okay hi I feel like this video picks up the most half way through? but I always say that. and I know its a little blurry? I really am going to try to get better at using my camera I swear I will ask someone who knows how to do it. anyway I talked on patreon longer patreon.com/drewmonson im nervous
I’m in a deep depression and I listen to you every night and morning as a coping mechanism. I’ve been playing the same videos over and over so I’m so thankful you posted 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
DAMN the part about boundaries hit me really hard. I always feel rejected when somebody else holds a boundary (like the hanging up the phone example), and most of that stems from the fact that I avoid putting up my own. And I think the reason why is because I don’t know when I need to choose myself over others, or what you said about “not knowing where somebody else ends and you begin.” Painful stuff to realize and deal with, but it’s really so important
I totally agree! And I’m glad that resonated because it is something I’m always working on. It comes from somewhere, it just has to be dealt with somehow and those beliefs
hard same. like I’d always rather stay up with someone or go out even if I’m tired cuz I don’t wanna be a ditcher. and when people bail on stuff cuz they need to sleep I’m like dude just stay up >< but, you know.. those people are actually taking care of themselves. 🙃
@@minnie7453 same! I always feel slightly hurt/rejected when someone I’m talking with needs to sleep, get work done, or live their lives. It’s because I know that I’d easily ditch my own life and plans to talk to them. I’d stay up late, put off work I need to do, and sacrifice self-care to talk to them. In the past I’d even hold off on eating when I was starving, drinking water, and peeing to the point I got a uti/pain, just to talk to someone and not end the conversation. Which is not normal at all. It’s people pleasing out of a selfish fear of rejection, and i just end up resenting myself and the person I abandoned my boundaries for, for it. .
I honestly think of you as on the same tier as Danny Gonzalez and Drew Gooden. You're just as funny as either of them and frankly keep me very entertained with very little. I'm not sure if I would want to just watch Danny or Drew ramble on for several hours, but I'll be damned if I won't watch you talk for days about how relatable it is to think the entire supermarket is mad at you. Don't sell yourself short, boy. You're one of my all time favourite content creators
It’s amazing how well u can translate ur thoughts out loud. I feel like so many people have a constant stream of thoughts but never know how to articulate but u do it so well and u do it in front of a camera!
What you said about being upset when people wouldn’t stay up all night for you even though you would do it for them hit really hard. I do the same thing. I feel like no one ever gives me the same energy but then I realize that I’m probably giving more energy than is needed. It’s a hard thing to learn boundaries, especially for yourself. So it was validating hearing say you experience a similar thing.
I do the exact same, And then I feel hurt and like that friend doesn’t care about me because they set boundaries, so I distance myself from them, usually delete our messages out of spite, reply slower and colder than normal, or sometimes even ghost them. It’s bad. But then again I don’t know where the normal level of response/perceived care from a friend should be…because sometimes there are people who actually don’t care about me and it hurts my self esteem talking with people like that
ooof the bit on boundaries is everything i'm feeling rn. "Just because i'm a people pleaser doesn't make me empathetic because it's fear based" BOOM! words of wisdom x
These are like literal therapy sessions to me. I don’t really have friends cos I isolate too, but your videos feel like hanging with a friend who gets it. Fkn love you drew, I’ll marry you so we can go for dinner
i actually started tearing up watching this, the part about being malleable and not having boundaries with yourself and expecting people around you to act similarly is something i've had such a hard time grasping and your way of putting it into words was so eye opening. thank you
Tell me why Drew is the most real person on UA-cam. Like he's one of the only people who has genuinely shown his audience how much he struggles with his mental health. It makes us feel less alone, I have bipolar disorder and I relate to Drew so much.
Honestly, I feel like you say the things a lot of people feel but won’t admit to because they’re afraid of how people might internally judge them. You’re honest in a way a many UA-camrs aren’t and I hope you know that there’s value in that.
It makes me feel less judgment towards him than people who would hide it because one I relate and two I honor is honesty in a way. He seems to know and share how he feels I would trust him because I know he is only human and flawed and genuinely wants to be a good person and he is aware of his toxicity and doesn’t allow it to define him.
It was so comforting to me to hear you talk about feeling jealous of your friends but happy at the same time when something good happens to a friend... I so often feel like that and I always get in a rut of thinking that I'm the only one feeling like that and I'm a bad person. So thank u for vocalizing that.
you are my favourite youtuber drew there's no one doing it like you you're so real and just overall a great wholesome amazing human being if I was your mum I'd be so proud love you so much babes xxx
That’s an interesting point that a “bedtime” is like a personal boundary. Currently I’m wide awake refusing to try and sleep because my thoughts get scary when I do so this will probably be another all nighter. I guess I need to create some personal boundaries
It's incredible to me how casually introspection comes to you, I know is not the same as doing something abt it but self awareness is the first step and I really appreciate you sharing because I then too, can recognize things in myself through you. so thank you. I love these vids.
This video reminds me of one my favorite poems it’s called “what you missed the day you were absent in 4th grade” by Brad Aaron . it’s all about the things we are forced to learn on our own and in our own time. Things of life that school never could teach us it’s really beautiful I think you would like it
Okay the part about being a people pleaser and not setting boundaries, and running yourself ragged for other people and feeling rejected when they don’t do the same hit a little too hard. The statement “being a people pleaser isn’t the same at being empathetic”terrified me to my core 😅 I really resonated with that whole part and never really heard it spoken out in words before. The way I can rely on people so hard for the way my day will go is honestly so scary.
Social Media has caused us all to compare ourselves to everyone every day. It's so toxic. Please people, remember you are amazing as you are and you are right where you need to be. 🤗
Omg the part about feeling threatened by people who have their shit together...that hit hard. I have the same problem. Like darn you shower EVERY DAY? you clean your space before bed EVERY NIGHT? you remember to pay thing WHEN THEY ARE DUE? and for some become personally offended by their existence for no other reason than they make me feel bad about myself lol
i love this therapy session type videos you’ve been doing because i just sit and nod along the whole time. you make me feel so seen and heard, i wish there was some way you could hear me relating to feelings/situations that you don’t think people will relate to.
Now all I want is for Danny and drew to see this and they can all three be besties what a good ending to this story (if this was a story and not real life but either way great video I felt this HARD)
i literally sat here recording clips of this video just to have on my phone. i have been looking for these words for so long and i genuinely can never be able to thank you enough for getting them out. i think what you do is art. thank you drew. i feel like ur untangling my mind.
the last 3 weeks have been the lowest point of my life and its been really really hard, and on top of that i found out i failed an exam yesterday. its just a really really sucky time. but your video feels like a gift and your videos always bring me comfort in the worst moments, i love you drew!
What you said about others setting boundaries and feeling rejected just blew my mind because I never realised thats similar to how I feel and now it feels like I’ve just unlocked something and I’m thinking about all the times it’s happened
Literally had this conversation with my therapist!!! I just got out of a long term relationship where I was in constant fear of him breaking up with me and so I would do anything to mold myself to be what I thought he wanted just to be close to him. But he felt my fear so me molding myself to feel close to him had the opposite effect... he felt disillusioned from me because I was no longer being myself. Thanks for sharing Drew. Made me feel less alone.
at 11:10 something you touched on there, I felt that very personally especially right now. I feel so jealous of my friends, and in turn I'm like does that make me a bad friend? I don't pray on their downfall nor do I want them to not succeed, but I also wish it were me - but at the same time I don't make any steps towards it. One of my friends lost a lot of weight after weight loss surgery and she looked so great, but I know it's hard work. My other friends are settling down in serious relationships, getting engaged, married, announcing pregnancies while I still live at my parent's house. I don't have any social media anymore, and I think I know why. It's all so bittersweet to me. I like the disconnect, but every once in a while when I check my FB or my IG, or I look up someone for whatever reason I find out stuff about them. Like so and so is in healthcare and they're a pharmacist, or a doctor or they're in physician assistant school. All of these things I was interested in myself career wise. It is definitely an insecurity issue for me. I recently found out one of my childhood best friends was now a popular content creator. It's like in the back of my mind, I've always wanted to do something like that but I never felt comfortable putting myself and my image out there like that for thousands to critique. And then I thought about it and my other childhood best friend is working on her residency to be a neurosurgeon and it's like my god, I'm happy for their success, I truly am. They deserve it, they're good people. But I'm hoping I get motivated to do something too.
I was feeling so sad and bored just now but then I saw that you posted and even though I’m alone I verbally laughed aloud to myself and fist pumped in celebration so thank you for being here love u bye
Drew as a 17 yr old girl who struggles a lot w boundaries you just being able to articulate how you feel in words helps sooo much it also helps knowing I’m not the only one who does those things and thinks that way
You are literally the realest person on the internet. I could listen to you talk for hours because it's so relatable. You talk about the things that most people are scared to say. It feels like i'm listening to a friend that truly understands me. I appreciate your content more than you would ever know.
29:00 this part happens to me too. I think it just comes out of being a perfectionist. I've come to know myself better and that I can be quite a critical person, with others yes, but way worse with myself that I would get frustrated and even end up crying when things don't pan out right too. And it would be for the SILLIEST things. I'm trying to better myself with this
I have never related to someone so much in my life, you bring such a relief to me. Anytime I have really bad anxiety or panic attacks where I start to think I have about every mental illness to exist and that I’m a terrible human being bc of my thoughts or my feelings that I never share with anyone, I come to your videos and hearing you have the same thoughts I do just make me feel at ease. You are not alone, I am not alone, and anyone else who can relate to your videos and your inner thoughts you share with us is not alone! Thank you, for your videos, for your openness to share how you feel and the things you experience. You are helping so many people feel like normal human beings.
I know this vid’s a year old but the bit about someone not replying for a while and talking yourself up into a spiral where you’re imagining what they’re thinking/what you did wrong then only being able to not feel that dread when they finally reply is painfully relatable and also something I’m working on
Oh my God Drew I swear your thought process regarding the whole feeling threatened when you see someone else who seems to have their life together thing... Wow that's literally how my brain works. I wish I learned certain things growing up to be more structured but I didn't. It's hard to move past that. Also the part where you talked about having boundaries with yourself really resonated with me. I never really thought about the importance of it like that, but once you mentioned the whole "staying up all night until 6am on the phone with someone if they want to" but when someone sets a boundary of "okay well I have to hangup because I have work in the morning" and "well I would stay on the phone for them all night... why wouldn't they do the same for me?" that really made me think. Again, I share that EXACT thought process and I find myself doing the whole neglecting my own needs thing (going back to your example of a doctor's appointment the next day but you're at an arcade late). I have a therapy appointment soon and I definitely will be bringing up these topics and what you said with her. It really really resonated with me and made me self reflect a bit more. Thank you for teaching me something and for making me feel less alone.
something that touched me is what you said in your quitting smoking video. you mentioned feeling discomfort while quitting but because there was a higher goal it made it easier and rewarding. I see jealousy that way. Putting myself in situations that I would normally be very jealous and realizing nothing has happened and I am okay! and celebrating that.
dude. finally. someone understands the whole ‘i’m always anxious to the point where relaxation feels suspicious’. i’ve never met someone who feels that way too. we’re the same person and that’s comforting
Feel you so deeply on the boundaries talk. Wow. Tell me why I never realized it’s boundaries that I struggle with and wishing people would reciprocate the same energy to me but yup I am a people pleaser and some part of me wants that in return for once? But it’s not appropriate and my fault I set that weird standard
This is the most relatable video I've ever seen from you genuinely especially the part about being a people pleaser when you said that you get that wave of feeling like you can live your life again....... Wow lol I'm speechless
You are SPOT ON with the boundaries. I’m 40 now and I literally have the best boundaries ever. I had to learn to say no and not feel bad about it. If I don’t want to go to someone’s kids Birthday party, I just say no thanks lol And they GET IT 🤣
So my depression is getting worse i cry constantly and my anxiety is through the roof. But drews videos make me feel better so ty for that. I'm manifesting it out into the world for drew to reply to this comment it would mean the world to me. You've made me laugh on days where i just wanted to give up and today is one of those days. Been a fan since the beginning I'm so proud of how far you've come.
Being a passive/empathetic person is hard. Like we put others and their boundaries first before anything for ourselves. I feel everything you’re saying 🥲
Omg it sounds like ur therapy is really opening doors for u drew I’m so happy for u!! I totally feel this when u have realization that make things make sense.
I really relate to getting upset over things not going a certain way. Especially birthdays and not having a “college experience” that I had pictured in my head for years it literally ruins so many moments
wait on the topic of people leaving stuff in that you’re like, “oh… why?” i just remembered that phase in youtube ppl would leave in moments of them messing up to make themselves seem relatable then do a HARD cut to the intro… it was a staple of the youtube renaissance
@@drewmonson2 yeah exactly then they’d like gather themself clap their hands to “check sound” but in reality it was just them trying to simulate what it would be like take slate on a movie set… the good ol’ days i suppose
Drew you are so insightful! I resonate with a lot of what you bring up. Also, I like the longer videos. If I have to hear "whatever happened to 90 minute movies?!" one more time I am going to melon-ball my brain out in chunks.
Drew it’s funny because the way you talked about wanting to be someone/ being jealous of them without wanting to do anything that they do to get there is exactly how I feel about you
i love how honest you are, it's always gonna be refreshing, you definitely bring something original to youtube, it's rare to see someone being so honest and open the way you are
so much that you said in this video were like my EXACT thoughts- thoughts that i didn’t even realize i was having. from the stuff like setting boundaries with yourself to just like, getting mad at someone in the grocery store because they were walking too slow, and feeling like at the end of the day you are completely alone in the world despite having friends and family that you know love you. you’re so articulate in the things you want to say and you say things and it just IMMEDIATELY makes sense to me and just resonates so strongly -and i consider myself to be very articulate and in touch with my emotions so it’s wild and jarring (in a good way i guess) to hear someone else voice their experiences and have it match so closely to mine and that those thoughts have never crossed my mind before. ive had so many personal realizations watching your videos and a lot of the things you say it feels like i think and feel so similarly. i feel less alone in things i didn’t know i felt alone in in the first place, and i have words for things i didn’t know i felt or needed words for. anyway for anyone reading he gets into it about half an hour in
Drew today I just got my cameo you made for my friend Sarah and it made both of us SO freakin happy. I've been watching you since I was in highschool (I'm 24 now) and it was surreal hearing you say my name and cheer my best friend up. This channel specifically has helped her and I ALOT these last few months, I really appreciate how authentic and raw you are. Not to sound like a therapist or anything but the self awareness you have is impressive, it's taken me over 7 years of therapy to get even close to be the level of self aware you are so you should be super proud of yourself (I know cheesy, oops) Anyways if anyone is considering getting a cameo from this king, DO IT!! Best money I've ever spent, he's super personable, creative, lovely and funny (of course) I've never seen anyone do cameos that well!!! Feeling double blessed today with a cameo and video from my favourite, thanks again Drew ❤❤
Hi Drew! I love you! I've been a fan since I was 16 so around 11 years! Your channel has a specialness to me. I laugh and feel such a connection to you.
omgggg Drewwww 20:40 the envy v admiration was something i learned a couple years ago now that whenever i for whatever reason would impulsively think 'I don't like that' it was because i DID like something about it, but it's my own internalization of what that would mean about myself if i were to connect with it easily. When you started on describing the feelings of not having something that might be taught in childhood hit me so hard i had to pause and yell "DREW NO, YOU'RE SAYING EVERYTHING" - this is def tmi but ive learned only recently (in the past 2 years) i was emotionally abandoned by my caregiver so there's many aspects to how I live as an adult i wonder if it's ADHD, or is a result from not being parented enough when it would've helped me grasp self-care, grasp how to prioritise even the things I cannot stand to remember to consider and do.
I returned to work from Maternity leave three day's ago, your videos help me through being away from my kids. I got this video 4 minutes into uploading and I've still got that weird thing where that makes me feel better than everyone else who comes after me. Therefore I'm manifesting a response from Drew on this comment, it would literally make my life 10X better than it is right now, no pressure.
i’m so glad someone else is so open about jealousy. it’s something i constantly get mad at myself about and it’s so relieving to see someone talking about it so candidly thank you
Today was really rough for me. I have bpd and today I was so depressed and I cried on and off from 8:30-5:30 when I clocked out at work . I work with kids at a daycare and deal with parents a lot and I had to just hide the fact I was crying but not in control of it like just tears streaming all day and I really needed this laugh. Thanks drew for being you and being honest and hilarious
I feel like you talked about a really important breakthrough about boundaries. I bet a lot of people can relate- I know I did. It's hard work to keep changing but being aware really helps!
When I see you I think, drew has the life I would like more or less, a big following which equals friends, funny personality, a job that is not 9 to 5, a life in sunny California etc.. so people watching are kind of thinking the same thing your thinking about Drew and others
No cause I grew up with my gma who’s a big part of my life telling me “none of ur friends r real they’ll come and go” and now everytime I hang out with a friend there’s always a thought in my head being like “they’re gonna talk shit about me, they’re gonna ghost me” especially when they’re popular in school I’m so insecure I don’t attach myself to anyone anymore cause I feel our friendship will end, I feel like it’s me against the world like u said and idk how to not feel like it
drew i am jealous of you to this day you have so many hobbies and interests. also your music career? like you make music that is so amazing and you can play piano which is something i wish i could do. i feel like i have nothing to offer but you’ve given us so much. your feelings are completely warranted but just know we heart you hehe
the permission to do things after finding out someone isn’t mad at you after literally any conversation where they don’t respond i completely relate to
drew at around the 20 minute mark where you talked about being maluble and feeling rejected when others arent it opened my eyes so wide to why i have always felt so alone and rejected in all of my relationships. im 19 and autistic and i have always spent my life obsessing with other people. doing anything for them socially to make sure they enjoy themselves. i dont enjoy most of the conversations i have because i never think about my own feelings. you saying that thats just not how people should be, and everything else you said descibed what i have struggled with so deeply. THANK YOU drew.
Omg around 16:30ish YES THE INTERNET CHANGED and people try and be clever but hurt you deeply. Before it was trolling more. Definitely lots of tension and choosing sides it’s exhausting
I relate so much to what you were saying about staying up and other peoples boundaries. I always will want to stay up (if I’m having fun) no matter what but I feel sad when my friends aren’t the same way. And I always think it’s me 🆚 the world. Maybe it’s just because we’re both cancers ♋️🦀
Damn this video is so good. I relate so much to a lot of what you were talking about, especially how you get mad at ppl for being able to set boundaries with you. I constantly do the thing where I rearrange my schedule for ppl or stay up so late I'm nodding off just bc they want to keep talking. And then when they don't do the same I feel like they must not like me very much and I feel so hurt and question my whole relationship with them. But lately I've been trying to tell myself that their decision to not talk or hang out doesn't reflect how they feel about me, and it's hard to believe but I feel comforted knowing that you struggle with the same thing. I also found it helpful when you were saying that it's not true happiness to be so enmeshed with ppl and to feel that "happiness"/relief when they finally respond to you. I wish I wasn't constantly keeping a log in my brain of how many hrs it's been since I last texted someone and feeling more and more anxious as they take longer to msg back. Also your performance at the end was so good, I could tell you were really going all out. This is probably my favorite video you've made on this channel (and I've watched all the others at least 5 times each)
i feel so so jealous of u in the way u do abt drew gooden. you have such a way of translating these heavy emotions that we haven’t made words for. between the passion you have in your voice, the hand motions, the expressions and the words, you could easily explain the human experience to a frog and im sure he would get it!! it’s genuinely so special to be so eloquent and expressive in every way. to be honest, you don’t exactly feel like a human but at the same time you feel like the most human parts of being a human and being alive. i have never felt human like i’m always just a little off AND i feel like lots of people in the comments feel the same and u put a thread in between all of us and that’s literally a super power. AND you’re very funny haha. love love love these videos
I relate so, so much to the boundaries stuff! I have such a hard time setting boundaries with myself and with others. I, too, am the person that will stay on the phone all night with someone LOL....I always feel like everything is up to the other person. Makes me isolate myself because I'm terrified of getting involved with anyone, even on a superficial level, and losing myself.
I love 40 minute videos especially yours! You’re so transparent & real! I completely agree with you about those tiktoks where it’s just someone in the corner watching a video literally not even saying anything. I hate those type of tiktoks
I feel like you read my mind when you post. Today I was just thinking of why everyone is ahead of me, like it's me versus the world and I feel jealous of literally everyone. Which is why I deleted my Instagram because I couldn't stop feeling jealous of all of my friends because I felt like they were better than me, prettier than me, living more than me, having more fun than me, and just being a head of me. Thank you for making me feel less alone in life.
I feel like we have the exact same anxiety levels and thought processes. I find it so hard to be in public cuz I’m either going to have panic attacks or I’m fighting the urge to start a fight with a stranger because they get in my way. Not healthy but idk how to control that
being neglected and/or abused leaves us running on empty, im realizing my self hate/anger turned inwards is always a cover for feeling so abandoned/used in the past, it's the grieving process of realizing that the unacceptable has happened, u were a helpless child, left alone and there's nothing that is going to change that fact. realizing this is incredibly painful, incredibly difficult to process, has to happen several times for your brain to register then after this true raw core pain (that u might have had for your whole life) maybe i think is liberation to feel new again like it's a new day not your life repeating
the turning my hate and anger inwards thing is so real. i deny all my ambitions and wallow in my misery while comparing myself to everyone else. idk how to stop it. my dad told me my goals were stupid and at the time, I rebelled against him but now that I'm older, I feel so incapable, I think back to what he said and feel like that's true. i just sit here and cry about it instead of doing something.
That's the first video I've seen of someone talking about boundaries that helped me realise my fault patterns related to that. I'm glad you made this video. Hope to see more videos of you talking about mental health issues in the future 🤍
I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday so I’m miserable and stuck in bed. So glad you uploaded today so I don’t feel so alone right now. Always feels like I’m on FaceTime with a friend when I watch you. ❤️ much love x
drew i have never once seen anyone else who feels like i do about people going to bed before me i have never related so much to a video in my life omg i feel for u
Thank you so much. I really feel like I saw this video for a reason, Drew. I always love hearing you talk, ramble, vent, but this video really taught me something about myself. We can work on boundaries together. 😩🤧🥺💞
this one seriously resonated with me. i appreciate your perspective so much. even though maybe you feel like you ramble and go on tangents way too much, to me all of your descriptions of things and feelings are exactly how i feel and i just don’t know how to describe it. you make me feel very seen. and being able to recognize my own traits which might be negative in other people who i like and respect makes it easier for me to like and respect myself. so thank you.
This is my thought process whenever I’m having a bad time and I see high functioning mentally healthy people in my field 🤪 Like, “Oh, you’re 19 AND you’re churning out breathtakingly beautiful photorealistic illustrations AND you have 800k followers?? Wow!! *cries in the fetal position*”
I have OCD and can literally relate to everything you say. thank you for speaking out about this stuff because it helps me to realize things about myself that I don’t particularly notice. it’s like you held a mirror up to me and I appreciate that because now I know it’s something I need to work on - healthy boundaries
okay hi I feel like this video picks up the most half way through? but I always say that. and I know its a little blurry? I really am going to try to get better at using my camera I swear I will ask someone who knows how to do it.
anyway I talked on patreon longer patreon.com/drewmonson im nervous
yay i love u i’m so excited for these videos i love ur patreon
Are you manipulating me into watching longer
@@elijah1437 and it never not work! Always end up finishing the whole video
Love u mommyyy
w4ssup drew
“you want that life but you don’t want to do anything to get it” drew just annihilated me
I actually do want to do the work but i don’t know how or where
yeah 😓
@@meltaylor2339 google
@@Emile.gorgonZola what do i type into gOoGle
while CRAFTING? oh drew you’ve simply outdone yourself
I’m in a deep depression and I listen to you every night and morning as a coping mechanism. I’ve been playing the same videos over and over so I’m so thankful you posted 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
same!!
these vids are my nightly routine too 💕
🥺🥺🥺
♥️❤️
You guys made my day😭❤️
DAMN the part about boundaries hit me really hard. I always feel rejected when somebody else holds a boundary (like the hanging up the phone example), and most of that stems from the fact that I avoid putting up my own. And I think the reason why is because I don’t know when I need to choose myself over others, or what you said about “not knowing where somebody else ends and you begin.” Painful stuff to realize and deal with, but it’s really so important
I totally agree! And I’m glad that resonated because it is something I’m always working on. It comes from somewhere, it just has to be dealt with somehow and those beliefs
sameeee this part hit so hard!!! i feel so seen
hard same. like I’d always rather stay up with someone or go out even if I’m tired cuz I don’t wanna be a ditcher. and when people bail on stuff cuz they need to sleep I’m like dude just stay up >< but, you know.. those people are actually taking care of themselves. 🙃
@@minnie7453 same! I always feel slightly hurt/rejected when someone I’m talking with needs to sleep, get work done, or live their lives. It’s because I know that I’d easily ditch my own life and plans to talk to them. I’d stay up late, put off work I need to do, and sacrifice self-care to talk to them. In the past I’d even hold off on eating when I was starving, drinking water, and peeing to the point I got a uti/pain, just to talk to someone and not end the conversation. Which is not normal at all. It’s people pleasing out of a selfish fear of rejection, and i just end up resenting myself and the person I abandoned my boundaries for, for it.
.
I honestly think of you as on the same tier as Danny Gonzalez and Drew Gooden. You're just as funny as either of them and frankly keep me very entertained with very little. I'm not sure if I would want to just watch Danny or Drew ramble on for several hours, but I'll be damned if I won't watch you talk for days about how relatable it is to think the entire supermarket is mad at you.
Don't sell yourself short, boy. You're one of my all time favourite content creators
It’s okay, everyone secretly wishes they were Drew Gooden. Monson is still my favorite UA-camr Drew though.
awww 😌
Exactly how I think a lot of us feel ❤
It’s amazing how well u can translate ur thoughts out loud. I feel like so many people have a constant stream of thoughts but never know how to articulate but u do it so well and u do it in front of a camera!
so true
ikr! i was i had his power and humour 😭😭 i’m jelly
his genius!!!❤️❤️❤️
I wonder if he feels he is accurately portraying his thoughts?
i know, he's like a very good talker!
What you said about being upset when people wouldn’t stay up all night for you even though you would do it for them hit really hard. I do the same thing. I feel like no one ever gives me the same energy but then I realize that I’m probably giving more energy than is needed. It’s a hard thing to learn boundaries, especially for yourself. So it was validating hearing say you experience a similar thing.
I do the exact same, And then I feel hurt and like that friend doesn’t care about me because they set boundaries, so I distance myself from them, usually delete our messages out of spite, reply slower and colder than normal, or sometimes even ghost them. It’s bad.
But then again I don’t know where the normal level of response/perceived care from a friend should be…because sometimes there are people who actually don’t care about me and it hurts my self esteem talking with people like that
@@Ari-ih5un I definitely relate. Finding that balance is difficult.
ooof the bit on boundaries is everything i'm feeling rn. "Just because i'm a people pleaser doesn't make me empathetic because it's fear based" BOOM! words of wisdom x
These are like literal therapy sessions to me. I don’t really have friends cos I isolate too, but your videos feel like hanging with a friend who gets it. Fkn love you drew, I’ll marry you so we can go for dinner
a year later and this is real for me too fr
i actually started tearing up watching this, the part about being malleable and not having boundaries with yourself and expecting people around you to act similarly is something i've had such a hard time grasping and your way of putting it into words was so eye opening. thank you
Tell me why Drew is the most real person on UA-cam. Like he's one of the only people who has genuinely shown his audience how much he struggles with his mental health. It makes us feel less alone, I have bipolar disorder and I relate to Drew so much.
🙈🐧
Same ❤️
Right?! Can we all be friends? Lol I think we need a drew monson group meeting
Seriously his videos are so comforting ♡
me too💗
Honestly, I feel like you say the things a lot of people feel but won’t admit to because they’re afraid of how people might internally judge them. You’re honest in a way a many UA-camrs aren’t and I hope you know that there’s value in that.
It makes me feel less judgment towards him than people who would hide it because one I relate and two I honor is honesty in a way. He seems to know and share how he feels I would trust him because I know he is only human and flawed and genuinely wants to be a good person and he is aware of his toxicity and doesn’t allow it to define him.
It was so comforting to me to hear you talk about feeling jealous of your friends but happy at the same time when something good happens to a friend... I so often feel like that and I always get in a rut of thinking that I'm the only one feeling like that and I'm a bad person. So thank u for vocalizing that.
💙
you are my favourite youtuber drew there's no one doing it like you you're so real and just overall a great wholesome amazing human being if I was your mum I'd be so proud love you so much babes xxx
Thank you so much!! I’ll tell my mom that actually. Idk why but I will
That’s an interesting point that a “bedtime” is like a personal boundary. Currently I’m wide awake refusing to try and sleep because my thoughts get scary when I do so this will probably be another all nighter. I guess I need to create some personal boundaries
It's incredible to me how casually introspection comes to you, I know is not the same as doing something abt it but self awareness is the first step and I really appreciate you sharing because I then too, can recognize things in myself through you. so thank you. I love these vids.
There’s a book called Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin so no, the therapist wasn’t being original lol but it’s a pretty good self-help book
watching this two years later and you talking about not having the boundaries for sleep reasonates so hard.
This video reminds me of one my favorite poems it’s called “what you missed the day you were absent in 4th grade” by Brad Aaron . it’s all about the things we are forced to learn on our own and in our own time. Things of life that school never could teach us it’s really beautiful I think you would like it
just looked up this poem, it’s wonderful. and uncomfortably relatable
@@inbluwoods4022 I’m glad you enjoyed it I bawled like a child the first time I read it
Okay the part about being a people pleaser and not setting boundaries, and running yourself ragged for other people and feeling rejected when they don’t do the same hit a little too hard. The statement “being a people pleaser isn’t the same at being empathetic”terrified me to my core 😅 I really resonated with that whole part and never really heard it spoken out in words before.
The way I can rely on people so hard for the way my day will go is honestly so scary.
Social Media has caused us all to compare ourselves to everyone every day. It's so toxic. Please people, remember you are amazing as you are and you are right where you need to be. 🤗
Omg the part about feeling threatened by people who have their shit together...that hit hard. I have the same problem. Like darn you shower EVERY DAY? you clean your space before bed EVERY NIGHT? you remember to pay thing WHEN THEY ARE DUE? and for some become personally offended by their existence for no other reason than they make me feel bad about myself lol
i love this therapy session type videos you’ve been doing because i just sit and nod along the whole time. you make me feel so seen and heard, i wish there was some way you could hear me relating to feelings/situations that you don’t think people will relate to.
Drew I hope you’re okay today. “Just take the next breath”
Now all I want is for Danny and drew to see this and they can all three be besties what a good ending to this story (if this was a story and not real life but either way great video I felt this HARD)
i literally sat here recording clips of this video just to have on my phone. i have been looking for these words for so long and i genuinely can never be able to thank you enough for getting them out. i think what you do is art. thank you drew. i feel like ur untangling my mind.
the last 3 weeks have been the lowest point of my life and its been really really hard, and on top of that i found out i failed an exam yesterday. its just a really really sucky time. but your video feels like a gift and your videos always bring me comfort in the worst moments, i love you drew!
Good news catri I’m ur new teacher and you fuckigw passed
@@drewmonson2 Thanks Mr Monson!
this was my favorite patreon names song. the melody was sooooo lovely
hello nisa!! :D 💫
@@c1nnamodoll hiiiiiiii
What you said about others setting boundaries and feeling rejected just blew my mind because I never realised thats similar to how I feel and now it feels like I’ve just unlocked something and I’m thinking about all the times it’s happened
Ive been crocheting and rewatching your videos for hours and we’re finally crafting TOGETHER
Literally had this conversation with my therapist!!! I just got out of a long term relationship where I was in constant fear of him breaking up with me and so I would do anything to mold myself to be what I thought he wanted just to be close to him. But he felt my fear so me molding myself to feel close to him had the opposite effect... he felt disillusioned from me because I was no longer being myself. Thanks for sharing Drew. Made me feel less alone.
at 11:10 something you touched on there, I felt that very personally especially right now. I feel so jealous of my friends, and in turn I'm like does that make me a bad friend? I don't pray on their downfall nor do I want them to not succeed, but I also wish it were me - but at the same time I don't make any steps towards it. One of my friends lost a lot of weight after weight loss surgery and she looked so great, but I know it's hard work. My other friends are settling down in serious relationships, getting engaged, married, announcing pregnancies while I still live at my parent's house. I don't have any social media anymore, and I think I know why. It's all so bittersweet to me. I like the disconnect, but every once in a while when I check my FB or my IG, or I look up someone for whatever reason I find out stuff about them. Like so and so is in healthcare and they're a pharmacist, or a doctor or they're in physician assistant school. All of these things I was interested in myself career wise. It is definitely an insecurity issue for me. I recently found out one of my childhood best friends was now a popular content creator. It's like in the back of my mind, I've always wanted to do something like that but I never felt comfortable putting myself and my image out there like that for thousands to critique. And then I thought about it and my other childhood best friend is working on her residency to be a neurosurgeon and it's like my god, I'm happy for their success, I truly am. They deserve it, they're good people. But I'm hoping I get motivated to do something too.
I was feeling so sad and bored just now but then I saw that you posted and even though I’m alone I verbally laughed aloud to myself and fist pumped in celebration so thank you for being here love u bye
Omg lol getting a laugh before it even started!!
Drew as a 17 yr old girl who struggles a lot w boundaries you just being able to articulate how you feel in words helps sooo much it also helps knowing I’m not the only one who does those things and thinks that way
You are literally the realest person on the internet. I could listen to you talk for hours because it's so relatable. You talk about the things that most people are scared to say. It feels like i'm listening to a friend that truly understands me. I appreciate your content more than you would ever know.
29:00 this part happens to me too. I think it just comes out of being a perfectionist. I've come to know myself better and that I can be quite a critical person, with others yes, but way worse with myself that I would get frustrated and even end up crying when things don't pan out right too. And it would be for the SILLIEST things. I'm trying to better myself with this
I have never related to someone so much in my life, you bring such a relief to me. Anytime I have really bad anxiety or panic attacks where I start to think I have about every mental illness to exist and that I’m a terrible human being bc of my thoughts or my feelings that I never share with anyone, I come to your videos and hearing you have the same thoughts I do just make me feel at ease. You are not alone, I am not alone, and anyone else who can relate to your videos and your inner thoughts you share with us is not alone! Thank you, for your videos, for your openness to share how you feel and the things you experience. You are helping so many people feel like normal human beings.
I know this vid’s a year old but the bit about someone not replying for a while and talking yourself up into a spiral where you’re imagining what they’re thinking/what you did wrong then only being able to not feel that dread when they finally reply is painfully relatable and also something I’m working on
Oh my God Drew I swear your thought process regarding the whole feeling threatened when you see someone else who seems to have their life together thing... Wow that's literally how my brain works. I wish I learned certain things growing up to be more structured but I didn't. It's hard to move past that. Also the part where you talked about having boundaries with yourself really resonated with me. I never really thought about the importance of it like that, but once you mentioned the whole "staying up all night until 6am on the phone with someone if they want to" but when someone sets a boundary of "okay well I have to hangup because I have work in the morning" and "well I would stay on the phone for them all night... why wouldn't they do the same for me?" that really made me think. Again, I share that EXACT thought process and I find myself doing the whole neglecting my own needs thing (going back to your example of a doctor's appointment the next day but you're at an arcade late). I have a therapy appointment soon and I definitely will be bringing up these topics and what you said with her. It really really resonated with me and made me self reflect a bit more. Thank you for teaching me something and for making me feel less alone.
something that touched me is what you said in your quitting smoking video. you mentioned feeling discomfort while quitting but because there was a higher goal it made it easier and rewarding. I see jealousy that way. Putting myself in situations that I would normally be very jealous and realizing nothing has happened and I am okay! and celebrating that.
It is insane how much I relate to what you were saying in this video Drew. I’m always impressed with how you express these complex feelings!
You’re literally the most honest person on this app and you’re funny without having to criticize other people , that’s why so many people love you !!
dude. finally. someone understands the whole ‘i’m always anxious to the point where relaxation feels suspicious’. i’ve never met someone who feels that way too. we’re the same person and that’s comforting
Feel you so deeply on the boundaries talk. Wow. Tell me why I never realized it’s boundaries that I struggle with and wishing people would reciprocate the same energy to me but yup I am a people pleaser and some part of me wants that in return for once? But it’s not appropriate and my fault I set that weird standard
Maybe it's not entirely your fault (we learn it from somewhere/someone), but it is your responsibility to set straight. I deal w the same problem
Drew you're telling me exactly what I need to hear rn
This is the most relatable video I've ever seen from you genuinely especially the part about being a people pleaser when you said that you get that wave of feeling like you can live your life again....... Wow lol I'm speechless
You are SPOT ON with the boundaries. I’m 40 now and I literally have the best boundaries ever. I had to learn to say no and not feel bad about it.
If I don’t want to go to someone’s kids Birthday party, I just say no thanks lol And they GET IT 🤣
So my depression is getting worse i cry constantly and my anxiety is through the roof. But drews videos make me feel better so ty for that. I'm manifesting it out into the world for drew to reply to this comment it would mean the world to me. You've made me laugh on days where i just wanted to give up and today is one of those days. Been a fan since the beginning I'm so proud of how far you've come.
Being a passive/empathetic person is hard. Like we put others and their boundaries first before anything for ourselves. I feel everything you’re saying 🥲
Best days are when Drew uploads ❤️
National holidays all of them!!! Thank you luzRas
every video of yours is sacred to me but there is something about this one
Every time I see you I am reminded of a teacup dog making a scarf. Love it
The people pleasing part 🥺😭😭fr that's me. I definitely confused the being nice with people please and this was really good for me. Thank you
Omg it sounds like ur therapy is really opening doors for u drew I’m so happy for u!! I totally feel this when u have realization that make things make sense.
I wish I had the ability to be this introspective and thoughtful, amazing video
I haven't heard anyone talk about person boundaries this way and I relate to everything, it's like you experienced my life somehow. Thank you
I really relate to getting upset over things not going a certain way. Especially birthdays and not having a “college experience” that I had pictured in my head for years it literally ruins so many moments
wait on the topic of people leaving stuff in that you’re like, “oh… why?” i just remembered that phase in youtube ppl would leave in moments of them messing up to make themselves seem relatable then do a HARD cut to the intro… it was a staple of the youtube renaissance
Yes with the tongue bleghghggu sound
@@drewmonson2 yeah exactly then they’d like gather themself clap their hands to “check sound” but in reality it was just them trying to simulate what it would be like take slate on a movie set… the good ol’ days i suppose
watching these videos is like therapy for me love it I feel less alone
Drew you are so insightful! I resonate with a lot of what you bring up. Also, I like the longer videos. If I have to hear "whatever happened to 90 minute movies?!" one more time I am going to melon-ball my brain out in chunks.
Drew it’s funny because the way you talked about wanting to be someone/ being jealous of them without wanting to do anything that they do to get there is exactly how I feel about you
i love how honest you are, it's always gonna be refreshing, you definitely bring something original to youtube, it's rare to see someone being so honest and open the way you are
I could listen to you sing about anything, your voice is so sweet and your melodies are comforting
so much that you said in this video were like my EXACT thoughts- thoughts that i didn’t even realize i was having. from the stuff like setting boundaries with yourself to just like, getting mad at someone in the grocery store because they were walking too slow, and feeling like at the end of the day you are completely alone in the world despite having friends and family that you know love you.
you’re so articulate in the things you want to say and you say things and it just IMMEDIATELY makes sense to me and just resonates so strongly -and i consider myself to be very articulate and in touch with my emotions so it’s wild and jarring (in a good way i guess) to hear someone else voice their experiences and have it match so closely to mine and that those thoughts have never crossed my mind before.
ive had so many personal realizations watching your videos and a lot of the things you say it feels like i think and feel so similarly. i feel less alone in things i didn’t know i felt alone in in the first place, and i have words for things i didn’t know i felt or needed words for.
anyway for anyone reading he gets into it about half an hour in
Drew today I just got my cameo you made for my friend Sarah and it made both of us SO freakin happy. I've been watching you since I was in highschool (I'm 24 now) and it was surreal hearing you say my name and cheer my best friend up. This channel specifically has helped her and I ALOT these last few months, I really appreciate how authentic and raw you are. Not to sound like a therapist or anything but the self awareness you have is impressive, it's taken me over 7 years of therapy to get even close to be the level of self aware you are so you should be super proud of yourself (I know cheesy, oops)
Anyways if anyone is considering getting a cameo from this king, DO IT!! Best money I've ever spent, he's super personable, creative, lovely and funny (of course) I've never seen anyone do cameos that well!!! Feeling double blessed today with a cameo and video from my favourite, thanks again Drew ❤❤
Hi Drew! I love you! I've been a fan since I was 16 so around 11 years! Your channel has a specialness to me. I laugh and feel such a connection to you.
omgggg Drewwww 20:40 the envy v admiration was something i learned a couple years ago now that whenever i for whatever reason would impulsively think 'I don't like that' it was because i DID like something about it, but it's my own internalization of what that would mean about myself if i were to connect with it easily.
When you started on describing the feelings of not having something that might be taught in childhood hit me so hard i had to pause and yell "DREW NO, YOU'RE SAYING EVERYTHING" - this is def tmi but ive learned only recently (in the past 2 years) i was emotionally abandoned by my caregiver so there's many aspects to how I live as an adult i wonder if it's ADHD, or is a result from not being parented enough when it would've helped me grasp self-care, grasp how to prioritise even the things I cannot stand to remember to consider and do.
I returned to work from Maternity leave three day's ago, your videos help me through being away from my kids. I got this video 4 minutes into uploading and I've still got that weird thing where that makes me feel better than everyone else who comes after me. Therefore I'm manifesting a response from Drew on this comment, it would literally make my life 10X better than it is right now, no pressure.
Congratulations on your kids!!!
@@drewmonson2 Thank you! 😊
You’re so insanely gifted at both music and speaking that I am most often surprised by how moving watching these is
I feel like Drew’s videos are my own personal forms of therapy. That part about boundaries was really eye opening to me lmao
i’m so glad someone else is so open about jealousy. it’s something i constantly get mad at myself about and it’s so relieving to see someone talking about it so candidly thank you
Today was really rough for me. I have bpd and today I was so depressed and I cried on and off from 8:30-5:30 when I clocked out at work . I work with kids at a daycare and deal with parents a lot and I had to just hide the fact I was crying but not in control of it like just tears streaming all day and I really needed this laugh. Thanks drew for being you and being honest and hilarious
I feel like you talked about a really important breakthrough about boundaries. I bet a lot of people can relate- I know I did. It's hard work to keep changing but being aware really helps!
I miss u bro. We appreciate u
When I see you I think, drew has the life I would like more or less, a big following which equals friends, funny personality, a job that is not 9 to 5, a life in sunny California etc.. so people watching are kind of thinking the same thing your thinking about Drew and others
Yuuuuup
No cause I grew up with my gma who’s a big part of my life telling me “none of ur friends r real they’ll come and go” and now everytime I hang out with a friend there’s always a thought in my head being like “they’re gonna talk shit about me, they’re gonna ghost me” especially when they’re popular in school I’m so insecure I don’t attach myself to anyone anymore cause I feel our friendship will end, I feel like it’s me against the world like u said and idk how to not feel like it
drew i am jealous of you to this day you have so many hobbies and interests. also your music career? like you make music that is so amazing and you can play piano which is something i wish i could do. i feel like i have nothing to offer but you’ve given us so much. your feelings are completely warranted but just know we heart you hehe
the permission to do things after finding out someone isn’t mad at you after literally any conversation where they don’t respond i completely relate to
This was so incredibly good for me to hear and watch and I just feel so similar to this about so many people in my life
drew at around the 20 minute mark where you talked about being maluble and feeling rejected when others arent it opened my eyes so wide to why i have always felt so alone and rejected in all of my relationships. im 19 and autistic and i have always spent my life obsessing with other people. doing anything for them socially to make sure they enjoy themselves. i dont enjoy most of the conversations i have because i never think about my own feelings. you saying that thats just not how people should be, and everything else you said descibed what i have struggled with so deeply. THANK YOU drew.
Omg around 16:30ish YES THE INTERNET CHANGED and people try and be clever but hurt you deeply. Before it was trolling more. Definitely lots of tension and choosing sides it’s exhausting
I relate so much to what you were saying about staying up and other peoples boundaries. I always will want to stay up (if I’m having fun) no matter what but I feel sad when my friends aren’t the same way. And I always think it’s me 🆚 the world. Maybe it’s just because we’re both cancers ♋️🦀
"You should see the inside of my brain when something good happens to someone else." Please sir, stop using my diary for your vlogs.
Damn this video is so good. I relate so much to a lot of what you were talking about, especially how you get mad at ppl for being able to set boundaries with you. I constantly do the thing where I rearrange my schedule for ppl or stay up so late I'm nodding off just bc they want to keep talking. And then when they don't do the same I feel like they must not like me very much and I feel so hurt and question my whole relationship with them. But lately I've been trying to tell myself that their decision to not talk or hang out doesn't reflect how they feel about me, and it's hard to believe but I feel comforted knowing that you struggle with the same thing. I also found it helpful when you were saying that it's not true happiness to be so enmeshed with ppl and to feel that "happiness"/relief when they finally respond to you. I wish I wasn't constantly keeping a log in my brain of how many hrs it's been since I last texted someone and feeling more and more anxious as they take longer to msg back.
Also your performance at the end was so good, I could tell you were really going all out. This is probably my favorite video you've made on this channel (and I've watched all the others at least 5 times each)
i have watched a lot of ur videos but this in particular made me feel incredibly seen thank you drew
i feel so so jealous of u in the way u do abt drew gooden. you have such a way of translating these heavy emotions that we haven’t made words for. between the passion you have in your voice, the hand motions, the expressions and the words, you could easily explain the human experience to a frog and im sure he would get it!! it’s genuinely so special to be so eloquent and expressive in every way. to be honest, you don’t exactly feel like a human but at the same time you feel like the most human parts of being a human and being alive. i have never felt human like i’m always just a little off AND i feel like lots of people in the comments feel the same and u put a thread in between all of us and that’s literally a super power. AND you’re very funny haha. love love love these videos
but i do need ur birth chart information
fr hes my drew gooden
I relate so, so much to the boundaries stuff! I have such a hard time setting boundaries with myself and with others. I, too, am the person that will stay on the phone all night with someone LOL....I always feel like everything is up to the other person. Makes me isolate myself because I'm terrified of getting involved with anyone, even on a superficial level, and losing myself.
I love 40 minute videos especially yours! You’re so transparent & real! I completely agree with you about those tiktoks where it’s just someone in the corner watching a video literally not even saying anything. I hate those type of tiktoks
I feel like you read my mind when you post. Today I was just thinking of why everyone is ahead of me, like it's me versus the world and I feel jealous of literally everyone. Which is why I deleted my Instagram because I couldn't stop feeling jealous of all of my friends because I felt like they were better than me, prettier than me, living more than me, having more fun than me, and just being a head of me. Thank you for making me feel less alone in life.
I feel like we have the exact same anxiety levels and thought processes. I find it so hard to be in public cuz I’m either going to have panic attacks or I’m fighting the urge to start a fight with a stranger because they get in my way. Not healthy but idk how to control that
being neglected and/or abused leaves us running on empty, im realizing my self hate/anger turned inwards is always a cover for feeling so abandoned/used in the past, it's the grieving process of realizing that the unacceptable has happened, u were a helpless child, left alone and there's nothing that is going to change that fact. realizing this is incredibly painful, incredibly difficult to process, has to happen several times for your brain to register then after this true raw core pain (that u might have had for your whole life) maybe i think is liberation to feel new again like it's a new day not your life repeating
the turning my hate and anger inwards thing is so real. i deny all my ambitions and wallow in my misery while comparing myself to everyone else. idk how to stop it. my dad told me my goals were stupid and at the time, I rebelled against him but now that I'm older, I feel so incapable, I think back to what he said and feel like that's true. i just sit here and cry about it instead of doing something.
That's the first video I've seen of someone talking about boundaries that helped me realise my fault patterns related to that. I'm glad you made this video. Hope to see more videos of you talking about mental health issues in the future 🤍
I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday so I’m miserable and stuck in bed. So glad you uploaded today so I don’t feel so alone right now. Always feels like I’m on FaceTime with a friend when I watch you. ❤️ much love x
drew i have never once seen anyone else who feels like i do about people going to bed before me i have never related so much to a video in my life omg i feel for u
Thank you so much. I really feel like I saw this video for a reason, Drew. I always love hearing you talk, ramble, vent, but this video really taught me something about myself. We can work on boundaries together. 😩🤧🥺💞
this one seriously resonated with me. i appreciate your perspective so much. even though maybe you feel like you ramble and go on tangents way too much, to me all of your descriptions of things and feelings are exactly how i feel and i just don’t know how to describe it. you make me feel very seen. and being able to recognize my own traits which might be negative in other people who i like and respect makes it easier for me to like and respect myself. so thank you.
This is my thought process whenever I’m having a bad time and I see high functioning mentally healthy people in my field 🤪 Like, “Oh, you’re 19 AND you’re churning out breathtakingly beautiful photorealistic illustrations AND you have 800k followers?? Wow!! *cries in the fetal position*”
I have OCD and can literally relate to everything you say. thank you for speaking out about this stuff because it helps me to realize things about myself that I don’t particularly notice. it’s like you held a mirror up to me and I appreciate that because now I know it’s something I need to work on - healthy boundaries