I have lost my mother to suicide, my sister-in-law died in a house fire, and my brother overdosed on Rx pills... My advice to all from dealing with the tragedies in my own life is this: Chin up! You can choose to allow the sadness to take over your life OR you can choose to live life to the fullest, everyday! Have fun, smile, laugh because the one thing that we will always take with us in the end it the experiences we have shared in this life. The energy of 'love and life' is eternal. I choose life and I choose to smile and hopefully make people laugh through my channel. Grief can not take over your beautiful energy unless you allow it to. So don't ;) If you're here then chances are that you are trying to fight the negative energy and surpass the stages of grief with flying colors. I believe in you and I know you can do it! Keep doing what ever it is that makes you smile everyday!! I love all of you
We love you...we are doing the last paragraph as best as possible, including cutting great smelling trimmings of lemon verbenum and mint and sipping on coffee, and trying not to let the coffee remind us of....ah and we also choose love and light and its real real real hard but its the only choice...yes, we love you as well, and hope you are comforted today from your many losses......
Thank you , I agree with what you are saying. I lost my husband of 44 years whom I loved with all my heart only last month . I invited grief and pain for a couple weeks and then I decided that Enough was enough. I could not bear this pain anymore. I now focus on gratitude for all we shared, for the good death he had , for my belief that we will meet again , and for the future in front of me. I still miss him but I am feeling much better
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I lost my husband of 30 yrs on Jan 5/23. We both got Covid at the beginning of Dec/22, and then pneumonia in mid-Dec. He had difficulty breathing so I called EMS on Dec 20th, and they gave him oxygen at home and transported him to the ER where he was admitted. His health slowly declined and he passed away despite the best efforts of the physicians. I miss him so much; but am grateful that he didn’t end up in a long term care home attached to tubes and unable to care for himself. He would not have wanted that.
Helpful video. Only thing missing is the inclusion of a reason for feeling sad is that you miss them; miss being with them, talking to them, their laugh, their words, their presence...
Change the way you think, changes the way you feel, changes the way you act. Within a few minutes in I got it. I taught others how to do this? But I also taught the stages of grief. I did not change the way I thought about grief. I lost my daughter Jan 2, 2015. The first time I laughed and had a good day. I felt guilty. As I have struggled through this yr. I have briefly caught a glimpse of where this is going. Thank you. I know someone that needs this.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Noah We lost our 36 year old son this past Christmas and having a very hard time. This video has helped somewhat but it is awful hard to not run those terrible thoughts of the morning we got the news. I will continue to try to practice this to the best of my ability, that is what he would want us to be happy.
I’m grieving the loss of my daughter, I’m an open minded person and usually a positive person. I needed to hear this video because it works for me. I can’t change what has happened or go back in time, and I have no idea what changes will occur tomorrow, so I’m left living in the right now. In that I take inventory daily to heal myself - I ask myself am doing OK in this moment, I’m breathing, I’m keeping busy and I’m moving forward. With every day my tears are getting less. But I do admit that I’ve cried a river over not having my daughter to hug, laugh with or just to look at, my heart is still hurting in an actual physical way.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
you lost me at "you want to grieve or not grieve" I don't WANT any of this! Losing my child has been the hardest thing to carry in this life. I do not have a choice. My soul misses his presence. Sadness comes from missing his smile, his voice, his laughter, his hugs. No amount of choosing will change that.
I kinda get what he means, but sadness comes on by itself in waves even when you can be enjoying yourself. My way so far of dealing with loss is being distracted then having a cry when the sadness hits and acknowledging I miss my husband. I also remind my self he is no longer suffering and he died the way he wanted. I've had four years of living grief during his illness and I know he wants me happy. But accepting the sadness when it hits having a good cry is like letting go of a pressure valve.
@@janettesheperd2786 hugs sweetie, theres no words for when someones child has died. I hope its true that time heals. I was watching one video on grief where they guy was saying acknowledging with the correct words makes it easier.. for me thats true. I dont say my husband passed away, I say he died. Its final, and when its an end there is always another beginning, not a begining we want to have but one we have to have as part of being alive. We have to learn to live with a big chunk of our lives missing. Its hard. {{hugs}}
I lost my 15-year-old dog two days ago. I'm still feeling very sad. Some of the things addressed in this video helped me make sense of grief, so thank you.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Thank you for helping. My dog just passed away. I chose the sad story, but after this, i started thinking of that my dog is going to happily live in heaven, the happy story.
The rational mind is the best way of dealing with painful emotions. I love these videos because they are ultra-rational, yet compassionately delivered.
There is a rational way to deal with emotions as there is a rational explanation for every emotion we feel. What's the alternative? Dealing with emotions with more emotion? That won't get you anywhere.
Thank you so much for this. My dear 22 year-old son died 6 weeks ago in a car accident. Your video was one of the first about grief I'd watched. It fits well with my faith view of the world and this is what I know my son would want for me. I believe things happen exactly the way they are meant to happen. I believe God is in control. Since this is the case I can live in peace. Of course, I will feel sad and miss my son. I will cry and feel bad sometimes but I no longer fear and give more power to the emotions. Because ultimately my beliefs cause my emotions (and I believe my son is in a better place). To live with joy is what my son would want and I want this too. It is not easy but your work is very helpful. Bless you!
I love you Noah! Thank you so much. I've been brokenhearted from a breakup for almost a year now and you've helped me feel so much better. I'm so glad I randomly stumbled upon your videos.
I lost my 13 year old son 12 years ago. I still can not 'live' and feel I have destroyed loved one's lives, including my remaining children, because of my inability to cope. I feel still that I utterly Can Not Live without him in my life and I will be crushingly broken until I die, while I go through life's motions, continuously 'living' every day as ordinary, Only for the sake of my 2 currently teenaged children who lived without me for a few years physically because of my 'grief' and though I am with them physically now, I completely 'fake' that I'm OK, out of the guilt of not being there before, but I'm so torn, shredded, and crushed every single waking moment of my life. How pathetic now that I think of it, I'm here trying to shower my children with love, and the best I can manage to provide is an existence of poverty with the 3 of us living in a tiny camper, all because their mom loves their brother so much that she can't face life without him even after 12 years. My son's passing has affected several lives, so drastically and detrimentally that I don't for a second think any of us will Ever be OK again. Sometimes some peoples lives turn out the way they do not because of our own decisions or efforts, but because of things and events out of our control simply 'happening' to us. Add in the lack of Love or Support from family or even a good friend and the world is dark, cold reality in which you have no choice but to exist in. My wish is that anyone experiencing loss and grief on such a scale would have At Least 1 person in their life to Truly Love them, because I know too well unfortunately that, THAT 1 Person could make All The Difference in the world!! May God's Merciful Strength and Comfort Reach All In Such A Need!
I know you mean well, but you have simplified grief to a point where you are ignoring so much of it. At least when it comes to losing a spouse. I am able to feel happy again and feel joy again since my husband died and I don't feel guilt for it but there is so much more than sadness with grief. There is yearning, there is anger, your hormones are all kinds of messed up, there are physical changes with your body, for a lot of us there is shock and/or PTSD, there is so much stressful paperwork that lasts for months or years, there is financial strain, there is cognitive overload (what some people call widow brain or grief brain), etc. It's not just sadness. It's everything. This is way too simplified and it tells me that you don't understand grief in a way that is actually all that helpful. I appreciate the effort but I would recommend that you study grief a bit more than the surface level.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Exactly. Grief isn’t an intellectual exercise or to prove anything to ourselves or to others. Grief is s major reaction to a major deep loss that hurts us within our Soul. This feels too much like think different in this intellectual exercise. Grief comes from a deep place in the Soul based on the absence of someone we deeply love.
Hi martin. Sorry about ur loss i loss my fiance 1/08/21 carolina Gonzalez covid. We need to be strong martin and read Jehovah literature so that we can be with out love ones again YES! Again it is promised. Lets read. Belive .n. Be strong martin...take care..
My grandmother currently has 6 months to live. she has liver cancer for the second time, and lung cancer also just showed up awhile ago. I'm a weird type of person, and I try to be happy, but not feel anything because of a bad past. All I feel I can do now is try to be there for her. I know when she leaves me, it will be the ultimate crusher, but I need to deal with it somehow, so I decided to think ahead and prepare. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. stay strong peeps.
I lost my partner last week. The near constant pain is dreadful and very disabling, I simply miss her so much. I am ok with distractions but grief plays a cruel trick and she seems alive and then I must re-live that awful day.
john king I have nightmares , that my hubby was “revived “ and now is being reckless and I am afraid he will die again . Just horrendous . I hope things have improved for you
Hey i feel your pain i aswell loss my partner(fiance) a month ago today it dose play a cruel part. I miss my fiance so much and like you i keep thinking of the steps of those days when she passed. So i will pray for you amd your partner. Prayer is what i do more offen these days.... Take care.. Be Strong Brother.
in the last 2 years I lost 2 pets and my jack russell was 17 years old and my beagle at 9 both to cancer. I mourned bad. To much and to long. I lost my dad on the 11th and I'm actually greatful now I went through it. It's helped Me cope better with this major life changing loss.
Hi Noah, I enjoy your work, with its heavy cognitive bias. There is a lot to learn from this and your delivery is personable and easy to digest. Most of what you say here is helpful. However, I don't believe that grief is merely a collection of thoughts, assumptions and predictions ... and to assert this may pressurise people who grieve into not feeling it's ok to grieve (a belief which is rife in western cultures). Separate any animal from a significant attachment figure and it will display signs of distress, grief, longing and searching behaviours. We are biologically programmed to attach to others (which enabled homo sapiens to adapt and survive) so we are hard wired to experience grief following loss. I think it's important to recognise this. I think it's important experience and to be fully present in our grief, and to recognise that it is part of normal human experience. Sure, as time passes, we adapt to the loss and are able to appreciate the many gifts we gained from loving someone who has passed ... but this process takes time and cannot be hurried. I think the ideas you share in your video are helpful, although I also believe it's important to remember that grief is natural and not merely a distorted perception of reality. Best wishes, Tamsin.
My mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in Jan of 2014. I was a Career Bank Manager for 20 years. Once she was diagnosed, we immediately began chemotherapy. Already Stressed at the Bank, her illness only added to the level of stress i was feeling. I would open the bank, then drive her to chemo, then back to the bank again to close it then back to her house to make sure she was ok. I never went home to my wife and kids. This went on for one year. In Jan of 2015, I retired from my job to care for her. Unfortunately, she passed the very next month. Now i was left without the one person i loved so dearly and without my job. Well, I have thought of her everyday for the past year thinking of all of the things i could have done differently to help her. I felt sad for her and me. Well, if i change my story, maybe i will feel better. My mom never experienced pain throughout her ordeal. Additionally, I honestly felt that the stress that my job had placed on me was going to kill me. So maybe if this hadn't happened, I may not have retired and would have eventually succumbed to the stress that I swear was going to kill me soon. Finally, I am now retired and my mom is at rest. Maybe it was meant for me to view this video. Thanks you so much.
+Leon Bain One thing you can rely on is that you were a great son to give so much to someone who gave so much to you. I lost my mom suddenly after a long illness but feel good about the times we spent together. You set a great example of family for your kids and others in your family.
I recently lost my aunt. She raised me since I was a baby, she was like my mother. It was completely unexpected, she was a very sweet person. I took it so hard, harder than her own two sons or her grandsons. I was close to her. I was tired of being sad because she never wanted that for me. This video helped so much. It targeted everything that was affecting me. I never thought twice about it that I was doing wrong when feeling sad, just because I thought it was caring for her. Also thanks for telling me that it's ok to be sad. after listening to this once, I feel better now knowing how to tackle my depression head on. It's still gonna be a long road, but I feel much more better now to go on with the future.
I know you are trying to help but.....Maybe if you were to bring your own experience of grief to the table I hear a lot of insensitivity. It is my experience that when people tell me how to get over the grief of my husband , and they have not had the same experience, I tend to get a little angry. I thought I understood until it happened to me. I am not feeling compassion I’m hearing preaching.
While it hasn't happened to me so I understand, I think that its beneficial to those that's open, and willing to accept his word. I agree with you as well though
my dog disappeared. I am sad beyond words. I cannot stop thinking about bad things will happen to him. and I miss him dearly. .........I appreciate your videos, but I am still crying
Josy Ven omg.. I’m so sorry to hear this.. I feel so bad.. please be strong & have faith in God that he will be placed in the right hands. God has a reason for everything..
I appreciate your insights. However, I think it's dangerous to try to find a "quick-fix" for grief. It takes as long as it takes and in this wanting to get over everything NOW society, grief does not fit that mould. Grief if NORMAL. People need it normalised. They don't need to feel as if there is something wrong with them for going through an entirely natural process due to not having a person or pet or whatever it may be, no longer with them. Grief is NOT sadness!!!! Grief is grief.
People want others to "get over" their grief because it bothers Them...Yes, the world we live in wants to just gloss over things like grief because there are better fun things to do...people have lost almost all ability to care about others...and when I say care I mean Being There for someone, In Person not a damned text.. when it is not fun...when they hurt...and trying to be a friend...and tying to help them through it.
You're right. There is no structured time for grief and people don't seem to care at all. I understand what Noah is saying but when you are left alone with no one on your side as a deep support. Must hear what he is saying, though. It's terribly difficult. It hurts. Even good memories hurt when you lose a person who has always been in your life and you loved them more than anything.
My brother died suddenly, 10 months ago, although it has been awful, I had been finding solace in the fact that nothing could have been done. I recently found out his doctor told him to "stop all medications" before foot surgery, without checking to see what medications he was on. He had been on heart medication to prevent sudden cardiac arrest. He died of sudden cardiac arrest. Telling my family this will just bring extra heart ache to them, and legal recourse would prolong the grief. So I am not sharing this with them. But I feel like my grief has started all over again, and now I have added anger to it. Yes, my story has changed. But I don't know how to change it to something more manageable.
The answer came to me around 14:35, although with a twist. He suggests thinking of what the loved ones death provides us, (which didn't sit well with me) and while the answer to that is a new appreciation of life...I find more solace in thinking about what he has been spared. He never had to face the loss of a loved one (his wife has cancer and he often said he couldnt live without her, and my parents are elderly). I hope this thought twist can help others look at it a little differently.
Yes, there is also anger -- at the lost one for leaving you! No matter how illogical that seems -- anger is a normal process of grief. Depression -- the healthy kind -- is also a phase in grief. Gradually we move between denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and finally, if we're lucky, gentle sadness and finally acceptance. Letting the feelings wash over you in contemplation or meditation is the best way to deal with your grief -- to accept it, soothe it, cradle it. Running away from it never works, yet people do just that, running away from grief into drugs, alcohol, and other addictions like workaholism, sexaholism, shopaholism... the list of addictions is endless. Even into illness, another common phenomenon, someone developing heart disease when a loved one dies. All the emotions are part of our rainbow of feelings -- they're all there for a reason. Repressing one feeling often results in repressing them all, just as repressing anger can become depression, as the anger turns inward. So - much as we want to rush our grief or minimize it or make it go away - that only makes it worse. (I've done both. Now I love all my feelings, and myself. A much better place to be!)
Am a storyteller -- and this story is superficial in the extreme. Denial of feelings is damaging and harmful. Of course you feel hurt is someone you love is hurt! Only for a little while. And of course you feel sad when someone you love dies! (We live in a feelings-repressing society, which is sick and toxic. If repressing feelings worked -- our society would be compassionate, creative, and healing. (It's not. )
@@7thecheryl It's different for everyone. For myself when my father died- there was regret at all the things we never got to do, things said, unsaid, things he never got to do, sadness for his loss, for my mother, for myself, for my unborn children. Anger at him leaving, angry at God, angry at people for not caring, angry at my family for how they treated him, anger at me for ever hurting him, helplessness that you can't do ANYTHING to stop death, fury at funeral homes for trying to guilt you into debt, guilt that we couldn't afford a giant funeral, anger at other people for having their dads, jealousy when someone has their dad, heck I was even angry at other people for being alive while my dad wasn't. There are SO MANY FEELINGS and they come and go and hit you with varying degrees and powers. I know you left this comment like 3 years ago, but for anyone like me glancing through the comments, I just wanted this here. Thanks
My grief of losing my son is not a story I am creating. I find 95% of this video ridiculous. Sorry. "Can I feel any positive effects of them being gone?" NO. "Do I know for sure that it is bad?" YES. My son is gone and I listened to this video hoping it would help and it just pissed me off.
Thank you a lot, Noah!! This siuation of grief came to me too. Your videos are super helpful, you are the first person I think of when having a bad time and I can t get over it myself. Your ideas are really unique and wour words really portretize the way the mind works!!
Vuanita Haslam Im so sorry for you :( I lost my father 3 months ago and im only 13 im having a really hard time.. I hope you find yourself again and can find happiness :) please have a wonderful day!..
Noah, my daughter was killed seven weeks ago by a distracted driver. I am raising her two children that were also hurt in the accident. Some days I feel I can't go on but make myself because of the kids. I watched your video once but feel the need to watch it again. Thanks for what you do 💕
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
This man is living in an alternative universe. To suggest I wanted to suffer, to have agonizing grief, is an insult to the truth. The sadness that soon became so painful I thought I might have a heart attack is not what i wanted in any way. It simply came and often took ownership of my waking awareness. Thank goodness, with help, and doing things that were strongly recommended to me, I eventually passed beyond that most terrible hurt of my life, and gradually, that hurt has lessened. I wish it would completely leave me, as I know my wife would not want me to suffer even another minute if that could be so. This man is either deeply misguided who understands little about grief, or is an out and out charlatan. I'll let all of you decide. Shame on you sir, for so insulting those who suffer so terribly. Shame on you!
to say that grief is about the sadness for the lake of future interation isn't always true sometimes its about right now in the moment wishing they were here. just because life will have ups does not mean there are no down, and there could be a lot times. my experance with grief its like a wave it hits you and you do keep getting waves sometimes they change to be less sometimes more. but just because you have ups does not you dont have downs and it also doesnt mean that you arent selfish to say you wish they were here.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I get what your saying. Grief isn't associated with our thoughts about the event. People say death is tragic or sad and life should not be this way. But life is this way. Death is certain. Undeniable. some said its change. Life is change. Deaths of different scales are all over the place. We lose jobs , pets, friends, relationships....our thoughts about these events create suffering. The truth is life is eternal and death is a change. Like a divorce or new job. We relocate to another "State"
I don't feel sad for people that die because i know they're are just fine. It's missing them that is what i struggle with. Knowing i will never see them again is what makes me sad. Any advice?
l feel exactly the same. my boyfriend of 10yrs passed. Dec2016. it's difficult def. an adjustment. recommend Abraham Hicks videos on death if you believe in spirit.
I encourage anyone going through the grief process due to a loss of a loved one to go and listen to a lady by the name of Kat Kerr. God has taken her up and shown her what Heaven is like, it will empower you unlike anything else I have ever heard. She has tons of videos on UA-cam. Kat Kerr. Blessings!
I look forward to listening to this video again. I have been very sad for two years after my only brother who took his life. I miss talking to him he was my friend. But I can understand what your saying. I want to be happy from now on. I'm upsetting my husband very much because I am crying all the time.I think I'm crying over myself, hope I can stop. Thanks
I'm so glad that my dad was strong and somewhat looking forward to some peac. he seemed just fine mentally and emotionally I on the other hand emotional and filled with fear. I'm appreciating this video
Thank you Noah...keep giving courage to people :) Being happy is the right of every human being as long as they don't hurt anyone and they should not feel guilty for this. Life is unpredictable, good people die every day but their families must go on...
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I'm so lonely and sad... my boyfriend of 16 yrs died a month ago. I feel so alone and lonely. I am so afraid especially now that christmas and new year are coming... everyday we always talk...
I encourage anyone going through the grief process due to a loss of a loved one to go and listen to a lady by the name of Kat Kerr. God has taken her up and shown her what Heaven is like, it will empower you unlike anything else I have ever heard. She has tons of videos on UA-cam. Kat Kerr. Blessings!
I lost my Great Great Grandmama last Month i am still Grieving but i know that she is heaven looking down on us and may she will continue to look down on us 😪😪😪😪😪😪😪💔 and may she never being forgotton last week was the week she passed away 😭😭😭😪😪😪
I will always carry the memories of the deceased with me. It can be sad, even overwhelming at times, but I fear more about forgetting. I don't want their memory to fade and I refuse to go on without them in my heart and mind. I can't let them go, and even if it's tough at time, I wouldn't want it any other way. It's beyond good, bad, sad, now, then. It's just... what it is. I want them to be here, I want everyone I care about to remain here, and to live happily free of sorrow. When I find traces of them, what they've done, it hurts. They were here, in this place and time, and now there not. You can't search for them, because there gone. You can't close your eyes and open them to see their face. Gone. Forever. Into the unknown.
my dad passed away the night between oct 16 and 17... im completaly lost i feel like it's not real i can't dealing with that ... I MISS HIM SO BAD :'( :'( :'(
My deepest sympathies and heart felt condolences. I know what you're going through. My father passed away on the 18th of November :( I'm so sad and don't want to do anything. My whole life revolved around him. He was sick for 11 something years and my mum and I worked so hard to keep him alive... and now he's finally gone :( I've never cried so hard in my life, and I've never felt such pain. I sleep in his bed to keep my mum company. I feel this great big hole in my chest hurt and press through me.
+Lucas Mok hey dear i sleep in his bed too to keep my mum company, you know now it's almost 3 months and it still so hard to go on, but I'm so proud he gave me his strength and brave to live my life, because if it wasn't for that I guess that now I was living in a closed room 247! So keep yourself strong too man, and keep honor him... Hugs... Deny
+Dedè Calabria (Baby K) Heya Deny I can only imagine the pain you're going through. I just brought my dad out by wearing his watch. After coming home and taking his watch off, I noticed the pictures in his room and started to cry my eyes out. I understand why he had to go, but I don't want to accept it. I remember him still alive smiling and speaking like it was yesterday, but now the reality is that he's gone. Let's speak on email, because it's more personal than posting in public. Please email me at Lucastm@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you xx Lucas
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer. I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Thank you so much for your caring work. I feel more relief after watching this. One of my young relatives passed away and it's how life works. But I have an arising fear that that would happen to my closest ones at any time, just thinking of that couldn't make me be at peace.
From my understanding grief is totally unexpected. There is no conscious "I want to feel sad", "I should grieve" etc.. it just takes over. Its not about duration etc.. Its about not being able to maybe help the person, or help their suffering, or coping with the loss of that being from the family etc... A family member is like a part of oneself. Its like a part of oneself dying.. In may be illogical... If they have been sick it could be the build up of hope or worry. It might be the suppression of worry or fear being released. Its like a person who has lived with two arms their hole life and then loosing an arm. Thats like a family member. We dont just say.. "I should be sad I lost my arm".. Our whole world would be turned upside down. Coming with that reality... dealing with that loss... that is grief. All that care about that thing... or all that was taken for granted. It could be the concern for the other family members and how they will cope in the future. Past present future all sudenly very real and blunt. That is grief. All depends on the individual circumstance. For grief of someone passing.. they live on in our hearts... the way I found works is saying or doing all the things maybe I couldn't say or do... and sharing my love with them... connecting with my love for them. Love heals.
I completely understand how one can think they must go on grieving, even when that loved one's subsequent demise and circumstances were actually a blessing...but the guilt of relieving oneself of the burden of grief seems SUCH a betrayal!
Because that's all it addresses. I have deep seated cultural grief that is not just about losing 'someone' but it is about the grief of 'loss' whether real or perceived.
I love this video, it gave me a lot of comfort. Thank you. I love all your videos - your innovative refreshing look on things are outstanding. You're amazing!
question here. as much as I understand. you forgot one thing. even if I don't feel sad and cry cause the person i loved died. what about the fact that you miss them being WITH you ? we grief the absence more than anything. and nobody can be replaced. so how do keep going in the train of thoughts you talk about when you don't feel sad and cry because they died but because they aren't with you anymore ? my loss happened because of sickness and age. death was indeed the best thing it could happen for them. they are free. But that doesn't change that they aren't with me and I miss them massively because I was living with them and now I'm alone. I took care of them, now I can't. I had comfort, support, responsibility etc. because of them, thanks to them. all this is gone because it had to. I get that I can feel happy and it won't be selfish because they can't blame me for it. but it doesn't change that I miss them cause it was part of my routine for a long time. when you witness a whole life from a baby to the equivalent of an old man, it's pretty impossible to stop grieving. if you're curious about who I lost. it was my 17 years old cat. and only those who owns and have lost pets know what it's like. just picture that it was like losing a child and my grandfather at the same time. but it's entirely normal and it was the best thing for him to die. even knowing that it's hard. I know I can adopt again but that means reviving the same process at any time. pets aren't afraid of death. pets don't judge. there's no guilt. but they are here all the time and a constant in your life. how do you stop grieving then ? I feel like only a new pet can fulfill this but idk when to take that leap. my cat was euthanized to avoid pain and suffer. it was 6 weeks ago. I talked to many people, cried a lot. even had medication. I'm now asking you, based on this video. what's the next step now that I know, his death was the only thing he needed at that time. and that the one thing I need, I can't have anymore because that's how life works ?
I know what you mean. This video does not address that empty feeling in your chest, or missing everything you had and did with the loved one. You're supposed to say, "Oh that was really a good thing, so I'm happy now."?? It's NOT a good thing if I don't have them anymore.
Tawny C. i think in that case, it's not a good thing, it's a matter of aknowledging and cherishing what they brought to you while they were alive. it's the experience you had, the chance you had meeting them. it's not easy to think about that when you want them around you and when the loss isn't supposed to happen (basically when life has to end cause of age) it's even harder. But i only have that, i have to feel blessed that i had what i had for 17 years and now it's a new chapter in MY life. Even if you want THEM around you, you still are you, with or without them. It's hard i know. You just keep trying until you can find a new anchor. However, there's always a before and after. Losses changes you, but they are a part of life and sometimes, most times, life is unpredictable at all because they are things we never will be able to control. Only how you act towards them is in your control. The most unfair thing doesn't have meaning or answers, it's just unfair and you can only try to hold on for all the other fair things.
What I'm saying is that, for me, it's not a thought process that causes the emotion when there is a loss. I feel the loss physically, and no matter how I argue with myself, it doesn't go away, for a long time. I'm quite sure I'm not the only one.
Tawny C. i felt that part for a whole month. I still physically miss my cat, i can remember how everything felt. but i have to force myself to forget to let him go. if you hold on to sensations, specially the touch, you'll never pass that stage. but everyone is different, every loss is different and it can take a while. Don't argue with yourself, allow the emotions and go through them. it's exhausting, i'm tired as fuck, you feel like drowning but as long as you keep swimming, you CAN go through.
correct, you are not alone. Mrs. Vivian in Oregon, at a hospice place, last week, informed me that one cann'ot reason with grief...it is purely emotional. So, when you try to figure things out...like we are programed to do in this usa culture..in school, home, church...well, none of the rationalizing works with an early loss. I recently lost a dear dear close family member at age 45...and can't even say much about it cause i'm just a mess and have to compose myself for work sooon...so maybe tonight I can say details or her name or whatever but all i know is that WHY the heck fmla does not work for close family members and only parents and child up to a certain stupid age, is total bs...it should be if you need time off and your company is large enough and you state the 2 to four most precious people in your life when you are first hired...then, that is it ! I have co workers getting time off for aunts and uncles and i'm not saying that is bad...just when it rocks your entire world...having a job, and surviving is about nearly IMPOSSIBLE! And yeah....ahhh, a cat or dog is also very much a part of the family. . in my case it is not a pet...but it hurts...so much and the emptiness is just a whole, in my heart larger than jupiter!
you can do good deeds in the name of the person who has died (or even left) and say as you do the good deed - this is for you …..and this will help fill the hole - you will feel good at every good deed you do and it will help the departed one ….even if you don't fully believe it - try it and see.....
My stepdad was hit by a car on January 3rd 2019 he went through the guys windshield and he broke his call and they were pieces of of skull and tissue on the ground and he fell on the ground he was airlifted to Ryder Trauma Center here in Miami and I am devastated I feel a sense of emptiness inside of me that I have no control of I cry to my eyeballs fall out and it's a feeling of emptiness of missing him he took care of me I haven't been able to walk with my left leg for the past two and a half years he never failed me he took care of me the groceries for me clean for me cook for me when my grandkids would come over he will go over and beyond for them and even they have cried because they miss their grandpa it's not that I didn't love them or that I love them I love them more than life itself but this emptiness I feel inside is real and I feel numb I feel like I'm dreaming like this is not real and I just cry sporadically and I don't know what to do I feel lost without him. He passed away January 5th at 5:35 p.m. and I still can't believe it
Thank you I lost my girl 13 years together, she is always on my mind just can’t help thinking of her . I’ll try to be more happy but it’s only been 6 weeks so feel sadness thanks for the advice. Thanks again.
Hey alen my condolences i can relate to you i loss my fiance of 13yrs aswell covid. I miss her and think of her all day im looking for more answers to help me cope. So i pray for you and your loss. Lets Be Strong.......
@@FernandoGonzalez-tn3jl Thanks Fernando I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t think it will ever make sense but I can tell you that you will learn to live with it and slowly get stronger. My prayers are with you.
Hi Alen. I was thinking alot about you and your spouse passing. Ive been pyaying for you and i hope your doing well. The thing i always think of is the day it happend and i want like more answer but dont know how to get them but videos do help me also texting with you because you are going through the same as i. Be strong alen your doing well.
@@FernandoGonzalez-tn3jl hi Fernando this book helps you understand about grief it helped me a little. Grieving the loss of a loved one....it’s written by lorene Hanley Duquin. Hope your doing the best you can right now and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I like very much what you said you really helped me amswer my questions. My fiance passed 01/08/21 carolina Gonzalez she was just 40yrs old. A month today i call my fiance (kay) . your videos are very helpful its a beautiful thing your doing please keep up your videos..... Fernando G.
I think Noah clearly outlines all the cognitive traps that one can fall into when coping with grief. I myself see it as pain vs suffering when we lose a loved one. They are different. Pain is the initial pain of the loss that is deep and heartfelt. It is much shorter. Suffering happens when we as Noah says we want to grieve (suffer) or we want not to grieve (suffer). That being said, these facts are true, but they are very tricky and hard to actualize. Nonetheless, in the process of actualizing them, we come to understand ourselves better and suffering subsides and ceases. Kudos to Noah for developing this cognitive and rational framework for knowing what is suffering and what prolongs it.
Sorry but most of this is bullshit. No correlation between love and sadness? It's is a complete cause and effect! An old friend of mine died. I was moderately sad for a week. My brother died almost one year ago. I AM IN PIECES... still. And why is that? I LOVED him. Some good points in the second half of this. But I'm sorry the first part is crap. Very trivial
Overall we can generalize the commonality of grief for we humans, however, it totally diverges from that point because it is a personal experience for everyone. I lost my husband five and a half years ago unexpectedly and suddenly. We were so close you couldnt get a sheet of paper between us. I have barely made roads to recovery. I suffer extreme emotional pain from his absence. I do not indulge it. I do not rationalize it and I do not enjoy it. It is like a festering cancer that rears its head when I think it's in remission. It is not something we can bid go away because that person is within us.
I can absolutely relate to your relationship with your spouse. My wife and I were ONE and I've just begun dealing with grief and mourning since she died yesterday. It wasn't fast and it wasn't pretty and I stood by her side as caregiver for 29 1/2 years. I knew this day would come but not so soon. We wanted a happy simple life, we got the happy (with each other) but we never got the simple.
What i see here is a way to avoid negativity when it appears when u dont want it. Dont forget that u have to take the hit on one time or another or it will eat u up.
wow great talk my husband died 5 years ago and I still caring the pain around because like you said I felt guilty for being happy so if I was sad it showed I loved him Im doing all those things I am much better than I was but I need to let the pain go all together thank you so much for this talk
I lost my Mum to Cancer 16 days ago.I only heard she was very ill 4 days before her death.She was unconscious from painkillers for the last 4 days and I never got to converse with her .I can't believe yet that I will never get to see her again.I agree with Noah that my mind has associated caring with feeling sad and vice versa.Realising feeling normal doesn't mean I don't care is insightful ,and helpful in the sense of not being sad all day instead of few private moments.
Noah, I'd like to request your thoughts on dealing with chronic pain. It's a difficult subject for those suffering because it takes extra awareness of presence when there's no place to walk, drive, or fly to escape it.
I lost my wife this October after 37 years of togetherness. Noah, you are the first person to show me that I have the choice of being happy or sad. I have the choice to be happy again without feeling guilty that happiness might equate to me not loving my wife anymore. I now understand that me being happy again is not selfish, because I am not hurting my dead wife, because she can't feel hurt. Its so logical, yet this simple logic gets clouded by the false definiteness that I should always be sad to feel that I love my wife. You have shown me the way out of grief. I can't thank you enough Noah.
I am glad I watched this, you opened my eyes up to some truths that I was not prepared to acknowledge. Thank you this gave me a bit of a different perspective on how I am going to chose to deal with the loss of my partner of 18 years and the father of our only child. I feel like a bit of weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Your advice may not be received well by all (I am not going to read the comments) but for me it helped.
im in my 3rd year of grieving. still suffering sometimes. your speech opened up my eyes and head for some different perspective. still cant tell if this will help me any better. but thinking or analyzing what in fact makes me sad and why it makes me sad is a good start. THANKS! - i dont want to forget. but i dont want to be sad for the rest of my life. and my girlfriend who died wouldnt want this either.
Noah equates sadness with grief and that you may want to grieve. Has this guy ever lost someone he loved deeply for many years? My soulmate of 40 years died five years ago within 10weeks of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was hit by a tidal wave and sucked down deep into black suffocating, unbelieving despair. Churned over and over in indescribable pain then spewed out. Still breathing. Still alive. But so, so wishing I wasn’t. Then fear. Fear of the cold, grey fog of the grief journey ahead. No guide book. No map. Destination unknown. That, Noah, is grief. Show me the person who wants that! Sadness is when it’s time to catch the flight home after a great holiday. Sadness is when your pot plant dies, or your goldfish dies. Thinking in grief, or about grief is irrelevant. It’s not an intellectual thing. It’s uncontrollable emotions ripping your guts out. Trust me.
I know how you feel...when I saw the title of this video I had no idea it would be this...If ONLY it were so easy to ease pain as deep as what so many of us feel...and yes, the fear feelings that come with grief are a terrible thing to feel...Much love and hugs to you. We do not choose this. Grief Does come from Love.
He implied that he doesn't know. Maybe something, maybe nothing. That is terrifying. I believe in Jesus Christ and the bodily ressurection of the dead. What other hope is there?
My mother is dealing with alcohol abuse and goes out every night at 7:30 pm and gets back at 4:00 at night I am feeling sad because before the divorce she was sober all the time and wouldn't go out at night. My loss was my caring mother.... I am only 11 years old.
I have lost my mother to suicide, my sister-in-law died in a house fire,
and my brother overdosed on Rx pills... My advice to all from dealing
with the tragedies in my own life is this:
Chin up! You can choose to allow the sadness to take over your life OR you
can choose to live life to the fullest, everyday! Have fun, smile, laugh
because the one thing that we will always take with us in the end it
the experiences we have shared in this life. The energy of 'love and life'
is eternal.
I choose life and I choose to smile and hopefully
make people laugh through my channel. Grief can not take over your
beautiful energy unless you allow it to. So don't ;)
If you're here then chances are that you are trying to fight the negative energy
and surpass the stages of grief with flying colors. I believe in you and
I know you can do it! Keep doing what ever it is that makes you smile
everyday!!
I love all of you
We love you...we are doing the last paragraph as best as possible, including cutting great smelling trimmings of lemon verbenum and mint and sipping on coffee, and trying not to let the coffee remind us of....ah and we also choose love and light and its real real real hard but its the only choice...yes, we love you as well, and hope you are comforted today from your many losses......
Thank you, my guinea pig recently passed away this helped
Thank you so much for your words. I just lost my husband of 22 years and your words makes sense.
Child loss???
Glad you can be so positive. Sorry for your losses. Wishing you well.
Thank you , I agree with what you are saying. I lost my husband of 44 years whom I loved with all my heart only last month . I invited grief and pain for a couple weeks and then I decided that Enough was enough. I could not bear this pain anymore. I now focus on gratitude for all we shared, for the good death he had , for my belief that we will meet again , and for the future in front of me. I still miss him but I am feeling much better
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Our partner would want us to be happy. Surely.
I lost my husband of 30 yrs on Jan 5/23. We both got Covid at the beginning of Dec/22, and then pneumonia in mid-Dec. He had difficulty breathing so I called EMS on Dec 20th, and they gave him oxygen at home and transported him to the ER where he was admitted. His health slowly declined and he passed away despite the best efforts of the physicians. I miss him so much; but am grateful that he didn’t end up in a long term care home attached to tubes and unable to care for himself. He would not have wanted that.
Helpful video. Only thing missing is the inclusion of a reason for feeling sad is that you miss them; miss being with them, talking to them, their laugh, their words, their presence...
My mom died earlier this week. I need prayers for my emotions and to my mother. 💔💔💔
My mom died a month ago not even a month ago one day at a time
This is the best video anyone can ever watch - whether you are grieving or not.
Thank you from my heart.
Change the way you think, changes the way you feel, changes the way you act. Within a few minutes in I got it. I taught others how to do this? But I also taught the stages of grief. I did not change the way I thought about grief. I lost my daughter Jan 2, 2015. The first time I laughed and had a good day. I felt guilty. As I have struggled through this yr. I have briefly caught a glimpse of where this is going. Thank you. I know someone that needs this.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Noah We lost our 36 year old son this past Christmas and having a very hard time. This video has helped somewhat but it is awful hard to not run those terrible thoughts of the morning we got the news. I will continue to try to practice this to the best of my ability, that is what he would want us to be happy.
I’m grieving the loss of my daughter, I’m an open minded person and usually a positive person. I needed to hear this video because it works for me. I can’t change what has happened or go back in time, and I have no idea what changes will occur tomorrow, so I’m left living in the right now. In that I take inventory daily to heal myself - I ask myself am doing OK in this moment, I’m breathing, I’m keeping busy and I’m moving forward. With every day my tears are getting less. But I do admit that I’ve cried a river over not having my daughter to hug, laugh with or just to look at, my heart is still hurting in an actual physical way.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
How are you feeling today ?
I’m sorry you suffer. You are off the floor. That’s a victory ! I’m sorry cause I know that really, really hurts.
This is what healthy grief looks like 👍 Praying for your heart ❤️
I lost my mom a couple of months ago and this video puts things in perspective. Noah your videos help so much. Thank you!!
you lost me at "you want to grieve or not grieve" I don't WANT any of this! Losing my child has been the hardest thing to carry in this life. I do not have a choice. My soul misses his presence. Sadness comes from missing his smile, his voice, his laughter, his hugs. No amount of choosing will change that.
Dawn Phillips I agree with you 100%. I lost my 24 year old son 9-7-18.
Lost my son yr and half ago ...yeah nothing will change that ..now i have to change because of it
I kinda get what he means, but sadness comes on by itself in waves even when you can be enjoying yourself.
My way so far of dealing with loss is being distracted then having a cry when the sadness hits and acknowledging I miss my husband.
I also remind my self he is no longer suffering and he died the way he wanted.
I've had four years of living grief during his illness and I know he wants me happy. But accepting the sadness when it hits having a good cry is like letting go of a pressure valve.
I lost my also. I feel same as u. I don't want to get up today or y steeper day. So far I disagree agree with what he saying.
@@janettesheperd2786 hugs sweetie, theres no words for when someones child has died. I hope its true that time heals. I was watching one video on grief where they guy was saying acknowledging with the correct words makes it easier.. for me thats true. I dont say my husband passed away, I say he died. Its final, and when its an end there is always another beginning, not a begining we want to have but one we have to have as part of being alive. We have to learn to live with a big chunk of our lives missing. Its hard. {{hugs}}
I lost my 15-year-old dog two days ago. I'm still feeling very sad. Some of the things addressed in this video helped me make sense of grief, so thank you.
Samantha Yi I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thankyou, it has helped me as I lost my 18 years old son in Jan this year. It is unselfishness to feel happy!
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Thank you for helping. My dog just passed away. I chose the sad story, but after this, i started thinking of that my dog is going to happily live in heaven, the happy story.
The rational mind is the best way of dealing with painful emotions. I love these videos because they are ultra-rational, yet compassionately delivered.
There is a rational way to deal with emotions as there is a rational explanation for every emotion we feel. What's the alternative? Dealing with emotions with more emotion? That won't get you anywhere.
Thank you so much for this. My dear 22 year-old son died 6 weeks ago in a car accident. Your video was one of the first about grief I'd watched. It fits well with my faith view of the world and this is what I know my son would want for me. I believe things happen exactly the way they are meant to happen. I believe God is in control. Since this is the case I can live in peace. Of course, I will feel sad and miss my son. I will cry and feel bad sometimes but I no longer fear and give more power to the emotions. Because ultimately my beliefs cause my emotions (and I believe my son is in a better place). To live with joy is what my son would want and I want this too. It is not easy but your work is very helpful. Bless you!
You doing good job helping other people!
Mohsinuddin Saiyed thank you
I love you Noah! Thank you so much. I've been brokenhearted from a breakup for almost a year now and you've helped me feel so much better. I'm so glad I randomly stumbled upon your videos.
Krystal Catlos You're welcome Krystal
I lost my 13 year old son 12 years ago.
I still can not 'live' and feel I have destroyed loved one's lives,
including my remaining children, because of my inability to cope. I feel
still that I utterly Can Not Live without him in my life and I will be
crushingly broken until I die,
while I go through life's motions, continuously 'living' every day as
ordinary,
Only for the sake of my 2 currently teenaged children who lived without
me for a few years physically because of my 'grief' and though I am
with them physically now, I completely 'fake' that I'm OK, out of the
guilt of not being there before, but I'm so torn, shredded, and crushed
every single waking moment of my life.
How pathetic now that I think of it, I'm here trying to shower my
children with love, and the best I can manage to provide is an existence
of poverty with the 3 of us living in a tiny camper, all because their
mom loves their brother so much that she can't face life without him
even after 12 years.
My son's passing has affected several lives, so drastically and
detrimentally that I don't for a second think any of us will Ever be OK
again.
Sometimes some peoples lives turn out the way they do not because of our
own decisions or efforts, but because of things and events out of our
control simply 'happening' to us.
Add in the lack of Love or Support from family or even a good friend and
the world is dark, cold reality in which you have no choice but to
exist in.
My wish is that anyone experiencing loss and grief on such a scale would
have At Least 1 person in their life to Truly Love them, because I know
too well unfortunately that, THAT 1 Person could make All The
Difference in the world!!
May God's Merciful Strength and Comfort Reach All In Such A Need!
I know you mean well, but you have simplified grief to a point where you are ignoring so much of it. At least when it comes to losing a spouse. I am able to feel happy again and feel joy again since my husband died and I don't feel guilt for it but there is so much more than sadness with grief. There is yearning, there is anger, your hormones are all kinds of messed up, there are physical changes with your body, for a lot of us there is shock and/or PTSD, there is so much stressful paperwork that lasts for months or years, there is financial strain, there is cognitive overload (what some people call widow brain or grief brain), etc. It's not just sadness. It's everything. This is way too simplified and it tells me that you don't understand grief in a way that is actually all that helpful. I appreciate the effort but I would recommend that you study grief a bit more than the surface level.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
My mother is slowly slipping away from me... I feel devastated at times and it makes my heart ache so much . This video opened up my eyes a bit .
Obviously this guy has NOT lost someone he was close to . We don’t hurt cause we try to prove we love someone .
Exactly. Grief isn’t an intellectual exercise or to prove anything to ourselves or to others. Grief is s major reaction to a major deep loss that hurts us within our Soul.
This feels too much like think different in this intellectual exercise.
Grief comes from a deep place in the Soul based on the absence of someone we deeply love.
Thank you. I have lost family members and watching your videos helps me see the positive in seemingly entirely awful situations. Keep it up!
Sorry for your loss may God comfort you. Praying for your strength
My Grandma passed away while I visited her in hospital, just two days ago, and this video really helped. Thanks.
Peace and Love to you!
My Grandmother died yesterday... The way you look about feeling grief is logical and will help me a lot dealing with it, thank you!
My wife died too soon of cancer, three months ago. I am lost but this video has helped me with my grief. Thank you.
Hi martin. Sorry about ur loss i loss my fiance 1/08/21 carolina Gonzalez covid. We need to be strong martin and read Jehovah literature so that we can be with out love ones again YES! Again it is promised. Lets read. Belive .n. Be strong martin...take care..
My grandmother currently has 6 months to live. she has liver cancer for the second time, and lung cancer also just showed up awhile ago.
I'm a weird type of person, and I try to be happy, but not feel anything because of a bad past. All I feel I can do now is try to be there for her. I know when she leaves me, it will be the ultimate crusher, but I need to deal with it somehow, so I decided to think ahead and prepare. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. stay strong peeps.
Mom 9-22-18
Very very very very close.....
This feeling won’t ever go away. 😪
I lost my partner last week. The near constant pain is dreadful and very disabling, I simply miss her so much. I am ok with distractions but grief plays a cruel trick and she seems alive and then I must re-live that awful day.
john king I have nightmares , that my hubby was “revived “ and now is being reckless and I am afraid he will die again .
Just horrendous .
I hope things have improved for you
Hey i feel your pain i aswell loss my partner(fiance) a month ago today it dose play a cruel part. I miss my fiance so much and like you i keep thinking of the steps of those days when she passed. So i will pray for you amd your partner. Prayer is what i do more offen these days.... Take care.. Be Strong Brother.
in the last 2 years I lost 2 pets and my jack russell was 17 years old and my beagle at 9 both to cancer. I mourned bad. To much and to long. I lost my dad on the 11th and I'm actually greatful now I went through it. It's helped Me cope better with this major life changing loss.
Hi Noah,
I enjoy your work, with its heavy cognitive bias. There is a lot to learn from this and your delivery is personable and easy to digest.
Most of what you say here is helpful. However, I don't believe that grief is merely a collection of thoughts, assumptions and predictions ... and to assert this may pressurise people who grieve into not feeling it's ok to grieve (a belief which is rife in western cultures).
Separate any animal from a significant attachment figure and it will display signs of distress, grief, longing and searching behaviours. We are biologically programmed to attach to others (which enabled homo sapiens to adapt and survive) so we are hard wired to experience grief following loss.
I think it's important to recognise this. I think it's important experience and to be fully present in our grief, and to recognise that it is part of normal human experience.
Sure, as time passes, we adapt to the loss and are able to appreciate the many gifts we gained from loving someone who has passed ... but this process takes time and cannot be hurried.
I think the ideas you share in your video are helpful, although I also believe it's important to remember that grief is natural and not merely a distorted perception of reality.
Best wishes,
Tamsin.
My mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in Jan of 2014. I was a Career Bank Manager for 20 years. Once she was diagnosed, we immediately began chemotherapy. Already Stressed at the Bank, her illness only added to the level of stress i was feeling. I would open the bank, then drive her to chemo, then back to the bank again to close it then back to her house to make sure she was ok. I never went home to my wife and kids. This went on for one year. In Jan of 2015, I retired from my job to care for her. Unfortunately, she passed the very next month. Now i was left without the one person i loved so dearly and without my job. Well, I have thought of her everyday for the past year thinking of all of the things i could have done differently to help her. I felt sad for her and me. Well, if i change my story, maybe i will feel better. My mom never experienced pain throughout her ordeal. Additionally, I honestly felt that the stress that my job had placed on me was going to kill me. So maybe if this hadn't happened, I may not have retired and would have eventually succumbed to the stress that I swear was going to kill me soon. Finally, I am now retired and my mom is at rest. Maybe it was meant for me to view this video. Thanks you so much.
+Leon Bain One thing you can rely on is that you were a great son to give so much to someone who gave so much to you. I lost my mom suddenly after a long illness but feel good about the times we spent together. You set a great example of family for your kids and others in your family.
I recently lost my aunt. She raised me since I was a baby, she was like my mother. It was completely unexpected, she was a very sweet person. I took it so hard, harder than her own two sons or her grandsons. I was close to her. I was tired of being sad because she never wanted that for me. This video helped so much. It targeted everything that was affecting me. I never thought twice about it that I was doing wrong when feeling sad, just because I thought it was caring for her. Also thanks for telling me that it's ok to be sad. after listening to this once, I feel better now knowing how to tackle my depression head on. It's still gonna be a long road, but I feel much more better now to go on with the future.
I know you are trying to help but.....Maybe if you were to bring your own experience of grief to the table I hear a lot of insensitivity. It is my experience that when people tell me how to get over the grief of my husband , and they have not had the same experience, I tend to get a little angry. I thought I understood until it happened to me. I am not feeling compassion I’m hearing preaching.
While it hasn't happened to me so I understand, I think that its beneficial to those that's open, and willing to accept his word. I agree with you as well though
Me too. Don’t think he’s been down the grief road ever.
my dog disappeared. I am sad beyond words. I cannot stop thinking about bad things will happen to him. and I miss him dearly. .........I appreciate your videos, but I am still crying
Have you found your dog? I hope he is in a better place. Remember him in your heart forever.
Josy Ven omg.. I’m so sorry to hear this.. I feel so bad.. please be strong & have faith in God that he will be placed in the right hands. God has a reason for everything..
I appreciate your insights. However, I think it's dangerous to try to find a "quick-fix" for grief. It takes as long as it takes and in this wanting to get over everything NOW society, grief does not fit that mould. Grief if NORMAL. People need it normalised. They don't need to feel as if there is something wrong with them for going through an entirely natural process due to not having a person or pet or whatever it may be, no longer with them. Grief is NOT sadness!!!! Grief is grief.
People want others to "get over" their grief because it bothers Them...Yes, the world we live in wants to just gloss over things like grief because there are better fun things to do...people have lost almost all ability to care about others...and when I say care I mean Being There for someone, In Person not a damned text.. when it is not fun...when they hurt...and trying to be a friend...and tying to help them through it.
You're right. There is no structured time for grief and people don't seem to care at all.
I understand what Noah is saying but when you are left alone with no one on your side as a deep support. Must hear what he is saying, though. It's terribly difficult. It hurts. Even good memories hurt when you lose a person who has always been in your life and you loved them more than anything.
My brother died suddenly, 10 months ago, although it has been awful, I had been finding solace in the fact that nothing could have been done. I recently found out his doctor told him to "stop all medications" before foot surgery, without checking to see what medications he was on. He had been on heart medication to prevent sudden cardiac arrest. He died of sudden cardiac arrest. Telling my family this will just bring extra heart ache to them, and legal recourse would prolong the grief. So I am not sharing this with them. But I feel like my grief has started all over again, and now I have added anger to it. Yes, my story has changed. But I don't know how to change it to something more manageable.
The answer came to me around 14:35, although with a twist. He suggests thinking of what the loved ones death provides us, (which didn't sit well with me) and while the answer to that is a new appreciation of life...I find more solace in thinking about what he has been spared. He never had to face the loss of a loved one (his wife has cancer and he often said he couldnt live without her, and my parents are elderly). I hope this thought twist can help others look at it a little differently.
It is important to understand that grief is not only sadness.
what else is it...heaviness, a physicalness indescribable, a whole a suffocation, what?...tell me....
Yes, there is also anger -- at the lost one for leaving you! No matter how illogical that seems -- anger is a normal process of grief. Depression -- the healthy kind -- is also a phase in grief. Gradually we move between denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and finally, if we're lucky, gentle sadness and finally acceptance. Letting the feelings wash over you in contemplation or meditation is the best way to deal with your grief -- to accept it, soothe it, cradle it. Running away from it never works, yet people do just that, running away from grief into drugs, alcohol, and other addictions like workaholism, sexaholism, shopaholism... the list of addictions is endless. Even into illness, another common phenomenon, someone developing heart disease when a loved one dies. All the emotions are part of our rainbow of feelings -- they're all there for a reason. Repressing one feeling often results in repressing them all, just as repressing anger can become depression, as the anger turns inward. So - much as we want to rush our grief or minimize it or make it go away - that only makes it worse. (I've done both. Now I love all my feelings, and myself. A much better place to be!)
Am a storyteller -- and this story is superficial in the extreme. Denial of feelings is damaging and harmful. Of course you feel hurt is someone you love is hurt! Only for a little while. And of course you feel sad when someone you love dies! (We live in a feelings-repressing society, which is sick and toxic. If repressing feelings worked -- our society would be compassionate, creative, and healing. (It's not. )
@@lindaelawson9415 Sooo True.
@@7thecheryl It's different for everyone. For myself when my father died- there was regret at all the things we never got to do, things said, unsaid, things he never got to do, sadness for his loss, for my mother, for myself, for my unborn children. Anger at him leaving, angry at God, angry at people for not caring, angry at my family for how they treated him, anger at me for ever hurting him, helplessness that you can't do ANYTHING to stop death, fury at funeral homes for trying to guilt you into debt, guilt that we couldn't afford a giant funeral, anger at other people for having their dads, jealousy when someone has their dad, heck I was even angry at other people for being alive while my dad wasn't. There are SO MANY FEELINGS and they come and go and hit you with varying degrees and powers. I know you left this comment like 3 years ago, but for anyone like me glancing through the comments, I just wanted this here. Thanks
My grief of losing my son is not a story I am creating. I find 95% of this video ridiculous. Sorry. "Can I feel any positive effects of them being gone?" NO. "Do I know for sure that it is bad?" YES. My son is gone and I listened to this video hoping it would help and it just pissed me off.
Couldn’t agree with you more
Thank you a lot, Noah!! This siuation of grief came to me too. Your videos are super helpful, you are the first person I think of when having a bad time and I can t get over it myself. Your ideas are really unique and wour words really portretize the way the mind works!!
I lost my husband in 2016 to cancer and never got. help for it I miss him so much I feel so lost with out him
Vuanita Haslam Im so sorry for you :( I lost my father 3 months ago and im only 13 im having a really hard time.. I hope you find yourself again and can find happiness :) please have a wonderful day!..
Kaleb Long thank you and my condolences to you to it isn't easy loosing someone. rip to your loved one ass well
Go elsewhere for help!
Noah, my daughter was killed seven weeks ago by a distracted driver. I am raising her two children that were also hurt in the accident. Some days I feel I can't go on but make myself because of the kids. I watched your video once but feel the need to watch it again. Thanks for what you do 💕
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Thank you so much. You have helped me so much from losing my 5 siblings. Although I'll never forget them but at least I can be a happy kid agin 🙂
This man is living in an alternative universe. To suggest I wanted to suffer, to have agonizing grief, is an insult to the truth. The sadness that soon became so painful I thought I might have a heart attack is not what i wanted in any way. It simply came and often took ownership of my waking awareness. Thank goodness, with help, and doing things that were strongly recommended to me, I eventually passed beyond that most terrible hurt of my life, and gradually, that hurt has lessened. I wish it would completely leave me, as I know my wife would not want me to suffer even another minute if that could be so. This man is either deeply misguided who understands little about grief, or is an out and out charlatan. I'll let all of you decide. Shame on you sir, for so insulting those who suffer so terribly. Shame on you!
to say that grief is about the sadness for the lake of future interation isn't always true sometimes its about right now in the moment wishing they were here. just because life will have ups does not mean there are no down, and there could be a lot times. my experance with grief its like a wave it hits you and you do keep getting waves sometimes they change to be less sometimes more. but just because you have ups does not you dont have downs and it also doesnt mean that you arent selfish to say you wish they were here.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I get what your saying. Grief isn't associated with our thoughts about the event. People say death is tragic or sad and life should not be this way. But life is this way. Death is certain. Undeniable. some said its change. Life is change. Deaths of different scales are all over the place. We lose jobs , pets, friends, relationships....our thoughts about these events create suffering. The truth is life is eternal and death is a change. Like a divorce or new job. We relocate to another "State"
I don't feel sad for people that die because i know they're are just fine. It's missing them that is what i struggle with. Knowing i will never see them again is what makes me sad. Any advice?
l feel exactly the same. my boyfriend of 10yrs passed. Dec2016. it's difficult def. an adjustment. recommend Abraham Hicks videos on death if you believe in spirit.
I sure do believe in spirit. Thank you for your reply. I shall look into his videos. I am very interested. And I'm sorry for your loss. Much love
Nichole Safes i will use that too :)
I encourage anyone going through the grief process due to a loss of a loved one to go and listen to a lady by the name of Kat Kerr. God has taken her up and shown her what Heaven is like, it will empower you unlike anything else I have ever heard. She has tons of videos on UA-cam. Kat Kerr. Blessings!
The Word & Spirit I don’t believe in heaven
I look forward to listening to this video again. I have been very sad for two years after my only brother who took his life. I miss talking to him he was my friend. But I can understand what your saying. I want to be happy from now on. I'm upsetting my husband very much because I am crying all the time.I think I'm crying over myself, hope I can stop. Thanks
Noah I appreciate your effort. Unfortunately grief is not that simple. Your perspective is as simply an infantile.
I'm so glad that my dad was strong and somewhat looking forward to some peac. he seemed just fine mentally and emotionally I on the other hand emotional and filled with fear. I'm appreciating this video
Thank you Noah...keep giving courage to people :) Being happy is the right of every human being as long as they don't hurt anyone and they should not feel guilty for this. Life is unpredictable, good people die every day but their families must go on...
This is great how you took your time and patience to break it down into a lot of digestible pieces and examples.
Its hard when we dont know what happens after death but if you think they may be somewhere better thats a comforting thought.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Hey, Everyone, Go tell a loved one you love them right now. RIGHT now. Because they won’t always be there. Trust me on that one..
Mr. Doyle . YES YES YES thats what i always say to everyone all of the time. Its very nice to see someone else saying it too.......
I'm so lonely and sad... my boyfriend of 16 yrs died a month ago. I feel so alone and lonely. I am so afraid especially now that christmas and new year are coming... everyday we always talk...
Jacquiline Rubin Futol How can I get in contact with you? I would like to hear your story.
I encourage anyone going through the grief process due to a loss of a loved one to go and listen to a lady by the name of Kat Kerr. God has taken her up and shown her what Heaven is like, it will empower you unlike anything else I have ever heard. She has tons of videos on UA-cam. Kat Kerr. Blessings!
my grandma died yesterday. she was my best friend.. im all alone. this feels like a nightmare.
stay strong! my dad passed away 2 weeks ago :(
My Grandma died to I agree with you this feels like a Dream
This guy has never experienced the loss of a husband or wife.
Mandy Luke or Son
It helps a little but what doesn't ever get better is how much I will always miss my mom. That will never go away.
I lost my Great Great Grandmama last Month i am still Grieving but i know that she is heaven looking down on us and may she will continue to look down on us 😪😪😪😪😪😪😪💔 and may she never being forgotton last week was the week she passed away 😭😭😭😪😪😪
I will always carry the memories of the deceased with me. It can be sad, even overwhelming at times, but I fear more about forgetting. I don't want their memory to fade and I refuse to go on without them in my heart and mind. I can't let them go, and even if it's tough at time, I wouldn't want it any other way. It's beyond good, bad, sad, now, then. It's just... what it is. I want them to be here, I want everyone I care about to remain here, and to live happily free of sorrow. When I find traces of them, what they've done, it hurts. They were here, in this place and time, and now there not. You can't search for them, because there gone. You can't close your eyes and open them to see their face. Gone. Forever. Into the unknown.
I know the feeling, I'm lost, searching, dead inside, have to go on, pray and hope for eternity with them
If someone was important enough to you that you are feeling grief, it is very unlikely that you will forget them.
my dad passed away the night between oct 16 and 17... im completaly lost i feel like it's not real i can't dealing with that ... I MISS HIM SO BAD :'( :'( :'(
My deepest sympathies and heart felt condolences. I know what you're going through. My father passed away on the 18th of November :( I'm so sad and don't want to do anything. My whole life revolved around him. He was sick for 11 something years and my mum and I worked so hard to keep him alive... and now he's finally gone :( I've never cried so hard in my life, and I've never felt such pain. I sleep in his bed to keep my mum company. I feel this great big hole in my chest hurt and press through me.
The loss of my dad is still hard for me. I lost him four years ago.
confolences to you too.
+Lucas Mok hey dear i sleep in his bed too to keep my mum company, you know now it's almost 3 months and it still so hard to go on, but I'm so proud he gave me his strength and brave to live my life, because if it wasn't for that I guess that now I was living in a closed room 247! So keep yourself strong too man, and keep honor him... Hugs...
Deny
+Dedè Calabria (Baby K) Heya Deny I can only imagine the pain you're going through. I just brought my dad out by wearing his watch. After coming home and taking his watch off, I noticed the pictures in his room and started to cry my eyes out. I understand why he had to go, but I don't want to accept it. I remember him still alive smiling and speaking like it was yesterday, but now the reality is that he's gone. Let's speak on email, because it's more personal than posting in public. Please email me at Lucastm@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you xx Lucas
My partner passed q1/1/21 and I can’t stop crying. I miss him so much and want to be with him. I’m devastated.
This is so helpful on any loss. I came hear about grief over losing my job and other loss events. Thank you so much
Thanks for your caring heart and ability to teach what you have learned.
Terra You're welcome Terra
Thank u for this. U just don't know how much this means to me. New fan here..
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you love, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my son jersey on may 24th 2020 during lockdown on a car accident he just turned 22 on his birthday, got hit by a drunk truck driver, that was the worst and most lamentable day of my life as a single Dad raising two kid's, my 13yr old daughter is my everything and the reason I keep strong, my late wife passed away 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
Thank you so much for your caring work. I feel more relief after watching this. One of my young relatives passed away and it's how life works. But I have an arising fear that that would happen to my closest ones at any time, just thinking of that couldn't make me be at peace.
From my understanding grief is totally unexpected. There is no conscious "I want to feel sad", "I should grieve" etc.. it just takes over. Its not about duration etc.. Its about not being able to maybe help the person, or help their suffering, or coping with the loss of that being from the family etc... A family member is like a part of oneself. Its like a part of oneself dying..
In may be illogical... If they have been sick it could be the build up of hope or worry. It might be the suppression of worry or fear being released.
Its like a person who has lived with two arms their hole life and then loosing an arm. Thats like a family member. We dont just say.. "I should be sad I lost my arm"..
Our whole world would be turned upside down. Coming with that reality... dealing with that loss... that is grief. All that care about that thing... or all that was taken for granted. It could be the concern for the other family members and how they will cope in the future. Past present future all sudenly very real and blunt. That is grief. All depends on the individual circumstance.
For grief of someone passing.. they live on in our hearts... the way I found works is saying or doing all the things maybe I couldn't say or do... and sharing my love with them... connecting with my love for them. Love heals.
I completely understand how one can think they must go on grieving, even when that loved one's subsequent demise and circumstances were actually a blessing...but the guilt of relieving oneself of the burden of grief seems SUCH a betrayal!
Because that's all it addresses. I have deep seated cultural grief that is not just about losing 'someone' but it is about the grief of 'loss' whether real or perceived.
takeastresspilldave a I'm sorry this video doesn't address that type of grief
Thank you for sharing such valuable information pertaining to grief. Keep soaring!
I love this video, it gave me a lot of comfort. Thank you. I love all your videos - your innovative refreshing look on things are outstanding. You're amazing!
To the point, but as you said we need to be open to these kind of questions.
Hassan Sadeghi Yes, it can be hard
This is an incredible video which has ignited something within me. Mum gone 8 months, 79
I was flabbergasted to hear the views expressed.
question here. as much as I understand. you forgot one thing. even if I don't feel sad and cry cause the person i loved died. what about the fact that you miss them being WITH you ? we grief the absence more than anything. and nobody can be replaced. so how do keep going in the train of thoughts you talk about when you don't feel sad and cry because they died but because they aren't with you anymore ? my loss happened because of sickness and age. death was indeed the best thing it could happen for them. they are free. But that doesn't change that they aren't with me and I miss them massively because I was living with them and now I'm alone. I took care of them, now I can't. I had comfort, support, responsibility etc. because of them, thanks to them. all this is gone because it had to. I get that I can feel happy and it won't be selfish because they can't blame me for it. but it doesn't change that I miss them cause it was part of my routine for a long time. when you witness a whole life from a baby to the equivalent of an old man, it's pretty impossible to stop grieving. if you're curious about who I lost. it was my 17 years old cat. and only those who owns and have lost pets know what it's like. just picture that it was like losing a child and my grandfather at the same time. but it's entirely normal and it was the best thing for him to die. even knowing that it's hard. I know I can adopt again but that means reviving the same process at any time. pets aren't afraid of death. pets don't judge. there's no guilt. but they are here all the time and a constant in your life. how do you stop grieving then ? I feel like only a new pet can fulfill this but idk when to take that leap. my cat was euthanized to avoid pain and suffer. it was 6 weeks ago. I talked to many people, cried a lot. even had medication. I'm now asking you, based on this video. what's the next step now that I know, his death was the only thing he needed at that time. and that the one thing I need, I can't have anymore because that's how life works ?
I know what you mean. This video does not address that empty feeling in your chest, or missing everything you had and did with the loved one. You're supposed to say, "Oh that was really a good thing, so I'm happy now."?? It's NOT a good thing if I don't have them anymore.
Tawny C.
i think in that case, it's not a good thing, it's a matter of aknowledging and cherishing what they brought to you while they were alive. it's the experience you had, the chance you had meeting them. it's not easy to think about that when you want them around you and when the loss isn't supposed to happen (basically when life has to end cause of age) it's even harder. But i only have that, i have to feel blessed that i had what i had for 17 years and now it's a new chapter in MY life. Even if you want THEM around you, you still are you, with or without them. It's hard i know. You just keep trying until you can find a new anchor. However, there's always a before and after. Losses changes you, but they are a part of life and sometimes, most times, life is unpredictable at all because they are things we never will be able to control. Only how you act towards them is in your control. The most unfair thing doesn't have meaning or answers, it's just unfair and you can only try to hold on for all the other fair things.
What I'm saying is that, for me, it's not a thought process that causes the emotion when there is a loss. I feel the loss physically, and no matter how I argue with myself, it doesn't go away, for a long time. I'm quite sure I'm not the only one.
Tawny C.
i felt that part for a whole month. I still physically miss my cat, i can remember how everything felt. but i have to force myself to forget to let him go. if you hold on to sensations, specially the touch, you'll never pass that stage. but everyone is different, every loss is different and it can take a while. Don't argue with yourself, allow the emotions and go through them. it's exhausting, i'm tired as fuck, you feel like drowning but as long as you keep swimming, you CAN go through.
correct, you are not alone. Mrs. Vivian in Oregon, at a hospice place, last week, informed me that one cann'ot reason with grief...it is purely emotional. So, when you try to figure things out...like we are programed to do in this usa culture..in school, home, church...well, none of the rationalizing works with an early loss. I recently lost a dear dear close family member at age 45...and can't even say much about it cause i'm just a mess and have to compose myself for work sooon...so maybe tonight I can say details or her name or whatever but all i know is that WHY the heck fmla does not work for close family members and only parents and child up to a certain stupid age, is total bs...it should be if you need time off and your company is large enough and you state the 2 to four most precious people in your life when you are first hired...then, that is it ! I have co workers getting time off for aunts and uncles and i'm not saying that is bad...just when it rocks your entire world...having a job, and surviving is about nearly IMPOSSIBLE! And yeah....ahhh, a cat or dog is also very much a part of the family. . in my case it is not a pet...but it hurts...so much and the emptiness is just a whole, in my heart larger than jupiter!
I always thought being happy showed that you didn't care but that's not true , Thank you for opening my eyes again .
you can do good deeds in the name of the person who has died (or even left) and say as you do the good deed - this is for you …..and this will help fill the hole - you will feel good at every good deed you do and it will help the departed one ….even if you don't fully believe it - try it and see.....
This guy was good to listen to. Good stuff man. Thumbs up
My stepdad was hit by a car on January 3rd 2019 he went through the guys windshield and he broke his call and they were pieces of of skull and tissue on the ground and he fell on the ground he was airlifted to Ryder Trauma Center here in Miami and I am devastated I feel a sense of emptiness inside of me that I have no control of I cry to my eyeballs fall out and it's a feeling of emptiness of missing him he took care of me I haven't been able to walk with my left leg for the past two and a half years he never failed me he took care of me the groceries for me clean for me cook for me when my grandkids would come over he will go over and beyond for them and even they have cried because they miss their grandpa it's not that I didn't love them or that I love them I love them more than life itself but this emptiness I feel inside is real and I feel numb I feel like I'm dreaming like this is not real and I just cry sporadically and I don't know what to do I feel lost without him. He passed away January 5th at 5:35 p.m. and I still can't believe it
Such relief... to listen at you! Thanks so Much...
Thank you I lost my girl 13 years together, she is always on my mind just can’t help thinking of her . I’ll try to be more happy but it’s only been 6 weeks so feel sadness thanks for the advice. Thanks again.
PLEASE don't feel like even now, that 11 months/a year is ENOUGH time to grieve!
Hey alen my condolences i can relate to you i loss my fiance of 13yrs aswell covid. I miss her and think of her all day im looking for more answers to help me cope. So i pray for you and your loss. Lets Be Strong.......
@@FernandoGonzalez-tn3jl Thanks Fernando I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t think it will ever make sense but I can tell you that you will learn to live with it and slowly get stronger. My prayers are with you.
Hi Alen. I was thinking alot about you and your spouse passing. Ive been pyaying for you and i hope your doing well. The thing i always think of is the day it happend and i want like more answer but dont know how to get them but videos do help me also texting with you because you are going through the same as i. Be strong alen your doing well.
@@FernandoGonzalez-tn3jl hi Fernando this book helps you understand about grief it helped me a little. Grieving the loss of a loved one....it’s written by lorene Hanley Duquin. Hope your doing the best you can right now and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I like very much what you said you really helped me amswer my questions. My fiance passed 01/08/21 carolina Gonzalez she was just 40yrs old. A month today i call my fiance (kay) . your videos are very helpful its a beautiful thing your doing please keep up your videos..... Fernando G.
I think Noah clearly outlines all the cognitive traps that one can fall into when coping with grief. I myself see it as pain vs suffering when we lose a loved one. They are different. Pain is the initial pain of the loss that is deep and heartfelt. It is much shorter. Suffering happens when we as Noah says we want to grieve (suffer) or we want not to grieve (suffer). That being said, these facts are true, but they are very tricky and hard to actualize. Nonetheless, in the process of actualizing them, we come to understand ourselves better and suffering subsides and ceases. Kudos to Noah for developing this cognitive and rational framework for knowing what is suffering and what prolongs it.
Sorry but most of this is bullshit. No correlation between love and sadness? It's is a complete cause and effect! An old friend of mine died. I was moderately sad for a week. My brother died almost one year ago. I AM IN PIECES... still. And why is that? I LOVED him. Some good points in the second half of this. But I'm sorry the first part is crap. Very trivial
Overall we can generalize the commonality of grief for we humans, however, it totally diverges from that point because it is a personal experience for everyone. I lost my husband five and a half years ago unexpectedly and suddenly. We were so close you couldnt get a sheet of paper between us. I have barely made roads to recovery. I suffer extreme emotional pain from his absence. I do not indulge it. I do not rationalize it and I do not enjoy it. It is like a festering cancer that rears its head when I think it's in remission. It is not something we can bid go away because that person is within us.
I can absolutely relate to your relationship with your spouse. My wife and I were ONE and I've just begun dealing with grief and mourning since she died yesterday. It wasn't fast and it wasn't pretty and I stood by her side as caregiver for 29 1/2 years. I knew this day would come but not so soon. We wanted a happy simple life, we got the happy (with each other) but we never got the simple.
What i see here is a way to avoid negativity when it appears when u dont want it. Dont forget that u have to take the hit on one time or another or it will eat u up.
Thank you. That did comfort me. I appreciate your words very much.
My dad just passed away and this video has helped me so much
wow great talk my husband died 5 years ago and I still caring the pain around because like you said I felt guilty for being happy so if I was sad it showed I loved him Im doing all those things I am much better than I was but I need to let the pain go all together thank you so much for this talk
I lost my Mum to Cancer 16 days ago.I only heard she was very ill 4 days before her death.She was unconscious from painkillers for the last 4 days and I never got to converse with her .I can't believe yet that I will never get to see her again.I agree with Noah that my mind has associated caring with feeling sad and vice versa.Realising feeling normal doesn't mean I don't care is insightful ,and helpful in the sense of not being sad all day instead of few private moments.
This makes sense. Think about what he is saying. If you have suffered a horrific loss, I am so sorry. God bless you. Look to Him.
Noah, I'd like to request your thoughts on dealing with chronic pain. It's a difficult subject for those suffering because it takes extra awareness of presence when there's no place to walk, drive, or fly to escape it.
I would like to hear your thoughts on that as well.
You are incredible. I was thinking I needed to take medication your videos are helping me so much. Thank you .
I lost my wife this October after 37 years of togetherness.
Noah, you are the first person to show me that I have the choice of being happy or sad. I have the choice to be happy again without feeling guilty that happiness might equate to me not loving my wife anymore.
I now understand that me being happy again is not selfish, because I am not hurting my dead wife, because she can't feel hurt.
Its so logical, yet this simple logic gets clouded by the false definiteness that I should always be sad to feel that I love my wife.
You have shown me the way out of grief. I can't thank you enough Noah.
I am glad I watched this, you opened my eyes up to some truths that I was not prepared to acknowledge. Thank you this gave me a bit of a different perspective on how I am going to chose to deal with the loss of my partner of 18 years and the father of our only child. I feel like a bit of weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Your advice may not be received well by all (I am not going to read the comments) but for me it helped.
im in my 3rd year of grieving. still suffering sometimes. your speech opened up my eyes and head for some different perspective. still cant tell if this will help me any better. but thinking or analyzing what in fact makes me sad and why it makes me sad is a good start. THANKS! - i dont want to forget. but i dont want to be sad for the rest of my life. and my girlfriend who died wouldnt want this either.
Thank you for sharing your profound insights! Your amazing and awesome!
Noah equates sadness with grief and that you may want to grieve. Has this guy ever lost someone he loved deeply for many years?
My soulmate of 40 years died five years ago within 10weeks of being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was hit by a tidal wave and sucked down deep into black suffocating, unbelieving despair. Churned over and over in indescribable pain then spewed out. Still breathing. Still alive. But so, so wishing I wasn’t.
Then fear. Fear of the cold, grey fog of the grief journey ahead. No guide book. No map. Destination unknown.
That, Noah, is grief. Show me the person who wants that!
Sadness is when it’s time to catch the flight home after a great holiday.
Sadness is when your pot plant dies, or your goldfish dies.
Thinking in grief, or about grief is irrelevant. It’s not an intellectual thing. It’s uncontrollable emotions ripping your guts out. Trust me.
I hear you Douglas. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. And I'm sorry that my video wasn't supportive for you.
I know how you feel...when I saw the title of this video I had no idea it would be this...If ONLY it were so easy to ease pain as deep as what so many of us feel...and yes, the fear feelings that come with grief are a terrible thing to feel...Much love and hugs to you. We do not choose this. Grief Does come from Love.
This is empowering! Thank you!
Noah, curious to hear - what do you think happens after death? How do you handle being afraid of it?
He implied that he doesn't know. Maybe something, maybe nothing. That is terrifying. I believe in Jesus Christ and the bodily ressurection of the dead. What other hope is there?
My mother is dealing with alcohol abuse and goes out every night at 7:30 pm and gets back at 4:00 at night I am feeling sad because before the divorce she was sober all the time and wouldn't go out at night. My loss was my caring mother.... I am only 11 years old.