Це відео не доступне.
Перепрошуємо.

Why The #1 Fact Of Military History Is A Lie - Hilarious Helmet History #2

Поділитися
Вставка
  • Опубліковано 28 січ 2017
  • SUBSCRIBE HERE: goo.gl/ITTCPW
    Not sure how Napoleon screwed this one up so bad.
    CLICK HERE for our NEW SERIES: GALACTIC WAR ROOM - goo.gl/kStvEN
    CLICK HERE for TALES TO GET SCARED TO - goo.gl/MDlNKK
    CLICK HERE for more WE'RE NOT ALONE - goo.gl/cC9L5o
    CLICK HERE for more ROM.COM: The Series - goo.gl/5mabAx
    CLICK HERE For more AFTER HOURS: goo.gl/Nrg6Jh
    CLICK HERE For the CinemaSins Team-Up Playlist: goo.gl/6Fr465
    WATCH every episode of STARSHIP ICARUS here - goo.gl/21RejZ
    See more www.cracked.com
    LIKE us on: / cracked
    FOLLOW us on: / cracked
    FOLLOW us on: / cracked

КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,4 тис.

  • @Taylor_Lindise
    @Taylor_Lindise 7 років тому +885

    You can't use the Mongols as an example because they are the exception!!!

    • @Corey-dk3xi
      @Corey-dk3xi 7 років тому +3

      +

    • @leavy
      @leavy 7 років тому +31

      Tyler Lindsey-Delise hey I got the reference!!

    • @crasherdgrate
      @crasherdgrate 7 років тому +52

      Tyler Lindsey-Delise Cue the Mongoltage!

    • @danielkorladis7869
      @danielkorladis7869 7 років тому +49

      *chaotic sounding trumpet music*

    • @Germania9
      @Germania9 7 років тому +36

      I'm Green with that reference.

  • @user-oj7ye9zp6p
    @user-oj7ye9zp6p 6 років тому +876

    First rule of History: The Mongols follow none of the Rules of History.

    • @BlackSteelKeyChain
      @BlackSteelKeyChain 6 років тому +48

      Ma. D. Fa Stark yes and that is cause they wrote the rules of history deliberately wrong to stop everyone else from copying of their success

    • @erdrickcapet3945
      @erdrickcapet3945 6 років тому +34

      Except for... wait for it... The Mongols. (cue the Mongoltage)

    • @marcopena7638
      @marcopena7638 5 років тому +33

      Ma. D. Fa Stark
      They followed one:
      Invade Russia from EAST TO WEST, NOT the other way around.
      Russian strategy has never been something besides retreat to siberia. As long as you take siberia first, the russians are the ones stuck in place.
      Japan won the ruso-japanese war for the exact same reason.

    • @vguyver2
      @vguyver2 5 років тому +16

      Not sure there ever were rules. But everyone had an interesting approach.
      Rome: Kill the enemy, parade their leaders, enslave some of them, and make the rest pay Rome tribute.
      Napoleon: We defeat them into a peace treaty, make them pay taxes while forcing them ally with us against Britain.
      Dutch: We steal everything the Portuguese and Spaniards have gained.
      Portugal: We mostly want to trade, but God forbid you don't give us exclusive trading rights, or we'll take down your Empire. By the way, do you mind selling us some slaves?
      Spain: We kill their leaders, enslave those that that can mine gold, and convert all of them to Christianity.
      Assyrians: We take over the lands and resettle the entire population in all corners of our empire causing them a cultural-linguistic genocide without mass murder.
      Mongolians: We tax 10% of everything, including able men and children ....but if they rebel, wipe out 90% of the population.

    • @josephleonard6695
      @josephleonard6695 5 років тому +6

      @@vguyver2 genghis khan is a badass

  • @nathanseper8738
    @nathanseper8738 5 років тому +183

    He also glosses over how the Mongols were able to overcome the rasputitsa: they used the frozen rivers of Russia as an invasion route, showing how one CAN successfully conquer Russia in winter.

    • @cringename4391
      @cringename4391 4 роки тому +28

      Mongols use winter against winter

    • @nathanseper8738
      @nathanseper8738 4 роки тому +9

      @@cringename4391 Couldn't have said it better myself.

    • @stevewondering6311
      @stevewondering6311 4 роки тому +3

      darn asians...

    • @Gia1911Logous
      @Gia1911Logous 4 роки тому +2

      Yeah, when there is no one to fight you, is it really a fight?

    • @MrStolboy
      @MrStolboy 3 роки тому +1

      Are you actually dumb? Did you see kievan rus when mongols invaded? They just could walk in because siberia was not even discovered.

  • @goneutt
    @goneutt 7 років тому +699

    The Mongols are probably still ahead of us on coat technology

    • @luisgraciaschaziga8559
      @luisgraciaschaziga8559 6 років тому +10

      Matthew Trzcinski they are not idiot in this day we can buy winter clothes that provide us heat in temperatures of -10° C

    • @PainMonkey
      @PainMonkey 6 років тому +23

      It takes an astonishingly sophisticated synthetic fiber to really compete with the heat retention of the right furs. We got them now...but they cost a fortune and probably come with an alternate heating source.

    • @Zamolxes77
      @Zamolxes77 6 років тому +28

      Yeah, that's Minnesota, in Russia gets to -50 C and regularly into -30C, so your state of the art -10C clothes are as good as toilet paper.
      Have you peed in -30C weather ? I did, while being drunk, caroling on Christmas in '94 or '95. It was -28C, in the city, and the hot pee froze as it hit the ground, creating small pyramid like structures.

    • @MultiMixSAint
      @MultiMixSAint 6 років тому +9

      Zamolxes77 lucky you didn’t freeze your nuts off

    • @orszag572
      @orszag572 6 років тому +13

      Some acquaintances of mine went to Kamchatka during the winter, and they had to replace their hi-tech arctic clothes with wolfhide coats from the local market, because they weren't warm enough...

  • @SilentMover95
    @SilentMover95 7 років тому +450

    Lesson : Dont invade Russia in winter if you are not Mongolians.

    • @krombopulos_michael
      @krombopulos_michael 7 років тому +3

      Nikola Tesla its pretty rare that any great powers war ever would be so fast that they could end it before winter came around.

    • @Darth_Valken
      @Darth_Valken 7 років тому +13

      Or Polish, apperently

    • @brainwasher9876
      @brainwasher9876 7 років тому +14

      or the Germans, in WWI, who invaded during the winter and won. Hitler invaded in the spring in WWII and lost.

    • @InfernosReaper
      @InfernosReaper 7 років тому +25

      Pro-Tip, don't invade a place without a supply line.

    • @Frost517
      @Frost517 7 років тому

      lol In Supreme Ruler 2020 I had a booming economy based in upstate New York, New England, and PEI. I saw Saskatchewan, Canada ripe for the taking... but because a supply line was impossible across so much Canada it was an utter failure. lmfao Those damn canooks were just mad I took PEI and made it a booming port territory. LOL

  • @wjd23104
    @wjd23104 7 років тому +425

    Arguably Hitler did have to Invade Russia. While Stalin and Hitler had signed a peace agreement, they both did so to buy time. Stalin assumed the French and British would fight a long exhausting war with Germany and whoever eventually one would be severely weakened (Obviously this kind of blew up in his face France surrendered within a couple of weeks). For Hitler it was a matter of wanting to avoid a two front war. The peace agreement gave him time to dispatch the Brits and the French and then fight Russia but he was fully aware that Russia remained a threat and when he couldn't achieve a decisive victory over Britain he launched a surprise on Russia nearly reaching Moscow.

    • @RatherEmpty
      @RatherEmpty 7 років тому +5

      what?

    • @EmpressLeana
      @EmpressLeana 7 років тому

      Daniel White If this were true, Russia wouldn't have been so hilariously underprepared for war, and shouldn't have invaded Poland.

    • @krombopulos_michael
      @krombopulos_michael 7 років тому +20

      I thought the real point is that his whole plane revolved around getting Russia. That wasn't a last-minute cocky impulse, that was the plan from the start. Taking France was done to pre-emptively prevent the same thing that happened in WW1

    • @crazycakemanflies
      @crazycakemanflies 7 років тому +6

      Stalin didn't even believe Germany had invaded until after Kiev (I think it was Kiev) had fallen. So for a leader who was making preparations for invasion he certainly wasn't aware it would happen to him. I dont think Stalin ever considered stabbing hitler in the back...

    • @user-rh8lh5ix2s
      @user-rh8lh5ix2s 7 років тому +4

      Stalin literally went AWOL and got drunk after he was told about the invasion. sure he probably thought they'd eventually come blows but he was not even remotely ready

  • @pablononescobar
    @pablononescobar 4 роки тому +47

    The German army in WWII actually had far more horses than tracked or even wheeled vehicles

    • @surprisedgordon7786
      @surprisedgordon7786 2 роки тому

      Really? Tell me more about it

    • @r2zdena
      @r2zdena Рік тому +1

      He didn't send more tanks because they had problem with oil shortages

  • @dystrophic
    @dystrophic 7 років тому +1043

    I thought the #1 fact of military history is that the victor writes the history books.

    • @JorisVDC
      @JorisVDC 7 років тому +51

      Most important fact when you look at 'his story'.

    • @unknowngamer7325
      @unknowngamer7325 7 років тому +13

      dystrophic I dont know how you can call someone who conquers an entire continent stupid, they just applied what worked for them until then

    • @seankraus5246
      @seankraus5246 6 років тому +16

      dystrophic cracked would say anything for views they just dont give a fuck anymore.

    • @dharmictribulations
      @dharmictribulations 6 років тому +34

      People who write write the history books. Genghis Khan won but no one think's he's a great guy.

    • @michieljames737
      @michieljames737 6 років тому

      dystrophic Truth spoken right there!

  • @jacobwoolf2010
    @jacobwoolf2010 7 років тому +1457

    how do you fight an enemy thats willing to destroy it self to win.

    • @vasectomyfail442
      @vasectomyfail442 7 років тому +166

      just tell him his crowd size is smaller than the women's march.

    • @XXC0Y
      @XXC0Y 7 років тому +131

      You keep a good supply line, rebuild, enforce your newly won positions, look well after the people still living there who just lost everything, so they see no reason to fight you - and don't even bother rushing after the army that destroyed their homes.

    • @Sorain1
      @Sorain1 7 років тому +37

      Basically. The government and military might be perfectly willing to burn down their cities, and fields, and infrastructure. Hell, even some of the population might be okay with it. But not all the population.
      If they're willing to let you take the ground, then you dig in to keep it and suddenly their loss of all that stuff, especially if your the one the locals who didn't flee depend on for food/burnables/ect? They've lost a chunk of their country.
      Yes, you didn't get all the shines because they burned them, but it's not your shines being burned here. No nation can keep that up indefinitely because no population can withstand that for terribly long.
      It takes your winning being WORSE then having everything they know destroyed for that kind of thing to fly. When time with you holding land proves your being in charge is demonstrably not worse? Support for their war effort implodes on them.
      Now if you mean an enemy on the smaller scale (individual, unit of troops ect.) then you just set up a position where you have hideously overwhelming advantage (Fortified position with machine-guns covering the approach vs infantry for example) and let them kill themselves on you for minimal loss. They're willing to die, meaning their judgement of risk to themselves is already compromised.
      Keep in mind that's not 'willing to risk death', that is 'willing to accept the certainty of their death'. It does make them dangerous by conventional standards, but if you know your going up against it, you can swap tactics and get kill ratios so high your likely to be investigated by the Hague.

    • @ReverendTed
      @ReverendTed 7 років тому +57

      Easy - let it destroy itself.

    • @agilemind6241
      @agilemind6241 7 років тому +12

      +Sorain1 That only works if you can afford a prolonged war, because a weaker force is unlikely to attack a fortified position unless they are incredibly stupid. Neither Napoleon nor Hitler could really do that because it would give the UK and her overseas allies time to regroup and launch an offensive against them leading to war on multiple fronts which would spread their troops, resource, and supplies thin. Rebuilding fortifications and maintaining supply lines to secure captured Russian territory would have been too costly as every mile deeper into Russian territory increases the length of the front/border that would have to be defended. In addition, they would be extremely vulnerable to insurgency from starving Russian citizens who are just as likely to blame you for invading as their own leaders for destroying their own land to prevent you from capturing anything of value. Keeping the Russian citizens in the captured territory happy would add even more expense as would defending against resistance/insurgent fighters supported by guerrilla tactics by the Russian army since they had an advantage in manoeuvrability. All of which would leave Hitler/Napoleon extremely vulnerable to attack from UK & her allies.

  • @Headshot51423
    @Headshot51423 7 років тому +235

    The "penis helmet" or stahlhelm is actually one of the best helmet designs and is the basis for many modern helmets

    • @luismerchan9140
      @luismerchan9140 5 років тому +4

      Alex Bassett We all were penis helmets then

    • @Damnto
      @Damnto 5 років тому +11

      You are right..he is a real dumbass.. and soo disrespectful

    • @shafayatzamil_
      @shafayatzamil_ 4 роки тому +2

      Well, the ancient Boaecian helmet used famously by Alexander the Great was very much like this and the first of its kind.

    • @kunaljanvalkar2850
      @kunaljanvalkar2850 3 роки тому +4

      Its a legit design. Only complain about it was about being heavy. On the other hand allies didn't even had size variations for their helmets...

    • @spencerw9784
      @spencerw9784 3 роки тому +1

      @@kunaljanvalkar2850 I believe the Americans were the only ones who didn’t

  • @rebeccaliar9873
    @rebeccaliar9873 7 років тому +271

    All I've gained from this video is a new meme:
    The Mongols were badass enough to invade Russia in winter.

    • @mindseyemelodies
      @mindseyemelodies 6 років тому +9

      Just ask John Green...

    • @redrounin1440
      @redrounin1440 6 років тому +10

      Unless you're...wait for it...

    • @smithnwesson990
      @smithnwesson990 6 років тому +7

      Anyone large enough can invade Russia. The germans MASSACRED Russia in WW1. Russia is actually isolated to about 6 to 8 major cities maybe less. Sure the continent is big but most is uninhabited

    • @russianbear7832
      @russianbear7832 5 років тому +1

      “Nobody conquers Russia!”
      Mongols: That's where you’re wrong kiddo.

    • @WastedEfforts
      @WastedEfforts 4 роки тому +1

      @Ron Burgundy Moscow wasn't Capital and he didn't fucked anyone in Moscow either since it was abandoned, you deranged memer.

  • @ysbrandvdvelde4352
    @ysbrandvdvelde4352 6 років тому +385

    Fun fact: Most millitairies around the world use a upgraded cavelar version of the German penis helmet. Becauze it's the best helmet out there even the US uses it today.

    • @nikobellic3716
      @nikobellic3716 6 років тому +5

      Ysbrand vd Velde not Indian tho they wear turbans, square helmets n half helmats

    • @ysbrandvdvelde4352
      @ysbrandvdvelde4352 6 років тому +13

      Hey Niko! It's Roman, let's go bowling.

    • @modrotpendragon5781
      @modrotpendragon5781 6 років тому +2

      Niko Bellic maybe their turbans are just a kevlar cloth.

    • @JacktheRah
      @JacktheRah 6 років тому +3

      Fun fact: the helmets aren't really supposed to stop bullets they're supposed to kill you quick. The helmet will deform to break your skull. So you're better off wearing a hat.

    • @LeeCzere
      @LeeCzere 6 років тому +19

      That might have been a fact, but, it was not fun.

  • @AmanShah187
    @AmanShah187 7 років тому +831

    More of these, really like ur history videos

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 років тому +7

      most of their videos have bullshit distorted history, because all of the actual historical topics have already been covered by people who are way better

    • @cameronsipka3352
      @cameronsipka3352 7 років тому +1

      laundered silvrr haters gonna hate

    • @mestowigge6503
      @mestowigge6503 7 років тому +2

      Cameron Sipka yes cause why should facts get in the way of your ideas?

    • @peteard5089
      @peteard5089 7 років тому

      mesto wigge Alternative truth media? There's a name for that.

    • @laurahewitt5451
      @laurahewitt5451 7 років тому +2

      Haakon IV. Nobody talks about Haakon IV.

  • @JD1010101110
    @JD1010101110 7 років тому +508

    Wait did he just boil down the entire battle of britain "to Britain had to many boats to be invaded" ?!

    • @NexusDarkworld338
      @NexusDarkworld338 7 років тому +98

      For most of modern history we had the best naval fleets in the world, so that isn't too surprising if that ended up being a major factor.

    • @Tuning3434
      @Tuning3434 7 років тому +49

      +JD1010101110
      It is not completely untrue: the Luftwaffe had to face the RAF in order to bomb out the British ports and the Royal Navy. Without uncontested air superiority above the Channel, there was no way that German invasion forces could out maneuver Royal Navy units.

    • @georgelaidlaw3748
      @georgelaidlaw3748 7 років тому +49

      Fundementally true. Even if the Germans had mananged to win air superiority or even supremacy over the UK, they still had to deal with the Royal Navy. While you can bomb individual ships into oblivion, it is rather more difficult to destroy entire fleets that are protected by carriers, ship AA and harbour defenses. The RN would still need beating and the Germans had pretty much no good, quick way to beat it. That further hinders their ability to attack the Navy because they now have to divert planes to maintaining air supremacy etc. Would not be fun to be living in a British city and logistics would get even more complex but losing the Battle of Britain would, contray to popular opinion, not have immediately led to a successful Operation Sea Lion. There were significant questions as to whether the German transport barges were suitable even for the short trip across the Channel and they were certainly not amphibious assault craft. Once you have dispatched the RAF and RN, you still have to deal with the British Army who would ferociously resist any attempted landings leading to heavy casualties for the Germans. Most historians agree that Operation Sea Lion was doomed to utter failure regardless of the Battle of Britain.

    • @scott8074
      @scott8074 7 років тому +3

      Maybe my history education isn't up to snuff on this but didn't RADAR play a big role in the battle of Britain?

    • @danielkorladis7869
      @danielkorladis7869 7 років тому +33

      Yes, because it basically comes down to that.
      The Royal Navy was far too strong for the Germans to mount an amphibious invasion. Yes, Germany could have used paratroopers, but they'd have to be resupplied somehow, and you run into the same problem.
      That's why the Luftwaffe tried to bomb Britain into submission, especially terror bombing against civilian targets, meant to demoralize the public (it didn't work, obviously).
      It's also the reason for the U-boat commerce raiding campaign, to try to starve Britain out (despite some successes, this also failed).
      If not for the presence of the *massive* Royal Navy, the Germans would just have invaded Britain like everywhere else.

  • @stephenstokes4350
    @stephenstokes4350 7 років тому +13

    2:00 "i dont read" lmao yeah clearly

  • @AnDream109
    @AnDream109 7 років тому +4

    "They weren't ready to visit Minesota, much less beat Stalin in an away game." Is probably the best understatement of a military tragedy ever.

  • @legoinsomniac
    @legoinsomniac 7 років тому +30

    "You fell pray to one of the classic blunders! The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia but only slightly less well known is this! Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line!"

    • @davidb5205
      @davidb5205 7 років тому +3

      AHAHAHA AHAHAHA AHA-----

  • @JOEking990
    @JOEking990 7 років тому +67

    I haven't heard someone say "give me the penis helmet" over and over since the 8th grade.

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 років тому +5

      If there's a penis helmet, it's definitely the ancient Greek "Corynthian" style one, not the german. s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/16/a9/36/16a9360396a857fa081d8758e9b23c74.jpg

    • @erikthegodeatingpenguin2335
      @erikthegodeatingpenguin2335 7 років тому

      Holy shit!

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 років тому +1

      Erik the God Eating Penguin Yeah, it's funny how they left that detail out of _300._ I can't Imagine why lol

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 років тому +7

      RockPapersBeer That helmet is derived from the 15th century sallet. You know you're probably onto a good thing when it survives 500 years of warfare.

    • @lancerd4934
      @lancerd4934 7 років тому +3

      K Will So advanced it came from the 15th century lol

  • @jonathanm9993
    @jonathanm9993 5 років тому +38

    "EvErYbodY gEt's tHis wroNg, we aRe verY sMart!"
    The same guy: "WW1 Germany attacked Russia AFTER the October revolution"

    • @alextaws6657
      @alextaws6657 4 роки тому +2

      i had to scroll down far too long to find that! :D (I heard/saw this "legend" it on other channels, too. I mean, it's on wikipedia, c'mon, people...)

  • @raggedyanarchist
    @raggedyanarchist 6 років тому +17

    Someone make sort of a shoegazey alt-rock band called The False Dimitris. I have already pre-ordered all your albums. Thanks in advance.

  • @ripopol
    @ripopol 7 років тому +44

    might want to rename the show "hilarious HEADGEAR history" as it encompasses both Hats and Helmets

  • @tereziamarkova2822
    @tereziamarkova2822 7 років тому +44

    Good point, and I am glad that Hillarious Helmet History is back. I love your passion for popularization of science and history.

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 років тому +4

      you realize this is just a bunch of cherry picked facts with clickbait titles right? most of what he says is absolute bullshit

    • @Pivitrix
      @Pivitrix 7 років тому

      People who payed attention in history class should know this, so yeah. Not really... I won't deny the clickbait, and some of it is abit oversimplified. But please realize you were dumb.

  • @johnboone45
    @johnboone45 5 років тому +3

    "Napoleon got 'rope-a-doped'" is the best historical metaphor I've ever heard. So catastrophically true.

  • @jonathandavenport2500
    @jonathandavenport2500 7 років тому +1

    Really enjoy watching these! Please keep making such great historically informative and entertaining videos. They do not go unnoticed by history majors, buffs, and lovers. : )

  • @captainobvious1415
    @captainobvious1415 7 років тому +143

    I came so early, the past is pregnant.

    • @NJ-wb1cz
      @NJ-wb1cz 7 років тому +103

      The present is clearly a miscarriage and you're the one to blame.

    • @dizzyiguana981
      @dizzyiguana981 7 років тому +8

      Bear Arms lol

  • @Klerik131
    @Klerik131 7 років тому +65

    You act as if it were just these 2 that caused the saying, leaving out Prussia, The Ottomans, The Tutons and the Swedes, to name just a couple more. They saying is also because nothing grows in Russia in the winter, so there is nothing to forage and armies starve. I mean, you are trying to put an effort into this video, but it's really not well researched and very cherry picked.

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 років тому +21

      i agree completely. It physically hurts when someone says "oh, I learned so much from these videos"

    • @adityac90
      @adityac90 7 років тому +12

      Well, I seriously doubt anyone is looking to a get a PhD level knowledge of history from a 6 minute comedy video. This hits several big points on misconceptions and the viewers are free to explore further if they are so inclined online.

    • @kourii
      @kourii 7 років тому +3

      +K Will you have a 'millennial' view of spelling

    • @marcl637
      @marcl637 7 років тому +1

      they eaven took pictures from the german army after ww2, just 0 reserch

    • @Vityvikt0r
      @Vityvikt0r 6 років тому

      K Will
      I really hope you were born before 1980.

  • @xbox7
    @xbox7 7 років тому +411

    German WWII helmets were badass.

    • @MinnesotaMontage
      @MinnesotaMontage 6 років тому +41

      Wacky Tic Tac and they provided the best protection

    • @user-mb9nm7bq5e
      @user-mb9nm7bq5e 6 років тому +39

      Wacky Tic Tac I hate nazis. So much, but their outfits look super cool. Too bad they suuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkjkkkkk

    • @justinb954
      @justinb954 6 років тому +11

      That's Hugo Boss!! He designed 2000 different 'High' fashion Nazi Uniforms.

    • @tadhgknight3484
      @tadhgknight3484 6 років тому +2

      Nah fam German Pickelhaube (yes I am aware the Stahlhelm provided waaay more protection, it just didn’t look as cool as the Pickelhaube)

    • @sethskinner1897
      @sethskinner1897 6 років тому

      The stalhelm "penis" one or the one with a spike?

  • @williamkelly53
    @williamkelly53 Рік тому

    Thanks Team Cracked knowledge wrapped in humor is one of my greatest loves ❤🖖!

  • @anthonymacgregor9790
    @anthonymacgregor9790 7 років тому +47

    I am pretty sure by the time of napoleon we had books for the trick to be written in

    • @Glaucus08
      @Glaucus08 7 років тому +17

      Anthony Macgregor I think he was saying Fabius Maximus didn't have books

    • @Jeddostotle7
      @Jeddostotle7 7 років тому +41

      He was basically saying that the "trick" was so old, it predated books.

    • @leavy
      @leavy 7 років тому

      Anthony Macgregor I'm pretty sure pbbshhfjkkannjckkleknmmnmmmnnnnnnnsoif

    • @HamuraiC-137
      @HamuraiC-137 7 років тому

      Jeddostotle7 it wasn't

    • @maxmustermann9058
      @maxmustermann9058 7 років тому +2

      Everybody knew what fabian tactics were at the time. Napoleon even studied Charles XII failed swedish invasion of Russia (which he coveniently left out) in order to avoid the same mistakes. His downfall was that nobody from europe expected them to burn down Moscow, at the time you basically won if you took the capital. Fabius would not have burned Rome, nor would the french have burned down Paris.

  • @TheVFMAC
    @TheVFMAC 7 років тому +2

    "Zero fear of casualties." HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes, the commissars put an end to fears. And choices, and possibly your life.

  • @cpi23
    @cpi23 7 років тому

    OMG you're like the nerdy sarcastic kid at the back of the Crash Course World History classroom this is great

  • @FranciscoCostaRamos
    @FranciscoCostaRamos 7 років тому

    This is so amusingly instructive I can't look away to anything else.. help

  • @angryyogbuscus1578
    @angryyogbuscus1578 7 років тому +7

    Hmmm... As a frenchman, one would think Napoleon would know a lottle about the Fabian strategy.

  • @ZerqTM
    @ZerqTM 6 років тому +45

    HEY!!!! YOU FORGOT SWEDEN!!!
    we invaded Russia too..
    Then we got tired of war... because Meh!

    • @arthurwu6030
      @arthurwu6030 4 роки тому +4

      ZerqTM then you got destroyed and your empire collapsed

    • @elyndafae1593
      @elyndafae1593 4 роки тому

      Yeah! And maybe they didn't actually invade Russia, but the Finns kicked their asses too.

    • @user-lv2yo5vh4c
      @user-lv2yo5vh4c 4 роки тому

      The Finnish were defensive.

    • @ZerqTM
      @ZerqTM 4 роки тому +1

      @@arthurwu6030 that is often the case russia tend to absorbe and disipate the impact of invaders... but they are still paranoid due to the lack of obstructing landmark like mountains or rivers etc...

    • @ZerqTM
      @ZerqTM 4 роки тому +1

      @@user-lv2yo5vh4c probably why they where successful... no one successfuly invaded russia since the Rus people basically..

  • @leocoelho4536
    @leocoelho4536 6 років тому

    this is glorious, great video!

  • @natep9171
    @natep9171 7 років тому

    Alex, you're one of the funniest guys at Cracked and on UA-cam. You keep doing you.

  • @jedaaa
    @jedaaa 7 років тому +5

    4:05 "they all died" hahahaha

  • @olliemad
    @olliemad 7 років тому +4

    When he started getting a crook in his neck, I started smiling thinking his death was coming, but no, what?Alex didn't die?

  • @danyelleorr-mcneil4711
    @danyelleorr-mcneil4711 4 роки тому +1

    I love the sarcasm on this channel!🤣🤣🤣

  • @cuindless189
    @cuindless189 3 роки тому

    Here it is, four years later, and the line "They weren't ready to visit Minnesota, let alone beat Stalin in an away game," cracks me the hell up.

  • @jasonblalock4429
    @jasonblalock4429 7 років тому +4

    I'm always a little disappointed when Alex reaches the end of a video without dying.

  • @blue04mx53
    @blue04mx53 7 років тому +3

    Congratulations on surviving past 12 Alex !

  • @PKTarik
    @PKTarik 7 років тому

    This is really good cracked Congratulations.

  • @OmarMohamed-ik6pd
    @OmarMohamed-ik6pd 6 років тому

    Lmfaoo just discovered this channel and so far I love it, mostly for this show

  • @MFD388
    @MFD388 7 років тому +3

    I think I could watch Alex talk all day about pretty much anything.

    • @josepablolunasanchez1283
      @josepablolunasanchez1283 2 роки тому

      Alex has a unique style. I could listen to him ranting about anything a whole day and I would not get distracted. Great presenter.

  • @danteller8282
    @danteller8282 7 років тому +3

    The Poles were a great example because the story is awesome, but it's worth pointing out that the Russians did spend the next few centuries trying to put the 'pole' in Poland, if you know what I mean.
    The Mongols were kind of already in "Russia" since they invaded from the steppes, and they went on to conquer an empire WAY bigger than Napoleon's or Hitler's... or Rome's, or the Assyrians', or the Mughals'... I could go on. Point is: maybe not the best example. As John Green over at Crash Course was so fond of pointing out, they were kind of the exception to just about everything.
    One thing you're definitely right about: History is awesome.

  • @markosantos79
    @markosantos79 7 років тому

    super liked this video, great job!

  • @knuckduster
    @knuckduster 6 років тому

    Lmao "..and if you make that mistake..ehh..je m'appelle Alex" 😂 dude you crack me up

  • @mattheww4523
    @mattheww4523 7 років тому +5

    can you make 20 to 30 minutes explaining a countries history in a really brief way but funny

    • @launderedsilvrr2110
      @launderedsilvrr2110 7 років тому +1

      he'd do america and skip the trail of tears and the imprisonment of japanese americans during ww2. Also slavery

    • @alainarchambault2331
      @alainarchambault2331 7 років тому +1

      Well that is the only way to make it "funny"

    • @MrElectricVibration
      @MrElectricVibration 7 років тому

      Check out geography now, it has what you are looking for but shorter format.

  • @enqrbit
    @enqrbit 7 років тому +9

    The mongols is an exception.

  • @november382
    @november382 7 років тому

    This was unsurprisingly educational in a very surprisingly entertaining way. Love it!

  • @lightzpy8049
    @lightzpy8049 4 роки тому +1

    Napoleon: Was fasting way too much
    Meanwhile
    Hitler: Got dementia
    History: "This cake is a lie"

  • @brennanschrader3608
    @brennanschrader3608 7 років тому +10

    Nazi helmets are actually pretty practical

  • @debries1553
    @debries1553 7 років тому +20

    This hat is because.

  • @robbieclark7828
    @robbieclark7828 7 років тому

    This is a really inventive series, I hope you keep doing it

  • @benzodronic
    @benzodronic 7 років тому

    This was so funny I nearly choked with laughter! Goddamn I can't even remember the last time I saw something as funny as this! Thanks man! I needed that!

  • @Niilo-
    @Niilo- 6 років тому +35

    1. A Stahelm looks nothing like a penis 2. Napaleon recruited more men along 3. The hell is a Pershing doing in Russia 4. "This hat is heavy so I want a helmet"

    • @Niilo-
      @Niilo- 6 років тому

      That Oneguy A tiger II isn't a super heavy tank

    • @ethan9869
      @ethan9869 6 років тому

      Where was the Pershing?

    • @modrotpendragon5781
      @modrotpendragon5781 6 років тому

      4:22 are you talking about this?

    • @sauronthegreat7778
      @sauronthegreat7778 6 років тому

      Henry Walker Those are T-34’s, how the hell do they resemble a Pershing in any way!?

  • @valathe
    @valathe 6 років тому +12

    aaaaaaaactually, the russian revolution(s) happened in 1917, 3 years *after* the start of ww1 (the russian empire was actually the very first to mobilize its army in the build-up to the war). the february revolution of 1917 saw the end of romanov rule (the romanov dynasty had ruled russia for over 300 years); but the provisional government decided to stay in the war against germany. thus the german empire arranged for vladimir lenin to be brought to russia from his swiss exile with the specific purpose of further destabilizing russia, which eventually succeeded with the october revolution of 1917

  • @triiton4443
    @triiton4443 6 років тому

    Made my day! Thank you

  • @Jackalope904
    @Jackalope904 7 років тому

    Where were these videos when I was in school? Learned more in 7 minutes than at least a month or so of 90 minute classes.

  • @Fancypants117
    @Fancypants117 7 років тому +23

    while this is true and it's kind of silly people think that winter was the only reason the nazis/napoleon lost in russia and it is a pretty big misconception, cracked just has a tendency to omit small details that explain lots of things
    Like the fact the nazis didn't have any tracked vehicles was mostly because the production of these vehicles was very new and the idea of massive numbers of tracked tanks everywhere was still barely even seen in the world's army's
    The production line at the factories were already producing all these vehicles and to switch around the assembly line to new ones would set back the production of new equipment for troops that needed it by months even years not just in the troop waiting to invade Russia but also in the Africa front that was an on going battle
    Hitler had a loose peace at best with Stalin, the communists were planning on invading Germany after they had their internal issues figured out after the great purge, the Germans were trying to take advantage of the Russian lack of command structure while they could, it's why they took as much as they did in the first place

    • @charlescalthrop2535
      @charlescalthrop2535 4 роки тому +2

      Ardail Coffey I wouldn’t even call the Nazi-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact a peace treaty. It was basically just utilisation of mutual motivation. Hitler was always going to fight the CCCP, as this was a major factor in his political theory of Judeo-Bolshevism. As you said the Stalin was also going to invade Germany so their pact was basically worthless.

    • @XXXTENTAClON227
      @XXXTENTAClON227 2 роки тому

      @@charlescalthrop2535 Stalin literally didn’t fire back initially when they were invaded because he thought Hitler made some kind of mistake. The only ones who warned Stalin was the UK, but he kept dismissing their warnings. Stalin even locked himself in his room and had a breakdown because of it. That’s not someone who’s expecting war.

  • @michaeldellarippa4168
    @michaeldellarippa4168 3 роки тому +3

    You forgot Charles the XII of Sweden.

  • @DiceB
    @DiceB 6 років тому

    i love this Hilarious Helmet History series bravo guys

  • @ericcook1201
    @ericcook1201 7 років тому

    Excellent video!! Accurate and funny.

  • @Confirmed105
    @Confirmed105 6 років тому +3

    I like how when people talk of invading Russia they forget the Swedish Empire (as it were a major power then).

  • @philv2529
    @philv2529 7 років тому +8

    never get involved in a land war in asia

  • @ghdelao
    @ghdelao 5 років тому +1

    the dry humor in this video is brilliant

  • @horationelson1840
    @horationelson1840 7 років тому +2

    HAAHHA. HOTLER COSPLAYING AS NAPOLEON. LMFAO!

  • @Caleb-zz8sg
    @Caleb-zz8sg 7 років тому +32

    Mongols were always the exception

    • @eagle-tn6br
      @eagle-tn6br 6 років тому +3

      They got defeated in egypt....

    • @Daniel-ys2uk
      @Daniel-ys2uk 6 років тому +1

      The modern day mongols have nothing to do with the Moguls of the Grand Tartary. Those guys were white. Not Asian. The whole myth of Asian modern day mongols being descendants of those guys that build the Grand Tartary is a ... myth.

    • @paulmentzer7658
      @paulmentzer7658 5 років тому

      No, they did invade Russia in winter. The problem is invading Russia in SUMMER. In summer, you have to cross rivers, lakes and swamps. All three slow down armies in the Summer. Come winter Russia's rivers, lakes and swamps all freeze over thus Russia becomes a huge flat pancake. The Mongols attacked in winter when Russia is a huge flat pancake. Napaleon and Hitler attack in Summer with all of its problems and then faced the mud seasons marching instead of holding up till winter kickes in. You attack Russia in winter, then find a place to stay during the thraw or Mud season and consolidate your conquest in the summer. Thus long moves in winter where the rivers, lakes and swamps are frozen so none are barriers. Short moves between rivers and lakes in summer to consolidate your conquest. Simple, but you have to make sure your troops can move in winter and that requires good boots and other winter gear.

    • @drizzy6302
      @drizzy6302 5 років тому

      Daniel S what do you mean by white they were modern day americans?

    • @justgamesaaron7968
      @justgamesaaron7968 5 років тому

      @@eagle-tn6br thats true

  • @Figgy_23
    @Figgy_23 4 роки тому +4

    I think from what I remember Napoleon had like half a million men during the Russian invasion and like 95% of them died. That is alot of dead people.

  • @fafikommander1903
    @fafikommander1903 6 років тому

    Just stumbled upon your show. I love IT!😅

  • @carnage2332
    @carnage2332 6 років тому

    One of my favorite sites on youtube. Keep it up.

  • @ciangargan
    @ciangargan 7 років тому +129

    What about Afghanistan being uninvadeable. The British tried in the 1800s, the Soviets tried, the Americans are still trying 15 years later. The landscape makes it near impossible.

    • @jamesoleary2476
      @jamesoleary2476 7 років тому +30

      Cian Gargan not uninvadeable. Just incredible expensive and difficult to occupy.

    • @BaresarkSlayne
      @BaresarkSlayne 7 років тому +4

      +Triggered lol - Well, that isn't entirely true. The soviets were not on their knees when they started. They started their campaign to get into Afghanistan 20 years before they finally did (so around 1960). Then it was impossible to hold on top of finally getting into there.

    • @SpriteCranberry666
      @SpriteCranberry666 7 років тому +23

      didn't the Mongols invaded Afghanistan

    • @qwerty83408
      @qwerty83408 7 років тому +40

      3 Indian Hindu empires have ruled over Afghanistan for total of 1017 years
      Alexander the Great has alsoconquered it and Greeks ruled over it too

    • @SamuelSwinton
      @SamuelSwinton 7 років тому +13

      Cian Gargan the Americans did it successfully right away. The thing that is taking time is killing the terrorists

  • @BuzzinVideography
    @BuzzinVideography 3 роки тому +3

    Uhm. I thought number one was
    *THE VICTOR WRITES THE BOOK*

  • @frankwilliams3036
    @frankwilliams3036 6 років тому

    Excellent information.

  • @jag_meistermeister4839
    @jag_meistermeister4839 7 років тому

    This was funny, entertaining, educational, and not depressing(most history videos like this have depressing undertones). More please!!!

  • @Ruffceyx530
    @Ruffceyx530 7 років тому +4

    Russians should've known to not invade Finland in the Winter.

    • @NJ-wb1cz
      @NJ-wb1cz 7 років тому

      It was successfully conquered in 1809 and remained a part of Russia for *more than a century* before Bolsheviks came and severely weakened Russian state.

  • @sergeykhristoforov3414
    @sergeykhristoforov3414 7 років тому +5

    So you assume to invade Russia soon?

  • @sandipatil5
    @sandipatil5 6 років тому

    sir, your way to explain history is outstanding.....

  • @abbigailkey15
    @abbigailkey15 6 років тому

    “They weren’t ready to visit Minnesota let alone beat Stalin in an away game.” made me cry. That’s my new favorite phrase.

  • @Voronza
    @Voronza 7 років тому +10

    Thanks for funny and good stuff! From Russia with love.

  • @robin6084
    @robin6084 7 років тому +6

    Idk what it is, but this guy is so funny and likable. Definitely subbing!

  • @semperludens9241
    @semperludens9241 6 років тому +1

    "Lost half of his troops to death" hahaha xD
    Are you sure you haven't just lost them? Where did you last see them? Did you check the lost and found?

  • @1manorgy
    @1manorgy 7 років тому

    This guy works really well with the editor. Really sticking the timing on these jokes.

  • @surgeon36
    @surgeon36 7 років тому +19

    I like your videos Sheldon Cooper

  • @engleshen
    @engleshen 7 років тому +5

    Trump is taking notes right now

  • @MaskofAgamemnon
    @MaskofAgamemnon 5 років тому

    The number one fact in all of military history can be summarized in a single quote from Thucydides
    "war is a matter not so much of arms as of money"

  • @blue04mx53
    @blue04mx53 5 років тому

    Andrew, Congrats on your Jeopardy WIN !!!

  • @mythopoeic8236
    @mythopoeic8236 6 років тому +6

    This guy is hilarious

  • @DenniWintyr
    @DenniWintyr 7 років тому +3

    Why is this hat?
    Because it thinks

  • @Time-Eraser
    @Time-Eraser 7 років тому

    Come on cracked, don't let this series die in 2-4 episodes like the rest of your awesome series'

  • @helegis
    @helegis 7 років тому

    Had no idea we had "mud season", lol! "RaspOUtitsa" (stress on the 2nd syllable, just like "RaspOUtin") is a very old thing from the times when we had trails and tracks instead of actual roads, and it would last for several days, maybe a week. Maybe 2 weeks, in case of a flood (then it probably would've been called "Shit, we're drowning, it's a flood! - You mean, RASPOUTITSA? - NO, fucking FLOOD!" tho). But the video is hilarious and pretty accurate, thank you! :D

  • @ThogusDonatus
    @ThogusDonatus 6 років тому +8

    Sweden did also invade Russia and failed as well :/

    • @Hairysteed
      @Hairysteed 5 років тому +1

      I think Jakob De La Gardie might disagree

  • @andyb6177
    @andyb6177 7 років тому +17

    Guys, can we all at least agree that this click bait needs to stop.

    • @hilpano
      @hilpano 5 років тому

      What clickbait? this is content

  • @laceyleighlovell2967
    @laceyleighlovell2967 7 років тому

    I want to watch helmet history every day for the rest of my life! And since i plan to live forever you should get on that!!!!

  • @mesocratic
    @mesocratic 6 років тому

    these are awesome, keep doing more!
    Rasputitsa, they all died.

  • @85gamingwot55
    @85gamingwot55 4 роки тому +4

    The #2 fact is never screw with Finland

  • @tph420
    @tph420 7 років тому +28

    The movie 1612 is a fictional fantasy, it had unicorns in it. Russia loses wars and gets invaded like any other country.
    Poland captured Moscow and the polish armies stayed in Moscow for two years. After negotiations failed, the Poles returned home. Russia was suppose to join the Polish Commonwealth, but difference in religion prevented the Polish King and the Russian nobility to agree on terms. When they left, Poland took a chunk of Russia to compensate (Smolensk area). That's how wars worked in the old days. Two countries go to war, the winner takes only a chunk of territory and not the hole country. Basically you can't take the hole country because the population will rebel and unless your OK with mass genocide, you better off taking a small piece. Usually rebels get financed by foreign powers and try to break up the hosting country.
    Same with Germany in ww1, they won against Russia. Just look at the territorial changes after the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk.
    Just check out territorial changes of Russia in general. When it looses a chunk that's because it lost a war.

    • @thedreaddeagle8561
      @thedreaddeagle8561 7 років тому

      Yosemite Russia lost those territories because people who lived there wanted an independence and Russia defeat was like a perfect moment to declare it.

    • @Kevin-sd9ec
      @Kevin-sd9ec 6 років тому +1

      Almost your whole comment is flawed

    • @Kevin-sd9ec
      @Kevin-sd9ec 6 років тому

      Russa used to be fractured, but whole

    • @NotADuncon
      @NotADuncon 6 років тому

      It wasn't "a difference in religion" The Polish King was a Catholic nutjob. He was so crazy about religion his own family didn't want him in Sweden so they sent this rotten egg to us in Poland. If he was more accepting towards religious freedom in Russia and didn't insist on sitting on both trones himself Russia would be part of Commonwealth. He also could have controlled the Swedish throne but again his bird brain catholicism prevented him because he couldn't stand Lutherans.

    • @justinian-the-great
      @justinian-the-great 6 років тому

      @@NotADuncon Yeah, by that point in history there is no way that there could live both catholic and ortodox Christians in the same country without troubles and wars, no matter how much religious freedom you give to them!

  • @rrkwarmonger
    @rrkwarmonger 5 років тому

    never knew history could be this entertaining, ever thought of becoming a teacher?

  • @justinyakopatz6117
    @justinyakopatz6117 6 років тому

    Wholy smokes!!! I love your history.