a connection. And I play video games probably on average 2-3 hours a day, they're so much fun. Video games really bring brothers together, too - I regularly play Smash Bros Melee with med students and PhD students and it is the time of our lives. I also play games with my actual brother and it is a major locus of connection.
To be fair, there are 'junk food' video games (e.g., Gatcha games), but on the other hand there are 'healthy' video games. I regularly play games that force me to think, do mental math, think through counterfactual scenarios, etc.. As a kid I played a ton of Fire Emblem, Advance Wars, and Zelda. I still play a ton of Fire Emblem. I would not be surprised if a lot of my abilities in philosophy, reasoning, math, and computer science, plus personal skills like reading maps, planning, and understanding and following instructions, comes from playing a lot of video games.
Further, anyone that bashes video games should equally bash watching Netflix or movies. Now I personally feel that there are great and entertaining Netflix shows and movies to watch, but there is plenty of time-wasting garbage. Same thing with video games. But if someone is willing to dismiss all video games, they are a hypocrite if they spend time watching Netflix. And most girls happily and shameless love Netflix.
I would love it if Jason went out and got the guys' perspective. I think that girls' complaints about guys not being straightforward is spot-on and legitimate. But I do think guys have a lot of concerns, too. Perhaps the biggest concern I have, perhaps as a mirror image of porn, is superficial materialism. Lots of girls just blow their money on junk -- clothes, makeup, products, oils, etc.. I heard a joke about how every girl has a 'shoe museum' of every pair of shoes that she wore one time and never wore again. Meanwhile, I have my running shoes, my cross-trainers, my hiking shoes, my casual shoes, my dress-up shoes, and my sandals. I feel that if I were with one of these very materialistic women, it could ruin my life.
Are you still single?
@@nellyblancaflor5559what a strange and rather insensitive thing to say…
Great VIDEO! So true!
The biggest problem is modern woman was told she could have everything she ever wanted and it should be perfect, but she herself isnt. She wants the perfect man with unrealistic requirements yet she herself adds nothing.
I love this! Thank you so much!
statistically speaking most men are invisible to women dating wise and find only 30% of men attractive and then that number shrinks due to other factors such as is the man morally good, is he ready to be in a relationship, is he capable of taking care of her, so it's a large percent of women going after a small percent of men and then once a women typically reaches the age of around 30-40 at the latest she is then open to more types of men but typically guys at any age find women in their early to mid 20's attractive so just like how many guys are invisible to women the older women are invisible to guys, another thing is that men typically find virgins more attractive and that isn't so common in the modern age for men or women.
Yep. I actually had a Catholic woman pull out her dating app and casually go through the dozen guys that messaged her, one by one, dismissing each of them for having "funny eyes" or other unexceptional facial features, without actually looking at their profiles. It's a good thing she deemed my eyes and other features "nice", otherwise I wouldn't have gotten that first-hand glimpse into why the bottom 80% of men today are being ignored by women.
Most Catholic women today are proving indistinguishable from modern women in that they're incredibly vain with their standards, rejecting perfectly well-to-do average men for superficial reasons, and ultimately marrying outside the Church in their 30s and 40s when they've run out of time... but naturally, we can't talk about that. It has to be men's fault, somehow.
You have no idea how many people at my YA group just stand around and talk to the same gender.... for men that are interested, all they have to do is look for a woman they find attractive, go up to her, introduce himself, ask what church she goes to and what her name is... BAM instant conversation starter........... .
They talk to the same gender because the women circle up and are utterly unapproachable.
Clarity, honesty and sincerity please!
Weird, a comment I made supportive of this video was deleted. Lesson learned!
True RightRight yes?
Mine too. Maybe its You Tube.. My comment was innocuous.
That's so weird
I agree.
Most of this stuff I figured out for myself, but I'm definitely investing in the book. Thanks for writing it! Personally, I'm less interested in religious title, and more interested in honourable values, living the divine path. Better to be an atheist with Christian values than a Christian with atheist values.
The woman who said she couldn't imagine dating a man who wouldn't take a risk.......I'd venture to guess that this particular person has never approached a man and asked him out. There's a word for that: Hypocrisy. Women need to practice what they preach, if they demand men take risks or step up then they themselves should do this.
Not really, if you look into history, you'll know that it's always the man that asks out, but the woman shows interest by initiating conversation or 'dropping the hankerchief'... and if the man is interested, he'll pursue her.... But never did the woman take the masculine role by asking a man out... too many times I've seen that, it never works out great in the long run.
@@catholicfemininity2126 that's a social construct, not a divine order. People made that up but its not a given. If you wanted to become a doctor for example, you'd go to medical school and go after it. It would be ridiculous to think that you would wait, sit back and expect someone to knock on your door and give you a medical degree. It's the same with this......whether you be man or woman, if there's someone you like you should approach them, not sit back and expect them to come to you. There's a word for that type of thing, it's called being "haughty".
@@eoinbrennan3949 actually, I agree with her here. It's not a social construct for men to pursue women they're interested in. That's the way it's supposed to go
@@WhiteChocolate74 So every man you see and youre attracted to, you pursue? Something tells me the answer to that is No. Do if you don't pursue men you're interested in then why do you assume that if a man is interested in you that this means he should or even will pursue you? If men pursued every woman they're attracted to they'd spend their whole lives chasing women.
@@eoinbrennan3949 plot twist for you...I'm a man.
I mean, the woman should signal to you that she's interested, but it's sort of the masculine role to pursue
I think id disagree with that one girl abt the discernment. As a guy, we get the initiative so our discernment starts when we are ready. If you find yourself in an environment where you can chat with a girl after mass regularly, for example, you get the opportunity to get to know her and find out if shes even your type. You can gague interest and you have the addede benefit of asking her out in person. If you can do a chunk of discernment on the front end you can use your head and discern out before even breaking someones heart.
As i got to know my fiance before we dated, i realized more and more that she was my kind of person with how much our values lined up. And after i made my move she realized it too.
Go slow, have a clear head and dont treat it like youre cold calling prospects.
There's a lot of vitriol from the women who responded to this. None of these women even said anything about what they like- just what they despise.
I guess there's just no point. Even if I did none of these things and had none of these qualities, I'm sure a woman who reacts like this would find a reason to get mad that I asked her out.
Stop being pathetic
@Res Vero You are creating an environment where men cannot talk about their problems.
@@danielbob2628
I'm doing nothing of the sort.
When men talk about problems they seek to fix it.
When women have problems they complain.
The facts are that woman like virtue, strength and the ability to provide for a family. Work hard getting those things and you'll get a wife, complain on the UA-cam comment section and you'll go nowhere.
@@resvero8342women only want 6 foot chads and Tyrones and get ran through by them. Even catholic ones
I usually have trouble finding a girl at mass or anywhere
As someone I know used to say, “Sh** or get off the pot!” This works for dating or evacuating your bowels 😂
Facebook/instagram is anti life
I'm 32 now, and I'm still single 😔
Me too. You are not alone. God has not forgotten us.
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. The alternative is likely worse
you don't want a selfish arrogant
Interesting that the behavior and qualities that are desirable in a man are the classic masculine virtues: Chastity, Honesty, courage, etc. In other words... Man up!
I think most men would be happy to "man up" if the benefits of doing so was worth the cost, but it usually just.... isnt.
What do men gain in return for "manning up"? Women culturally do not respect men; they don't display classical feminity; many women can't cook, clean, or sew, and find the idea of being a traditional homemaker highly offensive; they want careers not families; they can divorce men at the turn of a dime with no grounds to do so, taking half of his income, posessions, and getting full costody of his children; they have unrealistic expectations of romance thanks to hallmark movies and chick flicks; they pursue toxic men in favor of good men; they want to recieve the world on a platter from a Catholic Brad Pitt, but they are unwilling to painstakingly craft themselves into individuals who even *remotely* deserve such a man.
This is not a one sided issue, and until that is recognized, nothing will change. All the risk of marriage and relationship is on men, and the rewards men may have once gained from marriage have been eroded to a point where, unless a woman is TRULY extraordinary, it isn't worth risking the soul shattering consequences of things falling appart.
@Patz13 Both are called to be virtues. Ant I would say generally, virtues people can be found equally among men and women. But upbringing and society can have an influence on that balance. I have too little experience to tell in whos favor it is. And here in Switzerland it's most likely different anyways.
It might be true that he is self centered. Like most people. And it's not purely self-inflicted. Other men and women have an influence on that as well.
80% of the divorces are initiated by the women. And both can divorce because of no reason.
Normally the man is the one who earns more. So when things are split half, they will lose more. And the other logical consequence is also, that the person who invests more money into the partnership will be financially better off after divorce. And the person with the higher salary needs to pay child support payments. Guess who that is in most cases.
And about 75% of the time the women is the primary care giver of children after divorce.
I'm not to sure if he sees women as bad, at least I don't. But if one gender is treated differently than the other it can be a bit frustrating. Especially when you know several men who don't want the divorce and then they can see their children rarely and have to give away a lot of money to ex-partner. While at the same time you never hear that happen to a women in your life. (This isn't that big of a topic in my life, but for some it is, because they know quite a few people who lived through that.)
@@IronKing66 Part of "manning up" is wanting to do it just for yourself because it makes you a better person. I hope you're able to find the woman you've described. I spent 35 years as a homemaker/homeschooler and loved it. Those women are still out there - I've seen many young women wanting a man who is looking for exactly what you're asking and they feel like men want a woman who will bring in the bacon. Ask God to show you where they are, and keep working on your character (a never-ending goal, right?). Be encouraged, brother.
I need cheap date ideas. I'm poor and in love.
A picnic, long bike ride or just a walk at a park, draw with chalk outside, get some paint from the dollar store and paint pictures of each other, trying to make a meal out of what you have at home (NO SHOPPING 😂), play a sport together, or make playlists of songs that remind you of each other!
Yes, to Aileen's ideas! Women generally love things that are creative. Being poor kind of forces you into creativity. Lucky for you!
@@alyce-kayruckelshaus1224 well, I am a creative soul. I make jewerly when I get bored...
@@PolishBigfootCircle11 A man who makes jewelry? You know how many women would love that. Keep rocking it.
It is ideal to get your finances in order and make sure you have a job before dating. Unless you are like a teenager
I remember my friend telling me I scared a buddy of his at my friends going away party, he showed me the text of the guy who liked me but thought I was scary. That dude turned out to be a cop! Lmao That dude was a playboi, ungodly, and too worldy. I must have scared the demons in him or something
I actually got a text from a guy once that was vaguely asking me to go out with him. And I began to type out a text back and found myself really pissed and about ready to blow him off. But then I just hit the backspace and decided to call him. I can tell I totally surprised him when he said "hello" and I told him that I would not go out on a date via a text message and that if you wanted to take me on a date he should try verbally asking me. LOL - his voice was shaking as he said "Well, would you go out with me?" I did and later I decided that I was never going to want to marry him (not a horrible guy, but definitely not my guy) and told him as much and told him that at the same token I would not bad mouth him to mutual friends. He tried to convince me to give it another try, but as hard as it might have seemed I think it was better that I didn't give any false hope and obviously I'm doing well now because I'm married to a different man with multiple kids. I think one of the problems that girls have that makes it harder for guys is that when you're in a group where a whole bunch of people know a whole bunch of other people a guy is afraid that if it doesn't work out with one girl she's going to spoil it for him with all the other girlfriends.
Well it's because it's true. I'm sure when you blew him off you told at least 1 if your friends about it
I most definitely did not spoil it for him with any other girls. And I most definitely did not bad mouth him to any mutual friends.
I get where guys fear about this comes from, but it's kind of a fear that guys have to get over because if you hedge around the corners and aren't direct at all, honestly makes the problem worse and that's when I will be talking to friends and we'll all be wondering if you're flirting with multiple of us at the same time which feels a whole lot more like you might just be trying to play the field and are probably a whole lot more disrespectful. Just saying.
I gave the dude a couple dates and then a very respectful conversation as to why I didn't think we were a good match to get married and should therefore not enter into a more serious romantic relationship. I definitely don't qualify that as blowing him off. I'd consider blowing him off at the beginning, but maybe any kind of rejection from a girl is considered blowing off in some guys minds... IDK...
Great
This is why you don't ask only women.. Women do ghosting too.. Regularly.. Instead saying no, they just put your text on read, or not even read it at all and the men wondering what mistakes they did 😂😂😂
This video confirms my suspicion that women today are too picky. Don't want you to ask via text message, won't say yes unless you use the right language, won't go if it's not the right venue, won't be satisfied unless it's "a real date." It's almost like the ideal you are describing is straight out of a Disney movie.
I live in a large city, if I don't ask a girl out via text, I probably won't ever see her in person for months, if ever. I've also asked girls out for coffee, been rejected, and then saw her on Catholic Match later. Am I to presume you don't want to be asked out on facebook but texting you via Catholic Match is perfectly fine?
Or if a girl doesn't think what you are doing together is a "real date," why did she wait until the end of the relationship to actually say something? Here's a tip, what women say at the end of the relationship is rarely the whole truth.
The other thing is feminism has given women the independence to have a career and not really need a man for anything. Maybe this is why they can afford to be this picky, at least until they are approaching mid 30's and are still single, with the biological clock running out.
Let's just not sit around blaming this all on men and video games. We're all getting tired of that mantra. Maybe the real reason girls aren't getting asked out is because of all these stupid games they play because they ultimately don't really want to get married and have a traditional family which might be God's will. They know that getting married will either stop or seriously delay their career if they were truly open to following the Church's teaching regarding contraception or NFP.
Not all women are like that. NAWALT is a very true acronym, despite what MGTOW has to say. You can find the good women, they are out there. Use your gut instincts.
If you're a young single Catholic woman looking for a husband, try going to the local FSSP or diocesan Latin Mass. I see the opposite gender ratio there.
I can play my game and keep my girlfriend thank you very much
What's in it for a man when he breaks up with a girl, rather than ghosting? A road to better character.
Also women talk to their friends if a guy treats her badly she let's the women of her acquaintance know and it maybe one of them he would have preferred to date. Same goes for women. Everyone should treat each other with basic respect and decency especially if we call ourselves Christian.
@@viviennedunbar3374 Amen!
Love the interview, but uh, why do you equate porn and video games? 😂 I mean, if you place video games as a matter of supreme importance, then sure, but
The book is too expensive.
👏🏻👏🏻
so guys who struggle and get to confession who are emasculated by porn are bad guys ?
No, but work through the struggle (which it sounds like you're talking about). A woman can be very compassionate to and admiring of a man who believes that it's wrong and is truly trying to conquer that.
@@alyce-kayruckelshaus1224 that’s precisely what I’m talking about no one wants to willingly stay sick.
@@DwayneEagle114 Since you want to get well, it's probably hard for you to imagine (and that's wonderful) how many DON'T want to get well. Read some of the comments here and you'll see a couple men who are defending their habit. Many of my friends (women) suffer with Christian husbands who are into porn with no intent of giving it up. Be encouraged, Dwayne! God will help you overcome, and there's a woman out there who will greatly admire you for that. We DO realize how difficult it is, especially in our culture, and we have great respect for men who are genuinely working on it. It shows us a man who wants to follow God, who strives to be righteous, who is humble and will guide us in devotion. DONT GIVE UP! I'm saying a prayer for you right now before hitting the "reply" button.
@@alyce-kayruckelshaus1224 the ones defending it are unfortunately weak but yes it’s the humanistic rationalisation of a lack of hope of being with an actual women and lack of faith and trust I’ve Been in their shoes but I know I can’t defend something that is not the truth.
@@DwayneEagle114 You're going to defeat this, with God's help! And you'll make a great husband for some blessed gal.
That's an easy one: $, $, $...........
Blessed
It's evil, to view a living human as lesser by virtue of broken, damaged or different genetics.
Many disabled or difficult children have greater needs, often ongoing into adulthood. No physical or mental issue deserves thr death penalty or relegation to a second class of person with no real rights.
It is barbarism, all our sisters and brothers are created in the image of God.
This doesn't work in American. We are in a different level of sin
Porn undeniably is playing a large role; however, I think it's a combination of that, and this new age type of feminism that has killed chivalry and even made men afraid of approaching women due to the fear they'll be seen as a "creepy" or something. Also there's undeniably a lot of mental health issues on the rise, so if everyone is walking around with social anxiety these days, that's also gonna hold you back.
Because porn has never existed before now. No. Porn is the symptom. Women are the cause.