Mickey Atkins, as a former male subscriber of the whole 'alpha' and 'manosphere' community, I can say that what you are doing is a true benefit. I no longer subscribe to that toxicity and through people like you I am now able to get the adequate help I need with mental health.
That is absolutely amazing, I hope you are proud of you! Those ideologies are very addictive and know how to get people to believe in them. I wish you the best for your future
@@cguibcx I was initially attracted to the supposed self-improvement facade they put on. Truth be told, all they did was berate and invalidate me and other men for not being "alpha enough" and for struggling with depression. But the real eye opener was the blatant misogyny, like when they say women are selfish for saying no to men's advances and having personal boundaries, they only need to cook and clean and be submissive to men, and how they think it's okay for men to cheat but not women. I was also called a "pussy beta-male" because I called them predators when they say women hit their peek IN THEIR TEENS. As a man, I do not condone any of that behavior. It's a community of sick, narcissistic men who just want to hurt everyone else for their lack of self-worth. I found a therapist who has been making real progress and I try to encourage others to do the same instead of embracing narcissism.
Experiencing burnout as an autistic person BECAUSE of being autistic in an unaccommodating society makes it VERY hard to recover/find solace. I don't think I've ever experienced an extended time period in my 30 years free from at least some of those aspects of burnout you listed.
Same! Even if i've been diagnosed recently at 32, I can look back and point every autistic burnouts I had, throught out the years. The first I can remember was at 11yo, then 19, 24, 29 and I haven't been able to recover, now 3 years later. There's a lot to unpack hey!
yuuuup even through school when we got our 2 months of summer break it never felt like enough to recover, 1 day into the new school year I would feel like 'nope, i'm ready for THIS to be over'. meanwhile my friends were often like 'honestly I'm happy to be back, I was getting so bored!!' and I'd just stare and wonder like, HUH, HOW ? could not be me!
I'm glad you are not just talking about burnout from a workplace perspective. Coz Being homeless and unemployed is more stressful than any job I ever had. (And I have worked with kids, criminals and the service sector) The total lack of predictability and safety on the street, is a killer. Not only coz you physically risk getting killed a lot of the time, but the stress will definitely take a toll on your body too. I got burnout to the point where I lost my language and facial expressions. I was randomly fainting and didn't know why. I would be sick and get infections without any obvious reasons. It was bad y'all. I was 20 years old and I started to get grey spots in my Black hair. Spent 10 months in the hospital. And then back to the streets. Which was obviously not optimal, but hey. Housing is not for kids in this country.
@@karlab95 thank you. It was really rough. I live indoors now and have done so for 14 yrs. I just hope that when share a bit of my story here and there, it can take some stigma off of the homeless people going through it currently. Most ppl don't even think of the outdoor citizens as real humans.
@@jessicamillslagle3203 thank you. I don't meditate tho. As it's not really good for my PTSD. You see, when your mind goes on "blank" or "default mode" that's where the flashbacks get ya. So I keep my mind busy. And work my body tired instead.
Thank you for acknowledging how long it may take to recover. Because although I KNEW I was suffering from burn out, I couldn’t help but get discouraged when I felt no difference after finally getting a weekend or full week off work.
i mean, i figure if it's YEARS of build up that's got you to the point of burnout, it's probably not gonna be solved with a weekend of even a week off, you know? the problem is, especially in this current economic climate, it can be practically impossible to actually take the time we need to recover. I don't know what to do about it either, because i can't afford to take all kinds of time off work, or to not work as much as i do.
@@bottomofastairwell If you're not looking for advice, feel free to ignore this. But in dealing with burnout myself, it is true that there are a lot of things that people have no power to change (ie work, parenting, etc). However, I have found some places where I was using my time that I DID have power to change, such as saying no to people outside of work, not taking on things for the kids' school that I didn't have the bandwidth for, not going to every social event. I'm an introvert so the things you would say 'no' to may look different than me. But when I started looking, I did find some places where I could step back and take some pressure off, even when socially I had previously felt "obligated" to do them. Maybe there are some things like that you could look for. As a parent, I can't ever really take more than a day or two fully 'off', and that rarely. Instead I'm trying to achieve a better balance day-to-day that at the very least won't keep contributing to the burnout. You know it's bad when you read about Victorians convalescing for several months with consumption and think that sounds like a nice break! 🙃
I'm a college professor. I spent YEARS laboring under the illusion that systemic issues within higher education were my responsibility. I always told myself that if I stopped caring, if resentment overtook my compassion, I needed to gtfo. I struggled along until January of this year, when a fairly mundane but frustrating problem just fucking broke me. I sat on my bedroom floor scream-crying for over an hour like I've never done before. For the first time in my life, I wanted to un-alive myself. I knew I had to get out before I ended up in the hospital. I took emergency leave and have spent three months trying to recover. I feel like I'm just barely breaking the surface, and it's hard to remember that I was burned out and traumatized for years. Therapy has kept me afloat, but I'm still at the back of the struggle bus. However, I'm proud of myself for detaching from the environment that burned me out, and I'm grateful for my support system, who remind me all the time that I did the right thing by leaving and that I deserve a workplace that won't make me a hollow husk of a person.
Any advice for a college professor dealing with the same? I have bills to pay and I have no idea what to do with my career, but academia is crushing me.
@@Updog89 Honestly? Get out. If you have a bunch of PTO stacked up like I did, take it and use it as a buffer while you job search. You undoubtedly have skills employers want, and you can always upskill. There’s a course/community called Teacher Career Coach that I highly recommend for support and direction.
@@nyanbinary1717 thanks so much! I was forced out by management in a super toxic way :( not my favorite way to go and I didn't get to say goodbye to my students.
Being identified as a gifted child literally almost killed me in college and led to a magnificent crash and burn from which--even at 65--I have not and never will recover. There were other seriously abusive elements in my early life, and all of those elements combined to completely f me up :(
Almost every line of this video resonated with me. I finally got my CPA license after over four years, including a 2nd college degree, a pandemic, an ADHD diagnosis, and four chaotic tax seasons. I'm in stage 12 of the burnout cycle right now, and it's so validating to hear this discussed from a nonjudgmental source. I was convinced that if I lessened my output, even a little, everyone would see me for the imposter I believed myself to be.
Your comment about the gaslighting within the human services roles is so true. In education, we often hear the phrase "in it for the outcome, not the income." Literally conditioning us from day one not to ask for better pay because aren't you just here to help others??
Ugh I'm so done with that attitude. Everyone is fleeing education where I am and my motto this year has been "what are you gonna do, fire me?" I'm covering classes for other empty teaching positions in addition to my own. Please, fire me 😅
Another at risk group: chronic pain and/ chronic conditions. I'm burned out from trying to take care of myself! If it were easier to meet my own needs, or to feel well enough to go beyond my main job of managing pain and symptoms, I'd have the chance to experience work place burnout. (Tried to make this a little joke-y but it's also a serious point.)
definitely also here. I'm so burned out from the many treatments I've done over the years, but my rest isn't restful bc of how my chronic illnesses sabotage my life. even more so now that people have decided a pandemic which is still killing 2000 americans a week is "over," so finding solace/ safety also feels impossible. I'm exhausted but i can't afford to languish and let my health get even worse
And caretakers too who help to take care of and support people with those conditions. Not to take away from you, but it can be a lot for us as well. It’s hard to see a loved one struggle and be their emotional rock.
Yes! I have chronic pain and fatigue myself but it's like how do we stop being exhausted when we have to push just to stay fed and hydrated 😕 See also: lifelong mental illness. Therapists don't even seem to acknowledge how exhausting it is to be constantly pushing against my own brain. There's a lot of being told you're resistant to therapy if you express a need to slow down.
This is where I'm at right now, in combination with burnout from being a single parent, fighting a 7-year custody battle for the safety of my oldest, and being a 100% solo parent to my younger child. It's to the point that I literally spend every single ounce of my energy on just keeping my kids alive, safe, and happy and doing the bare minimum to keep myself alive. There are very few moments of real joy or happiness anymore, and I barely even recognize myself anymore both in personality and appearance. I try to joke about my situation, usually to make other people more comfortable, but the burnout is so intense at this point that it truly feels like I'll never fully recover.
I swear you have the most insanely perfect timing, I was literally just thinking about how I’m so burnt out and need to do something about it and this pops up, thank you so much Mickey ❤
I used to be an overachiever. I used to take all the extra shifts, stay late, come in early. I once worked 24 days straight with no day off because we were short staffed. If I hadn't been 19, single, childless, and still healthy, I absolutely could not have done it. Now, Im a lazy piece of shit. I come in five minutes late and leave EXACTLY at the time Im supposed to. I dont work a single second of overtime. I've had my work phone ring at 4:03pm and I silence the whole ass phone. Because I was off 3 minutes ago. Im on Me time. Im forever in mass texts, begging people to cover shifts on their weekends and I never respond. Its been hinted that some folks are needed to take on more clients because of backlog. I offer my sympathies and not a damn thing more. I love the work I do, but I will never be exploited by an employer, ever again. And the bare minimum I put in now is almost enough to take me down. I cannot and will not add to that load. Be a lazy piece of shit. Your boss deserves no better.
I'm glad you're making the point that burnout is not always work-related. I'm trying to recover from decades of emotional abuse. As a therapist myself, I recognize trauma, but burnout is a better match for most of what I'm dealing with. Something I have heard over and over from fellow survivors is experiencing acute fatigue after leaving an abusive relationship.
I broke down in tears yesterday after work and I couldn’t figure out what it was. After watching this video I realized I’m hitting burnout. I’m at the withdrawal stage of burnout and it’s not feeling good. I want to improve and make it better, but I feel stuck. I am going to bring it up with my therapist, so I appreciate that you posted this. It’s given me a place to start.
Caregiver burnout almost destroyed me I spent over a year taking care of my older brother who was dying from glioblastoma brain cancer and by the 8th month I crashed so hard from working full time at my job then to go straight home to help my mother take care of him and give her a chance to rest. I had to step away for a few days just to heal enough to come back to help until he passed. Surviving that made me appreciate just how important it is to reach out and say I need help and just how powerful burnout can be.
One of the things that made me realize I was going through a burnout was feeling completely exhausted when I had to force a smile at work. Not only did the emotion of joy had completely left me, but even the act of faking a smile for social purposes was an impossible task. Thank you so much for your video it helps me in my recovery 💜
This is exactly what I am going through now. Hard for me to smile/show any emotion I come off very apathetic. Not interesting. Even sociopathic. I would love to hear how you have recovered/doing now?
Thank you for this video. I started watching thinking 'ok maybe I'm starting to get burnt out' and realized oh no, oh I am in full on burnout and have been for the last 5 years. Every step resonated. And I sat here in tears, realizing I am so far past depression. I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.
I feel like for me a lot of these steps bleed together and overlap. They’re more like symptoms than actual linear stages, and my burnout sort of cycles through them. I’ve known this is a problem for me for some time and although I don’t think I’m able to completely eliminate it from my life, I’m trying to retrain my brain so I can learn to take more time for myself. This vid resonated a lot for me, too. A lot of my own thoughts and habits showed up here. ❤
It's surprisingly difficult to find good videos (or lectures, speeches, talks, podcasts, blogs...) about burnout, but this was definitely a really good one! Compassionate, informative, relatable. Thank you, Mickey ❤
As a stay at home mom, I live in my workplace 24/7 and it’s so easy to get caught up in efficiency because there is so much and so many people to take care of. Especially when someone is always home so alone time only exists by being in my bedroom so I’ve lost whatever carefree silliness I had left after growing up in a high demand religion that taught me that I am only saved through my works, that taught me that grace alone isn’t sufficient to be saved and be with my family for eternity. Women take on the burden of keeping the house running efficiently and staying clean. Not know what was an appropriate workload to add to my kids who were full time students and a spouse who is at a job full time (in a way that is measurable because I realize that stay at home work is more than full time it’s just so sporadic throughly the day that it’s hard to measure so it’s hard to see the real magnitude of the workload) somehow became me doing all the work, not because they were unwilling but because I couldn’t figure out what was fair to ask for. That feeling of “if I don’t do it nobody else will” then became the consequence of that. Then it becomes hard to hear, it’s okay if the floor isn’t clean this week because I secretly know it’s not just a one week lapse but it’s been 4 weeks and if I add another week it feels unacceptable Seeing my friends have very clean houses adds to the pressure. Knowing that I’m the only naturally tidy person also adds to everything. I have seen a therapist about this and it became a topic in couple’s therapy as well. I have to say that therapy helps a lot. I still struggle with it and depending on what’s going on in the family, we backslide into me doing too much, but if anyone is wondering if therapy can help, it absolutely can. I had to start small with finding my identity because it was lost long before I became a wife and mom and stay at home partner. It’s a work in progress. I want to be fun and silly, I see that in others and wish I could let myself be that way, that’s what my next work with my therapist is all about. I didn’t know “having fun” was a valid core value and it has been hard for me to accept. I started taking voice lessons and joined a karaoke group as part of this journey, and that work and goal oriented expectation even showed up there. I told someone in my karaoke group about my lessons when he noticed my improvements and his first question was asking me what I plan to do with those lessons, what my end goal was. When I said I’d like to maybe perform someday but if I never do it’s all about the fact that dining is fun for me, he looked quite surprised that if all it ever was was for enjoyment that was enough.
As a reminder, we see our houses at their worst. We see our friends houses at their best. Just don't open any cabinet doors without permission, that's where I stashed the mess I couldn't sort through when you texted to say you were 15 minutes away ;) As the child of a dual-income household, my parents did a lot of "we're a family and a team, and we all have to pull together to make this household work" and then assigning age appropriate chores that had to be done on a regular basis starting at elementary aged. I can't imagine what the house would have looked like if we hadn't all done some of it.
@@SaystheTruth3 I feel very accomplished and I have lots of friends. I am just stating the drain of living in your workspace. Going to work won’t alleviate the fact that when I’m home it’s still a place of work and I don’t have alone downtime. Those are things I have had to carve out for myself and alone time at home is something I’ve had to ask for. Since the pandemic, though, my husband works at home too so being alone at home is a rare luxury anymore. But to reiterate… I feel very accomplished because being home does not in anyway mean doing nothing, and I have friends and groups that I hang out with outside of the home. I’ve got that covered. Thanks for trying to help. I know it comes from a good place.
@@kathrynclass2915 ok well that's good. I was a stay-at-home mom for about five years. But I totally understand about me time... That's good you feel accomplished ❤️
My neck was sore after nodding my head “YES!” throughout this whole video. I was raised in a conservative patriarchal religious community and almost every woman in my family suffers from depression. I believe it was because of the over focus on women’s “natural” role as the martyr caregiver. After spending a couple of decades taking care of everyone else’s problems without so much as a thank you - all the while with a fake smile plastered on my face - I got out. And the funny thing is I feel like a genuinely better person now that my life’s balance actually includes my needs.
I’ve definitely experienced burnout by being around people who believe our only purpose in life is to work, work, work. When I purposefully chose to only work a certain number of hours a day and acclimate to that modest and livable pay rate, I found I was a lot happier. I now have time for hobbies and relaxation and joy instead of slaving away for some machine that only cares about numbers and other such useless outcomes.
I was thrown into self-employment when I had no idea what I was doing, and I underearned, devalued myself, and let people insist on impossible deadlines. After working 100+ hours a week for the better part of a decade (and getting screamed at by a client when I took a day off for my birthday), a divorce, and four traumatic events in a row, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I haven't been the same since. I'm ill a lot and have panic attacks around the idea of going back to full-time work. I miss overworking because it made me feel like I was a worthwhile person. Now that I can't, I struggle to find purpose.
I KNEW I was burnt out!!! Thank you SO MUCH for clarifying that it’s not just a work thing!! All the resources I’ve found are about work! I work in healthcare, but the thing that really burns me out is that I never have time to be with friends or family because I am constantly trying to keep up with cleaning up after my 7 month old Labrador, walking her, playing with her etc. I hardly have time to do my laundry, let alone get a massage that I DESPERATELY need because I’m in SO MUCH PAIN. Feeling validated. Thank you!
I was a relatively average kid until I started 8th grade, which is what put me in the "gifted kid" path. From 9th-10th grade, I was taking mainly Honors and AP classes. On 11th-12th grade, I was already at university taking classes. My workload was 8 classes per day and studying with my face on the book from 6AM-1AM the next day for 4 years. Add the abusive relationship I got myself into right after I graduated high school. Isolated, belittled, and gaslit like no other. Also forced to work 12 hour shifts at 3 different jobs and threatened to be starved or punished with r4p3 without lubricant if I didn't obey during that time. It burned me out so much that even now I can't read more than 2 pages of a book without losing focus. The thought of working more than 4 hours, more than 2 days in a row, or working away from home fills me with dread. I can't even take more than 2 simple classes without becoming overwhelmed. I've become so downgraded, stupid, and feel worthless
I identify so hard with this. I'm so sorry and sad that you went through this--and angry that people put you through that. No one had any right to hurt you like that, and you are far from being stupid or worthless.
I am so sorry you had to endure that. Please know that there are so many of us who have also suffered and you are not alone. You deserve unconditional love, dignity, and respect.
I became so burnt out and numb my senior year of college in an education major program. My student teaching placement was a fight between me constantly feeling not good enough, numb, avoiding things that needed to get done, and then shamed by professors. And then I came out of college with that and just thinking I was shit and would always be shit. Not to mention I found out I had two undiagnosed chronic illnesses and somehow still felt like it was MY fault for being overwhelmed. I left teaching and realized no, I was EXHAUSTED and had been SHAMED for these cries for help. So, anyone going through this or anything- you are inherently worthy and are not defined by professions, grades, or employers/professors praise. You are wonderful ❤
I really wish I could find a therapist like you around me… I’ve just had really really bad luck and been retraumatized every time I try therapy again. I’m going to try again sometime soon, hopefully I finally find the right person for me. But you are so incredibly validating. I always end up being asked “why are you here? You’re functioning.” Why do I have to be unable to function before I can get help? I’ve been at that far end of burn out before and I don’t look the way I’m supposed to. I can be completely falling apart and still go to work because I have to live. It’s a purely survival thing at that point. So frustrating.
So sorry to hear this- doesn't sound like a safe environment if you feel you have to prove yourself to a therapist! One idea that might be helpful is to write your next therapist a letter prior to your first meeting, sharing a bit of who you are, what you would like out of therapy, and what you don't want out of therapy. You can ask them about what modalities they use (I would reccomend one that uses a strengths-based approach, or one who follows the principles of person-centred therapy) - those features will increase the chance of your therapist feeling safer and for you.
I feel your pain. I'm not functioning in that sense but I've had therapists decide that I'm resisting therapy because the constant pushing of progress in therapy can cause burnout too. If I'm in therapy, I'm not allowed to slow down without "losing progress" and it's not only retraumatizing but it's also inadvertently taught me to accept being pushed that hard in relationships so I've had to relearn that too.
I went through this a few years ago. I felt every one of these stages again as you described them. It is feeling that I wish on no one. There is nothing worse than feeling that you are wasting your life doing something that you feel you have no choice but to continue doing.
Thank you for bringing light to this. As an autistic person and someone who had long Covid for half the year last year (and honestly probably still having problems from long Covid), I do feel very tired most of the time. It’s hard to just take care of myself. My energy levels and mood will also be reflective of what part of my menstrual cycle I’m on, or what social obligations I have planned on the weekend or during the week. It’s very easy to collapse at the end of the week and not have the emotional willpower to engage with much. And I’m a single person with no kids living independently.
The psychological and emotional fallout of my PMS used to hit me hard for up to 14 days a month, but the daily progesterone-only pill has helped significantly reduce those symptoms. Sharing in case anyone wants to ask their healthcare provider about it. It's also used to treat endometriosis.
Burnout is so real in my field, biology esp wildlife biology, it’s definitely one of those situations where they say if you love it you should be willing to do it 24/7 and usually for very little pay!! This video is helpful as a reminder and tips to recover!
I got burned out almost 18 months ago and I am STILL noticing the effects of this now (on and off). Two of my best friends also had burnout within the last year. It's rampant among people who are the single point of failure at work and don't feel like they can ever stop or take a break because there is no one else who can pick up what you're doing. Hard workers are especially at risk; the GUILT I felt when I finally took time off was unreal. It's so so hard. And when you're in the middle of it you are incapable of asking for help anymore. And employers totally exploit this.
Oh I feel that thanks for sharing this. The single point of responsibility and the responsibility that comes with it as a risk factor🤔That's something I think would also characterize my work.
ALL OF THIS. I am currently on a reduced work schedule as I phase back in from a leave of absence from work because of my burnout. I literally had SI and was so exhausted to my bones. My fantastic therapist wrote me out of work and I think it saved my life.
I’m an elementary school teacher. I feel like the years 2020-2021 sent me warp speed through several of the layers. I’m in full burnout now. I also remember last year we had an “expert” tell us that the only way to remedy burnout is to quit our jobs.
Honestly I was having a pretty horrid time in the fall. Im a teacher and had one of the largest classes in the department, also my class had the highest language development and English acquisition needs, the highest behavior needs and lowest parental engagement. Added stressors included policies meant to support teachers not being adhered to and coming up with student behavior systems / going through the proper channels to order items for it, only to have it take months before these things arrived. After two months of what I can only describe as absolute insanity and with no one being able to give me any meaningful sort of help (in the end, it’s more like I was gaslit into thinking I didn’t use my time efficiently enough) I thought: 1. I won an award for teaching last year, 2. I have more than 10 years of experience in international schools teaching this age group, 3. I’m hella knowledgeable and efficient at my job, 4. I am updating my practices all the time, 5. I come to school and leave school with the bus which puts me at school 45 hours a week already. I also eat lunch with my students and otherwise my only consistent break by myself every day, where I’m not working, is 5 min of grabbing a coffee from the kiosk. It was at that time that I thought, other than professional development and professional readings, work must stay confined to those 45 hours on site. I decided that anything that didn’t get done in a week was not a me problem, but a system problem. Now my students have been praised for how much they’ve grown. I’m proud of them but also angry that what happened was never really acknowledged. I did my job, but what was the cost to myself and why did things have to happen in this way? At least I now will no longer accept responsibility for work not getting done as a result of systemic issues. I realized that the only person I can rely on to take care of me is me. I’m a bit bitter when I think back on it, but at least I’m now in a better mindset to deal with the world as it is. I now know my value and won’t let anyone tell me that I need to be and do everything when the system itself is broken.
I know what burnout looks like, I knew that I have one, I knew I overdid it with work and caring for friends and everything. But I still kept going like "I just wanna finish this". And now this video comes after I just had a week of vacation that did basically nothing that I somehow thought would be enough to recover despite knowing better (of course it didn't). So thank you very much for your perfect timing and the great advice. Sometimes we just need other people to say the obvious things to us for us to listen :D
oh god that point about female coworkers being expected to be the care taker in the workplace is so true. every time there's an office event, it's always the women that plan and execute it because nobody else will. all the while we also have to finish our actual responsibilities and meet the deadlines. we get no compensation from the company besides occasional free lunch and a thank you. when we try to take it up to our supervisors, they say "you girls are just better at this than everyone", weaponizing their incompetence and unwillingness to do the bare minimum. every time i want to get away from this added work to do my actual job, i feel guilty because it's like i'm leaving my friends behind in the mud.
You can weaponize incompetence right back. I learned to say "no" to planning the extra things, or doing more than my coworkers the hard way. I love making "just because" cookies. enough sweets to feed all the employees? Not so much. The second or third time I responded with "what's my budget? I don't mind calling [grocery store] and placing the order to for cookies and coffee, but I can't afford to buy it" can go a surprisingly long way. It might also help that I'm female-bodied but have no clue how decorate nicely for an event. Shrug.
When you started reading that Mayo clinic definition it gave me the epiphany that following the death of my father, burnout was a compounding factor in my grief. Leading up to his death, I had been made his medical power of attorney and was given a lot of responsibility regarding his care, despite working full time and living far away. By the time he passed I was so tired that the night after his death I slept 12 hours from pure exhaustion. But I was then immediately thrown into organizing and settling his estate, which is more complicated than it should have been or needed to be. Add to all that being a former gifted kid/golden child, AFAB with ADHD, I never stood a chance. I've been pegging a lot of my feelings as grief, but I think burnout is maybe even a bigger driver.
Best video I have seen on this topic as it goes into the psychological stuff that often underlies burnout - perfectionism/high achieving, work identify, the withdrawal, realignment of values, focus on efficiency, disengagement and so on. I left a job with significant burnout about 18 months ago and it’s been a long recovery. My relationship to work has changed irrevocably, but in a good way. It’s no longer my identity, indeed it is one of the lowest priorities in my life now and I am now more whole as a result. I could absolutely relate to this video - awesome content that I’m sure will help those who are where I was 18 months ago 💖
Thank you so much for this Mickey. I’m a lawyer in Australia and I managed to get through the first gruelling years of my career just fine…. but then I had kids. Being a parent has caused my current burn out. I still do part time legal work but the nature of parenting is what did me in. Especially as during the pandemic I become essentially a SAHM - THe hardest job in the world. I have felt so guilty for how I feel and had no idea how to recover. This video is exactly what I needed to start healing.
Great timing! I'm a 2nd year medical student getting ready for boards. I'm struggling so badly but that doesn't matter because I have board exams in 2 months. There's a running joke that anyone who gets into medical school either has anxiety, depression, or both and the system only perpetuates these issues.
This is the perfect video for me right now. I've been away from work with burnout for almost 2 months now. I am a teacher who doesn't enjoy her job, so the stress and pressure of my job along with not getting any enjoyment out of it (plus some personal factors) contributed to my burnout. It's actually my 2nd burnout and I turn 30 this year so love that for me. The risk factors you talked about were also different than what I thought. I definitely was hyped up for being so good at my last study and that made me go above and beyond for school work and my internship where I got burnout the first time. My first burnout taught me that well.. capitalism sucks lol. Since, I have decided to never work full-time. I have been looked at like i'm crazy anytime i say that i don't want to work full-time. I love how you go about this topic (and all other topics, you've opened my eyes to so many parts of my life) and it's helped me realise some things. You gave me some prompts to think and journal about. 💖
I'm a fully burned-out teacher who's been away from work for a couple of months too. I hope you're able to find recovery and peace in your time away and to do what you need to do for yourself.
I'm a teacher in my twelfth year teaching special ed. I love my job, but I'm also in one of these states of burn out at all times. This time of year is particularly rough. Every year at this time I get in the depressed, isolated, fully burned out stage and tell myself it's ok you'll feel human again come summer... It's not a great way to live.
Oof good timing on this one. I'm a teacher and have taught special ed for 12 years. I feel like I'm always in one of these stages and this time of year is the worst for me. I'm definitely in the isolation/depression stage right now. I tell myself you just have to make it to summer, then everything will be ok. Then summer comes and I feel a bit lost without work, because I put everything into my job and don't know what to do without it. Then August comes and I'm back to trying to be a perfect teacher again... It's draining. And it doesn't help that burnout is basically expected and even encouraged in this job. To get good scores on our evaluations we have to go above and beyond.
Student teacher in burn out here too... I'm exhausted after years of school/work. You described how my summers go perfectly working in education. The summers are the only reprieve from what feels like a 20 mile sprint and understandably it's an adjustment. I'm hoping I can figure out a way to balance and set more boundaries.. I think the norm of above and beyond is slooowly changing but I wish it was changing faster.
I definitely agree that burnout is not only related to work. I have been pretty burnt out lately and it has a lot to do with my family and it's dynamics, both growing up and as an adult, for the last 20 years.
I live alone. I work at home online. Over time, I've reduced and neglected my private life as a result of work. The result, you give so much to work you end up with no social life. That for me was burnout. I've recognised it and am taking steps to get more balance. Do not neglect face to face social contact. I did. I burnt out.
I had burnout from my studies during the great plague. I had everything set up before that, but during lockdown my ADHD symptoms really became exacerbated, and it went downhill. Especially since I was studying nursing and went from one extreme of no social contact, to being out in the field and having to engage with patients regularly while I was simultaneously struggling with managing symptoms. It was hard. My usual coping strategies weren’t available. I lost my structured schedule that I needed to maintain sanity. Going to the gym regularly was so important. Playing music with others was super important to reload my battery, and just disappeared overnight. I was faced with only my worst struggles. And by the time I had to quit I was just exhausted.
Thank you, I needed this today. Because I'm a social worker people in my life think it's not work for me to listen to their problems all..day..long. I love them but sometimes I just want to color and shit, you know? 🙂 Thank you for addressing this part of it. I've never heard anyone say this before.
My burnout experience was pretty violent. I spiraled downward slowly for several months, dealing with unstable home relationships, a job closing down, I left to take care of myself and landed my own place because the chaos from others was too much. But as my job left me, I was hitting a bad spot. I took on two jobs at once, but fell behind on rent. All the unresolved pressure eventually broke me down. I noticed something was wrong when I began making more illogical choixes. I felt moments of confusion and panic. The big day was when I just stopped. I quit all my jobs and isolated myself. Had a 5 day fever, my body was so sensitive like I was literally fried out. I didn't eat for 32 hours. I was a shivering wreck. But talking with a friend after isolating for 5 days, I slowly picked up all the pieces. However, that experience affected me for a long time. I felt the effects of this for a whole year, even long after things improved and I got my life steady and functioning. 70% of what caused this problem was not having money... It always goes back to not enough money.
This was so affirming, thanks Mickey! I won't trauma dump, so I will just say that I'm going on short term disability starting next month! I recognized the burnout signs from my job (I'm a youth worker in low barrier services) awhile ago and couldn't afford to go on leave earlier. Hearing you say that folks experiencing later stage burnout will need to take a longer time away from the cause of burnout was insightful, and I'm adjusting my plans to be open to the probability of being away longer than expected. Thanks for all the work you put into your content, it's very much appreciated!
This was excellent timing in seeing this. We are all under a fair bit of pressure at work, and one of the topics that have been coming up has been to be careful of letting ourselves get burnt out. I’ve felt myself start to feel a little burnt out lately, but didn’t realise just how far down the path i am already. I’m going to share your video with my team so we are able to start to recognise the signs of burnout. Thank you so much for this.
I’m so grateful to this video. I’ve been burnt out since I was in college and I’m now 28. I literally graduated on Friday, moved out of my dorm on Sunday, started my first job on Monday, and haven’t stopped going since then. I wonder if I qualify for a medical sabbatical for my mental health. I like my job and my family, but I’m ready to tap out.
I really appreciate this video, even though it was a little alarming how every single step got worse and I was like, “oh yeah, been there…there too…that’s just a regular Tuesday.” I also really struggle with burnout because I have ADHD and I almost feel like my threshold for burnout is lower than the average person. I never want to be the weak link, whether it’s at work, in my family, friend group, etc. But I always overestimate what I’m able to get done and then I feel bad for getting tired or overwhelmed so quickly. I’m sure it’s part of this whole burnout cycle, but I haven’t figured out yet how to get out of it and like still…afford food and shelter and stuff. 🙃
This is amazing. It hit on everything I am experiencing. How it feels, the why, how I might be making it worse by over-trying. Eye opening and a feeling of hope for recovery
I'm so glad you mentioned how awful it is that burnout isn't actually honoured until people shut down, because I've seen that happen both to myself and my mother. And then, even with the shut down ongoing, it's still been hard to get help. When it happened to my mother, burnout wasn't even an official diagnosis, so despite all the safety nets and social security we have in my country, she was still force right back into work training. This entire thing also made me quite sad because I realise I don't really know who I am anymore. I've been in a state of burnout for so long I don't remember. (But hey, when I was still in therapy about half a year ago, we were working on me reconnecting to my emotions, so it's kinda good that I'm sad about it at least.) Also as for burnout accommodations, the good thing is I'm self employed so I can figure out and implement what I need. The bad thing is also that I'm self ...employed so I often can't afford to 😂
The way you related it to being golden child is so real. And no matter what I do it’s still not enough. Not just for my parents but for all my bosses and clients as well as a music teacher
Thank you for covering this. I am experiencing this in a major way. Caregivers, especially those taking care of a parent or child, who lack support are perfect candidates for burnout. When you are a 24/7 carer, it's not sustainable. People assume that because you're at home you're "taking time off" to be a carer, and assume you have all of this time off/to yourself because you aren't in the workforce. I became a single parent to a 6wo at the beginning of the lockdown, due to DV. I had a very high powered career and had to drop every ambition I had. I have to take care of my daughter 24/7/365. I cannot bathe by myself, sleep when I want/need to, or really doing anything when I want or need to. It's thrust me into a bad financial situation, because I receive no support from the father. Nevermind the fact that I am reeling from DV and 2+ years of being dragged through the courts, and several bogus formal CPS reports against me. I have some serious health issues that I cannot address because I cannot attend to because I cannot bring a toddler to medical and other appointments. Finding a babysitter is extremely competitive where I live, and costs $25-30+ hour. Even if I'm working at $75/hour, more than half ends up going to childcare- if I can get someone. I have experienced burnout in the workplace, but this is beyond that. The chronic exhaustion has been causing cognitive decline. I am forgetful and can hardly focus. I've reached out for help, but because due to several reasons I am not able to qualify for any outside assistance. I was in therapy until a year ago, but my therapist told me we had worked through everything she was able to help me with. I'm tired of people telling me that I need to seek medical or mental health treatment. I have, and I know that I can benefit from both. But given certain circumstances, they won't help. I need help and support- mainly in taking care of my child so I can do what I need to take care of myself. So if you know a caregiver struggling to take care of a young child or parent, offer to step in to lessen the load. Even just a couple hours of help can make a huge difference.
Hi mickey! Im really interested in this subject bc ive been experiencing a perpetual burnout for the last several years, and it definitely was not helped by expericing heightened discrimination, disability, and covid (which is very much still happening lmao). Nothing I've tried has really worked, tho rn my long covid makes trying anything new pretty much inpossible so it feels pretty hopeless. Idk, i should tqlk to my therapist about it. Ps I wanna make a small suggestion! I know you kinda stumble when trying to refer to all the people most affected by misogyny, so here is a new term I picked up: "Feminized". It doesnt denote gender or is bioessentialist, it only means that in our society a group or person has been relegated to or associated with femininity, and therefore is subject to misogyny. And similar to "racialized", it makes it clear that these labels are put upon us by society, theyre social categories, rather than being any kind of innate quality. So yeah, just throwing that out there!
I was a letter carrier for 3 1/2 years, and about a year ago I was able to get a clerical job with a normal schedule. After years of dealing with the weather, mandatory overtime, being called in on off days AND the pandemic, I feel like I'm still trying to catch up.
I'm so glad you shared this! I'm a nurse who experienced major burnout last year and didn't see it coming! I'm working on getting a therapist and a new psychiatrist! Videos like this are keeping me going until my first therapy appointment.
Thank you! I feel so guilty about being burnt out even though I'm just a stay-at-home parent. I told this a therapist once and he stopped me right there, pointing out that I don't get to leave my job site and that's hard in its own, valid way. My husband is burnt out as well, especially since he's been doing a lot of overtime, so I try to do all the cooking, housework, and most of the parenting. The issue is that as a neurodivergent person I've struggled with normal life even before I became a parent, but potentially having to give up on my lifelong big family dream hurts too. But yeah, it seems like more than either of us can handle. I try to take things one step at a time for now because I don't want to deal with more, but I'm no good at that either. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore and I think I'm just pushing off getting chores done and going to bed, so I'll stop. I'm too tired to focus anyways. Edit: I love my toddler and unborn little acrobat-baby more than I've ever loved anyone on this Earth though. It's weird to love and yet struggle so much with this whole parenting thing.
Thank you so much for this! I've been in low stages of burnout since the pandemic (at least!) and by the end of 2022 I was deep in late-stage. I worked in election administration and it's such a huge contributor to burnout when your inner monologue is 'I have to get this done right with no room for error because the state of democracy depends on it.' I submitted my resignation two days after the midterm election because I knew I could not continue without completely shutting down, and have no intention to return to elections in any capacity, which sadly I know first hand is very common right now in that sector. I am extremely lucky in that I was paid relatively well and (because I was so busy) didn't spend a lot of money, so I have been living off savings since then and am really only now, four months later, beginning to job hunt in earnest, and I know I will still be a long time recovering completely. I really appreciate your acknowledgement that recovery doesn't happen overnight. I hope that some day I can feel the joy that I did in the first few years of working that job, where I loved what I was doing and was confident that I was good at it.
In addition to growing up abused, I've been burnt out from pressure in therapy- I want to be able to work so I can take care of my needs, but a lot of therapists have taken me trying to slowly but surely get there with "resistance to treatment" and it's caused MORE problems just like I thought it would every time I've 'just tried' I think therapists in general need to be more aware that lifelong struggle is going to burn people out. Ignoring that has made continuing to get the help that I need impossible since it has a high risk of digging it deeper. There's this expectation that, once you start making progress, you must continue to push yourself to more and more progress. I started therapy 22 years ago and not once has a therapist acknowledged that kind of constant self work as the real work that it is. They SAY it's hard work, but there's no real acknowledgment in practice. Patients shouldn't be scolded for "resistance" when they've been in therapy, doing the work for years. We (society as a whole) can't expect people to feel safe getting help if we punish them for being too exhausted to constantly push. Mentally ill and traumatized people need rest too, even when we don't work in the sense of jobs.
This was a super validating video. It felt like a virtual hug. Thanks Mickey (would also be interested in a burnout video in relation to nurodivergence)
this is incredibly helpful. i'm autistic and struggle to understand how i feel and what my needs are, but i think i have been bouncing between levels 3-9 for the past 8 months (though for me #7 would probably be placed before #3), with a couple times moving all the way up to 12. i'm at 11 right now. seeing the stages put into identifiable sequencial order like this makes it a lot clearer to me, and helps my current situation make a bit more sense. i think i may share this with my therapist
Best video thus far on burnout. Thank you for acknowledging that work is not the only factor. Any activity, relationship, or circumstance that chronically leaves you with low reward but high effort can be a cause. 🙏🏻
Really needed this video, it couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m currently poly and started a new, very demanding, job and am having trouble relaxing and doing most anything outside of work because it is so physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. I currently find my relationships to be draining as well. I don’t even have time for an emotional breakdown it seems. Working on figuring out how to cut some things out of my schedule, even though they all seem important and mandatory. The theme is “I don’t feel like I’m enough.”
I find it very interesting that burnout in the care industry has a lot of similarities with burnout in the creative industry, specially that part about being expected to be "grateful" for even having the opportunity to do that job in the first place. There is a lot of exploitation going on in this field because a lot of people don't even really see it as real work ("you must have so much fun getting to do art everyday!"), so there is this pressure to prove yourself all the time. Also there is the aspect of monetizing your passion, which can quickly turn into a burnout spiral, because often times you'll end up spending 85% of your time doing tedious and draining business things and 15% (or less) doing what you actually love; on top of that, depersonalization can hit hard cause you have to create stuff that caters to other people's tastes in order to make revenue, and if you don't have at least one outlet for your personal ideas, this can even make you hate the craft altogether. I think we tend to romanticize this idea of living of your passion, but even the things you love can burn you out when you don't nurture the other aspects of your life.
I love the addition of saying someone experiencing burnout may have a short fuse as opposed to feeling hopeless. I've never been one to stop and sulk and become depressed if I'm feeling stressed: moving at such a fast pace, I only get angry or more turbulent if something gets in my way or I become overwhelmed. Aspects of my core personality have been described in this video and I appreciate having more insight about it.
I'm just coming out of a major burnout period and feeling like talking to people again and not isolating. Not only is this video perfect for navigating your way out of burnout but it's amazing for explaining it too, I showed it to my friend to explain what I'm going through. Thank you!
Almost a year ago, I was so burnt out personally, professionally, emotionally, and mentally that I was considering unaliving myself. I’m much better now.
As a creative in advertising (a soul draining industry) this is SO relatable. The “work is so fulfilling”, “it’s who you are” identity part. Gifted child phenomenon. Ever increasing demand & need for efficency (clients/capitalism/c suites DO NOT CARE if you have to work late and work weekends consistently), dealing with PMs who “hear” you when you say the project timeline is too insane, the deadlines are causing overwhelm and do nothing about it. Resourcing that PURPOSEFULLY wayyyy under allocates your hours on projects so they can put you on more projects even when you’re working at 100% capacity (meaning chained to your desk 40+ hours a week) on one project alone. Particularly trifling at my agency they BILL me as an art director to clients…but have yet to give me that title/wage promotion after 1yr and 6 months of doing art director work under my designer title. Yeahhhh….I’m burnt tf out. My coworker was crying in between meetings last Friday because she was so stressed. Advertising is like one of capitalism’s limbs so I guess I shouldn’t expect better. But I didn’t know this when I was first getting into the field. Now I question all the time…AM I creative?? Why don’t I enjoy doing this?? I know I have to quit. And will. But what to do next? 😫 all options seem exhausting
This video just described all the reasons why Im leaving my current job. Sometimes I get hit by a sense of desperation as to "if I will ever going to be able to work somwhere else" and it really sucks, but the closer I am to my final day of work the better I feel. Been in this company for 9 years, and it took me all this time to realize what was happening and to get to end stages of this syndrome. This is not something that happens out of the blue, it took me years.
I work as an HCA caring for my grandmother and share custody with her caring for my little brother. So my entire work life and home life revolve around being the caretaker for the family, and unfortunately I am often the one who is there to pick up the pieces for any other family members as well. I love helping others and it really does make me so happy sometimes. But it’s nice to hear a reminder that I’m not a failure for needing breaks and it’s just not always possible to have it all
Another perfectly timed video for me. I appreciate you so much Mickey. You are so approachable and real. I appreciate your compassion and inclusion. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
This was very helpful, thank you. I got so far into burnout that I just straight up quit my job one day. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was drowning and that I wasn't myself anymore. Irritable and sad all the time. I was lucky in that I could afford to quit for awhile and take some time to myself but not everyone has that luxury. Starting a new job soon where it seems like they are much better than my previous company but at least with this I can recognize the signs if it starts happening again.
Im with you - just quit my job, moved out of the country & have committed to a full year off before thinking about finding a new job. I know that this is not something that everyone can do, but I literally feel like the life I was living wasn’t a real life. I wish you the very best in your journey!
Thank you for making this video. You are the first, that I’ve seen, to break down burn out and be so detailed. I seen videos and read so many articles that only give 5 signs of burn out and give quick fixes to recover and it never resonated with me. As someone in their 30s and has experienced burn out in at least separate 3 periods in life, I feel acknowledged and seen while you were listing the stages. I will definitely be saving this video.
I had a very very intense unsafe situation two weeks ago and it lasted five days but I still feel laid out - human bodies and brains take a lot of time and nurturing to recover but we are all worth it 💙
I budget a month of extra emotional care and warm fuzzies from a *weekend* that feels unsafe. I can only imagine how much work healing from 5 days of it will need.
I hope you are given the space and time to recover, I’m sorry that happened to you. ❤️ And yeah, I think we vastly underestimate how much time we need to just…chill, both after a traumatic event or just in our day to day. We’re not meant to push through each day at lightning speed.
Hey can you make a video on survival tips when self care is not accessible or available? Like how to protect your well being while being in an environment or situation that harms your well being.
I enjoy your videos and love the issues you bring into light!! I have burnout from being my bff's therapist. She is super negative and stuck in victim mode. I am her only person and I am feeling drained and exhausted.
I once was driving to work (acute psych unit therapist) and I had to pull over because I was crying too hard to drive. The trigger - AC/DC song Highway to Hell...... After I calmed myself I knew then it was time to seek other employment. I handed in my 2 week notice before I even clocked in. I never should have let it get to that point. I know better now. This is an important topic. I know I feel "guilt" for taking time for myself. I still struggle.
This felt so validating omg 😢 Been off for months with uni burnout and just so overwhelmed with it. Definitely stage 12. Absolutely guilty of the 'it's not so bad' and definitely trying to let myself feel some of the emotions so I can heal. Might be time to go back to therapy
I'm about to take another few months off from uni myself. It started getting worse halfway through the semester and because of it I didn't get my courses on time because I was feeling so burnt out so I feel terrible now having to delay my progress again..... I am starting counseling soon though so I hope I can build a better system for myself. Hope you can heal too 🥲
@@MikuHatsune159 thankyou! Ironically it's been training to be an applied psychologist that has destroyed my mental health! Hope you get all the help and healing you need, I have heard of more than one person who took 5, 6, or 10 years to finish a degree, so it's not the worst thing ever x
i think you touched on this, but i want to add specifically the need to prove yourself or go above and beyond because society or your industry constantly undermines you for your gender, race, whatever. the amount of extra work i've had to do as a woman plus the amount of harassment ive had to deal with equates to working 3x harder than i should have had to imo. the amount of "oh, i can get that for you" or general "she clearly doesn't understand" comments / attitudes... 👿
I really appreciate you quantifying burn out. I absolutely experienced in 2020 during the pandemic. I was so overwhelmed with the news cycle. I became a shut in for a few weeks. Then I made myself take daily walks. I was not ok mentally before that.
First video here, and Mickey has such a relatable way of describing this subject. There are a PLETHORA of videos on UA-cam about burnout, but I've never heard it described so realistically esp since I know I've experienced it myself many times.
I found something interesting about myself and maybe it might help fellow neurodivergent asd folks. Whenever I burn out from my job or talking to other people, I try to take breaks, watch movies, read, but it never makes me truly relaxed and doesn't let me let go of the stress inertia. But I found that if I specifically engage with my special interests, it truly lets me become relaxed and allows me to recover
Mickey Atkins, as a former male subscriber of the whole 'alpha' and 'manosphere' community, I can say that what you are doing is a true benefit. I no longer subscribe to that toxicity and through people like you I am now able to get the adequate help I need with mental health.
That is absolutely amazing, I hope you are proud of you! Those ideologies are very addictive and know how to get people to believe in them. I wish you the best for your future
Hey, I'm just glad you saw the light. If I may ask, what brought you back to reality?
@@cguibcx I was initially attracted to the supposed self-improvement facade they put on. Truth be told, all they did was berate and invalidate me and other men for not being "alpha enough" and for struggling with depression. But the real eye opener was the blatant misogyny, like when they say women are selfish for saying no to men's advances and having personal boundaries, they only need to cook and clean and be submissive to men, and how they think it's okay for men to cheat but not women. I was also called a "pussy beta-male" because I called them predators when they say women hit their peek IN THEIR TEENS. As a man, I do not condone any of that behavior. It's a community of sick, narcissistic men who just want to hurt everyone else for their lack of self-worth. I found a therapist who has been making real progress and I try to encourage others to do the same instead of embracing narcissism.
Positive reinforcement :P
But truthfully learning you are wrong is always hard so keep it up UberAlpha
Hey that’s awesome man, glad you reflected and are healing. Hope things work out(:
Experiencing burnout as an autistic person BECAUSE of being autistic in an unaccommodating society makes it VERY hard to recover/find solace. I don't think I've ever experienced an extended time period in my 30 years free from at least some of those aspects of burnout you listed.
Autistic burnout is a bonus level of burnout. I feel you.
@@nyanbinary1717 ouch, the bonus level I definitely did not need....
Same! Even if i've been diagnosed recently at 32, I can look back and point every autistic burnouts I had, throught out the years. The first I can remember was at 11yo, then 19, 24, 29 and I haven't been able to recover, now 3 years later. There's a lot to unpack hey!
yuuuup even through school when we got our 2 months of summer break it never felt like enough to recover, 1 day into the new school year I would feel like 'nope, i'm ready for THIS to be over'. meanwhile my friends were often like 'honestly I'm happy to be back, I was getting so bored!!' and I'd just stare and wonder like, HUH, HOW ? could not be me!
Same here, Alex. I don't think I've been fully in my comfort zone since 1986. lol
I'm glad you are not just talking about burnout from a workplace perspective.
Coz Being homeless and unemployed is more stressful than any job I ever had. (And I have worked with kids, criminals and the service sector)
The total lack of predictability and safety on the street, is a killer.
Not only coz you physically risk getting killed a lot of the time, but the stress will definitely take a toll on your body too.
I got burnout to the point where I lost my language and facial expressions.
I was randomly fainting and didn't know why. I would be sick and get infections without any obvious reasons.
It was bad y'all. I was 20 years old and I started to get grey spots in my Black hair. Spent 10 months in the hospital.
And then back to the streets.
Which was obviously not optimal, but hey. Housing is not for kids in this country.
This sounds like hell. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Hope you're in a better place now.
@@karlab95 thank you. It was really rough.
I live indoors now and have done so for 14 yrs.
I just hope that when share a bit of my story here and there, it can take some stigma off of the homeless people going through it currently.
Most ppl don't even think of the outdoor citizens as real humans.
I'm so happy for you. I hope you are able to let go of the past. I'd love to meditate with you.
@@doggytheanarchist7876 I see so much immediate judgement laid on unsheltered people, and I hate that. Glad you're under a roof now.
@@jessicamillslagle3203 thank you.
I don't meditate tho. As it's not really good for my PTSD.
You see, when your mind goes on "blank" or "default mode" that's where the flashbacks get ya.
So I keep my mind busy. And work my body tired instead.
Thank you for acknowledging how long it may take to recover. Because although I KNEW I was suffering from burn out, I couldn’t help but get discouraged when I felt no difference after finally getting a weekend or full week off work.
i mean, i figure if it's YEARS of build up that's got you to the point of burnout, it's probably not gonna be solved with a weekend of even a week off, you know?
the problem is, especially in this current economic climate, it can be practically impossible to actually take the time we need to recover. I don't know what to do about it either, because i can't afford to take all kinds of time off work, or to not work as much as i do.
@@bottomofastairwell If you're not looking for advice, feel free to ignore this.
But in dealing with burnout myself, it is true that there are a lot of things that people have no power to change (ie work, parenting, etc). However, I have found some places where I was using my time that I DID have power to change, such as saying no to people outside of work, not taking on things for the kids' school that I didn't have the bandwidth for, not going to every social event.
I'm an introvert so the things you would say 'no' to may look different than me. But when I started looking, I did find some places where I could step back and take some pressure off, even when socially I had previously felt "obligated" to do them. Maybe there are some things like that you could look for.
As a parent, I can't ever really take more than a day or two fully 'off', and that rarely. Instead I'm trying to achieve a better balance day-to-day that at the very least won't keep contributing to the burnout.
You know it's bad when you read about Victorians convalescing for several months with consumption and think that sounds like a nice break! 🙃
I'm a college professor. I spent YEARS laboring under the illusion that systemic issues within higher education were my responsibility. I always told myself that if I stopped caring, if resentment overtook my compassion, I needed to gtfo. I struggled along until January of this year, when a fairly mundane but frustrating problem just fucking broke me. I sat on my bedroom floor scream-crying for over an hour like I've never done before. For the first time in my life, I wanted to un-alive myself. I knew I had to get out before I ended up in the hospital. I took emergency leave and have spent three months trying to recover. I feel like I'm just barely breaking the surface, and it's hard to remember that I was burned out and traumatized for years. Therapy has kept me afloat, but I'm still at the back of the struggle bus. However, I'm proud of myself for detaching from the environment that burned me out, and I'm grateful for my support system, who remind me all the time that I did the right thing by leaving and that I deserve a workplace that won't make me a hollow husk of a person.
Wow I’m literally in the exact same boat except I was teaching kids and teens for four years /throughout the pandemic
@@garrettley6353 I hope you were able to bounce if you needed to and that you’re now able to find some rest and healing. ❤️
Any advice for a college professor dealing with the same? I have bills to pay and I have no idea what to do with my career, but academia is crushing me.
@@Updog89 Honestly? Get out. If you have a bunch of PTO stacked up like I did, take it and use it as a buffer while you job search. You undoubtedly have skills employers want, and you can always upskill. There’s a course/community called Teacher Career Coach that I highly recommend for support and direction.
@@nyanbinary1717 thanks so much! I was forced out by management in a super toxic way :( not my favorite way to go and I didn't get to say goodbye to my students.
Being identified as a gifted child literally almost killed me in college and led to a magnificent crash and burn from which--even at 65--I have not and never will recover. There were other seriously abusive elements in my early life, and all of those elements combined to completely f me up :(
Almost every line of this video resonated with me. I finally got my CPA license after over four years, including a 2nd college degree, a pandemic, an ADHD diagnosis, and four chaotic tax seasons. I'm in stage 12 of the burnout cycle right now, and it's so validating to hear this discussed from a nonjudgmental source. I was convinced that if I lessened my output, even a little, everyone would see me for the imposter I believed myself to be.
God this was like reading my own story. I believe in you, you've got this!
I've known I'm burnt out for years, but addressing it is literally a luxury i can't afford.
Your comment about the gaslighting within the human services roles is so true. In education, we often hear the phrase "in it for the outcome, not the income." Literally conditioning us from day one not to ask for better pay because aren't you just here to help others??
Ugh I'm so done with that attitude. Everyone is fleeing education where I am and my motto this year has been "what are you gonna do, fire me?" I'm covering classes for other empty teaching positions in addition to my own. Please, fire me 😅
Ugh. That's a prevalent motto in Social Work, too. But we (teachers and social workers) are deserving of fair compensation.
Oh my gosh, THIS!
Another at risk group: chronic pain and/ chronic conditions. I'm burned out from trying to take care of myself! If it were easier to meet my own needs, or to feel well enough to go beyond my main job of managing pain and symptoms, I'd have the chance to experience work place burnout. (Tried to make this a little joke-y but it's also a serious point.)
definitely also here. I'm so burned out from the many treatments I've done over the years, but my rest isn't restful bc of how my chronic illnesses sabotage my life. even more so now that people have decided a pandemic which is still killing 2000 americans a week is "over," so finding solace/ safety also feels impossible. I'm exhausted but i can't afford to languish and let my health get even worse
And caretakers too who help to take care of and support people with those conditions. Not to take away from you, but it can be a lot for us as well. It’s hard to see a loved one struggle and be their emotional rock.
Oh, thank you for putting it that way, I understand it so much better!
Yes! I have chronic pain and fatigue myself but it's like how do we stop being exhausted when we have to push just to stay fed and hydrated 😕
See also: lifelong mental illness. Therapists don't even seem to acknowledge how exhausting it is to be constantly pushing against my own brain. There's a lot of being told you're resistant to therapy if you express a need to slow down.
This is where I'm at right now, in combination with burnout from being a single parent, fighting a 7-year custody battle for the safety of my oldest, and being a 100% solo parent to my younger child. It's to the point that I literally spend every single ounce of my energy on just keeping my kids alive, safe, and happy and doing the bare minimum to keep myself alive. There are very few moments of real joy or happiness anymore, and I barely even recognize myself anymore both in personality and appearance. I try to joke about my situation, usually to make other people more comfortable, but the burnout is so intense at this point that it truly feels like I'll never fully recover.
I swear you have the most insanely perfect timing, I was literally just thinking about how I’m so burnt out and need to do something about it and this pops up, thank you so much Mickey ❤
I agree! It's magic, right? Always in the right time!
@@Valeria-sx7uv definitely!
Me too after barely crawling out of a bad burnout myself lol
@@GoingSwimmingly I hope you are doing ok, I know how hard it is. I’m here to talk if you want 💕
I've had people tell me that if I feel burned out from looking after my kids then I must not love them that much. Great stuff.
I used to be an overachiever. I used to take all the extra shifts, stay late, come in early. I once worked 24 days straight with no day off because we were short staffed. If I hadn't been 19, single, childless, and still healthy, I absolutely could not have done it.
Now, Im a lazy piece of shit. I come in five minutes late and leave EXACTLY at the time Im supposed to. I dont work a single second of overtime.
I've had my work phone ring at 4:03pm and I silence the whole ass phone. Because I was off 3 minutes ago. Im on Me time.
Im forever in mass texts, begging people to cover shifts on their weekends and I never respond. Its been hinted that some folks are needed to take on more clients because of backlog. I offer my sympathies and not a damn thing more.
I love the work I do, but I will never be exploited by an employer, ever again. And the bare minimum I put in now is almost enough to take me down. I cannot and will not add to that load.
Be a lazy piece of shit.
Your boss deserves no better.
I'm glad you're making the point that burnout is not always work-related. I'm trying to recover from decades of emotional abuse. As a therapist myself, I recognize trauma, but burnout is a better match for most of what I'm dealing with. Something I have heard over and over from fellow survivors is experiencing acute fatigue after leaving an abusive relationship.
I broke down in tears yesterday after work and I couldn’t figure out what it was. After watching this video I realized I’m hitting burnout. I’m at the withdrawal stage of burnout and it’s not feeling good. I want to improve and make it better, but I feel stuck. I am going to bring it up with my therapist, so I appreciate that you posted this. It’s given me a place to start.
Caregiver burnout almost destroyed me I spent over a year taking care of my older brother who was dying from glioblastoma brain cancer and by the 8th month I crashed so hard from working full time at my job then to go straight home to help my mother take care of him and give her a chance to rest. I had to step away for a few days just to heal enough to come back to help until he passed. Surviving that made me appreciate just how important it is to reach out and say I need help and just how powerful burnout can be.
One of the things that made me realize I was going through a burnout was feeling completely exhausted when I had to force a smile at work. Not only did the emotion of joy had completely left me, but even the act of faking a smile for social purposes was an impossible task. Thank you so much for your video it helps me in my recovery 💜
When my smile stopped being an approachable one but accidentally menacing I knew it was time to quit retail and do literally anything else.
Best decision 🙌 @Liz Hammond
This is exactly what I am going through now. Hard for me to smile/show any emotion I come off very apathetic. Not interesting. Even sociopathic.
I would love to hear how you have recovered/doing now?
Thank you for this video. I started watching thinking 'ok maybe I'm starting to get burnt out' and realized oh no, oh I am in full on burnout and have been for the last 5 years.
Every step resonated. And I sat here in tears, realizing I am so far past depression. I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.
I feel like for me a lot of these steps bleed together and overlap. They’re more like symptoms than actual linear stages, and my burnout sort of cycles through them. I’ve known this is a problem for me for some time and although I don’t think I’m able to completely eliminate it from my life, I’m trying to retrain my brain so I can learn to take more time for myself.
This vid resonated a lot for me, too. A lot of my own thoughts and habits showed up here. ❤
It's surprisingly difficult to find good videos (or lectures, speeches, talks, podcasts, blogs...) about burnout, but this was definitely a really good one! Compassionate, informative, relatable. Thank you, Mickey ❤
As a stay at home mom, I live in my workplace 24/7 and it’s so easy to get caught up in efficiency because there is so much and so many people to take care of. Especially when someone is always home so alone time only exists by being in my bedroom so I’ve lost whatever carefree silliness I had left after growing up in a high demand religion that taught me that I am only saved through my works, that taught me that grace alone isn’t sufficient to be saved and be with my family for eternity.
Women take on the burden of keeping the house running efficiently and staying clean.
Not know what was an appropriate workload to add to my kids who were full time students and a spouse who is at a job full time (in a way that is measurable because I realize that stay at home work is more than full time it’s just so sporadic throughly the day that it’s hard to measure so it’s hard to see the real magnitude of the workload) somehow became me doing all the work, not because they were unwilling but because I couldn’t figure out what was fair to ask for. That feeling of “if I don’t do it nobody else will” then became the consequence of that. Then it becomes hard to hear, it’s okay if the floor isn’t clean this week because I secretly know it’s not just a one week lapse but it’s been 4 weeks and if I add another week it feels unacceptable Seeing my friends have very clean houses adds to the pressure. Knowing that I’m the only naturally tidy person also adds to everything.
I have seen a therapist about this and it became a topic in couple’s therapy as well. I have to say that therapy helps a lot. I still struggle with it and depending on what’s going on in the family, we backslide into me doing too much, but if anyone is wondering if therapy can help, it absolutely can. I had to start small with finding my identity because it was lost long before I became a wife and mom and stay at home partner. It’s a work in progress. I want to be fun and silly, I see that in others and wish I could let myself be that way, that’s what my next work with my therapist is all about. I didn’t know “having fun” was a valid core value and it has been hard for me to accept.
I started taking voice lessons and joined a karaoke group as part of this journey, and that work and goal oriented expectation even showed up there. I told someone in my karaoke group about my lessons when he noticed my improvements and his first question was asking me what I plan to do with those lessons, what my end goal was. When I said I’d like to maybe perform someday but if I never do it’s all about the fact that dining is fun for me, he looked quite surprised that if all it ever was was for enjoyment that was enough.
As a reminder, we see our houses at their worst. We see our friends houses at their best. Just don't open any cabinet doors without permission, that's where I stashed the mess I couldn't sort through when you texted to say you were 15 minutes away ;)
As the child of a dual-income household, my parents did a lot of "we're a family and a team, and we all have to pull together to make this household work" and then assigning age appropriate chores that had to be done on a regular basis starting at elementary aged. I can't imagine what the house would have looked like if we hadn't all done some of it.
Why not get a p/t job? I'm sure it will give you access to feeling more accomplished & making new friends 🙂
@@SaystheTruth3 I feel very accomplished and I have lots of friends. I am just stating the drain of living in your workspace. Going to work won’t alleviate the fact that when I’m home it’s still a place of work and I don’t have alone downtime. Those are things I have had to carve out for myself and alone time at home is something I’ve had to ask for. Since the pandemic, though, my husband works at home too so being alone at home is a rare luxury anymore. But to reiterate… I feel very accomplished because being home does not in anyway mean doing nothing, and I have friends and groups that I hang out with outside of the home. I’ve got that covered. Thanks for trying to help. I know it comes from a good place.
@@kathrynclass2915 ok well that's good. I was a stay-at-home mom for about five years. But I totally understand about me time... That's good you feel accomplished ❤️
@@SaystheTruth3 thanks. I hope you have a wonderful day ❤️
My neck was sore after nodding my head “YES!” throughout this whole video. I was raised in a conservative patriarchal religious community and almost every woman in my family suffers from depression. I believe it was because of the over focus on women’s “natural” role as the martyr caregiver. After spending a couple of decades taking care of everyone else’s problems without so much as a thank you - all the while with a fake smile plastered on my face - I got out. And the funny thing is I feel like a genuinely better person now that my life’s balance actually includes my needs.
I’ve definitely experienced burnout by being around people who believe our only purpose in life is to work, work, work. When I purposefully chose to only work a certain number of hours a day and acclimate to that modest and livable pay rate, I found I was a lot happier. I now have time for hobbies and relaxation and joy instead of slaving away for some machine that only cares about numbers and other such useless outcomes.
I was thrown into self-employment when I had no idea what I was doing, and I underearned, devalued myself, and let people insist on impossible deadlines. After working 100+ hours a week for the better part of a decade (and getting screamed at by a client when I took a day off for my birthday), a divorce, and four traumatic events in a row, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I haven't been the same since. I'm ill a lot and have panic attacks around the idea of going back to full-time work. I miss overworking because it made me feel like I was a worthwhile person. Now that I can't, I struggle to find purpose.
As a teacher, you are speaking to everything I live day in and day out.
I KNEW I was burnt out!!! Thank you SO MUCH for clarifying that it’s not just a work thing!! All the resources I’ve found are about work!
I work in healthcare, but the thing that really burns me out is that I never have time to be with friends or family because I am constantly trying to keep up with cleaning up after my 7 month old Labrador, walking her, playing with her etc. I hardly have time to do my laundry, let alone get a massage that I DESPERATELY need because I’m in SO MUCH PAIN. Feeling validated. Thank you!
I was a relatively average kid until I started 8th grade, which is what put me in the "gifted kid" path. From 9th-10th grade, I was taking mainly Honors and AP classes. On 11th-12th grade, I was already at university taking classes. My workload was 8 classes per day and studying with my face on the book from 6AM-1AM the next day for 4 years. Add the abusive relationship I got myself into right after I graduated high school. Isolated, belittled, and gaslit like no other. Also forced to work 12 hour shifts at 3 different jobs and threatened to be starved or punished with r4p3 without lubricant if I didn't obey during that time. It burned me out so much that even now I can't read more than 2 pages of a book without losing focus. The thought of working more than 4 hours, more than 2 days in a row, or working away from home fills me with dread. I can't even take more than 2 simple classes without becoming overwhelmed. I've become so downgraded, stupid, and feel worthless
I identify so hard with this. I'm so sorry and sad that you went through this--and angry that people put you through that. No one had any right to hurt you like that, and you are far from being stupid or worthless.
I am so sorry you had to endure that. Please know that there are so many of us who have also suffered and you are not alone. You deserve unconditional love, dignity, and respect.
You might like Kristen Neffs work on fierce self compassion. She has videos meditations and workbooks. Hugs.
I became so burnt out and numb my senior year of college in an education major program. My student teaching placement was a fight between me constantly feeling not good enough, numb, avoiding things that needed to get done, and then shamed by professors. And then I came out of college with that and just thinking I was shit and would always be shit. Not to mention I found out I had two undiagnosed chronic illnesses and somehow still felt like it was MY fault for being overwhelmed.
I left teaching and realized no, I was EXHAUSTED and had been SHAMED for these cries for help.
So, anyone going through this or anything- you are inherently worthy and are not defined by professions, grades, or employers/professors praise. You are wonderful ❤
I really wish I could find a therapist like you around me… I’ve just had really really bad luck and been retraumatized every time I try therapy again. I’m going to try again sometime soon, hopefully I finally find the right person for me. But you are so incredibly validating. I always end up being asked “why are you here? You’re functioning.” Why do I have to be unable to function before I can get help? I’ve been at that far end of burn out before and I don’t look the way I’m supposed to. I can be completely falling apart and still go to work because I have to live. It’s a purely survival thing at that point. So frustrating.
So sorry to hear this- doesn't sound like a safe environment if you feel you have to prove yourself to a therapist! One idea that might be helpful is to write your next therapist a letter prior to your first meeting, sharing a bit of who you are, what you would like out of therapy, and what you don't want out of therapy. You can ask them about what modalities they use (I would reccomend one that uses a strengths-based approach, or one who follows the principles of person-centred therapy) - those features will increase the chance of your therapist feeling safer and for you.
I feel your pain. I'm not functioning in that sense but I've had therapists decide that I'm resisting therapy because the constant pushing of progress in therapy can cause burnout too. If I'm in therapy, I'm not allowed to slow down without "losing progress" and it's not only retraumatizing but it's also inadvertently taught me to accept being pushed that hard in relationships so I've had to relearn that too.
I went through this a few years ago. I felt every one of these stages again as you described them. It is feeling that I wish on no one. There is nothing worse than feeling that you are wasting your life doing something that you feel you have no choice but to continue doing.
Thank you for bringing light to this. As an autistic person and someone who had long Covid for half the year last year (and honestly probably still having problems from long Covid), I do feel very tired most of the time. It’s hard to just take care of myself. My energy levels and mood will also be reflective of what part of my menstrual cycle I’m on, or what social obligations I have planned on the weekend or during the week. It’s very easy to collapse at the end of the week and not have the emotional willpower to engage with much. And I’m a single person with no kids living independently.
The psychological and emotional fallout of my PMS used to hit me hard for up to 14 days a month, but the daily progesterone-only pill has helped significantly reduce those symptoms. Sharing in case anyone wants to ask their healthcare provider about it. It's also used to treat endometriosis.
I feel like I have a life-long burnout 😭 I feel so seen by Micky. Gifted kid here.
Burnout is so real in my field, biology esp wildlife biology, it’s definitely one of those situations where they say if you love it you should be willing to do it 24/7 and usually for very little pay!! This video is helpful as a reminder and tips to recover!
I got burned out almost 18 months ago and I am STILL noticing the effects of this now (on and off). Two of my best friends also had burnout within the last year. It's rampant among people who are the single point of failure at work and don't feel like they can ever stop or take a break because there is no one else who can pick up what you're doing. Hard workers are especially at risk; the GUILT I felt when I finally took time off was unreal. It's so so hard. And when you're in the middle of it you are incapable of asking for help anymore. And employers totally exploit this.
Oh I feel that thanks for sharing this. The single point of responsibility and the responsibility that comes with it as a risk factor🤔That's something I think would also characterize my work.
ALL OF THIS. I am currently on a reduced work schedule as I phase back in from a leave of absence from work because of my burnout. I literally had SI and was so exhausted to my bones. My fantastic therapist wrote me out of work and I think it saved my life.
I’m an elementary school teacher. I feel like the years 2020-2021 sent me warp speed through several of the layers. I’m in full burnout now. I also remember last year we had an “expert” tell us that the only way to remedy burnout is to quit our jobs.
Honestly I was having a pretty horrid time in the fall. Im a teacher and had one of the largest classes in the department, also my class had the highest language development and English acquisition needs, the highest behavior needs and lowest parental engagement. Added stressors included policies meant to support teachers not being adhered to and coming up with student behavior systems / going through the proper channels to order items for it, only to have it take months before these things arrived. After two months of what I can only describe as absolute insanity and with no one being able to give me any meaningful sort of help (in the end, it’s more like I was gaslit into thinking I didn’t use my time efficiently enough) I thought: 1. I won an award for teaching last year, 2. I have more than 10 years of experience in international schools teaching this age group, 3. I’m hella knowledgeable and efficient at my job, 4. I am updating my practices all the time, 5. I come to school and leave school with the bus which puts me at school 45 hours a week already. I also eat lunch with my students and otherwise my only consistent break by myself every day, where I’m not working, is 5 min of grabbing a coffee from the kiosk. It was at that time that I thought, other than professional development and professional readings, work must stay confined to those 45 hours on site. I decided that anything that didn’t get done in a week was not a me problem, but a system problem. Now my students have been praised for how much they’ve grown. I’m proud of them but also angry that what happened was never really acknowledged. I did my job, but what was the cost to myself and why did things have to happen in this way? At least I now will no longer accept responsibility for work not getting done as a result of systemic issues. I realized that the only person I can rely on to take care of me is me. I’m a bit bitter when I think back on it, but at least I’m now in a better mindset to deal with the world as it is. I now know my value and won’t let anyone tell me that I need to be and do everything when the system itself is broken.
I know what burnout looks like, I knew that I have one, I knew I overdid it with work and caring for friends and everything. But I still kept going like "I just wanna finish this". And now this video comes after I just had a week of vacation that did basically nothing that I somehow thought would be enough to recover despite knowing better (of course it didn't). So thank you very much for your perfect timing and the great advice. Sometimes we just need other people to say the obvious things to us for us to listen :D
oh god that point about female coworkers being expected to be the care taker in the workplace is so true. every time there's an office event, it's always the women that plan and execute it because nobody else will. all the while we also have to finish our actual responsibilities and meet the deadlines. we get no compensation from the company besides occasional free lunch and a thank you. when we try to take it up to our supervisors, they say "you girls are just better at this than everyone", weaponizing their incompetence and unwillingness to do the bare minimum. every time i want to get away from this added work to do my actual job, i feel guilty because it's like i'm leaving my friends behind in the mud.
You can weaponize incompetence right back. I learned to say "no" to planning the extra things, or doing more than my coworkers the hard way. I love making "just because" cookies. enough sweets to feed all the employees? Not so much. The second or third time I responded with "what's my budget? I don't mind calling [grocery store] and placing the order to for cookies and coffee, but I can't afford to buy it" can go a surprisingly long way. It might also help that I'm female-bodied but have no clue how decorate nicely for an event. Shrug.
When you started reading that Mayo clinic definition it gave me the epiphany that following the death of my father, burnout was a compounding factor in my grief. Leading up to his death, I had been made his medical power of attorney and was given a lot of responsibility regarding his care, despite working full time and living far away. By the time he passed I was so tired that the night after his death I slept 12 hours from pure exhaustion. But I was then immediately thrown into organizing and settling his estate, which is more complicated than it should have been or needed to be.
Add to all that being a former gifted kid/golden child, AFAB with ADHD, I never stood a chance. I've been pegging a lot of my feelings as grief, but I think burnout is maybe even a bigger driver.
That does sound like a lot!
ive never been so early for a video so extremely relevant to me right now
Best video I have seen on this topic as it goes into the psychological stuff that often underlies burnout - perfectionism/high achieving, work identify, the withdrawal, realignment of values, focus on efficiency, disengagement and so on. I left a job with significant burnout about 18 months ago and it’s been a long recovery. My relationship to work has changed irrevocably, but in a good way. It’s no longer my identity, indeed it is one of the lowest priorities in my life now and I am now more whole as a result. I could absolutely relate to this video - awesome content that I’m sure will help those who are where I was 18 months ago 💖
Thank you so much for this Mickey. I’m a lawyer in Australia and I managed to get through the first gruelling years of my career just fine…. but then I had kids. Being a parent has caused my current burn out. I still do part time legal work but the nature of parenting is what did me in. Especially as during the pandemic I become essentially a SAHM - THe hardest job in the world. I have felt so guilty for how I feel and had no idea how to recover. This video is exactly what I needed to start healing.
Great timing! I'm a 2nd year medical student getting ready for boards. I'm struggling so badly but that doesn't matter because I have board exams in 2 months. There's a running joke that anyone who gets into medical school either has anxiety, depression, or both and the system only perpetuates these issues.
This is the perfect video for me right now. I've been away from work with burnout for almost 2 months now. I am a teacher who doesn't enjoy her job, so the stress and pressure of my job along with not getting any enjoyment out of it (plus some personal factors) contributed to my burnout. It's actually my 2nd burnout and I turn 30 this year so love that for me.
The risk factors you talked about were also different than what I thought. I definitely was hyped up for being so good at my last study and that made me go above and beyond for school work and my internship where I got burnout the first time. My first burnout taught me that well.. capitalism sucks lol. Since, I have decided to never work full-time. I have been looked at like i'm crazy anytime i say that i don't want to work full-time.
I love how you go about this topic (and all other topics, you've opened my eyes to so many parts of my life) and it's helped me realise some things. You gave me some prompts to think and journal about. 💖
I'm a fully burned-out teacher who's been away from work for a couple of months too. I hope you're able to find recovery and peace in your time away and to do what you need to do for yourself.
@@nyanbinary1717 I'm sorry to hear that and thank you for your kind words 💖 I hope you too are able to recover and feel better soon. 🥰
I'm a teacher in my twelfth year teaching special ed. I love my job, but I'm also in one of these states of burn out at all times. This time of year is particularly rough. Every year at this time I get in the depressed, isolated, fully burned out stage and tell myself it's ok you'll feel human again come summer... It's not a great way to live.
Oof good timing on this one. I'm a teacher and have taught special ed for 12 years. I feel like I'm always in one of these stages and this time of year is the worst for me. I'm definitely in the isolation/depression stage right now. I tell myself you just have to make it to summer, then everything will be ok. Then summer comes and I feel a bit lost without work, because I put everything into my job and don't know what to do without it. Then August comes and I'm back to trying to be a perfect teacher again... It's draining. And it doesn't help that burnout is basically expected and even encouraged in this job. To get good scores on our evaluations we have to go above and beyond.
Student teacher in burn out here too... I'm exhausted after years of school/work. You described how my summers go perfectly working in education. The summers are the only reprieve from what feels like a 20 mile sprint and understandably it's an adjustment. I'm hoping I can figure out a way to balance and set more boundaries.. I think the norm of above and beyond is slooowly changing but I wish it was changing faster.
Oof?? Are you the teacher? Or the student? Lol!
@@SaystheTruth3 I'm in a teaching credential program and teaching at a high school currently (aka unpaid teacher in training lol)!
I feel so seen at a time when I'm in the late stage of this. thank you.
I definitely agree that burnout is not only related to work. I have been pretty burnt out lately and it has a lot to do with my family and it's dynamics, both growing up and as an adult, for the last 20 years.
I live alone. I work at home online. Over time, I've reduced and neglected my private life as a result of work. The result, you give so much to work you end up with no social life. That for me was burnout. I've recognised it and am taking steps to get more balance. Do not neglect face to face social contact. I did. I burnt out.
I've been alternating between stages 11 and 12 for the past three years. I wouldn't wish chronic burnout on my worst enemies.
I'm sorry you're having a really long run of this mess. 😕
PS. Given that the manager that caused my burnout is my worst enemy, I do wish this on them.
I had burnout from my studies during the great plague. I had everything set up before that, but during lockdown my ADHD symptoms really became exacerbated, and it went downhill. Especially since I was studying nursing and went from one extreme of no social contact, to being out in the field and having to engage with patients regularly while I was simultaneously struggling with managing symptoms. It was hard. My usual coping strategies weren’t available. I lost my structured schedule that I needed to maintain sanity. Going to the gym regularly was so important. Playing music with others was super important to reload my battery, and just disappeared overnight. I was faced with only my worst struggles. And by the time I had to quit I was just exhausted.
Thank you, I needed this today. Because I'm a social worker people in my life think it's not work for me to listen to their problems all..day..long. I love them but sometimes I just want to color and shit, you know? 🙂 Thank you for addressing this part of it. I've never heard anyone say this before.
Boundaries are so important with these types of jobs. You HAVE to take time for yourself . Not just important, it's VITAL. X
My burnout experience was pretty violent. I spiraled downward slowly for several months, dealing with unstable home relationships, a job closing down, I left to take care of myself and landed my own place because the chaos from others was too much. But as my job left me, I was hitting a bad spot. I took on two jobs at once, but fell behind on rent. All the unresolved pressure eventually broke me down.
I noticed something was wrong when I began making more illogical choixes. I felt moments of confusion and panic. The big day was when I just stopped. I quit all my jobs and isolated myself. Had a 5 day fever, my body was so sensitive like I was literally fried out. I didn't eat for 32 hours. I was a shivering wreck.
But talking with a friend after isolating for 5 days, I slowly picked up all the pieces. However, that experience affected me for a long time. I felt the effects of this for a whole year, even long after things improved and I got my life steady and functioning.
70% of what caused this problem was not having money... It always goes back to not enough money.
This was so affirming, thanks Mickey! I won't trauma dump, so I will just say that I'm going on short term disability starting next month! I recognized the burnout signs from my job (I'm a youth worker in low barrier services) awhile ago and couldn't afford to go on leave earlier. Hearing you say that folks experiencing later stage burnout will need to take a longer time away from the cause of burnout was insightful, and I'm adjusting my plans to be open to the probability of being away longer than expected.
Thanks for all the work you put into your content, it's very much appreciated!
This came across my suggested videos right as I was having a mental breakdown over deciding to step down from a management position. Thank you.
This was excellent timing in seeing this. We are all under a fair bit of pressure at work, and one of the topics that have been coming up has been to be careful of letting ourselves get burnt out.
I’ve felt myself start to feel a little burnt out lately, but didn’t realise just how far down the path i am already. I’m going to share your video with my team so we are able to start to recognise the signs of burnout. Thank you so much for this.
I’m so grateful to this video. I’ve been burnt out since I was in college and I’m now 28. I literally graduated on Friday, moved out of my dorm on Sunday, started my first job on Monday, and haven’t stopped going since then. I wonder if I qualify for a medical sabbatical for my mental health. I like my job and my family, but I’m ready to tap out.
I really appreciate this video, even though it was a little alarming how every single step got worse and I was like, “oh yeah, been there…there too…that’s just a regular Tuesday.” I also really struggle with burnout because I have ADHD and I almost feel like my threshold for burnout is lower than the average person. I never want to be the weak link, whether it’s at work, in my family, friend group, etc. But I always overestimate what I’m able to get done and then I feel bad for getting tired or overwhelmed so quickly. I’m sure it’s part of this whole burnout cycle, but I haven’t figured out yet how to get out of it and like still…afford food and shelter and stuff. 🙃
Mickey's hair dye is all the therapy I need sometimes lol
This is amazing. It hit on everything I am experiencing. How it feels, the why, how I might be making it worse by over-trying. Eye opening and a feeling of hope for recovery
I'm so glad you mentioned how awful it is that burnout isn't actually honoured until people shut down, because I've seen that happen both to myself and my mother. And then, even with the shut down ongoing, it's still been hard to get help. When it happened to my mother, burnout wasn't even an official diagnosis, so despite all the safety nets and social security we have in my country, she was still force right back into work training.
This entire thing also made me quite sad because I realise I don't really know who I am anymore. I've been in a state of burnout for so long I don't remember. (But hey, when I was still in therapy about half a year ago, we were working on me reconnecting to my emotions, so it's kinda good that I'm sad about it at least.)
Also as for burnout accommodations, the good thing is I'm self employed so I can figure out and implement what I need. The bad thing is also that I'm self ...employed so I often can't afford to 😂
The way you related it to being golden child is so real. And no matter what I do it’s still not enough. Not just for my parents but for all my bosses and clients as well as a music teacher
Thank you for covering this. I am experiencing this in a major way. Caregivers, especially those taking care of a parent or child, who lack support are perfect candidates for burnout. When you are a 24/7 carer, it's not sustainable. People assume that because you're at home you're "taking time off" to be a carer, and assume you have all of this time off/to yourself because you aren't in the workforce. I became a single parent to a 6wo at the beginning of the lockdown, due to DV. I had a very high powered career and had to drop every ambition I had. I have to take care of my daughter 24/7/365. I cannot bathe by myself, sleep when I want/need to, or really doing anything when I want or need to. It's thrust me into a bad financial situation, because I receive no support from the father. Nevermind the fact that I am reeling from DV and 2+ years of being dragged through the courts, and several bogus formal CPS reports against me. I have some serious health issues that I cannot address because I cannot attend to because I cannot bring a toddler to medical and other appointments. Finding a babysitter is extremely competitive where I live, and costs $25-30+ hour. Even if I'm working at $75/hour, more than half ends up going to childcare- if I can get someone. I have experienced burnout in the workplace, but this is beyond that. The chronic exhaustion has been causing cognitive decline. I am forgetful and can hardly focus. I've reached out for help, but because due to several reasons I am not able to qualify for any outside assistance. I was in therapy until a year ago, but my therapist told me we had worked through everything she was able to help me with. I'm tired of people telling me that I need to seek medical or mental health treatment. I have, and I know that I can benefit from both. But given certain circumstances, they won't help. I need help and support- mainly in taking care of my child so I can do what I need to take care of myself. So if you know a caregiver struggling to take care of a young child or parent, offer to step in to lessen the load. Even just a couple hours of help can make a huge difference.
Sending this to all of my loved ones who have been dealing with me for the past several months, with a thank you and an apology.
Hi mickey! Im really interested in this subject bc ive been experiencing a perpetual burnout for the last several years, and it definitely was not helped by expericing heightened discrimination, disability, and covid (which is very much still happening lmao). Nothing I've tried has really worked, tho rn my long covid makes trying anything new pretty much inpossible so it feels pretty hopeless. Idk, i should tqlk to my therapist about it.
Ps I wanna make a small suggestion! I know you kinda stumble when trying to refer to all the people most affected by misogyny, so here is a new term I picked up: "Feminized". It doesnt denote gender or is bioessentialist, it only means that in our society a group or person has been relegated to or associated with femininity, and therefore is subject to misogyny.
And similar to "racialized", it makes it clear that these labels are put upon us by society, theyre social categories, rather than being any kind of innate quality. So yeah, just throwing that out there!
AFAB enby here- thank you for bringing up the term feminized! That's such a great word for it, I appreciate having learned it from you.
I was a letter carrier for 3 1/2 years, and about a year ago I was able to get a clerical job with a normal schedule. After years of dealing with the weather, mandatory overtime, being called in on off days AND the pandemic, I feel like I'm still trying to catch up.
I'm so glad you shared this! I'm a nurse who experienced major burnout last year and didn't see it coming! I'm working on getting a therapist and a new psychiatrist! Videos like this are keeping me going until my first therapy appointment.
Thank you! I feel so guilty about being burnt out even though I'm just a stay-at-home parent. I told this a therapist once and he stopped me right there, pointing out that I don't get to leave my job site and that's hard in its own, valid way. My husband is burnt out as well, especially since he's been doing a lot of overtime, so I try to do all the cooking, housework, and most of the parenting. The issue is that as a neurodivergent person I've struggled with normal life even before I became a parent, but potentially having to give up on my lifelong big family dream hurts too. But yeah, it seems like more than either of us can handle. I try to take things one step at a time for now because I don't want to deal with more, but I'm no good at that either. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore and I think I'm just pushing off getting chores done and going to bed, so I'll stop. I'm too tired to focus anyways.
Edit: I love my toddler and unborn little acrobat-baby more than I've ever loved anyone on this Earth though. It's weird to love and yet struggle so much with this whole parenting thing.
Just a stay at home parent? Yall Heros idk how some of u do it😳❤️🔥🥺
@@lisal.1114This is genuinely something I've never gotten to hear before, so thank you very much!
@@songpoetry1 😳❤ I hope u know how important u are for your family 😯💚, u deserve to hear that more often!
@@lisal.1114 thank you!
Thank you so much for this! I've been in low stages of burnout since the pandemic (at least!) and by the end of 2022 I was deep in late-stage. I worked in election administration and it's such a huge contributor to burnout when your inner monologue is 'I have to get this done right with no room for error because the state of democracy depends on it.' I submitted my resignation two days after the midterm election because I knew I could not continue without completely shutting down, and have no intention to return to elections in any capacity, which sadly I know first hand is very common right now in that sector. I am extremely lucky in that I was paid relatively well and (because I was so busy) didn't spend a lot of money, so I have been living off savings since then and am really only now, four months later, beginning to job hunt in earnest, and I know I will still be a long time recovering completely. I really appreciate your acknowledgement that recovery doesn't happen overnight. I hope that some day I can feel the joy that I did in the first few years of working that job, where I loved what I was doing and was confident that I was good at it.
In addition to growing up abused, I've been burnt out from pressure in therapy- I want to be able to work so I can take care of my needs, but a lot of therapists have taken me trying to slowly but surely get there with "resistance to treatment" and it's caused MORE problems just like I thought it would every time I've 'just tried'
I think therapists in general need to be more aware that lifelong struggle is going to burn people out. Ignoring that has made continuing to get the help that I need impossible since it has a high risk of digging it deeper. There's this expectation that, once you start making progress, you must continue to push yourself to more and more progress.
I started therapy 22 years ago and not once has a therapist acknowledged that kind of constant self work as the real work that it is. They SAY it's hard work, but there's no real acknowledgment in practice. Patients shouldn't be scolded for "resistance" when they've been in therapy, doing the work for years. We (society as a whole) can't expect people to feel safe getting help if we punish them for being too exhausted to constantly push. Mentally ill and traumatized people need rest too, even when we don't work in the sense of jobs.
This was a super validating video. It felt like a virtual hug. Thanks Mickey
(would also be interested in a burnout video in relation to nurodivergence)
this is incredibly helpful. i'm autistic and struggle to understand how i feel and what my needs are, but i think i have been bouncing between levels 3-9 for the past 8 months (though for me #7 would probably be placed before #3), with a couple times moving all the way up to 12. i'm at 11 right now. seeing the stages put into identifiable sequencial order like this makes it a lot clearer to me, and helps my current situation make a bit more sense. i think i may share this with my therapist
Best video thus far on burnout. Thank you for acknowledging that work is not the only factor. Any activity, relationship, or circumstance that chronically leaves you with low reward but high effort can be a cause. 🙏🏻
Really needed this video, it couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m currently poly and started a new, very demanding, job and am having trouble relaxing and doing most anything outside of work because it is so physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. I currently find my relationships to be draining as well. I don’t even have time for an emotional breakdown it seems. Working on figuring out how to cut some things out of my schedule, even though they all seem important and mandatory. The theme is “I don’t feel like I’m enough.”
I find it very interesting that burnout in the care industry has a lot of similarities with burnout in the creative industry, specially that part about being expected to be "grateful" for even having the opportunity to do that job in the first place. There is a lot of exploitation going on in this field because a lot of people don't even really see it as real work ("you must have so much fun getting to do art everyday!"), so there is this pressure to prove yourself all the time. Also there is the aspect of monetizing your passion, which can quickly turn into a burnout spiral, because often times you'll end up spending 85% of your time doing tedious and draining business things and 15% (or less) doing what you actually love; on top of that, depersonalization can hit hard cause you have to create stuff that caters to other people's tastes in order to make revenue, and if you don't have at least one outlet for your personal ideas, this can even make you hate the craft altogether.
I think we tend to romanticize this idea of living of your passion, but even the things you love can burn you out when you don't nurture the other aspects of your life.
I'm listening to this multiple times and consider taking notes ❤
This video kinda just confirmed what i've been feeling for a looong time. I really need a heavy reset.
I love the addition of saying someone experiencing burnout may have a short fuse as opposed to feeling hopeless. I've never been one to stop and sulk and become depressed if I'm feeling stressed: moving at such a fast pace, I only get angry or more turbulent if something gets in my way or I become overwhelmed. Aspects of my core personality have been described in this video and I appreciate having more insight about it.
I'm just coming out of a major burnout period and feeling like talking to people again and not isolating. Not only is this video perfect for navigating your way out of burnout but it's amazing for explaining it too, I showed it to my friend to explain what I'm going through. Thank you!
Almost a year ago, I was so burnt out personally, professionally, emotionally, and mentally that I was considering unaliving myself. I’m much better now.
As a creative in advertising (a soul draining industry) this is SO relatable. The “work is so fulfilling”, “it’s who you are” identity part. Gifted child phenomenon. Ever increasing demand & need for efficency (clients/capitalism/c suites DO NOT CARE if you have to work late and work weekends consistently), dealing with PMs who “hear” you when you say the project timeline is too insane, the deadlines are causing overwhelm and do nothing about it. Resourcing that PURPOSEFULLY wayyyy under allocates your hours on projects so they can put you on more projects even when you’re working at 100% capacity (meaning chained to your desk 40+ hours a week) on one project alone. Particularly trifling at my agency they BILL me as an art director to clients…but have yet to give me that title/wage promotion after 1yr and 6 months of doing art director work under my designer title.
Yeahhhh….I’m burnt tf out.
My coworker was crying in between meetings last Friday because she was so stressed.
Advertising is like one of capitalism’s limbs so I guess I shouldn’t expect better. But I didn’t know this when I was first getting into the field. Now I question all the time…AM I creative?? Why don’t I enjoy doing this??
I know I have to quit. And will. But what to do next? 😫 all options seem exhausting
This video just described all the reasons why Im leaving my current job.
Sometimes I get hit by a sense of desperation as to "if I will ever going to be able to work somwhere else" and it really sucks, but the closer I am to my final day of work the better I feel. Been in this company for 9 years, and it took me all this time to realize what was happening and to get to end stages of this syndrome. This is not something that happens out of the blue, it took me years.
Thank you for your whole channel! I’ve learned a lot from your videos and in always look forward to learning more
I work as an HCA caring for my grandmother and share custody with her caring for my little brother. So my entire work life and home life revolve around being the caretaker for the family, and unfortunately I am often the one who is there to pick up the pieces for any other family members as well. I love helping others and it really does make me so happy sometimes. But it’s nice to hear a reminder that I’m not a failure for needing breaks and it’s just not always possible to have it all
Another perfectly timed video for me. I appreciate you so much Mickey. You are so approachable and real. I appreciate your compassion and inclusion. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for saying recovery can take a year or more. Im sick of people asking when ill be better or why im not better yet
This was very helpful, thank you. I got so far into burnout that I just straight up quit my job one day. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was drowning and that I wasn't myself anymore. Irritable and sad all the time. I was lucky in that I could afford to quit for awhile and take some time to myself but not everyone has that luxury. Starting a new job soon where it seems like they are much better than my previous company but at least with this I can recognize the signs if it starts happening again.
Im with you - just quit my job, moved out of the country & have committed to a full year off before thinking about finding a new job. I know that this is not something that everyone can do, but I literally feel like the life I was living wasn’t a real life. I wish you the very best in your journey!
Thank you for making this video. You are the first, that I’ve seen, to break down burn out and be so detailed. I seen videos and read so many articles that only give 5 signs of burn out and give quick fixes to recover and it never resonated with me. As someone in their 30s and has experienced burn out in at least separate 3 periods in life, I feel acknowledged and seen while you were listing the stages. I will definitely be saving this video.
I had a very very intense unsafe situation two weeks ago and it lasted five days but I still feel laid out - human bodies and brains take a lot of time and nurturing to recover but we are all worth it 💙
I budget a month of extra emotional care and warm fuzzies from a *weekend* that feels unsafe. I can only imagine how much work healing from 5 days of it will need.
I hope you are given the space and time to recover, I’m sorry that happened to you. ❤️ And yeah, I think we vastly underestimate how much time we need to just…chill, both after a traumatic event or just in our day to day. We’re not meant to push through each day at lightning speed.
Hey can you make a video on survival tips when self care is not accessible or available? Like how to protect your well being while being in an environment or situation that harms your well being.
I enjoy your videos and love the issues you bring into light!!
I have burnout from being my bff's therapist. She is super negative and stuck in victim mode. I am her only person and I am feeling drained and exhausted.
I once was driving to work (acute psych unit therapist) and I had to pull over because I was crying too hard to drive. The trigger - AC/DC song Highway to Hell...... After I calmed myself I knew then it was time to seek other employment. I handed in my 2 week notice before I even clocked in. I never should have let it get to that point. I know better now. This is an important topic. I know I feel "guilt" for taking time for myself. I still struggle.
So glad you got out of there, hope you're feelin better now
This felt so validating omg 😢
Been off for months with uni burnout and just so overwhelmed with it. Definitely stage 12. Absolutely guilty of the 'it's not so bad' and definitely trying to let myself feel some of the emotions so I can heal. Might be time to go back to therapy
I'm about to take another few months off from uni myself. It started getting worse halfway through the semester and because of it I didn't get my courses on time because I was feeling so burnt out so I feel terrible now having to delay my progress again..... I am starting counseling soon though so I hope I can build a better system for myself. Hope you can heal too 🥲
@@MikuHatsune159 thankyou! Ironically it's been training to be an applied psychologist that has destroyed my mental health!
Hope you get all the help and healing you need, I have heard of more than one person who took 5, 6, or 10 years to finish a degree, so it's not the worst thing ever x
It’s so refreshing to hear systemic issues mentioned when discussing mental health. Thank you for this!
i think you touched on this, but i want to add specifically the need to prove yourself or go above and beyond because society or your industry constantly undermines you for your gender, race, whatever. the amount of extra work i've had to do as a woman plus the amount of harassment ive had to deal with equates to working 3x harder than i should have had to imo. the amount of "oh, i can get that for you" or general "she clearly doesn't understand" comments / attitudes... 👿
I really appreciate you quantifying burn out. I absolutely experienced in 2020 during the pandemic. I was so overwhelmed with the news cycle. I became a shut in for a few weeks. Then I made myself take daily walks. I was not ok mentally before that.
First video here, and Mickey has such a relatable way of describing this subject. There are a PLETHORA of videos on UA-cam about burnout, but I've never heard it described so realistically esp since I know I've experienced it myself many times.
I came here as a medical student ... this is so incredibly accurate -_-
You are a godsent… I am definitely heading toward burnout and have been feeling awful. I needed to hear all of this, thank you 🙏🏽💜
I found something interesting about myself and maybe it might help fellow neurodivergent asd folks. Whenever I burn out from my job or talking to other people, I try to take breaks, watch movies, read, but it never makes me truly relaxed and doesn't let me let go of the stress inertia. But I found that if I specifically engage with my special interests, it truly lets me become relaxed and allows me to recover
This is so beautiful and helpful and I cannot thank you enough for your honesty and directness and deep compassion.